00:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
Hey. Is there a possibility to be less vague about their careers? I am not asking about all of their information but maybe the title and/or field. I think that it will add more context.
Very relatable episode. "Be very careful about taking on labour from your partner. It sets a precedent and it has bigger ramifications than most of us think about."
@@ih2439 That is a very condescending comment. You don't know what other household tasks he does, just that he added cooking to his responsibilities to help his wife during a difficult time at work.
their income is not that relatable (to me), but i do enjoy how the same themes, thoughts, and feelings keep popping up, no matter the income level. I'd love for Ramit to write a new book about the common detrimental money attitudes we inherit from our parents, and what questions to ask to start recognizing those patterns.
@@swithheld9905I agree and I think that means you took more from this episode than most commenters seem to have. It's not about the income level or the specific kind of spending that's happening. It's about the attitudes that surround it. Maybe it's a trip to Ibiza for them and it's a night out with friends at a club for you, but the point is the same, the feelings are the same, and the result is the same (scaled for income, of course).
Thank you for showing high earners as well. I appreciate all the videos but it’s helpful to see that having money doesn’t suddenly change people’s financial habits.
@@tomaszp2027he needs a job because he’s not married to the person who is earning the income imo. It’s very unwise to combine money with someone before you’re married.
He left his company due to mental stress. I did the same thing. It has only been a month and a a half since he left. The job market for the past few years have been crazy but he will eventually find one. If my wife was that stressed from her job I will support her and tell her to leave and find a new job. The wife also needs to chill with lecturing him about his linkendin. That is just making it worse. Micromanaging in a marriage feels like the person is the parent and the other person is the child. She needs to respect his decision and stop hovering over his shoulders every day.
@@tomaszp2027 He probably needs a (good) job to be in this relationship though. She has chosen a high paying career likely because she wants a certain lifestyle. That is okay. If he has decided he doesn't want that lifestyle anymore because he has learned the level of stress high paying careers usually require, this probably isn't the right relationship for him anymore.
I wish they broke down their “guilt free” spending into clearer line items and planned for it in advance. $7000 is a lot of money to spend thoughtlessly. Not to mention there is NO line item for the wedding…
I can’t relate to these people. On one income alone they are still making almost 20k/ month with 11k net. If you can’t live comfortably on that, it’s not a money problem, it’s a you problem.
They're based in the UK and Maddie's salary alone is 5x the average. It's definitely a them problem! I picked up a few things like 'my gym is very expensive' when, in London, you can walk down the street and find gyms for £20 a month.
I'm not convinced they have a problem. Unless their investments mostly came from some inheritance, they have been investing about $50k per year since they finished college. That was probably 20-25% of their income. They have 1.5x their combined income (when he is working) in investments, which is 33% over the recommended target at their age. It all comes down to if they're are being realistic about their high expenses right now being a temporary blip. Spending $100k of their investments on a wedding is perfectly fine given their income level and net worth (at such a young age). Being a few thousand in the red each month while he is unemployed is fine too. I was unemployed for a couple months a few years ago and we cut our expenses about 25% but were still a few thousand in the red both of those months. That is what savings are for. While I would advise them to cut spending, at their level of savings I wouldn't advise them to skip a friend's remote wedding or Vegas bachelor party just because he isn't working. The reason to invest and save is so you aren't financially restricted when life throws you curve balls.
She isn't as delusional as the episode makes it seem. They have $7k in guilt-free spending, which is about 30% of a $400k household's take home income. This is the income they had before he left his job. I spend $6k on guilt-free spending on a $400k income while saving $10k. I have no guilt. But if I stopped working our fixed + guilt free spending would reach 175% of our income even if our savings went to zero. There are some tweaks this couple should do to their spending, but almost the entire issue is neither of them want to reduce spending while he is unemployed. And they haven't truly considered whether he wants another high paying job considering he left his last one because of stress (hint: nearly all high paying jobs are high stress)
She wants to marry a corporate lawyer 🤦♀️ He's a great guy if he walked away from making all that money to prioritize his well being. She IS NOT the right person for him if that is his life long goal. I hope the best for him.
Agreed :/ seems she wants a diamond and a party, not a marriage. With her income, it’s really sad that she’s pressuring him so hard to get a job instead of showing support with his mental health.
She wanted to marry another go getter, got engaged to one, but by the looks of it, will end up with a house husband. What stops him from cutting down the expences instead of spending her money (hers, because they are not married yet)
@@lanadecker8800 he’s been unemployed for 6 weeks and is actively looking for his next job. He’s def not looking for her to take care of him. They BOTH need to dial down their spending
Based on her lack of providing an update, I highly doubt changes will be made. Typically younger people caught up in the lifestyle of keeping up with friends rarely change -- because it's a mentality that's hard to get out of. Their friendship dynamics would drastically change if they weren't able to socially engage at the same level as their circle of friends, and clearly that's something that's very important to them.
She knows an inheritance from her father is coming when he passes, and they plan to prioritize work over children, so they will not have to change her spending long term.
Respecfully, Paul deserves a better partner. It's not like he is some ambitionless lazy couch potato. After 2 high demanding stressful jobs he's totally burned out, just look at him, he looks miserable (sorry Paul, saying this with love, but it def shows). Of course he wants to take it slow. But instead of supporting him, his future wife keeps nagging the heck out of him. After only 1,5months. And for what ??? They make 20K/month on one income! Of course, Maddie has every right to want to live a luxurious life. But it seems that lifestyle and social status are more important to her than Paul himself. Marriage is supposed to be for better or worse. Your "worse" is happening now and it's not looking great for you two. Your wedding is in Sept 2025. Still enough time to reconsider. Just saying 🙌
You made a good point. He said they would prioritize work when the children were born, and maybe they agreed to that, sounds good. Based on how he responded to the work situation, he might change his mind when the children come along, and that's a little scary for both of them. I hope they reevaluate whether they are a right fit for the future children's sake... Money is important but it isn't everything and they have already shown they can't come to agreement on that sentiment.
I hope Paul and Maddie watch their episode and really see how wealthy they are. And spending $120k on a wedding with 120 guests means they are spending $1000 per person. Absolutely ridiculous IMO. No one will remember anything besides the food.
Very true, he’s trying to live the best life as possible but she’s keeping up with the jones. Then she should go marry the jones. Any other man would’ve left her already
She may well not want to work at the same intense level if she has children... and he won't be able to support her at the level she wants. He could stay home instead but either way she's going to resent him.
If this is what they’re like at the engagement stage imagine 10 years married with 2 kids under 5. They have to start thinking as a team especially her.
Admittedly, I initially felt annoyed at not finding the salary of these folks relatable. Reading the comments though made me think more deeply on this. These videos are both informative and scare the hell out of me. I can't imagine making this much and thinking its not enough. I can't imagine being with a partner who rather than trying to support me work through a hard time, became a drill sergeant in order to get me working to fund her desired lifestyle. I would feel incredibly trapped and frankly sad that my life is about keeping up with appearances - all of which don't appear to ever be enough. This episode ended up being another helpful reminder as to why I want to be lifestyle aware AND to be mindful of where am placing my attention; ie the numbers in my bank account or the people I love. Edit: I do think it is important to interview the average person though as high earner folks are in a far stronger position to quickly address debt accumulation and afford to hire support. Most are not as fortunate and I think views would benefit from the validation in both seeing how the average person struggles AND the options they can take to change it IE their mindset/choices (without having the high salary as support). Ideally having the opportunity to highlight the flip side on how you can lead a happy life with far less.
Hey. It's quite cool that you read our comments. I usually watch all your videos interviewing couples since they are real world scenarios and not crazy finfluencer videos. One thing that's makes me wonder is how all the people you interview have either high earning range with both of them working. How about interviewing people with average or below average salary and one partner working? To answer your question, I learnt from this episode that we should not compare ourselves with people surrounding us.
That's the part that made my jaw drop ... I understand wanting your dream wedding, but saying you'd rather not have a wedding at all of you can't get that, it felt so insulting.
I sense little compassion from her regarding his needs. He is not even allow to have a short break. Her controlling ways are alarming. How would she handle an emergency? Like a health emergency? Their earnings are high and they could afford a couple of months off (gathering thoughts, regrouping so he could easily go into a new job). I feel she is one of those people who is rarely satisfied and nothing is ever enough!
My husband and I make much less than them, but I would be stressed as heck if my husband quit his job with nothing lined up, especially given he makes more money than me. I can understand why she feels this way. They both have a lot to consider.
@@pfifltrigg I would too and I was curious why he is unable to answer an email about a job and take two days to do it and she needing to follow up with him about it.
I do feel like these are not getting wrapped up well recently and not sure why. Maybe the couples have a tight deadline but I wish they could really dig into what the hell their plan is. They seemed to have no solutions by the end.
I think it's likely that the vast majority of people who come on here don't really change. I haven't really seen a good update since I've started watching the podcast. The show is useful for the audience to see how others' finances are going and the pitfalls that they have, but for the one on the show I don't think it can really change them fundamentally.
I agree but recently the people don't seem open to a change or a plan and Ramit senses tha so he doesn't push the issue. You can tell the people that are actually looking to change. They're usually the ones that have both read his book and make less money. The high earners think the money will solve itself
@@coachisaiahvIt’s bananas to me that people will come on the show not having read the book, or not doing the exercises properly (like one will do it for both half-assed even though the whole point is to do it together). Why would you behave that way?
Exactly!! If you remove that inheritance, the money they have is below average at their age, and spending more than current income means they are not living paycheck to paycheck because it's NEGATIVE. Soon, they won't have anything. They need reality check, they cannot keep up with the Joneses.
Sounds like she has major FOMO. She strikes me as the type of person who will not be happy unless she has it all even if it’s not financially realistic and responsible. She probably compares herself to others which is a theft of happiness.
My biggest takeaway from this episode is that is is hard to understand what you CAN afford at whatever income level you are at. But that is the conscious part of the plan - being able to balance your wants and needs now with those in your future.
