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// any other addictions you'd like to discuss //

Man you are hot sry not sry

I think you are very brave sharing your relapse. But you can beat it for good. It is possible. You just need to find purpose and focus on someone or something else other than yourself.

Hey, can I find you on instagram?

This video is fantastic

The edema from dehydrated cells plumping back up once feeding resumes is quite extreme, on a magnitude of 5 to 10 pounds of water weight, in my case. I had to avoid looking at myself in the mirror, trying on any fitted clothes, and going out in public. It was so tough. It took refeeding edema at least 7 days to get better and about 3 weeks to completely resolve. Anyone in recovery, please hang in there and continue on your eating plan. Trust the process, and the edema will eventually resolve. Good luck.

Thank you! It’s my biggest struggle too after more than 20 years of bulimia. It’s the one thing that’s makes me fall back every time. It’s frustrating but I know now there will come a day it will change. I’m so tired of this life, i know i’m gonna pull through this time. I’m so done with it that i can keep a healthy eating schedule for a couple of months in a row now, i am so happy, but the edema is terrible.

Thank you so much love 🥹🤍 How are you doing now?

Restriction increases the urge to binge. Again, a wicked cycle.

The B/p increases dopamine in the brain. Dopamine is one of the neurotransmitters were low on as bulimics. The B:p increases that. Truly a brutal cycle.

You say "there's a reason most anorexics end up bulimic"... why?

I find it is 2 days after a binge episode that i feel ravenously hungry.

I am so worried about any long term damage to my teeth😬😬

Thighs/legs is my most self conscious part too

I struggle with flushing too.

I can relate to everything you are saying and have done all these things too. Thank you for opening up and sharing. So brave.

Same sis. I’m struggling bad. Thank you for reminding me I’m not alone and good luck in your joirsny❤

Thank you for the searing honesty.

Thanks for the video, glad to see you're recovered :D I'm in quite a struggle ngl and I just really want a definite answer, I'm diagnosed with anorexia and body dysmorphia and I've restored weight a bit. I'm fairly sure I'm secretly bulimic though however as I have a day of binging (where I often eat 3k - 4k calories at a time), and then purge by fasting the next few days and then repeat the cycle. Then again I'm also somewhat curious whether or not I have rumination disorder as instead of vomiting after I eat, I guilty regurgitate the food back up and re-chew it to get the taste back but the same calories absorbed of course. I've noticed that despite this period being my skinniest point in my life, my face as never looked more fat and round, is this because of the binging and regurgitating (swelling of the glands), cause like my body is literally stick thin where my ribcage is visible, yet my face is so chubby looking, and I literally used to have quite the opposite years back when I was a healthy weight. It just causes so much anxiety and I hate it, I really just want to gain weight and quite honestly a bit of fat on my body/limbs, but my face looks like it already is fat :(

realest content, love your personality and hearing your thoughts!! ❤

Thank you

Hi Charly, I know you posted this 3 years ago so you probably won't see this but I still want to thank you regardless. Everything you said is exactly how I feel. My motivation to stop is because I've ruined my once slender face and I'm so deeply saddened. Your video has given me a sense of hope that I can go back to how I was. You are so very appreciated, can't thank you enough for sharing your story. Love from NZ x

I just tried to join your Facebook group

Thank you so much for posting these ❤

Do you have any throat issues ?

I wish we lived closer !!!

I feel like my throat is messed up I’m worried about cancer 😢I had Covid and coughed like crazy about a month ago , I hurt my throat but I was purging so bad for some reason during Covid too . I also smoked years ago so I’m really scared . I have stopped purging for about 3 days I hope that I can continue and that these weird airy throat Symptoms stop

How are you doing? I had an ed relapse after 3 years of remission too you are not alone. Your video on water retention was so important and helpful because no one really talks about it. You are wonderful ❤

Hey, thanks to be so open about bulimia ❤ You are the first youtuber I encounter who feels real about her struggles. I hope you are doing better now but your videos really make me feel less lonely. You are really brave en beautiful 🫂

