Hello hello!! 🦋✨ I’ve been learning SO much about maintaining adult friendships since graduating!! I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you stay close with those you love
Jade I have an idea to 1:35 min - why don't you make a video about the definition of "Friend" in different languages and cultures? i know that especially in scandinavia, friendship is defined differently than in england and that in german there are many terms that define the relationship to other people (other than "friends")
I think thinking about your friends is the no1 thing ..because as non effortly that seems its the centre of all acts..so keeping your close ones in your mind makes you connect with them and surprise them and just get them when they need you cuz they are with you always ..especially that sometimes while you are chatting with them you would get hyped up or caught into certain topics and not get the needed time to fully comprehend all the indepth messages through their words or faces.
I would absolutely love to speak to this!! 🦋 it’s SO hard as an adult, especially in a new city. It feels like everyone has their own busy lives. I recommend using apps like Meetup and Eventbrite to meet people with likeminded interests
@UnJadedJade unfortunately there aren't any groups for young people in my area on meetup, I started using it in final year in Manchester, I wish I started sooner
I've always struggled making friends, especially since leaving school, because everyone went there own way and I don't have many hobbies and there's really nothing to do where i live, no where to go except i suppose the gym, I've just started finally going lately and bumped into some old friends, and I went to uni to reinvent myself and be more outgoing, but it was still SO hard because of covid and cliques and people were happy being acquaintances but never have the time, money or effort to be friends, or with a few people I was friends with i hardly ever saw them. Yes I have social anxiety but I still went out on my own sometimes and got chatting to people but nothing ever came of it, and in societies there were so many people I was washed out. Now that's all over and I'm trying to make ADULT friendships which is a whole other arena because everyone's caught up in work and relationships and commitments. I seriously don't know what to do and it makes me feel depressed and isolated
This is how I met some of my really good friends in my 30s: Marta, I met in handstand class (she was also a beginner and at the end of the class I asked her if she wanted to get a coffee with me and exchanged numbers); Madhuri, Lauren and Miranda I met via a meetup group that was doing The Artist Way; Kelsey and Lindsay I met via other friends who are no longer my friends; Judit I met while traveling in Sri Lanka and so it happens we are neighbours; Christian I met at a women’s circle. I guess the common denominator here is spending time with strangers in a common space and eventually you’ll bond… good luck! It’s definitely not impossible!! ❤
‘Friendship’ has been a sore subject for me recently following a messy friendship breakup and long bouts of loneliness last year. I’ve realised that I’m ok at making new friends but not so much at maintaining those new friendships I think because of social anxiety and fear of rejection (it’s so much easier to maintain established friendships for me) One of my new year’s resolutions is to make and maintain like minded friends so wish me luck haha
In my opinion, a friendship is a two-people's thing. I am becoming more and more selective every day on who I call "friend" as I always find myself giving a lot in that relationship but never getting anything back in return. As soon as I stopped calling and texting people they did the same thing with me. I am never anyone's first point of contact. No one really cares and it has been like that for almost 30 years. I feel like I have only been the one putting the effort in and trying to make it all work. I admire you Jade. You have friends who are willing to schedule calls and respect that. My so called "friends" leave me on read for like a week or they simply do not answer and their excuse is that they are bad texters and/or always busy. No one has ever respected me in that sense. Why should I? I'd rather be on my own. I have so many trust issues and trauma because of all of this.
As someone who is on the other side of this coin, the bad texter, I would like to offer my point of view. I am often so drowned in my own problems/mind (but use the excuse that I am busy) that I genuinely forget or don't have the energy to text my friends back. Sometimes I only manage to text a friend back after months. I know this a horrible habit, and I have tried to change it many times without success. I am still trying to change it. However this habit of mine does not reflect the way I feel towards those friends AT ALL. I LOVE them and appreciate it so much when they make the effort, when I am unable to do so. Rather, this behaviour it is a reflection of me and my own mental state. I think about those friends a lot, I respect them and miss them.
Really interesting video. The idea that adult friendship is no longer experiencing life with friends but telling your friends about your life makes me feel so sad! I think there is some truth in it but I think forming close friends through hobbies is a great way to combat this. I think it’s also important to have new life experiences with close friends that have perhaps moved away so that you’re not just telling each other about your lives but are actually embedded in them eg holidays, trips, going to concerts/events together. Ie making time to do activities together rather than just catch up on what you’re both doing over a call/message/coffee
This September, I moved away from home for uni, but my two closest friends stayed in our hometown and I was scared of losing them at first, but we all put so much effort into our friendship now that I feel even closer to them than before. The only problem with this is that it means I often spend my weekends driving home to see my friends, which means it is hard to find new friends at uni. So I think the hardest thing for me is not neccessarily maintaining old friendships, but finding a balance between old and new ones. Also, as an autistic person I found this video to be very helpful. I feel like I understand the complexity of friendships a little better now and it's almost like I got a piece of the operation manual that I always wanted. Thank you Jade 😊🫶🦋
Whenever I've had zero friends in life, especially last year after losing my 2 closest friends, I found comfort from picturing my social space in my mind like a cosy clearing or a quiet meadow. Sunny, tiny warm breeze. And then thinking 'even when alone, this is what it looks like'. Just peaceful and brimming with potential. From there it always cheers me up to picture how the space can be filled with future people doing things you love. Maybe a space for a picnic with these friends, or a badminton net for other friends. For some reason this visualisation really helps. Great video, Jade
I implemented step 4, especially after noticing that my friend started to avoid me more and more. She kept coming up with weird excuses, and then eventually ghosted me completely. So yeah, communicating your needs is one thing, but for the other person to be willing to fulfill them is another story. The worst heartbreak and disappointment in my life so far. Now I am left with absolutely zero friends.
I love this! The closest friends are the ones who make the effort to be there when you need and when you don't! We have a friend that we meet up with for karaoke on Friday nights, and we just met someone new there that we plan to hang out with again in a few week!
love how practical and real this video is. People really dont like to admit how hard friendships are to maintain and how hard it is when you have a friendship breakup. Great video, cheers!