I empathize with them and relate very much to this couple. My husband and I are in a similar age group and in a very quick time-span, our income doubled. We both grew up in households where money was scarce, so there was a sense of wanting to do it all, now that we technically had the cash. Though it was a different set of social expectations, we spent so much, mindlessly. We never had to think about how we were gonna eat or pay a bill, but we didn't have a cushion either. Now that we've spent the last year focusing on our financial wellbeing, we understand exactly what Ramit means when he says that having more money will not automatically solve our problems. In that time, we also had to make some hard choices about our wedding, and opted for a small wedding with just immediate family. Some dreams were lost with that one, but our long term future is worth it.
The reality is you guys could legit save 50% of your income and be work optional in 2-3 years. Maybe even less if you could do more. Also your wedding and the “people” you want to invite will not be around in 10 yrs especially as you have kids. You’ll regret that money wasted on one day. Your portfolio growing should be #1 priority so you don’t need to stress about babies, childcare or anything else down the road. Really think about your future self in 5 years. As a corporate working woman who now has a child your entire identity will change OVERNIGHT and you may not even want to work and stay home. You’ll thank yourself for at LEAST the option even if you decide to work.
I think it's easy to say that from the perspective of normal everyday people. But their social circle probably makes it difficult to do so, and it's tough to just separate from them
As a 54 yo without retirement, (never had that kind of money though) I would so so second this. It's so important and could make things so much easier down the road. You have the chance to retire early. Do it!
I think I specifically needed to hear Ramit's view on lifestyle creep at 38:39. Every time we get a raise/bonus we pretend it doesn't exist and put it straight to savings/retirement. Definitely can improve our balance between future us and present us.
Thats pretty hardcore. I do the same but with "only" 50% of the bonus/raise and I thought I am tough on myself. I went many years putting it all aside and know how that feels, dont you need a bit of a reward from time to time ?
This is a beautiful conversation, couples talk about how they feel, how they do it day to day, and how to achieve the long term game. It looks hurt but it's important to understand this stressful situation.
There is a reason why we don't have a breakdown of that 7k monthly spending. Pretty sure it was the girl's call and around 70-80% of that spend is driven by her. Very imbalanced dynamic between the two. I would re evaluate the relationship if I were Paul
I can’t begin to explain how exact this relationship is to me and my wife - she is the bread winner with a stable 9 to 5 plus a side and I am a entrepreneur who doesn’t really want a full time job. My wife is nervous and telling me to apply to every job imaginable
I just googled, so if you went 5-10 times a month it would be in the 150-200 range. Seems a rubbish deal when there are local independent gyms for 40 a month that you could go 100 times a month.
They seem to have reverse roles. She is like the husband out there working hard and making money and he is like the wife wanting her to “emotionally support” him as he finds himself.
OMG my dad was the same. Every night when my dad came home from work my folks discussed the stock market. Moods fluctuated with the highs and lows. We lived upper middle class but conversations around money didnt reflect that. Mom was a re-user of wrapping paper, margerine tubs, meal leftovers, etc
Maddie says she and Paul have great communication skills, but she can't look him in the eye when she's speaking to him or he's speaking to her. I don't think she intends to change. She wants him to do all of the changing.
10:50 stupid question: what's so special and hard in reducing your expenses for a few months? as many have pointed out, she alone makes enough money already to live comfortably
Social media has everyone thinking crazy. The reality is that you’re going to be in debt forever trying to keep up with other people who have things you can’t afford. Change your attitude now or you’re always going to be angry.
If they do marry, they won’t stay married for long. He is just being taught the value he brings to the table based off money he brings into the relationship. He could easily find someone more suitable without the added stress of constantly getting to keep someone happy materially.
Weddings are one of the few times when you can get friends from all over the country/world together. For people with far-flung friend groups, it's a pretty special opportunity.
@@Coastpsych_fi99 just because you have doesn't mean you should. Things add up quickly and realistically it wil be expensive. They can do whatever they wamt but I'd much rather save my money to retire early. Maybe go on a nice honeymoon but thay will cost nowhere near wedding costs when all is said and done.
goodness this whole ep feels like "rich people problems" - it's fascinating that they are struggling with the exact same feelings as folks who are poor, however, their stress doesn't feel 'earned' to me because two months of her gross salary is what I earn in an entire year! I look at them, their age and salary, their earning potential, and the fact that at least she has a huge safety net in her parents, and I just can't feel bad for them spending $7k/mo on fun things ON TOP OF their fixed cost spending. part of me just thinks, cry me a river? they will be fine, this is just a blip. but i thank them for sharing their story! they seem like a lovely couple who, with some therapy around their mindset and emotions around money, will do extremely well for themselves and be quite happy and able to enjoy the finer things in life. mazel tov on your engagement, Paul and Maddie! I hope he finds a good job soon and they have a wonderful wedding ❤
Spending $50k on a wedding is a lot of money let alone $120k! That’s insane to me! My fiancé and I are few years younger and also planning a wedding of 100 people too but we know and understand that we can still have a beautiful wedding without spending so much money. It’s about the marriage and your future, can’t justify spending $50k or more on one day at the detriment of our future together. If they are doing that to impress friends and family, they need reevaluate who they are doing this wedding for and why?
Im jealous of the income, but i wonder if her job isn't adding to her stress? I know the feeling of being "comfortable" being stressed since it's your normal state of mind and having too many calm days makes you feel like you are forgetting something vital. But if she is not willing to with her therapist on releasing the need for control and anxiety it's going to lead to worsening health and relationships. These are the most important aspects of life. Please be open to change on your attitude towards money and life. Any future children will be harmed by a chronically anxious mother.
I don’t think they want the same things from a financial standpoint. They seem to want to lead very different lives. She wants to be out & about and spend money all the time and he’d rather say no to more events/trips & live a more frugal life.
Here is my advice for Madi - We missed the destination weddings in grad school, because we couldn't afford it and didn't have the time with our wedding date looming. Our friendships have stood the test of time, but have also taken a back seat as we've all had kids. Friendships are still important, but our true friends understood when we told them no. You don't get to spend quality time at a wedding anyway. I was stressed during my whole wedding, and I would have looked a lot prettier if I wasn't worried about stuff. It pays to have a great professional photographer for your wedding photo memories that will be on your wall forever. Where are you parents in paying for this wedding? What about your mom, Madi?
I was also an extreme social butterfly at that stage of life. I was just okay with saying "no" or asking questions before showing up to a potentially expensive event. It's okay to hang out for non-special times. Ultimately, it's going to be you and your husband and your kids. Everyone else is going to take a back seat.
I have already told my wife "No vacation house, No RV and no boat". The maintenance cost, storage, etc. No one is RVing or boating that much. You only have 1 body so one house. I am willing to get another house if we sell the current house and paying cash for new house. With the price of an RV, you could invest that money and stay at nice hotels. With a boat, you could take that money and invest and charter a boat.
I always find it odd how rich people thing theres no in between ehen it comes to gyms. Its either what they have or some run down community gym where you get a staff infection looking at the equipment. They have a huge disconnect with reality
@Ramit Sethi can you create a course on consciously managing time? A practical way to use a planner with relaxation time built in similar to the guilt free spending % of the CSP.
I dare say there is a correlation between the cost of a wedding and how long it is going to last. Also destination weddings are bullshit, there I said it.
The not wanting to have a wedding at all if it was $50K sums ups the entire episode. She rather not have it because it would be a bad look on their wealth with their friends and family. Not the point of a wedding at all but ok…
It is wild that people spend so much on stuff and make say 200k a year and still have no money left over it’s crazy ….. people spend and spend. To look rich but don’t understand that’s not what makes you financially free you will be changed to your job for ever …. How is is you are making so much spending like crazy . People will never understand you work to pay for your lifestyle and then go to work to pay for the bills they have only 1 income from their job . At the end of the day people are nothing. But consumers. I make well over what this couple makes I still don’t spend like crazy …… people have no money by the time there working days are over that’s the sad truth . Need to have investment streams of passive income . Liabilities will only have you changed to your desk .
Another excellent episode. However, the show is about the rich life but this backdrop looks cheap and temporary. How about some luxury fabrics, furniture and actual live plants and better multilevel lighting?
Paul and Maddie are super relatable. They know what they want and need and are aware of their problems, too. They make plans and ask for help when needed. They can definitely turn things around. Good luck to Paul with the job hunt, and I hope they have an amazing wedding. Thanks for sharing!
wow. this couple is the prime example of keeping up with the joneses. they’ll aways want more and nothing will ever be enough. if those kids happen in the future, they are going to lose it when they realize you do need to change your lifestyle. listening to some of these conversations really makes me appreciate my tendency to keep things simple and avoid unnecessary purchases and lifestyle upgrades that i cannot afford. i’m having a hard time believing that they’re basically living paycheck to paycheck and even overspending.
I find it so difficult to empathize with people who are in financial positions the average person would dream of and all you hear are complaints and mismanagement of the blessing.
Paul said "I dont see a scenario where one of us wants to stop working"... Um, its not about 'wanting' to stop working! Illness and injury happen, my friend! Even to high earners! And you yourself are currently not working because of burnout! What happens when burnout happens again? Or when Maddie needs time off to recover from post partum depression, or you become injured on a skii holiday?? Or you have special needs children and have to take time off to look after them whilst in between carers/nurses??
Maddie seems focused on keeping up with the Joneses, she's like a Real Housewife of New York type, Paul would do well in life with a partner who likes the simple life with a sprinkle of nice things.
This situation is a mess. Very entitled couple that clearly do not appreciate what they have. People would kill to be in their position at that age. Count your blessings people!
I make double their income and spend 20% of their travel expenses. We live on one income and have 3 kids. This couple should be grateful they dont make more income because they most likely would make even more unwise financial decisions that would cripple them
@@jimgold2550 The cost of regret will far exceed the potential wages lost. Rather than spend 80k on a wedding, invest 80k in himself and his business - the ROI on that is incalculable.
When "keeping up with the Joneses" came up, I thought "You are your own Joneses and don't even notice!". But here we see that more money doesn't solve all problems - or at least it doesn't feel that way for them.
He’s only been unemployed for a month and a half. Unemployment happens. There needs to be a plan for when that happens and how long each partner is comfortable carrying the financial load and how they will scale back as a couple during that time.
