This is followed immediately by forgetting you’re wearing the eyeliner because you can’t see your own face and being confused when you scratch your eye and get makeup on your fingers.
When I got my ears repierced when I was like 13 or something, I was sitting in the car on the ride back home and was putting my arm on the window and putting my head on my hand and got instant panic when I noticed something on my ear, thinking it was a spider or something...I had already forgotten that I got my ears pierced litterally 15 mins earlier xD
Over the years, I've learned I need to make a list and keep it on the fridge. I also have loads of reminders on my phone to remind me to check all my lists. Same with appointments, I have a physical calendar on the refrigerator and a calendar on my phone with all my up comingappointments. I still miss appointments, but not as bad as before there were cell phones.
Yes! I think it might be called object permanence?! That’s why a lot of the time I can cope with my clutter…it’s just there and I hardly notice it most of the time then when I do I get so overwhelmed by it all!
I had this issue with sauce pans a few months ago. I had a whole search party out looking for one and I was upset because I thought we had some, but I inherited most of my cookware so I wasn’t sure. Called my dad to see if I could borrow one, used a less than ideal pan for my recipe. The pans hang in a line over the stove. 😭😭😭
I have two pegboards with the things I have to use every day. I cannot MOVE them; or they have ceased to exist. Door has hooks for purse, jacket and keys. This saves me a LOT OF GRIEF. LOL.
My dad scolded me the other day for being bad at texting people back. And I was just like "I don't have a solution for this. People text me when I'm in the middle of something, I'll open it and read it but don't have time to text back... and then it's just out of sight out of mind" He also denies that I am possibly ADHD and Autistic but criticizes me for pretty obvious traits 💀
I know all too well how this feels, for 10+ years i was treated like garbage by my mom and step dad for my adhd, even when I would tell them something was wrong with my head they never bothered to get me checked. This was before adhd and mental health was really talked about, but once I was officially diagnosed years later they still tried denying it. Focus on what can help you or make things easier, try not to let others bring you down
So I don’t know if this is available on all phones but some have a feature where it will notify you multiple times if you haven’t read a message, so you only have to remember to NOT OPEN IT and it’ll keep reminding you it exists 😅
@@JacquelineUnderwood A problem is when you're out of the loop for a while, and those messages you've not opened pile up, and then you don't even open your email app not to deal with that pile of shame
@@foljs5858 trust me, I understand >~< usually I can force myself through the anxiety within the space of a month or two but I had a friend who straight up didn’t text me for two years because he was too anxious about having not replied 😅
I would love to find someone who doesn't find my ADHD ridiculous and unbearable to live with (to be fair, I agree). My former partners just thought I was a lazy, stupid a-hole that wasn't trying. It's really hopeful and beautiful to see this loving relationship.
I found someone who has had 24/7 outdoor jobs most of his life (park ranger, hiking guide etc..) so he has 0% problem with a messy apartment and so i never feel judged or lazy. He understands and it's all good.
@@alleecmo nothing is much important anyway. Most things can be automated (like paying the bills). Others can be done by another person like a cleaning lady if you have some money for that. Some can me made much easier, like ordering food instead of cooking, or keeping the house relatively minimal, so cleaning and keeping up isn't that big of a deal. Also, you'll both have ADHD not paralysis. You'll still be able to get lot of things done if you still manage to have a job and a house and a relationship
I still find it hard to comprehend that other people manage to remember things on the fly. I find remembering things exist when they're not in front of me to genuinely be really difficult.
I think about my special few people a lot…. - I just don’t remember to tell them that I am…. Or message/call them to have a chat… normally because I am already in the middle of doing something when I think about them, and by the time I finish the thing I was already doing, I have forgotten again, and by the time I do remember that I had forgotten, it is normally like 2/3am and nobody wants me calling them for a chat at that point..!! 😂🤣
I do this, too, but I've come to an agreement with the special peopel in my life - we have code words that mean "I'm thinking of you, I love you, and while I'm not going to call you or text you, I need you to know that I'd like to." For example: For my Mom, it's 'fudge.' I text "Fudge" and she texts it back. One word, whole conversation. I have less than 5 people I do this with, but it works for me and for them.
@@maggiepaul1225I do this with my lovies and a heart emoji! It's been so very helpful in our relationships since implementing it! I suggest it to others who aren't in my circle and aren't divergent to do with their loved ones as well. It's helpful for everyone really! ✌🏻🙏🏻❤️🫶🏻
And like Kathleen Maddigan, one of my favorite stand up comedians, said after her sister was berating her for not taking better care of her finances: " but she will never know the joy of putting on last year's coat and finding money in the pocket! 'I'm $20 bucks richer just by putting on this coat, sis!"
Fairies! Technically yes. Actually, we believe that you were able to get that all done so fast that we didn’t even see you and then we beat ourselves up for not being able to get anything done in the blink of an eye. 😅 You are all magical fairies to us.
I am amazed at people who do lists. But I don’t think the list people should be in charge of anything 😂 List makers turn into dictators, I always vote for spontaneity in leadership
I didn’t know this was an ADHD thing.😭 I felt so guilty when my adult brother asked me to talk to his Sunday school class about how our children are always on our minds even when they are away and I said, “Honestly I don’t even notice… (*shocked and disappointed look on his face)… well, I am happy when they come back though.” Oohhh the guilt 😖 I wish I knew this back then. Wow.
This! Learning that people with ADHD do not express love the same as neurotypicals was one of the biggest game changers for me. Sure there’s that great Elvis song “You were always one my mind” but my brain does not have ram for that.
@@varpusaramaki4132 😁 More often than not the response I've gotten is something like "Yeah but not with me, right?" "Sure honey, you're the exception 👀" 😁
I just discovered these people today, and I felt so seen! So many things in my life are impacted by adhd, but I had no idea until I watched all these clips in a row. I was diagnosed last year-at 56. Imagine the train wreck my life has been! Thank you to this couple, both of whom are apparently named Babe. ❤❤❤
How do you get diagnosed? I am 33 and been to many therapists but no one ever mentiond adhd ,only general anxiety disorder but i basicaly have all of this for adhd.Should i mention them to test me for it?
This is me with food. I forget what I bought and then just order food despite having a fridge full of frozen food because I can't get up or cook it because I'm exhausted from doing nothing by then.
For me it helps to plan meals every once in a while, I suck at keeping up with it and want to try planning for longer periods like a month, but it takes the choosing what to cook away and that is one of main ways that I lose energy. That mixed with weekly groceries and pre made grocery lists safe me so much energy
I recently bought two large glass-door bar fridges, to replace my standard household fridge. I could never keep track of what was in the old fridge, because after a day or so I wouldn't remember what was opened, how long anything had been there, or even what was in there in general. This led to a gross and disorganised mess most of the time. I hypothesised that if I could clearly see into the fridge every time I passed it, I would remember more easily how long things had been there, and would be mentally prompted to remove things before they rotted. So far it has been an incredible success, and I ended up with more fridge space than when I started :)
@@merelha5930 Not that I have noticed after about three months of using these bar fridges. They use a little more energy than my old one, but other than that they function just as well :)
My mum would always be very upset/offended that I never "miss" her when she was back from long trips--also the fact that I can't lie to people and pretend I do. Kinda thought there was something wrong with me. I only realised it was due to ADHD in my late 20s.
Omgosh yes, when I move away and don't see my friends anymore I forget about them and genuinely don't miss them. It's very hard for me to keep in touch with people who are not near me
I just had this conversation with my mom last night when I was explaining that I use to hate housework because it felt like it took forever but when my mother in law showed me and helped me set up a system to keep house it got better. I told her I never really understood how to do it because she didnt show me it was just done. Shes like "did you think that a magical fairy came in and did it?" I was like ya because you made it look so easy but it wasn't
It's not just me?! My therapist told me to track my moods for a week and I was honestly baffled by the result. I thought I was happy until I saw it all written down. 😬
Oof... me. This is so tricky if people treat me badly. Cause I forget. I feel upset and want to keep distance from them for like a day. But then I will forget how badly they treat me. And go back, just to get hurt again 😮
Well, technically it's not problem with object permanence. Object permanence is what little kids learn and we, ADHD kids, learn it too. It can be a separate issue for some, on top on ADHD. It's just that we, ADHD people, have poor memory. Our brain doesn't forget some stuff, more like it doesn't even register it, as we get distracted all the time.
