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In this video, Teal Swan talks about how to stop taking things so personally and how to stop getting offended. In this video, Teal Swan provides an exercise called “What's Mine and What's Yours” to uncover what you are contributing to the situation vs what they are contributing to the situation. Doing this exercise can work to help you not take things personally and to let go of all the blame.
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👉 Who Is Teal Swan?
Teal Swan is a New Thought Leader and a Bestselling Author who is an expert in human development and relationships. She has over a decade of experience working with people of all walks of life with a mission to reduce human suffering.
Today, she’s also become an International Speaker, having facilitated retreats and life changing workshops in large venues worldwide. Teal was ranked 15th on The Watkins Most Spiritually Influential Living People in 2023.
If you are in a crisis or if you or any other person may be feeling suicidal or in danger, the following resources can provide you with immediate help: tealswan.vip/Help
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Teal, here I am now 67 years old and never have seen a counselor and you are helping in so many ways you would never dream! Thank you. Although learning alot, wish I knew it much longer ago, and would not have made so many mistakes. At least I am learning it now and can do better by not seeing my self inadequate and thinking I must right all wrongs for the family and the world. When people are not happy " it is my fault" NOW I KNOW.
Carol Weaver you are more than adequate and happy you are learning now. It's never too late to learn and love yourself, but yoursrlf first, and know if something doesnt go right it's not YOUR problem. Hugs and blessings to you.
❤️
Carol Weaver
🙏🏼
I am your age Carol. There are no accidents including in timing. All my life I had a deep & strong knowing that I would come to my place, my time, as an older person. Younger people usually see their lives in terms of their youth. This is very understandable. But know that when you become an older person you will want almost exactly what you want now. You will be the same person, believe it or not, right Carol? Make it happen now. I went to grad school in my 60s so I could help animals via the law. If I can have a full, fun & great life anyone else can, too. ♥️
I don't know if you will see this, Teal, but I cannot even begin to put into words how grateful I am for everything you do. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your wisdom - my entire outlook on life/myself is (slowly) changing as I continue to watch your videos/do the healing work. I frequently have to pause between sentences because everything you say blows my mind and I start understanding feelings/experiences from my past (and present) that have been "forgotten" in my mind for years.
I always feel understood and cozy while watching her videos.
I like your profile pic
@@godofdogs6198 Thank you for letting me know😊
Me too ✨
Right!
Me too
It all starts at home with the parents. My dad told me when I was a kid that I would never amount to anything. I believe that for so long. That's was the worse thing anyone could say to a child. Think before you speak to your children. I let what my dad said to me destroy my life for the longest time. Not no more. Thank you for all your informative video's, Teal Swan! Love them all and you. I Shared this on my Family Facebook page. :-)
this video was made for me. I have a legacy of apologizing for things that aren't my fault and immediately shaming myself for what others do. incessant self blame
Every sentence that you saying I take me a year to fully understand and to actually live it('master it').
I just wanted to say Thank you for you wisdom.
gobravo123 p
As I'm growing up. I am realizing the things weren't as they were told. Thank u teal u help me with so much of clarity
i really needed to hear this. i’ve never been appreciated for my creative talents growing up. and i can see how it manifested into me being insecure of my art. often questioning if what i’m doing is even good or not. this had limited my beliefs to always suppress myself in group settings and even when i want to see myself seeing art as a career. thanks for opening my eye teal, i’m already working on this and i know that I DECIDE my capability and my potential.
My mom told me to being 'abnormal' and be more 'normal'. 🤣🤣🤣 I asked her to define normality. She told act according to society. I wondered what is society. Even though I know what's the truth. It still hit me somewhere.
My mom says that too!
I don’t want to fit into society. Society makes war consistently.
In a world where the power of word can destroy discourage and defeat your powerful words comfort encourage and inspire!! You go girl!! 🙏🏼
So it's basically Stoic philosophy. Stoician philosopher Epictetus says: "Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him." - "“People are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them.” - "There are things which are within our power, and there are things which are beyond our power (...care not about things that are beyond your power) " - "If evil be said of thee, and if it be true, correct thyself; if it be a lie, laugh at it."
tchek1980 This is also one of the Toltec Four Agreements: Don’t take anything personally. I find stoicism and Toltec wisdom both play a part in my spiritual work.
