the depths of obsession
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.ค. 2024
- “I don’t want to do this. I have to do this.”
These are the kinds of words spoken in obsession, a state that’s easy to see from the outside, but incomprehensible from the inside. It’s a tale told in many stories, watching a character destroy their life through obsession. This anime video essay is about them.
There’s Homura in Gen Urobuchi’s anime Madoka Magica (PMMM), whose character development is explained through Madoka; one girl she loves provides Homura all the meaning in her life, easily explaining how obsessive she becomes.
The prohibition era anime 91 Days tells a more grounded story in the character of Avillio (Angelo), and his deep rivalry with Nero Vanetti. Having lost his family to the Vanettis at a young age, he now seeks to do the same to them, at the cost of his entire being. Making an analysis of his character all the more ironic; Avillio had a “brother,” Corteo, who loved him the entire time, but never noticed it in his blind obsession.
Of course, we always have some time to discuss Serial Experiments Lain (SEL), the story of a school girl who becomes god through technology. Rather than loss or gain, she obsesses over an unanswerable question; who am i? We watch her devolve as answering this question of “who am I?” defeats the purpose of ever asking to begin with, Lain’s obsession driving her to become less than human.
An anime analysis video essay explaining the depths of obsession in three animated series.
0:00 Introduction
2:08 Madoka Magica
15:32 91 Days
29:29 Serial Experiments Lain
37:13 Obsession
#anime #madokamagica #pmmm #serialexperimentslain #91days - บันเทิง
at some point of my life I was so obsessed of getting out of debt, when it finally happened I felt so empty, it literally was my propose of life I did not know what to do next
get back in debt bro
joking maybe set some fitness goals like 10 min mile or pr with weights calisthenics etc etc
Just be happy your not in debt anymore.
I am OK now. It took me a while to mentally get used to being debt-free. To give you some context, I was in debt even before I started working because I had to help my parents get out of debt, then I got my own debt 🤦🏽♂️. For me, getting out of debt and having money was supposed to be the answer to all my problems, but I got so fixated on it that I couldn't think about what I was going to do next.
@@xm2895it takes a long while for one to feel good about something like buying a 2$ snack when you've gone through such a meager time.
@@xm2895 Happy to hear all worked out in a sense. One day at a time chief carry on
I only recently realized that there is a fine line that separates obsession and passion, bothdrives one forward, but one only gives you satisfaction.
For sure. What I do here is my passion; it fulfills me. But its very similar to obsession; it is the most important thing in my life that I devote everything to. Maybe the trick is in where we feel the satisfaction will come from, the process of doing something, or the end result?
@@ProfessorViralim kinda curious, what anime, no what form of media does this to a man? Also it would be funny if this was konosuba because konosuba. Also do u like biscuits?
This comment is bunk lol. You probably think you were waxing philosophical, or said something profound, but you didn't. "Hey man, I'm passionate about saving people from fires, because I'm a firefighter. I only saved one person when I could have saved two, and I'm feeling pretty bad about it, far from satisfied. Guess I'm obsessed with saving people now!" Like what is the point you're even trying to make?
@@tompsonhsu you know the point he's trying to make lol 😂 don't act like your the pinnacle of truth and logic
@@thesevenkingswelove9554 The point he was trying to make is that "obsession and passion, bothdrives one forward, but one only gives you satisfaction." And it's wrong.
Are you somebody that's so stupid you think a person has to be "the pinnacle of truth and logic" to come up with ONE counterexample to a moot point?
I’d like to point out that Homura’s first intention was to save Madoka and try to prevent her from dying, not only to meet her again. She wanted to meet her again so she could be useful and try to protect her this time around, not just meet her again. In the timeline where Homura finally made a change in her entire character was when she was actually ready to accept death with Madoka. But it was Madoka that saved her and ASKED Homura to go back in time and stop her from becoming a Magical Girl and stop her from getting tricked by Kyubey. That was when Homura changed from “fight alongside Madoka and protect her as best as I can” to “Prevent Madoka from becoming a Magical Girl.”
I feel that Homura’s feelings and intention towards Madoka may have turned into an obsession at end game, but the build up towards what Homura chooses to do is actually more complex than that.
It's crazy how many fans of the show fail to understand these things. Recently I got a autograph from the english voice actors of Madoka and Homura and Christine Cabanos (Madoka) said "imagine if Homura just got therapy instead" like yeah then nothing would've gotten fixed and I've seen people in the Madoka groups im in blame Homura for "ruining" everything at the end of the latest movie. Even this video says it's done out of selfishness but in my opinion its selflessness because her motivation for everything she does is Madoka to be truly happy. like in the show she isnt freaking out at the end because she is without Madoka she serves to protect the world because its what she would've wanted. Basically they're both extremely empathetic and have the same flaws Madoka took all the suffering of the girls and Homura knows she did that to Madoka and they both would do anything for someone else Madoka for anyone and Homura for Madoka.
Yes! Yes! This!!
@@samdawolfI feel Homura's feelings definitely began as selflessness but slowly morphed into selfishness. In Rebellion she's basically trampling over Madoka's wishes because she believes she will be happy in Homura's new world and is utterly broken when she realizes Madoka may never truly be and will keep trying to become whole.
I don't think Homura's evil, and her situation is complex, but her obbsesion and selfishness has definitely hurt not just her but Madoka, no matter her initial feelings
also from many forms of pmmm media we can pinpoint her coming from a catholic orphanage
@@samdawolf I recently watched the movie and while I agree homura’s actions at first were selfless but it’s kind of hard to continue to argue that homura is still selfless after the movie considering the ending of the movie is filled with nothing but her own selfishness.
This is so relatable. I feel like I am constantly in a state of obsession. Always observing and absorbing information and thinking and daydreaming instead of living in the moment and interacting in the real world.
glad to know im not alone in this.
you're so me.
this is me all the way all the time. i can never focus or do things normally because my head is always stuck in some faraway place.
You feel like a background character? I think you're a teen going through a dramatic phase and probably just needs to exercise more. remember that you can always change, always, if life feels boring remember that you can always take back that control and stop living on auto pilot, like a couple hours ago a construction worker made fun of my hair, so i threw a dead bird at him 😂 just picture an adult running after a teen on a bike, i totally could've gone home but nah fuck that dude 😂
@@Romeo-le2ez i never said that? i just said i can never focus properly or do things normally because im always lost in thought, even when i dont want to be.
