Thank you all. I feel that I have succeeded in breaking the cycle ( not so much a couple of my brothers) Over the years a few people have commented that I indulge my children just a little to much. Maybe so but my 3 boys are all happy, successful and loving individuals. The greatest gift my beloved wife and I gave our kids was a quite and loving home, which when you think about it is every child’s right.
I lived this. Being poverty-shamed is a form of emotional abuse too but from strangers. And that's something you have to deal with if you want to get away from your abuser.
Exactly. Just because you aren’t hit physically doesn’t mean you’re not abused. Your emotional and mental well being is abused and traumatized. Just like mental illness, we need to end the stigma on emotional abuse.
Herman Melville said 'Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed.' Melville made that statement over a hundred years ago, and it still holds true today. God bless this girl, and all who experience poverty in this world. And especially here, in the richest country on Earth. We've decided that poverty is either a result of laziness, stupidity, or lack of character, yet, we applaud the rich - no matter how bad or unsympathetic their behavior.
@@vg7985 Why does the exception have to be the rule? For every persons that “makes it” there are hundreds that are just as hard working and decent. Most people are usually one accident or Medical Emergency from being broke even if they have insurance. A couple of weeks hospitalization from a serious illness can cost up $500K and recuperative time my keep you out of work. If you have a 10-20% co-pay that’s $50-100K out of pocket. Once your behind you can’t catch up.
Well said. However, I have always treated rich people with suspicion. A little research soon shows there is someone else footing their bills: from cheap labour, from rent, by lending or by dodging tax.
@@freezing5 agreed. There is a book, “The Millionaire Next Door.” There is a section in the book that references “Middle-Class Welfare.” It explains that a number of so called “upper middle class” people are not actually so because they receive money and gifts-in-kind from affluent parents who do things like pay for private school tuition for their kids, or pay for family vacations, or let them live in second homes rent free. One of my colleagues when I was younger had a father-in-law that bought them a house then had them pay rent at a rate far below market thus giving him a write off and saving them thousands a year. I don’t fault people who are “blessed” to have help from their families, but it does leave a bad taste in my mouth when those same people judge and disparage others for not being as “successful” as they think they are.
Not a day goes by where I didn’t worry about financially survive. Didn’t get a real vacation until I was 50. I worked hard at a job and as a single mother of 2. The courts and the bias judges added a whole new layer of stress. Some judges saw through him and did help though.
What really stood out to me on this series was how Alex didn’t have much of an expression most of the time. That is 100% accurate, when you live this hard life, you’re in survival mode. You don’t know it’s ok to feel sad or overwhelmed. It wasn’t till I became financially stable and secure that I realized how F•d up my past was.
@prchix I feel you on what you shared. When I first told my psychologist what happened...my life story of what I lived through...I said it like I was reading a grocery list. When I was finished he told me what I shared was very sad. It was at that moment I was actually able to start healing. I felt a shift. Sending *hugs* to you. ❤
So much of Stephanie Land's story resonates with my own journey as a single mother who left her abuser. This was decades ago; my children are now aged 40 and 38 years old. I worked hard, both in underpaid employment and as a single parent pursuing a university degree. The struggle to create a better life for myself and my children was one of the most difficult things I have experienced. Everyday humiliations seemed part of the scenery back then.The MOST difficult thing was the inner battle to not internalize all the negative stereotypes and aggression others wanted to cast onto me. (This was back in the Reagan years when single mothers were the identified social enemy du jour.) I would have lost my resolve and tenacity to move forward had I believed the ideas others had about me. When I look back at that part of my life, it seems that I got through most of it due to desperation and sheer force of will.
I don't think we moved forward since Reagan years. If we continue banning abortions and cutting social programs, we'll cut all upward mobility- what, I assume, is the purpose of GOP.
So glad that this courageous woman told her story. There are so many people that don't understand the domino effect of poverty and how hard it is to get out of it.
She nearly didn't get to tell her story. Her abusive ex got a lawyer to threaten her with legal action if she published her writings that referred to him.
Same, I was the child in this case. Her story brings up the 😢 in me. I was so ashamed when my mom paid with food stamps…I would wander from the register. Same with tickets at school for breakfast and lunch. I am now a very financially successful healthcare professional but I have never forgotten.
I truly hope that Stephanie makes millions of dollars from her story. She is a HERO, for telling her story and bringing light to this problem in America. There definitely needs to be change.!!!!!
What I really love about her story, is it doesn’t fall into the typical “poor girl makes good with Hardwork and talent”. She fully admits that she had a lucky break and only was able to succeed because somebody actually noticed and helped her. We all really need to notice people and help them.
Yes. Sometimes well-meaning comments about how someone single-handedly faught their way out of an impossible situation also carries a shaming message to those who fail. As if it was their fault, when in reality it was everyone else who failed them.
@Joan Hyde - sadly, too many judges I think are going by the Koch bro's playbook. If you don't already have money and means, you deserve to be kept down, so just get used to it. I witnessed one court commissioner agree with wealthy (also attorney)father that mother was in contempt for wanting to keep her address private, another commissioner rule that the mother had every right (due to emotional/physical abuse) to keep her address private, and granted a full protection order - only to be over-ruled by a judge who believed the wealthy attorney father was correct, if the mother had REALLY been fearful, she would have filed sooner for a protection order.
The amount of wealth accumulated in the US by the top 1%, only 400 families, is despicable while the bottom tens of millions live this way. I've known poverty, and climbed out of it by becoming educated and eventually, becoming a professor. I have lived in 4 other industrialized countries and the US is the worst when it comes to income inequality, wealth distribution, social programs and a safety net. Most Americans have no clue as to what they don't have, but could.
Will said. And yet, so many Americans still defend it (or even put poor and sick people down). How is that? Is it the distrust in government, lack of education or what?
@@Justusson It's primarily due to the myth pumped out daily that America is the greatest country on earth and if you're not making it it's your own fault.
@@gmaureen exactly. Brainwashing is stroooong here. Plus the shitty chemically induced food that's pumped into us from early age. Public schools. Need I say more???
@@Justusson Most Americans are clueless compared to people in other developed countries. Americans are deprived of rights that people in other countries take for granted. Like the right to free healthcare. And the right to free college education. Their standard of living and quality of life is better than ours. Paid family leave for months at a time so that you can miss work while caring for the new baby or an older parent. Often even annual paid vacation regardless of how long you've had a job. And older folks never have to worry about housing, food, healthcare, or other basic living expenses. Denmark, Sweden, Finland, Norway, Canada, England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, Switzerland, Germany, France: ALL these countries are much easier for their people. Most have a thriving middle class while ours is shrinking as more and more people drop into poverty here. They don't have nearly as many billionaires hoarding their country's wealth -- like here in the USA. They also don't have as many people in poverty like here in the USA. Not so many homeless people as we have, either. They don't have to worry that one medical emergency will throw them into bankruptcy or homelessness. They don't have nearly as many people incarcerated in jails and penitentiaries as we have. Their governments don't waste $780 BILLION a year on bloated military budgets like ours. They don't send millions of dollars per day to Israel the way the U.S. does. Their governments don't maintain hundreds of military bases in hundreds of countries all around the world, the way ours does. The lives of ordinary people in those countries are much less stressful than the lives of ordinary Americans today, thanks to decades of low wages and lack of affordable healthcare here. In those countries, everyone pays taxes, unlike the USA where billionaires and giant corporations NEVER pay taxes.
Someone should give a copy of the novel Maid to senator Sinema and Manchin or have Stephanie Land tell her story to these narcissistic, entitled senators. They seem to be so out of touch with the trial and hardships that a lot of working class people are faced with. This woman's story is a testament to the fact that if given a little help, most people want to get out of poverty and become self-sufficient.
Completely agree, but also highly doubtful that those senators would truly listen and act. They depend on the wealthy to finance their election campaigns, and whatever help they receive they probably chalk up to their innate worthiness and not simply privilege. To me, that's what makes AOC noteworthy. She's been there, and she's listened.
I believe Bobert's mother was on food stamp's. So she knows. She just doesn't care. You will never teach narcissist's empathy because that area in the brain does not function correctly. That's what makes them narcissist's. Learned that the hard way in abusive relationships. They are permanently brain damaged. They CAN'T be helped. Seriously! They're brains don't work correctly; neurologically. The only way to deal with a narcissist is the same way we deal with a cancer...!
This is my whole life. Our government acts as though we do not exist, this poverty is ignored, we are ignored. If we are not ignored we are ridiculed, shamed, and blamed.
true!!! they treat us like shit, system is the first abuser and kids suffering consequences, what that fuck is that single mothers cant hav child care if they has no proof of job, excuse me??? so how you can get a job when you need go alone without your kid for search job and for interviews, they drive us for a darkness place and some of us survive and probably some take out their life for all depression and darkness they feel, good thing is we are the voice, to help future moms don't pass by this shit, the government has money for build more make bridges, for invest in things that fuck our planet but cant make accessible services as child care, that is a right for CHILD!!! A RIGHT FOR A MOM!!
@@emmaadv Amen sister, all the way up! Thanks for your comment! I wanna add to my original comment that their ignorance is infuriating! Not for minute does this god awful system leave me wondering what I may have done wrong, it is SO OBVIOUS that their excuses are based on greed and inhumanity. We can’t win a rigged game. They’re assholes and THEY KNOW IT.
Funny thing about Franklin, as much as I admire the hell out of that guy for many reasons, he still owned at least one slave. Oddly there's at least one "Founder" who did not own any slaves, but was so obnoxious he described himself as such - it was John Adams.
The Maid on Netflix was one of the most thought provoking series. The father relationship reminded me when I divorced my emotionally abusive husband. My father sided with him. He didn’t have my back.
Lol. My father was telling that I deserve abusive husband who would beat me until I turn blue. Reason? Because all women deserve it! My ex husband was lousy, but he never beat me.
"Scarcity" by Sendhil Mullainathan explains why poor people don't have the mental capacity to manage their lives. The only difference between rich and poor is luck.
What a beautiful, bright, honest, courageous author! Thank God she made it out of abuse and poverty. It's hard to believe the richest country in the world refuses to take care of its citizens when they are struggling. Our taxes are being used for war weapons and for making the billionaires richer.
