I was with a textbook narcissist (on-and-off-and-on-and-off) for 12 years! Married to him for a short time, and then hoovered in and out for years. I always found out about the lies, infidelity, and endured so much abuse. I somehow thought that the Lord had given me a special gift of forgiveness toward him to be able to endure so much but still love my abuser....until one day as I was thinking that very thing, and the Lord spoke as clear as day: "No, I have not given you a special gift of being able to forgive. You stay with him because you are insecure and haven't learned to trust in Me." That gave me the strength to finally end the relationship and trust in God to deliver me from my insecurity. Two months so far......life gets better every day!
It is a miracle and a blessing when God speaks to us and guides us. I say miracle because he is always speaking with us but most of the time we shut him out and don't listen or worse, are led astray by listening to lies..
OMG SAME!!! The Lord literally told me 1. Chasing a Godless man will lead you down a dark road 2. Do not go to him for validation, come to ME for everything. Changed my life. Once I didn't need his validation or care that he dismissed me, invalidated me, devalued me it started to hurt less, then it became easier to disconnect emotionally. I m so happy for you!
I have to say, being freed from such an unequally yoked marriage over a decade, i can say no, it wasnt Gods will for me to be abused, but it was HIS will for me to be in such a thing that i might learn his statute. My babies and I are free now and that ungodly thing i was in, brought me MUCH Closer to my Lord and my GOD JESUS ALMIGHTY. Thank you sister in the faith.
Lory Spash, please, forgive me for saying this, but with love I have to wonder: -Does he say prayers with you to make you hope he is changeing? Could it be a fake behaviour to make you stay? I pray that you can find out. ❤🙏🏽❤️
@M Frihet my former did that for a good 3yrs b4 i realized he was merely manipulating me through him praying with me. As it meant nothing. After praying, i could begin counting down the moment of the his next accusations and gaslighting!
I believe it’s absolutely true that God can show us our own narcissistic tendencies through the abuse of other narcissists Causing us to repent of our own sin, taking responsibility!
Hey Mr. American Rights. Totally understand your heartfelt desire to see marriages healed. That is God’s will too. But we have to look at the full picture here. What Shaneen is addressing is a situation in which only ONE of the two partners is trying to make the marriage work. (And in most cases they have been trying for a long time because they care so much and want to honor God.) The problem is that a narcissist does not try to make a marriage work. They just want it to work FOR THEM. In reality, a person with narcissistic behaviors divorces their spouse continuously through their actions and their words and yet holds their abused spouse in bondage to a covenant that they themselves refuse to uphold. That is not a marriage. That is oppression. Telling an abused spouse to try to “make the marriage work” is like telling them to drive a car that only has wheels on one side. No matter how good those two wheels may be, no matter how good the driver is, that car can only go in circles. And that is exactly what happens in relationship with a narcissist. The abuser does not have wheels on their side of the covenant. They are not contributing to the health of the relationship. On the contrary, they are systematically destroying the very person they promised to love and to cherish above all others. When the spouse of an abusive narcissist leaves, they are not breaking the marriage covenant. They are only acknowledging the divorce that was already committed (over and over again) through their spouse’s ongoing betrayal and abuse.
@@javiervidal366so….are we just supposed to wait until the abuser holds a gun to our head?? Because, this is what the abuse is doing to the soul. Jesus loves me more than he hates divorce.
He kept telling me to stay until July of this year. He said "I call your marriage end!" He's led me out and provided for everything I have needed. I had to learn and grow through the abuse until I finally matured and became rooted and grounded in love. It wasn't until I was ready and had transformed that it was time to go.
I’m going thru the same. I had a lot of healing to do. The Lord told me to wait for 6 years while I’ve been so sick. While I’ve been healing He said “wait and get your house in order, then wait and bloom where I have you”. A few weeks ago He finally said to “finish”. So I’m making my exit plan
“A heart that sheds innocent blood” does apply. Narcissists cause people to commit suicide. To get stress related illnesses that cause death. One example - heart attack. But stress causes many other illnesses that can lead to death. I’d be ticking that one off as well
@@Kl6784zu same!!! All my life I’ve been running to people to help me - even my mother is a narcissist - and it never worked. Now I run to Him only, and I don’t even ask people what they think. Peoples’ motives are not always pure, and even if their motives are pure, people are flawed or lack understanding or have blind spots. We should not trust them or their limited views with our whole lives, and we definitely shouldn’t give them ammo to throw back at us. I love how this woman ALWAYS backs up and bases her advice on the word of God.
You should do that anyways... "Look to no one but him" my bet is if you end up with someone like this you did just that, took your eyes and desires off from him
You touched on examples of how God uses others to strengthen us and identify our own wounds it’s difficult to see it that way when your in the abuse cycles. But God never leaves us that’s His promise. We must be honest with ourselves and look at our why
Arnie, that's such a good comment. When the Lord took me through my healing process, He pointed the finger at me and what behaviors and thought processes made me vulnerable to narcissists. In my situation, the evil that was uncovered was idolatry in my heart. Even though we are to honor our parents, (my parent is a Narcissist) spending my days trying to please her and chase her love and acceptance, was idolatry. As soon as I went no contact, my relationship with Jesus started to flourish. I hadn't realized that the place I was giving to her belonged to God and God alone. It's Him alone that we should submit our lives to and chase. And as long as I had that barrier in my life of the narcissist's control over me, I would continue to be bound in idolatry and my relationship with God would not be able to grow. It was the hardest thing I ever did, going no contact. Because you don't get much support when it's your parents .....my friends would say, *"But it's your MOM and you only get one!"* And of course, most of my adult life, I was whipped mentally into believing the "Honor your mother and father" meant that I had to live with the abuse. But the Father was so gentle, yet firm with me when He demanded that I let her go. Looking inside and being honest about our own motives is important.... you're so right.
I agree Tess it always amazes me that so many people share this type of abuse however I would not have come to know the Lord without that season after salvation is when knowledge of all the behaviors were identified but the best part was how I identified my codependent behaviors and began to heal those Best for you on your journey
@@arnie8799 Agreed! The codependency was my issue. The people pleasing program. God worked me through that too. And my boundaries make Narcissists move on to the next target. I got to the place where I've just considered my abuse as boot camp for whatever work God has for me. And it looks like it may be taking in damaged children and deliverance. May God bless your journey too, Brother. 👍🏽
@Arnie and Tess: Yes! I can so relate to your comments. I've had so many seasons with harmful people and institutions that I should no longer be vulnerable. You'd think. But I once again find myself in the place of coming to this realization over one more relative. She calls herself a Christian (I'm still not sure on that), and I've become invested in her over that last half year. Thankfully, I'm seeing this more quickly than I have in other situations in the past. Just before reading these comments, I prayed to God and repented of the things in me that caused me to latch onto another person. One was wanting to be seen as a compassionate and helpful person - a hero, and the other is wanting to be included still in their will. That is such an embarrassing thing to admit to God, but it's true. I realized that He is to be my only source of hope and support and blessing and provision. It all comes from Him. I think He's telling me now to sever ties, or at least get away from this person, without regard to the consequences. All I'm doing now is praying that He will show me if I am obligated still to complete a few things that we had started. Bless you!
#3 Deserves a check mark too! Hands that shed innocent blood. The Bible talks about how the power of life and death is in the tongue and speaking I’ll of a brother is the same as murdering them. I also feel like the narcissistic abuse killed me. I became a shell of a person. My spirit was crush. I faced a spiritual death, but God resurrected me and I was truly born again in a new spirit. And then God started renewing my mind as well.
Oh I so agree! I watched this video a few times back, and this is exactly what I thought. Jesus calls hate murder. Tell me the narcissist does not HATE in that moment of abuse. Every evil word is like a stab to the heart. May God have mercy.
Thank you for this message. The amount of confusion that comes from being married to a spiritual narcissist is astounding. I stuck with it trying my best to be a Godly wife but I never measured up , in his eyes that is. 13 months ago, after an almost 42 year marriage,as I was crying out to God once more, He clearly told me to leave. I didn’t know if that was for the day or weekend or what, but I never went back. My now ex husband’s control, and manipulation and anger got worse with each day I was gone. I believe God was revealing to me my ex husband’s true character, that I had been in denial about. It’s still difficult and I battle self-doubt and guilt but I found this video encouraging. Thank you again.
I, too, clearly heard God calling me out of my marriage of almost 20 years. It didn’t happen overnight though. It took approximately a year for me to finally leave… BUT GOD!!!! When I tell you that God ordered each step so precisely… I’m still in awe! It’s been 3 months since I left and the post-separation abuse has been far worse than I imagined, but I’m still grateful. I know for a fact that this wasn’t the life God intended for me… or you… glad you are out❤
Thanks for this confirmation Shaneen! I recently had been using this as a rebuttal to ‘God hates divorce’ that there are seven things the Lord also hates and I can’t keep enabling abusive behavior. This is one of the best biblical example videos I’ve seen on the subject!
YES!!! I stayed in the abusive marriage I was in as a believer - because I embraced that truth - but was missing out on some other crucial truth about the things God HATES. (PSALM 11:5, PROVERBS 6: 6-19 (as Shaeen references in this video) Hurray!
Thank you for this wonderful message. I married a narcissist and was abused about every way you can think of. I've been divorced now for almost 20 years and have done a lot of healing. I left him, and he filed for divorce. Even though we met in church, he fell away. I have no regrets about leaving, because as far as I know, he is not a believer, if he ever was. Narcissists are excellent pretenders. Thank you again for this message.
I cut off ties with my abuser and it literally almost killed me. I then told her the truth (in love). I did all this before realizing she was a narcissist (I have two psychology degrees). Once I realized my sister was a narcissist 66 years (she's 74) of a puzzle fell into place and my healing began. I'm hoping to see her again in this lifetime after I set healthy boundaries in the relationship. Dr. Les Carter also has excellent videos for victims of narcissistic abuse.
Amen! Thank you for the affirmation that sometimes God calls us to these toxic relationships. I've been married to a covert narcissist for 44 years. I just realized that in February of this year! I knew things weren't right, but had no idea why. Things didn't add up. He calls himself a Christian, but, so many things were "off". It was so confusing and unsettling. The good times were delightful, but the bad times held emotional abuse and heartache. When i learned about covert narcissism early this year, the puzzle pieces fell into place. For decades I have sought God's leading in this marriage. I have prayed for my husband all that time, even more diligently the last six years. When I'd think to leave or do something to "make something happen"--- hoping to bring my husband to his senses--- God would always lead me to wait/be still. I wondered why God would have me stay in an emotionally abusive marriage or not fix my "Christian" husband. I love your biblical examples!!! Joseph was one I often related to. I also realized that God calls people to hard situations that they can't get out of, sometimes. (Concentration camps, like Corrie; quadriplegia, like Joni) And somehow, they need to learn to live in those situations for the honor and glory of God. And i reasoned that just because there might seem to be a way out, that didn't mean God wanted me to take that way out. I also realized that the ultimate thing that mattered was my husband's spiritual condition--- not my comfort/ happiness within this marriage. So i figured God was having me stay for that higher purpose. However, in March--- weeks after God opened my eyes to my husband's covert narcissism-- and one day before our 44th anniversary, my husband told me he wanted a divorce. His reason: he's tired of playing a role he no longer wants to play. This is NOT how I expected God to deliver me! My husband's announcement totally blind- sided myself and our four grown kids and our grandkids. It threw us into shock and my body rebelled with significant gut issues. It's been a very rough year!!! My husband did agree to let me deal with the health issues before pursuing mediation. But I'm expecting mediation to start up early 2023, unless God puts His foot down. (I have one more medical procedure to get through on January 6th) We've been through more than ten job losses since 2000, so don't have any money. What we get out of selling the house will be split. He plans to "take care of" me with alimony, but I don't see how he'll be able to do that. Plus, his age is such that alimony likely won't go on for long. I do not have any college training. I've worked odd jobs over the years, but that's it. I have wrestled with all of this and am finally at a place where I just want an end to come and a new beginning to start. Living in this in between has been very draining. I'm still hoping and praying that God will do a mighty work in his head and his heart. His spiritual condition is a huge concern and heartache for me. But I'm trusting God's heart in it all. Your prayers would be welcome. Thank you for this video and the affirmation it provided for me. 💞
Margaret, I'm so glad the video was helpful to you. Thank you for sharing your story. I add my prayer to yours that God would do a mighty work in the head and heart of your husband, and also that He would guide you and fill you with His peace. 🙏🏽🕊 God bless you. 💕
I was married to a covert narcissist and I cried out for God to release me and he finally did!! I was married for 7 years and prayed my way through this! God bless and may you seek to be healed 💯!
