If you marry a Japanese woman, 1. Which country would you live? 2. How many kids would you like to have? 3. Would you accept sexless marriage after having kids?
Would marry a Japanese woman only if she came back with me to the US. I do not wish to see an exponential growth of mixed kids in Japan and end up gradually turning into another western country because of that. Japan has it's own identity that it should try to preserve.
Would marry only if they come live with me in my country only. Die-ver-city would be the d3ath of Japan and should not even be advocated over there unless you really want to turn it into a second America.
It took me to be engaged to one to find this out romance died and it became a business relationship. I had to prove to her parents my financial viability and she often stated she didn’t want to live a lifestyle worse then now and she cried when I told her she had to continue working 😢 a year after we got engaged I broke it off
They make wonderful wives, as long as the guy understands the parameters of the situation. They are probably not going to have a romantic relationship after the initial courtship and newlywed period. But she will run a tight ship and raise the children well, which you can't always expect from Western women who today really grow up like men, with very little traditional training or values. Equality comes at a price.
Having met Japanese, foreign and mixed couples, I believe that most Japanese ladies in an unsuccessful marriage with a foreigner would either be unsuccessful with a compatriot as well, or stay single for lack of an interested party.
This video is insanely fascinating for me. I'm Taiwanese and my wife is 100% white American. We have none of the issues here, but I can see how, if we didn't communicate well early in our relationship, we could have had these issues. A lot of the common problems they listed here, we talked about. Her learning Chinese, her getting some independence here (we live in Taiwan), etc. The only thing I'd like to add is that, maybe rather than looking at men (or women) as foreign or not foreign, it might be better to look at them in the lens of what culture they grew up in and what about that culture they accept or reject.
@@huawei755 That's literally how she describes herself. I don't care enough to question it. But her ancestry are a mix of English, Scottish, Italian and Hungarian. Which, yeah, that sounds right to me.
Dont feed the troll. 😏 I found it fascinating, too. I get the feeling that some men in my country think of asian women in general as docile, kind and traditional and they do not realize how difficult it will be to live an international marriage. I know it from experience and also saw it in others relationships and marriages.
The usual expectations vs reality meme. Too much unrealistic romanticizing of foreign men in Hollywood / Western movies and tv shows from some native Japanese women. And out of touch viewing Japan through " rose colored lens "as a anime / JAV utopia from some non-Japanese men. Good chance of a sexless marriage after having kids with a Japanese spouse.
@@Mattokishi There was an interview of Japanese women on another TH-cam channel, who work in prostitutions stated a good portion of their customers base are married men both native Japanese men and foreign men married to Japanese women. saying they haven't had sex in years after being married and having kids. Seems that many but not all native Japanese women no longer have any desire of being intimate with their husbands. There are some cases where Japanese women still have sexual desire but their Japanese husbands seems don't have any desire to have sex with them. Having less sex in a marriage while rising kids is one thing but to have zero sex in a marriage after having kids is something else.
100% correct, a lot of people on either side nose-dive into it without even taking the necessary time and effort to learn more about the nuances. If she is not sure whether she can continue engaging in intimacy with me after marriage and having kids then simply should not marry me then. I will not accept a dead bedroom in my relationship, I also refuse to cheat, and ofc - this will be laid on the table before any serious decisions about commitment are made. Maybe just after the first honeymoon period of the relationship has past already (usually takes about 6 months or so if you communicate regularly).
@@Mattokishi I've lived in Japan for 21 years. When I first got here I had a Japanese gf, but before I had lived in Taiwan and had just divorced my Chinese wife. (I didn't make enough money for her). I didn't think my gf would be able to adapt to life in America. She was a gaijin hunter though and quickly found an Aussie who married her. We still keep in touch, but when she got to Australia she found her husband didn't want children. She's extremely beautiful and her husband is a lucky to have her, but he doesn't treat her well and his family doesn't accept her. But she decided to stay with him anyway. I luckily found a Chinese woman with whom we share many of the same interests. She changed her nationality to Japanese. We have a beautiful daughter and a great life in Japan as she owns her own company. My wife perhaps feels the pressure of living in Japan more, but she uses her charm on Japanese businessmen and they greatly respect her. (One customer wanted to set her up with a Japanese colleague, but she told him she was already married. "To whom?" he asked. An American who speaks Chinese. Even the Japanese businessman recognized that she wouldn't do as well with a Japanese husband knowing his own culture.) We have had a very happy marriage. Not perfect, nothing ever is, but very happy and comfortable.
I am a foreign woman. I was married to an American man, and I went to live in the USA and stayed there with him. I would not advise this at all. Some cultures have much closer ties with family and friends than Americans do, and America is a very big country and not a one where it's easy for people to be close and stay in touch. It's so different if you come from more traditional cultures, like Japan, China, or my country. It's like being a fish out of water. I felt extremely alienated. My husband was not close with his family either. They were very nice to me, they treated me kindly, but I never felt like I belonged. It was very strange. He resented me for not being like American women, more emotionally detached. I felt guilty and wrong for missing my family and my home. Eventually he also became abusive, and because I was so far from my family, I felt trapped and totally alone. I was scared to tell anyone. I went to school, I had a good job in a big company, I made good money, I had new friends, but I missed home all the time, my family, my friends, and my culture, even my country's food. Many times, western men feel entitled, they like to think that they have good, looks, money, lifestyle, etc, and they like to try new things, including a variety of women, especially exotic ones, and some of these guys like especially women they believe they can easily control. They are not choosing foreign women because they are good communicators, it's just the opposite. Western men turn to countries like Philippines, Thailand, or even China, and poor countries in Africa and South America, because they have more options with women than in the USA. One man I know of from west Europe married a lady from Africa, and he brought her to Europe, and started to be abusive, he was doing some very bad things, and she initiated a divorce, before they were even separated, he was already getting together with a young girl from Philippines and was ready to bring her to Europe. So, first it was a woman in Africa, and next one in the Philippines. Of course, not all western men are like this, but too many of them can be. I believe that a woman should not leave her close family to go live with a man in a foreign country, there is too much potential for loneliness and a poor outcome. Please beautiful ladies, vet foreign men carefully, use good judgement, if you marry them, stay in your country where you have family support whenever possible, and keep safe.
Well, the same can also be said for foreign men who move and marry in their country. As an American man, I was constantly on edge about someone potentially using me for money. You hear stories about Foreign women from the places you mention who take American men to the cleaners, pretending they love them etc. My father almost fell victim to a woman from the Philippines who was cheating on him and contacted him right after he divorced my mom who verbally abused him. I almost fell victim to a Venezuelan woman, who didn't know I spoke Spanish talking to a man who was her boyfriend on the phone making plans to scam me. (more about language a little later) As a foreign man who is getting married to a half Brazilian half Portuguese woman, I left my friends and close family behind. And While my fiancee and her family and extended family adore me, there are things that we can't see eye to eye on and I almost considered ending my engagement. But we've learned to understand each other from each others perspective since then. Lastly, language is a very big factor. If you don't share a common tongue, it's doomed to hell. If you're a foreign person dating another foreign person, the two of you need to learn each others respective languages so you can form a deeper understanding of the person. That's my two cents.
I think including some other divorce rates as reference would be helpful. Japan's normal divorce rate is 35% and Canada's normal is like 47% or something.
That happened to me , but the opposite , I met my ex gf that I dated for 6 years in the USA and she became a totally different person when I moved to Japan with her . I though at the beginning that most of her complains were valid and It was my fault because I didn't understand Japanese culture good enough, but it did not matter how much effort I putted on learning or adapting to her point of view it never got better but worse , what took me out of this toxic cycle was a native Japanese friend of mine who saw what was happening and advice me to break up with her because she was not normal and it was clearly abuse . After dating her for almost 6 years I found my self hating Japan and its culture that I once loved so much , it was when I finally finished my relationship with her that I got to enjoy and love Japan again .
Exactly! Obviously in any relationship, communication is quite important as is honesty and especially so if you are in it for the long haul. In an international marriage, it is best to become exposed to both cultures and at least have one partner totally fluent in both languages or things will get very hard. Not only will you be dealing with the person themselves, you'll be dealing with another culture and language. Throw marriage and kids into the mix plus the usual stressors and you're screwed. Consider dating many people before you get married if that is the goal to get a feel for the opposite sex (or same in some cases) and don't marry the first person you meet in a foreign country unless you really know the culture. So many other people who I know who were in international marriages failed hard and quickly in some cases.
@@adamhyde5378that’s not how most cultures work. In most countries, a man’s wealth is just as important as a female’s virginity and youth. Dating around diminishes that quality tremendously. It’s better to use matchmakers or community of trusted people to find the perfect match for you so your time and resources are not depleted.
For a non-Japanese I think they would find many annoyances with a Japanese wife. You have to figure out why she's annoyed at you without her telling you the reason, you have to figure out when she just says something because she means it or if she's just trying to be polite. For instance, a Japanese might invite you into their home for tea but they don't actually want you to accept. If you do, then it's rude on your part for not understanding that they didn't really mean it. Or they may tell you that everything is fine but then you find out later that it wasn't but it's your fault for not being perceptive enough to read through their false response. Japanese are a very tiresome people. I would never take on a Japanese wife for this reason.
To add a more positive comment: I just read a manga about the experiences of a female mangaka with her German boyfriend and then husband and her life in Germany. Since the boyfriend didn't come to Japan to hunt women this is probably a depiction of a healthier and more normal relationship since he didn't expect to get an "exotic" wife. She managed to show very well how stressfull the different lifestyle is for someone who comes from a society with such strict rules about everything. Although she researched a lot it was the little things that made her freak out. But her boyfriend's family and friends were very welcoming and made her relax more. And a very important aspect: Both of them are very modern. She never wanted to stop working as a mangaka and rely on a husband and he sees her as a partner and an individual whose happiness is important not just an imported "good" wife and mother. So the message of the manga is that communication is everything in a relationship. If someone here can read German and is interested in the female perspective, the name of the manga is "Manga-Zeichnerin vs. Deutsche" by Hirara Natsume.
She sounds young though and even she works out, she isn’t exactly representative of most women given her job type etc. As a mangaka, she would already be something of a recluse or at the very least, introverted. Such people can cope with change in scenery since they have loser ties to their land of origin. Still, it’s probably important to point out that Germany divorce rates, and European divorce rates in general are higher for even those who marry within Germany. So it’s a bad choice to marry such a person since a divorce after such a big move can be even more devastating.
Uh, divorce because: “I do not see you as a woman anymore though you are perfect as a mom”? That has to be the most Japanese reason a Westerner (n)ever said.
@@DynamiteGazelle You'd be surprised. I suspected it would happen to me so I had those conversations with my wife even before she was pregnant. Japanese women tend to go into mom mode very quickly and neglect the marriage. However, it makes sense because in Japanese culture, the women do the vast majority of the childrearing while the husband is trapped working long hours and sex with prostitutes is widely accepted.
I am not Japanese, yet I have moved to another country for a guy. The exact same thing happened to me as well. I moved inside of Europe though and still I am stuck in his country. My psychologist said, a woman needs to do 5 things, but only 3 are possible to do: "1. take care of the kids, 2. take care of the husband, 3. Have a job, 4. Do the household, 5. Take care of yourself". Usually nr.5 and nr.3 falls away, because a man should be able to look after himself and nr.5 because there isn't even the time for that. But with that, the relationship breaks, because men do want a lot of physical stuff, which is not really possible if you have kids. Oh god, yes, the Hague Convention. Same reason why I am stuck. If you have kids with a foreign husband, you are basically done, for the rest of your life, if your husband doesn't approve to let you go, even after divorce. The ex can take legally revenge on you as a woman. It's so insane. I would say co-parenting in Europe is nearly non existing, unless you have a ton of luck. So I think, this is not only about Japanese women, this is a worldwide problem currently. But it is interesting anyway to hear this from a Japanese perspective. And yes, don't idolize western men. They are not gentleman's just because you saw 'Titanic' and other american movies.
If your therapist really said you those 5 things, I'd suggest you to change therapist. 3 out of 5 points are so wrong the way the are presented (point 1, 2 and 4). First, parenthood is not mandatory. Parenting and house management should be a 50-50 split responsibility. Then each couple can agree case by case to redistribute responsibilities, but that is a mutual agreement between people with no preconcepts on gendered roles. About the 2nd point, if you want to have a healthy lasting relationship just build it day by day while keeping in mind that everyone needs self-care. "take care of the husband" sounds like "serve the husband".
@@challenger937 And where is the man who actually would split responsibilities? Usually it is the woman who does all the work, meanwhile the guys sit in front of the computer or TV, meanwhile the woman is running around, doing household, keeping the kids in check and cooking at the same time. It would be obviously very nice if it would be really 50/50, but I haven't seen that happening yet, nor heard that from other families. I do live in northern Europe, so it may be like this here. And yes "take care of the husband" is basically "serving" him, because that is what most guys look for. Many here don't even know how a dishwasher or washing machine works, unless they do weaponized incompetence. But with my ex for example, he is now 32, and his mom still comes to him and cleans his house, because he doesn't do it. I did it in the past, otherwise we would have lived with rats or something. And I do know that he is not the only one who acts like this.
@@mizulightblue It's sad hearing that in your experience you have not even seen a single example of a man behaving like a decent person, not laying on his millennial privileges of being a man. That's a mindset that I, as a man, am fighting against, and it's a tough battle because most men do not even want to accept there is a huge gender gap that must be counteracted if we want to progress as a society
As someone who married a Japanese woman and divorced in Japan, I related a lot to what she was saying how Japanese women felt living abroad. It was very similar for me but in Japan and as a husband. I had lived comfortably in Japan before that for over a decade but through my marriage with the demands to conform by my partner, the ties and relationships I had built were all undermined. Everything became a battle; food, chores, money, values, time. Since we had a child she also became the "mom". Romance was dead. I had know several men that had gone through similar things so before we started our marriage I voiced my concerns and was met with silence. Foolishly, I went ahead with the marriage assuming she would say something if she had issue. In the end it seems she figured I would just fall in line. The worst part is dealing with the attitudes and laws Japan has when it comes to children of divorce. The fact that Japan supports and harbors kidnapping parents despite it's agreement to international laws on the matter is just down right immoral. I know many Japanese bristle at this accusation, refusing to be held accountable to cultures other than their own. Yet they are silent when laws and treaties based on the same values from those western cultures are in their favor. Sorry for the tangent, but I guess my point is people in Japan aren't really interested in adapting (and likely aren't good at it) and unless you want to live the Japanese way they make poor marriage partners. As the lady in the beginning said herself, she thought she had high adaptability but her Japaneseness became stronger. There is no blending of cultures for them. It's one or the other.
