Always i cosign this! My ex even after he gave me a ring and 4 yrs later always had back ups...they are afraid to commit. Walking away will either wake him up to realize he lost you and want you back or he will just move on to one of his back ups.
I'm not totally finished with the video, but as a 40 year old woman who has dated around, been in long term relationships, and was married once...I will say the best advice I've ever heard is "if he likes you, you'll know. If not, you'll be confused." Guys are very chase-y when they're *really* into you. In fact, it can get annoying...especially if the feeling isn't mutual. Men are usually naturally inclined to fiercely pursue what they have their eye on. If he's still looking around and not wanting to "put all his eggs in one basket", it's because he's looking for another basket. It's a harsh reality, but it helps to recognize that in order to move on quicker. You *will* find someone. It may be tomorrow or it may be 10 years from now. Just relax and enjoy the experiences of getting to know different people.
It’s only a red flag if you both agreed to exclusivity. Otherwise, he has every right to continue being on the app, updating it, and even dating others. Just because you choose not to do that doesn’t mean he has to as well. I love your dating videos. Thanks for sharing with us
My experience with online dating in my early 30's is that as soon as I stopped taking it so seriously, it was way easier. At first I was looking for love; but relationships have to build organically. So I switched to just thinking of it as a night out with a new friend having fun to see what happened. Also, I realized talking online for too long before an IRL meeting was bad news. It's easy to become close emotionally without knowing how they actually are in person, and inevitably it would disappoint. This has got to be hard in quarantine tho - I totally don't envy you. That being said, I think if a person is serious about you there is not a discussion about a profile still being up. If someone has their profile up, you comment about it, and it remains up despite the fact that they said they would take it down... they're playing the field. There's nothing wrong imo with playing the field, but people need to be honest about it if someone wants to be exclusive. Thank you for coming to my TED talk lol!
@@thriftthick proud of you girl! I know it’s so NOT easy to do so. But your worth so much more! I spent far too long with my ex husband. And then having been back in the dating world in my early 30s and a then single mom. This was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. Things now are great as I stuck to my guns and am now happily married. Your future is so bright and you will come out on top. Hugs and much love and support.
Maybe good for entertainment purposes, but I think Cassie is more serious about her search for someone and it seems like a "waste of time" to get involved with someone based on your parent's choices for you.
Starting to date monogamous without both party consent is always where you get hurt. Doesn’t sound like he’s playing games , sounds like he’s telling you he’s not trying to be exclusive and you decided to do it anyways. You took yourself off the market when it should be HIM taking you off the market. Date them all until one proves to be worthy girl! When a man wants you and only you it won’t even be a question, and you deserve a man who adores you.
I seen this saying the other day “when we gain confidence in ourselves red flags will no longer be red flags, they will be dealbreakers”. You deserve the best!
My experience is that you need to set boundaries for dating, and stick to them. I personally do date more than one person at a time rather than romanticising one person before it's an official thing. I know it's hard at the moment but loads of online chat and no meeting is dodgy as you start to feel like you're in a relationship before you actually are.
I’m confused. You either have a conversation to establish exclusivity or you’re just dating which means you don’t control his dating activity. So, if he’s not your boyfriend, he should be able to pursue other options. As should you. If you’re not interested in talking to more than one person, that’s totally okay! But, you can’t force someone to move at the same pace or define things the way you do. I don’t think it has to do with your “worth” but with your particular vision of how you want a relationship to progress vs theirs. I really hope you find someone who matches your pace and your mindset 💕
Yup! You can’t expect someone to be exclusive if you’re not in a boyfriend/gf relationship. If you’re just meeting people online, you can’t expect him not to talk to other girls lmao
She talked to.him about it. And they've been talking for months. Months where he told her something along the lines of " You're the one I tall to the most ...but I still want to talk to other girls." It can be acceptable for a fex weeks but till when should she wait for the sultan to chose only one concubine in the harem ?
Cassie, eventually every guy is going to want a PHYSICAL relationship. If you kept telling him you guys were never going to hook up, he will eventually start looking elsewhere. That’s why he updated his dating profile. I’m curious to know what he actually updated. I think you’re not comfortable with your body enough to share it with anyone. Which is ok!! Take this time, like you said, to take care of yourself and never stop improving and growing. You have to love yourself first, trust me, until then you are not ready for a relationship. WORK ON YOU!!
