I recently gave my tool to my friend. She still has it. I'm currently 6 weeks clean, it doesn't sound like a lot but it means a lot to me and it's better than nothing
Smart move. I'm positive you'll last forever since it was your decision and no one else's to stop harming. I quit smoking and drinking cold turkey over 20 years ago when I was ready. No one told me to. It was my decision and when people say to me that they would like to quit something I always encourage them by saying "you will when your ready and you'll know when that time comes." However self harming is much more complex that's why I am so grateful for Kristen posting this. Thank you Kristen. If anyone can offer other advice please reply to this.
+Gary Weber I can't add advice, but I can tell you that sometimes you need to go against others wishes of not telling. I knew my sister was self harming and even tho it says not to tell others, I told my mother and father about her self harming. She ended up crying in their arms, but after a few minutes she asked me to come over. She gave me a hug and said "Thank you" over and over and over again. I am happy to say that she stopped cutting after that~!
Maggie Gordon Yes, I 100% agree. In my opinion, also don't force them to explain why it was done... because sometimes, people aren't even fully sure... they just panic, and do it... and sometimes are afraid to be called an "Attention seeker".
As an ex-cutter, I would also put telling a parent/teacher on the don't list. Without their permission it's betraying their trust and may very well only make things worse... It could definitely make it seem like you don't care about their problems and are just handing them over for someone else to deal with.
Leo S someone told a teacher that i had cuts on my arm idk who and now i’m in this pit hole and now i have to go and talk to a teacher every week and im just skdkdjjd
my bf (now ex) tried to tell multiple ppl i was cutting bc he was the only one who knew... now he brings it up a lot and i just cant be friends with him anymore even tho he was my biggest confidant and i miss him...but i just cant trust him anymore 😞
Yeah I agree. I made the mistake of telling my dance teacher about my salt harm. I trusted and felt comfortable with my dance teacher. She was more like a. . . Like a mother to me. I didn’t want her to tell my mom about the self harm because I didn’t want her knowing. My mom would literally get so mad at me if she knew. Well, now I’m dance teacher is gonna tell my mom about what has happened and I’m freaking out about it. I already have enough trust issues but now they’re worse. I don’t trust that dance teacher anymore Edit: Also, my mother wouldn’t understand and legit kill me. My dance teacher thinks she’s helping me but it only makes things worse
What do you do when it's 2am, you're crying on the floor and your friends are really tired so you don't call them anymore? Watch LikeKristen and feel better :'D
somebody you don't care about //except when you aren't allowed to have your phone at night so you just sit on your floor crying at 2am and you can't turn the pages of your books because they are so tear soaked, and all you have is a blade.
trust me i know the feeling try texting your friends and if they are all asleep and your still like it. try looking out the window and take deep breaths and then pug some earphones in your phone and turn on some music it can help . also fresh air really helps and remember you are loved
Please if your friend self harms don't just run off and tell people (parent, counselor ect.) without a second thought. A good friend of mine was suffering from depression and self harm and someone told her mother about it and it made everything worse. Her mother was the reason for her behavior to begin with and she was beat by her mom afterwards. Be there for your friend in anyway you can but do not force them into telling their parents before they are ready, or before you know why they are self harming.
Thank you for saying this like you have no idea how much it means to me right now. I think it would make everything worse if I told my friends parents but all these comments made me feel guilty and like I have to tell her parents anyway but I really think thats not a good option
My friends kind of gave me an intervention about my self harming last night and they said if I didn't tell my parents they would go to the counsellor and tell them and I am really upset with them and terrified because I don't want my parents to know and I'm really pissed off because they can't make that decision for me, I should be the one who gets to decide if I want help right? I just feel a lot of pressure to tell people when I'm no ready.
+Amy Kennedy Maybe understand where they are coming from? They care about you and want you safe and maybe they don't understand how to handle the situation. I understand not being ready to tell everyone and I understand how scary it could be to talk about it. Have you told them that want to you tell them but now isn't the time or you don't feel ready and you want to be in control of your parents finding out. I think if you tell them that you are going to tell them or you are going to start recovering and at least talk to someone like a school counselor, teacher, or family friend about it that might change their minds on telling the counselor. Hope everything goes well!
Hey Kristen, I was just wondering your opinion on this: I have a history with self-harming and when I did it my friend decided not to tell my parents for a few reasons-1.) I never cut too deep 2.) I'm not suicidal 3.) the stress made me go insane for a period or time and 4.) my parents are the type that you can tell wouldn't respond well, if anyone is like this, where you know these things and they will get better with your help, should you still tell someone?
Parents dont seem to understand the important requirements for their kids. Requirements: Water Shelter Food HAPPINESS, many parents lack to give this need to their child.
Hey everyone. so if you have a friend who self harms or you self harm, you really shouldn't tell a person at your/their school. My friend somehow found out that I self harm and she told my school counseler and she told my parents and they honestly didn't take that too well. they watched me all day and had the counseler watch me while I was at school. I couldn't even be in the restroom stall on my own. it was an embaressment to have an adult treat me like a baby even though I'm 14. Honestly, just go straight to a parent or guardian of theirs and sit them down and try to be as calm as you possibly can be and tell them.
when my mother heard she said that I was doing it for attention and that I fucked up her life and that what I've done might cause her to cut off emotional connection with you... it really hurt because it came from the one person who is supposed to respect and accept you for whatever you do...
It rlly does....but my school found out and made child protective Services take me and my mom didnt want me back so she made me live with my god parents but we are close af now but I still dont live with her because I'm use to my god parents even though I lowkey dont like them
You're such a great human. I love the content you put out. Everything you said is so on point - I wish I could show this to people in my life when I was severely struggling with self harm. Thank you for this.
@@LikeKristen I've tried talking to my parents about the emotions and being depressed and anxious but they won't listen to me. They make me wanna leave. I have cut myself a few times and the urge is getting stronger. Everytime I get help my parents push my help away and I've tried to tell them but they do not care. What should I do? Please reply
I don't usually watch videos like this but I'm desperate. My friend is self harming and suicidal and I need to make sure she doesn't do anything else. If I tell their parents they won't make thing better.she won't trust me again. I want to get her better b it's rlly hard cuz she isn't cooperating. ;-;
+AGactress14 good idea. Also, Lincia, it's really nice and heartwarming that you're going out of your way to help someone to this extent. It must be stressful for you, you don't want to lose your friend but no one seems to listen =/ Counselor seems like a selfless act, really. From the week ago you wrote this, did you try anything?
my best friend self harmed and i told a teacher and my friend was so mad but she went into therapy and now she's on meds and she so much happier I'm so happy for her
No. Not good job. That was a horrible thing to do. It was not your place to do so. There a lot of other ways to help without being so ignorant and betraying someone’s trust.
So look if you told you wanna know what could happen kids could get token away from thier parents forever by CPS if you tell anyone the school might or might not get CPS involved and if they do I can guarantee that your friend would 💀 themselves so anybody reading this don’t tell let them do that because if you’re tell and this happens it won’t be good just let them tell on thier own and or give thier tool up Willingly
The clinic had my guardian take my blades, knives, my mathematical compass, everything. They also told my guardian to have the police drag me out if I cut again I'm scared I've developed insomnia and it's made my suicidal thoughts worse.I really hope I can get help through your channel I did the 130+ list of things to do other than self harm and still resorted to it afterwards. If these people ever stop pestering me I'll probably never trust anyone in person enough again to ask for help. I wrote a similar cry for help in an essay to my teacher, but I don't think she even realized everything I wrote down wasn't a story for the essay. Topic:"What people misunderstand about you." If this doesn't help, after I get a vpn I may look to see if someone or some place else can help I'm trying to hold on. I do believe in heaven, but sometimes I wonder if hell is that bad.
I do hope you found someone who understands and who was able to help you overcome your reasons for self harming. Please let us know if you get this message and how you are today? X
I remember shortly before I went into treatment I carved the word mistake into my arm while on a drinking binge, but didn't remember doing it and still don't. But, this lady grabbed my arm and asked me why I did that and and went on a rant. It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I never wanted anyone to know about it, I never wanted anyone to ask me about my SH. But now I've opened up to my friends and family and I'm in the process of getting better. There is hope guys.