@@ZaWyvern On child custody, it’s a problem even for Japanese men in Japan as Japan hasn’t recognized joint or shared custody upon divorce and family courts tend to stupidly think uterus = good parent. After much protest particularly the last several years Japan finally passed a law taking effect in 2026 changing things to recognize joint custody in divorces.
It is common in couples where both parties have strong egos and are unable to compromise or compromise with each other.International couples around me have been getting along well with their Japanese parents for more than 20 years.I heard that in Korea, the law favors the man and the woman's position is weak, while in the U.S., it is common to see cases where alimony is not paid even if the couple divorces after cheating on each other.Every country has terrible laws.
Congratulations. In my country there are quite many people I know and influencers that married Japanese women. But the majority stayed in Japan due to the place having better life and work compared to my country. But some like the owner of my private university married a Japanese that followed Indonesia, and sent tens of japanese exchange students to Indonesia every semester. Others sent their children to live in Indonesia in order for them to learn Indonesian culture and then come back to Japan in junior high, etc. Some prefer to stay with their husbands in my country as well. It depends on the individual
I heard english speakers in japan call it roppongi syndrome. Language barrier + fetishization of each other(white men = romantic, reliable. japanese women = submissive) leads to more marriages but once they get to know each other they start to see them for who they really are. If they live outside japan, women start being isolated and find everything dirty and inconvenient. If they live in japan then it's probably more stable if the man can hold a job in japan.
I am a 56 year old man with a Japanese wife and one child. In my 30 years in Japan I have met too many western men with Japanese wives to count. But I have done an online survey of 40 middle aged western men living in Japan with Japanese wives. 95% are in sexless marriages. Now that’s the survey itself. If I include the western women I know, the many conversations about this topic I’ve had and the comments I’ve heard such as “all the foreign guys I know say they are in sexless marriages”…… then I can safely say to any western man interested in marrying a Japanese woman; Don’t. There is a very high probability you will end up in a sexless marriage. You will not enjoy the utter lack of intimacy and either living a life of desperation OR having multiple partners outside of marriage. There are very good reasons why so many Japanese look for sex outside of marriage . Think of this before you commit yourself to a Japanese woman.
I have a question for you then. Why do the Japanese women think its okey to refuse to give intimacy to their spouse? In my culture, this is greatly frowned upon and is considered a form of cruelty since the man can't go outside his marriage for intimacy.
@@mahakhatib27 they think it’s okay for several reasons. Some of these are possible 1. That’s the way their mothers were 2. They were never really sexually attracted to their husbands. They are playing the long con (a game of deception to lure them into marriage) 3. They can’t or won’t express themselves so they are frustrated and cannot feel a romantic attraction for their husbands 4. They have very low energy because they are not taking care of themselves (level of self care can be very very low here in Japan) 5. It’s a hassle and they want convenience or absence of hassle because they are fundamentally lazy, due to the way they were brought up and coddled by their parents and school. 5. They actually are working and it’s so stressful that they don’t have the space inside or energy for romance. They would rather do the absolute minimum in their home, or be alone. This one is a strong one in Japan I believe. 6. There is no culture of romance in Japan. Setting a tone or mood isn’t something they have experienced or can even imagine. This is cultural
@@SeruraRenge11 that’s a good question. It’s not part of the survey. As for “inherently” that begs a lot of questions. Everyone knows Japan is a sexless society, and everyone knows that paying for sex is viewed differently here (by and large ) than in the west. I’ll go so far as to say that the majority of Japanese women (not the vast majority but the technical majority) view sex as something for young people that normally, and expectedly, fades after children.
The explanation I've heard is that once a Japanese woman becomes a mother, is is supposed to give 100% of her energy to her child. Sex takes energy away from being a devoted mother so it's a no no. What do you people think? Is this true? .
And there are also plenty of long-term happily married international couples... the Japanese women who DON'T regret marrying their foreign husband. Maybe she just hasn't told me yet...😅
Hopefully they understand that they cant demand foreign men to give them all their money and to give them an allowance, thats NOT how things work outside of Japan.
@@xtr.7662 It's a generalization based on a real tendency, so that is something that would have to be cleared, preferably before going too deep in the relationship.
I watched this and I can say: This is an international couple thing. Not only a japanese wife thing. Living abroad brings struggle and a lot more for a woman especially after giving birth. Japanese women are just women.
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not necessarily. The US, Canada, and EU has very similar way of lifestyle, norms and beliefs. Asia is more diverse in those matters, but Japan is clearly standing out there as the stray kid still.
i agree with you! some people says it's only in Japan but those people is the one haven't noticed yet they also have similar issue in their country. so ironic.
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@@toMtoM-k5p nah, i didnt have these issues, in my own country, neither from a half-german gf ive been with. Had another problems, which unfortunately coming with the modern western women kit in most cases, the entitlement and princess syndrome.
To be honest, the problem about Japanese wife of not wanting to go out with the husband doesn't seem to be only affecting to foreign husbands; but I would think that it would affect the Japanese husband as well. I think that Japanese has created a big culture of tolerance which is good. But they have gone too far where everyone wears too deep of a mask and facade. And this facade is the root cause of marriage problems both within Japanese couples and Japanese and foreign couples. But otherwise, I do agree with all the other struggles mentioned. The fact that they would have to travel back and forth to meet their parents from time to time. And that how either one leaving their home country will be leaving behind their old friends and community support. It would equally affect the Japanese or foreign partner. It just happens to affect more Japanese women because wives tends to travel to their husbands country more often than not.
When I was in grad school years ago, our neighbors were a New Zealand guy and his Japanese wife (who was pregnant). First they moved to New Zealand from Japan and she told him she hated it there and missed Japan. Then they moved to the U.S. for his graduate studies, and she said she hated America and missed New Zealand. They had terrible shouting matches which we heard through the walls, with him saying stuff like "You fking btch!" Sounded pretty bad. I tried to talk to her one day and found her very unfriendly. Just a bad situation. I feel bad for people like that, but on the other hand, she did make her choice to (1) marry this guy and (2) follow him around the world. I think and hope they eventually went back to Japan, or else that marriage was not destined to last.
I think they were too young to make the decision or simply didn't talk enough about the issue before being so emotional. it's like any country the domestic couple have same case.
ok but with chapter 3 of the video with Mari Miyamoto explaining the verbal or emotional abuse these women go through. What kind of men are these women marrying? That's not assertive at ALL. That's full on aggression and straight up bullying. Being assertive is about expressing ones needs and emotions in a respectful way while also allowing the other party to express themselves truthfully about how they feel. These dudes must've had some kind of scheme ulterior motive or some nonsense cause ain't no way man.
Some men from other cultures probably have a misconception about Japanese women (and asian women in general). They are weaklings who expect a submissive woman. And if the woman is not, they become aggressive.
I've know Asian women who were swooned by Prince Charmings . . . and then ended up living in their husband's hometown in Mississippi, Alabama, Oklahoma, Ohio, Arkansas . . .
It's normal to end up like this if you only go or married for LOOKS or MONEY. Alot of MEN and WOMEN go through this. Sooner or later they'll realized that they have no connection to whoever they're with regardless of looks and how much money they have and that's when the cheating starts happening when they find somebody they can really connect with.
I've never understood the foreigner fixation or the 'Asian girlfriend' fixation. It always reads like these types of people (men and women) are simply alienated / estranged from their family and culture. They then seek something 'new' without wanting to put in the work of actually changing themselves.
1. I'm fortunate to live near a highly Japanese community in America. Much easier for a wife to navigate and get things done in her native language. 2. An intelligent man knows to keep his wife in her home country for the best way of life. No western man ever wants his Asian wife to become westernized. 3. Communication is key. Real men only want to be with their wives. Real women understand this, and both work together to make this happen in a loving way.
We are not living in the world of Emily in Paris. It’s important to live strong after the magic wears off. Any of country has pros and cons, and the couples needs to talk a lot about their life plan. As a Japanese who married with French wife and based in Japan, it’s very important to get a working condition which not typical here
Where you live makes a big difference because here in Hawaii there is a huge Japanese community so the interracial couples get along better because the wife doesn't feel so isolated. As for parenting stress, this is common everywhere as m,any men feel ignored by their wives once a child comes into the picture. Its important to remember that they werre a couple before they became parents and if you ignore that, the relationship will fall apart often.
This is something I experience as a foreign woman with my husband in Japan. We try to communicate better, but he expected me to learn his language in a short time(without language school) and adapt many things i have done a certain way all my life to the way he prefers. It becomes so straining when you suddenly have to change so much about you or otherwise go back to your country. I'm willing to adapt in many things, but i still want to be ME. It's really hard when the expectations of a whole country lie on one person.
I can imagine that it must be hard. Getting assimilated in the culture is probably not the way to go rather than add it to your own. Your husband shouldn’t expect from you to learn the language in very short term without having proper lessons. From what I have heard from other migrants is that speaking, reading and writing will take at least two years to master a large chunk of the matter when studying frequently and often. Stay realistic and accept your own shortcomings with that. Try not to stress because that will lead you on to a whole other path socially and mentally. I do not speak the language nor am I trying to be fluent in it. I do have great interest in the language and culture as many do but I do accept the fact that I have shortcomings that prevents me to master it short term. I wish you all the best.
With all due respect, you should attend language school, relatively soon. This isn't about personal preference or taste, it's about survival in Japanese society. Without Japanese language, you'll struggle to choose schools for your kids, find a vendor to fix your roof, apply for a credit card, or receive Permanent Visa and other government processes. When your kids are in kindergarten, you'll have to talk to the teachers in Japanese on how they're doing in school. When your sick, you'll have to explain the symptoms to the doctors/nurses in Japanese. I'm sure your husband will do his best to help you but he cannot do everything. And I'm not talking about your preference in home cooking or languages you speak at home, which is your private matter. But some things you do need to learn and adapt wherever you may live. And it's exactly the same when a Japanese person lives in Russia, France, Germany, Canada, etc, etc.
Yes... mostly only the top 1% in looks have so many pickings to choose from to pull that off. Odds of true success are about the same as walking into a casino and winning on a slot machine on the first roll.
@@extremepsyche3135 That's usually not a change... that's usually you failing to notice/ignoring who they really were or them doing an unrealistically incredible job of hiding it from you.
The same problem exists for foreign men living in Japan, too. The men can feel quite lonely, even if they are fluent in Japanese, because Japanese friendships are very difficult to create as a foreigner. Also, a lot of Japanese women don't reveal this, but some of them also set up a neighborhood watch with neighbors to report on her husband about everything he does.
LOL! If they are that paranoid about their foreign spouses, why even date or marry a foreigners in the first place. I guess the argument that foreigners girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands and wives are just arm candies or trophies.
I think there are many reasons for this. The first is that Japan is monocultural & most Japanese people have problems relating to non-Japanese norms/attitudes. The second is that expectations are often misguided - from both sides - which can lead to disappointment & anxiety/stress. The third is that Japanese tend to be obsessed with maintaining the status quo & sticking to traditions, which can be good in some situations (i.e. being respectful to others or looking after family members). But this also leads to difficulty adapting to & accepting different ways of thinking.
I would say if you want to marry a Japanese women you need to work out some major issues and know a few things . A) can you support them on your own with out her help? Why ? because Japanese women expect to be house wives after marriage . B) be prepared to deal with your in laws because Japanese parents have a lot of say in their children’s relationships C) learn Japanese it’s better you can speak even if she speaks english to deal with it D) make sure she knows you want to continue sex after children and stoping will not be acceptable F) deal with the child raising issue before marriage as well as wHERE you are going to live
@@bobmclovinelectricboogaloo yeah the list is just cultural specific issues you can run into that some people would not consider. It WHAT to talk about before you say will you marry me or soon after 😂
I think any woman looking into an international marriage should think about how things will turn out socially for them. Generally speaking, women thrive with social connections. If she won't have one close friend besides of her husband, she'll struggle abroad and be homesick. If the husband is not supportive, then she'll likely become lonely and depressed.
IMO, ( based on experience and observation ) the problem is not Japanese women, nor is it language. When you engage to marry a Japanese woman, you are NOT marrying her. In fact, you are marrying into her society as dictated by LAW. It is those parameters that limit her decision making and options. It’s a yellow brick road and she’s going to follow it. Every curve and every timestamp. It’s a relic that does not apply to current times.
I love watching these videos because they really deep dive into the culture and what certain situations are like in Japan. Thanks for another insightful video!
Your stats about foreign husbands and Japanese wives should be broken down by ethnicity. For example, white men and Japanese women have a divorce rate of 30%, which is much lower than that of Japanese men. The first woman is a great example of why immigrating to another country isn't for most people. It seems that most people prefer to be surrounded by others who look like them. Only a small minority are comfortable, even though they are in the minority.
Honestly most of this sounds like hand picked examples since society is way less strict stateside than in Japan. We also are not a homogenous country so way more people willing to accept foreigners. As for the abuse stuff thats just the result of picking a bad partner which people in every country deal with. Has nothing to do with foreigner or not foreigner
It’s called adaptability! No one just moves to a new place and fits right in. I have lived in 6 different non English speaking counties, l was not alone l went out and met the locals, adjusted to the culture and learned enough to get by. Sorry but if you fail to adapt or adjust its because you are lazy nothing more. Improve English even if you live in Japan it will only help you expand your network and meet new friends in most cases. If a Japanese woman wants to be with a foreigner learn their language as you expect them to learn yours it works both ways.