Prayers. I’m walking through being discarded by my husband of 16yrs, for a girl 13yrs younger than him he’d been having a year long affair with (while I was pregnant mind you). He claims to be a Christian, and I believe he was but has fallen away as he’s showing many covert narcissistic behaviors now, is living in sin with this girl, and in sexual immorality for the last 2 years. I believe he met her while sneaking off to strip clubs behind my back. Im beyond devastated and am praying for a miracle to happen in his heart. Our three kids deserve better. My heart breaks for him, the level of depravity that has led him to do the things he’s been doing and continues to do, my heart breaks for our three kids, especially our now 1yr old. I don’t want to give up on my marriage because I do still love him deeply, despite the hurt and betrayal…but I can see now God allowed him to walk away, at least for now, to protect me from him and his destructive behaviors. I had the same physical response to his sudden abandonment of us…I lost 40lbs in 2months, but God is healing my heart and body, even through the continued abuse. I pray God heals you too. Continue to pour your heart out to our Father in Heaven who is merciful in His healing powers to His children.
@Chris Penfield I am not taking it as hurtful. Mediation is his idea. He wants the divorce. He does not want to go through lawyers. (We can't afford lawyers. He has told me that if I get a lawyer, he will have to get a lawyer. Mine could be pro-bono. His could not. But I'm OK with mediation vs lawyer.) I'm waiting on and trusting God through it all.
Thank you for this great message, this has been my life with my exhusband who is a narcissist!! It was hell on earth 🌎 and I'm still healing ✨️! It was truly training!!!
Shaneen!!! The Lord is using you mightily! I found your channel back in August of this year and have been blessed by so many of your videos. This has to be the best one of all your blessed videos that I have listened to. May the Lord continue to download revelation that sets the captives free. 🙌👏🙏♥️
There is one comment were a lady says we got trained to look at God, not someone else. And I think she is right. I was so committed to my husband, I would have done everything for him. And he knows. And he used it to his advantage that I was so in love, emotionally bonded and felt like I had to keep that marriage working and the whole family in harmony. But now were I was waking up that he is a narcissist, it was hard to realize that I played the perfect slave for him. All the hurt what I was going through was for nothing. All my efforts have been doomed to fail from the beginning. But then I realized as well that I was a Christian, but I think I was putting my husband before God. I have to look at God first, then my husband and my family. And since I got all that understanding. Thanks to your videos ❤, I can live my live as a whole person again. I don't feel like half a person when my husband is not around or not paying attention to me. I am happy and enjoy my live alone again. I am not even getting mad or hurt by his behaviour anymore. I just see through him and am even laughing inside about that childish tries to control me. I have fun doing the things I like again. I feel like I gave up my whole personality just to function in that relationship. So from now on God is first! And important as well is, that I give up the hope to change his heart. Because that is what was holding me up for so many years. It is in God's hands only. And he will change him if it is his will, not mine. He had a good wife and all the time to change. So I will not spend the rest of my life trying to fix him.
Z G You just described my case. Almost 45 years of putting my husband before God until I came to terms with narcissism, and most importantly my own codependency.
Wow! Thats me! The exakt same Thing! Ots a hard awakening, for Sure. I have to repent i did the same mistake. Put my husband before god. Never again. I woke up. The lord woke me up!!! The lord is first!
It was weird. Right when I was ready to ask for the separation, God put his hand on my shoulder and said “wait.” That was when my spouse hit rock bottom and confessed he needed help. The following weeks, he began counseling and began to seek forgiveness and retribution from me and my family. We worked through many issues. Whenever I have doubts, I pray to God and He tells me what to do, say, etc. I am not totally sure what He ultimately has planned for me regarding this relationship. But I do know that once I turned everything to Him, the change in my spouse (including his ability to accept and grow from critique, which never happened before) was huge. Hoping this continues. But God’s will not mine be done. Thank you for your videos!
Then he was not a narcissist 100% A narcissist is a demon. That should answer any questions you might have in the back of your mind. He will manipulate, lie, deceive, distract, suck out your very soul, and then discard you like a piece of gum stuck on his shoe
I have learned (FINALLY) that putting all of my focus on my husband is causing 90 percent of my torment. I see now that I have literally handed the weapons over to the enemy by taking my eyes off of God and putting them on people that love wickedness. I can see the possibility of a divorce down the road but if it does happen I will make absolute certain that I did everything I could, and that I let go of trying to control others. If that doesn’t work, and he doesn’t change his behaviors then I will KNOW that I have made the right choice. The narc loves to force themselves onto the thrones of our hearts. My husband plays too many games that turn him into my god and I have been a willing participant for too long. If he doesn’t change, I will have to go. I will ALWAYS choose my Lord over all else. I just want this life to be over and wake up in His heavenly kingdom. I’m tired.
Please don't focus on your husband changing as that is highly unlikely to happen. Yes with God anything is possible. Focus on changes you need to make as it's very difficult to live with an abuser.
Sister. I have been in and out of the same kind of relationship for over 40 yrs. There's a time when I lost my soul and i became a mess then i came back to God. When I did...he said to me; let me b your lover, husband & friend. ..not a mere man..forI am your maker. I can be your everything. So I put my faith, heart, mind & soul in Christ. After I grew in faith..my husband disgraurded me.. I know now that it was my time to escape ..but it was so brutal being out there with a young daughter..no money and I made my own bad decisions without God. I didn't understand & i was angry. 6 months later , he came back and we got back together.i was hoping that it'd be better but instead it got worse. I laid my soul dwn again to Christ and humbled myself totally to him. God spoke to me. He told me to not listen to my husbands abusive.wrds.& to leave the room or house when he was mean. I did & I started healing. I was gray rocking him. I came to Jesus for all my love. He reveled himself to me in so many different fulfilling ways.. I didn't look to my husband for happiness. ..i got better. .24 yrs went by... He got better..then he accepted Jesus after he lost his entire family for he was at the bottom & broken.. . That, and Christ made a big difference. Still its hard but my grand kids can call us theirs and come here to our never changing home. They're all saved. Just 2 days ago we lost our son in law. He was 48 yrs old and had kids in high school. He was saved & Baptized beforehe died. I watch my husband cry..he soak it all in. And he's changing even more. It's been a hard life. It helped me when I dived into doing my own thing outside the home & have had my church family to help me survive. Don't know about my future but I do know I'll never let go of my God. .
I love the contents of this video. The enemy's deception is his strategy to keep God's people small and caged so they end up not accomplishing God given purpose on earth!Thank you Shaneen continue exposing his devices one being lack of perception in the word.
I have been married to a covert narcissist for over 37 YEARS! Does that take the trophy for emotional mental ignorance or what?! UGH. I am currently in the brutally difficult process of separation (and plan for divorce and complete emotional freedom). I feel as though a giant sinkhole opened up and swallowed the life that I once knew. The life that I thought was the fulfillment of my dream. Marriage, children and eventually 7 grandchildren. After the during and following the pandemic which preceded his retirement; I got to the point where I could no longer bear my daily life. I had come to believe the lie (which began with a childhood of emotional & psychological abandonment) Despite the fact that I've always been a 'type-A', energetic, happy & bubbly personality (ever denying and choking back my believed unworthiness and low self-esteem) I left home early - as I was labelled the 'rebel' , black sheep, and seemed to be constantly in trouble or having my parent's angry with me. A mean, abusive older brother, and a self-loathing cruel older sister, I was the 3rd unplanned child in 4 years. And, I was not a boy. My mother was a 'trophy wife' to a successful athletic man. I am not sure if he was a narcissist or she was? But there was never any emotional connection or bonding with either parent. They were both brought up in 'church-going' families and that was how we were. (Incidentally; I found out from an aunt - as an adult of 3 teenagers - that my OWN mother had dropped out of high school in grade 10, left home and gotten an apartment!!! Because of my black sheep branding; I went through my entire life believing I was a complete disappointment to my family; just completely wicked and not redeemable) Although I finished high school I never received my diploma because I was 7 credits short. I didn't care about grades, or attendance - I just suffered through school as an angry miserable wretch. Intent on taking off as soon as I was done. I left at 17. I was young because I got sent to school early) So, I come to discover that I was the PERFECT MAGNET for a narcissist. To make this horrific long story somewhat shorter; I had attempted suicide by a drug overdose (at the ripe old age of 55 - yes, a grandmother) I had lived with often severe depression for years and years, as well as decades of migraines and self loathing. I spent so much of my adult like - in bed, in the dark in agony and sorrow. Medicated to survive. Both for the migraines as well as the depression. At the beginning of the pandemic I left in desperation to rent a a trailer in a resort park in Arizona... I could not survive any longer. While away, I met another lady who had gone through a divorce - although her ex husband had been physically abusive as well. She left with her 2 children. While sharing 'war stories' she made the statement that literally CHANGED MY LIFE. She said: He sounds like a NARCISSIST! Well, of course I was 'familiar' with the word - it was naturally synonymous with 'loud-mouth, blowhard, look-at-me personality type. However, my husband is a total INTROVERT... so WHAT ON EARTH was she talking about?? Well, hours and hours and hours of: counselling, research, investigation, prayer, and OCEANS OF TEARS later; I NOW understand that there are many types of narcissists. Because we brought our children to know the Lord and I had a profound experience of coming to know Jesus as my PERSONAL saviour and experienced many miraculous scenarios of the Holy Spirit manifesting His presence in my life. Many years of serving in church ministries... but deep, deep down I still felt SO UNLOVED and SO UNWORTHY!! Little did I realize that I had been the victim of decades long emotional, psychological and financial abuse... I lived with a near constant belief that I could never TRULY feel loved because I was not worthy of it, due to my rebellious behaviour growing up. As of today; I have not seen (or heard from) my 3 adult children OR their kids, my beloved grandchildren! I have been 'weighed, measured and found WANTING'. I will add that motherhood was and grandparenthood was my SINGLE LIFES GOAL. I was a 'stay-at-home' Mom who loved and lived the reality. I through myself into creative endeavours, baking and sewing being to highly rewarding challenges I embraced. I sewed most of their clothes as they grew. Because I LOVED it. I'd spent HOURS backing and crafting birthday cake creations of all sizes and shapes to demonstrate my love. (apparently I don't possess the ability to express love and connection as a normal mom, and do not have a 'close' intimate relationship with any of my kids - another FAIL on my part) But I DID LONG to show them that I loved them... I have been shunned and afforded NO credibility with any of them. Despite the fact that I made every effort to develop a close and loving relationship by investing time and love with all the grandkids. Special one-on-one sleep overs. Birthday lunches, outings... Yeah so. It would appear that they have been groomed and brainwashed all these decades. (they are 35, 34 and 31yrs. old now) HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?! It has been over 6 months since any contact has occurred. I had to recognize that I can only be responsible for MY OWN CHOICES and BEHAVIOUR. And all I can do is to wait and lift them all up to the Lord. I continue to seek the Lord's will and strength to persevere. After being so isolated from friends and community (we stopped going to church before the pandemic) So I have NO community connections at all. I have received encouragement from the Lord by way of 'running across' other women who have left emotionally abusive marriages and enjoyed some camaraderie as a result. But I literally have ONE SINGLE FRIEND who the Lord has brought alongside - who is a Christ follower. The deceit, misrepresentation, and outright LIES have been pervasive. I naively allowed my husband to handle all the finances and insisted in always putting everything in BOTH our names. As I never ever conceived that I would be swindled out of my inheritance monies - which were received ahead of his - which conveniently allowed him to put HIS inheritance into an account in his name only... while he readily lapped up all of the hundreds of thousands of inheritance dollars I had received and spent on OUR life together. The law protects the criminals. I am literally OUT OF 'LUCK' - financial speaking. I await on the hand of the Lord to rescue me from this nightmare and redeem me from utter defeat. I KNOW that the LORD is SOVEREIGN and I DO believe in His Word - and am literally at the MERCY of the LORD... meanwhile, I continue to strive to see His will in the midst of this waking nightmare. God help us all!