Stoicism... capitol letters, very important,,, or else its simply referring to "no emotions visible"
He reacted to the commotion with stoicism
He turned his life around by taking up Stoicism
She is litteraly the only 1 that unfolds my spirals so closely. Touched 🦋🦋
Being able to discern our part, our ability to be accountable, and what is actually part of another's co-creative experience, is priceless.
Great questions to ask.
When the student is ready a teacher will appear and so it is. I wasn't expecting this or even looking for it, but came across one of Teal's you tube talks, which led to another and another. Incredibly at a time when I'm confronting my own shadow, wanting change, kicking bad habits and it's as if this woman had heard the questions I've asked myself and provided simple and effective answers. It's remarkalbe, helping to clarify my thoughts and direction, many thanks
I suffer from an unclear sense of identity as an adult and as a result I am constantly keeping an eye out for what other people reactions to me are, and then i swallow that mirror so as to have a clear sense of self. This works really well for me if that person is giving me positive attention for something that they perceive to be true about me and core to my character, but it doesn't work so well when they give me feedback about a small social moment that makes me feel shame. When this happens, because of my unclear sense of identity in the world I take that feedback to be about something core to me that I can't change and it triggers my deep deep sense of shame and of never being good enough to spend time with, to like, to be friends with, to be interacted with, and of being valuable for other people to voluntarily want to spend time with and accept. This is really problematic because I get sent through these crazy emotional ringers with all my relationships unless I'm able to stay conscious of these dynamics in the moment and see that I am making a small moment mean something really big about my character, and I'm swallowing the mirror even when I am actually so much more than that moment.
Confronting the mirror is usually frowned upon and it seen as questioning the objective reality. People usually rather change themselves than that(increasing number of plastic surgeries ).
Holy Creative Source...whole core started vibrating and shaking.....WOW. TEAL....My soul resonates with yours... Thank you
Came here after this pattern affected me on the job. Definitely using steps 1-3 this weekend and then move on to later steps to ensure I don’t fall back into old patterns. Thank you for so much free transformational content!
Thanks Teal, you are amazing!
I've been listening to you over the past two months and there's so much resistance which have been let go.
Resistance, shame, fear and just negativity which have been me for almost a decade.
Thanks Teal, you truly are amazing!
You don't need to stop taking things personally, you need to cut out toxic people and behaviour. Being personally involved means you take into account a sense of vulnerability which in a sense is intimacy. Certain peoples personality favour this while others don't but this is not a personal problem is a societal expectation on introversion and extroversion since they are filtering mechanisms of verbal and non-verbal communication.
For example, you will notice how patience the Taurus bull is until you have upset them where you will need the same amount of patience for their anger to subside.
I understand your point. However, there are toxic people that one can easily cut off, and others that one can't easily let go of... for instance , you can cut off an acquaintance or a co-worker, ever a friend or a partner, but you can't cut off one of your parents , singlings or uncle/aunt, because one would rather find a middle ground with family than simply cut them off all together...
I have only one child, Toxic as hell and drug abuser and violent
She is psychotic at times, looses grip on reality
Yep, I have tried to cut her off many times, and every time she ends up in psyche ward after overdose
I guess it's just me who is not clever enough in my way of getting rid of toxic people,,, not to mention the knowledge that I was toxic to her first.., going throught education when she was a little girl,,, always stressed out, completely absorbed in my own reality instead of hers...
There are always 2 sides to the toxic coin,,,, toxic people are drawn to other toxic people,,, they drink Mojitos together and gossip til the relationship turns sour and you start fresh with new toxic people,,, or become either an introvert or a Christian/New Age freak
@@itsmeGeorgina maybe if you would take responsibility for all the times you did not love her, she could benefit from your approach.
@@faybronsveld8663 there is only so much a human being take either way. It doesn't mater. What's done is done.
