MAKING GERMAN FRIENDS IS VERY DIFFERENT ðĐðŠ You first need to understand this
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- āđāļāļĒāđāļāļĢāđāđāļĄāļ·āđāļ 15 āļ.āļĒ. 2024
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I met my Germany best friend 11 years ago this past December. We met in the Dominican when my husband and I were there on a vacation. We became friends on Facebook at the resort and we talk all the time. I went to Germany twice to visit her - alone (no hubby or kids). She visited me in Canada in 2019 and I took my 2 boys with me for 3 weeks in the summer of 2022. Can't wait to see her again.
it's not more difficult for foreigners. When you are German and move to a new part in Germany and you are not super extroverted, it's the same difficult for a German as it is for a foreigner. In Germany, you are really screwed if you have not one of the following connection points:
you have already friends from childhood, school, univerity
you have automatic connections with the neighbors because e.g. you built at the same time a house or have other interests and goals in common e.g. concerning the house
you have kids and there are kids in the neighborhood that fit to yours so that the parents are similar
you have kids in school and some of the other parents have the same life style like you
you have special interests that are useful for such clubs, where closer connections are typically made (not every club like every sports club or music ... or ...) works for building friendships, have been for example to a table tennis club where nobody met the other buddies somewhere else beside the sports training.
you have such a work where it is possible to connect to colleagues
you are foreigner and can start with a small friend circle of other foreigners e.g. in a language school.
you are super extroverted anyway and few other chances.
So if you have not one of these possibilities, it's a rare luck to find German friends in an other way.
Thanks for sharing your perspective on making friends in Germany! It sounds like building connections can be challenging, but your insights are really helpful. It's important to have those connection points you mentioned. Hopefully, more people will understand the difficulties and be open to forming new friendships.
As a German, I moved from Hannover to Hamburg in 2008 and until now I have only a couple of friends here in Hamburg I would say: "I rely on them." but the most reliable friends are in Hannover.
Germans tend to have only a couple of friends but maybe a bunch of people who can called "Bekannte" (acquaintance?).
We use the word "friend" very carefully and even more careful we entitle someone to be "our best friend".
Neighbours won't get automatically friends to Germans. In my case, only one neighbour got friend and even best friend. And last but not least my best man when I married my wife.
6:00 we Germans wouldn't be us, if we hadn't a word for that type of intense but short term committed relationships: "Strohfeuer" (lit. "straw fire")
A German woman here, 58 years old... My experiences and tips on the subject of friendships / friends in Germany:
1) Germans make a very strong distinction between acquaintances and friends! It is relatively easy to make acquaintances - some of them arise out of the most impossible situations. FRIENDS on the other hand, are not so easy to find, even as a German...
2) as others have already written: joining a club (sports, dancing, fire department, games, handicrafts, ...) or e.g. parent-child groups, church groups, voluntary work in all kinds of areas offer both - emigrants and Germans, who move to a foreign city - good opportunities to build up a stable social environment. It is often the case that initial acquaintances develop into deep friendships over time...
3) True friendship has to be earned (even as a German!) - it doesn't just fall from the sky ^^
4) Once you have found a real friend, it really is a friend for life!
This friend will ALWAYS help you in any situation, at any time and for any reason. They will ALWAYS be there for you, have your back and do everything in their power to "prove themselves worthy" of your friendship... And whatever you need - your friend will move heaven and hell to fulfill your wishes / needs within the scope of his possibilities. He is there when you are sad... He listens, respects you and your opinion - but is always honest (even if this honesty may be painful for you)...
A friend is then no longer just a friend - he is part of the family!
5) Conclusion: an acquaintance happens - a friendship has to be earned (although acquaintances are of course also valued!)!
// As an example of really deep and long-lasting friendships, I can cite my father: he has exactly ONE friend - but he's had him for over 80 years! The two of them have been through EVERYTHING together and have shared every happy, sad, emotional or funny event in their lives ^^
On the other hand, I only call 3 people friends myself - and I have also been connected to them for about 55 years...
Of course, both my father and I also have a number of acquaintances that we hold in high esteem and have grown fond of, no question about it... But FRIENDS are, as I said, few and far between ^^
// THAT is (in my experience and opinion) the essence of friendship in Germany - completely independent of origin, skin color, religion etc. or whether you were born in Germany or not ^^
Thank you for sharing your experiences and tips on friendships in Germany! It's great to hear about the distinction between acquaintances and friends, as well as the importance of earning true friendship. Your insight into building a stable social environment through clubs and groups is valuable. It's clear that deep, long-lasting friendships are highly valued in German culture, and your personal examples really highlight the essence of friendship. Thank you for shedding light on this important aspect of German society!
