My dad died at 61 from living an unhealthy life and prioritizing earning money (providing for his family) over his health. Let me tell your husband how much it SUCKS to not have my dad around to be a grandpa to my kids. And how much it sucks to not have him around for me too. My dad was my favorite person. I miss him everyday...if he had taken better care of himself he would still be here.
So true. Sorry for your loss. My dad was only 55... he’ll never be at my wedding or meet my children. It makes me want to live a healthier lifestyle but I wish everyday he were still here.
Sometimes tough love is needed. Often people need to know their wrong. They called in because they are in certain trouble and need help. I for once found, his “nice” a bit boring. I always believe good friend tell you what you did wrong, bad friend do not care and smile while your life deteriorated by your bad choices.
"I love you, but you are killing yourself slowly." "I will be getting a job and have daycare researched and a decision I made, which I will talk to you about." "I realize I will be supporting the children and myself when you are dead, so I need to lay the groundwork now" It's the truth and must be faced.
This was a hard phone call. I lost my dad, for years we asked him to take care of himself. He only changed when the symptoms started, and by then, it was too late and he was dying.
I'm sorry about that. Yeah, people always stop smoking after they get cancer or start eating healthier after they have a heart attack. Most people don't think something bad is going to happen to them until it is too late.
My uncle is pooping black... i know thats TMI but.. knowing that is scary and to think that he knows that and still does it.. It made me realize that his cigarette is my razor. Its sad asf.
@@vickieclark5931 actually it goes even further. I’ve treated cancer patients who continue to smoke etc. not judging but it does happen more than most people think.
I agree with the comments saying he probably has untreated depression. People rarely ever enjoy watching their health and their relationships deteriorate, in this case I think he’s dealing with some trauma and/or feelings of worthlessness that’s making it hard for him to exist day to day. I think if he could seek out someone to talk to about his problems, then hopefully once the inner struggles are resolved the physical stuff/good habits will come naturally.
Get a life insurance policy on him ASAP. His age will keep the premiums down for now even though he’ll get knicked for the smoking part. Pay for the policy yourself. If you can’t keep your marriage intact, you can always dump the policy later. In fact, I wouldn’t even tell him about it. This ball is completely in your court now, because most likely he’s not going to clean up on his own and he’s going to end up turning you into someone you don’t like.
I wouldn't take it out without his knowledge but it is a good idea. Even in a divorce, it is still useful to keep because her children will benefit from it if she makes them beneficiaries (which she should).
I'm right in this now with my husband. We're in our 60's. He's overweight and drives himself relentlessly at work. His bloodwork and fatigue levels are of real concern to me. Like the caller I have shared in all the ways suggested here. When I did, my husband started eating even more - like the thought of depriving himself of foods made him feel desperate. It's very difficult to come to terms with not being able to do a thing about it but love him where he's at.
I’m so sorry to hear that. Would he be willing to look into professional counseling? It’s likely that he’s fighting something inside him like trauma or feelings of worthlessness and he’s using food to self-medicate.
I smoked 2 packs for many years. My Dr said If i didn't quit, I would die in 1-2 years. I never went back to that Dr. I smoked for 5 more years and finally I quit thru hypnotism. That was 12 years ago. Even knowing I could potentially die, It took prayer and my willingness to quit. He can do it. He has to find his own reason why. I wanted to be able to see grandkids.
People always say they need to talk to a therapist but a lot of men like my husband would never do that. In my opinion they have to want to change and unfortunately it takes them taking a heart attack or getting really sick for them to see the light and start to change.