Another problem is that foreign men! who marry Japanese women and have children in foreign country can actually illegally be kidnapped when they visit Japan. Usually, if the farther leaves first to go home is where the gotcha movement is.
Why is communication so taboo for Japanese? My only assumption is how scared they are to face people directly and the problem is that they've grown up with indirect communication, reading the air as they call it and make it the reality of the world that they don't want to see the world outside of their space because it is more comfortable there. That is a problem I have as a social issue because reality is not everyone is like that. They have to be aware and know indirect is not the answer always. You NEED to talk to people if you want change, if you want a good life, if you want something. Stop being afraid and be an adult. I do worry for Japanese that continue this life or nothing is going to get better. And I'm tired of the culture excuse when it comes to communication. Yes, its reality but its not helping and people need to stop taking offense to everything, even the little things, even in my country too where people are fake offended over minute insignificant things. In society, people need to communicate if we want to improve our lives. I want to marry a Japanese wife someday and bring her here to my country and I'll make sure I don't do what typical japanese men do; avoid her, lose interest in her, cheat on her, be too tired to make time for her when we want sex or time alone or whatever, and I don't want her to see love and marriage as two different things. I want a family life where we balance our time, communicate with each other, enjoy our time together and just be a good relationship in general. I want her to have friends, be involved in communities in the neighborhood, enjoy her life and be happy. If she's not, I'm failing and I don't want that. Not all western men are aggressive. Its a matter of patience and just picking the right person. Its a game of chance but take risks, try to make it work, keep your chin up and enjoy the ride. It goes for both men and women. The only cultural difference is indeed the gentle niceness in japanese and the aggressive empowerment of western people. I can understand how japanese will not understand why western men talk shit to each other. They'll think they're fighting but its normal. How so? Because it empowers them to be stronger. Its like that in sports or when you're in boot camp. But not all western people are like that either. We have softies in the west too who can be timid or quiet. I don't know which population of that is higher. But what we value a lot is freedom of speech without consequence. We say what's on our mind without fear because our history teaches us the value of fighting for our right to live without tyranny. I would like the Japanese to understand that and why its in our blood. Sometimes when you want or need to survive, aggressiveness is necessary so people don't stop all over you. But in the end, the ultimate freedom is what you choose to do or be. I'm not that aggressive and sometimes, I hate myself for being weak on things. But if I'm willing to do anything for my future japanese girlfriend, I have to will myself to work hard for her. Its part of life so in the end, you gotta' make things work.
In recent years, there’s been more people who speaks up more. I think it will depend on how they are raised. So it’s not really a taboo. But if you think one of our culture as “excuse” then I believe you won’t really be in a happy relationship with a Japanese Lady. In America, individualism is praised for. That’s why you NEED to communicate to get what you want. But in Japan’s case, collectivism is ingrain in our sociality. We move as a team. As a whole. I want you to know, it’s in our blood. And since we also have the Tatemae/Honne culture, it just makes it worse. British culture also has the Tatemae culture, but in their case, they debate a lot which made them unique in a way. I am curious, why do you want to marry someone Japanese anyways? Because she is nice? Looks? You can always find those in America too. Just look for a Japanese American, she’ll probably have the similar culture and would communicate with you well.
@@jamaroha2891 I know they favor collectivism over individualism but its not always a good thing when you don't balance the two. You can never live without individualism or you struggle with yourself and that leads up to many suicide rates because people don't open up to others about their problems or they won't get any help. Like i said, its an excuse. Its a social issue that they make as part of their culture, but if it keeps up, they certainly won't last long like Elon Musk said once. That's not to say we don't have problems ourselves without collectivism because too much individualism can lead to anarchy. We struggle to find common ground among ourselves because we're selfish with our own agendas. But our struggle has a history of bad government influence, bad celebrity influence and bad media influence all because of a globalist takeover among our pride and joy of a country that promotes the land of freedom. Now it's becoming a third world country unless Trump comes back. But that's another story. The reason I want to marry a Japanese girl is 2 reasons. First, yes I've been attracted to asians since I was young. I thought China was the only country until I learned of Japan, Vietnam and Korea. Japan is an obvious winner cuz' its home of all my favorite things and the japanese girls are the prettiest and the kindest. But there's just something else about Japan that draws me to them. All these videos from Nobita I've watched has made me feel different about them compared to others. There's some good things to learn but a lot of concerning things anyone, even Japanese would have because not everyone there agrees with some of the lifestyle that's in their country. The one that got me the most was the homeless girl Meru. I'm sure not every family is like that but that puts my point at the top. If Japan is a collective nation, what happens when there's one that isn't like them? What do they do with a Japanese individual that doesn't think like them, act like them, do what they do and just thinks for themselves? One story surely can't speak for all but I'm just curious how each are. Let's face it, everyone is different. Making everyone become the same is impossible and personally, its not right. Its not even normal and even the japanese kids don't like it. And I'm talking little things like you have to have the same hair color, you can't have ponytail hair style, you can't speak your mind, you can't say no, you gotta' read the air even if you can't or you're a rude asshole and you won't make friends, your family will disown you, you'll look weird to people for being different, you can't talk to people about it or you look weak and frowned on, you gotta' care about strangers more than yourself; you can't refuse your boss inviting you to a bar, you can't leave before your boss, you gotta' do overtime even if it kills you (literally), etc. This is why you can't live if you shut out individuality. Its like if when a country is individuality, someone will kill you and when your country is collectivism, you will kill yourself. I do not want my japanese wife to go through that. I don't know how much freedom is given in Japan but from what i've learned, its concerning to me. They're isolated and they want to stay that way because they're raised that way. Its like they're shut-ins with little to no interest in seeing the world and more people, learning more of others' perspectives on life. Shouldn't be just one place and I want to see more with someone and I want a Japanese girl to see the world with me.
@@JohnyTheWizKid “what happens when the individualism is strong?” They leave Japan. Or they become “trouble makers”in Japan. But even becoming trouble makers, they will still try to live in Japan because Japan has everything. There are unique people living in Japan too, but they still blend in society because that’s what you need to do to live in Japan. If you don’t like this part of Japanese culture, you can leave too. “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” We say this to all the people who complain when living in Japan. It’s give and take. America is like that too. Not all country is perfect. I just wish someone just restrict gun violence, and not make it worse..😒 But we can’t always act like this since more foreigners are moving to Japan. I’m just telling you it’s slowly changing. But it’s not going to change as fast as you like it to. And that’s why I will tell you, you can always find Japanese Americans/or a Japanese person who was born in another country. Or a Japanese people who left Japan and lives abroad. If you want a Japanese wife who wants to see the world, that’s the person you should be searching. Not all people are build this way.. as you can see from the video
@@jamaroha2891 You CAN'T restrict gun violence. No matter where people go, they can get a gun anywhere. And when you are under attack by someone who has a gun and you don't because of gun restrictions, you're fucked. This is why the US is the greatest country in the world because of the first two amendments. Yes, I know no country is perfect but the reality is EVERYONE wants to come to the united states. But because of our fucking government's policies, it makes it harder to live freely here. There will be NOWHERE to go if we lose to socialists running our country. The world looks up to us and we have to set an example of what freedom and peace is all about. I know its changing at its own pace, but I'll still make noise about it so my voice can reach more people. Good on them but we can't be complacent. We gotta' keep moving. I will find someone in Japan. I haven't had all the time I wanted because of work. I will quit my job so I can stay there longer and I don't want to come home until I find someone. And about earlier, that's my point about individualism. They frown on it but they don't realize they will always have it. And what's everything that they have?
@@jamaroha2891I think the point he’s trying to make among his rambling is that lack of communication can have harmful effects on people’s mental health and well-being. Just because something is deeply ingrained in a society doesn’t make it a good thing. People are a product of their environment and act the way they do because that’s all they’ve ever known. Also “if you don’t like it here then leave” is a dumb argument because most people aren’t going to leave their homeland and everything they know just because they don’t like some social norms.
It is already difficult for men to communicate with women, it is doubly difficult to communicate with Japanese women who often don't make their honne known.
I think Japanese people are thinking too much about relationships and that's why dating and marriage and families are disappearing. You have to be a little bit compulsive in a relationsihip and then deal with the consequences of that. You have to take a chance and see if you win or lose. Everyone is difficult and selfish in some way or another. Learning your spouses culture and language is what makes life great.
It's amazing to me how naive a lot of these women are. I mean even an Asian growing up in the west who speaks the local language fluently has cultural problems in these types of marriages. How can someone who doesn't speak the language and doesn't understand the culture expect that there won't be major problems?
I never considered how much harder it is abroad for Japanese than other Asians. Everywhere Chinese and Filipinos go they have communities. Koreans a building K-towns all over the place. Vietnamese stick together like superglue. SE Asians in general are really compatible with eachother and can lean on eachother. But Japanese dont have anything like this except for some pockets in S. America, maybe.
I know Chinatowns and little Italy's exist but I don't think we have any for Japanese people. Probably because American Asian descendants aren't materialistic with their culture and feel no need to preserve it such as full-blooded Asians who like this video says have a hard time leaving their home country and going through change
I know Chinatowns and little Italy's exist but I don't think we have any for Japanese people. Probably because American Asian descendants aren't materialistic with their culture and feel no need to preserve it such as full-blooded Asians who like this video says have a hard time leaving their home country and going through change
@@Jane-ow7sr Whats interesting about Japanese is how loyal they are. Chinese and Koreans are happy to leave because the economies are so difficult now. But the Japanese are sticking it out. I wonder if theyll really go all the way. Cause the JP economy crash aint done yet. But it seems the majority dont have that business edge that they need to make it outside of JP. Theyre really stuck on salaryman - slave wage corporate system. Its that really old school imperial peasant culture, staying loyal to the Shogun.
@@oodo2908 for example the sitting on their knees thing was so they'd fall asleep and no one can assassinate the emperor, they still do it to this day for literally no reason at all than "tradition". Unfortunately if they keep up this mentality I fear they will go extinct.
@@Jane-ow7sr I didnt know that at all. You know what really worked for the Koreans is Christianity. Thats a big reason theyre inspired to leave. They build churches and churches become race-bases. Might be the only thing that saves Japan is Jesus. Some kind of revival. Otherwise I think youre right, its Panda time.
In reverse I had the same experience living in Japan and dealing with the mental abuse of my Japanese ex boyfriend and adapting the culture. Maybe it's a woman thing who knows
Remember, YOU chose him. If it's a boyfriend, you can leave at any time or even call the cops if he's done something serious. You women made sure to have all the laws in your favor.
Def a woman thing, something is wrong with non Asian women dating Asian dudes. You're never gonna be satisfied, you just want to pat yourself on the back for being "diverse".
@@734ch3r Not necessarily. She did leave him, but as a woman in a foreign country, the law will usually side with the Japanese national ex and not the foreign expat.
Plenty of J women take their kids out of a foreign country and back to Japan illegally, there was talk about changing that law in Japan so its treated as kidnapping - don't know if that happened.
@@acmelbourne yes, I'm aware of it. It's such a selfish thing for anyone to do. One of the many reasons why we need to be careful who we have kids with.
Let me list what I got from this video: Key points: cultural difference, communication problem, expectation difference from reality, lack of support system. - No supportive community on other country make them feel lonely. Find it difficult to live in a areas with no other Japanese / Asians. - No concept of "honne and tatemae" or "reading the atmosphere" the Japanese way. Difference culture of personal interaction. - Husband's have too high of expectation of the wife's ability to adapt. Like can't speak the local language yet or having no job on the new country they lived in. Mixed with the first point, make it there's no supporting system whatsoever so they ended up keeping the problem to themselves. Can't even consult to professional helper due to unable to convey true meaning through 2nd language used in the new country. - Abuse and harrasement due to power-balance from language gap from the husband (foreigner). - Mental damage from husband initiate divorce or cheating. - Westerners tend to value romantic relationship between the wife and the husband but Japanese women focusing more on their children. They seek romantic feeling over their wife as a "mother figure" for their children. - Hard to go back to Japan with children after divorce because co-parenting. Unable to bring children to Japan with the ex wife because they need the ex husband's approval. Far from the wife's parents make it hard for them. - Japanese woman lack direct honest conversation about their feelings. - If something happened it's hard to tell whether that's because cultural difference or personality difference. - Too high of an expectations to foreign men. Through media Japanese woman might have an image of foreign men to be affectionate and gentleman but in reality any issues is the same for anyone wherever. My comment: As the title says, it's about Japanese women with foreign men. I wonder how difference the statistics are with Japanese men marrying foreign women. Also mostly the problems seems to not exclusive to the Japanese but a more broad general issues, still the honne & tatemae and keeping things to oneself might be the most "Japanese problem" here.
funny - my wife since she was still my GF insisted not not live in Japan because of work and education (for our future kids) culture. Now she even shys away everytime we detect other Japanese people and under no circumstance wants to involve herself with the Japanese community. Why? Shes deadly afraid of "Japanese mums" judging her and preassuring her into perfect japanese behavior. Also - shes been an au pair in a halve japanese family. apparently that gave her the impression that a lot of foreign japanese are in some of those weird japanese cults (because that family or rather the japanese mum of that family was in one of those and they regularly had some sort of cult meetings with lots of guests at that home). she loves going back to japan visting family and friends though tldr - some japanese people are happy to be freed of japan
This video is more about the difficulties of living abroad with little support, either from a partner or friends. It is tough to do. It is also so important to try and learn your spouses language. If you don't try to learn concepts like Honne and Tattamae (uniquesly japanese concepts) then it is much harder to understand your spouse and friends feelings.
Another great video by Norbitasan. It seems that it's hard on many women to adjust to foreign men. These problems usually stem from communication, or issues surrounding jealousy from their peers. It's also understandable that Japanese women find it challenging to blend their spouse's foreign culture with their own. However, there are many successful couples that create beautiful families. It's also true that "foreign men" don't necessarily mean you're more attractive than Japanese men, (there's plenty of attractive Japanese men.) It's important that children in Japan learn some foreign culture, but should mainly focus on understanding the culture of the country their children will grow up in.
