Hes 9. Not only is he old enough to know why he's being excluded, he's old enough to take it to heart and not forget. Hope the step-dad isn't one anymore
Thisss though. My stepmom never went to bat for me when I was being slighted and it was because not only did she never think of me as her own kid, I was adopted by my dad so she never thought of me as his either. It may never be explicitly stated, but kids know what’s up
I think the OP of the alcohol post was only called the asshole because of the way they phrased it. Either way, I don't think they're the asshole. I'm an adult and I drink occasionally, but I have a family history of alcoholism so I'm careful about it, so it bothers me when other people NEED alcohol to have a fun time. Especially family gatherings... No one should be giving my family alcohol, it's already chaotic enough without it
They sure sound like an asshole. I might have an issue with people telling me what not to do but the entire phrasing of: it’s time to grow up and stuff would’ve definitely caused me to go to the sister in laws party instead.
@@Anna-zi7sx True, but we have no idea how the OP actually spoke about it to the family. They could be sounding extra bitter in the reddit post because they're writing it after all the fighting has already happened
@@BrandiG31 yeah, but we’ll never know. I’m just saying in this post they truly don’t represent themself like a likeable person. I understand not wanting to drink alcohol and even not wanting it in their house. But to look down on adults and call them childish for wanting to drink at a holiday party is just rude as well :/ but in the end we don’t know OP personally, same with their partners family.
Honestly, calling your partner "ridiculous" automatically makes you an a-hole. He doesn't seem to care about her feelings and why this is important to her and their stepson. If my husband ever told me I was being ridiculous over anything, that would push me further away from him and make me feel like I couldn't trust him.
I want to adopt children at some point so I certainly don't want partners who are going to behave like this. I'm also queer/trans/poly though so it's not like anyones who want to raise a family with me would be expecting us all to be blood related regardless.
@@solsystem1342queer/trans/poly AND a system?? Are we twins?? /j In all seriousness though, all those factors are gonna work against you in trying to adopt, unfortunately. Make sure you only disclose what you have to, and ik diagnoses can work against you so you might want to keep things off the record for the time being if that’s a possibility. Best of luck and I hope you are able to successfully adopt someday 🖤
It just feels like the same sentiment as gaslighting. Saying someone is ridiculous almost implies that they’re being illogical and can’t think straight. If you feel like someone is being illogical, it’s most likely because you dont understand them or their stance.
@@elitecarbonninja4429not really, people can do ridiculous things and if someone called them that it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily gaslighting😅. I don’t think illogical and ridiculous are at all related they aren’t synonyms of each other
@@cdrockett6779 True, but I think the point is that, even when someone is being irrational or letting emotion get the best of them, a partner should still consider that while the problem is "not real," their partner's feelings about it ARE real. There are definitely ways to help your partner come back to reason while also validating them and keeping them comfortable with you. Doesn't have to be one or the other 🙂
On story 2, I think what she meant by "grow up" was binge drinking and frat boy culture. Young people especially in their early 20's can have a very different relationship with alcohol that they hopefully mature out of. If OP's family regularly turns Christmas into a frat party it would explain the "grow up" mentality
Good on that mom for standing up for her son. The stepdad and grandmother can say it's "only" a stocking all they want. But that's exactly the point. Something like a stocking is such a simple way to make the kid feel like he's part of the family.
He should be no question. No person should be a stepparent unless they are going to love their kids just as much whether they were a part of their birth or not.
yeah this is insane, I went over to my boyfriends family for the first time on christmas and both his mum and dad (divorced) got me presents and a stocking! It was definitely overkill for a 21 year old and honestly I was expecting nothing but it was really sweet and I think they wanted to go all out because I’m from a different country
Yeah if it's not that big a deal, then just go out and buy one. "We love him but we see no problem with excluding him when it would take 5 minutes and a few bucks to make him feel included."
I agree! I'm still salty about the time my uncles got all my cousins and half siblings soda except me and my brother cuz he hates my mom, it's the little stuff that sticks
my adopted sister was 16 (almost 17) when she started living with us, and she got glitter-glue-name stockings from my parents AND my grandparents the first year she was there, because all the other grandkids had them and we wanted her to feel like a part of the family. it's little things like that make people feel like family and not just acquaintances who happen to live together.
As the step-grandchild who was constantly othered by my grandma and made to feel left out, it's not about a stupid stocking decoration. If guy thinks that what it is, he either doesn't care or is willfully ignorant. It's absolutely a statement about not including the kid. Kids don't always remember all the times they were made to feel like part of something but they will definitely remember being excluded.
For the alcohol one, I think it’s definitely within her rights to not want alcohol in her home, especially if it’s a trauma trigger. But the issue seems to be a lack of communication; it seems like everyone is just being petty and passive aggressive. Like I feel like there are some easy solutions- maybe have Christmas dinner at OP’s house and then there can be an after party at the sister’s
it really wouldn’t of been that hard for either of them to send a quick text like “hey! i have a fun idea that can compromise for us both to host! (insert idea here)”
The alcohol at Christmas story reminds me of my parents’ wedding. Most of my mom’s side of the fam are alcoholics and quite rowdy ones at that. My dads mom had an alcoholic father and I lot of violent alcoholism on her side of the family. Neither of my parents drink frequently so they wanted a dry wedding. Everyone seemed fine with this and there was no alcohol at the ceremony or reception. however, my mom’s parents secretly made a mini bar in their hotel room and had many of the guests over. Everyone was drunk and my mom was pissed. I’m definitely biased because I also avoid alcohol and I have other problems with that side of the family, but when it comes to having a dry event due to trauma with alcoholism I think it’s something that should be respected. I don’t think OP’s story is exactly the same because their SIL hosted a separate party instead of sneaking alcohol in, but I can sympathize with OP. Idk about the whole alcohol being childish thing tho
I am quite young and enjoy drinking quite a lot but if you can't give up alcohol for one night you should rethink your relationship with it altogether... (Furthermore, if it is something personal like a trauma, religious beliefs, etc, I would not have an issue with it. like why such a big deeeeal)
IMO it's also a lot different when there are actual alcoholics present vs someone who just had an issue with an alcoholic in their life. She didn't claim that the family were alcoholics, just that they like to drink at the holiday parties.
@@sadmo5236 You say "give it up for one night" but holiday TRADITIONS are literally built on drinking. There are people who ONLY drink during the holidays. It's been that way for literally thousands of years of human history at this point, holidays are times society specifically deems it completely acceptable to drink, even if you're a very responsible person and don't usually. This wasn't an everyday weekend party. It's an entire family tradition she wants to change just for her.
When I was younger, I had a similar impression that drinking alcohol was the immature thing to do. It's fairly common where I live for teenagers to drink underage, and I saw it as being something that the rowdy kids with no self control did. I made some similar comments to OP every now and then because I felt like I was punching up, since I felt pressured to drink to fit in (still very real, being the only person who doesn't drink during family events!). OP probably hasn't been able to look their issues in the eye and consider how to stay calm about them yet.
@@ezraoberheim1081 she did not want to change the familiy tradition but have it altered for one single occasion when it is IN HER HOME to apply to the rules of HER HOUSE that one time that it will be hosted at HER HOUSE.
Hobby Lobby fired me for asking for time off to go to my grandfather's funeral last year around Christmas. (I only took the job because it paid so well) My grandfather passed just before Christmas last year due to complications left over from Vietnam, so I asked for a week off to be with my family and help with the funeral/clearing out the house. I was written up, called into the manager's office, and then she told me that I was going to have to be let go because they don't tolerate people falsifying family emergencies just to get extra time off on the holidays. The worst part was running into my old manager a few months later at the grocery store. She stopped me and apologised along the lines of "I saw your grandfather's obituary in the newspaper. I guess he did actually die. So sorry."
bro does every hobby lobby just have the worst management wtf. i wasn't fired for this but when i still worked there i had twisted my ankle doing something at home. i'd called off and the manager got onto me for getting hurt outside of work and to be more careful cause i was needed there. i mean fair but i can't help that accidents happen. you don't treat your worker like that. i hated it there sm i just needed a job
@@dinogrl4102 No one of my coworkers got offed for almost the same thing. She broke her foot outside of work and she got written up for “not giving enough time beforehand to schedule off her surgery” as if she was supposed to just know that she was gonna break her foot. Like that was the only reason, not enough time given before call-off notice. HL just sucks
Wtaf It would be rude to ask for proof of death, to be sure... but seems better to check that box than to simply assume it's a fabrication and fire someone? Idk that's just me
I can't explain how infuriating the Christmas party alcohol story is. I've also had trauma relating to alcohol, and I do everything in my power to keep myself away from it. So I can imagine myself in her shoes, throwing a party with a no alcohol rule... Then my partner's sibling turning around and throwing a huge party when it's supposed to be my turn, and inviting everyone! That would shatter my heart! Especially if my partners said that I'M creating all the drama. Then getting mad that I want them to stay with me for Christmas.
Thinking that other people have to do something because you do it, is silly. The OP is clearly judge mental, and why would you want to spend the holiday with someone so judgmental? Maybe 2 drink max would make sense. I'd be the person throwing the other party.
I don't see it as a big ask. Just hold off for a few hours, as if you don't, things could go really badly. Yes, OP was pretty rude and judgmental... After everything went down. We don't know how they acted during the events they described. Even a single drink can make some people fly off the handle. And even if one isn't enough, who's to say they won't sneak one more? And maybe another after that... I'm not saying it WILL happen, but the whole mentality of "One more can't hurt" is extremely enticing. To throw a different party on the same night at the same time, inviting everyone, when there are so many other options? That's just sending all sorts of messages to the person who's turn it is, and all of them are really harsh. It's understandable that they didn't go... But it's equally rude. And throwing that second party when you could have done any number of other things? There's really no good excuse.
@@rmh8940 OP is being overly judgmental, i wont disagree. at that point i would just hope my family / friends / ect cared enough about me to put down a non-necessity for just one holiday. the fact she has trauma surrounding it makes it a reasonable request imo
It’s so weird to me to not be able to go to a party without alcohol. I’ve been sober for 4 years, and I’m still shocked that no alcohol is seen as a bad party
I mean I think we have to consider if not having alcohol is the real reason they aren’t coming. It’s a pretty extreme thing to do just because of alcohol after all. It seems more likely they just don’t like OP and her judgemental attitude. OP doesn’t understand it’s her attitude and not the lack of alcohol so she feel rejected and sad and doubles down, further pushing her in-laws away. Interpersonal relationships seem way more likely to result in this behavior than just not wanting to not drink a drink.
@@MissCaraMint Also I don't drink but controlling people as if they're toddlers is a big no for me I would refuse to go too. They're all adults if they wanna drink they can drink (unless they're all alcoholics which op didn't say.) it's a family party OP makes it seem like it's a party for themselves.
@@suitdoggy4707 Yes I don’t really drink either because of my medication, and have lots of friends who don’t drink, and some who do. Never has anyone had to “ban” alcohol in order to have a nice alcohol free gathering. It’s just about communication. “I would like to have a nice quiet alcohol free evening” is enough to get people to not bring alcohol to the event in question.
EXACTLYYY no one treats it like a drug despite it very much being a drug because it just so happens to be readily available. The family has an alcoholism problem and everyone is encouraging it
Imo ESH is the correct ruling, the tone of the post is really what tips them into AH territory for me-I would really not be surprised if they were making snide and judgmental comments to the drinkers in the family. Personally I think a no alcohol allowed rule in your own home is super valid, it’s their attitude that’s the problem tbh
Imagine how the little 9 year old will feel if he goes to a party and he is the only one of the children that wasn't included in the family tradition. Even if the grandmother doesn't consider the kid her grandson, she should consider the kids feelings and even if something happen with the relationship and they split up in the future the only thing that the grandmother has to do is not use the stocking next christmas, it doesn't hurt her in any way to put a stocking for that boy this christmas. Edit: and its very sad that she doesn't consider the child her grandson
Yeah like seriously, my mom always makes small gifts for kids of her friends, or even accident guests kids (that happens lol) what to talk about kids that are in family? Like even if they are adopted or something like that, how does it change the fact that it's an innocent kid
It would be one thing if he was just dating the mom, but the fact that they’re married and the mil doesn’t consider him to be a grandchild really says something
as someone who used to attend someone else's family gatherings as a kid, I definitely felt left out. it's not right to leave someone out just because, but it takes an even eviler person to disregard a child that has come into the family just because they are not blood related.
My issue with the holiday party one is just the attitude she carried on about it. And for the one with the stockings??? Holy shit. My mom isn't even married to my stepdad for real for real, but after only being together for 2-3 years at that point when we finally met his mother, she made me and my brother hand knitted stockings to match the rest of the family! AND SHE MADE ONE FOR MY FIANCE!!! Like it is so not hard to be loving and open.
Yeah my grandparents often have been the type to go out last minute to get stuff for someone who maybe showed up unexpected or if one of my cousins had a partner they were bringing to Christmas with them, it's so wild to see that years have gone by and the grandmother and step father both don't see it as necessary to include the child. If I was that child I would feel terrible if I did end up being forced to go
Yea, a friend of mine didn't have anyone to celebrate Christmas with, a few years back, and I asked my mom if my husband and I could bring him last minute. Guess what, she even made sure to get him a small gift (we had one for him too), so he wouldn't feel left out when every one unwrapped theirs. He now has a partner of 2 years and celebrates Christmas with his quasi-inlaws.
