Dr. Tom LaHue thank you so much for this. As a 3 that has masqueraded as a 7 all my life I’ve always felt confused on who I was. Listening to you speak about the true inner fears of always not being enough brought tears to my eyes. It’s so hard to know who you are when you’re so busy being everyone but yourself. This is a very helpful step, especially for someone like me who is struggling with depression due to not achieving things in my life right now. Thank you so much for making this available and please do a podcast and webinars and coaching.
As a three, the greatest feeling for me is helping others succeed by providing training and resources. Watching an event go off well because we have prepared together is the best! Periodically I will check my motivations and make sure i don't just want the team to succeed because it makes me look good. but deep down...im so stinking proud of them LOL
I’m a 3w4 and earlier today I was literally thinking about how I simultaneously want to pursue higher up positions and stay in my current position because I love it. It really is an internal battle, like you were saying.
"You're not running toward something, you're running away from something" - this resonated with me so much as a 3w4. I feel like I am constantly running, doing, striving, but never satisfied with where I end up. And any time I get any whiff of possible failure where I am, my impulse is to run again. Because that is really why I am running. I am running AWAY from failure instead of toward any sort of real or authentic dream for myself or my world.
I like your approach, almost like your targeting the 3s depressive side and suicidal ideations from feeling worthless, thank you for giving me this worthwhile advice on being worthy.
I’m a 3w4 INTJ, and my mother is a 3w2 ENFJ. We seem so incredibly different on the outside, but as she predicted, we’re motivated by very similar things.
I'm so curious, what is it like as a 3w4 intj? I've always wanted to know the perspective of a 3w4, and a lot of the people closest to me are intj's, including my mother, so I had to jump on the opportunity to know the perspective of someone who's both a 3w4 and an intj combined hahaha. I'm a 3w2 and an enfp, personally.
Hahaha, oh my goodness. See, that's such a type 3 thing to say. It's so crazy being an enfp and a type 3 because, while, as an enfp, I would consider myself pretty easygoing and willing to explore lots of things and be part of lots of things, even if I'm not the best at them, as a type 3, I have to...have my special distinction in everything I do, I guess you could say. For example, if I'm in a choir, even if I'm not the designated leader of my voice part, I'm still going to be the one who knows my music quicker than others and ultimately even the one the designated leader relies on to know what they're doing (ahem, that might have been an anecdote). Anyway, all that is to say I have a real admiration for type 3's like you. I can't imagine what it must be like to have such an all or nothing attitude toward doing things.
LOLOL! He said, "What would happen if..." and my brain literally said, "I don't want to know. We're not finding out today!" I'm listening to this while working on a Sunday. The day after my 11th wedding anniversary. So, I guess I needed this. I've been commenting on all your videos, but I think I've figured out where I land. I took this test that gave like, percentages of all your types, and my top 2 were 3w2 and 7w8. I feel like those two add together to equal: horribly self-absorbed person. I'm fine. It's fine. Everything's fine. X-D
My husbands a 3 and I’ve been trying to talk to him about the enneagram - within minutes -‘that’s great, how do you think you turn that into a product’ 😂🤣
Dr. Tom LaHue he identifies as self preservation- I think it’s hard for him to talk about how he feels about things without thinking it can have a physical manifestation:) thanks for the reply!
This sounds like something I would say. 😂 I'm a self-preservation 3 as well. I've really had to work on telling myself, "not every new hobby has to become a side hustle." 😂😂
As a 3w4,i agree with everything you said and you nailed it with the 3w4 internal conflict of success vs being authentic or liking nature.i love the beach but can't relax.
Dr. T on the money :) this has been a journey. Mom was bipolar alcoholic always on rehab; Dad a control-oriented codependent. He’s a straight-up 3, I’m 3w4 sp. I wasn’t seen as a person by them, they were obsessed with their own drama. Achievement was a way to develop the self they couldn’t reflect back. Gold leaf covered deep shame of neglect.
This is fantastic stuff. You are so on target with your explanation of the different numbers and wings. I have been trying to understand my husband for over a decade. He is a self preservation 3w4 and I am a sexual 7w6. He doesn't care to learn or to listen to anything about the Enneagram. I am trying to get him to retire (I have been retired from my 40 year nursing job for the past 4 years) and he just can't let the money go. He has finally achieved a position and making an amount of money that he never thought he would make. He has become miserable in this job because it has become so demanding and everyone around him wants something from him. He is exhausted. He still just just will not let go of this job and he is good at it. His boss constantly tells him they just don't know what they're going to do when he retires. I am going to try my darndest to get him to listen to this video because you explain it so well. Thank you for doing these videos.! They really help. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy and then listening to this shows that it all fits!
Thank you so much for this video. I'm a three, and this REALLY helped me understand further how I integrate my wings and what I need to work going forward.
I’m a 3w4 so tiring lol. Even today I said to myself - I don’t even WANT to do this anymore I’m doing it just to be amazing. So tiring. But when I try to be compassionate (2, so tough), I feel more human.
I like the way you decode Type 3. It's very clear and precise and gives me ideas on how a 3w4 can balance Wing 4 by reading up Type 2. Very spot on, I do struggle with my love for nature VS striving to achieve my goals corporately.
Well, good sir, I see your superior performance evaluation and raise you superior persuasive skills which will allow me to spin my performance evaluation in the best possible light (and perhaps do the opposite for you)! I guess this is why I started my own business...I don't always play well with others. LOL
Hey Tom! Love your stuff! You should put this up on a podcast. I looked for ya a minute ago and only saw your sermons. Podcast just makes it much easier to listen to on the go. Again, great stuff! Thanks.
Love your knowledge! I am a 3 and have always faced and explored my deep emotions over the years to work thru my trauma and heal. Almost sounded like you said all 3’s have trouble looking inward.
