Story 1: I don't blame OP for lashing out at her mom like that. OP has been lied to for years, she still has the gall to act defensive despite ruining OP'S life and letting Hank bully and abuse OP. Stand your ground OP, don't let Hank bully you anymore.
They can't sue the truth when it comes out. Even if they try, she can always do a DNA test on Hank, and then what can he say then? Op can also get a restraining order on Hank and her mother. Also, cps was called on them, and Hank was indeed arrested for DV, which adds more on op case to seal the deal. If anything, op mother should have clean on everything and try not to be a victim as she stayed with this man and allowed her own daughter to take the beatings when she was stood up for by said daughter. Leave the family and go to her bio family, tell them everything, and disown your mother. This family isn't salvageable or saveable.
Yeah, her mom is just as much to blame here for everything. Ridiculous that OP feels guilty. She called her ungrateful? What does she have to be grateful for exactly?
So a few updates for first story: - OP is going NC with her mother, and seems it's the second time (she went NC before due to her mother don't respecting her boundaries and trying to get OP to 'reconcile' with Hank, but broke it due to the pandemic), but seems this time it's for good; - She got her own lawyer who said her parent's cease-and-desist (yeah her mother co-signed that crap, another of the reasons OP is going NC with her) and possible lawsuit are bogus, and they don't have any leg to stand on. And OP also lives in a state with pretty good sunshine laws, so if they sue all of the stuff they pulled will be in public record, so even worst for them; - She's trying to get CPS records and also the police arrest records, but she's getting into brick wall after brick wall with CPS due to how old they are, and she thinks the records probably gotten 'taken care off' since Hank has a friend who's a police officer; - She found out one of her friends have Hank's lawyer as a friend on Facebook for almost a decade, even though they never met irl, and that's probably how they got her post's screenshots (Facebook being Facebook, since even being friends with her friend, Hank's lawyer shouldn't be able to see her posts); - She also found 'interesting' that Hank's lawyer friend went to a HBCU, but Hank is a raging racist (as if there wasn't any more reasons to find him a disgusting POS), even dropping the N-word multiple times at the table during dinner.
If he want to a college with a large bIack population, I think that’s where he picked up dropping the n word in casuaI conversation. -Speaking from experience-
Story 4: Honestly, I can imagine myself having the same confusion. I end up unintentionally revealing that one of my neighbors is cheating because they're being too loud in bed, and I can't tell who exactly is on the other side of the wall. But then again, it's the cheaters fault for being so loud that it alerted someone
As somebody who grew up begging his mother to divorce his father, don't feel bad for the kid when you split parents up. I will probably never get over the damage of growing up with an addict and his enabler.
Mom was also an abuser. She was happy for the trash to abuse her child so she wasn't abused. The mom sold out her child and married someone for convenience. I am not much younger than OP's mother and there were options in the early 80's. It wasn't like the 60's. The mom is a terrible person.
Can't blame the cheater for being so loud. It was the first time having sex in years. Opening up a line of dialogue about lack of intimacy might of been a better idea.
My ex-wife cheated on me and then rubbed it in my face. Then she wanted to act shocked when I demanded paternity on the kids. She has refused paternity on all three and has refused me any contact with them, so I haven't payed a penny in child support. As per the courts, I am not obligated to pay for children that aren't mine. If she refuses to provide said proof, that's the same to the courts as an admission. It's cold and callous, and it hurts me to no end, but that woman ruined my life and stole eleven years and hundreds of thousands of dollars from me, already. I'm not letting her get away with her shit anymore.
Story 1: OP’s mom definitely picked up a few of her abuser’s tactics to use against OP to deflect all the accountability and responsibility for the damage she allowed/inflicted. I hope OP can forgive themselves for lashing out at their mom because everything they said is what she needed to hear.
Did R/ have a take on story 5 or did he just delete it again? I got to the video late and it just jumped to the next story. Hard to tell if he did have one but edited it out or didn't at all with how he's been operating lately.
@@kg5626 That's why i don't believe in marriage, i would rather be alone than with another person and being unhappy to only take advantage of them, that happaned to me and i would never do it
Story 1: when she was being beaten she let a child stand up for her, then had you take her place, even ran away so you and your brothers could be taking the CPS in hopes of being a better life. There is nothing you can say to that woman that will ever put you in the wrong, the fact that she tried to say it was for your own good mean she's even a deep state of denial or just want you to stop blaming her, probably both. You have every right to find your bio dad, also so long as you can prove he didn't abuse you, which you can wear all of the police report and CPS calls over your entire childhood, you'll be fine. He can't control you anymore and he knows it so he's looking for other way to do it, and it's not going to work he just try to use intimidation, I know it's your trauma making you afraid but he's a worthless old man now, he can't do anything.
In one of the OP replies, it will be hard with police report, cause Hank was always arrested by his best friend who was a police officer. And with CPS op said, she hit a stone wall, cause it was a long time ago.
@@d.phantomfan1216 I dunno, I didn't check all her comments. In one comments someone were advising OP to hide her fb what she wrotes to only a friends, cause Hank lawyer was watching her profile.
The poly story reminds me of how I discovered the difference between being lonely and being alone. I love hanging out with myself. I think I’m pretty cool.
Same! I am a loner. I love my own company. And when I want more company, I will go and find someone to spend time with. There's nothing like being comfortable with yourself
Last story: dude this isn't even the problem, it's not her money and it makes way more sense to pay off your debts then to add more to it. And she can kick and scream all she wants legally she has no leg to stand on.
she say its her money too, so under that logic op's debs are hers too, op should tell her that and see how she react,if she believes whatever thing op's owns is her as well then that would include the bad things
A former boss of mine divorced his first wife over something similar. She kept haranguing him to buy her a NEW house. The house they were in was old, but paid for…it just needed upgrading. After one ugly blow up, she stormed out. He got the locks changed and hired a divorce attorney. The uncle did him a favor by leaving him the money when he did. Guy dodged a bullet by seeing this about his girlfriend before he married her.
Exactly. Nope, it's his money. And the red flag is so large it's a red quilt. Dump this one, pay off the debts, and enjoy the cozy house...with somebody new.
She also sounds like she's not very bright. What he wants to do makes perfect sense. If they're in a partnership and have a future together then she should be wanting him to do what he's planning. He should never let her handle the household finances, because she's clearly not bright enough to.
“What’s worse, an abusive stepdad or a mother who lets her kid be abused?” I distinctly remember moments in my HS years where my mom would get mad at me for messing up and getting my stepdad mad. When he got mad, we both suffered. To her credit it was because she’d try to defend me but still, you do things you wouldn’t normally when you’re stuck in a marriage with an abusive POS. The stepdad is beyond worse in this case.
Right!? Like, duh it's the abuser that's worse??? I was like "what the fuck R/slash??" I'm not saying OP's mum is innocent, I'm saying that victim blaming is disgusting even if one of the victims is a parent of another victim. She likely didn't "let" OP get abused, she was in a really dangerous situation and had normal responses to a very abnormal situation.
I'd agree that the stepdad is worse, but the mom let it happen. She happily let her child stick up for her and take on the beatings from the man the mom chose to stay with. The mom let her child think the man who beat them both was the biological father, and completely lied by omission about her family. Despite who is worse the mom didn't save her children or tell her oldest the truth of her own family.
No. The mother should be protecting her daughter againsts any scum that comes near her. The mum is useless at what would be very easy for most of us and has made her choices and is a garbage person. Yes, it goes without saying that Hank is garbage too, but the mother is worse for letting that filth near her children and even worse, condoning it.
@@It-is-me...Melsie I'm not condoning the actions of OPs mother, she is somewhat to blame for not taking responsibility. However it is not her fault that she was abused and in the position she was in. She was literally a child herself when she had OP, and had 0 support, Hank no doubt groomed OPs mum and made her think she needed him. We don't know if when Hank redirected his violence to OP, that OPs mum didn't try to defend her and was told something like "ill just kill you both instead then" and OPs mum was doing the only thing logical in a victims brain at the time.
@@JMemski Somewhat to blame? I have no time for the excuses of those who fail to protect their vulnerable children. Children who have zero choices. The mother made her choices and kept making them.
Story 1: I'd contact the law office directly. There's always the chance that his letter is a fake, and they'd be *very* interested in a fake legal letter being sent in their name. Just heard a story where the in laws sent a letter from a law office demanding a paternity test. The letter was fake and the lawyer is suing the inlaws.
No, don't do that. Someone working at the firm certainly may have used the letterhead , or whatever inappropriate use could be possible, but do NOT contact the law office directly, because what you say to them *could* end up leading into them suing you without a warning. ALWAYS ALWAYS, get your own attorney to do that work talking to other attorneys of law enforcement.
@@mrthisbetterstick7776 So basically, let people walk over you instead of confirming a letter? You could only be sued by a law office by asking for a confirmation? You could simply ask "Hey, I just want to confirm if this case is directed at me". "Hey, I have recieved a letter, I just want to see if there are any settlement options". Or simply be blunt with "Hey, I've seen some fake legal letters being used as a form of a scam, so I just want to confirm that mine is or is not".
Literally had this happen. My neighbor used his copy machine to scan his lawyers letterhead and manipulated it so he could print it and it looks legit, he put a note on my neighbor's door saying that they were being SUED for neglect of an animal because they let their dog out (on a long in ground leash) to use the bathroom and she went inside for all of 5 minutes. He got in loads of trouble and his lawyer dropped him as a client.
Story 3: based on this, both of them suck. Like he sucks for cheating, duh, but she sucks for the lack of communication. Cause if they communicated then this would have been delt with long ago and either they could be monogamous or have an open relationship or just outright divorce Story 5: Good for her, honestly
Story 3: Communication is worthless without trust, and how should she have ever trusted his words again? From her perspective any kind of trust and loyalty was destroyed. She stayed for the children and financial stability, not for him! Literally, just like the girl from story 5... Neither of them loves their husband, and is simply staying in a mariage of convenience.
Cheating husband finding out about cheating wife story: what OP did wasn't right, but neither is what his wife did. You know they talked about the cheating and he apologized for doing it. There's no way she really believed he was cheating. She just stopped caring.
Would you? The OP said that love his wife a lot, if that is true why did he cheat? Is like his wife was a b*tch or bad, doesn't matter if he apologize, there isn't a "Sorry" that would be good enough, this is one of those things that if you do it once everything is over, is true what the wife is doing is bad, but her real mistake was going back to him, I believe that her friends convince her to do that.
@@Mewse1203 Really doesn't matter they didn't divorce, but this marriage is fake, cheating is most of the times wrong, she is doing to him what he did to her, the only difference is she went to the extreme.
Last story: my father told me years ago not long before I start my life on my own that a man with no debt is a free man. I'm still holding onto those words and try to focus on paying off all my student debts
Cheating: The real person claiming “rules for thee and not for me” is the wife. Doesn’t matter what her reasoning was, she didn’t communicate it. She could have asserted that since she can’t trust OP, she’ll only take him back in an open marriage. But she didn’t, so now she’s a cheater too. So either she can take the 1 conversation of grief he’s entitled too (she did the exact thing she did) and they move on, or she can admit the relationship is dead and move on separately.
@@hariet6756 that’s not karma. Karma isn’t someone wronging you the way you were wronged. Karma is dumping his ass and moving on. Because now she’s guilty of the same crime, so does he get a free pass to cheat again now? No! Cheating is wrong, end of story. If it was purely revenge, then she needs serious help. That’s self destructive behavior that doesn’t benefit anyone, and is actually denying *everyone* the chance to heal. It’s denying OP that natural just consequences of his actions, it’s denying her the time to move on with her life and find someone new, and it’s denying their children a healthy home.
The cheating story really makes me angry for a few reasons. 1. OP cheated 2. He's blind to the idea the marriage can be saved 3. The wife for sleeping with others while still married 4. The wife not filing divorce and moving on In conclusion, both of them suck and should have separated after the cheating, not sleeping around with others while the husband tried to rebuild the broken and shattered vase that was the marriage.
Cheating's cheating, it doesn't matter who did it first what matters is they both did it. The wife can't be hurt and offended by op's affair while also sleeping with other men, in fact I dare say her infidelity is worse since she's been seeing multiple men and having them come to her house where her children live. If you're going to stay in a relationship then stay in the relationship, if not then break it off with your partner
Yeah I agree and the part that weirded me out at first was the fact the wife didn’t divorce OP after he cheated. Instead she stayed with him and let the marriage “rebuild” only to be exposed for cheating herself. The OP was the asshole for the original cheating, but the wife who let the OP think that the marriage was rebuilt and going well only to find out she’s cheating is just as bad and possibly worse. (idk) seriously OP should file for divorce before she can because at this point that marriage is failing hard
@@Eagercheetah20 I think it was very clear she had no intentions of "saving" their marriage, she was just trying to get back at him and hurt him just as much as he hurt her, which it just a waste when you think of all the good she could have done with that time. In those four years she could have divorced him, figured out custody, gotten her own place, adapted to single life, and moved on. Now she's lost her high ground and is probably going to have to do all that stuff during a global recession
shit man when i heard "i thought you were still cheating and thought if you can than so can i." and OP still complaining i was sitting here like, you do realize you arent the victim you're the goddamn perp, both of them suck nuts and need to divorce yesterday, honestly both of them need alone time not another hookup
They'd probably say "for having food on your plate and a roof over your head." Never mind that being hungry and homeless tend to be less traumatizing than being abused constantly.
First story: Golden Rule: If a lawyer needs EIGHT pages to reason why someone should put down a social media post, then it's hot air. Your lawyer should have an easy job here. ^^
Polygamy isn't that either. Polygamy is "many wives" -- and "wife" implies marriage, at least informally. This is just sleeping around, plain and simple. No long-term relationships to be seen.
@@freezycastform Yes, that's what the poster really meant, and likely either didn't know the right word, or the husband was using "polyamory" to make it sound better.
LOL you believe that BS? Polyamory is just men being the same old pigs they've always been. And women, idiots, are lapping it up as if it's "empowering" to be a booty call.
