I’ve exhausted all the stuff on fantasy self from a fashion/compulsion perspective, and I’ve so been longing for this deep, scholarly engagement. It links to so much and turns on so many lights. Thank you!
One of the things I do when I want to buy something as part of my aspirational self, is I say to myself: "I have everything I need". Then, I look at what I have to see what will work to accomplish the goal. This has saved me a lot of money. It also helps to use the things I have lying around. Sometimes when we have that impulse to buy something, it's really because we are procrastinating. If we tell ourselves don't have what we need, it's easy to put off the things we should be doing. We convince ourselves it will be easier when we have that thing we want to buy.
This year I paid off 20,000 in debt I’m determined to change my habits and never go back there. Thank you for addressing this key component for women the aspirational spending and fantasy
“dude you don’t go to the club” hahaha OMG lol struggling to find the balance between the no shopping and then having nothing to wear the day I get randomly invited out dancing.
Dear Shawna, I am so happy I found your channel and I hope many more people interested in simplifying/aligning their consumption to their beliefs and values will, too. Compared to other channels with similar topics (low buy, minimalism, anti-consumerism) you go beyond the physical acts of buying and decluttering and address the psychology behind consumption and what consumption does for and to us. I am very grateful for your videos and hope many more people will find you!
This is such an important topic. I'm not a fashion kind of person, but I had a hard time letting go of some fantasy-self clothes items this year, because I had this image in my mind of how I wanted to look or others to perceive me. In the end I decluttered most of them, because many times the cut, color or style didn't suit me at all or the item was too small (the "someday when I've lost weight items"). I guess it's hard to be honest with ourselves and to find out who we are as a person or what suits us 😅
This sounds like a great moment for you, and a nice win!💖 I think you've also hit the nail on the head. A lot of us don't want to be realistic, or honest, with ourselves because we really WANT to be our fantasy self. Decluttering those parts of who want to be is a dose of reality.
This spoke to me so much! I totally have a track record of aspirational and fantasy shopping 😂 I will also say aspirational marketing is a widely used tool to sell things, so we shouldn’t beat ourselves up for buying into it occasionally. I managed to avoid this with exercise clothes recently. I work out way more now than I did a year ago, and sometimes I feel self conscious biking or going to yoga in my one type of exercise shorts instead of specialty gear. But they are functional and I’m not trying to LOOK like someone who bikes to get groceries. I want to BE someone who bikes to get groceries.
Omg yes this also happens to me but then i realized the clothes were just a fantasy to make me happy and not something o needed to actually continue working out. , keep working on your fitness , you got this!
I am almost 50, and I can say that you will not change into your fantasy self. You may slightly shift that way over time, if you work at it. Yes to therapy! The good news is that most people accept themselves for who they are as they get older. I am almost there.😂
When I didn’t draw, I bought many expensive art supplies and left them in a corner collecting dust. Now I’m actually drawing, I’m drawing with a black gel pen from the dollar store on basic notebooks. Some of them are blank, some are even lined. I don’t care. It works.
Shawna, I can't tell you how much you touch me and how your channel has come to me at the right time. I feel like you are a form of therapy for me. You really make me think and are so fun to watch. I am using your advice and rewatching this and several of your other videos. You are my self help course 😊
I totally agree. I found Shawna’s channel right before starting a year long no buy and it helped me so much. Shawna you are very thoughtful and articulate
This is so true!!! I wanted to get into exercising this end of the year, and immediately my first thought was let me get workout clothes to motivate me to exercise. I stopped myself before purchasing anything but it is so easy getting into the idea that a purchase will magically solve my problems or make my goals. Great video!!!
I have been doing this a lot with kitchen stuff. Like buying different containers assuming you're cooking or meal prepping 😅 or having too much table ware than I need for myself. I have since started reducing and decluttered mugs, cutlery etc I'm trying to also do that with seasonal decorations as while I like pretty decorations I don't have the patience or energy to change them. I like simple quick to do tweaks instead of spending hrs decorating. I'm still trying to figure out if or where I'm doing that w clothes or make up... That could be a project for next year! Decluttering our mental shopping habits 😁
Totally spot on. I can definitely see that I’m more susceptible to impulse purchases in the name of self development when I’m restricting purchases on fun categories like makeup and clothing. Some purchases I’ve made this year that have proven to be for my fantasy self rather than reality have been: a pair of cuticle clippers (I like doing my nails at home, but I’ve found that I rarely want to take the time to tend to my cuticles), and a coloring book and markers (I enjoyed coloring free printables more than the book I spent money on, and I also haven’t developed a regular habit of coloring). I will pat myself on the back for resisting buying any eyeshadow this year. It’s so pretty and tempting and everyone else seems to love owning, using, and buying it… but I have super sensitive eyes and have to make myself put on even simple eye looks.