You can't just be a normal human nowadays (3w2). You need money to survive. So use the 3w4 to accomplish the financial goal and then 3w2 becomes the new norm. When you're able to turn it on and off and know what your real goals are, as a 3w4 would say, do whatever it takes to get there. Then sure, go back to a 3w2. Its a whole game really.
So, recently, my sister basically sat me down and made me retake the enneagram test because she seriously didn't agree with what I had identified myself as: 8w9. Before then, I had thought that I was a 4. This time, I came out as a 3w2, and honestly, I was kind of distraught because I have always associated 3s with shallowness and superficiality. I also regarded threes as VERY ordinary, which bothers me because I like to be different. Still, 3w2 makes a LOT of sense upon further research. So the question is, any other threes have a hard time accepting they were a three?
This was exactly me omg. I redid the test multiple times because I couldn't accept the fact that I'm a 3 and I feel it's because 3's have many characteristics that I despise. I hate the fact that I can be people pleasing and am so concerned about self image. After a while, I realised that I was just being unconsciously hypercritical about myself which is so in tune to 3w2's high achieving and needing-to-be-admired nature.
@@MegaENCHANCER Yesss!! I remember a friend putting it this way: If you cringed at the possibility of being any specific enneagram, that's likely you. This discovery has been very helpful in understanding myself a little better and I pray it will continue to do the same for you
The tests aren’t accurate. Gotta read through the material. It’s a lot to take in and difficult to understand at times. I’ve been trying to type myself for about 4 months now.
This is late, but yes me, haha. I always hate the type 3 sketches in enneagram comedies because they're always taking photos for Instagram, doing something tasteless just because it's trendy, or being involved in MLMs, none of which I want to be associated with 😂. I've thought I was a 5w4 and at one point possibly a 9w8. I probably have dozens of YT comments saying I'm a 5. My top results on the official enneagram test were 9, 5, and 3. Nothing ever felt fully accurate until I found type 3...those core motivations were like a dagger to the soul man lol.
Famous Threes I subscribe to on TH-cam and what I think their wings are: 3w2 - Markiplier and Mark Bowden, 3w4 - Marlene McCohen and Vi La Bianca (Vi La Bianca also self-types as a Three)
To think of it, if I peel myself to the core i dont have anything special, I just a normal person and erghh i feel so weird even thinking about it. I'm 3w2 btw
As a 3, I wonder what I would do if there was no achievement or tangible reward attached to anything I did... that's a very good question to think about. But can we really analyze ourselves separated from reality that way?
I love your videos! Please keep posting these kind of stuff. Can you also please make videos about Enneagram as childhood, what happened to them, what makes them who they are in adolescences?
....i might be crazy... but a 3w2s strengths sounds like a 5w4's kinda person 😊.... to all you 3s out there 5s are cool with your effective, assertive, competency you bring to the world. We need more 3s.
Not gonna lie, I have high goals and standards for myself. It feels terrible going through hell, but keep pushing it because its gonna be so damn worth it, to be able to do that on your own. (3w4)
Also you say 3s have a hard time looking in, I am 3 and all my life I have been doing nothing BUT looking in, searching for positive criticism, but I am also a numerology life path 1 as well as an ENFJ, being a 1 life path I am different than most and I am independent, and being an ENFJ i am an idealist organizer, driven to implement my vision of what is best for humanity. We often act as catalysts for human growth because of our ability to see potential in other people and our charisma in persuading others to their ideas. Enneagrams are only one of the subtype personality tests of many..
I'm an ENFP and I'm either a 3w2 or a 2w3 and I relate. My goal is to have a positive impact on the world. I like to bring people together and to connect people to resources that they need to help them be happier and more successful. However, I don't pursue people to give them unsolicited advice- I'm not overbearing. Type 2 gave me that vibe. Also, unlike what I have heard about 2's, I know myself. However, I am choosey about how much of me I disclose to others. I put the focus on other people.
This is so odd. I'm possibly slightly more 3w2 but I have definite shades of 3w4. It's like they all struggle with each other. I'm at a rough spot right now and was just thinking about it before I even realized what Enneagram types are (a couple of hours before this). I've been fervently researching and am usually really honest with myself about myself. My 2w is that I am very caring and want to help other people, my 4w is me absolutely wanting to do something that I love and is true to myself, and my 3 is fighting as well because I struggle with production and perfectionism. Crazy how on spot this can be with exactly where I am in my life. I've also identified that I have underlying OCD, co-dependency issues, and delayed sleep phase disorder. I'm a wreck haha. Love the video though! I'm going to watch more until I master all of this (That's what my brain says haha).
Hahaha oh my gosh when you were describing 3w4 with how torn you can be between your creative side and the goal side... It was like you have the little person in my head a voice 😳 I have this intense need to learn everything, become a pro at every single hobby and craft in the world, and know myself perfectly, but if I do all that will it change how people see me for the better or worse? Won't I be too much for people? So eye opening. Thank you.
How do you know when you're balanced? The 3w2 sounds similar to 7s and the 3w4 sounds like a 1. There are times when I look like a 7, but then there are times when I look a 1 (though I probably look like a 1 more often than a 7). I'm a perfectionist and tend to be career focused. I'm also pretty introverted and I totally understand the struggle between wanting to be authentic but also wanting to pursue more/higher achievements. However, I love helping people. I love to cheer them on and inspire them to go after their dreams/goals. When I join groups online, I always jump right in and try to answer people's questions or help them in any way I can even if I'm new to the group. Sometimes people are surprised when I say I'm an introvert, cause I can look extraverted at times. So I'm not sure how to tell when I've reached a good balance between my wings.