â@@AntoinetteEmily You're welcome ^^
I think that "the mistake" often lies in the fact that emigrants assume their own culture of friendship...
Sometimes casual acquaintances are referred to directly as friends - no matter how long you've known each other. This is generally unthinkable for Germans (exceptions prove the rule, of course...).
Personally, such over-friendly behavior sometimes seems quite dishonest to me. I mean: is someone I might meet at some event or at a mutual acquaintance / friend immediately a friend of mine? Probably not... In my opinion, it's primarily about not hurting or offending others in any way - so you resort to a superficial smile and an equally superficial conversation... Just to make the other person feel good... Personally, I prefer our culture because it is simply more honest. But of course everyone can see it as they like ^^
Basically it boils down to the following: whichever country you emigrate to - you have to learn the language, accept the culture of the country and integrate as much as possible; then it works with acquaintances / friendships and generally a fulfilling social environment ^^
Hi Antoinette, for you in German: " Du hast zwei Freunde im Leben. Und das ist schon viel ". Der Rest sind Bekannte. Einen Freund kann ich egal wann, egal von wo und egal was war, anrufen und Ihm sagen: " Hilf mir. " Mein Freund hilft mir.
Und dann gibt es auch noch 'gute Bekannte' ð
Das stimmt.
Gute Bekannte die fast richtige Freunde sind.
Casual friends in Germany are âBekannte" - usually you have a lot of them. Friends/Freunde are close friends, nearly like family members. In Germany most people are members of at least a few âVereine"/associatons. In Germany there is a saying: three germans make an association/ Verein. Actually you need seven persons, but there is something true at this saying. By the way I attended wonderful parties at table tennis clubs. Also Volkshochschulen are a great place to meet people.
In German you differentiate between âBekannteâ and (People you know) and âFreundeâ (friends). Becoming friends is important, because you open up and exchange personal experiences and opinions. I studied for a year in Canada and in the beginning was overwhelmed how connecting people were. You met people and they invited me. However, the majority could not remember a few days later. I lived in a grad residence sharing a flat with four. One German two Canadian. We came along well, but it stayed pretty superstitual for about two month. After that our flat became the meeting point of the corridor and everybody had a great time. Our Canadian friends told us later that they are missing the open German discussions and talks. They were not used to open up that much, often even in their families âĶ
As a kiwi I totally know what you're meaning, however New Zealander's have friends which are casual, but we also have close friendships which are formed over a number of years. Friendships which are so strong and last through all the ups and downs in life. There are many casual friendships but less of those super close and meaningful friendships, which are so precious. Both types of friendships are good and super important.
Yes, you are totally right. I didnât make this point very clear in the video. Of course we have close friends in New Zealand but I feel like we are much faster to call someone a friend, which is why it may seem easier to make friends in New Zealand.
When i was a University student ten years ago we met an african exchange student in the library. His sister had told him not to just hang around with other africans so he âhooked upâ with us. He struggled quite a lot because he called anyone a friend when he couldnt even remember their name. Total clash of cultures ð
It sounds like that was quite an interesting and memorable experience! The clash of cultures must have been quite eye-opening.
Yes, I felt this friendliness to strangers in the Midwest of the U.S. It really is a good thing and it is something Europeans can learn from.
Am German and can confirm the statement, at least for me: I don't consider people my friends that easily. But when I do, they really ARE my friend and very important to me and only things like moving away and not being able to stay in contact ended the friendships I had
9:13 and what I wonder: are people even smiling when they don't feel like it? Because maybe it's German honesty but when we don't feel like smiling, we don't see a reason why we should smile and pretend that we do feel like smiling. Yes, it's nice when people smile at you but why should I smile when I don't wanna smile?
Same here, 11 years in Germany, my hubby is German but I managed to gain one good German friend xD And I spoke German from the very beginning as I had studied it at a university in my country. All the other friends I have here are of other nationalities. I never had any trouble making friends until I moved here. Try hanging out with Germans haha they will maybe give you one hour of their time in 2 months time if you're luckyð Least spontaneous nation I've ever encountered. Many of them stabbed me in the back as well. It's hard out here.
As a German it makes me very sad that you have had this experience, I hope there will be some more positive experiences to follow ð
Germans don't have much time: they have to earn the taxes to feed the world.
