Compliments | David Mitchell's SoapBox
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- David Mitchell looks at the sticky issue of giving compliments
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ABOUT DAVID MITCHELL'S SOAPBOX:
David Mitchell, star of UK TV favourites Peep Show and That Mitchell and Webb Look, brings us his unique perspective on the issues facing men of the world today.
"Clara, you are also here" Is by far the most insulting thing you could have gone with lol
You sure?
"Hey Clara, maybe ease up on the deserts today." *wink*
Kalenz shhh
@@Kalenz1234 Honestly, no, "you are also here" is magnitudes more insulting. It highlights that you have absolutely nothing positive to say about their appearance. whereas if you specifically point to one thing. that's the only thing you are commenting on.
"Jesus Christ, what the fucking hell is that that just walked in?!"
Have you watched the Coupling episode when Patrick meets Susan and Sally at a party? That would be the most insulting.
What a well dug hole.
You delivered that calf expertly.
farmers of the world need not feel coy around David, and deliver away
I now suggest you stop digging.
This is what David tells all his victims before they inexplicably die.
The other holes you dug weren't as good as this.
I've learned just comment on specific things like "Your dress is pretty" or "love the earrings" That way you're complimenting their appearance, without commenting on their attractiveness.
someone i know responds quite well to that:
"the dress thanks you" or "the earrings are pleased"
@@illdeletethismusic I've never heard that response but it's hilarious! I'd have to compliment their wit with that reply.
I tried this but got it badly wrong because I phrased it as 'nice top' which just sounded like I was talking about her boobs rather than the top she was wearing over them.
@@fecklessmovies were they nice?
@@illdeletethismusic not nice enough for me to have fully recorded their image in my mammary banks (this was some years ago) but definitely not bad.
Its like the neurotic voice in my head got a nice British accent
Yes, it is mildly frustrating to find that nearly every neurotic/clever thought I have has been expressed by David Mitchell or Stewart Lee.
@@giantred Or Stephen Fry
@@RillianGrant But isn't that fine for you and gia? Fry and Mitchell are intelligent and well- spoken. I don't know Lee.
English accent
david mitchell epitomises the British inadequacy complex
He’s easily the most British man in the world.
Aye, I think he's what you could call 'British AF'. A caricature of a British person, I reckon.
This is astonishingly close to my somewhat neurotic thought process. I'm now entirely unsure as to whether I should be glad others think along similar lines to me, or whether I should be unhappy that I haven't done very much with my life at all given that a popular and successful comedian and writer also over-thinks everything.
Second one, probably.
You are also here.
Everyone overthinks everything.
there are quite a few people, though, who don't think as well.
The Amazed MAZE
“I’m so clever I irrationally overthink things”
That's one of the few positive benefits of being legally blind, no one expects you to comment on their looks, new hairstyle or dress-sense ever.
***** If you mean illegally blind-drunk then YES, yes it's possible.
Then how do you respond to comments?
MerelWithChocolat The first thing you need to understand is that legally blind doesn't automatically equal blind blind, in fact many legally blind people can still see to some extent but they need special aids to help them get through life such as white canes, guide dogs, magnifiers, talking watches and so on.
In my case, the vision imparement I suffer from is keratoconus and retinitis pigmentosa which means that the only way I can read comments is with a 27' screen with the settings on the zoom set to 200% and the colors set to gold on black blackground as white screens tend to be too bright to be comfortable.
Oh that's a great thought.
However, it would be hilarious if you actually did comment on people's looks enthusiastically, only for them to realize a second later that, actually, you couldn't have. I can only imagine that would be great fun. Like the character "Toph" in the animated series "Avatar.The Last Airbender"
How do you even function David? No seriously, I need to know your secret for my own benefit.
He drinks
:o I just noticed, the names of the girls to whom he gave "Graded Compliments", go in alphabetical order, A for the best, and C for the worse, grading the hypothetical girls, by their names... You smart cookie, you.
luckily he didnt go to Zoe for Z
“Zoe, I have a feeling that you may have hoped that we would think you considered making an effort to look... better”.