It's not poor memory that is the problem. It's more the recall of those memories. A bit like a computer that saved a bunch of data points (like every other computer), but ours is missing the central pointer table.
No, it’s about having restricted working memory and no oversight via executive function. Many of us have a much smaller “processor” than most people and there’s no ability to also handle the supervisory aspect of monitoring our attention. It looks exactly like what she is talking about, whatever one chooses to call it.
@@iamcurious9541 - But something has to give the command to retrieve (or point to) the stashed memory. One has to have awareness of the need to retrieve to send the command. But it’s the lack of that idea occurring that is the problem. I am inclined to think what you’re speaking of is not related to the experience she illustrates.
@@sfstucco I'm quite certain I understood her much better than you seem to. I do experience the same problem. I often get shamed because I didn't do something, but when asked can recite exactly what needed to be done. The memory is there. It's just the system around it that is broken. Not distinguishing between those two can lead to a lot of shame and confusion for people with ADHD.
@@iamcurious9541 -- I get that. I am the same. And I think, after you explaining more, that we're on the same page. I agree that Yin Okyakusama was incorrect in stating that ADHD people have poor memory. I think in some ADHDers, they typically, or often, may not encode/store memories well due to distraction, as Yin seems to testify to. But I think that is one of those things that varies among ADHDers, because it's not at the heart of what's not functioning. It's one possible "side effect," so to speak. Also, I agree with you that the system around the memory recall is "broken." Accessing the memory, retrieving it to process it... these all start with some sort of command. If the command stems from external stimuli (person asking you to recite what needs to be done, for example... or visually noticing a big note that says, "Taxes Due This Sunday!" for example), then many of us can usually retrieve the memory or recognize what needs to be done. But the problem often is when there is no external stimulus, because we don't have a working system wherein we remind ourselves. That's what neuropsychologists refer to as Executive Function, and where they say part of attention deficit is attributable to. Related to EF is Working Memory, which is restricted. So, out of sight, out of mind, because our mind is somewhere else, unless there's a "tap-tap" on our figurative shoulder.
😂 Very true! This is why there are no drawers or cabinets in my son's room - everything is in sight: on the desk or shelves or hanging in organizers or nets. All objects locked away somewhere cease to exist completely! 😮 Love you ❤
I have just been looking at ADHD with my therapist and I have this with people but I was taught to believe its trauma based, this makes so much more sense.
It can be trauma based sometimes. People can have neurodivergent symptoms from CPTSD. Impaired working memory, trouble sleeping, maladaptive behaviours, etc.
@M I A it’s possible. It’s more likely that you have both. My mother went undiagnosed for both for 40+ years. Doctors consistently mistook it for bipolar, despite none of the medications have the desired effect. Turns out it was the ADHD and the CPTSD certainly exacerbated things, especially with memory and insomnia.
@@jeffreysherman8224yeah any mental health issue is classed as being neurodivergent, I'm 99% sure. So even having something more common like depression or anxiety means you're not neurotypical
Same except I don't forget people, like if I get stuck scrolling things always get reminded of them even if it's just in a "oh I think they'd laugh at this video" or something
That eye makeup is gorgeous! Also, let ADHD people do what they do best and stop expecting them to be like everyone else. They can’t accomplish these incredibly creative things with all those societal expectations in the way.
@@rs-mt6klNo, if you're tired all the time that's a problem! There's most likely an underlying issue like not enough sleep or a medical condition like diabetes or something and you should really figure out what it is fast.
@@jclyntoledo maan I've tried 🥲 I have a thyroid condition I'm being treated for but all my blood work comes back pretty normal 😭 I've tried more water protein vitamin D. Got a more active job so my physical activity is good. Tried limiting my sleep, thinking I'm just doin it to myself. That just made it more difficult to get through the day without a nap. Sometimes I sleep 12-16 hrs on my day off and am still tired. It sucks I miss having energy to do things. But yes I think I'll go see my endocrinologist or someone else if there's no reason he can find 😮💨
There is a difference between object permanence and poor working memory. When you park your car in a parking lot you don't stop thinking the car exists because you can't see it. You know you have a car you just forgot where you parked it. Similarly with the eyeliner. It's not that you think the eye liner ceased to exist once it was out of your view, you simply forgot you purchased it and left it in an obscure place you don't check often. People with ADHD still grasp the concept that things continue existing once we stop interacting with them which is object permanence.
To add to this, we develop our sense of object permanence as infants. It's why we play peekaboo with babies. It helps them to learn that when they can't see things, it doesn't mean that they've popped out of existence.
So I get where you’re coming from, and by definition isn’t object permanence - as said, we know things can still exist when we don’t see them. I think it’s just a helpful term to explain to other people about the feeling. it really does seem to have stopped existing because we (me & others I’ve talked to) are no longer seeing it. My guess is it’s the difference between forgetting due to distraction and the brain pruning knowledge without discrimination at times when there’s other stuff going on. Examples of how I experience it if it helps to explain for anyone, but feel free to ignore if it doesn’t or is too much text: Things I interact with often or I’ve given high importance, I know I have them just not where. For other things, my brain will quickly and fully yeet away the knowledge of its existence until I rediscover it (or even the person). Probably similar in feeling to losing a word, or how to do something you know you’ve done before but now inexplicably don’t know how to - it’s just gone without explanation. It’s so weird to have apparently done or read something/been somewhere and having absolutely NO recollection of or familiarity with it despite explicit evidence to the fact (like a picture of me somewhere or a comment I left online or in a journal of a story I read). Idk it’s just the best description of the feeling - that the specific thing/person /experience never existed/happened at all and I never knew about it. Even though I now have the thing, so clearly I did once, but that information got de-prioritized without the visual reminder and now it’s just gone.
Edited for typos Lol! I read this really good comment on another similar video, and it was "Object PERTINENCE" instead of permanence. Th subtle difference they explained, was that if something wasn't VERY important, than usually what would happen is they would set it down, ~then~ forget about it because it didn't take on a "very pertinent " slot in their brain 😅 I tell people this one all the time, because it explains my habits so much better to people! 🤣
Yeah! Its like "Wheres the hairbrushes again?" But you can find your meds and glasses immediately. [Note: there are 3 adhd women in my house, so we are constantly losing our like 5 hairbrushes lol]
I don't know what pertinent means, but I agree that object permanence is the wrong term. Unlike babies we do know and understand that objects continue to exist even if we can't see them. We just tend not to think about them. Not sure if the phenomenon needs a fancier name than "out of sight out of mind"
It doesn't really matter how important the item is. If it's out of sight, it is out of mind. And sometimes the object can be in the middle of the kitchen table and I've been searching for it for hours already, and even eaten dinner while staring at said object, and still can't find it. I call it "I see it but I don't register it."
So much YES. put it in a drawer when im tidying....out of sight out of mind! You guys rock! Thank you for this. Yall nail it on the head every time. PS there is some folklore that fairies mess with people to keep them....i dont remember exactly. I read it in a Tom Robbins book. Even though i cannot finish the thought, it doesn't stop me from posting this.😁😘
My autistic special interest is books, but if I don't keep lists of what I have, my ADHD gets me to buy copies of ones I already have. Because even if I've already read them, I will forget what I have. As lately as two days ago, I looked at my shelf and went "Huh, I have that?" It's a testament to my record-keeping that I've only bought 5 extra copies, as far as I can currently remember.
I love y'all's interactions. I sometimes wish my non ADHD wife could understand and accept it like he does. I know we ADHDers are hard to live with but if you don't have it you will never know how difficult it is to live in our own heads.
It’s not quite that simple …. we would definitely miss you if you ceased to exist …. It’s just we’re in the moment where we are and a text from somewhere other than right here isn’t a priority … unless an emergency and then the dopamine shifts to a new “right here in the moment where nothing else matters”. There are whole books written on trying to get people to live in the moment, so why is this so wrong?
So regarding object permanence, if your husband did the laundry while you were out, would you be upset? I know you kind of talked about it in this video, but I’m thinking about your laundry video the other day when you wanted some things washed and others not so much. I like the way you two talk to each other, asking questions and giving thoughtful answers. You are kind to each other.
