Bert talking about how he can’t control any of his addictions and how early he starts drinking, even though everyone in his family dies at his age - straight to a life insurance ad. Lmao. Amazing.
I'm no therapist but it seems like Bert has spent his entire life running from something. That's why he can never take a full break from the substances. He also lacks the self awareness to deal with whatever drives him away from reality. I still find him very entertaining but it's kinda sad what we're witnessing.
"Nice of bert to put on a clean shirt for this podcast" Gotta love Bert, he so doesn't give a fcuk, has zero filter and drinks so much beer that he's an honorary Aussie.
Bert gets upset that his daughters don't find him an inspiration as a parent and then instantly goes on a rant about how stupid it is that his daughter is reading a book that he hasn't heard of. Also *"nobody is reading a book about Pattie Smith"* wtf are you on about
To be fair, they're pretty gross. Maybe no one's touched them yet. There's also the knowledge that if you date them eventually you're gonna have to hang out with Barf.
@@777DrichardI was thinking the same thing, but look at how his head and arms are creating an impression on the couch.. it looks like it’s just his legs lol
I never had any social media. I dont pist about my life online. I just live it. Unless you count YT as social media, which i dont. Im just here watching comedians, shorts etc but i dont post. Well, i did allow myself to get "harrassed" into making a FB account. My family is spread across my home country from w3st coast to east coast, and its tricky to get everyone together. So we all have FB accounts to share pictures of our kids and to keep in tough and up to date on hiw everyone is doing. You can set up uour privacy so strangers cant see you and so only family memebers can see, copy, or print off the photos you upload. That way Granny out east can print off all the pics of her grankids that her little heart desires. Any family member that likes to post toxic stuff, like political garbage, woke bs, or fake af "lifestyle" $$$$ posts, you can just unfollow and their posts dont show up in your feed. The only think i post are pics of my family as it grows up, or the kids reach milestones, or cute pics of the fam/kids. So it feels more like a family chat page then social media. Truthfully though, im rarely on it. I can take a pic and share it from my gallery without ever having to actually go on the site. I've never done Snapchat, Instagram, etc. The longer this internet experiment goes on the worse our society seems to get. Its like putting a nitrous boost on the worst parts of human evolution. The old news adage "If it bleeds, it leads." is even more true on social media. Rage is so easy to use to farm engagement and it takes no talent whatsoever. It seems to magnify the worst in humanity and its very useful tool for nations to use against each other, for social engineering to be done on the population, and its basically a new battle ground for war to be fought on. We have cold wars, hot wars, and now we have new generation warfare which prioritizes psychological and people-centered aspects as opposed to traditional military concerns which emphasizes a phased approach of non-military influence such that armed conflict, if it arises, is much less costly in human or economic terms for the aggressor than it otherwise would be.
After the cringey stories of special treatment at the airport, we finally get some pure, uncut 2 Bears just the way we like it, when Bertrand tells stories he's not supposed to tell about Whitney Cummings and Lee Ann...and Tom mugs in disbelief, throwing tiny jabs at an oblivious but loveable man baby. Chef's kiss.
Listening to tom talk about his two boys honestly makes me so happy because my fucking two are exactly the same and im glad i aint the only one whos going through it😂
I love the conversation about how Bort only wears $200 t-shirts while he has a giant stain on the front. TBF, if I bought a $200 shirt, I'd wear it torn in half but I'm also a poor.
Burt, attempting to back track how surprised he was. That YG was reading a book to his kid and how "weird that was to him" was my favorite part. 🤣 Tom tried making him explain his real thoughts! 🤣 ( Starting @ 48:00 )
Hawaii is not "literal paradise" certainly beautiful, but after u've been a few times it just becomes an expensive beach were people want $50 tips just for holding a door open.
I dunno how well this “Toms kids being funny” will age, 100% raising serial killers. I remember more than one comic mentioning Toms serial killer qualities.
Literally every story I've ever heard of Toms kids(from the parents) have made me think "I feel bad for other parents who's kids are in their classes". They've always sounded like little menaces
16 when they start to drive......then it quits being funny and becomes a HUGE liability. Lose everything you own cause your kid cracked up a 1200hp Porsche on the LA freeway......