I have to tell this story as I think it applies! During the pandemic in the UK you could not see a dentist. During that time I lost a crown and a veneer and it made me feel hideously ugly. I spent over £1000 on lipsticks (even though I couldn’t wear them as needed masks to cover my teeth!) I’ve had the work done obviously since but I’m not happy with it so I’m going private. How handy would that £1000 be now towards the next bill to get the teeth I want?! I’m so grateful to be getting on top of my self sabotaging spending. I have a history of trauma and read a book called ‘the body keeps the score’. It helped me to identify these self sabotaging behaviours. Also Shawna’s channel is literally the best when it comes to no buys/ low buys. All the best everyone. I’m becoming happier than I have ever been.
Same! I felt ugly and fat because I gained weight during the pandemic, so I splurged on skin care in order to "feel pretty." So much money wasted that I really need now.
So so good! I feel like I’m in therapy for my slight shopping addiction every time I watch your videos. Gives me sooooo many new perspectives and calls me out on things I do. I love it!
Fantasy self has a big collection of pelargoniums (bigger than my now 30+ collection that I struggle taking care of). She has learned how to play the flute and accordion (yes I got an accordion even if I doesn't even play the piano I already have at home). She also would like like to get 5-8 different species of pets more (even if I already have rabbits, chickens and aquarium and struggle taking care of them.) She paints, reads and journals. She goes to the gym or swim or bike every week. She cooks a lot. 😅 I have bought things for all of these categories - plants, 4 instead of 2 rabbits, harmonika, paint supplies, journals, and gym memebership. Spinning bocycle at home. Baking books. Bought a new vacuum because I thought it would make me clean more... 😄 The hobby things I acually do is puzzling and crocheting, working in my garden, and taking care of the animals and plants I already have (and struggling with it). I want to buy pottery supplies bit I don't think it is a good idea anymore 😉
I definitely buy stuff for my aspirational self. I really like your point about developing a track record. One person I follow says when starting a hobby to start small and cheap (e.g., one cheap paint set). I know over time, I get a feel for what works and what doesn’t, and you don’t want to be getting rid of a ton of stuff. But I think if you want to do it, it’s worth it to reevaluate how you are learning. Some years ago, I bought a netting kit and tried to learn using the instructions. I really struggled. A few years ago, I tried a TH-cam video. It wasn’t what I wanted to learn. Then I bought a book, and I had some success. People learn differently. For you, you might try some free prompts for your writing. Other people try writing from a first line. Other people try poetry exercises. I think that building the track record is great first, but there are some things I want to say. I am really introverted, so if I had to ask someone to borrow something or to show me how to do something, I just wouldn’t do the thing. A second thing is that accountability helps with goals, and this is built into in-person and especially private classes. You can get accountability without paying by asking a friend to check in with you about it, but your friend can’t make the rest of it much easier for you. One thing that has helped me with this is being realistic about what something will do for me. The answer will be a waste of money if you don’t use it. If you do use it, what will it realistically do? What products do you use now that you won’t use later in place of it? Alternatively, what could you use now to get a similar effect? Realistically, will I use it? (Relatedly, this is also why I really love your for-fun money concept, which you have characterised as if-you-waste-it-it’s-fine money.)
this is such an excellent point, and I'm glad you brought it up! What I've said is certainly not a one size fits all and you're right that there are likely many situations where spending some money to try a low cost item first would be a great thing and a way to develop a track record without it hitting you hard in the wallet.