I think I'm also balanced. In the social scene, I look more like a 3w2/7w6, also probably because I'm an ENFJ so I want to be likeable and helpful. But when I work on my goals, I become a 3w4 with E1 qualities; I become very detailed, precise, and focused. But I think I really am a 3w4 because of my core motivations and focus in life. I don't want to appear serious in public, because it doesn't fit my ideal image that I want people to perceive me as. Specially because I'm an sx 3, 3w2 seems to be more desirable, and I tend to take on that image more since sx3 wants to be desirable more than anything. I scored high on E7 too, and I'm a 378, so I want to be seen as cool by my peers and not rigid. Some people might even think I'm undisciplined. But privately, with my work, I am hella rigid and perfectionistic. I prefer to work privately and find working with others inefficient and it feels like a compromise 😂 unless the project is not as important to me or it's something for the group/community than just for some goal. I tend to withdraw and work in isolation when I no longer feel like my authentic self aka when I can't be who I want to become-- I want to show who I truly am but the best version of it. What makes me a 3w4 and not a 3w2 is because my ideals come from within and I'm more about my own expectations than others'. My performance is only great if I think it is and not just if others think it is. I want their approval but I have the final say. They might say it's great already but I don't think so and would still strive to refine it until I find it excellent myself. People can say they don't want my career choice and think I should just change it, but if it's something I truly love, is personal to me, and I'm ultimately passionate about, their words is just noise. Anyways, what you said made a lot of sense. 🤍
Tom... You are so engaging about all things Enneagram. Thank you. As a seminary graduate myself, I can tell you are a fantastic pastor. God is speaking through you in all of this work. I would love to hear you preach! I visited your ministry website, only to find no spoken sermons by you. Did I miss something? Also, I would like very much to enroll in your enneagram courses, but three theological details stand between your possible beliefs -- as found on the church website -- and my enrollment. (Know that I am not shaming you. I still greatly respect you, your online ministry, and especially your openness and presentation style as you speak.) I am personally troubled by your church's stance on original sin, the patriarchal language from the church website, and the view that marriage is only blessed by God if it is between a man and woman. I just could not be in a class where the instructor thinks that I am "sinning" for just being who God created me to be; an openly gay and married husband. You constantly tell us 3's that we are worthy just as we are, but do you really mean everyone? That feels to me a bit hypocritical. (Again, the wing 4 in me is a truth-teller.) Other than that, again, thanks for your hard work here. I love hearing your take on the Enneagram. In God's love, Dr. Terry Scott
3W2 Here - Thank you for making the videos. I see that we should feel loved and valued just because we are but still I don't see how much weight we can put on it if we are not religious. Sure you have some value just existing like an animal or another object, however how much value? Like I guess we assess value on things based on what we would exchange or pay or how much it means to us. Something that does not work or causes more trouble than it is worth usually is valued " less". These are just the thoughts in my head. Also religion ( Christianity ) growing up taught me that I was fallen, sinful to feel shame due to sin but only because of the "work " and love .....Jesus did on the cross am I now of value to God being able to go to heaven with him. God would still "love' me but I would go to hell if I rejected Christ and his work on the cross. See how this can cause issues in the 3. If you love yourself and know you are worthy of love great but then what do you do with that? lol I did not mean to offend any Christians or the author in any way. Just some real authentic talk that was in my headspace.
What’s the difference between 3w4 and 4w3 like i struggle to find out which one i am. Like i fear failure like my worst nightmare is achieving nothing bcuz without achievements i feel worthless. The thing is as much status as i look for i’d never trade what i love for a higher status. Like i am an artist and creative and i want to be the best in that area. The thing is i fear not standing out and being like everyone else and so on...Like my MBTI is ISFP but i ain’t sure about enneagram
Im a 4W5 and dated a 3W2 in my early twenties. I was attracted to his extraversion and apparent self assurance. It ended up being a Very emotionally damaging relationship for me. He made me feel inadequate and wasn’t interested in my deep emotional needs. I was looking for a soulmate (of course!) and he was looking for an audience. He always had to be the star of the show. He wanted me to love him, but wasn’t offering to love me in return. He was shallow, and emotionally limited and withholding. It’s great to watch this video and understand more deeply just how unhealthy and insecure he really was. And to see how unhealthy I was that I tolerated that treatment! I’ve grown so much in my Four-ness in the decades since. I am finding balance between my wings, and so much self worth, meaning and richness in who I am. I’d run rings around that guy, and probably wouldn’t be interested in him, if I met him now. Having said that I wouldn’t date a 3 man again. Once was enough 🙄😂
At 21:01 when you said they can be more personal and relationship oriented, you were talking about the 3w4. Did you mean 3w2, or is it actually 3w4 who is more relationship oriented?
I have a question: what would be the difference between a 3 SEXUAL and a 3W2? By the way, I love your videos and I´m being inspired by them to start my own IG account in Brazil.
I've noticed it's limiting being a 3w2 in a professional environment. I feel like a pushover a lot of the time. What you said about 'making the team' really hit home. I'm glad that I have a way of finding balance by learning about the 4 wing. I scored very low there so must be very off keel. Also, I really like your format on TH-cam. It allows me to sit down more intentionally, slow down, and connect with what you are saying. Thank you for making this video.
if you are not attacking you are doing nothing and yes becoming useless. If you are useless why are you there. Your propose in life is accomplish things . Feelings are good and we all have them but feelings don't change the weather?
As an 8 i have really enjoyed the company of 3's as they can be alive and fun....but then i think..was that the real you or put on for the company we were in....none of them want to be alone with me and do not maintain contact....maybe i'm too much. But then I can see through the image and bullshit...so maybe they feel threatened....
You keep using a baby or a toddler as an example of someone with innate value without having to earn it. I don’t think that’s a great example because what they have is potential which is probably one of those most valuable assets. As we grow older we loose potential but hopefully gain wisdom and success in return. Employers are much more willing to hire a 25 year old idiot than a 35 year old idiot. I understand what you’re trying to say but, to me, the example doesn’t work. Side note: I’m a huge fan. I should probably lead with that. Your videos have been a tremendous help in my life. Stay present to life!