I had to press the pause a few times ...watching and listening to Stephanie sounded much like my story when I would share it. I remember going into work one day to show my boss my bruises and told him if I didn't show up for work he would know what happened. I did manage to get out of the situation and file an order of protection. I was a young mother and did not have a job at the time. Found a job in food service which paid $2.13 an hour and prayed I would make at least 40 dollars in tips everyday so I could pay my rent. I remember always running numbers through my head like her. I bartered childcare with my neighbors...I would watch their children full time during the day and they would watch my son at night. Eventually I ended up bringing him to work with me. He was very well behaved...maybe because he knew how important this job was for us. I could go on and on with my similar story. My son is grown now. I see how this is now impacting his life...both good and bad. When I watched the way Stephanie tells her story....her words and the way she gets when she tells her story ...I feel this in my soul. Bless you Stephanie for giving us your story and bringing out the truths of living like this. My heart goes out to the precious others who also have a similar story.
There is a stupid meme shared across the internet "poor people should save and invest". Poor means you HAVE NO money , you're living from one meal to the next.
All these rich people who were probably never poor can do is judge the poor when in reality they should be quiet and offer them some help. I pray that they never know what it means to be hungry.
I live in Norway, but grew up in the Philippines. In both countries, people grew up looking at the US as this super advance and rich country. It's amazing how the US is now being used as a cautionary tale here. Like it's something I've encountered in the classroom and at work, and on national TV. In the Philippines, we have paid maternity leave for up to 6 months, universal low tuition public colleges, and near-universal public healthcare. The US is weird.
Norway is light years ahead of the US. Free quality healthcare, free higher education, high social safety net, paternity leave for both parents, 5 weeks paid holidays, public retirement, subsidised childcare etc. US is like a 3rd world country in comparison.
@@jx2729 Yes, but Philippines? How come we can care for poor sick people, even if the country itself isn't rich? 6 months of paid maternity leave, the US has zero.
Do not believe all the propaganda movie u watch in Netflix. I grew up in PH with live in maids and have hired maid hourly to clean house - we pay more than $200 dollars for less than 8 hours work for our maid to clean our house (inside only). The live in maids we had in PH r more efficient and treated like family. For the $ we pay, I would hire and prefer ph help setup. I feel I am ripped off as I do the same job our maid do daily for free. This was just a temporary help setup. I am surprised they want maids to make doctor’s salary in 🇺🇸. NOBODY WOULD HIRE THEM.
@@Davao420 If the Philippines pay for healthcare, then why are people in the Philippines always asking for donations for medical procedures and caregiver assistance? I follow an organization called Maya's Hope, and frequently the parents asking for help to pay for surgeries are located in the Philippines.
My mother would walk away from me and pretend she didn’t know me when I pulled out my food stamps, so yeah, being poor is a living nightmare. Everyone including your mother looks down on you.
Sorry to hear that. There is so much shame associated with feeling/being in financial distress. Perhaps your mother was feeling an enormous amount of shame, blaming herself in those moments. I’ve had situations with my own kids that were painfully demeaning and felt like I wasn’t doing a good enough job supporting my kids if we were struggling financially.
Omg. I’m 61, my son is 38. I haven’t thought about how I struggled as a single (and poor) mother in many years. This interview is bringing it all back. I did have friends and family that sort of helped me, but I felt humiliated and my parents did their best to shame me. It is all just so hard and my heart goes out to all the single parents now struggling.
I don't think the interviewer was eye-rolling. I think she was looking up nervously thinking about what she was about to say. That is a pretty normal facial cue to suggest "thinking." But yes if she was eye-rolling, then it was rude. I just don't think she was.
Most only parents otherwise known as single moms with zero support know this struggle amd it’s real no matter how hard you work or how good a job you have. I had a decent job as a manager or a sporting goods store with great benefits etc but have back problems from prior car accident a few years befor my daughter was born. Her dad left me 6 mo pregnant and then just filed all kinds of crazy court stuff constantly. I worked that full time job plus ran my own company I had prior to having her, on the side as a second job so I worked a lot because I had to, to make ends meet. Why? Primarily, because of court fees. My attorney I had to keep on retainer was $400/hr. Her dads mom paid for his so for him it was just fun to file things I had to respond to and I had to show up to court for and he rarely if ever even showed. It was all a game to him. For 11 years. He was a narcissist and a psychopath and I fought tooth and nail to protect her and childcare is a nightmare in retail for nights and weekends and in a big city where you are going job to job with traffic and also trying to get a little kid from point A to point B. It’s enough to put you to tears many a late night when you finally get to sit down for a glass of wine at 1 am before you have to be at work again at 6 am 7 days a week for years with zero help and no break. It’s brutal. All people need support and the best thing you can ever give to anyone is being on their team and just helping if they need a little help. Even just the dishes for them or a ride for their kid once in awhile or answering the phone and listening if they call and need to rant for 5, cry for 2 and laugh for 10.
"Domestic violence is NOT a family matter." My sentiments exactly. Though I have never experienced it first hand, last year during the quarantine (I manage an apt bldg) the tenant beneath me began showing signs of physical abuse. Black eye. Fat lip. Bruises. Her boyfriend was beating her. I spoke to so many people with abuse experience. Even my manager and I was encouraged to call the Domestic Abuse Hotline. Everyone was sympathetic to my distress but in the end everyone one said, "there is nothing you can do." Which of course just encouraged me to do more. I waited for the opportune time and did what I felt was appropriate and within my legal rights. The result, the abuser realized many people in the building were aware of what he was doing. The abuse stopped immediately and he moved out after a few months. In my book, the only way to stop a bully to to bully them right back.
@@sagdragon64 thank you for your comment. We need to be aware of what is going on around us and have the courage to report abuse at any time, any where - whether it’s domestic violence, sexual abuse, stalking or human trafficking. When we live our lives with our ears and eyes and hearts open - we can see more than we bargained for. You never know when you have actually saved a person’s life! My Kudos to you!!!
Domestic violence is a strange term. If a man hit an unknown woman on the street he would be jailed but if he hits his wife then its a whole different ball game. It's nuts.
She’s incredible! Lands experience is quite a universal one with women of color. The film was captivating and honest. I rooted for her liberation and awakening of self. Whenever I hear politicians declare that people need to earn the little help they’re getting from government it infuriates me, because as a tax payer I don’t mind my taxes going to programs that empower folks. Is there abuse? Certainly, but politicians are constantly abusing the system and by the time they’re caught they have already garnered so much wealth that they never lose
Love that she appreciates the criticism that most maids are hispanic or Latino or other more marginalized women of color. I think since her hair is naturally dark and her eyes are brown she probably did pass as Mexican when she was working as a maid. And also not being from the majority demographic it would be harder for her to argue for her rights. That she’d have a serous language barrier in the industry if she does not know Spanish.
Such a powerful story. I will never complain about my life again! Our system is really so upside down. I also think systems are set up to keep people desperate enough to do jobs most would never do for crappy wages. Incredible that you made it out.
Stephanie brought back so many memories of my struggles with poverty, raising four sons as a single mom. I could never talk about the humiliation of asking for welfare, and accepting that I lived in poverty, in Canada. She inspires me to share my struggles as a single mom 40 years ago. It is amazing how long we hold on to pain. Time to let go:) The upside was that there was a govt. program that built homes for reduced costs for low income families. This home gave dignity to our lives and helped us to feel equal.
The series (and book) really highlights how broken social service systems are and how much discrimination there is towards poor women (in particular) who’ve left abusive relationships. Poverty’s such a problem in this country and society doesn’t take care of people like some other countries do. It’s not okay.
A major founding principle of this country is individualism, with its pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps mentality. There also isn’t much real understanding of and empathy towards people leaving abusive relationships, particularly when the abuse is largely emotional (and particularly when the person being abused goes back to their abuser, whatever the reason). Add in some gutted social service systems and prejudice against people who are poor, and it makes for the perfect storm. Nevermind if there are any children involved whose lives could also be improved. It also goes without saying that if she was a person of color her situation would’ve been even worse.
Excellent interview. This taught me even more about how people blamed you, even though you were the victim. That is gut wrenching to be honest. You're so strong. I've had the same experience with health issues that are impeding my ability to work. Even after being hit by a car. I'm the one being interrogated and forced to prove my injuries. I've dealt with the same treatment from society whether it was a health issue or relationship, and it's difficult. Thank you for opening up this conversation. I'm sorry you had to go through what you went through, but I'm grateful it's opening the world's eyes to an opinion I've shared for years. Some people who aren't successful are actually doing everything they can to be. Hard work doesn't always equal financial stability or success. It's impossible to convince people how hard you're trying. This story definitely showed the world that!
I haven’t watched Maids yet, but like a lot of people posting, this could be my story. The endless stress of caring for a child while dealing with a family-court-system that continued to help revictimize me and support my abusive ex-husband, try to balance finances, and constantly being judged by not only strangers but people who you thought were friends; took its toll on my health that I am still not recovered from 20 years later. I will be forever grateful to Adat Shalom in Westwood California for giving me free childcare so I could take a required internship for my nonprofit certificate.
I'm so glad she talked about how invasive just applying for SNAP is along w/other state assistance. I had stageIII colon cancer and needed insurance, after surgery n 9mos of chemo, I still have many doctor's apps. If at any time I make more than $429 a month I loose everything! I'm lucky to be alive because I'm a solo mom, I'm lucky to have a mother that let's us live with her, and I know it could be worse. I'm just glad Maid shines a light on how difficult it is to get out of poverty once your in.
My parents suffered some hardship while they brought my brother and me up, worst being foreigners. My mom had to work as a maid eventhough she had a secretarial degree. When you are an immigrant it is much worst. I'm glad this woman could put into words her experience and I hope it gets to the hearts of many.
Wow! hearing her talk bring back memories of my horriable dangerous abuse from my husband. He's dead now RIP but I'm still in therapy today and I'm 63. I left him when my son was 2 and i was 24. 😣
You will survive! Me too. Sometimes I go up to a secluded place and throw rocks and curse. Cops told me to "be a good little wife. Go home and don't give him any reason to beat you." Etc. Etc. Keep on trucking! You will get through even stronger.
