I’ve learned that other people’s feelings (even about me) are none of my business, not my concern and most importantly, not my responsibility. The harder I try to be good enough, the more those people seem to hate me. That’s a game that I now refuse to engage in. There’s a lot to be said for the wisdom that comes with age and many hard experiences. It’s an extremely valuable and hard earned gift, actually.
@ResoluteRonin Or, you could be violating boundaries. People have a right to not hear your intuitive wisdom. In fact, true intuitive wisdom would reveal to you the wisdom of when not to share. Basic wisdom says share what is asked of you, nothing more. Learn to recognize boundaries. Don't violate other people's boundaries. In my experience, INFJs validate themselves for their failure (or inability) to not see, understand or respect boundaries. There is work that can be done to correct this tendency to violate boundaries. Improvement begins with understanding that boundaries exist and they vary with each individual.
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m older now and have experience with groups not liking me. I have been labeled too much, too sensitive or mentally ill. I’m happy to listen to you and your tips on how to see ourselves, rather than how others treat us. It is so important to be selective with the folks that surround you. Thanks
It is so important to be selective with who we allow around us. I don't know if I can stress this enough. Thank you so much for watching. I appreciate it.
Absolutely totally understand and embrace all of this I've always struggled with my unique personality I just recently embraced it as a beautiful gift from God
😢 I was actually going to look for a post like this today. I lost my in class friends last week and I feel horrible. Been abandoned so many times in my life. Every single friend I've made tends to leave, move, or we break up. I thought I was going to have friends in the field... now no and back to feeling abandoned and I'm in class with them still 😢
I'm sorry you have experienced this. I completely understand how you are feeling. But I assure you, once you find the right people who will accept you for who you are things get a whole lot better. I hope the video was helpful
The mirror statement is so true! I have always felt I can see inside people, I have an instant since of what type of person they are, and you are right, happy fakers hate to be caught!
I took a Myers Brigg personality test about 15 years ago. Result, INFJ. It was not that surprising. As my life up to that moment had been riddled with almost everything you mentioned in this video. I have stated to people I am not into small talk or have literally tried to turn the lightbulb on to people and their personality. Just recently I was told I always think outside the box. Yes, I have all my life. So much more I could say... This is a nice forum.
Trina, you are the blessing I have been waiting for! You are absolutely right, as the rarest personality type on the planet, I have feeling isolated my whole life and just finding you here. And now you brightened my entire day. Probably my entire outlook of my life here on forward. It's so hard to find people to click with. Thank you and the collective consciousness for bringing us together. 🥂
You are most welcome. Thank you for watching, I hope it was helpful. Finding people that we click with can be a challenge, If you are interested, I do host a virtual meet and greet where other INFJs come together and connect. The first session is sold out so I opened a second date for January, if you are interested the link is in the description of this video.
Growing up as an extreme introvert in middle America in the 70's brought mountains of criticism. You were graded on your class participation which I always did poorly on. In addition, both classmates and adults took extroversion as the beau ideal and I always felt there was something "wrong " with me. It wasn't until I escaped the midwest in the 80s that I realize how messed up that attitude was. I'd get people annoyed simply by being 'too quiet ." (Amongst a host of other things)
Me too!! This was almost exactly my experience. I live in the heart of redneck county Canada. If you do not fit into society’s box, then you are broken, wrong, and a piece of garbage that is completely useless. Being a deep introvert definitely did not fit inside their box. On a daily basis, I was made feel very bad and embarrassed about being quiet. I got the message from teachers, other parents, friends, and family that I was mentally handicapped and I truly believed this until I was in my late teens. Sadly, society hasn't changed a whole lot in my area. But now I just ignore their ignorance.
@trinabrettnell I'm glad to hear that. Out in New England where I've lived since the mid 80's, they're a lot more tolerant of eccentricities (of which I have several). It's also the least religious area in the US which is a big plus from my point of view. I'm actually still not 100% sure if I'm an INFJ or an INFP. I took a test 30 years ago and landed very slightly on the J side. I took another test within the last year and tested very slightly on the P side. I listened to a video about both types and about which was which and it left me confused. Suffice it to say I have characteristics of both categories and still uncertain. (Does it matter?)
This was interesting. All the INFJ videos I've watched say the same thing, which is good, and everything you said in this video is so spot on. We think differently and people don't know how to be around you. They don't know how to have conversations with you because you bring up things and their brain gets a glitch and don't know how to respond. So they look at you as being complicated. And the odd thing is, I think we make people think, and that's what they're uncomfortable with.
