Thank you so so so much for sharing your feelings about your journey so openly with all of us. I have been vlogging a short time and I have said many times that I simply don't have the courage to let myself really show my frustration and sadness - I am so afraid I will look like a complete unstable mess! Just the other day I had a huge argument with my husband because of how drained and exhausted I have been feeling and all he ever says is to think positively and have hope - which like you said sucks because if it doesn't work out the letdown is devastating. It takes bravery to have the hope you have AND to continue pushing on month after month, and you always do so eloquently and positively so thank you. I will keep you guys in my thoughts and send baby dust your way! Can't wait to the day when I can congratulate you guys.
This is an amazing video, you have managed to capture and pin-point every feeling that we have every month when the realization that it hasn't worked AGAIN sets in. It's so difficult to discuss these feelings with people who don't understand, or for those that don't have any issues with getting pregnant (or those who don't even do it on purpose) I'm always genuinely excited and happy (not jealous or bitter) for women that receive good news after struggling and that truly understand how meaningful and special children are. Thank you for sharing your very personal journey and giving hope and optimism to others in the same boat. I wish you the best of luck!
I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. I hope your little miracle is around the corner. It hurts me too see you feel this way because I know the pain but you can never give up hope. You will be a mother! I know it, good luck too you next cycle!
This video pretty much captures what I feel recently. That feeling of jealousy of why it is so easy for others, the thinking of if it is meant for us to have kids. We've been trying two years and I can't even imagine what it is like at 4 years. Every month is so tough. Thank you so much for sharing and capturing what I feel in words. It helps so much to know I'm not alone in what I feel.
I know how you are feeling. My surgeon gave me some good advice after my op to remove endo...."you have to really let go, utterly and completely let go of the "want" and start "believing" it will happen!" I think with TTC when we want it too bad we are stressing our bodies out and self-sabotaging! I used to have my down days too. I had two quotes than inspired me to stay strong. "Faith is bigger than fear" & "hope is wishing something would happen, faith is believing it will happen, courage is making it happen". For TTC with assistance I think we need a combination of all 3- hope , faith and courage, because it's not easy. Stay strong and don't give up. Baby dust
I too had a MC... It's the end of the world, till it's not anymore... The pain gets more tolerable, but it's always there. And don't feel bad about feeling bitter. It's completely normal. We all feel like that. We do get happy for the parents to be, but we also want our share of happiness. I feel your pain. This TTC journey is full of ups and downs. Sometimes even in a single day, we get ups and downs... Get better soon. I found you guys on TH-cam today, and I'm rooting for you. :)
Hugs ❤️You are not alone. My husband and I have been TTC for 2 yrs after a 20 week lost to preterm. A year after my loss i was diagnosed with low ovarian reserve. So frustrating so see all my friends have babies year after year and I'm still waiting..... After three failed IUI's we decided to move forward with IVF. Hope you get your positive very soon.
I wanted to thank you for sharing these intimate thoughts with us. So many of the things that you talk about are the exact feelings that I have, and its comforting to know that I am not alone in those feelings. For instance, the feelings of jealousy when others announce a pregnancy - it just hurts to know that we're not expecting when we want it so desperately. I'll be following you guys from now on because you're realistic about this process - both the pretty and the ugly parts. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your story. I am going through the same thing. You are very lucky to have a husband that is supportive. Use him for strength. It is hard to be strong all the time and it is ok to cry. It is a stress reliever. After it is all out we just need to pick ourselves back up and continue on with our journey. Have faith that God will give us what we need at the right time. I go for my first IUI today and fingers crossed in 2 weeks I will get the good news. If not, I am going to just keep on truckin. It helps knowing I am not alone in this journey. Thank you for that peace of mind. Wishing you peace and hope in your personal journey. Hugs from a far.
April, girl Im so sorry this is happening to you. My husband and I tried for over 5 years and listening to you I van relate on every level. I will keep you and matt in my prayers and choose to believe that God will make you parents soon. Lots of love.
Thank you for sharing your story April. Its so hard for those not going through infertility to understand how stressful and frustrating this process is. I am also trying to not lose hope and to see each month as a new beginning. Its rough but hearing that I'm not alone and how other women feel exactly the same way brings me comfort. You are not alone in your struggle. Don't give up hope. I pray that you and your husband conceive soon. Hugs and baby dust to you!
Just found your channel and went back and watched a bunch of your videos, you and your husband seem so sweet! I can relate to your feelings about friends getting pregnant. In the past week I have had 5 friends announce pregnancies and it's so hard not to be bitter and jealous of what they have! I'm hoping you get your bfp soon, don't give up!
April this made me cry at the end, but hearing titanium and reading your quotes at the end made me realise there is always hope. It's going to happen at some point god-willing. I really am praying for you, I can see the heartbreak in your eyes and can totally relate. It's so easy to pretend everything is ok, but dig a little deeper and all the tears flow out like a river. But those tears will make you stronger and ready to fight and get to where you need to get to. A new cycle is starting and I'm sure you'll be back to your normal strong self - you can do this. Xxx
I just wanted to say I am so thankful I stumbled upon your channel. You pretty much nail every emotion on the head of what I'm feeling right now. In this process you can feel so alone and isolated, I feel a little relief knowing I'm not the only one who has these feelings and emotions. And just a side note, my dog had cruciate ligament surgery and then right after it was healed tore the other one as well....I feel your pain about sleeping on the couch haha!