Super helpful video! Still not sure which one I would be. I know I am a SOLID 3, probably 3w4. Saw you went to LU! I went for 2 years in 2014 - before I had one of those moments of "am I doing this because it is what I want or because it is what is expected?" and stopped. So interested in diving deeper to see which wing I am for sure - any other resources you would recommend? I'm absolutely fascinated by this. Side note: You sound like Chris Harrison when you turn the speed up to 2x.
My boyfriend struggles with finding if he is a 3w2 or a 2w3. I am a 3w2, but I think that if he is also a 3, we probably have different subtypes. I am a self-preservation, and he is more of a sexual type. These are the two numbers he says he resonates with the most, but he's never really felt "called out" by the messages when I read the descriptors to him. Do you have any advice?
The sexual 3w2 can look extremely similar to the 2w3. I am a 3w2 with a sexual subtype, but at first I was very on the fence on whether I was a 3 or a 2
Yeah, hard pass on all that. No need to get too involved in the internal mess. I’ve had enough of that. Time to get back to work. It took me too many years to like myself and embrace it.
I just don't understand what wrong with a 3/4 . The more I watch this video the confused I am.. I just took this test with some church Friends and I am a 3. I think that nails me to a tee. The test showed also 3 wing 4. and then said 7/8 or 8/7 am I crazy indecisive or what?
Hey, is it possible for a type 3 to hold the image of a dead beat, delinquent or trouble maker? I know a dude who says he's type 3 in college who holds that image and also is super laid back.
If a Three suffers from ADHD, causing them to lack the self-discipline they aspire to, then I can imagine them instead leaning into being the BEST "cool guy/tough guy" or some other form of rebel.
You keep using the example that babies have value without reason or effort, but I would say I disagree. I think babies are valued for two reasons: 1. The possibility of future potential. 2. Physical appeal. Babies are cute, certainly, but eventually, cuteness fades through the years and you're left with a growing child. I think what we want to say, is that there is no need to earn value, because it is already given. However, we all have things we need to do accomplish and everyone has to offer something to the team of the family. Otherwise, other people have to work twice as hard to cover you. There's always going to be a weak link in every chain, stepping back objectively, what else could you call the one who has nothing to offer while the rest can offer everything? Ideally, a child shouldn't have to push twice as hard to be valued, but humans have expectations, and run on the belief that every effort will be repaid somehow. We hope that our child will become successful and can do a lot. Possibly even take care of us, and when we look at the child, they're rewarded with pride from the parents, validation, things that many people push for from others. Proof of the existence of this victory. Also yeah, as a 3w4, I've definitely gone through the push and pull of it. I'd jump on many jobs, without even considering if I would like them, I just looked at the pay and considered I could deal with it. Which in turn, however it turned out, I had to actually like the job, which to my surprise mattered, so I'd have to give up the job and search for more.- ENTP 3w4.
@@brooklinnratto8315 Ofcourse, but again, we hope for our children to find success and offer much to the world. Do you not believe that your child should do well? Also, again, if you gave birth to a demonic creature, do you still claim it as your child or scream in fear and get scared?
You should do a podcast
Because it would be so interesting
Thank you, I will definitely consider that.
Dr. Tom LaHue thank you so much for this. As a 3 that has masqueraded as a 7 all my life I’ve always felt confused on who I was. Listening to you speak about the true inner fears of always not being enough brought tears to my eyes. It’s so hard to know who you are when you’re so busy being everyone but yourself. This is a very helpful step, especially for someone like me who is struggling with depression due to not achieving things in my life right now. Thank you so much for making this available and please do a podcast and webinars and coaching.
Yes, he should
As a three, the greatest feeling for me is helping others succeed by providing training and resources. Watching an event go off well because we have prepared together is the best! Periodically I will check my motivations and make sure i don't just want the team to succeed because it makes me look good. but deep down...im so stinking proud of them LOL
15:42 he starts talking about the wings
Thanks
Thank YOU! This is a “3” video - get to thee point 🎉
I’m a 3w4 and earlier today I was literally thinking about how I simultaneously want to pursue higher up positions and stay in my current position because I love it. It really is an internal battle, like you were saying.
Thanks. Blessings.
"You're not running toward something, you're running away from something" - this resonated with me so much as a 3w4. I feel like I am constantly running, doing, striving, but never satisfied with where I end up. And any time I get any whiff of possible failure where I am, my impulse is to run again. Because that is really why I am running. I am running AWAY from failure instead of toward any sort of real or authentic dream for myself or my world.
I like your approach, almost like your targeting the 3s depressive side and suicidal ideations from feeling worthless, thank you for giving me this worthwhile advice on being worthy.
All these calamities and issues get weathered, man. Maybe you need clarity, a new goal, perhaps a big goal, maybe knowing how to reach that goal, etc.
how hard it to be 3 and hear all these words and how sad that no one has told them before
thank you very much!
I’m a 3w4 INTJ, and my mother is a 3w2 ENFJ. We seem so incredibly different on the outside, but as she predicted, we’re motivated by very similar things.
I'm so curious, what is it like as a 3w4 intj? I've always wanted to know the perspective of a 3w4, and a lot of the people closest to me are intj's, including my mother, so I had to jump on the opportunity to know the perspective of someone who's both a 3w4 and an intj combined hahaha. I'm a 3w2 and an enfp, personally.
@@galaxiesandfallacies4584 I'm just an INTJ who's obsessively competitive tbh. If I'm going to try something, I'm going to be the best at it.
Hahaha, oh my goodness. See, that's such a type 3 thing to say. It's so crazy being an enfp and a type 3 because, while, as an enfp, I would consider myself pretty easygoing and willing to explore lots of things and be part of lots of things, even if I'm not the best at them, as a type 3, I have to...have my special distinction in everything I do, I guess you could say. For example, if I'm in a choir, even if I'm not the designated leader of my voice part, I'm still going to be the one who knows my music quicker than others and ultimately even the one the designated leader relies on to know what they're doing (ahem, that might have been an anecdote).