Idk why people are saying they're villifying Homura - i am a big time Homura appreciator and i didnt feel like anything they said was unfair or misunderstanding her. I feel like she'd be the first to agree with this video.
Maybe people think I hate her? I absolutely love her character, exactly because I disagree with her but know in that situation I would probably do the same thing
@@ProfessorViralsame
@@ProfessorViralwhile not the focus of the video, I think people aren’t loving the analysis maybe because it’s simplifying Madoka in a way? Madoka is equally self destructive but in a selfless way, seeing her value only in what she can do for other people. Also the Madoka in the Labyrinth is the same Madoka who is madokami, just lacking her memories of being a god. So what she says in the flower scene is her true feelings, not a script Homura’s labyrinth forced her to say. Splitting Madoka was equal parts wish fulfillment for Homura as well as genuinely saving Madoka from herself/the incubators. Kyubey makes it clear that Madoka will eventually be captured as the experiment is repeatable and they got all the info they wanted out of Homura.
Homura whole character is basically doing the right thing the wrong way lol
@@ProfessorViral Not to mention from a certain perspective one can see Homura's actions both self-sacrificing and >>selfish
I feel like the one piece that was missing from the analysis was how the flower field scene influenced Homura's decision. Without that, the only way to interpret Rebellion's ending was that Homura was purely acting out of the selfish desire to keep Madoka for herself, which the concept trailer for the next movie went out of its way to deconfirm. Hell, the final line of the movie is Homura saying "even if you oppose me, I'll continue to wish for a world where you can be happy", but like that gets uncharitably misinterpreted.
Throughout Rebellion, you see Homura declaring that the labyrinth's very existence is a mockery of Madoka's sacrifice. It wasn't until Madoka told Homura that she wouldn't have left her friends and family behind if she didn't feel obligated to do so that caused Homura to have second thoughts about Madoka's sacrifice.
Some will argue that, since Madoka doesn't have her memories, her words hold little to no weight and that Homura is simply hearing what she wants to hear. However, the fact that Madoka doesn't have her memories here is the whole point! Homura is already well-aware that if Madoka had her memories, she would sacrifice herself every time, which is why immediately afterward, she assures Madoka that she is indeed "strong enough to make that decision". Homura just wanted to confirm if Madoka would still miss her old life in spite of that, which she confirmed.
I've also seen arguments that Homura was somehow influencing Madoka in the labyrinth aside from just not remembering becoming a god, but Shinbou already stated in an interview that this wasn't the case, and that these were Madoka's honest words.
And if you're _still_ not convinced, read the lyrics of Madoka's character song (sung by her VA Aoi Yuuki) that played as the ep 1-2 ED titled "Mata Ashita". The song is about Madoka post-series lamenting on the life she lost after becoming a god and wishing she could have been more honest about her feelings to Homura in ep 12. Even *BEFORE* Rebellion, the groundwork was already laid for Madoka not exactly living her best life as a concept.
Homura believing she failed in saving Madoka by letting her sacrifice herself left Homura's wish of being "strong enough to protect her" unfulfilled. This is what granted her the power to overtake Madoka in the first place.
Chainsaw man is another anime/manga that does an interesting job of summarizing that loop of: intense desire > achieve the desire > feel empty after achieving > set sights on a newer more elaborate intense desire.
You have a character like Denji come up with less than nothing (dept slavery), suddenly and gratefully getting thrust into a new situation that's still incredibly illegal and unethical but marginally better than before. Each round his new intense goal gets more and sophisticated as he's basically speedrunning his way up the Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs.
I was waiting for a 2nd season to get into him and setting goals, there'll be something greater there for sure
@@ProfessorViral ooh, looking forward to it!
This is what makes homura one of the most tragic characters in anime, just how she slowly loses herself to her obsession over the one she loves
A good thing breeding something awful; I do love how Madoka Magica truly commits to the karmic idea
For someone with OCD, it's hard not to get obsessed with anything. But when you do achieve the end result, there's nothing really inside of you. Sure there's a brief moment of satisfaction but then something else comes up and the cycle continues. You're an empty shell following orders from yourself. Orders you generally dislike. Can't think clearly right now so I'll edit this soon enough
Lain's story reminds me of my minor obsession with defining who I was.
Growing up I didn't have many friends. I loved games, comics, and cartoons and was very active in fandom spaces. In fandom spaces everyone can define characters by specific traits and archetypes with the things they like all but set in stone. No one casually likes something, if it's brought up in media it's usually something that's used to define who they are. They absolutely love X food, it's their favorite so they're always eating it kind of thing. They're a nerd so they like comics. Anything minor becomes and all encompassing part of who they are.
To a degree, the people you see online are like that too. Whose the Mom friend? the Therapist friend? the Baby of the group? What was someones favorite color or quirky thing they loved to the end of the Earth? Do they type a specific way or have phrases that you associate only with them?
I was alone and felt like I had none of these things. Everyone around me seemed to know who they were and what they liked and I was left alone with nothing and nobody. I became obsessed with finding my traits. I always liked the quite mysterious characters so I tried to act like one, only to get frustrated that I couldn't seem to stop myself from answering questions in class. I could never decide a favorite food, but I always got the same thing whenever I went to restaurants. I had to always prepare my coffee and tea the same way, I had to dress a specific way. It was never about what I actually liked but what kind of person I thought those things made. I wasn't even trying to be good, I was just trying to be the type of person I found interesting to watch or read about.
It took a lot to break out of that thinking, and I found I liked a lot more food when I stopped trying to limit myself. I even had to have a friend explain to me that your tastes can change all the time, even with your mood. Sometimes I still struggle with it, but I'm a lot less obsessed with defining who I am now a days and am doing a lot better for it.
I never really considered the singular aspects which can come to be indicative of characters like that, and how much it can influence us. But now, reading this, I remember ordering the favorite foods of my favorite characters because I wanted to be like them as a kid. That really is an odd little thing we pick up from how these stories are structured
This reminds me of my eating disorder. I robbed myself of my budding life in highschool, at just 14, to hit a goal weight. Once I finally did hit it my goal, i wasn't happy or sad. It felt so meaningless and so empty.