Please know you're not only in the feelings you're expressing. This infertility journey is something one can't understand unless they’ve gone through it. I'm one of those people. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through and I see that you feel the same. I could’ve written every word you spoke. Sharing your feelings isn't only helpful to you, but tremendously helpful to those that are also going through it. Thank you. I'm so sorry you’re going through this. I hope tomorrow is a brighter day for you. One quote that I’ve found comfort in is, ‘You don’t know when it will happen, all you know is it’s one day closer to happening. In the meantime, don’t let the rest of your life pass you by.’
You have so many women here in your corner who understand and truly care about your journey. I know how it is to feel hopeless. It sucks but the wonderful thing about it is that it doesn't last forever. We eventually find a reason to smile again and just the thought of our children gives us hope. Never give up. You CAN and WILL conceive in due time. Hang in there and find a reason to smile. Hey your adorable dog who loves you so much is reason enough. ;) I will be praying for strength and peace. God bless.
I feel like you went into my heart and head and made a video on my feelings. Your defiantly not alone with these thoughts. After a year and a half of ttc I got a surprise BFp last month which ended in a miscarriage a week later. My heart is ripped out of my body. I can't imagine going through that after hearing the heart beat. Your so strong and my inspiration.
I am so so sorry that that happened to you :-( It is always painful, it always sucks, I know their isn't a lot for me to say to make you feel better, but just know I understand how you feel and what you are going through. Take care of yourself
I had a conversation with my mom once about the awful cycle of hope and grief that comes with infertility. I told her it would actually be easier if I was told I cannot conceive, so I could heal and move on. Of course, I don't want that to be the case, but it's true. You can't really heal from something that continually runs you over every month or so. Sigh. Plus, like you said, even when you know the timing was off or something didn't go right, you still can't stop yourself from hoping for a miracle. Hang in there! We'll make it to the other side, one way or another! Hugs
I'm right there with you! My period started this week too. I know what you mean about being depressed every month. I go through the same thing! Hang in there! I feel all the emotions you are feeling. I cried with you watching this because I am in the same place! I recently joined a group on facebook with other people who are trying to conceive. It has helped a little. Still trying to remain hopeful. I am keeping you in my prayers!
I'm sorry you're hurting too :,-(. And chime in as much as you want, even if you have nothing to say ;-) It feels good to share and it's nice to hear from other people out there who "get it".
I can't tell you how good it was to watch this video. I share your experience so closely its creepy. I also have been ttc for 4 years, my husband's name is matt too. We have done 2 IUI's with no success. I also have very long cycles but our sperm is the bigger issue. My husband was just on clomid for 5 months to try to help his count and motility, and we got the results from his semen analysis and it's actually worse than it was before. so we feel like that's 5 more months wasted we could have just done the IUI and I go through so much of this hope/disappointment cycle too. I feel EXACTLY the same as you do. I also feel very much alone in it and after 4 years of hearing all the things not helpful from every friend, family member and stranger who thinks they know what you're going through, everybody gets sick of hearing about it and i feel like they blow me off because they're out of things to say, which didn't help in the first place but now being ignored makes it worse. and it is hard finding out about others' success and feeling robbed of that basic human right to have babies, especially when you see how others treat theirs and it's incredibly hard not to judge all of them. just know that you are not alone and that your journey is shared by more than you know. Even with the bad results of the semen analysis, we still are trying IUI this month if my ultrasound goes well today from being on femara. before, i was always on clomid. here's to hoping for good results and hopefully my body made lots of good big follicles this month so we can try IUI again... thanks for sharing!
I totally feel you!! I mean I swear every word you said!! God help us :( it's been a year for us and we started a very hard journey just about last week I'm already depressed, sad and thinking "why it's easy for everyone but not us"!!! And here you are saying that, it makes feel not alone which I don't know if it's good or not. Well I hope this will happen soon for you and maybe myself :) keep us posted
So sorry you are feeling this way today! Yes yes, just like you said at the end. Focus on the good.I was reading in my bible today about Hannah and how she prayed for a child so strongly for so long that the priest at the temple thought she was drunk!! LOL Oh how familiar we can relate to that! We all feel crazy in our TTC journeys thinking we are crazy to feel these feelings. However she kept her faith and put her Hope in the Lord promising to give the child back to the Lord when he was older. Just lay it all out there and pray like a crazy woman daily to the Lord and in His perfect timing he will make it happen. Life isn't ours anyway in the end so commit this journey to God and use it as a testimony to help someone else see the wonderful things God can do. Hannah eventually gave birth the Samuel who later on helped along the story of David and then Jesus. It will happen just have Hope in all the right places. Follow me on my TTC as well. I feel like society is telling me I'm crazy for doing a Vesectomy reversal and having more children isn't right. Like 2 is the magic number or something??? We all have a CRAZY story, so just use it to help others. Praying for you.