The story about the MIL not feeling “comfortable” hanging a Christmas stocking with the step grandson’s name on it makes me so sad. What’s even sadder is stepdad not being able to see that this sends the message, “because you’re not my grandchild by blood, you’re excluded.” to a 9 year old child.
The situation with the step son made me upset as someone who just became a step dad. If my parents pulled that shit with my kid I would give them hell for it
this is so small and i’m so late but hearing your refer to your kid as your kid made me very happy. i hope all is still well and that you’ve been a great step dad
for the second story, i honestly think OP has every right to feel the way they do about alcohol. they do have their personal issues and it isnt ok for them to look down on those who do drink but the sister in law definitely sniped at OP by throwing her own party dispite it being OPs year. i dont think theyre an AH but thats just my thoughts.
Right. Ideal situation, SIL talks to op directly and figures out a compromise. Like no drinks until after 9:00pm or an after party at SIL's house. For some people drinking is a big part of how they celebrate and I think that's fine if they're responsible, but it seems petty to just force a drinking party in when someone's clearly uncomfortable with it.
@@sighcantthinkofaname EXACTLY OMG, it's the way everything could be solved with communication, or of she feels comfortable doing so she could tell them why she's banning alcohol from the party ( if she hasn't already, and if she's comfortable) if they try to tell her, her reasoning is invalid and stupid. They're the asshole.
Given AITA is a binary option and is kind of used just to mean "Did I make a mistake?", then I'd say that OP is in this case. Not so much for wanting a dry xmas at their house, but I get implications that they make a deal about alcohol a lot in condescending ways, just based on the condescension in their post, and the way they're throwing a hissy fit over other people taking umbrage to it is a bit being the A. That being said, the SIL throwing a counter-party means that they are as well. Its assholes all the way down to varying extents.
I can’t imagine literally starting a whole separate Christmas party even when it was someone else’s turn to host KNOWING the whole family will go to yours and leave your brother and his wife all alone on Christmas Eve because you couldn’t live for ONE NIGHT without getting sloshed. Just… drink when you get home? Or have an after party? Idk that just seems incredibly childish to me and speaks volumes about just how dependent this family seems on alcohol. I understand why OP wouldn’t want them drinking at her place.
tbh, people commenting "omg why are you so pushy about this no alcohol rule you are the asshole!1!1!1!1" sent me to the orbit. maybe because i can very strongly relate to the disgust of alcohol, but i'd say that person wasn't an asshole at all. it seems like the whole family was agreeing to have them as a host and only later they decided to throw a fit, which seems quite bitchy to me.
I don't get why everyone is so hyper-focused on the phrasing. In context, she's probably thinking the people she's talking about are childish drinkers. Or maybe not. Phrasing on one post when you're frustrated is incidental.
i’ve struggled with alcohol for years, so maybe i have an enormous bias against it, but it IS incredibly childish to feel the NEED to drink at a party and not only blow off someone else’s, but plan your own on the SAME night in order to do that. if someone needs to drink to have fun, they have some reflecting to do. very sad that the family chose a substance over spending time with her after she planned a special event for everyone.
you realize that a lot of people drink on christmas, but they don't get *drunk* right? you can have a drink and still have respectful fun. that OP had a stigma because her father was an alcoholic, and was projecting her experiences and feelings from her father onto the rest of the family, and that's not fair.
About the no alcohol post: I had a drunk, abusive father too. I have CPTSD from that, so hosting a party where everyone got drunk at my house seems like panic attacks and flashbacks waiting to happen. I feel like if they were close family who really wanted to spend Christmas with me, they could not drink for one damn day. However, I also have a general rule that people will not be drunk in my car or my house. If my partner wants to get smashed, they would do it elsewhere (we don't live together, I can't control what they do when I'm not around, nor do I want to) Also, thanks for the sinmas gifts Anna
I don't drink, for no particular reason than I just don't enjoy it. Like one craft cocktail every 4-6 months BUT I will always allow drunk friends in my car...you're entitled to your boundaries but I personally would rather pick up a drink friend than have them be selfish and drive under the influence 🤷🏽♀️
@@laurelshade I can understand that. I think the OP main problem is just her general attitude, she doesn’t give any good reason (as far as we know) to the family on why she banned alcohol outside of: grow up.
@@BringBackOGClubPenguin I was replying to the commenter, not the og post. They said no drunk people even allowed in their car ^^^ which I could never do bc I will ALWAYS pick up a friend in need
as someone who doesnt drink, but als introvert, i would probably feel better going to a dry party and not being around stoned or drunk people having fun
Totally understand that. If I valued someone as part of my family, I would just go to the sober party. Maybe have some fun with non-alcoholic cocktails! I say all this as someone who's addicted to nicotine and dependent on weed. Maybe its diff with alcohol, but I can go one day without substances (especially bc I can always just smoke afterwards, same w how they can go home and have a drink after). Yes, it's anxiety inducing to go without your vices, but family comes first.
as an introvert, drinking helps me loosen up around roudy crowds and i can handle the stimulation a lot more. i never get "drunk" and i've never had a negative time. not everyone can fit into a cookie cutter square, and our differences are perfectly fine to celebrate. but the moment someone tries to force their cookie cutter view onto everyone else, that's when the real problems begin.
@@sixlikesgore7503 same for me it helps me loose up and enjoy but I can absolutely be without alcohol, also where I live is a tradition to do a toast with champagne or cider during dinner (even the kids get cider w/o alcohol) so I feel like losing that might bother some people but I don't think she's the asshole it's her party after that and she has a past history to justify it it could have all been solved just communicating and coming to an agreement
she's allowed to host a party without alcohol, but everyone else is absolutely allowed to not attend 🤷♀️ i think the YTA comments were more about her attitude to the whole situation, thinking she was better than people for not drinking
As someone that has an addiction struggle myself, and it runs in my family, I genuinely think a lot of people have unaddressed alcohol problems. I think that's why most people called her the asshole. Like I know so many people that will casually just get blackout every weekend, go out for drinks after work every day, but then look down on people that are diagnosed with alcoholism. One thing I have learned from addiction therapy is just because you are functioning doesn't mean you don't have a problem. Not being able to have a Christmas without booze is not healthy. And I honestly think it's more harmful to call her prudish or uptight for wanting a dry Christmas than it is for her to say they should grow up. It is her party and she gets to dictate how it is spent. It's extremely AHish to have another one behind her back just so you can drink. Hell if you must drink, stock up at home and have an after-party.
yeah seriously i was shocked that she was called the ahole since it seemed so cut and dry to me that she was in the right. but a lot of people want to pretend that what is actually an alcohol problem is fine and normal, and anyone who diesnt find getting blackout drunk fun must be a lame prude. its a lot easier to call her an obnoxious wet blanket than it is to face up to the fact that u may have a problem. like if the thought of attending an event and having to be sober is one thats so terrible you have to organize a whole other party... you have an unhealthy dependence
@@beastdeglatisant agreed. Especially since I am pretty sure it’s a dinner. Like they can’t go one dinner, it’s not even like they are spending the holidays like multiple days sober with her, it’s one meal.
@@beastdeglatisant I would disagree, I think her main problem is her attitude, like it’s fine wanting to do a party without alcohol but telling someone to grow up is usually an asshole thing to do, it’s not even constructive criticism since we don’t have a truly strict definition of what a mature person is like. Also her forcing the husband to stay instead of seeing his family is extremely shitty, like you see him almost every day presumably, while he might not get to see his family that often. Also people usually don’t like going to parties that have prohibitions without a good reason since it feels like you just forcing your likes and dislikes just cause you can. And lastly, a lot of families don’t really enjoy each others company’s that much, so alcohol is a way to spice things up because normally they wouldn’t want to be around each other, but they still get together for Christmas because that’s what society tells us we should do.
Over-drinking is childish in the sense of immature, like a frat boy, because it means you either have no self-control or that you can't deal with a situation without impairing yourself, but having 1 glass of alcohol isn't immature. If there was that much of a fuss over being sober for a day, then those people need help with their alcoholism, simple as that. it isn't like they couldn't drink before or after the party after all.
Dry Christmas lady sounded kind of snotty but it’s kind of wild that alcohol is such a big deal to her family. For my moms family, martinis and wine are a Christmas staple but if, for whatever reason, alcohol had to be excluded for a singular Christmas, it wouldn’t be a big enough deal to undermine a well intentioned family member’s party. Also, “Grinch who stole Boozemas” sounds like something and douchey frat boy in a movie would say.
i know right? she definitely didn't paint herself in the best light or comunicated well, but seriously? all that becase of the lack of booze? like, she may be onto something about it being an issue in the circle she lives in if this is how they would react.
The step son one makes me really sad :( as someone who grew up with separated parents, who was a step child. This would’ve hurt me so badly as a kid :/ OP is 100000% the asshole
Speaking to the dry Christmas post, I do think it's disrespectful to plan another gathering in place of the one already planned, especially when you are hosting you buy all this food and gifts and such. They could've done dinner and presents without alcohol and then just plan for a drinking gathering at the husband's sister's place right after this gathering. I don't think she's the asshole for not wanting to have alcohol at Christmas at all and she most likely puts up with them drinking at the gatherings hosted at their homes and they couldn't just plan to drink after Christmas dinner and presents exchange! It's only 2 or 3 hours without drinking. If she insisted no one drink at the other homes than yeah that wouldn't be as fair cuz it's their homes and rules. I think they're assholes for planning another gathering when they could just accomodate her and drink after. They're basically singling her out cuz now her husband doesn't want to spend Christmas without his family. All they had to do was not drink at her house. I too grew up with alcoholic parents so I totally get where she's coming from and after awhile it is frustrating to not have time with family without them being drunk or tipsy. I'm not sure if I'd have a no drinking rule if I hosted dinner or not but I think it would depend on if I'm triggered around them from their drinking or not. I usually don't mind but it def depends on the person.
I didn’t think of it but she accommodates for their drinking EVERY OTHER YEAR Despite her history she still attends their Christmas party yet they can’t go to hers??? Fucked up
Also kinda think OPs spouse is an asshole for being mad he can’t go to the other party, bro your wife is upset about something and your first thought is “how dare she not let me party at the place that’s causing her sadness!”
The stocking story is so insane because OP repeatedly says "it's just a stocking" when it comes to his wife being upset about her son being excluded, but not when it comes to his mother refusing to include his own goddamn stepson. Using that logic only against the person he's fighting with makes it obvious it's just an excuse.
As another former retail worker, the retail story has me foaming at the mouth. Shady upper and district management types can quickly bring an entire store to it's knees. I quit one job because a manager who was so horrible she had her entire staff walk out in protest was promoted to district manager and I didn't want to deal with the inevitable shitstorm that was going to follow. I figured I was only making minimum anyway and nobody ever got raises, so by changing jobs it's not like I was missing out on anything.
I feel this, I got my boss demoted to a crappier store after he was incredibly racist to one of my coworkers and sexist on multiple occassions towards others. Then came the Corpo KPI bootlicking replacement management. At first it was, alright. Then they started being absolute assholes about every little thing, even when something was not wrong or if it was their own fault. One of them (who was a woman, which baffles me at this point) was incredibly condescending towards me because I was a 'baby 23yro', she would say 'good girl' when I completed basic tasks or be all sickly sweet with her harsh critique about how I was 'too slow' when caring for the pets in our store (I was the fastest person there and really cared about all of the animals) and it really pissed me off. 90% of our store staff ended up quitting within 3 months including me which left them in a rut. Fuck Pets at Home, they abuse animals and put profits before welfare.
Every time I watch any of these videos, Anna's accent always warms my soul. Thank you so much for 12 days of Sinmas, your uploads are always appreciated! EDIT: IF YOU ALL WATCH THE VIDEO, PLEASE LIKE IT!
When I was little I stayed over at my best friend’s house for Easter and in the morning, his parents made me a basket of small gifts and candy so I would have one along with my friend and his brother. Obviously his parents didn’t see me as their son, but they were thoughtful enough to make sure I wouldn’t feel excluded as they did their Easter traditions with their kids.
“Sorry son, I won’t be putting a stocking up for your 3 year old this year as I just don’t feel like I’ve known him long enough” that mother in law’s logic was just bizarre
I commend the mom for standing up for her son about the stockings. I'm a stepkid and know how it feels to be excluded. This mom tried very hard to either fix the problem or not expose her son to it
For the alcohol-free party, I’d rule No Assholes Here. It’s OP’s right to have a party with set rules about drinking. It’s her partner’s family’s right to decline the invitation and host their own party. Kind of petty to have it on the same day though.
It'd be kind of petty except for the fact that the point was to throw a Christmas party on Christmas Eve... What other day are they gonna throw it at. I agree with the NAH, tho. Idk why people are getting so heated over the phrasing or projecting their own experiences onto the consumption of alcohol as a whole, without realizing their own incredible tunneling.
id say that the family are assholes. they have a right to decline, but going behind OPs back to plan another party and usurp OPs position as host without even trying to ask or negotiate with her is really rude. Especially since its over something as small as alcohol. I think the rule is dumb, but OP is right, her in-laws are childish, because they are unable of asking a simple question. The in-laws are super toxic and spiteful and seem to want a reason to hate and exclude OP.
Happy Sinmas! (My phone really didn't want to spell that.) Thanks to all the people not consumed with the celebration of holiday and family that make videos to entertain the rest of us with nothing/ bad things going on! Hope it gets better for you! 😊
My dad literally bought new stocking this year for my friends I was inviting over and even though they had to cancel he's still giving them stocking gifts. Those are friends I've only had for about a year now. If we had a custom like that I'd for sure make them stockings, we can all sew, it's not that hard. That poor stepson will feel so excluded, isolated and unloved by the rest of the family, he's just a kid, don't confuse and hurt him like that.