You should read The Land of the Lustrous as the main character, Phospholilite, is the weakest gem and has the obsession of being loved and validation from everyone but as they grew stronger, he loses pieces of herself literally and physically.
its really awesome
You should read the manga "Land of the lustrous". The main character has an internalized inferiority and martyr complex that leads them forming an obsession. I would also mention that I find the manga implies they are unconsciously suicidal, but its something that people don't often mention when talking about their actions. I would like to see your take on it.
I want to see him make a video about lotl, I think the themes in the manga is very good to dissect
What an interesting topic, as always! As someone with manic-depressive phases, my life has been circling through obsession on something, even the small or trivial ones, like fav anime/character, game, food, music etc. People around me even wondered why am I so *obsessed* with that silly thing to the point it's all I'd talk about.
Sure it can be unhealthy--hence why I had to control it. But on the other hand, those small things are what made me keep hanging on through not-so-easy life, filling the void from not having other stuff like social life and relationship--that I think are simply not what I was made for.
I agree with the sentiment of feeling like you just weren't made for some things. I view obsession as just another mode of being, with the same potential for good or bad as living "normally." I can't be like everyone else and that's okay, a purpose is a purpose after all. I find the video's conclusions to be too pessimistic, such intense devotion can be a powerful positive force when directed the right way.
@@valerielusa8000 Glad I'm not the only one thinking the whole vid was interesting but some of the takeaways were biased/geared towards himself. Researchers have done studies on hyperfixations and special interests and how the intense passions of autistic people shape the brain, can improve well-being and enhance learning. I wouldn't be me without them. So I don't think it's as black and white as just don't obsess about things and move on. Like of course don't let it affect your health too much if possible but also give it room to breathe. Partake in it responsibly.
Thank you so much for this video; it really got me in the beginning, already feeling the "That's it" feeling. But In your personal half when you mention "The moment" I've never heard something so perfectly encompassing what I've gone through- The simmering depression, then the peak high that you feel like every single thing has aligned so perfectly- that single short little moment, and then the manic spiral of obsession and depression just trying to recreate that moment or feel that feeling again, making it your only thing and yet in the process finding it slip further and further away with the fear that you'll never have it in your reach again. It's honestly been so eye opening to have it laid bare and gave me a lot to think about.
Thank you very much for those kind words. I do what I do here exactly to try and give that kind of insight, so I'm so glad it worked. Thank you : )
This sounds like the same as trying to recreate your first high like a drug addiction.
@@sovereignrenaissance7487With the way chemicals in our brain works, that's exactly it. Natural highs are just those we make the chemicals for ourselves
Yeah, recently i’ve noticed how hard ive been trying to recreate the friendships and how i felt back in earlier times in life, and anything I do brings me farther away from it
@@goober7601 which is one of many reasons why we humans as a collective suffer instead of accepting and acknowledging things as they are…
Thank you. I just realised I had been obsessed with an idea of being this perfect, straight A, and kind person. I think it was probably caused by my deep desire to be liked by people. Because I had been attending summer school which took more of my time than expected, I had barely any time to finish my summer homework. I believed the image my teachers have of me will be broken because I truly believed if I had just done my summer homework instead of watching stupid online videos like this, I could have finished it.
But I really don't have the time, and I have actually learned a lot from the summer school I went to so... I decided to tell my teacher I don't have the time.
Again, thank you.
Jesus you have some really bad perfectionism. I cant relate in that specific way but as a fellow perfectionist I understand the pain. Nothing you achieve will ever be good enough for yourself, it seems. Hang in there.
I too became obsessed with something and when I get to the finish line, I feel nothing. My purpose was done, what's there to do anymore? And then that's where I realized that I shouldn't have made obsession as my guiding light. I should look for more lights that could guide me, lights that will lead me into something good that wouldn't ruin me in the end, or that I would sacrifice a little.
Obsession is like fire when under control it can bring great good but can also cause great destruction when out of control and it is always trying to get out of control.
If it is obsession its already out of control, maybe you meant passion?
@@marcoboscarol2420 yeah I probably should have used that word.
This remained me of my old abusive relationship. The longer I was with him, the more he abused me, the more he cheated on me the angier I would be. I started being a lot more mean and in a horrible mood around him. Just wanting us to be together and be happy and work out wore me down more and more every day. The more I cried over him the more I took it out on him. It’s not healthy for either of you. Everyone thought I was just a bitch and a horrible gf but they didn’t realize he was also in the wrong. He was the reason I was losing it and snapping more and more every day. Don’t force yourself to be with someone hoping one day it’ll be better, it will not work you’ll just be more unhappy.
The opinions of those who validate an abuser and cheater are worthless. I’m sorry you had to go through that, and hope you’re in a better space physically and mentally.
It'll be interesting to see if this analysis/telling of Homura's story changes with the new movie. I suspect it won't for the most part, but I wouldn't be surprised if the perspective changes a bit. I suppose we'll only know for sure once it's released, though.
Pensuke: Wanna sign a contract with me and become a magical boy? You get multiple wishes! Trust me with your life and you will get everything you want, for I have the power to give you anything you desire… and I… wanna do it?
(Pensuke is Kyubey’s Father)
Or: Homura and the Holy Quintet Undergo Magical Therapy.
Thank you for producing this video. I was starving of new Madoka Material
Of course, always happy to provide some more!
I'm really glad you walked through the entire process of the abyss of circular depressive reasoning born of obsession 🙏. It's truly difficult to put into words.
Great video.. As someone who also gets obsessed with almost anything that gets me curious, emotional, feeling ALIVE!!! It sucks so fucking bad. You dial up anything and everything to an unhealthy degree, that what was enjoyable for a while, is now become some twisted terror merry go round that you cannot get off from.. What sucks even harder, is what is the opposite of obsession?
For me, that is being the living dead.. Going through the motions, with only the certainty of anhedonia being over one day, so let's not indulge in non solutions for now.. Someone may come, and show us the golden middle, the balance.. Yet if we make it our mission, to operate in that golden middle, to find it.. the obsessive mode restarts the vicious cycle..