Hi. I just found your channel and I'm very sorry about your situation. Although I haven't gone through what you're going through, my sister-in-law and brother-in-law has gone through it. Never give up hope, don't ever doubt anything, and keep your faith strong. My sis/bro-in-law tried for 7 years.. After their 6th year, they finally got checked and she took Clomid. She took it for a couple months and then stopped. The night before the day they were going to go to their consultation for in vitro, she took a pregnancy test and to their surprise, it came out positive! I know it's hard, but be patient. God will bless you with a little one when the time is right. Stay positive. And what i always told my sister-in-law, stop being negative and stop doubting =)
Pregnacare conception his and her... Its really good 3 of my mates got a bfp within 3 months of takin that me and my hubby been on it for a month on our second month now.. I already have a 3/12 yr old ttc number 2 since january.. I know its hard but when i finally gave up i got pregnant in may but ended up as a chemical... And that just got me soo desperate have been tryin every other day and i remember thinkin that month if that didnt do it what will... But this month i just thought ill just leave it to god not gona even bother tryin ( though i know i probably would end up stressin,, easier said than done) but u and matt really deserve to be parents and and trust me when u update when ur pregnant i would be REALLY glad for u guys.. Always in my prayers xxx
I just got Aunt flo today....... Every month just makes me feel like it is so much more impossible to have a family of my own. I relate to all your feelings.................Sending love your way.
Im sorrie ur feeling down... Dont give up n lose hope. Its hard not to get upset but reality is u cant control fate u just njoy the tym being while trying. When u dont succeed u pick ur self up and eat the things u luv, do the things u njoy, and play with Zena girl as if there is no tomorrow. Dont waste a moment in sorrow. Because when the tym come n u n Matt will have ur miracle it will be a wonderful journey ahead. Nausea, morning sickness, tiredness, no more sushi .... I know because a year ago in July we lost our little miracle and exactly one year another miracle happens. I just hoping same for u and a beautiful safe 9 months xoxo
hi April I dont know you but I just want you to know there is hope ...dont give up .. after 6 long years of trying my sister finally became pregnant! Keep the faith and look to the Lord for your peace and comfort.. I have been trying almost a year now .. maybe august will be our month! God bless you
There is a song I used to listen to that had a line which said, "The bravest thing I have is hope." I think that is so often true. To have hope is sometimes a really brave thing. Especially in difficult circumstances where you get disappointed over and over. It's ok to be sad and cry about it sometimes. In my case I haven't tried as long as you, but I have learned that I have some fertility issues of my own (PCOS) and really all you can do is keep trying. I don't want regrets because I gave up. I would always wonder "what if?" you know? What if I had kept going and kept trying and it worked? However, I do believe there is a time when a person may need to move on after several failed IVFs or something like that, but then you can move on to adoption. So there is still always that hope of having a child one day even if it isn't biologically yours. But you're not there yet, not even close. Hang in there, April! I have hope for you. :)
Totally. And I really like that quote you shared. Do you know what song it's from? And thank you for having hope for me :-), best wishes to you on your journey as well!
Be positive April! God will make a way and everything has a reason... So don't give up like me... You have a chance to get pregnant soon! Just have faith!
I know to well about that dreaded hope!! I learned last month I have a blocked left tube....went today to see if I have eggs on my right side....Nope... I have three HUGE eggs on my left....I still have hope that maybe one egg will slip through!!!
I'm following you April because of your story but also, because I'm waiting for the announcement that your having your baby!!!! It will happen I know it will :)))) DONT GIVE UP, DONT GIVE UP NEVER NEVER GIVE UP. You will be called Mommy someday!!!! Just believe it in your heart
I feel exactly what your feeling, having been trying for the same time as you both it's been terrible feeling so depressed about it and having everyone around us get pregnant. I want to scream at everyone when they tell me your time will come or stop trying and it'll happen oh my favorite, everything happens for a reason! Seriously shut up haha no one will know the pain that your feeling until they have been there themselves. XOXO
Ya, I got my first "why don't you just adopt?" The other day. I know people mean well, they really really do. Heck, I probably wouldn't know the right thing to say to someone going through this if I hadn't been through it myself either... But ya, those things are hard to hear...
:-( I'm having a hard time accepting another failed month this month also. Even though you know you missed you still just hope and hope. And for some reason even though you are used to negative tests or failed months, they still hurt and sting like the first time. I hope next month works out better for you.
April- I am right there with you, again... On DPO11 and took a pregnancy tests and, like always, it's negative. We have been trying for just over 2 years and never seen a positive. The Urologist gave us decent news a few days ago about his last semen analysis.... and I remain hopeful, yet doubtful/skeptical and probably always will be unless we see a positive one day. Praying for you
4 years? That sucks! I'm feeling this way after 2 years of trying (almost 1 year of treatments). You're allowed to feel exactly what you're feeling. It's a crap situation. I used to be a fun, comedic, pretty happy person. I have not felt like myself in a year. I feel like a completely different person...because of the hope and despair cycle. Like my life has been on hold all this time, waiting. Part of me wants to give up so I can have myself back. Maybe it's selfish, but life's also too short to be on pause. Not sure if this will help, but the only time I got pregnant, I went low-carb for about three weeks before and I took regular robitussin to thin my cervical mucus (clomid can cause angry mucus!). I was willing to try anything. I have also been researching maca root. Haven't tried that yet. Thinking of you and continuing prayers for you. I am sure you'd be a great mom. :)
I believe you will get pregnant very soon it just that you have to be patient like me .. But I never give up took me long time but I made it with no fertility drug only vitex and fertility tea ...