You know that not all issues are viewed in the same light throughout time, even by the same person. Some issues change over time, he may have smoked one cigarette a day and advanced it to were he is now. I'm merely stating this and, in spite of what Jesus told the disciples in Luke about offenses being inevitable, I do not mean any by it. 😆
I struggled with cigarettes and alcohol for several years, and what most people who have never dealt with both don't understand is how HARD it is to kick. I feel for this guy. I finally ended up kicking cigarettes and switched to the vape, which although still not "healthy", has changed my life for the better. My sense of smell has returned, I don't get winded when hiking (our favorite thing to do together), I don't smell anymore, and it's cheaper. I still need to work on kicking that too, but it's extremely difficult. The whole reason I was able to kick the cigarettes was because I met the woman of my dreams and was able to get them out of my life. I'm so sure that he loves his kids and his wife, but it's hard and she needs to keep supporting him. I think he also has an underlying mental issue too, be it depression or anxiety, which makes the whole thing worse.
Sounds like he’s battling something deep within. He doesn’t need to talk to his wife, he needs to talk to someone else so they can get to the root of it. There is also two sides to a coin..
Agreed, he needs to want to talk to someone productively to help motive him to change himself. No one can do it for him. Struggling with this with my best mate.
I dated someone like this. I thought it was depression. In reality, he was just trifling. He pretended to be a healthy, responsible adult long enough to manipulate me into accepting his engagement and moving in with him. Once he had me, he didn’t try anymore. Smoking, drinking, junk food. It even got to the point where he wouldn’t brush his teeth everyday or shower often. That was just who he was as a person. I really wish I would have left sooner.
My ex did the same thing. I did literally everything for him for almost a decade. He used his condition as an excuse, when he really just used it as a tool to get people to do what he wanted. He couldn't spend 2 minutes to do a chore, but he could spend 16 hours at the computer.
I had an ex like this. His whole life was a lie. I was so shocked. He stopped brushing his teeth and bathing. His mother covered for him because she wanted him married(to me) and out of her house. What a nightmare. When I left him he would stalk me. Ugh!
If you put up with this while you were dating, you need to just accept that you will have to tolerate while married. Smokers and other types of addicts do not choose family over their addiction. It is not Love over Addiction; it is the Substance over Love. The sooner you accept reality, the more at peace you will be.
I have several family members like this. I use to stress myself trying to find ways to make them more interested in their health. I realized I can't make them care about themselves. I just have taken my hands off it because me repeatedly trying to sway their behaviors make them turn their nose up at me. I pray for them but their choice, their consequences.
I am in this same boat. We’ve gone to marriage counseling and individual counseling, but he continues with his addictive behaviors-drinking, spending, & vaping to name a few. He quit vaping after being hospitalized for COVID, but went back to it 2 months later. He has gaslit me for many years that I didn’t know what was true. I recognize it now and have learned to speak up more. I’m trying to figure when is enough enough.
It sounds like you expect marriage and parenthood to not have problems. No relationship or family is without something to deal with. Whether that's addiction, financial woes, etc.
First get as much life insurance as your income can bare. He may not be able to get private life insurance but his work may offer it as a benefit. Second prepare your self vocationally for when he becomes disabled or dies so you can financially support the family. Good luck as you’re going to need it.
Well your honest about it. Sadly if he becomes seriously ill or dies impact on her and their children is permanent and devastating. Best of luck to you and the caller.
@@stevenporter863 His health got so bad that he's not working. So was unable to do that. Thanks though. I wish we could. It left my mom in dire straights. She's probably going to be working for a long time now. He just would nvr stop smoking, eating bad, and just bad habits. Now that he's almost died twice and on disability does he try a little harder. It's sad that it took almost dying twice to take his health more seriously.
As someone who had a grandma who didn’t want us to see her smoking when we were kids... we knew. I’ll bet those kids know exactly what’s going on. It’s really not something you can hide forever.
This guy isn't gonna be a grandpa. But yes, kids see self-destruction and abandonment for what it is. That is a heavy burden to carry; my father didn't try to get help and remain here to raise me.