I probably would get upset in one circumstance - I was dumb enough to leave something in my pants pocket and she washed it before I realized it was lost 😅 I’d know I was wrong to be upset though, more upset at myself
I probably wouldn't even realize the laundry had been done, because I didn't see the pile disappear, go into the washer, dryer, get folded and put away. It's not because I'm an ungrateful dick, it's because out of sight is fully out of mind. 😅
People like to mock me for my lack of object permanence. I'll turn around and forget that things exist. Unless I can hear it, feel it, smell it, or see it, it isn't there.
I'm so happy that this is the symptom my boyfriend doesn't exhibit as much. My ex had this severely, as in "if you're not in front of me, our relationship doesn't exist and I can go on an ego trip or cheat or whatever and it will be like it never happened when I see you again" so that would be very triggering for me. Both of them had ADD
Yesss! it makes it so hard to maintain friendships and your house always looks cluttered because everything has to be kept right in front of you so you remember 😅
I hate the term "object permanence", I prefer "out of site, out of mind". It feels more accurate. I remember sometimes that I bought the thing, I just continue to forget about it 3 seconds later till I come across it months later when I have time and energy to do the thing with it.
I was making breakfast the other day. Went into my office to start playing the sims. I burned my pan because I forgot I was making breakfast. I didn’t even have the eggs on the pan yet. And I forget I have a brother he lives down south. I’ll even forget I have parents.
Why is it the more of your videos I watch the more I worry about myself... though of course as soon as I scroll past I forget until I see you again... its like the silence in doctor who
No, it's not in the sense that people with object permanence will cheat or something. No person labeled anything is going to ALL be the same. It's that when you are by yourself doing your own thing, your brain doesn't necessarily bring up your loved ones, pets, memories, or things unless they or it is in front of you or are reminded somehow. Any person is different from another, so the reasons will vary. You may hear your phone go off, but if you are in the middle of something.. it is out of sight out of mind. We don't mean to. Our brains aren't wired like people without mental issues. It's just that we need medication for our brains to resemble normalcy. Personally, I kick myself in the ass for not getting medicated sooner. I'm still in the process of finding the right mix of meds and figuring out other things disguised as depression and anxiety. It's hard, but even though I'm not where I want/need to be, I am so thankful I am no longer mentally paralyzed. I want to get a better education, but with my brain barely retaining information, I won't. Also, please try and get some sort of routine, simplify what you do, don't over think it. Especially if you want to make to do lists or write down things. Don't go all out, ease yourself in. I just have one thing to say to someone who is struggling mentally. If you want help but you have loved ones telling you that you don't have something and you know deep down that you need help or you are so, so anxious at that thought of someone judging you, how you feel, your struggles.... Just please, i beg you somehow go to the doctor by yourself. Jot down how you feel and what exactly you struggle with. If need be, get another doctor who will listen. Please, just don't be like me and wait till you're 29 to go. You will save yourself a lot of head and heartache. Stop telling yourself one more day, I've been saying that since I was 17.. I'm 30 now. Also, please try your best to keep your friends/family(if you care about them) if you've been isolating yourself. You may not realise it, but if they care about you like you do them... You aren't just hurting yourself... You are crushing your loved ones just as much. So if you truly think no one will notice or care, think about what you're also doing to them and how you'd feel if they did the same. I hurt my 2 best friends because I didn't want to be a burden or drag them down.. and countless others over the years because of this. I hurt me AND the people I tried to keep it from. It ALL backfired. I tried everything I could think of that wasn't medication to help, but for me, it didn't. For object permanence, I suggest organizing in a way that EVERYTHING is easily accessible and seen. For me, since being medicated, it's a bit easier to do so. Without it, I was frozen, everything overwhelming, exhausting, decisions... what is that? I'm so indecisive. I hate knowing others feel like this, and I will be damned if I don't try and give some advice when it's needed. There is still so much stigma about mental health. It's so much more than these words that describe how we feel and our symptoms. Our symptoms aren't what normal brained folk get. It is mostly, immensely intensitied. People with mental illnesses the majority of symptoms aren't what you will ever feel. If you do or have had it, it's just temporary.. ours most likely is our lifetime. It's never an excuse as long as they try to better themselves. Anyways, my stoner bedtime rant is done. 😆
Okay, so I'll admit I skimmed this but YES. THIS. My family/friends don't understand that when I'm at work, I'm AT work and work is all I'm thinking about.
Thank you. This is the most informative and considerate comment I've seen so far. Most seem to say "I react impulsively, I have issues and people's reaction affect and trigger me, so I want them to understand me." Yet also seem to be saying "when others react to me impulsively and are triggered by their own issues - they need to get over it and understand me" I'm confused why so many are angry at not being understood yet, don't want to (or seem to) understand other's triggers/illnesses and consider them too? What am I missing here? I'm legit in a mental block of understanding that I want to get past!!!
The make-up looks across between beautiful on you and really creative...very original! I feel for you both here because I think I know how you both feel here. I think I have both autism and ADHD (inattentive type) often going off in my own little world, especially when in the garden but still having to do the washing etc and I often forget my schedule but... I don't literally forget my husband exists, it's more a case of I forget everything else in a way that is out of sight out of mind.
This is a very real experience but not object permanence. Object permanence refers to the understanding that what you can’t see still exists (and is why peekaboo is so fun for babies before they reach that developmental milestone at around eight months). For us who have ADHD the experience is closer to an extreme case of ‘out of sight out of mind’. Thanks for being so open about your experiences it really helps to feel not alone. ❤
"Out of sight out of mind" is just the practical side effect of bad object permanence. So if you think of object permanance as two-fold, on one side the understanding that things don't just cease to exist when we can't see them, and on the other side the practical ability to consider things when you're not seeing them, ADHDers have impaired ability on that second part.
@@foljs5858 But that's simply not what "object permanence" is. Object permanence is a developmental milestone, as the OP said. It's not simply not considering something. Even though people with ADHD have more "out of sight, out of mind" than others, *everyone* experiences this. No person is aware of every single object that exists at every time. Don't get me wrong: this is getting at a real experience people with ADHD have. But this terminology means something else.
@@auralit8 Yeah, I know what obect permanance is officially. Obviously it's not like ADHD people think that something they've seen being oscured by a blanket or a box or whatever suddenly disappeared. But it's also casually used as term in ADHD/ASD cycles for the "out of sight, out of mind" case. Some call it "person permanence" when it's about not missing people. And I think it might even be related to the "brain circuits" that develop actual obect permanence in babies too. After all ASD and ADHD are both characterized as "developmental" dissabilities.
I don't have that with my significant other, but with friends/people who I don't see daily. They kind of disappear until some day I remember them and text them.
It's really unfortunate when an influencer misrepresents information, especially one that's generally seen as being a respected and reliable source of information on a topic. I keep seeing this mistaken idea that people with ADHD lack object permanence, when we absolutely do not. Object permanence is the understanding that things that we cannot see still exist. Babies lack object permanence and they learn through experience that things they cannot see still exist. If we had issues with object permanence, we would not be able to understand that anything outside of our line of sight still existed. For example, my husband just went outside. I know he's outside, because he walked out the door and, logically, he's outside on the deck right now. That is object permanence. Even if he were to leave right now, without telling me where he is going, logic still tells me that he is SOMEWHERE, and that he will return. When people with ADHD forget about things that they can't see, that is what we call "out of sight, out of mind."
Out of sight, out of mind, still has s major effect on people. Object permanence applying to ashd people would, i am guessing, have been first applied by the medical profession, to explain the severity of out of sight, out of mind. ,
@@Plethoralityobject permanence would never be applied to out of sight, out of mind by any medical professional, because they are not the same thing.
Object permanence is a learned behavior, babies don't have it so that's why they cry when you leave them- anything not in front of them ceases to exist. Not being connected with in early childhood inhibits growing object permanence and understanding that things that you can't see still exist.
Oi😂😂😂. I’m the ADD parent to the ADHD child. I wish I had understood what was going on in BOTH our heads….could have saved a lot of heartache and shame. Thank you for sharing your gifts. Never too late!!!!!
ADD is not a thing anymore. You just have ADHD with the inattentive presentation. It’s like how Asperger’s doesn’t exist anymore. It’s usually just people with ASD level one needing support.
