Story 2 was updated yesterday: The wife returned and revealed that she wasn't having some sort of mental breakdown, she was just being monstrously selfish and actually expected everyone else to just accommodate her whims and forgive her. Due to this, the daughter cut contact and the son is nearly there. OP appears to be grey rocking which seems to be causing some frustration in the wife, to his amusement. The divorce is proceeding and the stolen funds and compensation is to be taken from the wife's share of the assets and retirement. OP is cautiously happy to move on and cut her out of his life completely and she will likely now have to deal with her dementia after having alienated herself with her actions. He also noted that he was surprised to find some success in the dating scene.
Damn I'd sure as hell be surprised that a man in his 50s could find someone else. I hope he finds someone better, but then anyone's better than a person who abandoned her husband and children
For the 2nd story, there is a small update. The kids occasionally speak to her and she has been told how bad this is for OP and that he's want to divorce but she's so dillusional that she thinks OP will just forgive her. A complete narcissist. OP spend Thanksgiving with her family (without her there of course). Her family is disgusted by her behavior and fully supports OP. We'll have to see if she shows back up for Christmas.
Exactly what I suspected would happen. I'm so excited for the update. Reality is going to hit her like a bus. Poor guy doesn't deserve all of this. Glad he's able to enjoy himself in the peace for now.
I commented this on another video with this story, but the wife might actually be in the early stages of dementia already. One of the first signs are irrational behaviour and extreme changes in temperament. The more obvious symptoms, like memory loss, takes more time to appear
Rslash saying “if i were a worm, would you love me?” reminded me that my gf has asked me the same thing and i said “no. what would i do with a worm? i can’t even take you to chilli’s. the chips would kill you.” and now one of the biggest inside jokes we have when i tell her no is she pretends to cry and whines “You wouldn’t love me if i was a wooorrrmmmm~!” edit: i’ve informed her of the fact that i posted this story and she wanted me to correct the fact that in *our* version, it’s not worm. it’s snail. (which is why the salt from the tortilla chips would cause her to commit die)
Story 2: Whether or not she'll ever come back, she shouldn't expect to be welcomed back with open arms. I hope that trip was worth it, OP's wife, you just threw away your whole marriage
Another thing is that with dementia, the recent memories go first. Long term ones stay. So whenever OP's wife develops dementia, she'll be in a care home somewhere totally confused why her husband and kids don't visit her since she'll only remember the good parts Or if she never does develop dementia, she'll spend decades realizing she imploded her whole life over nothing
@@QueenDarkChocolate Speking from experience: sudden change in behaviour and severe moon changes are early signs of dementia. Certain forms of it also appear earlier with each generation. So there is a decent change that those are symptoms and she can't understand anymore why this is an issue.
Story 2: Bro, OP took care of the mother with dementia and is overall being a good husband, and his wife responds to that gratitude by abandoning her family and go enjoy herself, and drowning OP in bills? Seriously, what compelled her to do this? She is heartless, an AH, and a hurtful person, and I doubt she isn't sleeping around with other men. I seriously hope she comes back soon, so OP and his lawyer can drop that massive bombshell on her. Don't bother with her after the divorce, you deserve a lot better than that vile woman.
I'm sorry to say but it looks to me OP was doing too much on his wife's behalf. She kept pushing for more until he finally reached the limit of how much her b.s. he's going to take and decided to have no more of it. Good thing she'll get served her just desserts once she comes back home. It will probably taste bitter for a long time to come.
Having personal experience with it: these are signs of early dementia. Sudden change of lifestyle, big mood changes and especially not being able to properly understand consequences are all signs of various forms of dementia. So either she had a complete mental breakdown because of her mother or she has early stage dementia.
His kids still talk with her and they've told her how much he's hurt by it all, she thinks it'll be alright as soon as she returns and he'll just accept her back. She's in for a rude awakening
So she is afraid of dementia but has to problem leaving her entire support system to travel the world. If she was really worried she wouldn’t have traveled alone. I think she left with someone
I hate to say this because I don't want to seem to be defending her in any way, she's a PoS but dementia isn't a fine one minute, fucked the next kind of thing. The worry isn't that she's going to get dementia RIGHT NOW, it's that she will get it and slowly start degrading at some point in the future. If she has no symptoms now, it will be YEARS before she needs that support system. But that kind of impending doom can really weigh on someone, screw them up in the head. Engaging in self destructive activities is quite common.
@@wingracer1614She might already have dementia. The early stages are basically irrational behaviour and sudden changes in behaviour. This is why many don't get an early diagnosis and thus no early intervention. The wife should have begun a yearly control years ago
@@Ikajo True but again, it's not like you go to bed one day feeling fine and the next you are incapable of taking care of yourself. It's a slow, gradual decline.
@@wingracer1614 Oh, I'm not defending her behavior. Just pointing out that she might already be in the early stages. In which case, she might need medical intervention. To my knowledge, this could actually benefit OP when it becomes time for the divorce.
The 2nd story makes my blood boil. I hope he takes everything in the divorce and she has to come back to reality HARD, cause wtf!?!? There's no way she could've ever loved or respected that man.
I am just so confused as to why she'd do this in the first place. I mean, if she was feeling any kind of way, she should have had a conversation with OP like any normal person and spouse, right? They could have gone on this trip together. Even if it was earlier than they were intending. It makes me wonder if OP's wife just saw him as a way to look after her sick mum and then when the MIL was taken care of and sent to a care facility where her specific needs could be taken care of by professionals, she didn't have a use for him anymore and just bailed on him.
@@TiffWaffles Sudden changes in behavious and big changes in mood, irraltional livestyle changes are all early signs of dementia. So could also be that.
Story 3: That orange peel theory sounds very hard to keep controlled. The variables that affect it are so vast and can change so sporadically, it's almost impossible to get a definitive answer for a single person without having to try it multiple times in multiple circumstances. And that would absolutely affect it as the number of times you do it will also affect them.
If I saw my SO watching something on TikTok and they immediately said something unusual to me, my reaction might be "oh no, this is a prank trend, isn't it" and nervously moving away...
Yea, I think you're right. There's some truth to it, in that a person who value your happiness would want to do things for you even if you both know you could do it yourself. But it might also play a role who typically does the most invisible labor in the relationship, and what they were already doing at the point of asking. I'll sometimes ask my bf to do things like refill my waterbottle or make me some food, usually if he is already headed to the kitchen, and he'll be happy to do so because doing acts of services is part of his love language.
Reminds me of the trend that was going around a few months ago when the Barbie movie came out. Women were breaking up with their boyfriends for simply not getting the movie or not agreeing with the message. If the relationship is that weak then it is better off ending.
Yes, though from the description OP gave of the in laws, I wouldn't want to be bothered with them either! Also, is it really THAT strange that a guy would want to spend a quiet birthday with his pregnant wife...? It's not like the family can't do something on another night. Very telling that they think he should prioritize them over his wife.
Yeah and of course rslash only reads things the way it suits his own thoughts. She didn't want to be around his family on HIS BIRTHDAY because she gets 'annoyed' by them. Suck it up before he drops your crazy butt. I can't even believe that she felt disgusted by him having real emotions at the baby appointment because 'what if they're not true.' Both rslash and this girl need to grow up and get over themselves
Story 2: wow! I get the fear of getting hereditary dementia but to run off with ALL THE SAVINGS and constantly say “oh my husband is the best for allowing me to do this” is so disgusting. She really thought she could have her cake and eat it in the end. She’s in for a rude awakening. And I agree with Dabney….PLEASE UPDATE US OP
She is preparing all that crap for the time comes for divorce. Husband should make it very clear that he has no part in this and that she abandoned him taking all their savings.
Like someone else said, she might already have been in the early stages of dementia, ive seen it happen 3 times now, irrational behaviour and then a slow decline that gradually gets faster through the stages
When I was 18 somebody who was nearly in their thirties hitting on me would have been classified as a creep. I was just a new adult learning how to navigate life with little to no life experience. Somebody who was about to turn thirty is leagues ahead of me in terms of life and experience.
Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is an update to that one post of the husband who left his absolute gem of a wife for a Virgin prodigy he knocked up and lied to about his wife's house being his but she was "on drugs" and he was allowing her to live there out of the "kindness of his heart". 😂
Story 3 - my partner & I often do little things together. He gets me drinks/snacks/my headphones & even insists that I wait for him to come to my side so I can lean on him while I pull on my slip-on shoes so I don’t fall. I get him snacks/drinks/help with chores/feeding his cat/etc. we do a give-&-take. THAT’S what it’s all about - making each other’s lives easier! The little things add up!
Reminds me of the post where OP abandoned her husband for 7+ years to "find herself", then expected to be able to suddenly return and have her husband back only to find out that her husband's family rounded up together for the kids and she was completely excommunicated from the kids. when she tried to sue for the kids her ex laughed at her and told her "good luck with that" as he showed her some of the pictures he had of her being in a bar drinking so I can see something similar happening to this wife hopefully where she loses all custody of the kids and her "Dementia" case will end up getting thrown out due to having to admit her plan
Doesn't work like that. She legally owns half the home. Husband can't just deny her access. The only thing that could change that before the divorce and division of assets is a restraining order. But good luck getting that against your wife when there hasn't been any violence or threats.
He can't, abandonment divorce takes at least 1 to 2 year to initiate depending on the state. There can also be other requirements that are needed to be met, which can make it very hard to prove in court. So depending on the state, it will take a year or two at the very least before he can file divorce for abandonment, and then also depending on the state he might not even be able to provide the necessary additional requirements for it to be considered abandonment. Without these requirements to be fulfilled, it can even take 7 years for the marriage to be considered abandoned. All this time, she can continue to blow all the savings living the high life in neverland...
@@N0xiety exactly. It would be very hard to prove. Every post she's smart enough to add "thank you for being an amazing husband and allowing me to take this trip"
OP needs to make His Own Account, add all the people She has on Her Account including His Wife and counter Every Single Comment and Lie His Wife has told. OP needs to tell the Truth, that He's Not Alright with the fact that His Wife Stole the money for What was Supposed to be a Joint Trip and take off on the Trip Without Talking about it with OP first. That's He's Not Alright with His Wife Possibly Sleeping Around while on this Stolen Trip and He's Not Supportive of His Wife's Decision to Abandon Her Family just so She can be Selfish. OP also Needs to clarify that He's Considering Divorce Because of His Wife Stealing from and Abandoning Her Family While putting them in a Dire Financial Situation by quitting Her job while not helping out with the car payments, house payments, and Any Other payments She was helping with previously. OP also Needs to Clarify that His Wife has turned off Her Comments so that He Can't Set the Record Straight so that Everyone Knows the Truth About the Situation so He had to create an Account so that Everyone would Know the Truth About the Matter. OP Needs to Set the Record Straight then See how Fast She Comes Running Back! When She does OP can serve Her with Divorce Papers!
@BDM276 Actually, he could legally change the locks while she's gone. It's whether or not he denies her access when she returns that would matter. If she were to return and he were to let her in without a fuss, he hasn't denied her access, only changed the locks. Honestly it's not a bad idea to change the locks because if she has the house key with her, then how does OP know that copies of the key haven't been made? There's a security concern when you think about it, so changing the locks would actually be a smart thing to do.
The last story: two things can be true at once. The "orange peel theory" thing is immature and toxic af; and the OP's ex is a complete user and jerk. Don't "test" your SO's people, but take the time to honestly look at your relationships.
Yea I think the orange peel as an ACTUAL TEST is dumb but as ine od those cute youtuber couples tht just do it to be playful and were gonna let it go whatever the answer was is fine. Ive seen sillier things in videos. But if done in a certain context it can apparently actually be helpful as it helped op realize "Holy shit I actually AM being taken advantage of!" Lol
I was literally about to come here and say this. Testing your partner (regardless of “motive”) is always gross, but you should be honest with yourself and your partner about your expectations and desires. No one can read minds yet.
Exactly! If you feel the need to “test” your significant other don’t waste your time and just leave. Feeling like you need to test them clearly shows the relationship isn’t working
At first I wanted to give OP grief until she brought up that she does more in the relationship. Now ex-bfs actions in the update solidifies that OP wasn’t wrong.
Story 1: I'm sorry this almost 30 year old man, has a bet with other middle age men about which one of them could sleep with an 18-year-old first because they thought she was a stupid loser? And your SB not only knew about it, but let it happen and kept this secret from you for years then when you found out try to make it seem like you owed him for it? I don't know how you could possibly forgive any of them, yeah you are an arrogant 18 year old most of them are, but went or without your husband you would have grown out of it's like most people do because your stepbrother sure as hell wasn't mature at that age if this is the kind of thing he and his friends like to do in their 30s. I'm not going to tell you you have to not forgive them but if you decide not to forgive your brother I completely understand because seriously what the hell.
I'm getting the vibe that he was never really into it and was going along with it to fit in. Especially if it's the same group of friends you've all hung out with since you were kids. Anyone that has a group like that knows how you invariably develop some off-color humor or inside jokes. Stupid things that you aren't even serious, but when some idiot brings them up years later out of context, it sounds way worse than it is. Like my friends and I used to have this thing where we'd talk about all the horrible things we'd do to each other. Like "Oh yeah, well I'll take a coat hanger and leave it on the stove for like a half hour, then slid eit up your ass slow so it sizzles" Obviously I'm not gonna do that, but we have a laugh over the stupid visual.
@@adamb89Yeah, but he did get with the 18 year old and put a baby in her (two, now) so he actually did, whether "for the bet" or not, do what he said he was going to do. He even admitted he did it.
Rightttt? I don’t know how the fact that OP WAS LITERALLY A CHILDD is just being overlooked. And the fact that her step bro let his friends groom her like that. Really shows how much he actually cares about her. 🫠🫠
You're right. The orange peel thing is juvenile. However, if your partner is needing love outside of your typical love language you should make an effort to do that. Just because your love language isn't acts of service does not mean you shouldn't do it
I believe it is stupid to base your opinion on a lover soley on it, but it can make for something small to note. Again, not a definitive test but one you can make a mental note of
Well good thing she didn't dump him over the orange peel theory but the realization that her entire relationship was just her playing nanny and maid, while still working a job as this grown man sat around. Yeah I agree that these tiktok partner "tests" or the "call your girlfriend a bitch" type pranks are really stupid and toxic but op made it clear that the test was a morbid curiosity and not the reason for the break up, rather just a tiny step in realizing the relationship wasn't good to begin with. Also, if your "love language" is receiving and expecting acts of service but never giving any back, that's not a love language, you're just a douche.
Story two: she probably already has dementia. The early signs of dementia are being irrational, sudden change in behaviour, severe mood changes and losing the ability to see consequences. The memory loss comes later and there is a good change that she has already simply lost the ability to understand why her behavious is wrong, especially given her family history. Those signs often go unnoticed by family members and take a huge toll on their mental health.
That's what I'm thinking too! My late Gma had moments where she acted similar to the wife, and it was later diagnosed as part of her dementia. Many silver alerts are people with memory issues thinking they were doing something completely okay and normal.
Third story I was going to say relationship advice from TikTok is a great way to end a relationship because it gives garbage and it did, just not in the way I was expecting? I also felt as though that there were some important details missing from the initial post, then the update dropped and gave those details and now it looks like OP dodged a bullet.
OP is also the AH in my opinion. Why start a relationship with someone that has a kid if you never intend to be a form of parent figure for that kid. Also the test is a rather childish thing to do.
@@BDM276 Oh definitely and I agree wholeheartedly with everyone saying she's TA because she is. It's an ESH moment and again, if you think going to TikTok for relationship advice is a good idea? That relationship is basically over because it's all terrible. The 'orange peel' garbage is proof because now you're critically literally every little thing your partner does while your partner is wondering why you're suddenly super needy
story 1 at 4:00 - rSlash, please read the story. It was the HUSBAND'S birthday, not OP's. So that whole "Who wants to spend their birthday with their in-laws" is an absolutely pointless question, because it isn't OP's birthday. It's the Husband who originally wanted to spend HIS birthday with HIS family.
Lol maybe actually listen to what people are saying! He knows that its the husbands birthday ... his comment was about the fact that the husband declined to go alone with his family into the restaurant and decided to stay with his wife even after she offerd him that he could go without her. So he actually decided against spending his birthday with his family and choose his wife. Because he probably did not want to spend his day with them but normally just did it because its tradition. But this time he had an excuse and he jumped on using it.