The alcohol one is definitely nta. I have zero alcohol related trauma, but I hate being around drunk people. Drinking a bit is fine, getting tipsy is fine, but getting completely drunk at a party should not be acceptable. And I think I get what she's means about the growing up thing, I think she means that you shouldn't go get black-out drunk when your older than your early-mid twenties. Which I don't know if I agree with all the way because I think people should be able to do what they want, but I think that's kind of what she meant.
@nicholastime1513 drinking's not a tradition, a family meetup during the holidays is. They're not gonna pop a vein if they don't drink one night. You've never been around screaming drunk relatives who fist fight each other during new year's, and it shows.
Exactly! Also in most families I know Christmas is a barely drinking holiday since you know at least one person has to drive home afterwards and there are kids present. So the whole time I was like if they refuse to not drink for Christmas, how did they care for the kids and also did they all just drive home with alcohol intus?
I 100% agree with you! I understand that some people like to drink and OP accepted that when other people hosted, didn’t make a fuss about people drinking. However, when it’s her turn to host - she has all the right to make the event alcohol free and if the family can’t go one(!) Christmas party without drinking - it’s their problem. Making a party at the same time so the OP is either excluded or forced to give up on her boundary it’s such a dick move. They could organize an after-party, meet up on another day etc if drinking is that important to them. I feel like people calling OP an asshole comes from our problem with alcohol as a society. Overconsumption of alcohol is extremely normalised and that’s not how it should look like. I am not saying to ban alcohol by any means, drinking is fine as long as you are being safe and reasonable about it but it’s alarming that grown-up people can’t have one party alcohol-free without complaining.
@@PYC334 it is for some people, where I live it's a big tradition to toast with cider or champagne and it's considered disrespectful to do it without (u don't have to drink it if u don't want just toast) I don't know how it might be at her family, I'm not saying she's the asshole bc I get her point but maybe she could have allowed a bottle of wine during dinner or the martinis, just enough to enjoy it but not to get tipsy or drunk ofc, her family was in the wrong too throwing a party without communicating first tho they could all just have talked and come to an agreement
@nicholastime1513 well, I'm sorry it's like that for you. We have 6 alcoholics in the family, and a handful of family members drank themselves to death. I still know I'm with op, and in my household there will never be more than one bottle of sparkling wine. I'm not keen to see anyone get drunk at my table.
The woman who didn’t want the alcohol at her Christmas party is NTA! You don’t need to drink to have a nice party and she obviously has some deep trauma surrounding drinking. The family was being incredibly rude about it. It was her time to host the party and in turn it’s her rules which they should respect. If they want to drink that badly just go out after or the next day but its wrong to just make a new party.
My ruling and advice: 1. NTA - Disown them. 2. NTA - Disown them. 3. NTA - Move out ASAP and Disown them. 4. The Wife and Step-Son are NTA - She should Disown her husband and his family. 5. NTA - You've already Disowned them.
@@roselover411 I mean I would have said murder them but someone told me recently that murder is "illegal" and "wrong" so I guess I have to cover up some stuff from my past ahaha.
@@shortangel333 this is the cringiest, edgiest thing I've read today, i sincerely hope you're no older than 14 otherwise someone needs to disown YOU for being a child mentally
Ive been sober for a year and a half now. It took that long for me to realize how many people are alcoholics who dont know it. In fact a few months ago, my state legalized wine sales in grocery stores. There's 3 liquor stores within 2 blocks of my grocery store. Theres wine all over the damn store. Its made things a little harder for me, but its shown me that I do have the resolve to stay sober. I don't allow alcohol at my house. Im so strict about this that i wont even use it for offerings.
The second story is one that I can get where both sides are coming from. It reminded me a bit of when my sister got married earlier this year and the groom's dad said he wouldn't come because they weren't allowing alcohol at the wedding. He ended up changing his mind and showing up, but it rubbed me the wrong way that he would almost miss his only son's wedding just because he couldn't drink for a few hours. So it's kind of how I feel about this party situation too. OP is allowed to have the rules they do, and the others are allowed to not show up. But I also think that if it's important to them to spend time with OP as a family, then there should be some sort of compromise. idk, it's a weird situation.
I had a comment about the no booze at the party but then my uncle’s dog jumped up and I exited out of the app 🤣 I completely understand wanting to have a dry party, especially if you have memories or reminders of behaviours you were exposed to when you were younger. I’m okay with it now, but years ago, I would’ve wanted the same if I was hosting. I just wish they hadn’t called it childish for wanting to drink. people deserve to live, but it does suck they didn’t want to put off drinking for one day to be with family.
ok, it isnt childish to drink, but i DO think its childish that they refuse to NOT drink, and i think that is what they were trying to say. i cannot wrap my head around completely shafting a family member for something so insignificant -being around family should be about drinking, its about being with each other and enjoying their company, and drinking is a nice touch but it shouldnt be a requirement, not in a functional family. to ostracise this person because of their actual trauma or act like they are being unfair when its over something as minor as alcohol at a christmas party? shitty fucking family. my family sucks and yet they STILL wouldnt do that.
@@DeathnoteBB Plus we don't know what kind of drunks they are. I banned booze in my old place specifically because I know my friends were too immature with it, and it wasn't any fun to deal with sober, or clean up after
@@valentine.58lso the like back-stabby alt party that they all decided to go to again even though I’m pretty sure they said they decided it was her turn?? Also…her tolerating the drinking at their parties but them not tolerate the absence of it at her’s does rub me the wrong way but I don’t think there’s enough context to make any concrete arguments from it. also also, I think by childish she means more like…immaturely? or irresponsibly?? that’s just how I initially interpreted it edit: could also be how the person above me thinks she meant it
I wonder if that lady's Christmas with her family might have gone smoother if she explained her reasoning for no alcohol in a different way that "time to grow up." I feel like at that point others would just be like, ok well if you think we're immature we'll have a different gathering.
What’s ridiculous is that the stepdad fully expects his wife and stepson to attend an event that is purposely excluding them. If the grandma can choose not to make a stocking for him, they can choose not to visit her.
The retail story made me want to literally scream because that whole situation is why I had to change jobs. I almost BEGGED my managers to train new hires better because I had to constantly fix things behind them. Working in grocery stores absolutely sucks. Merry Sinmas folks 🎄
My heart went out for that last one. As someone who is currently in retail (at least until I get my dream job working in a museum) I have had a few previous jobs treat people like shit but then blame them for work not getting done when the department or store is not only understaffed but also they're too busy to properly train someone. I thankfully work at a place that while we are understaff the management for the most part is willing to help those who work under them so I hope they can find a better job soon
The Stepkid stocking one: As I've grown up, I've realized my stepfather's family always left me out. Like they didn't see me as my stepfather's child. My brother, however, who is his biological child (my half brother), gets treated extremely well and is very spoiled with gifts. I have been my stepfather's child for a longer time than my brother, I am 14, and my parents started dating when I was 1. Stepkids notice, they care. Even if it's just a stocking, it could snowball. It's so rude and mean of your mother to leave out a child you've chosen to care for.
sadly the step dad doesn't seem to see it as an issue either and agrees with his mother :/ I'm sorry that was your experience and I hope you are valued and cherished as much as you deserve!
Good for that mama standing up for her kid. Believe me, kids can tell when they're being excluded. I was about his age when my dad got remarried, barely have contact with my stepmother now much less her family. Hope that stepdad gets his priorities straight.
7:50 I totally agree, the reasoning being stated as "childish" feels like it's kinda the wrong wording, but overall they're right. It's their party, they don't want alcohol at the party, it shouldn't be that big a deal. But I'd be mad as hell if someone threw a counter party. Like if they were planning on having that party beforehand it'd be different but IN REACTION TO her dry Christmas is the problem to me.
The Christmas stocking story hit me! As a step child and step grandchild, I am so fortunate that my step grandma (rip to her ♥️) not only made my brother and I stockings but always made us feel like we were included. We were her grandkids no matter what. That MIL is just a jerk. And her son too. OP and her son deserve better.
For the no alcohol party one: my dad is an alcoholic and i have cut contact for multiple reasons including that i 100% agree with OP and I've had people make fun of me for years bc I've mentioned not wanting to drink alcohol now or when i legally can (I'm 16) when i am an adult i will have a no alcohol in the house rule because much like OP i have a hard time being around it What i think she meant when she said they were being childish is how immature people can act when someone says they don't or don't want to drink people roll their eyes and call you boring and say that you can't have any fun without alcohol Even if you explain that you get stressed while being around alcohol or drunk people people will (in my experience) still mock you for it unless you very bluntly say something along the lines of "i was abused by my father who was an alcoholic" that causes them to be too uncomfortable to continue the mockery
Quick tip as a fellow non-drinker: if the only issue the dickbags have is you not drinking, saying “medical issues” or “It gives me migraines” or “It’ll react with my medication” will do a lot to get them off your back.
The no alcohol rule seems to stem out of an aversion to it, and also a disgust over how much the in laws actually drink (so judging and being judged). It's a trash move to hijack a decided host though, just have someone else host next year.
@Nicholas Time that’s a bit fucked, why should she have to allow the source of trauma into her own home? Knowing her aversion, someone else should have offered to host, or someone could host a pre- or post-party where the drinking could just happen elsewhere but everyone still gets to see each other at OPs house also.
Hi, mom of a blended family that just dealt with this. I stuck up for my stepson immediately to my parents and this is 100% a hill for her to die on. Being a kid in a blended family is hard enough.
Scapegoat kid from a blended family where my stepbrothers were advocated for but I wasn’t. Thank you for sticking up for your stepson. He’s going to remember that for years.
Being the one kid excluded is the worst feeling in the world, it hurts a lot, and you wonder if something is wrong with you. The step dad and the grandma claiming to be uncomfortable after you say you love him too are horrible people.
The holiday party one I agree I wouldn't call her an asshole, it's her right to not have booze in her home. And I do think it's really petty for them to just schedule a different Christmas party when she offered to host. Like how shady??? I think her attitude that drinking is "childish" is weird and she may need to work through a bit of trauma there tbrh LOL but otherwise... idk! I guess not the asshole but it is complicated !
Yeah, I feel it is her and her partner's right to ban alcohol from their home, but that should have been included in the announcement, instead she mentions it to just a singular person. Also, the rest of the family has every right to party elsewhere with that new information, imo, even though it does seem petty. I think there is a compromise. I'd have a brunch instead(perhaps on a different date), that way less drinking and then go to the 'alcohol' party and leave whenever I(she) got overwhelmed.
I'm 3+ years sober and def think she's the a**hole lol...I'm not about this mentality of "it affects me so therefore it should affect everyone else". I've learned to deal with being in the presence of alcohol despite my negative views of it, and guess what? I'VE SURVIVED lol. I think it's OP who needs to grow up and realize that her emotions/beliefs shouldn't affect everyone else around her for little to no reason.
@@eldritchbidoof the key here is she didn’t want it in her OWN house. If it was someone else’s party it would be different. But she is absolutely not obligated to make herself deal with drunk people in her own home. Especially not when the aversion is due to trauma.
@@eldritchbidoof she needs to grow up by allowing other people to decide what boundaries she sets for her own home?? It is her full right to not want something that makes her uncomfortable in her own house.
I have 4 sets of step grandparents (both my stepparents parents got divorced and remarried) and I was always hyper aware of being left out by all of them. They'd take my family on vacations get my siblings everything they wanted and I was lucky if I got a gift card. That shit stays with you long term and the post about the grandma filled me with unbridled rage.
16:11 100% YTA. What does the grandma mean by "not comfortable", he is just as much your grandson as all your other grandchildren. Way to make that kids Christmas special. The poor kid already feels enough like an outcast and probably doesn't feel like he fits in, and he has to deal with feeling like an outcast on CHRISTMAS!?!? Imagine how heartbroken he is going to feel when all his cousins are getting custom made stockings full of presents and treats and he is the only kid who has to sit there and watch. From someone with divorced parents, one of the first times I met my step dad's side of the family was for Christmas and they got me the same stocking as the rest of the children and made my Christmas magical. And I only knew them for about 2-3 months at this point. So you're telling me this woman was "uncomfortable" with putting up a stocking for your grandchild who has been in your life for 3 years?? You should be defending your wife and your son.
As a current unwanted step-child of 6 years, I feel terrible for that kid. In my family it's a little different, but I also have a step-grandma that treats us like shit. She loves her darling baby boy but gets all pissy over us girls because we're not hers. It's the worst thing to feel unwanted in the family you're supposed to love. Love my dad, but I think he married the wrong woman. Hearts out to that kid ❤️
As someone who grew up as a kid in a blended family, feeling excluded during Christmas is something that you don’t forget. We would often go back and forth between whether my brother and I will spend Christmas Day with our mom or dad. Spending it with our mom would be just the three of us and sometimes our Oma (grandma). Meanwhile, spending it with our dad would mean spending it with our step-mother’s whole family too, so a much larger group. One year, when I was maybe around 8, we spent Christmas Day with our mom, then went to our dad’s for Christmas the next day. The rest of the family opened their presents on Christmas Day, so it was just me and my brother opening our presents while pretty much only our dad was with us, cause everyone else was doing other things. It felt so bad that the family would rather open presents on Christmas Day than wait a day to open them with everyone. Now we open them together, even if not on Christmas Day, and it’s all good, but I will always remember that Christmas and how excluded my brother and I felt. I don’t even remember what presents I got.