Not wanting a hookup does not mean you won’t be physical with a guy. It just means you need more of a commitment from them before you’re willing to be intimate in that way. It absolutely does not mean you aren’t comfortable with your body
If you've never hung out with the guy in person on multiple occasions, then I completely understand why he was keeping his options open. If you're expecting him to only communicate with you, and you weren't even technicallly dating (because you havent even met in person), then I'd say your expectations are unrealistic. You should be doing the same as him and talking to other people too, especially of you're not planning on meeting these guys in person due to covid.
Totally agree! If they had multiple dates in person, I think it’s totally reasonable to expect that person to no longer be communicating with other girls while youre getting to know each other further. But if you never met each other in person yet? That’s hard :( I understand not wanting him to talk to other people, but you can’t expect that :/
I have been “unofficially” dating this guy for a year. Finally ended things earlier this week. It got to the point that I was making excuses for him and even for myself. I cared more about him and he knew it so used it to his advantage. It’s hard right now but I feel 100x lighter than I did when I was in it. Even though I’m hurting I’m at peace.
Never accept anything less than a man that can invest in you equally as you invest in him, regardless of how soon it is, you should always both be on the same page or it just won't work. You are worthy of a man that is better than that!
Hearing you talk after that old clip makes me happy. You learned a lot and have grown such a healthier mentality toward dating. You seem to have a genuine smile on your face and I’m sure it’s a direct result of your new commitment to self-improvement in all the aspects you’re pushing yourself in. Makes me happy to see!
You go girl. I have 3 daughters and 2 sons. My eldest daughter is 25 and gee I have seen her go through so much heartbreak. She has been played by so many jerks, guys that she trusted. She finally knows her worth. I'm so glad you do too. X
I've 100% fallen into this trap in the past. You don't see it until you've finally moved on from it. Once I found the right guy it was so obvious. When it's right you're not confused and you don't need to play games. I never questioned how my husband felt when we were dating. The right guy is out there!
I could never open up to someone who I've talked with everyday for months and still is "keeping their options open". After months I would definitely want something a little more commited to just one person, so you're not alone in thinking that way! But I've been in the same place where I just wanted to make a connection so badly that I made excuses for someone who wasn't interested in me. Keep looking for a partner who shares the same values in dating as you do and puts you first!
You go girl!! I have made the exact same mistakes (and worse, MUCH worse) so many times!! When someone shows you who they are, believe them. No rationalizing, no making excuses, no thinking they will change or that you can change them. Wishing you the best. You be you, Beautiful! 💜
“Talking” to multiple people isn’t about having a “backup” to your “main” one. It should be about not instantly committing to someone(once it gets to the point where you are not talking to anyone else and don’t want to waste your time doing that, then you’re already committed, in a one sided way). Talking to multiple people is about learning about yourself, what you like, and who the other person is as a partner. Sometimes, someone is a better friend than they are a partner. It also helps to have some basis of comparison because it makes it easier to see warning signs (lovebombing, still in love with ex(es), manipulative behavior, communication issues, “back ups”). It’s hard when you’re monogamous to talk to multiple people, but it’s better than getting attached to someone without properly knowing them. And all in all, the feelings we have for people, we don’t catch them. They’re a choice. After a breakup, we choose to keep them or eventually, we choose to lose them. And once you commit to someone, whether one sided or not, that’s one of the first steps to choosing what you feel.
He is keeping his options open. When you meet a guy who is totally into you, he will leave no doubt about it. I have had similar experiences to yours, too many times to count. Take comfort in knowing you are not alone.
Love you sweetheart. When I watch your videos, I see myself. I completely resonate with you. Especially the dating. I went through that for years. I am now married. I found my guy the old fashioned way. He was a friend. I was totally myself with him because I didn't even think of him "like that". I felt he was a really great friend and I didn't want to crush on him. So I was completely myself. It paid off. One day he told me he was in love with me. And I was 265 lbs at the time. I was SHOCKED. Now we are married. Just be your self. You are beautiful and totally amazing.