Omg, I remember asking for a video exactly like this a few months ago when I was kinda in a bad place. You replied with so much love back then, and I confidently say that I’m so much better now, but this video means a lot. Sending hugs💗
Girlll are you reading my mind? I was just thinking I would love to watch a video of yours on this very specific topic! Also, the quality of your content (not only the filming but the overall project) improves more and more, so proud of you
She's reading my mind too, yesterday I was thinking "what was it again, that service that helps you keep in touch with friends, that Jade was talking about...?" and here she mentions it 😎
Someone said "Your can count your friends on only one hand". There is some truth to that. The term "friend" is over-used in the english language (and culture). In other cultures, there are many terms to describe your relationship to schoolmates, people at uni, people at the workplace, etc. "Friends" is actually something as intimate as a long term relationship.
I don’t usually comment on videos but step number 4: don’t be afraid to express your needs really spoke to me! It may feel awkward expressing how you feel about a friendship but long-term, it’s how authentic and truly meaningful mutual friendship are build! To keep it in mind ☺️
Oh my God! I am at the start of the video, but the thing you said about the word "friend" in english language, and it being so limiting... this is so true! I am polish, and in our language we have three main words for a friend, and each one feels very different and it distinguishes the "levels" of friendship. For Poles it's often confusing, learning english and understanding that you call almost anyone "a friend" haha because we usually translate it to the strongest polish word for a friend. Anyway, I'm getting back to watching!!!
same here in scandinavia! I'd never ever call a very good collegue of mine a "friend" although we get along very well and spend so much time together at work. We are very loyal and intimate collegues but no "friends" who call each other at 2am to discuss whats on our mind :D
I'm just 17 and not sure if I would be considered as an "adult" but this video really resonated with me and came at a good moment! Just a few days ago I met with two old friends who I used to be really close with but that I haven't talked to in a while. During the past year or two I've really noticed the change in my friendships, some become even more meaningful and deep, some become more distant as we don't share the same context anymore. I've recently started to watch your videos even more, and I love having a slightly older "sister" speaking on topics like these and experiencing life ahead of me. (I hope that makes sense as I'm not native speaker haha) thank you so much!!
Thank you for the video, I really enjoyed it. 2023 was a low point for me in terms of my friendships because there was a lot of uncertainty around them. Halfway through the year during the year a lot of people stopped talking to me because my life was getting busier and I couldn't find the time to meet with them. Afterwards I felt pressured to see my friends because I felt like I might lose them if I didn't. Among all this uncertainty I felt lonely and felt like I had no friends, but going into 2024 I started to shift my perspective to focus on the friends that I still have rather than trying to maintain the ones that were failing. I think the difficult thing with friendships is trying to figure out who you should focus your time and energy on especially going through different phases of our lives (school, uni etc.) and I feel like that's a skill in itself.
Aw, thank you for making this video! Friendships are so important (arguably the most important thing in life) though as a society we don't seem to place that much outward value on them. I feel like growing up, media and being surrounded by similar people in school makes us assume that friendships are effortless, but as an adult, you really do have to put in active effort! I think that's really reframed how I view friendships now. You have to put the work in.
Never seen (or read) any friendship explanation that's so clear and rational. Maybe friendship is not only rational but, as an autistic, I really appreciate this video and might help me to become a better friend and keep my important friendship or decide when someone doesn't have to be part of my life. I also spent years constantly moving to different countries and struggle a lot with maintaining friendship... I'll surely use your suggestions, thanks so much for such an original content! :D
Jade, it is always a good idea to still keep in touch with your friends even if they moved away or you and them are no longer in school. You can always email them or phone them.
Listening to this because I was feeling lonely but just wanted to hear some soothing conversation and now I'm crying cause I relate to the losing and dying of friendships, the need to make new friends and a cold shower on how I should maintain friendships 😭💕 Thank you Jade. Needed someone to say all that to me
I feel like with your videos I can take on the world. You literally have a video for any area of life that is misunderstood or not talked about in today's day and age. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!!
This was really helpful and I loved hearing your perspective as an ex-ghoster cause it helped me have compassion for friends/love interests that have ghosted me or that still ghost me and it's so wonderful that one can grow out of that like you did. Very inspiring as always ❤
Express how you feel and kind of label the friendship, did this with my best friend lately, so useful… didn’t mean to or even realise he was doing stuff I didn’t like. Always good to be open and upfront. The point about friendship breakups, why does no one ever talk about that? Thank you for mentioning it
I just wanted to say your channel is such a wholesome corner of the internet. Although not quite an adult, this is really helpful for me with friends moving off to different colleges so thank you!!
Thank you so much. I've been staying away from a certain crowd, but in this crowd, 4 are really my best friends way before joining the neighborhoodgang . I hope your good advice helps me to get closer, and hopefully, my homies understand, and the other gang members let me walk away and not boxed away . Wish me luck. I feel pretty confident .
I love this new type of content you are making Jade! I recently moved across the world to do my masters and finding friends as an adult is still very hard. I realized that I had to make the effort because I won't randomly find people I truly connect with by chance. I would also recommend bumble friends and signing up for group classes of things you enjoy!
This video really resonated with me despite the fact that I'm not an adult. Since half way through the past year, I've been very conscious of my friendships after two friendship break ups. It wasn't anyone's fault, it just didn't work out. Both the experiences made me question all my friendships and I wasn't doing so great. In two weeks, my family and I are shifting cities and I'm anticipating 'the lonely loop'. I decided to meet up with a few of my childhood friends before I move and it's oddly nerve-racking to text them without our shared context, which was school (I started homeschooling a few years ago and haven't been in touch with them since). I'm really looking forward to meeting them, though, and hopefully making new friends once I move :))
There are seasons to friendships some are short and others are lifelong. Sometimes you can rekindle childhood or uni friendships later in adulthood when your hectic years are over. It’s very sad especially when a friendship ends and you weren’t given a chance to address the concerns. Lost a childhood friend two years ago after many years of friendship. Don’t discount turning your family into friends as you age too such as cousins or siblings. I think you need to build new friendships throughout your life. Lots of good tips here. I’m going to see if my two uni friends want to do letterloop. We all live in different states and one of them I haven’t seen in a few years now.