Great topic really interesting and can related in most of the stuffs specially to aspirational self-fantasy. Glad for the suggestions to do track records or wait time. Would be reflecting about all discuss in this video. 💕😊
"I bet you if you are somebody who is prone to aspirational self purchasing, you've done it multiple times, and you've racked up hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars worth of stuff in the name of being somebody else, being somebody different, or being somebody better." 🎯
Your makeup is amazing here 😍also,I am so guilty of this lol buying shoes/clothes/makeup for situations I would like to try rather than how I really am. I have a diffuser and a drawer of natural hair products but like,I only wear my hair curly maybe 1 month out of the year! It’s time to get real with myself 😅
Ooo Thankyou. I needed to hear your words today. I found myself laughing at myself as my past fantasy buys popped in my head. There were some ones coming up that you’ve saved me from too😂. I can help my adult children with this too. Thank for opening yourself up. That was helpful to hear what you were saying as you were being real and not “preachey” you came across as genuinely trying to help others like me I thank you for your content and delivery ✊🤩🙌💫✨✨✨✌️
Love, love, love this video. I still struggle with my aspirational/fantasy self, but luckily for the most part it's under control. My biggest thing was NOT buying things for my aspirational self. Like, I wanted to lose weight and even though I would need new items because I would wear them down, I would refuse to buy anything until I reached a smaller size. Anyway, I have been loving your Vlogmas! I'm sorry I haven't commented on the previous videos, because I watch them on my TV most of the time. 🖤
Super well done video !! Thank you for all the effort you’ve put into it, I’m definitely going to be re thinking my wishlist and reflect back on my self perception ❤
I believe that many times when we buy things for our Aspirational Self, they are somewhat "symbolic". For example, I used to buy a lot of incense, candles, etc., I used them but it was still too much. Today I think that these objects represented, in a very abstract sense, a unconscious dissatisfaction with the rhythm of my life. I bought them because I wanted to be the person who has quiet, reflective, meditative moments. Why? Deep down, what I wanted was a life that had more of these moments, I wanted my daily routine to be less stressful, to spend less time with my cell phone and social media and more time connecting with myself. But guess what?? There's no way I could just buy this life and no incense was going to change that, I needed to commit to this and change my habits, my routine, to have more moments of peace with myself
Something I’ve learned is to always start cheap when getting into a new hobby. Dirt cheap or even for free if you have the opportunity. I know it’s basic. But me from 10 year ago didn’t understand it 😂
I havent watched the full video but want to comment anyways. I think i do this with planners. But at the same time, i have no idea what works but i also feel like i've tried everything!! And i feel like if i just get a system thats working, my Audhd brain would be so much happier. Im just not sure how i'll ever get to there.
Hahahaha omg. I cant stick to things at all. I hyperfocus on something and then crash and start the process over. I do go back to things later that i know i enjoyed focusing on, like for example reading. I wont declutter books because i know i'll get into that again eventually, because thats who i am. I dunno if thats good or bad but its how my brain works.
But i havent bought any books at all for years i think. Mostly the library is enough. Unless its a favorite author. So right now, its read what i own, or borrow from the library. And if i love a book a lot and think i would like to read it again or go back annotating, THEN i might buy it.
@@shawnaripari Yeah I'm going on a no-buy for clothes, makeup, and hobby things hahah! This year is my depression purchasing year lol. So yes, gotta become a biker girl!
I posted the link below which is a study of "Loneliness and the Degree of Addiction to Shopping and Work among Polish Women: The Mediating Role of Depression". I think for me the fantasy and aspirational shopping comes from wanting to be loved and accepted. Childhood trauma, abandonment, lack of self esteem that has never left me. I have had lots of therapy over the years and 12 Step recovery. I even started my own Compulsive Shopping and Decluttering meeting. I believe I often go into an unconscious state when I am triggered. I disassociate from my uncomfortable, sometimes painful feelings. Shopping is a dysfunctional way for me to self soothe and self medicate. I believe there are even chemicals in my brain that are released while I hunt for something to buy, or while I am trying on clothes in the dressing room. The concerns of where will I put this stuff, will I ever use it, can I afford it, cannot enter my mind when I am in these "high" states.
It's an important topic that has made me think a bit differently about my purchases. I would slightly disagree with the aspirational description to a point, which is this... I used to run marathons. *This a condensed summary - but I became anemic and struggled to lose weight. I have Epileptic seizures and, for two years, struggled. What is fantasy for one person may not be for another person. I had trouble walking again very far, so I purchased a monthly challenge (small fee and less than a gym membership), which I set a goal and get a medal when I finish the challenge. I NEED the investment to at least get me back into my older selfs ability to climb mountains and walk twenty miles. On the other hand, I have struggled with compulsive shopping. I went with almost nothing for several years and almost total charity. When my income returned, I could suddenly buy everything for myself and others. I love buying gifts. I'm known for picking special gifts for family and close friends. Unique gifts. But I have had to put in the breaks and say, "No." While not the entire issue, thinking about my purchases in terms of the fantasy self/aspirational self or real self will help me greatly. I've struggled to let go of certain things. In my attempt to declutter and become more minimalist. I realize some of these things are fantasy self items, and I can finally pass them on without grief
I was reading the comments and felt happy for folks getting their finances together until I realized the thread was just a very sophisticated spammer thread 😂 But yes, the fantasy self is so badass and needs all the cool stuff when in reality, I live in a tropical country and can't layer clothes.