@@cassandrine No he doesnt. He only uses the word inlaws instead of Family. Probably due to the Fact that people use that Term Sometimes to describe their whole Family from both sides. Or maybe because He told the Story from OP perspektive and had the word inlaws for the husbands Family in mind. But the comment only makes sense If Its about the husband.
@@Telendilto quote rSlash: "Who on earth wants to spend their birthday with their in-laws?" Whose birthday? And whose in-laws? In this case, we know it's the Husband's birthday, but he isn't talking about wanting to spend his birthday with his in-laws, but *His Family*. The reason rSlash uses the term "In-Laws" instead of Family, is because he misread. There is no way that question/complaint of his makes logical sense, unless he either completely misread the post or he suddenly started talking about a completely different scenario unrelated to the post. A simple process of elimination makes it quite clear that he simply didn't read it right.
@@1Kapuchu100 Ignoring all other Options Like He Just Said the wrong word. Also He did say the husbands birthday multiple times before. So ist it more plausible that He Had a slip of tongue or that He from one second to the other confused whos Birthday it was, what was happening in the Story and then made an unlogical unrelated comment to it.
@@mwokozi yeah, and its not a good thing. just because you can hold your pee for 12 hours everyday, doesn't mean you should. both getting pregnant too soon after giving birth and holding your pee for a very long time is very much not healthy for your body and can fuck you up.
Story 1: no grown adult goes after a barely legal teen with good intentions. They go after them because people their own age KNOW to stay away from them
@@sauvagessbecause legal doesn’t mean moral. An 18 year old is in a position of way less power compared to a 29 year old. One is just entering adulthood and is still making dumb choices while the other is almost middle aged
@sauvagess 18 year old has fuck all life experience. there's no difference between a person the day before their 18th birthday and on their birthday, someone doesn't become an adult overnight. laws do not equal morals.
I can see it now. She walks in all happy, with her arms spread open, bags of vacation junk hanging on them. She goes in for a hug and op just slaps a big ol paper with the word, DIVORCE on it and it stays stuck to her face like a cartoon.
Story 1: I'm glad that OP and her husband made up, but goddamn are the others just awful. That bet's pretty nasty, and learning about it almost killed the marriage, that's how bad it was
@@justinebidulopoutchini9774 Yea, that's incredibly predatory in so many ways. I'm about the husband's age when he met OP, and the thought of going after someone fresh out of high school is so weird! The bet is a cherry on a garbage sunday.
This is the first time I've heard of this orange theory thingy and I laughed cause my boyfriend always does the tangerine peeling for me 😂He's always like "do you want a tangerine?" and am like "no thanks" then he's like "and if I peel it?" "........yes" 😂
*3rd Story:* The only reason the boyfriend's mom was mad at OP was because she'll now get less breaks from playing mommy to her grandson. Is anyone else wondering what happened to the now ex-boyfriend's baby mama?
Okay I had a very different reaction to the orange peel theory than it looks like most people did... And I would guess that most of those people are blessed with good health. I'm disabled. I have a degenerative condition. My husband and I have been together since before my diagnosis at 17 years old, and he knew I would get worse. I've spent a lot of years wondering when the burden would get to be too much, but he says he expresses his love in acts of care. Sometimes I really do need help tying my shoes, washing my hair, or peeling an orange. These are things he often does without waiting for me to ask for help. If he hadn't shown me a million ways over the past 15 years that he was more than happy to do the little things, I would be in constant fear of what would happen when he needs to help with the big things. I know this isn't the case for everyone, but remember.... Good health is temporary.
but that changes things to be honest. If the person isn't able to do it themselves it's fine, however if they are completely healthy and could do it themselves it just comes over as lazy. If I had a gf and she would do this to me I wouldn't peel the orange if she were anything other then: sick, disabled, tired as fuck and/or busy. because it comes over as her being lazy if she would be completely able to peel it but would ask me to do it. if, like I said, she would be any of the above I would be happy to help her. But me not peeling an orange is definitively not a sign of me not being ready to help her with anything big or small, it just depends heavily on the situation. But I do get it with the 3rd story if the bf wasn't even taking care of their kid, do I doubt she would even need such a stupid and tbh toxic game to see how ready he is to do things
Story 3: I'm reminded about a story my dad has told me. On my parents' wedding night, when they were in the bedroom alone, my mom asked my dad to get her a glass of water. My dad got up to get her the water, thinking nothing of it. When he got back with the water, she was crying. This, apparently, had been a test. My mother's friends had told her to ask her husband for a glass of water on their wedding night. If he goes to get it, it means he loves her.
I don't like the examples that were given in the orange people test. I would peel a million oranges for my fiance. Or dice a million onions (I just did last night when she was taking a shower and I knew she wanted lots of onions for what she was making for her dinner). Shoes are so different. There's something degrading about having to get on your knees (which is not great when you're tall with okay knees at best) to tie someone's shoes that is capable of doing it herself. Hand broken? I'm on it! But I would never ask her to tie my shoes and expect the same respect in my direction.
Agreed. To me there are so many different levels. Asking for your SO to do some minor task while you're busy, or to help out, is very different then asking them to perform some weird arbitrary task. Let's use the 2 examples from the story. First, the hair tying. With no context, this could be very weird if playing with / doing hair has not been part of the relationship. On the hand, if OP said that her hands were full, she can't empty them right now, and hair is getting in the way? Then it is not an obedience test, but a request for help. The towel in the dryer sounded better, but that my just be my assumptions. Those assumptions being that OP is already in the shower, the dryer is not in the bathroom, and that there are no towels already dry. In that case, OP drying the towel would also involve getting out of the shower, possibly tracking water from the bathroom to the dryer, and either waiting for the towel to dry or tracking more water after her shower is done. Thus, the task would be simpler for the SO and save OP from *extra* work and inconvenience.
Story 1 is disgusting. These adults betted on sleeping with an underaged/barely legal woman to “teach her a lesson” of having a normal teenage attitude. OP needs a massive reality check instead of more babies with this guy. She let go of people betting sleeping with her when she was barely 18 years old. This is BEYOND disgusting and a massive red flag. I think the bet and how the husband went through with the bet was probably one of the few, if not the only, reason the friend group went separate ways. I’ve made banter and joke bets before with friends but doesn’t mean I would EVER do them, but the bets weren’t as disgusting as them betting to sleep with a person that just turned 18 that then known for years before 🤮
"These adults betted on sleeping with an underaged/barely legal woman" Underaged refers to those under 18. Though that's not the age that matters. What matters is the age of consent for the area. In the US, the legal age of consent is 16 in about half of the states. A few are 15 (possibly down to 13, but I'm not aware of any below 15), with the rest being 17, 18, or 18 and not in high school or something else where 18 alone isn't enough. (I could be wrong about the last part, but I recall reading something where there was some sort of a limit even at 18.)
@@Wolfie713 underage/barely adult, did you not read past that point of /?? It doesn’t make their actions any less predatory. They known this girl for a long time being friends with her sick nasty step brother, meaning they were thinking about the bet well before she turned 18. They were predatory. End of story. No consent zone needed for that creepy behavior. Don’t justify their messed up behavior by saying “we’ll consent age is different in places”, yeah no crap Sherlock. What makes it predatory is they betted on which of them to sleep with her first as her first time to “teach her a lesson” on her normal 18 year old attitude.
@@Wolfie713 yeah, sure. For consenting adults not for one side betting on which of them are going to bang this unknowing girl because her normal attitude was too annoying for them. If you want to argue for them, go ahead, you’ll look like a creep enabler/excuser. Who uses consent age to enable people grouping up making a bet to sleep with the person they’ve known a long time right when they turned 18 And consent age like 16 in Italy is only legal if the other person is 16-19. It’s not like a 30 year old could go sleep with a 16 year old in a consent age place and not have consequences
@@TsukiKageTora I was only addressing the wording you used. I wasn't condoning the behavior of a betting on who could pop her cherry. ETA: Also, I was listing the age of consent where the older person can be of any age.
@@Wolfie713 I'm sorry, but if your first instinct upon reading a comment admonishing grown man for sleeping with someone that JUST turned 18, is to point out age of consent laws... there's something majorly wrong with you. Like, dude, the age of consent doesn't fucking matter. What they did was predatory as fuck and THAT'S the damn issue. I mean, they swooped in on her the moment she became legal (either in the eyes of the law or the eyes of the general populace) and all just to win a bet. The power imbalance is insane, especially since 18 year olds are still literal children. Children with loads of responsibility, maybe, but children nonetheless. Seriously, don't you dare come at me and say shit like "I'm not condoning what they did. I was just pointing out age of consent because your wording sucked. Meh..." because you know damn well what the original comment meant when saying what they did and that the wording wasn't the damn problem, considering they said "barely legal/underage" and "barely legal" applies even if the legal age of consent is 16 or 17. Hell, even underage could apply, seeing as we don't know Op's birthday and she could've been 17 when the bet was made and/or she was introduced to her stepbrother's friends.
Could be 18 (Macron the French president) and 42 his wife who was his teacher Could be 77 (Cher) and a random 21 year old Could be 65 (Madonna) and a random 21 year old Could be 42 (Britney Spears) and 29 year old before they got divorced Could be 32 (Caroline Flack) and a 17 year old Harry styles Could be 41 (Sienna Miller) and 27 year old Could be 34 (Cheryl Cole) and 23 year old Liam Payne (who she knew from when he was 14) Could be 49 (Naomi Campbell) and 26 year old Liam Payne Still to hear complaints about those. One comedian Katheryn Ryan has said the Cher and Madonna age gap was empowering yet when asked if the age gaps were flipped it would be disgusting. I hope this is all red flags for you as well
@@stuartwalker9597I hear about people talking about those red flags all the time but large age gaps where the man is older is normalized. In some cultures there’s literal children having to marry old ass men.
@@mwokozi in certain cultures but I am trying to point out that I have yet to hear rslash call out those, I believe in equality and balance you can’t call out one side and not the other, there has been no one calling out the relationships I mentioned above hell there has been people saying in some of them it’s empowering that’s the point I’m making. Rslash a month ago had a 23 year old female’s story about how she had a thing for older men and rSlash turned it into that the man was pursuing her rather than the other way around. All I’m trying to say is there is absolute monsters in every gender but it just seems that it’s only the men being called out and not all the monsters
Having too much real live experience with dementia: she shows typical signs of it. Especially the sudden change in behaviour, becoming extremly irrational and being unable to see the consequences of her actions are early stage dementia symptoms.
Story 2: A lot of people are highlighting that an early symptom of dementia is irrational behavior and abrupt lifestyle changes. Her behavior isn’t irrational, it’s pre-meditated. She thought about this enough to understand that just disappearing would raise alarm bells and so she left a note. She knew he’d react negatively and so she preemptively countered by blocking him on everything and disabling comments, leaving him no route to officially tell her “no, come home.”
@@CloudyNight2156 if it wasn't how consistently he did this type of thing against guys, I'd probably be with you but the fact of the matter is that if it is a woman, he always goes back and double checks. if it is a guy, he doesn't
The last story: NTA. Op definitely dodged a major bullet. She was basically being used as free child care so that her boyfriend can play video games and hang out with his friends.
Fun Fact: Idk what the orange peel theory is but asking people to do small simple tasks like that makes people like you more as they subconsciously understand the fact you'll come to them if you need anything.
That’s still not the point of orange theory though. The point is to ask something you always do yourself out of the blue with no context. It’s toxic behavior. They want a dog, not a partner.
I was ready to call the OP in the third story toxic until they said that their boyfriend wasn't taking care of his own kid. It basically held up a reverse uno card to my entire mood.
Nah she's still toxic. Dude was right. If any of this was bothering her she should have brought it up, not taken advice from Reddit and tik Tok then blowing up on him out of nowhere. Hopefully the guy can find a gf that's less toxic and laugh about this later.
@@BilalAhmed-kq2pf also every chick I've ever met has said they've changed more diapers than the guy when I've literally witnessed this not to be the case - including my own wife who didn't change a single diaper for the first three months because she was recovering and still didn't do the majority until I went back to work
@@TheT93dude, you are busting at the seams with your own rage and bitterness. I think you should talk with someone, instead of vomiting this in youtube comment sections.
@@TheT93 your personal experience doesn't speak to general experiences. Sorry you had to step up and be a father and change your own kids diaper, but don't assume that it's the case for everyone else.
Last story, I'm usualy against these types of things but the orange peel theory is actually pretty legit. You can't outright test it just once and call it quits of course, but if you look at your relationship and see that he/she never peels your orange then you have your answer.
@@InitialDraalhis point being that a true relationship do not need a test. This should’ve been done with context and without a goal in mind. OP was looking to be upset. Nothing else.
@@InitialDraal with a theory you look at gathered data and see if it fits the theory, like with the theory of evolution. here, you look at your relationship and see if your partner performs small tasks for you and what it may mean if they do or don't. a test is a test - its a set up of a situation or question that often has a right and a wrong answer. one can fail a test, but either way, a test tells you something about the one taking it. in other words, really, to use the orange peel theory correctly you should be using what the theory says (that your partner should be willing to perform small/simple tasks for you to help you out) to look at your relationship and evaluate it, not set up a test to check if your partner "really loves you." because its a relationship theory not a relationship test.
Story 1: "Hey OP is arrogant, who wants to bet who can sleep with her first." I think the word they are looking for is "Doesn't buy our BS", because making such a bet feels like the peak of Arrogance. Story 2: I hope OP updates, cause I want to see the kind of fall out where she just ditched her family and watch as they all go no contact with him. Story 3: Orange Peel Theory isn't exactly wrong, it's basically asking "Would you be willing to help me when I ask" and let it be know, this douche canoe isn't even willing to put a towel in the dryer, meanwhile he expects her to be a living servant. Setting your partner up with an intentional fail would be like asking "Could you get some ice and melt it for me" because it's a ridiculous ask.
Re story 1: RIGHT??!!!! That's what I heard!!! """Arrogant"""" so tf what?? That doesn't make it ok to make a bet on who can USE HER first!! Foh, she was young and inexperienced and made a good victim for a selfish brother and his cruel friends 😒
Yeah, no. Maybe you do it because you think it's funny. But more than enough women do this sort of shit and are absolutely serious about it. And it's not funny in the least in these cases. Same with the "being mad because the bf cheated in her dream" shit. That actually happened to me once, and it was most definitely not for the lulz. It caused a full-blown argument so mind-numbingly stupid that I'm not sure how I managed to avoid getting an aneurysm.
Oh god, the final story was DEFINITELY a bullet dodged. He would’ve been one of those long-term partners who thought he deserved a gold star for doing things like taking out the trash ONCE after 2 months of not doing so.
I don’t recall if they said how old the bf was but I feel like he was using OPs age against her by gaslighting her into thinking what he does is the norm in relationships. Screw him and his mamma! Hopefully the baby’s mom is a better influence.
Story 1: let me add another "today": and today you're still living in a relationship that was based on bet. You'll never be able to shake that thought off u. Your whole relationship is based off a bet
The bet should have never happened but it did happen and now your relationship is based off the bet no matter how you look at it and now that you've been with this person long enough and have a relationship with this person long enough this relationship is now a blossom in your eyes but in the end it started because of a bet
@@Azulakayes i wouldn't say she's still arrogant, her husband was literally almost 30 when they got together and she was only 18, she was groomed. i don't really blame her for not being as horrified as an outsider hearing all this would be considering her situation. i don't think she could've known better, i just hope at some point she gets it.
Yeah no matter how much I love someone or how much they love me, if I found this out about my partner (even if married) it would be over that instant. Because I would know that our relationship isn't real. Everything we have is built on a lie. I'd never get over it so it's best to just remove myself from the situation.
Didnt she...LITERALLY shake the thought and forgive him for that by the end? Am i missing something? This feels like a psychological armchair redditor moment. This READS like something id see off of reddit.
Then he has the audacity to say that every interaction with you was him being genuine. I just saw a show the other day on Netflix where a guy was paid to like this girl but over time as he got to know her and develop genuine feelings for her he stopped taking the money.
Also sounds like "10 Things I Hate about You." Heath Ledger is paid to take out the school "bitch" so the school douchebro can take out her younger sister. FYI, I only use the quotes with Kat because, in all fairness, she was bitchy due to how she was treated by her first boyfriend and father (even then, we find out that the dad, although overbearing, is actually a good dad who just doesn't know how to deal with someone as independent as Kat is). It doesn't justify everything she does, of course, but it's definitely understandable how she got that way.
