The Difference Between Autistic Meltdowns & Shutdowns
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With a meltdown, I blow up and become "visibly autistic". Flapping, crying, literally FLEEING from the situation. Shutdowns... I basically dissociate. I become an automaton for as long as I need to, and then I'm stuck in robot mode until I get an opportunity to factory reset (dark room, weighted blanket and doom scrolling, maybe a rage nap)
YES THIS
Oh my god yeah, exactly what happens to me, and with shut downs I also become nonverbal, and basically completely stoic.
I think I've been stuck in either a shutdown or autistic burnout since COVID started. Since there isn't much research about shutdowns I'm not sure though
During a meltdown I get "mean, rude, disrespectful, agressive, overly sensetive" so ive been told by literally everyone in my life that has or does push me past my meltdown phase even though ive pleaded for them to stop or talk about it later or just give me space for a minute...... or when shut down i fall asleep after work until i have to get up for work the next day and cant accomplish basic tasks that ive been doing for a while seem hard for days to weeks to the worst shutdown was almost 5 years after my parents and step mother all died in that time period, friends wanted nothing to do with me(cause i stopped drinking and was sad), my truck blew up, inherited a house and all its bills and problems. Its pretty overwhelming when you dont have good support. When i do try to talk about it to the very few people i trust im told its " like that for everyone" and im exagerating or worse that im weak or need to grow up. Im 33. I was diagnosed with adhd age 12 but only tried 2 different medicines and both caused terrible side effects so my parents told me to act normal or the school would force me on drugs that made me miserable which was the beginning of my masking .
Now my adhd has like evolved into some sort of beast and it makes me wonder if all along i should have been diagnosed audhd....
YES ME TOO
Meltdowns are outwards, shutdowns are inwards. I have many short duration shutdowns. Meltdowns are like fight/flight response. Shutdowns are like freeze response.
thanks for sharing this! very helpful
@@MomontheSpectrum absolutely ❤
Me too and I know I'm in the wrong for expressing myself those ways and for feeling way too stressed out under everyday circumstances so I practice different behaviors & meditations that really help me
agreed
And then fawn would be masking?
sometimes i wish i showed more symptoms so that people would take my struggles seriously. Now when i do show any, people say IM overreacting. nah, you were just spared from knowing my struggles until now. you're WELCOME.
Related: people saying “ugh stop overreacting” like… maybe have some compassion?
So true.
So, for me, it looks like meltdowns were beaten out of me as a kid. Shutdowns, I've experienced for years on end.
Thats a lot of us. We were beat into acting "normal" sadly.
Damn. I'm undiagnosed but this explains my spells of burnout perfectly.
Realest comment ever
I’ve had meltdowns in school often due to unpredictability/too much auditory stimuli
I feel that a shutdown is what happens when trying to avoid a meltdown.
In my research and experience both meltdowns and shutdowns come from sensory overload. A meltdown is outwards, a big reaction and when it expresses as a shutdown its inwards and i also usually become nonverbal.
Interesting to see that each person has their own definition to help them understand themselves, because as you say in the video there is no official scientific definition.
Sending love from the Netherlands!
Love your perspective! Thanks for sharing this.
oh my god, this is what happens to me - I completely suppress a meltdown because i tell myself that i'm too old now to be acting like that (internalised ableism, i know) and in response, my body "shuts down" and i go into a freeze response. i find it really hard and distressing to physically talk and make eye contact and i can't handle social interaction (even though i really want connection and comfort from people) and i have to withdraw into myself and be a hermit, be "lazy" and "antisocial" - i do lots of very expressive and vigorous stimming and i also get overstimulated very easily and my misophonia gets much worse.
I was always able to do that. Last weekend I (got) cracked. Its Tuesday, and I got no fucking clue what happened over the last days.
I think that meltdowns are outward and shut downs are inward. I tend to melt down. Meanwhile, my autistic son never melts down. He always shuts down. And burn out is what happens when you push past meltdown or shut down.