Cassie I can’t express to you how this video hit home for me and honestly came at the perfect time ..... My boyfriend and I just broke up a few days ago after 6 years of loving this man unconditionally and I’m barely realizing I wasn’t being loved and respected the way I deserved (how can I be so blind to this for 6 Years!!!! 😢, my heart is completely crushed but I know I’ll make it through) ... I couldn’t be myself at all, he controlled everything about me but I finally woke the freak up and ended it... couldn’t take the mental abuse anymore. The very end of this video brought me to tears because you are so on point with your words and you just gave me that little boost of reality ... I know my worth and I take this as a HUGE lesson learned and deserve someone that is going to love me for me. Thank you for this Video Cassie , you have no idea how bad I needed to see this, especially at such a vulnerable time for me 😞. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm so happy for you Trina!! Congratulations for getting yourself out of the toxic relationship you were in.... I'm sorry you had to go through that kind of pain and abuse, but the real takeaway is that you were strong enough to get out of there and know your worth! You ARE worthy of love, respect, happiness, and all the other good aspects of life and deserve someone who treats you as valuable because that's exactly what you are. Keep your chin up, you'll get through the heartbreak eventually (we all do, even when it feels impossible), and remember that you're beautiful inside and out 💕
@@thriftthick Thank you Cassie, I truly appreciate your kind and uplifting words. I know there are so many people out there that can relate to so many things we all go through in life and that’s why I appreciate how raw you are in your videos because it’s videos like this that can really help someone that is going threw a similar situation and all it takes is to see a video like this one to realize you’re not alone and you’ll be ok 😊 Thank you for being so real with us and remember we are always here for you too ❤️.... we love you Cassie 😊❤️
I’m SO happy you’re growing into a better person who recognizes their worth! Don’t let no man (or woman?) mess that mindset up for you because in the end all you have is yourself.
You’re absolutely NOT being overdramatic. Him having issues committing is on him and it’s completely normal to ask a personal you’re speaking with (especially after MONTHS) to stop chatting with other people?
I would absolutely agree with that statement if they were actually seeing each other for months, but chatting...I don’t know, to me it seems reasonable to treat it differently from dating in person
@@user-id7mx6fh3n agree...chatting on the phone for months is completely different than hanging out with someone in person for months. He is being smart by keeping his options open...and so should Cassie.
@@jennifers.7037 agree to disagree. They should be comfortable committing after a few months -at least put a label on it. I’m too old and don’t have time for someone to figure things out or keep their options open. I’m the option.
@@Eleniexp yes but it's different if you're not actually spending time in person with the guy. Everyone knows that phone calls and texting is not nearly the same as in person.
I so appreciate that you do these videos, I know it's hard to put yourself out there, but just know that I think it's awesome that you do and show how hard it can be to try to find your person. In a weird way, even though this might be a negative experience, it is semi uplifting to watch because you're very open about this whole process of finding your person.
I love that you realized it isn't wasted time. It was a lesson and obviously has helped you recognize your worth. Be yourself Cassie! You are amazing and the person that earns your heart, will be very lucky indeed.
I feel like women need to date more than one person (when they are in date mode)..and then you give all your attention to who fits you best..just my opinion 😊😊😊 & most men dont put all their eggs in one basket..so why should we 😉 lol
@@noodlegirl55 mmkay but in 6 months she had 2 virtual dates and a walk in the park so like..... She isn't exactly the "throw down" on the first date type.
I have gotten to the age and position in my life that if someone doesn't have 95 percent of the qualities I'm looking for them I'm out immediately. And if that means I grow old with just my family and friends by my side so be it. Life is way too short to settle or make excuses. I wish you all the best. You deserve it. Much love sweetie!💛💚💜
*now I have seen the end, so proud of you standing up for yourself!! Now this is what I said before....I haven't seen the end yet but you asked what we would do.. I would just be friends with him and also talk to other people, if you want to. Not to be petty, just because. See what happens naturally after quarantine. That's a healthy way to put a barrier up without putting all the balls in his court, ya know? I'm a firm believer in friendships that turn into romance. Take it easy, take it slow (with everyone). I forget who said it, but they said you won't have butterflies with "the one", you will feel like yourself, you'll feel at ease with that person. When you meet them, you really do "just know".. I've seen it so many times.
I was seeing a guy for about 9 months (not “officially” together, because we were both moving and I think the commitment of that term freaked him out). He referred to us once as a FWB and I was like NOPE. I know myself and I can’t put myself in a situation where I care more. Cause it’ll destroy me. So we “broke up.” We spent some time apart and reconnected. Engaged for almost two years (thanks COVID!) Moral of the story, go with your gut. Put yourself first and stand up for yourself and your emotions!