I deeply understand what you've been going through. I had my miscarriage 2 years ago for 6 weeks & were still ttc.... It's hard and frustrated when the result is negative... I went to see a doctor after few months and told me try 6 months of intercourse and if didn't work out comeback... So we came back and doctor told me that he thinks I'm not ovulating & its unexplained infertility. He said were going to do IUI test... The first time we did was the doctor prescribed me a clomid for 5days for 50mg daily and injected an hcg but we didn't do the insemination yet bec of incomplete lab test of my husband. So we just inter-coursed unfortunately its negative. I was really sad and broke my heart. So it's ok, there's still a hope, so we went to a doctor again after a month and had ultrasound check-up and she gave me another medication which is clomid but its 100mg for five days. So I have another appointment this mon and we will do an insemination test... Hopefully it will be a positive sign and this will be our first baby if it happens. Just have faith to God and don't lose hope... Everything has a reason... Just be optimistic & you will get pregnant soon!
I totally understand how you feel. CD 1 is a bitch. I always feel blue that day and say to myself, This is too hard, I give up. But somehow as the new cycle moves on and I get past my period and closer to ovulation, hope builds again and I feel strong enough to try again. Treat yourself very, very kindly, my dear, and remember that you are not alone. Best wishes and be well!
Your video broke my heart:( I've been ttc for one year and I'm so drained can't imagine what four years must feel like. I wanted to throw in a suggestion. This month my doctor is going to start me on gonal f injections with iui maybe you should look into that. Also have you done a hsg test? You may have a slight blockage in one of your Fallopian tubes? I'm so sorry you're going through this I really hope you get pregnant soon❤️
hey love... i'm so sorry that you are drained all away around. I was have been in your shoes and I just wanted to tell you that it may get easier and it may not. The good news is, is that you have been pregnant before and so you CAN get pregnant naturally. It may be that your chances are lesser than others but it can/will happen. If you want it to happen sooner than later that is when you decide....do we continue with IUI's, do we continue trying naturally, or do we move on to IVF. I've never been pregnant before :-/ and so i don't know what that feels like and i can't imagine the pain after a loss. I do know how you feel as far as getting a negative after negative after negative. Knowing that you CAN get pregnant you just need to keep pushing and don't give up hope :) If my husband and I didn't push and push and just gave up we literally would have never had kids b/c after pushing and pushing even when i thought it was hopeless we did IVF and found out that we have a fertilization problem. We just finished our 2nd IVF and now i'm waiting to do a Frozen Transfer in Sept. IVF is the ONLY way we can get pregnant unless of course some miracle happened. You seem to have a lot of hope so I don't see you giving up :) Let AF do her thing and after a couple days get right back on that horse. I've had to stick myself with so many needles and each time i'm like ... i can't do it again but guess what I'm getting ready to start sticking myself with needles again next week ;) ::hugs::
Hi hun! There is a qoute that says "worry is a waste of imagination" Imagine that God is able to fulfill all the desires of your heart according to His perfect will. That is a win win situation :)
I also have had a miscarriage n still ttc now, 3 of my closest friends plus about 6 other ppl i kno have announced their pregnancies in the last couple of months, all due within a month or so of wen i would've been due..the pain is almost too much to bear isnt it..xx
Have you tried geritol ive heard a lot of great things about it my sister was trying for about 4 years and after 2 months of taking geritol multivitamins she got pregnant I just started taking it like 3 weeks ago ill let you know if it works out ive been trying for about 2 years and had a miscarriage so hoping this works!! Good luck and hopefully it happens for you soon
Do you email? I would love to talk to you more! I feel like I'm looking in a mirror watching this video of you. I feel the EXACT same way and share many of the same feelings and emotions!
Hi April! wanted to cry to lol, I know how you feel, Do not give up, you are a very very strong person, we'll be here to listen :) I would like to share something with you, how can i private message?
I've never replied from a YT message. I would click on the senders name, go to their "About" page and click, "send message." May not be an official reply but they should get the message.
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Thank you so so so much for sharing your feelings about your journey so openly with all of us. I have been vlogging a short time and I have said many times that I simply don't have the courage to let myself really show my frustration and sadness - I am so afraid I will look like a complete unstable mess! Just the other day I had a huge argument with my husband because of how drained and exhausted I have been feeling and all he ever says is to think positively and have hope - which like you said sucks because if it doesn't work out the letdown is devastating. It takes bravery to have the hope you have AND to continue pushing on month after month, and you always do so eloquently and positively so thank you. I will keep you guys in my thoughts and send baby dust your way! Can't wait to the day when I can congratulate you guys.
This is an amazing video, you have managed to capture and pin-point every feeling that we have every month when the realization that it hasn't worked AGAIN sets in. It's so difficult to discuss these feelings with people who don't understand, or for those that don't have any issues with getting pregnant (or those who don't even do it on purpose) I'm always genuinely excited and happy (not jealous or bitter) for women that receive good news after struggling and that truly understand how meaningful and special children are. Thank you for sharing your very personal journey and giving hope and optimism to others in the same boat. I wish you the best of luck!
I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. I hope your little miracle is around the corner. It hurts me too see you feel this way because I know the pain but you can never give up hope. You will be a mother! I know it, good luck too you next cycle!
This video pretty much captures what I feel recently. That feeling of jealousy of why it is so easy for others, the thinking of if it is meant for us to have kids. We've been trying two years and I can't even imagine what it is like at 4 years. Every month is so tough. Thank you so much for sharing and capturing what I feel in words. It helps so much to know I'm not alone in what I feel.
+ectingting You are welcome and I'm sorry that you're struggling. You're definitely not alone. Hang in there!
