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I can relate to this an adoptee but also my daughter was adopted die to pressure and manipulation from my sister's who spread misinformation and family conflict also gaslighting

Fellow transracial adoptee here.

I screwed up my life royally. This year was going to be my third year of being a six-figure earner. Granted I hated my job and had to work 70-80 hours a week to earn that, but at least I was working towards something. I only needed to push myself like that for 3 more years and I would've been free. I was doing well with paying off my debt, would've been able to completely pay off my mortgage, and still have a nice chunk of change left over. I was then gonna just rent the house out and collect the monthly payments. Then I got fired. I tried running my own business and it failed. It actually cost me more money than i made which put me way more into debt. I've applied to hundreds of jobs and only had a few interviews that led nowhere due to me being middle aged. Ageism is indeed real. Now I'm living off of my savings which should run out in less than 6 months, am almost $30k in debt, and will lose my home if something doesn't turn around. So why should I keep going again?

Jesus…. Glad you are doing better keep you chin up brother

I’ve never been more in touch with my culture until now. Que viva Mexíco!

“We took you outta of the ghetto.” That’s crazy

We love your son. Don’t ever apologize for him.

I keep trying and no matter what way i try im such a loser i even fail at that. My very first attempt was with a gun and idk why but my dad put blanks in the gun. He had never had blanks ever i had used all his guns a million times and that one time it had blanks i didnt have it pointed tightly on my forhead it was tilted slighti had the gun facing toward the ceiling with the trigger down and it burnt my forhead as the blast cap shot across my forhead...my dumb ass just cried i was only 12

i'm not even suicidal i'm just tired and bored.

believe in Jesus for forgiveness of sins, and read the bible. listening to the bible a lot on audiobook probably helped me not kill myself

Thanks! A wife and a kid...I never had the marriage, or family. I endure loneliness and I stand as a 40 year old virgin. I'm an unattractive man, having a pigment disorder and being faced with disability to come after it. Most people are well when they are married but I on the other hand lost my ability to function normal now I have to work harder, it's more challenging to see it through. I did research on people who looked just as normal as you and they achieved marriages and families I wished to have and they committed suicide. I even had a martial arts hero Jason David Frank AKA Tommy, I looked up to who lived the high life, had the fame, the family, the skills and he committed suicide. Because of his death, it was hard to watch the TV series he was in, Power Rangers. I don't have an attractive appearance, I'm black, I have no wife, I want an interracial relationship, I like white and asian women, and now I'm disabled. I have mental health issues from people, I have anxiety problems, I have depression, I face rejection from women, I beared the deception I was beneath them, I was beneath the men they had, I was beneath the women friends they had. I couldn't have friendships with women without them making me feel beneath them. Christian women were hypocrites only to be covert narcissists underneath religion. I have the loneliness to endure through and with the way there has been fallouts in Christianity, I still hold onto my personal relationship with Christ and allow him to define me. It gives me hope out of darkness.

Jesus man, hearing you talk is like I am hearing myself. You just described it perfectly, I am obsessively suicidal. I feel like even when I was a little kid I had self destructive tendencies, I would often cut myself or put a bag in my head and attempt to suffocate myself and for pretty much most of my life I have obsessed over committing suicide. I would extensively daydream about it for hours, the method, the place and time, what I would do leading up to it... Last year I acquired a gun and I was planing to actually do it but I made the ''mistake'' of telling someone and I got the authorities called on me and they put me in a mental hospital. I've also always been bullied and mistreated by others. I am hispanic and I grew up in a small predominately white town and people would bully the living shit out of me, at every job I worked I would get fired in less than a year. Most of my life I've felt like a failure. I started doing drugs and drinking at the age of 14, I did it to just quiet my thoughts telling me to end it. I am still deeply struggling. But I rediscovered some of my hobbies and it has brought me at least some peace, as well as medication has helped. I don' think I'll ever shake that darkness off me but I am slowly starting to learn to live despite it. I think I am at a point where I've akdnowdleged I have a severe chronic illness in my brain and that just like people with a physical illness need to constantly watch their health and live a healthy lifestyle to prevent the illness from advancing, I too have to be very careful in my life and stay on track making sure I have balance and structure... Because I know well whenever I go slightly off track those obsessive thoughts come right back.

Suicide is a demonic spirit thank God for deliverance he still sets the captives free he restores our souls beside still waters i have dealt with suicidal thoughts and they are terrifying especially when you dont actually want to die you feel like you're losing control

Thank you for this video. I’m preparing to be an adoptive mom and your video is so helpful. Definitely will be buying and reading some of these recommendations. Best wishes.

helped me more than any spiritual talk or teacher i've looked for. thanks so much man you're an angel

You don't know shit about suffering. I can tell you that. Just from your profile and the way you talk about your problems, you are mentally weak. Like you don't understand how people can actually successfully do it, then you truly haven't been there. You are not afflicted with any challenging life problems. Good luck with your wife who probably enables you.