transitioning to adult friendships is hard. you go from high school or college dorms where you see people everyday to working full time and it becomes difficult to see people. good adult friendships have to survive distance, different financial and family circumstances, moving, etc. all the things real life brings. it’s still the little things that count. the message check ins, the quick walks, or the knowledge that even with distance you still have cheerleaders and supporters. being autistic, this transition poses even more issues, but you learn you can only control what you can control and to make the best of what time you have ❤
Girl i did this circle thing randomly one day during my O levels while explaining different kinds of friendships to someone. So glad to see you explaining it through the same framework!❤
Love this video. Friendship 'break ups' have been really hard for me, but I'm so grateful for the two friends that have stayed in my middle circle. Sometimes I feel like they're all I need🥰
I took so much comfort from this video Jade! I would consider myself a good friend however sometimes maintaining adult friendships is hard but I absolutely agree with the fact that communication is key. And friendship breakups really do hit the hardest especially without closure! If someone doesn't want to be my friend I would definitely rather they told me and why! Thank you for this video, really well explained! xx
This is such an important topic to me. Lately I have been reflecting a lot about my life and the friendships that I've had. Especially with what Jade mentioned about being a bad texter and avoidant attachment style. I realised that I am too a bad texter. For example, if I feel down, I can't muster up the courage to say to a friend I am down. or I can't randomly text a friend if I have a recommendation for something or see how they are. I'm much of a person who schedules meet ups every so often and speak then. Perhaps this is shaped by my past friendships where I did wrong to people and I was not in great friendships myself coupled with my upbringing. But I've recently been exploring the potential need for therapy to explore and understand why this may be and what I can do about it. Thank you Jade for the video, this is a great stepping stone for me to watch
Hey Jade! I'm not sure if this is a topic you would be interested in, but given your experiences living in different countries and making friends from around the world, I would love to hear your perspective on intercultural relationships/ friendships. Like benefits, challeges, learning different communication styles, maybe how these realtionships changed your perspective on the world & the culture you grew up in. Also if you noticed any previously held beliefs that were challenged or changed as a result of intereacting with people from different cultures. Hopefully this makes sense. Anyways, I love your videos and can't wait for the next one!
You really inspire me Jade. I've been dealing with feeling betrayed by my close friend. She transferred to another uni without telling me beforehand. Even though I knew it was for a respectable reason, I couldn't help feeling like I was the only one who valued our friendship. I didn't talk about my feelings at our last meetup, and she never texted or called me again. I don't mind being the one putting more effort into a friendship because I actually find joy in the process, but this time the only thing I feel is disappointment. So I never reached out to her again. Am I being too stubborn, or is this the death of our friendship? My sympathy to anyone in a similar situation.
Recently I've been actively trying to put more effort into maintaining friendships, developing my connections with people and this video resonated with me a lot. Thank you, Jade ❤
this past september i moved away from home to another continent for college i left ALL of my friends back home and i just felt so depressed and lonely for MONTHS, i still feel this way bc i feel like after high school ended i had sort of like an epiphany that i didnt have any real friends they were all just "contextual" as you said and once the context of highschool was over almost all of the friends i had drifted away, if i didnt text first or call no one would really check up on me, i was constantly in this loneliness loop that you described and i would go on instagram and see my old highschool friend group hanging out without me and it really hurt even though i was the one who moved away so its really not their fault. at the start of 2024 i really want to have closure and just move on from this era of my life, i really want to work on making new, real friends that help me become the best version of myself, i realllyyyy am trying to put myself out there but its SO hard !! especially as a shy & introverted personits always been challenging for me to kind of initiate interactions with potential friends so its definitely, definitely something im working on
Wow the timing of this video is so bizarre! My best friend (who I've known since we were 4 years old) is moving to Berlin in a couple of months to live with her boyfriend. I wasn't worried about it AT ALL until a few days ago when I started to realise that our friendship might actually change. I know that we will both put in the effort because we're basically sisters at this point, but it's scary to know that someone who has always been there through every life stage, is not going to be there anymore to share the little things with
Great video, I loved every second of it! What I want to mention is (I think it was already mentioned somewhere in the comment section) that I have a bigger problem with finding new friends as an adult (20+). It often seems to me like I want to be friends with a new person but they seem like they are already having enough friends to them and don't want/need any more friends and behave like they are only open to being acquaintances. No matter how much effort I put into building a friendship with new people. It's hard to find a new friend and build a close friendship as an adult since it seems all (young) adults are already "sorted" into friend groups and are not open to "new members". That's my experience. It would be nice if you make a video or an Instagram post about this specific issue! Have a magical day! Sending love from Czechia. 💖
I never comment on videos but this one I need to !!! Lost my best friend friendship of 10years when she moved to Australia (I’m from france) and we are currently trying to renew the knot so thank you SOOO MUCH for all theses tips on how to ❤❤
For me it’s actually not so much about maintaining friendships but more about finding friends in the adult environment. I grew apart from most my childhood friends because we valued/were interested in different things. I tried to find new people but I always get the feeling that they have enough friendships and aren’t really open to get to know other people. If you are from Berlin and would be interested to get to know each other feel free to comment :) Other country’s and cities are also welcome but it might be harder to get to know each other and stay in touch. - Resi ✨
That feeling of 'the majority of other people seem to have enough friends and aren't wanting to put effort into cultivating new friendships' really resonates with me. It seems like as an adult, when I try to put effort into deepening friendships, the other party just doesn't want to put the same amount of effort in back, even if we seem really compatible, friendship-wise! But surely if lots of people feel like they don't have enough friendships as adults, then I shouldn't be feeling this as frequently as I do... Then it's hard not to conclude that the problem is me haha (which tbf it might be!)
@@TheAalzamoraHey :) I tried to tag both your profiles in a message but it didn’t work. I’m not sure if my messages before got deleted because I tried to make a suggestion to communicate over an app which starts with t and ends with gram. Maybe this way it works and you will know what I mean 😅
thank you Jade, that's exactly what I needed😊 I've been wanting and trying to improve my friendships over the last year and it has (only) partly worked. Especially the "close circle" is missing a bit. But you're shared experience and advice motivates me, to reflect it again and build / maintain friendships even more consciously✨☺️ (and I will definitely use the letterloop to stay in touch during my exchange year as well as the other apps to meet knew people!🎉)
Ahh Jade, this is so magic. You took a topic that is so vital to the integrity of human being’s life and formalised it into the way you operate through it. Most of the literature, even in research, and art revolves around romantic love but not directly around friendship - I feel like we don’t talk about this in society in the serious way it deserves: because it’s hard to make it objective, but also, again, because the underlying focus in society is usually just monogamous romantic relationships. I feel like this is the core of your videos, you take legit topics that deserve a new philosophical and psychological overview in modern times. As a cognitive scientist, I think it’d be so cool if you wanted to write or research on this topic (just a very kind suggestion/thought). Also, I’d love it if you could maybe bring in your closest friends to talk about their experience in friendship as well (maybe on your podcast as an extension of this video?) okay enough suggestions for today. Great work ❤
I wish I had known this when I was a teenager. When I was 16 I moved to the USA to study for 1 year and I lost most of my friends back home in Ukraine. Because of the time difference and busy life, we rarely catch up, and when I came back home the shared context was gone - they moved on to uni, but I was still in school. All of us made an effort but we never came back to being as close as before. I miss them very much :(
Thank you for speaking about a very important kind of relationship. I certainly lost a friendship group and was (is) really hard to work around. Thank you Jade!