You can’t blame marriage Over the fact you can’t socialise… outside of your marriage Unless your husband is controlling… Engage your self with the culture and country you live in Shutting your self off That’s your own doing
It is the same if an international person moved to Japan, they still have to adapt. I think from my point of view Japanese ppl aren't very adaptable outside of their comfort zone. The world is very large and you have to have an open mind when it comes to love or just stay in your comfort zone.
Especially there is more negatives side like bad economic and some non respectful residence from overseas appeared, all country show that's NOT adaptable like USA, UK, Europe do now.
Cultural clashes occur when a desire for a certain type is allowed to overrule the understanding of the differences between said cultures. This is typically one of the reasons why most; not to sound elitist or what not, traditionalists would say it's best to stick to your own. Hence we see this rise in regret. The grass isn't always greener.
Doesn’t matter your nationality, if you move out of your home nation, you’re going to feel lonely unless the nation you move to is similar to your own.
I suggest to make a lots of efforts to understand your Japanese partner. Even if she may say i’m used to travel and speak English. She’s still Japanese with a culture differences. I took things too granted, and end up unfortunately with a divorce.
Expressing yourself in your non-native language is never easy. Let's face it, Japanese people are simplly stubborn & did not want to adapt. I worked for a Japanese company for 6 years, so I'm aware of their tendency. They wanted change, they have the conviction they can change, but when they're face with challenges, they revert back to their original settings. That's why I'm always amazed by Japanese multinational companies like Toyota, Sony etc because they seem to have conquer their own biggest hurdle.
im american married a korean woman, we met in the usa at my university and then moved to seoul, i believe as a man, the woman should be cherished and her wishes should be first. I came from an engineering construction background but i hadmto change my career paths into teaching english since my korean was not good enough to pass hard test for those kinds of jobs but i can say koreans always treat me good here. I also let my wife be in charge of all the finances. She likes doing it and i hate it so it works out 😂
For anybody struggling with communication I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication by M.B. Rosenberg. You can read his books or find recordings of his workshops on TH-cam.
It is a misunderstanding that people think raising child is not important work. It is that current age, both parents need to work and rause the children together, not just one person take on each role.
Because a lot of people get married while they are still in the honeymoon period and then when they do put the ringer on the finger, either one or both sides get too complacent and neglect their roles as each other's counterparts and focus all on kids. I will be laying it all on the table beforehand and also making sure to vet for any red flags as well. Women always without exception tell on themselves even at the beginning of the relationships, but bozos are just too dumb or too strong under the "poonyitee" spell that they completely ignore everything and say "nah, it'll be fine!". As a man who reads this, you should be laying out your terms and sticking by them and if she refuses to accept them then you must have the character fortitude to be willing to get up and walk away. It does not need to be done with hostility at all either, be kind and respectful, but be clear from get go what you are willing to accept and what you aren't.
I have seen many cases of Japanese women divorcing their husband, foreigner or local, against the will of the husband, usually on thin grounds. Sadly, marriage is not held in high regard in many modern countries. There needs to be a shift in thinking, seeing marriage as an important commitment that is worth fighting for.
The problem I see here is that Japanese culture is very insular, in a way like a bubble or an aquarium isolated from the norms of most of the world, therefore countries with a more similar culture can interact better with one another, Muslims from North Africa can interact with Muslims in Yemen, Chinese can interact with Koreans and Southeast Asians, Southeast Asians and Chinese can interact with Americans or Europeans or Latinos and Latinos can interact with Filipinos, Filipinos can interact with Americans and Europeans etc, while Japanese having a very unique and peculiar culture would definitely find difficulties fitting in with most of the world because the commonalities are only surface level at best. One solution for the Japanese is to follow global norms at the expense of their own but I think it is better to live with others than to be isolated in their little islands.
Too bad. If there's anyone interested looking forward to living outside of Japan, they'll go outside of Japan and they'll make their way to live their lives there. Also, what you're talking about is a two way street. Nationalist insularism is endemic to every nation in the world, even as somewhere that touts freedom and opening its doors for immigrants like the USA. You want a global community? Best learn to act like it at home. What you're talking about isn't impossible. If I have to deal with douchebag tourist assholes who foul up Tokyo's streets for this, then it's not worth it and that's everywhere else's behavior problem.
Back in 2000s when I was a student in the UK, I first noticed and then wondered why many Japanese women travelled across the world to actively seek for their British prince charming.
The title of this video should be "Why Japanese Women Regret Marrying White Men" since it only considers issues and viewpoints from marriages between a Japanese person and a White spouse. But if you look at the official statistics - the top nationality for an international marriage between a Japanese woman and a foreign husband is actually Korean. It's the same for Japanese men where they mostly marry other Asians. It is almost like an intentional effort by Japanese media to whitewash narratives to only consider White people as foreigners - the people, countries, culture and just ignore all other Asians.
Sorry, Caucasian is a term that is only used in the USA. What do you mean by that? White people? I am European and not Caucasian. Caucasians are people who live near the Caucasus Mountains. this is in western Asia. And they are not necessarily considered white persons where I live.
I think if your partner expects you to soley do all the cultural work alone (learning the other ones language, learning about the other culture) and he does none of this, it‘s a huge red flag and warning for disrespectful behaviour already.
10:35 Yyyyyyeah THAT is NOT what an AVERAGE foreign man looks like. Chad and Tyrone have a monstrous amount of options, so they're most likely either already taken or they're not serious. If a woman chases after guys like that I will stay away from her because she's too hypergamous and will end up devastated. I guess it's true what Manosphere Highlights Daily keeps saying: "Women are women first, regardless of culture. Women. Always. Date. UP."
In the US, particularly, if you find yourself alone or isolated please try to reach out to a Japanese Consulate. There are tons of resources to get you connected to a Japanese community. There are, of course, areas where this isn't feasible and it would still be problematic but there are quite a few consulates out there. I used to volunteer at these consulates to help Japanese people navigate the US and find communities (via LINE, etc). These places can also take reports of abuse or anything else when going to the police or something would be difficult for whatever reason. Don't hesitate to reach out!
Interesting topic. I love Japan for 20 years now and I've often had the thought that if I had married a Japanese woman, she would have eventually dumped me, somehow. Just a thought.
It would be good to hear successful marriages as a possible counter balance to this angle of reporting. As a U.S. male married to a Japanese women there are truths in my life to the negatives discussed here, but some positives I observe too. There's a good deal I've learned from my wife, and the level of collectivist ideals she holds can be valuable to those in my culture, especially taking care of our aging parents/grandparents and being more consolidated as a family. There's a reason why Japan is so damn attractive to visitors -- respect is huge there and it reflects in their environment (cleanliness, work ethic, maintaining cultural history and esthetic for instance).
4:55 I love how it hasn't dawned on her that she's the problem. Yes, if you dont put in effort to keep love in your marriage, it's going to end in divorce, cheating, or long-term dissatisfaction.
Not necessarily.. The issue is that married life expectations differ between western and eastern societies. Western men usually want an eastern wife because they're expecting to marry a submissive trad wife who will satisfy their sexual needs. However, they're often hit with the reality check that people who come from conservative asian societies have very different values when it comes to sex. I believe the key for successful relationships is communication and the knowledge of what you're going to expect from it beforehand. On the other hand, that requires someone to be self actualized, and most people from all cultures aren't.. to be honest
1. Either my country (USA) or Japan. Either is fine. 2. Minimum of 1, but ideally 3. 3. Absolutely not. I can understand that the frequency of sex would reduce after having children. That much would be fine, but I'd seek a divorce if the marriage became sexless.
For me, the language thing, I think it has to go both ways, She speaks my language, I speak Japanese, to be that's only fair, but I know too tell well how learning a new language can be difficult. In my own case it's extra hard, cause I live in Belgium and here one half of the country speaks french, the other half speaks dutch and most people are expected to speak english, it gets even more complicated when you know that I'm Chilean and I speak in spanish with my own family (there's a ton of Spanish speakers in this region as well). Not sure how it would work, I think in my specific case, bare minimum would be english and french probably, my parents do speak french. I don't think I could live in Japan frankly and I realise that moving here is doable, many people have done it, but it's not exactly easy. I do think like it was said, there needs to be good communication. Now, many of these points are not Japan specific, some are just female nature, like "she expects too much", that is just normal female behaviour. I am not against a Japanese wife, but I think the chances of that being possible are extremely low, the culture difference might be too much to overcome, even though I'm very flexible and open and I know Japanese culture very well, I even speak some Japanese, but I just don't think it would be enough, unless she is also very open minded.
I'd love to marry a Japanese woman who loves to fish. Shimano, Daiwa, Megabass. Then I can teach her how to shoot the infamous "assault rifle." Let's go!
1. Move to a country whose language you do not know 2. Expect the other person to read your thoughts because "in my country we can guess what others are thinking". No I will not budge and attempt to communicate differently. 3. Relationship explodes 4. WOW how was I supposed to know????? Look, you just need a bit of foresight here. This is not a difficult thing to know, and it has little to do with cultural differences but outright negligence, stupidity, and naivety followed by resistance to change. Pick any one case of 2 people with different languages and you will get a very similar result. You either learn the other language, or the other person learns Japanese to a good enough level that they can be independent adults that have your back.
I for one love Japanese women.I won't for one.Want to move in Japan and raise my kids nobita this is my opinion As an American. I do apologize on behalf of American men who aren't not like this because Majority of us men have a tendency to take japanese women or asian woman out of there country when Specifically when we men should stay in there country so when I get married to a japanese woman I want to rise my own kids in japan and another thing I would like to point out is that as life goes on we should be able to make better decisions so if we want to rise our kids out of the USA that our choice and I condemn the Japanese women
I am married to a Japanese woman. We lived in the US for two years while I finished my degree and got some work experience. She absolutely hated it, to the point that she started talking about a divorce. After I got a job offer in Tokyo, things improved but I'll never quite forget how much pain I had to deal with because she couldn't speak English and, similarly, how I'm expected to speak Japanese now. It certainly seems like a double standard and I don't know if I'd marry a foreigner if I were to do this again.
If you marry a Japanese woman,
1. Which country would you live?
2. How many kids would you like to have?
3. Would you accept sexless marriage after having kids?
Would marry a Japanese woman only if she came back with me to the US. I do not wish to see an exponential growth of mixed kids in Japan and end up gradually turning into another western country because of that. Japan has it's own identity that it should try to preserve.
1. USA. 2. A number divisible by two. 3. Hell no, I'm building us a sex bunker in the basement.
1. USA
2. at least 3
3. N o p e
Would marry only if they come live with me in my country only. Die-ver-city would be the d3ath of Japan and should not even be advocated over there unless you really want to turn it into a second America.
I'll just answer number 3 with another question: Would she accept a marriage where the husband paid none of the bills? Exactly.
Another reason for the old saying. "Everybody wants a Japanese girlfriend, but nobody wants a Japanese wife".
That is sadly true.
Lmao
It took me to be engaged to one to find this out romance died and it became a business relationship. I had to prove to her parents my financial viability and she often stated she didn’t want to live a lifestyle worse then now and she cried when I told her she had to continue working 😢 a year after we got engaged I broke it off
They make wonderful wives, as long as the guy understands the parameters of the situation. They are probably not going to have a romantic relationship after the initial courtship and newlywed period. But she will run a tight ship and raise the children well, which you can't always expect from Western women who today really grow up like men, with very little traditional training or values. Equality comes at a price.
Having met Japanese, foreign and mixed couples, I believe that most Japanese ladies in an unsuccessful marriage with a foreigner would either be unsuccessful with a compatriot as well, or stay single for lack of an interested party.
This video is insanely fascinating for me. I'm Taiwanese and my wife is 100% white American. We have none of the issues here, but I can see how, if we didn't communicate well early in our relationship, we could have had these issues. A lot of the common problems they listed here, we talked about. Her learning Chinese, her getting some independence here (we live in Taiwan), etc. The only thing I'd like to add is that, maybe rather than looking at men (or women) as foreign or not foreign, it might be better to look at them in the lens of what culture they grew up in and what about that culture they accept or reject.
because hes racist.
100% white?
@@huawei755 That's literally how she describes herself. I don't care enough to question it. But her ancestry are a mix of English, Scottish, Italian and Hungarian. Which, yeah, that sounds right to me.
@@sleepingkirby Sounds like something from Germany in the 30's.. Did she consider Asians to be yellow then?
Dont feed the troll. 😏
I found it fascinating, too. I get the feeling that some men in my country think of asian women in general as docile, kind and traditional and they do not realize how difficult it will be to live an international marriage.
I know it from experience and also saw it in others relationships and marriages.
The usual expectations vs reality meme. Too much unrealistic romanticizing of foreign men in Hollywood / Western movies and tv shows from some native Japanese women. And out of touch viewing Japan through
" rose colored lens "as a anime / JAV utopia from some non-Japanese men. Good chance of a sexless marriage after having kids with a Japanese spouse.
That explains prostitution in Japan
a lot western guys say the sex drys up after marriage too
@@Mattokishi There was an interview of Japanese women on another TH-cam channel, who work in prostitutions stated a good portion of their customers base are married men both native Japanese men and foreign men married to Japanese women. saying they haven't had sex in years after being married and having kids. Seems that many but not all native Japanese women no longer have any desire of being intimate with their husbands. There are some cases where Japanese women still have sexual desire but their Japanese husbands seems don't have any desire to have sex with them. Having less sex in a marriage while rising kids is one thing but to have zero sex in a marriage after having kids is something else.
100% correct, a lot of people on either side nose-dive into it without even taking the necessary time and effort to learn more about the nuances. If she is not sure whether she can continue engaging in intimacy with me after marriage and having kids then simply should not marry me then. I will not accept a dead bedroom in my relationship, I also refuse to cheat, and ofc - this will be laid on the table before any serious decisions about commitment are made. Maybe just after the first honeymoon period of the relationship has past already (usually takes about 6 months or so if you communicate regularly).
