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Thanks, it did take a while. Ill make sure to let the collaborators know of the compliment. <3

Hey Mike, cool stuff, to be frank, I hadn’t considered comparison to my recent past state, before reading this, Thank YOU for the reminder <3 //guess that means, at this time, I am not living in the past// at this time it seems SOME things are starting to work out, I still have a long way to go, then again (due to being a human) that may remain as such for life. *shrug* I am, I should give myself some/more credit for that, and it is :) thanks for taking the time to watch and comment, Mike <3

Hey Mike, I am glad to keep diving in on the subject matter of rule following for several reasons; First off, It is an interesting discussion, I do agree with you on that. Secondly, I believe my brain to work in "rules", most certainly more so than the rethorical normal brain. I also believe that total harmony is archievable with total rule following, though accounting for "the human variable", this theoretical construct may be too far detached from reality; for there is a second variable to make this unviable, an incomplete/incorrect ruleset. You may call it a wise approach, I’d probably call it a foolproof approach. I shall gladly humour you, Mike, as I am really rather glad for you to be engaging in dialogue with me. "The difference between theory and practice is greater in practice than it is in theory." -source lost to time In a absolute world, which I do acknowledge is not the world we live in, considering any validity of rules is no one individuals/citizens responsibility. That is where your "[…]true to an extent[…]" comes into play. We //in reality// live in an imperfect world/soceity(-ies) with imperfect rules. The line of the layer of personal accountability that never disappears is drawn at different places, the directer the rules (or perhaps orders, for a high level of directness rules), the less personal accountability there is. This to the point where in cooperate/military environments this line is commonly drawn at direct harm to humans, known as malicious compliance. //smartass me section following, left in for transparencies sake//Blindly following a singular rule, rarely absolves one of any responsibility, one has to consider the collection of all rules (that I do not think any one individual knows completely)//smartass out// Rule following does not absolve us of moral responsibility. But what it does do is ease our mental descition workload from impossible to manage, to humanly doable. An example for this, where I do feel absolved of the ethical/moral issue of: am I in someones way, on a strech of road, with a speedlimit of 30 kph I happen to drive on regularly. For my speed //to the highest ability I have of measuring it// is pegged at 30kph; there is rules that account for ambulances, fire engines, and the police (and other essential services) being in a hurry, In which case these prevail. So shpuld I ever see blue flashing lights behind, I will speed up to the highest safe speed, until a place, where they can safely overtake, is reached. I will likely iterate further on this example in sess.190 and other future ones, as it remains on my mind. This is where one whom is oblivious to the full set of rules may think I am operating in "the grey areas". I myself have not got a full picture of all rules, even of a singular domain (e.g. the German rules of the road (StVO, VwV StVO, etc)). This becomes apparent when asking questions such as: If there is a speed limit, differing from the national speed limit, followed by a junction, does this speed limit still apply? For Germanys courts opinions differ to cover the full spectrum of conceivable answers. Many a rule may be written with a one-size-fits-all mindset, but there is also just as many, if not more, to adjust other rules in case they do not fit. In my opinion, at this time //added to clarify this being a probabe opinion to change, sooner if not later//, life can fit into neat boxes rather well, the boxes just have to be small enough/plentiful enough. That being in an ideal world. Our world not being rule-complete, I do agree on there being situations necessitating rule-breaking for keeping the integrity of ones ethics/morals. //smartass sidenote//Oddly enough your example of saving someone’s life, by breaking rules, is not correct (atleast here in Germany) as above all else one musn’t endager another above all else//smartass sidenote over// As for humans imperfections, biases etc. showing in humans rules, you have my full agreement. Products of humankind will always reflect human biases/political agendas. We do not live in a perfect world! As for the examples history provides in bearing witness to "the human condition" showing in humankinds rules, there are always more, to give from the past and to come in future. This is a side effect, all we can do is appreciate it as artifact of huamns uniqueness. Ben

Thanks for your time and engagement in dialogue! To my understanding another major criterium for Aspergers is no impediments on speech development. I will nonetheless try to issue an a correction in #190 (and post a comment after this). The “news” of functioning labels being shunned must’ve gone over my head, will try to keep in mind in future! What do you think of the term “well masking autistic”, to my understanding there is no president as to the use of that. Then again, just autistic is a label I am happy with! Man I’m feeling old as I bear witness to language changing more rapidly, than I can keep up.🫣 //I am still happy about language developing over time though// “We” shall try to avoid names of people close to them for labels! thanks for the watch and comment! <3