I've never been able to "talk to" more than one person at a time... sounds like too much work, and I also hate having to play games of ANY sort (referring to the communication aspect.) I may just be pessimistic, but I really feel like Dating Sites can be like online shopping to some people. They're trying to "sample" as many people as they can. As a disclaimer, I totally don't think EVERYONE does this, but I've definitely noticed it's how some people do the dang thing...
I’m glad you’re in a better place! I went through so much of that when I was single. Never settle and you will find your person. I finally found the right one after many attempts and we’ve been together for almost 3 years!
100% agree with how you feel. I’ve been there and it just led to being strung along for a long time with me trying to rationalize whether or not the person was really into me. It’s cliche, but when someone is truly invested in you and into you they DO drop others and put all their eggs in one basket. Being ghosted isn’t an excuse. Just like anyone who has experienced heartbreak before, you deserve to have someone be willing to make the same effort as you into seeing how it goes. Being afraid you’ll “leave” isn’t justification to continue to see what else is out there beyond an initial couple of dates.
True, both my husband and I were dating other people casually before our first date, but right after the first date we both dropped the others right away and were exclusive from the very first date. One thing though, dating in person and chatting is different in my opinion, so I am not sure if chatting can lead to the same type of commitment
I really appreciate what you did with this video! You aren't alone by any means....the validation, love, and adoration we seek from others that we must ❤ have within ourselves is a hard lesson learned... To try and 'fix' the internal through seeking external confirmation is really something we've learned our whole lives I think & it's so difficult to unlearn and take action accordingly...I just so love this 🎉💖 Thank you!
You are definitely NOT alone!! Ughhh...it's not even a "during this time" kind of thing -- I've been out there since my spouse and I split almost 2 years ago and the dating scene is a hot mess. I'm 53 and the men are no more mature then they were before I got married 11 years ago!!
Thank you for this. I got divorced last year and jumped immediately back into the dating game... Huuuuge mistake. After a few face-palming moments I realized that just knowing what you don't like and set strong boundaries is a great starting point to find love again (not just romantic love, but love in general like self-love). Anyway, I don't know if I'm making any sense hahaha, just wanted to thank you for being open and vulnerable to your audience. Kisses from Mexico!
I was in a very similar spot to you. This guy I was excited about was changing his profile weekly. I’m just not that kind of dater myself. Eventually it came out he believed dating a bunch of people would give him the best chance of finding a ‘spark’. I wasn’t cool with being an option after all the time we spent together so I broke it off. I realized I just get too excited about the possibilities of a guy that I sometimes can’t see if it’s really a good match so I’m working on that myself. Best of luck! Quarantine dating sucks.
I'm soooo proud of you! ♡♡♡ You've been so radiant in all of your recent videos. You're such an inspiration. I'm glad you are finding genuine self love.
It's crazy when you look back on things and start to become thankful for that experience. It makes us learn and move on from those types of situations and it makes you more aware of what you are looking for and want. I've made so many mistakes and I also laugh at them now because I'm in a place of happiness. No matter what though they helped me realise a lot.
I don't understand why some people make dating so difficult. I feel like it's so simple to just tell someone what they are looking for in the beginning, instead of playing mind games for months. It's so rediculous. I'm glad you stood up for yourself, Cassie. He was a waste of time and should have been honest with you in the beginning in what he was looking for.
Well some people aren’t honest for a reason. Some guys say what women want to hear just to get women. It’s up to a woman to figure it out. The only thing a woman can do is be honest about her intentions and assess everything that’s going on with a clear head. Though I am not sure in this case it was reasonable to expect commitment since they weren’t actually dating, they were just chatting, but she sure had a right to say what she wanted this to look like, and he had a right not to go along with it if that is not what he wanted. Women should not expect exclusivity unless there was a talk about it, especially considering it’s just chatting. In general there shouldn’t be any assumptions when it comes to relationships/dating.
Definitely be yourself no matter what, better to be rejected by someone than try to finagle yourself into what you think will make it work. People tell you who they are so trust your gut, every time I made excuses for someone it never worked out. It may take time, but the right one shows up when you're truly ready
Awh, I'm so happy to see you in a better place Cassie. This year has been a roll coaster of madness and to see you coming out on a positive note is such a refreshing thing to see. I'm proud to see you pick yourself up and be happy. I really do enjoy your videos, makes me feel like I'm just hanging out with you.