@@Mattokishi I've lived in Japan for 21 years. When I first got here I had a Japanese gf, but before I had lived in Taiwan and had just divorced my Chinese wife. (I didn't make enough money for her). I didn't think my gf would be able to adapt to life in America. She was a gaijin hunter though and quickly found an Aussie who married her. We still keep in touch, but when she got to Australia she found her husband didn't want children. She's extremely beautiful and her husband is a lucky to have her, but he doesn't treat her well and his family doesn't accept her. But she decided to stay with him anyway.
I luckily found a Chinese woman with whom we share many of the same interests. She changed her nationality to Japanese. We have a beautiful daughter and a great life in Japan as she owns her own company. My wife perhaps feels the pressure of living in Japan more, but she uses her charm on Japanese businessmen and they greatly respect her. (One customer wanted to set her up with a Japanese colleague, but she told him she was already married. "To whom?" he asked. An American who speaks Chinese. Even the Japanese businessman recognized that she wouldn't do as well with a Japanese husband knowing his own culture.) We have had a very happy marriage. Not perfect, nothing ever is, but very happy and comfortable.
It goes even deeper than this 😮
I am a foreign woman. I was married to an American man, and I went to live in the USA and stayed there with him. I would not advise this at all. Some cultures have much closer ties with family and friends than Americans do, and America is a very big country and not a one where it's easy for people to be close and stay in touch. It's so different if you come from more traditional cultures, like Japan, China, or my country. It's like being a fish out of water. I felt extremely alienated. My husband was not close with his family either. They were very nice to me, they treated me kindly, but I never felt like I belonged. It was very strange. He resented me for not being like American women, more emotionally detached. I felt guilty and wrong for missing my family and my home. Eventually he also became abusive, and because I was so far from my family, I felt trapped and totally alone. I was scared to tell anyone. I went to school, I had a good job in a big company, I made good money, I had new friends, but I missed home all the time, my family, my friends, and my culture, even my country's food. Many times, western men feel entitled, they like to think that they have good, looks, money, lifestyle, etc, and they like to try new things, including a variety of women, especially exotic ones, and some of these guys like especially women they believe they can easily control. They are not choosing foreign women because they are good communicators, it's just the opposite. Western men turn to countries like Philippines, Thailand, or even China, and poor countries in Africa and South America, because they have more options with women than in the USA. One man I know of from west Europe married a lady from Africa, and he brought her to Europe, and started to be abusive, he was doing some very bad things, and she initiated a divorce, before they were even separated, he was already getting together with a young girl from Philippines and was ready to bring her to Europe. So, first it was a woman in Africa, and next one in the Philippines. Of course, not all western men are like this, but too many of them can be. I believe that a woman should not leave her close family to go live with a man in a foreign country, there is too much potential for loneliness and a poor outcome. Please beautiful ladies, vet foreign men carefully, use good judgement, if you marry them, stay in your country where you have family support whenever possible, and keep safe.
Americans get a long well with Europeans. You’re probably Asian
Cultural issues seem to be the issue here. That can be hard to bridge.
Japanese women always think western men are kind and sweet.they watch a lot of American and English shit.
Are you Spanish or some country of Latin America?
Well, the same can also be said for foreign men who move and marry in their country. As an American man, I was constantly on edge about someone potentially using me for money. You hear stories about Foreign women from the places you mention who take American men to the cleaners, pretending they love them etc. My father almost fell victim to a woman from the Philippines who was cheating on him and contacted him right after he divorced my mom who verbally abused him.
I almost fell victim to a Venezuelan woman, who didn't know I spoke Spanish talking to a man who was her boyfriend on the phone making plans to scam me. (more about language a little later)
As a foreign man who is getting married to a half Brazilian half Portuguese woman, I left my friends and close family behind. And While my fiancee and her family and extended family adore me, there are things that we can't see eye to eye on and I almost considered ending my engagement. But we've learned to understand each other from each others perspective since then.
Lastly, language is a very big factor. If you don't share a common tongue, it's doomed to hell. If you're a foreign person dating another foreign person, the two of you need to learn each others respective languages so you can form a deeper understanding of the person.
That's my two cents.
I think including some other divorce rates as reference would be helpful. Japan's normal divorce rate is 35% and Canada's normal is like 47% or something.
Doesn't seem like anyone is happy these days, regardless of whom they are marrying
World is messed up.
😅😅😅😅
women were never happy in marriage
"Communication is the problem"
Also all same japanese couple
Communication is the problem
Never change 😂😂😂😂
Oh, it's notba bug, it's a feature!?😂
Thought so, too...
That's how you know for sure that COMMUNICATION IS THE PROBLEM.
Exactly this. The Japanese are well known for not being able to communicate feelings properly. Doesn't matter who they marry.
@rhezeqfirmanchung1172 maybe they do communicate but arguing.
That happened to me , but the opposite , I met my ex gf that I dated for 6 years in the USA and she became a totally different person when I moved to Japan with her . I though at the beginning that most of her complains were valid and It was my fault because I didn't understand Japanese culture good enough, but it did not matter how much effort I putted on learning or adapting to her point of view it never got better but worse , what took me out of this toxic cycle was a native Japanese friend of mine who saw what was happening and advice me to break up with her because she was not normal and it was clearly abuse . After dating her for almost 6 years I found my self hating Japan and its culture that I once loved so much , it was when I finally finished my relationship with her that I got to enjoy and love Japan again .
Well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions
Ikr😂
Exactly! Obviously in any relationship, communication is quite important as is honesty and especially so if you are in it for the long haul. In an international marriage, it is best to become exposed to both cultures and at least have one partner totally fluent in both languages or things will get very hard. Not only will you be dealing with the person themselves, you'll be dealing with another culture and language. Throw marriage and kids into the mix plus the usual stressors and you're screwed.
Consider dating many people before you get married if that is the goal to get a feel for the opposite sex (or same in some cases) and don't marry the first person you meet in a foreign country unless you really know the culture.
So many other people who I know who were in international marriages failed hard and quickly in some cases.
@@adamhyde5378that’s not how most cultures work. In most countries, a man’s wealth is just as important as a female’s virginity and youth. Dating around diminishes that quality tremendously. It’s better to use matchmakers or community of trusted people to find the perfect match for you so your time and resources are not depleted.
For a non-Japanese I think they would find many annoyances with a Japanese wife. You have to figure out why she's annoyed at you without her telling you the reason, you have to figure out when she just says something because she means it or if she's just trying to be polite. For instance, a Japanese might invite you into their home for tea but they don't actually want you to accept. If you do, then it's rude on your part for not understanding that they didn't really mean it. Or they may tell you that everything is fine but then you find out later that it wasn't but it's your fault for not being perceptive enough to read through their false response. Japanese are a very tiresome people. I would never take on a Japanese wife for this reason.
To add a more positive comment: I just read a manga about the experiences of a female mangaka with her German boyfriend and then husband and her life in Germany. Since the boyfriend didn't come to Japan to hunt women this is probably a depiction of a healthier and more normal relationship since he didn't expect to get an "exotic" wife. She managed to show very well how stressfull the different lifestyle is for someone who comes from a society with such strict rules about everything. Although she researched a lot it was the little things that made her freak out. But her boyfriend's family and friends were very welcoming and made her relax more. And a very important aspect: Both of them are very modern. She never wanted to stop working as a mangaka and rely on a husband and he sees her as a partner and an individual whose happiness is important not just an imported "good" wife and mother. So the message of the manga is that communication is everything in a relationship. If someone here can read German and is interested in the female perspective, the name of the manga is "Manga-Zeichnerin vs. Deutsche" by Hirara Natsume.
Oh, that sounds promising. Lucky to have read this comment.
Danke
Danke für die tolle Empfehlung. 😄
She sounds young though and even she works out, she isn’t exactly representative of most women given her job type etc. As a mangaka, she would already be something of a recluse or at the very least, introverted. Such people can cope with change in scenery since they have loser ties to their land of origin. Still, it’s probably important to point out that Germany divorce rates, and European divorce rates in general are higher for even those who marry within Germany. So it’s a bad choice to marry such a person since a divorce after such a big move can be even more devastating.
Uh, divorce because: “I do not see you as a woman anymore though you are perfect as a mom”? That has to be the most Japanese reason a Westerner (n)ever said.
Lol I had the same thought. No western man has said those words haha
what is western way?" just can't see her as a woman anymore" ?
that's even more worse.
@@DynamiteGazelle You'd be surprised. I suspected it would happen to me so I had those conversations with my wife even before she was pregnant. Japanese women tend to go into mom mode very quickly and neglect the marriage. However, it makes sense because in Japanese culture, the women do the vast majority of the childrearing while the husband is trapped working long hours and sex with prostitutes is widely accepted.
@@toMtoM-k5pcause western made up several gender terms
I am not Japanese, yet I have moved to another country for a guy. The exact same thing happened to me as well. I moved inside of Europe though and still I am stuck in his country. My psychologist said, a woman needs to do 5 things, but only 3 are possible to do: "1. take care of the kids, 2. take care of the husband, 3. Have a job, 4. Do the household, 5. Take care of yourself". Usually nr.5 and nr.3 falls away, because a man should be able to look after himself and nr.5 because there isn't even the time for that. But with that, the relationship breaks, because men do want a lot of physical stuff, which is not really possible if you have kids.
Oh god, yes, the Hague Convention. Same reason why I am stuck. If you have kids with a foreign husband, you are basically done, for the rest of your life, if your husband doesn't approve to let you go, even after divorce. The ex can take legally revenge on you as a woman. It's so insane.
I would say co-parenting in Europe is nearly non existing, unless you have a ton of luck. So I think, this is not only about Japanese women, this is a worldwide problem currently. But it is interesting anyway to hear this from a Japanese perspective.
And yes, don't idolize western men. They are not gentleman's just because you saw 'Titanic' and other american movies.
If your therapist really said you those 5 things, I'd suggest you to change therapist. 3 out of 5 points are so wrong the way the are presented (point 1, 2 and 4). First, parenthood is not mandatory. Parenting and house management should be a 50-50 split responsibility. Then each couple can agree case by case to redistribute responsibilities, but that is a mutual agreement between people with no preconcepts on gendered roles. About the 2nd point, if you want to have a healthy lasting relationship just build it day by day while keeping in mind that everyone needs self-care. "take care of the husband" sounds like "serve the husband".
@@challenger937 And where is the man who actually would split responsibilities? Usually it is the woman who does all the work, meanwhile the guys sit in front of the computer or TV, meanwhile the woman is running around, doing household, keeping the kids in check and cooking at the same time. It would be obviously very nice if it would be really 50/50, but I haven't seen that happening yet, nor heard that from other families. I do live in northern Europe, so it may be like this here. And yes "take care of the husband" is basically "serving" him, because that is what most guys look for. Many here don't even know how a dishwasher or washing machine works, unless they do weaponized incompetence. But with my ex for example, he is now 32, and his mom still comes to him and cleans his house, because he doesn't do it. I did it in the past, otherwise we would have lived with rats or something. And I do know that he is not the only one who acts like this.
@@mizulightblue It's sad hearing that in your experience you have not even seen a single example of a man behaving like a decent person, not laying on his millennial privileges of being a man. That's a mindset that I, as a man, am fighting against, and it's a tough battle because most men do not even want to accept there is a huge gender gap that must be counteracted if we want to progress as a society
"She should be the main decision maker in raising the kids", whilst "she can't adapt to the country she lives in".
What could go wrong?
As someone who married a Japanese woman and divorced in Japan, I related a lot to what she was saying how Japanese women felt living abroad. It was very similar for me but in Japan and as a husband.
I had lived comfortably in Japan before that for over a decade but through my marriage with the demands to conform by my partner, the ties and relationships I had built were all undermined. Everything became a battle; food, chores, money, values, time. Since we had a child she also became the "mom". Romance was dead.
I had know several men that had gone through similar things so before we started our marriage I voiced my concerns and was met with silence. Foolishly, I went ahead with the marriage assuming she would say something if she had issue. In the end it seems she figured I would just fall in line.
The worst part is dealing with the attitudes and laws Japan has when it comes to children of divorce. The fact that Japan supports and harbors kidnapping parents despite it's agreement to international laws on the matter is just down right immoral. I know many Japanese bristle at this accusation, refusing to be held accountable to cultures other than their own. Yet they are silent when laws and treaties based on the same values from those western cultures are in their favor.
Sorry for the tangent, but I guess my point is people in Japan aren't really interested in adapting (and likely aren't good at it) and unless you want to live the Japanese way they make poor marriage partners. As the lady in the beginning said herself, she thought she had high adaptability but her Japaneseness became stronger. There is no blending of cultures for them. It's one or the other.
adaptability regresses if she lives in her own culture... happens to everyone... ie surrounded by familiar, it is much harder to adapt to new.
@@ZaWyvern 👍 the laws keep me living in the same house till possible joint custody in 2026
@@ZaWyvern On child custody, it’s a problem even for Japanese men in Japan as Japan hasn’t recognized joint or shared custody upon divorce and family courts tend to stupidly think uterus = good parent. After much protest particularly the last several years Japan finally passed a law taking effect in 2026 changing things to recognize joint custody in divorces.
It is common in couples where both parties have strong egos and are unable to compromise or compromise with each other.International couples around me have been getting along well with their Japanese parents for more than 20 years.I heard that in Korea, the law favors the man and the woman's position is weak, while in the U.S., it is common to see cases where alimony is not paid even if the couple divorces after cheating on each other.Every country has terrible laws.
@@jmbickham ありがとうfor commenting here too
I married my Japanese wife 55 years ago, we are still together.❤
That doesnt say anything. You go to go with the statistics
Delighted to hear that. It's always heart-warming to see the love of international couples endure over a lifetime. ❤
be quiet nhitc. this isn't about statistics
Congratulations. In my country there are quite many people I know and influencers that married Japanese women. But the majority stayed in Japan due to the place having better life and work compared to my country.