This is all the bullshit my biological family did. We're not on talking terms. I'm so glad to never have to deal with this shit again. I may be alone on Christmas but I relish in it being just another chill day for me. ALSO bestie you worked so damn hard posting daily! please take a months worth of sleep thank youuu.
8:55 it is the guest right to choose to what party to go but... I personally would just stop talking to all those f-ing people and make friends who won't leave me alone on Christmas. Because as they said it was THEIR turn to have the party. So this whole thing was basically "every year I went to everyone's parties but when was my turn to have a party the way I wanted it they basically said screw you, we'll have the party the way we want anyways, and if you want your no alcohol party u have to do it alone" So they didn't hoast the second party to exclude her but so that they can do whatever they wanted. Kinda like if u invited your classmates to a pijama party but the rich girl heard and said come to my party we'll have pizza and cake And then u just end up alone because everyone went to her party instead :( that's the vibe. And I don't like that. People can go to any party they want but I wouldn't keep in touch with them if they did that in this situation
A lot of people don't drink regularly, so they look forward to the time to drink and be merry. My family is also very judge about drinking and it can be really oppressive the way they look down on people for drinking around family in a safe environment.
The alcohol story was also covered on SimplyPodLogical and I'm glad you considered the OP's feelings while also appreciating where her family comes from! I already reacted a lot there, but one thing to note is that if they have a tradition to host parties one after the other and it was her turn, it was cruel to create a counter party. She was annoying at most and they were mean in exchange
The second story really pissed me off when it came to how the replies decided OP was an asshole. My best friend's family doesn't like alcohol because it literally tore their whole (extended) family apart. They don't like alcohol in their home. I wouldn't disrespect their wishes just because I couldn't stand to not be sober for one night. They could so easily leave the party early and drink when they got home. It's so clear OP is uncomfortable with being around intoxicated people and the family sniping their whole party because they couldn't drink is big asshole behavior to me.
With the first story, even if there were underlying issues why would they want to be invited to OP’s party? Like why would they want or expect to be invited to a Christmas party if they don’t like them enough to invite them to a massive wedding full of mutual friends.
About boozemas, I feel like maybe she could have had a dry christmas eve party, or maybe they could have just had a new year's party 5 days later that had booze. Maybe a dry Christmas brunch? They should have come to a compromise between each other, there would be so much we need to know about dynamics in the family.
I’m glad you and the people in the comments are understanding of the Christmas party one. It made my heart drop a bit seeing everyone just make fun of them. I genuinely think that you have to have a problem if you cannot go like what 6 hours without drinking in a social situation? Alcoholism and smoking runs in my family and i definitely try to avoid being around those things. It just makes me sort of uncomfortable I guess. And seeing it as childish like, I get it. But the thing is when I have judgmental feelings of people who drink and do drugs recreationally I remind myself that the problem is how I’ve been conditioned to think about those activities, not the people wanting to do those activities in the first place. It’s ingrained in me at this point but I try to work on it instead of judging people. I have no judgement at all when it comes to addiction, but for some reason I have a hard time feeling okay with the idea of people doing drugs just for fun, idk why. Anyways, people are mean if they don’t at least see where op is coming from. I feel for them. Also that child is old enough to see all the other kids opening their stockings and sit there knowing they they weren’t considered as worthy as the other kids. Shame on that man and his family.
For the drinking. I think they could have had a drinking party the day before or after. Hosting on the same day is saying "we value alcohol over your comfort". Drinking is not "childish" but I 100% understand the frustration of "why do these people only have fun if they drink?"
It’s honestly been such a treat to see your face and watch your content every day the past week and a half~ so thank you so much!! ❤ incredible work from you and your editors xxxx
dude the 4th one pissed me off! i am a step child and have been since i was young and luckily i have never had to feel this way but omg! like that's your child! my stepdad is more of a dad to me than my dad and its so sad to see that they will probably never have that relationship
it's so trivial and it will make them feel actually welcomed, just you refuse to do it, then the wife absolutely gets to choose not to go. Every child going to their Christmas should have a stocking, who wants to be the odd one out? It's so obvious that the mil doesn't treat the stepson as a grandchild because it's their tradition to do this for every grandchild, yet one is being excluded from that tradition.
8:30 i think they're NTA, or rather that everyone else is TA, because if you want to have an alcoholic christmas party, just host one at a different time (ie have a no alcohol lunch/afternoon meal and an alcoholic party afterwards). making it into such an ultimatum and scheduling an alcoholic event for the same time is a dick move
8:37 I think it’s a no asshole situation. If they want no alcohol at their party, that’s their right. However, their guests can decide to go or not go for any reason including no reason. That’s their right too. If anything, holding another party just to have alcohol is a little shady, but ultimately they had already decided not to go to the no alcohol party so 🤷♀️
For the second story, it's kinda fifty fifty for me. Looking at it from op's pov, truama is a valid reason to not want to be around alcohol or drunk people in general. Intoxicated violence is very real and also it can just make one do a lot of stupid and potentially life threatening things. Also, their party, their rules of course. But on the other side, it sounds like they're using it as an excuse to talk down to people who drink casually. There's not liking something and then there's being an ass about something you don't like personally. The comments of "it's time to grow up" when it comes to alcohol is weird and condescending and it's also weird that they're MAKING their husband stay with them on Christmas instead of having fun and spending time with his family the way he wants to for Christmas. I don't blame him for being mad. Not entirely the asshole, but an asshole nontheless.
Just wanted to say thanks for committing to the 12 days of sinmas. I know it wasn’t -for- me, but I think you’re absolutely hilarious and it has made a very stressful season much more palatable. Merry Sinmas and Merry Marxmas!
Wanting a dry Christmas does not make someone an ahole but using it as an excuse to make passive aggressive moral judgment on others does. I have a feeling she might have a tense relationship with her inlaws
No one on either side of my family drinks very often. Even if someone were to gift alcohol, no one would ever get drunk. Everyone has the decency to recognize that a lot of people in the family have alcohol issues and it doesn't even need an official ban.
I totally agree w the retail district managers not knowing how to do floor level jobs. I used to work at a grocery store and our department manager was a drunk and would pass out in his office, come down stairs and see that we have huge lines bc we are short staffed and it was an international supermarket so people from all over would come and it stayed busy for for the most part. Regardless, he would come down and yell at me when I was head cashier and asked me why the lines were so long when we would have 3 cashiers… he didn’t know how to do cash and would just stand there and watch me or he would help bag. He was such a loser dude, that’s the only job I’ve ever walked out on and I don’t regret it one bit
Oh my god…I’m talking about the 23 year old girl with the mean sister, I want to give her a hug so bad. And maybe a therapy session. She sounds like such a sweetheart! And what the hell is wrong with her sister who TREATS their sibling like that??? GOD!
OP wasn’t looking down on drinkers, she literally states “I think it’s childish to think alcohol is the only way to have a fun time”, they can drink on their own time but it is indeed childish to think alcohol is the only way to have a fun time. Which her in-laws obviously believe.
Yes! I'm really annoyed about how other commenters are putting words in her mouth- plus, this was posted after that situation when she has time to stew in her own anger and say things she may not mean. In my opinion, it was so childish of them to make an entirely separate party instead of just trying to compromise! It really shows how she's treated in that family, in my opinion
16:17 The fact that he thinks that it's just about a stupid stocking is sad. It's about the fact that the kid is getting excluded and isn't seen as part of the family. That is something that sticks with a kid for years and is probably going to be a detrimental part of his childhood that he wasn't seen as good enough to be part of the family. Also it depends on the person but for my Grandma it took about three months give or take. She made stockings for everyone in my family, even the twin babies my mom carried (my mom is a surrogate) and she was in the process of making one for my cousin's girlfriend when she passed.
I think a lot of people want alcohol because thats the only way they can get through it without loosing their mind LOL I don't drink much at all 🍁💨 but family gatherings is usually an exception. Totally get why someone would want a dry Christmas, and why some wouldn't, so I'm with ya girl. Edit: the next story where the mom said she's a fan of faking it for the holidays triggered my own issues with my mom and not really _getting_ anxiety and depression 🙃
Lets not forget that this 9 year old has been missing out on family Christmas traditions for 2 years already. This has been happening since he was 6 or 7
Oof, that stocking one brought back some absolutely awful memories. I remember going to Christmas with my step-dad's family when I was young and just getting to when all us kids open presents and I only ever had ones my mom saved to give me at that time while all the other kids had like stacks and stacks. It wasn't even the presents inside that mattered, I just liked opening things and even a cheap toy or some candy would have been a blast. But for the 5 years I attended nobody besides my mom gave me presents there and when I started protesting going my step-dad would grumble but my mom had my side. My dad's side was even worse since the only person that got me anything there was my grandma who gave me an envelope with 5 bucks. My mom's side my cousins always got MUCH more expensive stuff but kid me didn't give a fuck because I knew we were poor and I'd still get a bunch of wrapped candy from aunts and uncles lol. I guess what I'm saying is that even if they aren't biologically related to the family at least wrap some candy or something for ALL the kids at extended family Christmas parties! We remember, ESPECIAALY if you do the whole kids opening presents in order and one of us has to get skipped 20 times.......
About the no alcohol Christmas one. My grandfather on my mother's side is what us, people in Mexico, call "del cerro" (from the hill) or "de rancho" (from the ranch). It's derogatory but with love. Anyway, he was a hard worker, apparently a serial cheater, but his code was always to never set a bad example for his 10 children. He never drank, never smoked, never bet and never allowed himself to be seen with another woman. So, in consequence, all Christmases in our family are always alcohol free. My father's family also never has alcohol in Christmas or New Year's Eve, but I don't think they have a reason. I guess it's true my family is the weird one, because I don't see anything wrong with wanting everyone to be sober during Christmas.
For the alcohol Christmas thing it’s surprising to me that the family didn’t even consider why and support her in that, my family drinks a lot but we have had dry events for people we love just to show how much we love them. Yes we wish we could have drank but the smile on the people’s faces feeling the love was everything. I’m wondering if she was honest and vulnerable with them or if she just called them childish and didn’t even try to have them understand why it would be so important. Other that or the family just cannot cope without a drinking party which is a little sad but totally understandable as things are very stressful and sometimes people wait all year to feel the way they do drunk on Christmas with family.
4. TA!! The kid will notice- he’s nine, he’ll feel left out, and excluded, do you think he’ll understand why he’s treated different? Because he’ll know, it’s because he’s the ‘step-son’ and ‘step-grandson’
Apart from agreeing that "having to grow up" is a bit rude, I honestly do not think that person could be less of an asshole. It's not just the alcohol part, it's the fact that the others are purposely excluding her from a family gathering because of something that makes her uncomfortable. They would be fine if they had the alternate party later or another day, but denying her that opportunity to be a part of the family JUST because they can't handle not having alcohol, especially when she has a past with it... horrible. It's only one day for only the year/years she is hosting. They should be able to handle it.
(the alchohol ban at christmas story) NTA, it's baffling that the family chose alchohol over a familial celebration. you shouldn't have to rely on alchohol to have a good time and at the end of the day not having some booze won't "ruin christmas" and again it sucks that they chose some drinks over family.
Hes 9. Not only is he old enough to know why he's being excluded, he's old enough to take it to heart and not forget. Hope the step-dad isn't one anymore
FOR REALLLL
Amen
Thisss though. My stepmom never went to bat for me when I was being slighted and it was because not only did she never think of me as her own kid, I was adopted by my dad so she never thought of me as his either. It may never be explicitly stated, but kids know what’s up
It’s like a how to guide to traumatize your step son
This happened to me on Easter in 2nd grade. I’m still traumatized by it. Never trusted my stepfamily again.
I think the OP of the alcohol post was only called the asshole because of the way they phrased it. Either way, I don't think they're the asshole. I'm an adult and I drink occasionally, but I have a family history of alcoholism so I'm careful about it, so it bothers me when other people NEED alcohol to have a fun time. Especially family gatherings... No one should be giving my family alcohol, it's already chaotic enough without it
Esp when they have non alcoholic options that taste the same they were obviously choosing being drunk over her and her partner
They sure sound like an asshole. I might have an issue with people telling me what not to do but the entire phrasing of: it’s time to grow up and stuff would’ve definitely caused me to go to the sister in laws party instead.
@@Anna-zi7sx True, but we have no idea how the OP actually spoke about it to the family. They could be sounding extra bitter in the reddit post because they're writing it after all the fighting has already happened
@@BrandiG31 yeah, but we’ll never know. I’m just saying in this post they truly don’t represent themself like a likeable person. I understand not wanting to drink alcohol and even not wanting it in their house. But to look down on adults and call them childish for wanting to drink at a holiday party is just rude as well :/ but in the end we don’t know OP personally, same with their partners family.
@@Anna-zi7sx When I read AITA, I base my judgements off a person's actions alone, because we'll never know the full context. But I see your point!
Honestly, calling your partner "ridiculous" automatically makes you an a-hole. He doesn't seem to care about her feelings and why this is important to her and their stepson. If my husband ever told me I was being ridiculous over anything, that would push me further away from him and make me feel like I couldn't trust him.
I want to adopt children at some point so I certainly don't want partners who are going to behave like this. I'm also queer/trans/poly though so it's not like anyones who want to raise a family with me would be expecting us all to be blood related regardless.