Also you got to be aware of your surroundings to notice someone new.. I am almost 40, yet, when it comes to some things that others seem to take for granted, I feel not an inch closer, then 20 years ago.. Wisdom... when????!!
I have a very hard time being passionate about anything. Genuinely the only thing I've ever truly cared about was math and science, and that was a pretty recent thing. I can similarly say that I've never been obsessed, but I can relate to feeling empty and dissatisfied with achievements and successes.
I've had things I've enjoyed, but never in a meaningful or passionate way.
@@cultreader9751 I am sorry to hear that.. That seems equally dreadful as great part of my existence in this world.. Maybe you haven't had a chance to try enough things. I got things I would really like to get good at, like drawing, making music again, painting, writing, professionally playing poker, kite surfing (that, base jumping and wing suit, and climbing really tall mountains are like 4 things I haven't tried.. ). I got from wanting, but being unable to sleep, due to overactive brain, with some mild depression, to being so obsessed with some new thing that I cannot get enough.. End result, more Insomnia..
Anyhow, I don't know you, I cannot imagine your life, but for example, even when I rather naivly fell through my first and I hope last echo chamber.. It was imminant xlimate change catastrophe.. I just didn't understand back then that the more you look into something, the more it serves more of the same or even worse..
Well, with someone with active inner life who realized I am fully OK with mortality of me and all of my loved ones, the very idea of society, or better said whole human race going back to promote tribe or even worse, due to one of side effects of globalisation, where very few countries are even remotely selfish sufficient, and we are just one super massive corona ejection from the sun from losing all out supply chains, forget climate change, we could be looking at living hell on earth, where even the most worn torn country in Africa could be a huge, impossible step up for many generations.. I for once knew fear.. But even then, when I had to put a mask and say 'so happy for your' for all my friends who just got kids, while thinking I really hope they get at least 20 years of relative normalcy before it becomes unbreable.. Like the movie "The road".. I made a conscious decision in the end, that I will not stop fighting, learning, trying to be a better person, since, the imminant climate change apocalypse cannot be proven.. And I want to live the life worth living for..
My best advice I can give is, try as many new things as you can.. Maybe you won't find things you are passionate about, but that is OK, passion is imo half way to obsession.. But still make effort every day, to the very least be kind, try something new, or at least learn something new..
If I had 3 lifetimes, I still wouldn't be able to really get into all the things I love. But for now I am just looking to replace some old friends, maybe a wrong word they are a part of me, always will be. But they got their second babies and their life focus shifts so far from Minecraft that we are not really compatible like friends who socialize often.. But even if they ask me for anything 20 years from now I will make sure to be there for them.
Make some new connection, friends, and find a kindred, compatible and love worthy soul.. I want to live with someone for the first time in my life. Like really share my life, I got my flat and for the first time I got a chance for it. Someone who will make me try harder at being at least a decent human being more giving.. Someone to really take care of, do everything for and make them happy with our life.. Then like a mirror, get all that emotion back at me and again reflect or back at her..
And if we truly thrive as a couple and still are great after 3 or 4 years of life and the world doesn't seem to go to hell in the meantime.. If she wants maybe even kids..
Tldr. It's all about perspective. Maybe you need to try different things, maybe someone special could unlock a whole world that you would become very passionate..
Anyhow internet stranger, I wish you luck in your life journey..
@@relight6931 I generally enjoy the feeling of skill mastery. I normally try to just be the best I can at whatever I'm doing, and move onto something else when that's done. I don't find MEANING in what I do, which seems to be where passion stems from, but the process of getting better and better each day does give a rewarding, positive feeling.
Experience for experience's sake seems pointless, frankly. I think my frustration stems from the fact that it seems like not only is wisdom expected by society, it is something people seem to have or obtain without really trying.
One of the things I like about tech is that I never run out of puzzles to solve or problems to fix. However, things like drawing and music didn't do anything for me, unfortunately.
Im surprised “Violet Evergarden” was not mentioned in this video, since her obsession with her fatherfigure was so strong it was taking over her life. Especially in the special episodes and movies, if you ever make a follow up vid you should totally include her!
Obsession , I’ve for once felt that emotion with somebody I loved . I put all my time , my grades , my weakness to that . Then one day, why obsession melted away because I saw the person I so called loved talking bad about me to my friends . Then obsession gives life its meaning , after obsession we forget what we are.
lain is the one piece of media i know, that captures the rare horror of lucid DPD episodes (dissociative personality disorder). no delusions, hallucinations or false memories. just turning from being one, into many .. and not knowihng what the others are doing.
besides that, it's serial experiments lain, and everything to be said about this incredibly influential masterpiece, has been said. ands better than i could phrase it
“I am nothing in my soul if not obsessive.”
Wow I'm surprised you didn't mention Satoko Hojo's obsession with Rika Furude from the series Higurashi no Naku Koro ni. Perfect example when obsession becomes an out of control fire. Great video regardless.
I saw a bit of Higurashi, but it was years ago and never finished unfortunately
@@ProfessorViralif you have the time, you should read the VN. It's got a lot of context that's left out of the anime. There are a few video essays that can give you more of an idea as to what you'll be getting into. I highly recommend it, but it is a time investment.
I think Shion's obsession with Satoshi from the OG series was something handled with a lot more delicacy and compassion than what we got between Rika and Satoko in Gou/Sotsu. Frustratingly the series only seemed to touch upon their co-dependency and diverging values, consistently devaluing it for the sake of shock horror.
Shion's obsession was ultimately a cry for help from a desperately sad, lonely girl.
At some point i was obsessed with this relationship i had, part of me knew that we just don't fit but i was so obsessed and the other party kinda used that to their advantage, i knew that yet i ignored it, just because i wanted them, i was throwing out my own morals i held for years just for 3 whole months..obsession truly sucks
3 months? 😂 I did this for four and a half years but you must be young so 3 months feel long
You know at your segment of your personal obsession, i resonated a lot with. I went through my own not too long ago actually. My roadmap was a bit different but i went through an eerily similar manic hysteria of questioning what mattered in my work. I was obsessed with making a new life for myself and was just broken by all the hurdles and abandonment i went through and figured that making my work be something undeniable and recognizable would be the best way to upstand all the trouble i went through. But all the fatigue started to hit me until i had to stop. It took a pink Doll movie and a few friends to help me kind of unravel and be more myself again.