A no-no when it comes to self harm that my parents did is rush the person to the ER. Sure, it gets them medical help, but it also makes them feel like the people they care about think they're a disappointment and that just makes it worse. Also, taking away our tools is the WORST thing you could do to try and help us. My parents didn't let me have scissors after they found out that I cut and I almost killed myself trying to use a knife to cut because I wasn't use to handling a knife for the purpose of cutting myself. Something that I wish people did when they find out about my cuts and scars is respect my boundaries. People who hurt themself need their boundaries respected more than anyone. I don't know about others out there, but I feel safest when I can be away from real people because I cut when I don't feel accepted or when I'm upset and most of the people that I know that hurt themself do it for the same reason. We hide our self harm so that people don't know so we don't feel bad about ourselves. +LikeKristen thank you SO much for helping spread awareness about self harm. I hope you can help a lot of people to help a lot of people like me through their recovery from self harm.
hey kristen first of all this is not how i look xD i have depression and i do cut myself and i am all alone i have gone down so fast and i feel like i am worthless i wish i could just end it without all the trouble that comes with it thank you for being such a compassionate person and i wish i could meet you one day you really make a difference and i have tons of respect for you
+Gianni Van Peer Hey, it may be a little late, but still, I want you to know that you are not worthless! There is so much you can do! I know you may not believe me now but think about all the things you can change just by going out and helping a stranger out? There is soo much you can do for others and for yourself. You are needed, you are wanted, you are worth so much.
I have known about my friend self-harming for a long time now and I do know that they get professional help for their depression and other stuff (they don't really go into detail with me) but I'm hoping so much that they are getting the help they deserve as I love them so much and I can't imagine life without them. I just tell them that they can always come to me if they need to rant or just talk. Thank-you for this video - you are doing a great job spreading such a good message xxx
4 years late but I’m glad I came across this. Today my friend started yelling in the hallways about my scars saying “SHE SAID SHE GOT IN A FIGHT WITH EDWARD SCISSOR HANDS, LOOOOKKKK” “LOOK AT WHAT HER ‘dog’ DID” “STOP CUTTING YOURSELF” and it really pissed me off. Then at the very end of lunch, my PRINCIPAL pulled me to the side and asked me what happened to my arm. I just told him that my dog scratched me. It wasn’t believable at ALL but it was the quickest answer I could come up with. Then I was taking a bath and I usually cut on my upper arm so like my shoulder and close to my shoulder, and my mom walked in while I was in the tub and I almost got caught. I almost got caught like 5 times today. Today was most likely the most stressful day today due to finals, homework, rumors at school, almost getting caught and people being mad at me for what I did. Plus to add onto that tomorrow is going to be equally stressful because I have the hardest final according to all the teachers. It’s the geography final and it’s like 80 something questions. It’s also one of the most important ones. I know I’m going to fail it and get in trouble. Idk what to do anymore.
my parents and sister did 3 of the don'ts of self harm my sister pointed out my self harm and told my parents that "she has cuts on her wrist" and for a while thay did nothing said nothing I just kept quite i continued to self harm and then my parents came up to me and said "why are you doing this to yourself" i told them why and thay said give me what your using I said "no" and my mom ripped my tool it was shards of mirrors out of my hand then I was looking for something else to self harm with I found nothing for 8 months then i found my pencil sharpener took the razor blade out of it and used that and my mom kept taking the Razer away I had more another don't (its a don't to me) is saying how could you do this to me I think that that's being selfish idk my mom has said that to me 100x and my mom kept looking at my cuts and scars for a year and giving me a lot of weird looks and saying stop doing it and walking away and and she said 42 days ago my mom said I don't care if you self harm eny more" and yesterday she said that "now I care if you self harm" I hate her for that i was clean for 41 days and i ended up slipping up
If you want to talk, I'm here~! I don't know what you're going through, but I kinda need someone to talk to as well... I feel so alone, I don't want to talk to my mom because she's stressed out, my dad comes home late and tired, I only have one friend and I am moving classes. So I'm lonely and need some one
I do really agree with you, but I have to share my experiences. A friend of mine, who is no longer a friend, found out that I self-harm, and he startet to tell people. I know that it was for my best, but it broke down all the trust. I was paranoid after that, I was scared and I was ashamed. It was something that was never ment to be noticed by him, and cause of the fact that he told people about it, without talking to me first, it ruined our friendship. I couldn't look at him, I couldn't talk to him anymore. He was like dead to me in like a few days. He lost my respect and my trust. I agree, that you have to tell someone, if you notice something like this is going on with a friend. But please, please, PLEASE talk to them first, ask them what it is about and how they feel. Ask if they have help and if someone already knows. Try find a soulution with them first, before you tell anyone. PLEASE!! It hurted me so much back then, that I had to self-harm like in the minute I found out, that he told other people, without asking me first. We are still human, we might be a danger to ourselfs but please, don't just go tell people about it, without even knowing what it's all about. Sorry for the long comment, I hope some people still read it. TALK TO THE PERSON WHO SELF-HARMS FIRST, BEFORE YOU GO TO THEIR PARENTS OR SIBLINGS OR TEACHERS. BE THERE AS A FRIEND, TRY TO ENCOURAGE THEM TO GET HELP. But please don't just tell people without them knowing, it hurts, it really does, so please, give them a chance to explain to you. (Sometimes there are good reasons, why we don't tell everybody what we do behind closed dors.) Thanks Kirsten for the video. Thank you for raising awareness!!
Somebody recently told my school counselor about my self harm, and the counselor pulled me into her office and started saying things like "how about instead of cutting you do healthy stuff like reading." It pisses me off that nobody (including people who are supposed to understand) don't understand. The worst part is I have no idea who told. I spent the whole day curled up in a ball freaking out because I felt like this whole part of me that was supposed to be secret was just suddenly stripped from me. Only four people knew about my self harm and they all say they didn't do it. They were all sworn to secrecy. It makes me sad that no matter what, one of my friends are lying. Somebody either told the counselor (all of them claimed they didn't) or one of them told somebody else, who then told the counselor.
i had the exact same problem in 7th grade. I had a fairly small group of friends and only 3 of them knew at the time. the problem is that I had a strong idea who it was, and even though I was angry and hurt I knew any of my friends would only have done it because they were genuinely scared for my safety...
My mum found out I was self-harming when I was in high school. I didnt go to school that day (bad depression). I had just woken up and gone into the kitchen to get a drink. She looked at me and said "you are self-harming." Then she started crying and yelled at me for lying to her. (I had told her that my burn scars were a rash that scarred). That was it. It been 5 years and she has never said or done anything about it.
Self-harm, as a past sufferer myself (three years clean), makes me feel so sad and so scared for the person. To hurt so bad that they’d do something like that to themselves. It literally makes me cry!
A friend of mine told a counselor and I felt incredibly betrayed from it. I do understand where they're coming from, but telling someone didn't help me, it made my anxiety worse, my self harm got worse, she did not help by telling someone. I feel like them telling someone is more for them. My "don't" is for parents. Don't threaten to send them to a friggin mental hospital if they don't shape up. My grandma did that, and wow, it did not help. I'm basically recovered now, but not because anyone helped me. I did it because no one else would have cared either way, white knights don't exist, I had to save myself. Not once have my friends helped, they all basically ditched me. I absolutely LOVE humans. Thankfully there are people like you though :) thank you for actually caring.
my tip is reward yourself right after not for self harming but you just hurt yourself so you should give yourself something to help yourself, but also every week you don’t cut reward yourself because it’s not easy to stop
(I’m here for edu purposes) but I have a little story to tell. So I have a 3 cats and I was playing with them when one of the meaner ones start scratching my arm. And I went to school and was talking with my best friend. Later on I came home, I started texting her about her Christmas present I got for her. All of a sudden she texts me “I’m telling the school”. I was honestly so confused cause I’ve known her for 8 years and I’ve never done anything bad to her.. so I told her “What do you mean?” Then she texts me “I saw your arm..” “I didn’t want to say anything about it at school but I wanted to tell you that I know” “Know what?” “That you’ve been cutting yourself.” I then told her that it was my cat. *(It was my cat)* Then she went on saying that she was gonna tell the school if I didn’t send her a pick of my wrists. So I told her I wasn’t gonna send her a picture. I told her no because honestly even know I’ve known her for long, I didn’t trust her with something she can screenshot, save, and share. And she went on saying how me not sending it was proof that I was lying to her. I then told her, “I’m not cutting myself. And for future reference please never start such a sinister topic off like that. Cause confrontation and accusation can start adrenaline. Adrenaline could have been a helping hand for someone to end their life. Please rather ask them how’s life, or come to them in real life. Cause human to human contact is better comfort then messaging. Also please don’t ever threaten to tell the school. Talk with them privately and don’t make them feel like their being interviewed or interrogated for doing something wrong.” She then went on to tell me how she was doing things right and claimed she was “helping” me. So I then told her that, if she was to threaten to tell the school on someone that was harming themselves, the person would have probably thought, “Oh, everyone’s gonna know! My parents are gonna be disappointed! Everyone’s gonna treat me like some special cause. They’re gonna take me away from my family” and they maybe would have ended their life right then and their. The last text she sent was, “I don’t believe you. On Monday I’m going to tell the school worker on you. I’m helping you” Like wtf???... and we were on Christmas break so during those 2 weeks the person being confronted could have killed them selves...