@@ThesleeplesswandererBlogspot6 Cutting off family ties is an option too, why not? You are not their item, are you? You are first and foremost yours, that's the reality there and thus you have the most responsibility of yourself and of what relationships you keep and you cut. You own it, you do it. It can be a good wakeup call to them, and give you much-needed respite and energy to live the kind of life you want.
I just brought this topic up to someone else yesterday as to what I get to work on and heal. Your timing is impeccable with this and the information is what I needed to hear. Thank You, Teal Swan! And it feels like a universal theme at the moment
I like that you talked about the meaning we give to things that happen.It's often time that we completely misinterpret what was actually true truth.We see reality based on our past experiences not as it truly is.I love to ask Angels how they percieve this event or a person.
Finally Someone that makes sense!
I agree . FINALLY
Thank you. This is so spot on for me & my childhood. Time to throw up that mirror.
my father never made me feel i have some value..only he has a value
You have value hun everybody does.
Holding onto the blame is holding onto some sense of control. Keepinb oneself from complete victimization. That is honestly one of the most profound concepts I've heard.
Thankyou 🙏 Teal. Insightful. Progressive. Solution based.
I was seeing this link many a times before also, but wasn't watching it. Thinking that I'm already healed from this phenomenon. But this year 2022 , it again came to surface. Also to regain my self-esteem this was needed. And yes It is needed point on time. Just took a decision, out of taking responsibility of my situation; and not what they projected on me (intentionally or unintentionally).
Others also might be going through some emotional ups and downs in their own experiences apart from us. It's better not to take everything thing personally. It gifts you with a decent & humbling self-esteem. 🙏
What I learnt from Teal Swan's video & my experiences!
Thanks again Teal. This will take me some digesting to do, the info you put on this video. It's probably my biggest shortcoming atm, or has been at least, to be apologetic and try save the world and all, to cover my shame and blame. I've made mistakes in life, and as you've said in the video I've had suicidal tendencies and failing relationships. So as a person with this problem of blame, I think you're very much right in it being important to clearly differentiate between what originated from you and what from the other person or people or stuff, and then own your part. My biggest mistake was, I couldn't muster myself to say "no" in the face of pressure, time and again. So much would be better if I had learned that earlier on. And people even said that to me, my dear friend did. But I was just hanging around like usual... back then we didn't have Teal's youtube videos lol so had to learn things some other way.
Saying "no" is a very important skill. Big part of it is knowing when to say it, and another big part is to be able to say it in a fashion that delivers appropriately.
I just want to say that I have been accused of taking things personally and now at 32 yrs old I think I know when to take things personally. For example, my Nan expressing anger at not being able to find her keys in her handbag, or not being able to find the milk money at hand, is task orientated. My mom, however would take umbridge at this. Or some one who isn't very well, or sick you can understand that it is not something that you should take personally but someone who is shouting at you saying that you are selfish, bratty and whatever else comes out of their mouth then yes that is the time to take offence because you shouldn't let people even family members think it's OK to treat you that way
You're right, you can't be a doormat. But I think Teal's point wasn't that, but to be able to see more clearly what's your problem and what's their problem, instead of misinterpreting their problems as something caused by you, and then being all apologetic. It's a more internal process I think, but one you should respect in practice too and with words like "no, that's a you-problem" or something.
I love your videos Teal, they are helping me a lot. Thanks a lot for sharing your knowledges with us! Be happy!
I feel like I'm always doing the things she makes a video about subconsciously....
Like the solutions
Tips for Chicks on Bikes Me too!
im thinking maybe she just pickes up on the direction and choices the collective consciousness is making and elaborates on it...
Maybe but those are burning subjects of society that are always there and that desperately need to be addressed.
She's the greatest spiritual female beautiful teacher on TH-cam
I LOVE how passionate and fascinated you are about what you are teaching us in your recent videos Teal! You rock. That was a fun sentence without commas
❤️ thank you thank you thank you teal. I wish I could just give you a hug! You’ve helped me so much with your videos, feeling tearful over this right now!