I was so obsessed with improving results i forgot to be happy with what i made.
I'm glad i found your work, itz a bit like meeting a kindred spirit 😅 i'm glad you made this video and that you wiggled out of your own obsession too.
I'm obsessed with novels, manwha, music, like anything that's a story, thought, feelings, and dreams. I can give up most of the others up, but not this, not stories.
Relatable sad I don't know you or people like you
I always find your videos pretty relatable, but this one hit different. I definitely understand the struggle of working on something and putting your heart into it, only to want to throw it all away and give up because it's not good enough. Trying to work on that but that's not really here nor there. I always related heavily with Homura since I could completely understand why Madoka became, just, everything to her. Especially (at the risk of outing myself as... pretty much an otaku I guess) since there's now a fictional character who is very, very important to me in a similar way. The 2020 pandemic sucked I don't think I need to elaborate on why haha. Anyway I think I'm rambling now but that's about what I wanted to get off my chest.
Happy eight years, professor. I really hope you're doing well and you remember to take care of yourself. Okay?
That's what I love about every character. I can see what they do, and even if I disagree with it, I can understand why they did it, and know in many scenarios I would make the same mistakes myself. Hell, I did here haha. But sometimes we just need that thing that makes it make sense for a moment, and characters have been that many times for me. I grew up with Sayaka, understanding different parts of how she was written as I aged. So, I get some part of that for sure
@@ProfessorViral ;; Definitely, as someone who grew up as and still is an introvert, I learned a lot from fictional characters haha.
Scrolling throught the comments I see a lot of positivity and I won't critique the video,because it clearly has effort behind it ,it's thoughtfully put together , contains a lot of insight and gave me three series to add to my already overloaded backlog ,but I feel like the positive reaction will all fuel your obsession even further.
Having a drive to work is incredible ,feeling like you have something to work towards is great,but having something like that may push you into obsessing over it .Controlling that isn't as easy as telling oneself " I'll just let it go for a while " or " I'll just leave it be for some time" .
As much as I love listening to your essays and taking away something new from them each time .I would like to remind you to not push yourself to hard. Well it is easy to forget ,every one of us can forget it ,but i'd like you to keep it in mind.
I NEVER hear people talk about 91 days! It’s so underrated
At first, I thought it was just average, but going back to it I saw a lot more to like. Not the best, but worth a watch for sure
At a certain point in my life I had an obsession with a girl. Well it wasn’t an obsession at first. A nice girl who was everything I ever wanted be. I did everything to please her and be nice to her. Slowly my admiration turned to obsession I thought of her everyday and did everything to be near her and make sure her life was perfect instead of mine. Clearing up drama, buying her stuff, and even doing her schoolwork. I did everything to make sure she was the perfect one. However I remember feeling so empty after fulfilling my purpose. Every time she was brought up I was brought down. I’m out of that situation now luckily. It turned out she wasn’t as perfect as she was depicted as.
No one is❤
Yeah, putting other people on a pedestal isnt healthy. I've been put on one before. But I've also done it to other people. I do hope that was a good learning experience for you. :)
@@derpkipper it was lmao I was a stupid person who just wanted to be cared for due to personal problems
the way u describe obsession is so great ive never felt like anyone was able to explain it this way because ive been there..
I’m glad you were able to scrap that video, these videos are awesome and I want you to keep making them
The only thing ive ever been obsessed with my entire life was my appearence. Wanting to be the most beautiful person, most perfect visually and not achieving that affects me daily. I know its superficial, but i cant get over it. I dont know how. I can't even enjoy going out with friends or family because I'm hyperaware of how I look. The angles where my nose looks the biggest, the facial expressions that make my lips look the smallest, the sitting positions that make me look fat, there's always something wrong and there's always something preventing me from being happy and relaxed. I wish i was beautiful so badly
And what if you are and/or to someone, authentically? And even then isn't your heart and purpose more important?
Im so glad you covered 91 Days. It was one of my favorites, and it doesn't have a lot of attention.
Huh. I've never quite obsessed over one singular thing so entirely before, but your description of your thought processes in this video resonates really strongly with me. You're very eloquent.
i watched the entire video. everything you said hit so hard and so deeply especially the ending. so many people obsess over things that in the end of the day, it doesn't truly matter, yet others won't let go of it due to the amount of time they've put into it.
I needed this. Thank you. Great analysis as always.
Thank you so much for making this, I needed it.
This has really helped put some things I've been working through into perspective. I didnt really recognize what I was doing but now I think I do. Thank you.
I'm going to keep this video until the Madoka Magica part, because you have automatically made me curious about the other animes I haven't seen just with that intro and the Madoka Magica part.
Very ironically, I'm obsessed with Madoka Magica, I love how complicated it is, and how it deals with the themes it decides to touch on. It's actually my favorite anime, alongside others of course.
I have to say, I profoundly agree with everything you just said. I can definitely see a lot of people saying you might be vilifying Akemi Homura...But, Homura literally vilifies herself in the first place, she is the reason she is perceived as the 'villain' when she decides to become the literal Devil by the end of Rebellion.
I don't wanna get too much into my own interpretation of it (I'll love to make a video essay whenever I have time) but I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and Homura genuinely is a character I relate to a lot. It might sound bad but the love we people with BPD might have sometimes can be 'too much' or even look or actually become some type of obsession.
It's a word I think a lot of us would rather not use, there is a stigma surrounding the disorder already and the word obsession also seems to imply a lot of things.
But it is true to a certain extent, how strong our feelings can be because of our emotional dysregulation and our constant lack of self identity is what makes it so easy for us to fall into what are known as obsessive patterns, and sometimes some of us might obsses over our own emotions, specially love.
When we find a 'favorite person' is hard to not think about them and sometimes only them. It's more complicated than a simple 'obsession' if I'm being honest, but it can go as far as sacrificing yourself and every bit of your identity just for the sake of this one person you are so in love with. You genuinely feel trapped in this sensation that you don't care what happens to you as long as you are with them and as long as they stay.