Too bad I didn't see this video sooner! Today I sat down my friend and talked to her about her self harming. Fortunately, I didn't make any of these don'ts. Thank you for this video and all others. If it wasn't for you, I probably wouldn't be so motivated and brave enough to help others and myself. I really learned a lot from you and it helped me to understand self harming.
Leafall I am so happy to hear that you had the courage to reach out and help your friend :) You are so amazing that you care enough to want to help them. There should be more people in the world like you.
This is very helpful because I've had people talk to me about their concerns for me but they did it in the wrong way and I'm worried about a friend of mine so its good to know how to do it the right way xxx
My tip is don't threaten to do it if they keep doing it. I have friends that have recovered that threaten to relapse if I do. Please don't. That puts you in danger and puts way too much pressure on your friend.
I told my mom a couple of weeks ago and she was very warm, she told me she would take me to therapy and she told me she was very happy that I told her and that I trusted her.
1 person knows i self harm ,1 person has read my 3 page suicide note,that 1 person has kept me clean for 3 weeks,and that one person did that by listening and checking up on me That person is a friend a friend i trust so find a friend you trust and tell them
Okay, so I came here because today we found my friend with her self harm wounds, and we were in gym, and I don't know if I handled the situation properly, but after gym in the locker room we (me and another friend) pulled her aside, and we asked her about them quietly in a private unused area of the locker room. We basically said that we cared about her and that it was painful to see her harm herself in that way, she see's the counselor on the regular, and that we are there for her to talk to her. I actually cried, and I hugged her the entire time. I'm not sure if this was the right thing to say, but we again told her we are there to talk to her and help her when she is ready to reach out (I'm the type of person to Burst through the door if any friend says they're in the slightest upset and I'm told that I can read people and situations weirdly well), she is getting other help, and I suggested that when she's ready to reach out and stop, or draw designs on her legs or just anything to keep her from spiraling deeper into harming herself. Did we approach the situation properly? Is there any advice I can get on what to do?
Just what i needed Kristen! my best friend has self-harming issue. I try to help her as much as I can but sometimes I get impatient and frustrated every time she does it.....i did not understand why. However, thanks to your video I get the idea of what she wants and how to talk to her. Thank you
One time my friend asked about so I showed her a photo and she said “it’s not even bad” like it doesn’t matter how deep it is or how many times they did it.It’s still self harm.
hello... i just discovered your vodeos and i think this is a very positive and you know very well to communicate to your audience. my daughter is 15 and currently recovering from self harm and anorexia nervosa. shes been to residential facilities. and yesterday she requested me to watch this video. and thank you for your tips. this is a very good channel for parents with kids that are having issues with depression and self harm and anxiety. thank you for these videos
When I told my friend, she said she think I’m lying. I don’t wanna tell anyone because I’m afraid I’ll be called an “attention seeker.” So I keep it bottled up, I really trusted her, yet she thinks I’m lying.
Thank you for these helpful tips, when I was younger I tried to help a friend and ended up doing all of the don’ts in this video, but I’m trying to do better for my other friends who need help
when people would find out, theyd just come up to me and go "show me your arms" like no? theyre mine, fuck off? and then theyd just keep goin until i did and the way theyd look at me just made me feel so awful
I am so happy to have the best friends in the world. I was angry at my friends ( i never said to them that i was angry) that they told the school counselor about me harming myself, but I am so greatful that they did. I realised that they really love me and that they want the best for me. After seeing this video i realised more that i hurted my friends and that i have to say sorry and thank them that they where there for me. Thank you also Kristen
About the taking away the tools, my friend threw away my blade, and I just got a new one. I cut too deep cause it was sharper than I was used to. For the pointing out scars and cuts, my friend has helped me notice if they're apparent and will gently, stealthily give me a small warning so I can choose to pull my sleeve down.
Kristen thank you , for another awesome video you're really getting good, I can tell you really care. you're going to make an awesome therapist or psychologist someday
I love how honest she is about it. She doesn't get offended easily, but she just says it. And I really wish someone had gone against me and told someone before now. Before it got as bad as it has. But no one did. They went with whatever I told them. And I wish someone had just gone against me earlier. (I was caught by a teacher)
People come to me online when they feel an urge or felt like they have failed when doing it so I’m trying to educate myself so I don’t make them feel worse So I appreciate this vidro
My best friend told my tutor about it and she was so shocked at my reaction because when I saw her next I wasn’t angry I hugged her because I understand she was helping me
As a former self harmed, it broke my heart when my friend told me she scraped her arms and hands with clips and stuff, yet she was in complete denial that it was self harm, what can I do to explain that it is and will get worse and she should try and talk to someone...
I wish I had some friends that knee this. I know that we are only in 8th grade and you know, not many know about this stuff in 8th grade. I've been dealing with self harm, and a few weeks ago I was on a school trip. I had accedentally cut my finger on a razer blade in the train, and my friend threw it out so I couldn't self harm. I know they just want to help, but it's haard... Kristen, your videos makes me feel so much better and so much kess alone❤❤
When I used to cut I saw that when someone told someone ya I would get mad but no councillor ever helped me I had to help myself I need my friends to encourage me to stop and show me how many amazing things there are in this world and I could see how nice the sky looked and the mountains and it helped me The only thing that helped me was myself and one friend ,I had to look at how beautiful the world is in my own eyes
I have told all my IRL friends that I'm depressed they don't care I tell my online friends they help me this was 3 years ago I am better way better because my online friends actually cared and that's why I'm now being home schooled and I'm happy if you have no one who cares don't forget that you have people online you can talk too
This is so helpful. One of my very close friends is self harming it brakes my heart. Last school year she was bubbly and happy and this year she won't talk to anyone unless she has to. It crushed me I missed her so much over the summer and she's completely different. Last year I would see burns or something like that but I didn't think much of it or maybe I'd see scratches and ill ask which I know now not to doand she said it was her cat. This year it was bad. She always wears a jacket and long pants and the sleeve went down a little when she was resting her head and I saw them. It crushed me I wanted wantedd to start crying. All I want to do is help but I didn't want to approach her the wrong way and now I do so thank you so much She doesn't know I see them so I'm just going to tell the counselor and hopefully she can get treatment. I love her so much and I only want to help her now I know how thank you so much for that I feel like if I don't help her she'll take her life and I never want that to happen thank you thank you thank you
OMG thank you so much!!!! I told a consular and I think she's getting treatment. But she's back to her true colors again!! She's talking and doesn't go.a second without smiling_!! You gave no idea.how much this means to.me. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!
My best friend self harms and we talk about her and she helps me when I feel reallyy bad and really down or upset but she doesn't know that I self harm, she doesn't know a lot anout me and my backstory and my family ect. I really want to tell her and I just want to cry and "accidentally" show my cuts so she knows but I know she'll tell the head of year who would tell my mum. I'm not ready. I want to recover by myself my mum would be distraught and I can't talk to her anymore and my dad is completely out of the picture. Any advice?
So, I've self harmed for years and stuff and I think that if you know someone that is self harming you should think things through before telling someone. For me, having my parents and teachers know only made things a lot worse. I'm not saying keep everything in if you see a friend in a lot of pain. Just be conscious about the situation their in. Things can get really tricky with self harm, I'd say to try to see where they stand first before telling someone
If you truly love your friend, youd care more about their life than your friedship. You can always patch up your relationship with them, but you cant do that if they're dead. PLEASE tell someone if your friend is self harming or suicidal. I'm speaking from experience. My best friend is self harming and I told his mom. Now hes getting the help he needs and we're still best friends. I'd ratter have him alive and hate me, than dead because I wanted to be trustworthy.
before people knew i self harm i wanted someone to tell someone bc i wanted help, i didnt want to do it any more so i think telling someone if youre concerned about someone else is a good idea
I agree with everything except one, there are situations where if someone was self-harming, don't tell. i was one of those situations. basically what happened was i self-harmed once, it was my first time it was a tiny cut on my arm literally so small. i didn't do it again. then my "friend" found out. by then i had recovered and i felt really happy and healthy. i had another friend who was in recovery too and we were each other's support. when my "friend" found out, she told the counselor, except she made it all about her. i told her that i was fine and i really was, but she said "i cant just do nothing" which was what i was asking her to do. i knew her telling would make everything worse. rumors went around the school, my mum found out, and i lost my only support. the only thing that came out of her telling was i learned not to cut in plain sight. i went from experimenting with cutting once and not liking it, to having it become an addiction. Which i know was, in the end, a choice i made, but if she had just listened to me, i highly doubt I would be in the same situation i am today. Sometimes, you really do need to listen to the person before you go and make decisions about their life for them.