This is the perfect video for this point in my life Jade 😍 I have been drifting from my old school friends but this year I have joined a local girls friendship group on Facebook (apparently people still do use that) and I’ve been meeting so many new girl friends!
Heyyy, just wanted to say thank you so much! For your videos, for the content you make, the knowledge you share and for this constant inspiration that you give. You are wonderful and I am grateful to have found you so long ago :)
I hate word "friendships" since high school lol. Friendship is one of the worst things ever happened in my life. One of my bestfriend was toxic, he was a narcissist in easy words, my other bestfriend which I got after that one, was so caring and loving but he left me without telling me the actual reason :)
I just had friendship breakup with my best friend and it was very intense. I tried putting so much efforts but it was one sided. At the end of the day i need to accept that i can't control other people's action and she is not ready to put in any efforts so i had to end it. I guess that was one of the hardest decision of my life. Letting go of your childhood best friend is not easy!
all i friends i have had since i was one never again contacted me......everybody i meet is so fake, i find that your bestfriend is yourself so i learned to accept myself and not always others and yeah .....
When I was in school I had a best friend (or maybe I thought she was) but later I came to know that she was only with me becoz of the competition becoz both of us were toppers of the class... and as the school life ended we never talked but she did talk bad about me to others about the things that didn't even happen between us and due to this reason I struggle to make frnds and share my personal life with them...becoz I'm afraid that they'll go again !!
As an autistic person I've always found friendship confusing. Don't get me wrong I love having friends but I find it hard to know where I stand with people. Especially if they aren't also autistic, or ADHD. I feel like I communicate so much better with people who have autism or ADHD, or people who are close to someone with those things, maybe because I have both. I mentioned the friendship struggle during my autism assessment actually. Like I will view someone as being a really good friend and they may just view me as in the outer circle like the described which makes me sad. And I always want to reach out but then second guess myself and think well I don't wanna burden them with messaging me back. It's hard to know how much is too much or too little when it comes to contacting people, how to end the conversation, if I'm talking too much or too little, if I'm talking about myself too much or not enough, if I'm asking about them enough or if it's coming across as almost an interrogation if I ask too many questions all at once. If I'm being boring, weird, not good enough for them. If I get left on read for weeks I assume the worst. Overall it's a lot to handle, I get overwhelmed by that easily. I have one autistic friend, one with ADHD and one with both and I find it a lot easier to talk to them even though we don't have that many similar interests. I feel we get each other, but we met online and talk there rather than meeting up, so I sometimes feel very lonely, but then the idea of meeting up makes me nervous lol. I just think I'm boring in person as I communicate much better through writing than words. And I feel very behind my neurotypical and even neurodivergent friends as they can mask better than me and most of them manage to have proper jobs but I've never managed to, only little ones here and there which isn't enough money to live on, I feel very inadequate in life right now. I suppose a lot of us do though, it's a very human thing. Jesus sorry for the rambling comment I'll stop now haha
I think if you tell too much about yourself to your friend and later somwthing happens and the friend becomes your enemy or like you just don't want to be with your friend anymore cause that person got toxic then i think you would would feel guilty for sharing about your personal life , your embarrassing stories, your weaknesses. Like that person can take advantage of you. So this happened with me and now i just don't want to share any personal things about me with anyone 😑
Hello hello!! 🦋✨ I’ve been learning SO much about maintaining adult friendships since graduating!! I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you stay close with those you love
Jade I have an idea to 1:35 min - why don't you make a video about the definition of "Friend" in different languages and cultures? i know that especially in scandinavia, friendship is defined differently than in england and that in german there are many terms that define the relationship to other people (other than "friends")
I think thinking about your friends is the no1 thing ..because as non effortly that seems its the centre of all acts..so keeping your close ones in your mind makes you connect with them and surprise them and just get them when they need you cuz they are with you always ..especially that sometimes while you are chatting with them you would get hyped up or caught into certain topics and not get the needed time to fully comprehend all the indepth messages through their words or faces.
I need ‘how to make friends’ as an adult lol. I haven’t had any since leaving college
I would absolutely love to speak to this!! 🦋 it’s SO hard as an adult, especially in a new city. It feels like everyone has their own busy lives. I recommend using apps like Meetup and Eventbrite to meet people with likeminded interests
Same here, except I didn't have many friends at uni or school either
@UnJadedJade unfortunately there aren't any groups for young people in my area on meetup, I started using it in final year in Manchester, I wish I started sooner
I've always struggled making friends, especially since leaving school, because everyone went there own way and I don't have many hobbies and there's really nothing to do where i live, no where to go except i suppose the gym, I've just started finally going lately and bumped into some old friends, and I went to uni to reinvent myself and be more outgoing, but it was still SO hard because of covid and cliques and people were happy being acquaintances but never have the time, money or effort to be friends, or with a few people I was friends with i hardly ever saw them. Yes I have social anxiety but I still went out on my own sometimes and got chatting to people but nothing ever came of it, and in societies there were so many people I was washed out. Now that's all over and I'm trying to make ADULT friendships which is a whole other arena because everyone's caught up in work and relationships and commitments. I seriously don't know what to do and it makes me feel depressed and isolated
This is how I met some of my really good friends in my 30s: Marta, I met in handstand class (she was also a beginner and at the end of the class I asked her if she wanted to get a coffee with me and exchanged numbers); Madhuri, Lauren and Miranda I met via a meetup group that was doing The Artist Way; Kelsey and Lindsay I met via other friends who are no longer my friends; Judit I met while traveling in Sri Lanka and so it happens we are neighbours; Christian I met at a women’s circle. I guess the common denominator here is spending time with strangers in a common space and eventually you’ll bond… good luck! It’s definitely not impossible!! ❤
‘Friendship’ has been a sore subject for me recently following a messy friendship breakup and long bouts of loneliness last year. I’ve realised that I’m ok at making new friends but not so much at maintaining those new friendships I think because of social anxiety and fear of rejection (it’s so much easier to maintain established friendships for me) One of my new year’s resolutions is to make and maintain like minded friends so wish me luck haha
Same here. Good luck to us 🎉❤
In my opinion, a friendship is a two-people's thing. I am becoming more and more selective every day on who I call "friend" as I always find myself giving a lot in that relationship but never getting anything back in return. As soon as I stopped calling and texting people they did the same thing with me. I am never anyone's first point of contact. No one really cares and it has been like that for almost 30 years. I feel like I have only been the one putting the effort in and trying to make it all work.