It's obviously not intentional, I'll say everyone who has experienced some level of obsession will probably say it obviously wasn't intentional, who wants an obsession anyway, you know?
But, it's something that personally in my own experience feels maybe too relatable when it comes to Homura. I must admit she totally lost me when she literally ripped Madoka apart, and I couldn't stop feeling a bit of anger towards her actions, but that doesn't take away from the relatability I feel towards her.
Madoka becomes the air that Homura breathes basically, and that's totally how sometimes I have felt when in love with someone. It totally sucks, is fairly common for people like me who have BPD to stay in incredibly abusive relationships because the love they/we feel can 'suppress' those red flags and is basically like staying with rose colored tinted glasses permanently. Or like I said, we sacrifice every last bit of ourselves if it means that person is going to be around and stay. And I always felt that that's basically what Homura was doing through out the whole series and then it solidified way more with Rebellion. Like you said, is not the fact that she was acting because of her obsession, but the fact that she literally started to be at peace with it and actually doesn't care anymore if she needs to take her object of her obsession by force that just...really shows how utterly obsessed she is. She doesn't care what she has to do to make Madoka stay anymore, and that just speaks to me in a very personal way.
Unlike Homura I do care that this feelings can lead to very unhealthy behavior, and I'm trying to fix it with professional help, just like other people with the same mental disorder as me.
Now my comment has go on maybe for a bit too long, and I'm not entirely sure how to end this comment. So I'll just say, thank you. Madoka Magica is already a anime that is very personal to me for my own reasons, but your video just made it more so. It just felt like one of those 'that's it' moments as I heard all your words. You also made a wonderful job with the way you are presenting everything, so keep doing such good work
yeah, it's like that :((
i abhor some of the things i've done to keep my special one close and the creature i become without It, but i just don't know what else to do. i have no control
@@valerielusa8000 You also suffer with BPD as well? Or maybe have traits of it, I definitely get what you mean then.
Just try to help yourself out, go to therapy and work on yourself, try to think about how it'll be the best for you and that special one of yours in the end. Try to look out for red flags on them as well, just because you might be struggling with a mental health issue that makes you more prompt to be in an abusive relationship unlike others, doesn't mean you need to stay.
Do you struggle with abandonment issues?
you put my most complex feelings that i struggle with communicating into words so perfectly. i know they’re YOUR feelings, but your words give me peace and validation. you embody the kind of people i wish i could meet in real life. thank you for using your platform to be candid about yourself.
The last part of this video was really meaningful to me, thank you! I'm diagnosed with OCD
I watched this video to find inspiration for a story I was writing.
Then I reached the final part of this video, slowly noticed how it paralleled my own thought process, mental state, and my life for the past two months with disturbing accuracy, and finally realized just how badly obsessed I am with my pursuit.
In truth, the story I'm working on is based on another that did not receive a proper end, and so I found myself practically digging endlessly into a question with no answer.
You have my most sincere thanks for making this video. I'm going to take a break now.
I cried at your words at the last section of the video. It put into words everything I have been feeling about my life at the moment. I don't think I truly understand how I feel yet but thank you for making me realise something inside myself I hadn't figured out yet,
Genuinely one of my favorite videos on the platform now
This video absolutely floored me. The anime analysis was incredible but when you started talking about your own experiences, I never related to something more. You really put something into words I've never been able to before and hearing your catharsis of deleting your work but still putting your experience in this video was extremely encouraging to me. This is my first video watching on your channel, but I know I will definitely watch the rest of them. Thank you so much
One thing that frustrates me the most is the romanticization and even normalization of obsession. It tears away your being, strips your personality apart, and isolates you from your surroundings. It's dreadful and a pit you are stuck in, unable to stop digging.
People flush when they mention obsessive boyfriends, an obsessive friend, or _someone_ being obsessed with them. Heck, sometimes the roles switch and they end up absolutely adoring and twisting their obsession.
Or they instead normalize it, everyone has eating disorders these days. Everyone is stripping their being apart for looks. Everyone wants to be loved. It sounds pathetic and sad, and people _want_ that.
As if hurting was beautiful.
And please, you have seen this around. Yanderes, Crazy boyfriends or girlfriends, manipulative guys that end up in thirst edits.
It's not hot to go mad.
Man, I remember watching 91 days when I first heard of it and thinking it had a really interesting premise which I'd probably forget about with time but when I watched it and while watching it, seeing all of what everyone in the show valued come apart and be destroyed for the sake of revenge and avenging a loss which only led to nothing but more loss it really gripped me in a way i wasn't expecting it to. I didn't think it would end well before even watching it, but with how depressing the ending was and the implications left for the watcher to interpret making it even more bleak it just stuck with me. I really recommend it as a watch for anyone who doesn't mind a slower but more methodical anime.
Um.. hi! I just finished watching this video and a part of my life just became very clear to me. I’ve always known what obsession was on paper, but I’ve never heard a first-hand account like this. Now I know I’ve definitely experienced an obsession, and it got the better of me for a long time. Thank you so so so so so much for sharing your experience, I am going to go have an epiphany-induced cry now!
But fr, this was an amazing video, thank you so much for giving your perspective to the world. This was so inspiring and amazing! ❤
I really resonated with the bit at the end. Experience very similar things in concept art games industry- thanks for making me feel understood :)
hi! i just wanted to applaud your writing and analysis and storytelling. listening to you talk about madoka magica - a show i watched a few years ago but neve really understood - gave me a completely new perspective on the themes of it and especially the relations between all the magical girls. the way you described the obsession in 91 days and serial experiments lain was chilling. i think you're incredibly talented, and i think your introduction and personal anecdote on obsession are really damn perfect. the way you describe the depths of insanity, that constant, mind numbing, never ending cycle, the desperate, mania driven chases for every high and low, the way it takes over every single part of your life until you can talk about nothing but it, is with absolute horror.
i'd also like to add i think the way you read your scripts really adds to your videos. i can feel the artist's obsession in every one of your words, and it makes your video essays really unique. i've been binge watching the rest of your essays (sayaka's tragedy, mami tomoe, why homura did it, and the ethics of sacrifice) and i really, really like your style. thank you!
as someone who literally just had a mental breakdown over my obsession with someone, this video showing up on my reccomended could not have come at a worse... or better... time
your ending spiel is a masterpiece
Another 91 Days enjoyer! Always nice to see.
