The Real Story of Jesus' Birth | Kevin Bridges: The Brand New Tour
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 พ.ย. 2024
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Joseph must have been a very VERY mentally strong individual.
Comedy superstar Kevin Bridges returns to the stage in 2018 with his sell out new show -- The Brand New Tour. The show was filmed as part of Kevin's UK and Ireland tour and his 19 night residency at the Glasgow Hydro.
It's written and performed by a comedian at the top of his game with Kevin giving his take on the modern world, social media, anxiety, religion, conversations with his dog and having Barack Obama as his support act.
This is by far Kevin's best show to date and really is a stand up masterclass.
Welcome to the OFFICIAL TH-cam channel of stand-up comedian Kevin Bridges. Where you can watch clips, compilations and full shows, along with more EXCLUSIVE content.
Subscribe to the channel here - bit.ly/3e93URd
Visit my website for future news and tour dates - www.kevinbridg....
#KevinBridges #StandUp #Comedy
This is by far one of my favourite stand up bits. Never gets old, no matter how many times I've watched it.
So good!
Doesn't matter how many times I see this clip, I enter up crying laughing, fucking genius writing Kevin
'I END up crying..'. How the devil does 'Enter up' make sense in English?
@@christopherwheeler688 obviously a typo you pedant, get a grip mate!
@@christopherwheeler688 maybe it was one of them very popular things called 'a typo' I wouldn't get too worked up mate.......or he could have just been off his tits and typingwith his forehead, we've all been there
@@christopherwheeler688lol be quiet I’m a Christian aswell but not a single part of this was offensive go to a Ricky gevais comment section
@@christopherwheeler688lol be quiet I’m a Christian aswell but not a single part of this was offensive go to a Ricky gevais comment section
"Not a plasterer in Bethlehem made a penny" LMFAO
class,
Probs cos they lived in Nazareth lol
What's a plasterer
@@franklinmt3680 A person who puts plaster on walls. Back then they decorated walls too.
Epic.
Having worked a number of sites, I can imagine the conversation being at least that bad. However I do think that any site would come back when he said about turning water into wine by asking why not beer.
I imagine the wine was Buckfast 😂😂😂
@@ocdmusic 😂😂😂 without a doubt!
Beer was an Egyptian thing at that time.
They would be like can you not make a Mans drink.
"Not a plasterer in Bethlehem made a penny out of Mary's announcement!!" Utter genius!!!
Mary's virgin explenation made joseph suspect upstairs neighbour
That's how i remember my planets
there are nine planets... you missed the "p" planet.
what is the "p" being suspected?😀
@@rob664664 Has Pluto been promoted back to planet status again?
@@thelibraryismyhappyplace1618 did my planets while at school in the 70s... and Pluto was still an A lister. Clearly someone hasn't read the 2006 memo on Pluto's demotion. Thanks for bringing me into current reality.
@@rob664664 I also learnt 9 planets back in the day. My nieces came home with new rhymes and mnemonics when the changeover happened.
Mary's virgin explanation made Joseph suspect upstairs neighbor's prick. There. Done. You're welcome, Pluto. Let's see the naysayers steal your glory now.
Jesus was supposed to be a carpenter but couldn't pull a nail out to save his life!
😆
@@BrotherChad 🤣
Too many splinters to endure afterwards. So Jesus remained nailed.
Dude!! I was watching this and just glanced down at the comment and almost wet myself ....belter lol
😂😭
Fantastic! 😂👏👏👏
Love the way he skirts around blasphemy without it really being blasphemy. Far cleverer than straight up blasphemy!
Blasphemy 😂😂 in the age of reason
It's All truth about the sky Wizard stories made up by who exactly???
It is straight up blasphemy, ya weapon. That's what makes it funny ffs.
No such thing as blasphemy ...😊
Blasphemy is a victimless crime.