I doubt any money ever actually changed hands in this case and if it did, it was YEARS ago. So if your criteria for this sort of thing is he stopped taking the money so it's all ok, this guy is in the clear.
Thing is for me. I would probably refuse to peel an orange. Not because its a waste of my time or anything But because I would have to take a knife to it in order to even start peeling it. You're not a douche for not doing a small task. You're a douche for being an douche about doing a small task.
Frankly, it depend on the context I think. If my significant other was busy doing something (and I wasn't) and she would ask me to do it as a way to help her out while she is finishing her thing I would probably do it. But if she was doing nothing like the girl in the video ? I would probably question her as well. Maybe I'll do it anyway, maybe not but I would sure question her about it. And she has no explanation on why she is asking about it (Even a "I'm feeling lazy right now, pleeeease". Not a great explanation but an explanation non the less.) then I wouldn't be too happy either. Context matters. Asking your significant other to tie your hair or tie your shoes with no explanation on why is just weird. It's not a normal small task, it's not a normal occurrence at all. It require some explanation.
@@mwokozi maybe you do. Never expected that of a woman. (Also I don't watch sport). And again, context. In your scenario, is the woman busy? Is she near the fridge? Is the guy gonna miss whatever he is watching by going to the fridge? Is it a commercial break? If she is busy then she just can say no. If she is not busy, near the fridge, and the guy is gonna miss the action by getting up then it's up to her if she want to be nice or not. If it's the comercial break and she is not near the fridge then she should question him on his ability to get it himself
@@Ruchunteur usually it’s the guy not wanting to miss anything or saying he doesn’t want to get up and wants to relax after working but then again usually the woman works too.
Story 2 : Honestly, What does she expects to happen? Just because there is a slightly greater chance that she has dementia in her old age, does not mean she can steal all of her husband's money and run off to sleep with other guys and go to fancy places and hotels. Now if she has this disease she will not have anyone, because not even her children will love her and she will have to be hospitalized like her own mother probably without anyone visiting her ever again, all actions have consequences if you do not want to be alone in your adulthood if you are more likely to have a pathology like that, it is better that you do not ruin all the relationships with your family by stealing from them every last cent.
Sudden change in behavious, unability to see consequences, mood swings and irrational behavious are all early signs of dementia. So there is a decent change she already has it, but they don't see it.
@@TemariNaraannaschatz well this sounds like HER problem now because the moment she gets back home (and she intends to) - she'll be served divorce papers and go bye-bye.
@@BadassHater1 Dementia destroys the brain and makes it unable to process this anymore. That's like blaming a toddler for not understanding things because they lack the ability to do so.
Story 3: Sounds like the proper way to use the Orange Peel Theory isn't that your partner jumps just because you command it, but HOW he responds to a simple request of courtesy that you could theoretically take care of yourself. OP admitted it wasn't that he refused to do anything for her, but the realization that she was doing everything in the relationship. Also, LOL at that flying monkey mother. Seven months in and OP needs to be a "good wife and mother"? OP, you're not a girlfriend, you're a bangmaid and a nanny. Dump this entitled loser and his mommy.
Hindsight being 20/20, what was she doing getting involved with somebody with a kid when she didn't want to be a wife and mother? Not the brightest decision.
Good on her that it helped her realize he's an idiot, but it's still just a fancy name for a plain old shit test, which makes it manipulative and disgusting. Turns out he's a terrible boyfriend, sure, but she's not a great girlfriend either. Seems to me like they deserve each other.
Story 2: she had to build up that she thinks you're an amazing has been otherwise you along with other people will call her out for stealing both of your savings and running away. Please let there be an update when her disrespectful eyes comes back.
Okay so the orange peel is interesting: don’t test your partner for the sake of testing them, that’s just extremely weird and you’re likely setting them up for failure which is unfair to them. On the other hand if someone isn’t willing to help you out with the small and larger tasks, be that “oh hey can you grab my jacket for me” or “can you help me feed and clean my infant daughter”, then be extremely wary. Do they expect more from you and give very little in return? Are they putting in zero effort and mooching off you? So there’s a healthy balance here, yes, you should help your partner out if you’re able and this applies to both partners in the relationship, could be helping to cook your meals (one prepping the food and cleans after, the other does the cooking), could be helping to learn something, could be small tasks around the home because their hands are full, helping your partner makes them feel appreciated in a way, like they’re not alone in doing XYZ task and that you’re willing to take a few minutes of your day to help them. That however doesn’t mean testing them where you’re setting them up for failure, complaining/berating them every time when they do help because they won’t feel appreciated and will feel like a verbal punchbag, or expecting your partner to blindly follow you like a obedient puppy. I understand why OP wasn’t happy, she felt like her generosity was being abused by her partner who was expecting her to care for his child more than he was, expecting her to do all the household chores, expecting her to do all the cooking, completely valid reason to leave the relationship as she was giving him 100% and he wasn’t even giving her 10%, he wanted a bang maid or a mommy who would do everything for him. The way OP went about this was the weird part for me and I just hope she doesn’t use the orange peel theory on some dude she dates in the future. Also LMAO at his mom berating OP, who’s only dated him for 7 months, telling her “you need to step up and be a goos mom”, like LMAO WHAT?? That’s not her child, he needs to step up and be a dad! Now we know where his attitude comes from.
Orange peel story: the easiest way to figure out if a guy has true feelings for you is to ask him to do something for you that requires him to give up some of his comfort. Also look for a pattern and for context. Many women tend to be self sufficient and we never ask anything of the men we date because we are afraid we will be labeled gold diggers or whatever, but that’s a mistake because if you never ask for anything, you won’t be able to find out if he is in just because it’s fun and at the first sign of discomfort he’ll bail out or he is reliable and has true feelings for you.
Honestly, the "orange peel theory" sounds interesting. While it's not something to base a relationship on, OP is right. It's a great way to remove the rose tinted glasses and really see how much each person is really giving and taking in the relationship. Though, personally, it would be easy to go classier, like asking your partner to open a jar for you or to open a door if your hands are full or to take something off your hands so you can do something else real quick. It really is the small things that really do matter in a relationship.
actually the orange peel theory is pretty smart. like obviously not break up material, but it does give you an idea on whether or not a guy is willing to do small things for you. that’s not like the worm question, that’s genuinely a good indicator that you might be dating a bad guy
Wtf is the first story? And why is everyone just...letting it slide as if it was some petty fight that they got over so everything's suddenly okay? That woman was absolutely groomed. A 29 year old sleeping with a 18 year old on a BET is downright disgusting and that's just the first major red flag. Then his so called friends talked about her like she needed to "learn her lesson"......I have seen that SAME reasoning be used by predatory people, and OP just thinks that it was partly okay because she was arrogant? Huh??? That's called being a teenager trying to transition into the life of an adult. I still don't see how a 29 year old would have anything in common with a teenager. I'm nearly 24 and I cannot even humor the idea of being with a person who is 18. Moving on from that mess, this woman has a seven month old baby and is also five months pregnant at the same time? So she became pregnant 2 months after giving birth. That is just medically irresponsible for the development and health of the new baby, as well as the health of OP. Her posts just feel like she's viewing her own life through rose colored glasses, and she really should have just split up with her groomer husband. Call me skeptical or pessimistic, but I sincerely doubt a predatory figure like that could have truly changed if he still kept those same friends around for all those years and never planned on telling OP the truth.
my mom always said "Someone born square won't suddenly become round". people don't change that easily, especially not someone as disgusting as op's husband. she was absolutely groomed and baby-trapped and idk why everyone is just so chill about it like wtf was that
Story 1: Bet or not, it's weird that a 29 year old went for an 18 year old, but having been done in the sense of "teaching her a lesson" and for a bet, that makes it even worse and I wouldn't be able to look at my spouse the same way either Story 2: She may have comments turned off, but there's literally nothing stopping Op from making a post of his own with the note she left him.
I love updates to stories that we've seen on this Channel, sometimes we get extra update content, and sometimes not. My favorite was OP getting kicked of his parents because of his sexuality, later his brother and parents try to take (not buy or rent) but actually steal his house
Last story has a final update: "Edit- Hello again 1000 thank yous’ to everyone reading and taking the time to read both of my post I feel more validated in these past 3 days than I have felt in the 7 months I have been in that relationship. I have gone no contact with him and his mom with the exception of a clarifying break up text and having to force him to pick up his stuff from my house (yes, his mom drove him). There was quite some fighting on his side but I had a few friends be there to mediate. 🎉 no more mamas boys for me!!!"
There was one point where the Orange Peel Theory OP was super dumb. Just because someone works from home doesn't mean their work isn't exhausting. If you work in a support role, depending upon the product and employer's expectation, the work can be and frequently is mentally exhausting. Playing video games doesn't require much energy, if any, but if dude is leaving you with his kid to go out to see friends, he doesn't need that after-work break. He was just using you as a babysitter and maid.
I saw a poem made about the worm thing, and to them it was more of a representation of would they be willing to take care of their life partner if they were disabled, if they couldn't do all the same things they did at the start of the relationship. I noticed in the videos I saw of it, the ones where they played along, with a yes or a no, it seemed more fun for them then when the person asked just said no followed by a judgmental comment.
Isn't there like a drama or something about a man who get's really sick and turns into a bug, and his family is ashamed of him and is glad when He finally passes away?
Story 1: "The marriage isn't perfect because we have fights from time to time" OP is delusional. If there are no fights in a relationship, that basically means that one or both parties are withholding their resentment instead of voicing it, making it buiod up and that puts the entire partnership on a heading towards a breakup.
the orange peel thing is just idiotic. a partner isn't just supposed to blindly be obedient to your every whim. their relationship clearly had other issues but what an idiotic ''test''
It’s more to see if he will put in as much effort as he expects to get out. A man who expects his wife to get him a beer when he asks better get her a beer whenever she asks.
I still think the final OP is a bit immature - you can tell that she's 22. Tying someone else's shoes without a good reason? If you do a whole bunch of little things like that without a second thought, you're likely in an imbalanced relationship (she said she'd get down on one knee straight away to do it - as though they're worshipping their partner). I've been with my partner for nearly 14 years now - and I think I can answer for both of us. We'd happily tie the others shoes - if there was a good reason to do so, like they're injured or have had a physically exhausting day and it'd be a kind gesture. If it's a stock standard day it's not like we'd immediately refuse, but there'd be some questioning as to why I or she is asking for it. Oranges are a bit different. If she's got it in front of her and calls me over to peel it for her - yeah, I'm going to be questioning her and likely not doing it without a good reason. If I'm in the kitchen and getting an orange for her? Sure, I might peel it. Nice gesture, and I'm already in the vicinity of the orange. It's not dissimilar from making a cup of tea. I do it for her without prompting all the time, but if I'm in the kitchen and she asks for it, sure, how hard is it to turn a kettle on and prep a cuppa? Basically - reasons matter. The orange peel theory is silly because it implies that the reason a request is being made doesn't matter, and the reason it's being accepted or denied doesn't matter, and that's just not realistic.
I'm very glad someone wrote this, because I thought something similar. Big difference between doing something nice for your partner because it's kind and requested with a good reason, and doing it just to "obey a request" made to test you.
Once again I have to say I hate binary scenarios. By this reasoning you are either a dick for not obeying or you are a doormat with no free will. No one wins here. I don't want either scenario from my partner and I sure as hell will not be either to her.
@@mwokozi For some people it probably is normal - I don't think it'd ever be for my partner and I, but for some people it might work fine in that relationship. That said, there'd be a big difference in an 'average' relationship of being asked when it's the same difficulty level for both people, and asking/being asked when it's more convenient for one party. For example, if I'm closer to the kitchen than my partner and she asks me for a drink - sure, no problem. If we're the same distance away, then I'll be curious why she can't get it herself.
Story 1: Love how, after the AITA post, RSlash said OP shouldn't have to spend her HUSBAND'S birthday with her HUSBAND'S MOTHER! Because, in RSlash's words 'you shouldn't have to spend his birthday with your inlaws! Nobody wants to do that!' But if course, he doesn't call OP a butthole for inviting her parents to her birthday party. Very, veeery confusing
I think it's simply a case of him not reading the post properly, and assuming it was OP's birthday, not the Husband's. In which case... stop going on autopilot and actually read.
I mean the big reason for her not wanting the in-laws over there d because they are trying to dictate every little thing she does because she is pregnant. If her parents are just as fundamentally disrespectful and controlling then she would be the a-hole for inviting them over during her birthdays even if he said no to it.
He confused himself, he says you shouldn't have to spend YOUR birthday with your in-laws. But honestly, I have no empathy for a grown ass man who groomed an 18 year old on a bet because she was "arrogant" especially not when she's drawing a boundary because his family won't respect her boundaries to begin with. Keep thy hands to thyself moment ngl.
My new puppy Chyna loves you Dabney! We’re watching our first r/ together :) she thought I was giving you as a food offering to her so she started booping the screen and took me to a yelp link, but now she understands that it’s ok to just sit back and listen ❤
also last story: its like those times in math class where you used to wrong formula but you still arrived at the correct answer through sheer stupidity, but just because you came to the right answer doesnt mean the way you got there is correct
The orange peel theory: When my wife asks me to do some minor thing usually respond with a joking "No. Do it yourself." Or "I dont know how" but I end up doing it. However shes never asked me to tie her shoes or peel an orange. I would feel like her slave or little b!tch if she demanded I tie her shoes unless she is injured and cant do it herself
I mean usually when I witness a woman responded with “do it yourself” when she is asked to get him a beer he calls her a bitch. Also in the same relationships the man calls the woman a bitch for requesting any little thing life a glass of water.
@@mwokozi Well then you hang out with a bunch of douche bags because that hasn't been my experience at all. I'm 34. My parents relationship is nothing like that, neither is my mother-in-law and her husband or father-in-law and his wife, haven't seen it with any of my siblings or her siblings. Even lived with my aunt and uncle for a few months and if anything she was far more demanding of him than he was of her. My brother also bends over backwards for his wife (to the breaking point) she will cook for herself, leave him to do all of the cooking for the kids (he even cooks and freezes the dogs food every week) she will tell him to clean the house and she will sit on her ass and watch TV. Now that is an extreme example. Do I think all marriages are like my Uncle and brother? No because that would be stupid.
@@mwokozithen your friend group or who ever you hang out with is horrible people. Jesus christ. I never seen anyone except for a drunken uncle call a women they know a "bitch". And the uncle was talking about a cheating Ex.
@@homebass3426 it’s rare to find a man do a quarter of the work much less most. I’m shocked. Also none of those guys are my friends. Man what an assumption that makes you look like a fool. I’m friends with the wives.
@@ProxiProtogen my friend group doesn’t consist of those men and some do those are coworkers that I have to attend parties for “team building.” This is actually rather typical behavior. Men start bitching and complaining when a woman won’t indulge his every whims and it’s bullshit.
A side note on that AITA update on the first story, the birthday was the husband's, not OPs. So it wasn't just her wanting to spend her birthday with her inlaws, it was not wanting to celebrate her husband's birthday with her inlaws. What the husband did was pretty bad for sure, but it would have been good to want to celebrate a small personal celebration and then have him have a bigger party with his family, and she could play the pregnancy card to shut down the family for not going. But judging on the in-laws reaction, they're not just overbearing or lack boundaries, they sound antagonistic rather than lacking awareness.
Story 1 bruh that’s normal that a young adult is arrogant but op is mature and she recognize she was arrogant and it’s a great step to be a respectful adult but the group of friends pffft they are still immature brats especially the stepbrother
You know what the first thing is i thought with the dementia story? "Early onset of personality changes such as the loss of emotional sensitivity alongside delusion" in other words; maybe the wife isnt a narcisist as everyone is saying, maybe this is a symptom of her own undiagnosed dementia.
Hard disagree. She has been actively disallowing and thwarting any attempt to get her to stop what she's doing and taking specific steps in order to do so. People being unaware of consequences and people actively avoiding them are two separate and incompatible things.
It happens more often than it should. Women are apparently more fertile after birth and if you aren't careful and let yourself heal after the recommended six weeks this can happen. I'd say it means they made up pretty quickly.
