Agreed! Really takes a special type of person. My aunt has worked at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) here in Toronto for like 30 years with troubled / damaged youth. She has had kids spit in her face countless times, stabbed with pens / pencils, called every name in the book, etc, etc. Yet she still has an endlessly capacity for empathy & understanding, and always willing to continue working towards progress Much respect to you Tonette
@Day-ZDuke wow, that's a dedicated solid person. You have to really care in order to do the work your aunt does. Two recent events in the last six months motivated me to go on the path I am. My close friend overdosed on fentynal at the age of 37. The other is that I live in one of the most dangerous areas in town and saw two young men shooting each other literally 10 feet away from me. They both died. We'd just talked to one of the guys a minute before. I think about the family living through that level of trauma. I might delete this comment later. Every day, I walk by the spot where it happened. I'd love for those who judge harshly to walk in the survivors' shoes. I appreciate your kindness.
Hi Mark, Iwatched your "update" video yesterday, and just have to say how happy I am to hear about ALL THE LOVE that people shared and commented and defended you about with the "Tyler scandal thing".... we love your hard work and your ENORMOUS AMOUNT of generosity to everyone!!! Nothing but love from Minneapolis Minnesota ❤️
Mark needs to link people like the Whittakars to social services and also the other people he interviews who are suffering in life - he says he does not want to delve into helping the subjects he interviews - so at least he can connect them to organizations that do
To be so coherent and compassionate after a rough rough start in life is awe inspiring. I thank you for telling your story. To those who wonder why I listen to such stories: what to do? Watch reruns of The Brady Bunch BS? Life is hard, sometimes unbearable. But we must bear it. It's the only successful way out, ironically. Hearing how others in their circumstances are making it thru gives one strength, hope and inspiration. Keep going you wonderful lady!
Wow. Thank you for your comment! I get it! I would watch documentaries like Black Tar Heroin, or Streetwise versus syrupy shows in my youth. Inherently, life is hard. It's full of surprises. Death is the only escape from life, I'm choosing life. ❤
I've searched soooooo long to find others in my situation. To be understood. To be heard. This is my calling now. No one will take it from me. ❤❤❤❤ thank you for the compassion
Classic example of we should never ever judge anyone because we don’t know what other people are going thru and have experienced - thankfully she made it thru such terrible things and trying to make a difference
Great interview Mark. Thank you. My mom was orphaned at 5 yrs old. Her parents both died at age 25. I can understand what a big difference a good grandmother is in a childs life. Its great this woman had a good grand mom. My cousin went to Nam also, he was in a heavy fighting area. They were just kids, drafted most of them, that had to go in that war. My cousin came back so mentally messed up he could not even hold a job. I understand what it did to her dad and her mom with the toughest mental illness there is. Very sad for both her parents. I wish this woman much success, in her recovery and in the wonderful field she chose to work in.
Thank YOU! Hugs to you and your mom. I hope your cousin has some peace. Your cousin and my father were kids pushed into a war for those in power. Like your cousin, my father saw brutal combat losing his comrades in front of him, civilians being weaponized. My biological father saw children, pregnant women being used as pawns with bombs strapped to them. Mortifying. I send you and your family much ❤️
To this young woman, I would like to reassure you that it’s most likely true about your father. My ex-husband was in Vietnam, and he came back with horrible PTSD. Our marriage was a disaster, and like an idiot, I got pregnant with my daughter. It took me 20 years to escape that nightmare, but not without serious consequences. I’m so sorry for you, your mother, and your siblings. May you find peace somehow.🙏🙏🙏
Thank you ❤️ I'm glad you got out. Untreated PTSD is no joke. Back in the day, i remember they called it shell-shock, and the war in Vietnam was ghastly. There was an attempt to get my biological parents' help that didn't pan out.I'm glad you're out of that marriage. You are a resilient human being. ♥️ it sucks that strength and being resilient comes at a heavy price. After I finish my degree at the end of this year might take a few semesters off before i transfer to get my BS in Criminal Justice to heal more, slow down, then move from the hell hole place im currently living at, travel, volunteer so I can have peace. I feel this ending and beginning. I wish you well in your journey.
Mark, I discovered your channel during the whole lockdown situation/ pandemic. I have come to have enormous respect for the work you do. The empathy, and respect you show the people is nothing short of Christian, and loving. You keep plugging!
I made all the way to the end, of, “You broke the cycle”, and then lost it. ❤This is just another example of an interview that will help so many people and families, to end the cycle. How Wonderful. The human spirit.
Wow, your mom (grandma) is one strong, brave, and courageous lady! Kudos to her for saving you and your siblings. I can't imagine having to navigate through, and take responsibility for you kids. She did an amazing job raising you. Another brave, strong, and resilient woman! Congratulations on breaking the cycle! All the best to you with your degree, and your advocacy work! It really does take one to know one. It also takes that same one to help heal one. I believe that truly from my own trauma and experience. You're amazing!
I'm the same age as Tonette. Continuing education is an integral part of shoring up our worth as a human being. I grew up in a dysfunctional childhood as well. I think some people are born with a strong inner will. And yes, I agree, having the support of even one person helps improve our odds. With your degree in criminal justice, you would make an excellent victims advocate. Thank you Mark and Tonette for sharing an excellent interview.
What an inspiring story of resilience! There is such a grey area, like pointed out here, between abuser/abused, perpetrator/victim etc...few, really no one is solely one or the other, and so often the kids are just erased from the conversation entirely. Here's proof that you can not only survive, but also thrive and even advocate for others. Thanks for your bravery in sharing your story. Many will relate.
My partners parents died in a murder suicide. His mother shot his father then herself. They were both victims and the family. I get it. Thanks for sharing I think your really strong and brave. Keep fighting the good fight. ❤
What?? Rebecca is not running this channel. Mark has been doing a wonderful compassionate job before Rebecca came along. Don’t give Rebecca too much credit. Ridiculous statement. WTH?
interesting story. The chaos of her parents' lives created waves that are still rippling through the lives of everyone around them, that's so selfish to do especially with children. It's good to see someone from that kind of background so determined to move forward despite all that.
Thank you ❤️ in my brain there's no choice. I do take responsibility for my choices (been in counseling sporadically off and on then did two stints of IOP, counseling the past two years)that being said myself, my siblings deserved support and love. Keeping my biological father's story alive also motivates me. REST IN POWER GLENN CHARLES GAUTHIER 🙏
Tonette, you are an amazing person. I especially agree with your statements on empathy. Our society would be much further ahead if people had more empathy for each other.