This is one of the best comedy segments I have ever seen. Well done Kev
so true
I'm catholic and by all rights I should be well offended but that is absolute quality. I've seen it before but it always makes me laugh!
Hail hail
@@remyfriel4748 I don't know what that means but I'm sure its hilarious.
Why should you be offended? Your god is big enough to fight it's own battles and the world still seems to be spinning since Kev.I.N told these jokes so I guess the 'big guy' isn't too bothered by it all.
Totally agree 🎉❤
Somehow I don't think that either God or Jesus are/were Catholic so they won't be offended.
You're killing it Kev! Love it.
Joseph, the first simp
"Joseph, I got impregnated by God"
"Didgye, aye?"....
Genius writing. Right up to the line yet never over. Point made perfectly too.
Not according to the whiny God-botherers in the comments...
Pure genius. This is one of Kev's best ever.
As an Englishman I love Kev taking the piss out of my country and the fools who run it 👍😃
Does he do a different routine when he’s playing Wales, N Ireland or Ireland where he jokes about their country and those in charge?
No one in Wales or NI are in charge of their country Nige.
@@ianmacewan9416 Or England.
Nah. We all think you're cunts 😉
@@ianmacewan9416 England only country without a parliament
@@boofuu3145 It is called Westminster, in the capitol of England called London. at least two thirds of the scum in the place are English doing whatever England wants when they feel like it. It is comonly called the English parliament by most English and the politicians in it. It is logically and factually the ENGLISH parliament. THAT is why it can never be made the ENGLISH parliament. It is impossible to make the same thing twice.
I love Kevin Bridges and this is a great routine. I'm sure he wouldn't mind me pointing out that at least some of the inspiration must have come from 'The Crucifixion' by Billy Connolly from 1974.
I was thinking the same thing.
Greatly presented - very funny I guess the others on the building site couldnt rush home during lunch break to tell their wives about crazeee Mary... as they also had to wait for their wives to get home from junior high school too.
Love this one, Kevin! It's always funnier when someone just calls a spade a spade and doesn't care about the candy-coated absurdity.
PS: Your accent broke TH-cam's closed captions! Hahahahah!!!
I noticed that. You'd better be able to understand Kevin's accent, because you're not getting shit for help from the captions LOL.
@@62swampboy62 he tones it down, down south; like Billy Connelly did. His original albums needed a translator.
Yeh... looking forward to his take on Mohammed becoming a prophet.
When you get cervical cancer, it will be a punishment from God
His accent becomes a running joke with chat show hosts. Jonathan Ross always brings it up every time he is on his show specially, every single time.
One of the best stand up routines ever !
Thank u for helping start the day little less heavy....this is absolutely superb
Perfect ....this tickled my almighty sense of humour over here this morning; a Monday morning at that! It went sailing off into the nebulous because I had something fun, something cleverly put together for our amusement and entertainment: God love you, Kevin Bridges!
[season's greetings from across the great oceans]
Genius...sooo clever... and brilliantly presented. Did you write this material yourself? Whoever wrote it take a bow.
‘Mary’, was twelve (12) years old when she conceived, ‘Joseph’ was 60 or 70 depending on interpretation. She was ‘given’ to Joseph’s family as part of the annual rent as Joseph’s family was Mary’s family feudal landlord, therefore thirteen (13) when she gave birth to ‘Youshia’
For F...sake...this is why all religions are bullshit
Enjoy your night mate
Literally watched this sketch countless times and I just bloody love it... "you think that's impressive let me go find a blind c***"😂😂😂😂😂
This man allows me to go to bed with a smile.....funny as fuck
Could you imagine the staying power Mary had to have to keep that story going for so long 😮
`Out the back making a rocking horse` :-)))))
Actually tremendous standard of quality this guy keeps up
Big Jesus fan. That was great. Pretty much exactly what everyone would have thought then. Considered preaching???
This might be one of the smartest and funniest jokes ever told.