@@carolyna.869same. 6 weeks unemployed and already feeling financial pressure / relying on only one income makes we want to understand more about their situation. I don’t want to be judgemental with this couple so far 7:56
@@carolyna.869 YEP it's only been a month... not very long. She should be willing to cut back and sacrifice especially that her partner quit for his mental being, not bc he is lazy. She is the problem to their finance.
Rewatching the episode-sounds like him quitting his job wasn’t planned or at least he didn’t tell her he was quitting his job. So there’s resentment from her from him not contributing any money to their current lifestyle. If they had at least planned ahead, maybe she would be less stressed. Another note maybe the dad is a multi-millionaire because he doesn’t try to keep with the joneses and lives below his means. I mean I would be stressed too if I was their dad, spending more money than what they make. Maybe she could take a lesson from her dad. She stresses about 3 dollar things while spends her money recklessly over clothes and travel. They easily could’ve been millionaires by now by investing more money but now they’re forced to take money from their retirement. Hopefully they’ll open their eyes to reality and realize they’ll drain their retirement and inheritance by keeping up with the joneses. She mentions falling into lifestyle creep but they’ve already fallen to lifestyle creep!
Stop normalizing these insane Instagram lifestyles!! True friends say, "NO, I can't afford it." True friendships and relationships can be enjoyed without having to spend a fortune!
@@fpm8338 I feel this is really american. A friend of mine left for New York 5 years ago and he said recently he can't find people to have a real bond with there like he did with our group of friends here. He makes a ton of money. I don't envy him because having a shit ton of money is not an end goal for me. Worst part is that I'm losing this very friend as well because he's become very moeny focused. He doesn't even realize our lifestyles have nothing in common anymore and sometimes says that we're his only true friends (the old group). When I talk with other member of the old group about it, they feel the same. Sad story.
@@cur244as bad as social media is, there’s no one to blame but one’s self. Letting others influence you and determine your livelihood shows how weak people’s values are. Who cares how others live. Things/objects are just temporary. Luxurious experiences lose their appeal after some marginal threshold. As much as the situation they’re in can suck, someone who’s lived with a 10th of what one of them makes will hardly ever have sympathy for them.
I would feel terrible to spend 150k of the 200k i inherited from my grandparents on a bullshit wedding. Just to maintain appearances. In my view thats the real issue not that someone inherited money.
It sounds like she is planning on her parent's inheritance as well. She didn't admit it, but mentioned that they live in a multi-million dollar house. That would explain why she had no real interest in accumulating money.
Postpone the marriage a year and see if they can still stand each other. If so they can get married at Daddy's multi-million dollar house. But they don't even have kids - they don't need to do this. They don't seem aligned on anything. Looks like a disaster.
I love how you pick this with a straight face. Like you have your GOTCHA moment. They said it was 25-30%. That means they personally put 400k$ into investments basically before 30.
To cheer you up: Chad from Nickelback started with noodles without butter while selling seafood to customers. Being where you are now doesn t mean that you'll stay in this position forever 🍀
This shit is wild and so frustrating. They were just handed money via inheritance, she’s not even 30 and makes over $200k, they have over $600k net worth… and yet they are complaining because they have lots of other rich friends doing extravagant things constantly and they want to be doing the same. Come down to earth for a moment and realize your privilege and luck and how easy you will have it if you just stop living for others and appearances.
A friend of mine once told me that rich people don't consider themselves rich. They consider people making 3x what they earn rich. But it's a never ending cycle. Once you're at x3 you aime at former x9
@@saeedhossain6099when ur actively working to make money then ur not privileged. Yes she got an inheritance but if it’s 1/4 of the money that means they still save almost $400k based off the job she works daily that’s not privilege that is hard work
Sorry but she irritated me no end. Spoilt brat vibes with her dissing a $50K wedding as one she wouldn’t want? They’re both so shallow with their angst about not being able to keep up with the Jones’s. They’re the epitome of Status Anxiety, that brilliant book by Alain de Botton. 🙄
The frame of mind here is off. Money after a certain threshold cannot bring more happiness. Also, they’re in the top 1% or 0.1% of the world. To have money problems while one person is making as much as she does is quite unfathomable.
@@winsonliu1691It's really not unfathomable. People improve their lifestyle to match their income. While money can't buy happiness beyond a certain level, income also can't outpace spending. Not having a good grasp on finances will result in anxiety around money even if there's plenty (on paper) to go around.
you need to be cautious when you run in a friend/family group that spend heavily on trips and weddings. The price of admission to that group is also spending. And if you don't keep up with them, you could be pushed to the side. People have to decide what is important to them.
I like the moment where Ramit humbled them and explained that they were living a 600-800k lifestyle. Despite them being high earners, they’re spending too much to keep up with the Joneses (just in a much more lucrative way than the average earner). They’re young and their income will only go up from here. But if they build a great foundation/investment portfolio now, they’ll set themselves up for life.
I don't get where he got that number. Based on their current spending, it is more like a $350-400k lifestyle. They are only at 125% spending; 145% spending if they increase their savings to 20%. That comes to $367k pre-tax income. That is compatible with the boyfriend's expected income once he finds a job.
@@brianshulman6418 I'm in a roughly $400k yearly income household and have $6k per month in guilt free spending. My fixed costs are $10k and savings are $10k. That is what a $400k lifestyle looks like even for someone who is investing/saving 40% of their income. I could increase my guilt free spending to $7k by just reducing my savings percentage to 36%, which I probably will do next year when we plan to go to DisneyWorld.
@@brianshulman6418 $7k is 30% of a $400k household's take home income. If he gets a $150-200k job as he intends, they will have over $400k in annual income. So Ramit's own guideline of 20-35% would declare $7k in guilt-free spending reasonable for a $400k household.
Honestly Maddie feels like a series of red flags. She could just work with Paul to cut back on spending for a bit and give him a chance to find a job that doesn’t deteriorate his mental health. They don’t have kids, their fixed costs are reasonable, just dial it back- it should be that easy. Instead she continues to spend and pressured Paul because resources are scarce. I’d run if I were him.
Same. She micromanages him about finding another job, yet she has no issue continuing to shop and travel. Def keeping up with others and don’t want to say “no” and feel left out.
He proposed then quit his job...its manipulative...he isnt going to run anywhere. He has her wrapped around his finger and is unbothered re finances. If they get pregnant he will be a stay at home dad
🚩 red flag on this one. They haven’t started a life together really and the 1st hurdle is about to take them out! No way would I have been okay with being micromanaged. However, I have to say she was confused why he didn’t have an exit strategy in place. That would have been wise.
I felt better after watching it like „Oh, even if you have this amount of money you still have the same behavioral issues as people who make way less". It shows HOW important the right mindset on money psychology is, so I took a lot away from Ramits comments on this couple (maybe that's why he shared it? The first impression is like yours: enough is never enough and he wants us to learn from the mistakes rich people do? I don't know, maybe something like that.)
They absolutely need to control their spending but I think, in this case, one income is still an issue. I've personally experienced her situation but in reverse... from a household with a single six-figure income to a household with dual six-figure incomes. It's a world of difference. Where we live, an annual household income of $250k means living very comfortably while a household income of $500k offers a life of endless abundance.
It always amazes me when people don't follow up. A simple "thank you Ramit, you've given me alot to think about and I'm not sure what changes if any I'm going to make but I appreciate your time." There so many other people that could have benefitted from a convo with Ramit that may have been passed up. The least people can do is show appreciation afterwards.
There’s no way the inheritance only made up 1/3 of their investments. They were investing 1-2k a month, that wouldn’t make up the other 450k given their ages and his now unemployment. I think they may be taking more credit than they’ve earned and haven’t factored in how much the inheritance has grown on its own.
Well 2 points 1) I think they decreased the investment dollars once he left his job so now it’s only $1k per month. Especially because they keep talking about how aggressive they were investing and 2) if they were given $250k then compound interest is doing most of the work not the extra couple thousands they put in per month which would account for the amount they have
Honestly speaking, having LARGE WEDDINGS are just ridiculous. I get that people dream about it, and they go into it thinking like it'll be the best day of their lives, etc, etc. But if you really can't afford, then is it really worth it? Do you really want to go into further debt because of it? Do you really need to invite everyone!? In today's society, there is just too much emphasis put into the idea of having a grand wedding. It's become a monetary black hole for most people. Life would be much better if you have a simpler wedding, and instead spend the money on vacations, experiences and investments.
It's a crazy thing. My brother got married in a church and the reception was in the basement, with some finger food. We had a great time. Personally these huge weddings are an unnecessary flex.
Also - they claim to have so many friends, and that she loves to party, but how many of those friendships are based upon jet setting across the world and enjoying lavish vacations versus a honest-to-God friendship?
I was honestly so happy to get married during the first part of covid. It forced us to only have like 35 people. ONLY the people that really meant the world to us. We ended up spending about $9k. It was wonderful! Bought a house, in California, 4 months later.
If they had a friend that was unable to attend their wedding due to a job loss, I'm sure they would understand. They should expect the same in return from their friends.
Hypergamy and Briffault’s Law. Women get married for “better and richer” not for worse and poorer. The reason it’s in the vows is because we struggle with it. I saw a stat onetime that said a woman’s idea of an equal partner is a man that makes 50% more than them. Applying that math, she’s pulling in $250k and she’s wanting her partner to pull in $375k+. Before you ignore my point ask yourself if the shoe fits? What did Ramit say… you’re living a $600-$800k lifestyle which is exactly where she wants to be and how she is operating. This guy trying to lock her down with an engagement/marriage and then resigning afterwards is suspect. Almost like he knew what the deal was going to be with her and he’s trying to leverage her into a commitment while then under delivering on his end. It’s pretty apparent what she wants and what she expects and she’s a heavy hitter in her own right. This guy might just be out of his weight class. You can’t expect v12 performance out of a v6. Nothing wrong with a v6, it will get the job done but if you expect it perform as a v12 you will be disappointed and the v6 will burnout trying to perform at a level it isn’t designed to. If she wants v12 performance she should court a v12. A killer in his early 30s putting in 80 hour weeks (who won’t have time to travel) or a guy in his 40s that has already made it. The problem with those types of men is that they are very disagreeable and there’s very little room for negotiation. You’re either on their program or you’re out. Likewise, a v6 shouldn’t try to be something it is not. He just needs to be candid about his goals and objectives and what he is willing to bring to the table. I get the sense that he’s trying to make her happy or hang onto her while she’s accelerating away from him in terms of her desires and expectations. Better to have some introspection and be very candid about what the expectations are and what we’re willing to bring to the table. It was said a couple of times but there is a big misalignment here that needs to be resolved.