Hey Mike, Thanks for watching and giving feedback on another session. <3 A lot of questions here, some I will have to put aside from this written response and am hoping to address next session. I guess I am a “Jack of all trades master of none, though oftentimes better than master of one.” Thanks for the compliment! Though I understand it to be true (cognitively). At this time //best guess is due to my self esteem// cannot “know” it to be true (emotionally). Currently I am not familiar enough with your skill set to assess your capabilities, though I would not be surprised //probably due to my self esteem//, if anyone in need could figure out chasing a wire. That having been said, I’vn’t fixed the issue, yet. As for the tea rituals, I will have to elaborate further next session. The current tl;dw: The tea (particularly Gyokuru Nagatani) is secondary to the ceremony, the past settings of the ceremonies are more so important to me. As for why this tea, I liked its flavour best (of the teas I have tried) and stuck with it. Regarding video games (not limited to VR), oddly enough I play ‘most exclusively for fun, even with competitive (non VR titles), I’ve learnt to play for pure //though momentary// joy. I play less VR, than i did a while back, due to the setup “effort”. ‘bout my ‘tism journey is also a long story, that I’ll’ve to elaborate on in future //have taken note, may be longer than next sess.// I have thought about the ways my neurodivergence shapes my life a lot, as I perpetually experience the effects thereof. Onto the rules! Though we have shown Godwin to be correct, I do jot think we are in disagreement. I hadn’t mentioned, but my ethics go first. In traffic (in accordance with the german rules of the road/StVO) one is to permanently be of consideration of others above all else, It’s really hard to run over someone and not get some of the legal blame //not that that is an aim of mine//. >>Blindly following the rules* shifts responsibility to rule makers<< *assuming no conflict with one’s ethics/morality I do concede “blindly” to have been hyperbole! Immana try to elaborate in a future session, though this does overlap with “my mission statement”, a ‘to be done/started’ project of mine. In regards to my progression, thanks for the ¿compliments? //speaking of these the above understanding vs. knowing still applies//, same for the grit. I shall try to continue chipping away, both at tasks to be done and at my self (figuratively). The small does add up, sadly this goes both ways, with progression and with problems/needs. I, myself, am looking forward to sharing more and keeping ya(‘ll) updated. Am hoping to respond to the unanswered questions soon, in video form. Love, Ben

thanks for the kind words. I may understand, sadly am not able to “know” this to be true. thanks for watching and engaging <3

Thanks for listening to this update <3. Making steady progress, at the time of writing this, I am not the bottleneck to progression. Baby steps, few at a time. Considering I am reliant on some government offices, I don’t think momentum will remain sustainable. ): The career coaching’ll hopefully work out somehow. I am fully committed, though anxious to figure out which path my career will be determined to go. Thanks for the kind words, Michal. I will do my levels best! I will continue to construct the road ahead of me (with all the support I can get) as the path of the road continues to be revealed. I’ll keep you updated. <3