@@markgearing hoped, thought, considered... I'm lost lol
In case it hasn't been mentioned before: this kind of paranoid thinking also applies to women. It is almost requisite when meeting other members of the fairer sex, but occasionally also required when meeting men, especially if they are of a habit of complimenting you (not returning the compliment makes you sound self-absorbed). It is not a matter of being polite, but of being quick. You must start thinking up a compliment as you walk towards the person, and be the first to unload it. It is much harder to follow up such an act than to initiate it, cuz you run the risk of sounding fake.
Yep absolutely hate taking compliments cuz then you have to give a compliment and most of the time it’s gonna sound fake af, and if I do actually mean it and want to show that I mean it, it can come across like I’ve been paying wayyy too much attention and am desperate lol
My favourite part of this, was where you implied that "you're looking perfectly acceptable" fell under the category of "praise". I think that really sums up the entirety of what you were saying quite nicely.
"How lovely to see you! You look... like this!" I loled so hard at that point
Overthinking: the video.
The TH-cam channel*
I call it.. thinking :-s
Oh Mr Mitchell, your humour _almost_ never fails to crack me up.
How wonderful to find another great logical breakdown of one of our social customs. The perfect Easter gift! (You can win any argument if your assumptions aren't challenged. There is no reason to assume compliments have to do with appearance.)
I sympathize a lot with these sentiments.
It's my opinion that compliments on appearance are among the shallowest compliments you can give. It seems downright rude to give such a compliment, as if to say "your beauty is only skin deep."
And yet, for some reason, I'd have to confess that even I am appreciative when such a compliment is directed towards me. Reflecting on that helps inform how and when such compliments are in fact complimentary.
The most heartfelt and genuine compliment I've ever given was saying that someone was "looking well."
What a well dug hole (that you've dug yourself into)
The punchline to this one is perfect. It may not work so well in the real world, but it should.
"Go jump in a canal" A great British phrase
what is this madness? The voice of reason is gliding across the air to my ears!
The very last line of the video, his suggestion, was absolutely superb.
I think I might have to start doing that.
the phrase has the obvious function of you hitting on the person in question. In all other situations Davids arguments are pretty much spot on. The fact that it means hitting on a person adds another layer of awkwardness for using it in any other context.
This series is brilliant! It's not just me who thinks these things
One solution is just to compliment the specific thing they've done in order to look good and imply the thing is deserving of praise because of the person (as opposed to the other way around). For example, you could say something along the lines of "Is that a new (insert piece of clothing here)? It looks good on you." or "Have you done something different with your hair? It really suits you." This type of compliment is neutral enough to be used in both romantic and platonic situations, specific enough to show that you care about the person enough to notice, and is generally true as most of the time, you will be able to find something about their appearance which you find pleasing to the eye.
Why am I suddenly picturing David Mitchell as the voice of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?
A magnificent diamond of a human.
I first saw this episode on its tenth anniversary.
Excellent!
Mitchell for Dent
Webb for Prefect
Gillan for Trillian
and maybe Fielding for Zaphod
@Funbobby92 I like getting compliments, therefore I infer others do as well. I don't expect others (men or women) to shower me with compliments, but I appreciate them when they come, and I give my own compliments freely. Maybe I don't have a clue, but if I don't, then ignorance is truly bliss.
You are overthinking this. Just say we look nice, we will thank you, no harm no foul.
David, I look up to you. You are so smart.
David Mitchell, you and I are the same. We both have the annoying ability to be very self aware of our flaws and then have the inability to do anything about them.
It's true; I generally avoid compliments on appearance for the reason that I worry my intentions will be misconstrued. It's also true that it implies I'm qualified to judge such things, which comes across as very arrogant to me.
I used to compliment people's clothing if I liked it...but then I started noticing that whenever I did that, that particular article of clothing seemed to suddenly vanish from their wardrobe forever. Catching the hint that everyone thought I had terrible fashion sense, I stopped complimenting clothing as well.
People think this stuff always sounds like over thinking, when really it is just the ability to see patterns and notice how full of shit we really are. Some people seem to be born without true empathy or self awareness.
It is possible to overthink things. But this is not how to do it. What I classify as "overthinking" results in a "no-right-answer" scenario. I.e. finding the negatives in every approach. This is why overthinking often results in inactivity. But even then "overthinking" is kind of a misnomer. Because "thinking" isn't about finding a flawless solution. It's about finding the best solution. So finding the negatives is an important part of the comparison. But one must also compare the positives. So overthinking is really underthinking. Because it can be solved with more thinking.