Some people are lazy/avoidant. And more a person practices doing this the weaker they become. So it becomes harder and harder to be responsible, and do for yourself
@@rory644 let me put it like this when you go into a gas station where you have to pick up gas and you go to the checkout, if you look behind them you'll see a whole wall filled with cigarette packs, just because you know no one that smokes doesn't mean it's not happening I know plenty of people that smoke, or I'll do you one better the next time you go to a gas station ask the checkout guy or girl where the cigarettes are and you will see a whole wall or row full of cigarettes, any gas station you go to just ask them where the cigarettes are you'll see them or just go to Google images and type in cigarettes in gas stations and you'll see the pictures pop up, I'm surprised you didn't notice😂
So many idiots in the comments. Please stay single. In marriage, there’s always something since you are dealing with an imperfect person. Just like he has issues I’m sure she does as well. Her husband has issues that he has to deal with himself and harping on it won’t help. I heard an older woman say “You can’t harp a man to higher”.
Then don’t ignore the signs and then complain that he’s not doing right by the family. Ladies-stop ignoring the bad signals and for God’s sake don’t marry him.
I think with most people like this they usually don't change until they have a serious health scare. That will be the turning point or the down hill spiral into death
@@Jane5720 Being single is not bad. Besides I never get emotional attached to anyone (not even my wife). She wants me to quit my hobbies (playing games), which I can never do.
Do you seriously think kids don't know? Do NOT subject your children to addiction. If you want to be around an addict, fine. When you have children it's no longer about you. Kids know, believe me, no matter what you think. I'm speaking from experience. Don't scar your children. Please.
I’m that guy but single I honestly don’t care what happens to me. Therapy is basically a paid person telling you to look at it in a different way or giving you a pill. It’s pointless. It took what ever will to live I had left to get a my degree and a decent job. I’m all out of fuel.
You are not out of fuel-look at how far you’ve come. Talking to someone who cares about you is important; your story matters especially from your perspective. Therapists differ-it takes a while to find one that understands you but most of them bs through the session. Stay strong; keep going-someone depends on it.
Sometimes guys like the attention they get when they are "sick ". I see a lot of men post their blood pressure level and sugar level on Facebook fishing for attention.
Lady you might need to move on and find somebody else if this continues to happen, I know that sounds shallow but it's like you said you can't change people and you deserve better
Only helps if he helps himself. Therapists can’t do the work for him, just as professors can’t do the homework, projects, quizzes and tests for their students. Sometimes an individual needs to be critical, disciplined, and do the work.
You chose to marry someone without self control. That was your choice. You don't get to tap out when you realize the effects. Should have married smarter.
I’m having this issue with my husband. I’m sure its depression. So anyway, I’ll make him get into the shower and ill bath him. I force pedicures on him. I make him eat healthy. I encourage him to work out. I cut his hair. And even facials. It encourages me to take care of myself too
You are making it worse. Next you’ll be wiping his backside as he can’t be sewed to do that next. After that you’ll be spoon feeding him like a baby- you didn’t marry a baby did u?
@@caddcoll1 I didn’t marry a baby but I married someone with 3 concussions under his belt and knowing he could get more. I understand what concussions can do to a person and I love him beyond that. At the end of the day he takes care of ish, just not himself right now.
Since when is smoking such a huge surprise? Sounds to me like she wanted to change him, or never thought about this. Choice is between naive or manipulative.
Why not offer to actively help him with his issues?! I can’t believe Dr. John didn’t advise her to try to help him herself. It sounds like he’s fine with here leaving him to figure it out and do it all himself
@@kristenm8221 This would be perfect for him. NAC is almost like a miracle. Every person I have recommended it to has come back to me with amazing results. Any form of NAC from Jarrow Formulas will do the job.
@@kristenm8221 Please report back to me with the results, It is especially effective for alcoholics. Go on youtube and watch some videos on NAC it is like nothing i have ever found.
Wow, smoking and has asthma. What caused the asthma? I think this is one of the roots of the problem, they need to figure out the source of the asthma.