I'm very impressed by your compassion for your grandfather and both of your parents while not condoning their behavior., and the criminal justice system sorely needs more advocates like you who can see many different sides of the story .
I feel that some folks think me figuring out the how's and why's of his behavior is condoning it. I appreciate you seeing I'd never condone what he did. My biological mother was born into a situation where she was gas lit, which messed up her brain. Her & her siblings had experienced living with a bi-polar alcoholic violent sexually abusive father. He abused my grandmother physically, sexually and she(grandma mom) was 16 and a half when she got pregnant. The courts made my grandfather marry her two days after his 18th birthday. My mom's ( grandma) father had immigrated from Yugoslavia( now Croatia). I want to say that in the 1920s, he came to America. My mom's (grandma ) mother died when she was 10, being the matriarch of the household, translating for him, cooking, etc. I heard my great grandfather was a great man. That's my goal! Otherwise, my biological father's life would be on vain. Thanks for your support!
She has so much to say and could talk for hours. I believe that is why she bounced around so much. One story led to another and kept taking her off track. Bless her heart and I wish her the best in life.
Thank you ❤ I'll be speaking to a Harvard researcher named Bethany Kotlar PhD '24 on Friday! I'm the first adult born in prison she's talked for her studies. Years of feeling misunderstood and isolated sucks.
Only thing mom told me about dad was, 1. He's an abusive alcoholic pill popper (speed) 2. I'm just like him. Considering I never met him even once this bothers me to this very day. She never told me why she was with an abusive alcoholic pill popper. I never bothered to ask. I have come to my own conclusions. These "personality types" tend to stick to their own kind so to speak. I'm 50 now. No desire for children. I think I broke the cycle....finally.
Tonette, so glad you turned out so well despite a rough start and chaotic childhood. You’ll save a lot of children, and help break the cycle of abuse, crime, and addiction. All it takes is one person to show they care and have faith in them.
Girl!!! Go get you masters!!! We both have had similar adverse traumas as children but survivors that have made with through the fire can help pull other people out too. I’m getting my masters in Marriage and family therapy. I never would have thought I’d be there. You can do ANYTHING!! ❤
My new favorite interview! Thank you for sharing your story. My other favorite interview is with the divorce lawyer. Thank you Mark for what you do for all of those that have a story to tell!
You are amazing! I love when you were saying “I’m not going out like this…just NO.” I’m not sure where there kind of will comes from but it seems like a lot of people don’t have it and very sadly collapse under the weight of life events that they didn’t even create. How can one cultivate that spirit, that fight?
Thank you for having the courage to share your story and please believe me when I say that I can definitely relate to the whole growing up in chaos to say the least!! My very own big brother put me and my sisters and even male members in the family threw some pretty awful sexual abuse which also included some of his very own children as well to the point of him finally receiving a 40 year prison sentence for only just what he did to one of his own little girls but out of 40 years he only ends getting released after only serving 9 of those years!!! And because of the horrible things he did to her she ended up killing herself at just 24 years old and her brother my nephew ended up taking a hammer and hitting his pregnant girlfriend 37 plus times and getting charged with double murder because she was so far along in her pregnancy and even though my nephew was my very best friend growing up and would hardly even kill a spider much less another human being and his own unborn precious little baby it's still just so very unreal to me is all I can say about that!! And believe me I could go on and on and on about my family story and my adult story as well I have even been asked to write a book about it before but in a comment here on Sweet Marks show isn't really the place for all that but for the record I would absolutely love to be able to be in that chair sharing it all one day it's actually a dream I have lol!❤ And hey Mark I'm originally from north Carolina born and raised but I ended up getting with my daughters daddy and he was from good ole West By God Virginia lol!! And I fell in love with it and the people there that I was there just 3 days and went back to NC packed up everything I owned at 17 and never went back home to NC for 17 years lol and I actually only lived just a few minutes away from Ray and Betty and all of them so you can only imagine when I first saw them on the show lol!! Don't get me wrong there's nothing in the world I wouldn't have done for them at one time and still don't want to see anything bad happen to any of them but the way you have ended up being treated by them has beyond really really bothered me and actually broke my heart for you because you of ALL PEOPLE don't deserve any of that from anyone especially them and I'm truly sorry that after all you have done for not only them but countless of others that anyone would ever be ok with treating you like that and making you feel they have 😔😔 By the way my name is Melissa and I'm not sure why it doesn't show up my name when I comment on things instead of those crazy numbers lol????
Because you've never changed your username in your TH-cam settings. But if you ever write a book, you're going to need punctuation. If you want to be interviewed on software underbelly, you need to email him at the address he gave you in that last video about the channel update
You exemplify what it is to know your true self at this point in your life...hard fought. Thank you for sharing your strengths and struggles and your family's. You're fierce in the eyes of opposition!
This is one of the most encouraging videos you have posted to date Mark. Tonette went t though hel. she struggled and then made a choice to rise above it. Its not easy. Many cant do it. She did. Want to honour and celebrate this woman!!❤️❤️❤️
Unbelievable but true, 17 year old boys, back in the days, were forced to go to war. My cousin served 3 years in Nam (18 if I remember right). I served civil war (17, Europe), short time.
Wow. I'm curious what your experience was like. Was your cousin In active combat during his service? Most of biological father's military records were destroyed in a fire. My sister found what was left. I do know he saw horrible atrocities during his time.
In a documentary I watched recently, it talked about kids as young as 13 fighting for some European nations during WW1 & 2. Obviously record keeping was not fool proof back then, and honestly they probably were willing to take anyone who would fight at some points. And I wouldn’t be surprised if in some circumstances, some youth were forced to go to war even at 14, 15 or 16
Tonette, you might get more info if you contact the headquarters of whichever branch of service he was in, and request his records. It's worth a shot, maybe it'll fill in some info gaps for you if you can get ahold of his service records. Good luck!
@@MedusasFeelinSalty I'm going to search through my emails this week to see what I have from his military records to compile a timeline of his life. There's also court transcripts I have tried in vain to obtain from Yolo County.