@@johncohan.mosh.5403 lol you ask a good question.. I guess it's like when we ask people what their astrology sign is.. now we might say, "what sign are you (and/or) what's your personality type".. they probably won't know, so then you'd bust out a personality type test and learn more about who your sitting with.. :)
Life would be so much easier if they did tattoo it on us at birth lol. You can discover your MBTI personality type by taking an assessment. I am a certified MBTI Practitioner and offer this to people. Or you can find free ones online that can help you start to discover who you are. A word of advice though, if you go with the free ones, be sure to answer the questions based who you are and how you feel, not based on who you have been told to be or told to feel. Will make the test more accurate
Thank you so much. Everything you mentioned was very validating. In particularly the part about how complex we are and how disheartening it can be was comforting. I've been working on being more open to forming relationships with people, and I've been getting caught up each time I have interactions with people because I realize I'm so complex. I've been aware of this about myself, but the extent that it's true is kind of scary. It's made me feel like I'm never going to have any friends or a partner because I'm just too deep, too authentic, and too sensitive. Thanks for the reminder at just the right time! Of course, there are other authentic people out there. Perhaps it'll just take more work on my part. This is great, I dont mind working more to find the right people, I had expected myself to just be able to meet people and make friends easily and that's just not what happens. Typically someone will talk to me or comment on my shoes or make small talk when I run errands, but my response is always not what they expect. It's too real, and they look terrified suddenly. I used to feel like a freak, but lately I've been frustrated with other people being so one dimensional. As I've embraced myself more, I feel more averse to most people and I think that's a good thing. Most people won't get me. Thanks for the space to write this! I am excited to find people who also have the same strengths.
Yeah, i have felt the same too. It's like they are not ready for my words, even in small talk. I do like to have meaningful discussions that lead to insight, and I can just see people's faces change from relaxed, to confused, to uncomfortable.
So helpful, thank you! Everything you spoke of are experiences I can relate with. Not got to the seeking out like minded folk but I feel that is coming soon on the agenda 🙌🏼
i personnaly feel very uncomfortable when facing a covert narcissist in a group cos most people trust this person mask and I see through and don't know how to interact especially with autism....
Practice detachment for universal approval. Seek those who value depth, authenticity and… in person is SO much better than online - need local intersectional social justice oriented. Build connections with those who appreciate you.
I loved this video. Too bad the slot is full. I have always wondered why some people just hate me for no reason. I kinda accepted that but took it personally for a long time, until I learned to look within me and love me for who I am. And if other people cant accept me, Im in the wtong crowd. But it still stings to be alone, even if its what I chose that to be with people who are fake and superficial. I need now reach out to my own people, thanks for that tidbit of knowledge.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate it. I have opened up another INFJ Meet & Greet, if you are still interested, I have put the link to the second Meet & Greet in the description of this video.
We don’t have to share our insights and deep thoughts. It’s ok to not share! Tolerate the nervousness that comes in the awkward silence. Don’t allow them to gaslight you.
This is interesting but what do you have to say to someone who's so burnt out from all the judgement that trying to find people who would appreciate them just seems like an insurmountable task that'd never be possible?
I would suggest to them to step back and give themselves room to breathe. Then I would suggest they get to know who they are and give themselves permission to be themselves. I would encourage them to understand that society shoves peoples into boxes that dictates how we live our life and if we don't live up to those "rules" then we are not worthy, we are judged, ridiculed and pushed away. This is a false belief created from a lack of understanding. INFJs will never fit in that box, so I say burn the damn box. Accept who you are and love all parts of yourself. Once you can do that, those judgments become background noise that we pay no attention to. I don't know if that was helpful but I hope it was.
Practice detachment for universal approval. Seek those who value depth, authenticity and… in person is SO much better than online - need local intersectional social justice oriented. Build connections with those who appreciate you.
I’ve learned that other people’s feelings (even about me) are none of my business, not my concern and most importantly, not my responsibility.
The harder I try to be good enough, the more those people seem to hate me. That’s a game that I now refuse to engage in.
There’s a lot to be said for the wisdom that comes with age and many hard experiences. It’s an extremely valuable and hard earned gift, actually.
I think it may be more accurate to say that we get gaslit for sharing our intuitive wisdom with others who are not read for it.
Yeah exactly right
💯% ... Nailed it! 🎯
@ResoluteRonin Or, you could be violating boundaries. People have a right to not hear your intuitive wisdom. In fact, true intuitive wisdom would reveal to you the wisdom of when not to share. Basic wisdom says share what is asked of you, nothing more. Learn to recognize boundaries. Don't violate other people's boundaries. In my experience, INFJs validate themselves for their failure (or inability) to not see, understand or respect boundaries. There is work that can be done to correct this tendency to violate boundaries. Improvement begins with understanding that boundaries exist and they vary with each individual.
You hit it. I make people uncomfortable and I know no one. I am clueless
Thank you!❤After 66 years I finally realized the only people that actually like me are the ones that like themselves.