Story 1: The mom was like, "Well I'm not getting beat them anymore so it's all good." Seriously fuck her. Story 2: This is just a humble brag. Story 3: As you said rslash, "Fuck around and find out." Story 4: OP did right. Story 5: OP's husband played himself so fucking hard and he doesn't even know it. Story 6: GF just trying to dig into OP's pockets. He better be careful with her.
The husband didn’t really play himself though like yeah his wife doesn’t love him but he literally gets to do whatever he wants and still has a family for show and his kids get taken care of
@@Azyro2 yes the husband gets to sleep with whoever he wants, but he is also supporting a woman who views him as a bank account. also, if he is dating women all the time he might not be spending time with the kids and is hurting his relationship with them. in fact, OP said she encourages him to be out of the house a lot, working in the office instead of at home and going on dates most nights. those kids are going to grow up without a strong relationship with their father and that is a very lonely thing. if OP dies before him or divorces him, the kids won't go see him. plus, he is young and spry now, but he won't always be so. he is getting his dates now, but when he gets older, the hot young women won't want him and the women his age will either most likely be in commit relationship or not interested in sex anyway. meaning his dating prospects are decreasing each year, meaning a time will come where he doesn't get to date anyone new. and his wife doesn't want him. things are good now, but pretty soon, the husband is going to find that he made a big mistake and he is going to regret it.
@@abiean222 sure that’s all true assuming that the husband sees the wife as anything more than a show piece or a babysitter which it seems like he doesn’t since the story never said he gets mad when the wife goes on “dates”
Eh, with Story 3 I am like, he did only cheat once, regretted it ever since, came clean(likely as soon as possible) and ever since they got back together, OP has been open with conversations to grow back the trust. Grew stronger and bonded together. Considering her reaction, it seems like she cheated at least once a month, possibly even once a week, with different people. I do agree with her idea that she probably couldnt trust him to never cheat again, and even am of the opinion that once cheated upon, you by default deserve a hallpass to sleep with someone else without needing to talk about it. To roughly the limits that your partner went, assuming you want to ofcourse. So going her lengths, especially since she agreed to getting back together, makes her a significantly bigger asshole. OP was an ass for cheating, but tried to rekindle the relationship and she agreed to give him a second chance, from OP's perspective.
A Cease and Desist has no real weight in and of itself. It's used for one of two things. 1: To warn someone to back off if you have a legitimate claim, so you both are spared the time and expense of fighting it in court. Or 2: To try and scare someone off when every lawsuit you can think of would only get thrown out. It's basically a warning shot, and nothing more. Whether or not the warning can be backed up with action is another matter.
She might be happy and that's cool, but what they were doing was not polyamory. Polyamory is a lifestyle and akin to sexual orientation. You either are polyamorous, or okay with polyamory, or you're not. Neither one is wrong but what they were doing involved no trust, love, or honesty communicated consent. The husband pushed boundaries until he got his way, the wife didn't stand up for herself which I get, it's hard. But then she also basically lied about truly being okay with it, and basically using him because she felt cheated on instead of just being honest and owning up to not wanting to live that lifestyle. She traded trust and love for comfort. Which is her choice and prerogative, but it's NOT polyamory...
Regarding the cheating story: Yes, he's in the wrong initially. But that in mind, she took him back, reconciled, and part of reconciliation is about communications..... which she just flat out didn't do. She didn't ask if he continued the affairs, she didn't give open marriage as a condition for reconciliation, she didn't do anything other than do exactly what he did, which while wrong, yes, that doesn't make her right. One time, sure, okay, maybe a single person for a few years, okay. But an ongoing parade of guys for 4 years, without so much as saying anything is just as bad, if not worse, especially when considering the risks of STDs. Should've had this discussion in family therapy. She should've just divorced him and saved the trouble.
THIS ALL OF THIS, like with that other story where the OP's wife said ok to taking him back, but had the condition that it was now an open marriage, like if she did that she'd been in the right here, but she just went wayyyy to far here, mostly cause she brings men other to the house she lives in with her kids, something happens to them kids cause of this it's on her, not OP.
Story 1: This whole story was a bloody mess. Hank was abusive to both OP's bio mother and OP, as well as a pretty bad liar, and the mom seems to have some serious resentment to OP's bio dad and is taking it out on OP when she was asked about him. I doubt Hank can really do anything, since OP isn't lying about the abuse. Hank's just an abusive coward
Well you dont get into and stay in an abusive marriage and actively hide a 'bastartd' child because you want to. What happened to OP was shit, but it clearly ran down hill.
OP's bio dad is a POS to since we can reasonable assume he knows OP exists and hasn't made even the most mild attempt to contact or support his own child. Scummy.
Hank can't do anything. Assuming this is in America, defamation is a very uphill battle, the onus is on the person who was defamed to show a number of things, but most importantly, its not defamation if its TRUE, he would have to prove in court he wasn't abusive. Good luck to him.
Story 1: some parents REALLY need to be told that they never should have become parents, and most often that needs to come from their kids. Too many grown ass adults think the sun rises and sets on the fact that they chose to bless their children with a shitty existence.
Story 1: to be fair, anyone in Ops position would lash out at they’re mother, I mean she’s just letting Hank bully and abuse Op and she has the nerve to act defensive like she didn’t know.
When my mom was married to my first stepdad and she caught him abusing me, she would join in. When she was married to my second stepdad and she caught him abusing me, she would punish me and kick me out of the house. It's been 2 decades since the second stepdad, and I'm still bitter towards my mother and both stepdads.
Story 1: Cease and desist letters are a warning letter telling you that their next step is a lawsuit if you don't stop. If you stop, the lawsuit goes away. But if they sue anyways, you can have the lawsuit thrown out. So, C&D letters do have legal weight.
they have the same legal weight as "i'm gonna tell mom" its a threat to inform a higher power if they don't stop whatever they are doing, but sometimes doing so will result in a worse outcome for you.
Story 5: I’d recommend OP get a degree or whatever she needs to stand on her own two feet, because I guarantee her husband will get tired of sleeping around and when he tried to get back in their bed, OP isn’t going to be down lol
Nah, I don't think the husband will get tired. Why would he? If OP doesn't date at all now, she's probably not interested in sex that much if at all. And that might be the reason why he wanted to open the marriage in the first place.
I was thinking that I hope she's been squirreling some money away for herself just in case he decides he's ready for "real love" with one of those women.
Getting people arrested for "it" "this" "that" and "the thing" Doesn't even say what happened to the victim, only that she didn't know she was a victim of anything? I'm confused.
AS someone who does have loving parents (they made mistakes but our situations werent exactly normal, and god knows they care, always have) i agree... Having loving parents should be the default, not the fucking best case scenario...
As a person in a poly relationship of 3 (a guy, a girl and me, 32/31/30) the couple in the story is in an open marriage and they are only married for the children, NOT polycule or polygamy. The difference is that our polycule is closed and if one of us is interested in a new romantic person, we have to discuss and agree just like a monog couple would. It's important to explain the difference because many people don't know and people assume that, since we're poly, we can just go run around with anyone which is disrespectful to my relationship. Will answer any poteltial questions, have a good day
Have any of you guys had other one time flings outside of each other while you were in this poly relationship?? I would think as long as all parties consent then it’s not cheating
Hackie, not that person obviously but I am in a similar poly relationship. Our's is also closed. It 100% depends on what the expectations for what kind of relationship you have are, but usually that is a more open relationship thing and not polyamory. It can definitely be in polyamory, but most poly relationships I know of is like actual dating and courting and getting to know someone, because you want to date them. Where as an open relationship is just wanting to be down TF. My relationship is closed like a monogamous relationship would be, so if any of the three of us went and did something out side of our trio, we would consider that cheating. And our specific relationship is hyrarchial, so there is the main couple and I am the girlfriend, where as they are married. They're relationship comes first and foremost, and if I would like something it gets discussed first through a conversation, usually an extensive conversation that covers all the bases. This works best for us, but this is not the same as every poly relationship.
That is something my partners and I would discuss, as long as everyone consents then it's not cheating. The three of us in my poly all are 30, 31 & 32 so we're close in age and discuss anything like this or ask consent to play with someone else, have additional partners, etc. Communication is key! We are open to discuss one of us having an additional partner, adding someone, playing with someone else, etc. @@HackiePuffs
Also, I never answered your exact question--yes, some of us have played with people outside our trio, usually in nonsexual or lightly sexual kink ways. Since it's consented by all of us, it's totally fine!
I usually don't comment on videos, but I wanted to thank you because I look forward to listening every single day. I never miss a video. I hang out with my dog Archie everyday at 8a and listen to RSlash. Thank you so much for what you do. You have 2 fans for life.
Story 1: OP is entitled to feel how she does after being lied to and abused her whole life. But one thing I'm interested in that she never mentioned and you didn't question is what about her brothers? Does she have any kind of relationship with them? How did they turn out, are they like Hank? edited to add: when I was a kid our next door neighbor (who lived in a single floor apartment next to our house) would occasionally have very loud passionate hugging at various times of the day. My older sister knew his girlfriend and finally asked her if she could keep it down. My sister said the GF said "that isn't me, he must have that b***h over there!". I think they broke up, lol.
3rd story: OP cheated and that’s messed up but what’s more messed up is that he took the steps to get better even going to therapy with his wife just for her to cheat with not 1 but multiple men. If you never intended on fixing the relationship why not just get a divorce tbh in this case the wife is even worse than op
@@Loveeleven10 honestly, normally i'd agree with you, but like, she says she is cheating because she thinks he is still cheating on her. if that is the case, why get back together? why go to therapy, that costs money. she doesn't trust him and yet she still lets him back? no, either she was cheating just to rub it in his face when she out found out, or she was cheating on him from the beginning.
Ive said it so many many times, but if someone pushes to open up a relationship thats already been established as monogamous, theyre either already cheating or want a get out of jail free card for cheating. Especially if theyre pushing that hard for you to change your mind
I'm in a consensual polyamorous relationship and I 100% agree. Polyamory is HARD. It takes WORK, and a LOT of communication, trust, and also just wanting that lifestyle. It's not a, "I want to fuck someone else", it's a, "I'm capable of loving more than one person and want all my partners to be happy with me".
First story : my bio mom abandoned me at 2 years old, fully adopted at 4 years old, I knew that I was adopted my whole life, I’m 30 now… I never knew my biological father ether, OP, but I didn’t have the identity trauma that you did…. If you ever need to talk, I know an AWESOME PTSD therapist!
Idk, that whole infidelity situation in story 3 was a mess. OP was an idiot for cheating in the first place, but at least he put in the work to rebuild the relationship after he realized what he did was wrong. Meanwhile his wife was lying to him the whole time that was happening. If she didn’t want to get back together with him/assumed he would cheat again anyway, why go through with getting back together and going to therapy? I’m kinda more upset with her than I am at him. I hope they finally get divorced though-toxicity abounds in that non-marriage.
EXACTLY! I mean yea, hes a terrible person, but shes just as bad the moment she led him on to think everything was normal, just to cheat on him too. He was terrible, but he was trying to fix himself which is why i can sympathize a tiny bit. An eye for an eye makes the world go blind. Two wrongs dont make a right. Etc. After this i doubt hes gonna stay on that road of being a good person. Wonder how the kids feel about all this.
@@ninjdraw8305 This isn't even an eye for an eye. This is more like her beating him to a pulp for bruising her slightly. And I wouldn't even call him a terrible person. He used to be a terrible person, but he changed and got better, while she became someone worse than what he was.
"He put in the work" or so he says. Name one story where a cheater is both honest, and doest try to make themselves out as the victim. He dont regery cheating, he regret getting caught. He was the one who begged her to stay, he the one who didnt want to get divorced. It his fault for not doing the right thing and just accepting the marrige was over.
At first, I thought the mom in the first story was just as much a victim as OP because that does happen. People in abusive relationships are often afraid to leave because the abuser's fearmongering tactics that make them feel like they're stuck there. I believe this was the case with Judith Barsi (the original voice of Ducky on the first Land Before Time movie). When her mother finally built up the courage to leave, her father killed them and himself.
OP in the first story is a fuckin G. She stood up to her abusive dad (meanwhile her cowardly mother let her volunteer as punching bag) and grinded until she could say she was independent.
Yes the guy is in the wrong for cheating, but the wife is either stupid or thought she could have her cake and eat it too. "Oh.. but I just figured you were still cheating.." Then why are you with him? You're an idiot. "Well if you're going to cheat, I'm going to cheat too", you have children together! You're an idiot. Again, the guy was in the wrong for cheating but WTF is the wife doing? She's turning into a psychopath
Yeah I know he fucked up but if he wanted it to work after he cheated on her he should have talked to her about things when she moved back it and told her that her that he won’t cheat again and if their going to continue then they needed to agree that they would be 100% faithful to each other. Instead he just decided to ignore it and think everything would go back to normal while she figured that they where in an open marriage. I’m not defending this guy but if he wanted things to go back to relative normal they needed to talk and be honest and get therapy. Now he’s in the exact situation he put her in, I don’t blame her for assuming the marriage was open after he cheated, she figured well if he’s cheating then I might as well too.
@@superphantom100You missed where Rslash read that op and his wife DID go to therapy. That wife didn't take any of it seriously though. SHE needs to go to therapy and get a conscience. Because she literally took op back in that story just to get back at him, which is the most toxic thing anyone could do!
@@aurorarowley7310 oh wow that even more fucked up. It seems like he was trying, and if she couldn’t do it she needed to ask for a divorce, rather then him try to do better and make things work, he cheated ok well don’t take him back then give him a fat “no you cheated this isn’t going to work because I can’t trust you” done I’m sure if she did that OP might have been upset but I’m sure he would understand considering it was his fault. Instead she takes him back and doesn’t take therapy seriously even though it seems that he was trying to make things work.
@@superphantom100 yea that's crazy that the wife did that after all that therapy and talks about having a relationship again. I can understand her wanting to get revenge on him for cheating, but to act like they didn't just try to save the relationship is cruel. The cheating husband deserves it tho for cheating in the first place. Something tells me that their relationship wasn't as perfect in the start anyway. Anyone who would cheat a relationship like that probably didn't value the relationship much to begin with
That second story, thank you OP. You're doing an amazing service And to all the "I cheated on my partner to but I love them SOOOOOOO much" just shut the hell up. If you actually loved them you wouldn't have f*cking cheated on them. Stop playing the victim for f*cks sake
Yeah, rSlash asks why OP's on Reddit about this, and it's like... Because OP needs Reddit to kick his butt into making the right decision. Like, we've all been there-we KNOW we're right, we KNOW what to do, but someone's hissing in our ear making us doubt ourselves. So we need outside help to confirm what we need to do. Reddit can suck sometimes, but other times it's THE place to go to get your butt kicked in the right direction.