@@philhendrie100 Yeah most of the time its funny, but I remember him and tina both laughing at the memory of the boys 'play' assaulting some friend of theirs and them just going 'This is boys, dude!' if you get through it and they like you, then you're cool. Our boys don't take any shit from anyone, it's great etc etc.... Who knows though. They're probably playing the stories up and exaggerating them for laughs. Shouldn't really pass judgement when everything we know comes second hand from people who tell stories for a living.
@@davidhughes8795 yep, for the most part I find the stories about his kids funny, and I agree there is probably some exaggeration to make the stories funnier. At the very least theyll get interviewed later about how their childhood with a serial killer father, and his narcissistic best mate bort,messed them up . 😉
The old ticker loves it when you tell it to slow down and speed up at the same time. Much love and support to K and Tom. Sending healing boob vibes your way.
30:44 😢 it goes by too fast. I remember when my boys were younger they were walking up the basement stairs a couple days ago they are going into 6th grade and high school now we were walking up the stairs and I looked up at them and they look back at me and I started to cry😢 I remembered them being little and help up the stairs. Time waits for no one ❤️
Realllly good green screen work, no bullshit. I'm an editor, and the lighting and sync with their voices is great and seamless. Kudos to the creatives bts
Christineth has been saying for years how much of a psychopath Tom is. He even threw her down the stairs just for fun so its zero surprise to me if that trickles down to those little poopheads.
Sweet of Bert to work so hard to carry the show. Tom looks & sounds thoroughly exhausted ( and possibly sick). Cancer within a family can be horrific on everybody. You must take care of yourself so you can take care of the diagnosed patient. Caregivers can burn out, get sick, & become non-functional quickly. Take care of yourself.
I clicked on it hoping for some good ghost stories, and I ended up listening to all of them. The stories were really enjoyable. These are not these text to speech videos.
Bert’s laugh has nothing to do with how funny something is. It has everything to do with him remembering the amount of wealth and hedonistic freedom he has.
I live around 4 to 5 hours from Austin and I hope someday I'll get to visit The Mother Ship and see you two along with some other of my favorite Comedians! ❤
My favourite stories are Tom’s kids stories as most love, however how quickly we glance over the fact Tom is casually raising two little serial killers is crazy lol
Everytime Bert comes back he is clean off something, but back on the other thing. 😅
And somehow he’s more red
Whatever he is back on, it looks like he dropped half of it on his shirt
It's like addiction hopscotch
@@jordanmartin6487To be fair this time he was in Hawaii.
Trans?
Might be a good time for the FBI to start a profile on Tom's kids...
😂😂😂😂
As soon as they start hurting animals, they'll go on the list.
@@clicheguevara5282exactly what the boys “mine craft” tools where for 😂
Noooo the FIB only does that for poors!
😂
bert not smoking weed in front of his kids but spending most his time with them drunk is funny as fuck might as well just smoke at that point lol
😂tub k
Weed is better than booze to normalize
Yeah weed usually doesnt make you beat your wife or children
I love that Bart is at home where all of his clothes are... and yet he chose to wear a shirt with a huge stain on it.
Burt bought a house where he remodeled it to shoot bertcast and something’s burning. And that is where all his employees work too
@@chasemetzger6347 I guarantee he had a clean shirt there...
Does Bart even own a clean shirt. I highly doubt it
He said that he was drooling.
@@patelien fair point... but he probably has boxes of merch shirts he's never worn in that house.
Would rather watch Tom interview his kids
But youre still watching..
Tosh just interviewed his son
I bet you would...
Yeah Im sure you would "user"
That's why it's in title.. his kids stories are only thing getting positive comments on YMH nowadays
Bert talking about how he can’t control any of his addictions and how early he starts drinking, even though everyone in his family dies at his age - straight to a life insurance ad. Lmao. Amazing.
I'm no therapist but it seems like Bert has spent his entire life running from something. That's why he can never take a full break from the substances. He also lacks the self awareness to deal with whatever drives him away from reality. I still find him very entertaining but it's kinda sad what we're witnessing.
It’s his wife’s family, but ya…
I'm sure the ad was placed there on purpose lol
Idk man miracles like that are so rare.