It does seem that she's all over the place but that in itself says a lot. She likely has not unpacked all the trauma she endored enough to fully speak on it. Speaking on relationships in general was avoided. Such as; when did the abuse start with her grandfather? Did her grandmother know? The dynamic of her marriage (?), how did it effect her raising her own child? The acceptance of her child's gender identity (I'm assuming since she only referred to her child as "they/them". Ultimately it's ok that she didn't want to speak on these things.While it didn't make for the best story, it simply means that she has to be able to unpack it all for herself first.
You are spot on about unpacking the trauma. There's so much to tell and only a short amount of time. I wanted to get into more detail but only had 30 plus minutes. Maybe I'll be back in the future to tell more ❤if Mark is cool with that
In this video Tonette speaks on the dysfunctional trauma in her early life and at the same time listening to the way she tells her story you see the effects it has had on her through the way she tells her story… very hard to follow
I'm only 5 minutes in & can't follow. I'm a PTSD survivor. I sometimes sound like this. Too many memories climbing over one another, to be heard/told... It sounds like she's succeeding. Going by comments.
The ability to hear so many random strangers stories, keeps us off the streets where we normally wouldn't Choose to find a way to talk to most of the people on SWU. The internet really changed the definition of Socializing, and getting feedback from hundreds of commenters all at once...what a new age we're in!
I love this young lady story! She’s so strong and brave. It’s heartbreaking that people have to be so mean. She’s gone through a lot and she broke the cycle. Words hurt people and why people want to hurt someone who is being open and honest about her life to hopefully help others. I hope people who left harsh comments will stop and think about how your words might affect the people who are brave enough to tell their story to help others. Thank you Tonette for sharing your story. ❤❤❤
Tonette! You're absolutely amazing, so strong and incredibly courageous. I'm the Princess no one could shut up. But you almost did that! I'm a bit lost for words. There's so much I have to digest, your story is mind blowing. How on earth you're still standing, not doing drugs, and even have finished an amazing education! You're going to be AMAZING working in that field. You're going to make such an impact, your knowledge is worth gold for people who struggle. I wish you the world, you deserve it! Keep fighting! Lots of love from Norway ❤️
Wow....what a life! I remember when I was much younger, I would watch a show on TV and see someone having a baby in prison, and I'd think, I wonder what kind of a life they had.....now to hear someone is wild! My heart goes out to her, and she's a survivor...She put out a lot of stuff she's been through in just a half hour. Sometimes the way she'd tell a story, you could tell she had so much to say that it kept taking her in different directions, so it was kinda all over the place, then I remembered the title, "Raised in Chaos"....with that said, it's no wonder. But she's got a lot to offer this world with what she has gone through. My prayers to you Tonette, keep going! (*this is someone I think that her story could be sold in a book...if she doesn't have any experience, she could hire or get with someone and share her life stories & have them tell it)
It's been a journey! Back in the day I started to do "interviews". I use the term lightly using social media to message one person in particular...Mikal Gilmore who was a writer for Rolling Stone magazine. He was the brother of Gary Gilmore Gilmore's who killed two young men in Utah, choosing death by firing squad as an atonement. The death penalty had been reinstated by the Supreme Court in 1976 .Gary Gilmore was the first person to be executed after the ruling. Mikal Gilmore probably doesn't remember my interview. Biggest inspiration as a writer encouraging me to write! Please read this, and My Dark Places by James Ellroy! en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shot_in_the_Heart
She reminds me of my own mother. She was abused sexually & physically, she had me even though my dad wasn’t around I’ve had a great life like she said her child does ☺️
State hospitals are really rough. I visited them professionally and they were at times terrifying. I cannot imagine being a patient there and locked up with no escape. My experience in the hospitals was in the late 70’s early 80’s. They are most definitely needed though.
Super interesting Interview! She is so awesome! Must be extremly hard to have so much conflict about all that happend. I think she made the best decisions for herself and i am absolutely sure she will be great in her field she choose. She knows both sides of such tragic Storys and is very empathic. Big hugs!!!!
Hugs back ❤ it's complex being related to someone who killed my biological father, and my biological mother who took his life. I see both sides of the coin 🪙.
She made it through this, incredibly. Now, sadly, she probably is talking about this to everybody who wants to listen, like some sort of therapy. Nothing is her fault in this, but she needs the world to know what happened to her and how it was unfair. She hasn't made it accross the desert yet and probably never will, but she has the will, so she will be alright.
I was trying to educate people that these things happened, and my goal was that. I'm involved in many volunteer activities to prevent/minimize this. And I'm in therapy. Besides that, I have a good life with many friends, music, going on long walks, family, school, and my work. I'm also an avid reader. ❤
You have to remember with these interviews that you're seeing one snippet condensed with some of the survivors' lives in some cases. Some of us don't live 24/7 in this place. I also have cats to keep me busy, lol. Of course, it impacted me, but i don't seek out people as therapy. I live a very good life. Thanks for the comment and your insight.
@@horroraugogo - Talking to people about this is a valid way to go through anything impacting your life, so my comment wasn't negative, but much more of a pattern, a little bit like a grieving person and the stages that are always a little bit the same for everyone. I lost one of my kid during the pandemic, 24 yo, and i would not be here if I hadn't had the opportunity to express this pain that will forever remain, but i am taming with time.
Thanks for clarifying. I understand what you mean now. My heart goes out to you. Grief is complex. Healing is complex. I took a class decades ago called The Psychology of Death & Dying by Tom Bruce. It was one of the absolute best college courses i took! I want to recommend looking him up. TH-cam will not let me link his interview. We studied Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who I also recommend. Look me up if you want to converse. My heart goes out to you ❤@freedoms2010
I posted 2 comments, but they got deleted😮. thanks for clarifying. I was recommending a former teacher, Tom Bruce. Best college course ever called the Psychology of Death and Dying. I recommend looking up his interviews@freedoms2010
You are so strong as to SURVIVE in tact with your sanity. Very good lesson as well in Listening Skills. For her life was as hard as trying to untangle a mass of Xmas lights.
Congratulations Tonette on all your degrees! You are strong! You are smart! And thank you Mark, my mind is getting clearer and clearer why people have failed miserably in life. They never stood a chance. Tonette maybe one of the lucky ones. DO NOT JUDGE and love your neighbor.
Thank you! AS transfer degree should be finished up in fall semester. Despite what I went through I am one of the lucky ones. These are my people. Those who live on the fringes
Tonette, you are 100% you. I like to think of DNA as Legos or craft supplies. You picked out a combination of pieces offered up, and put them together. You are unique because of who you are.