Anyway, all that is to say I have a real admiration for type 3's like you. I can't imagine what it must be like to have such an all or nothing attitude toward doing things.
@@galaxiesandfallacies4584 3w2 infp :)
3w4 INTJ as well
LOLOL! He said, "What would happen if..." and my brain literally said, "I don't want to know. We're not finding out today!" I'm listening to this while working on a Sunday. The day after my 11th wedding anniversary. So, I guess I needed this. I've been commenting on all your videos, but I think I've figured out where I land. I took this test that gave like, percentages of all your types, and my top 2 were 3w2 and 7w8. I feel like those two add together to equal: horribly self-absorbed person. I'm fine. It's fine. Everything's fine. X-D
this video was really really helpful. it kinda hurt. but it was necessary. i’m a 3w4 and i needed this.
My husbands a 3 and I’ve been trying to talk to him about the enneagram - within minutes -‘that’s great, how do you think you turn that into a product’ 😂🤣
Strategic Thinker...The "Self-Preservation" 3 is called "The Pragmatic."
Dr. Tom LaHue he identifies as self preservation- I think it’s hard for him to talk about how he feels about things without thinking it can have a physical manifestation:) thanks for the reply!
This sounds like something I would say. 😂 I'm a self-preservation 3 as well. I've really had to work on telling myself, "not every new hobby has to become a side hustle." 😂😂
As a 3w4,i agree with everything you said and you nailed it with the 3w4 internal conflict of success vs being authentic or liking nature.i love the beach but can't relax.
Dr. T on the money :) this has been a journey. Mom was bipolar alcoholic always on rehab; Dad a control-oriented codependent. He’s a straight-up 3, I’m 3w4 sp. I wasn’t seen as a person by them, they were obsessed with their own drama. Achievement was a way to develop the self they couldn’t reflect back. Gold leaf covered deep shame of neglect.
This is fantastic stuff. You are so on target with your explanation of the different numbers and wings. I have been trying to understand my husband for over a decade. He is a self preservation 3w4 and I am a sexual 7w6. He doesn't care to learn or to listen to anything about the Enneagram. I am trying to get him to retire (I have been retired from my 40 year nursing job for the past 4 years) and he just can't let the money go. He has finally achieved a position and making an amount of money that he never thought he would make. He has become miserable in this job because it has become so demanding and everyone around him wants something from him. He is exhausted. He still just just will not let go of this job and he is good at it. His boss constantly tells him they just don't know what they're going to do when he retires.
I am going to try my darndest to get him to listen to this video because you explain it so well. Thank you for doing these videos.! They really help. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy and then listening to this shows that it all fits!
the moment when you watch it feel you are not 3 enough
I will patiently wait to skip every comercial just to learn from you. Thank you 🙏 for this.
“Sometimes you will strike out but that doesn’t mean you are off the team” 😭
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Thank you so much for this video. I'm a three, and this REALLY helped me understand further how I integrate my wings and what I need to work going forward.
I’m a 3w4 so tiring lol. Even today I said to myself - I don’t even WANT to do this anymore I’m doing it just to be amazing. So tiring. But when I try to be compassionate (2, so tough), I feel more human.
Right.
I like the way you decode Type 3. It's very clear and precise and gives me ideas on how a 3w4 can balance Wing 4 by reading up Type 2. Very spot on, I do struggle with my love for nature VS striving to achieve my goals corporately.
I hate how 3w2s are so charming. I’ll see your charm and raise you a better eval at work. 3w4 for life 🤘🤘
Good one.
Well, good sir, I see your superior performance evaluation and raise you superior persuasive skills which will allow me to spin my performance evaluation in the best possible light (and perhaps do the opposite for you)! I guess this is why I started my own business...I don't always play well with others. LOL
Hey Tom! Love your stuff! You should put this up on a podcast. I looked for ya a minute ago and only saw your sermons. Podcast just makes it much easier to listen to on the go. Again, great stuff! Thanks.
That's a great idea! Considering it.
Love your knowledge! I am a 3 and have always faced and explored my deep emotions over the years to work thru my trauma and heal. Almost sounded like you said all 3’s have trouble looking inward.
Sounds like you’ve got a 4 wing😉
I’m 4w3 I’m learning abt 3 and I’m trying to embrace their traits it makes me so much more healthier
Thank you so much for this - I couldn’t work out if I was Type 3 or Type 1, but your description of a 3w4 resonated so strongly!
Same here. He's very eloquent.
Yes exactly. Finally cleared things up. Thank you 😊
Probably a self preservation 3w4, that’s what I am and I thought I was a one for a little
You can't just be a normal human nowadays (3w2). You need money to survive. So use the 3w4 to accomplish the financial goal and then 3w2 becomes the new norm. When you're able to turn it on and off and know what your real goals are, as a 3w4 would say, do whatever it takes to get there. Then sure, go back to a 3w2. Its a whole game really.
Definitely a 3w2 here! Learning to relax and chill out more
So, recently, my sister basically sat me down and made me retake the enneagram test because she seriously didn't agree with what I had identified myself as: 8w9. Before then, I had thought that I was a 4. This time, I came out as a 3w2, and honestly, I was kind of distraught because I have always associated 3s with shallowness and superficiality. I also regarded threes as VERY ordinary, which bothers me because I like to be different. Still, 3w2 makes a LOT of sense upon further research. So the question is, any other threes have a hard time accepting they were a three?
This was exactly me omg. I redid the test multiple times because I couldn't accept the fact that I'm a 3 and I feel it's because 3's have many characteristics that I despise. I hate the fact that I can be people pleasing and am so concerned about self image. After a while, I realised that I was just being unconsciously hypercritical about myself which is so in tune to 3w2's high achieving and needing-to-be-admired nature.