I’ve suffered from bulimia for 7 years. With therapy I’ve managed to reduce my “episodes” to 2-3x per week (it sounds like a lot but I used to do it multiple times a day every day). But I really want to go the whole month of November without a single episode and make it through Thanksgiving for the first time in 7 years without purging. It’s November 2 😂 So far so good! Celebrate the small wins, right? I’ll return every few days with updates on my progress ❤ Nov. 1 - Day after Halloween, really wanted to purge. Told my husband I’m struggling and he comforted me. I ate a lot due to stress. Did not purge ❤ Nov. 2 - Very self-conscious, I feel huge. Trying to remind myself that weight comes on and comes off and it isn’t forever. Did not purge ❤ Nov. 3 - Felt calmer today, willed myself to eat consistently instead of restricting, which I really wanted to do. I ate two fear foods today (a little pistachio cookie with my morning coffee on my way to work, and a little pecan bar that a coworker made). As soon as I started to move on with my day a little gremlin voice whispered, "Pst... don't get too happy... you ate two sweets today." This sucks. Can't wait for the day when I can enjoy a sweet and not be haunted by ED thoughts. The good news is, I did not purge ❤ Nov. 4 - Struggled through breakfast, then contacted my therapist. Feeling a little calmer now. Day isn’t over yet. Wanted to update this comment to ground myself. Will check-in again later. 😑 …End of the day and… didn’t purge! ❤️ Nov. 5 - Sunday lunch with the in-laws (Italian restaurant). Signaled to my husband I was triggered, so he took my hand (our agreement: if I give him “the signal” it means not to let me go to the bathroom). Another day done, didn’t purge! ❤️ Nov. 6 - Another day down without purging! ❤️ Nov. 7 - Weighed myself this morning which was a mistake. Today is going to be hard. Will check-in later 🕰️ Somehow made it through the day without purging ❤️ Nov. 8 - I can’t believe I’m waking up on the 8th consecutive day of keeping all my food down. I feel more confident. Another day without purging ❤️ Nov. 9 - Woke up feeling great this morning but then had two events (book club and a toddler’s bday) and was so triggered after because I obviously enjoyed the food (including cake). I didn’t purge ❤️ Nov. 10 - I feel huge. But I’m proud I haven’t purged in 10 days. I’m trying my best not to restrict today and to trust my body. Another day without purging ❤️ Nov. 11 - Quite disappointed because I had an episode today 😞 I don’t even know what triggered it - I found myself bored and stress-eating at 5pm and after fighting the impulse for 10 minutes, I purged. Still, I’m glad I was able to go 10 days without having an episode. I’m going to pick myself up and try again ❤ Nov. 12 - Woke up ready to recommit to recovery 💪 I didn’t purge ❤️ Nov. 13 - So triggered right now. At my desk fighting the impulse to purge. A coworker ordered bubble tea for the office and I of course had one… a whole one… I’m taking deep breaths now and waiting for the panic to pass. I’ll check in again before bed 😑 It’s 10pm and I’m proud to say I made it through the day without purging ❤️ Nov. 14 - Started off as a good day, quickly turned bad in the afternoon. I purged 😓 My next therapy session is on Thursday (in 2 days). It can’t come soon enough. I’ll try again tomorrow. I’ll never stop trying. Nov. 15 - Feeling better today after venting to my husband about some triggers I’ve had for the past several days. Didn’t purge today ❤️ Nov. 16 - Therapy today. Feeling calmer and more comfortable. Next session is Nov. 30! Didn’t purge today ❤️ Nov. 17 - Another good day! Didn’t purge ❤️ Nov. 18 - Huge win today! It’s my mother-in-law’s birthday. First, I did not restrict - I ate normally all day even though I knew we’d be having an elaborate dinner. I then enjoyed dinner, even tasting the two desserts we ordered. Did I feel triggered? Yes. Did I purge? Nope! ❤️ Nov. 19 - End of the day, ate half of a huge, delicious pistachio cookie I bought from the bakery. But after finishing half, I wanted the other half. With only a few bites left I started entertaining the idea of having a binge and purge. I ran upstairs to my husband and cuddled with him until the compulsion passed. So proud of myself ❤️ Nov. 20 - Another day down without an episode ❤️ Nov. 21 - Such a good day. I felt so calm and unbothered. Obviously, didn’t purge ❤️ Nov. 22 - Starting initial prepping and cooking the day before thanksgiving. Slightly triggered by how much sugar goes into cranberry sauce. Things got really stressful with the potato recipe. Needed a breather mid-cooking. Didn’t purge today ❤️ Nov. 23 - Well, I did it. For the first time in 7 years I didn’t purge on Thanksgiving. I ate normally throughout the day (didn’t restrict or limit myself) and I enjoyed everything I wanted at dinner. I did get a little triggered on my second dessert, but I signaled my husband and he held my hand and rubbed my back until the panic passed. I am so happy with today. ❤️ Nov. 24 - Thanksgiving leftovers day. Didn’t purge ❤️ Nov. 25 - Had a heart-to-heart with my husband. I told him that seven years ago on Thanksgiving was the first time I purged, because I was afraid of getting fat and “losing him”. He asked me why I ever thought weight-gain would make him feel differently about me, or make him love me less. I told him I wanted to be perfect. I didn’t ever want to give him a reason to leave. So if I could be the perfect girlfriend or the perfect wife, thin and fit and successful and beautiful, then he’d never have a reason to leave. “I’ve been with you through your ADHD, through seasons of depression, through Covid, through everything. Do you really think I wouldn’t be with you if you gained 10 kilos? You’re my everything. I love you just as you are. And if your body changes then I’ll still love you,” he said. I felt overwhelming love and acceptance. Obviously, I didn’t purge today ❤️ Nov. 26 - Another day down without purging, even after eating two of my grandmother’s absolutely-to-die-for chocolate chip cookies ❤️ Nov. 27 - Weighed myself today, not a smart move. Still, I didn’t restrict or purge ❤️ Nov. 28 - I can’t believe I’m two days away to the end of the month… another day down without purging. ❤️ Nov. 29 - It’s our 4th wedding anniversary today. We will definitely be going out to eat to celebrate and it’s weird that I’m not anxious about it. I’m really looking forward to celebrating with my husband ❤️ Nov. 30 - It’s the last day of the month. I can’t believe that in the past 30 days I only had two episodes, while for the past seven years I was having at least two per week. I think this daily check-in is what helped me through and kept me grounded. Just a few words or a daily reflection helped still the voices in my head. There were so many days I wanted to purge, so many triggers, and yes I do wake up this morning uncomfortable in my body, but I’m also so, so grateful that I didn’t torture myself by purging (hurting my heart, my throat, my teeth, my mind…). I now know that I CAN recover and my life will be better off for it. ❤️