The thing is- the orange peel theory isn’t a test. It’s a more of a check to see how in tune you and a partner are. Orange peel for me and my bf is that the will cut the soft part off of beef slices for me bc he knows I don’t like like it, and mine is that before he gets home I’ll put a towel set in the dryer bc I know he enjoys it. It’s not ridiculous or dumb. It’s just a show that the little things matter and if a partner can notice things and take initiative
I personally LOVE the orange peel theory and all that stupid silly stuff bc it's SUPPOSED to be stupid and silly it's not "setting the boyfriend up for failure" you just think that bc you take shit too serious and it seems like it actually helps like damn
@@barbieghoul That game seemed to have created doubts in her mind about her relationship. It seems like it made her a little paranoid and now she's overthinking and possibly blowing things out of proportion. I'm skeptical of the update. The update paints her bf as a bad guy, but we don't know how true it is since we have no way to verify it. If she truly realized that her bf wasn't a bad guy after all, there must have been another update that Rslash missed. Otherwise, why is she making painting him as the bad guy?
The orange peel theory reeeeeaaaaally isn’t some out there test….it’s a pretty simple thing, to ask a partner to do something little for you, and it should be a no-brainer as to whether or not they do it. It’s nothing like the “would you love me if I were a worm” thing, which is a hypothetical. This is simply a call for a show of affection and if the call isn’t answered, reflection isn’t exactly out of line, especially if it follows a precedent in your relationship. Like she said, it made her realize how little he did for her when she did so much, it’s indicative of a larger issue.
That's gotta be the dumbest 'theory' I've ever heard 😂😂 I've literally had to wipe my wife in the hospital while she was fighting a blood infection. I've done some of the most disgusting things you could think of, but that's what you sign up for when you say 'I do' and I'm okay with that. But if that woman hands me an orange and asked me to peel it and just sat there and looked at me, I would laugh myself silly while walking away 😂
Problem with "the orange peel theory" is that for every one who is actually with a selfish douchebag, they're about 100 who aren't and just got ambushed at a bad time with a toxic "relationship test." I do stuff for my wife and daughters all the time. If my wife did this and brought it up to me, we'd be done. If you want to leave, you know where the door is. If not, then don't make me jump through hoops. I don't appreciate being manipulated.
Last story: As someone who has been married for over 35 years, let me tell you that the orange peel test isn’t that far off. Don’t get me wrong, I DO NOT believe in testing relationships, because it can and does backfire a lot. But if your partner doesn’t or won’t do little things for you, like putting a towel in the dryer or helping you (fill in the blank) but you’re busting your butt for them. It’s just an imbalance of power and you need to talk about it like adults. If you can’t get past it then you have your answer. Don’t peel an orange for your partner if they’re not willing to peel one for you.
The problem with the "test" is that it's a no win scenario. You're either a dick for not doing the requests or you're a doormat, a slave to your partners whims. I can tell you right now if you pull that crap on me, you won't have to worry about my help. You will get none because I will be gone.
@@deborahdicesare9042 See, again you are trying to make it a binary test. If I say yes, I'm a keeper, you have the doormat you apparently want. I say no and I'm "gaslighting" you or an inconsiderate jerk. I'm not playing those games. I will obey any requests I feel are reasonable and refuse any that are not. That may mean that one day I do put that towel in the drier and the next day I do not. It depends on how reasonable I consider your requests at that moment.
@@wingracer1614 I actually find your answer to be very reasonable, because in a relationship no two days are ever the same, and your moods are not usually the same on a daily basis.
I'm a bad person story 2 when the wife gets back and gets upset over the divorce I'd look her in the eye and say don't worry your gonna forget us all and yourself anyway enjoy the care home.
To the “girlfriend test” idk if you’ve ever actually looked into the reality of the “worm test” but it’s basically a question that reveals how far your partner is willing to care for you. The chat you have with them after the initial question asks them “will you care for me when I can’t care for myself”. It’s the reality of the “for better and WORSE.” The key thing is that you talk to them about the reality of these silly questions after.
The orange peel test doesn't sound that bad honestly. I don't see how asking someone if they can do something small for you is "setting them up to fail", because a relationship should be about helping eachother and working together to make eachothers lives easier, not telling eachother to suck it up. This is something even my family members and friends would pass, and i'd do the same for them. And it worked. Its no surprise a guy unwilling to do anything for his GF but expects her to do most things for him would fail the test.
Plenty of reasons it's bad really. For one, it's just a different name for a plain old shit test, and those are toxic and manipulative mind games that have no place in a relationship. The very idea of "I'm gonna test my partner's worth without telling them and draw conclusions about the relationship on whether they pass or fail it" is disgusting. That said, it also does set him up to fail in a way, because fulfilling small random demands for service isn't necessarily part of someone's love language and doesn't need to be. Especially not when the one demanding them is usually known to be independent. If I had a partner who I know to be independent, I would think it's a joke or something, because why would she need me to do insignificant things she is perfectly capable of doing herself without any effort whatsoever? I prefer my relationships on an equal level, and this sort of thing is incredibly childish and comes across as both insincere and manipulative. It would actually make me question the relationship if it occurred multiple times, because I'd start to wonder if she was taking me for some sort of fool. I'm too old for these sorts of stupid teenage games. And yeah, in this case it turned out the guy was a stupid, lazy idiot who took advantage of her. But nobody in their right mind would have needed some idiotic TikTok to understand that, it seems to me like it was exceedingly obvious already. So no, it didn't "work", she just chose to not be oblivious for once in her life. Good for her.
@@rogthepirate4593 the idea that helping eachother out with small things makes a relationship unequal is baffling. You do you I suppose, but that sounds like a cold way to live. I do wonder if there's an element of culture and gender here. For me, the sort of thing you talk about like it's a big deal and means something, is just efficiency. It's mutualism. I do things for others because I know they'd do the same for me, so it makes things far more efficient for us both. And I've not really met many people who don't perform mutualism like this. Not even a love language, just common sense. For women, helping to tie eachothers hair up is incredibly normal, at least for me when I was growing up. I don't think I'd even think twice if anyone I knew or even someone I didn't asked me to help them tie their hair. If someone genuinely responded to me asking for help by talking about being independent adults and such and if I couldn't do it myself, it would genuinely come across as rude. Like, I'm a partner, do you not trust me that I'm asking because I'd prefer help and would help you in return, or do you see me as a stupid incapable child or something? Is it really something worth asserting yourself over? I'd be questioning genuinely if the person who said it needed therapy if the idea of helping me out elicited such a big response Especially moreso if it's something I hardly ever did, because they didn't even trust that I wouldn't ask for help flippantly. I also notice that it's usually men who have this strong aversion to helping with small things, like they are fighting to defend their pride. So I need to ask, do the people you live with truly never do any small things to help you? Like making you a coffee while they're up? Or grabbing a beer from the fridge or similar? If they do, does that mean it goes only one way? You receive their help but refuse in return? Is it something you are rarely asked to do in the first place, while those around you offer it on their own accord? That being said, if you both never ask for help and also never receive help you take for granted, I can see why this would come across as unequal and worth fighting over if it happened regularly I suppose. But again if this person is independent and never usually asks for help, why would you not trust them the one time they do? Why is this worth digging heels in over nothing? That being said, I don't think I'd ever test my partner like this, because that kind of person would never have had any appeal to me in the first place, and these sorts of things would probably be discovered very early.
@@cielbie8251 I did not say that it makes the relationship unequal. I would kindly ask you to stick to what I actually said and not to misrepresent my argument. Your interpretation of what I said is not what I said. I also never said I wouldn't do small things for a partner. I do, actively, but I don't need to be asked to, that's kinda the point. This "test" often comes across as fake, because it is - you're asking the partner to do something not because there is a genuine reason you want or need them to do it, but because it's a shit test. It's contrived. Take the hair tying for instance - and yeah, maybe it is a gender thing, I'm a long-haired guy myself, but I have never tied someone else's hair and am incredibly clumsy at it despite being able to do it just fine with my own, the muscle memory for it just doesn't apply in the same way, it's weird. But let's take it as an example: If my partner just randomly asked me to tie her hair, chances are I'd either have to stop whatever I am doing, get up and get a hair tie (don't usually carry one on my unless I'm using it), or have her give me one. Both are way less efficient than her simply doing it herself. I would naturally be asking myself - and probably her - what is stopping her from doing it. It's not a natural request, it's contrived and artificial. And the test requires this, because if it was a perfectly normal, reasonable request that made sense in the situation (say she'd ask me this when she is unable to do so herself for whatever reason, having drying nail polish on or whatever), then I'd naturally do it because I can see the point myself. The test specifically requires the request to be essentially pointless and something she can easily and effortlessly do herself, otherwise it wouldn't be a test. But besides even that, what I am saying is: Intent matters. What makes these tests utterly reprehensible and manipulative is that they are done in bad faith. They're done specifically to fish for a slip-up - if they weren't, there would be no need for them in the first place. An honest request, that usually has a perfectly valid reason behind it, is totally fine. A request that is made with the intention of testing whether or not the partner will comply with it, and drawing conclusions from the result (which is what this test insinuates - "If the partner doesn't comply on this small thing, he's a terrible partner and won't be reliable on big things" - which is absolutely idiotic, because there can be ANY number of reasons to refuse that one specific request at that one specific time, like a simple "Sorry, I'm currently doing something else that I can't simply put down") is manipulative and disgusting.
@@rogthepirate4593 If someone is busy they usually say "sure, ill do it in a minute after I finish this", or "im busy right now sorry".
Im not sure whats difficult about that. To ask if someone can't do it themselves especially when they ask multiple times for help is basically saying "I wont help you as I think you don't have a good enough reason to be asking for my help". Which, i'd find rude. Its an invalidating way of declining that assumes your partner is just incompetent, and that you need to be the one to decide for them whether they actually need help or not. So i'd consider that kind of response a red flag personally if it happened regularly that I always needed an explanation. If it was a genuine question, sure. Especially if its a time consuming task. In this situation where she asked for help multiple times for something that might take a minute most, its needless.
@@cielbie8251 Well, whether or not you'd need an explanation isn't really the point, the crux here is still the doing it in bad faith. You may not believe this but we men aren't stupid, we can usually tell if there's some ulterior motive behind something.
Great advice from the friend in abandoned. Having one parents constantly say bad things about the other, even if true, only makes the kids resentful towards the one telling them. Hearing my dad talk shit about my mom as teenagers drove me and all my siblings away, whether some was true or not. Nobody wants to hear bad things about their parents
People are so harsh in these comments because rSlash missed a detail in the story and gave his opinion accordingly. He reads dozens of these stories daily, it's not that hard to misread a detail and get tripped up. Stop hating so much
Also he didnt even get that wrong. He knows that its the husbands birthday ... his comment was about the fact that the husband declined to go alone with his family into the restaurant and decided to stay with his wife even after she offerd him that he could go without her. So he actually decided against spending his birthday with his family and choose his wife. Because he probably did not want to spend his day with them but normally just did it because its tradition. But this time he had an excuse and he jumped on using it.
Story 2 was updated yesterday:
The wife returned and revealed that she wasn't having some sort of mental breakdown, she was just being monstrously selfish and actually expected everyone else to just accommodate her whims and forgive her.
Due to this, the daughter cut contact and the son is nearly there.
OP appears to be grey rocking which seems to be causing some frustration in the wife, to his amusement.
The divorce is proceeding and the stolen funds and compensation is to be taken from the wife's share of the assets and retirement.
OP is cautiously happy to move on and cut her out of his life completely and she will likely now have to deal with her dementia after having alienated herself with her actions.
He also noted that he was surprised to find some success in the dating scene.
YES! THIS IS SO FUCKING JUICY OF AN UPDATE
Damn I'd sure as hell be surprised that a man in his 50s could find someone else. I hope he finds someone better, but then anyone's better than a person who abandoned her husband and children
Gotta love hearing a waahmen getting held accountable for their horrid actions
I just KNEW that she was gonna come back expecting nothing to be wrong
@@dethkruzer She still wont some simp will take her in.
For the 2nd story, there is a small update. The kids occasionally speak to her and she has been told how bad this is for OP and that he's want to divorce but she's so dillusional that she thinks OP will just forgive her. A complete narcissist.
OP spend Thanksgiving with her family (without her there of course). Her family is disgusted by her behavior and fully supports OP. We'll have to see if she shows back up for Christmas.
Wow! The audacity of this woman!
Exactly what I suspected would happen. I'm so excited for the update. Reality is going to hit her like a bus. Poor guy doesn't deserve all of this. Glad he's able to enjoy himself in the peace for now.
I commented this on another video with this story, but the wife might actually be in the early stages of dementia already. One of the first signs are irrational behaviour and extreme changes in temperament. The more obvious symptoms, like memory loss, takes more time to appear
"I knew you'd understand and that's why I snuck away without your input or knowledge."
Absolutely insane.
Yeah. That story’s update will be insane. Lol
Rslash saying “if i were a worm, would you love me?” reminded me that my gf has asked me the same thing and i said “no. what would i do with a worm? i can’t even take you to chilli’s. the chips would kill you.”
and now one of the biggest inside jokes we have when i tell her no is she pretends to cry and whines “You wouldn’t love me if i was a wooorrrmmmm~!”
edit: i’ve informed her of the fact that i posted this story and she wanted me to correct the fact that in *our* version, it’s not worm. it’s snail. (which is why the salt from the tortilla chips would cause her to commit die)
Honestly, that's plain cute
That’s the best response to that trend 😂
This is so cute I love it
This is the cutest fucking thing
"i cant even take you to chillis, the chips would kill you" made me cackle thank you. good inside joke 10/10
Story 2: Whether or not she'll ever come back, she shouldn't expect to be welcomed back with open arms. I hope that trip was worth it, OP's wife, you just threw away your whole marriage
And nobody will be there for her when her health declines. And she’ll have less assets to help since OP will hopefully be reimbursed.
Another thing is that with dementia, the recent memories go first. Long term ones stay. So whenever OP's wife develops dementia, she'll be in a care home somewhere totally confused why her husband and kids don't visit her since she'll only remember the good parts
Or if she never does develop dementia, she'll spend decades realizing she imploded her whole life over nothing
I'm legitimately excited for an update to this one
She doesn't care. She is a very entitled, selfish thief.
@@QueenDarkChocolate Speking from experience: sudden change in behaviour and severe moon changes are early signs of dementia. Certain forms of it also appear earlier with each generation. So there is a decent change that those are symptoms and she can't understand anymore why this is an issue.
Story 2: Bro, OP took care of the mother with dementia and is overall being a good husband, and his wife responds to that gratitude by abandoning her family and go enjoy herself, and drowning OP in bills? Seriously, what compelled her to do this? She is heartless, an AH, and a hurtful person, and I doubt she isn't sleeping around with other men. I seriously hope she comes back soon, so OP and his lawyer can drop that massive bombshell on her. Don't bother with her after the divorce, you deserve a lot better than that vile woman.
I'm sorry to say but it looks to me OP was doing too much on his wife's behalf. She kept pushing for more until he finally reached the limit of how much her b.s. he's going to take and decided to have no more of it. Good thing she'll get served her just desserts once she comes back home. It will probably taste bitter for a long time to come.
Having personal experience with it: these are signs of early dementia. Sudden change of lifestyle, big mood changes and especially not being able to properly understand consequences are all signs of various forms of dementia.
So either she had a complete mental breakdown because of her mother or she has early stage dementia.
He ought to cancel the credit cards and start transferring things around while closing accounts.
The second story: I swear, OP’s wife was taking lessons from my stepmom. I'm just curious as to how expensive the séance was.
His kids still talk with her and they've told her how much he's hurt by it all, she thinks it'll be alright as soon as she returns and he'll just accept her back. She's in for a rude awakening
So she is afraid of dementia but has to problem leaving her entire support system to travel the world. If she was really worried she wouldn’t have traveled alone. I think she left with someone
I hate to say this because I don't want to seem to be defending her in any way, she's a PoS but dementia isn't a fine one minute, fucked the next kind of thing. The worry isn't that she's going to get dementia RIGHT NOW, it's that she will get it and slowly start degrading at some point in the future. If she has no symptoms now, it will be YEARS before she needs that support system. But that kind of impending doom can really weigh on someone, screw them up in the head. Engaging in self destructive activities is quite common.
@@wingracer1614She might already have dementia. The early stages are basically irrational behaviour and sudden changes in behaviour. This is why many don't get an early diagnosis and thus no early intervention. The wife should have begun a yearly control years ago
@@Ikajo True but again, it's not like you go to bed one day feeling fine and the next you are incapable of taking care of yourself. It's a slow, gradual decline.