Omg. Yep. I was just thinking about all this an hour ago haha. I’ve had these lottery tickets for 2 days and that’s a long time as much as I love them. Their next to me but I’m in the dark and well I forgot again. 😂😂 You guys are funny and all but I don’t know what I would have done without you. I’m 54, my adhd has gotten so much worse since I’ve gotten older. I feel like I absolutely don’t know how to act in public anymore. I laugh at myself but I also think. Just shut up right now you’ll be good but no, then I have to announce th a t. Lol
Please don't use the term object permanence! It's a developmental concept that's used for babies. Everyone above the age of 1 has object permanence. Using that term isn't only factually incorrect but also demeaning to people with ADHD. We aren't less developed than toddlers. I know there are some alternatives to the phrase object permanence that descibes this way better. If I find them again I will inform you but please please please stop using object permanence for simply forgetting that you own something.
This one I have to explain to my mother over and over and over again. We buy vegetables, she puts them away where I can't see them, then gets upset that they rot because I never used them. The second they're out of my sight, they're gone.
No, adhd people understand “object permanence”. Object permanence just means you understand that things still exist even if you can’t see them. Being forgetful of things you can’t see is NOT the same as not understanding that they still exist. Babies begin to understand object permanence around 7 to 8 months old. It is infantilizing and misinformation to say that ADHD people lack object permanence skills.
Your channel has literally made me find myself....i am forever grateful to you two because of that ! ❤ Also love that its your neurotypical partner trying to understand you, and showing us how our partners can try to go about it ! Much love, peace ,love and positivity !
It's not object permanence because if you think about stuff you can't see you will remember it. You know the stuff you have you just don't always take the time to remember it.
Oke it's not object permanents. Our object permanents works just as well as any others. We use it to describe our expirence but it just ain't correct. If I don't see my parents in front of me it's not like I believe they stopped existing. It's the struggle with short term memory combined with a struggle to focus on specific things. So the concept of my parents existing is still very simple and real to me. But tnx to my short term memory I'll forget constantly that I haven't spoken to them nor replied to their text. And my focus will be on so many other things that I don't even have to room te recall that I hadn't replied or spoken to them in ages. If I do remember I probably forget again when the first other task pops in my head and I'm serounded by a million tasks all day so it's not difficult to lose focus on that one tiny moment I remember my parents. But if someone says when did you last talk to your parents it's not like I'll respond What are parents? Who is this John you're speaking off. I know not of his existence
This is wrong. We develope object permanance by the time we reach the age of two. Adhd is simply forgetting. People without the concept of object prrmanance, literally cannot comprehend the idea of "if i can't see it, feel it, hear it, or smell it, it very much could still exist." People without object permanance, do not have the ability , to be aware of what isn't in your range. Forgetting somthing exists is not the same as not being able to comprehend the existance of somthing. Edit: i kindly ask you to take this video down. I love your videos, but this is blatant misinformation.
This explained so much when I found it was part of ADHD, like why I hate any cupboards with doors - the moment that door closes, the contents don’t exist.
We have 2 refrigerators... I always forget we have 2 and the produce fits into the second refrigerator!! I'm always tossing produce I forgot I had. Object Permeance is real!
Omg!!! I have never had someone also say they struggle with people not existing when they aren't with me. It really upsets certain People and when dating and stuff as I genuinely can not remember the person exists never mind that I need to reply to them in a timely manner and start regular conversations. It has caused a lot of upset and relationships to break down
Out of curiosity, does having a screenshot of notes or their name somewhere prominent help? Setting reminders to check in with new partners to avoid this? Not to judge, I'm curious as I know someone in the position where their ptsd was triggered by the forgetting thing of a new partner and it ended badly between them. It was like the adhd person couldn't understand the whole rejection/abandonment thing my friend felt. This is all quite new to me!
This reallyyy explains my literal need for timers everywhere (as a timer goes off right now to remind me to stay on task). Time to hop off the TH-cam!🎉
Idk how to even start coping with the fact that all these videos are 100% ME. I go further. If something is on my desk even, but i simply dont happen to look at it, it doesn't exist! Snacks go bad on the desk, notes rendered useless, meds not taken, then i accidentally notice the meds and cant tell for my LIFE if i had taken them that day or not, things to take care of i put down stop existing... Food goes bad while im hungry (and looking for food, but i put it down earlier that day and it stopped existing so i dont even look for it), gifts remain unnoticed on the coffee table in front of me, things just stop existing all the time! Time does too jn fact. You really need to stop being so relatable or ill start to get concerned 😅😅😅
I always feel so bad for forgetting people exist, I can't tell u how many times I've worked with people and they've left the job but I had I have had no idea until I see them and ask where they been
This is followed immediately by forgetting you’re wearing the eyeliner because you can’t see your own face and being confused when you scratch your eye and get makeup on your fingers.
I wasn't prepared to get called out like that today. But it did happen. Damn you, Sarah.
Yes, 😆 🤣 I've had to remind myself, when I used to wear my cat like eyeliner.
This is like when I used to gel my hair and then later run my hand through my hair. I get stickyyyy handssss. I no longer wear gel or hairwax
See this is why I don't wear makeup bc this would be me every single second of the day 😂
When I got my ears repierced when I was like 13 or something, I was sitting in the car on the ride back home and was putting my arm on the window and putting my head on my hand and got instant panic when I noticed something on my ear, thinking it was a spider or something...I had already forgotten that I got my ears pierced litterally 15 mins earlier xD
I've bought so many bottles of mustard because I've forgotten about the 5 other forgotten mustards hidden in the pantry... It's a problem 😂
Lmaooo reminds me of the tiktok about the hoisin sauce
Have done that with soy sauce recently. At least it doesn't spoil 😅
Over the years, I've learned I need to make a list and keep it on the fridge. I also have loads of reminders on my phone to remind me to check all my lists. Same with appointments, I have a physical calendar on the refrigerator and a calendar on my phone with all my up comingappointments. I still miss appointments, but not as bad as before there were cell phones.
You have a Collection of Mustard?
Then, make Custard.
Me with toothpaste, toilet paper, cat food...🤣
The mustard makes me laugh!😅
Do one about becoming blind to the objects infront of your face. You know, where they just become an unnoticeable part of the background
Right, you put them somewhere so you really have to notice them and then you still manage to forget they're there.
Yes! I think it might be called object permanence?! That’s why a lot of the time I can cope with my clutter…it’s just there and I hardly notice it most of the time then when I do I get so overwhelmed by it all!
I had this issue with sauce pans a few months ago. I had a whole search party out looking for one and I was upset because I thought we had some, but I inherited most of my cookware so I wasn’t sure. Called my dad to see if I could borrow one, used a less than ideal pan for my recipe.
The pans hang in a line over the stove. 😭😭😭
@@AmaraJordanMusic omg. I super super hate it when that happens. People just don’t get how it happens all the time.
THIS.
Absolutely! Out of sight, out of mind!
I have two pegboards with the things I have to use every day. I cannot MOVE them; or they have ceased to exist. Door has hooks for purse, jacket and keys. This saves me a LOT OF GRIEF. LOL.
Whoever coined that expression definitely had ADHD 😂😂😂
I'm the same btw whether an object or a person makes no difference out of sight out of mind.
My dad scolded me the other day for being bad at texting people back. And I was just like "I don't have a solution for this. People text me when I'm in the middle of something, I'll open it and read it but don't have time to text back... and then it's just out of sight out of mind"
He also denies that I am possibly ADHD and Autistic but criticizes me for pretty obvious traits 💀
My parent's are like that even though they know for a fact that I have ADHD.
I know all too well how this feels, for 10+ years i was treated like garbage by my mom and step dad for my adhd, even when I would tell them something was wrong with my head they never bothered to get me checked. This was before adhd and mental health was really talked about, but once I was officially diagnosed years later they still tried denying it. Focus on what can help you or make things easier, try not to let others bring you down
So I don’t know if this is available on all phones but some have a feature where it will notify you multiple times if you haven’t read a message, so you only have to remember to NOT OPEN IT and it’ll keep reminding you it exists 😅
@@JacquelineUnderwood A problem is when you're out of the loop for a while, and those messages you've not opened pile up, and then you don't even open your email app not to deal with that pile of shame
@@foljs5858 trust me, I understand >~< usually I can force myself through the anxiety within the space of a month or two but I had a friend who straight up didn’t text me for two years because he was too anxious about having not replied 😅
I would love to find someone who doesn't find my ADHD ridiculous and unbearable to live with (to be fair, I agree). My former partners just thought I was a lazy, stupid a-hole that wasn't trying. It's really hopeful and beautiful to see this loving relationship.