Story 5: That's not a polyamorous relationship at all- that's an open marriage. What makes it not polyamorous is OP doesn't know the women her husband is with. He could be with anyone. Polyamory requires knowledge and consent of all parties involved, meaning OP would have to have, at the very least, met with the other women, and maybe become friends with them. But, by the sounds of it, she hasn't and doesn't know who her husband is with. On top of that, what if OP's husband is lying to all these women about being married? That definitely doubles-down on the marriage not being polyamorous in the slightest, and (IMO) is a big red flag. I'm glad OP is okay with her life. I just wanted to clear up the confusion of terms.
In the last story: If they do split, depending on the state,most likely the girlfriend will get the the entire house and alimony. It pretty suspect that she's pushing do hard. Do not put her name on any houses. Inheritance money will always stay with OP, even if it stays as cash. Once it's used to purchase any joint assets it now becomes joint property and OP only has a fifty percent voice in that asset.
I don't know how pissed I would be if I was the OP in that first story. Not only did she hide OP's biological father, most likely because she didn't know who it was, but on top of that she allowed the man she married after that to abuse her children. This is something worth cutting contact over. If I was OP, I would also tell his siblings just in case there are more lies with their biology, if she cheated on her high school boyfriend she likely also cheated on her abusive husband.
Story one: I know people are mad at Rslash for his comment about the mom but he's right. She IS just as bad as Hank, especially considering the updates and the fact that she helped Hank get away from CPS. Op got put in that position because she was a child wanting to protect her mom and the mom practically threw her to the wolves to save her own case. Like, come on. The mom is STILL with him and literally told Op "you were an ungrateful and difficult child" to defend their abusive step dad. The mom was a victim too but let's not sit here and act like she didn't become an enabler at best, an abuser at worse. Both are equally as bad though. Hank is still trash for what he did to both of them and Op. I hope Op actually charge them for something for goes completely NC with her mom because at this point, the mom is a toxin in her life that she needs to cut loose.
Story 4: This reminds me of when I accidentally through my friend under the bus at work. There was a day when our manager was trying to call us in she called me and I was busy she called my best friend he told her he was in the mountains with his family when he was actually at a concert. He never told me that he told our manager about being in the mountains I knew he was at a concert (this is important). The next day I was at work and my manager asked about like “I tried to call you guys but you were busy…” and I said “yea and Steve was at a concert” she goes “he was where?!?” I look at her and go “ohhhh shit” she leaves while taking her phone out of her pocket. I text my best friend immediately like “yo bro Z is gonna call you and she is mad af”. In all honestly he should have thought that she’d talk with us about it and he should have had his story covered.
4th story: It's not your fault op you didn't know that the husband was cheating on his wife until she told you both her and her husband haven't done it for years until you told her. At least the hotels walls are thin or else op wouldn't be able to tell the wife that her own husband is cheating on her while they are in vacation.
Story 1: This is almost exactly what happened to my Dad, and he ended up physically and emotionally abusing my biological siblings and I. We have, for the most part distanced ourselves from my grandmother because of it, though she was always a pushover, especially after the drug abuse/sabotaging by M. My father's/grandma's abuser.
She may enjoy the perks of the open relationship now, but when he comes home and kicks her out because he's found "the love of his life," she won't be ready.
They're married, and presumably without any prenup (since it wasn't mentioned). So she'd still get a major payout, plus primary custody as she can prove he's been cheating while he, presumably, has no proof that SHE's been cheating. She's got all the cards in this situation.
@@slimej2202 What? Her admitting to cheating with multiple partners and lying during the long fix-it phase means nothing and has no documentation? How do you figure that?
Theres clearly a great income disparity between them, probably a significant education gap between them too. Its cheaper for him to keep her too. He'd most likely be on the hook for child support and alimony.
As someone who's just spent the last 2 weeks passing fragments of a staghorn kidney stone, I approve of this message - DRINK WATER. Possibly with cranberry juice/capsules/tablets/Ural supplementing said water.
Story 3: Please don't take me as me defending OP. Cheating is a horrible thing to do. While OP did regret it and tried to build that relation back, his partner decided to stoop down to his level multiple times (since apparently she cheated with multiple people). Think of the message this is sending to their children. that "it's okay to cheat if your partner cheats". I feel so bad for the kids I hope they never take after their parents, both of them suck.
And who was the one who begged her to stay??? If he really loved his wife like he claims, he would not of cheated. Also, never believe anything a cheater says. They are the last people who word you should take as gospal. OP has no right to complain or play victim. Beside, why should the wife stay loyal to him, when couldnt? She was doing him a favor by staying.
Last story: even if they have joint finances, they would still both profit off of OP paying off his debt and then using the 70 percent less that goes to his bills and saving it up and then buying the house if they both want to. Especially since basically all debts have huge interests.
Yep. Whatever he's paying towards those debts is all free and clear now. His most expensive yearly payments would be his homeowner's insurance and property taxes, which are typically a trifling amount compared to a monthly mortgage (and student debt and car payments). If they decide to move, whatever he makes on the house will go directly into the next one. There's no logical reason to do anything but pay off debt with that money.
@@tully6648 Yeah. I'm in a similar boat, although with way smaller debts and no personal home yet. My brother was an angel and paid off my credit card debt as a gift (I didn't ask him but he heard about it and as he's well off and had similar debts in his past he didn't want me to suffer like he did). I'm saving up that money now and my relationship's rocky rn but if we do stay together then my plan to pay off my fiance's smaller debt with it, then we can budget the money from that as well and pay off his bigger debt and then use the money we would have otherwise paid for the three debts and save it up for a down payment for a home.
Third story while OP screwed around and found out, quite literally in this case, it shouldn't have been used as an excuse by his ex to sink to his level. Not saying OP doesn't deserve a nice dose of karma, but she went pretty far with it. They have two kids to raise and they need to be better people for their sake at least. Edit: I can't believe I have to add this but cheating is never okay. Cheating in revenge is even less okay. No one said anything about forgiving OP either and he's a piece of shit. His wife is just as much a piece of shit because instead of dozens of other options, including leaving, she chose the one option sank to his level.
Obviously we can only assume, but if op is actually being honest and hasn't cheated since they got back together, op isn't the problem anymore. The wife is, and she's got major problems to figure out about herself because she's literally turned herself into a worker just because of one mistake her husband made. Which is far more toxic than op was. Op needs individual therapy, but that wife needs to get a conscience back.
@@aurorarowley7310 tough I agree she should just have left him, and that the best revenge is to forget and live your best life… let me tell you that cheating is not just “one mistake”. I love how this is forgivable for the man, but the woman needs to think about her child and she’s being toxic. Come on now! “She took it too far”, says who? And who says the husband was telling the truth?! People usually put in Reddit what will make them look better.
@kiarar.1219 I feel like there's a massive difference between cheating one time and feeling horrible afterwards and sleeping around with multiple people and thinking it's ok. What if she caught something from one of them? What if their kids saw her with one of her hookups? This isn't a man vs woman thing it's a slept around once and felt horrible vs sleeping around a lot and doesn't care.
@@kiarar.1219don’t even PRETEND this is a sexism thing. He cheated. She cheated after condemning cheating, AND refused to take the same condemnation she herself gave to a cheater. But the real reason she’s the toxic one here is because she gave false forgiveness. She looked someone in the eyes and said “I’m willing to move past what you’ve done and rebuild our relationship” while meaning NONE of that. She deliberately misled someone into attempting to rebuild a relationship she was actively sabotaging. That’s not only toxic, it’s self destructive. The 4 years she spent stringing along the marriage could have been spent getting divorced, practicing co-parenting, getting used to the single life again, finding someone new, aka: *healing and growing.* Now she’s gonna have to do all that during a global recession.
2nd story. HE cheated, then he had the nerve to have a go at her! HE was in the wrong, for cheating. He took no responsibility for his actions, offered no apology, did nothing even to try to make amends, then he gets all high and mighty when she gave him a taste of his own medicine.
Yes the guy is in the wrong for cheating, but the wife is either stupid or thought she could have her cake and eat it too. "Oh.. but I just figured you were still cheating.." Then why are you with him? You're an idiot. "Well if you're going to cheat, I'm going to cheat too", you have children together! You're an idiot. Again, the guy was in the wrong for cheating but WTF is the wife doing? She's turning into a psychopath
@@ixnatallietheidiotxi8710Who cheat frist? This isn't a thing here you can "I'm sorry" and everything is fine, he cheat once so it means that cheating is fine, just cheat once is more that enough, cheating is only bad when he is at the receive end of it, the wife go back to him because of the kids, the love that she ever had for him was gone after he cheat and he also lying when said that he love his wife, if that was true he wouldn't need to cheat.
Last story : It is YOUR money. She's just a GF, not a wife. It's not hers. And even if you were married, IT'S STILL YOUR MONEY. An inheritance is sole property of the person it was ended to, even in a marriage, even in the event of a divorce. Pay off your debt. Even as a down payment, no bank will loan anything to someone who already had $45k in debt, for which 70% of his expenses goes toward that. You will then be able to save that 70% toward another house if you want or toward upgrading your existing one. That GF can work if she wants a downpayment, no free handout.
Story 5: I gotta applaud OP. She's not taking any real advantage of it. She let her husband dig the hole. She's just...living her comfiest life now that hubby decided he wanted to go have his fun. And if he's happy, what's there to change if she's comfortable and happy? She can move on when she wants because of that very same agreement. Full, absolute, honest-to-god kudos ma'am. I raise my pepsi to you.
What are you talking about? The story is literally about her taking the advantages of the situation, instead of complaining about it! But she couldn't just walk off with that life style, becuase her husband is literally financing her date nights/girls nights and taking of their children in that time.
Story 3: Tough luck OP. You opened your relationship by cheating and you should be glad that your wife apparently loves you enough to stay together with you. You simply cannot expect your wife to close it again, that boat sailed the moment you dropped your pants. I mean, you claim that you no longer sleep around, but why should your wife even believe anything a cheater says? She accepted that your relationship is open now and warmed up to the new reality, so get used to it or f*** off; you have no longer any right to expect her to stay faithful to you.
Yes the guy is in the wrong for cheating, but the wife is either stupid or thought she could have her cake and eat it too. "Oh.. but I just figured you were still cheating.." Then why are you with him? You're an idiot. "Well if you're going to cheat, I'm going to cheat too", you have children together! You're an idiot. Again, the guy was in the wrong for cheating but WTF is the wife doing? She's turning into a psychopath
Well They went to counseling and therapy and she pretended everything was fine so of course OP expected to go back to their previous relationship. She’s just as much of a scummy cheater as he is
So you fight fire with fire by sleeping with randos in your matrimonial bed? Wtf kind of dumb logic is that? They're both dumb and they both deserve what they get.
@@CompleteBoredom733 She's actually worse. He did it once, regrets it, and has made moves to fix it. However, she lied about fixing it, just assumed he was still doing it for some unknown reason, and is intentionally cheating (with multiple people) despite the fixing and the conversations and whatnot. He made a scummy mistake, but she's making even scummier decisions here. There is no way you honestly see them on an equal plane.
@@Richard_Nickersonexactly. She should have been straight up and ended things instead of lying her way through couple's therapy. What she did was vindictive and spiteful, and was meant solely to shame and emasculate him. She's a manipulative piece of crap.
Story 3: The number of people in these comments failing to see how the wife's behavior is objectively worse than OP's is baffling. Just because he's a man and she's a woman for many, just because he did it first for many others. Everyone ignoring that he actually regrets it and has done what he can to fix and move past it. Meanwhile, the woman lied about fixing it, lied about accepting his apology, assumed the worst of him for no actual reason, and is intentionally cheating with multiple people, laughing in his face, etc. If you see OP as worse, or even that these 2 people are on equal footing, then you're unhinged yourself.
@@RandomTrinidadian No. If the guy says "I made a mistake, I want to make it up" then she has a choice, either accept he made a mistake and forgive him, or leave him. You don't pretend to accept his apology but then backstab him in return. That makes her twice as worse as he is
To clarify, I know he cheated first, but he was TRYING to be better, which you are ignoring here. People CAN change. When I'm trying to be decent just to be treated like garbage and constantly lied to, it makes me seriously wonder I even bother to tey. It feels pointless. With that said, just because someone is bad first, SHOULD NOT justify you being just as bad or MUCH WORSE (like this case), unless you're literally being attacked, kidnapped, etc or something. For example, if a family member were to steal from me, that doesn't make it suddenly legal or even morally ok for me to steal in return or assault them when there are much more mature and better ways to handle the situation.
To be honest, even though I really hate cheater but op is actually trying to be better but the (hopefully ex) wife is getting worse than him when he cheated I don't think she deserves op at this point because she is now went way below than his lowest
We need an update to story 1. Story 2: So eone buy OP a case of beers! Story 3: "I love my wife!" Then why the hell did you cheat? At this point, you have no right to complain or feel betrayed. No shoukd you be mad at your wife either. Story 4: Nah, OP. Ur in the clear.
Story 3: No, he has a right to complain and feel betrayed. In response to his cheating once, she cheated on him multiple times and constantly for years. This is like responding to an arrow with a nuke. If she didn't trust him not to cheat, she shouldn't have worked on his marriage. He should be mad at her and divorce her.
@@akl2k7And who begged her to stay? Who didnt want to get a divorce? OP has no right in this matter. He destroyed the marriage and refuses to accept that its over. Besides, he has proven he cant be loyal, why should his wife be loyal to him? He messed around and is finding out. I bet if the gernders were reversed, you would not be thinking he is a victim some how.