Excellent interview and incredible strength. As a single mom myself who have worked 3 jobs while barely making ends meet, I remember contemplating suicide when I had a flat tire one morning. Meanwhile, my ex bought a second house and an apartment building. Looking back, what saved me was the love and support of others, faith in my Maker, and the power that came from telling myself that my situation could and would improve. I will NEVER trust that our court system will be fair and just and, as such, will counsel anyone not to do so either. No bitterness...my grown children and I look back to those lean times as some of the best. So thankful and proud of my family.
My husband worked construction, so at times of the year he couldn’t work. We got food stamps for the winter one year. They granted the food stamps on an emergency basis because of the age of the kids. It turns out we were over the limit by $50 because we did have a cemetery plot and an old car we had been trying to sell for a couple months. I could prove I had been trying to sell the car but I still had to pay back $350 dollars. It was devastating. I could not afford food but I had to find the money to give back. It’s like they took food out of my kids mouths. One time, I went to a free seminar on money management. I asked the guy what I needed to do to make ends meet. As I explained my situation, he just looked at me, shook his head and said “ you can’t. “ The reality is you can’t “budget” your way out of dire poverty. So you’ll know, we had a cemetery plot because we had been able to buy a cheap one on installment. After my brother was killed by a drunk driver, I have had a fear of a loved one dying unexpectedly. I didn’t want to face the lose and the stress of having to make arrangements too.
It's great to hear this woman speak. When I was young I worked as a maid, and so many of her stories are right on the money. The constant struggle and stress are hard to re-live as I watch the series. Because she is white and obviously very smart, she was able to work her way out of that life. But there are many who are neither white nor particularly intelligent, who don't have the education she did in high school, who weren't able to go to college. I'm glad to see that the experience made her a compassionate person. Everyone should do this kind of work so that they can understand what it's like to be the other person - the maid, the server, the gardener, the child care worker. We'd have different laws in this country, and people would behave better towards workers in these jobs.
So many times I thought about writing a book. Just for my own sanity. I'm glad Ms. Land did. I'll try the netflix show but I'm not sure I'll be able to handle it. I'm watching it now. It's not for going to sleep at night. Stirs up some anger that takes at least 2 hours to calm down.
I’m glad she did because the legacy of being a maid has largely been on the shoulders of Black and Latina women and our stories are not upheld with as much sympathy and concern. She recognizes these discrepancies and tries to fill the gap how she can which is SO important.
I do know that my experience in this situation was bad, but I am also aware that black and brown women suffered 10 times more then that and for that reason my heart goes out to every woman.
So glad the stress of living close to the edge financially and its impact is brought up in this interview. Not to mention how the system fails women. Great myth-busting.
This was a series wonderfully done that shows how precarious finances lead to dilemmas, like leaving a child in the care of an unreliable relative because good childcare is so extremely expensive.
Off topic, but your username is my favorite bird. I used to escape sometimes to this park outside of town, and while I was walking around in the spring I would sometimes be lucky enough to spot these bright blue birds flitting amongst trees. It was these brief moments of wonder and beauty that gave me hope despite the clutter and stress of life.
I watched the series in one go ,the fact that it is based on someone's experience, makes the account so upsetting and yet inspiring, this interview has encouraged me to buy the book,it's a story that is equally relevant in Britain.
I can’t watch the series or read the book just yet because it’s too close. I escaped my abuser just a few years ago. Our children are so young. This hits way, way too close to home. Thank you for telling this story and furthering the societal conversation. This is so, so important.
They at least need to do their share. Assistance is not a life project but a ladder until you can do something better. I know I've been there and some of these policies are terrible. I had to drain every account for bills until I even got food stamps. Then you have people buying brand new $50,000 vehicles. That's why people are so against it. I know because I know people that play the system. I don't know how and don't want to.
Oh my word, this lady describes so much of my life! The fact that so many of us are having our story told is amazing!!! The struggles so many of us had gome through being told, but it seems like too many people are ready to criticize than be a support system. So don't expect us to be ready to trust!
This is my story. I so understand your book. I have been writing my own, in my head. Wonderful work. Thank you. You are a warrior! This was a really important and long over-due talk. It's critical information. My son is now 22 and going to school. If nothing else, I have allowed him to have a brighter future, than myself. This is my hope for him.
I watched the series and loved it. I didn't know until now that it was based on someone's real life. I experienced poverty for a short time period and it was a shock. I couldn't get a job at a fast food place because I didn't have a phone. I ended up with a very part time job and sold plasma to pay my rent. I still have the scar. I could not even imagine having a kid to provide for during that time. I love the series even more now that I know the author.
I'm so happy for Land's success and that she has written about her experiences. More people need to understand how difficult and demoralizing it is to be poor when you're exhausting yourself trying to better your life. She hits it right on the nose when she says it's on purpose. Political strategies ensure there are poor folks desperate enough to take crap jobs and the abuse that comes with.
I watched this twice and cried both times. It helped me remember why I left my abuser 25 years ago. Rebuilding my life from nothing is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
The scene where she has to go and take care of her mom, where her mom punches a window, where all goes silent, she was traumatized. Where she steps out of the trailer and the tree is right in front of her, traps her. So much resonated in my heart, I could not believe she lived past all this.
She's right no daycare no job no home, I used clean residential and make a $90 for 8 hours after taxes and my child care cost $80. So $10 for 8hrs and plus two hours back and forth total 10 hrs. Is very hard.
I want the interview with the judge that ruled this lady less stable than the abusive dad. I want to know about his other rulings and whether they were realistic and responsible.
Stephanie, thank you for sharing your powerful life story, from single-mother, maid to successful writer. Hopefully, it will awaken some compassion in the multitude of cold-hearted upper caste.
I did not know this was based on her true story. I actually watched part of the 1st episode yesterday but had to stop as it brought up a lot of emotion from my abusive relationship where I left to go to a women’s shelter with my 3 young children 25 years ago. Kudos for writing this book. I will give the Netflix series another go. So important to talk about and support each other in so many ways. Let’s be strong and kind together! Kindness goes a long way.
Proud of you for going to that shelter with those children so long ago..that was really brave of you..Give this show another try..It is triggering but so so worth it..I watched it with my daughter and Am glad I could show her U can get thru anything with Determination, courage and hard work. Also we had a lot of discussions during this show about Abusive partners and How Shawn being mean to her was Bullshit..
@@jennlovesbert1094 Thank you for your kind words! I was so scared and not sure what to expect, I felt so alone walking into that Woman’s Shelter with my kids. But the staff were fantastic and helped me so much. Seems like another lifetime ago. I’ve come a long ways since then, am happily married, own my own business and have helped countless people through my yoga practice. That is great you are watching the show together with your daughter. It shows what is not appropriate, that women do not need to live in these circumstances, there is help out there and many many people do care. Strong women raise independent children who learn to stand up for what’s right and for each other. I salute you Jenn, you are one of those strong women! As I have become one myself 😉
What a remarkable young woman! I've lost 20 years of my life and my financial future to a malignant narcissist. No one- even my own family believed me. 25 years after meeting him I finally spoke to wife number one and our stories are exactly the same. Emotional and financial abusers should face the same legal consequences as those who leave more visible marks. 20 years of living in survival mode takes a toll on the body. I have PTSD and fibromyalgia. Wife no 1 has PTSD and MS.
It does not matter what color you are. Domestic violence = assault & battery and is down played by the "unstable male" who has the power to hold any other unstable male accountable. Instead a male Judge sides with the abuser using his power to wield in a wrong abusive manner. Kudos to any single mom who writes her story in a book or screams her story all the way to Congress or the Supreme Court! Compassion, transparency, integrity and accountability for all!
It DOES matter what race or color a woman is!!! White privilege works for and against a single mother seeking financial assistance. I experienced both sides as a single blonde woman with 4 racially mixed children.
It's effing amazing that one person can be the catalyst for dragging the topic of poverty into the mainstream discourse in a way that reaches and educates people. Bravo!
I remember being at the laundromat with my 5 year old daughter and a quarter dropped under the machines. I nearly cried. We couldn't do laundry that week. That's how tight our budget was. Another great read on the subject is "Nickel and Dimed" by Barbara Ehrenreich.
Thank you thank you for doing this. I felt so many parallels to my life. I actually did lose custody of my kids at first until my ex-husband’s true colors showed and he went to prison. He spent eight years manipulating my children against me before I actually got full custody again. At court, The judge threw out all the police report incidences of abuse us stating that “there was just a few domestic violence incidents” and minimizing it. He even had incidents from other girlfriends that he threw out. I was suffering from depression at the time and so they really jumped on that she’s crazy train. And I also clean houses. But all I can say is that I made it and it was hard as hell. I have my babies back now. And I’m thanking you so much for telling your story and putting a different perspective on what truly is abuse against women first in secret at home, and then perpetuated again in the court system. Most importantly, this is not about me, this is about the suffering my children went through as a result of all this.
It's a great series - everyone should watch this show. I want to read the book soon too! Congrats on your great success and thank you for sharing your inspiring life story!
Haven't read the book but the series didn't give me any feelings of apathy for the main character. She was the cause of so much of her own heartache; poor choices in men, poor choices in community, poor choices in her response to genuine care. If it was the story of a black woman that at any point chose to go back to the person that was allegedly abusive, would anyone sympathize with her?
and endless. I call it my folder "my proof of poverty" and have many copies cause you ALWAYS have to show proof! (between working 2 jobs, catching a bus, what have you)
I love that she recognizes her privilege and that so many more have fewer privileges. As I was watching my heart aches for her struggles and soared at her successes but even during the worst of it, she was still white, conventionally pretty (in real life too), physically well, and in possession of enough intelligence to have earned a scholarship. Imagine having mental illness, addiction, or any kind of physical handicap added into the equation. Stephanie is a hero and a miracle. One can only pray that all in poverty are able to find their own way to a miracle. Love her! What a tremendous example.
I went through this over a decade ago and I wish this cycle would stop. I almost started crying when she said, "The judge called my ex the more stable parent, because he had a home, which I had left. All of a sudden, I was the bad parent." My ex beat me and strangled me and emotional abused me. This was well documented by police and the hospital, but I still had to share custody with him and he didn't have to pay child support or help me with childcare so that i could work.