It sounds like you've had a challenging experience, but it's great that you were able to make one good German friend and have other friends from different nationalities. Keep focusing on the positive connections you've made and remember that every person is unique. Don't lose hope in finding genuine friendships in Germany, they are out there. Stay strong!
the most important thing to teach immigrants moving to germany: you will not integrate, you will not have german friends. but your children might (or might be discriminated against based on their surname or colour like third generation turks are).
IMO just don't move to Germany unless you're from a totalitarian shithole.
Interesting. My German ancestors came to the US in the 1880s and 1890s. When you talk about German personality traits, I STILL see those reflected in my family over 100 years later. Must be something in the DNA. ð
That sounds interesting. What do you mean for example?
That's fascinating! It's amazing how certain traits can persist through generations. It's like a living connection to your ancestors. ð
I-phone quality is great.
Zum Thema kann ich jetzt nichts sagen, dazu mÞsste ich in einem Englischsprachigen Land gelebt haben. Im Urlaub war es fÞr mich immer sehr leicht mit zB Amerikanern ins GesprÃĪch zu kommen, das fand ich sehr angenehm. Ich mÃķchte heute nur sagen, dass ich deinen Einrichtungsstil wunderschÃķn finde. Das Zimmer schaut traumhaft aus, die Kombination der Farben ist genial, es hat fÞr mich ein gemÞtliches und durch die BlautÃķne mediterranes Feeling. Viel GrÞÃe aus Ãsterreich und wann kommt deine Mutter wieder nach Deutschland?
German character is hard to get closer for foreigners. But you can find friends, if you are willing to bring also something into the relationship.
German friendship is more like this: I had a friend we went together to school. We live in the same small-town, but havent had contact for 25 years, everybody lived his own live. One day she gave me a phone-call and told me, she needed something to do for her cause her son was in hospital - and I was there for her next day.
It can definitely be challenging to understand German culture and build relationships, but it's great to hear that you were able to reconnect with an old friend and be there for each other in a time of need. Building friendships takes effort from both sides, and it sounds like you've been a supportive friend. Keep nurturing those connections!
@@AntoinetteEmily Thank youâĢïļ
I guess it depends on the region in Germany, or certain types of people, because where I live people do smile at each other.
Where I life we smile too...and we great people we meet at the street AND we even hold little smalltalks at the supermarket. ð âĪ
We have a lot of Vereine..Actually for everything.
A good way to make friends quickly.
From my experience, Germans do not even invite you (or veeery rarely), especially not to their home. Sometimes, as a newcomer, you do not need a friend for life, it would be nice to have a friendly face to share a day/afternoon/drink/food...And maybe it evolves to something more.
You've made an interesting point there. Thanks for taking the time to watch my video and share your interesting feedback.
Beautiful artwork on the wall, table gorgeous
I really love the colours in this room!!!!âĨïļ
Thank youðĪ
Thank you so muchð
This is so true. I enjoyed this video. ðâĪ
Thank you so much! ðĪ
I'm a born German with a migration background. When I think back to my school days, there was definitely a divide between German Germans and migrant Germans. Usually the migrant Germans were more open towards others, including actual migrants, and the German Germans would hang out in their group, while we hung out in our own group. We spoke German just as fluent as they did. After all, its our mother tongue as well. Of course, there were occasional Germans that hung out with us or we with them, there were moments where we came together, but in the big picture, we didn't engage much. I would also like to mention, that we didn't have any issues or hostilities to one another. There was no drama that caused this.
What the migrant Germans usually don't like about the German Germans, is that they are hesitant to share. Most of migrant Germans, know and love to share, because for one, its an essential part of their own background cultures, and two, it makes life easier for everyone. However, the German Germans were often greedy with sharing and you would have to share something with them 5 times, until they decided to return the favor. The migrant Germans have actually come up with a German word for such behaviour: Geier. Der ist ein Geier - meaning he is someone that will not share anything, but take anything thats given to him. I remember a situation where a German kid bought another German kid a coffee at the Kiosk. He actually calculated the 80 cents in addition to a previous expense (also just pennies) to the exact cent and demanded repayment eventually. We migrant Germans were struck by that. We just went by "coffee is on me today" and next time, the other person buys you a coffee.
Wieviele Soziale Sicherungs Syteme gibt in "eurer" gelobten Herkunfts Kultur ?
mal Þberlegt was die "german germans" dont like about your Culture ?
wÃĪren die D Allgmein dem teilen abgeneigt wÃĪret ihr nicht Hier.
gÃĪbs keien Sozial Hife und keine Krankenkasse
was du weggelassen hast ist das die D auch gerne Ausgenutz werden
und Nettigkeit als SchwÃĪche gesehen wird.
Aber interessante Einsichten. danke dafÞr
WÞrde man andersrum so etikettieren wÃĪre das Geschrei GroÃ.
