I can relate to the people pleasing aspect and being critical of myself. You've never fallen short in my book and will always be good enough for me. Also you are not less of a person for saying no.
One thing to think about, as I've also struggled a bit with 'needing to be dependable,' is that if you say yes enough times, many of them will automatically become a no. Saying no outright is a lot better than saying yes and not following through. Once you say yes, then that person is relying on you to fulfill your word with action.
This is true. I've been a bit more upfront in recent times about being honest about "trying" or saying "I'll add it to my list, but I can't make guarantees." At least it signals that there's a lot on the plate.
I have a similar problem. I also struggle with saying no, but my problem is that I feel so overwhelmed that I'm too tired and have no spoons to get the tasks done. Or if I do them, I'm VEEERRRRYYYYYY slow. I take forever. And a BIG part of that is my executive dysfunctioning trait. But I'm scared of saying no, because I'm afraid people will think I'm lazy. I'm afraid people will think I'm a shitty friend or a shitty person. I'm so afraid of people hating my guts and turning on me that I put my mental health and well-being on the line. PS. "Sorry that was the dog." LMFAO! Why did I laugh so hard at that?! OMG!!!!!
I’m sorry but this friend of yours sounds like they just use you or something. “Where have you been?” “Life has been demanding a lot of time. I’m sorry we haven’t been able to talk.” “Oh okay well can ya do this for me?” That seems kinda shitty on their part. Correct me if I’m misinterpreting anything. That’s why if I ask anything of you or any of my friends, I always make sure to say it’s all completely okay if you or them are too busy. I got no problem and there’s never any need to rush. Everyone is busy with something and they need to attend to more important matters. 😊 I’m glad you’re working through all these sort of things in your life Donny. The road to recovery may be long, but the journey of self-realization and observing the outside world in a whole new light is worth it. 😊
I can relate to the people pleasing aspect and being critical of myself. You've never fallen short in my book and will always be good enough for me. Also you are not less of a person for saying no.
One thing to think about, as I've also struggled a bit with 'needing to be dependable,' is that if you say yes enough times, many of them will automatically become a no. Saying no outright is a lot better than saying yes and not following through. Once you say yes, then that person is relying on you to fulfill your word with action.
This is true. I've been a bit more upfront in recent times about being honest about "trying" or saying "I'll add it to my list, but I can't make guarantees." At least it signals that there's a lot on the plate.
Blanket permission to always say no to me!
I have a similar problem. I also struggle with saying no, but my problem is that I feel so overwhelmed that I'm too tired and have no spoons to get the tasks done. Or if I do them, I'm VEEERRRRYYYYYY slow. I take forever. And a BIG part of that is my executive dysfunctioning trait. But I'm scared of saying no, because I'm afraid people will think I'm lazy. I'm afraid people will think I'm a shitty friend or a shitty person. I'm so afraid of people hating my guts and turning on me that I put my mental health and well-being on the line.
PS. "Sorry that was the dog." LMFAO! Why did I laugh so hard at that?! OMG!!!!!
I’m sorry but this friend of yours sounds like they just use you or something.
“Where have you been?”
“Life has been demanding a lot of time. I’m sorry we haven’t been able to talk.”
“Oh okay well can ya do this for me?”
That seems kinda shitty on their part. Correct me if I’m misinterpreting anything.
That’s why if I ask anything of you or any of my friends, I always make sure to say it’s all completely okay if you or them are too busy. I got no problem and there’s never any need to rush. Everyone is busy with something and they need to attend to more important matters. 😊
I’m glad you’re working through all these sort of things in your life Donny. The road to recovery may be long, but the journey of self-realization and observing the outside world in a whole new light is worth it. 😊