I was also strangled to the point of everything going black. Back in 78 I didn't call police. We just didn't do it. They say you marry someone like your father. 4 am during a major snow storm I came home. All my dad asked me was when are you going home. Sad, they were alike. Dad used to beat me. Makes you feel worthless. I still need to find my worth.
Listening to Stephanie Land, I can hear how present the trauma and heartache still are for her. My similar story, and hearing hers, also looms large even though it's in the past. I beg everyone to have compassion and empathy for the poor and working poor.
Thanks to PBS and Ms. Land for the insightful interview and for speaking so much truth about something so rife with prejudice and ignorance. I am so profoundly contented for her success.
Thank you for posting this, it moved me to tears!! How could anybody treat another human being so terribly just because they're fiercely trying to survive? 💔💔
Your comment about poor people not being allowed to be angry and getting angry now, is the value of you telling your story. People are realizing it's not just them, its systemic and they're reacting the way anyone in that situation would. When you unite ppl, like your story does, you strengthen them
This series woke up something in me that I didn't even realize at the time because I was so focused on creating a a home from $0 for my unborn daughter. I had a high risk pregnancy and was bed ridden for 5 months so I didn't lose me daughter. But constantly wondering how I was going to furnish my daughter's father's home, which was in foreclosure. I looked on Craigslist everyday for free items. I'd drive myself sometimes a hour to get her crib, a sofa, her bureau, car seat, paint for the disgusting walls, clothes. All while her father spent his money on drugs and dealing with his emotional, physical abuse, and constant stocking. I'm not even close to that same woman now but feel for every woman going through it. 💕
Stephanie, what a beautiful heart you have and what a great interview with this host! I was a single mom for almost a decade after a divorce and it is the hardest job in the world. It is so frustrating how there are red tape limits to income when you are receiving and needing the assistance for child care, food stamps, housing assistance, etc. I am also a child abuse and domestic violence survivor. I see the pain in your eyes, Stephanie, and I personally know that pain. But I also see your gifts of compassion and mercy. I pray your book showers you with abundant financial blessings, gives others hope, and brings education and awareness to many. How amazing your book was made into a tv series-praise God!
The scene in the show where her father tells her she has this open invitation to come stay with him and his new-ish family was wrenching.Just a few episodes before, the father tells her that he’d love to have her but it would disrupt his wife and kids’ routine.
I thought about this every time he kept saying he would do anything for her or when he asked why she would have Maddy stay at a DV home saying she should have asked him first like huh?! She did ask him the first time and he said no 💀
Many parts of this story resonate with me even though I am a college-educated white woman and I was so lucky to have had my education completed. I left an abusive relationship, but my teaching job left me with little money for childcare and I struggled to pay all my bills, put food on the table, pay rent, keep my car running. I made too much to qualify for any social support, because teaching doesn’t pay well, but I lived in fear of my car breaking down or not having enough at the end of the month. I taught summer school because I couldn’t afford to go without pay. I couldn’t teach night school due to childcare. I put on a smiling face at school for my students. I realize that there are so many women who are way worse off than I was. Once my son was in school full time, I left teaching (which I loved) for a higher paying job - I couldn’t have done that without my college education. There really needs to be a way to pay people a living wage and also support those who want to get an education. I think that she is 100% right when she says that our system is meant to keep people trapped in poverty - look at all the arguments over the ‘extra’ unemployment money to help during COVID - now it’s back to the old levels. Also no one wants to have unemployed and underemployed people automatically be put into Medicaid so they can get help when they or their children are sick. Something needs to change in this country; people deserve to be treated better.
As a private chef to an elite community, I have always looked out for housekeeping staff. Before I would take a job,I always insisted on providing meals for staff and let them take home food to their children.It’s so true that domestic workers are mistreated by those who could well afford to be compassionate. It’s downright illegal treatment, but many house workers sign NDA’sand their pay scale is higher than average market price.
@@chrystallee5528 good cooks have some leverage but when we are hired as staff, the employer tries to demean you as well. If you deliver quality on time, they tend to back off.
I worked for a staffing agency that staffed the elite (senators, famous actors...) the stories I heard from the maids,... the abuse, the horrible treatment ....when ever I see a mansion I always think "inside that home; some housekeeper is being treated poorly"
This touched so close to home. I was a stay at home mom and left an emotionally abusive, narcissistic husband of 9 years. He was awarded primary custody of my 3 small children (he had money and a “stable environment”). He punished my 6 year old son by making him strip to his underwear and do bear crawls in the mud while spanking him with a belt. No one would listen because there weren’t any bruises. I knewI had to do something. I started working at a cleaning company (the company charged $45/hr but I made roughly $11/hr), built up my own independent cleaning company, spent over $9k relentlessly fighting for custody for over a year, and here I am 4 years later with my children at home with me, safe, happy, and all of us are finally healing. Never give up ladies!!
I was in that same boat. My own stubbornness that I was no less than, or better than anyone else is what saw me through, but it took me twenty years to get through college.
This is a prototypical story with a happy ending. Not all stories like this end happily. They go on and on for decades with only suffering, because there’s no way out of the cycle. I do appreciate the shown relationship between childhood trauma and adult poverty. I’m glad the book and the series are receiving publicity.
But there are ways to break the cycle if each snd everyone of us make our little part of this world a better place. And remember to vote according to these principles. Keep your dignity and always tell the truth encourage (demand) the same from others.
But there are ways to break the cycle if each snd everyone of us make our little part of this world a better place. And remember to vote according to these principles. Keep your dignity and always tell the truth encourage (demand) the same from others. A good bottom up snd top down strategy for change!
As a 60+ man that grew up with an abusive father I applaud strong woman that act to protect their children. I wish my mother had.
You are rare. Many people have judged me.
Thank you, Mit. Mothers don’t leave easily and when they do it is with a lot if doubt. Children do not always understand the dilemma. God bless you
Thank you for this comment, it came at divine timing 🙏
Me too. Wish my mother could have left sooner but there was no where for her to go.
Thank you all. I feel that I have succeeded in breaking the cycle ( not so much a couple of my brothers) Over the years a few people have commented that I indulge my children just a little to much. Maybe so but my 3 boys are all happy, successful and loving individuals. The greatest gift my beloved wife and I gave our kids was a quite and loving home, which when you think about it is every child’s right.
People don’t understand emotional abuse. They minimize what you’ve been through if you haven’t been physically abused.
I think that's what stuck with me the most. How rude & mean everyone was to her. So shameful.
I lived this. Being poverty-shamed is a form of emotional abuse too but from strangers. And that's something you have to deal with if you want to get away from your abuser.
Shapiro's DEAD Cat Hope things are better for you now 🙏🏻
Exactly. Just because you aren’t hit physically doesn’t mean you’re not abused. Your emotional and mental well being is abused and traumatized. Just like mental illness, we need to end the stigma on emotional abuse.
Then the Family Law Court system continues the abuse.
Herman Melville said 'Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed.' Melville made that statement over a hundred years ago, and it still holds true today. God bless this girl, and all who experience poverty in this world. And especially here, in the richest country on Earth. We've decided that poverty is either a result of laziness, stupidity, or lack of character, yet, we applaud the rich - no matter how bad or unsympathetic their behavior.
.....But but you see, this lady worked hard and achieved success. So why everybody can't do the same?
@@vg7985 Why does the exception have to be the rule? For every persons that “makes it” there are hundreds that are just as hard working and decent. Most people are usually one accident or Medical Emergency from being broke even if they have insurance. A couple of weeks hospitalization from a serious illness can cost up $500K and recuperative time my keep you out of work. If you have a 10-20% co-pay that’s $50-100K out of pocket. Once your behind you can’t catch up.
Well said.
Well said. However, I have always treated rich people with suspicion. A little research soon shows there is someone else footing their bills: from cheap labour, from rent, by lending or by dodging tax.
@@freezing5 agreed. There is a book, “The Millionaire Next Door.” There is a section in the book that references “Middle-Class Welfare.” It explains that a number of so called “upper middle class” people are not actually so because they receive money and gifts-in-kind from affluent parents who do things like pay for private school tuition for their kids, or pay for family vacations, or let them live in second homes rent free. One of my colleagues when I was younger had a father-in-law that bought them a house then had them pay rent at a rate far below market thus giving him a write off and saving them thousands a year. I don’t fault people who are “blessed” to have help from their families, but it does leave a bad taste in my mouth when those same people judge and disparage others for not being as “successful” as they think they are.
Being poor is exhausting. The decision fatigue is relentless.
Decision fatigue. Exactly.
Being poor is victimization no matter how much integrity one applies to decision making. Screwed if you do…screwed if you don’t.
Yup . The daily panic in the mornings when you wake up and wonder, again, if you are going to make it is so so tiring too.
Don't forget expensive.
Not a day goes by where I didn’t worry about financially survive. Didn’t get a real vacation until I was 50. I worked hard at a job and as a single mother of 2. The courts and the bias judges added a whole new layer of stress. Some judges saw through him and did help though.
What really stood out to me on this series was how Alex didn’t have much of an expression most of the time. That is 100% accurate, when you live this hard life, you’re in survival mode. You don’t know it’s ok to feel sad or overwhelmed. It wasn’t till I became financially stable and secure that I realized how F•d up my past was.
Very true, you're so caught up in just getting through the day you can't reflect or get out of your head.
@prchix
I feel you on what you shared. When I first told my psychologist what happened...my life story of what I lived through...I said it like I was reading a grocery list. When I was finished he told me what I shared was very sad. It was at that moment I was actually able to start healing.
I felt a shift.
Sending *hugs* to you. ❤
Now imagine being told you're less than a woman because you don't smile at strangers...
Facts
That is so true 👍 that's my face right now
So much of Stephanie Land's story resonates with my own journey as a single mother who left her abuser. This was decades ago; my children are now aged 40 and 38 years old. I worked hard, both in underpaid employment and as a single parent pursuing a university degree. The struggle to create a better life for myself and my children was one of the most difficult things I have experienced. Everyday humiliations seemed part of the scenery back then.The MOST difficult thing was the inner battle to not internalize all the negative stereotypes and aggression others wanted to cast onto me. (This was back in the Reagan years when single mothers were the identified social enemy du jour.) I would have lost my resolve and tenacity to move forward had I believed the ideas others had about me. When I look back at that part of my life, it seems that I got through most of it due to desperation and sheer force of will.