I decided to tell my friends today about my self harm scars. One slapped me on my left cheek, making me feel worse. Another said she will hit where I cut if I do it again. I feel way more worse now and I want to continue. I'm starting to consider who I become friends with. They weren't saying anything that would make me feel better. They just made me feel worse..
Okay okay... I self harm. I have depression. If my friend were to tell my parents then I would never forgive them. Ever. I know it sounds stupid but I know that for me, telling my parents would not help in the long run. Because I know that what would happen is my mother would take me to my stupid doctor who diagnosed me with ADD and he would make up some more shit that it is just my ADD and put me back on to ducking Ritalin. And the years of being on Ritalin is a contributing factor to why I have depression. The mental side affects which they don't mark on the side of the box, because you can't see it and none of the idiots who subscribed the drug to me have had it themselves, are very real and they hurt a lot
Xx no problem. I know it an be very depressing to be diagnosed with ADD. Ive been titled that also with encephalopathy. I even got assigned to psychotherapy!! :( but just try to not let your mind win. Sometimes you can feel to overwhelmed to fight off bad thoughts..and sometimes they can feel so true. But just remember that some one is TRYING to help us. :( keep it in mind. Out of everything our hearts assume. Someone is TRYING to help US. ❤
+Rain Of Imagination Ouch. That rough. It is great to have people who understand which is why I love TH-cam because you can share your story with strangers who watch the same videos and talk to people. Thank you very much xxx
i've always been good at helping people and it became a dream of mine to become an adolescent psychiatrist. because i was involved in mental health very early, would also love to help children who are scared of getting help
There’s this girl at my school who used to cut. I saw so many of her dark scars, many of them being either very pale (she has darker skin, like a dark tan) or purple. I went up to her and asked, “Why do you have so many scars are your arm? Sorry if I seem rude.” She said, “I went through a hard time, but I’ve stopped hurting myself now.” Im so happy she’s getting better.
My girlfriend is self harming and I love them so much...I don't know what to do. I told her parents twice, and every time she hated me for it. They told me never to talk to them ever again- of course they forgave me because they are very forgiving but them hurting themself and wanting to die, made me really sad and I cried and even considered self-harm myself if people think it helps cope with sadness- but let's not get into that. When I heard the first thing in the video was "don't take away their blade" I almost cried. I've done that twice as well.. they had this system with a "friend" where they'd give them blades whenever they needed them, so I told them to stop because I care about her- and they did, but now I regret it..aa..I'm so sad.
One thing I have been told over and over since all my family and friends found out is, you have no reason for this but I wouldn’t have done it if there was no reason
If they're texting you and they seem like they might, don't leave them alone. If you're with them and they seem like they will then don't leave. Ask them if they're ready to give up their tools but don't force them to do anything.
When my parents found out (I had told my chorus teacher, and he had to tell them because of the law), they took away literally every sharp object in my room and the bathroom. They made me feel like my life was becoming their life. On the positive side, my friends that I told were really understanding of it, and they made sure I was okay after class, hugged me, and just made me feel like they cared,and that they weren't going to hate me.
I would add that you should try to encourage your friend to tell people for themselves. Going behind their back should be a (sometimes necessary) last resort.
My mom doesn't get why I am depressed and thinks everyone goes through a phase and doesn't want be going to therapy. It's like she honestly doesn't care
I'm so thankful I found this. The thing is I'm not very close to the person I'm worried about. I was in the changing rooms the same time as she was and I saw all the cuts on her belly, only for a split second as I could tell she was very self conscious and didn't want people to know. I don't know how I can help her but I really want to as I still care about her and want her to get better
Being blue is better then being over it maybe you can try talking to her friends about it? They know her better and might know what is best for her. It's good that you're trying to help, we need more people like that
i know this is worst telling someone achally makes it worst im not trying to be rude but this is self experience sometimes when you tell it makes them feel worst sometimes and it is scary what i suggest is you talk to them slowly so they open up and kinda talk them out of it
This video sadly actually made me want to tell people less about my depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and self harming by telling them to tell another adult. I have tried that and got rejected. I can't have a friend tell them an adult again. Actually when I did get rejected is what caused me to start self harming in the first place. If you are planing on telling someone's parent about this make sure that the person trusts them. If they have a reason for you not to tell someone please don't tell an adult unless you know that they are actively planning seriously on suicide. I know this is just me but please take this into consideration.
I'm do glad there are people who give information, my friend started cutting and she told me not to tell her mom but I'm gonna tell her. currently waiting for her mom to call me. she doesn't trust me enough anymore to tell me when she cuts because she knows I'm gonna do something about it to help here even when she doesn't want it or says she doesn't. I'm putting my every grain of sand to help her
thanks you were such a grate help i was thinking of taking away my friends tools but now i wont and i think it always helps to tell the person that you are there for them and you care and i would suggest not saying anyone other than you because they will start to question it . also if the person self harming is close to you they most certainly care about you so i would suggest turning it around and telling them how much it hurts you for you to see them like this and just try to stay close and show your care .
I remember at work my boss and my friends mom noticed my scars. I usually wore a lot of bracelets and a majority of the time I i used them to cover my cuts. And one day they were falling off while I was washing dishes and my boss was helping me with my work and pointed to my arm. "Shelby are you anxious" and shivers ran up my spine. and I just said "yeah a little" and he looked at me and said "There's nothing to be worried about, it'll be okay" and smiled then went on to his work. before i I cut i scratched really bad a points I started to bleed and I worked with my friends mom and she pointed it out after i kept hiding it with rags and she was really concerned for me bc my friend went through a dark time too so she just let me know everything's going to be all right.
My mom always said those things in the video like "you live in a perfect family/house/ school you shouldn't be hurting yourself/others" but it didn't feel like i did. Thats why work felt a little more at ease than my home and school bc they let me know its going to okay. I'm even planning on getting therapy soon
Please don't say "It hurts me to see you like this." I cut more when people tell me that
Yeah! And I feel so freakin' guilty and cut more.
Jennifer Bedard exactly!
And becuase it's not allowed i'm more likely to cut, because there is more and more stress and no method to relieve that
Jennifer Bedard I deleted that guy's mean comments and your reply
Emily Price same
PLAY THIS VIDEO AT EVERY SINGLE SCHOOL PLEASE OH MY GOD
IKR. people have to know.
That could be a good idea.
yes please
yassss
yes!!!!
I recently gave my tool to my friend. She still has it. I'm currently 6 weeks clean, it doesn't sound like a lot but it means a lot to me and it's better than nothing
how's it going? :)
stay strong
Smart move. I'm positive you'll last forever since it was your decision and no one else's to stop harming. I quit smoking and drinking cold turkey over 20 years ago when I was ready. No one told me to. It was my decision and when people say to me that they would like to quit something I always encourage them by saying "you will when your ready and you'll know when that time comes." However self harming is much more complex that's why I am so grateful for Kristen posting this. Thank you Kristen. If anyone can offer other advice please reply to this.
you are stronger than me. I had succumb to the urge just tonight. =/
I hid my scissors, but I found a piece of glass. /~\ I threw it away after
Danni Ma well done ☺️☺️
+Gary Weber I can't add advice, but I can tell you that sometimes you need to go against others wishes of not telling. I knew my sister was self harming and even tho it says not to tell others, I told my mother and father about her self harming. She ended up crying in their arms, but after a few minutes she asked me to come over. She gave me a hug and said "Thank you" over and over and over again. I am happy to say that she stopped cutting after that~!
My tip: Never ask "what happened?"
YES
Maggie Gordon THIS SO EMBARRASSING OMG YESS
Maggie Gordon thank you
I'd continue that with like what she mentioned in the video...
Don't walk away from me with a horrified expression
Maggie Gordon Yes, I 100% agree. In my opinion, also don't force them to explain why it was done... because sometimes, people aren't even fully sure... they just panic, and do it... and sometimes are afraid to be called an "Attention seeker".
As an ex-cutter, I would also put telling a parent/teacher on the don't list. Without their permission it's betraying their trust and may very well only make things worse... It could definitely make it seem like you don't care about their problems and are just handing them over for someone else to deal with.