I admire you Jade. You have friends who are willing to schedule calls and respect that. My so called "friends" leave me on read for like a week or they simply do not answer and their excuse is that they are bad texters and/or always busy. No one has ever respected me in that sense. Why should I? I'd rather be on my own. I have so many trust issues and trauma because of all of this.
As someone who is on the other side of this coin, the bad texter, I would like to offer my point of view.
I am often so drowned in my own problems/mind (but use the excuse that I am busy) that I genuinely forget or don't have the energy to text my friends back. Sometimes I only manage to text a friend back after months. I know this a horrible habit, and I have tried to change it many times without success. I am still trying to change it.
However this habit of mine does not reflect the way I feel towards those friends AT ALL. I LOVE them and appreciate it so much when they make the effort, when I am unable to do so. Rather, this behaviour it is a reflection of me and my own mental state. I think about those friends a lot, I respect them and miss them.
Really interesting video. The idea that adult friendship is no longer experiencing life with friends but telling your friends about your life makes me feel so sad! I think there is some truth in it but I think forming close friends through hobbies is a great way to combat this. I think it’s also important to have new life experiences with close friends that have perhaps moved away so that you’re not just telling each other about your lives but are actually embedded in them eg holidays, trips, going to concerts/events together. Ie making time to do activities together rather than just catch up on what you’re both doing over a call/message/coffee
This September, I moved away from home for uni, but my two closest friends stayed in our hometown and I was scared of losing them at first, but we all put so much effort into our friendship now that I feel even closer to them than before. The only problem with this is that it means I often spend my weekends driving home to see my friends, which means it is hard to find new friends at uni. So I think the hardest thing for me is not neccessarily maintaining old friendships, but finding a balance between old and new ones.
Also, as an autistic person I found this video to be very helpful. I feel like I understand the complexity of friendships a little better now and it's almost like I got a piece of the operation manual that I always wanted.
Thank you Jade 😊🫶🦋
Whenever I've had zero friends in life, especially last year after losing my 2 closest friends, I found comfort from picturing my social space in my mind like a cosy clearing or a quiet meadow. Sunny, tiny warm breeze. And then thinking 'even when alone, this is what it looks like'. Just peaceful and brimming with potential. From there it always cheers me up to picture how the space can be filled with future people doing things you love. Maybe a space for a picnic with these friends, or a badminton net for other friends.
For some reason this visualisation really helps. Great video, Jade
I implemented step 4, especially after noticing that my friend started to avoid me more and more. She kept coming up with weird excuses, and then eventually ghosted me completely. So yeah, communicating your needs is one thing, but for the other person to be willing to fulfill them is another story. The worst heartbreak and disappointment in my life so far. Now I am left with absolutely zero friends.
I love this! The closest friends are the ones who make the effort to be there when you need and when you don't! We have a friend that we meet up with for karaoke on Friday nights, and we just met someone new there that we plan to hang out with again in a few week!
love how practical and real this video is. People really dont like to admit how hard friendships are to maintain and how hard it is when you have a friendship breakup. Great video, cheers!
As a person who strangely manages to fall in the loneliness loop too often, I really appreciate this video. And I did take notes.
i experienced adult friendship today: not seeing someone for like a month but being one of the first to visit them in hospital
Omg, I remember asking for a video exactly like this a few months ago when I was kinda in a bad place. You replied with so much love back then, and I confidently say that I’m so much better now, but this video means a lot. Sending hugs💗
And you probably inspired me to create this. Thank you for sharing your story with so much vulnerability!! 🌸 I’m glad you’re doing better
Girlll are you reading my mind? I was just thinking I would love to watch a video of yours on this very specific topic!
Also, the quality of your content (not only the filming but the overall project) improves more and more, so proud of you
Omg the sweetest comment thank you so so much!! 🥹✨ I loved making this one especially
She's reading my mind too, yesterday I was thinking "what was it again, that service that helps you keep in touch with friends, that Jade was talking about...?" and here she mentions it 😎
I wish I saw this video like 10 years ago. It's right up there with how I always wish I was a better son in my youth.
Someone said "Your can count your friends on only one hand". There is some truth to that. The term "friend" is over-used in the english language (and culture). In other cultures, there are many terms to describe your relationship to schoolmates, people at uni, people at the workplace, etc. "Friends" is actually something as intimate as a long term relationship.
I don’t usually comment on videos but step number 4: don’t be afraid to express your needs really spoke to me! It may feel awkward expressing how you feel about a friendship but long-term, it’s how authentic and truly meaningful mutual friendship are build! To keep it in mind ☺️
Oh my God! I am at the start of the video, but the thing you said about the word "friend" in english language, and it being so limiting... this is so true! I am polish, and in our language we have three main words for a friend, and each one feels very different and it distinguishes the "levels" of friendship. For Poles it's often confusing, learning english and understanding that you call almost anyone "a friend" haha because we usually translate it to the strongest polish word for a friend. Anyway, I'm getting back to watching!!!
same here in scandinavia! I'd never ever call a very good collegue of mine a "friend" although we get along very well and spend so much time together at work. We are very loyal and intimate collegues but no "friends" who call each other at 2am to discuss whats on our mind :D
@@jonamore2102 yesss
As someone who is a few years older than you, I 100% agree about all of this. Amazing video
I'm just 17 and not sure if I would be considered as an "adult" but this video really resonated with me and came at a good moment! Just a few days ago I met with two old friends who I used to be really close with but that I haven't talked to in a while. During the past year or two I've really noticed the change in my friendships, some become even more meaningful and deep, some become more distant as we don't share the same context anymore. I've recently started to watch your videos even more, and I love having a slightly older "sister" speaking on topics like these and experiencing life ahead of me. (I hope that makes sense as I'm not native speaker haha) thank you so much!!