@@wingracer1614 Oh, I'm not defending her behavior. Just pointing out that she might already be in the early stages. In which case, she might need medical intervention.
To my knowledge, this could actually benefit OP when it becomes time for the divorce.
@@wingracer1614 well abandoning her own family still is a gargantuan dick move so this sounds like HER problem now.
The 2nd story makes my blood boil. I hope he takes everything in the divorce and she has to come back to reality HARD, cause wtf!?!? There's no way she could've ever loved or respected that man.
I am just so confused as to why she'd do this in the first place. I mean, if she was feeling any kind of way, she should have had a conversation with OP like any normal person and spouse, right? They could have gone on this trip together. Even if it was earlier than they were intending.
It makes me wonder if OP's wife just saw him as a way to look after her sick mum and then when the MIL was taken care of and sent to a care facility where her specific needs could be taken care of by professionals, she didn't have a use for him anymore and just bailed on him.
@@TiffWaffles Sudden changes in behavious and big changes in mood, irraltional livestyle changes are all early signs of dementia. So could also be that.
@@TemariNaraannaschatzits still her commitimg rhe behaviors. OP needs to find someone else
@@Diamondr11Blue
the point
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your head
@@TemariNaraannaschatz no I'm not yoyre simply making excuses
Story 3: That orange peel theory sounds very hard to keep controlled. The variables that affect it are so vast and can change so sporadically, it's almost impossible to get a definitive answer for a single person without having to try it multiple times in multiple circumstances. And that would absolutely affect it as the number of times you do it will also affect them.
For some the orange peel theory could just be another form of control and abuse
If I saw my SO watching something on TikTok and they immediately said something unusual to me, my reaction might be "oh no, this is a prank trend, isn't it" and nervously moving away...
Yea, I think you're right. There's some truth to it, in that a person who value your happiness would want to do things for you even if you both know you could do it yourself. But it might also play a role who typically does the most invisible labor in the relationship, and what they were already doing at the point of asking. I'll sometimes ask my bf to do things like refill my waterbottle or make me some food, usually if he is already headed to the kitchen, and he'll be happy to do so because doing acts of services is part of his love language.
Reminds me of the trend that was going around a few months ago when the Barbie movie came out.
Women were breaking up with their boyfriends for simply not getting the movie or not agreeing with the message.
If the relationship is that weak then it is better off ending.
It's a TikTok trend. If you get relationship advice from TikTok, you deserve to be alone
Story 1: You misread it slightly with your mini verdict. It's the husband's birthday and family that op didn't want, not her own.
I came here to say this
He doesn’t read the story properly ever. It’s a regular thing that he misreads details 😅
Same I was like what is rslash talking about she said his birthday so she basically said don’t spend your birthday with your parents
Which makes her controlling. And she's allowed to act a certain way when young, but he's not? She's a controlling witch. @@Frosty1026
4:18 I think rslash missunderstood the story. It's husbands birthday which he wants to spend with his family, not op:s birthday.
Yes, though from the description OP gave of the in laws, I wouldn't want to be bothered with them either! Also, is it really THAT strange that a guy would want to spend a quiet birthday with his pregnant wife...? It's not like the family can't do something on another night. Very telling that they think he should prioritize them over his wife.
@@fdm2155well keep in mind she’s been groomed so they likely think he’ll put her in a kennel and leave some water and treats.
Yeah and of course rslash only reads things the way it suits his own thoughts. She didn't want to be around his family on HIS BIRTHDAY because she gets 'annoyed' by them. Suck it up before he drops your crazy butt. I can't even believe that she felt disgusted by him having real emotions at the baby appointment because 'what if they're not true.' Both rslash and this girl need to grow up and get over themselves
I've seen him do this several times his comprehension skills ain't the greatest. I also find it odd that he reads everything as fact.
@@danharvischak5047 only if it's a woman. If it's a guy there's always 'more to the story' and he finds a way to make it the guys fault.
Story 2: wow! I get the fear of getting hereditary dementia but to run off with ALL THE SAVINGS and constantly say “oh my husband is the best for allowing me to do this” is so disgusting. She really thought she could have her cake and eat it in the end. She’s in for a rude awakening. And I agree with Dabney….PLEASE UPDATE US OP
She is preparing all that crap for the time comes for divorce. Husband should make it very clear that he has no part in this and that she abandoned him taking all their savings.
You know this is the wife version of orange peel theory
Her behavious screams early stage dementia. Especially irrational behaviour and the inability to understand the consequences of her actions.
@@N0xietyshe left a note saying her part
Like someone else said, she might already have been in the early stages of dementia, ive seen it happen 3 times now, irrational behaviour and then a slow decline that gradually gets faster through the stages
When I was 18 somebody who was nearly in their thirties hitting on me would have been classified as a creep. I was just a new adult learning how to navigate life with little to no life experience. Somebody who was about to turn thirty is leagues ahead of me in terms of life and experience.
Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is an update to that one post of the husband who left his absolute gem of a wife for a Virgin prodigy he knocked up and lied to about his wife's house being his but she was "on drugs" and he was allowing her to live there out of the "kindness of his heart". 😂
I remember that one
@analyticalchick3064 right?! It was like 3 months ago I think but it was the craziest story I ever heard. Im still in suspense.
The problem is that the update might come from the stupid young girl that ran off with a married man so we might not get it.@@PawnCrownedQueen
@@PawnCrownedQueenWhat video was this
@@Saejima_the_taiga83 I'll see if I can find it and link you to it.
Story 3 - my partner & I often do little things together. He gets me drinks/snacks/my headphones & even insists that I wait for him to come to my side so I can lean on him while I pull on my slip-on shoes so I don’t fall. I get him snacks/drinks/help with chores/feeding his cat/etc. we do a give-&-take. THAT’S what it’s all about - making each other’s lives easier! The little things add up!
Story 2: RAW! it’s crazy how his wife literally abandoned her partner and is acting like it’s no big deal.
And then dig at him by thanking him for the trip she stole.
Reminds me of the post where OP abandoned her husband for 7+ years to "find herself",
then expected to be able to suddenly return and have her husband back only to find out that her husband's family rounded up together for the kids and she was completely excommunicated from the kids.
when she tried to sue for the kids her ex laughed at her and told her "good luck with that" as he showed her some of the pictures he had of her being in a bar drinking so I can see something similar happening to this wife hopefully where she loses all custody of the kids and her "Dementia" case will end up getting thrown out due to having to admit her plan
@@technothehedgehog203 The one who went on a trip fully funded by her parents' money?
@@hiroshi7025 yup
@@technothehedgehog203I remember that story. The dad and his loved one told the in-laws to pound sand any time they wanted to see the grandkids.
Story 2: Change the locks on anything the wife has keys to. The divorce is based on abandonment. She has no right to renter the home.
Doesn't work like that. She legally owns half the home. Husband can't just deny her access. The only thing that could change that before the divorce and division of assets is a restraining order. But good luck getting that against your wife when there hasn't been any violence or threats.
He can't, abandonment divorce takes at least 1 to 2 year to initiate depending on the state. There can also be other requirements that are needed to be met, which can make it very hard to prove in court. So depending on the state, it will take a year or two at the very least before he can file divorce for abandonment, and then also depending on the state he might not even be able to provide the necessary additional requirements for it to be considered abandonment. Without these requirements to be fulfilled, it can even take 7 years for the marriage to be considered abandoned. All this time, she can continue to blow all the savings living the high life in neverland...
@@N0xiety exactly. It would be very hard to prove. Every post she's smart enough to add "thank you for being an amazing husband and allowing me to take this trip"
OP needs to make His Own Account, add all the people She has on Her Account including His Wife and counter Every Single Comment and Lie His Wife has told. OP needs to tell the Truth, that He's Not Alright with the fact that His Wife Stole the money for What was Supposed to be a Joint Trip and take off on the Trip Without Talking about it with OP first. That's He's Not Alright with His Wife Possibly Sleeping Around while on this Stolen Trip and He's Not Supportive of His Wife's Decision to Abandon Her Family just so She can be Selfish. OP also Needs to clarify that He's Considering Divorce Because of His Wife Stealing from and Abandoning Her Family While putting them in a Dire Financial Situation by quitting Her job while not helping out with the car payments, house payments, and Any Other payments She was helping with previously. OP also Needs to Clarify that His Wife has turned off Her Comments so that He Can't Set the Record Straight so that Everyone Knows the Truth About the Situation so He had to create an Account so that Everyone would Know the Truth About the Matter. OP Needs to Set the Record Straight then See how Fast She Comes Running Back! When She does OP can serve Her with Divorce Papers!
@BDM276 Actually, he could legally change the locks while she's gone. It's whether or not he denies her access when she returns that would matter. If she were to return and he were to let her in without a fuss, he hasn't denied her access, only changed the locks. Honestly it's not a bad idea to change the locks because if she has the house key with her, then how does OP know that copies of the key haven't been made? There's a security concern when you think about it, so changing the locks would actually be a smart thing to do.
The last story: two things can be true at once. The "orange peel theory" thing is immature and toxic af; and the OP's ex is a complete user and jerk. Don't "test" your SO's people, but take the time to honestly look at your relationships.
If its true could all be a lie
Yea I think the orange peel as an ACTUAL TEST is dumb but as ine od those cute youtuber couples tht just do it to be playful and were gonna let it go whatever the answer was is fine. Ive seen sillier things in videos.
But if done in a certain context it can apparently actually be helpful as it helped op realize "Holy shit I actually AM being taken advantage of!" Lol
I was literally about to come here and say this. Testing your partner (regardless of “motive”) is always gross, but you should be honest with yourself and your partner about your expectations and desires. No one can read minds yet.
Exactly! If you feel the need to “test” your significant other don’t waste your time and just leave. Feeling like you need to test them clearly shows the relationship isn’t working
At first I wanted to give OP grief until she brought up that she does more in the relationship. Now ex-bfs actions in the update solidifies that OP wasn’t wrong.
Story 1: I'm sorry this almost 30 year old man, has a bet with other middle age men about which one of them could sleep with an 18-year-old first because they thought she was a stupid loser? And your SB not only knew about it, but let it happen and kept this secret from you for years then when you found out try to make it seem like you owed him for it? I don't know how you could possibly forgive any of them, yeah you are an arrogant 18 year old most of them are, but went or without your husband you would have grown out of it's like most people do because your stepbrother sure as hell wasn't mature at that age if this is the kind of thing he and his friends like to do in their 30s. I'm not going to tell you you have to not forgive them but if you decide not to forgive your brother I completely understand because seriously what the hell.
Not to say, after giving birth in 2 months she got pregnant again.
2 MONTHS
Homegirl was groomed and then baby trapped and didn't even realize it.
I'm getting the vibe that he was never really into it and was going along with it to fit in. Especially if it's the same group of friends you've all hung out with since you were kids. Anyone that has a group like that knows how you invariably develop some off-color humor or inside jokes. Stupid things that you aren't even serious, but when some idiot brings them up years later out of context, it sounds way worse than it is. Like my friends and I used to have this thing where we'd talk about all the horrible things we'd do to each other. Like "Oh yeah, well I'll take a coat hanger and leave it on the stove for like a half hour, then slid eit up your ass slow so it sizzles" Obviously I'm not gonna do that, but we have a laugh over the stupid visual.
@@adamb89Yeah, but he did get with the 18 year old and put a baby in her (two, now) so he actually did, whether "for the bet" or not, do what he said he was going to do. He even admitted he did it.
Rightttt? I don’t know how the fact that OP WAS LITERALLY A CHILDD is just being overlooked. And the fact that her step bro let his friends groom her like that. Really shows how much he actually cares about her. 🫠🫠
The Orange Peel Theory is absolutely ridiculous. I hate games like that. Not everyone's love language is acts of service.
You're right. The orange peel thing is juvenile. However, if your partner is needing love outside of your typical love language you should make an effort to do that. Just because your love language isn't acts of service does not mean you shouldn't do it
I believe it is stupid to base your opinion on a lover soley on it, but it can make for something small to note. Again, not a definitive test but one you can make a mental note of
I hate that orange peel theory. Have you ever gave a glass of water while he's standing right there next to the water while you're on your knees
Well good thing she didn't dump him over the orange peel theory but the realization that her entire relationship was just her playing nanny and maid, while still working a job as this grown man sat around. Yeah I agree that these tiktok partner "tests" or the "call your girlfriend a bitch" type pranks are really stupid and toxic but op made it clear that the test was a morbid curiosity and not the reason for the break up, rather just a tiny step in realizing the relationship wasn't good to begin with.
Also, if your "love language" is receiving and expecting acts of service but never giving any back, that's not a love language, you're just a douche.
It's literally setting a trust trap which is toxic
Story two: she probably already has dementia. The early signs of dementia are being irrational, sudden change in behaviour, severe mood changes and losing the ability to see consequences. The memory loss comes later and there is a good change that she has already simply lost the ability to understand why her behavious is wrong, especially given her family history. Those signs often go unnoticed by family members and take a huge toll on their mental health.
That's what I'm thinking too!
My late Gma had moments where she acted similar to the wife, and it was later diagnosed as part of her dementia.
Many silver alerts are people with memory issues thinking they were doing something completely okay and normal.
Third story I was going to say relationship advice from TikTok is a great way to end a relationship because it gives garbage and it did, just not in the way I was expecting? I also felt as though that there were some important details missing from the initial post, then the update dropped and gave those details and now it looks like OP dodged a bullet.
and OP was a bullet to be dodged as well it seems
OP is also the AH in my opinion. Why start a relationship with someone that has a kid if you never intend to be a form of parent figure for that kid. Also the test is a rather childish thing to do.
They both dodged multiple bullets. Time for both to move on
@@BDM276 Oh definitely and I agree wholeheartedly with everyone saying she's TA because she is. It's an ESH moment and again, if you think going to TikTok for relationship advice is a good idea? That relationship is basically over because it's all terrible. The 'orange peel' garbage is proof because now you're critically literally every little thing your partner does while your partner is wondering why you're suddenly super needy
I bet she got roasted in her 1st post so she made up crap in her update to sound better and get people on her side.
story 1 at 4:00 - rSlash, please read the story. It was the HUSBAND'S birthday, not OP's. So that whole "Who wants to spend their birthday with their in-laws" is an absolutely pointless question, because it isn't OP's birthday. It's the Husband who originally wanted to spend HIS birthday with HIS family.
Lol maybe actually listen to what people are saying! He knows that its the husbands birthday ... his comment was about the fact that the husband declined to go alone with his family into the restaurant and decided to stay with his wife even after she offerd him that he could go without her. So he actually decided against spending his birthday with his family and choose his wife. Because he probably did not want to spend his day with them but normally just did it because its tradition. But this time he had an excuse and he jumped on using it.
@@Telendilhe makes it clear he thinks it's the ops birthday not the husbands
@@cassandrine No he doesnt. He only uses the word inlaws instead of Family. Probably due to the Fact that people use that Term Sometimes to describe their whole Family from both sides. Or maybe because He told the Story from OP perspektive and had the word inlaws for the husbands Family in mind. But the comment only makes sense If Its about the husband.
@@Telendilto quote rSlash: "Who on earth wants to spend their birthday with their in-laws?"
Whose birthday? And whose in-laws?
In this case, we know it's the Husband's birthday, but he isn't talking about wanting to spend his birthday with his in-laws, but *His Family*.
The reason rSlash uses the term "In-Laws" instead of Family, is because he misread. There is no way that question/complaint of his makes logical sense, unless he either completely misread the post or he suddenly started talking about a completely different scenario unrelated to the post. A simple process of elimination makes it quite clear that he simply didn't read it right.
@@1Kapuchu100 Ignoring all other Options Like He Just Said the wrong word. Also He did say the husbands birthday multiple times before. So ist it more plausible that He Had a slip of tongue or that He from one second to the other confused whos Birthday it was, what was happening in the Story and then made an unlogical unrelated comment to it.
Story 1: OP got pregnant 2 months after giving birth
I noticed that too. I hope her body recovered enough.
Yeah a woman can get pregnant again 3 to 4 weeks after giving birth.
@@mwokozijust because she can doesn't mean she should
@@mwokozi yeah, and its not a good thing. just because you can hold your pee for 12 hours everyday, doesn't mean you should. both getting pregnant too soon after giving birth and holding your pee for a very long time is very much not healthy for your body and can fuck you up.
@@henteagustav I know I’m just saying biologically it is possible. She shouldn’t actually since it’s not healthy.