@xxxxxx-tq4mw yes that rife was very effective. It was light and had a high rate of fire and packed a punch. In 1914 in the hands of England's small professional army it gave the Germans fits!
So all of you guys understood her story? It was very difficult for me to follow her train of thought and i would love to hear more so i can understand everything.
Heyy there. If you can find me online feel free to get clarification. I'm also going to be in a book written by Bethany Koltar phd that explains my beginning.
22:47 I think also people have a very hard time understanding when an adult is telling them a story that they were a child when all this is happening. People just can’t really see the adult as the child they just think of this all happened to you when you were an adult even though logically they do understand it emotionally they don’t. I know this for my own experience thinking about myself and the kind of things I went through and I have a friend who had a child was three when I met him and he’s now nine years old and it really put in place like people are doing such terrible things to me when I was younger than this child and I can’t imagine doing those types of things to this child.
Very confusing to listen to her but its obvious She has been severely emotionally abused. Very mixed up! I wish her the best. 🙏 Its not HER fault her story is all over the place. Hard to follow this.
Unfortunately, yes. I appreciate the honesty and compassion ❤ the prison pumped my biological mother full of psych drugs In utero, no prenatal care plus trauma etc. I believe it impacts how my brain works to this day.
@@horroraugogoit's also a very stressful situation to be trying to think of what to say on the spot and in such a limited time. Some people are more 'natural' speakers, but most people aren't, nothing wrong with that. It's very brave to share your story, thanks for doing the interview.
@@horroraugogoyou are brave to share your story, may reach a person who needed to hear a message. You held yourself together much better than I would if I were sitting there telling my story on camera.
Her Mother has multiple personalities from the abuse from her Father and her husband! Remember that! So sad her Grandma stayed with the abusive Grandpa! Nobody had a chance here! So sad!!! I wish and pray for the best!!!
I'd say it's schizophrenia. My biological father to my knowledge didn't abuse her, but again, I wasn't there to confirm that. It is sad she stayed. It's sad that family members knew my grandfather was abusive to them, yet as adults saw my grandfather's sexually inappropriate and physically abusive behavior towards us but did nothing about it. He threatened to kill our pets, pulled a weapon on my brother, made really disgusting comments I can't repeat about my body, we got physically abused with belts. Thank you ❤❤❤
It's my understanding that pregnant women in prison don't get prenatal vitamins, which I find shocking. Doesn't EVERY child deserve the best possible staart in life? Maybe so-called pro-lifers could direct their efforts towards ensuring that?
I agree! My biological mother was sent to Vacaville prison at first for diagnostic studies. They decided Frontera women's prison could give her adequate mental care she needed. Pumped full of Thorazine/Haldol, put in restraints,her teeth fell out. You'd think pro lifers would put their money where their mouth is and advocate for pregnant incarcerated women to get basic prenatal care!
The world needs people like you Tonette. Working with non verbal and damaged children is a calling. I wish you all the best.
Thank you! ❤
Agreed! Really takes a special type of person. My aunt has worked at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) here in Toronto for like 30 years with troubled / damaged youth. She has had kids spit in her face countless times, stabbed with pens / pencils, called every name in the book, etc, etc. Yet she still has an endlessly capacity for empathy & understanding, and always willing to continue working towards progress
Much respect to you Tonette
@@horroraugogoYou’re so incredibly strong and resilient. You ARE enough and you ARE making a difference. Go YOU! ❤️🩹
@Day-ZDuke wow, that's a dedicated solid person. You have to really care in order to do the work your aunt does. Two recent events in the last six months motivated me to go on the path I am. My close friend overdosed on fentynal at the age of 37. The other is that I live in one of the most dangerous areas in town and saw two young men shooting each other literally 10 feet away from me. They both died. We'd just talked to one of the guys a minute before. I think about the family living through that level of trauma. I might delete this comment later. Every day, I walk by the spot where it happened. I'd love for those who judge harshly to walk in the survivors' shoes. I appreciate your kindness.
Yes, how articulate
Hi Mark, Iwatched your "update" video yesterday, and just have to say how happy I am to hear about ALL THE LOVE that people shared and commented and defended you about with the "Tyler scandal thing".... we love your hard work and your ENORMOUS AMOUNT of generosity to everyone!!! Nothing but love from Minneapolis Minnesota ❤️
Well said. Nothing but love from Tampa ❤
Nothing but love from Kolkata, India.
Same, from Birmingham, Alabama. Much love and ✌️
Ditto, from New Mexico!
Mark needs to link people like the Whittakars to social services and also the other people he interviews who are suffering in life - he says he does not want to delve into helping the subjects he interviews - so at least he can connect them to organizations that do
To be so coherent and compassionate after a rough rough start in life is awe inspiring. I thank you for telling your story. To those who wonder why I listen to such stories: what to do? Watch reruns of The Brady Bunch BS? Life is hard, sometimes unbearable. But we must bear it. It's the only successful way out, ironically. Hearing how others in their circumstances are making it thru gives one strength, hope and inspiration. Keep going you wonderful lady!
Wow. Thank you for your comment! I get it! I would watch documentaries like Black Tar Heroin, or Streetwise versus syrupy shows in my youth. Inherently, life is hard. It's full of surprises. Death is the only escape from life, I'm choosing life. ❤
This world sorely needs ppl with your strength and intelligence. Especially now@@horroraugogo
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s inspiring to hear someone who suffered so much, still wants to help others who are struggling. 🙏🏽
I've searched soooooo long to find others in my situation. To be understood. To be heard. This is my calling now. No one will take it from me. ❤❤❤❤ thank you for the compassion
Awww, Tonette, you are someone I would love to have as a friend. So genuine and humble. Thank you for sharing your story.
Classic example of we should never ever judge anyone because we don’t know what other people are going thru and have experienced - thankfully she made it thru such terrible things and trying to make a difference
Great interview Mark. Thank you. My mom was orphaned at 5 yrs old. Her parents both died at age 25. I can understand what a big difference a good grandmother is in a childs life. Its great this woman had a good grand mom. My cousin went to Nam also, he was in a heavy fighting area. They were just kids, drafted most of them, that had to go in that war. My cousin came back so mentally messed up he could not even hold a job. I understand what it did to her dad and her mom with the toughest mental illness there is. Very sad for both her parents. I wish this woman much success, in her recovery and in the wonderful field she chose to work in.