We have a phrase in the UK - 'all the gear but no idea' which is about people buying everything for the hobby, without really doing the hobby
I’ve exhausted all the stuff on fantasy self from a fashion/compulsion perspective, and I’ve so been longing for this deep, scholarly engagement. It links to so much and turns on so many lights. Thank you!
“I will not be different because I bought something different “ … Shawna Ripari . Thank you for this
One of the things I do when I want to buy something as part of my aspirational self, is I say to myself: "I have everything I need". Then, I look at what I have to see what will work to accomplish the goal. This has saved me a lot of money. It also helps to use the things I have lying around. Sometimes when we have that impulse to buy something, it's really because we are procrastinating. If we tell ourselves don't have what we need, it's easy to put off the things we should be doing. We convince ourselves it will be easier when we have that thing we want to buy.
This year I paid off 20,000 in debt I’m determined to change my habits and never go back there. Thank you for addressing this key component for women the aspirational spending and fantasy
“dude you don’t go to the club” hahaha OMG lol struggling to find the balance between the no shopping and then having nothing to wear the day I get randomly invited out dancing.
Right?!!! Loved that one 😂😂😂
I bought a top specifically because I was going to a club for the first time. Guess what? I didn't wear it when we finally went 🤦🏻
I thought I was funny and glad y'all appreciate it too 😂
noooooooooooo
Dear Shawna, I am so happy I found your channel and I hope many more people interested in simplifying/aligning their consumption to their beliefs and values will, too. Compared to other channels with similar topics (low buy, minimalism, anti-consumerism) you go beyond the physical acts of buying and decluttering and address the psychology behind consumption and what consumption does for and to us. I am very grateful for your videos and hope many more people will find you!
This is so sweet, thank you so much 💗
This is such an important topic. I'm not a fashion kind of person, but I had a hard time letting go of some fantasy-self clothes items this year, because I had this image in my mind of how I wanted to look or others to perceive me.
In the end I decluttered most of them, because many times the cut, color or style didn't suit me at all or the item was too small (the "someday when I've lost weight items").
I guess it's hard to be honest with ourselves and to find out who we are as a person or what suits us 😅
This sounds like a great moment for you, and a nice win!💖
I think you've also hit the nail on the head. A lot of us don't want to be realistic, or honest, with ourselves because we really WANT to be our fantasy self. Decluttering those parts of who want to be is a dose of reality.
This spoke to me so much! I totally have a track record of aspirational and fantasy shopping 😂 I will also say aspirational marketing is a widely used tool to sell things, so we shouldn’t beat ourselves up for buying into it occasionally.
I managed to avoid this with exercise clothes recently. I work out way more now than I did a year ago, and sometimes I feel self conscious biking or going to yoga in my one type of exercise shorts instead of specialty gear. But they are functional and I’m not trying to LOOK like someone who bikes to get groceries. I want to BE someone who bikes to get groceries.
Omg yes this also happens to me but then i realized the clothes were just a fantasy to make me happy and not something o needed to actually continue working out. , keep working on your fitness , you got this!
absolutely! sometimes aspiratational marketing really speaks to us. I love your distinction about looking vs. being. Thanks for sharing!
I am almost 50, and I can say that you will not change into your fantasy self. You may slightly shift that way over time, if you work at it. Yes to therapy! The good news is that most people accept themselves for who they are as they get older. I am almost there.😂
When I didn’t draw, I bought many expensive art supplies and left them in a corner collecting dust. Now I’m actually drawing, I’m drawing with a black gel pen from the dollar store on basic notebooks. Some of them are blank, some are even lined. I don’t care. It works.
