Thank you so much Sam Vaknin, you've helped me understand what is narcissism, I escape my covert boyfriend and found out that my parents were very toxic too. On my healing journey I feel lonely but thank God you are doing those videos, they make me happy whenever I hear you say "hello shoshanime" 😄
My mom still gives me silent treatment and as per her mood she gives me cold and hot treatment as per her choice and blames me for every thing she is suffering in her life I am 35 year old married but still she behaves as if I am causing a whole lot of trouble in her life even though I don't stay with her now
After being sexually abused as a child by my talented and gifted teacher/stepfather and narcissistically abused by my biological father and scapegoated by everyone in my family’s I agree that society punishes victims!!!!
Wow, this guy is wonderful! So clear, informed, articulate. He speaks so well to what I have felt for years but had much difficulty trying to explain to others. Prof. Sam Vaknin is my new go to when I need sanity in my life. Thank you Prof. Vaknin!
Soul contracts are another form of victim blaming, unfortunately gaining popularity in some circles. Under that construct, the victim signed up with the abusers for the abuse before being born. Abusers, then, are merely carrying out their side of the contract. Truly an insane spin on “he/she asked for it.”
Thank You very much - I am working „with You” everyday - it’s better than any other therapy I could have. Although I studied psychology - and read so many wonderful books about personality disorders etc. - I got my NPD lesson 😉 Sending kind regards from Poland 🇵🇱
Thank you Prof. Vaknin. As always, you offer brilliant insight to therapeutically learn from. Although disconcerting and bewildering each time I listen and personalize the content of this lecture to the context of my experience with CPTSD, I am grateful for the ongoing opportunity to gain understanding and clarity, and assimilate knowledge toward my recovery.
This is fascinating! Thanks for defining Moral Injury. You explained it so well! I suffer from cpstd since I was discarded by my covert narc husband. We were married for 32 yrs & I realized I was physically & mentally like the walking dead. I’ll spare you so many awful details but after 5 years away from him, I am on a healthy path. I quit drinking in 2008 because I knew I was self medicating & I would have done anything to save my marriage & my family. I thought I was the one causing problems. I didn’t have any legal consequences while drinking but I felt that I was on a dangerous path. The best decision I’ve ever made was a dark night of the soul followed by walking alone into a AA Meeting. I am so grateful for AA! It’s quite amazing to reach sobriety & see everything in my life with such clarity!! I worked a great 12 Step program with my sponsor & I sat back & watched the lying & dysfunction in my home. My marriage. I stayed silent & watching for a long time I felt like I was going to die. I always thought that it was so strange how my husband never seemed to have any memories before 8 years old. Then he left and I was just there alone with a lifetime of unanswered questions. During the divorce, which was horrific, I learned about something that happened to my husband at 16. He hit & killed the man across the street from him with his car. I read the small article in a 1978 local newspaper. The man killed was 59 years old & was out checking his mail. It also said my husbands name & age. A state trooper said the driver wasn’t injured & was not cited. Learning this about the man I married & had precious children with was stunning & bizarre. I understood that it was an accident & my initial reaction was compassion for that man & my husband as well. I’ll never understand how he could not ever tell me about such trauma. How many times in our 30 years raising a family together did the opportunity to just tell me about it occur?? I apologize for going on so long & I’ve since realized that I’m not responsible for his trauma in any way. But I think I’ll always wonder how my intimate partner kept that secret from me. Wasn’t it accidental? I think that may be the reason he is a pathological liar. Naturally, he hightailed it to Florida since I let him know I was on to his ways. It may sound strange to say but I know what real peace & serenity are and I know that it wasn’t me. It was definitely HIM. Thanks for reading !
I came across video last year, it was not within my discipline I didn't want to digress further. However the talk was well explained. They are very deep subjects. It was interesting topic initially when I came across it, so I stuck with it.
I'm thinking of institution as family and wondering if this is why we alienated parents have so much trouble recovering our adult children with histories of unimaginable cruelty towards us.
I discovered recently an unknown wedding band on my wife's left hand ring finger. When I questioned her who gave her that ring, I got three contradicting answers, something like I gave her the ring or her mother gave her her wedding band. I told her that I would have never bought her some piece of shit like that ring, that may have it's origin from Toys R-us. The day I discovered that wedding band on her hand, it was not concealed with another ring next to it. I subsequently went through my photo collection and I got a shock when could trace back this ring for at least 15 years. However, she always put a ring with a precious stone in front of it, which made it rather difficult to see, especially since my eyesight is not very good. This has finally convinced me to finish this unhealthy relationship after 37 years of nonstop abuse of all kind. I am sure it will take some time to recover from such a nightmare but better now than never. Btw, the wedding band I gave her is on her middle finger, does she send a message to me?
My mom still gives me silent treatment and as per her mood she gives me cold and hot treatment as per her choice and blames me for every thing she is suffering in her life I am 35 year old married but still she behaves as if I am causing a whole lot of trouble in her life even though I don't stay with her now
They will believe the videos are discribing you and that YOU are the Narcissist 😅 Thats how they roll. then they will go round telling people you are a Narc..true story.