Find another person with ADHD. Works like a charm.
@@tukankibar4917 oh,but then *nothing* important will get done.
@@alleecmo not hating your life is more important than chores
I found someone who has had 24/7 outdoor jobs most of his life (park ranger, hiking guide etc..) so he has 0% problem with a messy apartment and so i never feel judged or lazy. He understands and it's all good.
@@alleecmo nothing is much important anyway. Most things can be automated (like paying the bills). Others can be done by another person like a cleaning lady if you have some money for that. Some can me made much easier, like ordering food instead of cooking, or keeping the house relatively minimal, so cleaning and keeping up isn't that big of a deal. Also, you'll both have ADHD not paralysis. You'll still be able to get lot of things done if you still manage to have a job and a house and a relationship
I still find it hard to comprehend that other people manage to remember things on the fly. I find remembering things exist when they're not in front of me to genuinely be really difficult.
I think about my special few people a lot….
- I just don’t remember to tell them that I am…. Or message/call them to have a chat… normally because I am already in the middle of doing something when I think about them, and by the time I finish the thing I was already doing, I have forgotten again, and by the time I do remember that I had forgotten, it is normally like 2/3am and nobody wants me calling them for a chat at that point..!! 😂🤣
I do this, too, but I've come to an agreement with the special peopel in my life - we have code words that mean "I'm thinking of you, I love you, and while I'm not going to call you or text you, I need you to know that I'd like to." For example: For my Mom, it's 'fudge.' I text "Fudge" and she texts it back. One word, whole conversation. I have less than 5 people I do this with, but it works for me and for them.
@@maggiepaul1225 oooooh - I *_LOVE_* this!!!
Yep, me all over.
@@maggiepaul1225I do this with my lovies and a heart emoji! It's been so very helpful in our relationships since implementing it! I suggest it to others who aren't in my circle and aren't divergent to do with their loved ones as well. It's helpful for everyone really! ✌🏻🙏🏻❤️🫶🏻
Wait, so we're basically just in a lifelong pickaboo game 😳
love this
And like Kathleen Maddigan, one of my favorite stand up comedians, said after her sister was berating her for not taking better care of her finances: " but she will never know the joy of putting on last year's coat and finding money in the pocket! 'I'm $20 bucks richer just by putting on this coat, sis!"
@@elealion1469I’m going to have to remember his. Need to write it somewhere I can see it often.
Fairies! Technically yes. Actually, we believe that you were able to get that all done so fast that we didn’t even see you and then we beat ourselves up for not being able to get anything done in the blink of an eye. 😅 You are all magical fairies to us.
I would love to experience the world like you do for a day. It sounds exhausting, but fascinating.
This comment so much..
I am amazed at people who do lists. But I don’t think the list people should be in charge of anything 😂
List makers turn into dictators, I always vote for spontaneity in leadership
Yes! It took me hours to clean our kitchen on Friday. So annoying!
How are you directly speaking to my soul
I didn’t know this was an ADHD thing.😭 I felt so guilty when my adult brother asked me to talk to his Sunday school class about how our children are always on our minds even when they are away and I said, “Honestly I don’t even notice… (*shocked and disappointed look on his face)… well, I am happy when they come back though.” Oohhh the guilt 😖 I wish I knew this back then. Wow.
Oh my God....I have had so much guilt over this....and yes, it's great when they come back but I do forget about them!!!
@@PELLET158 🫂 🥹 💔❤️🩹
This! Learning that people with ADHD do not express love the same as neurotypicals was one of the biggest game changers for me. Sure there’s that great Elvis song “You were always one my mind” but my brain does not have ram for that.
The problem is it's mostly RAM, no long term storage. @@MioneBeast
This is why we mask
I always feel so bad trying to explain this to my loved ones...thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!
Same!
@@varpusaramaki4132 😁 More often than not the response I've gotten is something like "Yeah but not with me, right?" "Sure honey, you're the exception 👀" 😁
I just discovered these people today, and I felt so seen! So many things in my life are impacted by adhd, but I had no idea until I watched all these clips in a row. I was diagnosed last year-at 56. Imagine the train wreck my life has been! Thank you to this couple, both of whom are apparently named Babe. ❤❤❤
❤️They are amazing and so supportive
And Bubi lol.
How do you get diagnosed? I am 33 and been to many therapists but no one ever mentiond adhd ,only general anxiety disorder but i basicaly have all of this for adhd.Should i mention them to test me for it?
This is me with food. I forget what I bought and then just order food despite having a fridge full of frozen food because I can't get up or cook it because I'm exhausted from doing nothing by then.
ADHS Tax.🥺 I feel for you!
For me it helps to plan meals every once in a while, I suck at keeping up with it and want to try planning for longer periods like a month, but it takes the choosing what to cook away and that is one of main ways that I lose energy. That mixed with weekly groceries and pre made grocery lists safe me so much energy
I recently bought two large glass-door bar fridges, to replace my standard household fridge.
I could never keep track of what was in the old fridge, because after a day or so I wouldn't remember what was opened, how long anything had been there, or even what was in there in general.
This led to a gross and disorganised mess most of the time.
I hypothesised that if I could clearly see into the fridge every time I passed it, I would remember more easily how long things had been there, and would be mentally prompted to remove things before they rotted.
So far it has been an incredible success, and I ended up with more fridge space than when I started :)
@@GiordanoBruno42 that's honestly such a good idea, does the light make things spoil faster?
@@merelha5930 Not that I have noticed after about three months of using these bar fridges.
They use a little more energy than my old one, but other than that they function just as well :)
My mum would always be very upset/offended that I never "miss" her when she was back from long trips--also the fact that I can't lie to people and pretend I do. Kinda thought there was something wrong with me.
I only realised it was due to ADHD in my late 20s.
My mom was mad that I said the cat missed her. I then said that I missed her too but I wasn't being obnoxious about it.
Autism too! We don't want to be inauthentic
Omgosh yes, when I move away and don't see my friends anymore I forget about them and genuinely don't miss them. It's very hard for me to keep in touch with people who are not near me
I just had this conversation with my mom last night when I was explaining that I use to hate housework because it felt like it took forever but when my mother in law showed me and helped me set up a system to keep house it got better. I told her I never really understood how to do it because she didnt show me it was just done. Shes like "did you think that a magical fairy came in and did it?" I was like ya because you made it look so easy but it wasn't
I can soooo relate! 🧚♀️
Congratulations 🎉
What is the fascination with "fairies." People obviously don't know that they are actually DEMONIC spawn, as are mermaids, elves, etc....
Can I have her number ??😂😂 I need a mother in law fairy please
What's the system?
i also forget to be sad or mad so i basically don't have any grudges for anyone :')
It's not just me?! My therapist told me to track my moods for a week and I was honestly baffled by the result. I thought I was happy until I saw it all written down. 😬
@@thebosshouse you just made me feel not so alone thank you ,:)
Wow! This is so me as well!
Yessss, this is so me :)
Oof... me. This is so tricky if people treat me badly. Cause I forget. I feel upset and want to keep distance from them for like a day. But then I will forget how badly they treat me. And go back, just to get hurt again 😮
Well, technically it's not problem with object permanence. Object permanence is what little kids learn and we, ADHD kids, learn it too. It can be a separate issue for some, on top on ADHD. It's just that we, ADHD people, have poor memory. Our brain doesn't forget some stuff, more like it doesn't even register it, as we get distracted all the time.
It's not poor memory that is the problem. It's more the recall of those memories. A bit like a computer that saved a bunch of data points (like every other computer), but ours is missing the central pointer table.
No, it’s about having restricted working memory and no oversight via executive function.
Many of us have a much smaller “processor” than most people and there’s no ability to also handle the supervisory aspect of monitoring our attention.
It looks exactly like what she is talking about, whatever one chooses to call it.
@@iamcurious9541 - But something has to give the command to retrieve (or point to) the stashed memory. One has to have awareness of the need to retrieve to send the command. But it’s the lack of that idea occurring that is the problem.
I am inclined to think what you’re speaking of is not related to the experience she illustrates.
@@sfstucco I'm quite certain I understood her much better than you seem to. I do experience the same problem.
I often get shamed because I didn't do something, but when asked can recite exactly what needed to be done. The memory is there. It's just the system around it that is broken. Not distinguishing between those two can lead to a lot of shame and confusion for people with ADHD.