Shawna, I can't tell you how much you touch me and how your channel has come to me at the right time. I feel like you are a form of therapy for me. You really make me think and are so fun to watch. I am using your advice and rewatching this and several of your other videos. You are my self help course 😊
This is so sweet, thank you so much 😭
I totally agree. I found Shawna’s channel right before starting a year long no buy and it helped me so much. Shawna you are very thoughtful and articulate
This is so true!!! I wanted to get into exercising this end of the year, and immediately my first thought was let me get workout clothes to motivate me to exercise. I stopped myself before purchasing anything but it is so easy getting into the idea that a purchase will magically solve my problems or make my goals. Great video!!!
Thanks Laura, and I'm so proud of you!
I have been doing this a lot with kitchen stuff. Like buying different containers assuming you're cooking or meal prepping 😅 or having too much table ware than I need for myself. I have since started reducing and decluttered mugs, cutlery etc I'm trying to also do that with seasonal decorations as while I like pretty decorations I don't have the patience or energy to change them. I like simple quick to do tweaks instead of spending hrs decorating. I'm still trying to figure out if or where I'm doing that w clothes or make up... That could be a project for next year! Decluttering our mental shopping habits 😁
Thank you! I also feel you on the curly hair products.... i barely have wavy hair i don't even know what I was thinking 😂
Totally spot on. I can definitely see that I’m more susceptible to impulse purchases in the name of self development when I’m restricting purchases on fun categories like makeup and clothing.
Some purchases I’ve made this year that have proven to be for my fantasy self rather than reality have been: a pair of cuticle clippers (I like doing my nails at home, but I’ve found that I rarely want to take the time to tend to my cuticles), and a coloring book and markers (I enjoyed coloring free printables more than the book I spent money on, and I also haven’t developed a regular habit of coloring).
I will pat myself on the back for resisting buying any eyeshadow this year. It’s so pretty and tempting and everyone else seems to love owning, using, and buying it… but I have super sensitive eyes and have to make myself put on even simple eye looks.
Yess! Congrats on the eyeshadow palette win! Right now is prime time self-development purchase season for me so being aware is very helpful.
I have to tell this story as I think it applies! During the pandemic in the UK you could not see a dentist. During that time I lost a crown and a veneer and it made me feel hideously ugly. I spent over £1000 on lipsticks (even though I couldn’t wear them as needed masks to cover my teeth!) I’ve had the work done obviously since but I’m not happy with it so I’m going private. How handy would that £1000 be now towards the next bill to get the teeth I want?!
I’m so grateful to be getting on top of my self sabotaging spending. I have a history of trauma and read a book called ‘the body keeps the score’. It helped me to identify these self sabotaging behaviours. Also Shawna’s channel is literally the best when it comes to no buys/ low buys. All the best everyone. I’m becoming happier than I have ever been.
thank you so much for shaing that story!
Same! I felt ugly and fat because I gained weight during the pandemic, so I splurged on skin care in order to "feel pretty." So much money wasted that I really need now.
Thank you, this video is so much better than anything I would have thought to ask for!
thank you so much Jess !! 💕
So so good! I feel like I’m in therapy for my slight shopping addiction every time I watch your videos. Gives me sooooo many new perspectives and calls me out on things I do. I love it!
Thank you so much Deja 💓 I'm glad you've been enjoying the videos!
Fantasy self has a big collection of pelargoniums (bigger than my now 30+ collection that I struggle taking care of). She has learned how to play the flute and accordion (yes I got an accordion even if I doesn't even play the piano I already have at home). She also would like like to get 5-8 different species of pets more (even if I already have rabbits, chickens and aquarium and struggle taking care of them.) She paints, reads and journals. She goes to the gym or swim or bike every week. She cooks a lot.
😅 I have bought things for all of these categories - plants, 4 instead of 2 rabbits, harmonika, paint supplies, journals, and gym memebership. Spinning bocycle at home. Baking books. Bought a new vacuum because I thought it would make me clean more... 😄
The hobby things I acually do is puzzling and crocheting, working in my garden, and taking care of the animals and plants I already have (and struggling with it). I want to buy pottery supplies bit I don't think it is a good idea anymore 😉
I definitely buy stuff for my aspirational self. I really like your point about developing a track record. One person I follow says when starting a hobby to start small and cheap (e.g., one cheap paint set). I know over time, I get a feel for what works and what doesn’t, and you don’t want to be getting rid of a ton of stuff. But I think if you want to do it, it’s worth it to reevaluate how you are learning. Some years ago, I bought a netting kit and tried to learn using the instructions. I really struggled. A few years ago, I tried a TH-cam video. It wasn’t what I wanted to learn. Then I bought a book, and I had some success. People learn differently. For you, you might try some free prompts for your writing. Other people try writing from a first line. Other people try poetry exercises.