I know how you are feeling. My surgeon gave me some good advice after my op to remove endo...."you have to really let go, utterly and completely let go of the "want" and start "believing" it will happen!" I think with TTC when we want it too bad we are stressing our bodies out and self-sabotaging! I used to have my down days too. I had two quotes than inspired me to stay strong. "Faith is bigger than fear" & "hope is wishing something would happen, faith is believing it will happen, courage is making it happen". For TTC with assistance I think we need a combination of all 3- hope , faith and courage, because it's not easy. Stay strong and don't give up. Baby dust
Thank you. I really like that.
I too had a MC... It's the end of the world, till it's not anymore... The pain gets more tolerable, but it's always there. And don't feel bad about feeling bitter. It's completely normal. We all feel like that. We do get happy for the parents to be, but we also want our share of happiness. I feel your pain. This TTC journey is full of ups and downs. Sometimes even in a single day, we get ups and downs...
Get better soon.
I found you guys on TH-cam today, and I'm rooting for you. :)
Hugs ❤️You are not alone. My husband and I have been TTC for 2 yrs after a 20 week lost to preterm. A year after my loss i was diagnosed with low ovarian reserve. So frustrating so see all my friends have babies year after year and I'm still waiting..... After three failed IUI's we decided to move forward with IVF. Hope you get your positive very soon.
I wanted to thank you for sharing these intimate thoughts with us. So many of the things that you talk about are the exact feelings that I have, and its comforting to know that I am not alone in those feelings. For instance, the feelings of jealousy when others announce a pregnancy - it just hurts to know that we're not expecting when we want it so desperately. I'll be following you guys from now on because you're realistic about this process - both the pretty and the ugly parts. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your story. I am going through the same thing. You are very lucky to have a husband that is supportive. Use him for strength. It is hard to be strong all the time and it is ok to cry. It is a stress reliever. After it is all out we just need to pick ourselves back up and continue on with our journey. Have faith that God will give us what we need at the right time. I go for my first IUI today and fingers crossed in 2 weeks I will get the good news. If not, I am going to just keep on truckin. It helps knowing I am not alone in this journey. Thank you for that peace of mind. Wishing you peace and hope in your personal journey. Hugs from a far.
April, girl Im so sorry this is happening to you. My husband and I tried for over 5 years and listening to you I van relate on every level. I will keep you and matt in my prayers and choose to believe that God will make you parents soon. Lots of love.
Wishing you the best. You are such a strong woman. Never give up hope! You and Matt will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you so much Ashley, you have NO idea what the prayers mean to me. Seriously, that is so so nice of you.
Thank you for sharing your story April. Its so hard for those not going through infertility to understand how stressful and frustrating this process is. I am also trying to not lose hope and to see each month as a new beginning. Its rough but hearing that I'm not alone and how other women feel exactly the same way brings me comfort. You are not alone in your struggle. Don't give up hope. I pray that you and your husband conceive soon. Hugs and baby dust to you!
Tahiya81 Thank you so so much! Your encouragement means more than you know
Just found your channel and went back and watched a bunch of your videos, you and your husband seem so sweet! I can relate to your feelings about friends getting pregnant. In the past week I have had 5 friends announce pregnancies and it's so hard not to be bitter and jealous of what they have! I'm hoping you get your bfp soon, don't give up!
April this made me cry at the end, but hearing titanium and reading your quotes at the end made me realise there is always hope. It's going to happen at some point god-willing. I really am praying for you, I can see the heartbreak in your eyes and can totally relate. It's so easy to pretend everything is ok, but dig a little deeper and all the tears flow out like a river. But those tears will make you stronger and ready to fight and get to where you need to get to. A new cycle is starting and I'm sure you'll be back to your normal strong self - you can do this. Xxx
Thank you. Thank you for reminding me, "you can do this." Those are nice words to hear.
I just wanted to say I am so thankful I stumbled upon your channel. You pretty much nail every emotion on the head of what I'm feeling right now. In this process you can feel so alone and isolated, I feel a little relief knowing I'm not the only one who has these feelings and emotions.
And just a side note, my dog had cruciate ligament surgery and then right after it was healed tore the other one as well....I feel your pain about sleeping on the couch haha!
Please know you're not only in the feelings you're expressing. This infertility journey is something one can't understand unless they’ve gone through it. I'm one of those people. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through and I see that you feel the same. I could’ve written every word you spoke. Sharing your feelings isn't only helpful to you, but tremendously helpful to those that are also going through it. Thank you. I'm so sorry you’re going through this. I hope tomorrow is a brighter day for you. One quote that I’ve found comfort in is, ‘You don’t know when it will happen, all you know is it’s one day closer to happening. In the meantime, don’t let the rest of your life pass you by.’
I like that! It's one day closer to happening... I really like that..
You have so many women here in your corner who understand and truly care about your journey. I know how it is to feel hopeless. It sucks but the wonderful thing about it is that it doesn't last forever. We eventually find a reason to smile again and just the thought of our children gives us hope. Never give up. You CAN and WILL conceive in due time. Hang in there and find a reason to smile. Hey your adorable dog who loves you so much is reason enough. ;) I will be praying for strength and peace. God bless.
Thank you so so so much and congratulations to you!!! I appreciate the prayers
Keeping you guys in my prayers ...... 🙏
Thank you so much, I really really really appreciate that
I feel like you went into my heart and head and made a video on my feelings. Your defiantly not alone with these thoughts.
After a year and a half of ttc I got a surprise BFp last month which ended in a miscarriage a week later. My heart is ripped out of my body. I can't imagine going through that after hearing the heart beat. Your so strong and my inspiration.