When you said the part about the illness and how doctors just say oh it’s anxiety. But working feels so uncomfortable to the symptoms you’re having and they just disregard it. Really hit home man. I’m going through some stuff right now with my health I hope it gets better and I hope it really is anxiety I hope the doctors are right shits just frustrating bro. I wish you the best man I think it’s so important to make videos like this these days. People are really out here hurting and just still trying to get afloat in this fucked up world. 🌍

I have done plenty of suicide attempts. Unfortunately i'm still here. And with saying unfortunately i really mean UNFORTUNATELY. After al my suicide attempts i went to the IC and from the moment i got there everything got way worse then i've ever experience in WHOLE my life. Btw.....Lorazepam doesn't kill you. I've take plenty of Lorazepam. for example today i have taken 15 tablets of 2,5 mg. And i'm fine. I feel lovely okay!! Gr gr Dario.

Thank you for posting and sharing your story, I've had my fair share of experience with this subject (below is my little story if anyone cares). Glad you made it out of the trap and you seem to be doing well. You really are an inspiration to me and others, I hope the rest of your life is only up from here. My first attempt was at 8 years old. Being a stupid kid I tried to drown myself. I still remember, I stuck my head in a 1 gallon bucket with the handle around the back of my head and i just sat in the bath and filled it up, my body took over and I wiggled my way out. I then moved on to suffocation, finally I ended with just sticking a gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger every day when I got home from school. I did this for around 4 to 5 years, sometimes the gun was loaded with the safety on or was just empty. Sometimes the safety was off and not loaded so i got the rush from the trigger pull and the click. It actually just became a habit and one day I realized that I'm not actually suicidal anymore. My last attempt was around 2022 (for reference I was 20 at the time). These days I'm still depressed, I still think about killing myself but I dont act on it. When I get really upset and mad I just exercise to the extreme (running to the point of heat exhaustion or biking till i cant walk when i'm done) or just hurt myself in ways that dont leave lasting effects.

Thank you so so much for posting this. I’m in that place you talk about where I can’t see outside of my head and suicide is just always on my mind, with past attempts and just living for family so I’m not “selfish” always feeling the people around me are the selfish ones for forcing me to stay. Anyways- it was just so refreshing to finally be able to hear from someone who isn’t judgmental. I know people don’t mean to be, but they judge suicidal wishes. I want to read the book you mentioned. Again, just thank you so much for sharing your story without trying to force me one way or another.

crazy how relatable this was. were you scared of going to therapy at all? I've been putting it off for 16 years.

20 years you had to get the job done , and even then you failed... lol. Hopefully you can laugh at it now , otherwise i apologise for a tasteless joke. Ive been there too , put cigarettes out on my hand ... couldnt see any hope. It was in my late teens / early 20s. I did a lot of recreational drugs esp. "Broccoli"which made it much much worse , tho i didnt have the insight back then to realise how they affected me....

I've never heard someone describe this state of mind so accurately. I really really relate to a lot of it, more than any other video I've seen on the topic. Thanks for this.

cheers brother to where you are. Currently at that stage in my 20s where I have basically no reason to be proud of myself & incredibly lost, and the inkling neuroticism of just wanting to be out of the game of life never has gone away. Even when just a few years ago, people said I "made it". Never dated, never had real confidence in the privacy of my own head, and I've always gone the path of least resistance. If I had a gun or rope on hand, it would have been extremely tempting. Even now, it's very alluring because anything I have up here is just surface level stuff that makes me feel numb. maybe I have my health, maybe I even have some people around me, and that's something to remember. but I have no idea what I'm doing and just want off. maybe that makes me selfish. not like I don't feel like that already. I wouldn't even know what's there for me if I tried, so it's hard to even find a reason to try.

Preciate you telling your story brother stay hard

Is there a cure

Happy Hippo doesn't ship to my country. Bummer.