I know what that is like. My sister also joined forces with my ex husband in a similar manner. It has been years of heartbreak and distraction but no more!!! I am making Phillipians 4:6-8 my go to verses this year. Since God is my fortress, I asked the Lord to help me understand their motives. He gave me compassion which is helping me forgive. I refuse to have any open doors which gives the enemy power that God means for us to keep! May the Lord intervene on your behalf as you continue to shine with the light of Jesus. Daily, I declare that families will be restored for the glory of God in the mighty name of Jesus! Place a hedge of protection around your family using the word of God. Changes will come in time!
Excellent video. The best to date for me. I feel complete. I can see through the fog. My ex wife, for 39 years and a covert Narcissist according to my Doctor, divorced me because I refused to not to submit to the abuse. I always questioned why? Now as this video expresses: God doesn’t make mistakes. Things happen for a reason. For some greater good in the long run. I will watch this episode again and again for comfort. I feel complete and more at peace. Thank you Shaneen for this gift from God through scripture and an explanation “ Glory be to God for everything “ ( St. John Chrysostom).
I am just waking up to the fact that I have been in a similar situation for the past 14 years. It's hard to articulate the kind of pain and suffering some of us go through in these types of situations. Unfortunately for many of us, the recognition of our situation is just the beginning of the struggle. When children are involved it becomes a very different battle.
Thank you for this video as I too am now transitioning with children! I love the way you explained each person’s toxic stories from the bible as they all ended up having victory. As much as I feel humiliated, dragged in the dirt, rejected and undesired, I can’t cease to tell Jehovah Rapha how grateful, blessed , free and peaceful I feel… bittersweet transition!
I was full of pride. Maybe that's why I had to be with my narc husband. I'm learning humility and grace on this path away from him. God has been so good to me. I want so badly to help others escape. Could that be my calling? I will fulfill Gods destiny for me. I ache to do his bidding. 🙏💕
Don't let the title alone fool you. This 20 minutes goes far beyond a superficial cursory contemplation of its namesake etc. This is no less than a full on, in depth concise bible exposition. Many scriptures are utilized in contextually integral ways to illustrate not only some of the more simple truths on said conditions of her profession and expertise, but also’ the deeper implications in relation to matters of faith and practice of a Christian woman. Astounding knowledge and comprehension of the word of God’ Understanding the nuances of the diverse characteristics of many bible stories and players and their moral imperatives and relation to the topic. Ampally evident! There really honestly are only few words I should say about how impressive this really is. Blown away. It makes me realize that all believers should pray for an influx and increase of far more women of this caliber in this day and age; to come out of the modern age Babylon we occupy. (America) Astounding!
If I heard this 21 years ago I would have left. I have been married for 21 years and I thought I would be doing the wrong thing before God if I left. He was diagnosed with cancer and I don't think it would be right to leave him right now. His life is in God's hands. I will however try to do the right thing by him, trying to look for the best treatments available. He has used the word of God at times to manipulate me. We have 5 children which had made it even more difficult to leave.
I have been in my toxic marriage for almost 50 years and the one hope I had was that I would get a small inheritance which would get me started in a departure. It never happened, so I think I'm meant to stay. I really do. There are no escape routes available for me yet but if one becomes available... I'm gone. Thank you for your videos.
@@christamacnaughton8223 Not entirely. No. It isn't the only excuse to stay. I would NEVER be free from him. I raised 4 kids, didn't have the foggiest notion about 'verbal abuse' and 'narcissism'. Until maybe 6 or 7 years ago I began to realize it was a thing in my marriage and it was too late to start saving. He spent ALL the money. I have NONE. Here in Canada and where I live it's at least $1500 a month to rent an apartment. I have no pension. Nothing. Money is a big reason for sure.
May the Lord help you either out of the marriage or in another way. I am in similar situation, but i'm married to thd narcissist for 35 years. I don't earn that much money to move out. But I wair for the Lord to help.
I wish the best for you too. Most days I can avoid the narc and over time I can avoid him almost ALL the time. It's best that way for my health, especially for my mental health. They do take a toll on us that's for sure. We are definitely blessed with the Lord's presence to give us strength.@@editfarkas333
I wholeheartedly agree with you that God can use a toxic person to draw us closer to Him to reveal His power to deliver us, helping us pray without ceasing for ourselves and others, even toxic people, and in His time to grow our faith and prepare us for His greater purpose. May God bless and help us all. Thank you for being a faithful servant of God in helping others through His word. God bless you and your ministry.
I know you're a Christian and the Bible says let no one separate what God has joined together.... I believe my wife is a narcissist and it is really tough but that video everybody is complaining about actually help me so thank you for that video and I hope you make many more... I'm not going to divorce my wife so I need help with how to deal with a narcissist and I'm praying that God heals her from being one
That’s what I always said, until my wife divorced me after 39 years of marriage. When I said no more to abuse, she discarded me ( divorce). May God give you strength brother to endure. But watch your health and well being. As you know, living with a Narcissist is stressful, depressing and more than one can handle at times. Peace be be with you
@@georgegavallos4519 Thanks for the heads-up....I pray that doesn't happen...It is a struggle and I be asking God what he wants me to learn from all this??? I feel like you're the blessed one because...You suffered for so long... God, sets the captives free...You kept your end of the marriage she didn't... So peace be with you and I pray you find happiness😇🙌🏾
Being with a narcissist means living with abuse on a daily basis. That can definitely impact your health, mind, body, and spirit. There are no easy answers for those who choose to stay in abusive relationships. The narcissist will force you to take a close look at your own weaknesses since they always find those and target your weak spots.
@@javiervidal366 Yes...I agree... God says his Grace is enough... God obviously wants me to learn something from this. I take a lot of abuse on a daily basis. Being with a narcissist is not an easy task. I believe God has used it for good; delivering me from alcohol, drugs, and a porn addiction.... My narcissist wife talk so bad about me it made me not want to do none of those things anymore.. You got to have a relationship with God that's the only way I'm able to maintain this marriage
I was raised by a covert narcissist mother who was also a Sunday School teacher and very active in the church. I knew she was 'different' but being raised by her, I knew nothing else. By the time I was in my 20s, though, I knew she hated me and I could do nothing to please her. I lived 7 years on my own but still didn't know about narcissism. And I still wanted her love. I married someone I thought was opposite to her but eventually heard from him the same vile sentiments as my mother spewed. I turned to a women's shelter, convinced 2 people can't possibly be wrong and there must be something terribly wrong with me. She told me about narcissism and recommended several books and my journey started. No, God did NOT want me to be abused. But in order for me to understand the difference between a true Christian who loves God and a narcissistic deceiver, I needed to have that marriage to understand my childhood....to be exposed, as an adult to the toxicity when I was mature enough to seek answers. I am divorced now, still on my healing journey. I am glad that God lead me down the path He did so I could get answers I would never have gotten otherwise.
My "narcissist" had a major brain bleed stroke August 1, 2021 and is suffering paralysis and dementia but is improving. How? It's scriptural because he prospers as his soul prospers...he improves as he responds to God correctly. It's been hard, but it is all worth it to see how God deals with a soul that has been His Child. God works to get my husband straighten out as I stand by in our marriage. Just find God's Will and do it!
Shaneen, I am glad I have discovered your chanel. You have opened a big faculty in my mind to the situation I am in. I hope to be finally out of this. If the Son therefore shall set us free, we shall be free indeed.
I was curses from my family blood lines of a narcissist attitude and I’m learning to break these habits. even accepting Christ, blind to the narcissist attitudes and sins. GOD put me in a narcissistic relation to show me my ways nothing was going right now I have understood. GOD had to show me to deliver me from these traits that my parents be stilled in me. Thank you JESUS for freedom. And also I’m walking in freedom. The Bible says the son who he set free is free indeed
Love your channel I was with one for about 30 years I know it was God who kept me it's been 4 years now 🙏 since I have been delivered for those spirits....
I understood your wisdom when you mentioned that God will use certain evils for his greater good. And i remind people of that whenever the need arises You are an amazing trauma healing counselor. I appreciate you. God bless you in Jesus Christ God Almightys holy name
Thank you for such God given wising. I have listened to narcissism videos in the past but not from a Christian perspective until a friend shared this amazing video. I am slowly healing from a narcissistic relationship and such biblical wisdom is a well of living water for men. Thank you woman of God🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Shaneen... This was a much needed video for me. God bless you richly for being obedient to His word. You are blessed with helping so many of us. God led me to this video I know. I have turned to God deeper, praying only for what he wants for me. My desires that I think I want for me I no longer trust. This has been the blessing for me while enduring a 30 year season with the narcissist husband. It breaks you down until you have nothing left mentally and physically. My spirit is for God though. 2023 will be the transition towards and through separation and divorce. I ask for prayers. For him too. I have great concern for his soul and pray for him too. I may be facing more heartbreak soon but will hang onto and trust my God. Thank you God for Shaneen and her channel. And the work she does for You.
King David's daddy's name was Jesse just like my daddy. I understand how David felt. It's just ironic that our Dads had the same name & were very neglectful & nonchalant.
Shaneen!! May God bless you more and more and used you for all the persons and people who needed this..the word of God and encouragement..!!Many suffered from such people and I'm also one of them, still struggling..but i believe, we all shall overcome someday.. God blessed you and all who watches your videos and who are stuck with such people!!
Yes! I absolutely agree on what you stated in your video. I am just thankful to God he wake me up with the reality with this Narcissist person I went out with. He was sent by an Evil 😈 and I know God has been showing me all the red flags with this evil Narcissist but I was blinded with all his love bombing lies manipulative tactics and gaslighing. I went through a lot with this person and I am just happy and peaceful at these time when I decided to end up with this person. I cam resonate from this video you shared. I learned so much from it. Thank you for sharing this video ❤
Thank you so much for your videos! What a blessing! I have gotten some valuable insights from the secular channels, but when it comes down to it, that was “building the house without the Lord,” and “vanity.” What I truly wanted was the biblical, Christ-centered, gospel-centered focus that you present. Thank you, sister!
You are definitely doing God's work. Thank you!! I just starting watching your channel and I really enjoy the topics and help. I am also going thru a tough season and your videos help me understand my own narcissism and narcissism in others. I want to be a better Christian and a better daughter to God. I had a little experience the other night while praying and I feel like a weight has been lifted and I can move ahead with God's hand on my shoulder...❤ Blessings to you!!
Finally i am at peace listening to this message. knowing the God is in control n he is transforming me to do his will. To trust him in my wilderness. Thank you sister for your messages
I believe also it's God's judgement sometimes because I hurt a lot of people in my past before I gave my life to God but because I married a narsistic man it just made me draw closer to God. Thank you for a very informative message. All Glory to God!
I've been with my husband since 2009. We have 4 children and I left my 2 jobs years ago to homeschool. Pray for me to find something I can do while homeschooling. 😌
I have done extensive research and gotten understanding about narcissism. This is absolutely one of the best videos I've ever seen. You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. Anyone dealing with this hang in there God will see you through just please trust him.
I feel like this is what am enduring. We have been together for 9 years married. It’s been so challenging. Every time I seek to leave God encourages me to stay. Just the other day he tells me that the word of God was written by man and not by God. That we are fooled into believing the man on the pulpit. Yet he says he talks to people about God. It’s been so hard. I feel stuck and need help. I feel like change is coming. But how??
Sometimes we are blind to the truth because we're not ready to see. When we see the light it all makes sense. Just don't know when that will happen or the conditions that will allow us to see the Truth. Stay with God, pray in Jesus Christ name, and all will be revealed in the time of his choosing.
God allowed the narcissist to enter my life to educate me on The Blind Side . That movie, the blind side is a beautiful instrument that God used to minister to my heart during my Narcissist abuse healing . I view myself as Michael and God as The Mom who taught him a simple lesson of the blind side as well as guiding him to tap into his full potential with love encouragement and perseverance that changed his entire life for the better. She couldn't do it for him or change his past but she was a constant in his life to guide him to the brightest future
I just saw that movie and it touched me. That’s an interesting revelation. Would you be willing to elaborate more? I feel like I need to hear what you have to say.