I don't think we moved forward since Reagan years. If we continue banning abortions and cutting social programs, we'll cut all upward mobility- what, I assume, is the purpose of GOP.
I am so sorry things were so hard Michelle. Women are the strongest and smartest creatures on the planet!
Same here. The only thing thg that kept me sane was my self-respect and dignity. I hope this exposure of a failed system will make permanent change.
@@vg7985 I agree. I wish our country took care of all its people.
Good for you. I have seen this for years and I have great admiration for a parent who persists in doing what she can for herself and her children.
So glad that this courageous woman told her story. There are so many people that don't understand the domino effect of poverty and how hard it is to get out of it.
So poignant
This very thing is an injustice. Stable housing and the opportunity to life is a human right.
She nearly didn't get to tell her story. Her abusive ex got a lawyer to threaten her with legal action if she published her writings that referred to him.
I hope her book and series make her wildly wealthy, wealthier than those who discounted her when in poverty.
well she didnt grow up poor.. actually closer to upper middle clas.
@@DavidJohnson-dp4vv
Having parents she couldn’t depend on in addition to what she was going through makes it even worse.
@@brookeecklund5203 More excuses for land
And so so comfortable. Because that’s all she ever wanted.
That would be great. Then she too can reach out to women like her.
Having lived this, watching her explain the reality brings back so much pain. I'm happy she is getting it out there.
Agreed!
And anger.
Same, I was the child in this case. Her story brings up the 😢 in me. I was so ashamed when my mom paid with food stamps…I would wander from the register. Same with tickets at school for breakfast and lunch. I am now a very financially successful healthcare professional but I have never forgotten.
I agree totally with you. Raised my five kids went to college…. It was crushing but we survived!
@@funnymemos3056 Bless you and the incredible example that you set for your children.
Cheers
I truly hope that Stephanie makes millions of dollars from her story. She is a HERO, for telling her story and bringing light to this problem in America. There definitely needs to be change.!!!!!
I agree with you!
Thank you, thank you for bringing this to light of reality.for all women of all races.
Steph is not a hero. She is a loser.
Amen to that! 🙏🏻
And then I hope she will help others with her financial gain.
What I really love about her story, is it doesn’t fall into the typical “poor girl makes good with Hardwork and talent”. She fully admits that she had a lucky break and only was able to succeed because somebody actually noticed and helped her. We all really need to notice people and help them.
Yes. Sometimes well-meaning comments about how someone single-handedly faught their way out of an impossible situation also carries a shaming message to those who fail. As if it was their fault, when in reality it was everyone else who failed them.
So many women of every race know this experience. I was captivated, triggered, and grateful as I watched this series.
I felt like she was writing about my life but in a different demographic area.
'Every Race' ...yes! Thank you !
I can't afford Netflix but this would trigger me also.
So true, “all races” experience poverty and no one is exempt from it.
Exactly, Cherise! I had all of those responses, too!
Stephanie spoke volumes for many who cannot.
I hope that judge who thought that being punched and having glass broken is not abusive and frightening is no longer on the bench.
Based on recent trends, he has likely been replaced by worse sadly.
Maybe there's some enterprising journalist out there tracking him down. It should be fairly easy
Alito is on the Supreme Court and he is just like that guy.
@Joan Hyde - sadly, too many judges I think are going by the Koch bro's playbook. If you don't already have money and means, you deserve to be kept down, so just get used to it. I witnessed one court commissioner agree with wealthy (also attorney)father that mother was in contempt for wanting to keep her address private, another commissioner rule that the mother had every right (due to emotional/physical abuse) to keep her address private, and granted a full protection order - only to be over-ruled by a judge who believed the wealthy attorney father was correct, if the mother had REALLY been fearful, she would have filed sooner for a protection order.
When she stated that: I felt the judge was an abuser himself & he was covering his guilt by proclaiming such an erroneous decision *
The amount of wealth accumulated in the US by the top 1%, only 400 families, is despicable while the bottom tens of millions live this way. I've known poverty, and climbed out of it by becoming educated and eventually, becoming a professor. I have lived in 4 other industrialized countries and the US is the worst when it comes to income inequality, wealth distribution, social programs and a safety net. Most Americans have no clue as to what they don't have, but could.
Will said. And yet, so many Americans still defend it (or even put poor and sick people down). How is that? Is it the distrust in government, lack of education or what?
@@Justusson It's primarily due to the myth pumped out daily that America is the greatest country on earth and if you're not making it it's your own fault.
And the USA knows they are the worst and doesn't care, they pretend to care but they really don't.
@@gmaureen exactly. Brainwashing is stroooong here. Plus the shitty chemically induced food that's pumped into us from early age. Public schools. Need I say more???
@@Justusson Most Americans are clueless compared to people in other developed countries. Americans are deprived of rights that people in other countries take for granted. Like the right to free healthcare. And the right to free college education. Their standard of living and quality of life is better than ours. Paid family leave for months at a time so that you can miss work while caring for the new baby or an older parent. Often even annual paid vacation regardless of how long you've had a job. And older folks never have to worry about housing, food, healthcare, or other basic living expenses. Denmark, Sweden, Finland, Norway, Canada, England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, Switzerland, Germany, France: ALL these countries are much easier for their people. Most have a thriving middle class while ours is shrinking as more and more people drop into poverty here. They don't have nearly as many billionaires hoarding their country's wealth -- like here in the USA. They also don't have as many people in poverty like here in the USA. Not so many homeless people as we have, either. They don't have to worry that one medical emergency will throw them into bankruptcy or homelessness. They don't have nearly as many people incarcerated in jails and penitentiaries as we have. Their governments don't waste $780 BILLION a year on bloated military budgets like ours. They don't send millions of dollars per day to Israel the way the U.S. does. Their governments don't maintain hundreds of military bases in hundreds of countries all around the world, the way ours does. The lives of ordinary people in those countries are much less stressful than the lives of ordinary Americans today, thanks to decades of low wages and lack of affordable healthcare here. In those countries, everyone pays taxes, unlike the USA where billionaires and giant corporations NEVER pay taxes.
I'm noticing how much her stress level seems to rise the more she talks and relives her experience.
I’m sure she still has PTSD.. that crap just doesn’t just up and go away!
For sure. It’s palpable.
True. People develop anxiety disorders with those experiences
Absolutely. Really common when reliving trauma. She has been through hell.
Someone should give a copy of the novel Maid to senator Sinema and Manchin or have Stephanie Land tell her story to these narcissistic, entitled senators. They seem to be so out of touch with the trial and hardships that a lot of working class people are faced with. This woman's story is a testament to the fact that if given a little help, most people want to get out of poverty and become self-sufficient.
@claudette spot on!
Completely agree !
Completely agree, but also highly doubtful that those senators would truly listen and act. They depend on the wealthy to finance their election campaigns, and whatever help they receive they probably chalk up to their innate worthiness and not simply privilege. To me, that's what makes AOC noteworthy. She's been there, and she's listened.
I believe Bobert's mother was on food stamp's. So she knows. She just doesn't care. You will never teach narcissist's empathy because that area in the brain does not function correctly. That's what makes them narcissist's.
Learned that the hard way in abusive relationships.
They are permanently brain damaged. They CAN'T be helped.
Seriously! They're brains don't work correctly; neurologically.
The only way to deal with a narcissist is the same way we deal with a cancer...!
Once one has to "go into the system" to survive ..... it's all over! Government is good at ruining lives.
This is my whole life. Our government acts as though we do not exist, this poverty is ignored, we are ignored. If we are not ignored we are ridiculed, shamed, and blamed.
true!!! they treat us like shit, system is the first abuser and kids suffering consequences, what that fuck is that single mothers cant hav child care if they has no proof of job, excuse me??? so how you can get a job when you need go alone without your kid for search job and for interviews, they drive us for a darkness place and some of us survive and probably some take out their life for all depression and darkness they feel, good thing is we are the voice, to help future moms don't pass by this shit, the government has money for build more make bridges, for invest in things that fuck our planet but cant make accessible services as child care, that is a right for CHILD!!! A RIGHT FOR A MOM!!
@@emmaadv Amen sister, all the way up! Thanks for your comment! I wanna add to my original comment that their ignorance is infuriating! Not for minute does this god awful system leave me wondering what I may have done wrong, it is SO OBVIOUS that their excuses are based on greed and inhumanity. We can’t win a rigged game. They’re assholes and THEY KNOW IT.
Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are- Benjamin Franklin.
Fabulous quote. Thank you.
Funny thing about Franklin, as much as I admire the hell out of that guy for many reasons, he still owned at least one slave. Oddly there's at least one "Founder" who did not own any slaves, but was so obnoxious he described himself as such - it was John Adams.
Everything about this interview I'm just nodding my head in agreement. Stephanie, it's a privilege to hear you speak.
The Maid on Netflix was one of the most thought provoking series. The father relationship reminded me when I divorced my emotionally abusive husband. My father sided with him. He didn’t have my back.
Lol. My father was telling that I deserve abusive husband who would beat me until I turn blue. Reason? Because all women deserve it! My ex husband was lousy, but he never beat me.
My mother sided with him and sill puts him first had Christmas with him and still believes i should have stayed for the Kids and put up and shut up
I can’t imagine how heartbreaking that must’ve felt and maybe still feels. I’m so sorry to hear that
As a society we have to stop blaming VICTIMS and survivors. Blame the abuser not the victim!!!
Hard to do when your abuser is also a victim. It's way too often a vicious cycle.
Hard to do when the victims are abusers.
"Scarcity" by Sendhil Mullainathan explains why poor people don't have the mental capacity to manage their lives.
The only difference between rich and poor is luck.
What a beautiful, bright, honest, courageous author! Thank God she made it out of abuse and poverty. It's hard to believe the richest country in the world refuses to take care of its citizens when they are struggling. Our taxes are being used for war weapons and for making the billionaires richer.
I had to press the pause a few times ...watching and listening to Stephanie sounded much like my story when I would share it.
I remember going into work one day to show my boss my bruises and told him if I didn't show up for work he would know what happened.
I did manage to get out of the situation and file an order of protection. I was a young mother and did not have a job at the time.
Found a job in food service which paid $2.13 an hour and prayed I would make at least 40 dollars in tips everyday so I could pay my rent.