💔After devastatingly recently losing the mom I never had, as an adoptee and former foster teen/child. Born to a woman I mean absolutely nothing to, whom was also physically abusive. Neglectful negligent, other family members making excuses nor caring, a father who tried to care gone tragically also. Feeling alone parentless, as a young millennial where most of my peers/associates have family or parents.😔💔😪 Many could never understand or truly perhaps empathize with my pain/deep trauma wounds of abandonment. My adopted mom showed me pure love, stability, safety, and true care to lose her so soon. 😢😪😥 Amongst others, the things/plans we spoke of doing that’ll never come to pass, the weekend we’ll never have together.💔🌏💔 No one can never ever, love me or care for me, like she did.😥😭😢 I’m personally done with this life and cruel world, where some seem to suffer more than others.💔🌏💔 💔😪🥀 My sense of security is shattered I’m done here I want be with my adopted mom, biological father, amongst others. I don’t want to be here anymore…. 😥😢😥 😢😪😥Lastly, I tried to even open my heart up to love, only to have been completely mistreated, chewed up, and spat out. Like I meant nothing to him as I once thought I really did. Someone I “truly loved” the first man ever as I was losing the woman who meant the world to me and I to her.💔😭💔 I’m not needed here, the unfair card I’ve been dealt that I never asked for shows it, nor do I matter truly the world will still go on without me. It sadly always does…💔🌏💔

Thank you for sharing. I feel less alone. I have had those feelings since third grade, and im now 33. Still here but I still struggle. Thanks for sharing your story.

i am 14 African American and was adopted by too lovely people, they gave me everything i could ask and more.. but unforututly this is exactly how i fee sol thank you! God bless you

THANK YOU FOR THIS!!! A MILLION TIMES THANK YOU

looking up to you bro so grateful you managed to stick it out this far and you were still here to make this vid, you did it so long, twice as long as i have and same here bro just always visualizing what to do or how to do it, i'm turning 21 this month, DONT WANT TO BE NEGATIVE but i thought i could finally push through and do it a week ago cause i felt so ready to dispose of myself i tried to hang by my belt in my closet but i stopped cause i could feel my body going numb which i think it meant it was working but i just stopped cause it was too uncomfortable thought i might just use my dad's gun instead but if you managed to keep stretching it out, maybe i can too i fully believe things are gonna get better too, gonna do all the things i didn't do that i regret not doing when i was growing up (or try at least) :)

I've been going through this for the past month. I came very close to just laying in the street hoping I'd get hit by a car. It's hard to get through it if you don't feel like you have support.

I'm there now, every hour i get the thoughts. If I don't make it through I hope anyone else can find the strength I couldn't

I’m 26, been clean from cocaine and oxy (opiate) pills for 4 years now but I’ve been seriously considering suicide the past 5 weeks. It would be so easy to go out and buy some cocaine and oxy pills and hope it’s laced with fentanyl. The only thing stopping me is the fact that my older brother died from a fentanyl laced hydrocodone pill when he was 27 years old back in 2016. And I won’t put my parents through all that over again. I’m Too much of coward to use a gun or anything like that but it would be so easy to do it accidentally with some fentanyl laced drug off the street.

Damn bro sound a lot like myself

Never know when a blessing could be around the corner!

It’s so hard

th-cam.com/video/Zfj-stITgjg/w-d-xo.htmlsi=vh9XDmsA0URsuzWL Hey off topic, but i thought this would interest you, for next time an idiot says we dont connect in utero. 13,000 comments on connecting to their baby inutero. Only in adoption do these idiots deny it.

Bless you dude. Hope all is well.

your life is more worth than to letting it dangle in other peoples hands. Every time there is a suicide it´s for a reason that you haven´t (almost) decided by yourself (not always, but most of the times. And if not there is often someone else who has determined it for you). I don´t know about you but letting a good personality that`s unique leave this world because somebody else don´t care feels dumb. Your life should be in your hands NOT IN A DUMB IDOT hands. And say now that there isn´t a God, then you just die and can´t feel/see/hear nothing ect. Always remember this everybody who´s dealing with suicide : No hard times are worth throwing a good life a way for you don´t know whats coming if you always fight for a better tomorrow, life is to precious and short to throw away, you may never get a second chance. Everybody is gonna die in the end, so stop wasting your precious time and start building a great future. Keep listening to this man his wise and if you like check out my channel too but just if you like. Peace out 😎

Good words man. As someone who suffered from severe depression and suicidal ideations for years the depression cure by Steve illardi really helped me. If anyone is struggling I’d highly recommend getting his book and implementing his lifestyle changes

You dont look white at all..

Thanks Andrew, this video was inspiring and incredibly relevant.

Thank you, brother 🙏

I've dealt with these thoughts a lot of my life. Past few months, I've thought about it pretty much every day. There's no amount of love or support that helps. The end result is me. The problem is me. It's always been inside of me. I fucking hate myself.

I considered magic mushrooms because I hear this cures depression. I am so tired of crying. Life is too hard for me.

I relate to this man I want to die so bad it just feels like there is no way to fix it .