Story 1: no grown adult goes after a barely legal teen with good intentions. They go after them because people their own age KNOW to stay away from them
Story 1: this poor girl was literally groomed by a 29 yr old and her sb was like “yeah, that’s fine”. Absolutely disgusting
And the husband keeps getting her pregnant. That is a big red flag to me since it is a way to keep the groomed person trapped.
@@alexacarrillo4339 yep, absolutely agree with you
but 18 is adult, how can that be grooming?
@@sauvagessbecause legal doesn’t mean moral. An 18 year old is in a position of way less power compared to a 29 year old. One is just entering adulthood and is still making dumb choices while the other is almost middle aged
@sauvagess 18 year old has fuck all life experience. there's no difference between a person the day before their 18th birthday and on their birthday, someone doesn't become an adult overnight. laws do not equal morals.
I can see it now. She walks in all happy, with her arms spread open, bags of vacation junk hanging on them. She goes in for a hug and op just slaps a big ol paper with the word, DIVORCE on it and it stays stuck to her face like a cartoon.
Story 1: I'm glad that OP and her husband made up, but goddamn are the others just awful. That bet's pretty nasty, and learning about it almost killed the marriage, that's how bad it was
And I feel very sure that stepbrother isn’t sorry. On a different note, OP never brought up if the boundary issues with the in-laws was resolved.
The husband is awful too. He took a bet to teach a lesson to an 18yo as a 29yo, wtf
Yeah. 18 year old are quite proud of themselves. @@justinebidulopoutchini9774
@@justinebidulopoutchini9774 Yea, that's incredibly predatory in so many ways. I'm about the husband's age when he met OP, and the thought of going after someone fresh out of high school is so weird! The bet is a cherry on a garbage sunday.
Are you talking about the husband's 'friends' or his no sense of boundaries relatives?
This is the first time I've heard of this orange theory thingy and I laughed cause my boyfriend always does the tangerine peeling for me 😂He's always like "do you want a tangerine?" and am like "no thanks" then he's like "and if I peel it?" "........yes" 😂
The whole "here comes the plane" works surprisingly well when translated to adults (instead of 'fun', it's 'free effort'). Also that is very cute :D
*3rd Story:* The only reason the boyfriend's mom was mad at OP was because she'll now get less breaks from playing mommy to her grandson. Is anyone else wondering what happened to the now ex-boyfriend's baby mama?
Okay I had a very different reaction to the orange peel theory than it looks like most people did... And I would guess that most of those people are blessed with good health. I'm disabled. I have a degenerative condition. My husband and I have been together since before my diagnosis at 17 years old, and he knew I would get worse. I've spent a lot of years wondering when the burden would get to be too much, but he says he expresses his love in acts of care. Sometimes I really do need help tying my shoes, washing my hair, or peeling an orange. These are things he often does without waiting for me to ask for help. If he hadn't shown me a million ways over the past 15 years that he was more than happy to do the little things, I would be in constant fear of what would happen when he needs to help with the big things. I know this isn't the case for everyone, but remember.... Good health is temporary.
but that changes things to be honest. If the person isn't able to do it themselves it's fine, however if they are completely healthy and could do it themselves it just comes over as lazy.
If I had a gf and she would do this to me I wouldn't peel the orange if she were anything other then: sick, disabled, tired as fuck and/or busy.
because it comes over as her being lazy if she would be completely able to peel it but would ask me to do it. if, like I said, she would be any of the above I would be happy to help her. But me not peeling an orange is definitively not a sign of me not being ready to help her with anything big or small, it just depends heavily on the situation.
But I do get it with the 3rd story if the bf wasn't even taking care of their kid, do I doubt she would even need such a stupid and tbh toxic game to see how ready he is to do things
Story 3: I'm reminded about a story my dad has told me. On my parents' wedding night, when they were in the bedroom alone, my mom asked my dad to get her a glass of water. My dad got up to get her the water, thinking nothing of it. When he got back with the water, she was crying. This, apparently, had been a test. My mother's friends had told her to ask her husband for a glass of water on their wedding night. If he goes to get it, it means he loves her.
I don't like the examples that were given in the orange people test. I would peel a million oranges for my fiance. Or dice a million onions (I just did last night when she was taking a shower and I knew she wanted lots of onions for what she was making for her dinner). Shoes are so different. There's something degrading about having to get on your knees (which is not great when you're tall with okay knees at best) to tie someone's shoes that is capable of doing it herself. Hand broken? I'm on it! But I would never ask her to tie my shoes and expect the same respect in my direction.
Agreed. To me there are so many different levels. Asking for your SO to do some minor task while you're busy, or to help out, is very different then asking them to perform some weird arbitrary task. Let's use the 2 examples from the story.
First, the hair tying. With no context, this could be very weird if playing with / doing hair has not been part of the relationship. On the hand, if OP said that her hands were full, she can't empty them right now, and hair is getting in the way? Then it is not an obedience test, but a request for help.
The towel in the dryer sounded better, but that my just be my assumptions. Those assumptions being that OP is already in the shower, the dryer is not in the bathroom, and that there are no towels already dry. In that case, OP drying the towel would also involve getting out of the shower, possibly tracking water from the bathroom to the dryer, and either waiting for the towel to dry or tracking more water after her shower is done. Thus, the task would be simpler for the SO and save OP from *extra* work and inconvenience.
@@RBrown-uk4xt could be wrong, but I think the towel thing was not there were no dry towels. It was she wanted an extra warm one.
Story 1 is disgusting. These adults betted on sleeping with an underaged/barely legal woman to “teach her a lesson” of having a normal teenage attitude.
OP needs a massive reality check instead of more babies with this guy. She let go of people betting sleeping with her when she was barely 18 years old. This is BEYOND disgusting and a massive red flag. I think the bet and how the husband went through with the bet was probably one of the few, if not the only, reason the friend group went separate ways.
I’ve made banter and joke bets before with friends but doesn’t mean I would EVER do them, but the bets weren’t as disgusting as them betting to sleep with a person that just turned 18 that then known for years before 🤮
"These adults betted on sleeping with an underaged/barely legal woman"
Underaged refers to those under 18. Though that's not the age that matters. What matters is the age of consent for the area. In the US, the legal age of consent is 16 in about half of the states. A few are 15 (possibly down to 13, but I'm not aware of any below 15), with the rest being 17, 18, or 18 and not in high school or something else where 18 alone isn't enough. (I could be wrong about the last part, but I recall reading something where there was some sort of a limit even at 18.)
@@Wolfie713 underage/barely adult, did you not read past that point of /??
It doesn’t make their actions any less predatory. They known this girl for a long time being friends with her sick nasty step brother, meaning they were thinking about the bet well before she turned 18. They were predatory. End of story. No consent zone needed for that creepy behavior. Don’t justify their messed up behavior by saying “we’ll consent age is different in places”, yeah no crap Sherlock. What makes it predatory is they betted on which of them to sleep with her first as her first time to “teach her a lesson” on her normal 18 year old attitude.
@@Wolfie713 yeah, sure. For consenting adults not for one side betting on which of them are going to bang this unknowing girl because her normal attitude was too annoying for them. If you want to argue for them, go ahead, you’ll look like a creep enabler/excuser. Who uses consent age to enable people grouping up making a bet to sleep with the person they’ve known a long time right when they turned 18
And consent age like 16 in Italy is only legal if the other person is 16-19. It’s not like a 30 year old could go sleep with a 16 year old in a consent age place and not have consequences
@@TsukiKageTora I was only addressing the wording you used. I wasn't condoning the behavior of a betting on who could pop her cherry.
ETA: Also, I was listing the age of consent where the older person can be of any age.
@@Wolfie713
I'm sorry, but if your first instinct upon reading a comment admonishing grown man for sleeping with someone that JUST turned 18, is to point out age of consent laws... there's something majorly wrong with you.
Like, dude, the age of consent doesn't fucking matter. What they did was predatory as fuck and THAT'S the damn issue.
I mean, they swooped in on her the moment she became legal (either in the eyes of the law or the eyes of the general populace) and all just to win a bet. The power imbalance is insane, especially since 18 year olds are still literal children. Children with loads of responsibility, maybe, but children nonetheless.
Seriously, don't you dare come at me and say shit like "I'm not condoning what they did. I was just pointing out age of consent because your wording sucked. Meh..." because you know damn well what the original comment meant when saying what they did and that the wording wasn't the damn problem, considering they said "barely legal/underage" and "barely legal" applies even if the legal age of consent is 16 or 17. Hell, even underage could apply, seeing as we don't know Op's birthday and she could've been 17 when the bet was made and/or she was introduced to her stepbrother's friends.
Story 1 there's soooooo many red flags. The ten year age gap when she was 18, the being pregnant two months after birth, the bet, etc
Couldn’t agree more. He does not seem remotely trustworthy because of that
Also OP never brought up whether or not the issues with the in-laws was resolved. It sounds like her concerns aren’t resolved but dormant.
Could be 18 (Macron the French president) and 42 his wife who was his teacher
Could be 77 (Cher) and a random 21 year old
Could be 65 (Madonna) and a random 21 year old
Could be 42 (Britney Spears) and 29 year old before they got divorced
Could be 32 (Caroline Flack) and a 17 year old Harry styles
Could be 41 (Sienna Miller) and 27 year old
Could be 34 (Cheryl Cole) and 23 year old Liam Payne (who she knew from when he was 14)
Could be 49 (Naomi Campbell) and 26 year old Liam Payne
Still to hear complaints about those. One comedian Katheryn Ryan has said the Cher and Madonna age gap was empowering yet when asked if the age gaps were flipped it would be disgusting. I hope this is all red flags for you as well
@@stuartwalker9597I hear about people talking about those red flags all the time but large age gaps where the man is older is normalized. In some cultures there’s literal children having to marry old ass men.
@@mwokozi in certain cultures but I am trying to point out that I have yet to hear rslash call out those, I believe in equality and balance you can’t call out one side and not the other, there has been no one calling out the relationships I mentioned above hell there has been people saying in some of them it’s empowering that’s the point I’m making. Rslash a month ago had a 23 year old female’s story about how she had a thing for older men and rSlash turned it into that the man was pursuing her rather than the other way around. All I’m trying to say is there is absolute monsters in every gender but it just seems that it’s only the men being called out and not all the monsters
Story 2: I worry that the wife will try to claim she has dementia to get out of the divorce when she comes back.
Having too much real live experience with dementia: she shows typical signs of it. Especially the sudden change in behaviour, becoming extremly irrational and being unable to see the consequences of her actions are early stage dementia symptoms.
She might actually have dementia... unless this has some precedence, sudden irrational behaviour and changes are the early stages of dementia
You can't get out of a divorce. Only 1 party needs to initiate.
RSLASH!! THERES AN UPDATE FOR THE ABANDONED STORY!!
Bestofredditorupdates is the best sub
Yeah, i like having the gratification of immediate updates to these insane stories
It's kind of that way by design.
Story 2:
A lot of people are highlighting that an early symptom of dementia is irrational behavior and abrupt lifestyle changes.
Her behavior isn’t irrational, it’s pre-meditated. She thought about this enough to understand that just disappearing would raise alarm bells and so she left a note. She knew he’d react negatively and so she preemptively countered by blocking him on everything and disabling comments, leaving him no route to officially tell her “no, come home.”
Again Dabney completely misunderstanding at 4:09 : The husband wants HIS family to be present for HIS birthday. NOT HER Birthday but HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yeah, the verdict made me go back because I thought I wasn't listening properly
RSlash gets too emotional at times(lots of times) and misses these big details
Guy reads these daily. Easy to overlook a detail occasionally.
@CloudyNight2156 you're right and I can imagine the amount of retakes I'd be doing if I tried to do one of his videos 😂
@@CloudyNight2156 if it wasn't how consistently he did this type of thing against guys, I'd probably be with you
but the fact of the matter is that if it is a woman, he always goes back and double checks. if it is a guy, he doesn't
The last story: NTA. Op definitely dodged a major bullet.
She was basically being used as free child care so that her boyfriend can play video games and hang out with his friends.
If she's not lying to save face after getting called out.
Fun Fact: Idk what the orange peel theory is but asking people to do small simple tasks like that makes people like you more as they subconsciously understand the fact you'll come to them if you need anything.
That's not a fact though.
That’s still not the point of orange theory though. The point is to ask something you always do yourself out of the blue with no context. It’s toxic behavior. They want a dog, not a partner.
I was ready to call the OP in the third story toxic until they said that their boyfriend wasn't taking care of his own kid. It basically held up a reverse uno card to my entire mood.
Nah she's still toxic. Dude was right. If any of this was bothering her she should have brought it up, not taken advice from Reddit and tik Tok then blowing up on him out of nowhere. Hopefully the guy can find a gf that's less toxic and laugh about this later.
@@BilalAhmed-kq2pf also every chick I've ever met has said they've changed more diapers than the guy when I've literally witnessed this not to be the case - including my own wife who didn't change a single diaper for the first three months because she was recovering and still didn't do the majority until I went back to work
@@TheT93dude, you are busting at the seams with your own rage and bitterness. I think you should talk with someone, instead of vomiting this in youtube comment sections.
@@dudeorduuude5211 nah I just hate dabney. He's literally one of the worst people I've ever listened to and I've listened to some pretty vile people
@@TheT93 your personal experience doesn't speak to general experiences. Sorry you had to step up and be a father and change your own kids diaper, but don't assume that it's the case for everyone else.
Last story, I'm usualy against these types of things but the orange peel theory is actually pretty legit. You can't outright test it just once and call it quits of course, but if you look at your relationship and see that he/she never peels your orange then you have your answer.
look its called orange peel THEORY not orange peel TEST.
@@abiean222 your point being ?
@@InitialDraalhis point being that a true relationship do not need a test. This should’ve been done with context and without a goal in mind. OP was looking to be upset. Nothing else.
@@_.hybrids._1680 I didn't ask you + you just repeated that the test is a bad idea which is exactly what I said.
@@InitialDraal with a theory you look at gathered data and see if it fits the theory, like with the theory of evolution. here, you look at your relationship and see if your partner performs small tasks for you and what it may mean if they do or don't. a test is a test - its a set up of a situation or question that often has a right and a wrong answer. one can fail a test, but either way, a test tells you something about the one taking it.
in other words, really, to use the orange peel theory correctly you should be using what the theory says (that your partner should be willing to perform small/simple tasks for you to help you out) to look at your relationship and evaluate it, not set up a test to check if your partner "really loves you." because its a relationship theory not a relationship test.
Story 1: "Hey OP is arrogant, who wants to bet who can sleep with her first." I think the word they are looking for is "Doesn't buy our BS", because making such a bet feels like the peak of Arrogance.
Story 2: I hope OP updates, cause I want to see the kind of fall out where she just ditched her family and watch as they all go no contact with him.
Story 3: Orange Peel Theory isn't exactly wrong, it's basically asking "Would you be willing to help me when I ask" and let it be know, this douche canoe isn't even willing to put a towel in the dryer, meanwhile he expects her to be a living servant. Setting your partner up with an intentional fail would be like asking "Could you get some ice and melt it for me" because it's a ridiculous ask.
REAL it screams the same type of arrogance that leads people to “my dick can turn a lesbian”
Re story 1: RIGHT??!!!! That's what I heard!!! """Arrogant"""" so tf what?? That doesn't make it ok to make a bet on who can USE HER first!! Foh, she was young and inexperienced and made a good victim for a selfish brother and his cruel friends 😒
Your brother standing by and keeping this secret as you were groomed by a near 30 year old when you where 18 makes him just as gross
Imma be honest, ive only thought of "would you love me if i was a worm?" thing as a joke. We're not testing you, we think its funny.
Unfortunately, a lot of women use it as a test, and it’s too much to ignore.
Yeah, no. Maybe you do it because you think it's funny. But more than enough women do this sort of shit and are absolutely serious about it. And it's not funny in the least in these cases.
Same with the "being mad because the bf cheated in her dream" shit. That actually happened to me once, and it was most definitely not for the lulz. It caused a full-blown argument so mind-numbingly stupid that I'm not sure how I managed to avoid getting an aneurysm.
“Dear Santa: all I want for Christmas is a divorce”
Oh god, the final story was DEFINITELY a bullet dodged. He would’ve been one of those long-term partners who thought he deserved a gold star for doing things like taking out the trash ONCE after 2 months of not doing so.