Und leider sehen sich viele Migranten ja selbst in der 5 Generation nicht als "german"
mal darÞber nachgedacht.....
55y old austrian here - i amassed the incredible number of 2 friends during my lifetime. ThereÂīs a reason itÂīs called the 'Inner Circle'.
Dear Lady
I am a 64 OOOLD german. and i love to listen to your content.
Well have you ever heard the saying: Germans are like COCO nuts hard shell but soft inside...Americans and i do know you are not ..are like peaches soft from the outside but there is a rock hard stone
I always enjoy reading your comments, thank you for being such a loyal subscriber. Yes, I have heard this saying before and it is very true!
Hello Antoinette, I have been more or less a 'silent' follower of your channel I love to listen to your perception of us as a nation. I agree 100 % with you . Making friends in Germany can be challenging due to cultural reservedness, direct communication styles, and established social circles. While we may seem formal and slow to open up initially, we can form deep, loyal friendships over time that can last for lifetime. By the by- I love your warm set-up of this video. Simply beautiful.
Thank you so much for your kind words! It's great to hear that you resonate with my perspective on making friends in Germany. I really appreciate your support and I'm glad you enjoyed the video setup. Your feedback means a lot to me!
Interesting topicð
A german friend is someone you can call anytime and he gives an arm and a leg to help you.
Great video. So needed. Thank you for quality content.
Echte Freunde sind rar gesÃĪt.
Und die besten Chancen, echte Freundschaften zu schlieÃen, hat man im Kindesalter und in der Jugendzeit.
Danach? Als Erwachsener?
Ich sage nicht, es ist unmÃķglich...aber es wird schwer.
Immer. Hat erst mal nichts mit der NationalitÃĪt zu tun.
Real friends are few and far between.
And the best chances of making real friends are in childhood and adolescence.
After that? As an adult?
I'm not saying it's impossible...but it will be difficult.
Always. Hasn't much to do with nationality.
To find a real friend you should "First eat a sack of salt together" That's a saying here. It applies to locals and newcomers.
We tend to take more time to get to know esch other until we consider someone to be a true friend, but then it is meant to be a thing of mutual trust tvrough thick and thin (as we say). But whether you are native german or from somewhere else is probably not so much the issue. If you are german and move to a new place you are starting from zero just like anyone else when you try to build new friendships.
Das ist wahr, wahre Freunde sind schwer zu finden. Es ist wichtig, dass wir sie schÃĪtzen und fÞr sie da sind, genauso wie sie fÞr uns da sind. Freundschaften sind wirklich etwas Besonderes.
I am a German living in the USA since 30 years and I still don't like the fake smiling that happens here. Smile if you want to, not because people expect you to grin all day. It's silly to me and comes off as dishonest.
I totally understand where you're coming from. It can feel forced and insincere when people expect constant smiling. Being genuine is important, so it's okay to smile when you truly feel like it. Keep being true to yourself!
German friendships might be tough to get started but luckily you ain't living in the utmost northern Germany.
There it is really challenging get new friends.
Can confirm. Greetings from Hamburg. :)
Oh cool filming in living room.
There are friends and there are acquaintances. There's a difference.
Tipp for expats: Get yourself a dog (from an animal shelter) - and most of the dog owners out there will greet you and talk to you ;-)
Actually, my recent wife an I get to know about 2013 or 2014. Some kind of loose friendship was built up in 2015 or early 2016. By mid 2017 we recognised there was more than true friendship but love, too. It took as until February of 2020 to engage each other and until September 2020 for marriage. ðĪ· And we are both Germans! ð
yeah wouldn,t say I have to many german friends, even the neighbours don,t greetð, I guess the bare feet, maybe a rip in the t-shirt, and smiling freaks them out!, nice video, thanks mate.
Hey there! It's great to hear that you enjoyed the video. Sorry to hear about your experience with your German neighbors, but it sounds like you have a good sense of humor about it! Keep smiling and being yourself, and hopefully they'll come around. Thanks for watching!
I actually enjoy playing cultural guide to expatriates - but I often wonder how to connect to expats in the first place.
InterNations largely seems to be a marketing scam, and I wonder what other options are out there.