Hello i hope you are ok. I just found your channel ❤

3 minutes in and you’ve discussed rinsing and the number of times you purged a day and my ED brain is *triggered* asl. Kinda unnecessary to throw these details out there.

Hi Charly, rewatching some of your vids. It's crazy how much i just feel like your story is me :( Your story is mirroring mine and i am so grateful for you sharing. Hope you are doing well because it flipping sucks so so so so so much and even feeling like there is no joy beyond stuffing my face and purging for hours on end.

Hello. I hope you are keeping well. Have you heard of Grace Bell-Eating peace😊🌈💖 She has a beautiful insightful take on our compulsive behaviours. X

Same happened with me JUST AN HOUR AGO...I THOUGHT I'D JUST HAVE A COOKIE BUT I ATE 12! and then i was so ready to throw up but before that i ate a whole banana,5-6 breads,some more nuts, chips snacks and idk WHAT just the way you feel and now i feel so bloated and i am rn in the bathroom in the middle of purging:))))))

I was bulimic then developed anorexia.. ...but my ed voice told it was better that atleast i looked SKINNY...i relapsed into bulimia and have been binging around 1500-4000 calories from the past 5 days and purging and i have gained 3 kgs AND I FEEL TERRIBLE I FEEL AWFUL UGLY DESPICABLE PIECE OF UTTER TRASH I WANT THIS TO STOP BUT TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT IT'S GONNA TAKE TIME AND I REALLLYYYYY DON'T WANNA DO IT AGAIN

I had a relapse with binges but thankfully not purge following a long juice feast. I am 4 months out from refeed and still have edema. My legs, arms, fingers, face ..I feel it...this is my 2nd round of bad edema. Hope you feel better soon.

Thank you for sharing your story. I believe that you are helping a lot of ppl who are suffering of bulimia. I really appreciate it 🙏☺️.

How are you now?

You are strong and I completely understand you. Anyone who says that has recovered they’re lying.. bulimia is always there and can never go away completely 😔

please make more videos

thank you…

Hi. When you say you purged 15-20 times a day, did you binge every time or are you counting all the many times you had to purge until bile comes up? I'm trying to assess how bad I'm doing. 😔

hi charly. girl, i hope you're doing better and that you know you are so appreciated and i commend you so highly for posting these with your radiant beauty and honesty. i am in the same boat as everything you've described. i am so sorry you're dealing with this too, it is like a weird living nightmare (or in my weird mind, strange food/body karma i've brought upon myself--but that is only my own weird personal situation and journey). i hope you can acknowledge how brave and strong and beautiful you are to endure and keep going and inspire others with how difficult this journey can be. wish i could give you a big hug. you're doing great. if you ever need to talk with anyone who can relate please don't be shy. i hope happiness and healing finds you. thank you for being a voice and an inspiration for others. wishing you only the best