Her voice is so calming
thank you for existing!!
A lot of times, when i find myself the cause of a bad result, it is because i realized that i did not question my assumptions or reflected on my actions prior to doing them. How could i ask, if i wasnt looking for a different possible answer? That is usually my situation, and i fall into cycles of hating myself because i dont understand or forsee the pitfalls enough. This inherent "optimistic" attitude and lack of attention to details from the getgo is why i do not get that much respect and appear faulty or inconsiderate to others involved. Self-blame is a bad habit i admit i do a lot, because as Teal says, its because i find control in it when i otherwise believe there was none.. lol im a happy person or try to be, on the outside, but i do recognize that i have to take responsibility more and not just "give up" too much. I have shame and i know that. But then again there is a split. Someone else told me im inconsiderate or give up too much. How do i know whats truly mine or just a distorted conclusion made or put upon me by others?
0:20 YOU COME TO KNOW YOURSELF THROUGH REFLECTION (MIRRORS)- this is why the people around you MATTERS 1:24 UNQUESTIONED MIRRORS (INTENTION OF IT BEING HELD UP)- Is it for you about you or for them about you? 2:15 ❤ 2:48 literally me today 22/11/23, 3:18 you internalized their mirror of unprocessed (projected) shame and enter self blame (victimhood) 3:50 responsibility is not self blame, but gaining your power back 4:47 5:23 self blame chit 6:21 responsibility shadow 6:37 taking things personally MOA, reinforces the mirror 7:09 Steps
Taking responsibility is a lot like gratitude. When you are grateful you are vibrating in a higher frequency.
When you are responsible, really responsible you come to the conclusion that their is no seeming other.
I enjoy your teachings Teal.
Thank you again Teal 🙏🙏 self blame to use because I felt so powerless after abuse from father and neglect from mother. Taking it all on me. Learning now what's mine and what's from te other. Giving back responsability to where it belongs 🙏
Wow this was so eye opening.
Worded so immaculately 👏👏👏👏💖
Oh my gosh. I needed this for the past two weeks. This is amazing.
I am someone who has gone through a lot of the same things as you, Teal.. and I am still growing everyday. Thank you for sharing your most authentic self. I am glad to see someone like you at this point in my life. I am grateful for your presence in this life. Thank you! Thank you! Thank You!
Wow. Awesome video!
Wisest of many of the spiritual guru...💛💛💛💛
I relate to this topic. I have a tendebcy to personalise things. This has been confirmed by my therapist. I recently started making major changes in my life. I am more open and accepting of others now. This change was driven by my sexual energy drives. I think sexusl energy drives everything in our life. I can now start a conversation and flirt with the ladies. It was very unlike me previously. It came naturally. I just know what to say in social situations and how to behave with my body. Although i think we should also be aware of emotional vampires. It can be too easy for them to have access to us if we are always open to everybody. Thank you for putting things into perspective. I look forward to watching your related videos too.
WOW THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!!! I REALLY NEEDED IT 🙏
Seems like you may have to do a whole video on co-dependence, as i had to pause your video and google it.
I would write in two headings: What’s mine (me) | What’s yours (the culture that I was born in). That is my experience. Perhaps I am personifying the culture that I was born in? Many thanks again, Teal.
But i just first watched a video of The Completion Process in action: about emotional neglect and a neglected baby in a crib and how to suth it with angels and your adult self. So far so good. But some years later at kindergarden age 4 or 5 there really has been an intervention: my mother had her sister stay over several weeks and she told her and probably showed her how to cuddle her kids and be more attuned. However I had checked out and imploded by that time and refused this kind of contact that I craved for for years. Now my mother wanted to use me as practise material to learn how to cuddle and attune etc but I still had the story in my head of stop staring at people that is inproper. I have a memory of me denying my own mother at the age of 5 or 6 or 7. Like really narcisistic like: ok you werent there then why should i be here for you now Im over it now. And that haunts me still. That I didnt give her a second chance and rejected my own mother.