@@claudiagirl3253 she knew that when she married a smoker. Statistically the worst people to marry and most likely to cheat and not value family. They don't value the life of anyone around them. That was her choice.
1 in 2 american males had their genitals mutilated as an infant with their parents permission. Wonder what affect that has on the psyche and nervous system? This is advice for everyone: stop submitting to insane cultural rituals and expectations. It's killing us and destroying our society. Think for yourself, trust your gut and instinct and educate yourself.
Don't date someone with bad habits like the from the start. Marriage and kids don't change bad habits.
Are you married?
I love your message
My dad died at 61 from living an unhealthy life and prioritizing earning money (providing for his family) over his health. Let me tell your husband how much it SUCKS to not have my dad around to be a grandpa to my kids. And how much it sucks to not have him around for me too. My dad was my favorite person. I miss him everyday...if he had taken better care of himself he would still be here.
So true. Sorry for your loss. My dad was only 55... he’ll never be at my wedding or meet my children. It makes me want to live a healthier lifestyle but I wish everyday he were still here.
Sounds like he has untreated depression. Telling him he is going to die, in his head he is going, “good I deserve to.”
Or give him a bottle of NAC from Jarrow formulas and end his addiction and pain
John seems very understanding and never judges anyone..a great genuine guy to talk to.
Sometimes tough love is needed. Often people need to know their wrong. They called in because they are in certain trouble and need help. I for once found, his “nice” a bit boring. I always believe good friend tell you what you did wrong, bad friend do not care and smile while your life deteriorated by your bad choices.
He just doesnt openly share what the nasty thoughts. Everyone judges. Its natural
Nah I've watched enough to know John is hypocritical on alot.of topics
"I love you, but you are killing yourself slowly." "I will be getting a job and have daycare researched and a decision I made, which I will talk to you about." "I realize I will be supporting the children and myself when you are dead, so I need to lay the groundwork now" It's the truth and must be faced.
This was a hard phone call. I lost my dad, for years we asked him to take care of himself. He only changed when the symptoms started, and by then, it was too late and he was dying.
I'm sorry about that. Yeah, people always stop smoking after they get cancer or start eating healthier after they have a heart attack. Most people don't think something bad is going to happen to them until it is too late.
How old was he when the symptoms started?
My uncle is pooping black... i know thats TMI but.. knowing that is scary and to think that he knows that and still does it.. It made me realize that his cigarette is my razor. Its sad asf.
Sorry for your loss.
@@vickieclark5931 actually it goes even further. I’ve treated cancer patients who continue to smoke etc. not judging but it does happen more than most people think.
I agree with the comments saying he probably has untreated depression. People rarely ever enjoy watching their health and their relationships deteriorate, in this case I think he’s dealing with some trauma and/or feelings of worthlessness that’s making it hard for him to exist day to day. I think if he could seek out someone to talk to about his problems, then hopefully once the inner struggles are resolved the physical stuff/good habits will come naturally.
If depression is treated will good habits actually come naturally?
Get a life insurance policy on him ASAP. His age will keep the premiums down for now even though he’ll get knicked for the smoking part. Pay for the policy yourself. If you can’t keep your marriage intact, you can always dump the policy later. In fact, I wouldn’t even tell him about it. This ball is completely in your court now, because most likely he’s not going to clean up on his own and he’s going to end up turning you into someone you don’t like.
A smoker with asthma is going to be insanely expensive, if you can get it at all.
@@fishtail1129 Unfortunately you’re probably right. But, she should check into it anyway. Life insurance is cheaper than medical (for now).
Do not cancel the life insurance policy after you get divorced. You will outlive him.
I wouldn't take it out without his knowledge but it is a good idea. Even in a divorce, it is still useful to keep because her children will benefit from it if she makes them beneficiaries (which she should).
@@lilybaker732 It's not possible to legally take out a life insurance policy on someone else without their consent.
For the unmarried people out there, don't marry someone and hope they would change.