@@solsystem1342queer/trans/poly AND a system?? Are we twins?? /j
In all seriousness though, all those factors are gonna work against you in trying to adopt, unfortunately. Make sure you only disclose what you have to, and ik diagnoses can work against you so you might want to keep things off the record for the time being if that’s a possibility. Best of luck and I hope you are able to successfully adopt someday 🖤
It just feels like the same sentiment as gaslighting. Saying someone is ridiculous almost implies that they’re being illogical and can’t think straight. If you feel like someone is being illogical, it’s most likely because you dont understand them or their stance.
@@elitecarbonninja4429not really, people can do ridiculous things and if someone called them that it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily gaslighting😅. I don’t think illogical and ridiculous are at all related they aren’t synonyms of each other
@@cdrockett6779 True, but I think the point is that, even when someone is being irrational or letting emotion get the best of them, a partner should still consider that while the problem is "not real," their partner's feelings about it ARE real. There are definitely ways to help your partner come back to reason while also validating them and keeping them comfortable with you. Doesn't have to be one or the other 🙂
On story 2, I think what she meant by "grow up" was binge drinking and frat boy culture. Young people especially in their early 20's can have a very different relationship with alcohol that they hopefully mature out of. If OP's family regularly turns Christmas into a frat party it would explain the "grow up" mentality
Good on that mom for standing up for her son. The stepdad and grandmother can say it's "only" a stocking all they want. But that's exactly the point. Something like a stocking is such a simple way to make the kid feel like he's part of the family.
He should be no question. No person should be a stepparent unless they are going to love their kids just as much whether they were a part of their birth or not.
yeah this is insane, I went over to my boyfriends family for the first time on christmas and both his mum and dad (divorced) got me presents and a stocking! It was definitely overkill for a 21 year old and honestly I was expecting nothing but it was really sweet and I think they wanted to go all out because I’m from a different country
Yeah if it's not that big a deal, then just go out and buy one. "We love him but we see no problem with excluding him when it would take 5 minutes and a few bucks to make him feel included."
I agree! I'm still salty about the time my uncles got all my cousins and half siblings soda except me and my brother cuz he hates my mom, it's the little stuff that sticks
my adopted sister was 16 (almost 17) when she started living with us, and she got glitter-glue-name stockings from my parents AND my grandparents the first year she was there, because all the other grandkids had them and we wanted her to feel like a part of the family. it's little things like that make people feel like family and not just acquaintances who happen to live together.
As the step-grandchild who was constantly othered by my grandma and made to feel left out, it's not about a stupid stocking decoration. If guy thinks that what it is, he either doesn't care or is willfully ignorant. It's absolutely a statement about not including the kid. Kids don't always remember all the times they were made to feel like part of something but they will definitely remember being excluded.
⁸7bh
For the alcohol one, I think it’s definitely within her rights to not want alcohol in her home, especially if it’s a trauma trigger. But the issue seems to be a lack of communication; it seems like everyone is just being petty and passive aggressive. Like I feel like there are some easy solutions- maybe have Christmas dinner at OP’s house and then there can be an after party at the sister’s
it really wouldn’t of been that hard for either of them to send a quick text like “hey! i have a fun idea that can compromise for us both to host! (insert idea here)”
This is literally the easiest solution
yes, this sounds very reasonable
The alcohol at Christmas story reminds me of my parents’ wedding. Most of my mom’s side of the fam are alcoholics and quite rowdy ones at that. My dads mom had an alcoholic father and I lot of violent alcoholism on her side of the family. Neither of my parents drink frequently so they wanted a dry wedding. Everyone seemed fine with this and there was no alcohol at the ceremony or reception. however, my mom’s parents secretly made a mini bar in their hotel room and had many of the guests over. Everyone was drunk and my mom was pissed. I’m definitely biased because I also avoid alcohol and I have other problems with that side of the family, but when it comes to having a dry event due to trauma with alcoholism I think it’s something that should be respected. I don’t think OP’s story is exactly the same because their SIL hosted a separate party instead of sneaking alcohol in, but I can sympathize with OP. Idk about the whole alcohol being childish thing tho
I am quite young and enjoy drinking quite a lot but if you can't give up alcohol for one night you should rethink your relationship with it altogether...
(Furthermore, if it is something personal like a trauma, religious beliefs, etc, I would not have an issue with it. like why such a big deeeeal)
IMO it's also a lot different when there are actual alcoholics present vs someone who just had an issue with an alcoholic in their life. She didn't claim that the family were alcoholics, just that they like to drink at the holiday parties.
@@sadmo5236 You say "give it up for one night" but holiday TRADITIONS are literally built on drinking. There are people who ONLY drink during the holidays. It's been that way for literally thousands of years of human history at this point, holidays are times society specifically deems it completely acceptable to drink, even if you're a very responsible person and don't usually. This wasn't an everyday weekend party. It's an entire family tradition she wants to change just for her.
When I was younger, I had a similar impression that drinking alcohol was the immature thing to do. It's fairly common where I live for teenagers to drink underage, and I saw it as being something that the rowdy kids with no self control did. I made some similar comments to OP every now and then because I felt like I was punching up, since I felt pressured to drink to fit in (still very real, being the only person who doesn't drink during family events!). OP probably hasn't been able to look their issues in the eye and consider how to stay calm about them yet.
@@ezraoberheim1081 she did not want to change the familiy tradition but have it altered for one single occasion when it is IN HER HOME to apply to the rules of HER HOUSE that one time that it will be hosted at HER HOUSE.
Hobby Lobby fired me for asking for time off to go to my grandfather's funeral last year around Christmas. (I only took the job because it paid so well) My grandfather passed just before Christmas last year due to complications left over from Vietnam, so I asked for a week off to be with my family and help with the funeral/clearing out the house. I was written up, called into the manager's office, and then she told me that I was going to have to be let go because they don't tolerate people falsifying family emergencies just to get extra time off on the holidays.
The worst part was running into my old manager a few months later at the grocery store. She stopped me and apologised along the lines of "I saw your grandfather's obituary in the newspaper. I guess he did actually die. So sorry."
hobby lobby is michaels for right wing christians anyway so you’re better off. but in all seriousness that really sucks i’m sorry
bro does every hobby lobby just have the worst management wtf. i wasn't fired for this but when i still worked there i had twisted my ankle doing something at home. i'd called off and the manager got onto me for getting hurt outside of work and to be more careful cause i was needed there. i mean fair but i can't help that accidents happen. you don't treat your worker like that. i hated it there sm i just needed a job
@@dinogrl4102 No one of my coworkers got offed for almost the same thing. She broke her foot outside of work and she got written up for “not giving enough time beforehand to schedule off her surgery” as if she was supposed to just know that she was gonna break her foot. Like that was the only reason, not enough time given before call-off notice. HL just sucks
Wtaf
It would be rude to ask for proof of death, to be sure... but seems better to check that box than to simply assume it's a fabrication and fire someone? Idk that's just me
I woulda smacked the hell out of her for saying that wtf
I can't explain how infuriating the Christmas party alcohol story is. I've also had trauma relating to alcohol, and I do everything in my power to keep myself away from it. So I can imagine myself in her shoes, throwing a party with a no alcohol rule... Then my partner's sibling turning around and throwing a huge party when it's supposed to be my turn, and inviting everyone! That would shatter my heart! Especially if my partners said that I'M creating all the drama. Then getting mad that I want them to stay with me for Christmas.
if that was me I'd probably go no contact with everyone that went to the sister's party
Thinking that other people have to do something because you do it, is silly. The OP is clearly judge mental, and why would you want to spend the holiday with someone so judgmental? Maybe 2 drink max would make sense. I'd be the person throwing the other party.
I don't see it as a big ask. Just hold off for a few hours, as if you don't, things could go really badly.
Yes, OP was pretty rude and judgmental... After everything went down. We don't know how they acted during the events they described.
Even a single drink can make some people fly off the handle. And even if one isn't enough, who's to say they won't sneak one more? And maybe another after that... I'm not saying it WILL happen, but the whole mentality of "One more can't hurt" is extremely enticing.
To throw a different party on the same night at the same time, inviting everyone, when there are so many other options? That's just sending all sorts of messages to the person who's turn it is, and all of them are really harsh.
It's understandable that they didn't go... But it's equally rude. And throwing that second party when you could have done any number of other things? There's really no good excuse.
@@rmh8940 OP is being overly judgmental, i wont disagree. at that point i would just hope my family / friends / ect cared enough about me to put down a non-necessity for just one holiday. the fact she has trauma surrounding it makes it a reasonable request imo
@@SapphireSeahorse494you would stop talking to them
Over a party? Go to therapy
It’s so weird to me to not be able to go to a party without alcohol. I’ve been sober for 4 years, and I’m still shocked that no alcohol is seen as a bad party
Very proud of you for being sober! :)
@@cinnamorolling thank you so much ☺️
I mean I think we have to consider if not having alcohol is the real reason they aren’t coming. It’s a pretty extreme thing to do just because of alcohol after all. It seems more likely they just don’t like OP and her judgemental attitude. OP doesn’t understand it’s her attitude and not the lack of alcohol so she feel rejected and sad and doubles down, further pushing her in-laws away. Interpersonal relationships seem way more likely to result in this behavior than just not wanting to not drink a drink.
@@MissCaraMint Also I don't drink but controlling people as if they're toddlers is a big no for me I would refuse to go too. They're all adults if they wanna drink they can drink (unless they're all alcoholics which op didn't say.) it's a family party OP makes it seem like it's a party for themselves.
@@suitdoggy4707 Yes I don’t really drink either because of my medication, and have lots of friends who don’t drink, and some who do. Never has anyone had to “ban” alcohol in order to have a nice alcohol free gathering. It’s just about communication. “I would like to have a nice quiet alcohol free evening” is enough to get people to not bring alcohol to the event in question.
The grandma refusing to put a stocking up for her grandkids because she "isn't comfortable with it" is so incredibly fucked up, dude
That alcohol one really shows how engrained alcohol as a drug is in our society. Especially them being labeled an asshole.
EXACTLYYY no one treats it like a drug despite it very much being a drug because it just so happens to be readily available. The family has an alcoholism problem and everyone is encouraging it
IK AND EEVERYONE IS BEING SO EVIL TO THEM
@@kaibaiarrio1299 If alcohol had been invented yesterday it would've been banned 😅
@@las1147if you read a history book alcohol was banned and we got the mob so obviously banning alcohol doesn’t work
Imo ESH is the correct ruling, the tone of the post is really what tips them into AH territory for me-I would really not be surprised if they were making snide and judgmental comments to the drinkers in the family. Personally I think a no alcohol allowed rule in your own home is super valid, it’s their attitude that’s the problem tbh
Imagine how the little 9 year old will feel if he goes to a party and he is the only one of the children that wasn't included in the family tradition. Even if the grandmother doesn't consider the kid her grandson, she should consider the kids feelings and even if something happen with the relationship and they split up in the future the only thing that the grandmother has to do is not use the stocking next christmas, it doesn't hurt her in any way to put a stocking for that boy this christmas.
Edit: and its very sad that she doesn't consider the child her grandson
And if she really doesn't want to make him one she could have bought him one so he isn't left out.
Yeah like seriously, my mom always makes small gifts for kids of her friends, or even accident guests kids (that happens lol) what to talk about kids that are in family? Like even if they are adopted or something like that, how does it change the fact that it's an innocent kid
It would be one thing if he was just dating the mom, but the fact that they’re married and the mil doesn’t consider him to be a grandchild really says something
True grandmas are everyone's grandma. They would put up a stocking for any guest if asked, especially for kids.
as someone who used to attend someone else's family gatherings as a kid, I definitely felt left out. it's not right to leave someone out just because, but it takes an even eviler person to disregard a child that has come into the family just because they are not blood related.
My issue with the holiday party one is just the attitude she carried on about it.
And for the one with the stockings??? Holy shit. My mom isn't even married to my stepdad for real for real, but after only being together for 2-3 years at that point when we finally met his mother, she made me and my brother hand knitted stockings to match the rest of the family! AND SHE MADE ONE FOR MY FIANCE!!! Like it is so not hard to be loving and open.
Yeah my grandparents often have been the type to go out last minute to get stuff for someone who maybe showed up unexpected or if one of my cousins had a partner they were bringing to Christmas with them, it's so wild to see that years have gone by and the grandmother and step father both don't see it as necessary to include the child. If I was that child I would feel terrible if I did end up being forced to go
Yea, a friend of mine didn't have anyone to celebrate Christmas with, a few years back, and I asked my mom if my husband and I could bring him last minute.
Guess what, she even made sure to get him a small gift (we had one for him too), so he wouldn't feel left out when every one unwrapped theirs.
He now has a partner of 2 years and celebrates Christmas with his quasi-inlaws.
The story about the MIL not feeling “comfortable” hanging a Christmas stocking with the step grandson’s name on it makes me so sad. What’s even sadder is stepdad not being able to see that this sends the message, “because you’re not my grandchild by blood, you’re excluded.” to a 9 year old child.
The situation with the step son made me upset as someone who just became a step dad. If my parents pulled that shit with my kid I would give them hell for it
this is so small and i’m so late but hearing your refer to your kid as your kid made me very happy. i hope all is still well and that you’ve been a great step dad
for the second story, i honestly think OP has every right to feel the way they do about alcohol. they do have their personal issues and it isnt ok for them to look down on those who do drink but the sister in law definitely sniped at OP by throwing her own party dispite it being OPs year. i dont think theyre an AH but thats just my thoughts.
Agree!!