@@MegaENCHANCER Yesss!! I remember a friend putting it this way: If you cringed at the possibility of being any specific enneagram, that's likely you. This discovery has been very helpful in understanding myself a little better and I pray it will continue to do the same for you
The tests aren’t accurate. Gotta read through the material. It’s a lot to take in and difficult to understand at times. I’ve been trying to type myself for about 4 months now.
This is late, but yes me, haha. I always hate the type 3 sketches in enneagram comedies because they're always taking photos for Instagram, doing something tasteless just because it's trendy, or being involved in MLMs, none of which I want to be associated with 😂. I've thought I was a 5w4 and at one point possibly a 9w8. I probably have dozens of YT comments saying I'm a 5. My top results on the official enneagram test were 9, 5, and 3. Nothing ever felt fully accurate until I found type 3...those core motivations were like a dagger to the soul man lol.
I could not believe it was my result until I listened to the wings and went ah yes 3w4.
I torn between being a 3w4 or 4w3
Thank you so much. I am a balanced 3w2/3w4.
Famous Threes I subscribe to on TH-cam and what I think their wings are: 3w2 - Markiplier and Mark Bowden, 3w4 - Marlene McCohen and Vi La Bianca (Vi La Bianca also self-types as a Three)
To think of it, if I peel myself to the core i dont have anything special, I just a normal person and erghh i feel so weird even thinking about it. I'm 3w2 btw
I would love to see a "difference between a 4w3 and 4w5" video!
As a 3, I wonder what I would do if there was no achievement or tangible reward attached to anything I did... that's a very good question to think about. But can we really analyze ourselves separated from reality that way?
Incredibly helpful! Thank you, Dr. Tom.
Really good! You put things in your own original way.
I love your videos! Please keep posting these kind of stuff. Can you also please make videos about Enneagram as childhood, what happened to them, what makes them who they are in adolescences?
....i might be crazy... but a 3w2s strengths sounds like a 5w4's kinda person 😊.... to all you 3s out there 5s are cool with your effective, assertive, competency you bring to the world. We need more 3s.
Your voice is so soothing haha. This was informative and I like how your discuss things! I agree with the comments I would love a podcast as well 😌
Thank you Tom. I like learning the Enneagram with your lectures. God bless you.
Not gonna lie, I have high goals and standards for myself. It feels terrible going through hell, but keep pushing it because its gonna be so damn worth it, to be able to do that on your own. (3w4)
Also you say 3s have a hard time looking in, I am 3 and all my life I have been doing nothing BUT looking in, searching for positive criticism, but I am also a numerology life path 1 as well as an ENFJ, being a 1 life path I am different than most and I am independent, and being an ENFJ i am an idealist organizer, driven to implement my vision of what is best for humanity. We often act as catalysts for human growth because of our ability to see potential in other people and our charisma in persuading others to their ideas. Enneagrams are only one of the subtype personality tests of many..
I’m also a ENFJ and can relate as a type 3
I'm an ENFP and I'm either a 3w2 or a 2w3 and I relate. My goal is to have a positive impact on the world. I like to bring people together and to connect people to resources that they need to help them be happier and more successful.
However, I don't pursue people to give them unsolicited advice- I'm not overbearing. Type 2 gave me that vibe. Also, unlike what I have heard about 2's, I know myself. However, I am choosey about how much of me I disclose to others. I put the focus on other people.
This was so insightful, thank you.
Hello.
I never heard about. These type of personality. It's great knowing. Thanks
This is so odd. I'm possibly slightly more 3w2 but I have definite shades of 3w4. It's like they all struggle with each other. I'm at a rough spot right now and was just thinking about it before I even realized what Enneagram types are (a couple of hours before this). I've been fervently researching and am usually really honest with myself about myself. My 2w is that I am very caring and want to help other people, my 4w is me absolutely wanting to do something that I love and is true to myself, and my 3 is fighting as well because I struggle with production and perfectionism. Crazy how on spot this can be with exactly where I am in my life. I've also identified that I have underlying OCD, co-dependency issues, and delayed sleep phase disorder. I'm a wreck haha. Love the video though! I'm going to watch more until I master all of this (That's what my brain says haha).
I guess I had a question somewhere in there. Basically, my two wings seem about equal, yet I'm still struggling. What to do? haha
Hahaha oh my gosh when you were describing 3w4 with how torn you can be between your creative side and the goal side... It was like you have the little person in my head a voice 😳
I have this intense need to learn everything, become a pro at every single hobby and craft in the world, and know myself perfectly, but if I do all that will it change how people see me for the better or worse? Won't I be too much for people?
So eye opening. Thank you.
I see no problem in becoming a three's mask/persona
How do you know when you're balanced? The 3w2 sounds similar to 7s and the 3w4 sounds like a 1. There are times when I look like a 7, but then there are times when I look a 1 (though I probably look like a 1 more often than a 7). I'm a perfectionist and tend to be career focused. I'm also pretty introverted and I totally understand the struggle between wanting to be authentic but also wanting to pursue more/higher achievements. However, I love helping people. I love to cheer them on and inspire them to go after their dreams/goals. When I join groups online, I always jump right in and try to answer people's questions or help them in any way I can even if I'm new to the group. Sometimes people are surprised when I say I'm an introvert, cause I can look extraverted at times. So I'm not sure how to tell when I've reached a good balance between my wings.