I don’t recall if they said how old the bf was but I feel like he was using OPs age against her by gaslighting her into thinking what he does is the norm in relationships. Screw him and his mamma! Hopefully the baby’s mom is a better influence.
Story 1: let me add another "today": and today you're still living in a relationship that was based on bet. You'll never be able to shake that thought off u. Your whole relationship is based off a bet
The bet should have never happened but it did happen and now your relationship is based off the bet no matter how you look at it and now that you've been with this person long enough and have a relationship with this person long enough this relationship is now a blossom in your eyes but in the end it started because of a bet
Plus she is having two babies in a row. OP is going to get a harsh reality check in the future but she is too arrogant to realise it.
@@Azulakayes i wouldn't say she's still arrogant, her husband was literally almost 30 when they got together and she was only 18, she was groomed. i don't really blame her for not being as horrified as an outsider hearing all this would be considering her situation. i don't think she could've known better, i just hope at some point she gets it.
Yeah no matter how much I love someone or how much they love me, if I found this out about my partner (even if married) it would be over that instant. Because I would know that our relationship isn't real. Everything we have is built on a lie. I'd never get over it so it's best to just remove myself from the situation.
Didnt she...LITERALLY shake the thought and forgive him for that by the end? Am i missing something?
This feels like a psychological armchair redditor moment. This READS like something id see off of reddit.
Then he has the audacity to say that every interaction with you was him being genuine.
I just saw a show the other day on Netflix where a guy was paid to like this girl but over time as he got to know her and develop genuine feelings for her he stopped taking the money.
Are you referring to Deuce Bigalow Male Gigalow?
@@lorilancaster5917 damn mind reader
Also sounds like "10 Things I Hate about You." Heath Ledger is paid to take out the school "bitch" so the school douchebro can take out her younger sister.
FYI, I only use the quotes with Kat because, in all fairness, she was bitchy due to how she was treated by her first boyfriend and father (even then, we find out that the dad, although overbearing, is actually a good dad who just doesn't know how to deal with someone as independent as Kat is). It doesn't justify everything she does, of course, but it's definitely understandable how she got that way.
I doubt any money ever actually changed hands in this case and if it did, it was YEARS ago. So if your criteria for this sort of thing is he stopped taking the money so it's all ok, this guy is in the clear.
Thing is for me. I would probably refuse to peel an orange.
Not because its a waste of my time or anything
But because I would have to take a knife to it in order to even start peeling it.
You're not a douche for not doing a small task.
You're a douche for being an douche about doing a small task.
Frankly, it depend on the context I think. If my significant other was busy doing something (and I wasn't) and she would ask me to do it as a way to help her out while she is finishing her thing I would probably do it. But if she was doing nothing like the girl in the video ? I would probably question her as well. Maybe I'll do it anyway, maybe not but I would sure question her about it. And she has no explanation on why she is asking about it (Even a "I'm feeling lazy right now, pleeeease". Not a great explanation but an explanation non the less.) then I wouldn't be too happy either.
Context matters. Asking your significant other to tie your hair or tie your shoes with no explanation on why is just weird. It's not a normal small task, it's not a normal occurrence at all. It require some explanation.
That’s why context is important here. Inability is different than refusal! :)
@@RuchunteurI mean women tend to be expected to get their SO a beer when he’s being watching the game when he can do it himself.
@@mwokozi maybe you do. Never expected that of a woman. (Also I don't watch sport). And again, context. In your scenario, is the woman busy? Is she near the fridge? Is the guy gonna miss whatever he is watching by going to the fridge? Is it a commercial break?
If she is busy then she just can say no. If she is not busy, near the fridge, and the guy is gonna miss the action by getting up then it's up to her if she want to be nice or not. If it's the comercial break and she is not near the fridge then she should question him on his ability to get it himself
@@Ruchunteur usually it’s the guy not wanting to miss anything or saying he doesn’t want to get up and wants to relax after working but then again usually the woman works too.
Find herself? Arent yoy supoosed to do that before a commited relationship?
Story 2 : Honestly, What does she expects to happen?
Just because there is a slightly greater chance that she has dementia in her old age, does not mean she can steal all of her husband's money and run off to sleep with other guys and go to fancy places and hotels.
Now if she has this disease she will not have anyone, because not even her children will love her and she will have to be hospitalized like her own mother probably without anyone visiting her ever again, all actions have consequences if you do not want to be alone in your adulthood if you are more likely to have a pathology like that, it is better that you do not ruin all the relationships with your family by stealing from them every last cent.
Sudden change in behavious, unability to see consequences, mood swings and irrational behavious are all early signs of dementia. So there is a decent change she already has it, but they don't see it.
@@TemariNaraannaschatz well this sounds like HER problem now because the moment she gets back home (and she intends to) - she'll be served divorce papers and go bye-bye.
Thing is, they were supposed to go TOGETHER. She completely nuked her life, and will die alone and unloved. That is horrible to contemplate.
@@BadassHater1 Dementia destroys the brain and makes it unable to process this anymore.
That's like blaming a toddler for not understanding things because they lack the ability to do so.
Story 3: Sounds like the proper way to use the Orange Peel Theory isn't that your partner jumps just because you command it, but HOW he responds to a simple request of courtesy that you could theoretically take care of yourself. OP admitted it wasn't that he refused to do anything for her, but the realization that she was doing everything in the relationship.
Also, LOL at that flying monkey mother. Seven months in and OP needs to be a "good wife and mother"? OP, you're not a girlfriend, you're a bangmaid and a nanny. Dump this entitled loser and his mommy.
Hindsight being 20/20, what was she doing getting involved with somebody with a kid when she didn't want to be a wife and mother? Not the brightest decision.
Good on her that it helped her realize he's an idiot, but it's still just a fancy name for a plain old shit test, which makes it manipulative and disgusting.
Turns out he's a terrible boyfriend, sure, but she's not a great girlfriend either. Seems to me like they deserve each other.
Story 2: she had to build up that she thinks you're an amazing has been otherwise you along with other people will call her out for stealing both of your savings and running away. Please let there be an update when her disrespectful eyes comes back.
Of course she was arrogant, she was 18 YEARS old. I can’t believe your step brother, your husband and their friends made such a disgusting bet.
Ngl I’m a little worried about the age gap in the first post
10:15 you can repost her posts in a story. Add your own caption: “No I didn’t. You stole our savings and ran off, leaving me to pay the bills.”
Okay so the orange peel is interesting: don’t test your partner for the sake of testing them, that’s just extremely weird and you’re likely setting them up for failure which is unfair to them. On the other hand if someone isn’t willing to help you out with the small and larger tasks, be that “oh hey can you grab my jacket for me” or “can you help me feed and clean my infant daughter”, then be extremely wary. Do they expect more from you and give very little in return? Are they putting in zero effort and mooching off you?
So there’s a healthy balance here, yes, you should help your partner out if you’re able and this applies to both partners in the relationship, could be helping to cook your meals (one prepping the food and cleans after, the other does the cooking), could be helping to learn something, could be small tasks around the home because their hands are full, helping your partner makes them feel appreciated in a way, like they’re not alone in doing XYZ task and that you’re willing to take a few minutes of your day to help them. That however doesn’t mean testing them where you’re setting them up for failure, complaining/berating them every time when they do help because they won’t feel appreciated and will feel like a verbal punchbag, or expecting your partner to blindly follow you like a obedient puppy.
I understand why OP wasn’t happy, she felt like her generosity was being abused by her partner who was expecting her to care for his child more than he was, expecting her to do all the household chores, expecting her to do all the cooking, completely valid reason to leave the relationship as she was giving him 100% and he wasn’t even giving her 10%, he wanted a bang maid or a mommy who would do everything for him. The way OP went about this was the weird part for me and I just hope she doesn’t use the orange peel theory on some dude she dates in the future.
Also LMAO at his mom berating OP, who’s only dated him for 7 months, telling her “you need to step up and be a goos mom”, like LMAO WHAT?? That’s not her child, he needs to step up and be a dad! Now we know where his attitude comes from.
It’s to see if they’ll out as much effort into the relationship as they expect to get out.
OP in Story 3: I'm not 12. I'm 22.
Also OP: I do 90%, he does like...30%
Who taught this child math?
14:06 that gremlin laugh sent me XD
Love how in story 1 R/ is so eager to white knight he missed who's birthday it actually was.
Yep
I swear, the older his daughter gets, the worse he gets about it
I have a feeling this is why he said he was gonna give a verdict and then didn’t. Because in the edit, he realized his mistake.
“White knight”
Lol. Okay.
Nobody:
Rslash: just gonna put on this suit of armor for m'lady
@@beautifulmidnight he does it very often
quit fooling yourself
Orange peel story: the easiest way to figure out if a guy has true feelings for you is to ask him to do something for you that requires him to give up some of his comfort. Also look for a pattern and for context.
Many women tend to be self sufficient and we never ask anything of the men we date because we are afraid we will be labeled gold diggers or whatever, but that’s a mistake because if you never ask for anything, you won’t be able to find out if he is in just because it’s fun and at the first sign of discomfort he’ll bail out or he is reliable and has true feelings for you.
Honestly, the "orange peel theory" sounds interesting. While it's not something to base a relationship on, OP is right. It's a great way to remove the rose tinted glasses and really see how much each person is really giving and taking in the relationship. Though, personally, it would be easy to go classier, like asking your partner to open a jar for you or to open a door if your hands are full or to take something off your hands so you can do something else real quick. It really is the small things that really do matter in a relationship.
actually the orange peel theory is pretty smart. like obviously not break up material, but it does give you an idea on whether or not a guy is willing to do small things for you. that’s not like the worm question, that’s genuinely a good indicator that you might be dating a bad guy
Wtf is the first story? And why is everyone just...letting it slide as if it was some petty fight that they got over so everything's suddenly okay? That woman was absolutely groomed.
A 29 year old sleeping with a 18 year old on a BET is downright disgusting and that's just the first major red flag. Then his so called friends talked about her like she needed to "learn her lesson"......I have seen that SAME reasoning be used by predatory people, and OP just thinks that it was partly okay because she was arrogant? Huh??? That's called being a teenager trying to transition into the life of an adult.
I still don't see how a 29 year old would have anything in common with a teenager. I'm nearly 24 and I cannot even humor the idea of being with a person who is 18.
Moving on from that mess, this woman has a seven month old baby and is also five months pregnant at the same time? So she became pregnant 2 months after giving birth. That is just medically irresponsible for the development and health of the new baby, as well as the health of OP. Her posts just feel like she's viewing her own life through rose colored glasses, and she really should have just split up with her groomer husband. Call me skeptical or pessimistic, but I sincerely doubt a predatory figure like that could have truly changed if he still kept those same friends around for all those years and never planned on telling OP the truth.
my mom always said "Someone born square won't suddenly become round". people don't change that easily, especially not someone as disgusting as op's husband. she was absolutely groomed and baby-trapped and idk why everyone is just so chill about it like wtf was that
So, a bunch of 30 year old men went after a teenager? And she is going to have 2 babies less than a year apart? And everyone is just cool with this?
Story 1: Bet or not, it's weird that a 29 year old went for an 18 year old, but having been done in the sense of "teaching her a lesson" and for a bet, that makes it even worse and I wouldn't be able to look at my spouse the same way either
Story 2: She may have comments turned off, but there's literally nothing stopping Op from making a post of his own with the note she left him.
I love updates to stories that we've seen on this Channel, sometimes we get extra update content, and sometimes not. My favorite was OP getting kicked of his parents because of his sexuality, later his brother and parents try to take (not buy or rent) but actually steal his house
Last story has a final update:
"Edit- Hello again 1000 thank yous’ to everyone reading and taking the time to read both of my post I feel more validated in these past 3 days than I have felt in the 7 months I have been in that relationship. I have gone no contact with him and his mom with the exception of a clarifying break up text and having to force him to pick up his stuff from my house (yes, his mom drove him). There was quite some fighting on his side but I had a few friends be there to mediate. 🎉 no more mamas boys for me!!!"
There was one point where the Orange Peel Theory OP was super dumb. Just because someone works from home doesn't mean their work isn't exhausting. If you work in a support role, depending upon the product and employer's expectation, the work can be and frequently is mentally exhausting. Playing video games doesn't require much energy, if any, but if dude is leaving you with his kid to go out to see friends, he doesn't need that after-work break. He was just using you as a babysitter and maid.
I saw a poem made about the worm thing, and to them it was more of a representation of would they be willing to take care of their life partner if they were disabled, if they couldn't do all the same things they did at the start of the relationship. I noticed in the videos I saw of it, the ones where they played along, with a yes or a no, it seemed more fun for them then when the person asked just said no followed by a judgmental comment.
Isn't there like a drama or something about a man who get's really sick and turns into a bug, and his family is ashamed of him and is glad when He finally passes away?
Story 1: "The marriage isn't perfect because we have fights from time to time"
OP is delusional. If there are no fights in a relationship, that basically means that one or both parties are withholding their resentment instead of voicing it, making it buiod up and that puts the entire partnership on a heading towards a breakup.
the orange peel thing is just idiotic. a partner isn't just supposed to blindly be obedient to your every whim. their relationship clearly had other issues but what an idiotic ''test''
it came from TikTok
anyone who takes advise from TikTok about relationships is either a moron or toxic af
probably both
Ngl it feels like they both dodged a bullet.
2 words : bored women
It’s more to see if he will put in as much effort as he expects to get out. A man who expects his wife to get him a beer when he asks better get her a beer whenever she asks.
@@mwokozi sure but pulling a one way experiment won't reveal such a thing.
4:10 rSlash got it wrong. OP wanted his husband to spend his own birthday without his own family.
I still think the final OP is a bit immature - you can tell that she's 22. Tying someone else's shoes without a good reason? If you do a whole bunch of little things like that without a second thought, you're likely in an imbalanced relationship (she said she'd get down on one knee straight away to do it - as though they're worshipping their partner).
I've been with my partner for nearly 14 years now - and I think I can answer for both of us. We'd happily tie the others shoes - if there was a good reason to do so, like they're injured or have had a physically exhausting day and it'd be a kind gesture. If it's a stock standard day it's not like we'd immediately refuse, but there'd be some questioning as to why I or she is asking for it.
Oranges are a bit different. If she's got it in front of her and calls me over to peel it for her - yeah, I'm going to be questioning her and likely not doing it without a good reason. If I'm in the kitchen and getting an orange for her? Sure, I might peel it. Nice gesture, and I'm already in the vicinity of the orange. It's not dissimilar from making a cup of tea. I do it for her without prompting all the time, but if I'm in the kitchen and she asks for it, sure, how hard is it to turn a kettle on and prep a cuppa?
Basically - reasons matter. The orange peel theory is silly because it implies that the reason a request is being made doesn't matter, and the reason it's being accepted or denied doesn't matter, and that's just not realistic.
I'm very glad someone wrote this, because I thought something similar. Big difference between doing something nice for your partner because it's kind and requested with a good reason, and doing it just to "obey a request" made to test you.
Once again I have to say I hate binary scenarios. By this reasoning you are either a dick for not obeying or you are a doormat with no free will. No one wins here. I don't want either scenario from my partner and I sure as hell will not be either to her.
@@1Kapuchu100but isn’t it normal for a dude to ask his wife to get him a beer while he watches TV? He can do it himself.
@@mwokozi For some people it probably is normal - I don't think it'd ever be for my partner and I, but for some people it might work fine in that relationship.
That said, there'd be a big difference in an 'average' relationship of being asked when it's the same difficulty level for both people, and asking/being asked when it's more convenient for one party. For example, if I'm closer to the kitchen than my partner and she asks me for a drink - sure, no problem. If we're the same distance away, then I'll be curious why she can't get it herself.
Story 1:
Op: You…tricked me.
Op’s step bro: Tricked you? No, I saved you.
Story 1: Love how, after the AITA post, RSlash said OP shouldn't have to spend her HUSBAND'S birthday with her HUSBAND'S MOTHER! Because, in RSlash's words 'you shouldn't have to spend his birthday with your inlaws! Nobody wants to do that!' But if course, he doesn't call OP a butthole for inviting her parents to her birthday party. Very, veeery confusing
He got confused and thought she was talking about her own birthday not the husband's lol
I think it's simply a case of him not reading the post properly, and assuming it was OP's birthday, not the Husband's. In which case... stop going on autopilot and actually read.