Right. Ideal situation, SIL talks to op directly and figures out a compromise. Like no drinks until after 9:00pm or an after party at SIL's house. For some people drinking is a big part of how they celebrate and I think that's fine if they're responsible, but it seems petty to just force a drinking party in when someone's clearly uncomfortable with it.
@@sighcantthinkofaname EXACTLY OMG, it's the way everything could be solved with communication, or of she feels comfortable doing so she could tell them why she's banning alcohol from the party ( if she hasn't already, and if she's comfortable) if they try to tell her, her reasoning is invalid and stupid. They're the asshole.
Given AITA is a binary option and is kind of used just to mean "Did I make a mistake?", then I'd say that OP is in this case. Not so much for wanting a dry xmas at their house, but I get implications that they make a deal about alcohol a lot in condescending ways, just based on the condescension in their post, and the way they're throwing a hissy fit over other people taking umbrage to it is a bit being the A. That being said, the SIL throwing a counter-party means that they are as well.
Its assholes all the way down to varying extents.
i think the only thing that makes them the a-hole is forcing her husband not to go to the sisters party.
I can’t imagine literally starting a whole separate Christmas party even when it was someone else’s turn to host KNOWING the whole family will go to yours and leave your brother and his wife all alone on Christmas Eve because you couldn’t live for ONE NIGHT without getting sloshed. Just… drink when you get home? Or have an after party? Idk that just seems incredibly childish to me and speaks volumes about just how dependent this family seems on alcohol. I understand why OP wouldn’t want them drinking at her place.
tbh, people commenting "omg why are you so pushy about this no alcohol rule you are the asshole!1!1!1!1" sent me to the orbit. maybe because i can very strongly relate to the disgust of alcohol, but i'd say that person wasn't an asshole at all. it seems like the whole family was agreeing to have them as a host and only later they decided to throw a fit, which seems quite bitchy to me.
I don't get why everyone is so hyper-focused on the phrasing. In context, she's probably thinking the people she's talking about are childish drinkers. Or maybe not. Phrasing on one post when you're frustrated is incidental.
i’ve struggled with alcohol for years, so maybe i have an enormous bias against it, but it IS incredibly childish to feel the NEED to drink at a party and not only blow off someone else’s, but plan your own on the SAME night in order to do that.
if someone needs to drink to have fun, they have some reflecting to do.
very sad that the family chose a substance over spending time with her after she planned a special event for everyone.
you realize that a lot of people drink on christmas, but they don't get *drunk* right? you can have a drink and still have respectful fun. that OP had a stigma because her father was an alcoholic, and was projecting her experiences and feelings from her father onto the rest of the family, and that's not fair.
Yeah it's very telling as to what their priorities are 😬
About the no alcohol post:
I had a drunk, abusive father too. I have CPTSD from that, so hosting a party where everyone got drunk at my house seems like panic attacks and flashbacks waiting to happen. I feel like if they were close family who really wanted to spend Christmas with me, they could not drink for one damn day. However, I also have a general rule that people will not be drunk in my car or my house. If my partner wants to get smashed, they would do it elsewhere (we don't live together, I can't control what they do when I'm not around, nor do I want to)
Also, thanks for the sinmas gifts Anna
I don't drink, for no particular reason than I just don't enjoy it. Like one craft cocktail every 4-6 months BUT I will always allow drunk friends in my car...you're entitled to your boundaries but I personally would rather pick up a drink friend than have them be selfish and drive under the influence 🤷🏽♀️
@@laurelshade I can understand that. I think the OP main problem is just her general attitude, she doesn’t give any good reason (as far as we know) to the family on why she banned alcohol outside of: grow up.
@@BringBackOGClubPenguin I was replying to the commenter, not the og post. They said no drunk people even allowed in their car ^^^ which I could never do bc I will ALWAYS pick up a friend in need
as someone who doesnt drink, but als introvert, i would probably feel better going to a dry party and not being around stoned or drunk people having fun
It depends if they are pushy for me to have some or just don’t care if I partake or not!
Same. I drink sometimes.
Totally understand that. If I valued someone as part of my family, I would just go to the sober party. Maybe have some fun with non-alcoholic cocktails! I say all this as someone who's addicted to nicotine and dependent on weed. Maybe its diff with alcohol, but I can go one day without substances (especially bc I can always just smoke afterwards, same w how they can go home and have a drink after). Yes, it's anxiety inducing to go without your vices, but family comes first.
as an introvert, drinking helps me loosen up around roudy crowds and i can handle the stimulation a lot more. i never get "drunk" and i've never had a negative time. not everyone can fit into a cookie cutter square, and our differences are perfectly fine to celebrate. but the moment someone tries to force their cookie cutter view onto everyone else, that's when the real problems begin.
@@sixlikesgore7503 same for me it helps me loose up and enjoy but I can absolutely be without alcohol, also where I live is a tradition to do a toast with champagne or cider during dinner (even the kids get cider w/o alcohol) so I feel like losing that might bother some people but I don't think she's the asshole it's her party after that and she has a past history to justify it
it could have all been solved just communicating and coming to an agreement
That alcohol post is so fucked up. Imagine having a trauma and everyone calls u an asshole bc u dont wanna be around that trauma in your own house
Your allowed to have your trauma but being smug is gonna get you the same energy back.
she's allowed to host a party without alcohol, but everyone else is absolutely allowed to not attend 🤷♀️ i think the YTA comments were more about her attitude to the whole situation, thinking she was better than people for not drinking
As someone that has an addiction struggle myself, and it runs in my family, I genuinely think a lot of people have unaddressed alcohol problems. I think that's why most people called her the asshole. Like I know so many people that will casually just get blackout every weekend, go out for drinks after work every day, but then look down on people that are diagnosed with alcoholism. One thing I have learned from addiction therapy is just because you are functioning doesn't mean you don't have a problem. Not being able to have a Christmas without booze is not healthy. And I honestly think it's more harmful to call her prudish or uptight for wanting a dry Christmas than it is for her to say they should grow up. It is her party and she gets to dictate how it is spent. It's extremely AHish to have another one behind her back just so you can drink. Hell if you must drink, stock up at home and have an after-party.
yeah seriously i was shocked that she was called the ahole since it seemed so cut and dry to me that she was in the right. but a lot of people want to pretend that what is actually an alcohol problem is fine and normal, and anyone who diesnt find getting blackout drunk fun must be a lame prude. its a lot easier to call her an obnoxious wet blanket than it is to face up to the fact that u may have a problem. like if the thought of attending an event and having to be sober is one thats so terrible you have to organize a whole other party... you have an unhealthy dependence
@@beastdeglatisant agreed. Especially since I am pretty sure it’s a dinner. Like they can’t go one dinner, it’s not even like they are spending the holidays like multiple days sober with her, it’s one meal.
@@beastdeglatisant I would disagree, I think her main problem is her attitude, like it’s fine wanting to do a party without alcohol but telling someone to grow up is usually an asshole thing to do, it’s not even constructive criticism since we don’t have a truly strict definition of what a mature person is like.
Also her forcing the husband to stay instead of seeing his family is extremely shitty, like you see him almost every day presumably, while he might not get to see his family that often.
Also people usually don’t like going to parties that have prohibitions without a good reason since it feels like you just forcing your likes and dislikes just cause you can.
And lastly, a lot of families don’t really enjoy each others company’s that much, so alcohol is a way to spice things up because normally they wouldn’t want to be around each other, but they still get together for Christmas because that’s what society tells us we should do.
@@BringBackOGClubPenguin no
@@fizzyelfyt4153 no what?
Over-drinking is childish in the sense of immature, like a frat boy, because it means you either have no self-control or that you can't deal with a situation without impairing yourself, but having 1 glass of alcohol isn't immature. If there was that much of a fuss over being sober for a day, then those people need help with their alcoholism, simple as that. it isn't like they couldn't drink before or after the party after all.
Dry Christmas lady sounded kind of snotty but it’s kind of wild that alcohol is such a big deal to her family. For my moms family, martinis and wine are a Christmas staple but if, for whatever reason, alcohol had to be excluded for a singular Christmas, it wouldn’t be a big enough deal to undermine a well intentioned family member’s party.
Also, “Grinch who stole Boozemas” sounds like something and douchey frat boy in a movie would say.
i know right? she definitely didn't paint herself in the best light or comunicated well, but seriously? all that becase of the lack of booze? like, she may be onto something about it being an issue in the circle she lives in if this is how they would react.
The step son one makes me really sad :( as someone who grew up with separated parents, who was a step child. This would’ve hurt me so badly as a kid :/ OP is 100000% the asshole
You mean the MIL and husband not the OP
@@hehe-fw2yp but the husband is the one that posted so he is OP
@@hehe-fw2yp the husband is the poster, so he is the OP haha but his mom sucks too. You’re right LOL
Merry sinmas eve !
Merry Sinnmas Eve ☺️
Merry sinmas eve🎉
Merry Sinmas Eve! 🎄
Merry sinmas eve!!
Merry sinmas eve my comrades!
Speaking to the dry Christmas post, I do think it's disrespectful to plan another gathering in place of the one already planned, especially when you are hosting you buy all this food and gifts and such. They could've done dinner and presents without alcohol and then just plan for a drinking gathering at the husband's sister's place right after this gathering. I don't think she's the asshole for not wanting to have alcohol at Christmas at all and she most likely puts up with them drinking at the gatherings hosted at their homes and they couldn't just plan to drink after Christmas dinner and presents exchange! It's only 2 or 3 hours without drinking. If she insisted no one drink at the other homes than yeah that wouldn't be as fair cuz it's their homes and rules. I think they're assholes for planning another gathering when they could just accomodate her and drink after. They're basically singling her out cuz now her husband doesn't want to spend Christmas without his family. All they had to do was not drink at her house. I too grew up with alcoholic parents so I totally get where she's coming from and after awhile it is frustrating to not have time with family without them being drunk or tipsy. I'm not sure if I'd have a no drinking rule if I hosted dinner or not but I think it would depend on if I'm triggered around them from their drinking or not. I usually don't mind but it def depends on the person.
I didn’t think of it but she accommodates for their drinking EVERY OTHER YEAR
Despite her history she still attends their Christmas party yet they can’t go to hers??? Fucked up
Also kinda think OPs spouse is an asshole for being mad he can’t go to the other party, bro your wife is upset about something and your first thought is “how dare she not let me party at the place that’s causing her sadness!”
The stocking story is so insane because OP repeatedly says "it's just a stocking" when it comes to his wife being upset about her son being excluded, but not when it comes to his mother refusing to include his own goddamn stepson. Using that logic only against the person he's fighting with makes it obvious it's just an excuse.
As another former retail worker, the retail story has me foaming at the mouth. Shady upper and district management types can quickly bring an entire store to it's knees. I quit one job because a manager who was so horrible she had her entire staff walk out in protest was promoted to district manager and I didn't want to deal with the inevitable shitstorm that was going to follow. I figured I was only making minimum anyway and nobody ever got raises, so by changing jobs it's not like I was missing out on anything.
I feel this, I got my boss demoted to a crappier store after he was incredibly racist to one of my coworkers and sexist on multiple occassions towards others. Then came the Corpo KPI bootlicking replacement management. At first it was, alright. Then they started being absolute assholes about every little thing, even when something was not wrong or if it was their own fault. One of them (who was a woman, which baffles me at this point) was incredibly condescending towards me because I was a 'baby 23yro', she would say 'good girl' when I completed basic tasks or be all sickly sweet with her harsh critique about how I was 'too slow' when caring for the pets in our store (I was the fastest person there and really cared about all of the animals) and it really pissed me off.
90% of our store staff ended up quitting within 3 months including me which left them in a rut.
Fuck Pets at Home, they abuse animals and put profits before welfare.
Every time I watch any of these videos, Anna's accent always warms my soul.
Thank you so much for 12 days of Sinmas, your uploads are always appreciated!
EDIT: IF YOU ALL WATCH THE VIDEO, PLEASE LIKE IT!
Honestly with the person banning alcohol, I like to drink but a lot of family drama can be kind of elevated with alcohol so I support their decision
When I was little I stayed over at my best friend’s house for Easter and in the morning, his parents made me a basket of small gifts and candy so I would have one along with my friend and his brother. Obviously his parents didn’t see me as their son, but they were thoughtful enough to make sure I wouldn’t feel excluded as they did their Easter traditions with their kids.
“Sorry son, I won’t be putting a stocking up for your 3 year old this year as I just don’t feel like I’ve known him long enough” that mother in law’s logic was just bizarre
Thank you so much for all the Christmas content and hope your holiday is great and you take a long break with some well deserved rest
Sinmas**
I commend the mom for standing up for her son about the stockings. I'm a stepkid and know how it feels to be excluded. This mom tried very hard to either fix the problem or not expose her son to it
For the alcohol-free party, I’d rule No Assholes Here. It’s OP’s right to have a party with set rules about drinking. It’s her partner’s family’s right to decline the invitation and host their own party. Kind of petty to have it on the same day though.
Agree
Yeah I bet if they were on separate days there wouldn’t be a problem.
Yeah, or if they went out drinking after.
It'd be kind of petty except for the fact that the point was to throw a Christmas party on Christmas Eve... What other day are they gonna throw it at. I agree with the NAH, tho. Idk why people are getting so heated over the phrasing or projecting their own experiences onto the consumption of alcohol as a whole, without realizing their own incredible tunneling.
id say that the family are assholes. they have a right to decline, but going behind OPs back to plan another party and usurp OPs position as host without even trying to ask or negotiate with her is really rude. Especially since its over something as small as alcohol. I think the rule is dumb, but OP is right, her in-laws are childish, because they are unable of asking a simple question. The in-laws are super toxic and spiteful and seem to want a reason to hate and exclude OP.