@@iamcurious9541 -- I get that. I am the same. And I think, after you explaining more, that we're on the same page.
I agree that Yin Okyakusama was incorrect in stating that ADHD people have poor memory.
I think in some ADHDers, they typically, or often, may not encode/store memories well due to distraction, as Yin seems to testify to.
But I think that is one of those things that varies among ADHDers, because it's not at the heart of what's not functioning. It's one possible "side effect," so to speak.
Also, I agree with you that the system around the memory recall is "broken."
Accessing the memory, retrieving it to process it... these all start with some sort of command.
If the command stems from external stimuli (person asking you to recite what needs to be done, for example... or visually noticing a big note that says, "Taxes Due This Sunday!" for example), then many of us can usually retrieve the memory or recognize what needs to be done.
But the problem often is when there is no external stimulus, because we don't have a working system wherein we remind ourselves.
That's what neuropsychologists refer to as Executive Function, and where they say part of attention deficit is attributable to.
Related to EF is Working Memory, which is restricted.
So, out of sight, out of mind, because our mind is somewhere else, unless there's a "tap-tap" on our figurative shoulder.
Her eyes and hair look fantastic!
This is too real, I'm m glad someone is addressing the lesser known issues with living with ADHD
Lesser known? The saying goes "Out of sight out of mind"
😂 Very true! This is why there are no drawers or cabinets in my son's room - everything is in sight: on the desk or shelves or hanging in organizers or nets. All objects locked away somewhere cease to exist completely! 😮 Love you ❤
@@FridaFlory23 my spouse does this and just buys the objects again that go missing in the chaos of his space
@@Privatenospying 🤣 the same here 😁🥴🥰 thanks for sharing!
I have just been looking at ADHD with my therapist and I have this with people but I was taught to believe its trauma based, this makes so much more sense.
It can be trauma based sometimes. People can have neurodivergent symptoms from CPTSD. Impaired working memory, trouble sleeping, maladaptive behaviours, etc.
@@geekyogurtcup people with CPTSD are considered nurodivergant.
@@Hi_Im_Akward SAY WHAT!?!?
@M I A it’s possible. It’s more likely that you have both. My mother went undiagnosed for both for 40+ years. Doctors consistently mistook it for bipolar, despite none of the medications have the desired effect. Turns out it was the ADHD and the CPTSD certainly exacerbated things, especially with memory and insomnia.
@@jeffreysherman8224yeah any mental health issue is classed as being neurodivergent, I'm 99% sure. So even having something more common like depression or anxiety means you're not neurotypical
Same except I don't forget people, like if I get stuck scrolling things always get reminded of them even if it's just in a "oh I think they'd laugh at this video" or something
I was thinking the same. Objects I own 100%, but I’m very ‘other’ orientated and actually over-think about people.
You always remember the stuff when it's inappropriate, like remembering the chores when already in bed trying to sleep.
That eye makeup is gorgeous! Also, let ADHD people do what they do best and stop expecting them to be like everyone else. They can’t accomplish these incredibly creative things with all those societal expectations in the way.
Do people not just forget that things exist?
Apparently not 🤷🏾♀️
Right? Isn't this just part of adulting? Like being tired all the time?
@@rs-mt6klNo, if you're tired all the time that's a problem! There's most likely an underlying issue like not enough sleep or a medical condition like diabetes or something and you should really figure out what it is fast.
@@jclyntoledo maan I've tried 🥲 I have a thyroid condition I'm being treated for but all my blood work comes back pretty normal 😭 I've tried more water protein vitamin D. Got a more active job so my physical activity is good. Tried limiting my sleep, thinking I'm just doin it to myself. That just made it more difficult to get through the day without a nap. Sometimes I sleep 12-16 hrs on my day off and am still tired. It sucks I miss having energy to do things. But yes I think I'll go see my endocrinologist or someone else if there's no reason he can find 😮💨
out of sight out of mind
So, that explains my problem with responding to emails!!! Days can go by. Then guilt sets in!
There is a difference between object permanence and poor working memory.
When you park your car in a parking lot you don't stop thinking the car exists because you can't see it. You know you have a car you just forgot where you parked it.
Similarly with the eyeliner. It's not that you think the eye liner ceased to exist once it was out of your view, you simply forgot you purchased it and left it in an obscure place you don't check often. People with ADHD still grasp the concept that things continue existing once we stop interacting with them which is object permanence.
Yes. The problem isn't object permanence, it's "out of sight, out of mind".
THANK YOU. I keep trying to explain this to people.
To add to this, we develop our sense of object permanence as infants. It's why we play peekaboo with babies. It helps them to learn that when they can't see things, it doesn't mean that they've popped out of existence.
So I get where you’re coming from, and by definition isn’t object permanence - as said, we know things can still exist when we don’t see them. I think it’s just a helpful term to explain to other people about the feeling. it really does seem to have stopped existing because we (me & others I’ve talked to) are no longer seeing it. My guess is it’s the difference between forgetting due to distraction and the brain pruning knowledge without discrimination at times when there’s other stuff going on.
Examples of how I experience it if it helps to explain for anyone, but feel free to ignore if it doesn’t or is too much text:
Things I interact with often or I’ve given high importance, I know I have them just not where.
For other things, my brain will quickly and fully yeet away the knowledge of its existence until I rediscover it (or even the person).
Probably similar in feeling to losing a word, or how to do something you know you’ve done before but now inexplicably don’t know how to - it’s just gone without explanation.
It’s so weird to have apparently done or read something/been somewhere and having absolutely NO recollection of or familiarity with it despite explicit evidence to the fact (like a picture of me somewhere or a comment I left online or in a journal of a story I read).
Idk it’s just the best description of the feeling - that the specific thing/person /experience never existed/happened at all and I never knew about it. Even though I now have the thing, so clearly I did once, but that information got de-prioritized without the visual reminder and now it’s just gone.
Exactly, I'm calling BS on this video.
Edited for typos
Lol!
I read this really good comment on another similar video, and it was "Object PERTINENCE" instead of permanence.
Th subtle difference they explained, was that if something wasn't VERY important, than usually what would happen is they would set it down, ~then~ forget about it because it didn't take on a "very pertinent " slot in their brain 😅
I tell people this one all the time, because it explains my habits so much better to people! 🤣
Yeah! Its like "Wheres the hairbrushes again?" But you can find your meds and glasses immediately.
[Note: there are 3 adhd women in my house, so we are constantly losing our like 5 hairbrushes lol]
@@littysavior9181 Bahaha! That's amazing 🤣
I don't know what pertinent means, but I agree that object permanence is the wrong term. Unlike babies we do know and understand that objects continue to exist even if we can't see them. We just tend not to think about them. Not sure if the phenomenon needs a fancier name than "out of sight out of mind"
It doesn't really matter how important the item is. If it's out of sight, it is out of mind. And sometimes the object can be in the middle of the kitchen table and I've been searching for it for hours already, and even eaten dinner while staring at said object, and still can't find it. I call it "I see it but I don't register it."
That "oi" at the end describes exactly how i feel every time I watch one of your videos lol. lovingly targeted, but understood 😅❤
So much YES. put it in a drawer when im tidying....out of sight out of mind! You guys rock! Thank you for this. Yall nail it on the head every time.
PS there is some folklore that fairies mess with people to keep them....i dont remember exactly. I read it in a Tom Robbins book.
Even though i cannot finish the thought, it doesn't stop me from posting this.😁😘
My autistic special interest is books, but if I don't keep lists of what I have, my ADHD gets me to buy copies of ones I already have. Because even if I've already read them, I will forget what I have. As lately as two days ago, I looked at my shelf and went "Huh, I have that?" It's a testament to my record-keeping that I've only bought 5 extra copies, as far as I can currently remember.
It’s like Christmas everyday! 😂I can’t tell you how many times I’m like “oh yeah, I forgot about that”🎁
Christmas is actually SATURNALIA, and it is SUN GOD WORSHIP.
@@thehomelesshebrews as a pagan I approve of this message. Happy Yuletide!🌲
Just wanted to say thank you for making this channel and this content. Really helps to see how people deal with these things in everyday life.