Thank YOU! Hugs to you and your mom. I hope your cousin has some peace. Your cousin and my father were kids pushed into a war for those in power. Like your cousin, my father saw brutal combat losing his comrades in front of him, civilians being weaponized. My biological father saw children, pregnant women being used as pawns with bombs strapped to them. Mortifying. I send you and your family much ❤️
To this young woman, I would like to reassure you that it’s most likely true about your father. My ex-husband was in Vietnam, and he came back with horrible PTSD. Our marriage was a disaster, and like an idiot, I got pregnant with my daughter. It took me 20 years to escape that nightmare, but not without serious consequences. I’m so sorry for you, your mother, and your siblings. May you find peace somehow.🙏🙏🙏
💛
Thank you ❤️ I'm glad you got out. Untreated PTSD is no joke. Back in the day, i remember they called it shell-shock, and the war in Vietnam was ghastly. There was an attempt to get my biological parents' help that didn't pan out.I'm glad you're out of that marriage. You are a resilient human being. ♥️ it sucks that strength and being resilient comes at a heavy price.
After I finish my degree at the end of this year might take a few semesters off before i transfer to get my BS in Criminal Justice to heal more, slow down, then move from the hell hole place im currently living at, travel, volunteer so I can have peace. I feel this ending and beginning. I wish you well in your journey.
Mark, I discovered your channel during the whole lockdown situation/ pandemic. I have come to have enormous respect for the work you do. The empathy, and respect you show the people is nothing short of Christian, and loving. You keep plugging!
It's also loving and empathetic like Buddhists.
Not just Christians. They don't have the lockdown on kindness.
I made all the way to the end, of, “You broke the cycle”, and then lost it. ❤This is just another example of an interview that will help so many people and families, to end the cycle. How Wonderful. The human spirit.
Wow, your mom (grandma) is one strong, brave, and courageous lady! Kudos to her for saving you and your siblings. I can't imagine having to navigate through, and take responsibility for you kids. She did an amazing job raising you. Another brave, strong, and resilient woman! Congratulations on breaking the cycle! All the best to you with your degree, and your advocacy work! It really does take one to know one. It also takes that same one to help heal one. I believe that truly from my own trauma and experience. You're amazing!
She's a survivor...and Beautiful portrat!!!!👏❣️🫶 healing energies to her and ALLLLL in SWU universe ...Happy Sunday!❤🎉tara🇨🇦
You are so kind ❤ im taking that beautiful healing energy into my day. Happy Sunday!
I'm the same age as Tonette. Continuing education is an integral part of shoring up our worth as a human being. I grew up in a dysfunctional childhood as well. I think some people are born with a strong inner will. And yes, I agree, having the support of even one person helps improve our odds. With your degree in criminal justice, you would make an excellent victims advocate. Thank you Mark and Tonette for sharing an excellent interview.
Aptly said, Ana. Profound. 💛
Tonette, everything you've been through has made you who are today ❤
What an inspiring story of resilience! There is such a grey area, like pointed out here, between abuser/abused, perpetrator/victim etc...few, really no one is solely one or the other, and so often the kids are just erased from the conversation entirely. Here's proof that you can not only survive, but also thrive and even advocate for others. Thanks for your bravery in sharing your story. Many will relate.
My partners parents died in a murder suicide. His mother shot his father then herself. They were both victims and the family. I get it. Thanks for sharing I think your really strong and brave. Keep fighting the good fight. ❤
My heart goes out to him and his family. ❤ I'm glad he has you in his life with compassion and understanding. I wish TH-cam had an option to DM.
Mark is reaching saint-hood with these videos. On a serious note, really enjoy this channel.
Glad you haven't left us Mark. Im sorry people take advantage of you trying to help them or others. Thanks for posting this new story.
Wanna put a wager on that? 😅@@baublesanddolls
What?? Rebecca is not running this channel. Mark has been doing a wonderful compassionate job before Rebecca came along. Don’t give Rebecca too much credit. Ridiculous statement. WTH?
interesting story. The chaos of her parents' lives created waves that are still rippling through the lives of everyone around them, that's so selfish to do especially with children. It's good to see someone from that kind of background so determined to move forward despite all that.
Thank you ❤️ in my brain there's no choice. I do take responsibility for my choices (been in counseling sporadically off and on then did two stints of IOP, counseling the past two years)that being said myself, my siblings deserved support and love. Keeping my biological father's story alive also motivates me. REST IN POWER GLENN CHARLES GAUTHIER 🙏
Tonette, you are an amazing person. I especially agree with your statements on empathy. Our society would be much further ahead if people had more empathy for each other.
❤ I agree.
Tonette, for ALL you went through in your life, you are AMAZING !!
Thank you! ❤
I'm very impressed by your compassion for your grandfather and both of your parents while not condoning their behavior., and the criminal justice system sorely needs more advocates like you who can see many different sides of the story .
Yeah no kidding! She has very high emotional intelligence. We can all learn from her.
I feel that some folks think me figuring out the how's and why's of his behavior is condoning it. I appreciate you seeing I'd never condone what he did. My biological mother was born into a situation where she was gas lit, which messed up her brain. Her & her siblings had experienced living with a bi-polar alcoholic violent sexually abusive father. He abused my grandmother physically, sexually and she(grandma mom) was 16 and a half when she got pregnant. The courts made my grandfather marry her two days after his 18th birthday. My mom's ( grandma) father had immigrated from Yugoslavia( now Croatia). I want to say that in the 1920s, he came to America. My mom's (grandma ) mother died when she was 10, being the matriarch of the household, translating for him, cooking, etc. I heard my great grandfather was a great man. That's my goal! Otherwise, my biological father's life would be on vain. Thanks for your support!
@julybutterfly aww ❤️ I'm so so fortunate to have your support. Yes, there were the trolls, but the majority of comments were very supportive.
She is such an amazing person. Thank you. You can rise from difficult circumstances and become such a great, strong person. Bless you.
I'm really in awe with the kindness of most people who commented❤
Tonette, your resilience moves me more than I could put into words. Thank you so much for sharing. You are so amazing. Sending you so much love
Sending you love back ❤ you all kind folks will forever be with me
She has so much to say and could talk for hours. I believe that is why she bounced around so much. One story led to another and kept taking her off track. Bless her heart and I wish her the best in life.