Wenn man auf einer WellenlÃĪnge liegt und die gegenseitigen Interessen passen, dann ist es eigentlich easy Freunde zu finden, oder sagen wir mal eher gute Bekannte zu finden. Richtige Freunde zu finden ist schwieriger aber wenn sich beide Seiten regelmÃĪÃig melden und treffen, dann ist auch das mÃķglich. Wenn man aber bspw. Erfahrungen mit oberflÃĪchlichen Amerikanern als Deutscher gemacht hat, dann ist man relativ "vorsichtig" bei Freundschaften mit Leuten aus diesem Land (auch die besonders materielle Einstellung bei Amerikanern stÃķrt mich immer sehr, ist aber verstÃĪndlich bei dem, wie die Dinge dort ablaufen).
Ja, es ist definitiv einfacher, gute Bekannte zu finden, wenn man auf einer WellenlÃĪnge liegt. Es ist verstÃĪndlich, dass negative Erfahrungen mit oberflÃĪchlichen Menschen vorsichtig machen. Es ist wichtig, sich regelmÃĪÃig zu melden und zu treffen, um wahre Freundschaften aufzubauen. Viel GlÞck bei der Suche nach echten Freunden!
Vor allem sollte man vielleicht nicht pauschalisieren und ein Land mit Þber 300 Millionen Einwohnern Þber einen Kamm scheren. Ich habe zum Beispiel eine ÃĪhnliche Erfahrung mit Russen gemacht, schere ich deswegen alle Þber einen Kamm? Nein.^^
IPhone is great quality
How to make Friends in Germany: 1. Understand that Germans take friendship VERY seriously. That isn't a topic to be taken lightly here. 2. Connect through HOBBIES, and the same interests, like musik, sports, cooking, knitting (Vereine!) Always follow, were the germans disapear to... :-) 3. EhrenÃĪmter: Connect with other people who want to commit oneself to the same cause, like saving animals, human rights, soup kitchens, etc. 4. Local independent churches. They are often very family like and warm hearted and welcoming to strangers. 5. Try going to pubs with germans. When drinking beer, germans loosen up. I personally as a german don't like alcohol, but at least go to the pub and drink something else!
Thank you for sharing these valuable insights on making friends in Germany! Understanding the meaning of true friendship and connecting through hobbies and common interests are great tips. Also, the suggestion to get involved in EhrenÃĪmter and local independent churches is very thoughtful. Your advice will surely be helpful to those looking to build meaningful connections in Germany.
The problem with these rules is you basically have to just accept misery until you make your first friend after 2-3 years living in Germany, if you ever make any at all. IMO life is simply too short.
Wenn Du in Deutschland soziale Kontrakte knÞpfen willst...geh in einen Verein. Egal was fÞr einen, such dir einen aus..
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Years ago ( live in Germany) I met an American faculty professor, female, and we become good friends , our daughters were in the same Highschool class. I am from Serbia, we had another nice lady from Russia. Our friendship was grate. The American lady complained that she couldnât finde a German friend for 5 years.She was warm, friendly and her hospitality was excellent. I also, after 20 years here didnât have any real German friends. So strangeâĶWhat is wrong with Germans?
It's wonderful to hear about the strong bond of friendship you formed with your American friend and the other ladies from different countries. It's definitely strange that it was difficult for you and the American lady to find German friends despite being warm and friendly. Sometimes cultural differences can make it challenging to connect with people, but I hope you continue to find meaningful connections in Germany. Keep spreading your warmth and hospitality!
We have a few friends (Freunde) and a lot of acquaintances (Bekannte).
A neighbour or colleague is probably an acquaintance and a few could become your friend.
If you call friend in the night at 02:00 because you have a problem, the friend probably will talk or come across to help you, even if it is a one hour drive.
Probably your neighbour will also help you, in case there is a fire, accident or storm damage, but most likely not, because you have lovesickness.
But is it much easier to make friends, when you get in contact to neighbours, colleagues, comrades in clubs, etc., but just by meeting someone on the street or a festival, it will take much more communication to become acquaintances or friends.
That's a great point about the difference between friends and acquaintances. It's definitely easier to make friends when you have regular contact with people, like neighbors or colleagues. Building those connections can lead to meaningful relationships. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
@@AntoinetteEmily you are welcome!
Most of Germans are deficient in Vitamin D âĶ we have not the sun âïļ you have in New Zealand and I think that fact alone makes it understandable that we are not so happy and smile all the timeâĶ we are depressed âĶ ð
I understand the struggle with the lack of sun in Germany. It's definitely a challenge to stay positive without that natural Vitamin D boost. Just know that you're not alone in feeling this way, and there are ways to improve your mood even without the sun. Take care!
Darn frig ur laptop broke
Wenn du einen Freund brauchst, kauf dir einen Hund. Gott schÞtze mich vor meinen Freunden. Vor meinen Feinden schÞtze ich mich selbst.
Gib ein Bier aus.