Kevin Bridges. You're an absolute fucking legend. There's something in that Glaswegian water.
It's called Scotch Whiskey.
@@Firedog-ny3cq I hope Scotland stay in the UK. They are just the best, hard working salt of the earth people. With the greatest sense of humour. It would be like your favourite, funny as fuck uncle dying in front of you to a bear mauling.
A great single malt to try. "The Singleton" cracking sip.
@@Firedog-ny3cq I think you mean a "Botla Bucky "
Too think we all were brainwashed by these extraordinary stories..
Good point
These extraordinarily badly written, made up fantasy tales that don't even agree with each other on major points of the stories. It's incredible that there are still so many believers in this day and age.
Cheers.
One too many o’s But ok
@@sandormccann2546 this clown was married in St Peters Patrick I would have chased him for his disgraceful and deeply disrespectful nonsense
Blasphemously beautiful. Better than anything you'd find in the Wholly Babble or the Buy Bull.
First time I've seen this - best yet! Literally, nearly pished masen. Fkin brillyant Kevin!
😂👏😂👏 The wee man
This has to be the most brilliant segment of stand up comedy ever written and executed
It's good, but for me the "bus stop" story has the edge 😂
Look for 'The Cricifixion' by Billy Connolly. It's this on steroids.
Bus stop is the OG!
love you Kevin Bridges from New Zealand
That's a new and original take on the virgin birth story.
It seems so ripe for comedy, yet I've never seen it presented in this way before. lol
I really hope he stretches that routine out beyond this meagre clip, so much so I'm now going to seek out & watch the entire thing! 😁
Job done, Kev!
Not only a great ad for your video, but I've now subscribed to your TH-cam channel and intend to follow you on twitter, if I don't already! lol*
*I probably do, tbh! 😁
I think the comedian whose work most has ‘actual genius’ written on it is Kevin Bridges. This is the purest humour.
This is one of his best.
Enjoy this sketch while its on here....I give it a week before its removed
One of KB finest moments pure genius
A year later…..
Kevin bridges and now the much missed Sean lock , best we’ve had for years I think
It was the ........ "Ejaculate Conception" ????????
I find this so funny, I reconnected with God whilst in prison, wish they played this in chapel on a Sunday, would of went down a treat. The very fact Kevin says that he hopes its true gives use all hope, Joe Rogen saying that the concept of Jesus is an amazing Story is also lifting. Rimmer always knew there was a Silcon Heaven {Red DeWarf}. Faith Paslm 3.
Yeah, it would nice if it was all true. But then again, it would be nice if I suddenly inherited £50m and married Ana de Armas, but I’m not holding my breath.
You, literally make my life livable, funny as fuck....thank you😅😅
This had me absolutely crying laughing last night. One of the funniest things I've ever seen 😂👏🏼
We know with some degree of accuracy when “John the Baptist” was born, thus from that fact We can deductively reason that Jesus was actually born in late September.
We don't 'know' anything about Jesus. Most likely a myth or a compilation of different tales about different people.
It's all bullshit anyways.
"As shepherd's watched their flocks by night "
Lived over 2000 years ago and we still talk about him like we all knew him. Quite a guy that Jesus.
Aye, pretty good going for a fictional fairy tale character right enough.
@@sandormccann2546*historical figure
@@Oilipsy There is not an iota of evidence that such a person ever existed. He is NOT an historical figure, just another mythical demi god.
@@sandormccann2546 well have you actually put research in the subject? I expect someone like you to look into Jesus and Christianity and then say you don’t believe he existed. And I don’t think you believe the Bible either.
Also correction: in Christianity, Jesus IS god, not just a demigod. He is God(father) brought into human flesh(son). Meaning they including the Holy Spirit make up the same god. If you want to slander the religion get your facts straight, buddy.