Completely right. Hypergamy is one of the major reasons why men struggle on Ramit’s show. P.S: can you guess how many men is she comparing her boyfriend to in all these luxury weddings?
As someone going through this - YES! I’m dealing with burnout from the past year. I almost quit my job because of it. I decided not to because of finances (I don’t live with a partner that could carry me) and luckily my work slowed down but I definitely feel like I have some PTSD that is demotivating and I’m just plain exhausted.
The minute she said that she "checks in" with him constantly, all day, every day is sending major NAG flags. He said he needed a mental break....hmm maybe it wasn't just work that was dragging him down, and he just doesn't see it yet. Living with a fly buzzing in your ear will drive you crazy!
@@creeper2054she’s making a ton of money, if the roles were reversed you wouldn’t be saying that. It’s not like he’s taking advantage of her and doesn’t have skills or a career. I’d rather he’d take a break than dig an early grave.
This is a good example of how people with money can be just as foolish financially as those without. They’re in for a rude awakening if they have kids.
I don’t think we keep up with the Joneses to a ridiculous extent… Says the couple loving paycheck to paycheck on $250k and thinking $120k for a wedding is okay. And a good chunk of their investments are from inheritance.
Agree, feels like the majority of their investments were from the inheritance and gains over time versus the $1-2k per month they contribute. Without the inheritance, their net worth and financial position is drastically different.
that was my exact reaction, I did not see the habits for that $627 000 portfolio, if they got a third $209 000 and waited for 10 years they said spent working it would amount to $542k with an interest rate of 10%. They have zero % on savings and only $1000 for investments currently
I myself am not shaming them for having an inheritance and investing it. But be honest about why you have a good looking portfolio at such a young age. People who can’t afford to live on a quarter of a million dollars a year (it was higher before he quit his job) while investing nothing need a reality check. I’m glad Ramit provided them one.
These situations are always so sad. Sacrificing peace and stability for more material things is not worth it. While I understand that we are all influenced by our peers, being an adult means that you need to be realistic with what you can and can't afford. Him being out of a job for A SINGLE MONTH shouldn't cause this level of stress at their income levels (they aren't worried about being homeless or losing health insurance, they are worried about taking less trips and having to downsize their wedding). Like the saying goes, tell me what your problems are and ill tell you who you are...
Fellow American living in London. Why do they even have a car payment? The tube, taxis/ubers and renting cars for day trips periodically is way more affordable and sanity saving. With that rent they should be living near a tube line for a 1-2 bedroom even with our bonkers rental market.
So the issue here I think is that she is not willing to support him, emotionally and financially for her prospective husband when he is down. They are not even married yet and this is already occurring. You are in the honeymoon phase, but her actions are not promising. If the roles were reversed and he is doing what she is doing the wedding would be called off. From my personal situation, when my wife was mistreated at work, I told her immediately to quit her job if that's what she wants. I cared more about honoring my wife than money. I personally feel if things are reversed, my wife would say the same thing even though her income would not be able to keep us afloat. At least she would be supportive emotionally, and try to make sacrifices where she could. I personally feel that type of loyalty is what counts when looking for a partner. I do however understand the insecurity part when there's a single income and your wife and child counts on your income, but that's the normal state for any man worth their salt.
I have always told my partner if they were unhappy at a job "quit, life is short". I have zero issue supporting my man for him to take a mental health break.
Allow me to play devil's advocate for a moment. If the roles were reversed, how do you think she would react if he behaved this way towards her? She's revealing her true character before marriage. If you decide to proceed, consider reflecting on this video, as it may be indicative of what to expect in the future.
To all y’all in the comments saying how “unrelatable” this is because of their high income and high net worth…LISTEN UP. This episode is you, just making more money. Ramit, Maddie, and Paul just gave you the gift of a crystal ball. Say it with me: how you manage, interact with, and feel about your money does NOT automatically change when you increase your income. Overspend now? Stressed now? If those issues go deeper than “I cannot afford my basic necessities”, THIS IS YOUR FUTURE WITH MORE MONEY. Now go finish the episode, and then say thank you.
Great explanation of relationship with money... people making less are happy and financially secure. So it's 100% relatable. I have seen low income earners retire early or who will retire a millionaire. They save and invest and live frugally..I doubt they will overspend now even if they are millionaires now even if they probably can afford.
I see a lot of scoffing at how unrelatable it is to not be able to decline expensive trips to Ibiza. I agree...Facing up to peer pressure just requires you to suck it up to admit to your cool friends that you're too broke to join them. I've had to get through these situations a few times myself... Oh, wait. No, I haven't because nobody invited me to Ibiza! So maybe take a step back before judging problems we don't have.
Maybe you didn’t receive an invitation to Ibiza or don’t have a partner who recently left their job. Maybe their income ranges are worlds apart from you, whether it’s you earning more than them or way less than them. But have you not experienced moments where your friends asked you to go out, have a dinner, a city trip or attending an event that you, in hindsight, couldn’t afford but didn’t want to decline in fear of missing out? Have you joined a hobby or activity with your friends that ended up costing you quite a bit when you weren’t in a financial situation to do so? Many people struggle with the fine line of being frugal (if not cheap) and keeping up with their social network, while they might not (financially) be able to sustain it. Sometimes it really is an art to balance your spendings between the people/things you think are worth paying for and to say no every so often
00:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube
Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
Hey. Is there a possibility to be less vague about their careers? I am not asking about all of their information but maybe the title and/or field. I think that it will add more context.
Very relatable episode. "Be very careful about taking on labour from your partner. It sets a precedent and it has bigger ramifications than most of us think about."
@donaldjohnson-ow3kqwow, cooking dinner for your family, what a hero. Why should your ex wife have been the default cook if she also worked?
@@ih2439 That is a very condescending comment. You don't know what other household tasks he does, just that he added cooking to his responsibilities to help his wife during a difficult time at work.
their income is not that relatable (to me), but i do enjoy how the same themes, thoughts, and feelings keep popping up, no matter the income level. I'd love for Ramit to write a new book about the common detrimental money attitudes we inherit from our parents, and what questions to ask to start recognizing those patterns.
@@swithheld9905I agree and I think that means you took more from this episode than most commenters seem to have.
It's not about the income level or the specific kind of spending that's happening. It's about the attitudes that surround it.
Maybe it's a trip to Ibiza for them and it's a night out with friends at a club for you, but the point is the same, the feelings are the same, and the result is the same (scaled for income, of course).
Thank you for showing high earners as well. I appreciate all the videos but it’s helpful to see that having money doesn’t suddenly change people’s financial habits.
Yes he needs a job. But putting his mental wellbeing over the unwillingness to cut back on frivolous spending is WILD.
Yep
He doesn't _need_ a job. They are spending 63% on fixed costs and could very well live a good life only on her salary.
He should want one though.
@@tomaszp2027he needs a job because he’s not married to the person who is earning the income imo. It’s very unwise to combine money with someone before you’re married.
He left his company due to mental stress. I did the same thing. It has only been a month and a a half since he left. The job market for the past few years have been crazy but he will eventually find one. If my wife was that stressed from her job I will support her and tell her to leave and find a new job. The wife also needs to chill with lecturing him about his linkendin. That is just making it worse. Micromanaging in a marriage feels like the person is the parent and the other person is the child. She needs to respect his decision and stop hovering over his shoulders every day.
@@tomaszp2027 He probably needs a (good) job to be in this relationship though. She has chosen a high paying career likely because she wants a certain lifestyle. That is okay. If he has decided he doesn't want that lifestyle anymore because he has learned the level of stress high paying careers usually require, this probably isn't the right relationship for him anymore.
I wish they broke down their “guilt free” spending into clearer line items and planned for it in advance. $7000 is a lot of money to spend thoughtlessly. Not to mention there is NO line item for the wedding…
They said they would take it out of their investments. That wedding is going to cost a fortune if you take into account the cost of opportunity.
@@nadinebouchard9843 faccccts
I can’t relate to these people. On one income alone they are still making almost 20k/ month with 11k net. If you can’t live comfortably on that, it’s not a money problem, it’s a you problem.
Especially with no kids
They're based in the UK and Maddie's salary alone is 5x the average. It's definitely a them problem! I picked up a few things like 'my gym is very expensive' when, in London, you can walk down the street and find gyms for £20 a month.
@@richherukThey live in the UK?! That just makes this whole situation 10x as ridiculous.
@richheruk I wonder what her job is. They make ridiculous amount for a UK average salary.
I'm not convinced they have a problem. Unless their investments mostly came from some inheritance, they have been investing about $50k per year since they finished college. That was probably 20-25% of their income. They have 1.5x their combined income (when he is working) in investments, which is 33% over the recommended target at their age.
It all comes down to if they're are being realistic about their high expenses right now being a temporary blip. Spending $100k of their investments on a wedding is perfectly fine given their income level and net worth (at such a young age). Being a few thousand in the red each month while he is unemployed is fine too. I was unemployed for a couple months a few years ago and we cut our expenses about 25% but were still a few thousand in the red both of those months. That is what savings are for.
While I would advise them to cut spending, at their level of savings I wouldn't advise them to skip a friend's remote wedding or Vegas bachelor party just because he isn't working. The reason to invest and save is so you aren't financially restricted when life throws you curve balls.
She has a scarcity mindset and then massively overspends. What a mess...
Obviously it’s because of the generational and childhood trauma 🤥
It’s scarce because she spends it all duhhh 🤦🏼♂️
She is simultaneously very self-aware, and completely self-delusional.
How is that possible?
She isn't as delusional as the episode makes it seem. They have $7k in guilt-free spending, which is about 30% of a $400k household's take home income. This is the income they had before he left his job.
I spend $6k on guilt-free spending on a $400k income while saving $10k. I have no guilt. But if I stopped working our fixed + guilt free spending would reach 175% of our income even if our savings went to zero.