@@deva5696 Sure ! I'm a empath and before the Narc abuse I was a very trusting person and took what people told me to be truth simply because I expected others to be as honest as myself but that's not the case. Im smart as a whip, highly intelligent but I lead with my empathic emotions which made me the perfect prey to a covert narcissist . PEOPLE can and will lie, deceive or have really ugly agendas & dark demonic spirits attached to them and I was niave to covert narcissistic abuse although I grew up with a narcissistic parent. I knew what a malignant narcissist was for sure . My blind side was covert narcissist abuse altogether. And I struggled with many covert narcissist in my life . The true torment started when I began to date one. After the mask slipped w this guy, I still struggled to let go because of my people pleasing and I felt that I could fix this person &that they acted that way because of past hurt & i thought I understood and wanted to love them through it . I too was unaware of the fact that I was a people pleaser and how that makes me a target for narc abuse . All of these things attributed to my blind side . I was miserable and cried out to God & The lord heard my cries and knew that I didn't understand so he sent me the knowledge & I began to educate myself and to understand what I had been enduring . which lead me to learn and aquire the tools so that I could be better equipped in knowing the importance of setting boundaries for myself and standing up to the abuse and saying no, and to demand more for myself and to know that I deserve it . And because of God, the awareness, and love & support from the Narc abuse community I am better, wiser, and better equipped to demand better for myself and to steer clear of narcissist abuse of any kind and there will be a brighter future ahead. I hope that explains what I meant . & I'm here though if you ever wanna chat ♡
This was perfect! I have had those verses in Proverbs 6 highlighted for decades in regard to my narcissistic husband, even before I understood it was narcissism I was dealing with. And I agree, the only one I was able to exclude from the list in regard to my husband was murder. You are right on this Shaneen! I appreciate your wisdom and insight on this so much. And I’ve also considered King David and Joseph in regard to MY decision about my husband. I DO believe God has a plan for me to help others through my adversity. I’m waiting on God, but also doing as much as I can to protect myself while waiting. Isaiah 40:31. Thanks so much for this great discussion!
Murder does NOT only mean physically, it also means Mentally (health/wellbeing), Spiritually and Relationally (Character "assassination"/slander, isolation, etc)....
So my pastor and my councilor , my wife and my understanding is God hates Divorce! I have been dealing with one (wife) Covert) for 20 years but 6 months ago she shut down emotionally , spiritually and physically blaming my anger. Now despite all the work I have done and not having exhibited anger in 6 months she still just repeats I still have her on an emotional merry go-round, and when it stops we can move forward. meanwhile , I vacillate should I give up or keep praying and waiting for the Mirical. What is funny is I only found out about Covert narcissism when she accused me of being one about 4 months ago! She absolutely refuses counseling, claims there are several women at church she get council from. One a friend of ours for 20 years, who is passive aggressive and may well be a one herself . I have grown greatly but this cold detachment is wearing on me.
Thank you for sharing this video. I am watching it over a year later, and it has provided me with so much important clarity about God's plan for me. Even some of the comments here are encouraging me to persevere. Thank you so much.
That was an excellent video. It helped in all kinds of ways, like a blossom opens up in all directions. It meant a lot to hear every word of it. Sincere thanks Shaneen.
A wonderful message thank you Shaneen, which is relevant to many of us going through difficult situations. Also you back up your teaching with corresponding scriptures which help us navigate challenges in life and become stronger for it.
I believe Abba had me with my NPD experience as Jacobs. It revealed parts of me for 10 years I had NO idea I was capable of going to his level. Yikes. Learned a lot about myself! Glory King. Shared this on my community. I’ve been away in hospital while there cabin burned down total destruction animals truck etc. and and and. I’m being sifted for over a year. If you’re interested there are prizes report updates on how far he’s brought me!! Also please pray about an interview. 🎉🎉🎉🎉
Dear Shaneen, please do a video on what to do if your adult child is a narcissist and has weaponized the grandkids in terms of seeing them as an act of control. I believe this would help a lot of people.
Weaponized the grandkids is part of what I’m going through as well. And my adult children and DIL are buying his con game against me. So that makes it easy for them to cut the grandkids out of my life. I hurt for the grandkids more than anything.
Awesome message! Especially the part and comparison to Jacob and David and if you are going through such rough times - there is a very high probability that God will use you to help and heal others! Amen!
My Pastors told me to stay married. They said that God hates divorce and if I leave my ex husband, I’d be dishonouring God. I got divorced and lost my church too 😢
Thank you Shannon. Out of all the counselors on TH-cam on narcissistic relationships, I appreciate yours (Biblical perspective) the most. I've suffered for 3yrs with a narcissist abusive wife. She recently admitted to my pastor that her culture (Luo, Kenyan) allows her (not true) to search for a new man while being married to me (she's a picture perfect "Christian" to others). He told her, no that is NOT Christian culture and was deeply wrong. No remorse. As a disabled veteran I don't need her garbage polluting my life as I've got enough to deal with. So stupid. Please say a prayer for me as I heal.
A big part of getting healed is recognizing your need for healing and then asking God to heal you. If someone doesn't think they need healing, they may resist or be closed to God healing them.
What you said at 15:14 completely shocked me. I had a major awakening to just how many times my husband has held against me and referenced exactly that.
Wife and I walked away from my narcissistic family three years ago after 25 years of abuse. Couldn’t be happier. Should have done it 20 years ago. Of course it was scary. Wasn’t sure if it was Gods will. We were at the point where anything would be better than staying connected to them. 2 Tim 2:3-5 seems to describe the narcissist perfectly.
EXCELLENT VIDEO!! Especialy Biblicly!! Would you consider making a video about a scapegoat that was raised by a family of abusive narcissists? And the scapegoat child grows up and marries a narc, because it's familiar, and the scapegoat has now adult children all narcissists as well. God bless you and thanks again for you important knowledgable videos!❣❣
Rose, your situation sounds like mine. I hate that my two adult children took on my husband’s narcissistic personality. I was raised by an overt narcissist and didn’t recognize my codependency and ended up marrying a covert narcissist. Sometimes we have to walk away from family members and pray that God will open their eyes one day.
@@LoveOneAnother1758 So true @FreeChick!!! What pain filled broken hearts are experienced for the scape goat surrounded by demon filled narcs. They tried to break me down and keep me down. But God had greater plan's. Your sooo right. I'm close to a hairs breath away from going complete no contact with one more abusive narc sibling. I blocked another one and have gone no contact with family and a narc friend. The only one in my family that was kind and loving to me ever, was my mom. Unfortunatly she passed away in 2015. She was very loving. She had a severe and torturous life, but came out sooo Exstroudanaryn genuinl'y loving. I learned a lot from her. I hope your situaction in God will abundantly bless you @FreeChick!! 🙏🕊
Your teaching was so spot on for me in this video Shaneen, and so encouraging. I haven't understood why God repeatedly told me to stay in a Christian community led by multiple narcissistic leaders, where i endured abuse (until I started to figure out what was going on and worked on my boundaries), where i became their scapegoat and target for their mistreatment. Eventually they asked me to leave. I knew God was working on my character in the process of what I was going through, but what you have shared in this video has helped me understand it all so much more as I continue to process it all and heal. I think you must also be quite prophetic (?). Anyway, I love your work and thank you so much for helping us navigate this road. 😊
Wow! This is just loaded with good information. Another Gem. Thank you so much for this information I do pass these along to people I know that are dealing with them.
I had never actually understood this concept for so many years until just last night when I watched The Chosen (Season 3 Episode 2) when YAH is talking to little John about his medical condition, guys please watch it if you’re still struggling with understanding, and apply it to your life and situation, it completely changed my outlook. It’s not that he wants us to suffer, but he allows it for a purpose that may be vital to our growth, even through that suffering there’s still glory to be given to the almighty meaning you may touch and change the life of another because of your circumstance, because you’ve gone through deep waters, one day he will relive us all of our suffering when our time comes, but being in the flesh we will have to go through the muck of life, whether that’s this or something else. Been in my marriage for 9 years and boy have I suffered but I’ve also been learning to lean on my ABBA (father) he knows what I can take and he pulls me through every time. 🙌🏼 Certainly not the most peaceful way to live I’ll admit, but it’s been a refining process for me and I am grateful for the lessons.
In the first year of marriage I thought about annulment but thought maybe she’ll mellow out being in a church family..wrong..severe stress and angst followed, prayed she would leave which she did, some relief but much, much more can be said, Prov.21:19 😱
You are amazing Shaneen God bless you. Please make a video about narcissists mother i m begging you. She has stolen all happiness from me. She literally steals my stuff without asking me. Lies all the time. Blames and disrespecting me with everyone. Breakes my name. She disrespecting my husband. And so many more things. Please make a video about narcissists mother.
Recently discovered your channel. Very insightful and powerful content. Have you done any content on how to break apart from a narcissist spouse when children are involved and the children are also targets of the narcissist?
Thank you telling us, the reason Jesus kept us in this relationship, is because Jesus will use us for other’s just like our (ex)! That really touched my heart 💜! Know I know! God Bless You my Sister Shaneen 🙌✝️❤️🔥🕊
I really needed this. My ex was a toxic person with a lot of narcissistic traits. I have been in so much pain for the past year and want to find my peace. I live with so much bitterness, anger, resentment, and regret. I hope that one day I can see the bigger picture in all this. I also hope that my ex gets her “karma”. She is a dangerous person. I pray to god she doesn’t hurt anyone as much as she has hurt me.
I was with a textbook narcissist (on-and-off-and-on-and-off) for 12 years! Married to him for a short time, and then hoovered in and out for years. I always found out about the lies, infidelity, and endured so much abuse. I somehow thought that the Lord had given me a special gift of forgiveness toward him to be able to endure so much but still love my abuser....until one day as I was thinking that very thing, and the Lord spoke as clear as day: "No, I have not given you a special gift of being able to forgive. You stay with him because you are insecure and haven't learned to trust in Me." That gave me the strength to finally end the relationship and trust in God to deliver me from my insecurity. Two months so far......life gets better every day!
It is a miracle and a blessing when God speaks to us and guides us. I say miracle because he is always speaking with us but most of the time we shut him out and don't listen or worse, are led astray by listening to lies..
Thank you for sharing your testimony
Thanks for sharing. It helps to know I am not alone.
I’m sooooo happy for you Pattie! You’ll highs and lows like we all did but wow, is it liberating
OMG SAME!!! The Lord literally told me
1. Chasing a Godless man will lead you down a dark road
2. Do not go to him for validation, come to ME for everything.
Changed my life. Once I didn't need his validation or care that he dismissed me, invalidated me, devalued me it started to hurt less, then it became easier to disconnect emotionally. I m so happy for you!
I have to say, being freed from such an unequally yoked marriage over a decade, i can say no, it wasnt Gods will for me to be abused, but it was HIS will for me to be in such a thing that i might learn his statute. My babies and I are free now and that ungodly thing i was in, brought me MUCH Closer to my Lord and my GOD JESUS ALMIGHTY. Thank you sister in the faith.
Same here
Lory Spash, please, forgive me for saying this, but with love I have to wonder: -Does he say prayers with you to make you hope he is changeing? Could it be a fake behaviour to make you stay? I pray that you can find out. ❤🙏🏽❤️
❤Amen Sister! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🙏🏼💯
@@LorySpash I pray God humbles your husband and make him submissive to you in the name of Jesus I pray
@M Frihet my former did that for a good 3yrs b4 i realized he was merely manipulating me through him praying with me. As it meant nothing. After praying, i could begin counting down the moment of the his next accusations and gaslighting!
I believe it’s absolutely true that God can show us our own narcissistic tendencies through the abuse of other narcissists Causing us to repent of our own sin, taking responsibility!
You are so right...He shows us because He loves us. He wants us to be like Jesus...❤
Very true!
Most of us don't want to consider or even admit that we had A LOT in common with the very thing we now thank God for being delivered from...
@ completely agree. And that’s pride which is funny since that’s one of the main issues that narcissists struggle with.
Hey Mr. American Rights. Totally understand your heartfelt desire to see marriages healed. That is God’s will too. But we have to look at the full picture here. What Shaneen is addressing is a situation in which only ONE of the two partners is trying to make the marriage work. (And in most cases they have been trying for a long time because they care so much and want to honor God.) The problem is that a narcissist does not try to make a marriage work. They just want it to work FOR THEM. In reality, a person with narcissistic behaviors divorces their spouse continuously through their actions and their words and yet holds their abused spouse in bondage to a covenant that they themselves refuse to uphold.
That is not a marriage. That is oppression.
Telling an abused spouse to try to “make the marriage work” is like telling them to drive a car that only has wheels on one side. No matter how good those two wheels may be, no matter how good the driver is, that car can only go in circles. And that is exactly what happens in relationship with a narcissist. The abuser does not have wheels on their side of the covenant. They are not contributing to the health of the relationship. On the contrary, they are systematically destroying the very person they promised to love and to cherish above all others.
When the spouse of an abusive narcissist leaves, they are not breaking the marriage covenant. They are only acknowledging the divorce that was already committed (over and over again) through their spouse’s ongoing betrayal and abuse.