@@Oilipsy Yes, I have done the research. I was a christian for over thirty years and then realised that some of the most horrific atrocities ever perpetrated by humans were committed by religious zealots who believed that they were committing those vile crimes in the name of god. I could not reconcile the torture, enslavement and mass murder of totally innocent people by the servants of a good god. I could not rationalise how a good, caring and loving god could permit his servants, (or any people for that matter), to commit atrocities in his name. It made no sense.
I started researching how this could be and found that other researchers had beaten me to the punch. My problem is fairly easily solved if no god exists. It was then that I found out that there is an entire body of study that has proved that the bible is a work of fiction. There is no evidence for the fantastic stories contained in those books.
There is no archaeological evidence for any of the stories in the old testament and none at all for the fantasies in the new testament either.
Not a single word was written by or about the Jesus character during the time period when he was supposed to have been alive. The first writings to mention him are the letters of Paul, who didn't mention a mortal man at all, merely a spirit. He never met the Jesus character and wrote about the spirit about 25 years after the supposed execution of the Jesus guy.
The next writings were those found in the four synoptic gospels. those falsely attributed to the disciples Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. All four of those gospels are totally anonymous. Scholars have absolutely no idea who wrote them at all.
It is difficult to slander something that is totally based upon lies, deceit and profound misunderstandings. Of course he is portrayed as a demigod, half god and half human. Your idiotic zombie rabbi death cult has addled your brain. The Jesus character is the epitome of a demi-god and he is just as fake as all the other demi-gods scattered throughout human mythology.
Immaculate conception... yeah, that's why three dudes rocked up at the birth with gifts.
Actually, it was at least two years before the magi gave the three gifts. They were never there when he was a baby.
Absolutely BRILLIANT!!!!
Joe’s mates were thinking “she’s a slag”
4:57 At least Joe was a father who was actually present
In tears! Brilliant. I'm going to send this video all over the place. Thanks Mr KB.
Gold!
"Wee man." (Waves away the pot smoke.)
Funniest bloody comedy sketch I’ve ever heard!
This is hilarious, thanks for making me literally laugh out loud x
As tedious as it is that Kevin keeps uploading the same clips from his gigs, this segment is always gas. Tied with the Friends Like Greece and Bus Stop stories
Wee hoose rice completes the set
Wee Mental Davy. Apprentice joiner. Father of six.
Fabulous 🤣🤣🤣
This is how 16 years old boy for Glasgow looks. 🤣
Great act Kevin. Now lets see you do the the same for the fella from the Horn of Arabia
YAWWWN, Comedy has to be relevant to the understanding of the audience. Why the fk would He make the jokes about a religion the audience barely understands? Also, He is a comedian, not a preacher or political commentator .
@@manu-tonyo9654 Good cop out! That's how you chicken out of a conversation. The reality is! He said something about Islam.. he'd be hunted! Plain and simple! They donot tolerate bullshit about Islam! God on them I say!
@@manu-tonyo9654 Oh everyone understands the world's most intolerant superstitious beliefs system and the quisling apologists who jump to excuse it.
Why should he? Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the virgin birth are also in the Quran, so with this sketch he's also poking fun at Islamic beliefs.
We know he's not poking fun at any Islamic beliefs here. Just like every other supposedly irreverent comedian or rebellious musician who will go to town on Christianity, he daren't go anywhere near a certain other religion with the same disrespect because he hasn't the balls. By the way, I'm not religious in any way myself.
I'm absolutely scunnered was meant go see him in November there daughter got tickets Xmas last year . I couldn't go had let daughter n her pal go see him .. il be there next time but defo .. pride of Glasgow. Our very own kev.i.n bridges absolute legend.. and good TIM LOL HAILHAIL
Brilliant Kev,👍 Now do one on Mohammad.
Comedians have not got the bollocks to go there. They no what will happen.
@@theunionofjackbeanie2464 spot on mate, pretending to be edgy but actually on safe ground. Although I did laugh. If there was such a thing as Christian fundamentalists here ,he wouldn’t have opened his mouth.