How cool is it, when you are in a overall health shift, you can look back on yourself.... and find ways to grow personally. It’s so wonderful to see the work you’re doing. It shows, alot. I am here cheering you on and lifting you up girl. Much love and hugs!!!
Girl I wouldn't even be dating at all right now. Like what's the point? Just talking to someone is not dating. I know being single isn't fun for everyone but it's necessary to grow and learn to live yourself and really just love to be single and enjoy time with yourself! I've been single for over 6 years and that was like single as in long term relationship not just dating because I dated in that time and the last guy I dated was in 2017 and it ended at the very end of 2017 and after that I knew I had to stop and just be single. I knew I needed to just be alone and work on myself. I actually really love being single now! I actually think I'm enjoying it a bit too much lol I know now that I will never settle for less ever again! I was open to casual sex my entire life so I'm different in that way but when the guy I was dating in 2017 ended I tried to hook up with someone in the beginning of 2018 and I couldn't do it. I was getting depressed and just thinking of him and only wanting him. I'm still not 100% over him unfortunately. But I am SO much better. I still am celibate over 2 years later and plan to stay that way until I meet someone I really click with but I'm not on any dating sites or anything so I guess when I meet someone it'll be when it's meant to be! I refuse to look anymore. The right one will come when it's our time and I pray that it will be my last relationship and he will be my soulmate! So I hope you can just learn to be happy alone and stop wasting your time on guys that don't deserve it because it's SO freeing! Trust me! But anyway good luck! You'll find your someone eventually! (Just wanted to say- I'm 35 so it's not like I'm some young girl. I have many many years of long term relationships, dating and just hooking up!)
Thank you for this! I can relate so much! I wish I could be as at peace about being single as you are, very inspiring! I am 36, so not that young either haha, but willing to wait for what I deserve, sending love ❤️
I am so happy for you, Cassie. I relate to a lot of feelings you had in the beginning of this video as well as the end. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing a moment of growth and I hope things continue to be on the up for you. *hugs*
My problem is with certain word choices she uses. As she says they weren't together and all this but I notice a pattern in a couple of her dating videos that she uses like "breaking up" and such for relationships that dont exist. Maybe that's just me, but if I'm dating someone, and not in a committed relationship I wouldnt brand it as a break up. To each their own though.
@@luckyeunie a tad, I also dont like how shes always talking about these "games" and such but never just thinks hey maybe he just isnt that into her? Like almost as if she can never be the problem. Idk, even when she stresses that technically they're single and "allowed" to talk to other people you can tell there's a hidden undertone of her not being ok with it. Idk it's all so weird.
I went through something similar and I kept making excuses for him. Watching ur video made me realize ah okay I’m not the only one who goes through this kind of stuff. But honestly your beautiful, with such a lovely personality. It’s truly his loss!
I don’t think I can tell you how much I needed to watch this video and read these comments. Some people are not worth the heart ache and to just move on for the better of yourself!
I've been dating a guy for about 3 months. The connection we have is awesome on so many levels. We started it going in saying no expectations, let's have fun, etc. But the connection is great. He says it. I say it. But I went to go delete my Hinge profile (it had been snoozed for awhile after meeting this guy), and so I decided to do a quick search and there his profile was. It hadn't been changed, but it was still up. Also, when I was staying at his place one night, (our nights usually consist of ordering food, watching movies, playing board games and other types of fun ;)) he was texting right next to me, and I glanced over. I noticed as he was scrolling, how he had my name stored in his phone. Kelly from Hinge... something or other...which made me feel like a number at that point. I was shocked. Since then, I've distanced myself a bit. I do really like him. I've been going back and forth with allowing myself to be vulnerable and check in to see if there's a possibility of a relationship at some point...but I'm afraid to scare him. However. I have to say something, because if I don't, I'm not being authentic to myself. For awhile I fell into the whole dating game rules ...and felt so icky, knowing the whole time I was allowing myself to try and fit into these rules when they're just not me Keep being your authentic self, Cassie!!! It's the BEST! Last year, I was still married and miserable. Now I'm single and in a very similar boat as you. But I'm 10 yrs older than you. You got this. We got this!!!!!!!!
I say bring it up! If you haven’t talked about the direction of things since you guys first started, easily he could still be in “let’s have fun” mode. You got this!