Amen J Wallace. You are absolutely correct.
You make excellent points. However Jesus Christ in his teachings on divorce speaks differently. Not sure how you reconcile that.
Spot on !
You are 100% correct!
@@javiervidal366so….are we just supposed to wait until the abuser holds a gun to our head?? Because, this is what the abuse is doing to the soul. Jesus loves me more than he hates divorce.
He kept telling me to stay until July of this year. He said "I call your marriage end!" He's led me out and provided for everything I have needed. I had to learn and grow through the abuse until I finally matured and became rooted and grounded in love. It wasn't until I was ready and had transformed that it was time to go.
Thank you 😊 your comment is encouraging to me.
10
Such a great message
I’m going thru the same. I had a lot of healing to do. The Lord told me to wait for 6 years while I’ve been so sick. While I’ve been healing He said “wait and get your house in order, then wait and bloom where I have you”. A few weeks ago He finally said to “finish”. So I’m making my exit plan
Same thing happened to me but he didn’t say wait he said go
“A heart that sheds innocent blood” does apply. Narcissists cause people to commit suicide. To get stress related illnesses that cause death. One example - heart attack. But stress causes many other illnesses that can lead to death.
I’d be ticking that one off as well
And abortions!
It seems that God was training them to look to no one but Him. This was a great message. Thank you 🙏🏽
Yes, you are right. I just added a comment that that was exactly my conclusion about my marriage. I didn't put God first!
Miriam well said... A point which I can totally relate
@@Kl6784zu same!!! All my life I’ve been running to people to help me - even my mother is a narcissist - and it never worked. Now I run to Him only, and I don’t even ask people what they think. Peoples’ motives are not always pure, and even if their motives are pure, people are flawed or lack understanding or have blind spots. We should not trust them or their limited views with our whole lives, and we definitely shouldn’t give them ammo to throw back at us. I love how this woman ALWAYS backs up and bases her advice on the word of God.
You should do that anyways... "Look to no one but him" my bet is if you end up with someone like this you did just that, took your eyes and desires off from him
Thank you so much for your wisdom, and for backing each and every insight straight from the Bible❤️
You touched on examples of how God uses others to strengthen us and identify our own wounds it’s difficult to see it that way when your in the abuse cycles. But God never leaves us that’s His promise. We must be honest with ourselves and look at our why
Arnie, that's such a good comment. When the Lord took me through my healing process, He pointed the finger at me and what behaviors and thought processes made me vulnerable to narcissists. In my situation, the evil that was uncovered was idolatry in my heart. Even though we are to honor our parents, (my parent is a Narcissist) spending my days trying to please her and chase her love and acceptance, was idolatry. As soon as I went no contact, my relationship with Jesus started to flourish. I hadn't realized that the place I was giving to her belonged to God and God alone. It's Him alone that we should submit our lives to and chase. And as long as I had that barrier in my life of the narcissist's control over me, I would continue to be bound in idolatry and my relationship with God would not be able to grow.
It was the hardest thing I ever did, going no contact. Because you don't get much support when it's your parents .....my friends would say, *"But it's your MOM and you only get one!"*
And of course, most of my adult life, I was whipped mentally into believing the "Honor your mother and father" meant that I had to live with the abuse.
But the Father was so gentle, yet firm with me when He demanded that I let her go.
Looking inside and being honest about our own motives is important.... you're so right.
I agree Tess it always amazes me that so many people share this type of abuse however I would not have come to know the Lord without that season after salvation is when knowledge of all the behaviors were identified but the best part was how I identified my codependent behaviors and began to heal those
Best for you on your journey
@@arnie8799
Agreed! The codependency was my issue. The people pleasing program. God worked me through that too. And my boundaries make Narcissists move on to the next target. I got to the place where I've just considered my abuse as boot camp for whatever work God has for me. And it looks like it may be taking in damaged children and deliverance.
May God bless your journey too, Brother. 👍🏽
@Arnie and Tess: Yes! I can so relate to your comments.
I've had so many seasons with harmful people and institutions that I should no longer be vulnerable. You'd think.
But I once again find myself in the place of coming to this realization over one more relative.
She calls herself a Christian (I'm still not sure on that), and I've become invested in her over that last half year. Thankfully, I'm seeing this more quickly than I have in other situations in the past.
Just before reading these comments, I prayed to God and repented of the things in me that caused me to latch onto another person. One was wanting to be seen as a compassionate and helpful person - a hero, and the other is wanting to be included still in their will.
That is such an embarrassing thing to admit to God, but it's true. I realized that He is to be my only source of hope and support and blessing and provision. It all comes from Him.
I think He's telling me now to sever ties, or at least get away from this person, without regard to the consequences. All I'm doing now is praying that He will show me if I am obligated still to complete a few things that we had started.
Bless you!
@@tessw9744 hey was reading another comment on this post a re read our conversation. I was prompted to ask how are you doing in your journey
#3 Deserves a check mark too! Hands that shed innocent blood. The Bible talks about how the power of life and death is in the tongue and speaking I’ll of a brother is the same as murdering them. I also feel like the narcissistic abuse killed me. I became a shell of a person. My spirit was crush. I faced a spiritual death, but God resurrected me and I was truly born again in a new spirit. And then God started renewing my mind as well.
Oh I so agree! I watched this video a few times back, and this is exactly what I thought. Jesus calls hate murder. Tell me the narcissist does not HATE in that moment of abuse. Every evil word is like a stab to the heart. May God have mercy.
Thank you for this message. The amount of confusion that comes from being married to a spiritual narcissist is astounding. I stuck with it trying my best to be a Godly wife but I never measured up , in his eyes that is. 13 months ago, after an almost 42 year marriage,as I was crying out to God once more, He clearly told me to leave. I didn’t know if that was for the day or weekend or what, but I never went back. My now ex husband’s control, and manipulation and anger got worse with each day I was gone. I believe God was revealing to me my ex husband’s true character, that I had been in denial about. It’s still difficult and I battle self-doubt and guilt but I found this video encouraging. Thank you again.
I, too, clearly heard God calling me out of my marriage of almost 20 years. It didn’t happen overnight though. It took approximately a year for me to finally leave… BUT GOD!!!! When I tell you that God ordered each step so precisely… I’m still in awe! It’s been 3 months since I left and the post-separation abuse has been far worse than I imagined, but I’m still grateful. I know for a fact that this wasn’t the life God intended for me… or you… glad you are out❤
You strong woman ❤ cling to Him. He sees you
Yea we were meant to be unequally yoked, God's called us to peace, if he doesn't want to be married to a Christian he's free to go ❤
Thanks for this confirmation Shaneen! I recently had been using this as a rebuttal to ‘God hates divorce’ that there are seven things the Lord also hates and I can’t keep enabling abusive behavior. This is one of the best biblical example videos I’ve seen on the subject!
YES!!! I stayed in the abusive marriage I was in as a believer - because I embraced that truth - but was missing out on some other crucial truth about the things God HATES. (PSALM 11:5, PROVERBS 6: 6-19 (as Shaeen references in this video) Hurray!
Thank you for this wonderful message. I married a narcissist and was abused about every way you can think of. I've been divorced now for almost 20 years and have done a lot of healing. I left him, and he filed for divorce. Even though we met in church, he fell away. I have no regrets about leaving, because as far as I know, he is not a believer, if he ever was. Narcissists are excellent pretenders. Thank you again for this message.
I cut off ties with my abuser and it literally almost killed me. I then told her the truth (in love). I did all this before realizing she was a narcissist (I have two psychology degrees). Once I realized my sister was a narcissist 66 years (she's 74) of a puzzle fell into place and my healing began. I'm hoping to see her again in this lifetime after I set healthy boundaries in the relationship. Dr. Les Carter also has excellent videos for victims of narcissistic abuse.
Yes!! It's truly mind bending even for smart people, isn't it??
Amen! Thank you for the affirmation that sometimes God calls us to these toxic relationships. I've been married to a covert narcissist for 44 years. I just realized that in February of this year! I knew things weren't right, but had no idea why. Things didn't add up. He calls himself a Christian, but, so many things were "off". It was so confusing and unsettling. The good times were delightful, but the bad times held emotional abuse and heartache. When i learned about covert narcissism early this year, the puzzle pieces fell into place.
For decades I have sought God's leading in this marriage. I have prayed for my husband all that time, even more diligently the last six years. When I'd think to leave or do something to "make something happen"--- hoping to bring my husband to his senses--- God would always lead me to wait/be still. I wondered why God would have me stay in an emotionally abusive marriage or not fix my "Christian" husband. I love your biblical examples!!! Joseph was one I often related to.
I also realized that God calls people to hard situations that they can't get out of, sometimes. (Concentration camps, like Corrie; quadriplegia, like Joni) And somehow, they need to learn to live in those situations for the honor and glory of God. And i reasoned that just because there might seem to be a way out, that didn't mean God wanted me to take that way out.
I also realized that the ultimate thing that mattered was my husband's spiritual condition--- not my comfort/ happiness within this marriage.
So i figured God was having me stay for that higher purpose.
However, in March--- weeks after God opened my eyes to my husband's covert narcissism-- and one day before our 44th anniversary, my husband told me he wanted a divorce. His reason: he's tired of playing a role he no longer wants to play.
This is NOT how I expected God to deliver me! My husband's announcement totally blind- sided myself and our four grown kids and our grandkids. It threw us into shock and my body rebelled with significant gut issues. It's been a very rough year!!!
My husband did agree to let me deal with the health issues before pursuing mediation. But I'm expecting mediation to start up early 2023, unless God puts His foot down. (I have one more medical procedure to get through on January 6th)
We've been through more than ten job losses since 2000, so don't have any money. What we get out of selling the house will be split. He plans to "take care of" me with alimony, but I don't see how he'll be able to do that. Plus, his age is such that alimony likely won't go on for long.
I do not have any college training. I've worked odd jobs over the years, but that's it.
I have wrestled with all of this and am finally at a place where I just want an end to come and a new beginning to start. Living in this in between has been very draining.
I'm still hoping and praying that God will do a mighty work in his head and his heart. His spiritual condition is a huge concern and heartache for me. But I'm trusting God's heart in it all. Your prayers would be welcome.
Thank you for this video and the affirmation it provided for me. 💞
Margaret, I'm so glad the video was helpful to you. Thank you for sharing your story. I add my prayer to yours that God would do a mighty work in the head and heart of your husband, and also that He would guide you and fill you with His peace. 🙏🏽🕊 God bless you. 💕
I was married to a covert narcissist and I cried out for God to release me and he finally did!! I was married for 7 years and prayed my way through this! God bless and may you seek to be healed 💯!
Prayers. I’m walking through being discarded by my husband of 16yrs, for a girl 13yrs younger than him he’d been having a year long affair with (while I was pregnant mind you). He claims to be a Christian, and I believe he was but has fallen away as he’s showing many covert narcissistic behaviors now, is living in sin with this girl, and in sexual immorality for the last 2 years. I believe he met her while sneaking off to strip clubs behind my back. Im beyond devastated and am praying for a miracle to happen in his heart. Our three kids deserve better. My heart breaks for him, the level of depravity that has led him to do the things he’s been doing and continues to do, my heart breaks for our three kids, especially our now 1yr old. I don’t want to give up on my marriage because I do still love him deeply, despite the hurt and betrayal…but I can see now God allowed him to walk away, at least for now, to protect me from him and his destructive behaviors. I had the same physical response to his sudden abandonment of us…I lost 40lbs in 2months, but God is healing my heart and body, even through the continued abuse. I pray God heals you too. Continue to pour your heart out to our Father in Heaven who is merciful in His healing powers to His children.
@Chris Penfield I am not taking it as hurtful.
Mediation is his idea. He wants the divorce. He does not want to go through lawyers. (We can't afford lawyers. He has told me that if I get a lawyer, he will have to get a lawyer. Mine could be pro-bono. His could not. But I'm OK with mediation vs lawyer.) I'm waiting on and trusting God through it all.
@Chris Penfield Chris I really like your comment, thank you for being concerned about how you approach her with your comment!
I long for the freedom God has for us. 20 years in and I am worn out. Thank you Shaneen for posting this important message.
Ditto! Yes, worn out! Well said!
God Bless you. 27 years for me.
@@VSmPharmacy ((Hugs)) Praying for us. May you be able to be who God made you to be. May you be in His will and purpose for you.