But some like the owner of my private university married a Japanese that followed Indonesia, and sent tens of japanese exchange students to Indonesia every semester. Others sent their children to live in Indonesia in order for them to learn Indonesian culture and then come back to Japan in junior high, etc. Some prefer to stay with their husbands in my country as well. It depends on the individual
No wonder your old friends call you the pokemon guy.
I heard english speakers in japan call it roppongi syndrome. Language barrier + fetishization of each other(white men = romantic, reliable. japanese women = submissive) leads to more marriages but once they get to know each other they start to see them for who they really are. If they live outside japan, women start being isolated and find everything dirty and inconvenient. If they live in japan then it's probably more stable if the man can hold a job in japan.
In other words, their problem was the same as in any country: youthful indiscretion with inadequate communication.
I am a 56 year old man with a Japanese wife and one child. In my 30 years in Japan I have met too many western men with Japanese wives to count. But I have done an online survey of 40 middle aged western men living in Japan with Japanese wives. 95% are in sexless marriages.
Now that’s the survey itself. If I include the western women I know, the many conversations about this topic I’ve had and the comments I’ve heard such as “all the foreign guys I know say they are in sexless marriages”…… then I can safely say to any western man interested in marrying a Japanese woman;
Don’t. There is a very high probability you will end up in a sexless marriage. You will not enjoy the utter lack of intimacy and either living a life of desperation OR having multiple partners outside of marriage.
There are very good reasons why so many Japanese look for sex outside of marriage .
Think of this before you commit yourself to a Japanese woman.
I have a question for you then. Why do the Japanese women think its okey to refuse to give intimacy to their spouse? In my culture, this is greatly frowned upon and is considered a form of cruelty since the man can't go outside his marriage for intimacy.
@@mahakhatib27 they think it’s okay for several reasons. Some of these are possible
1. That’s the way their mothers were
2. They were never really sexually attracted to their husbands. They are playing the long con (a game of deception to lure them into marriage)
3. They can’t or won’t express themselves so they are frustrated and cannot feel a romantic attraction for their husbands
4. They have very low energy because they are not taking care of themselves (level of self care can be very very low here in Japan)
5. It’s a hassle and they want convenience or absence of hassle because they are fundamentally lazy, due to the way they were brought up and coddled by their parents and school.
5. They actually are working and it’s so stressful that they don’t have the space inside or energy for romance. They would rather do the absolute minimum in their home, or be alone.
This one is a strong one in Japan I believe.
6. There is no culture of romance in Japan. Setting a tone or mood isn’t something they have experienced or can even imagine. This is cultural
Do all these guys surveyed ever ask WHY they're in a sexless marriage? It's not like Japanese women are inherently prudes or anything.
@@SeruraRenge11 that’s a good question. It’s not part of the survey.
As for “inherently” that begs a lot of questions. Everyone knows Japan is a sexless society, and everyone knows that paying for sex is viewed differently here (by and large ) than in the west. I’ll go so far as to say that the majority of Japanese women (not the vast majority but the technical majority) view sex as something for young people that normally, and expectedly, fades after children.
The explanation I've heard is that once a Japanese woman becomes a mother, is is supposed to give 100% of her energy to her child. Sex takes energy away from being a devoted mother so it's a no no. What do you people think? Is this true?
.
And there are also plenty of long-term happily married international couples... the Japanese women who DON'T regret marrying their foreign husband.
Maybe she just hasn't told me yet...😅
They must reside in San Diego, Bay Area, Brooklyn, Queens, Vancouver --- at least until recently.
Hopefully they understand that they cant demand foreign men to give them all their money and to give them an allowance, thats NOT how things work outside of Japan.
Agreed
Such a shallow thinking. 🤣🤣
Not all japanese couples do this its really a broad generalization
@@xtr.7662 Oh. We'll see.
@@xtr.7662 It's a generalization based on a real tendency, so that is something that would have to be cleared, preferably before going too deep in the relationship.
Communication is the most important thing in marriage despite the nationality
These days, who needs communication in marriages when we've got . . . Social Media!
I watched this and I can say: This is an international couple thing. Not only a japanese wife thing. Living abroad brings struggle and a lot more for a woman especially after giving birth. Japanese women are just women.
not necessarily. The US, Canada, and EU has very similar way of lifestyle, norms and beliefs. Asia is more diverse in those matters, but Japan is clearly standing out there as the stray kid still.
And every culture is different. Japanese has this culture where romance usually dies in the middle of marriages. Cheating has a high rate
i agree with you!
some people says it's only in Japan but those people is the one haven't noticed yet they also have similar issue in their country. so ironic.
@@toMtoM-k5p nah, i didnt have these issues, in my own country, neither from a half-german gf ive been with. Had another problems, which unfortunately coming with the modern western women kit in most cases, the entitlement and princess syndrome.
Uh . . . FYI, living New York City, San Diego, Vancouver, Bay Area is VERY different from living in Mississippi, Louisiana, Arkansas, Oklahoma.
To be honest, the problem about Japanese wife of not wanting to go out with the husband doesn't seem to be only affecting to foreign husbands; but I would think that it would affect the Japanese husband as well.
I think that Japanese has created a big culture of tolerance which is good. But they have gone too far where everyone wears too deep of a mask and facade. And this facade is the root cause of marriage problems both within Japanese couples and Japanese and foreign couples.
But otherwise, I do agree with all the other struggles mentioned. The fact that they would have to travel back and forth to meet their parents from time to time. And that how either one leaving their home country will be leaving behind their old friends and community support. It would equally affect the Japanese or foreign partner. It just happens to affect more Japanese women because wives tends to travel to their husbands country more often than not.
When I was in grad school years ago, our neighbors were a New Zealand guy and his Japanese wife (who was pregnant). First they moved to New Zealand from Japan and she told him she hated it there and missed Japan. Then they moved to the U.S. for his graduate studies, and she said she hated America and missed New Zealand. They had terrible shouting matches which we heard through the walls, with him saying stuff like "You fking btch!" Sounded pretty bad. I tried to talk to her one day and found her very unfriendly. Just a bad situation. I feel bad for people like that, but on the other hand, she did make her choice to (1) marry this guy and (2) follow him around the world. I think and hope they eventually went back to Japan, or else that marriage was not destined to last.
She sounds like Mum even though we moved around cities in the UK.
@@seiwarriors People, especially women, get brainwashed by Hollywood.
I think they were too young to make the decision or simply didn't talk enough about the issue before being so emotional. it's like any country the domestic couple have same case.
Even after 20 years? Wow. She really tried
❤❤❤
She's a true Japanese waifu right there😂
@@Herrera_70 💯 😂
ok but with chapter 3 of the video with Mari Miyamoto explaining the verbal or emotional abuse these women go through. What kind of men are these women marrying? That's not assertive at ALL. That's full on aggression and straight up bullying. Being assertive is about expressing ones needs and emotions in a respectful way while also allowing the other party to express themselves truthfully about how they feel. These dudes must've had some kind of scheme ulterior motive or some nonsense cause ain't no way man.
Some men from other cultures probably have a misconception about Japanese women (and asian women in general). They are weaklings who expect a submissive woman. And if the woman is not, they become aggressive.
Japanese women may experience oppression in Japan, but they realize that it is ultimately the ideal place for them to reside.
I've know Asian women who were swooned by Prince Charmings . . . and then ended up living in their husband's hometown in Mississippi, Alabama, Oklahoma, Ohio, Arkansas . . .
It's normal to end up like this if you only go or married for LOOKS or MONEY. Alot of MEN and WOMEN go through this. Sooner or later they'll realized that they have no connection to whoever they're with regardless of looks and how much money they have and that's when the cheating starts happening when they find somebody they can really connect with.
Gee, their spouses sound like the women that the passport bros were trying to get away from.
Ikr
We get it. Men suck. These women knew what they were signing up for that's for certain.
It's almost as if all the talk of women in X country being "better" is nonsense and women in general are just terrible.
Don’t show this video to the passport bros. They might not be able to cope
@@prickly_procyonidswomen are women at the end of the day.
I've never understood the foreigner fixation or the 'Asian girlfriend' fixation. It always reads like these types of people (men and women) are simply alienated / estranged from their family and culture. They then seek something 'new' without wanting to put in the work of actually changing themselves.
They’re depressed and have to invent the “foreign tradwife” fantasy to cope.
Well, western women are generally awful.
Entitled feminists who think they deserve the world for no effort.
Well it's not just girlfriend Asian thing. People just want to be "home" were are feeling comfy after time.
It's evolution human thing.
@TvrdakTom Du hast recht!!
1. I'm fortunate to live near a highly Japanese community in America. Much easier for a wife to navigate and get things done in her native language.
2. An intelligent man knows to keep his wife in her home country for the best way of life. No western man ever wants his Asian wife to become westernized.
3. Communication is key. Real men only want to be with their wives. Real women understand this, and both work together to make this happen in a loving way.
We are not living in the world of Emily in Paris. It’s important to live strong after the magic wears off. Any of country has pros and cons, and the couples needs to talk a lot about their life plan. As a Japanese who married with French wife and based in Japan, it’s very important to get a working condition which not typical here
Where you live makes a big difference because here in Hawaii there is a huge Japanese community so the interracial couples get along better because the wife doesn't feel so isolated. As for parenting stress, this is common everywhere as m,any men feel ignored by their wives once a child comes into the picture. Its important to remember that they werre a couple before they became parents and if you ignore that, the relationship will fall apart often.
This is something I experience as a foreign woman with my husband in Japan. We try to communicate better, but he expected me to learn his language in a short time(without language school) and adapt many things i have done a certain way all my life to the way he prefers. It becomes so straining when you suddenly have to change so much about you or otherwise go back to your country. I'm willing to adapt in many things, but i still want to be ME. It's really hard when the expectations of a whole country lie on one person.
I can imagine that it must be hard. Getting assimilated in the culture is probably not the way to go rather than add it to your own. Your husband shouldn’t expect from you to learn the language in very short term without having proper lessons. From what I have heard from other migrants is that speaking, reading and writing will take at least two years to master a large chunk of the matter when studying frequently and often. Stay realistic and accept your own shortcomings with that. Try not to stress because that will lead you on to a whole other path socially and mentally. I do not speak the language nor am I trying to be fluent in it. I do have great interest in the language and culture as many do but I do accept the fact that I have shortcomings that prevents me to master it short term.
I wish you all the best.
Me too in oversea!
With all due respect, you should attend language school, relatively soon. This isn't about personal preference or taste, it's about survival in Japanese society. Without Japanese language, you'll struggle to choose schools for your kids, find a vendor to fix your roof, apply for a credit card, or receive Permanent Visa and other government processes. When your kids are in kindergarten, you'll have to talk to the teachers in Japanese on how they're doing in school. When your sick, you'll have to explain the symptoms to the doctors/nurses in Japanese.
I'm sure your husband will do his best to help you but he cannot do everything. And I'm not talking about your preference in home cooking or languages you speak at home, which is your private matter. But some things you do need to learn and adapt wherever you may live. And it's exactly the same when a Japanese person lives in Russia, France, Germany, Canada, etc, etc.
people need to learn to pick. picking the wrong one will lead to fail.
Ikr
Yes... mostly only the top 1% in looks have so many pickings to choose from to pull that off. Odds of true success are about the same as walking into a casino and winning on a slot machine on the first roll.
Even if you pick the right one, people can still change which may explain a lot of divorces
@@extremepsyche3135 That's usually not a change... that's usually you failing to notice/ignoring who they really were or them doing an unrealistically incredible job of hiding it from you.
@@bobbruce4135
being attractive has the downfall of people confussing desire with love which is why even beautiful couples divorce
The same problem exists for foreign men living in Japan, too.
The men can feel quite lonely, even if they are fluent in Japanese, because Japanese friendships are very difficult to create as a foreigner.
Also, a lot of Japanese women don't reveal this, but some of them also set up a neighborhood watch with neighbors to report on her husband about everything he does.
Well then let western men esp white men don't travel to other countries for gfs or wives
Exactly! This video is very biased. They victimized Japanese people.
all women seem to do that latter "watch" if they live in dense urban environment... it gets more common with age.
@@effexon Right, which is even more isolating; it feels like you are living out the movie "The Truman Show", or worse, you feel like a prisoner.
LOL! If they are that paranoid about their foreign spouses, why even date or marry a foreigners in the first place. I guess the argument that foreigners girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands and wives are just arm candies or trophies.
I think there are many reasons for this. The first is that Japan is monocultural & most Japanese people have problems relating to non-Japanese norms/attitudes. The second is that expectations are often misguided - from both sides - which can lead to disappointment & anxiety/stress. The third is that Japanese tend to be obsessed with maintaining the status quo & sticking to traditions, which can be good in some situations (i.e. being respectful to others or looking after family members). But this also leads to difficulty adapting to & accepting different ways of thinking.
I would say if you want to marry a Japanese women you need to work out some major issues and know a few things .
A) can you support them on your own with out her help? Why ? because Japanese women expect to be house wives after marriage .
B) be prepared to deal with your in laws because Japanese parents have a lot of say in their children’s relationships
C) learn Japanese it’s better you can speak even if she speaks english to deal with it
D) make sure she knows you want to continue sex after children and stoping will not be acceptable
F) deal with the child raising issue before marriage as well as wHERE you are going to live
Ultimately communication is key but to be perfectly honest that's every relationship ever.
@@bobmclovinelectricboogaloo yeah the list is just cultural specific issues you can run into that some people would not consider. It WHAT to talk about before you say will you marry me or soon after 😂
Are you talking about? which generation? showa era? xD
70% japanese woman keep working after giving birth in this era by goverment report.
I think any woman looking into an international marriage should think about how things will turn out socially for them. Generally speaking, women thrive with social connections. If she won't have one close friend besides of her husband, she'll struggle abroad and be homesick. If the husband is not supportive, then she'll likely become lonely and depressed.