It’s okay to bring it up saying: I realized I’m starting to have more feelings lately and thinking about you in a way that is more than just fun. Since things have changed I want to tell you and see where you’re at now.” Scary AF but it keeps it simple, and his response will likely be telling ❤️ I hope it works out for you!
I don't understand if you told him many times no hook ups and he gave hints or whatever like you said he wanted a hook up why did you waste time on him for so long? With hopes it will change? or that he will change his mind and want more than a hook up? Don't underestimate the things/time a guy will do for just sex..
Girl we have all been there don’t even feel bad it’s a good learning experience and don’t let you down always put yourself first and don’t let those guys play you. Your to wonderful for that.
One thing I've learned in the past is guys are straight forward, whether directly with their words or with their actions. Pay attention and if you feel any ounce of doubt and he's feeding you a line but not showing you that you matter, walk away. I'm glad you see your worth and what you're willing to accept and not accept from a partner. Every person we come in contact with is an opportunity for growth, whatever type or amount of growth that is different for each person.
I am much older and divorced. I got on a dating app because I am not sure how else to meet someone? I don't let myself get excited that this might be the one. I just go out on a meet and greet to enjoy the company of that person. If I didn't enjoy myself, I simply don't go out again and I am kind and just tell them there wasn't a connection and move on. The games should be stopped before they start. Say what you mean and mean what you say. We are valued woman and need to be respected as such. I have a mother to care for so I don't go out much and I also haven't met anyone I wanted a real relationship with. If it happens great, if not I find my life is still full of my love for my grandkids and family and God. Just try not to stress over what might or what might not be. Enjoy the time and pace yourself. Using your channel as a outlet is fine. Dismiss the negative comments. You always end back up on your feet with the knowledge you have the power inside yourself. Love your videos and Here's looking at you kid.
A guy that wants you will make time for you, which yours does so that's good. HOWEVER...if you told him it makes you uncomfortable, and he doesn't change, then he's either looking for that backup or he's looking for something better. You will find a guy that you didn't have to wonder about. I mean maybe you will in the first month or so, but guys are very transparent. I always let them use their excuses and it never worked for me. My husband didn't play games and didn't leave me wondering.
I am so proud of the character development in this video! It's so important to know your worth and refuse to compromise your needs/wants in a relationship for the other person. Keep on being you!
Im so envious of your single lifestyle! No major responsibilities (ie marriage, kids, one disabled, ailing parents on top of fulltime work). Havent had time to scratch myself since early 20s. Its nice to watch the simple life of a smart someone who has not allowed any of these things to happen. Good on you.
I'm so sorry to hear that Stephanie... hopefully you can give yourself some time to 'grieve' (so to speak), take care of yourself, and remember your worth. You deserve to be with someone who loves and appreciates you just as much as you do them 💕
Good lord. I dont know how this video was recommended on my TH-cam, especially since this is an old video..but holy crap. Does this girl understand how casual dating works? If you're not exclusive with someone..they will date other people, probably. And, not only that, not understanding that aspect will definitely make you come across as jealous and possessive and will probably chase the person away. If you're boyfriend and girlfriend, I get asking him about it. But, 2 or 3 dates in? And 2 of them are video chats? Get real. It doesn't surprise me at all that this girl struggles with dating. She's making it harder, waay harder than it has to be. The more go with the flow you are, the better and more enjoyable dating will be. This is like a standard example of how NOT to be when you first start very casually dating somebody.
Since I’ve watched the previous videos (date ones) I definitely feel like something has changed in you, you seem happier, more confident and more relaxed. I will say what I always say, don’t play the dating game, be yourself and be straight to the point of what you’re looking for and stick with it. Weed out those that aren’t on the same level and it will happen eventually. During these times things will move slower I guess, harder to commit to people if you can’t hang out often and all that I imagine.
You def need to find someone on the same page. Unfortunately, you’re not officially a couple, so you can’t expect him to stop talking to other people. Sounds like he’s dating around (like most people do on dating apps) until he finds someone he wants to be in a relationship with. I don’t think he is doing it maliciously since y’all aren’t exclusive. Maybe dating apps aren’t the best option for ya! Enjoy these videos tho!