21 years for me- we should form a christian support group
The Lord is using you in a mighty way!!! Bless you Women of God!!! Continue to do the work of the Lord!!
Thank you so much.
@@ShaneenMegji- just as a matter of interest: have you ever been a victim of narcissism or lived with a narcissist or are you speaking academically?
Thank you for this great message, this has been my life with my exhusband who is a narcissist!! It was hell on earth 🌎 and I'm still healing ✨️! It was truly training!!!
May you see brighter days unfolding. 🙏🏽💕
Shaneen!!! The Lord is using you mightily! I found your channel back in August of this year and have been blessed by so many of your videos. This has to be the best one of all your blessed videos that I have listened to. May the Lord continue to download revelation that sets the captives free. 🙌👏🙏♥️
Truly. The Lord has enlightened her.
Amen sister! The Lord is definitely using her to help us! ❤️🥰❤️
There is one comment were a lady says we got trained to look at God, not someone else. And I think she is right. I was so committed to my husband, I would have done everything for him. And he knows. And he used it to his advantage that I was so in love, emotionally bonded and felt like I had to keep that marriage working and the whole family in harmony. But now were I was waking up that he is a narcissist, it was hard to realize that I played the perfect slave for him. All the hurt what I was going through was for nothing. All my efforts have been doomed to fail from the beginning. But then I realized as well that I was a Christian, but I think I was putting my husband before God. I have to look at God first, then my husband and my family. And since I got all that understanding. Thanks to your videos ❤, I can live my live as a whole person again. I don't feel like half a person when my husband is not around or not paying attention to me. I am happy and enjoy my live alone again. I am not even getting mad or hurt by his behaviour anymore. I just see through him and am even laughing inside about that childish tries to control me. I have fun doing the things I like again. I feel like I gave up my whole personality just to function in that relationship. So from now on God is first! And important as well is, that I give up the hope to change his heart. Because that is what was holding me up for so many years. It is in God's hands only. And he will change him if it is his will, not mine. He had a good wife and all the time to change. So I will not spend the rest of my life trying to fix him.
Wow. Wow. Wow. What a testimony and display of spiritual maturity you have. Praise the Lord.
Excellent! True and God's wisdom on display but so many are still stuck in similar situations.
Z G
You just described my case. Almost 45 years of putting my husband before God until I came to terms with narcissism, and most importantly my own codependency.
That is wonderful!! Stay strong in the Lord dear sister.. I really hope you have a blessed new year!
Wow! Thats me! The exakt same Thing! Ots a hard awakening, for Sure. I have to repent i did the same mistake. Put my husband before god. Never again. I woke up. The lord woke me up!!! The lord is first!
It was weird. Right when I was ready to ask for the separation, God put his hand on my shoulder and said “wait.” That was when my spouse hit rock bottom and confessed he needed help. The following weeks, he began counseling and began to seek forgiveness and retribution from me and my family. We worked through many issues. Whenever I have doubts, I pray to God and He tells me what to do, say, etc. I am not totally sure what He ultimately has planned for me regarding this relationship. But I do know that once I turned everything to Him, the change in my spouse (including his ability to accept and grow from critique, which never happened before) was huge. Hoping this continues. But God’s will not mine be done. Thank you for your videos!
WOW, that is such an unlikely (statistically) outcome. But Praise the LORD. So happy for you!!!
Then he was not a narcissist
100%
A narcissist is a demon. That should answer any questions you might have in the back of your mind.
He will manipulate, lie, deceive, distract, suck out your very soul, and then discard you like a piece of gum stuck on his shoe
I have learned (FINALLY) that putting all of my focus on my husband is causing 90 percent of my torment. I see now that I have literally handed the weapons over to the enemy by taking my eyes off of God and putting them on people that love wickedness. I can see the possibility of a divorce down the road but if it does happen I will make absolute certain that I did everything I could, and that I let go of trying to control others. If that doesn’t work, and he doesn’t change his behaviors then I will KNOW that I have made the right choice. The narc loves to force themselves onto the thrones of our hearts. My husband plays too many games that turn him into my god and I have been a willing participant for too long. If he doesn’t change, I will have to go. I will ALWAYS choose my Lord over all else. I just want this life to be over and wake up in His heavenly kingdom. I’m tired.
Please don't focus on your husband changing as that is highly unlikely to happen. Yes with God anything is possible. Focus on changes you need to make as it's very difficult to live with an abuser.
Amen. Heaven will be a huge welcomed rest. I’m tired as well.
Sister. I have been in and out of the same kind of relationship for over 40 yrs. There's a time when I lost my soul and i became a mess then i came back to God. When I did...he said to me; let me b your lover, husband & friend. ..not a mere man..forI am your maker. I can be your everything. So I put my faith, heart, mind & soul in Christ. After I grew in faith..my husband disgraurded me.. I know now that it was my time to escape ..but it was so brutal being out there with a young daughter..no money and I made my own bad decisions without God. I didn't understand & i was angry. 6 months later , he came back and we got back together.i was hoping that it'd be better but instead it got worse. I laid my soul dwn again to Christ and humbled myself totally to him. God spoke to me. He told me to not listen to my husbands abusive.wrds.& to leave the room or house when he was mean. I did & I started healing. I was gray rocking him. I came to Jesus for all my love. He reveled himself to me in so many different fulfilling ways.. I didn't look to my husband for happiness. ..i got better. .24 yrs went by... He got better..then he accepted Jesus after he lost his entire family for he was at the bottom & broken.. . That, and Christ made a big difference. Still its hard but my grand kids can call us theirs and come here to our never changing home. They're all saved.
Just 2 days ago we lost our son in law. He was 48 yrs old and had kids in high school. He was saved & Baptized beforehe died. I watch my husband cry..he soak it all in. And he's changing even more. It's been a hard life. It helped me when I dived into doing my own thing outside the home & have had my church family to help me survive. Don't know about my future but I do know I'll never let go of my God. .
;) check out Mort fortel marriage fitness 1 Peter 3 and 1 cor 7 :)
Keep your eyes on Jesus and ask Holy Spirit to show you how to see your spouse in his eyes and with his spirit and not react by the flesh
I love the contents of this video. The enemy's deception is his strategy to keep God's people small and caged so they end up not accomplishing God given purpose on earth!Thank you Shaneen continue exposing his devices one being lack of perception in the word.
I have been married to a covert narcissist for over 37 YEARS! Does that take the trophy for emotional mental ignorance or what?! UGH. I am currently in the brutally difficult process of separation (and plan for divorce and complete emotional freedom). I feel as though a giant sinkhole opened up and swallowed the life that I once knew. The life that I thought was the fulfillment of my dream. Marriage, children and eventually 7 grandchildren. After the during and following the pandemic which preceded his retirement; I got to the point where I could no longer bear my daily life. I had come to believe the lie (which began with a childhood of emotional & psychological abandonment) Despite the fact that I've always been a 'type-A', energetic, happy & bubbly personality (ever denying and choking back my believed unworthiness and low self-esteem) I left home early - as I was labelled the 'rebel' , black sheep, and seemed to be constantly in trouble or having my parent's angry with me. A mean, abusive older brother, and a self-loathing cruel older sister, I was the 3rd unplanned child in 4 years. And, I was not a boy. My mother was a 'trophy wife' to a successful athletic man. I am not sure if he was a narcissist or she was? But there was never any emotional connection or bonding with either parent. They were both brought up in 'church-going' families and that was how we were. (Incidentally; I found out from an aunt - as an adult of 3 teenagers - that my OWN mother had dropped out of high school in grade 10, left home and gotten an apartment!!! Because of my black sheep branding; I went through my entire life believing I was a complete disappointment to my family; just completely wicked and not redeemable) Although I finished high school I never received my diploma because I was 7 credits short. I didn't care about grades, or attendance - I just suffered through school as an angry miserable wretch. Intent on taking off as soon as I was done. I left at 17. I was young because I got sent to school early) So, I come to discover that I was the PERFECT MAGNET for a narcissist. To make this horrific long story somewhat shorter; I had attempted suicide by a drug overdose (at the ripe old age of 55 - yes, a grandmother) I had lived with often severe depression for years and years, as well as decades of migraines and self loathing. I spent so much of my adult like - in bed, in the dark in agony and sorrow. Medicated to survive. Both for the migraines as well as the depression. At the beginning of the pandemic I left in desperation to rent a a trailer in a resort park in Arizona... I could not survive any longer. While away, I met another lady who had gone through a divorce - although her ex husband had been physically abusive as well. She left with her 2 children. While sharing 'war stories' she made the statement that literally CHANGED MY LIFE. She said: He sounds like a NARCISSIST! Well, of course I was 'familiar' with the word - it was naturally synonymous with 'loud-mouth, blowhard, look-at-me personality type. However, my husband is a total INTROVERT... so WHAT ON EARTH was she talking about?? Well, hours and hours and hours of: counselling, research, investigation, prayer, and OCEANS OF TEARS later; I NOW understand that there are many types of narcissists. Because we brought our children to know the Lord and I had a profound experience of coming to know Jesus as my PERSONAL saviour and experienced many miraculous scenarios of the Holy Spirit manifesting His presence in my life. Many years of serving in church ministries... but deep, deep down I still felt SO UNLOVED and SO UNWORTHY!! Little did I realize that I had been the victim of decades long emotional, psychological and financial abuse... I lived with a near constant belief that I could never TRULY feel loved because I was not worthy of it, due to my rebellious behaviour growing up. As of today; I have not seen (or heard from) my 3 adult children OR their kids, my beloved grandchildren! I have been 'weighed, measured and found WANTING'. I will add that motherhood was and grandparenthood was my SINGLE LIFES GOAL. I was a 'stay-at-home' Mom who loved and lived the reality. I through myself into creative endeavours, baking and sewing being to highly rewarding challenges I embraced. I sewed most of their clothes as they grew. Because I LOVED it. I'd spent HOURS backing and crafting birthday cake creations of all sizes and shapes to demonstrate my love. (apparently I don't possess the ability to express love and connection as a normal mom, and do not have a 'close' intimate relationship with any of my kids - another FAIL on my part) But I DID LONG to show them that I loved them... I have been shunned and afforded NO credibility with any of them. Despite the fact that I made every effort to develop a close and loving relationship by investing time and love with all the grandkids. Special one-on-one sleep overs. Birthday lunches, outings... Yeah so. It would appear that they have been groomed and brainwashed all these decades. (they are 35, 34 and 31yrs. old now) HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?! It has been over 6 months since any contact has occurred. I had to recognize that I can only be responsible for MY OWN CHOICES and BEHAVIOUR. And all I can do is to wait and lift them all up to the Lord. I continue to seek the Lord's will and strength to persevere. After being so isolated from friends and community (we stopped going to church before the pandemic) So I have NO community connections at all. I have received encouragement from the Lord by way of 'running across' other women who have left emotionally abusive marriages and enjoyed some camaraderie as a result. But I literally have ONE SINGLE FRIEND who the Lord has brought alongside - who is a Christ follower. The deceit, misrepresentation, and outright LIES have been pervasive. I naively allowed my husband to handle all the finances and insisted in always putting everything in BOTH our names. As I never ever conceived that I would be swindled out of my inheritance monies - which were received ahead of his - which conveniently allowed him to put HIS inheritance into an account in his name only... while he readily lapped up all of the hundreds of thousands of inheritance dollars I had received and spent on OUR life together. The law protects the criminals. I am literally OUT OF 'LUCK' - financial speaking. I await on the hand of the Lord to rescue me from this nightmare and redeem me from utter defeat. I KNOW that the LORD is SOVEREIGN and I DO believe in His Word - and am literally at the MERCY of the LORD... meanwhile, I continue to strive to see His will in the midst of this waking nightmare. God help us all!
I really needed this validation today… even 7 years after leaving my narcissist ex. He still manages to abuse me by manipulating our grown children.
I know what that is like. My sister also joined forces with my ex husband in a similar manner. It has been years of heartbreak and distraction but no more!!! I am making Phillipians 4:6-8 my go to verses this year. Since God is my fortress, I asked the Lord to help me understand their motives. He gave me compassion which is helping me forgive. I refuse to have any open doors which gives the enemy power that God means for us to keep! May the Lord intervene on your behalf as you continue to shine with the light of Jesus. Daily, I declare that families will be restored for the glory of God in the mighty name of Jesus! Place a hedge of protection around your family using the word of God. Changes will come in time!