@@jijji131313 not as fun as not letting them know that we know and continue that drama throughout their lifetime 😂 Thanks sam ... you are quite narcissistic towards the entire crowd of narcissists across the world.
Personally I would not share videos with an ex now. I went through a phase being tempted to, and to constantly overanalyse my ex. He in turn sent me information on BPD. But he was certainly also a victim of childhood trauma just like me. Honestly, it helped me so much to give up the idea of "outing" my ex partner and instead to work on recovering my inner radar for exploitative and blame shifting individuals, and try to stay on guard for these behaviours in myself. Sam's videos were the only thing to really help me with this shift towards self accountability.
I have a question that has nothing directly to do with this video, but maybe someone! (not sure if Prof. Vaknin will see it and would have sth in mind related to it) knows in which way the phenomenon that a little child that can barely walk would run anway from its family repeatedly could be related to C/PTSD? Sth like fugue? Is there literature that I could look up or even a mention in one of Prof Vaknin´s videos? (Background: My mother dropped the info that she did that as a little child, and that her mother locked her in the dark basement to avoid this behaviour, telling her wait, until your father comes home ( who would never done her any harm, she said in this moment) and how my mother thought, what have I done to deserve such punishment? And that even though the parents didn´t have much money her mother paid a nanny! to care for her. This situation was interesting to me bc she never ever mentioned sth lke this before and it was only by a big coincidence that I heard this. We worked in the local hospice, but never were there at the same time and same place except for this time, and my mother´s past nanny came through the door. I think my mother has CPTSD/generational trauma and evth that can come with it, I could only go no contact with her, so maybe if this running away from home is an indicator for trauma response, it would be at least an interesting aspect for me. I heard of fugue, but not sure if it´s sth that toddlers would do.
I kno this is a rediculos questions doctor but is it possible for someone to take themselves out of the fantasy and for gods sake why do i never remember the bad shit thsts happen please tell me its been 3 yrs 2 of which have been everything said to a T doctor its unbelivable really to see it unfold over and over how i can i remove my entire being from his head
Thank you so much Sam Vaknin, you've helped me understand what is narcissism, I escape my covert boyfriend and found out that my parents were very toxic too. On my healing journey I feel lonely but thank God you are doing those videos, they make me happy whenever I hear you say "hello shoshanime" 😄
Shalom, khaverah, Shoshanna. . .
Sic: shoshahnah.
My mom still gives me silent treatment and as per her mood she gives me cold and hot treatment as per her choice and blames me for every thing she is suffering in her life I am 35 year old married but still she behaves as if I am causing a whole lot of trouble in her life even though I don't stay with her now
After being sexually abused as a child by my talented and gifted teacher/stepfather and narcissistically abused by my biological father and scapegoated by everyone in my family’s I agree that society punishes victims!!!!
Wow, this guy is wonderful! So clear, informed, articulate. He speaks so well to what I have felt for years but had much difficulty trying to explain to others. Prof. Sam Vaknin is my new go to when I need sanity in my life. Thank you Prof. Vaknin!
Soul contracts are another form of victim blaming, unfortunately gaining popularity in some circles. Under that construct, the victim signed up with the abusers for the abuse before being born. Abusers, then, are merely carrying out their side of the contract. Truly an insane spin on “he/she asked for it.”
this is so true, it is something I am experiencing and calling out for what it is.
Absolutely brilliant analysis.
Thank You very much - I am working „with You” everyday - it’s better than any other therapy I could have. Although I studied psychology - and read so many wonderful books about personality disorders etc. - I got my NPD lesson 😉 Sending kind regards from Poland 🇵🇱
Thank you Prof. Vaknin. As always, you offer brilliant insight to therapeutically learn from. Although disconcerting and bewildering each time I listen and personalize the content of this lecture to the context of my experience with CPTSD, I am grateful for the ongoing opportunity to gain understanding and clarity, and assimilate knowledge toward my recovery.
This is fascinating! Thanks for defining Moral Injury. You explained it so well! I suffer from cpstd since I was discarded by my covert narc husband. We were married for 32 yrs & I realized I was physically & mentally like the walking dead. I’ll spare you so many awful details but after 5 years away from him, I am on a healthy path. I quit drinking in 2008 because I knew I was self medicating & I would have done anything to save my marriage & my family. I thought I was the one causing problems. I didn’t have any legal consequences while drinking but I felt that I was on a dangerous path. The best decision I’ve ever made was a dark night of the soul followed by walking alone into a AA Meeting. I am so grateful for AA! It’s quite amazing to reach sobriety & see everything in my life with such clarity!! I worked a great 12 Step program with my sponsor & I sat back & watched the lying & dysfunction in my home. My marriage. I stayed silent & watching for a long time I felt like I was going to die. I always thought that it was so strange how my husband never seemed to have any memories before 8 years old. Then he left and I was just there alone with a lifetime of unanswered questions. During the divorce, which was horrific, I learned about something that happened to my husband at 16. He hit & killed the man across the street from him with his car. I read the small article in a 1978 local newspaper. The man killed was 59 years old & was out checking his mail. It also said my husbands name & age. A state trooper said the driver wasn’t injured & was not cited. Learning this about the man I married & had precious children with was stunning & bizarre. I understood that it was an accident & my initial reaction was compassion for that man & my husband as well. I’ll never understand how he could not ever tell me about such trauma. How many times in our 30 years raising a family together did the opportunity to just tell me about it occur?? I apologize for going on so long & I’ve since realized that I’m not responsible for his trauma in any way. But I think I’ll always wonder how my intimate partner kept that secret from me. Wasn’t it accidental? I think that may be the reason he is a pathological liar. Naturally, he hightailed it to Florida since I let him know I was on to his ways. It may sound strange to say but I know what real peace & serenity are and I know that it wasn’t me. It was definitely HIM. Thanks for reading !