Having an adhd wife myself, your videos give a sarcastic bright shine on our life and makes it easier, more comic then dramatic! Thanks 🙏🏽
I swear things grow legs and vanish despite swearing I out the keys and phone on the same place every time which drives my husband wild 😂
I love y'all's interactions. I sometimes wish my non ADHD wife could understand and accept it like he does. I know we ADHDers are hard to live with but if you don't have it you will never know how difficult it is to live in our own heads.
It’s not quite that simple …. we would definitely miss you if you ceased to exist …. It’s just we’re in the moment where we are and a text from somewhere other than right here isn’t a priority … unless an emergency and then the dopamine shifts to a new “right here in the moment where nothing else matters”. There are whole books written on trying to get people to live in the moment, so why is this so wrong?
Yeah your eyes the deepest blues i've ever seen in the world's got my back and keep your comfort and providence for more than a minute and a half love
So regarding object permanence, if your husband did the laundry while you were out, would you be upset? I know you kind of talked about it in this video, but I’m thinking about your laundry video the other day when you wanted some things washed and others not so much. I like the way you two talk to each other, asking questions and giving thoughtful answers. You are kind to each other.
I probably would get upset in one circumstance - I was dumb enough to leave something in my pants pocket and she washed it before I realized it was lost 😅
I’d know I was wrong to be upset though, more upset at myself
I probably wouldn't even realize the laundry had been done, because I didn't see the pile disappear, go into the washer, dryer, get folded and put away. It's not because I'm an ungrateful dick, it's because out of sight is fully out of mind. 😅
again, she has it PERFECTLY explained... i hope the industry sees what shes doing and HIRE HER!!!! love you guys so much!
Actually, it's a pretty offensive way of explaining ADHD & a misunderstanding of what 'object permanence' is.
People like to mock me for my lack of object permanence. I'll turn around and forget that things exist. Unless I can hear it, feel it, smell it, or see it, it isn't there.
The man is a SAINT. 😅
I really like your eye makeup. It's beautiful.
She’s not wrong her eyes do look absolutely epic
I'm so happy that this is the symptom my boyfriend doesn't exhibit as much. My ex had this severely, as in "if you're not in front of me, our relationship doesn't exist and I can go on an ego trip or cheat or whatever and it will be like it never happened when I see you again" so that would be very triggering for me. Both of them had ADD
Yesss! it makes it so hard to maintain friendships and your house always looks cluttered because everything has to be kept right in front of you so you remember 😅
I hate the term "object permanence", I prefer "out of site, out of mind". It feels more accurate. I remember sometimes that I bought the thing, I just continue to forget about it 3 seconds later till I come across it months later when I have time and energy to do the thing with it.
I was making breakfast the other day. Went into my office to start playing the sims. I burned my pan because I forgot I was making breakfast. I didn’t even have the eggs on the pan yet. And I forget I have a brother he lives down south. I’ll even forget I have parents.
Epic!!! Perfect word. Love it. Oh, and best greets to the house cleaning fairy!!! Bravo.
I swear your vids are telling me I have ADHD. I can relate to all of them. 😮
I'm always finding stuff I forgot I own. 🙃 So this is why! TY ❤
Not why, this is inaccurate. Read a comment above about working memory.
You mean object permanence? @soulfuljuiciness
Why is it the more of your videos I watch the more I worry about myself... though of course as soon as I scroll past I forget until I see you again... its like the silence in doctor who
No, it's not in the sense that people with object permanence will cheat or something. No person labeled anything is going to ALL be the same.
It's that when you are by yourself doing your own thing, your brain doesn't necessarily bring up your loved ones, pets, memories, or things unless they or it is in front of you or are reminded somehow. Any person is different from another, so the reasons will vary.
You may hear your phone go off, but if you are in the middle of something.. it is out of sight out of mind. We don't mean to. Our brains aren't wired like people without mental issues. It's just that we need medication for our brains to resemble normalcy.
Personally, I kick myself in the ass for not getting medicated sooner. I'm still in the process of finding the right mix of meds and figuring out other things disguised as depression and anxiety. It's hard, but even though I'm not where I want/need to be, I am so thankful I am no longer mentally paralyzed. I want to get a better education, but with my brain barely retaining information, I won't. Also, please try and get some sort of routine, simplify what you do, don't over think it. Especially if you want to make to do lists or write down things. Don't go all out, ease yourself in.
I just have one thing to say to someone who is struggling mentally. If you want help but you have loved ones telling you that you don't have something and you know deep down that you need help or you are so, so anxious at that thought of someone judging you, how you feel, your struggles....
Just please, i beg you somehow go to the doctor by yourself. Jot down how you feel and what exactly you struggle with. If need be, get another doctor who will listen. Please, just don't be like me and wait till you're 29 to go. You will save yourself a lot of head and heartache. Stop telling yourself one more day, I've been saying that since I was 17.. I'm 30 now.
Also, please try your best to keep your friends/family(if you care about them) if you've been isolating yourself. You may not realise it, but if they care about you like you do them... You aren't just hurting yourself... You are crushing your loved ones just as much. So if you truly think no one will notice or care, think about what you're also doing to them and how you'd feel if they did the same. I hurt my 2 best friends because I didn't want to be a burden or drag them down.. and countless others over the years because of this. I hurt me AND the people I tried to keep it from. It ALL backfired.
I tried everything I could think of that wasn't medication to help, but for me, it didn't.
For object permanence, I suggest organizing in a way that EVERYTHING is easily accessible and seen. For me, since being medicated, it's a bit easier to do so. Without it, I was frozen, everything overwhelming, exhausting, decisions... what is that? I'm so indecisive. I hate knowing others feel like this, and I will be damned if I don't try and give some advice when it's needed. There is still so much stigma about mental health. It's so much more than these words that describe how we feel and our symptoms. Our symptoms aren't what normal brained folk get. It is mostly, immensely intensitied. People with mental illnesses the majority of symptoms aren't what you will ever feel. If you do or have had it, it's just temporary.. ours most likely is our lifetime. It's never an excuse as long as they try to better themselves. Anyways, my stoner bedtime rant is done. 😆
Okay, so I'll admit I skimmed this but YES. THIS. My family/friends don't understand that when I'm at work, I'm AT work and work is all I'm thinking about.
Thank you. This is the most informative and considerate comment I've seen so far. Most seem to say "I react impulsively, I have issues and people's reaction affect and trigger me, so I want them to understand me." Yet also seem to be saying "when others react to me impulsively and are triggered by their own issues - they need to get over it and understand me"
I'm confused why so many are angry at not being understood yet, don't want to (or seem to) understand other's triggers/illnesses and consider them too? What am I missing here? I'm legit in a mental block of understanding that I want to get past!!!
The make-up looks across between beautiful on you and really creative...very original!
I feel for you both here because I think I know how you both feel here. I think I have both autism and ADHD (inattentive type) often going off in my own little world, especially when in the garden but still having to do the washing etc and I often forget my schedule but... I don't literally forget my husband exists, it's more a case of I forget everything else in a way that is out of sight out of mind.
This is part of what makes me a pretty awful long distance relationship partner…
So am I. I sort of forget people I don’t see. Very seldom miss somebody. Just forget them.
Those eyes are epic though
It's so true. Thank you for your videos. I so much appreciate it.
This is a very real experience but not object permanence. Object permanence refers to the understanding that what you can’t see still exists (and is why peekaboo is so fun for babies before they reach that developmental milestone at around eight months). For us who have ADHD the experience is closer to an extreme case of ‘out of sight out of mind’. Thanks for being so open about your experiences it really helps to feel not alone. ❤
"Out of sight out of mind" is just the practical side effect of bad object permanence. So if you think of object permanance as two-fold, on one side the understanding that things don't just cease to exist when we can't see them, and on the other side the practical ability to consider things when you're not seeing them, ADHDers have impaired ability on that second part.
@@foljs5858 But that's simply not what "object permanence" is. Object permanence is a developmental milestone, as the OP said. It's not simply not considering something. Even though people with ADHD have more "out of sight, out of mind" than others, *everyone* experiences this. No person is aware of every single object that exists at every time.
Don't get me wrong: this is getting at a real experience people with ADHD have. But this terminology means something else.
@@auralit8 Yeah, I know what obect permanance is officially. Obviously it's not like ADHD people think that something they've seen being oscured by a blanket or a box or whatever suddenly disappeared.
But it's also casually used as term in ADHD/ASD cycles for the "out of sight, out of mind" case. Some call it "person permanence" when it's about not missing people.