Hey Michal, Thanks for taking the time to watch and write the message in the first place (I feel to read and give an adequate response is the minimum “I owe”). I appreciate your engaging (perhaps even mentoring (is this to continue)) with me, man //sex indiscriminate use of the term//. Though I can (and gladly do) accept these compliments cognitively, I’ll still have to fight my inner demons to wholey accept/know them to be true, I appreciate your patience with me. <3 //the language bit I even have measured data for (WAIS-IV (test) protocol from 2020-03-25 with speech understanding as personal best) and still struggle to “know”, fighting MY demons is something I do not believe I can be helped with (sadly)// I can proudly say, your previous comment, in combination with the passing of time, was a bump I needed. So yes I have been making strides, in part thanks to YOU Michal. I have been steadily (and slowly) chipping away at the rough edges of my current issues. Thanks, they truly are strengths; I do also have the weakness of not being able to sell (myself), it’s not looking like any amount of self-awareness will change that; ¡luckily time will! (eventually) My aid to others (and the aspirations of aiding) may appear to demonstrate empathy and a community spirit, they are in no way of an altruistic nature though: -with the break lights, it is in the interest of participants of traffic, of which i happen to be one **shrugs -the idea of joining the THW was planted (in my head) by a tutor, who’s part of the organisation already, and i like the idea of the kit (big-boy toys) and operating this. no doubt there is some community spirit in me //look at my trying to rationalise away my qualities. yay, self-awareness it is!// Oddly enough, this go around (first unemployment, not first time with no professional responsibility, as i was a student previously), I’m not struggling with a routine thusfar. At this time, I needn’t add onto my “social-workload”, nor do I need more dependencies, so I will have to pass on support/self-help groups for now, though (having been part of one such group in the past) i do see the value these offer. //besides the point, I know, but they are few with very far between for autistic adults// I certainly hope volunteering would help with confidence, social networking and qualifications to “play” with kit, I reckon I must get my own sh*t sorted first though, in form of economically sustainable independence. With your (and others’) writing I can hope to one day accept support without “feeling” a burden. Thanks for saying/writing me not being a burden! <3 I say/write this heavy-heartedly, though in theory I do not just accept contributions not having to be economically viable, I agree. A sad reality is that we (humankind at large) live as parts of a capitalist society, there is an external pressure to be economically viable. //I do not like this, but understand why (considering the human variable) we do.// That is ultimately what wealth is to me, the ability to act meaningfully, EVEN if this may not be profitable. I have a lot of levels of capitalism ahead of me before I reach this position (IF I ever do). “[…]Fifty thou a year Will buy a lotta beer Things are goin' great And they're only gettin' better[…] -Patrick Lee Macdonald in “The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades” I hope I can one day believe in my ability to overcome these challenges, for now others will have to believe in me, as I appear to not be able to, I’ll keep trying in hopes of others believing in me keeping me afloat. YOU are one of these “others” (you are not me!). THANK YOU Michal <3

@@O2O514-Ben_Jay Thanks so much for your response - I appreciate you taking the time to share all that. It sounds like you’re making steady progress, and that’s what matters most. Remember, moving forward doesn’t mean having everything sorted right away. Sometimes it's enough just to keep pushing, even if belief in yourself isn't fully there yet. I'm glad to be one of the people believing in you right now - keep at it, one step at a time.

Thanks for watching and responding! Though I believe you to mean that figuratively, lemme point out a not insignificant portion of my head being an implant, just in case you weren’t being figurative after all. Glad to do so 🤗 definitely taking that as a compliment, thanks kind stranger! <3 Will see you around ☺️

Thanks for your wishes and having expressed them. “This too, will end.” Luckily this proverb is not just applicable to ‘good’ times, but also the ‘not so great’ times. Thanks for watching and engaging ♥️

@@O2O514-Ben_Jay As my therapist said, whether good or bad, "this too shall pass"

Thanks for watching and engaging. I’ll defo take that as a compliment, though my self-esteem does not concur. Thanks for the compliment kind stranger! <3

@@O2O514-Ben_Jay all good mate

Hey Michal, thanks for watching and engaging yet again ☺️. Such kind words from you and still, I am having a hard time accepting them emotionally. Don’t be sorry; as first off, it’s not your fault and further, as you have recognised, I’m iffy on the loss that it is. I have since wondered what’d’ve happened had I accepted the offer a month ago, and come to the conclusion that I would have been let go during/after my probationary period. ¿As apparently at this time the firm is not looking for anyone to do any work?, for they have let go my former/previously potential future chief, whom they’d invested in heavyly. We can’t control what the universe (not to force my spirituality upon anyone) through at us, even if we could, life’d be kinda boring. //Facts are given: my neurological structure diverges from the norm, imho there’s no point in asking why, as it can not be changed (independently on if one would want to, or would lose the "self")// What we can control is our own perspectives on things, this is where I have to continue to fight my inner demons! I have had the opportunity to reflect on some aspects of an ideal job: -I would want hierarchical bilaterallity, not manglement that think they could do my job, if they aren’t doing it. //mutual respect// -I don’t think a desk job would suit me, as my (perceived) time passes to slowly when facing buerocracy. If a 40 hour week feels like 200 hours, I can not be competitive for an adequate compensation. //no desk job// -With my elevated sense for justice, I can not continually "look away", though i am willing to implement compliance myself. I cannot have a workplace that is intentionally breaking standards, such as helath and saftey standards e.g. DeutscheGesetzlicheUnfallVersicherung Vorschriften (e.g. GermanRequiredAccidentInsurance Regulations). //compliance// Thanks for reading this "essay" and thanks Michal for prompting me to type it up in the first place!