ADDHOC / Look up attachment injury. You were only behaving the way you were taught to behave. It’s ok. You’re human. You can heal and move forward in your life. Stay strong and listen to Teal’s message again because you’re blaming yourself and you can be free of that burden!
wow, thank you so much teal!
Teal, I've gone through a couple of your old blog posts and videos on TH-cam posted by other people regarding the topic of beauty. It seems you have some interesting and mixed insights on beauty and what it means, could you please do a video about physical beauty and aesthetics found in other things? I've always been curious about some things that have happened to me in my life and also others'. Why is it that some people become beautiful? Why is it that some people say conventionally unattractive? The people that become beautiful, is it because they become in alignment with beauty? Is beauty a thing or? These are the questions I'd really like to hear your input on because so many other spiritual teachers have different ideas. Thanks!
makeup and things it's simple: some people are beautiful because they born with lucky genetics
This is an AMAZING concept, and I love that you have asked teal the question her in sight would be beautifully real. I hope teal does do a video exploring the concept of beauty.
th-cam.com/video/nW63-x7t6VI/w-d-xo.html
Eu Tu thank you. Though it would be amazing to see a full length video exploring this concept. I felt that that was just a tease. Lol.
I feel like as humans, our perception of beauty is related to the symmetry of things. People that have symmetrical features are usually considered to look more beautiful. Also people who have features that follow the golden ratio. And last but not least, confidence can make a person beautiful as well.
Just my thoughts.
Thank you...you add many perspectives.
I realize that this lesson is for some other people. ✌️
This is such an awesome vid. I totally needed to hear this today and will meditate on my mirror.
This statement made me understand so much. Thank you!
I wish I knew how to handle this type of issue that comes up at work.
Going to therapy hasn’t helped me so far.
I feel like I don’t have the issue of “taking things personally” except with 2-3 people I work with that scour through my notes and then look for things they can say “I did wrong.” Or use an imagined or fabricated mistake as a chance to point out imagined flaws that they need to now waste me time by correcting and lecturing me about.
Or they will say they saw the same customer I saw. upon me last seeing them, everyone was fine but when the supervisor has contact with the customer, suddenly it becomes an issue of something I did wrong- often the “thing I did wrong” is because the customer either made a mistake, misunderstood and needed further training or everything is normal, the customer is still going through the normal learning curve and things just take time.
(I’m being vague about my job on purpose because of privacy)
I put up with the being corrected and lecturing for 13 months then I started pushing back which drove the supervisor crazy and then she physically poked a finger into my arm to get my attention, one day.
I went the higher management and this manager wants some unrealistic “coomb by Ya” lets all get along - type situation which basically involves long meetings and talking about how we can all get along.
And it becomes this endless cycle of them both trying to mindfuck me into admitting I DID do something wrong after endless endless meetings and emails and back and forth meetings- all literally over 1 or two tiny tiny things that came up months ago and all the while, the customers were all happy and everything was fine with them. The customer moved on and nothing at all is wrong, they use us againfor other things & even ask for me by name.
It got to the point where I told my company HR that they are both gaslighting me and trying to brainwash me into being psychologically dominated into being this yes Man who can’t think for myself. I don’t think HR liked me saying this in that way.
I’m a man in my 40’s. These are two women much older than me who want to act like I’m their son or grand son.
I also want to say that I work with 8 other people who are on a higher position than me both male/ female who are older and younger than myself but the only people are these two set in their ways, older women (I haven’t mentioned the other one until now because my past manager separated us as soon as she saw the bs starting).
Basically it comes down to my response to how I’m treated and I told HR all I want is for this 1 person to be allowed to do her job with out involving me. Not every single person is going to coexist at work and since she’s incapable of having some weird OCD fit about my behavior, report writing style or whatever mental issue she’s triggered by (that I’m not qualified to diagnose) please just separate the two of us.
She is 67 years old and needs to retire, in my opinion.
I can’t stand this “don’t take things so personally” comment, as I DO take fabricated complaints involving unsolicited advice and unauthorized correction “personally.”