Thank you ❤ I'll be speaking to a Harvard researcher named Bethany Kotlar PhD '24 on Friday! I'm the first adult born in prison she's talked for her studies. Years of feeling misunderstood and isolated sucks.
Only thing mom told me about dad was,
1. He's an abusive alcoholic pill popper (speed)
2. I'm just like him.
Considering I never met him even once this bothers me to this very day. She never told me why she was with an abusive alcoholic pill popper. I never bothered to ask. I have come to my own conclusions. These "personality types" tend to stick to their own kind so to speak.
I'm 50 now. No desire for children. I think I broke the cycle....finally.
Tonette, so glad you turned out so well despite a rough start and chaotic childhood. You’ll save a lot of children, and help break the cycle of abuse, crime, and addiction. All it takes is one person to show they care and have faith in them.
Girl!!! Go get you masters!!! We both have had similar adverse traumas as children but survivors that have made with through the fire can help pull other people out too. I’m getting my masters in Marriage and family therapy. I never would have thought I’d be there. You can do ANYTHING!! ❤
Congratulations ❤
Awesome!! I'm so proud of you! You're going to make a difference being a therapist. And ty!
This lady is so refreshingly real.
My new favorite interview! Thank you for sharing your story. My other favorite interview is with the divorce lawyer. Thank you Mark for what you do for all of those that have a story to tell!
Wow! Thank you! ❤
You are amazing! I love when you were saying “I’m not going out like this…just NO.” I’m not sure where there kind of will comes from but it seems like a lot of people don’t have it and very sadly collapse under the weight of life events that they didn’t even create. How can one cultivate that spirit, that fight?
Thank you for having the courage to share your story and please believe me when I say that I can definitely relate to the whole growing up in chaos to say the least!! My very own big brother put me and my sisters and even male members in the family threw some pretty awful sexual abuse which also included some of his very own children as well to the point of him finally receiving a 40 year prison sentence for only just what he did to one of his own little girls but out of 40 years he only ends getting released after only serving 9 of those years!!! And because of the horrible things he did to her she ended up killing herself at just 24 years old and her brother my nephew ended up taking a hammer and hitting his pregnant girlfriend 37 plus times and getting charged with double murder because she was so far along in her pregnancy and even though my nephew was my very best friend growing up and would hardly even kill a spider much less another human being and his own unborn precious little baby it's still just so very unreal to me is all I can say about that!! And believe me I could go on and on and on about my family story and my adult story as well I have even been asked to write a book about it before but in a comment here on Sweet Marks show isn't really the place for all that but for the record I would absolutely love to be able to be in that chair sharing it all one day it's actually a dream I have lol!❤ And hey Mark I'm originally from north Carolina born and raised but I ended up getting with my daughters daddy and he was from good ole West By God Virginia lol!! And I fell in love with it and the people there that I was there just 3 days and went back to NC packed up everything I owned at 17 and never went back home to NC for 17 years lol and I actually only lived just a few minutes away from Ray and Betty and all of them so you can only imagine when I first saw them on the show lol!! Don't get me wrong there's nothing in the world I wouldn't have done for them at one time and still don't want to see anything bad happen to any of them but the way you have ended up being treated by them has beyond really really bothered me and actually broke my heart for you because you of ALL PEOPLE don't deserve any of that from anyone especially them and I'm truly sorry that after all you have done for not only them but countless of others that anyone would ever be ok with treating you like that and making you feel they have 😔😔 By the way my name is Melissa and I'm not sure why it doesn't show up my name when I comment on things instead of those crazy numbers lol????
My heart goes out to you ❤
Because you've never changed your username in your TH-cam settings.
But if you ever write a book, you're going to need punctuation.
If you want to be interviewed on software underbelly, you need to email him at the address he gave you in that last video about the channel update
@@southphillylillylol I was actually kind of breathless after reading that comment but didn't realize why
You exemplify what it is to know your true self at this point in your life...hard fought. Thank you for sharing your strengths and struggles and your family's. You're fierce in the eyes of opposition!
She is an inspiration!! Congratulations on breaking the cycle and doing GOOD in this world!
Thank you! ❤
This is one of the most encouraging videos you have posted to date Mark. Tonette went t though hel. she struggled and then made a choice to rise above it. Its not easy. Many cant do it. She did. Want to honour and celebrate this woman!!❤️❤️❤️
Unbelievable but true, 17 year old boys, back in the days, were forced to go to war.
My cousin served 3 years in Nam (18 if I remember right).
I served civil war (17, Europe), short time.
Wow. I'm curious what your experience was like. Was your cousin In active combat during his service? Most of biological father's military records were destroyed in a fire. My sister found what was left. I do know he saw horrible atrocities during his time.
In a documentary I watched recently, it talked about kids as young as 13 fighting for some European nations during WW1 & 2. Obviously record keeping was not fool proof back then, and honestly they probably were willing to take anyone who would fight at some points. And I wouldn’t be surprised if in some circumstances, some youth were forced to go to war even at 14, 15 or 16
Tonette, you might get more info if you contact the headquarters of whichever branch of service he was in, and request his records. It's worth a shot, maybe it'll fill in some info gaps for you if you can get ahold of his service records. Good luck!
@@MedusasFeelinSalty I'm going to search through my emails this week to see what I have from his military records to compile a timeline of his life. There's also court transcripts I have tried in vain to obtain from Yolo County.
It does seem that she's all over the place but that in itself says a lot. She likely has not unpacked all the trauma she endored enough to fully speak on it. Speaking on relationships in general was avoided. Such as; when did the abuse start with her grandfather? Did her grandmother know? The dynamic of her marriage (?), how did it effect her raising her own child? The acceptance of her child's gender identity (I'm assuming since she only referred to her child as "they/them".
Ultimately it's ok that she didn't want to speak on these things.While it didn't make for the best story, it simply means that she has to be able to unpack it all for herself first.
You are spot on about unpacking the trauma. There's so much to tell and only a short amount of time. I wanted to get into more detail but only had 30 plus minutes. Maybe I'll be back in the future to tell more ❤if Mark is cool with that
In this video Tonette speaks on the dysfunctional trauma in her early life and at the same time listening to the way she tells her story you see the effects it has had on her through the way she tells her story… very hard to follow
I'm only 5 minutes in & can't follow. I'm a PTSD survivor. I sometimes sound like this. Too many memories climbing over one another, to be heard/told... It sounds like she's succeeding. Going by comments.