​@@O2O514-Ben_Jay Hey Ben, I’ve been watching your recent videos and they resonate with me a lot. I went through a lot of similar struggles earlier in life, and because of that experience, I wanted to offer you some additional observations and perspectives. I think they could be helpful, but I’d prefer not to post them publicly as a comment unless you’re okay with it. Would you be open to me sending them privately, like via email or DM? Or if you’d prefer, I can share them here as a comment under the video. Let me know what works best for you-I’m happy to share in whatever way you’re comfortable with!

@mdobr Hey Michal, thanks for watching and I’m sorry to hear about the recent sessions having resonated with you. Considering your use of past tense I’m glad to hear you having overcome your struggles which were similar to mine. please do give any and all observations and perspectives! I am very ok with them being public comments, should you not be open to post some things I shall also accept emails at (for you): mdobr[at]020514[dot]com I am very open to them being public comments under these videos, in hope of them having the potential to serve others the same purpose as the shall me. Thanks ahead <3

@@O2O514-Ben_Jay Ben, I can see you’ve put a lot of thought into what’s happened and what you’re looking for in an ideal work environment. You’re absolutely right that we can’t control everything the universe throws at us, and as someone who’s neurodivergent, you’re dealing with unique challenges that others might not fully grasp. But here’s the reality: you’re in a cycle that’s hard to break, and it won’t get easier unless you force a shift. Your self-awareness is sharp, but it’s not translating into consistent action. Recognizing the effects of burnout and reflecting on past decisions is only useful if it fuels change. I understand that the sensory overload, the bureaucracy, and the endless job rejections hit harder for you than they might for others. It’s exhausting, and there’s no denying that the world isn’t built to accommodate you. But as harsh as it sounds, you have to take on the responsibility of pushing through, even if it feels impossible. Every time you defer handling the things that stress you out-whether it’s job applications, bureaucratic tasks, or social engagements-you’re reinforcing that avoidance pattern and making it harder for yourself in the long run. The truth is, no one else is going to make things easier for you or reduce the mental load. And the more you wait for your energy to align or the conditions to be right, the more you’ll stay stuck in this limbo. Given how stressful and draining typical job searching is for you, maybe it’s time to rethink your approach entirely. What if you focused on identifying specific accommodations or environments where you could thrive without it costing so much of your mental and emotional energy? That way, you’re not repeatedly putting yourself in situations that are more damaging than productive. It’s brutal, but you have to stop waiting for the right conditions and just tackle things head-on, even when it feels unbearable. Take on each task one agonizing step at a time, without worrying about perfection or the long-term. You won’t conquer everything at once, but by pushing yourself through each uncomfortable step, you’ll start chipping away at that wall. You’re already fighting with yourself to stay afloat, and I respect that-but now it’s time to channel that energy into small, concrete actions. Cut out the noise, simplify your tasks, and get relentless about making progress, no matter how slow. You have more control than you realize, but you have to take ownership of it, one brutally honest step at a time.

Thanks the sad reality is: I know you are right <3 do I have your blessing to read the above in my next session?

Thanks for watching and responding, i shall honor your response with a proper written response to your questions/comment(-s). I believe i may not have stated, but the tea i put in the freezer is already vacuum sealed before I do so; my tea dealer (not a euphemism) recommends so, I believe the taste to not change through the process! //as I’ve the opportunity to, at the time of writing, I asked my tea dealer (not a euphemism), they state for freezing of the vacuumed tea to affect the flavor of the tea, as this does not deteriorate as quickly as it would otherwise. (as there will always be residual oxygen, even in a vacuumed bag)// I believe there to not be any point in dishonesty, in the way that (as analogy): ¡in the prisoner’s dilemma, everyone wins if no one talks!; so why waste energy coming up with something removed from ones reality. Thanks for the reminder, I’m’ana definitely make use of it! ♥️☺️ Sadly this also means I do not live in the "now", as I would like to at times 🫠. As to the opportunities, not to force my spirituality upon anyone, I believe the universe to work in mysterious ways, let’s our hopes/opinions are as aligned with the future as the appear to be with one another. My value is beyond capitalism, but how much an employer values me is shown by their (financial) compensation for my time and effort; The less our opinions (employer vs. me/employee) align, the less bilateral our relationship will be🤷🏼‍♂️. Thanks for the kind words! Aye, this to will pass/end will always remain true, no matter how ¿good/bad? the times are! Thanks, man(sex-indiscriminate use of the term here)/Michal, it helps to have someone else (not in my head(I hope so, no offence intended)) say/write this. <3