I'm right in this now with my husband. We're in our 60's. He's overweight and drives himself relentlessly at work. His bloodwork and fatigue levels are of real concern to me. Like the caller I have shared in all the ways suggested here. When I did, my husband started eating even more - like the thought of depriving himself of foods made him feel desperate. It's very difficult to come to terms with not being able to do a thing about it but love him where he's at.
Keep up to date on your finances, bill paying, contracts, taxes etc. because you will be doing those for yourself and his estate soon.
@@carylhalfwassen8555 That is such practical but sad advice. What a rough spot for these women to be in.
@@carylhalfwassen8555 Yes, I've been doubling down on all that as the growing possibility of losing him prematurely sets in.
I’m so sorry to hear that. Would he be willing to look into professional counseling? It’s likely that he’s fighting something inside him like trauma or feelings of worthlessness and he’s using food to self-medicate.
@@mouslydowdow5176 At this point no and yes, he has much unresolved trauma.
I smoked 2 packs for many years. My Dr said If i didn't quit, I would die in 1-2 years. I never went back to that Dr. I smoked for 5 more years and finally I quit thru hypnotism. That was 12 years ago. Even knowing I could potentially die, It took prayer and my willingness to quit. He can do it. He has to find his own reason why. I wanted to be able to see grandkids.
People always say they need to talk to a therapist but a lot of men like my husband would never do that. In my opinion they have to want to change and unfortunately it takes them taking a heart attack or getting really sick for them to see the light and start to change.
He was like this before but I married him anyway.
People can address flaws in others and still love them
Exactly
The part I don’t get
Yea
You know that not all issues are viewed in the same light throughout time, even by the same person. Some issues change over time, he may have smoked one cigarette a day and advanced it to were he is now.
I'm merely stating this and, in spite of what Jesus told the disciples in Luke about offenses being inevitable, I do not mean any by it. 😆
My husband stopped taking care of himself and I’m worried about him. Please keep him in your prayers!!
How is he doing now?
I struggled with cigarettes and alcohol for several years, and what most people who have never dealt with both don't understand is how HARD it is to kick. I feel for this guy. I finally ended up kicking cigarettes and switched to the vape, which although still not "healthy", has changed my life for the better. My sense of smell has returned, I don't get winded when hiking (our favorite thing to do together), I don't smell anymore, and it's cheaper. I still need to work on kicking that too, but it's extremely difficult. The whole reason I was able to kick the cigarettes was because I met the woman of my dreams and was able to get them out of my life. I'm so sure that he loves his kids and his wife, but it's hard and she needs to keep supporting him. I think he also has an underlying mental issue too, be it depression or anxiety, which makes the whole thing worse.
Sounds like he’s battling something deep within. He doesn’t need to talk to his wife, he needs to talk to someone else so they can get to the root of it.
There is also two sides to a coin..
She should have never married him.
Agreed, he needs to want to talk to someone productively to help motive him to change himself. No one can do it for him. Struggling with this with my best mate.
I dated someone like this. I thought it was depression. In reality, he was just trifling. He pretended to be a healthy, responsible adult long enough to manipulate me into accepting his engagement and moving in with him. Once he had me, he didn’t try anymore. Smoking, drinking, junk food. It even got to the point where he wouldn’t brush his teeth everyday or shower often. That was just who he was as a person. I really wish I would have left sooner.
Please tell me you did leave though, right?
My ex did the same thing. I did literally everything for him for almost a decade. He used his condition as an excuse, when he really just used it as a tool to get people to do what he wanted. He couldn't spend 2 minutes to do a chore, but he could spend 16 hours at the computer.
@@NeccoWecco so true. I know what that’s like
I had an ex like this. His whole life was a lie. I was so shocked. He stopped brushing his teeth and bathing. His mother covered for him because she wanted him married(to me) and out of her house. What a nightmare. When I left him he would stalk me. Ugh!