The ability to hear so many random strangers stories, keeps us off the streets where we normally wouldn't Choose to find a way to talk to most of the people on SWU.
The internet really changed the definition of Socializing, and getting feedback from hundreds of commenters all at once...what a new age we're in!
I love this young lady story! She’s so strong and brave. It’s heartbreaking that people have to be so mean. She’s gone through a lot and she broke the cycle. Words hurt people and why people want to hurt someone who is being open and honest about her life to hopefully help others. I hope people who left harsh comments will stop and think about how your words might affect the people who are brave enough to tell their story to help others. Thank you Tonette for sharing your story. ❤❤❤
❤ 💯
Tonette!
You're absolutely amazing, so strong and incredibly courageous.
I'm the Princess no one could shut up.
But you almost did that!
I'm a bit lost for words.
There's so much I have to digest, your story is mind blowing.
How on earth you're still standing, not doing drugs, and even have finished an amazing education!
You're going to be AMAZING working in that field.
You're going to make such an impact, your knowledge is worth gold for people who struggle.
I wish you the world, you deserve it!
Keep fighting!
Lots of love from Norway ❤️
Wow. That's so sweet of you❤
Love her. Please have her on again. ❤️
❤ hopefully
Wow....what a life! I remember when I was much younger, I would watch a show on TV and see someone having a baby in prison, and I'd think, I wonder what kind of a life they had.....now to hear someone is wild! My heart goes out to her, and she's a survivor...She put out a lot of stuff she's been through in just a half hour. Sometimes the way she'd tell a story, you could tell she had so much to say that it kept taking her in different directions, so it was kinda all over the place, then I remembered the title, "Raised in Chaos"....with that said, it's no wonder. But she's got a lot to offer this world with what she has gone through. My prayers to you Tonette, keep going! (*this is someone I think that her story could be sold in a book...if she doesn't have any experience, she could hire or get with someone and share her life stories & have them tell it)
It's been a journey! Back in the day I started to do "interviews". I use the term lightly using social media to message one person in particular...Mikal Gilmore who was a writer for Rolling Stone magazine. He was the brother of Gary Gilmore Gilmore's who killed two young men in Utah, choosing death by firing squad as an atonement. The death penalty had been reinstated by the Supreme Court in 1976 .Gary Gilmore was the first person to be executed after the ruling. Mikal Gilmore probably doesn't remember my interview. Biggest inspiration as a writer encouraging me to write! Please read this, and My Dark Places by James Ellroy! en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shot_in_the_Heart
@@horroraugogo - thanks for sending this! I will check it out!!💕💕💕
Ima need this as a 5 hour episode sir, she was not done
Gave this lady a ride in my Lyft car and she shared this story with me. ❤
Heyy!
Love the variety of experiences you showcase! Hard to believe she made it out! What a miracle!
Thanks for all your hard work.
Such an interesting interview! Thank you Tonette ❤
Thank you ❤
She reminds me of my own mother. She was abused sexually & physically, she had me even though my dad wasn’t around I’ve had a great life like she said her child does ☺️
State hospitals are really rough. I visited them professionally and they were at times terrifying. I cannot imagine being a patient there and locked up with no escape. My experience in the hospitals was in the late 70’s early 80’s. They are most definitely needed though.
Super interesting Interview! She is so awesome! Must be extremly hard to have so much conflict about all that happend. I think she made the best decisions for herself and i am absolutely sure she will be great in her field she choose. She knows both sides of such tragic Storys and is very empathic. Big hugs!!!!
Hugs back ❤ it's complex being related to someone who killed my biological father, and my biological mother who took his life. I see both sides of the coin 🪙.
She made it through this, incredibly. Now, sadly, she probably is talking about this to everybody who wants to listen, like some sort of therapy. Nothing is her fault in this, but she needs the world to know what happened to her and how it was unfair. She hasn't made it accross the desert yet and probably never will, but she has the will, so she will be alright.
I was trying to educate people that these things happened, and my goal was that. I'm involved in many volunteer activities to prevent/minimize this. And I'm in therapy. Besides that, I have a good life with many friends, music, going on long walks, family, school, and my work. I'm also an avid reader. ❤
You have to remember with these interviews that you're seeing one snippet condensed with some of the survivors' lives in some cases. Some of us don't live 24/7 in this place. I also have cats to keep me busy, lol. Of course, it impacted me, but i don't seek out people as therapy. I live a very good life. Thanks for the comment and your insight.
@@horroraugogo - Talking to people about this is a valid way to go through anything impacting your life, so my comment wasn't negative, but much more of a pattern, a little bit like a grieving person and the stages that are always a little bit the same for everyone.
I lost one of my kid during the pandemic, 24 yo, and i would not be here if I hadn't had the opportunity to express this pain that will forever remain, but i am taming with time.
Thanks for clarifying. I understand what you mean now. My heart goes out to you. Grief is complex. Healing is complex. I took a class decades ago called The Psychology of Death & Dying by Tom Bruce. It was one of the absolute best college courses i took! I want to recommend looking him up. TH-cam will not let me link his interview. We studied Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who I also recommend. Look me up if you want to converse. My heart goes out to you ❤@freedoms2010
I posted 2 comments, but they got deleted😮. thanks for clarifying. I was recommending a former teacher, Tom Bruce. Best college course ever called the Psychology of Death and Dying. I recommend looking up his interviews@freedoms2010
Tonette, you did a wonderful job telling your story. I followed you, no problem. Ignore the neative remarks. You did great !
Thank you ❤
You are so strong as to SURVIVE in tact with your sanity. Very good lesson as well in Listening Skills. For her life was as hard as trying to untangle a mass of Xmas lights.
Thank you❤
Congratulations Tonette on all your degrees! You are strong! You are smart!
And thank you Mark, my mind is getting clearer and clearer why people have failed miserably in life. They never stood a chance. Tonette maybe one of the lucky ones. DO NOT JUDGE and love your neighbor.
Thank you! AS transfer degree should be finished up in fall semester. Despite what I went through I am one of the lucky ones. These are my people. Those who live on the fringes
Sounds like she hasn't been able to vent in full ever,I bet she felt a sense of peace after documenting her story for the world.
💯 I felt peace. It was validating. Thank you and all the insightful supportive comments.