You are totally right that there is no scientific definition. And it would be nice if we could all agree on what we’re talking about.😂 but it also doesn’t really matter if we agree. We all use the terms that work best for us and help us understand what’s happening.
Okay, for my understanding it is less a matter of duration. A meltdown can consist anger, overreacting, pacing, "having a fit", sweating, it is a body and mind reaction much more associated to fight, (we have all seen a stereotypical portrait in movies, when a person lies on the ground, stamping like a toddler, or drop of blood pressure due to overload, a shut down refers to freeze mode, communication doesn't reach you, you can't process, can't function, can't listen or answer.
Thanks for sharing your perspective!
@@MomontheSpectrum Oh, I am glad you didn't#t perceive it as me being critical.
Ditto. This is moreso what I experience.
A couple times a year for my whole life, I would feel “sick” and need to spend a day or two in bed, but there was never anything “medically” wrong with me (bacterial or viral). It’s almost always around a time where I’m burnt out from stress, and my dad thought I was faking it. Self-diagnosing a few years ago has really helped me understand myself better and have more grace for myself when I need breaks.
For me...a meltdown is short term..crying.. outbursts.
A shutdown happens gradually with lots of stresses...resulting in a deep depression. I withdraw, stay to myself and feel like I can't access any positive emotions. It can last for months...
Agreed and drinking helps with the overwhelm and being a hermit
Exactly.
The more I watch your channel, the more I understand about myself. I can't thank you enough. Blessings
Thank you 🙏🏼 reaching the end of the summer holidays in the uk. I’ve enjoyed it all but in moments (like today) we had been at the beach, in and out of the sea, psychically exhausted (single parent syndrome). I got home & felt “my hair is too loud” moment. Which for me is queue for “have a bath” the noise of the to-do list, ringing of the hob (anyone else get this? - I can hear all cooking appliances that are turned on, each has a specific ring 🤯) I know I need to pad (lay down) turn down light stimuli and not talk for at least 10 mins. I feel so lucky my body literally doesn’t allow me to ignore meltdowns. If it did, I’d be in big trouble! Keep going warriors you are doing so much better than you think you are!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼😊
Due to years of masking without knowing it I feel like I’ve been in shutdown for a few years now.
I only recently got diagnosed with autism within the past year. I've always shown little signs but I masked because I'm very high functioning and a girl which apparently is very common for a high functioning female. Anyway, now that I'm older I struggle to mask more and my autistic side comes out more often. When I'm experiencing a meltdown I'll yell at people to go away, I'll hand flap, chew on my sleeves, and cry. When I shutdown though I usually go hide in my closet and listen to music in the dark. Or I'll use my weighted blanket in the dark and listen to music. Or if I'm out in public with my family I put on my headphones and blast music in my ears and ignore everybody around me.
I'm living this question right now. I always go through a period of depression just after what I now consider a meltdown...I slept 16 of the last 28 hours or so, and have been generally nonfunctional the rest. I really don't know if this is depression or shutdown or both. And this time it was general (if concentrated) emotional overwhelm, not what I would consider a full meltdown; I never lost all control. I'm still trying to understand all this. I look forward to seeing what others share.
For me, a meltdown is where i flip my proverbial lid, its usually a problem for others as i am venting my feelings and working out my overwhelm. A shutdown is where i have repressed a meltdown for too long, i essentially just disappear for a day or more potentially a week.
Question for any other females on the spectrum who would like to answer:
Does anyone else experience what I experience? 3- 4 days a week It’s like I go-go-go then 3-4 days I sleep-sleep-sleep.
But I never know until the moment whether I am going to have enough energy to complete the tasks before me. Having COVID 3 times and being over 40 has just made this issue more apparent.
I am doing my best to ween off Adderall because it’s a neurotoxin & I hate taking any meds because I’m so sensitive to everything. Even on 40mg twice a day I still drag on sleep days.
😂 I am trying to figure out if this go-go-go / sleep-sleep-sleep cycle is because I am old, Autistic or something else?