@@RandomTrinidadian ive seen you in multiple comments now. but you really cant see past the fact she cheated for 4 years and he cheated once felt horrible and yes he begged her to stay to TRY TO FIX THE MARRIAGE and to TRY TO REEDEEM HIMSELF. yes what he did was horrible, and he should be condemned for it. but for the wife to go "sure i'll get back with you and try to fix the marriage" and then just not do that is worse. and yes if the roles were reversed i would say the exact fucking thing. then the wife should be condemned but if the husband in that scenario did what this wife did then he would also be worse than. its simple goddamn logic. and to just say "oh its karma" last i checked karma is "you did this wrong, then you'll get a punishment of the same weight" not "you did this wrong, so you'll get crushed by the punishment" and yes. seeing you type in multiple comments not even trying to see it from an unbiased perspective makes me think you're actually the one whos biased against one side.
@@BlueKitzune03hey, OP broke the marriage first. Why shoukd his wife still be loyal, when he obviouly couldnt loyal to her? And i say again.... he was the ine who begged her to stay. So she should not complain. And really, you belueve anything a cheater says? If it one thing you should realize, is that cheaters are unreliable narrators.
Story 1: I'm also a victim of identity trauma. My mom cheated on my dad with not just one other guy but two. We only found out about the 2nd one when I matched as a half sibling to my brother and sister during a DNA test when I was 25. I've never had a relationship with my mother, she decided to let my dad have custody over us. My sister routinely danced over the boundaries and constantly tried getting her involved in all of our lives again, from our childhood into adulthood. You don't realize how much of your identity is rooted in your family. Even though I luckily have a dad who is extremely understanding and still sees me as his son, that woman could have easily stolen my entire family from me. Its taken the past 4 years to rediscover who I am and how to fit that truth into my identity and I still feel lost sometimes. I've met my biological dad and he's a lot like my dad. My dad actually encouraged me to speak to my biological dad if not to know where I came from, then to at least know medical history. However, this has caused some strain on outside relationships.... My grandma keeps thinking that talking to my biological dad is doing harm to the dad who raised me. I believe it's everyone's basic birthright to know their roots and to know where they've come from, but I can't help but feel as if my grandma is kind of gaslighting me on the whole situation.
Story 1: my husband recently went through this. When I met him, his mother was putting him through a 3rd last name change. When he married me, he took my last name because my father said it was cool (sadly, he passed 5 years before we got married) and my last name sounded better than the last name my MIL saddled my husband with. In order to do this, he had to bring tons of documentation to the DMV. He discovered his Step-father adopted him when he was 16. Not my husband - THE STEP-FATHER was only 16!! My MIL preyed on some poor kid that got emancipated and turned him into a abusive hateful jerk. He was only 8 years old than my husband! My husband really feels for OP in this story.
PSA for story 5 y’all, that shit ain’t poly, that’s just a dubious open relationship. poly relationships get a bad enough rep as is. poly does not mean a loophole to cheat, it’s just more than two people in a relationship. a loving relationship. forcing someone into a polycule is terrible. good for OP for making the best out of her situation though, absolute queen
Story 6: So, you're already in debt. You then inherit a good chunk of cash. And now her idea is to use the money to... get more debt? That has got to be some kind of record in financial stupidity.
Just the fact that the cease and desist letter in the first story was EIGHT PAGES makes it sound like it was from the adoptive father's letter and not a real letter from an attorney. I'm not an attorney, I just married one, and this sounds bogus.
Story 3. Missed points. OPs wife a) started after thier separation was over. b) She didnt think to bring it up at all? The were in couples therapy. c) yeah OP fucked arpund and found out, but the wife still knew exactly what she was doing shes not innocent
And who was the one who begged her to come back? Who was the one who broke the marriage. Why should she stay loyal to cheater? Also, do you really think OP is avtuslly being honest? One thing you should know, is that cheaters always try to paint themselves as some kind of victim.
@RandomTrinidadian And? She is still also wrong? We are going off face value. Were you never taught 2 wrongs don't make it right? I was pointing out people are excusing her shitty behaviour because "he did it first"
"She keeps saying it's our money." Until the ring is on the finger and the "I do"s get said, you are two separate people. Stick with your plan, OP - you're smart, she's looking for the next step and can't see the pothole right in front of her. Debt free's the way to be.
People need to stop saying "my truth". Anything that isn't "The Truth" isn't true. It's true that OP's adoptive father abused her, but calling that fact "my truth" makes it sound like she's lying.
For the first story: The reason OP needs to take the Cease and Desist seriously is because a Cease and Desist is the formal, documented version of someone screaming "You'll be hearing from my lawyers!". If someone issues a cease and desist, they are more than likely prepared to go to court. But yeah, if OP is telling the truth, OP has nothing to worry about. Truth is an absolute defense against defamation claims.
Last story: PLEASE don't waste your money on a house yet! Pay off the debts , it will benefit you in the long run. If you have to, break up with the GF but I hope it doesn't get to that point.
Story 3: hmmmm with the wife being that ok with it I think she was cheating on him beforehand and was just shocked and pissed he dared to do it back.... He should get a DNA test on the kids to make sure they are his.
Unpopular opinion... in the cheating story the wife is just as at fault if not MORE then the husband. She decided to reconcile, which i wouldnt have done, and then went on to have MULTIPLE extramarital affairs. Also i do not even believe for a second that she didnt know the "friend" was coming that day. Judging from her calm, cold reaction she did that on purpose to get revenge. She wanted her husband to find out and be broken like she was before. I say just leave the cheater. If you have it in your heart to be in a seemingly loving relationship and cheat anyways you arent any better then the one who hurt you.
The last story: I don know why (girls especially) think that just because the person they’re DATING got a bunch of money that they have a right to it. They don’t. If your bf happened to come into some money, and you’re reading this, this is for you. Unless there is a very real chance of getting married, like you and he have had discussions and your basically just waiting for him to buy the ring and pop the question, you have no rights to their money. There is still a very real chance that you all will split. In fact it’s a pretty common occurrence. If you’re engaged, they are the fiancé and not bf/gf. The title makes a difference. If you’re not tight enough for marriage to be a discussion, then you’re not tight enough to be entitled to any bit of their money. That’s just the honest truth. There’s even a chance that if you are engaged that everything could be called off. Basically, what I’m say is, unless you’ve said I Do, you have no right to anything they have. Of course that’s excluding common law marriage. I think if you’ve been with someone for 7 + years, you’re pretty much married whether or not you’ve signed the paperwork. Too many people see dollar signs instead of the person. And she’ll probably break up with OP after he pays his debt off. Obviously she doesn’t like his house or thinks she needs her name on something.
Story 3 Honestly, I get cheaters are bad and shit and most of the time there's zero forgiving a cheating partner. But I don't know WHY people stay with people who cheated if they don't trust them. To cheat on them like they had. To hurt them like they hurt you? What does that accomplish? What does that bring to your life? Move ON. The best revenge is living well. She's OLDER THEN HIM. If you can find so many partners outside of a man you clearly don't trust, THEN WHY DID YOU GET BACK WITH HIM?? She clearly doesn't love him, doesn't even care about him. She could've moved on ages ago but she decided to stay stuck in the past. She hasn't even given him the opportunity to TRY and change, TRY and better himself. I wouldn't be surprised if this man genuinely spirals a cheaters path now because "What's the point in trying to better yourself if nobody will care? If it won't matter?" People can do bad things and feel guilty for more reasons then 'I got caught'. There are nuances in everything. Yes there's the most basic of situations. "I cheated because I wanted to." "I cheated because you weren't paying attention to me." "I cheated because I was neglected." "I cheated because I liked the attention." "I cheated because I was drunk and horny." "I cheated because they were there." Basically every time there's no GOOD reason to cheat. Obviously. But sometimes people are too immature to realize what they have until they go and fuck it up. And they NEED to learn the lesson. The consequences of their actions. That if you do something and you HURT someone you're meant to LOVE, they won't love you like the did anymore! You broke their trust, and their heart. And the ONLY thing that's right to do in that situation is let them go even if it hurts. Even if you're grasping the gravity of how badly you fucked up. You have to mourn that relationship like you killed them. Because you did. You killed the person they were when they were with you. And the people who go back into those relationships to be a ghost of who they were feels so toxic and manipulative. "Don't yell at me, I'll divorce you. You cheated blank times blank ago." "You cheated on me blank times blank ago so I can fuck all these other people even if we're technically married and you can't say anything because you did it first." "You cheated on me blank times blank ago so I'm going to hurt you a hundred times worse then you hurt me." She deserved better, absolutely, but she should've cut him loose ages ago. Not stuck around and play pretend with a man you clearly don't even care about anymore.
I think you missed the 2nd post's title, OP just said "what he did" and "got him arrested for it" and "found him in underground chatrooms talking about this" I'm not the only one who noticed this right?
Hey, props to story 5 op. If it works, it works. Take the bag. The part I'm most impressed with is that the "husband" is following the rules he set up. She wants to "go out" and he takes over the house. Usually these turn into a rules for thee situation. Good luck explaining to the kiddo
So on cheating wife story did OP fuck around and find out? Yes and no. He cheated, he admitted to it, sought counseling and tried to repair his relationship. He did everything in good faith. The wife however acted in bad faith to at least a 4 out of 5 butthole score. Good faith would have been asking for an open or poly relationship. The "I assumed you were cheating" is a red flag we've heard in some old tales rslash has read. Hopefully when the divorce happens the judge won't buy any b.s. from her given she gave OP the illusion of their relationship being back together.
Dabney is 100% CORRECT! Anyone can just go online and send a C&D... Also, suing for defamation is NOT easy... First you have to send a "letter" and ask for the person to retract... You have to then go on the same place that you put the defamed whatever, then they cannot sue you... You don't just go to a lawyer and say, SUE, THEY DEFAMED!! Nope, doesn't work like that... Plus, an 8 page C&D?? Yea, right... 😂😂
This is what I was thinking. If they're not sleeping together despite being married and having a kid. There's something seriously wrong. It could be a health issue, but that means it needs to be addressed, not left to languish.
Story 4: Of anything you saved the wife the rest of her life, and now she can leave that a-hole. Cheaters always get caught, this isn't even the very uncommon way they get caught, next time you should be more quiet.
Story 1: I don't blame OP for lashing out at her mom like that. OP has been lied to for years, she still has the gall to act defensive despite ruining OP'S life and letting Hank bully and abuse OP. Stand your ground OP, don't let Hank bully you anymore.
her, OP in story 1 is a female.
@@freedomcat Fixed.
They can't sue the truth when it comes out. Even if they try, she can always do a DNA test on Hank, and then what can he say then?
Op can also get a restraining order on Hank and her mother. Also, cps was called on them, and Hank was indeed arrested for DV, which adds more on op case to seal the deal.
If anything, op mother should have clean on everything and try not to be a victim as she stayed with this man and allowed her own daughter to take the beatings when she was stood up for by said daughter.
Leave the family and go to her bio family, tell them everything, and disown your mother. This family isn't salvageable or saveable.
Yeah, her mom is just as much to blame here for everything. Ridiculous that OP feels guilty. She called her ungrateful? What does she have to be grateful for exactly?
@@Nekulturny It's as rSlash said, I don't know what's worse, child abusers, or a mom letting the abuse happen and refusing to defend your own child.
So a few updates for first story:
- OP is going NC with her mother, and seems it's the second time (she went NC before due to her mother don't respecting her boundaries and trying to get OP to 'reconcile' with Hank, but broke it due to the pandemic), but seems this time it's for good;
- She got her own lawyer who said her parent's cease-and-desist (yeah her mother co-signed that crap, another of the reasons OP is going NC with her) and possible lawsuit are bogus, and they don't have any leg to stand on. And OP also lives in a state with pretty good sunshine laws, so if they sue all of the stuff they pulled will be in public record, so even worst for them;
- She's trying to get CPS records and also the police arrest records, but she's getting into brick wall after brick wall with CPS due to how old they are, and she thinks the records probably gotten 'taken care off' since Hank has a friend who's a police officer;
- She found out one of her friends have Hank's lawyer as a friend on Facebook for almost a decade, even though they never met irl, and that's probably how they got her post's screenshots (Facebook being Facebook, since even being friends with her friend, Hank's lawyer shouldn't be able to see her posts);
- She also found 'interesting' that Hank's lawyer friend went to a HBCU, but Hank is a raging racist (as if there wasn't any more reasons to find him a disgusting POS), even dropping the N-word multiple times at the table during dinner.
It's good she's going NC with her so-called mother. She needs to stay away from those crap people. They don't deserve to have her in their lives.
If he want to a college with a large bIack population, I think that’s where he picked up dropping the n word in casuaI conversation. -Speaking from experience-
@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072 it was OP's father lawyer who went to one, not OP's father
@@BeanManolo mmkay
@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072 and what exactly of Bean's comment do you have to be skeptical about?
Story 4: Honestly, I can imagine myself having the same confusion. I end up unintentionally revealing that one of my neighbors is cheating because they're being too loud in bed, and I can't tell who exactly is on the other side of the wall.
But then again, it's the cheaters fault for being so loud that it alerted someone
As somebody who grew up begging his mother to divorce his father, don't feel bad for the kid when you split parents up. I will probably never get over the damage of growing up with an addict and his enabler.
Mom was also an abuser. She was happy for the trash to abuse her child so she wasn't abused. The mom sold out her child and married someone for convenience. I am not much younger than OP's mother and there were options in the early 80's. It wasn't like the 60's. The mom is a terrible person.
Can't blame the cheater for being so loud. It was the first time having sex in years.
Opening up a line of dialogue about lack of intimacy might of been a better idea.
My ex-wife cheated on me and then rubbed it in my face. Then she wanted to act shocked when I demanded paternity on the kids. She has refused paternity on all three and has refused me any contact with them, so I haven't payed a penny in child support. As per the courts, I am not obligated to pay for children that aren't mine. If she refuses to provide said proof, that's the same to the courts as an admission. It's cold and callous, and it hurts me to no end, but that woman ruined my life and stole eleven years and hundreds of thousands of dollars from me, already. I'm not letting her get away with her shit anymore.
Story 1: OP’s mom definitely picked up a few of her abuser’s tactics to use against OP to deflect all the accountability and responsibility for the damage she allowed/inflicted. I hope OP can forgive themselves for lashing out at their mom because everything they said is what she needed to hear.