Leo S someone told a teacher that i had cuts on my arm idk who and now i’m in this pit hole and now i have to go and talk to a teacher every week and im just skdkdjjd
my bf (now ex) tried to tell multiple ppl i was cutting bc he was the only one who knew... now he brings it up a lot and i just cant be friends with him anymore even tho he was my biggest confidant and i miss him...but i just cant trust him anymore 😞
Leo S THANK YOU I told my friend and she screamed,”SHE HURT HERSELF” out loud on the bus and she lost all my trust
And then there are parents/ teachers who don't know how to Deal with it and mess things up and make it worse
Yeah I agree. I made the mistake of telling my dance teacher about my salt harm. I trusted and felt comfortable with my dance teacher. She was more like a. . . Like a mother to me. I didn’t want her to tell my mom about the self harm because I didn’t want her knowing. My mom would literally get so mad at me if she knew. Well, now I’m dance teacher is gonna tell my mom about what has happened and I’m freaking out about it. I already have enough trust issues but now they’re worse. I don’t trust that dance teacher anymore
Edit: Also, my mother wouldn’t understand and legit kill me. My dance teacher thinks she’s helping me but it only makes things worse
What do you do when it's 2am, you're crying on the floor and your friends are really tired so you don't call them anymore?
Watch LikeKristen and feel better :'D
Go to sleep. That's what.
+Neil Gupta yeaaaaaah. sleeping isn't that easy XD
or falling asleep
ThisGirlLikesMusic-Lena If it's 2am and the lights are off, just do nothing and you'll fall asleep eventually. Unless you have insomnia.
somebody you don't care about //except when you aren't allowed to have your phone at night so you just sit on your floor crying at 2am and you can't turn the pages of your books because they are so tear soaked, and all you have is a blade.
trust me i know the feeling try texting your friends and if they are all asleep and your still like it. try looking out the window and take deep breaths and then pug some earphones in your phone and turn on some music it can help . also fresh air really helps and remember you are loved
one don't is yelling or being visibly angry at them
Please if your friend self harms don't just run off and tell people (parent, counselor ect.) without a second thought. A good friend of mine was suffering from depression and self harm and someone told her mother about it and it made everything worse. Her mother was the reason for her behavior to begin with and she was beat by her mom afterwards. Be there for your friend in anyway you can but do not force them into telling their parents before they are ready, or before you know why they are self harming.
Thank you for saying this like you have no idea how much it means to me right now. I think it would make everything worse if I told my friends parents but all these comments made me feel guilty and like I have to tell her parents anyway but I really think thats not a good option
Another thing not to do: Don't repeatedly ask "Why?".
My friends kind of gave me an intervention about my self harming last night and they said if I didn't tell my parents they would go to the counsellor and tell them and I am really upset with them and terrified because I don't want my parents to know and I'm really pissed off because they can't make that decision for me, I should be the one who gets to decide if I want help right? I just feel a lot of pressure to tell people when I'm no ready.
+Amy Kennedy Maybe understand where they are coming from? They care about you and want you safe and maybe they don't understand how to handle the situation. I understand not being ready to tell everyone and I understand how scary it could be to talk about it. Have you told them that want to you tell them but now isn't the time or you don't feel ready and you want to be in control of your parents finding out. I think if you tell them that you are going to tell them or you are going to start recovering and at least talk to someone like a school counselor, teacher, or family friend about it that might change their minds on telling the counselor. Hope everything goes well!
+LikeKristen thank you so much! I will try that x
Fucking listen to them..
Hey Kristen, I was just wondering your opinion on this: I have a history with self-harming and when I did it my friend decided not to tell my parents for a few reasons-1.) I never cut too deep 2.) I'm not suicidal 3.) the stress made me go insane for a period or time and 4.) my parents are the type that you can tell wouldn't respond well, if anyone is like this, where you know these things and they will get better with your help, should you still tell someone?
50DarkenedSharp um, fuck no
Parents dont seem to understand the important requirements for their kids.
Requirements:
Water
Shelter
Food
HAPPINESS, many parents lack to give this need to their child.
Hey everyone. so if you have a friend who self harms or you self harm, you really shouldn't tell a person at your/their school. My friend somehow found out that I self harm and she told my school counseler and she told my parents and they honestly didn't take that too well. they watched me all day and had the counseler watch me while I was at school. I couldn't even be in the restroom stall on my own. it was an embaressment to have an adult treat me like a baby even though I'm 14. Honestly, just go straight to a parent or guardian of theirs and sit them down and try to be as calm as you possibly can be and tell them.
I don't really agree with telling the parents. That can sometimes make things worse.
Raaf Jansen yea it made it worse for me when someone told my mom I self harm and am depressed
Yes...
when my mother heard she said that I was doing it for attention and that I fucked up her life and that what I've done might cause her to cut off emotional connection with you... it really hurt because it came from the one person who is supposed to respect and accept you for whatever you do...
It rlly does....but my school found out and made child protective Services take me and my mom didnt want me back so she made me live with my god parents but we are close af now but I still dont live with her because I'm use to my god parents even though I lowkey dont like them
Off topic but i LOVE ur smile and teeth
Jasperyn sAme
Jasperyn . I feel like you said that because you want to make her feel better for having a massive gap. Your complement seems kinda fake
Ellie Quinn 🤦🏽♀️
Ellie Quinn same
@@els_belss I lowkey like her gap💀gaps only look good on certain people
You're such a great human. I love the content you put out. Everything you said is so on point - I wish I could show this to people in my life when I was severely struggling with self harm. Thank you for this.
Tatijana Dani You are a great human too!
@@LikeKristen I've tried talking to my parents about the emotions and being depressed and anxious but they won't listen to me. They make me wanna leave. I have cut myself a few times and the urge is getting stronger. Everytime I get help my parents push my help away and I've tried to tell them but they do not care. What should I do? Please reply
I don't usually watch videos like this but I'm desperate. My friend is self harming and suicidal and I need to make sure she doesn't do anything else. If I tell their parents they won't make thing better.she won't trust me again. I want to get her better b it's rlly hard cuz she isn't cooperating. ;-;
+ItsLincia have you considered telling a teacher or a counselor? The school can help find your friend help through them sometimes
+LikeKristen don't get me wrong I have tried it's just the teachers they don't believe me :/
+ItsLincia try talking to a clinical counselor.
At school, like a guidance counselor.
+AGactress14 good idea. Also, Lincia, it's really nice and heartwarming that you're going out of your way to help someone to this extent. It must be stressful for you, you don't want to lose your friend but no one seems to listen =/
Counselor seems like a selfless act, really. From the week ago you wrote this, did you try anything?
my best friend self harmed and i told a teacher and my friend was so mad but she went into therapy and now she's on meds and she so much happier I'm so happy for her
Good job :)
No. Not good job. That was a horrible thing to do. It was not your place to do so. There a lot of other ways to help without being so ignorant and betraying someone’s trust.
sillyderpy907
Yes, but for other people it could only get worst...I recommend talking to them and telling them to reach out themselves...
So look if you told you wanna know what could happen kids could get token away from thier parents forever by CPS if you tell anyone the school might or might not get CPS involved and if they do I can guarantee that your friend would 💀 themselves so anybody reading this don’t tell let them do that because if you’re tell and this happens it won’t be good just let them tell on thier own and or give thier tool up Willingly
I remember burying my tool with my sister. I opened up to her about my self harm. Since then, she's been such a help in my journey to recovery.
The clinic had my guardian take my blades, knives, my mathematical compass, everything. They also told my guardian to have the police drag me out if I cut again I'm scared I've developed insomnia and it's made my suicidal thoughts worse.I really hope I can get help through your channel I did the 130+ list of things to do other than self harm and still resorted to it afterwards. If these people ever stop pestering me I'll probably never trust anyone in person enough again to ask for help. I wrote a similar cry for help in an essay to my teacher, but I don't think she even realized everything I wrote down wasn't a story for the essay. Topic:"What people misunderstand about you." If this doesn't help, after I get a vpn I may look to see if someone or some place else can help I'm trying to hold on. I do believe in heaven, but sometimes I wonder if hell is that bad.
I'm sorry to hear about it!! this must be horrible for you! I'll be praying for you and your clinic/guardian :)
I do hope you found someone who understands and who was able to help you overcome your reasons for self harming. Please let us know if you get this message and how you are today? X
I remember shortly before I went into treatment I carved the word mistake into my arm while on a drinking binge, but didn't remember doing it and still don't. But, this lady grabbed my arm and asked me why I did that and and went on a rant. It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I never wanted anyone to know about it, I never wanted anyone to ask me about my SH. But now I've opened up to my friends and family and I'm in the process of getting better. There is hope guys.
I always get this one "How are you so sad you have everything, you get everything you want and have friends!"