He's the kind of guy who thinks about his funeral a lot...he would be so pissed if they didn't mention in his eulogy that he was alfa tau omega at fsu
Nice of bert to put on a clean shirt for this podcast 😂
"Nice of bert to put on a clean shirt for this podcast"
Gotta love Bert, he so doesn't give a fcuk, has zero filter and drinks so much beer that he's an honorary Aussie.
@@GreenIslandWoodworks honorary Canuck as well!
I was looking for something about the shirt and this comment def exceeded what I thought of
Bert gives me confidence that I’ll live past 40
bert is the exception not the rule, by no fault of his own, he will end up outliving all his comedic peers, he’s just lucky like that
I am of very average intelligence... but Bert gives me a false sense of higher intellect
When Bert starts laughing my dog looks at me and tilts his head lol
It wakes my cat up too
My 10 month old Golden Retriever did the same thing. 10 year old German Shepherd/Pit mix had zero reaction lol!
Lmaooo same my puppy was confused 😂
They’re scared
I have to turn down podcast, his laugh can be too much at times
Tom’s boys are the next Menendez brothers
They are going to dec@p!tate Tom and Christine in their sleep one day. Like fr.
Hahahahahahahaha
Love how Tom basically interviews Bert every show
Bert gets upset that his daughters don't find him an inspiration as a parent and then instantly goes on a rant about how stupid it is that his daughter is reading a book that he hasn't heard of. Also *"nobody is reading a book about Pattie Smith"* wtf are you on about
You’re on a narrative that implies Bruce Kershner being extremely simple minded………………. 💀
Classic Bert 😂
Patti, but yeah your point stands
lol at bert thinking his adult daughters are virgins tho, bless his heart
Seriously, Ila has probably been finger blasting chicks since middle school
To be fair, they're pretty gross. Maybe no one's touched them yet. There's also the knowledge that if you date them eventually you're gonna have to hang out with Barf.
😂 Tom's probably thinking naa bro I went round the other day
@@iandbobert6368why are you here dude? Hating is your hobby? What a loser.
@@dannykeeler4018 ew
Anyone else notice Tom looks like he's AI'd in. His legs look photoshopped lmao.
Is bugging me so much! Whats going on with Tom?
@@purplepastiche is probably at his home studio in front of a green screen. Maybe
@@777Drichard100%
Yeah I was hoping others noticed. there are no shadows from his legs/feet onto the rug/couch/floor.
@@777DrichardI was thinking the same thing, but look at how his head and arms are creating an impression on the couch.. it looks like it’s just his legs lol
Does Barf really think Zyns are causing the shakes instead of all the alcohol?
That’s Bart for ya. 😂
Nah homie zyns give me the shakes too and I barley drink
Any reason to keep the booze party going.
He can’t be that dumb
@@cowmilk6153 If zyns gives you shakes maybe you should get checked out by a doctor because that sounds like another issue entirely. Just like Bert.
Bert woke up in the morning feeling like shit? Sshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhocking
Wake up in the morning Not feeling like pDiddy at least
Tim and Christine raising a couple of little rebellious rascals? Who would have thought 😅
Are you using “rascals” in the same way that Tim does when he’s referring to undeniably despicable people? Haha
A couple serial killers in the making.
@@SuperBrentendo89just a couple of knuckleheads
I'm 34. Deleted all social media over a year ago. The amount of time and self-esteem you gain back is truly incredible.
Looks like you're on a form of social media right now... genius.
Hahaha yet your on leaving comments on a dying podcast... I bet your reading these comments as well 😂😂😂
I never had any social media. I dont pist about my life online. I just live it. Unless you count YT as social media, which i dont. Im just here watching comedians, shorts etc but i dont post.