You need to make merchandise with tshirts that say "Counterfactual" - also great video as always
I came across video last year, it was not within my discipline I didn't want to digress further.
However the talk was well explained.
They are very deep subjects. It was interesting topic initially when I came across it, so I stuck with it.
I'm thinking of institution as family and wondering if this is why we alienated parents have so much trouble recovering our adult children with histories of unimaginable cruelty towards us.
I discovered recently an unknown wedding band on my wife's left hand ring finger. When I questioned her who gave her that ring, I got three contradicting answers, something like I gave her the ring or her mother gave her her wedding band. I told her that I would have never bought her some piece of shit like that ring, that may have it's origin from Toys R-us. The day I discovered that wedding band on her hand, it was not concealed with another ring next to it. I subsequently went through my photo collection and I got a shock when could trace back this ring for at least 15 years. However, she always put a ring with a precious stone in front of it, which made it rather difficult to see, especially since my eyesight is not very good. This has finally convinced me to finish this unhealthy relationship after 37 years of nonstop abuse of all kind. I am sure it will take some time to recover from such a nightmare but better now than never. Btw, the wedding band I gave her is on her middle finger, does she send a message to me?
Wow! 😮
Always love the intros
Boy O Boy...you can say that again! "A moral calamity"
My ex just tried this in front of a judge, it was called out 🙏🏻
And thank you for years of videos that have helped me stay away as hard as it’s been
My mom still gives me silent treatment and as per her mood she gives me cold and hot treatment as per her choice and blames me for every thing she is suffering in her life I am 35 year old married but still she behaves as if I am causing a whole lot of trouble in her life even though I don't stay with her now
Sam, what happens when I share your videos to my beloved narcissists 😅 ?
They will believe the videos are discribing you and that YOU are the Narcissist 😅
Thats how they roll.
then they will go round telling people you are a Narc..true story.
They will fly into narcissistic rage.
@@jijji131313 not as fun as not letting them know that we know and continue that drama throughout their lifetime 😂
Thanks sam ... you are quite narcissistic towards the entire crowd of narcissists across the world.
Personally I would not share videos with an ex now.
I went through a phase being tempted to, and to constantly overanalyse my ex. He in turn sent me information on BPD. But he was certainly also a victim of childhood trauma just like me. Honestly, it helped me so much to give up the idea of "outing" my ex partner and instead to work on recovering my inner radar for exploitative and blame shifting individuals, and try to stay on guard for these behaviours in myself. Sam's videos were the only thing to really help me with this shift towards self accountability.
I have a question that has nothing directly to do with this video, but maybe someone! (not sure if Prof. Vaknin will see it and would have sth in mind related to it) knows in which way the phenomenon that a little child that can barely walk would run anway from its family repeatedly could be related to C/PTSD?
Sth like fugue? Is there literature that I could look up or even a mention in one of Prof Vaknin´s videos?
(Background: My mother dropped the info that she did that as a little child, and that her mother locked her in the dark basement to avoid this behaviour, telling her wait, until your father comes home ( who would never done her any harm, she said in this moment) and how my mother thought, what have I done to deserve such punishment?
And that even though the parents didn´t have much money her mother paid a nanny! to care for her.
This situation was interesting to me bc she never ever mentioned sth lke this before and it was only by a big coincidence that I heard this.
We worked in the local hospice, but never were there at the same time and same place except for this time, and my mother´s past nanny came through the door.
I think my mother has CPTSD/generational trauma and evth that can come with it, I could only go no contact with her, so maybe if this running away from home is an indicator for trauma response, it would be at least an interesting aspect for me.
I heard of fugue, but not sure if it´s sth that toddlers would do.
I kno this is a rediculos questions doctor but is it possible for someone to take themselves out of the fantasy and for gods sake why do i never remember the bad shit thsts happen please tell me its been 3 yrs 2 of which have been everything said to a T doctor its unbelivable really to see it unfold over and over how i can i remove my entire being from his head
Prof.Sam - Dharma determines what is right and wrong. Sanatana Dharma ( way of life) .
Search for my videos on Buddhism, Dao, etc. (also on my Nothingness channel).
Not good
41:39 Victim Blaming
19:52 Antropologist
36:35 Literature 1980