I am so so sorry that that happened to you :-( It is always painful, it always sucks, I know their isn't a lot for me to say to make you feel better, but just know I understand how you feel and what you are going through. Take care of yourself
I had a conversation with my mom once about the awful cycle of hope and grief that comes with infertility. I told her it would actually be easier if I was told I cannot conceive, so I could heal and move on. Of course, I don't want that to be the case, but it's true. You can't really heal from something that continually runs you over every month or so. Sigh. Plus, like you said, even when you know the timing was off or something didn't go right, you still can't stop yourself from hoping for a miracle. Hang in there! We'll make it to the other side, one way or another! Hugs
yes
don't lose hope...praying for you...you touched my heart
Regina Harrison
You're most welcome! How is it going now?
I'm right there with you! My period started this week too. I know what you mean about being depressed every month. I go through the same thing! Hang in there! I feel all the emotions you are feeling. I cried with you watching this because I am in the same place! I recently joined a group on facebook with other people who are trying to conceive. It has helped a little. Still trying to remain hopeful. I am keeping you in my prayers!
Thanks Kellyn! Looks like we're on the same cycle then?
looks like we are on the same cycle!
Don't give up hope, you are not alone ((hugs)) I was in the same place 3 days ago.. I feel your pain
Thank you! I know you've all been there so it is nice to go somewhere where people can relate!
So many have said it better, but I couldn't help adding how I feel the same way, too. And I'm sorry you're hurting.
I'm sorry you're hurting too :,-(. And chime in as much as you want, even if you have nothing to say ;-) It feels good to share and it's nice to hear from other people out there who "get it".
I can't tell you how good it was to watch this video. I share your experience so closely its creepy. I also have been ttc for 4 years, my husband's name is matt too. We have done 2 IUI's with no success. I also have very long cycles but our sperm is the bigger issue. My husband was just on clomid for 5 months to try to help his count and motility, and we got the results from his semen analysis and it's actually worse than it was before. so we feel like that's 5 more months wasted we could have just done the IUI and I go through so much of this hope/disappointment cycle too. I feel EXACTLY the same as you do. I also feel very much alone in it and after 4 years of hearing all the things not helpful from every friend, family member and stranger who thinks they know what you're going through, everybody gets sick of hearing about it and i feel like they blow me off because they're out of things to say, which didn't help in the first place but now being ignored makes it worse. and it is hard finding out about others' success and feeling robbed of that basic human right to have babies, especially when you see how others treat theirs and it's incredibly hard not to judge all of them. just know that you are not alone and that your journey is shared by more than you know. Even with the bad results of the semen analysis, we still are trying IUI this month if my ultrasound goes well today from being on femara. before, i was always on clomid. here's to hoping for good results and hopefully my body made lots of good big follicles this month so we can try IUI again... thanks for sharing!
I totally feel you!! I mean I swear every word you said!! God help us :( it's been a year for us and we started a very hard journey just about last week I'm already depressed, sad and thinking "why it's easy for everyone but not us"!!! And here you are saying that, it makes feel not alone which I don't know if it's good or not. Well I hope this will happen soon for you and maybe myself :) keep us posted
Rahaf Burghol both of us! Fingers crossed :-)
So sorry you are feeling this way today! Yes yes, just like you said at the end. Focus on the good.I was reading in my bible today about Hannah and how she prayed for a child so strongly for so long that the priest at the temple thought she was drunk!! LOL Oh how familiar we can relate to that! We all feel crazy in our TTC journeys thinking we are crazy to feel these feelings. However she kept her faith and put her Hope in the Lord promising to give the child back to the Lord when he was older. Just lay it all out there and pray like a crazy woman daily to the Lord and in His perfect timing he will make it happen. Life isn't ours anyway in the end so commit this journey to God and use it as a testimony to help someone else see the wonderful things God can do. Hannah eventually gave birth the Samuel who later on helped along the story of David and then Jesus. It will happen just have Hope in all the right places.
Follow me on my TTC as well. I feel like society is telling me I'm crazy for doing a Vesectomy reversal and having more children isn't right. Like 2 is the magic number or something??? We all have a CRAZY story, so just use it to help others. Praying for you.
Thanks for sharing! You're not crazy, it's your life and you're family, do what's best for you!
Hi. I just found your channel and I'm very sorry about your situation. Although I haven't gone through what you're going through, my sister-in-law and brother-in-law has gone through it. Never give up hope, don't ever doubt anything, and keep your faith strong. My sis/bro-in-law tried for 7 years.. After their 6th year, they finally got checked and she took Clomid. She took it for a couple months and then stopped. The night before the day they were going to go to their consultation for in vitro, she took a pregnancy test and to their surprise, it came out positive!
I know it's hard, but be patient. God will bless you with a little one when the time is right. Stay positive. And what i always told my sister-in-law, stop being negative and stop doubting =)
That is so nice of you to be so supportive to them, and to me! I appreciate the encouragement!
Pregnacare conception his and her... Its really good 3 of my mates got a bfp within 3 months of takin that me and my hubby been on it for a month on our second month now.. I already have a 3/12 yr old ttc number 2 since january.. I know its hard but when i finally gave up i got pregnant in may but ended up as a chemical... And that just got me soo desperate have been tryin every other day and i remember thinkin that month if that didnt do it what will... But this month i just thought ill just leave it to god not gona even bother tryin ( though i know i probably would end up stressin,, easier said than done) but u and matt really deserve to be parents and and trust me when u update when ur pregnant i would be REALLY glad for u guys.. Always in my prayers xxx
I just got Aunt flo today....... Every month just makes me feel like it is so much more impossible to have a family of my own. I relate to all your feelings.................Sending love your way.
blah! i'm sorry to hear that. I know, it's always such a bummer. sending love right back at you!