There are some tweaks this couple should do to their spending, but almost the entire issue is neither of them want to reduce spending while he is unemployed. And they haven't truly considered whether he wants another high paying job considering he left his last one because of stress (hint: nearly all high paying jobs are high stress)
"Trust fund kids struggle to live their Instagram life"
we need more rich people on this podcast please
THIS
She wants to marry a corporate lawyer 🤦♀️ He's a great guy if he walked away from making all that money to prioritize his well being. She IS NOT the right person for him if that is his life long goal. I hope the best for him.
I hope the best for them both, but that might not be the same thing.
💯
Agreed :/ seems she wants a diamond and a party, not a marriage. With her income, it’s really sad that she’s pressuring him so hard to get a job instead of showing support with his mental health.
She wanted to marry another go getter, got engaged to one, but by the looks of it, will end up with a house husband.
What stops him from cutting down the expences instead of spending her money (hers, because they are not married yet)
@@lanadecker8800 he’s been unemployed for 6 weeks and is actively looking for his next job. He’s def not looking for her to take care of him. They BOTH need to dial down their spending
Based on her lack of providing an update, I highly doubt changes will be made. Typically younger people caught up in the lifestyle of keeping up with friends rarely change -- because it's a mentality that's hard to get out of.
Their friendship dynamics would drastically change if they weren't able to socially engage at the same level as their circle of friends, and clearly that's something that's very important to them.
She knows an inheritance from her father is coming when he passes, and they plan to prioritize work over children, so they will not have to change her spending long term.
the lack of an update speaks to me as she's got one foot out the door and she's thinking this appearance can be parlayed into a future relationship.
Respecfully, Paul deserves a better partner. It's not like he is some ambitionless lazy couch potato. After 2 high demanding stressful jobs he's totally burned out, just look at him, he looks miserable (sorry Paul, saying this with love, but it def shows). Of course he wants to take it slow.
But instead of supporting him, his future wife keeps nagging the heck out of him. After only 1,5months. And for what ??? They make 20K/month on one income!
Of course, Maddie has every right to want to live a luxurious life. But it seems that lifestyle and social status are more important to her than Paul himself.
Marriage is supposed to be for better or worse. Your "worse" is happening now and it's not looking great for you two. Your wedding is in Sept 2025. Still enough time to reconsider. Just saying 🙌
I'm not one to feel bad for men often but I felt bad for Paul. He deserves a supportive partner.
You made a good point. He said they would prioritize work when the children were born, and maybe they agreed to that, sounds good. Based on how he responded to the work situation, he might change his mind when the children come along, and that's a little scary for both of them. I hope they reevaluate whether they are a right fit for the future children's sake... Money is important but it isn't everything and they have already shown they can't come to agreement on that sentiment.
I mean she said she would rather not have a wedding than a small 50k wedding. That seems like a terrible situation to be in if I were Paul...
Very well said!
@@jeniffervarela6066interesting you noticed you don’t feel much empathy for men yet seem mostly ok with that.
I hope Paul and Maddie watch their episode and really see how wealthy they are. And spending $120k on a wedding with 120 guests means they are spending $1000 per person. Absolutely ridiculous IMO. No one will remember anything besides the food.
They don’t seem well matched. She definitely wants to keep up with the Jones. Throw a few kids into the mix would be a disaster.
He is exactly the same with his traveling with buddies in Spain to play golf.
The way I see it is that she doesn't want to be the provider. She doesn't want to have to be bringing in 100 percent of the household income.
Very true, he’s trying to live the best life as possible but she’s keeping up with the jones. Then she should go marry the jones. Any other man would’ve left her already
Ramit is a total save a bro on this episode. he got a neutral arbiter who basically has confirmed what his golf buddies have been saying.
She may well not want to work at the same intense level if she has children... and he won't be able to support her at the level she wants. He could stay home instead but either way she's going to resent him.
If this is what they’re like at the engagement stage imagine 10 years married with 2 kids under 5. They have to start thinking as a team especially her.
Admittedly, I initially felt annoyed at not finding the salary of these folks relatable. Reading the comments though made me think more deeply on this. These videos are both informative and scare the hell out of me. I can't imagine making this much and thinking its not enough. I can't imagine being with a partner who rather than trying to support me work through a hard time, became a drill sergeant in order to get me working to fund her desired lifestyle. I would feel incredibly trapped and frankly sad that my life is about keeping up with appearances - all of which don't appear to ever be enough. This episode ended up being another helpful reminder as to why I want to be lifestyle aware AND to be mindful of where am placing my attention; ie the numbers in my bank account or the people I love.
Edit: I do think it is important to interview the average person though as high earner folks are in a far stronger position to quickly address debt accumulation and afford to hire support. Most are not as fortunate and I think views would benefit from the validation in both seeing how the average person struggles AND the options they can take to change it IE their mindset/choices (without having the high salary as support). Ideally having the opportunity to highlight the flip side on how you can lead a happy life with far less.
Average salary in UK is around 37k. Some ppl live in single income with 2 kids. It's not relatable to normal ppl.
Do you think there's something we can learn from each couple if we adapt their lessons to our individual situations? I do
Hey. It's quite cool that you read our comments. I usually watch all your videos interviewing couples since they are real world scenarios and not crazy finfluencer videos.
One thing that's makes me wonder is how all the people you interview have either high earning range with both of them working. How about interviewing people with average or below average salary and one partner working?
To answer your question, I learnt from this episode that we should not compare ourselves with people surrounding us.
50k wedding proposed to her and she says id rather not have a wedding. How romantic. Tney are probably nice people but they are a little spoiled too.
I would have left that very second.
Imagine the discord with her saying "Ok. I can do $50K" and still spend double. LOL
I cannot understand that mindset at all. Can anyone who is sympathetic to her pov elaborate?
That's the part that made my jaw drop ... I understand wanting your dream wedding, but saying you'd rather not have a wedding at all of you can't get that, it felt so insulting.
I was shocked to hear that. Who is the wedding for? You or Instagram?
I sense little compassion from her regarding his needs. He is not even allow to have a short break. Her controlling ways are alarming. How would she handle an emergency? Like a health emergency?
Their earnings are high and they could afford a couple of months off (gathering thoughts, regrouping so he could easily go into a new job). I feel she is one of those people who is rarely satisfied and nothing is ever enough!
My husband and I make much less than them, but I would be stressed as heck if my husband quit his job with nothing lined up, especially given he makes more money than me. I can understand why she feels this way. They both have a lot to consider.
@@pfifltrigg I would too and I was curious why he is unable to answer an email about a job and take two days to do it and she needing to follow up with him about it.
he's on her team, they are not on a team together.
@celpower He’s too busy going on expensive golf trips with his frat bros...no time for email.
I do feel like these are not getting wrapped up well recently and not sure why. Maybe the couples have a tight deadline but I wish they could really dig into what the hell their plan is. They seemed to have no solutions by the end.
True, did Paul get a job? We'll never know
I think it's likely that the vast majority of people who come on here don't really change. I haven't really seen a good update since I've started watching the podcast. The show is useful for the audience to see how others' finances are going and the pitfalls that they have, but for the one on the show I don't think it can really change them fundamentally.
I agree but recently the people don't seem open to a change or a plan and Ramit senses tha so he doesn't push the issue. You can tell the people that are actually looking to change. They're usually the ones that have both read his book and make less money. The high earners think the money will solve itself
@@coachisaiahvIt’s bananas to me that people will come on the show not having read the book, or not doing the exercises properly (like one will do it for both half-assed even though the whole point is to do it together). Why would you behave that way?
Exactly!! If you remove that inheritance, the money they have is below average at their age, and spending more than current income means they are not living paycheck to paycheck because it's NEGATIVE. Soon, they won't have anything. They need reality check, they cannot keep up with the Joneses.
Sounds like she has major FOMO. She strikes me as the type of person who will not be happy unless she has it all even if it’s not financially realistic and responsible. She probably compares herself to others which is a theft of happiness.
But, I bet her instagram has lots of great pictures.
Yes, well stated. One day when she is more mature, she will learn that happiness comes from within.
My biggest takeaway from this episode is that is is hard to understand what you CAN afford at whatever income level you are at. But that is the conscious part of the plan - being able to balance your wants and needs now with those in your future.
I empathize with them and relate very much to this couple. My husband and I are in a similar age group and in a very quick time-span, our income doubled. We both grew up in households where money was scarce, so there was a sense of wanting to do it all, now that we technically had the cash. Though it was a different set of social expectations, we spent so much, mindlessly. We never had to think about how we were gonna eat or pay a bill, but we didn't have a cushion either.
Now that we've spent the last year focusing on our financial wellbeing, we understand exactly what Ramit means when he says that having more money will not automatically solve our problems. In that time, we also had to make some hard choices about our wedding, and opted for a small wedding with just immediate family. Some dreams were lost with that one, but our long term future is worth it.
The reality is you guys could legit save 50% of your income and be work optional in 2-3 years. Maybe even less if you could do more. Also your wedding and the “people” you want to invite will not be around in 10 yrs especially as you have kids. You’ll regret that money wasted on one day. Your portfolio growing should be #1 priority so you don’t need to stress about babies, childcare or anything else down the road. Really think about your future self in 5 years. As a corporate working woman who now has a child your entire identity will change OVERNIGHT and you may not even want to work and stay home. You’ll thank yourself for at LEAST the option even if you decide to work.
I think it's easy to say that from the perspective of normal everyday people. But their social circle probably makes it difficult to do so, and it's tough to just separate from them
As a 54 yo without retirement, (never had that kind of money though) I would so so second this. It's so important and could make things so much easier down the road. You have the chance to retire early. Do it!
This is the truth! That option is priceless once you have kids.
Where the fuck are these jobs at?! I'll walk through fire to get that gross
I think I specifically needed to hear Ramit's view on lifestyle creep at 38:39. Every time we get a raise/bonus we pretend it doesn't exist and put it straight to savings/retirement. Definitely can improve our balance between future us and present us.
Thats pretty hardcore. I do the same but with "only" 50% of the bonus/raise and I thought I am tough on myself. I went many years putting it all aside and know how that feels, dont you need a bit of a reward from time to time ?