We were talking recently in community groups about the concept of uneven productivity. It seemed to be a pretty universal autistic experience!
My 17 yr old does this, but she also has POTS, which causes extreme fatigue. 🤷🏽♀️
I'm 67 and I try to take my life one day at a time (literally), I have to break everything down to 24 hours at a time basically and I have to keep a list written and I have to just see how I feel when I wake up and then just do what I HAVE to do first and then see what energy I have left for anything else. I'm able to do this easier now since I retired, but I still have a lot of people who depend on me and that's where the stress comes in and I find myself pretty frequently triggered (noise, certain type of people (mean, disrespectful, abusive, etc. ), certain environmental scenarios, results in me feeling mad, sad, bad, crying (hiding everything from the people around me as much as possible because it would upset them), and feeling of a heavy weight on my head that I have to work VERY hard to get rid of so I can get past the "episode".. it can take hours, many days, or sometimes longer. Since I learned about being on the spectrum I have more information on protecting myself, but it still takes some significant time to recover, probably because my living situation doesn't allow me to 100% only focus on taking care of myself. I'm trying to mask less but I still have to conduct myself according to 99% of the people that I have contact with. 😢 I've been through countless traumatic experiences and was misdiagnosed from age 19-50s. I'm glad to know I am neurodivergent, but it's still painful to navigate the process of reframing, and also knowing that I will always have to deal with my complicated responses to life. I have no experience with "staying in bed" or anything else like that to "recover", but I am trying to find ways to always take care of myself better. I'm learning more all the time 😊
This is known as “boom and bust” it is common in people with chronic fatigue or other physical illnesses but can also be found with depression or just be a pattern of behaviour people get into (especially people who set high expectations of self). There are techniques to help you pace yourself more effectively. Google “pacing for chronic fatigue” . An important thing to note, and why it may perhaps boom and bust may be more prevalent in autistic people, is that it includes both physical and mental energy (ie sensory overload may zap your energy even if you are not actively doing anything).
@@MomontheSpectrumThis! “Uneven productivity” is a real problem for my work as a freelancer. When I’m functioning, my work is really good. When I’m in “couch lock” (God bless the Internet commenter who gave me the perfect word for what I experience) my unproductive periods can last weeks.😢
Thank you 🌕❤️🌞
That sounds like burnout to me, i shutdown to avoid meltdowns (flipping my lid basically) and then i just have burnout if i dont listen to any of these things and keep going :P
Yall are like empty with energy 💋💨💞
You just helped me realize i woke up this morning and now know im in a shutdown mode after my meltdown earlier bc i never let myself recover after my meltdown and then going out and having a packed, busy, and severely social weekend😂😅😅😅
I literally can't talk at all, like, literally!!! I'm 17 years old and I can't talk. I'm so weird. I don't understand social behavior at all, to the point where I can't even do it myself. I'm exactly like a robot. I don't know how to do nonverbal interactions like posture, etc. I think and write only. Talking is so hard and I don't know how to at least copy others and mask like other autistic individuals. I literally can't interact with humans. How am I supposed to be a doctor with this personality and the disease I have?
I hate myself so so much. I feel useless and incapable. Google quizzes tells me I have selective mutism and social anxiety.
Give yourself time to grow . Be patient with yourself. It sounds like you’re being to hard on yourself. Don’t give up hope. You can learn to live within the boundaries of yourself. It’s okay to just be you without the expectation of acting like others. In time you can find your place. Your space . Your happiness. Just don’t give up on you!
Praying for you 🪶🙏🪶❤️🩹🪶
@@Hvshi-tomi deep down in my heart, that's what i wanted to hear ty
I was the same, selectively mute, my entire school life. I never made a peep in school. I had to push myself and try to be someone else during my first job and second job. Being forced to talk to people everyday made it a little easier. Eventually, I could function on my own, but someone I'm still described as quiet, even though I feel like I talk enough.