Thinking
Eh when I'm having a nice time chatting with someone, or they've clearly put in a lot of effort into their look, I always say "I'm loving your vibe!"
It is different enough to not be seen as a mere platitude, yet vauge enough that no psychoanalysis of my inner thought processes can occur
A wonderful explanation.
Talk about over-thinking a simple sentiment xD Well, i have no problem saying he's simply adorable.
Genius solution
I take "know-it-all" as a massive compliment. Thank you. You're too kind.
That doesn't avoid the inevitable problem with complimenting extra effort, implying they don't look good normally. Which leaves you saying it even when they don't put effort in, rendering it meaningless. I just go with "better than me", self-deprecation avoids offending anyone and it's quintessentially British. Unless you're ugly, in which case it's just a shallow compliment at worst.
It's very simple, just point out the item of clothing that impresses you, then it becomes about the clothing choice and not the person or their attractiveness level. I had had men and women say to me "That is a lovely dress you are wearing." and that was it. It was nice, I said thanks, we went on with our lives LOL. I do love this video though, he says things that go through my head when I want to give a compliment. That's why I get really paranoid about what I say.
But why comment on appearance at all??
"What a dug well hole" may be equally appropriate, though not as complimentary, and it could be argued that the word 'hole' is redundant.
David needs to start doing these again
"So just praise Anna and Brenda and let my silence fall pointedly on the twisted hunched shoulders of Clara?"
This is why I never give compliments on how ppl look, I will just something I like ‘I like your shirt/hair’ etc it’s so much less awkward than saying ‘you look nice’
We need David Mitchell as an Elder Scrolls NPC.
This is exactly what holds me back. Also I feel like you're put on the spot afterwards. Like if you noticed and you said that and you stop talking because you don't have anything else you want to say then, you look like a creep, or that you definitely fancy that person. Which might not be true. There's a small window in which you can say it without it being weird, so you can't wait until you have a whole host of things you want to say... such a complicated issue.
Yay, I'm here too! ;-)
To be perfectly honest, as a woman I really don't like compliments like that from people I don't know very well. If i feel confident about my looks already, there's simply no need to tell me and if i don't feel confident about my looks, a compliment would just make me suspicious wether the one who told me is honest or not. Why not rather compliment something that isn't too personal like: "you've got a lovely hat". the advatage of that is, that you could use it for
I'm ordering the box set now.
The ending of this was hilarious!
Thanks, so do you.
So many people are too socially concious nowadays. Considering wandering what people think of them, how to act and over thinking everything.
most expressive brit
At the risk of ruining the humour, but in the hope of helping people who feel like they are making the same assumptions as listed around the 1:00 mark. They don't have to be the assumptions one makes. I propose the following, comforting alternatives:
1. I have eyes that I am forced to use and therefore unavoidably observe and assess the world around me.
2. As a result of a life of assessment, I have developed aesthetic tastes.
3. Without comment on your appearance at other times, I find your current appearance appeals to my aforesaid tastes.
4. I think it probable that this expression of my pleasure will cause you pleasure and so compensate you for the pleasure you have caused me by virtue of your appearance.
Good luck!
Addendum: After watching the full video I advise giving compliments under the above scheme only in one on one situations and only honestly. It is surprisingly easy to talk about other things and in group situations you can justify silence on looks with the concept that it would be simply too shallow of you to talk about looks when there are multiple (hopefully) interesting people to talk to about things that (are) actually (allowed to) matter.
Well done David. Sarcasm: you've just explained to 191,859 viewers the importance to study and major in a given language.
@Mayortwilleger She tends to get most attention and probably is most sociable, hence stands where both her friends can talk to her easily and she can talk to them.
To me it seems pretty straightforward. You use the individuals usual appearance as a baseline (assuming you know them enough to establish one), and if they look any meaningful amount better than the baseline established, you say they look particularly lovely this evening.
Dealing with groups I'd say it as more of an offhand remark, like "don't you ladies look lovely", as a substitute for hello. No one is left out or focused on, meaning no one gets hurt in the process.