This is a beautiful conversation, couples talk about how they feel, how they do it day to day, and how to achieve the long term game. It looks hurt but it's important to understand this stressful situation.
She’s rude af. Not following up??? For someone who is quick to follow up on her husbands job applications she sure as hell could’ve given a follow up
Scarcity mindset? Where???
Yeah 300 dollars a month on subscriptions isn’t scarcity lol.
Is the scarcity mindset in the room with us??? Lol
These people are so out of touch it’s absurd lol. I’m glad Ramit got real at the end and said how ludicrous it is
There is a reason why we don't have a breakdown of that 7k monthly spending. Pretty sure it was the girl's call and around 70-80% of that spend is driven by her. Very imbalanced dynamic between the two. I would re evaluate the relationship if I were Paul
I can’t begin to explain how exact this relationship is to me and my wife - she is the bread winner with a stable 9 to 5 plus a side and I am a entrepreneur who doesn’t really want a full time job. My wife is nervous and telling me to apply to every job imaginable
In London there’s no reason to spend more than 30-40 a month on a gym if money’s tight. How can that be a significant cost?
Barry’s Bootcamp is very expensive everywhere.
Barry’s is very pricey. It’s also a place to “be seen” by people. Paying for Barry’s is a social/class status symbol in certain circles.
@@cognitive-botanical-therapy I’ve never even heard of it. What £ are we talking per month?
I just googled, so if you went 5-10 times a month it would be in the 150-200 range. Seems a rubbish deal when there are local independent gyms for 40 a month that you could go 100 times a month.
They seem to have reverse roles. She is like the husband out there working hard and making money and he is like the wife wanting her to “emotionally support” him as he finds himself.
OMG my dad was the same. Every night when my dad came home from work my folks discussed the stock market. Moods fluctuated with the highs and lows. We lived upper middle class but conversations around money didnt reflect that. Mom was a re-user of wrapping paper, margerine tubs, meal leftovers, etc
Crocs are great, they are legitimately very comfortable. The slander is egregious 😤
Maddie says she and Paul have great communication skills, but she can't look him in the eye when she's speaking to him or he's speaking to her. I don't think she intends to change. She wants him to do all of the changing.
PS Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but isn't it customary for the bride's parents to pay for at least part of the wedding?
He seems more comfortable and less stressed being unemployed. It will not get better after marriage.
10:50 stupid question: what's so special and hard in reducing your expenses for a few months?
as many have pointed out, she alone makes enough money already to live comfortably
Social media has everyone thinking crazy. The reality is that you’re going to be in debt forever trying to keep up with other people who have things you can’t afford. Change your attitude now or you’re always going to be angry.
If they do marry, they won’t stay married for long. He is just being taught the value he brings to the table based off money he brings into the relationship. He could easily find someone more suitable without the added stress of constantly getting to keep someone happy materially.
I would strongly encourage people to elope/get married at townhall. Soooo much cheaper and you can start earlier on your road to financial freedom.
Weddings are one of the few times when you can get friends from all over the country/world together. For people with far-flung friend groups, it's a pretty special opportunity.
Exactly what my wife and I did save so much headache and resources for sure. Stress free 😂🫡
They earn $250k USD and have $627,000 USD in assets at 29/33. They can afford a wedding and honeymoon with some minor planning
@@arh1234 will they be flying their friends and family out plus paying for everything a two z?
@@Coastpsych_fi99 just because you have doesn't mean you should. Things add up quickly and realistically it wil be expensive. They can do whatever they wamt but I'd much rather save my money to retire early. Maybe go on a nice honeymoon but thay will cost nowhere near wedding costs when all is said and done.
goodness this whole ep feels like "rich people problems" - it's fascinating that they are struggling with the exact same feelings as folks who are poor, however, their stress doesn't feel 'earned' to me because two months of her gross salary is what I earn in an entire year! I look at them, their age and salary, their earning potential, and the fact that at least she has a huge safety net in her parents, and I just can't feel bad for them spending $7k/mo on fun things ON TOP OF their fixed cost spending. part of me just thinks, cry me a river? they will be fine, this is just a blip.
but i thank them for sharing their story! they seem like a lovely couple who, with some therapy around their mindset and emotions around money, will do extremely well for themselves and be quite happy and able to enjoy the finer things in life. mazel tov on your engagement, Paul and Maddie! I hope he finds a good job soon and they have a wonderful wedding ❤
Spending $50k on a wedding is a lot of money let alone $120k! That’s insane to me! My fiancé and I are few years younger and also planning a wedding of 100 people too but we know and understand that we can still have a beautiful wedding without spending so much money. It’s about the marriage and your future, can’t justify spending $50k or more on one day at the detriment of our future together. If they are doing that to impress friends and family, they need reevaluate who they are doing this wedding for and why?
Im jealous of the income, but i wonder if her job isn't adding to her stress? I know the feeling of being "comfortable" being stressed since it's your normal state of mind and having too many calm days makes you feel like you are forgetting something vital. But if she is not willing to with her therapist on releasing the need for control and anxiety it's going to lead to worsening health and relationships. These are the most important aspects of life. Please be open to change on your attitude towards money and life. Any future children will be harmed by a chronically anxious mother.
I don’t think they want the same things from a financial standpoint. They seem to want to lead very different lives. She wants to be out & about and spend money all the time and he’d rather say no to more events/trips & live a more frugal life.
Seems to be the case when the roles are reversed 😅
Here is my advice for Madi - We missed the destination weddings in grad school, because we couldn't afford it and didn't have the time with our wedding date looming. Our friendships have stood the test of time, but have also taken a back seat as we've all had kids. Friendships are still important, but our true friends understood when we told them no. You don't get to spend quality time at a wedding anyway. I was stressed during my whole wedding, and I would have looked a lot prettier if I wasn't worried about stuff. It pays to have a great professional photographer for your wedding photo memories that will be on your wall forever. Where are you parents in paying for this wedding? What about your mom, Madi?
I was also an extreme social butterfly at that stage of life. I was just okay with saying "no" or asking questions before showing up to a potentially expensive event. It's okay to hang out for non-special times. Ultimately, it's going to be you and your husband and your kids. Everyone else is going to take a back seat.
I have already told my wife "No vacation house, No RV and no boat". The maintenance cost, storage, etc. No one is RVing or boating that much. You only have 1 body so one house. I am willing to get another house if we sell the current house and paying cash for new house. With the price of an RV, you could invest that money and stay at nice hotels. With a boat, you could take that money and invest and charter a boat.
I always find it odd how rich people thing theres no in between ehen it comes to gyms. Its either what they have or some run down community gym where you get a staff infection looking at the equipment.
They have a huge disconnect with reality
Right?! Barry’s Bootcamp was the gym she mentioned. That is a VERY expensive POSH boutique gym
@Ramit Sethi can you create a course on consciously managing time? A practical way to use a planner with relaxation time built in similar to the guilt free spending % of the CSP.
Most of these expensive weddings they're attending will end in divorce anyway -- it's not hate, it's literally facts.
I dare say there is a correlation between the cost of a wedding and how long it is going to last. Also destination weddings are bullshit, there I said it.
The more expensive the more likely to fail??@@problematicpolarbear6065
What does she do to make $200k+ ?
The not wanting to have a wedding at all if it was $50K sums ups the entire episode. She rather not have it because it would be a bad look on their wealth with their friends and family. Not the point of a wedding at all but ok…
It is wild that people spend so much on stuff and make say 200k a year and still have no money left over it’s crazy ….. people spend and spend. To look rich but don’t understand that’s not what makes you financially free you will be changed to your job for ever …. How is is you are making so much spending like crazy . People will never understand you work to pay for your lifestyle and then go to work to pay for the bills they have only 1 income from their job . At the end of the day people are nothing. But consumers. I make well over what this couple makes I still don’t spend like crazy …… people have no money by the time there working days are over that’s the sad truth . Need to have investment streams of passive income . Liabilities will only have you changed to your desk .
27:23 🙂 Yea, as a 50+ who is doing ok now, but at 29 or 33 I had very different money issues than they do.
She has champagne taste and a beer pocketbook.
Idk. I feel like 250k income and being 12% in the red is mind boggling to me.
I see him drinking while she’s talking about him multiple times. It’s like he’s saying Whatever without saying straight up to her face.
675k in tax free accounts at 29 and 33? HOW? Have their parents invested in their ROTH IRA as soon as they were born?
Another excellent episode. However, the show is about the rich life but this backdrop looks cheap and temporary. How about some luxury fabrics, furniture and actual live plants and better multilevel lighting?
Paul and Maddie are super relatable. They know what they want and need and are aware of their problems, too. They make plans and ask for help when needed. They can definitely turn things around. Good luck to Paul with the job hunt, and I hope they have an amazing wedding. Thanks for sharing!
wow. this couple is the prime example of keeping up with the joneses. they’ll aways want more and nothing will ever be enough. if those kids happen in the future, they are going to lose it when they realize you do need to change your lifestyle.
listening to some of these conversations really makes me appreciate my tendency to keep things simple and avoid unnecessary purchases and lifestyle upgrades that i cannot afford. i’m having a hard time believing that they’re basically living paycheck to paycheck and even overspending.
I wonder if his subconscious is trying to subvert or delay the wedding. This relationship is in difficulty. Wish them the best.
I find it so difficult to empathize with people who are in financial positions the average person would dream of and all you hear are complaints and mismanagement of the blessing.
Paul said "I dont see a scenario where one of us wants to stop working"... Um, its not about 'wanting' to stop working! Illness and injury happen, my friend! Even to high earners! And you yourself are currently not working because of burnout! What happens when burnout happens again? Or when Maddie needs time off to recover from post partum depression, or you become injured on a skii holiday?? Or you have special needs children and have to take time off to look after them whilst in between carers/nurses??
Wow they have SOOOO much invested and make SOOOO much noney for their age. Can’t feel sorry for them. Feeling sorry for myself LOL
Right! 😅
She can't say no to a girls trip to Ibiza(sounds like often). Sorry king you gotta dip before she says she got somethin to tell you
Maddie seems focused on keeping up with the Joneses, she's like a Real Housewife of New York type, Paul would do well in life with a partner who likes the simple life with a sprinkle of nice things.
