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Hey! Where have you guys been all my life? Love this podcast. I'm a Licensed Psychotherapist in Washington State, and I love this discussion. Just know that when you want to break a habit that is interfering with your life, you'll need a motivator: what will you gain by giving it up. Also, you'll need to consider what will you lose if you keep the habit. Keep up the great work, and maybe we can collaborate together sometime? Take care!

Hahah John I don’t think you realize how attractive you are! Take the compliment!

Just be John and Shaun--your authentic selves are why we are here! I am excited to meet you both and I'm driving 5 hours from Sac and staying at the hotel making a weekend of it. Also, I vote for ONESIES at the retreat!!

It's so nice, fun, insightful, healing to listen along along with you guys whilst I cook dinner. Reminds me of being at school, hanging with my guy friends (but in a more mature way) I really miss that! I've found that the older I become, that's actually really hard to find! Most of my male friends are gay, and most hetero men don't seem to know how to relate platonically. You compliment eachother well. It's a good balance of light, depth, silly and serious. Also enjoy the subtle undertone of healthy, humorous competition at times too 🤣 A comment for John; people want real/relatable, they want to connect, and they can't do that if you're trying to be something other than who you are. You add a lot of value just by being yourself ✌️

Love the vulnerability shown here, especially between two men, it can be awkward/risky to share our honest feelings but that's how we are truly seen and known by another. Sometimes it's useful in hindsight to reflect on something because often we don't always know how to share in the moment but I personally need to get better at that, to improve relational skills, it's a balance between sharing how you feel and also considering the others feelings. Grace comes to mind.

Shaun you sound like you definitely have a crush on your therapist. Wondering if that’s the reason you are not moving forward with another relationship. Just a thought ☺️

When I start feeling like I want to check out with a substance, I break out the paper and pen and do honest, even crazy free form writing. Just let it rip. I do it until I feel I’ve broken through to a better emotional space. Then I shred the writing. Try it!

I’m totally Shaun’s type. A good girl , that wants to do trader joe trips.

Can you guys do an episode on men reading the room when it comes to sex with their partners. Many guys seek sex just for themselves. Don’t know how to connect with their partners

English is my second language but I LOL when Iooked it up: dust bunnies are made of hair, DEAD SKIN FLAKES, spider webs, lint... I´d prefer dog hair anytime!!! As always,I love your podcast!!! Money issues, living together... They are all things that are important when you are in a relationship but I think the world has changed and like John said, there is no wrong or better,or right or worse... there are just different ways of relating to the other person, I think it all depends... Also, I don´t think having a long term relationship makes you a love coach who hasn´t launched... you have great comunicational skills and that shows in your real life, and that´s the important part... Maybe long term relationships and living together hasn´t rung your doorbell yet ! Or maybe it´s just something tht´s not for you.. Who knows? Anyway, I look forward to your next episode! Hugs and kisses from Argentina!!!

Thank you Shaun for mentioning how hard it is being single doing everything on your own!! It’s really nice that being acknowledged. I am also a single, a working mum, on top of that I have to change every lightbulb and fix everything in the house and garden and I am proud of myself but also sick of it 💪😌☺️

the final minutes were hilarious, glad to see Shaun laughing since he seemed a bit down in the beginning 🤩

I don't make anywhere near 6 figures, and consequently rarely date anymore : ) The whole issue of money and relationships has become controversial these days as income inequality / stratification is worse than ever. Money didn't used to be a great division, but it is now, forcing people into dating only within their income bracket. While I understand the importance of finances in relationships/ dating, It's depressing to see how many people are making money the main priority, along with other superficial standards. Social media has a lot to do with this, but that's a whole other topic.

Pouring in nj too. The earth needs to drink and we don't need to worry about nurturing it

Love love love u guys😘😘😘😘😘

Why does Tess never seem to cut out the techinal glitches when Shaun asks? 🤔😂

Love this podcast, but the host wants to be perceived as open minded, while at the same time being unable to hold his emotions together over politics. Meanwhile his guest just told him beautifully that those views hold no room for conversation. Bro, you can’t be both open minded and close minded… you’re deluding yourself. Thumbs down for you being contradictory.

Would be cool for you two to do an episode together in the same room in a spot in LA!