I mean the big reason for her not wanting the in-laws over there d because they are trying to dictate every little thing she does because she is pregnant. If her parents are just as fundamentally disrespectful and controlling then she would be the a-hole for inviting them over during her birthdays even if he said no to it.
He confused himself, he says you shouldn't have to spend YOUR birthday with your in-laws. But honestly, I have no empathy for a grown ass man who groomed an 18 year old on a bet because she was "arrogant" especially not when she's drawing a boundary because his family won't respect her boundaries to begin with. Keep thy hands to thyself moment ngl.
Has the lady in the first story been baby-trapped?
Having a 7-month-old baby while being 5 months pregnant is CRAZY!
Especially considering most studies show a full recovery isn't done till a year later. And sex should be held off at the very least 6 months.
My new puppy Chyna loves you Dabney! We’re watching our first r/ together :) she thought I was giving you as a food offering to her so she started booping the screen and took me to a yelp link, but now she understands that it’s ok to just sit back and listen ❤
also last story: its like those times in math class where you used to wrong formula but you still arrived at the correct answer through sheer stupidity, but just because you came to the right answer doesnt mean the way you got there is correct
Exactly
The orange peel theory: When my wife asks me to do some minor thing usually respond with a joking "No. Do it yourself." Or "I dont know how" but I end up doing it. However shes never asked me to tie her shoes or peel an orange. I would feel like her slave or little b!tch if she demanded I tie her shoes unless she is injured and cant do it herself
I mean usually when I witness a woman responded with “do it yourself” when she is asked to get him a beer he calls her a bitch. Also in the same relationships the man calls the woman a bitch for requesting any little thing life a glass of water.
@@mwokozi Well then you hang out with a bunch of douche bags because that hasn't been my experience at all. I'm 34. My parents relationship is nothing like that, neither is my mother-in-law and her husband or father-in-law and his wife, haven't seen it with any of my siblings or her siblings. Even lived with my aunt and uncle for a few months and if anything she was far more demanding of him than he was of her. My brother also bends over backwards for his wife (to the breaking point) she will cook for herself, leave him to do all of the cooking for the kids (he even cooks and freezes the dogs food every week) she will tell him to clean the house and she will sit on her ass and watch TV. Now that is an extreme example. Do I think all marriages are like my Uncle and brother? No because that would be stupid.
@@mwokozithen your friend group or who ever you hang out with is horrible people. Jesus christ. I never seen anyone except for a drunken uncle call a women they know a "bitch". And the uncle was talking about a cheating Ex.
@@homebass3426 it’s rare to find a man do a quarter of the work much less most. I’m shocked. Also none of those guys are my friends. Man what an assumption that makes you look like a fool. I’m friends with the wives.
@@ProxiProtogen my friend group doesn’t consist of those men and some do those are coworkers that I have to attend parties for “team building.” This is actually rather typical behavior. Men start bitching and complaining when a woman won’t indulge his every whims and it’s bullshit.
A side note on that AITA update on the first story, the birthday was the husband's, not OPs. So it wasn't just her wanting to spend her birthday with her inlaws, it was not wanting to celebrate her husband's birthday with her inlaws.
What the husband did was pretty bad for sure, but it would have been good to want to celebrate a small personal celebration and then have him have a bigger party with his family, and she could play the pregnancy card to shut down the family for not going.
But judging on the in-laws reaction, they're not just overbearing or lack boundaries, they sound antagonistic rather than lacking awareness.
Yeah just because it’s his birthday doesn’t mean he can overstep her boundaries and have her toxic in-laws near her.
Story 1 bruh that’s normal that a young adult is arrogant but op is mature and she recognize she was arrogant and it’s a great step to be a respectful adult but the group of friends pffft they are still immature brats especially the stepbrother
You know what the first thing is i thought with the dementia story? "Early onset of personality changes such as the loss of emotional sensitivity alongside delusion" in other words; maybe the wife isnt a narcisist as everyone is saying, maybe this is a symptom of her own undiagnosed dementia.
Hard disagree. She has been actively disallowing and thwarting any attempt to get her to stop what she's doing and taking specific steps in order to do so. People being unaware of consequences and people actively avoiding them are two separate and incompatible things.
Wait, so OP 1 got pregnant 2 months after giving birth??
It happens more often than it should. Women are apparently more fertile after birth and if you aren't careful and let yourself heal after the recommended six weeks this can happen. I'd say it means they made up pretty quickly.
Means they did the dirty not long after
In Spanish we called that a postpartum quarantine. Because those first 40 days are the most fertile after giving birth.
The thing is- the orange peel theory isn’t a test. It’s a more of a check to see how in tune you and a partner are. Orange peel for me and my bf is that the will cut the soft part off of beef slices for me bc he knows I don’t like like it, and mine is that before he gets home I’ll put a towel set in the dryer bc I know he enjoys it. It’s not ridiculous or dumb. It’s just a show that the little things matter and if a partner can notice things and take initiative
I personally LOVE the orange peel theory and all that stupid silly stuff bc it's SUPPOSED to be stupid and silly it's not "setting the boyfriend up for failure" you just think that bc you take shit too serious and it seems like it actually helps like damn
It sounds like OP also took it seriously.
@uselessinformation1988 does it? bc it just seems like she realized her bf truly wasn't shit outside of that lil game if you watched to the update
@@barbieghoul That game seemed to have created doubts in her mind about her relationship. It seems like it made her a little paranoid and now she's overthinking and possibly blowing things out of proportion. I'm skeptical of the update. The update paints her bf as a bad guy, but we don't know how true it is since we have no way to verify it. If she truly realized that her bf wasn't a bad guy after all, there must have been another update that Rslash missed. Otherwise, why is she making painting him as the bad guy?
The orange peel theory reeeeeaaaaally isn’t some out there test….it’s a pretty simple thing, to ask a partner to do something little for you, and it should be a no-brainer as to whether or not they do it. It’s nothing like the “would you love me if I were a worm” thing, which is a hypothetical. This is simply a call for a show of affection and if the call isn’t answered, reflection isn’t exactly out of line, especially if it follows a precedent in your relationship.
Like she said, it made her realize how little he did for her when she did so much, it’s indicative of a larger issue.
That's gotta be the dumbest 'theory' I've ever heard 😂😂 I've literally had to wipe my wife in the hospital while she was fighting a blood infection. I've done some of the most disgusting things you could think of, but that's what you sign up for when you say 'I do' and I'm okay with that. But if that woman hands me an orange and asked me to peel it and just sat there and looked at me, I would laugh myself silly while walking away 😂
I hope you don’t ask her to get you a beer while you watch TV then since you can do it yourself.
Problem with "the orange peel theory" is that for every one who is actually with a selfish douchebag, they're about 100 who aren't and just got ambushed at a bad time with a toxic "relationship test."
I do stuff for my wife and daughters all the time. If my wife did this and brought it up to me, we'd be done. If you want to leave, you know where the door is. If not, then don't make me jump through hoops. I don't appreciate being manipulated.
Last story:
As someone who has been married for over 35 years, let me tell you that the orange peel test isn’t that far off. Don’t get me wrong, I DO NOT believe in testing relationships, because it can and does backfire a lot. But if your partner doesn’t or won’t do little things for you, like putting a towel in the dryer or helping you (fill in the blank) but you’re busting your butt for them. It’s just an imbalance of power and you need to talk about it like adults. If you can’t get past it then you have your answer. Don’t peel an orange for your partner if they’re not willing to peel one for you.
The problem with the "test" is that it's a no win scenario. You're either a dick for not doing the requests or you're a doormat, a slave to your partners whims. I can tell you right now if you pull that crap on me, you won't have to worry about my help. You will get none because I will be gone.
@@wingracer1614
If your partner asked you to put a towel in the dryer for them, you would automatically say no?
@@deborahdicesare9042 See, again you are trying to make it a binary test. If I say yes, I'm a keeper, you have the doormat you apparently want. I say no and I'm "gaslighting" you or an inconsiderate jerk. I'm not playing those games. I will obey any requests I feel are reasonable and refuse any that are not. That may mean that one day I do put that towel in the drier and the next day I do not. It depends on how reasonable I consider your requests at that moment.
@@wingracer1614
I actually find your answer to be very reasonable, because in a relationship no two days are ever the same, and your moods are not usually the same on a daily basis.
Last Story: The boyfriend has his mommy calling and attacking OP. Yeah, OP dodge a bullet
I'm a bad person story 2 when the wife gets back and gets upset over the divorce I'd look her in the eye and say don't worry your gonna forget us all and yourself anyway enjoy the care home.
"enjoy the care home" if you have any money left for it ...
She already has forgotten them, tbh
To the “girlfriend test” idk if you’ve ever actually looked into the reality of the “worm test” but it’s basically a question that reveals how far your partner is willing to care for you. The chat you have with them after the initial question asks them “will you care for me when I can’t care for myself”. It’s the reality of the “for better and WORSE.” The key thing is that you talk to them about the reality of these silly questions after.
The orange peel test doesn't sound that bad honestly. I don't see how asking someone if they can do something small for you is "setting them up to fail", because a relationship should be about helping eachother and working together to make eachothers lives easier, not telling eachother to suck it up.
This is something even my family members and friends would pass, and i'd do the same for them.
And it worked. Its no surprise a guy unwilling to do anything for his GF but expects her to do most things for him would fail the test.
Plenty of reasons it's bad really.
For one, it's just a different name for a plain old shit test, and those are toxic and manipulative mind games that have no place in a relationship. The very idea of "I'm gonna test my partner's worth without telling them and draw conclusions about the relationship on whether they pass or fail it" is disgusting.
That said, it also does set him up to fail in a way, because fulfilling small random demands for service isn't necessarily part of someone's love language and doesn't need to be. Especially not when the one demanding them is usually known to be independent. If I had a partner who I know to be independent, I would think it's a joke or something, because why would she need me to do insignificant things she is perfectly capable of doing herself without any effort whatsoever? I prefer my relationships on an equal level, and this sort of thing is incredibly childish and comes across as both insincere and manipulative. It would actually make me question the relationship if it occurred multiple times, because I'd start to wonder if she was taking me for some sort of fool. I'm too old for these sorts of stupid teenage games.
And yeah, in this case it turned out the guy was a stupid, lazy idiot who took advantage of her. But nobody in their right mind would have needed some idiotic TikTok to understand that, it seems to me like it was exceedingly obvious already. So no, it didn't "work", she just chose to not be oblivious for once in her life. Good for her.
@@rogthepirate4593 the idea that helping eachother out with small things makes a relationship unequal is baffling.
You do you I suppose, but that sounds like a cold way to live.
I do wonder if there's an element of culture and gender here.
For me, the sort of thing you talk about like it's a big deal and means something, is just efficiency.
It's mutualism. I do things for others because I know they'd do the same for me, so it makes things far more efficient for us both.
And I've not really met many people who don't perform mutualism like this.
Not even a love language, just common sense.
For women, helping to tie eachothers hair up is incredibly normal, at least for me when I was growing up.
I don't think I'd even think twice if anyone I knew or even someone I didn't asked me to help them tie their hair.
If someone genuinely responded to me asking for help by talking about being independent adults and such and if I couldn't do it myself, it would genuinely come across as rude.
Like, I'm a partner, do you not trust me that I'm asking because I'd prefer help and would help you in return, or do you see me as a stupid incapable child or something?
Is it really something worth asserting yourself over?
I'd be questioning genuinely if the person who said it needed therapy if the idea of helping me out elicited such a big response
Especially moreso if it's something I hardly ever did, because they didn't even trust that I wouldn't ask for help flippantly.
I also notice that it's usually men who have this strong aversion to helping with small things, like they are fighting to defend their pride.
So I need to ask, do the people you live with truly never do any small things to help you? Like making you a coffee while they're up? Or grabbing a beer from the fridge or similar?
If they do, does that mean it goes only one way? You receive their help but refuse in return?
Is it something you are rarely asked to do in the first place, while those around you offer it on their own accord?
That being said, if you both never ask for help and also never receive help you take for granted, I can see why this would come across as unequal and worth fighting over if it happened regularly I suppose.
But again if this person is independent and never usually asks for help, why would you not trust them the one time they do?
Why is this worth digging heels in over nothing?
That being said, I don't think I'd ever test my partner like this, because that kind of person would never have had any appeal to me in the first place, and these sorts of things would probably be discovered very early.
@@cielbie8251 I did not say that it makes the relationship unequal. I would kindly ask you to stick to what I actually said and not to misrepresent my argument. Your interpretation of what I said is not what I said.
I also never said I wouldn't do small things for a partner. I do, actively, but I don't need to be asked to, that's kinda the point. This "test" often comes across as fake, because it is - you're asking the partner to do something not because there is a genuine reason you want or need them to do it, but because it's a shit test. It's contrived.
Take the hair tying for instance - and yeah, maybe it is a gender thing, I'm a long-haired guy myself, but I have never tied someone else's hair and am incredibly clumsy at it despite being able to do it just fine with my own, the muscle memory for it just doesn't apply in the same way, it's weird. But let's take it as an example:
If my partner just randomly asked me to tie her hair, chances are I'd either have to stop whatever I am doing, get up and get a hair tie (don't usually carry one on my unless I'm using it), or have her give me one. Both are way less efficient than her simply doing it herself. I would naturally be asking myself - and probably her - what is stopping her from doing it. It's not a natural request, it's contrived and artificial. And the test requires this, because if it was a perfectly normal, reasonable request that made sense in the situation (say she'd ask me this when she is unable to do so herself for whatever reason, having drying nail polish on or whatever), then I'd naturally do it because I can see the point myself. The test specifically requires the request to be essentially pointless and something she can easily and effortlessly do herself, otherwise it wouldn't be a test.
But besides even that, what I am saying is: Intent matters. What makes these tests utterly reprehensible and manipulative is that they are done in bad faith. They're done specifically to fish for a slip-up - if they weren't, there would be no need for them in the first place.
An honest request, that usually has a perfectly valid reason behind it, is totally fine.
A request that is made with the intention of testing whether or not the partner will comply with it, and drawing conclusions from the result (which is what this test insinuates - "If the partner doesn't comply on this small thing, he's a terrible partner and won't be reliable on big things" - which is absolutely idiotic, because there can be ANY number of reasons to refuse that one specific request at that one specific time, like a simple "Sorry, I'm currently doing something else that I can't simply put down") is manipulative and disgusting.
@@rogthepirate4593 If someone is busy they usually say "sure, ill do it in a minute after I finish this", or "im busy right now sorry".
Im not sure whats difficult about that.
To ask if someone can't do it themselves especially when they ask multiple times for help is basically saying "I wont help you as I think you don't have a good enough reason to be asking for my help".
Which, i'd find rude. Its an invalidating way of declining that assumes your partner is just incompetent, and that you need to be the one to decide for them whether they actually need help or not.
So i'd consider that kind of response a red flag personally if it happened regularly that I always needed an explanation.
If it was a genuine question, sure. Especially if its a time consuming task.
In this situation where she asked for help multiple times for something that might take a minute most, its needless.
@@cielbie8251 Well, whether or not you'd need an explanation isn't really the point, the crux here is still the doing it in bad faith. You may not believe this but we men aren't stupid, we can usually tell if there's some ulterior motive behind something.
The first story is so disgusting to me, I feel like OP is lying to herself because of how her husband keeps impregnating her.
Rslash! There is a big update on the Abandoned story just wanted to let you know 🎉
Great advice from the friend in abandoned. Having one parents constantly say bad things about the other, even if true, only makes the kids resentful towards the one telling them. Hearing my dad talk shit about my mom as teenagers drove me and all my siblings away, whether some was true or not. Nobody wants to hear bad things about their parents
People are so harsh in these comments because rSlash missed a detail in the story and gave his opinion accordingly. He reads dozens of these stories daily, it's not that hard to misread a detail and get tripped up. Stop hating so much
True! He is only human its impossible to be perfect with every story.
@@KillerOstrichtrue but it’s when he is double standards that’s what annoys me but at least he was ok today
Also he didnt even get that wrong. He knows that its the husbands birthday ... his comment was about the fact that the husband declined to go alone with his family into the restaurant and decided to stay with his wife even after she offerd him that he could go without her. So he actually decided against spending his birthday with his family and choose his wife. Because he probably did not want to spend his day with them but normally just did it because its tradition. But this time he had an excuse and he jumped on using it.
@@stuartwalker9597 fair i personally really hate when he deletes his bad takes from vids that are already out.