IMO, ( based on experience and observation ) the problem is not Japanese women, nor is it language. When you engage to marry a Japanese woman, you are NOT marrying her. In fact, you are marrying into her society as dictated by LAW. It is those parameters that limit her decision making and options. It’s a yellow brick road and she’s going to follow it. Every curve and every timestamp. It’s a relic that does not apply to current times.
Marriage is temporary, Okonomiyaki is forever.
I love watching these videos because they really deep dive into the culture and what certain situations are like in Japan. Thanks for another insightful video!
Japanese wife gets mad at foreign husband because he does not fluff the rice after he serves himself some rice.
For real 😂
nee i don't care.
Your stats about foreign husbands and Japanese wives should be broken down by ethnicity. For example, white men and Japanese women have a divorce rate of 30%, which is much lower than that of Japanese men. The first woman is a great example of why immigrating to another country isn't for most people. It seems that most people prefer to be surrounded by others who look like them. Only a small minority are comfortable, even though they are in the minority.
Not just Japanese women. It happens to any foreign relationship
Honestly most of this sounds like hand picked examples since society is way less strict stateside than in Japan. We also are not a homogenous country so way more people willing to accept foreigners. As for the abuse stuff thats just the result of picking a bad partner which people in every country deal with. Has nothing to do with foreigner or not foreigner
It’s called adaptability! No one just moves to a new place and fits right in.
I have lived in 6 different non English speaking counties, l was not alone l went out and met the locals, adjusted to the culture and learned enough to get by.
Sorry but if you fail to adapt or adjust its because you are lazy nothing more. Improve English even if you live in Japan it will only help you expand your network and meet new friends in most cases. If a Japanese woman wants to be with a foreigner learn their language as you expect them to learn yours it works both ways.
Another problem is that foreign men! who marry Japanese women and have children in foreign country can actually illegally be kidnapped when they visit Japan. Usually, if the farther leaves first to go home is where the gotcha movement is.
Why is communication so taboo for Japanese? My only assumption is how scared they are to face people directly and the problem is that they've grown up with indirect communication, reading the air as they call it and make it the reality of the world that they don't want to see the world outside of their space because it is more comfortable there. That is a problem I have as a social issue because reality is not everyone is like that. They have to be aware and know indirect is not the answer always. You NEED to talk to people if you want change, if you want a good life, if you want something. Stop being afraid and be an adult. I do worry for Japanese that continue this life or nothing is going to get better. And I'm tired of the culture excuse when it comes to communication. Yes, its reality but its not helping and people need to stop taking offense to everything, even the little things, even in my country too where people are fake offended over minute insignificant things. In society, people need to communicate if we want to improve our lives. I want to marry a Japanese wife someday and bring her here to my country and I'll make sure I don't do what typical japanese men do; avoid her, lose interest in her, cheat on her, be too tired to make time for her when we want sex or time alone or whatever, and I don't want her to see love and marriage as two different things. I want a family life where we balance our time, communicate with each other, enjoy our time together and just be a good relationship in general. I want her to have friends, be involved in communities in the neighborhood, enjoy her life and be happy. If she's not, I'm failing and I don't want that. Not all western men are aggressive. Its a matter of patience and just picking the right person. Its a game of chance but take risks, try to make it work, keep your chin up and enjoy the ride. It goes for both men and women. The only cultural difference is indeed the gentle niceness in japanese and the aggressive empowerment of western people. I can understand how japanese will not understand why western men talk shit to each other. They'll think they're fighting but its normal. How so? Because it empowers them to be stronger. Its like that in sports or when you're in boot camp. But not all western people are like that either. We have softies in the west too who can be timid or quiet. I don't know which population of that is higher. But what we value a lot is freedom of speech without consequence. We say what's on our mind without fear because our history teaches us the value of fighting for our right to live without tyranny. I would like the Japanese to understand that and why its in our blood. Sometimes when you want or need to survive, aggressiveness is necessary so people don't stop all over you. But in the end, the ultimate freedom is what you choose to do or be. I'm not that aggressive and sometimes, I hate myself for being weak on things. But if I'm willing to do anything for my future japanese girlfriend, I have to will myself to work hard for her. Its part of life so in the end, you gotta' make things work.
In recent years, there’s been more people who speaks up more. I think it will depend on how they are raised. So it’s not really a taboo.
But if you think one of our culture as “excuse” then I believe you won’t really be in a happy relationship with a Japanese Lady.
In America, individualism is praised for. That’s why you NEED to communicate to get what you want. But in Japan’s case, collectivism is ingrain in our sociality. We move as a team. As a whole. I want you to know, it’s in our blood. And since we also have the Tatemae/Honne culture, it just makes it worse. British culture also has the Tatemae culture, but in their case, they debate a lot which made them unique in a way.
I am curious, why do you want to marry someone Japanese anyways? Because she is nice? Looks? You can always find those in America too. Just look for a Japanese American, she’ll probably have the similar culture and would communicate with you well.
@@jamaroha2891 I know they favor collectivism over individualism but its not always a good thing when you don't balance the two. You can never live without individualism or you struggle with yourself and that leads up to many suicide rates because people don't open up to others about their problems or they won't get any help. Like i said, its an excuse. Its a social issue that they make as part of their culture, but if it keeps up, they certainly won't last long like Elon Musk said once.
That's not to say we don't have problems ourselves without collectivism because too much individualism can lead to anarchy. We struggle to find common ground among ourselves because we're selfish with our own agendas. But our struggle has a history of bad government influence, bad celebrity influence and bad media influence all because of a globalist takeover among our pride and joy of a country that promotes the land of freedom. Now it's becoming a third world country unless Trump comes back. But that's another story.
The reason I want to marry a Japanese girl is 2 reasons. First, yes I've been attracted to asians since I was young. I thought China was the only country until I learned of Japan, Vietnam and Korea. Japan is an obvious winner cuz' its home of all my favorite things and the japanese girls are the prettiest and the kindest. But there's just something else about Japan that draws me to them. All these videos from Nobita I've watched has made me feel different about them compared to others. There's some good things to learn but a lot of concerning things anyone, even Japanese would have because not everyone there agrees with some of the lifestyle that's in their country. The one that got me the most was the homeless girl Meru. I'm sure not every family is like that but that puts my point at the top. If Japan is a collective nation, what happens when there's one that isn't like them? What do they do with a Japanese individual that doesn't think like them, act like them, do what they do and just thinks for themselves? One story surely can't speak for all but I'm just curious how each are. Let's face it, everyone is different. Making everyone become the same is impossible and personally, its not right. Its not even normal and even the japanese kids don't like it. And I'm talking little things like you have to have the same hair color, you can't have ponytail hair style, you can't speak your mind, you can't say no, you gotta' read the air even if you can't or you're a rude asshole and you won't make friends, your family will disown you, you'll look weird to people for being different, you can't talk to people about it or you look weak and frowned on, you gotta' care about strangers more than yourself; you can't refuse your boss inviting you to a bar, you can't leave before your boss, you gotta' do overtime even if it kills you (literally), etc. This is why you can't live if you shut out individuality. Its like if when a country is individuality, someone will kill you and when your country is collectivism, you will kill yourself. I do not want my japanese wife to go through that. I don't know how much freedom is given in Japan but from what i've learned, its concerning to me. They're isolated and they want to stay that way because they're raised that way. Its like they're shut-ins with little to no interest in seeing the world and more people, learning more of others' perspectives on life. Shouldn't be just one place and I want to see more with someone and I want a Japanese girl to see the world with me.
@@JohnyTheWizKid “what happens when the individualism is strong?” They leave Japan. Or they become “trouble makers”in Japan. But even becoming trouble makers, they will still try to live in Japan because Japan has everything. There are unique people living in Japan too, but they still blend in society because that’s what you need to do to live in Japan. If you don’t like this part of Japanese culture, you can leave too. “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” We say this to all the people who complain when living in Japan. It’s give and take. America is like that too. Not all country is perfect. I just wish someone just restrict gun violence, and not make it worse..😒
But we can’t always act like this since more foreigners are moving to Japan. I’m just telling you it’s slowly changing. But it’s not going to change as fast as you like it to.
And that’s why I will tell you, you can always find Japanese Americans/or a Japanese person who was born in another country. Or a Japanese people who left Japan and lives abroad. If you want a Japanese wife who wants to see the world, that’s the person you should be searching. Not all people are build this way.. as you can see from the video
@@jamaroha2891 You CAN'T restrict gun violence. No matter where people go, they can get a gun anywhere. And when you are under attack by someone who has a gun and you don't because of gun restrictions, you're fucked. This is why the US is the greatest country in the world because of the first two amendments. Yes, I know no country is perfect but the reality is EVERYONE wants to come to the united states. But because of our fucking government's policies, it makes it harder to live freely here. There will be NOWHERE to go if we lose to socialists running our country. The world looks up to us and we have to set an example of what freedom and peace is all about.
I know its changing at its own pace, but I'll still make noise about it so my voice can reach more people. Good on them but we can't be complacent. We gotta' keep moving.
I will find someone in Japan. I haven't had all the time I wanted because of work. I will quit my job so I can stay there longer and I don't want to come home until I find someone.
And about earlier, that's my point about individualism. They frown on it but they don't realize they will always have it.
And what's everything that they have?
@@jamaroha2891I think the point he’s trying to make among his rambling is that lack of communication can have harmful effects on people’s mental health and well-being.
Just because something is deeply ingrained in a society doesn’t make it a good thing.
People are a product of their environment and act the way they do because that’s all they’ve ever known.
Also “if you don’t like it here then leave” is a dumb argument because most people aren’t going to leave their homeland and everything they know just because they don’t like some social norms.
It is already difficult for men to communicate with women, it is doubly difficult to communicate with Japanese women who often don't make their honne known.
Man, imagine being French, going to Japan getting a wife and GOING BACK TO FRANCE???
"France" ? You mean Africa.
@@Goodmorning1221-still saner than whatever is going on in Russia.
it's tax-free
I think Japanese people are thinking too much about relationships and that's why dating and marriage and families are disappearing. You have to be a little bit compulsive in a relationsihip and then deal with the consequences of that. You have to take a chance and see if you win or lose. Everyone is difficult and selfish in some way or another. Learning your spouses culture and language is what makes life great.
It's amazing to me how naive a lot of these women are. I mean even an Asian growing up in the west who speaks the local language fluently has cultural problems in these types of marriages. How can someone who doesn't speak the language and doesn't understand the culture expect that there won't be major problems?
I never considered how much harder it is abroad for Japanese than other Asians. Everywhere Chinese and Filipinos go they have communities. Koreans a building K-towns all over the place. Vietnamese stick together like superglue. SE Asians in general are really compatible with eachother and can lean on eachother. But Japanese dont have anything like this except for some pockets in S. America, maybe.
I know Chinatowns and little Italy's exist but I don't think we have any for Japanese people. Probably because American Asian descendants aren't materialistic with their culture and feel no need to preserve it such as full-blooded Asians who like this video says have a hard time leaving their home country and going through change
I know Chinatowns and little Italy's exist but I don't think we have any for Japanese people. Probably because American Asian descendants aren't materialistic with their culture and feel no need to preserve it such as full-blooded Asians who like this video says have a hard time leaving their home country and going through change
@@Jane-ow7sr Whats interesting about Japanese is how loyal they are. Chinese and Koreans are happy to leave because the economies are so difficult now. But the Japanese are sticking it out. I wonder if theyll really go all the way. Cause the JP economy crash aint done yet.
But it seems the majority dont have that business edge that they need to make it outside of JP. Theyre really stuck on salaryman - slave wage corporate system. Its that really old school imperial peasant culture, staying loyal to the Shogun.
@@oodo2908 for example the sitting on their knees thing was so they'd fall asleep and no one can assassinate the emperor, they still do it to this day for literally no reason at all than "tradition".
Unfortunately if they keep up this mentality I fear they will go extinct.
@@Jane-ow7sr I didnt know that at all.
You know what really worked for the Koreans is Christianity. Thats a big reason theyre inspired to leave. They build churches and churches become race-bases.
Might be the only thing that saves Japan is Jesus. Some kind of revival. Otherwise I think youre right, its Panda time.
the hardest thing for Japanese living outside of Japan is lack of Japanese food. Japanese will always miss Japanese FOOD.
yeah we all miss home as everyone does :)
In reverse I had the same experience living in Japan and dealing with the mental abuse of my Japanese ex boyfriend and adapting the culture.
Maybe it's a woman thing who knows
Remember, YOU chose him. If it's a boyfriend, you can leave at any time or even call the cops if he's done something serious. You women made sure to have all the laws in your favor.
Def a woman thing, something is wrong with non Asian women dating Asian dudes. You're never gonna be satisfied, you just want to pat yourself on the back for being "diverse".
@@734ch3r Not necessarily. She did leave him, but as a woman in a foreign country, the law will usually side with the Japanese national ex and not the foreign expat.
@@ack153 X to doubt. I would also like to know what this "abuse" consisted of. People are very quick to throw around buzzwords nowadays.
@734ch3r
You are absolutely right!
In japan there are those support center for woman. they can help ANY woman to protect from asshole.
6:00 "she can't take HER kids back without his consent."
She's unbearable
Plenty of J women take their kids out of a foreign country and back to Japan illegally, there was talk about changing that law in Japan so its treated as kidnapping - don't know if that happened.
@@acmelbourne yes, I'm aware of it. It's such a selfish thing for anyone to do. One of the many reasons why we need to be careful who we have kids with.
@@acmelbourne There's been enough high-profile cases that Japan is really getting leaned on for it.
Let me list what I got from this video:
Key points: cultural difference, communication problem, expectation difference from reality, lack of support system.
- No supportive community on other country make them feel lonely. Find it difficult to live in a areas with no other Japanese / Asians.
- No concept of "honne and tatemae" or "reading the atmosphere" the Japanese way. Difference culture of personal interaction.
- Husband's have too high of expectation of the wife's ability to adapt. Like can't speak the local language yet or having no job on the new country they lived in. Mixed with the first point, make it there's no supporting system whatsoever so they ended up keeping the problem to themselves. Can't even consult to professional helper due to unable to convey true meaning through 2nd language used in the new country.