A no-no when it comes to self harm that my parents did is rush the person to the ER. Sure, it gets them medical help, but it also makes them feel like the people they care about think they're a disappointment and that just makes it worse. Also, taking away our tools is the WORST thing you could do to try and help us. My parents didn't let me have scissors after they found out that I cut and I almost killed myself trying to use a knife to cut because I wasn't use to handling a knife for the purpose of cutting myself. Something that I wish people did when they find out about my cuts and scars is respect my boundaries. People who hurt themself need their boundaries respected more than anyone. I don't know about others out there, but I feel safest when I can be away from real people because I cut when I don't feel accepted or when I'm upset and most of the people that I know that hurt themself do it for the same reason. We hide our self harm so that people don't know so we don't feel bad about ourselves. +LikeKristen thank you SO much for helping spread awareness about self harm. I hope you can help a lot of people to help a lot of people like me through their recovery from self harm.
hey kristen first of all this is not how i look xD
i have depression and i do cut myself and i am all alone i have gone down so fast and i feel like i am worthless i wish i could just end it without all the trouble that comes with it thank you for being such a compassionate person and i wish i could meet you one day you really make a difference and i have tons of respect for you
+Gianni Van Peer Hey, it may be a little late, but still, I want you to know that you are not worthless! There is so much you can do! I know you may not believe me now but think about all the things you can change just by going out and helping a stranger out? There is soo much you can do for others and for yourself. You are needed, you are wanted, you are worth so much.
You are loved❤️❤️
I have known about my friend self-harming for a long time now and I do know that they get professional help for their depression and other stuff (they don't really go into detail with me) but I'm hoping so much that they are getting the help they deserve as I love them so much and I can't imagine life without them. I just tell them that they can always come to me if they need to rant or just talk. Thank-you for this video - you are doing a great job spreading such a good message xxx
I wish I could just forward this too everyone in my school
Never tell anyone that it hurts you that they are harming because then they feel horrible and guilty for making them feel bad
4 years late but I’m glad I came across this. Today my friend started yelling in the hallways about my scars saying “SHE SAID SHE GOT IN A FIGHT WITH EDWARD SCISSOR HANDS, LOOOOKKKK” “LOOK AT WHAT HER ‘dog’ DID” “STOP CUTTING YOURSELF” and it really pissed me off. Then at the very end of lunch, my PRINCIPAL pulled me to the side and asked me what happened to my arm. I just told him that my dog scratched me. It wasn’t believable at ALL but it was the quickest answer I could come up with. Then I was taking a bath and I usually cut on my upper arm so like my shoulder and close to my shoulder, and my mom walked in while I was in the tub and I almost got caught. I almost got caught like 5 times today. Today was most likely the most stressful day today due to finals, homework, rumors at school, almost getting caught and people being mad at me for what I did. Plus to add onto that tomorrow is going to be equally stressful because I have the hardest final according to all the teachers. It’s the geography final and it’s like 80 something questions. It’s also one of the most important ones. I know I’m going to fail it and get in trouble. Idk what to do anymore.
my parents and sister did 3 of the don'ts of self harm my sister pointed out my self harm and told my parents that "she has cuts on her wrist" and for a while thay did nothing said nothing I just kept quite i continued to self harm and then my parents came up to me and said "why are you doing this to yourself" i told them why and thay said give me what your using I said "no" and my mom ripped my tool it was shards of mirrors out of my hand then I was looking for something else to self harm with I found nothing for 8 months then i found my pencil sharpener took the razor blade out of it and used that and my mom kept taking the Razer away I had more another don't (its a don't to me) is saying how could you do this to me I think that that's being selfish idk my mom has said that to me 100x and my mom kept looking at my cuts and scars for a year and giving me a lot of weird looks and saying stop doing it and walking away and and she said 42 days ago my mom said I don't care if you self harm eny more" and yesterday she said that "now I care if you self harm" I hate her for that i was clean for 41 days and i ended up slipping up
thanks i will try ...can we be online friends if so my gmail account is Hamiltonjaimered@gmail.com
what's your gmail account ???
i messaged you on gmail did you get it ???
If you want to talk, I'm here~! I don't know what you're going through, but I kinda need someone to talk to as well... I feel so alone, I don't want to talk to my mom because she's stressed out, my dad comes home late and tired, I only have one friend and I am moving classes. So I'm lonely and need some one
Yuki_hyde 14 do you still need someone?
I do really agree with you, but I have to share my experiences. A friend of mine, who is no longer a friend, found out that I self-harm, and he startet to tell people. I know that it was for my best, but it broke down all the trust. I was paranoid after that, I was scared and I was ashamed. It was something that was never ment to be noticed by him, and cause of the fact that he told people about it, without talking to me first, it ruined our friendship. I couldn't look at him, I couldn't talk to him anymore. He was like dead to me in like a few days. He lost my respect and my trust.
I agree, that you have to tell someone, if you notice something like this is going on with a friend. But please, please, PLEASE talk to them first, ask them what it is about and how they feel. Ask if they have help and if someone already knows. Try find a soulution with them first, before you tell anyone. PLEASE!! It hurted me so much back then, that I had to self-harm like in the minute I found out, that he told other people, without asking me first.
We are still human, we might be a danger to ourselfs but please, don't just go tell people about it, without even knowing what it's all about.
Sorry for the long comment, I hope some people still read it.
TALK TO THE PERSON WHO SELF-HARMS FIRST, BEFORE YOU GO TO THEIR PARENTS OR SIBLINGS OR TEACHERS. BE THERE AS A FRIEND, TRY TO ENCOURAGE THEM TO GET HELP.
But please don't just tell people without them knowing, it hurts, it really does, so please, give them a chance to explain to you. (Sometimes there are good reasons, why we don't tell everybody what we do behind closed dors.)
Thanks Kirsten for the video. Thank you for raising awareness!!
Somebody recently told my school counselor about my self harm, and the counselor pulled me into her office and started saying things like "how about instead of cutting you do healthy stuff like reading." It pisses me off that nobody (including people who are supposed to understand) don't understand. The worst part is I have no idea who told. I spent the whole day curled up in a ball freaking out because I felt like this whole part of me that was supposed to be secret was just suddenly stripped from me. Only four people knew about my self harm and they all say they didn't do it. They were all sworn to secrecy. It makes me sad that no matter what, one of my friends are lying. Somebody either told the counselor (all of them claimed they didn't) or one of them told somebody else, who then told the counselor.
i had the exact same problem in 7th grade. I had a fairly small group of friends and only 3 of them knew at the time. the problem is that I had a strong idea who it was, and even though I was angry and hurt I knew any of my friends would only have done it because they were genuinely scared for my safety...
My boyfriend always send a text to my mom and tell her that I need a hug or someone to talk to
My mum found out I was self-harming when I was in high school. I didnt go to school that day (bad depression). I had just woken up and gone into the kitchen to get a drink. She looked at me and said "you are self-harming." Then she started crying and yelled at me for lying to her. (I had told her that my burn scars were a rash that scarred). That was it. It been 5 years and she has never said or done anything about it.
Self-harm, as a past sufferer myself (three years clean), makes me feel so sad and so scared for the person. To hurt so bad that they’d do something like that to themselves. It literally makes me cry!
Thank you. I've heard the "don'ts" so much. Thank you. It's like an aching part of me feels accepted and okay.
A friend of mine told a counselor and I felt incredibly betrayed from it. I do understand where they're coming from, but telling someone didn't help me, it made my anxiety worse, my self harm got worse, she did not help by telling someone. I feel like them telling someone is more for them. My "don't" is for parents. Don't threaten to send them to a friggin mental hospital if they don't shape up. My grandma did that, and wow, it did not help.
I'm basically recovered now, but not because anyone helped me. I did it because no one else would have cared either way, white knights don't exist, I had to save myself. Not once have my friends helped, they all basically ditched me. I absolutely LOVE humans. Thankfully there are people like you though :) thank you for actually caring.
my tip is reward yourself right after not for self harming but you just hurt yourself so you should give yourself something to help yourself, but also every week you don’t cut reward yourself because it’s not easy to stop
(I’m here for edu purposes) but I have a little story to tell.
So I have a 3 cats and I was playing with them when one of the meaner ones start scratching my arm. And I went to school and was talking with my best friend.
Later on I came home, I started texting her about her Christmas present I got for her. All of a sudden she texts me “I’m telling the school”.
I was honestly so confused cause I’ve known her for 8 years and I’ve never done anything bad to her.. so I told her “What do you mean?”
Then she texts me “I saw your arm..”
“I didn’t want to say anything about it at school but I wanted to tell you that I know”
“Know what?”
“That you’ve been cutting yourself.”
I then told her that it was my cat. *(It was my cat)*
Then she went on saying that she was gonna tell the school if I didn’t send her a pick of my wrists.
So I told her I wasn’t gonna send her a picture. I told her no because honestly even know I’ve known her for long, I didn’t trust her with something she can screenshot, save, and share.