And I think it might even be related to the "brain circuits" that develop actual obect permanence in babies too. After all ASD and ADHD are both characterized as "developmental" dissabilities.
Love her. Being ADHD I bet she is a high achiever!!!!❤
I don't have that with my significant other, but with friends/people who I don't see daily. They kind of disappear until some day I remember them and text them.
She looks absolutely epic ... she's so lovely.
It's really unfortunate when an influencer misrepresents information, especially one that's generally seen as being a respected and reliable source of information on a topic.
I keep seeing this mistaken idea that people with ADHD lack object permanence, when we absolutely do not. Object permanence is the understanding that things that we cannot see still exist. Babies lack object permanence and they learn through experience that things they cannot see still exist. If we had issues with object permanence, we would not be able to understand that anything outside of our line of sight still existed. For example, my husband just went outside. I know he's outside, because he walked out the door and, logically, he's outside on the deck right now. That is object permanence. Even if he were to leave right now, without telling me where he is going, logic still tells me that he is SOMEWHERE, and that he will return.
When people with ADHD forget about things that they can't see, that is what we call "out of sight, out of mind."
Out of sight, out of mind, still has s major effect on people. Object permanence applying to ashd people would, i am guessing, have been first applied by the medical profession, to explain the severity of out of sight, out of mind. ,
@@Plethoralityobject permanence would never be applied to out of sight, out of mind by any medical professional, because they are not the same thing.
Well said…!! It is totally an “out of sight out of mind” thing rather than object permanence…
Object permanence is a learned behavior, babies don't have it so that's why they cry when you leave them- anything not in front of them ceases to exist. Not being connected with in early childhood inhibits growing object permanence and understanding that things that you can't see still exist.
Oi😂😂😂. I’m the ADD parent to the ADHD child. I wish I had understood what was going on in BOTH our heads….could have saved a lot of heartache and shame. Thank you for sharing your gifts. Never too late!!!!!
ADD is not a thing anymore. You just have ADHD with the inattentive presentation. It’s like how Asperger’s doesn’t exist anymore. It’s usually just people with ASD level one needing support.
She is looking so beautiful like a princess!!❤
Aus den Augen aus dem Sinn 🤣
I can relate to this! It takes the saying "Out of Sight, Out of Mind" to the next level.
I thought everyone was like this .. 0-0
She looks gorgeous.
Ugh please don't call it this. Object permanence and ADHD forgetfulness are not the same thing. It's just out of sight, out of mind.
Thank you!!!
Omg. Yep. I was just thinking about all this an hour ago haha. I’ve had these lottery tickets for 2 days and that’s a long time as much as I love them. Their next to me but I’m in the dark and well I forgot again. 😂😂
You guys are funny and all but I don’t know what I would have done without you. I’m 54, my adhd has gotten so much worse since I’ve gotten older. I feel like I absolutely don’t know how to act in public anymore. I laugh at myself but I also think. Just shut up right now you’ll be good but no, then I have to announce th a t. Lol
Please don't use the term object permanence! It's a developmental concept that's used for babies. Everyone above the age of 1 has object permanence.
Using that term isn't only factually incorrect but also demeaning to people with ADHD. We aren't less developed than toddlers.
I know there are some alternatives to the phrase object permanence that descibes this way better. If I find them again I will inform you but please please please stop using object permanence for simply forgetting that you own something.
Wow. She's so beautiful.
I was just explaining this to my mother the other day when she was saying I never call her
This one I have to explain to my mother over and over and over again. We buy vegetables, she puts them away where I can't see them, then gets upset that they rot because I never used them. The second they're out of my sight, they're gone.
Exactly!!!, relateable!!!😮🤚👋🏻
I've got this so bad 🙈
It’s not that I think fairies did it… it’s that I never noticed the dishes or the dirty clothes to begin with 😅
Bless my husband
No, adhd people understand “object permanence”. Object permanence just means you understand that things still exist even if you can’t see them. Being forgetful of things you can’t see is NOT the same as not understanding that they still exist. Babies begin to understand object permanence around 7 to 8 months old. It is infantilizing and misinformation to say that ADHD people lack object permanence skills.
Your channel has literally made me find myself....i am forever grateful to you two because of that ! ❤ Also love that its your neurotypical partner trying to understand you, and showing us how our partners can try to go about it ! Much love, peace ,love and positivity !
It's not object permanence because if you think about stuff you can't see you will remember it. You know the stuff you have you just don't always take the time to remember it.
You more informed than most on adhd 👍 Tops thnx
As someone with ADHD it’s possible to not make ADHD your entire personality
I love how you can be yourself! I hope to find that in myself one day 🤞
Oke it's not object permanents.
Our object permanents works just as well as any others. We use it to describe our expirence but it just ain't correct.
If I don't see my parents in front of me it's not like I believe they stopped existing.
It's the struggle with short term memory combined with a struggle to focus on specific things.
So the concept of my parents existing is still very simple and real to me.
But tnx to my short term memory I'll forget constantly that I haven't spoken to them nor replied to their text.
And my focus will be on so many other things that I don't even have to room te recall that I hadn't replied or spoken to them in ages.
If I do remember I probably forget again when the first other task pops in my head and I'm serounded by a million tasks all day so it's not difficult to lose focus on that one tiny moment I remember my parents.
But if someone says when did you last talk to your parents it's not like I'll respond
What are parents? Who is this John you're speaking off. I know not of his existence
I always felt strange that i didn't really miss people, even if i love them. This makes sense!
This is wrong. We develope object permanance by the time we reach the age of two. Adhd is simply forgetting.
People without the concept of object prrmanance, literally cannot comprehend the idea of "if i can't see it, feel it, hear it, or smell it, it very much could still exist."
People without object permanance, do not have the ability , to be aware of what isn't in your range.
Forgetting somthing exists is not the same as not being able to comprehend the existance of somthing.
Edit: i kindly ask you to take this video down. I love your videos, but this is blatant misinformation.
I always say my ADHD superpower is organizing so good it actually works in reverse and makes things harder to find
Is this similar to dementia
Out of sight out of mind actually one of my superpowers 🤷🏼♀️ #adhd
This explained so much when I found it was part of ADHD, like why I hate any cupboards with doors - the moment that door closes, the contents don’t exist.
We have 2 refrigerators... I always forget we have 2 and the produce fits into the second refrigerator!! I'm always tossing produce I forgot I had. Object Permeance is real!
You are epic! I have bought several of the same object because of the whole "out of sight, out of mind" thing.
Wow,... gives a whole new meaning to the phrase..' Out of Sight, Out of Mind'
😂
It would be awesome if you did some videos about how you got to this level of awareness, understanding & support 💞
Omg!!! I have never had someone also say they struggle with people not existing when they aren't with me. It really upsets certain People and when dating and stuff as I genuinely can not remember the person exists never mind that I need to reply to them in a timely manner and start regular conversations. It has caused a lot of upset and relationships to break down
Out of curiosity, does having a screenshot of notes or their name somewhere prominent help? Setting reminders to check in with new partners to avoid this?
Not to judge, I'm curious as I know someone in the position where their ptsd was triggered by the forgetting thing of a new partner and it ended badly between them. It was like the adhd person couldn't understand the whole rejection/abandonment thing my friend felt.
This is all quite new to me!
This reallyyy explains my literal need for timers everywhere (as a timer goes off right now to remind me to stay on task). Time to hop off the TH-cam!🎉
Idk how to even start coping with the fact that all these videos are 100% ME.
I go further. If something is on my desk even, but i simply dont happen to look at it, it doesn't exist! Snacks go bad on the desk, notes rendered useless, meds not taken, then i accidentally notice the meds and cant tell for my LIFE if i had taken them that day or not, things to take care of i put down stop existing...
Food goes bad while im hungry (and looking for food, but i put it down earlier that day and it stopped existing so i dont even look for it), gifts remain unnoticed on the coffee table in front of me, things just stop existing all the time! Time does too jn fact.
You really need to stop being so relatable or ill start to get concerned 😅😅😅
I always feel so bad for forgetting people exist, I can't tell u how many times I've worked with people and they've left the job but I had I have had no idea until I see them and ask where they been
That "Oi!" was real, I felt it in my soul
Omg i love this lady so much , i feel like there is hope for the future and positivity xxxx❤❤❤