The most positive person on youtube 🥰
So much love!! 🦋
@@UnJadedJade 🥰🦋
Thank you for the video, I really enjoyed it. 2023 was a low point for me in terms of my friendships because there was a lot of uncertainty around them. Halfway through the year during the year a lot of people stopped talking to me because my life was getting busier and I couldn't find the time to meet with them. Afterwards I felt pressured to see my friends because I felt like I might lose them if I didn't. Among all this uncertainty I felt lonely and felt like I had no friends, but going into 2024 I started to shift my perspective to focus on the friends that I still have rather than trying to maintain the ones that were failing. I think the difficult thing with friendships is trying to figure out who you should focus your time and energy on especially going through different phases of our lives (school, uni etc.) and I feel like that's a skill in itself.
The thumbnails are getting better and better
I cannot not click it
Aw, thank you for making this video! Friendships are so important (arguably the most important thing in life) though as a society we don't seem to place that much outward value on them. I feel like growing up, media and being surrounded by similar people in school makes us assume that friendships are effortless, but as an adult, you really do have to put in active effort! I think that's really reframed how I view friendships now. You have to put the work in.
Never seen (or read) any friendship explanation that's so clear and rational. Maybe friendship is not only rational but, as an autistic, I really appreciate this video and might help me to become a better friend and keep my important friendship or decide when someone doesn't have to be part of my life. I also spent years constantly moving to different countries and struggle a lot with maintaining friendship... I'll surely use your suggestions, thanks so much for such an original content! :D
Jade, it is always a good idea to still keep in touch with your friends even if they moved away or you and them are no longer in school. You can always email them or phone them.
Listening to this because I was feeling lonely but just wanted to hear some soothing conversation and now I'm crying cause I relate to the losing and dying of friendships, the need to make new friends and a cold shower on how I should maintain friendships 😭💕
Thank you Jade. Needed someone to say all that to me
I LOVED seeing the word "frinds" how it feels different in every language and how "friendship" is different in every stage in life 💛💛
so true! There is a lot of cultural difference when it comes to friends/friendships...
I feel like with your videos I can take on the world. You literally have a video for any area of life that is misunderstood or not talked about in today's day and age. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!!
This was really helpful and I loved hearing your perspective as an ex-ghoster cause it helped me have compassion for friends/love interests that have ghosted me or that still ghost me and it's so wonderful that one can grow out of that like you did. Very inspiring as always ❤
Express how you feel and kind of label the friendship, did this with my best friend lately, so useful… didn’t mean to or even realise he was doing stuff I didn’t like. Always good to be open and upfront. The point about friendship breakups, why does no one ever talk about that? Thank you for mentioning it
This was one of the podcast topics I had suggested and, one week later, here is is. A happy coincidence? Thank youuu, Jade!
I just wanted to say your channel is such a wholesome corner of the internet. Although not quite an adult, this is really helpful for me with friends moving off to different colleges so thank you!!
Thank you so much. I've been staying away from a certain crowd, but in this crowd, 4 are really my best friends way before joining the neighborhoodgang . I hope your good advice helps me to get closer, and hopefully, my homies understand, and the other gang members let me walk away and not boxed away . Wish me luck. I feel pretty confident .
I love this new type of content you are making Jade! I recently moved across the world to do my masters and finding friends as an adult is still very hard. I realized that I had to make the effort because I won't randomly find people I truly connect with by chance. I would also recommend bumble friends and signing up for group classes of things you enjoy!
You feel like a friend Jade. i'm glad i still see your videos. i feel like i'm maintaining my frienship with you :)
This video really resonated with me despite the fact that I'm not an adult. Since half way through the past year, I've been very conscious of my friendships after two friendship break ups. It wasn't anyone's fault, it just didn't work out. Both the experiences made me question all my friendships and I wasn't doing so great. In two weeks, my family and I are shifting cities and I'm anticipating 'the lonely loop'. I decided to meet up with a few of my childhood friends before I move and it's oddly nerve-racking to text them without our shared context, which was school (I started homeschooling a few years ago and haven't been in touch with them since). I'm really looking forward to meeting them, though, and hopefully making new friends once I move :))
I do think this concentric circles visualisation already exists, but it is a very helpful one to draw on!
There are seasons to friendships some are short and others are lifelong. Sometimes you can rekindle childhood or uni friendships later in adulthood when your hectic years are over. It’s very sad especially when a friendship ends and you weren’t given a chance to address the concerns. Lost a childhood friend two years ago after many years of friendship. Don’t discount turning your family into friends as you age too such as cousins or siblings. I think you need to build new friendships throughout your life. Lots of good tips here. I’m going to see if my two uni friends want to do letterloop. We all live in different states and one of them I haven’t seen in a few years now.
transitioning to adult friendships is hard. you go from high school or college dorms where you see people everyday to working full time and it becomes difficult to see people. good adult friendships have to survive distance, different financial and family circumstances, moving, etc. all the things real life brings.
