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Wyllerløypa😊

Always lovely to hear from you Beth :) Hope you well

“Why can’t they just do as they’re told?” = because they have learned from their most influential adults that they have don’t need to.

These types of responses are what has increased my shame and guilt and feeling like I am a terrible parent. It’s not so simple as this for many kids. I am glad it works for your kids.

@@Carlee923 Respectfully, I’m behavioral specialist and it generally is that “simple”, as you described it. The complexity comes from determining the elements of the influence (I.e., attempted reforms, age, etc) and how it is addressed. May I ask: “why” you believe one should punish (in anyway) a child?

@@kekarthurthebastard226 I'm assuming you mean that it is generally *not* that simple? Or maybe not. Would appreciate clarity!

Ew. No one likes to “do what they’re told” and human beings have an innate desire for personal power. If children are unable to assert their power collaboratively they will seek behavior to get that power back. Either towards the adults who are hurting them or if this is not a viable option, towards smaller and weaker beings. What a gross ignorant comment.

M Edwards Sealey Hi. CPS can be used also with children with low IQ, non verbal kids etc.

@@HansHolterSolhjell and all other kids and adults! An interesting irony about this way of helping children to solve problems, is that it's the product of helping adults move beyond their own learning difficulties: those blocks which led them down the path of reaction instead of proactivity!

cabapex, the reactive approach is self-perpetuating to the extent that damaged children who feel forced into compliance, learn from the adults imposing it how to assert their will on others. The worst scenario is when as adults they gain access to positions of decision-making, including those responsible for setting requirements for teachers and school pupils. Their own misconceived experiences get duplicated in what they believe to be needed for effective education to take place, and this perspective is assumed to be the only way possible for children to learn anything. What we need is for teachers to form mutual support groups to defy the demands legislated by government. In a school with an understanding sympathetic headteacher, this could carry a lot of weight, especially if carefully documented to show its benefits. In a school led conventionally, it's unlikely to work until precedents have already been established. However, that wouldn't stop parents forming their own mutual support groups for implementing the proactive approach recommended by Dr Greene. This could have the extended benefit of children behaving better in school as well as at home.

Seeing more of this behaviour because more kids are eating processed foods, more dyes, vaccines (it does trigger for some kids, not all) gmo’s and more screen time. I’ve noticed since taking blue dye out of my kids foods that they are a bit calmer. Dyes have been linked. Hence why they are banned in some countries

The curriculum may be the actual problem. Schools are not run how they used to be. It's just sitting at a desk for 180 days a year 6 hours a day.

Public school is an authoritarian model. You show up and do what you’re told. The system relies on it (high teacher student ratio and the way classrooms are arranged). It’s not the best way for kids to learn. Schools are giving up punitive approaches but the entire system needs to change for it to be a truly collaborative model of education. It’s why as a parent I’m really struggling with my options for educating my children. Currently Montessori but will likely come home to homescchoool. You’ve also got kids raised on screens showing up in droves.

Also the “safety at all costs” kinds of parenting breeds more struggles

I hope you've been able to make progress, Sunshine Godschild. Something which I haven't heard from this excellent series from Dr Greene - maybe I've missed it - is the impact of a specific emotional experience on learning. So the child may want to learn, but is held back by a momentous event which hasn't been recognised by the caring adults in its life. An example of this in my own experience was a teenager who'd lost her mother to a hospital mistake. Her father couldn't talk about it, so it remained unaddressed in the family and at school. As soon as it became clear what the problem was, I helped her recognise it. From struggling to meet-middle-of-the-road targets, she went on to shine beyond anyone's expectations (other than mine!), going to university and graduating with Honours.

This approach does teach the coping skills much faster and better because the child does not feel failing and wrong. My parenting guidance and workshops does the same, and I have seen for 25 years how a totally explosive child becomes skilled precisely because we adjust the demands and connect/respect her.