I’m hear to listen if you need someone to hear you. Life can be hard. And people even harder. I would like to suggest finding an interest , a hobby. It’s okay if it changes or not.
Go outside, nature is a natural healing place . Being amount trees , birds, wind, etc. can help sooth your body and mind. If you can tolerate it- get barefoot, let your feet feel the ground. Grounding is very good for you. If heat bothers you , do it after dark. If cold bothers you , do it in the hottest part of the day. 5-20 mins a day will really help.
If that’s not your thing - that’s okay too. Find something, anything that helps you find inner peace and inner strength will follow.
Having an indoor hobby is good for those days you can’t get out. For me - it’s making things for others. I have found , over the years , when I do for others , it takes my mind off me. The gift of giving is something everyone should try.
I love to sew . I’m learning how to bead. Making earring , headbands , medallions. As part Native American- these things are important to me.
I hope you’ve found something in my words that will help you .
Be blessed 🦅 🤗🪶
You have helped me so much ❤
I experience more the meltdowns short intense biting myself but once it's over I can go on like nothing happened.
excellent video. Thx for sharing
I remember when I was younger I had more meltdowns and as I got older I started having more shutdowns.
I find this hard to watch due to the fan. Dizzying. But thanks for your videos. :) appreciate them.
This aqua color looks great on you, btw
i can relate to most of your content, it's very reassuring and comforting thanks for doing what u do
You’re very welcome. Thanks for the feedback.
Your hair looks great and that top is sooo your color.
I disagree with what you're classifying as 'meltdowns' and 'shutdowns', based on my own experiences being autistic, research that I've done, and what my psychologist has told me about how they work.
Meltdowns are external and look essentially like temper tantrums or bursts of emotion (anger/sadness/etc.) that fizzle themselves out fairly quickly, and leave you exhausted and in need of recovery time - You can feel out of control and do things like yell, throw things, cry uncontrollably, etc. - This is what most people visualize when they think of someone 'acting autistic'. It is essentially an explosion that comes from within, that is your brain's attempt to regulate itself after being pushed too far (they generally come after weeks of ignoring your body and brain's signals to slow down/change something to better suit your needs.)
Shutdowns on the other hand are internal, and often involve the person going non-verbal or needing to withdraw entirely from touch/socializing/stimulation, and can last for hours or days. Being it's such an internal experience, it can look on the surface like depression, or someone giving the 'silent treatment', when really they cannot physically speak. They generally come from overstimulation, too much socializing, or pushing yourself after a meltdown.
Burnout is what happens when you try to push past shutdown, and end up unable to get yourself functioning again without a long-term withdrawal from daily living, socializing, work, etc.
Every autistic person will be slightly different in their presentation of these three things of course, but the general symptoms will be similar across the board.
I really like your channel in general, but it's disheartening to come here and find misinformation stated as facts, when a little more research could have prevented it.
Agree, thanks for the thoughtful and detailed write up.
Yes! This is my experience to.
Same. Accurate.
This isn’t misinformation. You just experience life on the spectrum differently.
I relate to what she said. :)
touché
For me meltdowns are crying, screaming uncontrollably and hitting myself or objects. When I have shutdowns it's mainly due to a emotional reaction and I sit there unresponsive or just barely.
If shutdowns are an emotional reaction then what are meltdowns caused by?
@Danni Bby 🍰💋 the main is the reaction itself. Shutdowns are calm and are underreactions or silence. Meltdowns are extreme reactions mainly caused by overstimulation. Shutdowns are mainly caused by emotional reactions like I said or overstimulation at times.
Me too
I have explosive anger and it's scary.
Yes I would say that sums it up pretty well
For me, I equate it all to how a non-autistic would; how do I continue to function with the rest of the world? How has it changed?
With meltdowns, it's always been the emotions and the intensity of a toddler throwing a tantrum, though of course I mask that as well as I can. I play games without people I know or fully offline, single player games, as a distraction for all of my senses, to let me cool down.