it’s still the little things that count. the message check ins, the quick walks, or the knowledge that even with distance you still have cheerleaders and supporters. being autistic, this transition poses even more issues, but you learn you can only control what you can control and to make the best of what time you have ❤
Girl i did this circle thing randomly one day during my O levels while explaining different kinds of friendships to someone. So glad to see you explaining it through the same framework!❤
Love this video. Friendship 'break ups' have been really hard for me, but I'm so grateful for the two friends that have stayed in my middle circle. Sometimes I feel like they're all I need🥰
The lighting in this video is amazing
I took so much comfort from this video Jade! I would consider myself a good friend however sometimes maintaining adult friendships is hard but I absolutely agree with the fact that communication is key. And friendship breakups really do hit the hardest especially without closure! If someone doesn't want to be my friend I would definitely rather they told me and why! Thank you for this video, really well explained! xx
This is such an important topic to me. Lately I have been reflecting a lot about my life and the friendships that I've had. Especially with what Jade mentioned about being a bad texter and avoidant attachment style. I realised that I am too a bad texter. For example, if I feel down, I can't muster up the courage to say to a friend I am down. or I can't randomly text a friend if I have a recommendation for something or see how they are. I'm much of a person who schedules meet ups every so often and speak then. Perhaps this is shaped by my past friendships where I did wrong to people and I was not in great friendships myself coupled with my upbringing. But I've recently been exploring the potential need for therapy to explore and understand why this may be and what I can do about it. Thank you Jade for the video, this is a great stepping stone for me to watch
Hey Jade! I'm not sure if this is a topic you would be interested in, but given your experiences living in different countries and making friends from around the world, I would love to hear your perspective on intercultural relationships/ friendships. Like benefits, challeges, learning different communication styles, maybe how these realtionships changed your perspective on the world & the culture you grew up in. Also if you noticed any previously held beliefs that were challenged or changed as a result of intereacting with people from different cultures. Hopefully this makes sense. Anyways, I love your videos and can't wait for the next one!
ily jade, i woke up this morning with so much anxiety about friendships that haven't lasted during uni . thank u thank thank u for this video!
thank you jade!! i would appreciate so much a video on avoidant attachment, i feel like we are fighting the same battles💗
THANK YOU. Finally someone talking about this
Like Jade, how even .. how does the Universe work such miracles? This is exactly what I need right now. Thank you❤️
You really inspire me Jade. I've been dealing with feeling betrayed by my close friend. She transferred to another uni without telling me beforehand. Even though I knew it was for a respectable reason, I couldn't help feeling like I was the only one who valued our friendship. I didn't talk about my feelings at our last meetup, and she never texted or called me again. I don't mind being the one putting more effort into a friendship because I actually find joy in the process, but this time the only thing I feel is disappointment. So I never reached out to her again. Am I being too stubborn, or is this the death of our friendship? My sympathy to anyone in a similar situation.
Recently I've been actively trying to put more effort into maintaining friendships, developing my connections with people and this video resonated with me a lot. Thank you, Jade ❤
this past september i moved away from home to another continent for college i left ALL of my friends back home and i just felt so depressed and lonely for MONTHS, i still feel this way bc i feel like after high school ended i had sort of like an epiphany that i didnt have any real friends they were all just "contextual" as you said and once the context of highschool was over almost all of the friends i had drifted away, if i didnt text first or call no one would really check up on me, i was constantly in this loneliness loop that you described and i would go on instagram and see my old highschool friend group hanging out without me and it really hurt even though i was the one who moved away so its really not their fault. at the start of 2024 i really want to have closure and just move on from this era of my life, i really want to work on making new, real friends that help me become the best version of myself, i realllyyyy am trying to put myself out there but its SO hard !! especially as a shy & introverted personits always been challenging for me to kind of initiate interactions with potential friends so its definitely, definitely something im working on
Wow! What a brilliant video - genuinely one of your best yet! So honest, vulnerable, useful and relevant.
Wow the timing of this video is so bizarre! My best friend (who I've known since we were 4 years old) is moving to Berlin in a couple of months to live with her boyfriend. I wasn't worried about it AT ALL until a few days ago when I started to realise that our friendship might actually change. I know that we will both put in the effort because we're basically sisters at this point, but it's scary to know that someone who has always been there through every life stage, is not going to be there anymore to share the little things with
I hope you both can maintain the friendship
jade again blessing us with a banger just at the right moment. love your videos
Great video, I loved every second of it! What I want to mention is (I think it was already mentioned somewhere in the comment section) that I have a bigger problem with finding new friends as an adult (20+). It often seems to me like I want to be friends with a new person but they seem like they are already having enough friends to them and don't want/need any more friends and behave like they are only open to being acquaintances. No matter how much effort I put into building a friendship with new people. It's hard to find a new friend and build a close friendship as an adult since it seems all (young) adults are already "sorted" into friend groups and are not open to "new members". That's my experience. It would be nice if you make a video or an Instagram post about this specific issue! Have a magical day! Sending love from Czechia. 💖
I never comment on videos but this one I need to !!!
Lost my best friend friendship of 10years when she moved to Australia (I’m from france) and we are currently trying to renew the knot so thank you SOOO MUCH for all theses tips on how to ❤❤
For me it’s actually not so much about maintaining friendships but more about finding friends in the adult environment. I grew apart from most my childhood friends because we valued/were interested in different things. I tried to find new people but I always get the feeling that they have enough friendships and aren’t really open to get to know other people. If you are from Berlin and would be interested to get to know each other feel free to comment :) Other country’s and cities are also welcome but it might be harder to get to know each other and stay in touch. - Resi ✨
That feeling of 'the majority of other people seem to have enough friends and aren't wanting to put effort into cultivating new friendships' really resonates with me. It seems like as an adult, when I try to put effort into deepening friendships, the other party just doesn't want to put the same amount of effort in back, even if we seem really compatible, friendship-wise! But surely if lots of people feel like they don't have enough friendships as adults, then I shouldn't be feeling this as frequently as I do... Then it's hard not to conclude that the problem is me haha (which tbf it might be!)
Hey, I just moved to Berlin and study there, so I'm open to meeting new people c:
I moved to Berlin last year and Im studying here as well, I would love to meet up!
@@linaminerous5722 Hey :) Either I cant see my own comments or they didn’t get posted. Do you have an idea about a good way to communicate?