Excellent video. The best to date for me. I feel complete. I can see through the fog. My ex wife, for 39 years and a covert Narcissist according to my Doctor, divorced me because I refused to not to submit to the abuse. I always questioned why? Now as this video expresses: God doesn’t make mistakes. Things happen for a reason. For some greater good in the long run. I will watch this episode again and again for comfort. I feel complete and more at peace. Thank you Shaneen for this gift from God through scripture and an explanation “ Glory be to God for everything “ ( St. John Chrysostom).
I am just waking up to the fact that I have been in a similar situation for the past 14 years. It's hard to articulate the kind of pain and suffering some of us go through in these types of situations. Unfortunately for many of us, the recognition of our situation is just the beginning of the struggle. When children are involved it becomes a very different battle.
i needed this today thank you. 🙏
I never considered Psalms 6 in regards to a Narcissist. What a good point, you hit the nail on the head with that, Sister. Thank you.
Thank you for this video as I too am now transitioning with children! I love the way you explained each person’s toxic stories from the bible as they all ended up having victory. As much as I feel humiliated, dragged in the dirt, rejected and undesired, I can’t cease to tell Jehovah Rapha how grateful, blessed , free and peaceful I feel… bittersweet transition!
Oh my gosh, you took the words right out of my heart!
I don’t know but I believe it’s Gods will for us to see others through His eyes!
Yes indeed.
I was full of pride. Maybe that's why I had to be with my narc husband. I'm learning humility and grace on this path away from him. God has been so good to me. I want so badly to help others escape. Could that be my calling? I will fulfill Gods destiny for me. I ache to do his bidding. 🙏💕
Janice yes, I can relate… I have learned so much through the narcissists in my life, and truly it can be a humbling experience
Don't let the title alone fool you. This 20 minutes goes far beyond a superficial cursory contemplation of its namesake etc. This is no less than a full on, in depth concise bible exposition. Many scriptures are utilized in contextually integral ways to illustrate not only some of the more simple truths on said conditions of her profession and expertise, but also’ the deeper implications in relation to matters of faith and practice of a Christian woman.
Astounding knowledge and comprehension of the word of God’ Understanding the nuances of the diverse characteristics of many bible stories and players and their moral imperatives and relation to the topic. Ampally evident! There really honestly are only few words I should say about how impressive this really is. Blown away.
It makes me realize that all believers should pray for an influx and increase of far more women of this caliber in this day and age; to come out of the modern age Babylon we occupy. (America) Astounding!
If I heard this 21 years ago I would have left. I have been married for 21 years and I thought I would be doing the wrong thing before God if I left. He was diagnosed with cancer and I don't think it would be right to leave him right now. His life is in God's hands. I will however try to do the right thing by him, trying to look for the best treatments available. He has used the word of God at times to manipulate me. We have 5 children which had made it even more difficult to leave.
I have been in my toxic marriage for almost 50 years and the one hope I had was that I would get a small inheritance which would get me started in a departure. It never happened, so I think I'm meant to stay. I really do. There are no escape routes available for me yet but if one becomes available... I'm gone. Thank you for your videos.
Ehm but God? Is money seriously your excuse?
@@christamacnaughton8223 Not entirely. No. It isn't the only excuse to stay. I would NEVER be free from him. I raised 4 kids, didn't have the foggiest notion about 'verbal abuse' and 'narcissism'. Until maybe 6 or 7 years ago I began to realize it was a thing in my marriage and it was too late to start saving. He spent ALL the money. I have NONE. Here in Canada and where I live it's at least $1500 a month to rent an apartment. I have no pension. Nothing. Money is a big reason for sure.
May the Lord help you either out of the marriage or in another way. I am in similar situation, but i'm married to thd narcissist for 35 years. I don't earn that much money to move out. But I wair for the Lord to help.
I wish the best for you too. Most days I can avoid the narc and over time I can avoid him almost ALL the time. It's best that way for my health, especially for my mental health. They do take a toll on us that's for sure. We are definitely blessed with the Lord's presence to give us strength.@@editfarkas333
Dr. Ramani on youtube
I wholeheartedly agree with you that God can use a toxic person to draw us closer to Him to reveal His power to deliver us, helping us pray without ceasing for ourselves and others, even toxic people, and in His time to grow our faith and prepare us for His greater purpose. May God bless and help us all. Thank you for being a faithful servant of God in helping others through His word. God bless you and your ministry.
I know you're a Christian and the Bible says let no one separate what God has joined together.... I believe my wife is a narcissist and it is really tough but that video everybody is complaining about actually help me so thank you for that video and I hope you make many more... I'm not going to divorce my wife so I need help with how to deal with a narcissist and I'm praying that God heals her from being one
That’s what I always said, until my wife divorced me after 39 years of marriage. When I said no more to abuse, she discarded me ( divorce). May God give you strength brother to endure. But watch your health and well being. As you know, living with a Narcissist is stressful, depressing and more than one can handle at times. Peace be be with you
@@georgegavallos4519 Thanks for the heads-up....I pray that doesn't happen...It is a struggle and I be asking God what he wants me to learn from all this??? I feel like you're the blessed one because...You suffered for so long... God, sets the captives free...You kept your end of the marriage she didn't... So peace be with you and I pray you find happiness😇🙌🏾
Amen. Thank you. May our Heavenly Father guide you
Being with a narcissist means living with abuse on a daily basis. That can definitely impact your health, mind, body, and spirit.
There are no easy answers for those who choose to stay in abusive relationships. The narcissist will force you to take a close look at your own weaknesses since they always find those and target your weak spots.
@@javiervidal366 Yes...I agree... God says his Grace is enough... God obviously wants me to learn something from this. I take a lot of abuse on a daily basis. Being with a narcissist is not an easy task. I believe God has used it for good; delivering me from alcohol, drugs, and a porn addiction.... My narcissist wife talk so bad about me it made me not want to do none of those things anymore..
You got to have a relationship with God that's the only way I'm able to maintain this marriage
I was raised by a covert narcissist mother who was also a Sunday School teacher and very active in the church. I knew she was 'different' but being raised by her, I knew nothing else. By the time I was in my 20s, though, I knew she hated me and I could do nothing to please her. I lived 7 years on my own but still didn't know about narcissism. And I still wanted her love. I married someone I thought was opposite to her but eventually heard from him the same vile sentiments as my mother spewed. I turned to a women's shelter, convinced 2 people can't possibly be wrong and there must be something terribly wrong with me. She told me about narcissism and recommended several books and my journey started. No, God did NOT want me to be abused. But in order for me to understand the difference between a true Christian who loves God and a narcissistic deceiver, I needed to have that marriage to understand my childhood....to be exposed, as an adult to the toxicity when I was mature enough to seek answers. I am divorced now, still on my healing journey. I am glad that God lead me down the path He did so I could get answers I would never have gotten otherwise.
My "narcissist" had a major brain bleed stroke August 1, 2021 and is suffering paralysis and dementia but is improving. How? It's scriptural because he prospers as his soul prospers...he improves as he responds to God correctly. It's been hard, but it is all worth it to see how God deals with a soul that has been His Child. God works to get my husband straighten out as I stand by in our marriage. Just find God's Will and do it!
Shaneen, I am glad I have discovered your chanel. You have opened a big faculty in my mind to the situation I am in. I hope to be finally out of this. If the Son therefore shall set us free, we shall be free indeed.
So well said. Don't let the devil put fear in you. The devil tries to put fear in us, there's nothing to fear when you fear God.
Perfect Word! Perfect time! I will listen repeatedly!
❤
I'm so glad the video came at the right time. God bless you!
I was curses from my family blood lines of a narcissist attitude and I’m learning to break these habits. even accepting Christ, blind to the narcissist attitudes and sins. GOD put me in a narcissistic relation to show me my ways nothing was going right now I have understood. GOD had to show me to deliver me from these traits that my parents be stilled in me. Thank you JESUS for freedom. And also I’m walking in freedom. The Bible says the son who he set free is free indeed
Love your channel I was with one for about 30 years I know it was God who kept me it's been 4 years now 🙏 since I have been delivered for those spirits....
I understood your wisdom when you mentioned that God will use certain evils for his greater good.
And i remind people of that whenever the need arises
You are an amazing trauma healing counselor.
I appreciate you.
God bless you in Jesus Christ God Almightys holy name
Thank you Amber! I appreciate your words. God bless you too. 🙏🏽🕊
Thank you for such God given wising. I have listened to narcissism videos in the past but not from a Christian perspective until a friend shared this amazing video. I am slowly healing from a narcissistic relationship and such biblical wisdom is a well of living water for men. Thank you woman of God🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Shaneen... This was a much needed video for me. God bless you richly for being obedient to His word. You are blessed with helping so many of us. God led me to this video I know. I have turned to God deeper, praying only for what he wants for me. My desires that I think I want for me I no longer trust. This has been the blessing for me while enduring a 30 year season with the narcissist husband. It breaks you down until you have nothing left mentally and physically. My spirit is for God though. 2023 will be the transition towards and through separation and divorce. I ask for prayers. For him too. I have great concern for his soul and pray for him too. I may be facing more heartbreak soon but will hang onto and trust my God. Thank you God for Shaneen and her channel. And the work she does for You.
Amen. May 2023 be a year of growth for all of us who are transitioning!🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
King David's daddy's name was Jesse just like my daddy. I understand how David felt. It's just ironic that our Dads had the same name & were very neglectful & nonchalant.
Shaneen!! May God bless you more and more and used you for all the persons and people who needed this..the word of God and encouragement..!!Many suffered from such people and I'm also one of them, still struggling..but i believe, we all shall overcome someday..
God blessed you and all who watches your videos and who are stuck with such people!!
Yes! I absolutely agree on what you stated in your video. I am just thankful to God he wake me up with the reality with this Narcissist person I went out with. He was sent by an Evil 😈 and I know God has been showing me all the red flags with this evil Narcissist but I was blinded with all his love bombing lies manipulative tactics and gaslighing. I went through a lot with this person and I am just happy and peaceful at these time when I decided to end up with this person. I cam resonate from this video you shared. I learned so much from it. Thank you for sharing this video ❤
This is probably the most important and wonderfully explained video I’ve ever watched. Thank you 😊
Yes their rejection is Gods protection!!! I’m free and God is taking care of me he is all I need.❤️✝️🙏
Thank you so much for your videos! What a blessing!
I have gotten some valuable insights from the secular channels, but when it comes down to it, that was “building the house without the Lord,” and “vanity.” What I truly wanted was the biblical, Christ-centered, gospel-centered focus that you present. Thank you, sister!
So glad it's helpful!
You are definitely doing God's work. Thank you!! I just starting watching your channel and I really enjoy the topics and help. I am also going thru a tough season and your videos help me understand my own narcissism and narcissism in others. I want to be a better Christian and a better daughter to God. I had a little experience the other night while praying and I feel like a weight has been lifted and I can move ahead with God's hand on my shoulder...❤
Blessings to you!!
Finally i am at peace listening to this message. knowing the God is in control n he is transforming me to do his will. To trust him in my wilderness. Thank you sister for your messages
I believe also it's God's judgement sometimes because I hurt a lot of people in my past before I gave my life to God but because I married a narsistic man it just made me draw closer to God. Thank you for a very informative message. All Glory to God!
Completely and utterly agree
I've been with my husband since 2009. We have 4 children and I left my 2 jobs years ago to homeschool. Pray for me to find something I can do while homeschooling. 😌
I have done extensive research and gotten understanding about narcissism. This is absolutely one of the best videos I've ever seen. You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. Anyone dealing with this hang in there God will see you through just please trust him.
Thank you for this video, it has brought confirmation, you were speaking to me indeed.I really needed to hear this .Wow!!
I feel like this is what am enduring. We have been together for 9 years married. It’s been so challenging. Every time I seek to leave God encourages me to stay. Just the other day he tells me that the word of God was written by man and not by God. That we are fooled into believing the man on the pulpit. Yet he says he talks to people about God. It’s been so hard. I feel stuck and need help. I feel like change is coming. But how??
Sometimes we are blind to the truth because we're not ready to see. When we see the light it all makes sense. Just don't know when that will happen or the conditions that will allow us to see the Truth. Stay with God, pray in Jesus Christ name, and all will be revealed in the time of his choosing.
God allowed the narcissist to enter my life to educate me on The Blind Side .
That movie, the blind side is a beautiful instrument that God used to minister to my heart during my Narcissist abuse healing .