Received!
Im sorrie ur feeling down... Dont give up n lose hope. Its hard not to get upset but reality is u cant control fate u just njoy the tym being while trying. When u dont succeed u pick ur self up and eat the things u luv, do the things u njoy, and play with Zena girl as if there is no tomorrow. Dont waste a moment in sorrow. Because when the tym come n u n Matt will have ur miracle it will be a wonderful journey ahead. Nausea, morning sickness, tiredness, no more sushi .... I know because a year ago in July we lost our little miracle and exactly one year another miracle happens. I just hoping same for u and a beautiful safe 9 months xoxo
:-) thank you for the encouragement. It made me smile when you said exactly one year later another miracle happened :-). That's great :-)
hi April I dont know you but I just want you to know there is hope ...dont give up .. after 6 long years of trying my sister finally became pregnant! Keep the faith and look to the Lord for your peace and comfort.. I have been trying almost a year now .. maybe august will be our month! God bless you
Thank you, it's nice to hear those success stories! August for both of us! ;-)
First day for me too, so bitter sweet "booo I'm not pregnant yay I'm still fertile". Peace and light to you.
And you too!
oW April!! i saw myself in you at this video! yeah, it sucks! Be strong, girl!
There is a song I used to listen to that had a line which said, "The bravest thing I have is hope." I think that is so often true. To have hope is sometimes a really brave thing. Especially in difficult circumstances where you get disappointed over and over. It's ok to be sad and cry about it sometimes. In my case I haven't tried as long as you, but I have learned that I have some fertility issues of my own (PCOS) and really all you can do is keep trying. I don't want regrets because I gave up. I would always wonder "what if?" you know? What if I had kept going and kept trying and it worked? However, I do believe there is a time when a person may need to move on after several failed IVFs or something like that, but then you can move on to adoption. So there is still always that hope of having a child one day even if it isn't biologically yours. But you're not there yet, not even close. Hang in there, April! I have hope for you. :)
Totally. And I really like that quote you shared. Do you know what song it's from? And thank you for having hope for me :-), best wishes to you on your journey as well!
Be positive April! God will make a way and everything has a reason... So don't give up like me... You have a chance to get pregnant soon! Just have faith!
I know to well about that dreaded hope!! I learned last month I have a blocked left tube....went today to see if I have eggs on my right side....Nope... I have three HUGE eggs on my left....I still have hope that maybe one egg will slip through!!!
I'm following you April because of your story but also, because I'm waiting for the announcement that your having your baby!!!! It will happen I know it will :)))) DONT GIVE UP, DONT GIVE UP NEVER NEVER GIVE UP. You will be called Mommy someday!!!! Just believe it in your heart
Thank youRosemary!!! I appreciate your support and confidence :-)
I feel exactly what your feeling, having been trying for the same time as you both it's been terrible feeling so depressed about it and having everyone around us get pregnant. I want to scream at everyone when they tell me your time will come or stop trying and it'll happen oh my favorite, everything happens for a reason! Seriously shut up haha no one will know the pain that your feeling until they have been there themselves.
XOXO
Ya, I got my first "why don't you just adopt?" The other day. I know people mean well, they really really do. Heck, I probably wouldn't know the right thing to say to someone going through this if I hadn't been through it myself either... But ya, those things are hard to hear...
:-( I'm having a hard time accepting another failed month this month also. Even though you know you missed you still just hope and hope. And for some reason even though you are used to negative tests or failed months, they still hurt and sting like the first time. I hope next month works out better for you.
thank you :-)
April- I am right there with you, again... On DPO11 and took a pregnancy tests and, like always, it's negative. We have been trying for just over 2 years and never seen a positive. The Urologist gave us decent news a few days ago about his last semen analysis.... and I remain hopeful, yet doubtful/skeptical and probably always will be unless we see a positive one day. Praying for you
Ugh, dang negatives! Hehehe, thanks for understanding though!
4 years? That sucks! I'm feeling this way after 2 years of trying (almost 1 year of treatments). You're allowed to feel exactly what you're feeling. It's a crap situation.
I used to be a fun, comedic, pretty happy person. I have not felt like myself in a year. I feel like a completely different person...because of the hope and despair cycle. Like my life has been on hold all this time, waiting. Part of me wants to give up so I can have myself back. Maybe it's selfish, but life's also too short to be on pause.
Not sure if this will help, but the only time I got pregnant, I went low-carb for about three weeks before and I took regular robitussin to thin my cervical mucus (clomid can cause angry mucus!). I was willing to try anything. I have also been researching maca root. Haven't tried that yet.
Thinking of you and continuing prayers for you. I am sure you'd be a great mom. :)
thank you :-) I know how you feel, I definitely go through highs and lows too. We'll get there!
I know exactly how your feeling :/ I'm going through the the same thing always trying and never getting the results we want 😢
+Steph Evans Yeah its tough! We have moved on to IVF. Take a look at some of our newer videos...we hope this works!!
I've just started watching them today and i like how you have expressed every emotion we have in your videos 😀 good luck guys !!
Thank you, and good luck to you too!