Thank you for posting about something so taboo. Not just bulimia but recovery and relapse. I have struggled with cycles of positive body image and quite negative body image my entire life and I assume it's something I will struggle with for the rest of it. Disorders are not linear and neither is recovery. The most frustrating thing in recovery is finally trying to do the 'hard' thing and it's almost like you're being punished. I should start to feel and look better not worse. I remind myself though that I have been punishing my body for a while and can't expect it to just return to how it was. It's allowed to heal and that healing might be uncomfortable. Like 'how dare I be angry with my poor body which is only trying to heal and find balance once more' But that's the point of being ill right? I expect my body to do what I want when I want and if doesn't ,I feel trapped in a body that isn't mine. One day at a time- but at least know i know this is normal. Feel awful and mortified to face people I know but one day I'll wake up proud of the hard I am doing now. Thanks for being brave enough to share.

I don't know what stage you're at now and i plead that you are doing well and feeling well. I resonate with you so much :( I went into recovery in 2020 February, experienced all this fluid retention, swollen glands, tight legs, just overall puff, i'd say it did subside significantly between the months of january 2021 and july 2021, very slowly. I relapsed in September 2021, thinking ok i will purge but i will not binge, and now I'm this fair and its just full blown binge-purge again, but worse i would say because im living alone and have a ensuite so i don't need to consider anyone when im purging. Thank you for sharing you honesty, i am such an anxious person, always have been and probably always will be. I hate being bored or unproductive and to fill this void i binge and purge, I'm also a full time student nurse and it's just so so so difficult to balance everything, impossible really. I want to get better but i don't want to have to go through getting better:( But everyday im like today is the day. Then its not. I think you are a wonderful wonderful human Charly, it's amazing to hear you speak and know im not alone. We will beat this and we are enough. I'm sorry if your doing well and this comment is triggering but just remember, this eating disorder has never helped me or you and it never will. It's a lonely, comfortable, uncomfortable, anxiety provoking and a liar:(

I am so so glad i have found this channel

Hope you are doing well!

Hey Charly, I wanted to write you since you uploaded your first relapse video a few weeks ago. You have no idea how much I appreciate your decision to make those videos. I am suffering from anorexia purging type for over 10 years now and have had huge binges (around 2 hours; up to 3 of them per day) ever since. It's just like living in hell and the worst is that life with them feels awful but life without them feels vast and empty. Besides, the water retention / edema in my face drives me nuts. I always fall back into old habits because of that. Purging makes it swell down a little bit but in the long run, only stopping can give our face the healing that it needs. I'm 29 and (guess what) study psychology. I have lived with my parents and just recently moved into a single-room apartment in a bigger city for an internship. Since the day I lived alone, the binging and purging got completely out of hand. Whenever I'm here, I binge and purge. Then I clean everything up, feel guilty, go to the supermarket to numb the guilt and shame with binging again. When I feel alone and lost, because I don't know what I want to do with my life, I binge and purge. My apartment becomes messy (plastic packages, used dishes, etc.) and I only find the motivation and strength to clean the mess up every now and then. I don't want anyone to visit me here because I feel so much shame about it. The idea of spending an evening without b/p seems impossible. I'd feel so empty and to be honest, I think, when you'd take away the ED, what would be left is depression. I just really needed to talk about this. It's not so easy to talk about these things with your loved ones. They want to help but they can't do something about it. Only I can; and then again, I can't. It's so so tiring :/ But I think it's important to talk about these things. Shame leads to isolation and isolation is what makes the ED thrive even more. With your videos, you contribute to break that cycle (for you as well as for people who watch them). Sometimes I imagine all people with an ED would meet in one place and talk, listen, hug, comfort and heal each other. We're not alone. I'm thinkng of you and I wish you the very best from the bottom of my heart, Charly <3

Thank you for sharing this. 💕💖I am in recovery right now. I have gained a few pounds. Its not too noticable but I'm so embarrassed people will notice my weight gain. I love short skirts but I have been avoiding them because I'm a little thicker. Its silly but I feel not as pretty just because of these little pounds. I can relate so much with your video. I get so frustrated because I constantly want to eat even though I am full. I see family members who can just open a bag of snack and eat a portion. And then me who always have to eat the whole thing. It is exhausting. It is so hard but i have hope. Thank you for your video. I wish you the best❤❤