Well, i did allow myself to get "harrassed" into making a FB account. My family is spread across my home country from w3st coast to east coast, and its tricky to get everyone together. So we all have FB accounts to share pictures of our kids and to keep in tough and up to date on hiw everyone is doing. You can set up uour privacy so strangers cant see you and so only family memebers can see, copy, or print off the photos you upload. That way Granny out east can print off all the pics of her grankids that her little heart desires. Any family member that likes to post toxic stuff, like political garbage, woke bs, or fake af "lifestyle" $$$$ posts, you can just unfollow and their posts dont show up in your feed. The only think i post are pics of my family as it grows up, or the kids reach milestones, or cute pics of the fam/kids. So it feels more like a family chat page then social media. Truthfully though, im rarely on it. I can take a pic and share it from my gallery without ever having to actually go on the site. I've never done Snapchat, Instagram, etc. The longer this internet experiment goes on the worse our society seems to get. Its like putting a nitrous boost on the worst parts of human evolution. The old news adage "If it bleeds, it leads." is even more true on social media. Rage is so easy to use to farm engagement and it takes no talent whatsoever. It seems to magnify the worst in humanity and its very useful tool for nations to use against each other, for social engineering to be done on the population, and its basically a new battle ground for war to be fought on. We have cold wars, hot wars, and now we have new generation warfare which prioritizes psychological and people-centered aspects as opposed to traditional military concerns which emphasizes a phased approach of non-military influence such that armed conflict, if it arises, is much less costly in human or economic terms for the aggressor than it otherwise would be.
@@Zombiekillers1888 he’s been off social media so long he hasn’t realized nobody likes Tom and Bert anymore
6:25 Tom's shoes make the carpet look cgi... but then you see Bert's feet. Now im thinking Tom's legs are cgi, lol😂
at 54:02 the shadow of his feet is clearly green screen
This is so weird. 😂
Wait what is happening?? I'm so confused
25 seconds in and I’m hearing a dying dolphin
😂😂😂😂 more like a manatee
And adter that, 10 mins of nicotine advert
25 seconds in and you're already complaining like a twat
How did bert go from "I used to drive the sober taxi in college and chauffeur drunk black chicks" to "I didn't know black people got drunk in college"
Bert has holes in his brain from 40 years of boozing
The black chicks he was chauffeuring were $ex workers. They're doing that work because they have substance issues
Dont forget, Bert was "Gater" back in the day. Will Ferrell stole that idea from him too lmfao
To be fair, he was in college for 7 years, he's essentially talking about 2 entire college experiences back to back. 😂
Because it's bert...
I loved when they were talking about bert's $195 t-shirt and that has had a stain on it the whole episode LOL
Bert and his wheezing are back. see ya'll next time there's a guest host with Tom.
The fact toms son had a dream like that with all the fucked up stuff Tom watches or enjoys is scarily hilarious hahaha
"I can't imagine wanting to read something, it's so weird." Maybe the most Bart thing ever!😂
Once again, tuning out at 8:10. Thanks Burt, you are insufferable.
Same. Fucking same.
Don’t you mean Barf?
After the cringey stories of special treatment at the airport, we finally get some pure, uncut 2 Bears just the way we like it, when Bertrand tells stories he's not supposed to tell about Whitney Cummings and Lee Ann...and Tom mugs in disbelief, throwing tiny jabs at an oblivious but loveable man baby. Chef's kiss.
Listening to tom talk about his two boys honestly makes me so happy because my fucking two are exactly the same and im glad i aint the only one whos going through it😂
Bro didn’t even stir his liquid IV. Just drank powder
I want to love this pod again.. and it’s very hard. They are getting less and less funny and weirder every episode
Theyre so out of touch. All consumerism.
Ur notta fan we geddit....shut up
First discussion was about living between their mansions😂
Money does change people, but the ego coming along with it rarely gives folks remorse
@@loganprime00 ur notta fan...we geddit...hush
@@inwardpod hilarious if u think u ever watched them at ONE POINT cuz u related to their wealth🫵😅
Back to Bert lying about everything
You don’t have to watch bro.
It's called a Bertism. Alcohol abuse disorder does come with some thumbs down.
That Cuban Cigar story didn't happen.
@TylerDelaneyReed but he can AND he can comment so here we are. Bert stinks 😂
@@evfields24I get it, but Bert is far more successful than any of these poors that are commenting so…🤷🏽♂️
I love Mondays. 2bears, you be trippin, we might be drunk, bad friends … thanks fellas !
I actually like how relaxed Bert is when he is at his studio
Tom's kids stories are my actual favorite. I keep looking for one where his kid calls him "Snake." It had me dying.
Episode 598 21:32
@@jarredfugleberg3994 Dude...how? Lmao thank you so much.
@@jarredfugleberg3994 No that wasn't it. I think it was on Two Bears.