Don't give up Hun I know how u feel I been ttc 6 yr now this year my yr I finally pregnant so don't give up
Really Nita?! That is so great! I am really glad to hear that. Trust me, I wish I WOULD give up, but hope and possibility won't let me....
I believe you will get pregnant very soon it just that you have to be patient like me .. But I never give up took me long time but I made it with no fertility drug only vitex and fertility tea ...
I deeply understand what you've been going through. I had my miscarriage 2 years ago for 6 weeks & were still ttc.... It's hard and frustrated when the result is negative... I went to see a doctor after few months and told me try 6 months of intercourse and if didn't work out comeback... So we came back and doctor told me that he thinks I'm not ovulating & its unexplained infertility. He said were going to do IUI test... The first time we did was the doctor prescribed me a clomid for 5days for 50mg daily and injected an hcg but we didn't do the insemination yet bec of incomplete lab test of my husband. So we just inter-coursed unfortunately its negative. I was really sad and broke my heart. So it's ok, there's still a hope, so we went to a doctor again after a month and had ultrasound check-up and she gave me another medication which is clomid but its 100mg for five days. So I have another appointment this mon and we will do an insemination test... Hopefully it will be a positive sign and this will be our first baby if it happens. Just have faith to God and don't lose hope... Everything has a reason... Just be optimistic & you will get pregnant soon!
I totally understand how you feel. CD 1 is a bitch. I always feel blue that day and say to myself, This is too hard, I give up. But somehow as the new cycle moves on and I get past my period and closer to ovulation, hope builds again and I feel strong enough to try again. Treat yourself very, very kindly, my dear, and remember that you are not alone. Best wishes and be well!
Ya, it's like a vicious cycle, utter disappointment, excitement, hope, then disappointment again...
I'm feeling you I feel the same way every single one of my friends are pregnant, one of my friends are even getting an abortion...makes it so hard.
Hey u gonna do any more updates??
Hi
Hillary, I really appreciate that!!!
Aww I'm so sorry Hun , have you tried Accupuncture ?? Have heard so much good things about it
Your video broke my heart:( I've been ttc for one year and I'm so drained can't imagine what four years must feel like. I wanted to throw in a suggestion. This month my doctor is going to start me on gonal f injections with iui maybe you should look into that. Also have you done a hsg test? You may have a slight blockage in one of your Fallopian tubes? I'm so sorry you're going through this I really hope you get pregnant soon❤️
I hope the same for you! Yes, I have had and hsg test, all clear there. No gonal f though, I will look into it!
hey love... i'm so sorry that you are drained all away around. I was have been in your shoes and I just wanted to tell you that it may get easier and it may not. The good news is, is that you have been pregnant before and so you CAN get pregnant naturally. It may be that your chances are lesser than others but it can/will happen. If you want it to happen sooner than later that is when you decide....do we continue with IUI's, do we continue trying naturally, or do we move on to IVF.
I've never been pregnant before :-/ and so i don't know what that feels like and i can't imagine the pain after a loss. I do know how you feel as far as getting a negative after negative after negative. Knowing that you CAN get pregnant you just need to keep pushing and don't give up hope :) If my husband and I didn't push and push and just gave up we literally would have never had kids b/c after pushing and pushing even when i thought it was hopeless we did IVF and found out that we have a fertilization problem. We just finished our 2nd IVF and now i'm waiting to do a Frozen Transfer in Sept. IVF is the ONLY way we can get pregnant unless of course some miracle happened.
You seem to have a lot of hope so I don't see you giving up :) Let AF do her thing and after a couple days get right back on that horse. I've had to stick myself with so many needles and each time i'm like ... i can't do it again but guess what I'm getting ready to start sticking myself with needles again next week ;) ::hugs::
Hugs back to you and good luck!!!
Hi hun! There is a qoute that says "worry is a waste of imagination"
Imagine that God is able to fulfill all the desires of your heart according to His perfect will. That is a win win situation :)
Man, I needed to hear that. So true, I need to tell myself that every day... Thanks for sharing!
I also have had a miscarriage n still ttc now, 3 of my closest friends plus about 6 other ppl i kno have announced their pregnancies in the last couple of months, all due within a month or so of wen i would've been due..the pain is almost too much to bear isnt it..xx
Oh man, I know, that is so so so hard. I'm sorry, I don't even really know what to say except I know how bad it sucks :,-(
Have you tried geritol ive heard a lot of great things about it my sister was trying for about 4 years and after 2 months of taking geritol multivitamins she got pregnant I just started taking it like 3 weeks ago ill let you know if it works out ive been trying for about 2 years and had a miscarriage so hoping this works!! Good luck and hopefully it happens for you soon
Do you email? I would love to talk to you more! I feel like I'm looking in a mirror watching this video of you. I feel the EXACT same way and share many of the same feelings and emotions!
Hi April! wanted to cry to lol, I know how you feel, Do not give up, you are a very very strong person, we'll be here to listen :) I would like to share something with you, how can i private message?
I don't know! But I wish I did, anyone here know how to private message??
Matt and April Click on "Matt and April," then go to "about," under your bio is a "flag" and "send message." Hope that helps!
Thanks Ashley Larson will try...
Ashley Larson hmmm, now how do I reply back? #NotAComputerPerson
I've never replied from a YT message. I would click on the senders name, go to their "About" page and click, "send message." May not be an official reply but they should get the message.
Hi.. Have you tried pregnacare?? Heard alot of success storys with that... good Luck hun
never even heard of it? I'll look into it! thanks!