I think I'm also balanced. In the social scene, I look more like a 3w2/7w6, also probably because I'm an ENFJ so I want to be likeable and helpful. But when I work on my goals, I become a 3w4 with E1 qualities; I become very detailed, precise, and focused. But I think I really am a 3w4 because of my core motivations and focus in life. I don't want to appear serious in public, because it doesn't fit my ideal image that I want people to perceive me as. Specially because I'm an sx 3, 3w2 seems to be more desirable, and I tend to take on that image more since sx3 wants to be desirable more than anything. I scored high on E7 too, and I'm a 378, so I want to be seen as cool by my peers and not rigid. Some people might even think I'm undisciplined. But privately, with my work, I am hella rigid and perfectionistic. I prefer to work privately and find working with others inefficient and it feels like a compromise 😂 unless the project is not as important to me or it's something for the group/community than just for some goal. I tend to withdraw and work in isolation when I no longer feel like my authentic self aka when I can't be who I want to become-- I want to show who I truly am but the best version of it. What makes me a 3w4 and not a 3w2 is because my ideals come from within and I'm more about my own expectations than others'. My performance is only great if I think it is and not just if others think it is. I want their approval but I have the final say. They might say it's great already but I don't think so and would still strive to refine it until I find it excellent myself. People can say they don't want my career choice and think I should just change it, but if it's something I truly love, is personal to me, and I'm ultimately passionate about, their words is just noise. Anyways, what you said made a lot of sense. 🤍
Thank you for all your videos. This really has me thinking & analyzing myself way more.
How can you tell the difference between 3w2 SP and 3w4 SX? Because 2 wing looks like 3 SX while 4 wing looks like 3 SP
What if i healed the wound, would my ambition go down?
Tom...
You are so engaging about all things Enneagram. Thank you. As a seminary graduate myself, I can tell you are a fantastic pastor. God is speaking through you in all of this work. I would love to hear you preach! I visited your ministry website, only to find no spoken sermons by you. Did I miss something? Also, I would like very much to enroll in your enneagram courses, but three theological details stand between your possible beliefs -- as found on the church website -- and my enrollment. (Know that I am not shaming you. I still greatly respect you, your online ministry, and especially your openness and presentation style as you speak.) I am personally troubled by your church's stance on original sin, the patriarchal language from the church website, and the view that marriage is only blessed by God if it is between a man and woman. I just could not be in a class where the instructor thinks that I am "sinning" for just being who God created me to be; an openly gay and married husband. You constantly tell us 3's that we are worthy just as we are, but do you really mean everyone? That feels to me a bit hypocritical. (Again, the wing 4 in me is a truth-teller.) Other than that, again, thanks for your hard work here. I love hearing your take on the Enneagram.
In God's love,
Dr. Terry Scott
Wonderful video. Very helpful for me. Thank you!
Your human potential is valuable. That is why babies are so valuable. They are chock full of unbridled potential.
3W2 Here - Thank you for making the videos. I see that we should feel loved and valued just because we are but still I don't see how much weight we can put on it if we are not religious. Sure you have some value just existing like an animal or another object, however how much value? Like I guess we assess value on things based on what we would exchange or pay or how much it means to us. Something that does not work or causes more trouble than it is worth usually is valued " less". These are just the thoughts in my head. Also religion ( Christianity ) growing up taught me that I was fallen, sinful to feel shame due to sin but only because of the "work " and love .....Jesus did on the cross am I now of value to God being able to go to heaven with him. God would still "love' me but I would go to hell if I rejected Christ and his work on the cross. See how this can cause issues in the 3. If you love yourself and know you are worthy of love great but then what do you do with that? lol I did not mean to offend any Christians or the author in any way. Just some real authentic talk that was in my headspace.
What’s the difference between 3w4 and 4w3 like i struggle to find out which one i am. Like i fear failure like my worst nightmare is achieving nothing bcuz without achievements i feel worthless.
The thing is as much status as i look for i’d never trade what i love for a higher status. Like i am an artist and creative and i want to be the best in that area. The thing is i fear not standing out and being like everyone else and so on...Like my MBTI is ISFP but i ain’t sure about enneagram
Haha story of my life, I am in the exact position rn, I am an ENFP btw
Your a 4 !
Great perspective! Thank you for sharing.
Damn. This is saddening. This is me. My biggest fear is failure.
I love how Enneagram treats personalities as flaws. Perfect beings don't have personality, and that's our goal :)
Im a 4W5 and dated a 3W2 in my early twenties. I was attracted to his extraversion and apparent self assurance.
It ended up being a Very emotionally damaging relationship for me. He made me feel inadequate and wasn’t interested in my deep emotional needs. I was looking for a soulmate (of course!) and he was looking for an audience. He always had to be the star of the show. He wanted me to love him, but wasn’t offering to love me in return. He was shallow, and emotionally limited and withholding.
It’s great to watch this video and understand more deeply just how unhealthy and insecure he really was. And to see how unhealthy I was that I tolerated that treatment!
I’ve grown so much in my Four-ness in the decades since. I am finding balance between my wings, and so much self worth, meaning and richness in who I am. I’d run rings around that guy, and probably wouldn’t be interested in him, if I met him now.
Having said that I wouldn’t date a 3 man again. Once was enough 🙄😂
maybe he was just ill 🤔 it’s not a healthy 3
It looks like you were describing me. I am an ENFP type 3w2.
Represent! :)
And I’m ENFP type 3w4. Very accurate actually
very helpful and tear inducing thank you
I feel so raw and exposed after this, but it's good 😂
At 21:01 when you said they can be more personal and relationship oriented, you were talking about the 3w4. Did you mean 3w2, or is it actually 3w4 who is more relationship oriented?
Wow I’m a 3w2 and honestly no one’s ever understood me better.. can you be my therapist?? XD
I see why it is easy to confuse 3s and 8s.
Good point.
I'm an 8 and father in law is 3, trying to understand why we can't see eye to eye... that kinda makes sense
I’m a 3w2 and this is accurate
I have a question: what would be the difference between a 3 SEXUAL and a 3W2? By the way, I love your videos and I´m being inspired by them to start my own IG account in Brazil.
I've noticed it's limiting being a 3w2 in a professional environment. I feel like a pushover a lot of the time.
What you said about 'making the team' really hit home.
I'm glad that I have a way of finding balance by learning about the 4 wing. I scored very low there so must be very off keel.