Problems always arise when women earn more than men...
This situation is a mess. Very entitled couple that clearly do not appreciate what they have. People would kill to be in their position at that age. Count your blessings people!
I love how I can look into the mirror and see what my life would be like if I made more money and didn't change my habits.
I make double their income and spend 20% of their travel expenses. We live on one income and have 3 kids. This couple should be grateful they dont make more income because they most likely would make even more unwise financial decisions that would cripple them
Your rocket money ad had “sponsored by delete me”
Paul, start your own business. Now is the time - you’ll get married, have kids and the window will pass.
The expected value of that is nowhere close to just getting a solid career/9-5.
@@jimgold2550 The cost of regret will far exceed the potential wages lost. Rather than spend 80k on a wedding, invest 80k in himself and his business - the ROI on that is incalculable.
When you’re rich but your friends are richer so then you try to look as rich as they are and then you feel poor.
Exactly
"relative poverty"
That's why I look to myself and nobody else.
Pretty much.
When "keeping up with the Joneses" came up, I thought "You are your own Joneses and don't even notice!".
But here we see that more money doesn't solve all problems - or at least it doesn't feel that way for them.
He’s only been unemployed for a month and a half. Unemployment happens. There needs to be a plan for when that happens and how long each partner is comfortable carrying the financial load and how they will scale back as a couple during that time.
I thought they said it was much longer-
@@carolyna.869same. 6 weeks unemployed and already feeling financial pressure / relying on only one income makes we want to understand more about their situation. I don’t want to be judgemental with this couple so far 7:56
Laughed out loud at that. 1.5 ...... months.
@@carolyna.869 YEP it's only been a month... not very long. She should be willing to cut back and sacrifice especially that her partner quit for his mental being, not bc he is lazy. She is the problem to their finance.
Rewatching the episode-sounds like him quitting his job wasn’t planned or at least he didn’t tell her he was quitting his job. So there’s resentment from her from him not contributing any money to their current lifestyle. If they had at least planned ahead, maybe she would be less stressed. Another note maybe the dad is a multi-millionaire because he doesn’t try to keep with the joneses and lives below his means. I mean I would be stressed too if I was their dad, spending more money than what they make. Maybe she could take a lesson from her dad. She stresses about 3 dollar things while spends her money recklessly over clothes and travel. They easily could’ve been millionaires by now by investing more money but now they’re forced to take money from their retirement. Hopefully they’ll open their eyes to reality and realize they’ll drain their retirement and inheritance by keeping up with the joneses. She mentions falling into lifestyle creep but they’ve already fallen to lifestyle creep!
Stop normalizing these insane Instagram lifestyles!! True friends say, "NO, I can't afford it." True friendships and relationships can be enjoyed without having to spend a fortune!
You said it right there, "true friends". They probably don't have true friends.
Social media is so bad for most peoples finances. It's all about comparing lifestyles.
Social climbing/networking.
@@fpm8338 I feel this is really american. A friend of mine left for New York 5 years ago and he said recently he can't find people to have a real bond with there like he did with our group of friends here. He makes a ton of money. I don't envy him because having a shit ton of money is not an end goal for me. Worst part is that I'm losing this very friend as well because he's become very moeny focused. He doesn't even realize our lifestyles have nothing in common anymore and sometimes says that we're his only true friends (the old group). When I talk with other member of the old group about it, they feel the same. Sad story.
@@cur244as bad as social media is, there’s no one to blame but one’s self. Letting others influence you and determine your livelihood shows how weak people’s values are. Who cares how others live. Things/objects are just temporary. Luxurious experiences lose their appeal after some marginal threshold.
As much as the situation they’re in can suck, someone who’s lived with a 10th of what one of them makes will hardly ever have sympathy for them.
When the inheritance bomb dropped hahahaaaa I KNEW IT
I would feel terrible to spend 150k of the 200k i inherited from my grandparents on a bullshit wedding. Just to maintain appearances. In my view thats the real issue not that someone inherited money.
Yup @53:59 they are fortunate to have grandparents who gave them over $200k! I can only imagine how much their parents got!
It sounds like she is planning on her parent's inheritance as well. She didn't admit it, but mentioned that they live in a multi-million dollar house. That would explain why she had no real interest in accumulating money.
Postpone the marriage a year and see if they can still stand each other. If so they can get married at Daddy's multi-million dollar house. But they don't even have kids - they don't need to do this. They don't seem aligned on anything. Looks like a disaster.
I love how you pick this with a straight face. Like you have your GOTCHA moment.
They said it was 25-30%. That means they personally put 400k$ into investments basically before 30.
I'm 34 eating pancakes for lunch on the floor of my new (rented) (furniture-less) studio apartment. I don't understand these people.
Love this comment
Pancakes sound so good right now 😂
Are you happy doing this?
To cheer you up: Chad from Nickelback started with noodles without butter while selling seafood to customers. Being where you are now doesn t mean that you'll stay in this position forever 🍀
@@kimberlyestrada6118 they were delicious
Her saying if she’s spending 50k on a wedding she’d rather not have a wedding is very telling. After hearing that I’m done
This shit is wild and so frustrating. They were just handed money via inheritance, she’s not even 30 and makes over $200k, they have over $600k net worth… and yet they are complaining because they have lots of other rich friends doing extravagant things constantly and they want to be doing the same. Come down to earth for a moment and realize your privilege and luck and how easy you will have it if you just stop living for others and appearances.
she doesn't think she's privileged, she thinks she's owed the highlife.
A friend of mine once told me that rich people don't consider themselves rich. They consider people making 3x what they earn rich. But it's a never ending cycle. Once you're at x3 you aime at former x9
@@saeedhossain6099when ur actively working to make money then ur not privileged. Yes she got an inheritance but if it’s 1/4 of the money that means they still save almost $400k based off the job she works daily that’s not privilege that is hard work
Sorry but she irritated me no end. Spoilt brat vibes with her dissing a $50K wedding as one she wouldn’t want? They’re both so shallow with their angst about not being able to keep up with the Jones’s. They’re the epitome of Status Anxiety, that brilliant book by Alain de Botton. 🙄
Good example of money doesn't buy happiness.
The frame of mind here is off. Money after a certain threshold cannot bring more happiness. Also, they’re in the top 1% or 0.1% of the world. To have money problems while one person is making as much as she does is quite unfathomable.
@@winsonliu1691It's really not unfathomable. People improve their lifestyle to match their income.
While money can't buy happiness beyond a certain level, income also can't outpace spending. Not having a good grasp on finances will result in anxiety around money even if there's plenty (on paper) to go around.
you need to be cautious when you run in a friend/family group that spend heavily on trips and weddings. The price of admission to that group is also spending. And if you don't keep up with them, you could be pushed to the side. People have to decide what is important to them.
Perfectly said.
I like the moment where Ramit humbled them and explained that they were living a 600-800k lifestyle. Despite them being high earners, they’re spending too much to keep up with the Joneses (just in a much more lucrative way than the average earner). They’re young and their income will only go up from here. But if they build a great foundation/investment portfolio now, they’ll set themselves up for life.
I don't get where he got that number. Based on their current spending, it is more like a $350-400k lifestyle. They are only at 125% spending; 145% spending if they increase their savings to 20%. That comes to $367k pre-tax income. That is compatible with the boyfriend's expected income once he finds a job.
I'm pretty sure it's from the guilt free spending number as a %. 7k per month is too high as a %. It would be more reasonable at 700k income.
They are young and 650k in investment already. Once he gets a job, they will be fine.
@@brianshulman6418 I'm in a roughly $400k yearly income household and have $6k per month in guilt free spending. My fixed costs are $10k and savings are $10k. That is what a $400k lifestyle looks like even for someone who is investing/saving 40% of their income. I could increase my guilt free spending to $7k by just reducing my savings percentage to 36%, which I probably will do next year when we plan to go to DisneyWorld.
@@brianshulman6418 $7k is 30% of a $400k household's take home income. If he gets a $150-200k job as he intends, they will have over $400k in annual income. So Ramit's own guideline of 20-35% would declare $7k in guilt-free spending reasonable for a $400k household.
He should run. She is impossible to please. $649k at 29 and she says "it should be double".
Honestly Maddie feels like a series of red flags. She could just work with Paul to cut back on spending for a bit and give him a chance to find a job that doesn’t deteriorate his mental health. They don’t have kids, their fixed costs are reasonable, just dial it back- it should be that easy. Instead she continues to spend and pressured Paul because resources are scarce. I’d run if I were him.
Same. She micromanages him about finding another job, yet she has no issue continuing to shop and travel. Def keeping up with others and don’t want to say “no” and feel left out.
He proposed then quit his job...its manipulative...he isnt going to run anywhere. He has her wrapped around his finger and is unbothered re finances. If they get pregnant he will be a stay at home dad
🚩 red flag on this one. They haven’t started a life together really and the 1st hurdle is about to take them out! No way would I have been okay with being micromanaged. However, I have to say she was confused why he didn’t have an exit strategy in place. That would have been wise.
@@CITIGIRL07 If you made zero and the micromanager made over 200k, I doubt you would leave.
@@ginjobiqueyou have some deep rooted issues if that’s what you got from this
One income isn’t the problem. 263k is literally plenty! This is an example of enough is never enough.
lol you didnt watch the whole episode. and if you did thats a myopic take lol
@@lowlowseesee I did watch it. I stated facts of 263k and lifestyle inflation. It’s natural.
I felt better after watching it like „Oh, even if you have this amount of money you still have the same behavioral issues as people who make way less". It shows HOW important the right mindset on money psychology is, so I took a lot away from Ramits comments on this couple (maybe that's why he shared it? The first impression is like yours: enough is never enough and he wants us to learn from the mistakes rich people do? I don't know, maybe something like that.)
They absolutely need to control their spending but I think, in this case, one income is still an issue.
I've personally experienced her situation but in reverse... from a household with a single six-figure income to a household with dual six-figure incomes.
It's a world of difference. Where we live, an annual household income of $250k means living very comfortably while a household income of $500k offers a life of endless abundance.