I view myself as Michael and God as The Mom who taught him a simple lesson of the blind side as well as guiding him to tap into his full potential with love encouragement and perseverance that changed his entire life for the better. She couldn't do it for him or change his past but she was a constant in his life to guide him to the brightest future
I just saw that movie and it touched me. That’s an interesting revelation. Would you be willing to elaborate more? I feel like I need to hear what you have to say.
@@deva5696 Sure !
I'm a empath and before the Narc abuse I was a very trusting person and took what people told me to be truth simply because I expected others to be as honest as myself but that's not the case. Im smart as a whip, highly intelligent but I lead with my empathic emotions which made me the perfect prey to a covert narcissist .
PEOPLE can and will lie, deceive or have really ugly agendas & dark demonic spirits attached to them and I was niave to covert narcissistic abuse although I grew up with a narcissistic parent.
I knew what a malignant narcissist was for sure .
My blind side was covert narcissist abuse altogether. And I struggled with many covert narcissist in my life . The true torment started when I began to date one.
After the mask slipped w this guy, I still struggled to let go because of my people pleasing and I felt that I could fix this person &that they acted that way because of past hurt & i thought I understood and wanted to love them through it . I too was unaware of the fact that I was a people pleaser and how that makes me a target for narc abuse . All of these things attributed to my blind side . I was miserable and cried out to God & The lord heard my cries and knew that I didn't understand so he sent me the knowledge & I began to educate myself and to understand what I had been enduring . which lead me to learn and aquire the tools so that I could be better equipped in knowing the importance of setting boundaries for myself and standing up to the abuse and saying no, and to demand more for myself and to know that I deserve it . And because of God, the awareness, and love & support from the Narc abuse community I am better, wiser, and better equipped to demand better for myself and to steer clear of narcissist abuse of any kind and there will be a brighter future ahead. I hope that explains what I meant . & I'm here though if you ever wanna chat ♡
@@sonniejohnson4142 you’re so sweet, Sonnie. Thank you. I could have wrote this myself. I’d like to connect, if you’re led.
This was perfect! I have had those verses in Proverbs 6 highlighted for decades in regard to my narcissistic husband, even before I understood it was narcissism I was dealing with. And I agree, the only one I was able to exclude from the list in regard to my husband was murder. You are right on this Shaneen!
I appreciate your wisdom and insight on this so much. And I’ve also considered King David and Joseph in regard to MY decision about my husband. I DO believe God has a plan for me to help others through my adversity. I’m waiting on God, but also doing as much as I can to protect myself while waiting. Isaiah 40:31.
Thanks so much for this great discussion!
My pleasure! I'm glad the video was helpful. I pray God would continue to guide you and show you His way. 🙏🏽😊
Murder does NOT only mean physically, it also means Mentally (health/wellbeing), Spiritually and Relationally (Character "assassination"/slander, isolation, etc)....
@@Ax.DaEdge I've been through emotional abuse and I totally agree with this
Make no mistake.. a narc WOULD shed innocent blood if they thought it would benefit them, so again Scripture is proven correct. His Word always is.
Jesus said hate is as murder
So my pastor and my councilor , my wife and my understanding is God hates Divorce! I have been dealing with one (wife) Covert) for 20 years but 6 months ago she shut down emotionally , spiritually and physically blaming my anger. Now despite all the work I have done and not having exhibited anger in 6 months she still just repeats I still have her on an emotional merry go-round, and when it stops we can move forward. meanwhile , I vacillate should I give up or keep praying and waiting for the Mirical. What is funny is I only found out about Covert narcissism when she accused me of being one about 4 months ago! She absolutely refuses counseling, claims there are several women at church she get council from. One a friend of ours for 20 years, who is passive aggressive and may well be a one herself . I have grown greatly but this cold detachment is wearing on me.
Thank you for sharing this video. I am watching it over a year later, and it has provided me with so much important clarity about God's plan for me. Even some of the comments here are encouraging me to persevere. Thank you so much.
I’m so glad it was helpful! God bless you. 🙏🏽
This is my favorite video I have ever seen! You have an anointing and are helping so many women! Thank you so much!
Agreed. My favorite from Shaneen It validates almost everything.
Amen!
That was an excellent video. It helped in all kinds of ways, like a blossom opens up in all directions. It meant a lot to hear every word of it. Sincere thanks Shaneen.
A wonderful message thank you Shaneen, which is relevant to many of us going through difficult situations. Also you back up your teaching with corresponding scriptures which help us navigate challenges in life and become stronger for it.
I believe Abba had me with my NPD experience as Jacobs. It revealed parts of me for 10 years I had NO idea I was capable of going to his level. Yikes. Learned a lot about myself! Glory King. Shared this on my community. I’ve been away in hospital while there cabin burned down total destruction animals truck etc. and and and. I’m being sifted for over a year. If you’re interested there are prizes report updates on how far he’s brought me!! Also please pray about an interview. 🎉🎉🎉🎉
Dear Shaneen, please do a video on what to do if your adult child is a narcissist and has weaponized the grandkids in terms of seeing them as an act of control. I believe this would help a lot of people.
Sounds like my daughter. She is a narcissist and uses my granddaughter as a weapon 😭
Weaponized the grandkids is part of what I’m going through as well. And my adult children and DIL are buying his con game against me. So that makes it easy for them to cut the grandkids out of my life. I hurt for the grandkids more than anything.
@@LoveOneAnother1758 so very sad and difficult 😢
Awesome message! Especially the part and comparison to Jacob and David and if you are going through such rough times - there is a very high probability that God will use you to help and heal others! Amen!
This is really good stuff. I appreciate the link to the scripture in Proverbs 6:16-19. Yikes!
Thank you! God bless you. 🙏🏽
My jaw is on the floor such a good video thank you 🫶🏽
Wow! You are so right on!!!!Thank you Wise Sister!🤗💖😍
Thank you Vicki! God bless you. 🙏🏽
Thank you for you beautifully brought out the Biblical aspect of subjecting oneself to narcissistic abuse.
Thanks because I needed to hear this , it’s like I stumble across certain things unexpectedly but I know God be leading me thanks again 💙🤗
You are right , I did not know about Narcisst several years ago..
My Pastors told me to stay married. They said that God hates divorce and if I leave my ex husband, I’d be dishonouring God. I got divorced and lost my church too 😢
Thank you Shannon. Out of all the counselors on TH-cam on narcissistic relationships, I appreciate yours (Biblical perspective) the most. I've suffered for 3yrs with a narcissist abusive wife. She recently admitted to my pastor that her culture (Luo, Kenyan) allows her (not true) to search for a new man while being married to me (she's a picture perfect "Christian" to others). He told her, no that is NOT Christian culture and was deeply wrong. No remorse. As a disabled veteran I don't need her garbage polluting my life as I've got enough to deal with. So stupid. Please say a prayer for me as I heal.
I totally agree with you in your assessment and the passages of scripture you used and their context. Well done!
Glad it was helpful!
ON TIME ❤️ GOD HAS US SEPARATED NOW AND I HAVE BEEN PRAYING HES HEALING ME THROUGH IS I WAS WONDERING IF HES HEALING HIM AS WELL
A big part of getting healed is recognizing your need for healing and then asking God to heal you. If someone doesn't think they need healing, they may resist or be closed to God healing them.
What you said at 15:14 completely shocked me. I had a major awakening to just how many times my husband has held against me and referenced exactly that.
Wife and I walked away from my narcissistic family three years ago after 25 years of abuse. Couldn’t be happier. Should have done it 20 years ago. Of course it was scary. Wasn’t sure if it was Gods will. We were at the point where anything would be better than staying connected to them. 2 Tim 2:3-5 seems to describe the narcissist perfectly.
EXCELLENT VIDEO!! Especialy Biblicly!! Would you consider making a video about a scapegoat that was raised by a family of abusive narcissists? And the scapegoat child grows up and marries a narc, because it's familiar, and the scapegoat has now adult children all narcissists as well. God bless you and thanks again for you important knowledgable videos!❣❣
Rose, your situation sounds like mine. I hate that my two adult children took on my husband’s narcissistic personality. I was raised by an overt narcissist and didn’t recognize my codependency and ended up marrying a covert narcissist. Sometimes we have to walk away from family members and pray that God will open their eyes one day.
@@LoveOneAnother1758 So true @FreeChick!!! What pain filled broken hearts are experienced for the scape goat surrounded by demon filled narcs. They tried to break me down and keep me down. But God had greater plan's.
Your sooo right. I'm close to a hairs breath away from going complete no contact with one more abusive narc sibling. I blocked another one and have gone no contact with family and a narc friend.
The only one in my family that was kind and loving to me ever, was my mom. Unfortunatly she passed away in 2015. She was very loving. She had a severe and torturous life, but came out sooo Exstroudanaryn
genuinl'y loving. I learned a lot from her. I hope your situaction in God will abundantly bless you
@FreeChick!! 🙏🕊
@@LoveOneAnother1758 it is so incredibly painful when we are surrounded by Narcissists and then our beloved children take on those same qualities.
Please do a video on how to heal the children and adults that have suffered through living with narcissistic people.
Your teaching was so spot on for me in this video Shaneen, and so encouraging. I haven't understood why God repeatedly told me to stay in a Christian community led by multiple narcissistic leaders, where i endured abuse (until I started to figure out what was going on and worked on my boundaries), where i became their scapegoat and target for their mistreatment. Eventually they asked me to leave. I knew God was working on my character in the process of what I was going through, but what you have shared in this video has helped me understand it all so much more as I continue to process it all and heal. I think you must also be quite prophetic (?). Anyway, I love your work and thank you so much for helping us navigate this road. 😊
I appreciate her honesty and believe it... to give them a chance to change
Wow! This is just loaded with good information. Another Gem. Thank you so much for this information I do pass these along to people I know that are dealing with them.
Started contemplating staying and this was so helpful
Thank you Shaneen, Amazing insightful message 🌹
Thank you Angela! God bless you. 🙏🏽
Thank you for your channel. Much wisdom from The Lord.
I really needed to hear this today. Thank you for this video.
You are so welcome. God bless you!
I had never actually understood this concept for so many years until just last night when I watched The Chosen (Season 3 Episode 2) when YAH is talking to little John about his medical condition, guys please watch it if you’re still struggling with understanding, and apply it to your life and situation, it completely changed my outlook. It’s not that he wants us to suffer, but he allows it for a purpose that may be vital to our growth, even through that suffering there’s still glory to be given to the almighty meaning you may touch and change the life of another because of your circumstance, because you’ve gone through deep waters, one day he will relive us all of our suffering when our time comes, but being in the flesh we will have to go through the muck of life, whether that’s this or something else. Been in my marriage for 9 years and boy have I suffered but I’ve also been learning to lean on my ABBA (father) he knows what I can take and he pulls me through every time. 🙌🏼 Certainly not the most peaceful way to live I’ll admit, but it’s been a refining process for me and I am grateful for the lessons.
Wow! That was incredible 👏 thank you, the Lord bless you! 🙏
You are absolutely amazing once again. Keep up the great work!
Standing ovation. I loved it!
In the first year of marriage I thought about annulment but thought maybe she’ll mellow out being in a church family..wrong..severe stress and angst followed, prayed she would leave which she did, some relief but much, much more can be said, Prov.21:19 😱
You are amazing Shaneen God bless you. Please make a video about narcissists mother i m begging you. She has stolen all happiness from me. She literally steals my stuff without asking me. Lies all the time. Blames and disrespecting me with everyone. Breakes my name. She disrespecting my husband. And so many more things. Please make a video about narcissists mother.
Thank you. You’re a blessing for reminding me of these scriptures.
Recently discovered your channel. Very insightful and powerful content. Have you done any content on how to break apart from a narcissist spouse when children are involved and the children are also targets of the narcissist?
Agree, these are incredibly difficult and complex situations.
WHOA thank you so much! I really needed this!!! Praise Jesus forever!!!!!!! Blessings over you always sister!!! 💫✨
Thank you telling us, the reason Jesus kept us in this relationship, is because Jesus will use us for other’s just like our (ex)! That really touched my heart 💜! Know I know! God Bless You my Sister Shaneen 🙌✝️❤️🔥🕊
I really needed this. My ex was a toxic person with a lot of narcissistic traits. I have been in so much pain for the past year and want to find my peace. I live with so much bitterness, anger, resentment, and regret. I hope that one day I can see the bigger picture in all this. I also hope that my ex gets her “karma”. She is a dangerous person. I pray to god she doesn’t hurt anyone as much as she has hurt me.