Just wanted to say i appreciate your videos, they are always relateable and hit home. Looking forward to seeing you hit 100k soon 🤞🏾
Your ending had me in tears. Thank you for being so open and expressing what so many have gone through
of course, I'm always happy to share so it can help in whatever small ways it does
This is fantastic, never before has something been laid so bare 🎉
I never came here really for the anime analysis.
I was here for the crisis. In every video there was some kind of breakdown. Even over things that were silly.
Even if you change it all because of this I know why I was here.
Thanks for this video. I recently moved and I feel my identity and sense of self has been upended. But I still have decades (hopefully) of life left.
as all ur videos do im always like wow. I thought this but was never able to but it in such words. also yay 91 days one of my favorite anime of all time :)
thanks for covering 91 days pookie
this is my first video of yours and the second I saw your wall I thought "this person knows what they're talking about"
and what the hell i never knew madoka magicka was this metal
I'm struggling with obsession. One think you said has great potential to help (I'm paraphrasing) : obsessing over the past is disrespecting everything that will ever happen to you.
Thanks! I'll see if I can draw wisdom from this.
that talked on perception helped me in many ways,thank you.
Of course, im glad it could!
this is the video that made me watch lain. im back months later. thanks for introducing me to it, and eva and madoka too. also, lol ive spent hours going through the comments because idk if ive ever related to a video and its comments this much. thank you for this.
I'm glad the video could introduce you to a great series! I'm glad everyone else has provided great comments as well
At this point, you'll never stop talking about puella magi madoka magica and I love that. Thank you
I really enjoy your videos man keep up the good work!!
Another wonderful video Prof ☕☺️
Ok didn't expect the raw and meaningful ending, you took a big risk opening your heart for us to see and I thank you for helping me understand myself more from your perspective of obsession.
Of course, glad I could. Really that openness is just who I am; I don't know how to be except for putting all of who I am out there haha
This was an amazing and interesting analysis.. This was an amazing and interesting analysis..
Love u for the 91 days representation i got so fucking excited when i saw
I only been obsessed only with people, its the worst thing as I start thinking that me "having them for myself" is what will make me truly happy, in in me thinking so the person becomes a concept or an object that exists only for me to obtain. its just when someone shows me any kind of interest I feel... like I am actually valuable and I take that show of interest and turn it into my obsession. I know this is something I need to fix but its so hard, the only way I think I can fix this is if I develop love for myself but that is so hard as I have lived my whole life thinking I am the worst thing in the world and that all bad things that happen to me are deserved.
I'm glad I realized this recently after my last obsession for a person, but I still don't know exactly how to get self acceptance.
anyway sorry for spilling my depressive thoughts on here but that's what this video made me think about and i wanted to share it
this made me realize that I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 4 YEARS and now I'm having a semi crisis, great video!
Another great video thank you professor
Of course, thank you for your time and support!
As someone with OCD, aka being chronically obsessed with even the littlest of things to the point of you having to form a routine based on your obsessions or you'll lose it, nothing described how I feel better in such simple words as "'When I want to' becomes 'I have to.'" Icing on the fucking cake. My OCD has calmed down instrumentally, but it's still really, really bad. I mean, I'm typing this with gloves and bandaids on my fingers inside because I don't like the idea of anything I've touched outside of my room touching my laptop, I feel I have to take two measures, the gloves and the bandaids, to cover up my disgusting hands. Back in the day, if I saw a certain entity, I felt I had to rub my eyes, rub my ears, and press my temples repeatedly, as well as cough hard, in order to get any intake or grasp of their being out of my system. Now, it's like this: I'm so obsessed with the idea of me forgetting that my camera roll is filled with pictures and videos of most of what I've typed, viewed, and done in general to the point of it consuming almost all my gigabytes, which is over 50, leaving me with less than 4 in storage. I'm so obsessed with the idea that no one will ever love me, especially if they knew everything about me, and I'm obsessed with the idea that they have to know everything about me in order to love me, like every detail, down to my daily routine and problems within my lifely routine. I'm so obsessed with the idea of being stared at, with being inferior, with not being as smart as I could be or used to, as if my writing abilities have diminished, and I could never be as good as a reader as I used to be, that my vocabulary and grammatical skills have declined, that I'm useless in every way and all I can do right is obsessively type out an unnecessarily detailed comment or reply on some Internet post every god damn time I react to anything because it's a compulsive need to share my thoughts. I'm obsessed with the idea of death, life, and the end of the world and what I deem natural and normal to the point it keeps me up at night and I ponder about those topics extensively. I want to keep a record of all that exists in this modern world I've experienced so if the world does come to and end or falls under catastrophe, I could have momentos of all I deemed important in my life, and those important things are probably sad to deem important to most people, but they're all I have. I don't want to forget, and I want to have proof. I am obsessed with the idea that no one will believe me unless I have irrefutable proof of something, but even that is iffy because I worry they'd somehow find a way to invalidate me and I won't have the drive or confidence to properly argue with them. I'm obsessed with so many things and I'm severely compulsive in acting out or acting on my obsessions. I can't even eloquently describe the quintessential feeling of not meeting my own standards I set up based on my compulsions/obsessions. It's just an abhorrent, difficult feeling. I want to breathe again without feeling like I'd suffocate by just trying. I want to have confidence in my being, I don't want to die a stranger, I don't want to die useless and inconsequential. I don't want it to all be over and I have nothing to show for it, that all I have is regrets. I'm not afraid of the end or death, ironically, I'm afraid of not living. I'm afraid of having a pathetic life by the time I get old, or by the time I die, which could even be a millisecond from now. It's just I have to drive to help myself avoid that because of that fear. Fear is such a paradoxical feeling, an self-contradictory entity, but it's what drives disorders like obsession and compulsion and obsessive compulsion or compulsive obsession.
I love this video!
You perfectly nailed the reasons why I never shipped Homura and Madoka when the show was released back in 2010-2011. It always felt off to me and Rebellion made me realise this wasn't love at all between them but Homura's obsession twisted her mind into thinking it was.