I remember always running numbers through my head like her.
I bartered childcare with my neighbors...I would watch their children full time during the day and they would watch my son at night.
Eventually I ended up bringing him to work with me. He was very well behaved...maybe because he knew how important this job was for us.
I could go on and on with my similar story.
My son is grown now. I see how this is now impacting his life...both good and bad.
When I watched the way Stephanie tells her story....her words and the way she gets when she tells her story ...I feel this in my soul.
Bless you Stephanie for giving us your story and bringing out the truths of living like this.
My heart goes out to the precious others who also have a similar story.
There is a stupid meme shared across the internet "poor people should save and invest". Poor means you HAVE NO money , you're living from one meal to the next.
That’s our right wing media trying to shame the victim in society to blame the poor when it’s their agenda in the first day
Basically just rich stuck up ppl with no lives maybe if they actually met other ppl and talk to them they would know.
.
Investing, hell! Saving is a luxury.
Just save - save what?! When gas and food cost so much. When a 10 year old acr registration starts to cost even more because of emissions tests.
All these rich people who were probably never poor can do is judge the poor when in reality they should be quiet and offer them some help. I pray that they never know what it means to be hungry.
I live in Norway, but grew up in the Philippines. In both countries, people grew up looking at the US as this super advance and rich country. It's amazing how the US is now being used as a cautionary tale here. Like it's something I've encountered in the classroom and at work, and on national TV. In the Philippines, we have paid maternity leave for up to 6 months, universal low tuition public colleges, and near-universal public healthcare. The US is weird.
Norway is light years ahead of the US. Free quality healthcare, free higher education, high social safety net, paternity leave for both parents, 5 weeks paid holidays, public retirement, subsidised childcare etc. US is like a 3rd world country in comparison.
The US is owned by a few huge conglomerate corporations and doesn't care about poor ppl or minorities or the disenfranchised at all
@@jx2729 Yes, but Philippines? How come we can care for poor sick people, even if the country itself isn't rich? 6 months of paid maternity leave, the US has zero.
Do not believe all the propaganda movie u watch in Netflix. I grew up in PH with live in maids and have hired maid hourly to clean house - we pay more than $200 dollars for less than 8 hours work for our maid to clean our house (inside only). The live in maids we had in PH r more efficient and treated like family. For the $ we pay, I would hire and prefer ph help setup. I feel I am ripped off as I do the same job our maid do daily for free. This was just a temporary help setup. I am surprised they want maids to make doctor’s salary in 🇺🇸. NOBODY WOULD HIRE THEM.
@@Davao420 If the Philippines pay for healthcare, then why are people in the Philippines always asking for donations for medical procedures and caregiver assistance? I follow an organization called Maya's Hope, and frequently the parents asking for help to pay for surgeries are located in the Philippines.
So sorry for this woman and for millions of others suffering to be women over the world. 💕💕💕
My mother would walk away from me and pretend she didn’t know me when I pulled out my food stamps, so yeah, being poor is a living nightmare. Everyone including your mother looks down on you.
How terribly disappointing of your mother. I’m sorry she didn’t know how to be supportive of you at such a vulnerable time.
Sorry to hear that. There is so much shame associated with feeling/being in financial distress. Perhaps your mother was feeling an enormous amount of shame, blaming herself in those moments. I’ve had situations with my own kids that were painfully demeaning and felt like I wasn’t doing a good enough job supporting my kids if we were struggling financially.
I'm sorry and I don't look down on you. I have them too.
I'm so sorry. Pain a mother inflicts is the very worst kind.
Omg. I’m 61, my son is 38. I haven’t thought about how I struggled as a single (and poor) mother in many years. This interview is bringing it all back. I did have friends and family that sort of helped me, but I felt humiliated and my parents did their best to shame me. It is all just so hard and my heart goes out to all the single parents now struggling.
Fair play to her. Watched the series and it was raw. She had to do everything herself and didn’t have no support. Such an inspiration she is
I don't think the interviewer was eye-rolling. I think she was looking up nervously thinking about what she was about to say. That is a pretty normal facial cue to suggest "thinking." But yes if she was eye-rolling, then it was rude. I just don't think she was.
Someone call the waaaabulance. Who doesn’t have to do it all themselves ? That isn’t such a novel concept.
Most only parents otherwise known as single moms with zero support know this struggle amd it’s real no matter how hard you work or how good a job you have. I had a decent job as a manager or a sporting goods store with great benefits etc but have back problems from prior car accident a few years befor my daughter was born. Her dad left me 6 mo pregnant and then just filed all kinds of crazy court stuff constantly. I worked that full time job plus ran my own company I had prior to having her, on the side as a second job so I worked a lot because I had to, to make ends meet. Why? Primarily, because of court fees. My attorney I had to keep on retainer was $400/hr. Her dads mom paid for his so for him it was just fun to file things I had to respond to and I had to show up to court for and he rarely if ever even showed. It was all a game to him. For 11 years. He was a narcissist and a psychopath and I fought tooth and nail to protect her and childcare is a nightmare in retail for nights and weekends and in a big city where you are going job to job with traffic and also trying to get a little kid from point A to point B. It’s enough to put you to tears many a late night when you finally get to sit down for a glass of wine at 1 am before you have to be at work again at 6 am 7 days a week for years with zero help and no break. It’s brutal. All people need support and the best thing you can ever give to anyone is being on their team and just helping if they need a little help. Even just the dishes for them or a ride for their kid once in awhile or answering the phone and listening if they call and need to rant for 5, cry for 2 and laugh for 10.
Thank you for opening to doors to these conversations! Domestic violence is NOT a family matter.
"Domestic violence is NOT a family matter." My sentiments exactly. Though I have never experienced it first hand, last year during the quarantine (I manage an apt bldg) the tenant beneath me began showing signs of physical abuse. Black eye. Fat lip. Bruises. Her boyfriend was beating her. I spoke to so many people with abuse experience. Even my manager and I was encouraged to call the Domestic Abuse Hotline. Everyone was sympathetic to my distress but in the end everyone one said, "there is nothing you can do." Which of course just encouraged me to do more. I waited for the opportune time and did what I felt was appropriate and within my legal rights. The result, the abuser realized many people in the building were aware of what he was doing. The abuse stopped immediately and he moved out after a few months. In my book, the only way to stop a bully to to bully them right back.
@@sagdragon64 thank you for your comment. We need to be aware of what is going on around us and have the courage to report abuse at any time, any where - whether it’s domestic violence, sexual abuse, stalking or human trafficking. When we live our lives with our ears and eyes and hearts open - we can see more than we bargained for. You never know when you have actually saved a person’s life! My Kudos to you!!!
Domestic violence is a strange term. If a man hit an unknown woman on the street he would be jailed but if he hits his wife then its a whole different ball game. It's nuts.
She’s incredible! Lands experience is quite a universal one with women of color. The film was captivating and honest. I rooted for her liberation and awakening of self. Whenever I hear politicians declare that people need to earn the little help they’re getting from government it infuriates me, because as a tax payer I don’t mind my taxes going to programs that empower folks. Is there abuse? Certainly, but politicians are constantly abusing the system and by the time they’re caught they have already garnered so much wealth that they never lose
@maria alvarez... Brilliant, brilliant comment!
@@flok.8317 Agreed!! 👍💯💯💯
Why so much angst over helping people with taxes that need help?! That's what they're fir- helping people!
I concur sis.
Love that she appreciates the criticism that most maids are hispanic or Latino or other more marginalized women of color.
I think since her hair is naturally dark and her eyes are brown she probably did pass as Mexican when she was working as a maid. And also not being from the majority demographic it would be harder for her to argue for her rights. That she’d have a serous language barrier in the industry if she does not know Spanish.
Such a powerful story. I will never complain about my life again! Our system is really so upside down. I also think systems are set up to keep people desperate enough to do jobs most would never do for crappy wages. Incredible that you made it out.
I sobbed uncontrollably throughout this series and felt so much gratitude for the family I have. ❤️
It is why they won't fix health care. They want people to have insurance through their employer.
It’s ok to complain about your crappy life. It’s not a competition. Your experiences are valid. Even when they aren’t as extreme as the next person’s.
Stephanie brought back so many memories of my struggles with poverty, raising four sons as a single mom. I could never talk about the humiliation of asking for welfare, and accepting that I lived in poverty, in Canada. She inspires me to share my struggles as a single mom 40 years ago. It is amazing how long we hold on to pain. Time to let go:) The upside was that there was a govt. program that built homes for reduced costs for low income families. This home gave dignity to our lives and helped us to feel equal.
Misogyny is real
And don’t dare be a poor woman
The series (and book) really highlights how broken social service systems are and how much discrimination there is towards poor women (in particular) who’ve left abusive relationships. Poverty’s such a problem in this country and society doesn’t take care of people like some other countries do. It’s not okay.
Love the fetus, hate the child
Society is too busy being forced to take care of other countries people and every other project except our own
A major founding principle of this country is individualism, with its pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps mentality. There also isn’t much real understanding of and empathy towards people leaving abusive relationships, particularly when the abuse is largely emotional (and particularly when the person being abused goes back to their abuser, whatever the reason). Add in some gutted social service systems and prejudice against people who are poor, and it makes for the perfect storm. Nevermind if there are any children involved whose lives could also be improved. It also goes without saying that if she was a person of color her situation would’ve been even worse.
I'm so happy for her!!! So brave to speak about the truth of poverty and how it affects us.
Excellent interview. This taught me even more about how people blamed you, even though you were the victim. That is gut wrenching to be honest. You're so strong. I've had the same experience with health issues that are impeding my ability to work. Even after being hit by a car. I'm the one being interrogated and forced to prove my injuries. I've dealt with the same treatment from society whether it was a health issue or relationship, and it's difficult. Thank you for opening up this conversation. I'm sorry you had to go through what you went through, but I'm grateful it's opening the world's eyes to an opinion I've shared for years. Some people who aren't successful are actually doing everything they can to be. Hard work doesn't always equal financial stability or success. It's impossible to convince people how hard you're trying. This story definitely showed the world that!
She has touched so many people by sharing her story.
I haven’t watched Maids yet, but like a lot of people posting, this could be my story.