@@bigbird6039 Totally agree. Good that you pointed it out.
Why don't you do one on Mohammad?
@@theunionofjackbeanie2464 no.
you kill me dude !!
Merry Christmas 🎁🎄
Man I wish he would come to Texas! Or if I could see him in the UK somewhere
That joke in Texas? Do you want Kevin dead mate?
@@vishavkishore Of course not! But nah he can do that joke in the big cities lol i wouldn't recommend going anywhere else 😅
@@vishavkishoreatheist community of Austin Texas...😉😉😉
If he came out with this trash in Texas, he would be going home in a body bag
@@MB-eg3fi it's possible, but I doubt the radical christians would come to see him anyway
On the money, Mr Bridges 🙂
I don't believe Jesus was ever a Carpenter.
I have listened to ALL their tracks, and he wasn't on even one of them!
They didn't give him producer credits for contractual reasons.
People say Jesus had no vices, he was a carpenter of course he had vices
If Bethlehem was in Scotland, this would be 100% true!!!!!!
There is a village called Bethlehem in Scotland...
@robrenwick4591 hahaha oh my god that's amazing!!!! No sarcasm meant, genuinely I never knew that!! Dunno why, but you've just cheered my day up 😁❤️
Jesus went to the inn with a box of nails and said to the innkeeper "can you put me up for the night".😂
Very poor taste. Have you any jokes about Mohammed?
@@renwick_ro67267 yep, he was a paedo, oh wait 🤔 that's not a joke that's the truth.
Plenty @@renwick_ro67267
This gag will never EVER not be fuckin hilarious 🤣
Absolutely dead 😂
Fucking hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Mary was heard "Oh God!!"
Pure gold 😂😂😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Just love this episode... Its hilarious😂😂😂
Sam Kinnison called - wants his bit back.
Come on we find a blind cnt watch this one 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Jesus was the first to get nailed at a diddy party.
Joseph batted for the other side, hence why Mary , having endured virginity for the whole relationship decided to become impregnated by the divine
In fairness, she was only about 13 at the time.
I bet Jesus was on that cross thinking Joe wouldn't have asked him to die for anyone's sins.
Oh my god... I think I just burst a blood vessel laughing!
This is hilarious!!!!
This guy is so clever.
I always get lost at "to save the world from sin". The world 2000 years on went through crusades, dark ages, battles, genocides, civil wars, world wars etc. That's gods idea of ridding the world from sin? If anything things have got worse. There were no nukes or guns 2000 years ago.
3:58 and 4:31 killed me and never fail to make me laugh 😂
Been saying this for 40 years
What a F&#@ing star!!!
Respect to Mary for the long haul;
teaching Jesus magic tricks, and actually making him start a religion, and convince people he's the son of said supposed father in the sky.
We can conclude from this, however... that either the milkman or the postman is God.
It was the shepherd.
I am putting your photo on a paedophile hunting website
Except they wrote about his coming in the old testament. No religion was started with the birth of the saviour; he only explained that the way to God was through him. The first time people actually started referring to themselves as anything other than Jews following Christ was around 200AD, and even until 400AD the term 'Christian' didn't come up. Me thinks you should brush up on your history, because even objectively speaking your heresy isnt substantiated to any reasonable degree. Next!
I love this guy....
This needs to be made into a film 🤣
Hahahahahahahahahaha classic and makes sense 😅
😂😂brilliant fs😂
I just wonder what wacky backy they smoked in those days.😅😅
This is brilliant 😆
Joseph was the only virgin in the stable.
KEVIN …NAILED IT
Jesus once said "he who lives by the sword shall die by the sword"
And he should know best given he was a carpenter who died by getting nailed to a piece of wood
Let's go back to yours Joe, wake up the wee man. Fucking Yes!!! Always gets me!!
Probably a Brickys the gods of the building trade