And not mentioned, PRAY!!!!
If you put up with this while you were dating, you need to just accept that you will have to tolerate while married. Smokers and other types of addicts do not choose family over their addiction. It is not Love over Addiction; it is the Substance over Love. The sooner you accept reality, the more at peace you will be.
She does NOT have to put up with it.
@@patriciacole8773 she doesn't but the chance of her not having to deal with it is significantly higher if she isn't with him.
I have several family members like this. I use to stress myself trying to find ways to make them more interested in their health. I realized I can't make them care about themselves. I just have taken my hands off it because me repeatedly trying to sway their behaviors make them turn their nose up at me. I pray for them but their choice, their consequences.
You said he was like this before you married. If it changed, that's one thing. Taking care of your body is extremely important.
I am in this same boat. We’ve gone to marriage counseling and individual counseling, but he continues with his addictive behaviors-drinking, spending, & vaping to name a few. He quit vaping after being hospitalized for COVID, but went back to it 2 months later. He has gaslit me for many years that I didn’t know what was true. I recognize it now and have learned to speak up more. I’m trying to figure when is enough enough.
2 years into a marriage and this is where they are. Why do people get married and have kids? This sounds terrible.
It sounds like you expect marriage and parenthood to not have problems. No relationship or family is without something to deal with. Whether that's addiction, financial woes, etc.
Not all marriages are bad because this one is.
Marriage and kids has nothing to do with the man's problems.
@@bcreilly180 she chose to marry someone without self control.
Honestly no clue and a real puzzle
First get as much life insurance as your income can bare. He may not be able to get private life insurance but his work may offer it as a benefit. Second prepare your self vocationally for when he becomes disabled or dies so you can financially support the family. Good luck as you’re going to need it.
I'm going through this right now. Because he can earn a living and go work, he thinks he's fine.
It’s because you are a cat.
Why?😂😂😂
Well your honest about it. Sadly if he becomes seriously ill or dies impact on her and their children is permanent and devastating. Best of luck to you and the caller.
Get insurance on him
Yep this is the comment
My dad did this. He's only in his early 50s and almost died twice. Because he would never take care of himself.
Caller should make sure he has good life insurance. Hope you don't need it but just being real - like putting a seat belt on in a car.
@@stevenporter863 It's too late. He doesn't qualify.
Just idea - not individual policy but group one (like through employer, but there are short enrollment periods)
@@stevenporter863 His health got so bad that he's not working. So was unable to do that. Thanks though. I wish we could. It left my mom in dire straights. She's probably going to be working for a long time now.
He just would nvr stop smoking, eating bad, and just bad habits. Now that he's almost died twice and on disability does he try a little harder. It's sad that it took almost dying twice to take his health more seriously.
As someone who had a grandma who didn’t want us to see her smoking when we were kids... we knew. I’ll bet those kids know exactly what’s going on. It’s really not something you can hide forever.
This guy isn't gonna be a grandpa. But yes, kids see self-destruction and abandonment for what it is. That is a heavy burden to carry; my father didn't try to get help and remain here to raise me.
I agree. My kids knew what their dad was doing even when he tried to hide it
I never took care of myself. But am going to from now on. My family is scared too. Something will happen to me.
Some people are lazy/avoidant. And more a person practices doing this the weaker they become. So it becomes harder and harder to be responsible, and do for yourself
I'm sorry. I have no sympathy here. She knew he was a smoker/bad eater BEFORE they got married. This is why PRE-MARITAL counseling is a no brainer.
Gold Star for Angie
I can’t believe smoking is still a thing in 2021.