@@TheAalzamoraHey :) I tried to tag both your profiles in a message but it didn’t work. I’m not sure if my messages before got deleted because I tried to make a suggestion to communicate over an app which starts with t and ends with gram. Maybe this way it works and you will know what I mean 😅
This video healed a part of me. Thank you so much Jade❤
I love the musis choice in your last couple of video's. It is so calming❤ Love the wisdom in this video!
thank you Jade, that's exactly what I needed😊 I've been wanting and trying to improve my friendships over the last year and it has (only) partly worked. Especially the "close circle" is missing a bit. But you're shared experience and advice motivates me, to reflect it again and build / maintain friendships even more consciously✨☺️ (and I will definitely use the letterloop to stay in touch during my exchange year as well as the other apps to meet knew people!🎉)
Ahh Jade, this is so magic. You took a topic that is so vital to the integrity of human being’s life and formalised it into the way you operate through it. Most of the literature, even in research, and art revolves around romantic love but not directly around friendship - I feel like we don’t talk about this in society in the serious way it deserves: because it’s hard to make it objective, but also, again, because the underlying focus in society is usually just monogamous romantic relationships. I feel like this is the core of your videos, you take legit topics that deserve a new philosophical and psychological overview in modern times. As a cognitive scientist, I think it’d be so cool if you wanted to write or research on this topic (just a very kind suggestion/thought). Also, I’d love it if you could maybe bring in your closest friends to talk about their experience in friendship as well (maybe on your podcast as an extension of this video?) okay enough suggestions for today. Great work ❤
I wish I had known this when I was a teenager. When I was 16 I moved to the USA to study for 1 year and I lost most of my friends back home in Ukraine. Because of the time difference and busy life, we rarely catch up, and when I came back home the shared context was gone - they moved on to uni, but I was still in school. All of us made an effort but we never came back to being as close as before. I miss them very much :(
i just made a cemetery for all my dead friendships✨️ was really healing to bless them and let them go
Thank you for speaking about a very important kind of relationship.
I certainly lost a friendship group and was (is) really hard to work around.
Thank you Jade!
My diva!♡
The work part is definitely the problem. It simply feels like I can't handle any more work outside of employment.
Love this one jade, you need put effort to maintain friendships as well, and I can totally relate to your not being a great replier
These videos heal me 💖
I loved this video. You told this so well and it’s true that friendships change all the time. Honestly I’m so happy that you shared your experience ❤️
This is the perfect video for this point in my life Jade 😍 I have been drifting from my old school friends but this year I have joined a local girls friendship group on Facebook (apparently people still do use that) and I’ve been meeting so many new girl friends!
Perfectly timed video as always. Ive been thinking about my friendships lately. Thank you!!
ILOVEJADEE, thanks for your advices and tips, it's very helpful, since i don't like to socialize
Heyyy, just wanted to say thank you so much! For your videos, for the content you make, the knowledge you share and for this constant inspiration that you give. You are wonderful and I am grateful to have found you so long ago :)
love these interesting insights and analysis of freindship and loneliness you make research and data so fun jade :)
wow, I'd love to hear a conversation between you and Lana Blakely, you're such thoughtful, inquisitive minds
Such a great video discussing so many things we're afraid to talk about !! Really enjoyed this video and excited to improve my friendships
You inspire me so much 🥺
The guide I needed, thank you Jade 💕✨
Thank you for this insightful video. Definitely gonna work on my friendship skills!!
Thank you for this video Jade
This video looks amazing!:)
very good video, I enjoyed it a lot, especially the music in the background felt really fitting to me :)
thanks for making this!
aw i love this, Jade! thanks for this:)💝 really helped me get through a rough weekend
So many of us thinking of someone specific while watching this
Jade I love this video. Please do create more video content like these love it! Thanking you heaps
this topic has been on my mind a ton lately!! Thank you so much for sharing ❤️❤️
Thank you Jade, I needed this ❤
I hate word "friendships" since high school lol. Friendship is one of the worst things ever happened in my life. One of my bestfriend was toxic, he was a narcissist in easy words, my other bestfriend which I got after that one, was so caring and loving but he left me without telling me the actual reason :)
I loved this video! Thank you ❤
I just had friendship breakup with my best friend and it was very intense. I tried putting so much efforts but it was one sided. At the end of the day i need to accept that i can't control other people's action and she is not ready to put in any efforts so i had to end it. I guess that was one of the hardest decision of my life. Letting go of your childhood best friend is not easy!
Thank you so much. I really needed this video
all i friends i have had since i was one never again contacted me......everybody i meet is so fake, i find that your bestfriend is yourself so i learned to accept myself and not always others and yeah .....
When I was in school I had a best friend (or maybe I thought she was) but later I came to know that she was only with me becoz of the competition becoz both of us were toppers of the class... and as the school life ended we never talked but she did talk bad about me to others about the things that didn't even happen between us and due to this reason I struggle to make frnds and share my personal life with them...becoz I'm afraid that they'll go again !!
i personally disagree with 7:49 I still want to have friends that I make memories with and experience life with at all ages
As an autistic person I've always found friendship confusing. Don't get me wrong I love having friends but I find it hard to know where I stand with people. Especially if they aren't also autistic, or ADHD. I feel like I communicate so much better with people who have autism or ADHD, or people who are close to someone with those things, maybe because I have both. I mentioned the friendship struggle during my autism assessment actually. Like I will view someone as being a really good friend and they may just view me as in the outer circle like the described which makes me sad. And I always want to reach out but then second guess myself and think well I don't wanna burden them with messaging me back.
It's hard to know how much is too much or too little when it comes to contacting people, how to end the conversation, if I'm talking too much or too little, if I'm talking about myself too much or not enough, if I'm asking about them enough or if it's coming across as almost an interrogation if I ask too many questions all at once. If I'm being boring, weird, not good enough for them. If I get left on read for weeks I assume the worst. Overall it's a lot to handle, I get overwhelmed by that easily. I have one autistic friend, one with ADHD and one with both and I find it a lot easier to talk to them even though we don't have that many similar interests. I feel we get each other, but we met online and talk there rather than meeting up, so I sometimes feel very lonely, but then the idea of meeting up makes me nervous lol. I just think I'm boring in person as I communicate much better through writing than words. And I feel very behind my neurotypical and even neurodivergent friends as they can mask better than me and most of them manage to have proper jobs but I've never managed to, only little ones here and there which isn't enough money to live on, I feel very inadequate in life right now. I suppose a lot of us do though, it's a very human thing.
Jesus sorry for the rambling comment I'll stop now haha
going through a close friends to lovers situation right now and it’s scary :(
I think if you tell too much about yourself to your friend and later somwthing happens and the friend becomes your enemy or like you just don't want to be with your friend anymore cause that person got toxic then i think you would would feel guilty for sharing about your personal life , your embarrassing stories, your weaknesses. Like that person can take advantage of you. So this happened with me and now i just don't want to share any personal things about me with anyone 😑
Hi Jade, thank you for the video. Would you recommend any books to read on friendship?