" You use the individuals usual appearance as a baseline (assuming you know them enough to establish one), and if they look any meaningful amount better than the baseline established, you say they look particularly lovely this evening." -- This approach might work with the 1% of women who want their compliments to be accurately calibrated against an established baseline. For the other 99%, they want compliments based on how they feel/how they think they look/how much effort they put in/how much money they spent/some other random factor that you can't possibly be aware of.
Its a very elegant solution. I might carry around a mirror now.
Oh Clara, you're here too. LOL.
A mirror...
Genius!
i agree theres no correlation between appearence and being "nice"
I don't notice when people don't complement me but, when they do I feel fantastic for ages (unless it was from a creepy uncle type.)
'an embarrassment neutron bomb' Hahaha!
"Well, be sure to take the compliment easily but sincerely, better to look like a vein asshole than someone who's ready to leap on to anyone who'll notice their existence" I'm sure David Mitchell would say it something like that
Hand mirror is best.
I never give compliments based on appearance either. I don't have a problem with that because I don't want to be a superficial person. I get annoyed when people say those superficial things to me...
@VamLoveAndKisses ...there are... obvious cuts. And doubtlessly cue cards as well...
Maybe not make a compliment about her or his appearance, but rather say things like 'what a great expression of your creative mind, seen in your clothing choices'.
It does in a Bordell, I reckon.
I prefer the more straightforward "I love how you'll just wear anything :)"
Drew McNeely so you don't like her naked
Lizzi Beetle: That's the single wankiest thing I've ever heard, hah. If someone said that to me, I'm liable to violently throw up.
If someone said that to me, I'd take that as a thinly veiled insult, as the implication seems to be that I have terrible taste. Might as well say, "well, it's... different".
Clara, you’re also here. XD My god people would be saying that to me all the time if this is brought into play!
I call the pawpaw, but it never comes.
Tell it like it is Dave
Just...one....more...
silence or compliment all. simple. a "non negotiatiable social contract"
@fitzro And 9 people... were also here.
I thought you delivered that calf expertly! ! !
He's just like Mark in real life.
The one flaw is that we do call the stupid stupid, the poor poor and in this case the ugly ugly. All by omission
Surely false implications of personal attraction are something to avoid rather than seek. The general response to knowing someone is attracted to you that you are not attracted to is unease in their presence and should that person actually have been attracted to you you have just given them false hope that will eventaully bite you in the ass.
We would get along well. I hate being complimented.
Ahh his extreme logic kills me lol:D
A handmirror can also be used to spot vampires since they don't have reflections.
That's actually a myth.
@mattg109 He was referring to complementing woman you aren't fancying or pursuing in small talk. How is he completely wrong about the fact that he finds it hard to do this and the accompanying justification?
It's what I hate about flirting or complimenting a woman. You either be very nice and say something that praises her which actually is meant to be very innocent, but she'll jump to the conclusion you're trying something on. But, if your trying hardest to avoid that and not look like a perv, you'll use a more lower level compliment, to which she'll press you on why you think she's hideous, when actually you don't think she's hideous at all. You just wanted to be nice to her. Absolute death trap.
So funny xD - I also love how when u go too far info this subject it can cone across as vaguely sexist, but when David talks about it it just comes across as vaguely naive and out of total confusion lol
Pray why does the volume change on each of these?
Why am I only finding this in 2020?!
I didn't realise that I had the same issue until now. Better to just compliment nobody ay?
You look, like “this”. 😂😂
me too man, me too
This seemed like a long wind up, but the punchline was worth it.
OOh, you women! we say. Ooh you MEN, they say.
Perfect.
I'm gonna start carrying a mirror
Love the alphabetical names of the gals
I recognise myself from this description so much so that it's not even funny anymore.
Clara, you're also here.
I'm so clumsy at accepting compliments... "that dress looks great on you!"
me: "I know... that's why I bought it". And later it occurs to me that I should have said "thank you" or something...
I thought I was the only one.
Subjectively i need to exercise.
Normal people: You look nice
English teachers:
Rule #1. If they ask you how they look, you don't hesitate.
Rule #2. If they're a partner, BE CAREFUL
Rule #3. If they're a friend, pretty much anything goes.