Honestly why would shipping even be a consideration. If there is or was any love in that level of obsession, it would be the equivalent of BFF, or considering that kind of obsessed, someone you would consider family.
Some of us have taste and ship it for that reason
@@yandereboyenthusiast8149"taste"
@@yvesnox-fleuret just bc you think every ship has to be a cookie cutter example of what a real healthy relationship looks like doesn’t mean everyone else does to. Some of us like actual conflict in the stories we read sorry
@@yandereboyenthusiast8149 mkay, "yandereboyenthusiast8149"
Oh this is wonderful!
This is my new favorite video 😁
I recently went through a crisis of self, where I realised I was living without purpose, I'm just doing the bare minimum to exist and it destroyed me. This video just made me realise I'm obsessed with finding a purpose, a reason to live and not just exist and coming to that realisation I'm not sure what I'm feeling or if I should thank you, a lot of your videos have helped me in the past but I'm not sure where this is taking me or how I'll end up processing this.
Wish me luck
this got me back into writing that one fanfic where the whole point was a growing obsession that ended up turning a trauma recovery fic into an "oh shit we made it so much worse..." fic, and how the obsession that all the caretakers developed ended up making the trauma in the victim so much worse.
list of trigger warnings i have included because im genuinely impressed with how long it got:
there's manipulation, former abuse, poisoning, kidnapping, dubcon touching/kissing (though it never gets into full noncon or smut territory), obsession (obviously), sabotage, even more kidnapping, victims brother (the former abuser) gets murdered at one point, someone has a manic episode, reverse kidnapping, many MANY panic attacks, an amputation, lots and lots of possessiveness, victim goes selectively mute after a while, gaslighting, a smidge of stockholm syndrome, which later turns into full on stockholm syndrome, drugging, victim goes comatose (as a result of being drugged), EVEN MORE KIDNAPPING, emotional abuse, and more.
i refused to hint at the plot being anything other than my usual trauma recovery plot, lets see just how deranged this gets as i start writing this again.
Are you me? I felt this way too hard at the end, and yeah obsession does suck. I've been hyper-fixated on the same thing for three years and I can't stop. It's a hell of a pit to climb out of and I hope you can do it - you're not alone
this is an amazing indepth video but as a devoted lain fan I can't help but notice how many things you got wrong about the story. Apart from that, I really really love this video
I need to preface this by stating that this is the first video I ever watched from you. Not to downplay what you were saying at the end of the video but I think the quote "If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter". I'm sure every creator has gone through something similar in obsessing over how their work could have been better and how in some aspects it has become some defining part of them but I think and am glad to hear that you have come to the conclusion to accept everything for what it is for all the flaws, inconsistencies and illogical aspects life and living holds. Obsessing and dwelling on any aspect of life is unhealthy so I am quite glad to hear you have come to a conclusion that frees you of this obsession.
Having said that, I am now very much interested in watching your previous content and future content. your essay and slight rambling was interesting and has me wanting to listen to more.
AMAZING VIDEO
Thank you 🙏
great video as always! I think I may have suggested this once YEARS ago, but I really think you'd find something special in Oregairu (Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru). Very character driven with massive focus on interpersonal relations as well as feelings of guilt, isolation, confliction, the facades we put up to protect ourselves from the world, and a search for something genuine.
Again, amazing video! Always love to hear your personal stories :)
Really can't say much more than great work....
Amazing content.
❤❤❤ needed this
Thank You, you kind soul ❤
Of course, thank you as well
Excuse me for this quick rant I'm about to go on, but I was just clicking around, looking for a new video to watch as background noise as I went along my day at school finishing my work. I clicked this one because recently, I've been getting really into these types of videos. Video essays, iceberg deep dives, y'know stuff like that. This video.....I subscribed immediately after hearing your first explanation. I'm well, well acquainted with obsession, from my own experience on being obsessed to my experiences of being the one someones obsessed with. I know very well how severe obsession can get, how easy it is to fall down the rabbit hole to the point where it feels like you'll never be able to pull yourself out. Even while knowing this, your explanations left me in awe. The type of awe you'd feel when you're hearing something completely foreign to you. The way in which you form your sentences and use certain words that before this held no meaning to me to add depth to what I already saw as perfection to make it more complex. I was hanging on to your every word while still trying not to get too distracted as I did have work to finish. I finished the work and fully immersed myself into your speaking. I think the part about Lain got me the most. Lain is a character I held deeply as I felt a strong connection to her and you broke down her character in such a seemingly effortless way. I do need to wrap this up, so in short I think your explanation was beautiful. I will be watching your other videos very soon. Take care.
I'm internally screaming, that's all so kind to say! I'm glad it was such a captivating video for you!
Came here for the Madoka magica content but stayed for the analysis especially the end. GOODBYE FUCKING OBSESSION!!!
Remember Homura is entitled to Madoka.
But Sayaka is not entitled to Kyousuke.
I don't really agree with what you're saying about Homura.
Homura wanted to save Madoka that's why she made the wish and kept on trying, she was obsessed sure, because she wouldn't have kept on trying if she wasn't. But Madoka in the end basically sacrificed herself(which was basically against everything Homura worked for) to save the magical girls from the fate of turning into witches and all the traces of her existence before her wish were completely erased except for the memories of Humura who kept on traveling to the past.
Homura turned into a witch because of the despair of there being no evidence of Madoka except for her memories, that she started to think that she just made up Madoka. The incubators isolated Homura so that they could observe the law of cycles known as Madoka, in order to control the law of cycles and allow witches to be born again so that they can collect more energy.
Homura at first decided to kill herself and not allow Madoka to save her from becoming a witch, so that Madoka wouldn't be controlled by Kyubey.
Homura decides to completely stop holding back and do everything she can so that Madoka can live with her family, friends and everyone. After she gets confirmation from the Madoka that was in the labyrinth that she wouldn't have been able to do what Madokami did.(Its already stated in rebellion that the Madoka in the labyrinth is the same as the one outside)
Healthiest way of expressing obsession is sports. Always improvement, and if you are truly obsessed, you can never plateau
I WATCHED EPISODE 1 OF 91 DAYS OMG I DIDNT KNOW WHAT IT WAS CALLED THANKYOU