That is so true. That is what I found too. And the ones I want to be around are the ones who truly love themselves.
Thank you for watching.
This just re-enforces my decision to stay away from the rest of humans after 60 years.
I do the same.
Same here. Been gaslit too many times.
Folks are inherently insecure and competitive. It's truly frustrating. Thanks for the video.
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m older now and have experience with groups not liking me. I have been labeled too much, too sensitive or mentally ill. I’m happy to listen to you and your tips on how to see ourselves, rather than how others treat us. It is so important to be selective with the folks that surround you. Thanks
It is so important to be selective with who we allow around us. I don't know if I can stress this enough.
Thank you so much for watching. I appreciate it.
Absolutely totally understand and embrace all of this I've always struggled with my unique personality I just recently embraced it as a beautiful gift from God
I love this! Thank you for sharing
Emotional sensitivity with intellectual depth!
😢 I was actually going to look for a post like this today. I lost my in class friends last week and I feel horrible. Been abandoned so many times in my life. Every single friend I've made tends to leave, move, or we break up. I thought I was going to have friends in the field... now no and back to feeling abandoned and I'm in class with them still 😢
I'm sorry you have experienced this. I completely understand how you are feeling. But I assure you, once you find the right people who will accept you for who you are things get a whole lot better.
I hope the video was helpful
The mirror statement is so true! I have always felt I can see inside people, I have an instant since of what type of person they are, and you are right, happy fakers hate to be caught!
Helpful
I took a Myers Brigg personality test about 15 years ago. Result, INFJ. It was not that surprising. As my life up to that moment had been riddled with almost everything you mentioned in this video. I have stated to people I am not into small talk or have literally tried to turn the lightbulb on to people and their personality. Just recently I was told I always think outside the box. Yes, I have all my life. So much more I could say...
This is a nice forum.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate it. INFJs are amazing at thinking outside the box, it's our superpower 😁
Trina, you are the blessing I have been waiting for! You are absolutely right, as the rarest personality type on the planet, I have feeling isolated my whole life and just finding you here. And now you brightened my entire day. Probably my entire outlook of my life here on forward. It's so hard to find people to click with. Thank you and the collective consciousness for bringing us together. 🥂
You are most welcome. Thank you for watching, I hope it was helpful.
Finding people that we click with can be a challenge, If you are interested, I do host a virtual meet and greet where other INFJs come together and connect. The first session is sold out so I opened a second date for January, if you are interested the link is in the description of this video.
Your commitment to the depth. The right people will appreciate this gift.
Growing up as an extreme introvert in middle America in the 70's brought mountains of criticism. You were graded on your class participation which I always did poorly on. In addition, both classmates and adults took extroversion as the beau ideal and I always felt there was something "wrong " with me. It wasn't until I escaped the midwest in the 80s that I realize how messed up that attitude was. I'd get people annoyed simply by being 'too quiet ." (Amongst a host of other things)
Me too!!
This was almost exactly my experience. I live in the heart of redneck county Canada. If you do not fit into society’s box, then you are broken, wrong, and a piece of garbage that is completely useless. Being a deep introvert definitely did not fit inside their box. On a daily basis, I was made feel very bad and embarrassed about being quiet. I got the message from teachers, other parents, friends, and family that I was mentally handicapped and I truly believed this until I was in my late teens.
Sadly, society hasn't changed a whole lot in my area. But now I just ignore their ignorance.
@trinabrettnell I'm glad to hear that. Out in New England where I've lived since the mid 80's, they're a lot more tolerant of eccentricities (of which I have several). It's also the least religious area in the US which is a big plus from my point of view. I'm actually still not 100% sure if I'm an INFJ or an INFP. I took a test 30 years ago and landed very slightly on the J side. I took another test within the last year and tested very slightly on the P side. I listened to a video about both types and about which was which and it left me confused. Suffice it to say I have characteristics of both categories and still uncertain. (Does it matter?)
This was interesting. All the INFJ videos I've watched say the same thing, which is good, and everything you said in this video is so spot on. We think differently and people don't know how to be around you. They don't know how to have conversations with you because you bring up things and their brain gets a glitch and don't know how to respond. So they look at you as being complicated. And the odd thing is, I think we make people think, and that's what they're uncomfortable with.
Exactly, and often they put blame on us for their uncomfort with themselves.
Thank you for watching
Thank you, I needed to hear this as a 26 yr old INFJ .
You're most welcome, I hope it was helpful
Besides other INFJs, find yourself a great INTP to hang out withm very complementary personalities!
Good to know, thanks 😊
How do we know o e ,not like they tattoo there personality on themselves
@@johncohan.mosh.5403 lol you ask a good question..
