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It's not necessary. Starting with In Each Other's Care is great.

It is. Are there therapist who can offer Telehealth near you?

Islands deactivate their attachment system including feelings and needs due to the way their attachment system adapted to their upbringing. Most of them, not all, do want a relationship. The relationship will inevitably create triggers as well as touch wounds. Without guidance the coping strategy of avoidance can make it hard for the island to do their part in creating a secure functioning relationship. Dr. Tatkin talks about that here: th-cam.com/video/RGFj34lOe3M/w-d-xo.html

Thank you, @alanapeterson1359, for sharing your thoughts and questions about desire discrepancy in relationships. It's a complex and often emotionally charged issue, and I want to acknowledge the frustration and pain that can arise when there's a significant difference in sexual desire between partners. Your concern about how a higher libido partner can feel wanted, especially when the lower libido partner is content with a much lower frequency of intimacy, is valid and incredibly important. It can lead to feelings of rejection, loneliness, and a sense that you're not desired. These feelings are real and deserve attention. In future episodes, we plan to dive deeper into this topic by exploring how both partners can navigate this dynamic in a way that honors each other. We'll also address what happens when a lower libido might actually signal a deeper issue, whether it's related to the relationship, individual well-being, or other external factors. Understanding these nuances is crucial for finding a path forward that feels connected and fulfilling. Thank you again for bringing this up-it's a vital conversation, and we're committed to exploring it more thoroughly in upcoming episodes. Stay tuned!

As I read the story of your grandmother, I can feel her warmth and love for you. What beautiful and powerful memories. May they continue to give you the strength to continue to "follow your bliss". Thank you so much for sharing these beautiful memories with us.

"You are worthy of my attention". Wow this is so beautiful. What a gift to have this powerful message shown to you. Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience with us.

We appreciate your suggestion for more nuanced scenarios addressing the complexities of relationship dynamics. It sounds like you're facing a challenging situation where silent, unintentional wounds are creating a rift between you and your partner. These subtler forms of disconnection, such as feeling misunderstood or inadvertently hurting one another without the outward drama of shouting, happen and can be damaging Here are some steps you might consider to address the unintentional hurt that has occurred: 1. Own the Unintentional Impact: Even if the hurt was unintended, acknowledging that something you said or did caused pain to your partner is a helpful step. This isn't about taking blame, but rather validating your partner's feelings which can help them feel seen and understood. 2. Communicate Openly: It’s important to express how you feel about the current state of your relationship without casting blame. You might say, "I feel like there's a distance growing between us, and that's not what I want. I'm concerned because sometimes things I say come off differently than I intend. Can we talk about how we can communicate better?" 3. Set Intentions for Privacy and Respect: It seems there might be differing expectations about privacy within your relationship. Discussing and setting clear boundaries about what is and isn't shared outside the relationship can prevent future misunderstandings and build trust. 4. Consult a Professional: Since these subtle issues can be intricate and deeply rooted, working with a therapist can provide both of you with the tools to communicate more effectively and to heal the wounds that have gone unnoticed for too long. Additional thoughts: The issue might be what to do if your partner does not respond in the way that promotes closeness and just withdraws even when you own your moves. Kim and Kyle will discuss this on a podcast in the future. Thank you for continuing to engage with our content, and we hope our future episodes will resonate more closely with your experiences.

Understanding his past and how it affects his behavior is helpful. Understanding that his childhood trauma makes it hard for him to express and engage emotions is significant. To reach out in a way that feels caring and fosters connection, try to communicate your feelings and name what's going on for him. For instance, send a supportive message acknowledging his busy schedule and expressing that you value your time together.

Thank you for your compliment. Dr. Tatkin is amazing. The name he is referring to is Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy. Nagy's work emphasized the ethical dimensions of family relationships, focusing on the concepts of relational ethics, trust, loyalty, and fairness. He believed that family dynamics are influenced by multigenerational patterns of behavior and that addressing these patterns is crucial for healing and growth. He also talks about balance sheets due to unfairness from prior generations. It's interesting and I love how Dr. Tatkin integrates this into his model.

Thank you for sharing your insightful reflections. They are spot on. In Internal Family Systems (IFS), we explore the different parts of ourselves that hold these internalized messages and understand their origins (the trauma). It's crucial to acknowledge that these harmful voices often stem from parts of us that were trying to protect us from pain or rejection. By gently working with these parts, we can help them release their burdens and adopt new, supportive roles. This process allows us to redefine our identity in a way that aligns with our true, authentic selves. Creating a new identity involves recognizing and nurturing the core Self-our essence that is inherently whole and capable of healing. When we connect with this core Self, we empower ourselves to choose who we want to be, free from the negative and harmful input of others. This journey of self-discovery and healing is incredibly empowering, as it allows us to live a life that truly reflects our values, desires, and authentic nature. It's a transformative process to move from being defined by external narratives to defining ourselves from within. This shift not only frees us but also brings a profound sense of empowerment and fulfillment.

@@kylebensonLMFT Thank You! This is enlightening and very helpful.😇 My reflections were partly instinctive, but also from what I've learned myself. I'm Ginny,✨😇 a Highly Sensitive Person, (A 57 year old woman) who's been through a narcissistic relationship (only realizing it somewhat after). And have been dealing with ongoing Family Scapegoating Abuse ( from parents and four siblings ) for years. I only discovered this term,more recently and I'm thankful, as it helps clarify things. I'm still trying to escape the whole cycle, as due to housing issues and shortages, I've had to live with family members again, which has been a pretty terrible experience for me. I also have anxiety issues and depression with complex PTSD trauma responses. All these situations and much more, have made it difficult to function and be able to work for several years, but try explaining that to your local doctor/general practitioner and they generally just don't have any understanding and are not familiar with the terminology either. I've just recently dealt with this with a new doctor,- very stressful. I've had counselling and a few psychology sessions, but due to cost, and lack of specialised trauma informed counsellors being available, I've pretty much had to become my own psychologist!( I live in New Zealand ) I try to keep educating myself and often watch relevant TH-cam videos, such as this Great one with You and Frank. I've subscribed to your channel and I'll be watching more of your videos. Thanks for shedding light on these important topics, it really does make a huge difference. Thank You - Ginny 💞✨

@@kylebensonLMFT P.S. I think my next step will be learning more about Internal Family Systems, too.

Amazing and justvat the right time for me. And anyone I interact with.

Thanks for listening. Yes. He is phenomenal!

I can imagine. Stan and Tracey are amazing and such a gift to us all!

We are glad you found the conversation helpful! I would recommend Jessica's book as well as exploring more about attachment theory. Attachment theory will go deeper into the "felt sense" you talk about and help understand why we do what we do in our intimate relationship. I know attachment theory has and continues to be a valuable map for me in changing the quality of my relationships!

I hear you and it’s so common for men to feel like it is not safe to be emotional or express them. Thank you for sharing.

Sad that you experienced those mixed messages. Being ghosted sucks and is something I hope the dating culture begins to address and change this poor way of treating someone. Thanks for sharing.