Well you must be around a lot of people that don't smoke then because smoking is as popular as cancel culture unfortunately
@@nyapayton7087 WHAT, i literally know no-one who smokes anymore or haven't in about 10 years LOL
@@rory644 let me put it like this when you go into a gas station where you have to pick up gas and you go to the checkout, if you look behind them you'll see a whole wall filled with cigarette packs, just because you know no one that smokes doesn't mean it's not happening I know plenty of people that smoke, or I'll do you one better the next time you go to a gas station ask the checkout guy or girl where the cigarettes are and you will see a whole wall or row full of cigarettes, any gas station you go to just ask them where the cigarettes are you'll see them or just go to Google images and type in cigarettes in gas stations and you'll see the pictures pop up, I'm surprised you didn't notice😂
MY BODY MY CHOICE
see what i did there
So many idiots in the comments. Please stay single. In marriage, there’s always something since you are dealing with an imperfect person. Just like he has issues I’m sure she does as well. Her husband has issues that he has to deal with himself and harping on it won’t help. I heard an older woman say “You can’t harp a man to higher”.
You don't need to be married to have these problems in a relationship.....
Then don’t ignore the signs and then complain that he’s not doing right by the family. Ladies-stop ignoring the bad signals and for God’s sake don’t marry him.
I think with most people like this they usually don't change until they have a serious health scare. That will be the turning point or the down hill spiral into death
My wife tried changing me, I told her the same thing also “You’re wasting your time” cos I will never change for anyone, only for me.
Then do it for you. Your new single self.
@@Jane5720 Being single is not bad. Besides I never get emotional attached to anyone (not even my wife). She wants me to quit my hobbies (playing games), which I can never do.
@@do_deeez3407 Hopefully she’s gotten rid of you by now. I definitely wouldn’t want a partner who see’s me as an option smh
Wow how noble🙄. If you are taking poor care of yourself change for yourself and your loved one so you can be there for them.
Do you seriously think kids don't know? Do NOT subject your children to addiction. If you want to be around an addict, fine. When you have children it's no longer about you. Kids know, believe me, no matter what you think. I'm speaking from experience. Don't scar your children. Please.
Life gets messy
Caller sounded like Rachel Cruze (Ramsey), I was like wow 😱
5:00 Yes he smokes and drinks but is good that he get along with his wife
What about going to church and finding support.
I hope he recommends that book to her on male depression. ❤️🙏🏻
Which book? I’d like to read it.
He almost needs to hear that from someone else , someone need to ask him if he’s ok that some other man will walk his daughter to her wedding .
I’m that guy but single I honestly don’t care what happens to me. Therapy is basically a paid person telling you to look at it in a different way or giving you a pill. It’s pointless. It took what ever will to live I had left to get a my degree and a decent job. I’m all out of fuel.
This exactly why you need therapy. Thinking it's pointless is a symptom of a depressed life.
This is so relatable. Good Luck! 👍🏾
Your always good enough. Your mind can be your own worst enemy.
You might be not good enough for yourself
But for others you might be all the difference
You are not out of fuel-look at how far you’ve come.
Talking to someone who cares about you is important; your story matters especially from your perspective.
Therapists differ-it takes a while to find one that understands you but most of them bs through the session.
Stay strong; keep going-someone depends on it.
Sometimes guys like the attention they get when they are "sick ". I see a lot of men post their blood pressure level and sugar level on Facebook fishing for attention.
That’s crazy 😂
So true!!!!
Lady you might need to move on and find somebody else if this continues to happen, I know that sounds shallow but it's like you said you can't change people and you deserve better
If he has some untreated depression or coping skills issues from childhood could going to a counselor help?
A lot of people need direct approach like meds and changing lifestyle, so counselors wont help a lot fast.
I did but stopped. I feel like I'm in a similar situation 😔
Only helps if he helps himself. Therapists can’t do the work for him, just as professors can’t do the homework, projects, quizzes and tests for their students. Sometimes an individual needs to be critical, disciplined, and do the work.
Sad, she’s going to be babysitting her husband unless she gets out.
Get some serious life insurance on him !
Make sure an insurance policy is purchased
Oh man, I felt this one.