I guess it's like when we ask people what their astrology sign is.. now we might say, "what sign are you (and/or) what's your personality type".. they probably won't know, so then you'd bust out a personality type test and learn more about who your sitting with.. :)
Yes, INFJs get along fantastic with INTPs.
Life would be so much easier if they did tattoo it on us at birth lol.
You can discover your MBTI personality type by taking an assessment. I am a certified MBTI Practitioner and offer this to people. Or you can find free ones online that can help you start to discover who you are. A word of advice though, if you go with the free ones, be sure to answer the questions based who you are and how you feel, not based on who you have been told to be or told to feel.
Will make the test more accurate
Thank you so much. Everything you mentioned was very validating. In particularly the part about how complex we are and how disheartening it can be was comforting. I've been working on being more open to forming relationships with people, and I've been getting caught up each time I have interactions with people because I realize I'm so complex. I've been aware of this about myself, but the extent that it's true is kind of scary. It's made me feel like I'm never going to have any friends or a partner because I'm just too deep, too authentic, and too sensitive. Thanks for the reminder at just the right time! Of course, there are other authentic people out there. Perhaps it'll just take more work on my part. This is great, I dont mind working more to find the right people, I had expected myself to just be able to meet people and make friends easily and that's just not what happens. Typically someone will talk to me or comment on my shoes or make small talk when I run errands, but my response is always not what they expect. It's too real, and they look terrified suddenly. I used to feel like a freak, but lately I've been frustrated with other people being so one dimensional. As I've embraced myself more, I feel more averse to most people and I think that's a good thing. Most people won't get me. Thanks for the space to write this! I am excited to find people who also have the same strengths.
Thank you so much for sharing. Keep searching for your people. They are out there waiting for you 🥰
Yeah, i have felt the same too. It's like they are not ready for my words, even in small talk. I do like to have meaningful discussions that lead to insight, and I can just see people's faces change from relaxed, to confused, to uncomfortable.
So helpful, thank you! Everything you spoke of are experiences I can relate with. Not got to the seeking out like minded folk but I feel that is coming soon on the agenda 🙌🏼
I love how you said burn the box. This is a great video.
Thank you for watching, I hope it was helpful
i personnaly feel very uncomfortable when facing a covert narcissist in a group cos most people trust this person mask and I see through and don't know how to interact especially with autism....
Flee from them.
Love your deep insights. Thank you 🙏
Yes! OMG! Thanks for tqlkinf about this.
You are most welcome, I hope it was helpful.
Thank you for watching.
Omg this is me. Always felt different
Why is that there are so many self esteem crushing videos about how people hate us
Practice detachment for universal approval. Seek those who value depth, authenticity and… in person is SO much better than online - need local intersectional social justice oriented. Build connections with those who appreciate you.
I loved this video. Too bad the slot is full.
I have always wondered why some people just hate me for no reason. I kinda accepted that but took it personally for a long time, until I learned to look within me and love me for who I am. And if other people cant accept me, Im in the wtong crowd. But it still stings to be alone, even if its what I chose that to be with people who are fake and superficial. I need now reach out to my own people, thanks for that tidbit of knowledge.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate it.
I have opened up another INFJ Meet & Greet, if you are still interested, I have put the link to the second Meet & Greet in the description of this video.
We don’t have to share our insights and deep thoughts. It’s ok to not share! Tolerate the nervousness that comes in the awkward silence. Don’t allow them to gaslight you.
Exactly 🥰
This is interesting but what do you have to say to someone who's so burnt out from all the judgement that trying to find people who would appreciate them just seems like an insurmountable task that'd never be possible?
I would suggest to them to step back and give themselves room to breathe. Then I would suggest they get to know who they are and give themselves permission to be themselves. I would encourage them to understand that society shoves peoples into boxes that dictates how we live our life and if we don't live up to those "rules" then we are not worthy, we are judged, ridiculed and pushed away. This is a false belief created from a lack of understanding. INFJs will never fit in that box, so I say burn the damn box. Accept who you are and love all parts of yourself. Once you can do that, those judgments become background noise that we pay no attention to.
I don't know if that was helpful but I hope it was.
I’ve never heard of INFJ.
It's one of the 16 personality types based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.
Hi ❤
Hello, Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate it.
WHY don't you DEFINE "INFJ" ??!!
Because the people I do these videos for already know what INFJ means.
It's 1 of the 16 personality types based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
There ia s free online test called Meyer's Briggs personality test. @@Mark-ch8pi
Too intense. Don’t fit into their simple categories. Burn the box!
Practice detachment for universal approval. Seek those who value depth, authenticity and… in person is SO much better than online - need local intersectional social justice oriented. Build connections with those who appreciate you.
In person is better, but in my case, I live in a small town and have only ever met 1 other INGJ in my town, so online was better for me.