The endless stress of caring for a child while dealing with a family-court-system that continued to help revictimize me and support my abusive ex-husband, try to balance finances, and constantly being judged by not only strangers but people who you thought were friends; took its toll on my health that I am still not recovered from 20 years later.
I will be forever grateful to Adat Shalom in Westwood California for giving me free childcare so I could take a required internship for my nonprofit certificate.
I owe so much to Valerie Immel who paid for my first college classes to help me break the cycle of violence and poverty in my family.
I'm so glad she talked about how invasive just applying for SNAP is along w/other state assistance. I had stageIII colon cancer and needed insurance, after surgery n 9mos of chemo, I still have many doctor's apps. If at any time I make more than $429 a month I loose everything! I'm lucky to be alive because I'm a solo mom, I'm lucky to have a mother that let's us live with her, and I know it could be worse. I'm just glad Maid shines a light on how difficult it is to get out of poverty once your in.
My parents suffered some hardship while they brought my brother and me up, worst being foreigners. My mom had to work as a maid eventhough she had a secretarial degree. When you are an immigrant it is much worst. I'm glad this woman could put into words her experience and I hope it gets to the hearts of many.
Wow! hearing her talk bring back memories of my horriable dangerous abuse from my husband. He's dead now RIP but I'm still in therapy today and I'm 63. I left him when my son was 2 and i was 24. 😣
You will survive! Me too. Sometimes I go up to a secluded place and throw rocks and curse. Cops told me to "be a good little wife. Go home and don't give him any reason to beat you." Etc. Etc. Keep on trucking! You will get through even stronger.
I'm so sorry trying dealt with that abuse and I'm happy you got out.
💓
Forgive. That's the only way to move forward.
Not RIP, he doesn't deserve it.
Excellent interview and incredible strength. As a single mom myself who have worked 3 jobs while barely making ends meet, I remember contemplating suicide when I had a flat tire one morning. Meanwhile, my ex bought a second house and an apartment building. Looking back, what saved me was the love and support of others, faith in my Maker, and the power that came from telling myself that my situation could and would improve. I will NEVER trust that our court system will be fair and just and, as such, will counsel anyone not to do so either. No bitterness...my grown children and I look back to those lean times as some of the best. So thankful and proud of my family.
Thank you for exposing the slavery of people of all colors/ethnicity in "the land of the free and the brave".
"Before they hit you, they hit near you..." Wow. That is terrifying and insane.
and TRUE
I second that 💯 true
Such an amazing series. It exposes how hard it is to survive with little money and help. Everyone should watch it
My husband worked construction, so at times of the year he couldn’t work. We got food stamps for the winter one year. They granted the food stamps on an emergency basis because of the age of the kids. It turns out we were over the limit by $50 because we did have a cemetery plot and an old car we had been trying to sell for a couple months. I could prove I had been trying to sell the car but I still had to pay back $350 dollars. It was devastating.
I could not afford food but I had to find the money to give back.
It’s like they took food out of my kids mouths.
One time, I went to a free seminar on money management. I asked the guy what I needed to do to make ends meet. As I explained my situation, he just looked at me, shook his head and said “ you can’t. “
The reality is you can’t “budget” your way out of dire poverty.
So you’ll know, we had a cemetery plot because we had been able to buy a cheap one on installment. After my brother was killed by a drunk driver, I have had a fear of a loved one dying unexpectedly. I didn’t want to face the lose and the stress of having to make arrangements too.
It's great to hear this woman speak. When I was young I worked as a maid, and so many of her stories are right on the money. The constant struggle and stress are hard to re-live as I watch the series. Because she is white and obviously very smart, she was able to work her way out of that life. But there are many who are neither white nor particularly intelligent, who don't have the education she did in high school, who weren't able to go to college. I'm glad to see that the experience made her a compassionate person. Everyone should do this kind of work so that they can understand what it's like to be the other person - the maid, the server, the gardener, the child care worker. We'd have different laws in this country, and people would behave better towards workers in these jobs.
Exactly! My sister you hit the nail on the head and drove it through the wood and one shot!
Exactly.
This woman’s story could be my own.
All the same experiences and struggle
Congratulations on your success 🍷 you deserve it !!!
And so do you
@@afterthestorm9355 Thank you
And to you as well 🌸
So many times I thought about writing a book. Just for my own sanity. I'm glad Ms. Land did. I'll try the netflix show but I'm not sure I'll be able to handle it.
I'm watching it now. It's not for going to sleep at night. Stirs up some anger that takes at least 2 hours to calm down.
@nancy... Ditto here... Started watching it but had to stop... Too gut-wrenching. Will try to continue watching even if it's bit by bit.
It could be mine as well.
She has an incredible amount of compassion. Most people would never even think about the women of colour who would have it worse than her.
I’m glad she did because the legacy of being a maid has largely been on the shoulders of Black and Latina women and our stories are not upheld with as much sympathy and concern. She recognizes these discrepancies and tries to fill the gap how she can which is SO important.
I do know that my experience in this situation was bad, but I am also aware that black and brown women suffered 10 times more then that and for that reason my heart goes out to every woman.
@@TahtahmesDiary I'm glad she did, too. It's too rare in this world to recognize the structural and racialized nature of poverty.
So glad the stress of living close to the edge financially and its impact is brought up in this interview. Not to mention how the system fails women. Great myth-busting.
I can speak. I am familiar with this type of abuse. It was 40 some years ago. Now a voice! Thank you Stephanie Land.
This was a series wonderfully done that shows how precarious finances lead to dilemmas, like leaving a child in the care of an unreliable relative because good childcare is so extremely expensive.
Off topic, but your username is my favorite bird. I used to escape sometimes to this park outside of town, and while I was walking around in the spring I would sometimes be lucky enough to spot these bright blue birds flitting amongst trees. It was these brief moments of wonder and beauty that gave me hope despite the clutter and stress of life.
This was my story too. I was in tears listening to you. The body remembers.
I watched the series in one go ,the fact that it is based on someone's experience, makes the account so upsetting and yet inspiring, this interview has encouraged me to buy the book,it's a story that is equally relevant in Britain.
I can’t watch the series or read the book just yet because it’s too close. I escaped my abuser just a few years ago. Our children are so young. This hits way, way too close to home. Thank you for telling this story and furthering the societal conversation. This is so, so important.
I hope you’re okay ❤ sending my love and blessings to you and your children, being safe is your right xx
I hope you are safe right now
Government assistance programs need to be supported by all Americans, especially pro-life who claim to support children. It’s a life long commitment
They at least need to do their share. Assistance is not a life project but a ladder until you can do something better. I know I've been there and some of these policies are terrible. I had to drain every account for bills until I even got food stamps. Then you have people buying brand new $50,000 vehicles. That's why people are so against it. I know because I know people that play the system. I don't know how and don't want to.
Oh my word, this lady describes so much of my life! The fact that so many of us are having our story told is amazing!!! The struggles so many of us had gome through being told, but it seems like too many people are ready to criticize than be a support system. So don't expect us to be ready to trust!
I can't ever portray my gratitude to you putting this out there and with such honesty through the chaos. It hit home.
This is my story. I so understand your book. I have been writing my own, in my head. Wonderful work. Thank you. You are a warrior! This was a really important and long over-due talk. It's critical information. My son is now 22 and going to school. If nothing else, I have allowed him to have a brighter future, than myself. This is my hope for him.
I watched the series and loved it. I didn't know until now that it was based on someone's real life. I experienced poverty for a short time period and it was a shock. I couldn't get a job at a fast food place because I didn't have a phone. I ended up with a very part time job and sold plasma to pay my rent. I still have the scar. I could not even imagine having a kid to provide for during that time. I love the series even more now that I know the author.
I'm so happy for Land's success and that she has written about her experiences. More people need to understand how difficult and demoralizing it is to be poor when you're exhausting yourself trying to better your life. She hits it right on the nose when she says it's on purpose. Political strategies ensure there are poor folks desperate enough to take crap jobs and the abuse that comes with.
I watched this twice and cried both times. It helped me remember why I left my abuser 25 years ago. Rebuilding my life from nothing is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
The scene where she has to go and take care of her mom, where her mom punches a window, where all goes silent, she was traumatized. Where she steps out of the trailer and the tree is right in front of her, traps her. So much resonated in my heart, I could not believe she lived past all this.
She's right no daycare no job no home, I used clean residential and make a $90 for 8 hours after taxes and my child care cost $80. So $10 for 8hrs and plus two hours back and forth total 10 hrs. Is very hard.
I want the interview with the judge that ruled this lady less stable than the abusive dad. I want to know about his other rulings and whether they were realistic and responsible.
Believe it!
Such a great interview. Thank you. It took me 4 times to leave my abuser. All because my Dad told me I had to make it work. 😓😓
Stephanie, thank you for sharing your powerful life story, from single-mother, maid to successful writer. Hopefully, it will awaken some compassion in the multitude of cold-hearted upper caste.
I wonder why 11 people dislike this video? This is such a great interview and series that show the reality of so many women.
I did not know this was based on her true story. I actually watched part of the 1st episode yesterday but had to stop as it brought up a lot of emotion from my abusive relationship where I left to go to a women’s shelter with my 3 young children 25 years ago. Kudos for writing this book. I will give the Netflix series another go. So important to talk about and support each other in so many ways. Let’s be strong and kind together! Kindness goes a long way.
Proud of you for going to that shelter with those children so long ago..that was really brave of you..Give this show another try..It is triggering but so so worth it..I watched it with my daughter and Am glad I could show her U can get thru anything with Determination, courage and hard work. Also we had a lot of discussions during this show about Abusive partners and How Shawn being mean to her was Bullshit..
@@jennlovesbert1094 Thank you for your kind words! I was so scared and not sure what to expect, I felt so alone walking into that Woman’s Shelter with my kids. But the staff were fantastic and helped me so much. Seems like another lifetime ago. I’ve come a long ways since then, am happily married, own my own business and have helped countless people through my yoga practice.
That is great you are watching the show together with your daughter. It shows what is not appropriate, that women do not need to live in these circumstances, there is help out there and many many people do care.