Sadly, I don't think that lady was projecting. It is well known among dog owners and dog charities that separating a dog from its primary owner for longer than 8 hours can cause distress and confusion. Let alone 6 months. A dog, like a relationship, is a commitment and a responsibility. You can't just drop it and pick it up whenever you choose

I lived 18 years in London and now in the countryside with dog and chickens and love it 😍😂 Not saying I will never move back to a city but it’s great peace and feels like riding a motorbike to me 🤷🏻‍♀️☺️

Congrats on your marriage John!

Probably 1st time I disagree with John, having kids is the ultimate commitment, the house you can sell and be done with, but the child no… about kids sleeping, I asked my kids to call for me if they woke up in the middle of the night (instead of them coming to my bed), so I would keep them company until the went back to sleep, it took a while but it worked, I find it disturbs less if I got to come back to my kid free bed

I’m a health visitor in the uk (you don’t have them in the US or Canada but I’m a paediatric nurse). Sleep training is essentially barbaric. It only serves to instruct the child that your needs are not going to be met. The stop screaming because essentially they realise what’s the point. Meanwhile, their cortisol levels are sky rocketing. We now know through the research & also very widely known attachment theory - sleep training is not there for the child. I have 3 kids - it’s part of being a parent - it’s shit, it’s so hard but it’s all part of being a parent. Also, our society has such double standards for kids - as adults many of us enjoy sleeping next to someone & it brings us comfort but we expect a child, who isn’t developmentally fully wired in terms of brain development to sleep somewhere else & be ok with it?

Where do I leave the review? :)

Mitsubishis in the UK in were the best!

Dear Charlie, I have been where you are. At 38 I was in a marriage I knew wasn’t it for me. We also lived like brother and sister and I had a 6 year old daughter. He was fine with life as it was. I was terrified and soooo sure that nobody else would want me. He was my high school sweetheart so I never dated. I ended it and it’s the best decision I ever made, for all three of us. He fought it for awhile but eventually realized I was right. Dating was wild. I made so many mistakes and so will you but each one taught me more about myself. I had so much fun and other times I was so lonely I thought I might die from it and second guessed myself. I am thriving and so is my daughter and I have met a wonderful man with two amazing daughters and we were a new blended family. He has shown me what I was missing. We communicate in a healthy way and we both work at our relationship daily. Do not settle. You will not only be fine you’ll be amazing. So will your child. Life is short. Don’t spend a minute longer being miserable and wasting time. With love. Xo

I actually prefer a man with more a soft body. When I see a man with a six pack I immediately think a life of chicken, rice, vegetables and 2 hours in the gym every day?? No thanks.

❤❤❤❤love this so much again you are great guys

👎 to the tattoo review. You never know what anyone else will like. You do you, Shaun.

It seems to me that the point of the podcast is to "Do better", so Kudos to Shaun for being willing to work on issues. Also, making sure you each get feedback is great. Well done, yet again, Shaun and John.

At 47:23 regarding Charlie . I grew and seen my mom in way too many relationships where she was unhappy and miserable. Now at the age 32 (f) , I realized it’s not worth it. I’ve had to unlearn this behavior that seen and observed from my mom .

With each episode, this is becoming my favorite podcast

What a lovely moment you guys are the best. More men like Shaun and John please.,

Your podcast is awesome, I love it, but the only thing I disliked here was the objectifying of Vanessa done by both of you. If I were Vanessa, I would feel disrespected to be talked about like that. John said she doesn't listen to his stuff, so that's the silver lining.

Love how vulnerable they both are.

Shaun is so sweet pointing out how he would have liked John to have asked how he felt after the rejection after his date. Shaun you are an awesome coach and friend, you guys are a great influence on each other ❣️ you make each other better every podcast ♥️♥️

This is becoming my new fav podcast!

Hard to break the cycle yes...

I have to say that I am sick and tired of John Kim’s complete ignorance when it comes to the top of consent. Come on! That you came of age in the 80s is NOT an excuse! Read a book, take a course, educate yourself on current standards! You’re a therapist ffs! You should be conversant in this shit. Also - Shaun - stop being a dick and stealing John’s closing phrase. He already asked you not to do it. Grow up. You both can do better.