- Abuse and harrasement due to power-balance from language gap from the husband (foreigner).
- Mental damage from husband initiate divorce or cheating.
- Westerners tend to value romantic relationship between the wife and the husband but Japanese women focusing more on their children. They seek romantic feeling over their wife as a "mother figure" for their children.
- Hard to go back to Japan with children after divorce because co-parenting. Unable to bring children to Japan with the ex wife because they need the ex husband's approval. Far from the wife's parents make it hard for them.
- Japanese woman lack direct honest conversation about their feelings.
- If something happened it's hard to tell whether that's because cultural difference or personality difference.
- Too high of an expectations to foreign men. Through media Japanese woman might have an image of foreign men to be affectionate and gentleman but in reality any issues is the same for anyone wherever.
My comment:
As the title says, it's about Japanese women with foreign men. I wonder how difference the statistics are with Japanese men marrying foreign women. Also mostly the problems seems to not exclusive to the Japanese but a more broad general issues, still the honne & tatemae and keeping things to oneself might be the most "Japanese problem" here.
funny - my wife since she was still my GF insisted not not live in Japan because of work and education (for our future kids) culture.
Now she even shys away everytime we detect other Japanese people and under no circumstance wants to involve herself with the Japanese community. Why? Shes deadly afraid of "Japanese mums" judging her and preassuring her into perfect japanese behavior.
Also - shes been an au pair in a halve japanese family. apparently that gave her the impression that a lot of foreign japanese are in some of those weird japanese cults (because that family or rather the japanese mum of that family was in one of those and they regularly had some sort of cult meetings with lots of guests at that home).
she loves going back to japan visting family and friends though
tldr - some japanese people are happy to be freed of japan
This video is more about the difficulties of living abroad with little support, either from a partner or friends. It is tough to do.
It is also so important to try and learn your spouses language. If you don't try to learn concepts like Honne and Tattamae (uniquesly japanese concepts) then it is much harder to understand your spouse and friends feelings.
Another great video by Norbitasan. It seems that it's hard on many women to adjust to foreign men. These problems usually stem from communication, or issues surrounding jealousy from their peers. It's also understandable that Japanese women find it challenging to blend their spouse's foreign culture with their own. However, there are many successful couples that create beautiful families. It's also true that "foreign men" don't necessarily mean you're more attractive than Japanese men, (there's plenty of attractive Japanese men.) It's important that children in Japan learn some foreign culture, but should mainly focus on understanding the culture of the country their children will grow up in.
not really, feels more like propaganda recently
This is something I'm worried about with my wife. We intend to move back to Japan after 5 years, but I worry she may become lonely.
You can’t blame marriage
Over the fact you can’t socialise… outside of your marriage
Unless your husband is controlling…
Engage your self with the culture and country you live in
Shutting your self off
That’s your own doing
It is the same if an international person moved to Japan, they still have to adapt. I think from my point of view Japanese ppl aren't very adaptable outside of their comfort zone. The world is very large and you have to have an open mind when it comes to love or just stay in your comfort zone.
Especially there is more negatives side like bad economic and some non respectful residence from overseas appeared, all country show that's NOT adaptable like USA, UK, Europe do now.
Cultural clashes occur when a desire for a certain type is allowed to overrule the understanding of the differences between said cultures.
This is typically one of the reasons why most; not to sound elitist or what not, traditionalists would say it's best to stick to your own.
Hence we see this rise in regret. The grass isn't always greener.
We are an international couple. Neither of us wanted to live in our own country so we live in a third country. Interesting, but difficult
Doesn’t matter your nationality, if you move out of your home nation, you’re going to feel lonely unless the nation you move to is similar to your own.
I suggest to make a lots of efforts to understand your Japanese partner. Even if she may say i’m used to travel and speak English. She’s still Japanese with a culture differences.
I took things too granted, and end up unfortunately with a divorce.
Expressing yourself in your non-native language is never easy. Let's face it, Japanese people are simplly stubborn & did not want to adapt. I worked for a Japanese company for 6 years, so I'm aware of their tendency. They wanted change, they have the conviction they can change, but when they're face with challenges, they revert back to their original settings.
That's why I'm always amazed by Japanese multinational companies like Toyota, Sony etc because they seem to have conquer their own biggest hurdle.
That depends. The ethnic Japanese in Hawaii and California are very different from those in Japan, though quite different from Whites as well.
Can you please do the same topic but from the male perspective? 🙏
im american married a korean woman, we met in the usa at my university and then moved to seoul, i believe as a man, the woman should be cherished and her wishes should be first. I came from an engineering construction background but i hadmto change my career paths into teaching english since my korean was not good enough to pass hard test for those kinds of jobs but i can say koreans always treat me good here. I also let my wife be in charge of all the finances. She likes doing it and i hate it so it works out 😂
For anybody struggling with communication I highly recommend Nonviolent Communication by M.B. Rosenberg. You can read his books or find recordings of his workshops on TH-cam.
It is a misunderstanding that people think raising child is not important work. It is that current age, both parents need to work and rause the children together, not just one person take on each role.
Because a lot of people get married while they are still in the honeymoon period and then when they do put the ringer on the finger, either one or both sides get too complacent and neglect their roles as each other's counterparts and focus all on kids. I will be laying it all on the table beforehand and also making sure to vet for any red flags as well. Women always without exception tell on themselves even at the beginning of the relationships, but bozos are just too dumb or too strong under the "poonyitee" spell that they completely ignore everything and say "nah, it'll be fine!". As a man who reads this, you should be laying out your terms and sticking by them and if she refuses to accept them then you must have the character fortitude to be willing to get up and walk away. It does not need to be done with hostility at all either, be kind and respectful, but be clear from get go what you are willing to accept and what you aren't.
Nobita exposing the realities of international marriage. Not every international couple is happy go lucky as they portray on TH-cam.
I sometimes see stock images of East Asian women hanging out in diverse friend groups and think that’s unrealistic.
I have seen many cases of Japanese women divorcing their husband, foreigner or local, against the will of the husband, usually on thin grounds. Sadly, marriage is not held in high regard in many modern countries. There needs to be a shift in thinking, seeing marriage as an important commitment that is worth fighting for.
if a Japanese woman has divorced parents. run away..do not marry her
facts
Y
That goes for non japanese as well I'd say...
Facts
@@jean-martinvonsiebenthal2836 Your right. it goes for everyone with this circumstance.
The problem I see here is that Japanese culture is very insular, in a way like a bubble or an aquarium isolated from the norms of most of the world, therefore countries with a more similar culture can interact better with one another, Muslims from North Africa can interact with Muslims in Yemen, Chinese can interact with Koreans and Southeast Asians, Southeast Asians and Chinese can interact with Americans or Europeans or Latinos and Latinos can interact with Filipinos, Filipinos can interact with Americans and Europeans etc, while Japanese having a very unique and peculiar culture would definitely find difficulties fitting in with most of the world because the commonalities are only surface level at best. One solution for the Japanese is to follow global norms at the expense of their own but I think it is better to live with others than to be isolated in their little islands.
Too bad. If there's anyone interested looking forward to living outside of Japan, they'll go outside of Japan and they'll make their way to live their lives there.
Also, what you're talking about is a two way street. Nationalist insularism is endemic to every nation in the world, even as somewhere that touts freedom and opening its doors for immigrants like the USA. You want a global community? Best learn to act like it at home.
What you're talking about isn't impossible. If I have to deal with douchebag tourist assholes who foul up Tokyo's streets for this, then it's not worth it and that's everywhere else's behavior problem.
Back in 2000s when I was a student in the UK, I first noticed and then wondered why many Japanese women travelled across the world to actively seek for their British prince charming.
@tatsuhitot maybe they like that james bond shit and beatles.
Many of them are Gaijin-hunter, so tit for tat !
The other way around as well
@@xtr.7662 You said it. So many passport bros with Asian fetishes in this video's comments!
and men have yellow fever
The title of this video should be "Why Japanese Women Regret Marrying White Men" since it only considers issues and viewpoints from marriages between a Japanese person and a White spouse. But if you look at the official statistics - the top nationality for an international marriage between a Japanese woman and a foreign husband is actually Korean. It's the same for Japanese men where they mostly marry other Asians. It is almost like an intentional effort by Japanese media to whitewash narratives to only consider White people as foreigners - the people, countries, culture and just ignore all other Asians.
One of the men was Mexican, darker skin...
Sorry, Caucasian is a term that is only used in the USA. What do you mean by that? White people? I am European and not Caucasian. Caucasians are people who live near the Caucasus Mountains. this is in western Asia. And they are not necessarily considered white persons where I live.
He did address this issue and stated the facts. If you listened to the video instead of the narrative in your head you will learn something new
I think if your partner expects you to soley do all the cultural work alone (learning the other ones language, learning about the other culture) and he does none of this, it‘s a huge red flag and warning for disrespectful behaviour already.
how can you marry someone when y'all don't even speak each other's language fluently lol
10:35 Yyyyyyeah THAT is NOT what an AVERAGE foreign man looks like. Chad and Tyrone have a monstrous amount of options, so they're most likely either already taken or they're not serious. If a woman chases after guys like that I will stay away from her because she's too hypergamous and will end up devastated. I guess it's true what Manosphere Highlights Daily keeps saying: "Women are women first, regardless of culture. Women. Always. Date. UP."
In the US, particularly, if you find yourself alone or isolated please try to reach out to a Japanese Consulate. There are tons of resources to get you connected to a Japanese community. There are, of course, areas where this isn't feasible and it would still be problematic but there are quite a few consulates out there. I used to volunteer at these consulates to help Japanese people navigate the US and find communities (via LINE, etc).
These places can also take reports of abuse or anything else when going to the police or something would be difficult for whatever reason. Don't hesitate to reach out!
Interesting topic. I love Japan for 20 years now and I've often had the thought that if I had married a Japanese woman, she would have eventually dumped me, somehow. Just a thought.
It would be good to hear successful marriages as a possible counter balance to this angle of reporting. As a U.S. male married to a Japanese women there are truths in my life to the negatives discussed here, but some positives I observe too. There's a good deal I've learned from my wife, and the level of collectivist ideals she holds can be valuable to those in my culture, especially taking care of our aging parents/grandparents and being more consolidated as a family. There's a reason why Japan is so damn attractive to visitors -- respect is huge there and it reflects in their environment (cleanliness, work ethic, maintaining cultural history and esthetic for instance).
4:55 I love how it hasn't dawned on her that she's the problem. Yes, if you dont put in effort to keep love in your marriage, it's going to end in divorce, cheating, or long-term dissatisfaction.
Not necessarily.. The issue is that married life expectations differ between western and eastern societies. Western men usually want an eastern wife because they're expecting to marry a submissive trad wife who will satisfy their sexual needs. However, they're often hit with the reality check that people who come from conservative asian societies have very different values when it comes to sex.
I believe the key for successful relationships is communication and the knowledge of what you're going to expect from it beforehand. On the other hand, that requires someone to be self actualized, and most people from all cultures aren't.. to be honest
1. Either my country (USA) or Japan. Either is fine.
2. Minimum of 1, but ideally 3.
3. Absolutely not. I can understand that the frequency of sex would reduce after having children. That much would be fine, but I'd seek a divorce if the marriage became sexless.
きらいのことを自由にときどき話してもいいと思います。
1. In Japan
2. None
3. Yes
For me, the language thing, I think it has to go both ways, She speaks my language, I speak Japanese, to be that's only fair, but I know too tell well how learning a new language can be difficult. In my own case it's extra hard, cause I live in Belgium and here one half of the country speaks french, the other half speaks dutch and most people are expected to speak english, it gets even more complicated when you know that I'm Chilean and I speak in spanish with my own family (there's a ton of Spanish speakers in this region as well). Not sure how it would work, I think in my specific case, bare minimum would be english and french probably, my parents do speak french.
I don't think I could live in Japan frankly and I realise that moving here is doable, many people have done it, but it's not exactly easy.
I do think like it was said, there needs to be good communication.
Now, many of these points are not Japan specific, some are just female nature, like "she expects too much", that is just normal female behaviour.
I am not against a Japanese wife, but I think the chances of that being possible are extremely low, the culture difference might be too much to overcome, even though I'm very flexible and open and I know Japanese culture very well, I even speak some Japanese, but I just don't think it would be enough, unless she is also very open minded.
I'd love to marry a Japanese woman who loves to fish. Shimano, Daiwa, Megabass. Then I can teach her how to shoot the infamous "assault rifle." Let's go!
There are Japan clubs or associations in different cities. Japanese women just need to do a web search.
1. Move to a country whose language you do not know
2. Expect the other person to read your thoughts because "in my country we can guess what others are thinking". No I will not budge and attempt to communicate differently.
3. Relationship explodes
4. WOW how was I supposed to know?????
Look, you just need a bit of foresight here. This is not a difficult thing to know, and it has little to do with cultural differences but outright negligence, stupidity, and naivety followed by resistance to change. Pick any one case of 2 people with different languages and you will get a very similar result.
You either learn the other language, or the other person learns Japanese to a good enough level that they can be independent adults that have your back.
After reality sets in...
I for one love Japanese women.I won't for one.Want to move in Japan and raise my kids nobita this is my opinion As an American.
I do apologize on behalf of American men who aren't not like this because Majority of us men have a tendency to take japanese women or asian woman out of there country when Specifically when we men should stay in there country so when I get married to a japanese woman I want to rise my own kids in japan and another thing I would like to point out is that as life goes on we should be able to make better decisions so if we want to rise our kids out of the USA that our choice and I condemn the Japanese women
I am married to a Japanese woman. We lived in the US for two years while I finished my degree and got some work experience. She absolutely hated it, to the point that she started talking about a divorce. After I got a job offer in Tokyo, things improved but I'll never quite forget how much pain I had to deal with because she couldn't speak English and, similarly, how I'm expected to speak Japanese now. It certainly seems like a double standard and I don't know if I'd marry a foreigner if I were to do this again.