And eventually I push back by saying, “ Do not poke your finger nail in my arm to get my attention. Do not touch me again. If you have issues with something I’ve allegedly done or written, you may send me an email and I’ll respond when I have time.” But that’s not good enough and I’m “taking things too personally” and I say, “No you’re gaslighting me and I find you to be manipulative. You’re not going to keep repeating over and over again something to me until I finally smile and act all sweet as I admit my mistakes. Because I made no mistakes.”
Yes my communication style is blunt and comes off rudely- so then why don’t you just stay away from me? That’s how I talk and you’re not going to change me. (This is my basic attitude about it now)
This is literally from something that came up 5 months ago (and still counting) & my manager STILL brought it up the other day. “It’s too bad you two can’t get along. She’s devastated you feel that way. She didn’t mean it the way you took it.” Gaslighting I said. My manager actually looked like she was getting teary eyed.
I got so pissed off and told her this was worse than when I went through a divorce the way everyone is acting because I don’t care to talk to or “resolve” the imagined conflict that 67 year old crazy pants created in her head. Especially because it requires me to allow her to psychologically dominate me with her sage wisdom, contrived bs.
I’m an east coaster at heart and I can’t stand this west coast passive aggressive behavior. I talk to a therapist 2x’s a month. I’ve been through some things involving my parents blaming me for things as well as going to horrible public schools where I was one of the only white kids and I had a terrible time with bullies and teachers who took the bully’s side. Then I had an alcoholic wife and her daughter using drugs. I know I have codependency issues and I try to work on them. In the past, I was more prone to just “go with the flow” and be the punching bag.
The issue now is more that my more blunt and glib / smart ass attitude has these people losing their minds.
With all due respect, I’m annoyed by being one of the only men in a big population of women at work. And I’m sure that plays into this as well. I’ll admit I do look at some women differently when it comes down to that insane codependency thing some try to do in the work place.
Like I said earlier, I have had little to no issues with other co workers and they also agreed with my opinion/ diagnosis of that 67 year old.
I also wanted to say that I love most of the things about my job and company and I am not planning on leaving. Over all, it’s not a bad situation for me.
I’m just trying to figure out how to handle my own anger and frustration and not be wasting my time thinking about this after work or on weekends.
Thanks for reading
I just think, "Whatever. Not wasting time on this" and I get outta there.
Thank you teal swan for creating these amazing meditations
Wow, I just figured out what the awful feeling is that I feel much of the time; I think it's shame. Or shame mixed up with other negative emotions.
Teal Swan thank you for your contribution to the collective.. 1💜 much gratitude
Everyday you teaching me, thank you 🙏🏾
You just described the relationship I have with my new co-workers. This message is very empowering. Great job, thank you Teal!
I must say I find this person very attractive and appealing to me & this means I will have to listen to this again! Thank you.
Thank you so much for your wisdom💝
Thank you so much Teal 🙏🏼
Thank you for this. People like you are truly valuable
Brilliant & Healing, bless your heart 💗
Is there a video about the people who were doing the opposite and always denying their responsibility by blaming it on other people’s ego/trauma/projection etc? That’s actually what I was looking for when I found this video..
This video came to me in the right moment, thank you so much Teal
I hope this isn’t a stupid question... but how you said to question the mirror, I feel like I do that to an extreme. For years I have struggled with self esteem and my own worth and when I would tell people close to me about this they would tell me that I’m beautiful and smart and I would constantly hear these words growing up but I would never believe it. I always thought people were lying to me to make me feel better about myself because who’s going to just straight up tell you “yeah you’re pretty ugly” lol
I guess this is more of an “alternate reality” issue than it is a blame and responsibility issue. Definitely a self image issue but I’m working on that and have made steady progress. Louise Hays teachings helped me a lot with that for those that may be struggling with the same issues, look her up.
Had a hard time today, this helped a lot!
Awsome video thank you so much !
Geez wow............I needed this
Great perspective. I really like how you explain these behavior's. It makes perfect sense!
Another powerful and Beautiful video Teal, spot on video :)
Thank You Teal. Much love.
