Unschooling "Rules": About Food, Episode 356

We're back with another episode in our Unschooling “Rules” series. And we use the word “rules” in quotes to draw attention to the fact that there is no such thing as an unschooling rule!
It can feel easier to reach for a set of rules to follow, especially when we’re learning something new, but we want to offer you space to look within, to find what makes sense to you and what makes sense to the individual members of your family. There are no unschooling police. Nobody is going to drop by your house and give you a failing grade-or an A+. Our goal with this series is to explore these apparent “rules” and cultivate an environment for self-discovery, for inquiry, for agency, and for growth.
In this episode, we’re diving into some common beliefs and misconceptions that people have about unschooling and food. We all bring with us a lot of societal messages and personal experiences with food when we become parents. And for many of us, the unschooling journey offers us a chance to unpack some of those underlying beliefs and expectations and to create a healthier relationship with food for ourselves and for our children.
It was really fun to discuss this topic and we hope you find our conversation helpful on your unschooling journey!
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[@abialabama]

Food is such a fraught and emotive issue isn’t it. Like everything with unschooling - it’s a learning curve of relational and relationship integrity. Full disclosure - for various reasons early on in motherhood I became very interested in nutrition and then, through this lifelong process of unschooling myself (!), I have become pretty deeply informed about many angles of nutrition including lots of theories round the various fad diets out there and so on…. I know a lot. I have a big supplement cupboard and a handle on the finer points of micronutient intakes… This is for context. I care deeply about nutrition and am personally a bit of a “health nut” around food….. so I am definitely that Mum who people might assume would be “my kids are going to grow up ripping raw kale from my kitchen garden and nibbling it and we will make raw clean energy balls together and tofu scramble…. There will be no packets or junk and I will make sure they understand how important ‘healthy’ eating is….” But am I that mum? No!! There’s plenty ice cream for breakfast in my house but you know what? That’s cool. I bought the ice cream and put it there, and they have joyful mornings. Recently my autistic teenager whose food journey has been extremely rocky and peppered with lots of less than conventionally “optimal” food preferences, and whose preferences have usually been what we’d call exceedingly restrictive - she said to me “Mum, I think the way you have been with us with food means we will all be interested in making healthy food when we are older, because you haven’t been hung up about it, and have let us try everything, and never judged. But you provide healthy foods too.” I was blown away. I just busk it - but I have never ever understood or been ok with the concept of forcing anyone to eat anything - that’s plain torture - and suggesting people should eat on a schedule or finish something they hate to eat something they like makes zero sense at all to me. Or telling someone what they should like! I get a lot of criticism from those who believe “making several different meals is making a rod for my own back”, and ‘they’ll never learn’” and so on, but I ignore it. sometimes I do feel a bit defeated by a sea of crisp packets where my heart wants to see fruit peels, home made crumbs and kale stalks (!), BUT my kids are free explorers, as always, and whilst my methods are extremely imperfect, I hope they will generally learn to trust their bodies and wisdom, and to both fuel from and get appropriate joy from food. My youngest baby nearly starved to death at a few weeks old due to a medical need that was going unseen - nothing like that for helping one understand the value of following cues for feeding - at every life stage. As always, don’t underestimate your children - they are graciously primed for life - just offer your love and support and something unexpectedly beautiful will grow. My pitfall is probably finances - meaning we aren’t well off, and so once a child likes a certain food a lot, I am guilty of providing it AND then not providing other alternatives for them to try when they might be open to it, as I don’t want the waste and expense….. so I inadvertently cement what might be passing preferences or passing aversions. This I need to find energy for and continue with creative solutions. Anyway - they all five have a positive relationship with food, and all five like totally different things. We don’t have mealtimes - we often eat together but there’s no pressure. I had food issues in my teens, and I’m happy I have generally avoided passing these on.

[@LivingJoyfullywithUnschooling]

I love this much, Abigail!! It really is an ongoing journey, isn't it? And I love your teen daughter's observation! ❤️