Story 5: I think OP found a real life cheat code, took an unhappy marriage and reaped all the benefits without the negatives by steering into it.
Did R/ have a take on story 5 or did he just delete it again? I got to the video late and it just jumped to the next story.
Hard to tell if he did have one but edited it out or didn't at all with how he's been operating lately.
Good for OP. if she is getting her needs met and is actually happy with the arrangement then it's all good.
@@RandomAnagram. Honestly not sure since I also watched it later then usual but I don't think he did when I watched it.
And got laid doing it, with all the plusses of being able to dump the useless gold digger before buying the ring.
@@kg5626 That's why i don't believe in marriage, i would rather be alone than with another person and being unhappy to only take advantage of them, that happaned to me and i would never do it
Story 1: when she was being beaten she let a child stand up for her, then had you take her place, even ran away so you and your brothers could be taking the CPS in hopes of being a better life. There is nothing you can say to that woman that will ever put you in the wrong, the fact that she tried to say it was for your own good mean she's even a deep state of denial or just want you to stop blaming her, probably both. You have every right to find your bio dad, also so long as you can prove he didn't abuse you, which you can wear all of the police report and CPS calls over your entire childhood, you'll be fine. He can't control you anymore and he knows it so he's looking for other way to do it, and it's not going to work he just try to use intimidation, I know it's your trauma making you afraid but he's a worthless old man now, he can't do anything.
In one of the OP replies, it will be hard with police report, cause Hank was always arrested by his best friend who was a police officer. And with CPS op said, she hit a stone wall, cause it was a long time ago.
@@Mithandunecan she get testimony from her brothers?
@@d.phantomfan1216 I dunno, I didn't check all her comments. In one comments someone were advising OP to hide her fb what she wrotes to only a friends, cause Hank lawyer was watching her profile.
@@Mithandunemaybe her mom was a rape victim , it does line up with all the facts . Also do you have a link to the story
M
The poly story reminds me of how I discovered the difference between being lonely and being alone. I love hanging out with myself. I think I’m pretty cool.
It's a distinction a lot of people take for granted. And the reason a lot of people don't give themselves the self-love they need and deserve.
@@BiancaWeatherlight agreed. Once you learn to love yourself it becomes easier to see who deserves your love as well.
Same! I am a loner. I love my own company. And when I want more company, I will go and find someone to spend time with. There's nothing like being comfortable with yourself
Story 2: this is how private citizens become private investigators, either personal tragedy or happenstance 🙌🏽 fantastic job, OP!!
Last story: dude this isn't even the problem, it's not her money and it makes way more sense to pay off your debts then to add more to it. And she can kick and scream all she wants legally she has no leg to stand on.
she say its her money too, so under that logic op's debs are hers too, op should tell her that and see how she react,if she believes whatever thing op's owns is her as well then that would include the bad things
A former boss of mine divorced his first wife over something similar. She kept haranguing him to buy her a NEW house. The house they were in was old, but paid for…it just needed upgrading. After one ugly blow up, she stormed out. He got the locks changed and hired a divorce attorney. The uncle did him a favor by leaving him the money when he did. Guy dodged a bullet by seeing this about his girlfriend before he married her.
OP better not marry that woman because she is in it for the money and he isn't okay with that.
Exactly. Nope, it's his money. And the red flag is so large it's a red quilt. Dump this one, pay off the debts, and enjoy the cozy house...with somebody new.
She also sounds like she's not very bright. What he wants to do makes perfect sense. If they're in a partnership and have a future together then she should be wanting him to do what he's planning.
He should never let her handle the household finances, because she's clearly not bright enough to.
“What’s worse, an abusive stepdad or a mother who lets her kid be abused?”
I distinctly remember moments in my HS years where my mom would get mad at me for messing up and getting my stepdad mad. When he got mad, we both suffered. To her credit it was because she’d try to defend me but still, you do things you wouldn’t normally when you’re stuck in a marriage with an abusive POS. The stepdad is beyond worse in this case.
Right!? Like, duh it's the abuser that's worse??? I was like "what the fuck R/slash??" I'm not saying OP's mum is innocent, I'm saying that victim blaming is disgusting even if one of the victims is a parent of another victim. She likely didn't "let" OP get abused, she was in a really dangerous situation and had normal responses to a very abnormal situation.
I'd agree that the stepdad is worse, but the mom let it happen. She happily let her child stick up for her and take on the beatings from the man the mom chose to stay with.
The mom let her child think the man who beat them both was the biological father, and completely lied by omission about her family.
Despite who is worse the mom didn't save her children or tell her oldest the truth of her own family.
No. The mother should be protecting her daughter againsts any scum that comes near her. The mum is useless at what would be very easy for most of us and has made her choices and is a garbage person.
Yes, it goes without saying that Hank is garbage too, but the mother is worse for letting that filth near her children and even worse, condoning it.
@@It-is-me...Melsie I'm not condoning the actions of OPs mother, she is somewhat to blame for not taking responsibility. However it is not her fault that she was abused and in the position she was in. She was literally a child herself when she had OP, and had 0 support, Hank no doubt groomed OPs mum and made her think she needed him. We don't know if when Hank redirected his violence to OP, that OPs mum didn't try to defend her and was told something like "ill just kill you both instead then" and OPs mum was doing the only thing logical in a victims brain at the time.
@@JMemski Somewhat to blame?
I have no time for the excuses of those who fail to protect their vulnerable children. Children who have zero choices. The mother made her choices and kept making them.
Story 1: I'd contact the law office directly. There's always the chance that his letter is a fake, and they'd be *very* interested in a fake legal letter being sent in their name. Just heard a story where the in laws sent a letter from a law office demanding a paternity test. The letter was fake and the lawyer is suing the inlaws.
No, don't do that. Someone working at the firm certainly may have used the letterhead , or whatever inappropriate use could be possible, but do NOT contact the law office directly, because what you say to them *could* end up leading into them suing you without a warning. ALWAYS ALWAYS, get your own attorney to do that work talking to other attorneys of law enforcement.
@@mrthisbetterstick7776 So basically, let people walk over you instead of confirming a letter? You could only be sued by a law office by asking for a confirmation?
You could simply ask "Hey, I just want to confirm if this case is directed at me". "Hey, I have recieved a letter, I just want to see if there are any settlement options". Or simply be blunt with "Hey, I've seen some fake legal letters being used as a form of a scam, so I just want to confirm that mine is or is not".
Literally had this happen. My neighbor used his copy machine to scan his lawyers letterhead and manipulated it so he could print it and it looks legit, he put a note on my neighbor's door saying that they were being SUED for neglect of an animal because they let their dog out (on a long in ground leash) to use the bathroom and she went inside for all of 5 minutes. He got in loads of trouble and his lawyer dropped him as a client.
Story 3: based on this, both of them suck. Like he sucks for cheating, duh, but she sucks for the lack of communication. Cause if they communicated then this would have been delt with long ago and either they could be monogamous or have an open relationship or just outright divorce
Story 5: Good for her, honestly
Story 3: Communication is worthless without trust, and how should she have ever trusted his words again? From her perspective any kind of trust and loyalty was destroyed. She stayed for the children and financial stability, not for him!
Literally, just like the girl from story 5...
Neither of them loves their husband, and is simply staying in a mariage of convenience.
Cheating husband finding out about cheating wife story: what OP did wasn't right, but neither is what his wife did. You know they talked about the cheating and he apologized for doing it. There's no way she really believed he was cheating. She just stopped caring.
Would you? The OP said that love his wife a lot, if that is true why did he cheat? Is like his wife was a b*tch or bad, doesn't matter if he apologize, there isn't a "Sorry" that would be good enough, this is one of those things that if you do it once everything is over, is true what the wife is doing is bad, but her real mistake was going back to him, I believe that her friends convince her to do that.
@DarkHeartTheEmo everything you say is true, except that if she didn't forgive him, cheating on him wasn't the answer...
@@Mewse1203 Really doesn't matter they didn't divorce, but this marriage is fake, cheating is most of the times wrong, she is doing to him what he did to her, the only difference is she went to the extreme.
@@DarkHeartTheEmo and she's just as wrong
@@Mewse1203 I never said she was right, but you have to see her point of view.
Last story: my father told me years ago not long before I start my life on my own that a man with no debt is a free man. I'm still holding onto those words and try to focus on paying off all my student debts
Hear, hear. If I were OP's GF, I would be ecstatic that he basically got a Get Out of Jail Free card.
Cheating:
The real person claiming “rules for thee and not for me” is the wife. Doesn’t matter what her reasoning was, she didn’t communicate it. She could have asserted that since she can’t trust OP, she’ll only take him back in an open marriage. But she didn’t, so now she’s a cheater too. So either she can take the 1 conversation of grief he’s entitled too (she did the exact thing she did) and they move on, or she can admit the relationship is dead and move on separately.
And if she simply wanted revenge? 😂 he got karma and she doesn't care. Win win. Hope she leaves him too since he probably won't do it anyway. Clown.
@@hariet6756 that’s not karma. Karma isn’t someone wronging you the way you were wronged. Karma is dumping his ass and moving on. Because now she’s guilty of the same crime, so does he get a free pass to cheat again now? No! Cheating is wrong, end of story.
If it was purely revenge, then she needs serious help. That’s self destructive behavior that doesn’t benefit anyone, and is actually denying *everyone* the chance to heal. It’s denying OP that natural just consequences of his actions, it’s denying her the time to move on with her life and find someone new, and it’s denying their children a healthy home.
@@hariet6756 What she did was far worse than what he did. She responded to an arrow with a nuke.
@@akl2k7boohoo shouldn’t have fired it
She said "its okay for you but not okay for me" like the husband was not remorseful.
The cheating story really makes me angry for a few reasons.
1. OP cheated
2. He's blind to the idea the marriage can be saved
3. The wife for sleeping with others while still married
4. The wife not filing divorce and moving on
In conclusion, both of them suck and should have separated after the cheating, not sleeping around with others while the husband tried to rebuild the broken and shattered vase that was the marriage.
Cheating's cheating, it doesn't matter who did it first what matters is they both did it. The wife can't be hurt and offended by op's affair while also sleeping with other men, in fact I dare say her infidelity is worse since she's been seeing multiple men and having them come to her house where her children live. If you're going to stay in a relationship then stay in the relationship, if not then break it off with your partner
Yeah I agree and the part that weirded me out at first was the fact the wife didn’t divorce OP after he cheated. Instead she stayed with him and let the marriage “rebuild” only to be exposed for cheating herself. The OP was the asshole for the original cheating, but the wife who let the OP think that the marriage was rebuilt and going well only to find out she’s cheating is just as bad and possibly worse. (idk) seriously OP should file for divorce before she can because at this point that marriage is failing hard
@@clawsoncentral4291 Eyup, she should of left OP if she was going to sleep around for no reason other than "well he cheated once, he'll do it again"
@@Eagercheetah20 I think it was very clear she had no intentions of "saving" their marriage, she was just trying to get back at him and hurt him just as much as he hurt her, which it just a waste when you think of all the good she could have done with that time. In those four years she could have divorced him, figured out custody, gotten her own place, adapted to single life, and moved on. Now she's lost her high ground and is probably going to have to do all that stuff during a global recession
shit man when i heard "i thought you were still cheating and thought if you can than so can i." and OP still complaining i was sitting here like, you do realize you arent the victim you're the goddamn perp, both of them suck nuts and need to divorce yesterday, honestly both of them need alone time not another hookup
"YOU'RE SO UNGRATEFUL!"
FOR WHAT???????? BEING BEATEN CONSTANT AS A CHILD BY AN ABUSIVE FATHER AND ENABLING MOTHER?
They'd probably say "for having food on your plate and a roof over your head." Never mind that being hungry and homeless tend to be less traumatizing than being abused constantly.
I know someone who would have loved to have just been beaten...
First story: Golden Rule: If a lawyer needs EIGHT pages to reason why someone should put down a social media post, then it's hot air.
Your lawyer should have an easy job here. ^^
Don't be surprised if it's on the verge of being filled with Lorem Ipsum or is all AI generated.
story 5: polyamory is not the same as polygamy.
polyamory is supposed to be based on mutual communication and consent
Polygamy isn't that either. Polygamy is "many wives" -- and "wife" implies marriage, at least informally. This is just sleeping around, plain and simple. No long-term relationships to be seen.
So just an Open Marriage, sounds like.
@@freezycastform Yes, that's what the poster really meant, and likely either didn't know the right word, or the husband was using "polyamory" to make it sound better.
LOL you believe that BS? Polyamory is just men being the same old pigs they've always been. And women, idiots, are lapping it up as if it's "empowering" to be a booty call.
Doesn't polyamory indicate that all participants love each other?
Story 1: The mom was like, "Well I'm not getting beat them anymore so it's all good." Seriously fuck her.
Story 2: This is just a humble brag.
Story 3: As you said rslash, "Fuck around and find out."
Story 4: OP did right.
Story 5: OP's husband played himself so fucking hard and he doesn't even know it.
Story 6: GF just trying to dig into OP's pockets. He better be careful with her.
The husband didn’t really play himself though like yeah his wife doesn’t love him but he literally gets to do whatever he wants and still has a family for show and his kids get taken care of
@@Azyro2 yes the husband gets to sleep with whoever he wants, but he is also supporting a woman who views him as a bank account. also, if he is dating women all the time he might not be spending time with the kids and is hurting his relationship with them. in fact, OP said she encourages him to be out of the house a lot, working in the office instead of at home and going on dates most nights. those kids are going to grow up without a strong relationship with their father and that is a very lonely thing. if OP dies before him or divorces him, the kids won't go see him. plus, he is young and spry now, but he won't always be so. he is getting his dates now, but when he gets older, the hot young women won't want him and the women his age will either most likely be in commit relationship or not interested in sex anyway. meaning his dating prospects are decreasing each year, meaning a time will come where he doesn't get to date anyone new. and his wife doesn't want him.
things are good now, but pretty soon, the husband is going to find that he made a big mistake and he is going to regret it.