And she went on saying how me not sending it was proof that I was lying to her.
I then told her, “I’m not cutting myself. And for future reference please never start such a sinister topic off like that. Cause confrontation and accusation can start adrenaline. Adrenaline could have been a helping hand for someone to end their life. Please rather ask them how’s life, or come to them in real life. Cause human to human contact is better comfort then messaging. Also please don’t ever threaten to tell the school. Talk with them privately and don’t make them feel like their being interviewed or interrogated for doing something wrong.”
She then went on to tell me how she was doing things right and claimed she was “helping” me.
So I then told her that, if she was to threaten to tell the school on someone that was harming themselves, the person would have probably thought, “Oh, everyone’s gonna know! My parents are gonna be disappointed! Everyone’s gonna treat me like some special cause. They’re gonna take me away from my family” and they maybe would have ended their life right then and their.
The last text she sent was, “I don’t believe you. On Monday I’m going to tell the school worker on you. I’m helping you”
Like wtf???... and we were on Christmas break so during those 2 weeks the person being confronted could have killed them selves...
Too bad I didn't see this video sooner! Today I sat down my friend and talked to her about her self harming. Fortunately, I didn't make any of these don'ts. Thank you for this video and all others. If it wasn't for you, I probably wouldn't be so motivated and brave enough to help others and myself. I really learned a lot from you and it helped me to understand self harming.
Leafall I am so happy to hear that you had the courage to reach out and help your friend :) You are so amazing that you care enough to want to help them. There should be more people in the world like you.
This is very helpful because I've had people talk to me about their concerns for me but they did it in the wrong way and I'm worried about a friend of mine so its good to know how to do it the right way xxx
My tip is don't threaten to do it if they keep doing it. I have friends that have recovered that threaten to relapse if I do. Please don't. That puts you in danger and puts way too much pressure on your friend.
I actually consented to letting my friend tell a councillor. hesitantly, but things turned out better than I expected.
I told my mom a couple of weeks ago and she was very warm, she told me she would take me to therapy and she told me she was very happy that I told her and that I trusted her.
1 person knows i self harm ,1 person has read my 3 page suicide note,that 1 person has kept me clean for 3 weeks,and that one person did that by listening and checking up on me
That person is a friend a friend i trust so find a friend you trust and tell them
they need to show this video at EVERY school i self harm and some of these things are so pet peeves of mine
Okay, so I came here because today we found my friend with her self harm wounds, and we were in gym, and I don't know if I handled the situation properly, but after gym in the locker room we (me and another friend) pulled her aside, and we asked her about them quietly in a private unused area of the locker room. We basically said that we cared about her and that it was painful to see her harm herself in that way, she see's the counselor on the regular, and that we are there for her to talk to her. I actually cried, and I hugged her the entire time. I'm not sure if this was the right thing to say, but we again told her we are there to talk to her and help her when she is ready to reach out (I'm the type of person to Burst through the door if any friend says they're in the slightest upset and I'm told that I can read people and situations weirdly well), she is getting other help, and I suggested that when she's ready to reach out and stop, or draw designs on her legs or just anything to keep her from spiraling deeper into harming herself. Did we approach the situation properly? Is there any advice I can get on what to do?
Just what i needed Kristen! my best friend has self-harming issue. I try to help her as much as I can but sometimes I get impatient and frustrated every time she does it.....i did not understand why. However, thanks to your video I get the idea of what she wants and how to talk to her. Thank you
One time my friend asked about so I showed her a photo and she said “it’s not even bad” like it doesn’t matter how deep it is or how many times they did it.It’s still self harm.
I am a pastor of a Christian church with teens. I will include some of your very good advice in my sermon tomorrow.
I like your shirt, Kristen! And this video is wonderful. So accurate. This needs to be more widely known.
hello... i just discovered your vodeos and i think this is a very positive and you know very well to communicate to your audience. my daughter is 15 and currently recovering from self harm and anorexia nervosa. shes been to residential facilities. and yesterday she requested me to watch this video. and thank you for your tips. this is a very good channel for parents with kids that are having issues with depression and self harm and anxiety. thank you for these videos
When I told my friend, she said she think I’m lying. I don’t wanna tell anyone because I’m afraid I’ll be called an “attention seeker.” So I keep it bottled up, I really trusted her, yet she thinks I’m lying.
Thank you for these helpful tips, when I was younger I tried to help a friend and ended up doing all of the don’ts in this video, but I’m trying to do better for my other friends who need help
when people would find out, theyd just come up to me and go "show me your arms" like no? theyre mine, fuck off? and then theyd just keep goin until i did and the way theyd look at me just made me feel so awful
I am so happy to have the best friends in the world. I was angry at my friends ( i never said to them that i was angry) that they told the school counselor about me harming myself, but I am so greatful that they did.
I realised that they really love me and that they want the best for me.
After seeing this video i realised more that i hurted my friends and that i have to say sorry and thank them that they where there for me.
Thank you also Kristen
About the taking away the tools, my friend threw away my blade, and I just got a new one. I cut too deep cause it was sharper than I was used to. For the pointing out scars and cuts, my friend has helped me notice if they're apparent and will gently, stealthily give me a small warning so I can choose to pull my sleeve down.
My therapist asked me to throw away my tools, I wasn’t ready to throw them and now I feel lost without them.
wow the very first thing she said about the tools was the first thing my parents did and shes right it made things worse
Kristen thank you , for another awesome video you're really getting good, I can tell you really care. you're going to make an awesome therapist or psychologist someday
I love how honest she is about it. She doesn't get offended easily, but she just says it. And I really wish someone had gone against me and told someone before now. Before it got as bad as it has. But no one did. They went with whatever I told them. And I wish someone had just gone against me earlier. (I was caught by a teacher)
People come to me online when they feel an urge or felt like they have failed when doing it so I’m trying to educate myself so I don’t make them feel worse
So I appreciate this vidro
My best friend told my tutor about it and she was so shocked at my reaction because when I saw her next I wasn’t angry I hugged her because I understand she was helping me
As a former self harmed, it broke my heart when my friend told me she scraped her arms and hands with clips and stuff, yet she was in complete denial that it was self harm, what can I do to explain that it is and will get worse and she should try and talk to someone...
I wish I had some friends that knee this. I know that we are only in 8th grade and you know, not many know about this stuff in 8th grade. I've been dealing with self harm, and a few weeks ago I was on a school trip. I had accedentally cut my finger on a razer blade in the train, and my friend threw it out so I couldn't self harm. I know they just want to help, but it's haard... Kristen, your videos makes me feel so much better and so much kess alone❤❤
When I used to cut I saw that when someone told someone ya I would get mad but no councillor ever helped me I had to help myself I need my friends to encourage me to stop and show me how many amazing things there are in this world and I could see how nice the sky looked and the mountains and it helped me
The only thing that helped me was myself and one friend ,I had to look at how beautiful the world is in my own eyes
I have told all my IRL friends that I'm depressed they don't care I tell my online friends they help me this was 3 years ago I am better way better because my online friends actually cared and that's why I'm now being home schooled and I'm happy if you have no one who cares don't forget that you have people online you can talk too
This is so helpful. One of my very close friends is self harming it brakes my heart. Last school year she was bubbly and happy and this year she won't talk to anyone unless she has to. It crushed me I missed her so much over the summer and she's completely different. Last year I would see burns or something like that but I didn't think much of it or maybe I'd see scratches and ill ask which I know now not to doand she said it was her cat. This year it was bad. She always wears a jacket and long pants and the sleeve went down a little when she was resting her head and I saw them. It crushed me I wanted wantedd to start crying. All I want to do is help but I didn't want to approach her the wrong way and now I do so thank you so much She doesn't know I see them so I'm just going to tell the counselor and hopefully she can get treatment. I love her so much and I only want to help her now I know how thank you so much for that I feel like if I don't help her she'll take her life and I never want that to happen thank you thank you thank you
OMG thank you so much!!!! I told a consular and I think she's getting treatment. But she's back to her true colors again!! She's talking and doesn't go.a second without smiling_!! You gave no idea.how much this means to.me. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!
My best friend self harms and we talk about her and she helps me when I feel reallyy bad and really down or upset but she doesn't know that I self harm, she doesn't know a lot anout me and my backstory and my family ect. I really want to tell her and I just want to cry and "accidentally" show my cuts so she knows but I know she'll tell the head of year who would tell my mum. I'm not ready. I want to recover by myself my mum would be distraught and I can't talk to her anymore and my dad is completely out of the picture. Any advice?