However, with a shutdown, my thoughts turn against me and as such I rapidly alternate between states of being extremely outgoing (I need to get out of the house and chat with my friends), and being extremely reclusive (my emotions will come flying at whoever makes me leave my room first)
For me it feels like both is coming from sensory / emotional overload. I get super irritable and when I don't care fore myself in that situation I go into meltdown. To prevent the meltdown I can go into shutdown to decompress.
I've been having more frequent shutdowns lately and spending a lot more time in my closet.
As gramma of my dear 6 year old autistic granddaughter, what can I do? My heart aches when I see her having a melt down 😢
A meltdown is your foot on the gas, thinking it's the brake and hitting a wall at 220 mph, knowing it's happening and spinning out.
A shutdown is withdrawal from the situation... Which can be painted in ways from a nap to hiding in your house for years post trauma.
By the time I meltdown I’m in a week of recovery mode. Shutdowns can take weeks to come out of, if not months. Neither are great.
😊I'm so glad I'm not only one u video are so hlepful
I had an autistic shutdown and my coach doesn't know I have autism at least I don't think and she like your fine and it was in the middle of a game and I just stood there up at the net crying because I messed up was to much and started to get overwhelmed. That was not fun
That really helps to know and will help me do better. Thank you!
Currently on year 3 of a shutdown.
I had a meltdown over a Monster a day ago. My roommate took it out of the freezer (an objectively nice thing to do), and placed it in the laundry sink. Now, mind you, I'm visually impaired, so half blind plus sleep deprived plus ASD = slamming the fridge, freezer and my bedroom door closed several times, frantically looking for it.
My roommate refuses to acknowledge that I am autistic because I "don't look or act autistic". And he claims to have studied mental disorders at uni. Well, he was in for a rude shock yesterday morning at 6 am when he moved my drink without my permission, out of my line of sight. I was PISSED. I found it, and put it back in the fridge, then later today, I went to drink it, and he took it to work with him. I was tempted to take both of his energy drinks (but I don't like zero sugar), instead I decided to take the high road and not be that petty.
Shutdowns for me usually looks like laying in bed all day, scrolling TH-cam shorts because my brain cannot take in more than that, and I don't speak to anyone for days (I'll talk to myself though). I also usually have a shutdown after a meltdown. So, yesterday and today were fun 😒
This punched me in the face. I'm autistic but have always wondered why I've never really experienced meltdowns, or at least not that often, I may have had some and just didn't know what was happening.
I've always related more to what people have said about shut downs and kind of just assumed I experienced them instead (guess I was..part right?)
Who knew if I didn't spend all my time trying to repress my differences I'd be less likely to feel so awful haha....ha.
My little sister has autism and when she goes to public places, she starts having an autistic meltdown 😢.
I have been watching your posts, and a few others, silently … because I can so relate but still can’t comprehend how I’ve made it thus far living a typical life. But suddenly when watching this particular sample, I feel like “melting down” over the ceiling fan in the background. I couldn’t hear what you were saying until I covered it while watching.
Just had to share😊🤣.
Solidarity about the ceiling fan! I’ve had to cover certain people on zoom calls if their video is wobbly.
Ahhh, the fan in the background!!! Makes me feel sick!!! Great video though.
Thank you! ❤
I may have been shut down for years, wow
For me, I usually get shut downs from social overwhelm OR if I “ignore” or push past a meltdown and not allow it to “finish” per say, and it turns into a shutdown.
I have been suspecting I might be autistic and I need to do research before bringing it up with my parents but, onetime my dad brought me to a WWE concert and one of the final matches I was breaking down, there were fireworks when a wrestler came out, we were sitting in the seats where a line of lights would flash in my eyes, and I got to the point where I needed to hide in my hoodie, shut my ears, close my eyes as hard as I could, and cry my heart out. Luckily my dad noticed this and he asked if I wanted to go, I agreed and he asked me if I was ok. I jokingly said that I cried multiple times ( which I did ) what would that be considered, meltdown or shutdown. And pls no hate for not being diagnosed with autism, and talking about it but I would like some feed back :)
Meltdowns are more of an explosive external reaction, that has screaming, crying, etc. So that would be a meltdown if you are indeed autistic. I personally am for self dx as long a ppl don't watch one tt and say "yep". I actually self dx myself and told my mom. Turns out I've been diagnosed since I was 2, so that was fun. Since your still questioning, I'd like to ask something (feel free not to reply). Is this kind of incident rare or common?