@@abiean222 sure that’s all true assuming that the husband sees the wife as anything more than a show piece or a babysitter which it seems like he doesn’t since the story never said he gets mad when the wife goes on “dates”
A deserved humble brag
Eh, with Story 3 I am like, he did only cheat once, regretted it ever since, came clean(likely as soon as possible) and ever since they got back together, OP has been open with conversations to grow back the trust. Grew stronger and bonded together.
Considering her reaction, it seems like she cheated at least once a month, possibly even once a week, with different people.
I do agree with her idea that she probably couldnt trust him to never cheat again, and even am of the opinion that once cheated upon, you by default deserve a hallpass to sleep with someone else without needing to talk about it. To roughly the limits that your partner went, assuming you want to ofcourse.
So going her lengths, especially since she agreed to getting back together, makes her a significantly bigger asshole. OP was an ass for cheating, but tried to rekindle the relationship and she agreed to give him a second chance, from OP's perspective.
A Cease and Desist has no real weight in and of itself. It's used for one of two things. 1: To warn someone to back off if you have a legitimate claim, so you both are spared the time and expense of fighting it in court. Or 2: To try and scare someone off when every lawsuit you can think of would only get thrown out. It's basically a warning shot, and nothing more. Whether or not the warning can be backed up with action is another matter.
Friendly reminder that one person going outside of a relationship to do whatever is not polyamory.
But, OP is happy in that story now. Since she isn't in love with her husband, but she gets the company of her kids and even herself once in awhile.
She might be happy and that's cool, but what they were doing was not polyamory. Polyamory is a lifestyle and akin to sexual orientation. You either are polyamorous, or okay with polyamory, or you're not. Neither one is wrong but what they were doing involved no trust, love, or honesty communicated consent. The husband pushed boundaries until he got his way, the wife didn't stand up for herself which I get, it's hard. But then she also basically lied about truly being okay with it, and basically using him because she felt cheated on instead of just being honest and owning up to not wanting to live that lifestyle. She traded trust and love for comfort.
Which is her choice and prerogative, but it's NOT polyamory...
@ellybanelly3656 that being said though it can be a subset of a polyamorous relationship that is poly-mono.
Regarding the cheating story:
Yes, he's in the wrong initially. But that in mind, she took him back, reconciled, and part of reconciliation is about communications..... which she just flat out didn't do. She didn't ask if he continued the affairs, she didn't give open marriage as a condition for reconciliation, she didn't do anything other than do exactly what he did, which while wrong, yes, that doesn't make her right. One time, sure, okay, maybe a single person for a few years, okay. But an ongoing parade of guys for 4 years, without so much as saying anything is just as bad, if not worse, especially when considering the risks of STDs. Should've had this discussion in family therapy.
She should've just divorced him and saved the trouble.
THIS ALL OF THIS, like with that other story where the OP's wife said ok to taking him back, but had the condition that it was now an open marriage, like if she did that she'd been in the right here, but she just went wayyyy to far here, mostly cause she brings men other to the house she lives in with her kids, something happens to them kids cause of this it's on her, not OP.
Story 1: This whole story was a bloody mess. Hank was abusive to both OP's bio mother and OP, as well as a pretty bad liar, and the mom seems to have some serious resentment to OP's bio dad and is taking it out on OP when she was asked about him.
I doubt Hank can really do anything, since OP isn't lying about the abuse. Hank's just an abusive coward
Well you dont get into and stay in an abusive marriage and actively hide a 'bastartd' child because you want to. What happened to OP was shit, but it clearly ran down hill.
His mom is too they both suck and are abusive
OP's bio dad is a POS to since we can reasonable assume he knows OP exists and hasn't made even the most mild attempt to contact or support his own child. Scummy.
Hank can't do anything. Assuming this is in America, defamation is a very uphill battle, the onus is on the person who was defamed to show a number of things, but most importantly, its not defamation if its TRUE, he would have to prove in court he wasn't abusive. Good luck to him.
Both Hank and his pathetic wife are crap people. OP is better off far away from both of them.
Story 1: some parents REALLY need to be told that they never should have become parents, and most often that needs to come from their kids. Too many grown ass adults think the sun rises and sets on the fact that they chose to bless their children with a shitty existence.
Story 1: to be fair, anyone in Ops position would lash out at they’re mother, I mean she’s just letting Hank bully and abuse Op and she has the nerve to act defensive like she didn’t know.
I know. Every time she said she's not proud of her own outbursts I was like no, no, no, your mother deserves to hear your wrath.
When my mom was married to my first stepdad and she caught him abusing me, she would join in. When she was married to my second stepdad and she caught him abusing me, she would punish me and kick me out of the house. It's been 2 decades since the second stepdad, and I'm still bitter towards my mother and both stepdads.
Some people just shouldn't breed.
I'm sorry you were unlucky enough to be born to such a garbage human being.
Dude, you have no mother....
That was an incubator with legs~
Story 1: Cease and desist letters are a warning letter telling you that their next step is a lawsuit if you don't stop. If you stop, the lawsuit goes away. But if they sue anyways, you can have the lawsuit thrown out. So, C&D letters do have legal weight.
they have the same legal weight as "i'm gonna tell mom" its a threat to inform a higher power if they don't stop whatever they are doing, but sometimes doing so will result in a worse outcome for you.
Story 5: I’d recommend OP get a degree or whatever she needs to stand on her own two feet, because I guarantee her husband will get tired of sleeping around and when he tried to get back in their bed, OP isn’t going to be down lol
Nah, I don't think the husband will get tired. Why would he? If OP doesn't date at all now, she's probably not interested in sex that much if at all. And that might be the reason why he wanted to open the marriage in the first place.
I was thinking that I hope she's been squirreling some money away for herself just in case he decides he's ready for "real love" with one of those women.
Story 2: that's awesome and it's great what you're doing, but be careful. So many people can get really dangerous and you need to watch your back.
Getting people arrested for "it" "this" "that" and "the thing"
Doesn't even say what happened to the victim, only that she didn't know she was a victim of anything? I'm confused.
@@FishAnvil sounds like a revenge porn story to be honest
Totally! Reminds me of A Promising Young Woman, such a good film.
@@madeline6951 Either that or they're going after kiddy diddlers.
There's no danger since it was made up.
That first story hits so close to home, it’s almost a mirror to my own experience. I wish nothing but good things for OP. Fuck abusive parents.
AS someone who does have loving parents (they made mistakes but our situations werent exactly normal, and god knows they care, always have) i agree...
Having loving parents should be the default, not the fucking best case scenario...
What's your stance on abortion then?
@@Raketo900 Me or Emmie?
@@Raketo900 Personally I’d rather have been aborted than to have been born into the situation I was and grown up with the family I did
@@Emmie-kn1mx I really think that would have been best. But however, since you're here anyway, I hope you can now live a fullfilled life.
As a person in a poly relationship of 3 (a guy, a girl and me, 32/31/30) the couple in the story is in an open marriage and they are only married for the children, NOT polycule or polygamy. The difference is that our polycule is closed and if one of us is interested in a new romantic person, we have to discuss and agree just like a monog couple would. It's important to explain the difference because many people don't know and people assume that, since we're poly, we can just go run around with anyone which is disrespectful to my relationship. Will answer any poteltial questions, have a good day
Have any of you guys had other one time flings outside of each other while you were in this poly relationship?? I would think as long as all parties consent then it’s not cheating
Hackie, not that person obviously but I am in a similar poly relationship. Our's is also closed.
It 100% depends on what the expectations for what kind of relationship you have are, but usually that is a more open relationship thing and not polyamory. It can definitely be in polyamory, but most poly relationships I know of is like actual dating and courting and getting to know someone, because you want to date them.
Where as an open relationship is just wanting to be down TF.
My relationship is closed like a monogamous relationship would be, so if any of the three of us went and did something out side of our trio, we would consider that cheating. And our specific relationship is hyrarchial, so there is the main couple and I am the girlfriend, where as they are married. They're relationship comes first and foremost, and if I would like something it gets discussed first through a conversation, usually an extensive conversation that covers all the bases. This works best for us, but this is not the same as every poly relationship.
That is something my partners and I would discuss, as long as everyone consents then it's not cheating. The three of us in my poly all are 30, 31 & 32 so we're close in age and discuss anything like this or ask consent to play with someone else, have additional partners, etc. Communication is key! We are open to discuss one of us having an additional partner, adding someone, playing with someone else, etc. @@HackiePuffs
@@spookyteal hey good luck with that for all of you it’s so nice you guys communicate so much!! 💙
Also, I never answered your exact question--yes, some of us have played with people outside our trio, usually in nonsexual or lightly sexual kink ways. Since it's consented by all of us, it's totally fine!
I usually don't comment on videos, but I wanted to thank you because I look forward to listening every single day. I never miss a video. I hang out with my dog Archie everyday at 8a and listen to RSlash. Thank you so much for what you do. You have 2 fans for life.
Story 1: OP is entitled to feel how she does after being lied to and abused her whole life. But one thing I'm interested in that she never mentioned and you didn't question is what about her brothers? Does she have any kind of relationship with them? How did they turn out, are they like Hank?
edited to add: when I was a kid our next door neighbor (who lived in a single floor apartment next to our house) would occasionally have very loud passionate hugging at various times of the day. My older sister knew his girlfriend and finally asked her if she could keep it down. My sister said the GF said "that isn't me, he must have that b***h over there!". I think they broke up, lol.
3rd story: OP cheated and that’s messed up but what’s more messed up is that he took the steps to get better even going to therapy with his wife just for her to cheat with not 1 but multiple men. If you never intended on fixing the relationship why not just get a divorce tbh in this case the wife is even worse than op
This. At least OP recognized that he screwed up, whereas the wife is just completely unrepentant.
Nah, he got what he earned. Cheaters deserve nothing.
@@Loveeleven10no, the wife is much more immoral
@@Loveeleven10 honestly, normally i'd agree with you, but like, she says she is cheating because she thinks he is still cheating on her. if that is the case, why get back together? why go to therapy, that costs money. she doesn't trust him and yet she still lets him back? no, either she was cheating just to rub it in his face when she out found out, or she was cheating on him from the beginning.
Both suck cheaters are trash
Ive said it so many many times, but if someone pushes to open up a relationship thats already been established as monogamous, theyre either already cheating or want a get out of jail free card for cheating. Especially if theyre pushing that hard for you to change your mind
I'm in a consensual polyamorous relationship and I 100% agree. Polyamory is HARD. It takes WORK, and a LOT of communication, trust, and also just wanting that lifestyle. It's not a, "I want to fuck someone else", it's a, "I'm capable of loving more than one person and want all my partners to be happy with me".
First story : my bio mom abandoned me at 2 years old, fully adopted at 4 years old, I knew that I was adopted my whole life, I’m 30 now… I never knew my biological father ether, OP, but I didn’t have the identity trauma that you did…. If you ever need to talk, I know an AWESOME PTSD therapist!
For the guy who cheated on wife, he def should've communicated expectations b4 getting back together. But yeah his marriage was ruined long ago
Idk, that whole infidelity situation in story 3 was a mess. OP was an idiot for cheating in the first place, but at least he put in the work to rebuild the relationship after he realized what he did was wrong. Meanwhile his wife was lying to him the whole time that was happening. If she didn’t want to get back together with him/assumed he would cheat again anyway, why go through with getting back together and going to therapy? I’m kinda more upset with her than I am at him. I hope they finally get divorced though-toxicity abounds in that non-marriage.
EXACTLY! I mean yea, hes a terrible person, but shes just as bad the moment she led him on to think everything was normal, just to cheat on him too. He was terrible, but he was trying to fix himself which is why i can sympathize a tiny bit.
An eye for an eye makes the world go blind. Two wrongs dont make a right. Etc.
After this i doubt hes gonna stay on that road of being a good person. Wonder how the kids feel about all this.
@@ninjdraw8305 This isn't even an eye for an eye. This is more like her beating him to a pulp for bruising her slightly.
And I wouldn't even call him a terrible person. He used to be a terrible person, but he changed and got better, while she became someone worse than what he was.
"He put in the work" or so he says.
Name one story where a cheater is both honest, and doest try to make themselves out as the victim. He dont regery cheating, he regret getting caught.
He was the one who begged her to stay, he the one who didnt want to get divorced. It his fault for not doing the right thing and just accepting the marrige was over.
At first, I thought the mom in the first story was just as much a victim as OP because that does happen. People in abusive relationships are often afraid to leave because the abuser's fearmongering tactics that make them feel like they're stuck there. I believe this was the case with Judith Barsi (the original voice of Ducky on the first Land Before Time movie). When her mother finally built up the courage to leave, her father killed them and himself.
OP in the first story is a fuckin G. She stood up to her abusive dad (meanwhile her cowardly mother let her volunteer as punching bag) and grinded until she could say she was independent.
The guy who cheated on his wife and then felt hurt of being cheated on... Come on man, you should have seen this coming.
Yes the guy is in the wrong for cheating, but the wife is either stupid or thought she could have her cake and eat it too. "Oh.. but I just figured you were still cheating.." Then why are you with him? You're an idiot. "Well if you're going to cheat, I'm going to cheat too", you have children together! You're an idiot. Again, the guy was in the wrong for cheating but WTF is the wife doing? She's turning into a psychopath
Yeah I know he fucked up but if he wanted it to work after he cheated on her he should have talked to her about things when she moved back it and told her that her that he won’t cheat again and if their going to continue then they needed to agree that they would be 100% faithful to each other. Instead he just decided to ignore it and think everything would go back to normal while she figured that they where in an open marriage. I’m not defending this guy but if he wanted things to go back to relative normal they needed to talk and be honest and get therapy. Now he’s in the exact situation he put her in, I don’t blame her for assuming the marriage was open after he cheated, she figured well if he’s cheating then I might as well too.
@@superphantom100You missed where Rslash read that op and his wife DID go to therapy. That wife didn't take any of it seriously though. SHE needs to go to therapy and get a conscience. Because she literally took op back in that story just to get back at him, which is the most toxic thing anyone could do!