I am a silent watcher that have been watching Cassie since her Boston thrifty days and never left a comment but I feel like I needed to give my 2 cents in this online dating issue. So I have been there and done that and it took me two years to find my fiancé and trust me I have been through such an emotional roller coaster with many frogs (let’s just call them that) until I find the (prince? Lol) right one for me. One thing I learned from all these is this “If a guy ever make you doubt yourself in the smallest way possible or make you feel self conscious about how you look and how smart you are, HE IS NOT THE ONE” what I learned is that if he truly likes/love you, it hurts him to know something he said or have done made you feel bad in anyway. AND HE WOULD NEVER DO IT TO YOU. You are better off to move on and find the one. Take care and love you Cassie.
Being single really can be wonderful sometimes. I didn’t put any pressure on myself. When it happens, it happens. Feelings and emotions can’t be manufactured.
I’ve found that online dating or being in a situation where most of your interactions with a person are online leads you to become more attached to the idea of a person than the person themself. I am so guilty of this, and this is when I tend to make excuses for people bc the person they are in my head is different than what they’ve been showing me. As for the guy playing the field, I think this is totally normal. I do the same thing, and it’s good he is being honest about it. He’s not lying and pretending you’re the only girl he’s talking to. This leads me to believe he might actually be a trustworthy guy. However, there does need to be a time limit on playing the field, and a point where you both make an agreement to become exclusive. If you’ve been talking for months and had multiple dates without any ghosting, I feel like now is an appropriate time to progress the relationship and become exclusive. If he’s not willing to do that, maybe it’s a waste of time bc he has commitment issues instead of a fear of ghosting.
I'm glad you found peace with the ending of the relationship. I know how it is to be trying to make something out of nothing. I have made a career out of it.
What I’ve learned from my personal experience and finally worked, is ask yourself if he’s the person you’re looking for. Don’t wait for him. If he’s interested he will only talk to you
Love your growth! Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. So glad you stand your ground and know your worth. I met my husband at a time when I was fed up with the dating “game” and told him so. He agreed and it was so freeing to tell someone that and feel comfortable in my stance. Keep your chin up lady. Love you in a non creepy platonic way lol
Go with your gut. You deserve better. You’re not acting over dramatic, if he really wanted to try with you he would show you that. Actions speak louder than words. I’m sorry you sat around upset, I know that feeling, and it’s SO tough. Never feel bad for setting boundaries and laying it all out there! Sending you love. You will find the right person 💖
I'm so proud of you. My boyfriend and I have been long distance for the majority of our relationship, and in February I moved to MN to live with him. The "getting to know you" portion was all long distance until I flew down to AZ from Australia 6 months later to visit my family and he flew down to meet me in AZ. We consider they day we met face to face as our anniversary. My point is - even with covid lock down and all the social distancing if the guy who grooving with you he will lock you down. It's in their nature to pursue the female and I don't care how many people think it works the other way around. No.
Long time watcher here: Cassie, this is such a great video. I love that you're seeing your worth. Being honest with yourself when someone isn't treating you and your relationship with them in a way that's mutually invested, that's a big thing. I had that rollercoaster kind of relationship last year with someone, and it took so much out of me. I'm so glad you didnt waste too much time on this guy. Love you, keep being you ❤
honestly nothing more disheartening than thinking you have a good thing going with someone for awhile only to see that they're still active on dating apps long after you've put pause on your own 🙃
I can totally see a change in the person that was at the beginning of the video compared to the person at the end of the video and I loved it. It gave me a glimpse on why I subscribed to your channel so long ago.
hi there. i get what ur saying but i feel like dating is a completely different beast these days. People are so disposable and its always "on to the next". I think its good for u to be honest w urself about ur feelings but its not the greatest idea to confront him about every little issue that comes up, especially when ur not in an exclusive relationship. You should continue to do you and put yourself first until theres a solid commitment. This is how people date these days, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Arguing or confronting him especially this early on can come across as desperate and controlling.