I died with "Parking Lot"
@@clintonleonard5187 hahahahahahahaha
Tom’s got a little Dexter for a son lmao
Love listening to the two bears when they are just shooting the breeze and Tom is following Bert's lead going down the rabbit hole of conversation
I love the conversation about how Bort only wears $200 t-shirts while he has a giant stain on the front. TBF, if I bought a $200 shirt, I'd wear it torn in half but I'm also a poor.
Ya tom stole his shirt off some poor in LA
He could tye dye it
the quickness of Tom's, "Coke?" response had me rolling 🤣
The flatbread over flatbed killed me 😂
Burt, attempting to back track how surprised he was. That YG was reading a book to his kid and how "weird that was to him" was my favorite part. 🤣 Tom tried making him explain his real thoughts! 🤣 ( Starting @ 48:00 )
Still processing the fact that he said he was bored in HAWAII. You’re in literal paradise and 18 hours of screen time??
Hawaii is not "literal paradise" certainly beautiful, but after u've been a few times it just becomes an expensive beach were people want $50 tips just for holding a door open.
@@verakoo6187 Regardless, he went there for a reason and spent most of the time on his phone. Baffling to me.
@@Unity1975rich guy stuff
This pod is just guiding Bert through his never ending midlife crisis
Why does Tom look superimposed in that studio? Are they even in the same room?
Just his legs.
"No one has ever read this book" about one of the most popular and critically acclaimed biographies of the 21st century
I dunno how well this “Toms kids being funny” will age, 100% raising serial killers.
I remember more than one comic mentioning Toms serial killer qualities.
Literally every story I've ever heard of Toms kids(from the parents) have made me think "I feel bad for other parents who's kids are in their classes". They've always sounded like little menaces
The Garth bodies thing
Takes one to know one
16 when they start to drive......then it quits being funny and becomes a HUGE liability. Lose everything you own cause your kid cracked up a 1200hp Porsche on the LA freeway......
@@philhendrie100 Yeah most of the time its funny, but I remember him and tina both laughing at the memory of the boys 'play' assaulting some friend of theirs and them just going 'This is boys, dude!' if you get through it and they like you, then you're cool. Our boys don't take any shit from anyone, it's great etc etc....
Who knows though. They're probably playing the stories up and exaggerating them for laughs. Shouldn't really pass judgement when everything we know comes second hand from people who tell stories for a living.
@@davidhughes8795 yep, for the most part I find the stories about his kids funny, and I agree there is probably some exaggeration to make the stories funnier.
At the very least theyll get interviewed later about how their childhood with a serial killer father, and his narcissistic best mate bort,messed them up . 😉
The old ticker loves it when you tell it to slow down and speed up at the same time. Much love and support to K and Tom. Sending healing boob vibes your way.
Bert's YG story sounds like a much better script for the last house party movie..😂😂😂
Bert not understanding his daughter is smarter than him by 100 million miles is hilarious.
Hey Bert, it’s because 50 in rural Georgia is a much harder life than 60 in LA.
Also being rich miiiiight have something to do with it...
@@lostagain7292rigjt?! Like it’s pretty fucking obvious
30:44 😢 it goes by too fast. I remember when my boys were younger they were walking up the basement stairs a couple days ago they are going into 6th grade and high school now we were walking up the stairs and I looked up at them and they look back at me and I started to cry😢 I remembered them being little and help up the stairs. Time waits for no one ❤️
Oh great….Bert talking for an hour straight and tom talking for 13 mins. Cool beans.
Tom's face at 9:28 said so much to us. 😂
So Happy the 2Bears are together ❤️ Missed listening to them together on this podcast 🐻🐻
Realllly good green screen work, no bullshit. I'm an editor, and the lighting and sync with their voices is great and seamless. Kudos to the creatives bts
psychopathy is hereditary 😂 I’m starting to wonder what goes through Tom’s head 😳😂
Christineth has been saying for years how much of a psychopath Tom is. He even threw her down the stairs just for fun so its zero surprise to me if that trickles down to those little poopheads.
Nice to see both of these guys speed-running the end of their careers. Right around the corner!
"I can do read" -Bert Kreischer
James Michener was an excellent author. The books are not short. I can't stop staring at the stain on Bert's shirt. Thanks as always Bears.
Bert squeeling 25 seconds in. Like nails on a chalkboard f yeah
Dont listen then? But you still will, thats how empty your life is.