@@aurorarowley7310 oh wow that even more fucked up. It seems like he was trying, and if she couldn’t do it she needed to ask for a divorce, rather then him try to do better and make things work, he cheated ok well don’t take him back then give him a fat “no you cheated this isn’t going to work because I can’t trust you” done I’m sure if she did that OP might have been upset but I’m sure he would understand considering it was his fault. Instead she takes him back and doesn’t take therapy seriously even though it seems that he was trying to make things work.
@@superphantom100 yea that's crazy that the wife did that after all that therapy and talks about having a relationship again. I can understand her wanting to get revenge on him for cheating, but to act like they didn't just try to save the relationship is cruel. The cheating husband deserves it tho for cheating in the first place. Something tells me that their relationship wasn't as perfect in the start anyway. Anyone who would cheat a relationship like that probably didn't value the relationship much to begin with
That second story, thank you OP. You're doing an amazing service
And to all the "I cheated on my partner to but I love them SOOOOOOO much" just shut the hell up. If you actually loved them you wouldn't have f*cking cheated on them. Stop playing the victim for f*cks sake
Inheritance story: USE THAT MONEY TO PAY YOUR DEBT!
Yeah, rSlash asks why OP's on Reddit about this, and it's like... Because OP needs Reddit to kick his butt into making the right decision. Like, we've all been there-we KNOW we're right, we KNOW what to do, but someone's hissing in our ear making us doubt ourselves. So we need outside help to confirm what we need to do. Reddit can suck sometimes, but other times it's THE place to go to get your butt kicked in the right direction.
Story 5: That's not a polyamorous relationship at all- that's an open marriage. What makes it not polyamorous is OP doesn't know the women her husband is with. He could be with anyone. Polyamory requires knowledge and consent of all parties involved, meaning OP would have to have, at the very least, met with the other women, and maybe become friends with them. But, by the sounds of it, she hasn't and doesn't know who her husband is with. On top of that, what if OP's husband is lying to all these women about being married? That definitely doubles-down on the marriage not being polyamorous in the slightest, and (IMO) is a big red flag.
I'm glad OP is okay with her life. I just wanted to clear up the confusion of terms.
Glad someone said this
I agree, but a lot of people don't know what polyamory actually means.
I know. That's why I wanted to clear it up.
In the last story: If they do split, depending on the state,most likely the girlfriend will get the the entire house and alimony. It pretty suspect that she's pushing do hard. Do not put her name on any houses. Inheritance money will always stay with OP, even if it stays as cash. Once it's used to purchase any joint assets it now becomes joint property and OP only has a fifty percent voice in that asset.
For the last story, I bet if the girlfriend was the one with the inheritance, it would be her money and hers alone.
A real "What's yours is mine, and what's mine is mine" kinda person, probably.
I don't know how pissed I would be if I was the OP in that first story. Not only did she hide OP's biological father, most likely because she didn't know who it was, but on top of that she allowed the man she married after that to abuse her children. This is something worth cutting contact over. If I was OP, I would also tell his siblings just in case there are more lies with their biology, if she cheated on her high school boyfriend she likely also cheated on her abusive husband.
Haven't been intimate for years? That's not cheating. At that point, he didn't have a wife, just a roommate.
Inheritance guy needs to cut ties with that gf. She wants access to that money, and buying a house together will do just that.
Her lack of intelligence alone should be a concern.
Story one: I know people are mad at Rslash for his comment about the mom but he's right. She IS just as bad as Hank, especially considering the updates and the fact that she helped Hank get away from CPS. Op got put in that position because she was a child wanting to protect her mom and the mom practically threw her to the wolves to save her own case. Like, come on. The mom is STILL with him and literally told Op "you were an ungrateful and difficult child" to defend their abusive step dad. The mom was a victim too but let's not sit here and act like she didn't become an enabler at best, an abuser at worse. Both are equally as bad though. Hank is still trash for what he did to both of them and Op. I hope Op actually charge them for something for goes completely NC with her mom because at this point, the mom is a toxin in her life that she needs to cut loose.
Exactly. All of this. She had resources she could use. But of course, she didn't want to work and put this abuser's bed ahead of her own children.
Story 4: This reminds me of when I accidentally through my friend under the bus at work. There was a day when our manager was trying to call us in she called me and I was busy she called my best friend he told her he was in the mountains with his family when he was actually at a concert. He never told me that he told our manager about being in the mountains I knew he was at a concert (this is important). The next day I was at work and my manager asked about like “I tried to call you guys but you were busy…” and I said “yea and Steve was at a concert” she goes “he was where?!?” I look at her and go “ohhhh shit” she leaves while taking her phone out of her pocket. I text my best friend immediately like “yo bro Z is gonna call you and she is mad af”. In all honestly he should have thought that she’d talk with us about it and he should have had his story covered.
4th story: It's not your fault op you didn't know that the husband was cheating on his wife until she told you both her and her husband haven't done it for years until you told her. At least the hotels walls are thin or else op wouldn't be able to tell the wife that her own husband is cheating on her while they are in vacation.
Story 1: This is almost exactly what happened to my Dad, and he ended up physically and emotionally abusing my biological siblings and I. We have, for the most part distanced ourselves from my grandmother because of it, though she was always a pushover, especially after the drug abuse/sabotaging by M. My father's/grandma's abuser.
She may enjoy the perks of the open relationship now, but when he comes home and kicks her out because he's found "the love of his life," she won't be ready.
They're married, and presumably without any prenup (since it wasn't mentioned). So she'd still get a major payout, plus primary custody as she can prove he's been cheating while he, presumably, has no proof that SHE's been cheating.
She's got all the cards in this situation.
@@slimej2202
What? Her admitting to cheating with multiple partners and lying during the long fix-it phase means nothing and has no documentation? How do you figure that?
@@Richard_Nickerson they are talking about the second last story, not the one where OP cheated.
@@miniman649
Ah ok
Theres clearly a great income disparity between them, probably a significant education gap between them too. Its cheaper for him to keep her too. He'd most likely be on the hook for child support and alimony.
Make sure you guys take care of yourselves and drink water
As someone who's just spent the last 2 weeks passing fragments of a staghorn kidney stone, I approve of this message - DRINK WATER. Possibly with cranberry juice/capsules/tablets/Ural supplementing said water.
I hope your pillow is always perfectly chilled ❤
Thank you friend, wishing you the best
Your not my PO
Drinking some infused with red clover blossoms in honey it's a rather good blood purifier and doesn't taste that bad honestly
Story 3: Please don't take me as me defending OP. Cheating is a horrible thing to do. While OP did regret it and tried to build that relation back, his partner decided to stoop down to his level multiple times (since apparently she cheated with multiple people).
Think of the message this is sending to their children. that "it's okay to cheat if your partner cheats". I feel so bad for the kids I hope they never take after their parents, both of them suck.
And who was the one who begged her to stay??? If he really loved his wife like he claims, he would not of cheated.
Also, never believe anything a cheater says. They are the last people who word you should take as gospal.
OP has no right to complain or play victim. Beside, why should the wife stay loyal to him, when couldnt? She was doing him a favor by staying.
Last story: even if they have joint finances, they would still both profit off of OP paying off his debt and then using the 70 percent less that goes to his bills and saving it up and then buying the house if they both want to. Especially since basically all debts have huge interests.
Yep. Whatever he's paying towards those debts is all free and clear now. His most expensive yearly payments would be his homeowner's insurance and property taxes, which are typically a trifling amount compared to a monthly mortgage (and student debt and car payments). If they decide to move, whatever he makes on the house will go directly into the next one. There's no logical reason to do anything but pay off debt with that money.
@@tully6648 Yeah. I'm in a similar boat, although with way smaller debts and no personal home yet. My brother was an angel and paid off my credit card debt as a gift (I didn't ask him but he heard about it and as he's well off and had similar debts in his past he didn't want me to suffer like he did).
I'm saving up that money now and my relationship's rocky rn but if we do stay together then my plan to pay off my fiance's smaller debt with it, then we can budget the money from that as well and pay off his bigger debt and then use the money we would have otherwise paid for the three debts and save it up for a down payment for a home.
Story #1: OP is in the right. She needs to post all the screenshots of his arrest record and get her CPS file. Her mom and Hank are trash.
Third story while OP screwed around and found out, quite literally in this case, it shouldn't have been used as an excuse by his ex to sink to his level. Not saying OP doesn't deserve a nice dose of karma, but she went pretty far with it. They have two kids to raise and they need to be better people for their sake at least.
Edit: I can't believe I have to add this but cheating is never okay. Cheating in revenge is even less okay. No one said anything about forgiving OP either and he's a piece of shit. His wife is just as much a piece of shit because instead of dozens of other options, including leaving, she chose the one option sank to his level.
Obviously we can only assume, but if op is actually being honest and hasn't cheated since they got back together, op isn't the problem anymore. The wife is, and she's got major problems to figure out about herself because she's literally turned herself into a worker just because of one mistake her husband made. Which is far more toxic than op was. Op needs individual therapy, but that wife needs to get a conscience back.
@@aurorarowley7310 tough I agree she should just have left him, and that the best revenge is to forget and live your best life… let me tell you that cheating is not just “one mistake”. I love how this is forgivable for the man, but the woman needs to think about her child and she’s being toxic. Come on now! “She took it too far”, says who? And who says the husband was telling the truth?! People usually put in Reddit what will make them look better.
In the end, he is considerably worse than her for starting it.
Yeah, it's pretty low to sink to his level, but frankly? Fuck him, he kinda deserves it
@kiarar.1219 I feel like there's a massive difference between cheating one time and feeling horrible afterwards and sleeping around with multiple people and thinking it's ok. What if she caught something from one of them? What if their kids saw her with one of her hookups? This isn't a man vs woman thing it's a slept around once and felt horrible vs sleeping around a lot and doesn't care.
@@kiarar.1219don’t even PRETEND this is a sexism thing.
He cheated.
She cheated after condemning cheating, AND refused to take the same condemnation she herself gave to a cheater.
But the real reason she’s the toxic one here is because she gave false forgiveness. She looked someone in the eyes and said “I’m willing to move past what you’ve done and rebuild our relationship” while meaning NONE of that. She deliberately misled someone into attempting to rebuild a relationship she was actively sabotaging. That’s not only toxic, it’s self destructive.
The 4 years she spent stringing along the marriage could have been spent getting divorced, practicing co-parenting, getting used to the single life again, finding someone new, aka: *healing and growing.*
Now she’s gonna have to do all that during a global recession.
Anytime someone uses the phrase "my truth" it leads me to believe "their truth" isnt what actually happened but how they want things to be
2nd story. HE cheated, then he had the nerve to have a go at her! HE was in the wrong, for cheating. He took no responsibility for his actions, offered no apology, did nothing even to try to make amends, then he gets all high and mighty when she gave him a taste of his own medicine.
Why do so many of these husbands insist on having to go poly/open relationship right after the wife gets pregnant or gives birth???
That first story has a crazy amount of updates, i hope there is a follow up.
Guy with the cheating wife opened Pandora’s box and is shocked that he can’t close it again.
Yes the guy is in the wrong for cheating, but the wife is either stupid or thought she could have her cake and eat it too. "Oh.. but I just figured you were still cheating.." Then why are you with him? You're an idiot. "Well if you're going to cheat, I'm going to cheat too", you have children together! You're an idiot. Again, the guy was in the wrong for cheating but WTF is the wife doing? She's turning into a psychopath
Then she should've moved on for FFS. Don't put the kid through that toxic environment.
@@TheDeadlyBlueWolf true but I’m not talking about her
oh yes, blame the man who made up for his actions, while the wife took advantage of him? Be fr
@@ixnatallietheidiotxi8710Who cheat frist? This isn't a thing here you can "I'm sorry" and everything is fine, he cheat once so it means that cheating is fine, just cheat once is more that enough, cheating is only bad when he is at the receive end of it, the wife go back to him because of the kids, the love that she ever had for him was gone after he cheat and he also lying when said that he love his wife, if that was true he wouldn't need to cheat.
Last story : It is YOUR money. She's just a GF, not a wife. It's not hers. And even if you were married, IT'S STILL YOUR MONEY. An inheritance is sole property of the person it was ended to, even in a marriage, even in the event of a divorce.
Pay off your debt. Even as a down payment, no bank will loan anything to someone who already had $45k in debt, for which 70% of his expenses goes toward that. You will then be able to save that 70% toward another house if you want or toward upgrading your existing one. That GF can work if she wants a downpayment, no free handout.
Story 5: I gotta applaud OP. She's not taking any real advantage of it. She let her husband dig the hole. She's just...living her comfiest life now that hubby decided he wanted to go have his fun. And if he's happy, what's there to change if she's comfortable and happy? She can move on when she wants because of that very same agreement.
Full, absolute, honest-to-god kudos ma'am. I raise my pepsi to you.
What are you talking about?
The story is literally about her taking the advantages of the situation, instead of complaining about it!
But she couldn't just walk off with that life style, becuase her husband is literally financing her date nights/girls nights and taking of their children in that time.
Story 3: Tough luck OP. You opened your relationship by cheating and you should be glad that your wife apparently loves you enough to stay together with you. You simply cannot expect your wife to close it again, that boat sailed the moment you dropped your pants. I mean, you claim that you no longer sleep around, but why should your wife even believe anything a cheater says? She accepted that your relationship is open now and warmed up to the new reality, so get used to it or f*** off; you have no longer any right to expect her to stay faithful to you.
Yes the guy is in the wrong for cheating, but the wife is either stupid or thought she could have her cake and eat it too. "Oh.. but I just figured you were still cheating.." Then why are you with him? You're an idiot. "Well if you're going to cheat, I'm going to cheat too", you have children together! You're an idiot. Again, the guy was in the wrong for cheating but WTF is the wife doing? She's turning into a psychopath
Well They went to counseling and therapy and she pretended everything was fine so of course OP expected to go back to their previous relationship. She’s just as much of a scummy cheater as he is
So you fight fire with fire by sleeping with randos in your matrimonial bed? Wtf kind of dumb logic is that? They're both dumb and they both deserve what they get.
@@CompleteBoredom733
She's actually worse. He did it once, regrets it, and has made moves to fix it. However, she lied about fixing it, just assumed he was still doing it for some unknown reason, and is intentionally cheating (with multiple people) despite the fixing and the conversations and whatnot.