I think that building the track record is great first, but there are some things I want to say. I am really introverted, so if I had to ask someone to borrow something or to show me how to do something, I just wouldn’t do the thing. A second thing is that accountability helps with goals, and this is built into in-person and especially private classes. You can get accountability without paying by asking a friend to check in with you about it, but your friend can’t make the rest of it much easier for you.
One thing that has helped me with this is being realistic about what something will do for me. The answer will be a waste of money if you don’t use it. If you do use it, what will it realistically do? What products do you use now that you won’t use later in place of it? Alternatively, what could you use now to get a similar effect? Realistically, will I use it? (Relatedly, this is also why I really love your for-fun money concept, which you have characterised as if-you-waste-it-it’s-fine money.)
this is such an excellent point, and I'm glad you brought it up! What I've said is certainly not a one size fits all and you're right that there are likely many situations where spending some money to try a low cost item first would be a great thing and a way to develop a track record without it hitting you hard in the wallet.
Your eye shadow is everything!!
Thank you 😊
Great topic really interesting and can related in most of the stuffs specially to aspirational self-fantasy. Glad for the suggestions to do track records or wait time. Would be reflecting about all discuss in this video. 💕😊
I'm glad this video resonated with you Maru 💗
"I bet you if you are somebody who is prone to aspirational self purchasing, you've done it multiple times, and you've racked up hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars worth of stuff in the name of being somebody else, being somebody different, or being somebody better." 🎯
Your makeup is amazing here 😍also,I am so guilty of this lol buying shoes/clothes/makeup for situations I would like to try rather than how I really am. I have a diffuser and a drawer of natural hair products but like,I only wear my hair curly maybe 1 month out of the year! It’s time to get real with myself 😅
This is exactly the video I needed. Your content is so incredibly well thought out and informative.
Thank you 💕
A VERY necessary video!! Horahhh!!! 🎉🎉🎉
thank you!
Great video and message
I loved hearing about this! I did the same thing with watercolours and am glad too. You're totally right that the cheap thing will often do the trick!
Ooo Thankyou. I needed to hear your words today. I found myself laughing at myself as my past fantasy buys popped in my head. There were some ones coming up that you’ve saved me from too😂. I can help my adult children with this too. Thank for opening yourself up. That was helpful to hear what you were saying as you were being real and not “preachey” you came across as genuinely trying to help others like me I thank you for your content and delivery ✊🤩🙌💫✨✨✨✌️
i appreciate your self awareness & incorporation of a few relevant sources
Love, love, love this video. I still struggle with my aspirational/fantasy self, but luckily for the most part it's under control. My biggest thing was NOT buying things for my aspirational self. Like, I wanted to lose weight and even though I would need new items because I would wear them down, I would refuse to buy anything until I reached a smaller size. Anyway, I have been loving your Vlogmas! I'm sorry I haven't commented on the previous videos, because I watch them on my TV most of the time. 🖤
Thank you for the support Leah, I appreciate you! This is such a great win for you, and i'm rooting for you 💕
Super well done video !! Thank you for all the effort you’ve put into it, I’m definitely going to be re thinking my wishlist and reflect back on my self perception ❤
I'm glad to hear it Cassey!
I have 6 journals and all empty. LOL
I really needed this video, just bought a planner hahahaha 🙃
Thank you Shawna, you are amazing! (as always)
I believe that many times when we buy things for our Aspirational Self, they are somewhat "symbolic". For example, I used to buy a lot of incense, candles, etc., I used them but it was still too much. Today I think that these objects represented, in a very abstract sense, a unconscious dissatisfaction with the rhythm of my life. I bought them because I wanted to be the person who has quiet, reflective, meditative moments. Why? Deep down, what I wanted was a life that had more of these moments, I wanted my daily routine to be less stressful, to spend less time with my cell phone and social media and more time connecting with myself. But guess what?? There's no way I could just buy this life and no incense was going to change that, I needed to commit to this and change my habits, my routine, to have more moments of peace with myself
This is such a powerful insight into you life! Thank you for sharing
Love the darker grungy eyelook 😊
Greetings from Germany 🤗
Super insightful! Thank you.