I laid in bed all day after arguing my brother. I feel so bad and disociated. We'll talk in a moment. I hope he forgives me because I beat myself up.
Shutting down because staff keep complaining about me doing anything as ive anorexia. Yes everything burns energy but i will eat more calories to do saod avtivities. Even swinging on swing is attacked and im afraid im goinh to get banned from my jigsaw and using my guitar and keyboard. I was told not to do sudden movements when dancing to a song. After a week of this ive enough amd have cancelled my dental appointment and i refuse to eat extra food. I faked last weeks weigh in as i coupdnt gain weight as i was roo depressed to eat and lost weight.
So meltdown then shutdown then burnout? In terms of trajectory, if needs are not adequately met by resources over time.
Me realising that we're indeed in the shut down territory, but aren't we already in burnout...this is bad
I used to experience very weird freeze states, I think it was due to emotions overflowing mixed with too much social efforts… and my body just froze I was sitting on the floor and couldn’t get up and couldn’t look at anyone or talk to anyone and my psychologist said it was a dissociative state but I’m starting to wonder if it could have been a shutdown?
Personally I determine a meltdown and a shutdown is the after effects of the two. For me, a shutdown is more mentally while a meltdown is more physical. With shutdowns, I go into a depressive spiral and that's where thoughts of (tw) self delete come into play. As for a meltdown, that is physical, my eyes get puffier from all the crying, I start shaking, and the stress can lead to things like headaches and nausea. For shutdowns, I just need comfort so favorite foods, hugs, comfy clothes, those are the best. As for meltdowns, I need something that lowers any information intake, so heavy metal music, turning off the lights, and putting on sunglasses helps. As for recovery for nausea, always have a carbonated drink to ease the stomach.
I've heard what you call shutdowns called burnout as well.
How long to meltdowns last on average? A few minutes? Half an hour? I've only had similar things for maybe 10 minutes max. Is that too short to really be a meltdown?
Can meltdown also come with a full lack of memory of the meltdown?
Really? I have always referred to them in my personal experience as internal vs external reactions. I normally shutdown, dissociating and stiff bodied trying to wrangle my emotions into place whereas meltdowns for me are if I've been ignoring my feelings for too long, and something sets off a multi day, highly reactive period where I'm more likely to hurt myself and not remember it. Thankfully, I don't have many of those, but when I do, they're kinda extreme for me.
Would you define these differently?
I watched a video about the 4 types of meltdowns by I'm austistic, now what?. I found it interesting. I also normally shutdown (High masking yay....)
Buongiorno, potresti fare in modo che si possano attivare i sottotitoli in italiano? Il canale è molto interessante, ma io capisco con difficoltà. Grazie
Why is is the majority of autistic people I’ve noticed are beautiful looking people?…
.... thank you? 🤨
A meltdown is like you go and like cry angry and like so angry and do nothing
but the fan...
Hi, how long fo shut downs usually last for?
That is introvert , not autistic
That fan is so distracting
I disagree with what you're classifying as 'meltdowns' and 'shutdowns', based on my own experiences being autistic,
Meltdown is Anger,Sadness And uncontrollability
Shutdown your body shutdowns
Thanks for sharing your perspective!
Usually I have a meltdown followed by a shutdown.
I think maybe you have them mixed up. My shutdowns are long lived 3-7 days but meltdowns are quick, explosive. I don’t remember half of what I have done. Lots of emotions, fleeing and running away and hiding from the situation that led to it.
That's literally what she said?
I’m sorry but you are so wrong