I’m out here hitting pause to keep adding her videos to a playlist she’s suggesting 😂
Has helped me more Than any therapy
I don't think we can ever stop taking things personal till we are alive 🤣
Thank you for this video, Teal. I really needed it.
Simon Nowiz is an excellent example of tenacity. Despite incessant aversion from people looking for useful information and not celebrity drama, he remains true to his paragraph. Never silenced. always posted. A TH-cam Warrior indeed.
lmao xD
That list was 🔥
Someday when I’ll have money , I will seek your couching and therapy , I couldn’t find anyone who really understands people like you .
All the love teal ❤️
Love your videos ! Thank you for this video, very helpful topic and technique.
Also side note: you look like Jadzia Dax from Star Trek: Deep Space 9.
Thank you so much I needed this
I think I'm surrounded by people who take things personally, and I do this myself too. I'm especially annoyed when I message them and it takes them ages to reply or they reply with a trite. I always think I'm not good enough for them to be interested in a conversation with me. This video is just a divine reply. Thank you, Teal!
I say this absent any sarcasm. You just did an amazing job describing a damaged fun-house mirror. : )
Thank You 💕
Thank you Teal
Oh how much I love this woman for doing all the research n forming this customised pill n helping us have new perspectives of most things.
Enjoying your videos. Thanks. Good job.
wow this really helped
Bless this woman :)
Amazing insight!
Thank you 😊 Teal
I liked the last one!
Bless you and thanks from my heart for the lessons
The thing is, what if the thing that is not on me affects me? Aka powerlessness over others action toward me..
it reminds me of the story about Snow White and the mother with the mirror that was so distorted and showed her that her child is more beautiful and young, and thus threatening her status. She gave her poisned apples that made her unconscious and when the masculine side of Snow White takes action and defeats the mother, she "falls", from a cliff. as if she re-encounter the problem she had not yet dealt with completely, and that probably feels like a heck of a fall (and not just going down the ladder) coming from your child. nevertheless, she has to be pushed over the cliff of unconsciousness in order for the masculine to save the feminine of the child.
I want to do the meditation where I can let go of the mirror I swallowed in my childhood environment. I went to "shop" on your website but didn't find it. I was hoping maybe you have it on youtube since you made this video. People in my family passed on alot of family dysfunction that caused tremendous pain and I ended up blaming myself and taking responsibilty for the pain caused to people I loved by other people I loved. Since I was young guilt became my identity until as I grew I eventually could not let go of needing to be a hero or savior for the whole world. Maybe needing to vomit that mirror was why I had bulimia years ago. My family and nieces ended up mad at me because whenever I would find empowering information I would want to share it because family dysfunction was being passed to them. They perceived my love and wanting them to be protected from pain as me judging them. I was unable to protect them from painful events so blamed myself even more. Recently when I sent a Teal playlist I made, after years of not offering anything a niece told me that just because something works for me doesn't mean she wants it so dont send her anything like this. I see her kids getting family patterns of pain being passed on. But my niece said to me " my conscience is clear". Wow, all these years I told myself that I wanted peace of mind but I realized that what I really wanted was a clear conscience. I had mashed up what my family did with all the mistreatment I put myself through because I took on that I was a bad person. Now here she is telling me that she has a clear conscience. What a teaching, a blessing and a gift. I am practicing now giving myself that same gift. I did a talking to myself on my flip camera and felt a profound sense of peace. I realized it was from the gift of dropping baggage that was never mine to carry but I still would like to hear your meditation. Thank you for all you do!
You're better off focusing first and foremost to your own life, and taking the hint that if some people don't want your stuff, don't push it to them anymore. It's for the best of everybody. Lead by example, not by simply theory. If they're set in their ways about not giving you credit for becoming a better person, then you better off without them. Family ties don't have to equal blood relatives and blood family anyhow, think of all the orphans: would you insult them by saying they can never have a good family?
My point: find a family you can call one with good conscience. I've been the same as you for a long time before I "sobered up" and realized my folly. It's really pointless to try to drag the camel to the watering hole, they'll come of their own volition if they will.