@@O2O514-Ben_Jay I completely get where you’re coming from about honesty and reality. Your analogy with the prisoner’s dilemma is spot on - it’s always refreshing when we can be real, especially when there’s so much energy spent in the world on pretense. Ben - whatever happens next, it sounds like you’re on a meaningful journey, and that’s something to be proud of.

🤗🍵 thanks for the watch ♥️

Danke ☺️.

Thanks ☺️

Thanks for watching and engaging❤️ well, If one can’t believe a word you say; it’s not like one can trust a party as such a lot of our system is built on trust so someone whom have historically proven to be untrustworthy are not worth my association, unless I’m stuck with them, in which case they are still not worthy, but necessary 🤷🏼‍♂️

Thanks @Steve Baker ☺️🤗

thanks, though for now I’m keeping them🫣 even then I don’t know if at the time I’ll be willing to let them go, they’ll be legal enough to be only “vermehrungsmaterial”, if they qualify “cannabis” i don’t think passing them on would be legal 😔🫠 thanks for watching btw. ♥️

First off, thanks for watching♥️; Secondly thanks for engaging in dialogue🤗 I do have this in mind, though the legality of selling will have to change eventually. ⏱️ The current legal wording translates approximately to: “…in immediate proximity of minors…” added on to the not in sight🪬 (at-most 100m as the crow fly) of kindergartens, schools, etc. it is restrictive, how much so depends on the executable (policing), imho it shouldn’t have been up to the Länder🤷🏼‍♂️. 🤔My understanding of smoking tobacco, social norms equate to roughly this (for in my Voluntary Social Year (in a (middle-/high- school), I regularly walked, ~70m away from school-grounds, to behind a parking deck, to smoke tobacco cigarettes🚬). I also understand, social norms are not laws, but (more) freedom will in most instances come with some concessions; They are in this case to make social norm (for tobacco) a legal norm (for Marihuana). To my understanding smoking anything will cause ingestion of carcinogens. For avoiding(¿or reducing?, for I am not a medical doctor🧑‍⚕️) people do vaporise both tobacco products and marihuana. Any substance use can be dangerous, particularly to minors; imho even things such as caffeine☕️ (from coffee or energy drinks) are sth. one, particularly with minors, should be careful with. As I understand it, developing humans are particularly fragile. As for the boycotting of a fully fledged legalisation, wherever there is a grey- and/or black- market, there will be incentives to continue the market at the status quo, for all those that benefit of such 📈(this can be tradeshumans, for having to pay (increased) taxes as much as it can be consumers, for having to pay increased prices (due to ¿proper? taxation). IMHO the delta between socially acceptable (right/good) and legal should be aspired to be minimised at all times.🫠🙃

🌈would be nice, wouldn’t it!🌈 good news! if you don’t like a particular service, there is others one can use🤗 thanks for watching/commenting ♥️

I’m glad you are enjoying them.🤗 crazy to think I must have sat in that passenger seat for more than a few hours 🫣

Thanks for watching ♥️

Willkommen 🤗 zeitweise yup (wobei heiß sehr subjektiv ist) also 25+ Celsius mit 50+% relativer Luftfeuchtigkeit dazu kommt halt noch das Stadtklima… wird allerdings eindeutig noch (um einiges) heißer

oh, und danke für das Abo ☺️

thanks, I’m particularly proud of the shades/sunglasses

thanks, glad you like it my effort to keep myself accountable, I guess

thanks <3

thanks, yea i should go to the sticks more often in general 😔

thanks! ;)