And now we know all your brother’s treasures are in his house lol

I ve just listened to 4 episodes straight while running errands and working out and I have to say the dynamic of you two is awesome! I feel like I am hearing the private conversations of two guy friends and is so interesting, funny, illuminating. John you seem open, non judgmental, grounding, curious. Shaun a mix of adventurous, bold but vulnerable, friendly and a little prideful. Idk, something about you two I love. such different lifestyles but so much to learn from that , for both of you, and for us as listeners.. brings acceptance, sense of humor, curiosity. I have to say I laughed my ass off more than once in public while listening. The conversation about “the ick” god, was hilarious and on point. Also one other episode where John “forgets” he is a therapist and Shaun reminds him, I can’t, too good and real. Thanks for sharing these stuff❤

John I'm happy your career is going to soar in true Aries style! Shaunie u look like u need a hug❤ Returning from vacation is always vile😅but at least ur at ur new place that's less remote Ps if u never got the ick how did anything ever end

What shirt is Shaun wearing? I love it

wow ji hwan bae and john middlekauf good to see y'all

I love you guys, I followed you separately for years and now I´m so glad I can now follow you together!!! I´m 44 years old scorpio gal in a long distance relationship (only 400km way) and I can relate more to Shaun in the sexy sense but my personality is more similar to John, I underthink things for the most part (although I have gotten a little less impulsive as years go by) I love the idea of Shaun´s tattoo! I have 11 tattos, most are small and for my personal notes... maybe you can get it in some other place where it´s not as exposed as a safer approach if you are still undecided. Anyway you guys make my thursdays nights, don´t stop this podcast. You make a great team and compliment each other very well! Lots of love from Argentina!!! MB PS: I don´t think shaun boasts about his sexcapades and I feel John is amused by them (other episode) I think this listener secretly feels envious of Shaun, so don´t take it personally!

Love this episode! RE cheating, John Gottman & Stan Tatkin have some awesome protocols for working through infidelity! Tatkin says this caller’s experience is literally to be expected, that it takes on average at least a year to repair trust-building because the person’s nervous system will be moving through a trauma response as this is what’s called “betrayal trauma.” How quickly trust is rebuilt depends on factors like: how long it went on, the type of betrayal, did the cheater reveal the infidelity or did they withhold & the partner discover it, did they deny, gaslight, or take accountability, and are they actively behaving in new trust-building ways consistently over a long time? In Gottman’s 3 stage model, in stage 1 the cheater has to basically deal with the consequence of co-regulating their partner, listening to their feelings as much as they come up, and actively doing steps to prove trust-worthiness in actions. They actually recommend behaviors like letting the betrayed partner view their phone or providing an over-the-top level of reassurance (like sharing locations etc) during this early phase as the cheater’s word is no longer reliable and external evidence will be needed until there’s enough trust that word and behavior are consistent. When couples enter stages 2 and 3, the partners process how they got there, betrayed partner does have to forgive, and they let go to rebuild the relationship under new agreements, however that can only happen after about a year of nervous system work to rebuild that foundation of trust in the body. It’s not enough for her to examine her own stuff or power through and get over it when the safety and trust of the relationship was ruptured and will need to be repaired if her body is to feel safe again.

❤❤❤ love the idea with the app John I would love to know more

Really interesting discussion on outing cheaters. I was the wife whose now ex-husband was caught cheating on me when I was 8 months pregnant with our second child (he was caught on a date with his affair partner by my best friend - you couldn’t write it! 😂). Naturally she told me and I’m eternally grateful EVEN THOUGH it blew our worlds apart. I totally agree that there’s never a right answer. But for me there was never any going back once I knew the person I had been 100% committed to for over ten years was capable of that action. Finding out sucks, but the alternative isn’t worth it. Also - totally with you - whoever designed that crazy ass Lulu Lemon bag was clearly not a parent! Love from the UK

The dynamic of this friendship is adorable and seems super authentic. I'm curious to know if Shaun finds it bothersome how giggly and enamored John acts regarding Shaun's sexuality. If it were me, I think I'd find it slightly fetishizing and awkward.

Shaun, thank you for sharing the feedback about yourself, I was feeling similarly to an extent, but also felt that it wasn't necessarily intentional. Seeing the current balance of feedback has been a nice thing to see and shows that you stand behind and believe in "We can do better " so, kudos to you, Shaun. ❤ You're both doing an awesome job!