I feel seen 👀👀👀👀
wow I love this dark eye shadow look🖤
edit: I need a tutorial🥺🖤
it's coming ;)
Really enjoying your content lately!
very thoughtful! thank you
Yes, yes, yes! 🙌
Something I’ve learned is to always start cheap when getting into a new hobby. Dirt cheap or even for free if you have the opportunity. I know it’s basic. But me from 10 year ago didn’t understand it 😂
I havent watched the full video but want to comment anyways. I think i do this with planners. But at the same time, i have no idea what works but i also feel like i've tried everything!! And i feel like if i just get a system thats working, my Audhd brain would be so much happier. Im just not sure how i'll ever get to there.
Hahahaha omg. I cant stick to things at all. I hyperfocus on something and then crash and start the process over. I do go back to things later that i know i enjoyed focusing on, like for example reading. I wont declutter books because i know i'll get into that again eventually, because thats who i am. I dunno if thats good or bad but its how my brain works.
But i havent bought any books at all for years i think. Mostly the library is enough. Unless its a favorite author. So right now, its read what i own, or borrow from the library. And if i love a book a lot and think i would like to read it again or go back annotating, THEN i might buy it.
Question 6. Probably most likely Yes. At least in some areas
Eye opening, thank you.
I'm so glad I found you
😭💖 i'm so happy to have you here
I bought so many bike things because I wanted to be a girl who bikes to places. I think I've biked less than 20 times since I bought it in May 🤦🏻
maybe next year is your year... not me enabling you 😂
@@shawnaripari Yeah I'm going on a no-buy for clothes, makeup, and hobby things hahah! This year is my depression purchasing year lol. So yes, gotta become a biker girl!
I feel you Mae! And next year is your year girl ✨️✨️
I posted the link below which is a study of "Loneliness and the Degree of Addiction to Shopping and Work among Polish Women: The Mediating Role of Depression". I think for me the fantasy and aspirational shopping comes from wanting to be loved and accepted. Childhood trauma, abandonment, lack of self esteem that has never left me. I have had lots of therapy over the years and 12 Step recovery. I even started my own Compulsive Shopping and Decluttering meeting. I believe I often go into an unconscious state when I am triggered. I disassociate from my uncomfortable, sometimes painful feelings. Shopping is a dysfunctional way for me to self soothe and self medicate. I believe there are even chemicals in my brain that are released while I hunt for something to buy, or while I am trying on clothes in the dressing room. The concerns of where will I put this stuff, will I ever use it, can I afford it, cannot enter my mind when I am in these "high" states.
It's an important topic that has made me think a bit differently about my purchases. I would slightly disagree with the aspirational description to a point, which is this... I used to run marathons. *This a condensed summary - but I became anemic and struggled to lose weight. I have Epileptic seizures and, for two years, struggled.
What is fantasy for one person may not be for another person. I had trouble walking again very far, so I purchased a monthly challenge (small fee and less than a gym membership), which I set a goal and get a medal when I finish the challenge.
I NEED the investment to at least get me back into my older selfs ability to climb mountains and walk twenty miles.
On the other hand, I have struggled with compulsive shopping. I went with almost nothing for several years and almost total charity. When my income returned, I could suddenly buy everything for myself and others. I love buying gifts. I'm known for picking special gifts for family and close friends. Unique gifts.
But I have had to put in the breaks and say, "No." While not the entire issue, thinking about my purchases in terms of the fantasy self/aspirational self or real self will help me greatly.
I've struggled to let go of certain things. In my attempt to declutter and become more minimalist. I realize some of these things are fantasy self items, and I can finally pass them on without grief
I was reading the comments and felt happy for folks getting their finances together until I realized the thread was just a very sophisticated spammer thread 😂
But yes, the fantasy self is so badass and needs all the cool stuff when in reality, I live in a tropical country and can't layer clothes.
at first I was confused and then I saw the thread on my phone this morning😅
youtube deleted it before I got to, so thanks youtube 😂
@@shawnaripari It looked so legit until they starting thanking this Ms Evelyn person hahaha
Dude, you don’t go to the club 🖤
I was thinking about buying tarot cards for over a year. I bought them and used them about three times 😂
no not you tooo Lisa 😂
Triple like!
as usual, an excellent video Shawna 🤍 I love when you do a deeper dive on those delicate but important matters and leave me with food for thought 👍🏻
thank you Martyna 💕