He made a scummy mistake, but she's making even scummier decisions here. There is no way you honestly see them on an equal plane.
@@Richard_Nickersonexactly. She should have been straight up and ended things instead of lying her way through couple's therapy. What she did was vindictive and spiteful, and was meant solely to shame and emasculate him. She's a manipulative piece of crap.
Story 3:
The number of people in these comments failing to see how the wife's behavior is objectively worse than OP's is baffling. Just because he's a man and she's a woman for many, just because he did it first for many others. Everyone ignoring that he actually regrets it and has done what he can to fix and move past it. Meanwhile, the woman lied about fixing it, lied about accepting his apology, assumed the worst of him for no actual reason, and is intentionally cheating with multiple people, laughing in his face, etc.
If you see OP as worse, or even that these 2 people are on equal footing, then you're unhinged yourself.
When his wife said she'd want a divorce with him because he took issue with her cheating, I'd just gladly accept the invitation. Good riddance.
Lets not forget he begged her to come back after he cheated.
Its not right, but he has no reason to conplain.
lets also not forget he was the one that cheated first
@@RandomTrinidadian No. If the guy says "I made a mistake, I want to make it up" then she has a choice, either accept he made a mistake and forgive him, or leave him. You don't pretend to accept his apology but then backstab him in return. That makes her twice as worse as he is
To clarify, I know he cheated first, but he was TRYING to be better, which you are ignoring here. People CAN change. When I'm trying to be decent just to be treated like garbage and constantly lied to, it makes me seriously wonder I even bother to tey. It feels pointless.
With that said, just because someone is bad first, SHOULD NOT justify you being just as bad or MUCH WORSE (like this case), unless you're literally being attacked, kidnapped, etc or something. For example, if a family member were to steal from me, that doesn't make it suddenly legal or even morally ok for me to steal in return or assault them when there are much more mature and better ways to handle the situation.
To be honest, even though I really hate cheater but op is actually trying to be better but the (hopefully ex) wife is getting worse than him when he cheated
I don't think she deserves op at this point because she is now went way below than his lowest
Thanks for all you do! Its always a joy listening to reddit stories early in the morning after work
We need an update to story 1.
Story 2: So eone buy OP a case of beers!
Story 3: "I love my wife!"
Then why the hell did you cheat? At this point, you have no right to complain or feel betrayed. No shoukd you be mad at your wife either.
Story 4: Nah, OP. Ur in the clear.
Story 3: No, he has a right to complain and feel betrayed. In response to his cheating once, she cheated on him multiple times and constantly for years. This is like responding to an arrow with a nuke. If she didn't trust him not to cheat, she shouldn't have worked on his marriage. He should be mad at her and divorce her.
@@akl2k7And who begged her to stay? Who didnt want to get a divorce?
OP has no right in this matter. He destroyed the marriage and refuses to accept that its over. Besides, he has proven he cant be loyal, why should his wife be loyal to him? He messed around and is finding out.
I bet if the gernders were reversed, you would not be thinking he is a victim some how.
@@RandomTrinidadian ive seen you in multiple comments now. but you really cant see past the fact she cheated for 4 years and he cheated once felt horrible and yes he begged her to stay to TRY TO FIX THE MARRIAGE and to TRY TO REEDEEM HIMSELF. yes what he did was horrible, and he should be condemned for it. but for the wife to go "sure i'll get back with you and try to fix the marriage" and then just not do that is worse. and yes if the roles were reversed i would say the exact fucking thing. then the wife should be condemned but if the husband in that scenario did what this wife did then he would also be worse than. its simple goddamn logic. and to just say "oh its karma" last i checked karma is "you did this wrong, then you'll get a punishment of the same weight" not "you did this wrong, so you'll get crushed by the punishment" and yes. seeing you type in multiple comments not even trying to see it from an unbiased perspective makes me think you're actually the one whos biased against one side.
@@BlueKitzune03hey, OP broke the marriage first. Why shoukd his wife still be loyal, when he obviouly couldnt loyal to her?
And i say again.... he was the ine who begged her to stay. So she should not complain.
And really, you belueve anything a cheater says? If it one thing you should realize, is that cheaters are unreliable narrators.
Story 1: I'm also a victim of identity trauma. My mom cheated on my dad with not just one other guy but two. We only found out about the 2nd one when I matched as a half sibling to my brother and sister during a DNA test when I was 25.
I've never had a relationship with my mother, she decided to let my dad have custody over us. My sister routinely danced over the boundaries and constantly tried getting her involved in all of our lives again, from our childhood into adulthood.
You don't realize how much of your identity is rooted in your family. Even though I luckily have a dad who is extremely understanding and still sees me as his son, that woman could have easily stolen my entire family from me. Its taken the past 4 years to rediscover who I am and how to fit that truth into my identity and I still feel lost sometimes. I've met my biological dad and he's a lot like my dad.
My dad actually encouraged me to speak to my biological dad if not to know where I came from, then to at least know medical history. However, this has caused some strain on outside relationships.... My grandma keeps thinking that talking to my biological dad is doing harm to the dad who raised me. I believe it's everyone's basic birthright to know their roots and to know where they've come from, but I can't help but feel as if my grandma is kind of gaslighting me on the whole situation.
Story 1: my husband recently went through this. When I met him, his mother was putting him through a 3rd last name change. When he married me, he took my last name because my father said it was cool (sadly, he passed 5 years before we got married) and my last name sounded better than the last name my MIL saddled my husband with. In order to do this, he had to bring tons of documentation to the DMV. He discovered his Step-father adopted him when he was 16. Not my husband - THE STEP-FATHER was only 16!! My MIL preyed on some poor kid that got emancipated and turned him into a abusive hateful jerk. He was only 8 years old than my husband! My husband really feels for OP in this story.
PSA for story 5 y’all, that shit ain’t poly, that’s just a dubious open relationship. poly relationships get a bad enough rep as is. poly does not mean a loophole to cheat, it’s just more than two people in a relationship. a loving relationship. forcing someone into a polycule is terrible. good for OP for making the best out of her situation though, absolute queen
1st story is personally so inspiring to me. Op is a champ
Story 6:
So, you're already in debt. You then inherit a good chunk of cash. And now her idea is to use the money to... get more debt?
That has got to be some kind of record in financial stupidity.
Yeah, shes a golddigger. Even if they were married, inheritance is NOT marital assets. She has zero right to that money.
That's the 'Murican dream right?
"Spend money you don't have, to impress people you don't care about"
Just the fact that the cease and desist letter in the first story was EIGHT PAGES makes it sound like it was from the adoptive father's letter and not a real letter from an attorney. I'm not an attorney, I just married one, and this sounds bogus.
14:51 Sue you do have a date, you are your date, we need to normalize taking ourselves on dates
That's a good idea, but why did you call her Sue?
@@ArcanineEspeonphone autocorrected from “sure” my b
The last story: "i got a $50k inheritance and dropped a lot of deadweight"
Story 3. Missed points.
OPs wife a) started after thier separation was over. b) She didnt think to bring it up at all? The were in couples therapy. c) yeah OP fucked arpund and found out, but the wife still knew exactly what she was doing shes not innocent
And who was the one who begged her to come back? Who was the one who broke the marriage. Why should she stay loyal to cheater?
Also, do you really think OP is avtuslly being honest? One thing you should know, is that cheaters always try to paint themselves as some kind of victim.
@RandomTrinidadian And? She is still also wrong? We are going off face value. Were you never taught 2 wrongs don't make it right? I was pointing out people are excusing her shitty behaviour because "he did it first"
"She keeps saying it's our money." Until the ring is on the finger and the "I do"s get said, you are two separate people. Stick with your plan, OP - you're smart, she's looking for the next step and can't see the pothole right in front of her. Debt free's the way to be.
People need to stop saying "my truth". Anything that isn't "The Truth" isn't true. It's true that OP's adoptive father abused her, but calling that fact "my truth" makes it sound like she's lying.
For the first story: The reason OP needs to take the Cease and Desist seriously is because a Cease and Desist is the formal, documented version of someone screaming "You'll be hearing from my lawyers!". If someone issues a cease and desist, they are more than likely prepared to go to court.
But yeah, if OP is telling the truth, OP has nothing to worry about. Truth is an absolute defense against defamation claims.
Last story: PLEASE don't waste your money on a house yet! Pay off the debts , it will benefit you in the long run. If you have to, break up with the GF but I hope it doesn't get to that point.
You learn a LOT about someone when you suddenly come into a lot of money. I hope OP pays attention here.
Story 3: hmmmm with the wife being that ok with it I think she was cheating on him beforehand and was just shocked and pissed he dared to do it back.... He should get a DNA test on the kids to make sure they are his.
Right when rslash said i’m not a lawyer i got an ad for a lawyer.
Unpopular opinion... in the cheating story the wife is just as at fault if not MORE then the husband. She decided to reconcile, which i wouldnt have done, and then went on to have MULTIPLE extramarital affairs. Also i do not even believe for a second that she didnt know the "friend" was coming that day. Judging from her calm, cold reaction she did that on purpose to get revenge. She wanted her husband to find out and be broken like she was before.
I say just leave the cheater. If you have it in your heart to be in a seemingly loving relationship and cheat anyways you arent any better then the one who hurt you.
The last story: I don know why (girls especially) think that just because the person they’re DATING got a bunch of money that they have a right to it. They don’t. If your bf happened to come into some money, and you’re reading this, this is for you. Unless there is a very real chance of getting married, like you and he have had discussions and your basically just waiting for him to buy the ring and pop the question, you have no rights to their money. There is still a very real chance that you all will split. In fact it’s a pretty common occurrence. If you’re engaged, they are the fiancé and not bf/gf. The title makes a difference. If you’re not tight enough for marriage to be a discussion, then you’re not tight enough to be entitled to any bit of their money. That’s just the honest truth. There’s even a chance that if you are engaged that everything could be called off. Basically, what I’m say is, unless you’ve said I Do, you have no right to anything they have. Of course that’s excluding common law marriage. I think if you’ve been with someone for 7 + years, you’re pretty much married whether or not you’ve signed the paperwork. Too many people see dollar signs instead of the person. And she’ll probably break up with OP after he pays his debt off. Obviously she doesn’t like his house or thinks she needs her name on something.
Story 3 Honestly, I get cheaters are bad and shit and most of the time there's zero forgiving a cheating partner. But I don't know WHY people stay with people who cheated if they don't trust them. To cheat on them like they had. To hurt them like they hurt you? What does that accomplish? What does that bring to your life? Move ON. The best revenge is living well.
She's OLDER THEN HIM. If you can find so many partners outside of a man you clearly don't trust, THEN WHY DID YOU GET BACK WITH HIM?? She clearly doesn't love him, doesn't even care about him. She could've moved on ages ago but she decided to stay stuck in the past. She hasn't even given him the opportunity to TRY and change, TRY and better himself. I wouldn't be surprised if this man genuinely spirals a cheaters path now because "What's the point in trying to better yourself if nobody will care? If it won't matter?"
People can do bad things and feel guilty for more reasons then 'I got caught'. There are nuances in everything. Yes there's the most basic of situations. "I cheated because I wanted to." "I cheated because you weren't paying attention to me." "I cheated because I was neglected." "I cheated because I liked the attention." "I cheated because I was drunk and horny." "I cheated because they were there."
Basically every time there's no GOOD reason to cheat. Obviously. But sometimes people are too immature to realize what they have until they go and fuck it up. And they NEED to learn the lesson. The consequences of their actions. That if you do something and you HURT someone you're meant to LOVE, they won't love you like the did anymore! You broke their trust, and their heart. And the ONLY thing that's right to do in that situation is let them go even if it hurts. Even if you're grasping the gravity of how badly you fucked up. You have to mourn that relationship like you killed them. Because you did. You killed the person they were when they were with you. And the people who go back into those relationships to be a ghost of who they were feels so toxic and manipulative.
"Don't yell at me, I'll divorce you. You cheated blank times blank ago." "You cheated on me blank times blank ago so I can fuck all these other people even if we're technically married and you can't say anything because you did it first." "You cheated on me blank times blank ago so I'm going to hurt you a hundred times worse then you hurt me."
She deserved better, absolutely, but she should've cut him loose ages ago. Not stuck around and play pretend with a man you clearly don't even care about anymore.
I think you missed the 2nd post's title, OP just said "what he did" and "got him arrested for it" and "found him in underground chatrooms talking about this"
I'm not the only one who noticed this right?
Hey, props to story 5 op. If it works, it works. Take the bag. The part I'm most impressed with is that the "husband" is following the rules he set up. She wants to "go out" and he takes over the house. Usually these turn into a rules for thee situation. Good luck explaining to the kiddo
If you're cheating just to get back at someone then that says a lot about your character
So on cheating wife story did OP fuck around and find out? Yes and no. He cheated, he admitted to it, sought counseling and tried to repair his relationship. He did everything in good faith. The wife however acted in bad faith to at least a 4 out of 5 butthole score. Good faith would have been asking for an open or poly relationship. The "I assumed you were cheating" is a red flag we've heard in some old tales rslash has read. Hopefully when the divorce happens the judge won't buy any b.s. from her given she gave OP the illusion of their relationship being back together.
Dabney is 100% CORRECT! Anyone can just go online and send a C&D... Also, suing for defamation is NOT easy... First you have to send a "letter" and ask for the person to retract... You have to then go on the same place that you put the defamed whatever, then they cannot sue you... You don't just go to a lawyer and say, SUE, THEY DEFAMED!! Nope, doesn't work like that... Plus, an 8 page C&D?? Yea, right... 😂😂
If they haven't been intimate in YEARS, you didn't ruin anything. It's been ruined for YEARS. Sounds like they were only together for the kid
This is what I was thinking. If they're not sleeping together despite being married and having a kid. There's something seriously wrong. It could be a health issue, but that means it needs to be addressed, not left to languish.
Story 4: Of anything you saved the wife the rest of her life, and now she can leave that a-hole. Cheaters always get caught, this isn't even the very uncommon way they get caught, next time you should be more quiet.
As soon as someone cheats, it’s over. There is no unringing that bell.
Story 2: This OP is a hero. The irl Punisher! (Says someone who’s barely read The Punisher and has only seen the game lol)