@@patch1erhi Bert 😂
@@patch1ersure, because people can’t criticize things they like???
Bert saying “I can do reading” is amazing
Look at Toms show on the carpet, he looks photo shopped in 😂
With the Cesar Chavez - Julio Cesar Chavez debacle, oh how I wish I could've gone to school with Bert and listened to his oral reports.
Sweet of Bert to work so hard to carry the show. Tom looks & sounds thoroughly exhausted ( and possibly sick). Cancer within a family can be horrific on everybody.
You must take care of yourself so you can take care of the diagnosed patient. Caregivers can burn out, get sick, & become non-functional quickly.
Take care of yourself.
Patty Smeyth 😂 And a book that nobody reads.... Oh Bert... 😂😂😂
The need to put Toms kids on a watchlist 😂
Love the "Poors" haha Tom cracks me up
I clicked on it hoping for some good ghost stories, and I ended up listening to all of them. The stories were really enjoyable. These are not these text to speech videos.
+++
I love these episodes. You guys help me get through my day. Thanks. Screw the haters
I'm just here to call Brett an alcoholic and laugh at him
So your life is complete shit? Hope things turn around bud.
“Looks like a Carnival cruise” 😂 Thanks Tom - Sprayed my whole laptop with coffee.
I’m getting legit worried about Tom’s kids 😂
1:06:07 😂 We Get It! You both are rich AF! 🤣 I Will Always Use a Washcloth! 😂 wait that means I'll always be... damit
Bert just got 2 custom agents fired in Canada.
Bert’s blood pressure is higher than Joey Diaz. You can actually see it when he laughs. Like his tubby head is gonna pop.
Saw them yesterday at a Oso's signing. So nice and generous with there time. Great to see you guys! Thanks for the autograph and pictures!
Bert laughs like a dolphin
Nicotine withdrawal will bring out the worst you. Ive definitely thought about death but its not mine.
Try heroin bud
Bert’s brain immediately going to food when telling a story is amazing
Tom segura just put his 6 year old son on a school shooter list.
Burnt's face is so goddamn red...no way his blood pressure is below 225/350😂😂😂
Bert talking about his family is 10/10 standup material
A compliment for bert? Here come the haters.
Yes esp how his “dyslexia” stopped him from ready childrens books to his kids- that’s right people with dyslexia are shit parents / so funny
i love how burt is discovering the book genra Historical-Fiction lmao
Easy to fit 12 Zyns when you have a decaying mouth 💀
That doesn't make any sense lmao. If ur mouth was decaying u'd have less space not more.
The life insurance ad was placed hilariously
Bert’s laugh has nothing to do with how funny something is. It has everything to do with him remembering the amount of wealth and hedonistic freedom he has.
I'm glad you bought all the Liquid IV so no one else can buy it because you didn't prepare for your trip... classic Bert
Send a nurse in to clean Bert's shirt. He wasn't healthy enough for this episode. Too early.
Bert thinking that being able to read out loud is an impressive skill is so on brand 😂❤
As an alcoholic, Bert needs help. If he thinks anyone goes to college, to not drink. Sending hops and yeast to the big dummy.
Tom’s look at 9:28 is awesome lmao
But the first episode they did Zyn they said it was fine for you. Who woulda thought.
The one time I wanted to hear what Burt had to say? Two ads. Burt, sickle cell, and diaz, may as well just started laughing.
Berts still alive? 😮
you should say it like; ‘dammit, Bert’s still alive?!?’
He's a machine...he'll never die.
He'll outlive everyone and convince thousands more to die from his lifestyle. It's Satans plan.
I live around 4 to 5 hours from Austin and
I hope someday I'll get to visit The Mother Ship and see you two along with some other of my favorite Comedians!
❤
Bart with the crusty, leftover snot-rocket on his shirt
Bert makes the Pearse shirt his own with the HUGE STAIN ON THE CHEST!😂😂😂
WE LOVE TOMS PHYSCO KIDS!!!
My favourite stories are Tom’s kids stories as most love, however how quickly we glance over the fact Tom is casually raising two little serial killers is crazy lol
Bert's kids both have more bodies than him lol
Bert has got to be one of the most shallow people. Love his take on books. I also enjoy how he said he reads. Pretty sure he just listens to them.