Thank you for the interview Tonnette and SWU
You're welcome! Thanks for watching ❤
Kept it real and said her father was the real victim. Thank you 🙏🏽
🙏
The foundation is the trusted part of her story✌️💛
You are amazing! Thank you for sharing your story. You have broken the cycle and hearing how you did it is inspiring.
Tonette, you are 100% you. I like to think of DNA as Legos or craft supplies. You picked out a combination of pieces offered up, and put them together. You are unique because of who you are.
A lovely explanation of your life and your legacy! Thank you for sharing.
I’m
What a closure Tonette ❤ wishing you the best !!!
Tonette, thank you for sharing some of your life history. 💜💜💜
Thanks for listening ❤
Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for listening ❤
Beautiful lady inside and out with a good heart. Her bf/husband hit the lottery with her
❤ so sweet
She is just wonderful.
amazing interview!!!!!! Thank Tonette for sharing your story !!!
Thank you!! Thank you for listening! ❤
Omg,great interview Tonette,stay strong.!👍❤
Thank you ❤
Great job Tonette. God bless your journey.
❤ thank you!
I really admire this woman. I wish be good and strong as she is...
Thanks for sharing your story 💞
I would love to sit down and talk with Tonette. Our struggles and suffering are so similar. Hers is much worse, but there's a deep understanding.
I thought I replied but idk what happened to the comment
@@horroraugogo comments are censored madly by TH-cam
@Iam...--- my comment wasn't even negative lol 😆
@@horroraugogo TH-cam monitors me. Lol. Long story. 🤪. I have a small channel. I post a lot on my community. 🥰
Happy Sunday🤙
Happy Sunday 🌌
Happy Sunday to you too ❤
The Lee-Enfield was a rife used extensively by British forces in both World Wars I didn't expect to hear it mentioned on Soft White Underbelly!
I bought a surplus lee Enfield in the mid 1980s and that .303 round is a hard, hard, hitter.
@xxxxxx-tq4mw yes that rife was very effective. It was light and had a high rate of fire and packed a punch. In 1914 in the hands of England's small professional army it gave the Germans fits!
PBS should screen this with catering
Wish you all the best!
Thanks Mark.
😊Good morning, Mark 🌻
All you need is one person who believes in you.
Lets, each of us, be that person for someone else. The world would be such a better place ❤
So true! ❤
So all of you guys understood her story? It was very difficult for me to follow her train of thought and i would love to hear more so i can understand everything.
Heyy there. If you can find me online feel free to get clarification. I'm also going to be in a book written by Bethany Koltar phd that explains my beginning.
Tonette ! You are awesome to want to help people . ❤❤❤🎉
I have to. It's to help prevent at least one situation like this. Prevention and people love your children. Don't destroy them!!
22:47 I think also people have a very hard time understanding when an adult is telling them a story that they were a child when all this is happening. People just can’t really see the adult as the child they just think of this all happened to you when you were an adult even though logically they do understand it emotionally they don’t. I know this for my own experience thinking about myself and the kind of things I went through and I have a friend who had a child was three when I met him and he’s now nine years old and it really put in place like people are doing such terrible things to me when I was younger than this child and I can’t imagine doing those types of things to this child.
So true. Good perspective
Jesus sets us free...love summaries all the law and prophets. Love conquers all! Forgiveness, encouragement, empathy & love. Beautiful testimony ❤
Her story starts like a Johnny Cash song.
Lol I could see that
Very confusing to listen to her but its obvious She has been severely emotionally abused. Very mixed up! I wish her the best. 🙏 Its not HER fault her story is all over the place. Hard to follow this.
Unfortunately, yes. I appreciate the honesty and compassion ❤ the prison pumped my biological mother full of psych drugs In utero, no prenatal care plus trauma etc. I believe it impacts how my brain works to this day.
@@horroraugogoit's also a very stressful situation to be trying to think of what to say on the spot and in such a limited time. Some people are more 'natural' speakers, but most people aren't, nothing wrong with that. It's very brave to share your story, thanks for doing the interview.
I agree. I feel for her.
@@craigslist6988I was terrified!
@@horroraugogoyou are brave to share your story, may reach a person who needed to hear a message. You held yourself together much better than I would if I were sitting there telling my story on camera.
Amazing story! Thank you!
❤
always real and true to life, thanks for your story
Thanks. ❤
Hard life, God bless her
Thank you❤
Tonette is amazing
Her Mother has multiple personalities from the abuse from her Father and her husband! Remember that! So sad her Grandma stayed with the abusive Grandpa! Nobody had a chance here! So sad!!! I wish and pray for the best!!!
I'd say it's schizophrenia. My biological father to my knowledge didn't abuse her, but again, I wasn't there to confirm that. It is sad she stayed. It's sad that family members knew my grandfather was abusive to them, yet as adults saw my grandfather's sexually inappropriate and physically abusive behavior towards us but did nothing about it. He threatened to kill our pets, pulled a weapon on my brother, made really disgusting comments I can't repeat about my body, we got physically abused with belts. Thank you ❤❤❤
Ste looks like Cass Elliott
Yes she does!
God bless this woman.
Hurt people hurt people ❤
💯
It's my understanding that pregnant women in prison don't get prenatal vitamins, which I find shocking. Doesn't EVERY child deserve the best possible staart in life? Maybe so-called pro-lifers could direct their efforts towards ensuring that?
I agree! My biological mother was sent to Vacaville prison at first for diagnostic studies. They decided Frontera women's prison could give her adequate mental care she needed. Pumped full of Thorazine/Haldol, put in restraints,her teeth fell out. You'd think pro lifers would put their money where their mouth is and advocate for pregnant incarcerated women to get basic prenatal care!
I don't think there are many pro lifers in California.
Pro-lifers don't give a damn about kids, they just want to control women, no wonder they don't care.
Plus at the time ya know the care wasn't even half as now and now it's not good had to be a nightmare
All the best Tonette🍀🍀🍀
Thank you!! ❤
That was an abrupt ending..
❤❤❤❤ thank you Mark. #neverholdback
Fantastic lady , beautiful soul ❤❤❤ keep going have have her back Mark please so we can see how she is progressing ❤❤❤ SENDING LOVE to you ❤❤❤❤❤❤
❤❤❤❤
Wow Crazy story keep
Grinding and Winning each and everyday 32:18 your a Strong Woman Tonette.🍻🍻🍻
Thank you❤!