So, I've self harmed for years and stuff and I think that if you know someone that is self harming you should think things through before telling someone. For me, having my parents and teachers know only made things a lot worse. I'm not saying keep everything in if you see a friend in a lot of pain. Just be conscious about the situation their in. Things can get really tricky with self harm, I'd say to try to see where they stand first before telling someone
Ding, ding ding! No one cares if you hide it. Grow up and get help to use better coping.
If you truly love your friend, youd care more about their life than your friedship. You can always patch up your relationship with them, but you cant do that if they're dead. PLEASE tell someone if your friend is self harming or suicidal. I'm speaking from experience. My best friend is self harming and I told his mom. Now hes getting the help he needs and we're still best friends. I'd ratter have him alive and hate me, than dead because I wanted to be trustworthy.
before people knew i self harm i wanted someone to tell someone bc i wanted help, i didnt want to do it any more so i think telling someone if youre concerned about someone else is a good idea
Nice video, self harm deffo needs more awareness! It is still so misunderstood!
I agree with everything except one, there are situations where if someone was self-harming, don't tell. i was one of those situations. basically what happened was i self-harmed once, it was my first time it was a tiny cut on my arm literally so small. i didn't do it again. then my "friend" found out. by then i had recovered and i felt really happy and healthy. i had another friend who was in recovery too and we were each other's support. when my "friend" found out, she told the counselor, except she made it all about her. i told her that i was fine and i really was, but she said "i cant just do nothing" which was what i was asking her to do. i knew her telling would make everything worse. rumors went around the school, my mum found out, and i lost my only support. the only thing that came out of her telling was i learned not to cut in plain sight. i went from experimenting with cutting once and not liking it, to having it become an addiction. Which i know was, in the end, a choice i made, but if she had just listened to me, i highly doubt I would be in the same situation i am today. Sometimes, you really do need to listen to the person before you go and make decisions about their life for them.
Thank you so much, this is going to help me and my friend a lot! Especially my friend! :)
I decided to tell my friends today about my self harm scars. One slapped me on my left cheek, making me feel worse. Another said she will hit where I cut if I do it again. I feel way more worse now and I want to continue. I'm starting to consider who I become friends with. They weren't saying anything that would make me feel better. They just made me feel worse..
Okay okay... I self harm. I have depression. If my friend were to tell my parents then I would never forgive them. Ever.
I know it sounds stupid but I know that for me, telling my parents would not help in the long run. Because I know that what would happen is my mother would take me to my stupid doctor who diagnosed me with ADD and he would make up some more shit that it is just my ADD and put me back on to ducking Ritalin. And the years of being on Ritalin is a contributing factor to why I have depression.
The mental side affects which they don't mark on the side of the box, because you can't see it and none of the idiots who subscribed the drug to me have had it themselves, are very real and they hurt a lot
I can totally relate.
+Rain Of Imaginations thanks xx
Xx no problem. I know it an be very depressing to be diagnosed with ADD. Ive been titled that also with encephalopathy. I even got assigned to psychotherapy!! :( but just try to not let your mind win. Sometimes you can feel to overwhelmed to fight off bad thoughts..and sometimes they can feel so true. But just remember that some one is TRYING to help us. :( keep it in mind. Out of everything our hearts assume. Someone is TRYING to help US. ❤
+Rain Of Imagination Ouch. That rough. It is great to have people who understand which is why I love TH-cam because you can share your story with strangers who watch the same videos and talk to people. Thank you very much xxx
+Stephanie France you are super welcome. and I know right? so nice texting you!
I just want to say thank you for your videos. It helps me feel like I'm not alone. You're a beautiful person.
my old friend told my old counselor and she told my mom and its been so much worse ever since
i've always been good at helping people and it became a dream of mine to become an adolescent psychiatrist. because i was involved in mental health very early, would also love to help children who are scared of getting help
There’s this girl at my school who used to cut. I saw so many of her dark scars, many of them being either very pale (she has darker skin, like a dark tan) or purple. I went up to her and asked, “Why do you have so many scars are your arm? Sorry if I seem rude.” She said, “I went through a hard time, but I’ve stopped hurting myself now.” Im so happy she’s getting better.
Thank you for this video, dear. I'm about to talk to a very young girl about this for the first time. Thank you.
My girlfriend is self harming and I love them so much...I don't know what to do. I told her parents twice, and every time she hated me for it. They told me never to talk to them ever again- of course they forgave me because they are very forgiving but them hurting themself and wanting to die, made me really sad and I cried and even considered self-harm myself if people think it helps cope with sadness- but let's not get into that. When I heard the first thing in the video was "don't take away their blade" I almost cried. I've done that twice as well.. they had this system with a "friend" where they'd give them blades whenever they needed them, so I told them to stop because I care about her- and they did, but now I regret it..aa..I'm so sad.
One thing I have been told over and over since all my family and friends found out is, you have no reason for this but I wouldn’t have done it if there was no reason
A better question is how do you gain the courage to set yourself free. That's the info a self harmer really needs.
People need to understand that this is a horrible horrible addiction, and can't be solved overnight
exactly! With treatment and a ton of self-care recovery is possible but it does take a lot of time because it is an addiction.
If they're texting you and they seem like they might, don't leave them alone. If you're with them and they seem like they will then don't leave. Ask them if they're ready to give up their tools but don't force them to do anything.
When my parents found out (I had told my chorus teacher, and he had to tell them because of the law), they took away literally every sharp object in my room and the bathroom. They made me feel like my life was becoming their life. On the positive side, my friends that I told were really understanding of it, and they made sure I was okay after class, hugged me, and just made me feel like they cared,and that they weren't going to hate me.
I would add that you should try to encourage your friend to tell people for themselves. Going behind their back should be a (sometimes necessary) last resort.
My mom doesn't get why I am depressed and thinks everyone goes through a phase and doesn't want be going to therapy. It's like she honestly doesn't care
I'm so thankful I found this. The thing is I'm not very close to the person I'm worried about. I was in the changing rooms the same time as she was and I saw all the cuts on her belly, only for a split second as I could tell she was very self conscious and didn't want people to know. I don't know how I can help her but I really want to as I still care about her and want her to get better
Being blue is better then being over it maybe you can try talking to her friends about it? They know her better and might know what is best for her. It's good that you're trying to help, we need more people like that
This is such a great video! I didn't quite like the bit about many of us SHing for attention but everyone sees it differently, I suppose.
i know this is worst telling someone achally makes it worst im not trying to be rude but this is self experience sometimes when you tell it makes them feel worst sometimes and it is scary what i suggest is you talk to them slowly so they open up and kinda talk them out of it
This video sadly actually made me want to tell people less about my depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and self harming by telling them to tell another adult. I have tried that and got rejected. I can't have a friend tell them an adult again. Actually when I did get rejected is what caused me to start self harming in the first place. If you are planing on telling someone's parent about this make sure that the person trusts them. If they have a reason for you not to tell someone please don't tell an adult unless you know that they are actively planning seriously on suicide. I know this is just me but please take this into consideration.
My friend found me with my self harm scars. She didn't tell me that if I don't stop she'll ignore me, but she don't really talk to me again.
I'm do glad there are people who give information, my friend started cutting and she told me not to tell her mom but I'm gonna tell her. currently waiting for her mom to call me. she doesn't trust me enough anymore to tell me when she cuts because she knows I'm gonna do something about it to help here even when she doesn't want it or says she doesn't. I'm putting my every grain of sand to help her
thanks you were such a grate help i was thinking of taking away my friends tools but now i wont and i think it always helps to tell the person that you are there for them and you care and i would suggest not saying anyone other than you because they will start to question it . also if the person self harming is close to you they most certainly care about you so i would suggest turning it around and telling them how much it hurts you for you to see them like this and just try to stay close and show your care .
i freakin love your channel. it helps me understand mental illness way more!
I remember at work my boss and my friends mom noticed my scars. I usually wore a lot of bracelets and a majority of the time I i used them to cover my cuts. And one day they were falling off while I was washing dishes and my boss was helping me with my work and pointed to my arm. "Shelby are you anxious" and shivers ran up my spine. and I just said "yeah a little" and he looked at me and said "There's nothing to be worried about, it'll be okay" and smiled then went on to his work. before i I cut i scratched really bad a points I started to bleed and I worked with my friends mom and she pointed it out after i kept hiding it with rags and she was really concerned for me bc my friend went through a dark time too so she just let me know everything's going to be all right.
My mom always said those things in the video like "you live in a perfect family/house/ school you shouldn't be hurting yourself/others" but it didn't feel like i did. Thats why work felt a little more at ease than my home and school bc they let me know its going to okay. I'm even planning on getting therapy soon
The second you said what your channel was about I immediately subbed
My friend said if I don’t stop selfharming then she won’t be friends with me because apparently I don’t know how it makes her feel :(
this makes me feel like im not alone