Your Sinmas videos have been my comfort vids through this very bad week, I will miss them very much and I'll rewatch them 100 times, happy Sinmas!!
i hope the coming weeks get better for you! wishing you all the best
Happy Sinmas! (My phone really didn't want to spell that.) Thanks to all the people not consumed with the celebration of holiday and family that make videos to entertain the rest of us with nothing/ bad things going on! Hope it gets better for you! 😊
Girl me too! I’m so glad we got to get a little escape for a while ❤ I hope everything gets better for you. Happy holidays. You deserve the best!!
Thanks y'all
My dad literally bought new stocking this year for my friends I was inviting over and even though they had to cancel he's still giving them stocking gifts. Those are friends I've only had for about a year now. If we had a custom like that I'd for sure make them stockings, we can all sew, it's not that hard. That poor stepson will feel so excluded, isolated and unloved by the rest of the family, he's just a kid, don't confuse and hurt him like that.
The alcohol one is definitely nta. I have zero alcohol related trauma, but I hate being around drunk people. Drinking a bit is fine, getting tipsy is fine, but getting completely drunk at a party should not be acceptable. And I think I get what she's means about the growing up thing, I think she means that you shouldn't go get black-out drunk when your older than your early-mid twenties. Which I don't know if I agree with all the way because I think people should be able to do what they want, but I think that's kind of what she meant.
@nicholastime1513 drinking's not a tradition, a family meetup during the holidays is. They're not gonna pop a vein if they don't drink one night. You've never been around screaming drunk relatives who fist fight each other during new year's, and it shows.
Exactly! Also in most families I know Christmas is a barely drinking holiday since you know at least one person has to drive home afterwards and there are kids present. So the whole time I was like if they refuse to not drink for Christmas, how did they care for the kids and also did they all just drive home with alcohol intus?
I 100% agree with you! I understand that some people like to drink and OP accepted that when other people hosted, didn’t make a fuss about people drinking. However, when it’s her turn to host - she has all the right to make the event alcohol free and if the family can’t go one(!) Christmas party without drinking - it’s their problem. Making a party at the same time so the OP is either excluded or forced to give up on her boundary it’s such a dick move. They could organize an after-party, meet up on another day etc if drinking is that important to them. I feel like people calling OP an asshole comes from our problem with alcohol as a society. Overconsumption of alcohol is extremely normalised and that’s not how it should look like. I am not saying to ban alcohol by any means, drinking is fine as long as you are being safe and reasonable about it but it’s alarming that grown-up people can’t have one party alcohol-free without complaining.
@@PYC334 it is for some people, where I live it's a big tradition to toast with cider or champagne and it's considered disrespectful to do it without (u don't have to drink it if u don't want just toast) I don't know how it might be at her family, I'm not saying she's the asshole bc I get her point but maybe she could have allowed a bottle of wine during dinner or the martinis, just enough to enjoy it but not to get tipsy or drunk ofc, her family was in the wrong too throwing a party without communicating first tho they could all just have talked and come to an agreement
@nicholastime1513 well, I'm sorry it's like that for you. We have 6 alcoholics in the family, and a handful of family members drank themselves to death.
I still know I'm with op, and in my household there will never be more than one bottle of sparkling wine. I'm not keen to see anyone get drunk at my table.
The woman who didn’t want the alcohol at her Christmas party is NTA! You don’t need to drink to have a nice party and she obviously has some deep trauma surrounding drinking. The family was being incredibly rude about it. It was her time to host the party and in turn it’s her rules which they should respect. If they want to drink that badly just go out after or the next day but its wrong to just make a new party.
My ruling and advice:
1. NTA - Disown them.
2. NTA - Disown them.
3. NTA - Move out ASAP and Disown them.
4. The Wife and Step-Son are NTA - She should Disown her husband and his family.
5. NTA - You've already Disowned them.
I love that your reaction to everyone is just disown them. No other options allowed, only dishonor XD
@@roselover411 I mean I would have said murder them but someone told me recently that murder is "illegal" and "wrong" so I guess I have to cover up some stuff from my past ahaha.
Yeah they were…“Disowned” into a river.
@@shortangel333 this is the cringiest, edgiest thing I've read today, i sincerely hope you're no older than 14 otherwise someone needs to disown YOU for being a child mentally
@@shortangel333 it is rather frowned upon in most places, yes. Such a pity
Ive been sober for a year and a half now. It took that long for me to realize how many people are alcoholics who dont know it. In fact a few months ago, my state legalized wine sales in grocery stores. There's 3 liquor stores within 2 blocks of my grocery store. Theres wine all over the damn store. Its made things a little harder for me, but its shown me that I do have the resolve to stay sober.
I don't allow alcohol at my house. Im so strict about this that i wont even use it for offerings.
Congratulations on your sobriety ❤
The second story is one that I can get where both sides are coming from. It reminded me a bit of when my sister got married earlier this year and the groom's dad said he wouldn't come because they weren't allowing alcohol at the wedding. He ended up changing his mind and showing up, but it rubbed me the wrong way that he would almost miss his only son's wedding just because he couldn't drink for a few hours. So it's kind of how I feel about this party situation too. OP is allowed to have the rules they do, and the others are allowed to not show up. But I also think that if it's important to them to spend time with OP as a family, then there should be some sort of compromise. idk, it's a weird situation.
I had a comment about the no booze at the party but then my uncle’s dog jumped up and I exited out of the app 🤣
I completely understand wanting to have a dry party, especially if you have memories or reminders of behaviours you were exposed to when you were younger. I’m okay with it now, but years ago, I would’ve wanted the same if I was hosting. I just wish they hadn’t called it childish for wanting to drink. people deserve to live, but it does suck they didn’t want to put off drinking for one day to be with family.
Yeah tbh she was being sensible with the rule, if they can’t handle A DAY without being drunk… 😬
ok, it isnt childish to drink, but i DO think its childish that they refuse to NOT drink, and i think that is what they were trying to say. i cannot wrap my head around completely shafting a family member for something so insignificant -being around family should be about drinking, its about being with each other and enjoying their company, and drinking is a nice touch but it shouldnt be a requirement, not in a functional family. to ostracise this person because of their actual trauma or act like they are being unfair when its over something as minor as alcohol at a christmas party? shitty fucking family. my family sucks and yet they STILL wouldnt do that.
@@DeathnoteBB Plus we don't know what kind of drunks they are. I banned booze in my old place specifically because I know my friends were too immature with it, and it wasn't any fun to deal with sober, or clean up after
@@valentine.58lso the like back-stabby alt party that they all decided to go to again even though I’m pretty sure they said they decided it was her turn?? Also…her tolerating the drinking at their parties but them not tolerate the absence of it at her’s does rub me the wrong way but I don’t think there’s enough context to make any concrete arguments from it. also also, I think by childish she means more like…immaturely? or irresponsibly?? that’s just how I initially interpreted it
edit: could also be how the person above me thinks she meant it
@@valentine.58yeah, like, it makes sense if she meant starting a whole other event because the host doesn’t want you to drink is childish.
I wonder if that lady's Christmas with her family might have gone smoother if she explained her reasoning for no alcohol in a different way that "time to grow up." I feel like at that point others would just be like, ok well if you think we're immature we'll have a different gathering.
The stocking story is giving "I call myself a Christian, but cherry pick the bible" energy
What’s ridiculous is that the stepdad fully expects his wife and stepson to attend an event that is purposely excluding them. If the grandma can choose not to make a stocking for him, they can choose not to visit her.
The retail story made me want to literally scream because that whole situation is why I had to change jobs. I almost BEGGED my managers to train new hires better because I had to constantly fix things behind them. Working in grocery stores absolutely sucks. Merry Sinmas folks 🎄
My heart went out for that last one. As someone who is currently in retail (at least until I get my dream job working in a museum) I have had a few previous jobs treat people like shit but then blame them for work not getting done when the department or store is not only understaffed but also they're too busy to properly train someone. I thankfully work at a place that while we are understaff the management for the most part is willing to help those who work under them so I hope they can find a better job soon
The Stepkid stocking one:
As I've grown up, I've realized my stepfather's family always left me out. Like they didn't see me as my stepfather's child. My brother, however, who is his biological child (my half brother), gets treated extremely well and is very spoiled with gifts. I have been my stepfather's child for a longer time than my brother, I am 14, and my parents started dating when I was 1. Stepkids notice, they care. Even if it's just a stocking, it could snowball. It's so rude and mean of your mother to leave out a child you've chosen to care for.
sadly the step dad doesn't seem to see it as an issue either and agrees with his mother :/
I'm sorry that was your experience and I hope you are valued and cherished as much as you deserve!
Watching this instead of hanging out with family is lovely.
wish i was in the same boat
@@heheimlai I will watch it a second time for you, soldier. Stay strong.
No matter how you’re related to them, Have gifts for every child at Christmas.
Yes!
Good for that mama standing up for her kid. Believe me, kids can tell when they're being excluded. I was about his age when my dad got remarried, barely have contact with my stepmother now much less her family. Hope that stepdad gets his priorities straight.
7:50 I totally agree, the reasoning being stated as "childish" feels like it's kinda the wrong wording, but overall they're right. It's their party, they don't want alcohol at the party, it shouldn't be that big a deal. But I'd be mad as hell if someone threw a counter party. Like if they were planning on having that party beforehand it'd be different but IN REACTION TO her dry Christmas is the problem to me.
The Christmas stocking story hit me! As a step child and step grandchild, I am so fortunate that my step grandma (rip to her ♥️) not only made my brother and I stockings but always made us feel like we were included. We were her grandkids no matter what. That MIL is just a jerk. And her son too. OP and her son deserve better.
For the no alcohol party one: my dad is an alcoholic and i have cut contact for multiple reasons including that i 100% agree with OP and I've had people make fun of me for years bc I've mentioned not wanting to drink alcohol now or when i legally can (I'm 16) when i am an adult i will have a no alcohol in the house rule because much like OP i have a hard time being around it
What i think she meant when she said they were being childish is how immature people can act when someone says they don't or don't want to drink people roll their eyes and call you boring and say that you can't have any fun without alcohol
Even if you explain that you get stressed while being around alcohol or drunk people people will (in my experience) still mock you for it unless you very bluntly say something along the lines of "i was abused by my father who was an alcoholic" that causes them to be too uncomfortable to continue the mockery
Quick tip as a fellow non-drinker: if the only issue the dickbags have is you not drinking, saying “medical issues” or “It gives me migraines” or “It’ll react with my medication” will do a lot to get them off your back.
The no alcohol rule seems to stem out of an aversion to it, and also a disgust over how much the in laws actually drink (so judging and being judged). It's a trash move to hijack a decided host though, just have someone else host next year.
@Nicholas Time that’s a bit fucked, why should she have to allow the source of trauma into her own home? Knowing her aversion, someone else should have offered to host, or someone could host a pre- or post-party where the drinking could just happen elsewhere but everyone still gets to see each other at OPs house also.
Hi, mom of a blended family that just dealt with this. I stuck up for my stepson immediately to my parents and this is 100% a hill for her to die on. Being a kid in a blended family is hard enough.
Scapegoat kid from a blended family where my stepbrothers were advocated for but I wasn’t. Thank you for sticking up for your stepson. He’s going to remember that for years.
Being the one kid excluded is the worst feeling in the world, it hurts a lot, and you wonder if something is wrong with you. The step dad and the grandma claiming to be uncomfortable after you say you love him too are horrible people.
The holiday party one I agree I wouldn't call her an asshole, it's her right to not have booze in her home. And I do think it's really petty for them to just schedule a different Christmas party when she offered to host. Like how shady??? I think her attitude that drinking is "childish" is weird and she may need to work through a bit of trauma there tbrh LOL but otherwise... idk! I guess not the asshole but it is complicated !
Yeah, I feel it is her and her partner's right to ban alcohol from their home, but that should have been included in the announcement, instead she mentions it to just a singular person. Also, the rest of the family has every right to party elsewhere with that new information, imo, even though it does seem petty.
I think there is a compromise. I'd have a brunch instead(perhaps on a different date), that way less drinking and then go to the 'alcohol' party and leave whenever I(she) got overwhelmed.
@@RealBradMiller That's a good point it should've been announced from the get go! And definitely some kind of compromise could've been made
I'm 3+ years sober and def think she's the a**hole lol...I'm not about this mentality of "it affects me so therefore it should affect everyone else". I've learned to deal with being in the presence of alcohol despite my negative views of it, and guess what? I'VE SURVIVED lol. I think it's OP who needs to grow up and realize that her emotions/beliefs shouldn't affect everyone else around her for little to no reason.
@@eldritchbidoof the key here is she didn’t want it in her OWN house. If it was someone else’s party it would be different. But she is absolutely not obligated to make herself deal with drunk people in her own home. Especially not when the aversion is due to trauma.
@@eldritchbidoof she needs to grow up by allowing other people to decide what boundaries she sets for her own home?? It is her full right to not want something that makes her uncomfortable in her own house.
I have 4 sets of step grandparents (both my stepparents parents got divorced and remarried) and I was always hyper aware of being left out by all of them. They'd take my family on vacations get my siblings everything they wanted and I was lucky if I got a gift card. That shit stays with you long term and the post about the grandma filled me with unbridled rage.