Crazy
It always amazes me when people don't follow up. A simple "thank you Ramit, you've given me alot to think about and I'm not sure what changes if any I'm going to make but I appreciate your time."
There so many other people that could have benefitted from a convo with Ramit that may have been passed up. The least people can do is show appreciation afterwards.
I think she was probably upset about the outcome of the podcast
she wants it all (and is stressed about it) and doesn't have all the money. and a third of their money is an inheritance. ugh. really insufferable.
@@dchen1586 probably at LEAST a third!
I rather not have a wedding was powerful .
I rather not have a wedding was powerful .
There’s no way the inheritance only made up 1/3 of their investments. They were investing 1-2k a month, that wouldn’t make up the other 450k given their ages and his now unemployment. I think they may be taking more credit than they’ve earned and haven’t factored in how much the inheritance has grown on its own.
Agreed! There is a ton of privilege
Agreed!
Well 2 points 1) I think they decreased the investment dollars once he left his job so now it’s only $1k per month. Especially because they keep talking about how aggressive they were investing and 2) if they were given $250k then compound interest is doing most of the work not the extra couple thousands they put in per month which would account for the amount they have
Honestly speaking, having LARGE WEDDINGS are just ridiculous. I get that people dream about it, and they go into it thinking like it'll be the best day of their lives, etc, etc. But if you really can't afford, then is it really worth it?
Do you really want to go into further debt because of it?
Do you really need to invite everyone!?
In today's society, there is just too much emphasis put into the idea of having a grand wedding. It's become a monetary black hole for most people.
Life would be much better if you have a simpler wedding, and instead spend the money on vacations, experiences and investments.
It's a crazy thing. My brother got married in a church and the reception was in the basement, with some finger food. We had a great time. Personally these huge weddings are an unnecessary flex.
Also - they claim to have so many friends, and that she loves to party, but how many of those friendships are based upon jet setting across the world and enjoying lavish vacations versus a honest-to-God friendship?
I was honestly so happy to get married during the first part of covid. It forced us to only have like 35 people. ONLY the people that really meant the world to us. We ended up spending about $9k. It was wonderful! Bought a house, in California, 4 months later.
Especially considering about 50% of marriages end in divorce. We need a culture change.
If they had a friend that was unable to attend their wedding due to a job loss, I'm sure they would understand. They should expect the same in return from their friends.
They probably don't want to admit to anyone that they're worried about money.
Yeah I can’t get through this one. She is stressing me the hell out.
Hypergamy and Briffault’s Law.
Women get married for “better and richer” not for worse and poorer. The reason it’s in the vows is because we struggle with it.
I saw a stat onetime that said a woman’s idea of an equal partner is a man that makes 50% more than them.
Applying that math, she’s pulling in $250k and she’s wanting her partner to pull in $375k+.
Before you ignore my point ask yourself if the shoe fits? What did Ramit say… you’re living a $600-$800k lifestyle which is exactly where she wants to be and how she is operating.
This guy trying to lock her down with an engagement/marriage and then resigning afterwards is suspect. Almost like he knew what the deal was going to be with her and he’s trying to leverage her into a commitment while then under delivering on his end.
It’s pretty apparent what she wants and what she expects and she’s a heavy hitter in her own right. This guy might just be out of his weight class. You can’t expect v12 performance out of a v6.
Nothing wrong with a v6, it will get the job done but if you expect it perform as a v12 you will be disappointed and the v6 will burnout trying to perform at a level it isn’t designed to.
If she wants v12 performance she should court a v12. A killer in his early 30s putting in 80 hour weeks (who won’t have time to travel) or a guy in his 40s that has already made it. The problem with those types of men is that they are very disagreeable and there’s very little room for negotiation. You’re either on their program or you’re out.
Likewise, a v6 shouldn’t try to be something it is not. He just needs to be candid about his goals and objectives and what he is willing to bring to the table. I get the sense that he’s trying to make her happy or hang onto her while she’s accelerating away from him in terms of her desires and expectations.
Better to have some introspection and be very candid about what the expectations are and what we’re willing to bring to the table.
It was said a couple of times but there is a big misalignment here that needs to be resolved.
Completely right. Hypergamy is one of the major reasons why men struggle on Ramit’s show. P.S: can you guess how many men is she comparing her boyfriend to in all these luxury weddings?
Men leave if their wife gets sick. It is a known statistic. red pill is one sided.
I agree. There is a huge misalignment here. He is comfortable not working. I was unemployed for a month once and it was very stressful.
He is burnt out, it is definitely not laziness. He needs to heal from the trauma that he went through. Micromanaging only leads to overwhelm
As someone going through this - YES! I’m dealing with burnout from the past year. I almost quit my job because of it. I decided not to because of finances (I don’t live with a partner that could carry me) and luckily my work slowed down but I definitely feel like I have some PTSD that is demotivating and I’m just plain exhausted.
The minute she said that she "checks in" with him constantly, all day, every day is sending major NAG flags. He said he needed a mental break....hmm maybe it wasn't just work that was dragging him down, and he just doesn't see it yet. Living with a fly buzzing in your ear will drive you crazy!
@@Britt4880I'm so sorry
@@creeper2054she’s making a ton of money, if the roles were reversed you wouldn’t be saying that. It’s not like he’s taking advantage of her and doesn’t have skills or a career. I’d rather he’d take a break than dig an early grave.
Yes but he’s living off of her not off his $$$. That’s troubling at this stage of the relationship.
This is a good example of how people with money can be just as foolish financially as those without. They’re in for a rude awakening if they have kids.
I don’t think we keep up with the Joneses to a ridiculous extent…
Says the couple loving paycheck to paycheck on $250k and thinking $120k for a wedding is okay. And a good chunk of their investments are from inheritance.
Agree, feels like the majority of their investments were from the inheritance and gains over time versus the $1-2k per month they contribute. Without the inheritance, their net worth and financial position is drastically different.
that was my exact reaction, I did not see the habits for that $627 000 portfolio, if they got a third $209 000 and waited for 10 years they said spent working it would amount to $542k with an interest rate of 10%. They have zero % on savings and only $1000 for investments currently
I myself am not shaming them for having an inheritance and investing it. But be honest about why you have a good looking portfolio at such a young age.
People who can’t afford to live on a quarter of a million dollars a year (it was higher before he quit his job) while investing nothing need a reality check. I’m glad Ramit provided them one.
she said: id rather not have a wedding than have a 50k wedding 😂
These situations are always so sad. Sacrificing peace and stability for more material things is not worth it.
While I understand that we are all influenced by our peers, being an adult means that you need to be realistic with what you can and can't afford.
Him being out of a job for A SINGLE MONTH shouldn't cause this level of stress at their income levels (they aren't worried about being homeless or losing health insurance, they are worried about taking less trips and having to downsize their wedding).
Like the saying goes, tell me what your problems are and ill tell you who you are...
Also extremely sad to hear that if she couldn't have her dream wedding she didn't want it.
Fellow American living in London. Why do they even have a car payment? The tube, taxis/ubers and renting cars for day trips periodically is way more affordable and sanity saving. With that rent they should be living near a tube line for a 1-2 bedroom even with our bonkers rental market.
I think it's part of Keeping up with the Jonses Ramit mentioned
@@oluchinwagboso7996No doubt.
So the issue here I think is that she is not willing to support him, emotionally and financially for her prospective husband when he is down. They are not even married yet and this is already occurring. You are in the honeymoon phase, but her actions are not promising. If the roles were reversed and he is doing what she is doing the wedding would be called off.
From my personal situation, when my wife was mistreated at work, I told her immediately to quit her job if that's what she wants. I cared more about honoring my wife than money. I personally feel if things are reversed, my wife would say the same thing even though her income would not be able to keep us afloat. At least she would be supportive emotionally, and try to make sacrifices where she could.
I personally feel that type of loyalty is what counts when looking for a partner.
I do however understand the insecurity part when there's a single income and your wife and child counts on your income, but that's the normal state for any man worth their salt.
I have always told my partner if they were unhappy at a job "quit, life is short". I have zero issue supporting my man for him to take a mental health break.
@@debbielockhart7762 wow amazing 💯
Yes!
Allow me to play devil's advocate for a moment. If the roles were reversed, how do you think she would react if he behaved this way towards her? She's revealing her true character before marriage. If you decide to proceed, consider reflecting on this video, as it may be indicative of what to expect in the future.
Wow, great point. The fact that Maddie did not come on and do a video is a tail tail to me as well.
To all y’all in the comments saying how “unrelatable” this is because of their high income and high net worth…LISTEN UP. This episode is you, just making more money. Ramit, Maddie, and Paul just gave you the gift of a crystal ball. Say it with me: how you manage, interact with, and feel about your money does NOT automatically change when you increase your income. Overspend now? Stressed now? If those issues go deeper than “I cannot afford my basic necessities”, THIS IS YOUR FUTURE WITH MORE MONEY.
Now go finish the episode, and then say thank you.
Excellent comment
Great explanation of relationship with money... people making less are happy and financially secure. So it's 100% relatable. I have seen low income earners retire early or who will retire a millionaire. They save and invest and live frugally..I doubt they will overspend now even if they are millionaires now even if they probably can afford.
I see a lot of scoffing at how unrelatable it is to not be able to decline expensive trips to Ibiza. I agree...Facing up to peer pressure just requires you to suck it up to admit to your cool friends that you're too broke to join them. I've had to get through these situations a few times myself... Oh, wait. No, I haven't because nobody invited me to Ibiza! So maybe take a step back before judging problems we don't have.
@@aongaaongyou missed the point of the comment
Maybe you didn’t receive an invitation to Ibiza or don’t have a partner who recently left their job. Maybe their income ranges are worlds apart from you, whether it’s you earning more than them or way less than them.
But have you not experienced moments where your friends asked you to go out, have a dinner, a city trip or attending an event that you, in hindsight, couldn’t afford but didn’t want to decline in fear of missing out? Have you joined a hobby or activity with your friends that ended up costing you quite a bit when you weren’t in a financial situation to do so?
Many people struggle with the fine line of being frugal (if not cheap) and keeping up with their social network, while they might not (financially) be able to sustain it.
Sometimes it really is an art to balance your spendings between the people/things you think are worth paying for and to say no every so often