Strong women raise independent children who learn to stand up for what’s right and for each other. I salute you Jenn, you are one of those strong women! As I have become one myself 😉
What a remarkable young woman! I've lost 20 years of my life and my financial future to a malignant narcissist. No one- even my own family believed me. 25 years after meeting him I finally spoke to wife number one and our stories are exactly the same. Emotional and financial abusers should face the same legal consequences as those who leave more visible marks. 20 years of living in survival mode takes a toll on the body. I have PTSD and fibromyalgia. Wife no 1 has PTSD and MS.
It does not matter what color you are. Domestic violence = assault & battery and is down played by the "unstable male" who has the power to hold any other unstable male accountable. Instead a male Judge sides with the abuser using his power to wield in a wrong abusive manner. Kudos to any single mom who writes her story in a book or screams her story all the way to Congress or the Supreme Court! Compassion, transparency, integrity and accountability for all!
FYI, It does matter what color you are. It matters what color, why size, what race, what gender, if you have disabilities, and so much more.
It DOES matter what race or color a woman is!!! White privilege works for and against a single mother seeking financial assistance. I experienced both sides as a single blonde woman with 4 racially mixed children.
It's effing amazing that one person can be the catalyst for dragging the topic of poverty into the mainstream discourse in a way that reaches and educates people. Bravo!
It just makes one crazy about the injustice of it all.
I remember being at the laundromat with my 5 year old daughter and a quarter dropped under the machines. I nearly cried. We couldn't do laundry that week. That's how tight our budget was.
Another great read on the subject is "Nickel and Dimed" by Barbara Ehrenreich.
Yes!
👉 UNIVERSAL CHILDCARE
👉 UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE
👉 UNIVERSAL HOUSING
👉 A LIVING WAGE
What in the world is universal housing?! Work
Universal birth control.
Thank you thank you for doing this. I felt so many parallels to my life. I actually did lose custody of my kids at first until my ex-husband’s true colors showed and he went to prison. He spent eight years manipulating my children against me before I actually got full custody again. At court, The judge threw out all the police report incidences of abuse us stating that “there was just a few domestic violence incidents” and minimizing it. He even had incidents from other girlfriends that he threw out. I was suffering from depression at the time and so they really jumped on that she’s crazy train. And I also clean houses. But all I can say is that I made it and it was hard as hell. I have my babies back now. And I’m thanking you so much for telling your story and putting a different perspective on what truly is abuse against women first in secret at home, and then perpetuated again in the court system. Most importantly, this is not about me, this is about the suffering my children went through as a result of all this.
The Maid is so sad but uplifting her determination is incredible go girl xxx
Just being poor is a lot more work than being “comfortable”
It's a great series - everyone should watch this show. I want to read the book soon too! Congrats on your great success and thank you for sharing your inspiring life story!
Thanks i will watch it a few moments.
It is both eye opening and very entertaining. I wish everyone would watch it, so they can understand how difficult some moms and children have it.
I’m going to watch it today!!!
I hope he’s no longer alive.
Haven't read the book but the series didn't give me any feelings of apathy for the main character. She was the cause of so much of her own heartache; poor choices in men, poor choices in community, poor choices in her response to genuine care.
If it was the story of a black woman that at any point chose to go back to the person that was allegedly abusive, would anyone sympathize with her?
The governmental hurdles that poor people have to go through are ridiculous.
and endless. I call it my folder "my proof of poverty" and have many copies cause you ALWAYS have to show proof! (between working 2 jobs, catching a bus, what have you)
I love that she recognizes her privilege and that so many more have fewer privileges. As I was watching my heart aches for her struggles and soared at her successes but even during the worst of it, she was still white, conventionally pretty (in real life too), physically well, and in possession of enough intelligence to have earned a scholarship. Imagine having mental illness, addiction, or any kind of physical handicap added into the equation. Stephanie is a hero and a miracle. One can only pray that all in poverty are able to find their own way to a miracle. Love her! What a tremendous example.
I went through this over a decade ago and I wish this cycle would stop. I almost started crying when she said, "The judge called my ex the more stable parent, because he had a home, which I had left. All of a sudden, I was the bad parent." My ex beat me and strangled me and emotional abused me. This was well documented by police and the hospital, but I still had to share custody with him and he didn't have to pay child support or help me with childcare so that i could work.
I was also strangled to the point of everything going black. Back in 78 I didn't call police. We just didn't do it. They say you marry someone like your father. 4 am during a major snow storm I came home. All my dad asked me was when are you going home. Sad, they were alike. Dad used to beat me. Makes you feel worthless. I still need to find my worth.
Listening to Stephanie Land, I can hear how present the trauma and heartache still are for her. My similar story, and hearing hers, also looms large even though it's in the past. I beg everyone to have compassion and empathy for the poor and working poor.
Thanks to PBS and Ms. Land for the insightful interview and for speaking so much truth about something so rife with prejudice and ignorance. I am so profoundly contented for her success.
Thank you for posting this, it moved me to tears!! How could anybody treat another human being so terribly just because they're fiercely trying to survive? 💔💔
Your comment about poor people not being allowed to be angry and getting angry now, is the value of you telling your story. People are realizing it's not just them, its systemic and they're reacting the way anyone in that situation would. When you unite ppl, like your story does, you strengthen them
And I have to say: she seems to be very humble and passionate. Amazing.
This series woke up something in me that I didn't even realize at the time because I was so focused on creating a a home from $0 for my unborn daughter. I had a high risk pregnancy and was bed ridden for 5 months so I didn't lose me daughter. But constantly wondering how I was going to furnish my daughter's father's home, which was in foreclosure. I looked on Craigslist everyday for free items. I'd drive myself sometimes a hour to get her crib, a sofa, her bureau, car seat, paint for the disgusting walls, clothes. All while her father spent his money on drugs and dealing with his emotional, physical abuse, and constant stocking. I'm not even close to that same woman now but feel for every woman going through it. 💕
Stephanie, what a beautiful heart you have and what a great interview with this host! I was a single mom for almost a decade after a divorce and it is the hardest job in the world. It is so frustrating how there are red tape limits to income when you are receiving and needing the assistance for child care, food stamps, housing assistance, etc. I am also a child abuse and domestic violence survivor. I see the pain in your eyes, Stephanie, and I personally know that pain. But I also see your gifts of compassion and mercy. I pray your book showers you with abundant financial blessings, gives others hope, and brings education and awareness to many. How amazing your book was made into a tv series-praise God!
The scene in the show where her father tells her she has this open invitation to come stay with him and his new-ish family was wrenching.Just a few episodes before, the father tells her that he’d love to have her but it would disrupt his wife and kids’ routine.
I thought about this every time he kept saying he would do anything for her or when he asked why she would have Maddy stay at a DV home saying she should have asked him first like huh?! She did ask him the first time and he said no 💀
@@Jessicabee9100 l
Many parts of this story resonate with me even though I am a college-educated white woman and I was so lucky to have had my education completed. I left an abusive relationship, but my teaching job left me with little money for childcare and I struggled to pay all my bills, put food on the table, pay rent, keep my car running. I made too much to qualify for any social support, because teaching doesn’t pay well, but I lived in fear of my car breaking down or not having enough at the end of the month. I taught summer school because I couldn’t afford to go without pay. I couldn’t teach night school due to childcare. I put on a smiling face at school for my students. I realize that there are so many women who are way worse off than I was. Once my son was in school full time, I left teaching (which I loved) for a higher paying job - I couldn’t have done that without my college education. There really needs to be a way to pay people a living wage and also support those who want to get an education. I think that she is 100% right when she says that our system is meant to keep people trapped in poverty - look at all the arguments over the ‘extra’ unemployment money to help during COVID - now it’s back to the old levels. Also no one wants to have unemployed and underemployed people automatically be put into Medicaid so they can get help when they or their children are sick. Something needs to change in this country; people deserve to be treated better.
As a private chef to an elite community, I have always looked out for housekeeping staff. Before I would take a job,I always insisted on providing meals for staff and let them take home food to their children.It’s so true that domestic workers are mistreated by those who could well afford to be compassionate. It’s downright illegal treatment, but many house workers sign NDA’sand their pay scale is higher than average market price.
Yes, as a cook you are celebrated and those who clean the filth of others are disdained but, at least you realize the hypocrisy.
@@chrystallee5528 good cooks have some leverage but when we are hired as staff, the employer tries to demean you as well. If you deliver quality on time, they tend to back off.
I worked for a staffing agency that staffed the elite (senators, famous actors...) the stories I heard from the maids,... the abuse, the horrible treatment ....when ever I see a mansion I always think "inside that home; some housekeeper is being treated poorly"
@@thereIsaidit123 you would think that they couldn't get away with that behavior today.
@@junepagan8715 they never report it; bc like you say; they are paid above average. Many sent their salaries to their families abroad.
She speaks for me and my life, women are taken advantaged of on all levels in our white male dominated society.
Misogyny is alive and well in the United States of America.
White male and their female counterparts.
It’s humiliating to stand in line at a food bank to feed your children, knowing the ex is rich, spending their child support on golf and travel
This touched so close to home. I was a stay at home mom and left an emotionally abusive, narcissistic husband of 9 years. He was awarded primary custody of my 3 small children (he had money and a “stable environment”). He punished my 6 year old son by making him strip to his underwear and do bear crawls in the mud while spanking him with a belt. No one would listen because there weren’t any bruises. I knewI had to do something. I started working at a cleaning company (the company charged $45/hr but I made roughly $11/hr), built up my own independent cleaning company, spent over $9k relentlessly fighting for custody for over a year, and here I am 4 years later with my children at home with me, safe, happy, and all of us are finally healing. Never give up ladies!!
It is a great series. I am almost to the end of it. It's an awesome show
I was in that same boat. My own stubbornness that I was no less than, or better than anyone else is what saw me through, but it took me twenty years to get through college.
This is a prototypical story with a happy ending. Not all stories like this end happily. They go on and on for decades with only suffering, because there’s no way out of the cycle.
I do appreciate the shown relationship between childhood trauma and adult poverty.
I’m glad the book and the series are receiving publicity.
But there are ways to break the cycle if each snd everyone of us make our little part of this world a better place. And remember to vote according to these principles. Keep your dignity and always tell the truth encourage (demand) the same from others.
But there are ways to break the cycle if each snd everyone of us make our little part of this world a better place. And remember to vote according to these principles. Keep your dignity and always tell the truth encourage (demand) the same from others. A good bottom up snd top down strategy for change!