16:11 100% YTA. What does the grandma mean by "not comfortable", he is just as much your grandson as all your other grandchildren. Way to make that kids Christmas special. The poor kid already feels enough like an outcast and probably doesn't feel like he fits in, and he has to deal with feeling like an outcast on CHRISTMAS!?!? Imagine how heartbroken he is going to feel when all his cousins are getting custom made stockings full of presents and treats and he is the only kid who has to sit there and watch. From someone with divorced parents, one of the first times I met my step dad's side of the family was for Christmas and they got me the same stocking as the rest of the children and made my Christmas magical. And I only knew them for about 2-3 months at this point. So you're telling me this woman was "uncomfortable" with putting up a stocking for your grandchild who has been in your life for 3 years?? You should be defending your wife and your son.
“200 people is an insane number” besties never been to an asian wedding lmao
As a current unwanted step-child of 6 years, I feel terrible for that kid. In my family it's a little different, but I also have a step-grandma that treats us like shit. She loves her darling baby boy but gets all pissy over us girls because we're not hers. It's the worst thing to feel unwanted in the family you're supposed to love. Love my dad, but I think he married the wrong woman. Hearts out to that kid ❤️
As someone who grew up as a kid in a blended family, feeling excluded during Christmas is something that you don’t forget. We would often go back and forth between whether my brother and I will spend Christmas Day with our mom or dad. Spending it with our mom would be just the three of us and sometimes our Oma (grandma). Meanwhile, spending it with our dad would mean spending it with our step-mother’s whole family too, so a much larger group. One year, when I was maybe around 8, we spent Christmas Day with our mom, then went to our dad’s for Christmas the next day. The rest of the family opened their presents on Christmas Day, so it was just me and my brother opening our presents while pretty much only our dad was with us, cause everyone else was doing other things. It felt so bad that the family would rather open presents on Christmas Day than wait a day to open them with everyone. Now we open them together, even if not on Christmas Day, and it’s all good, but I will always remember that Christmas and how excluded my brother and I felt. I don’t even remember what presents I got.
This is all the bullshit my biological family did. We're not on talking terms. I'm so glad to never have to deal with this shit again. I may be alone on Christmas but I relish in it being just another chill day for me.
ALSO bestie you worked so damn hard posting daily! please take a months worth of sleep thank youuu.
8:55 it is the guest right to choose to what party to go but... I personally would just stop talking to all those f-ing people and make friends who won't leave me alone on Christmas. Because as they said it was THEIR turn to have the party. So this whole thing was basically "every year I went to everyone's parties but when was my turn to have a party the way I wanted it they basically said screw you, we'll have the party the way we want anyways, and if you want your no alcohol party u have to do it alone"
So they didn't hoast the second party to exclude her but so that they can do whatever they wanted.
Kinda like if u invited your classmates to a pijama party but the rich girl heard and said come to my party we'll have pizza and cake
And then u just end up alone because everyone went to her party instead :( that's the vibe. And I don't like that. People can go to any party they want but I wouldn't keep in touch with them if they did that in this situation
The fact at 10:34 she says ‘aww’ only to the terminally ill dog and not to the grandparents is hilarious 💀💀
A lot of people don't drink regularly, so they look forward to the time to drink and be merry. My family is also very judge about drinking and it can be really oppressive the way they look down on people for drinking around family in a safe environment.
The alcohol story was also covered on SimplyPodLogical and I'm glad you considered the OP's feelings while also appreciating where her family comes from! I already reacted a lot there, but one thing to note is that if they have a tradition to host parties one after the other and it was her turn, it was cruel to create a counter party. She was annoying at most and they were mean in exchange
The second story really pissed me off when it came to how the replies decided OP was an asshole. My best friend's family doesn't like alcohol because it literally tore their whole (extended) family apart. They don't like alcohol in their home. I wouldn't disrespect their wishes just because I couldn't stand to not be sober for one night. They could so easily leave the party early and drink when they got home. It's so clear OP is uncomfortable with being around intoxicated people and the family sniping their whole party because they couldn't drink is big asshole behavior to me.
With the first story, even if there were underlying issues why would they want to be invited to OP’s party? Like why would they want or expect to be invited to a Christmas party if they don’t like them enough to invite them to a massive wedding full of mutual friends.
About boozemas, I feel like maybe she could have had a dry christmas eve party, or maybe they could have just had a new year's party 5 days later that had booze. Maybe a dry Christmas brunch? They should have come to a compromise between each other, there would be so much we need to know about dynamics in the family.
I’m glad you and the people in the comments are understanding of the Christmas party one. It made my heart drop a bit seeing everyone just make fun of them. I genuinely think that you have to have a problem if you cannot go like what 6 hours without drinking in a social situation? Alcoholism and smoking runs in my family and i definitely try to avoid being around those things. It just makes me sort of uncomfortable I guess. And seeing it as childish like, I get it. But the thing is when I have judgmental feelings of people who drink and do drugs recreationally I remind myself that the problem is how I’ve been conditioned to think about those activities, not the people wanting to do those activities in the first place. It’s ingrained in me at this point but I try to work on it instead of judging people. I have no judgement at all when it comes to addiction, but for some reason I have a hard time feeling okay with the idea of people doing drugs just for fun, idk why. Anyways, people are mean if they don’t at least see where op is coming from. I feel for them.
Also that child is old enough to see all the other kids opening their stockings and sit there knowing they they weren’t considered as worthy as the other kids. Shame on that man and his family.
For the drinking. I think they could have had a drinking party the day before or after. Hosting on the same day is saying "we value alcohol over your comfort". Drinking is not "childish" but I 100% understand the frustration of "why do these people only have fun if they drink?"
It’s honestly been such a treat to see your face and watch your content every day the past week and a half~ so thank you so much!! ❤ incredible work from you and your editors xxxx
dude the 4th one pissed me off! i am a step child and have been since i was young and luckily i have never had to feel this way but omg! like that's your child! my stepdad is more of a dad to me than my dad and its so sad to see that they will probably never have that relationship
it's so trivial and it will make them feel actually welcomed, just you refuse to do it, then the wife absolutely gets to choose not to go. Every child going to their Christmas should have a stocking, who wants to be the odd one out? It's so obvious that the mil doesn't treat the stepson as a grandchild because it's their tradition to do this for every grandchild, yet one is being excluded from that tradition.
8:30 i think they're NTA, or rather that everyone else is TA, because if you want to have an alcoholic christmas party, just host one at a different time (ie have a no alcohol lunch/afternoon meal and an alcoholic party afterwards). making it into such an ultimatum and scheduling an alcoholic event for the same time is a dick move
8:37 I think it’s a no asshole situation. If they want no alcohol at their party, that’s their right. However, their guests can decide to go or not go for any reason including no reason. That’s their right too. If anything, holding another party just to have alcohol is a little shady, but ultimately they had already decided not to go to the no alcohol party so 🤷♀️
For the second story, it's kinda fifty fifty for me. Looking at it from op's pov, truama is a valid reason to not want to be around alcohol or drunk people in general. Intoxicated violence is very real and also it can just make one do a lot of stupid and potentially life threatening things. Also, their party, their rules of course. But on the other side, it sounds like they're using it as an excuse to talk down to people who drink casually. There's not liking something and then there's being an ass about something you don't like personally. The comments of "it's time to grow up" when it comes to alcohol is weird and condescending and it's also weird that they're MAKING their husband stay with them on Christmas instead of having fun and spending time with his family the way he wants to for Christmas. I don't blame him for being mad. Not entirely the asshole, but an asshole nontheless.
I don’t want sinmas to end!! Thank you for all your hard work babes merry Christmas! ❤
Just wanted to say thanks for committing to the 12 days of sinmas. I know it wasn’t -for- me, but I think you’re absolutely hilarious and it has made a very stressful season much more palatable. Merry Sinmas and Merry Marxmas!
Wanting a dry Christmas does not make someone an ahole but using it as an excuse to make passive aggressive moral judgment on others does. I have a feeling she might have a tense relationship with her inlaws
7:30 she had an alcoholic father, it has absolute sense
That stocking thing is messed up, that'd be really cruel to the stepson. I've been in that situation and good on the mom for sticking up for her kid.
No one on either side of my family drinks very often. Even if someone were to gift alcohol, no one would ever get drunk. Everyone has the decency to recognize that a lot of people in the family have alcohol issues and it doesn't even need an official ban.
I totally agree w the retail district managers not knowing how to do floor level jobs. I used to work at a grocery store and our department manager was a drunk and would pass out in his office, come down stairs and see that we have huge lines bc we are short staffed and it was an international supermarket so people from all over would come and it stayed busy for for the most part. Regardless, he would come down and yell at me when I was head cashier and asked me why the lines were so long when we would have 3 cashiers… he didn’t know how to do cash and would just stand there and watch me or he would help bag. He was such a loser dude, that’s the only job I’ve ever walked out on and I don’t regret it one bit
Oh my god…I’m talking about the 23 year old girl with the mean sister, I want to give her a hug so bad. And maybe a therapy session. She sounds like such a sweetheart! And what the hell is wrong with her sister who TREATS their sibling like that??? GOD!
OP wasn’t looking down on drinkers, she literally states “I think it’s childish to think alcohol is the only way to have a fun time”, they can drink on their own time but it is indeed childish to think alcohol is the only way to have a fun time. Which her in-laws obviously believe.
Yes! I'm really annoyed about how other commenters are putting words in her mouth- plus, this was posted after that situation when she has time to stew in her own anger and say things she may not mean. In my opinion, it was so childish of them to make an entirely separate party instead of just trying to compromise! It really shows how she's treated in that family, in my opinion
16:17
The fact that he thinks that it's just about a stupid stocking is sad. It's about the fact that the kid is getting excluded and isn't seen as part of the family. That is something that sticks with a kid for years and is probably going to be a detrimental part of his childhood that he wasn't seen as good enough to be part of the family.
Also it depends on the person but for my Grandma it took about three months give or take. She made stockings for everyone in my family, even the twin babies my mom carried (my mom is a surrogate) and she was in the process of making one for my cousin's girlfriend when she passed.
I think a lot of people want alcohol because thats the only way they can get through it without loosing their mind LOL I don't drink much at all 🍁💨 but family gatherings is usually an exception. Totally get why someone would want a dry Christmas, and why some wouldn't, so I'm with ya girl.
Edit: the next story where the mom said she's a fan of faking it for the holidays triggered my own issues with my mom and not really _getting_ anxiety and depression 🙃
Lets not forget that this 9 year old has been missing out on family Christmas traditions for 2 years already. This has been happening since he was 6 or 7
Oof, that stocking one brought back some absolutely awful memories. I remember going to Christmas with my step-dad's family when I was young and just getting to when all us kids open presents and I only ever had ones my mom saved to give me at that time while all the other kids had like stacks and stacks. It wasn't even the presents inside that mattered, I just liked opening things and even a cheap toy or some candy would have been a blast. But for the 5 years I attended nobody besides my mom gave me presents there and when I started protesting going my step-dad would grumble but my mom had my side. My dad's side was even worse since the only person that got me anything there was my grandma who gave me an envelope with 5 bucks. My mom's side my cousins always got MUCH more expensive stuff but kid me didn't give a fuck because I knew we were poor and I'd still get a bunch of wrapped candy from aunts and uncles lol.
I guess what I'm saying is that even if they aren't biologically related to the family at least wrap some candy or something for ALL the kids at extended family Christmas parties! We remember, ESPECIAALY if you do the whole kids opening presents in order and one of us has to get skipped 20 times.......
About the no alcohol Christmas one. My grandfather on my mother's side is what us, people in Mexico, call "del cerro" (from the hill) or "de rancho" (from the ranch). It's derogatory but with love. Anyway, he was a hard worker, apparently a serial cheater, but his code was always to never set a bad example for his 10 children. He never drank, never smoked, never bet and never allowed himself to be seen with another woman. So, in consequence, all Christmases in our family are always alcohol free. My father's family also never has alcohol in Christmas or New Year's Eve, but I don't think they have a reason. I guess it's true my family is the weird one, because I don't see anything wrong with wanting everyone to be sober during Christmas.
For the alcohol Christmas thing it’s surprising to me that the family didn’t even consider why and support her in that, my family drinks a lot but we have had dry events for people we love just to show how much we love them. Yes we wish we could have drank but the smile on the people’s faces feeling the love was everything. I’m wondering if she was honest and vulnerable with them or if she just called them childish and didn’t even try to have them understand why it would be so important. Other that or the family just cannot cope without a drinking party which is a little sad but totally understandable as things are very stressful and sometimes people wait all year to feel the way they do drunk on Christmas with family.
4. TA!! The kid will notice- he’s nine, he’ll feel left out, and excluded, do you think he’ll understand why he’s treated different? Because he’ll know, it’s because he’s the ‘step-son’ and ‘step-grandson’
Apart from agreeing that "having to grow up" is a bit rude, I honestly do not think that person could be less of an asshole. It's not just the alcohol part, it's the fact that the others are purposely excluding her from a family gathering because of something that makes her uncomfortable. They would be fine if they had the alternate party later or another day, but denying her that opportunity to be a part of the family JUST because they can't handle not having alcohol, especially when she has a past with it... horrible. It's only one day for only the year/years she is hosting. They should be able to handle it.
(the alchohol ban at christmas story) NTA, it's baffling that the family chose alchohol over a familial celebration. you shouldn't have to rely on alchohol to have a good time and at the end of the day not having some booze won't "ruin christmas" and again it sucks that they chose some drinks over family.