Also, I really like your format on TH-cam. It allows me to sit down more intentionally, slow down, and connect with what you are saying.
Thank you for making this video.
As a 3…I really wanted you to get to the point. Lots of tangents here 😅
Sorry about the tangents, I tend to go off on a few rabbit trails!
if you are not attacking you are doing nothing and yes becoming useless. If you are useless why are you there. Your propose in life is accomplish things . Feelings are good and we all have them but feelings don't change the weather?
Spoken like a 3 - INTJ 3w2
As an 8 i have really enjoyed the company of 3's as they can be alive and fun....but then i think..was that the real you or put on for the company we were in....none of them want to be alone with me and do not maintain contact....maybe i'm too much. But then I can see through the image and bullshit...so maybe they feel threatened....
ENFJ - 3w4 here
I’m an ENFJ and quickly realizing I’m a 3w4 too.
INFP 3w2
I'm a 3, I think social subtype. I'm extroverted, yet I'm very good one on one with people. Is it possible I'm a 3w2 still?
The same with me
17:41 3w2
Holy ish... turns out I’ve mistyped myself for yeeaarrrrsss. Wth. I’m a 3 not a 4 😂
Maybe I'm a good mix of the wings.
You keep using a baby or a toddler as an example of someone with innate value without having to earn it. I don’t think that’s a great example because what they have is potential which is probably one of those most valuable assets. As we grow older we loose potential but hopefully gain wisdom and success in return. Employers are much more willing to hire a 25 year old idiot than a 35 year old idiot. I understand what you’re trying to say but, to me, the example doesn’t work. Side note: I’m a huge fan. I should probably lead with that. Your videos have been a tremendous help in my life. Stay present to life!
That's kind of how I saw it too. A baby hasn't accomplished anything yet, but they have a lot of potential.
Really useful! Thank you
That was awesome
I'm glad you enjoyed it! Your support means a lot to me.
Super helpful video! Still not sure which one I would be. I know I am a SOLID 3, probably 3w4. Saw you went to LU! I went for 2 years in 2014 - before I had one of those moments of "am I doing this because it is what I want or because it is what is expected?" and stopped. So interested in diving deeper to see which wing I am for sure - any other resources you would recommend? I'm absolutely fascinated by this.
Side note: You sound like Chris Harrison when you turn the speed up to 2x.
Do you have any eneagram test recommendation?
My boyfriend struggles with finding if he is a 3w2 or a 2w3. I am a 3w2, but I think that if he is also a 3, we probably have different subtypes. I am a self-preservation, and he is more of a sexual type. These are the two numbers he says he resonates with the most, but he's never really felt "called out" by the messages when I read the descriptors to him. Do you have any advice?
The sexual 3w2 can look extremely similar to the 2w3. I am a 3w2 with a sexual subtype, but at first I was very on the fence on whether I was a 3 or a 2
@@klauschamberlain7600 I am pretty sure I'm a 2w3, but feel that my 3 wing is really strong; similarly very on the fence.
Yeah, hard pass on all that. No need to get too involved in the internal mess. I’ve had enough of that. Time to get back to work. It took me too many years to like myself and embrace it.
I just don't understand what wrong with a 3/4 . The more I watch this video the confused I am.. I just took this test with some church Friends and I am a 3. I think that nails me to a tee. The test showed also 3 wing 4. and then said 7/8 or 8/7 am I crazy indecisive or what?
Hey, is it possible for a type 3 to hold the image of a dead beat, delinquent or trouble maker? I know a dude who says he's type 3 in college who holds that image and also is super laid back.
If a Three suffers from ADHD, causing them to lack the self-discipline they aspire to, then I can imagine them instead leaning into being the BEST "cool guy/tough guy" or some other form of rebel.
Thank you, thank you, thank you
That bible verse haunts me. Always has, the truth tends to stick around like that. 😩
threes sound a lot like ENTJs
Thanks
Thanks
Facts 3w4
I just got the result 3w2 and for the love of God this Nonsens is like 0% me
You keep using the example that babies have value without reason or effort, but I would say I disagree. I think babies are valued for two reasons:
1. The possibility of future potential.
2. Physical appeal.
Babies are cute, certainly, but eventually, cuteness fades through the years and you're left with a growing child. I think what we want to say, is that there is no need to earn value, because it is already given. However, we all have things we need to do accomplish and everyone has to offer something to the team of the family. Otherwise, other people have to work twice as hard to cover you. There's always going to be a weak link in every chain, stepping back objectively, what else could you call the one who has nothing to offer while the rest can offer everything? Ideally, a child shouldn't have to push twice as hard to be valued, but humans have expectations, and run on the belief that every effort will be repaid somehow. We hope that our child will become successful and can do a lot. Possibly even take care of us, and when we look at the child, they're rewarded with pride from the parents, validation, things that many people push for from others. Proof of the existence of this victory.
Also yeah, as a 3w4, I've definitely gone through the push and pull of it. I'd jump on many jobs, without even considering if I would like them, I just looked at the pay and considered I could deal with it. Which in turn, however it turned out, I had to actually like the job, which to my surprise mattered, so I'd have to give up the job and search for more.- ENTP 3w4.
But if it was ur child wouldn't you place subjective value on your own child....>.>
@@brooklinnratto8315 Ofcourse, but again, we hope for our children to find success and offer much to the world. Do you not believe that your child should do well? Also, again, if you gave birth to a demonic creature, do you still claim it as your child or scream in fear and get scared?
31:00
So you're an ENTP?
I feel totally naked 🙈
100% truth :'(
Thanks
gód men
#tobymacmoment #Luke925
:-)
YOu don't have to do one more thing to be valuable. That's not true. I cannot believe that.
Persona, mask, false self
Social person, always on,
always best self
If no one knew what you were doing, would you do it?
Be more than you think you can be.
3w2 masks competitiveness.
Artificial.
3s are people worthy of love just the way they are!