You chose to marry someone without self control. That was your choice. You don't get to tap out when you realize the effects. Should have married smarter.
I’m having this issue with my husband. I’m sure its depression. So anyway, I’ll make him get into the shower and ill bath him. I force pedicures on him. I make him eat healthy. I encourage him to work out. I cut his hair. And even facials.
It encourages me to take care of myself too
You are making it worse
You are making it worse. Next you’ll be wiping his backside as he can’t be sewed to do that next. After that you’ll be spoon feeding him like a baby- you didn’t marry a baby did u?
@@caddcoll1 I didn’t marry a baby but I married someone with 3 concussions under his belt and knowing he could get more. I understand what concussions can do to a person and I love him beyond that. At the end of the day he takes care of ish, just not himself right now.
@@prihaps many people have multiple concussions
@@Kermit46 yes and he’s had 3 more...
Wow. She is looking directly through my window💔
Same but I told him I am not taking care of him....
Since when is smoking such a huge surprise? Sounds to me like she wanted to change him, or never thought about this.
Choice is between naive or manipulative.
IDK why she didn’t have these conversations with her husband, while he was still just her boyfriend.
She obviously has issues of her own to not see this or to ignore it
Because she was 21, 22 at the time, and thought the love of a good woman would sort him out. The optimism (and lack of life experience) of youth.
Her family could possibly have encouraged her to think about these things before taking the plunge.
Why not offer to actively help him with his issues?! I can’t believe Dr. John didn’t advise her to try to help him herself. It sounds like he’s fine with here leaving him to figure it out and do it all himself
Had to click on the video if that’s my wife complaining or someone’s I know :)
Leave it for everyone to hurt
GIVE HIM NAC gives those with addictions a fighting chance.
Which brand?
@@kristenm8221 Jarrow
@@B-55 extended release? Can I give this to my husband? He’s an alcoholic struggling with relapse 😢
@@kristenm8221 This would be perfect for him. NAC is almost like a miracle. Every person I have recommended it to has come back to me with amazing results. Any form of NAC from Jarrow Formulas will do the job.
@@kristenm8221 Please report back to me with the results, It is especially effective for alcoholics. Go on youtube and watch some videos on NAC it is like nothing i have ever found.
My dad died early because of not taking care of his health 😔 😪
Try Chantix. It has helped me so much.
Oh wow this is really intersting
Exactly
Mane sure he gets life insurance...
I thought he went Jumanji in terms of not taking care of himself.
Right like I’m dealing with my partner not brushing his teeth anymore and refusing to eat meals.
Life insurance anybody!!!
Wow, smoking and has asthma. What caused the asthma? I think this is one of the roots of the problem, they need to figure out the source of the asthma.
Make sure he has good life insurance
Don't marry someone with a lack of self control.
I don’t think this was her goal
@@claudiagirl3253 she knew that when she married a smoker. Statistically the worst people to marry and most likely to cheat and not value family. They don't value the life of anyone around them. That was her choice.
This guy has undiagnosed ADHD!! Sounds like he is self medicating and out of control
This is why you don’t marry a smoker
1 in 2 american males had their genitals mutilated as an infant with their parents permission. Wonder what affect that has on the psyche and nervous system?
This is advice for everyone: stop submitting to insane cultural rituals and expectations. It's killing us and destroying our society.
Think for yourself, trust your gut and instinct and educate yourself.
Get life insurance
Question #1 does he have life insirance? Seriously
How could you even be attracted to somebody who does that, it is repulsive.
Would be nice if she didn't drag 3 kids through this
or go to the dentist after 10 years of not going :)
Yikes. I thought 3 years was bad.
John just asked the woman to consider leaving her husband because he smokes even though she met him and he smoked?
That was awful advice.
this guy is so dramatic giving advice
Well Rachel maybe he wouldnt have to smoke if you werent constantly stressing him out with your nagging all day. 😀
😜🤪😝
Get life insurance