Hi Cassie! I’m 30yrs old and I met my boyfriend on Match, and we’ve now been together over a year :) But I relate to all your stories from when I was on those dating apps! Online Dating in your 30s and in 2020 is hard 😩 whenever I use to have a new date, I always felt like by in person date #3 or #4 is when you need to decide if you like this person enough to talk to only them OR move on if they are still want to “keep their options open.” I felt like the first date or two is just sort of a check-in to make sure you’re not being catfished, the person seems relatively “normal” and to make sure it didn’t feel like they were going to try and kidnap you 😂 Date #3 was always what I considered the “real” date because you know each other a little bit more and you’ve already decided that both parties are actually genuinely interested. Also, by now any dates that had previously already planned before they met you should have passed by now. By date #4 is when Id expect that they wouldn’t be talking to anyone else, or have dates planned with other people. That was alway when I made sure to have that conversations with them, and let them know I’m ready to be exclusively dating only them, and to make sure they feel the same. And I always made sure to be VERY clear with what I meant , “I only want to focus on getting to know you more, and no longer talk to anyone else. I need to know that you are doing and feeling the same?” But it’s hard if you never met them in person yet :/ even if you’ve talked for weeks... I totally understand not wanting them to talk to others, but if you’ve only ever spoken virtually and never met in person, then I get if he keeps talking or communicating with others. Good luck Cassie!!
If a guy likes you, he won’t even remember needing backups. Screw that. You’re better than that!!!! Proud of these awesome videos you’re making showing the real side of dating, especially in these odd times.
Cassie! I'm a DV survivor and the red flags and gut reactions are real! Never be afraid of change. Everyone is worthy of love and we are all so young. Do YOU! ❤️❤️
Him constantly bringing up his past issues is a huge red flag. Anyone who still had a back up plan after months of talking is definitely NOT looking to commit to one person. I’ve given up on dating sites partly for this reason, it’s just not worth it
I feel like you spoke about this before but I don’t 100% remember. Have you thought of using a paid dating site? I would think the guys on there are more serious about a relationship and less about just hooking up.
Yeah when they say they keep back ups, I cut it off, because that’s how it always will be with them. But ugh it’s the WORST checking their profile and seeing they’ve been active, or updated pics/their bio. Nothing wrong with being cautious! Always go with your gut! I’m glad you moved on though!! You’ll be so much happier focusing on you until someone better/more worth while finds you! 💛💛💛
I’m so glad to hear you’re working on your wellbeing including physical and mental wellness! You deserve it! The best one will come into your life when you’re ready for it, when you are in a better place. We’re rooting for you! ❤️
Those type of guys/people are so common on dating apps. They need multiple people to feed their ego while still chasing even more of an ego validation by still looking for something “better”. Then when their ego is slightly attacked when one of their options start to pull away, they’ll say whatever to get them back on track.
Honestly I look at dating in the same way you do. I think everyone’s standards for dating are different. If something makes you uncomfortable.. then it makes you uncomfortable no matter what everyone else thinks. Personally if I were talking to someone after a couple of months regardless of “dating” status, I wouldn’t be able to talk to someone else on the side because I would be emotionally invested and feel the person I was talking to deserved better than that. That’s just who I am, and how I was raised. If it’s a red flag to you, I say trust that. Love you, Cassie! Im sorry you’re having such a rough time in the dating world! I know it can be tough!
i think that talking to multiple people is ok.....until you decide to start meeting up or having dates (in person or online) sometimes you might be talking to someone for a day and someone pops up that might be equally compatible but you wont know who is a better match for you until you meet, but i think once you meet you have to decide if your going to continue with that person and stop talking to others or stop talking to the one you went on the date with and keep talking to others.
![KRK - ชนิสรา Ft.WanMai , N/A [Official MV] Prod. By Sakarin](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/C-WMwwYobcU/mqdefault.jpg)
A piece of advice, if a guy says anything about having a “back up” he will always make sure he has just that. ALWAYS
PREACH
Yep
Yesss active with an exit plan flee
Agree
Always i cosign this! My ex even after he gave me a ring and 4 yrs later always had back ups...they are afraid to commit. Walking away will either wake him up to realize he lost you and want you back or he will just move on to one of his back ups.
I'm not totally finished with the video, but as a 40 year old woman who has dated around, been in long term relationships, and was married once...I will say the best advice I've ever heard is "if he likes you, you'll know. If not, you'll be confused."
Guys are very chase-y when they're *really* into you. In fact, it can get annoying...especially if the feeling isn't mutual. Men are usually naturally inclined to fiercely pursue what they have their eye on. If he's still looking around and not wanting to "put all his eggs in one basket", it's because he's looking for another basket. It's a harsh reality, but it helps to recognize that in order to move on quicker. You *will* find someone. It may be tomorrow or it may be 10 years from now. Just relax and enjoy the experiences of getting to know different people.
You’re 40? Wow looking amazing 💕
that’s a good advice in this situation! but please don’t generalize it like that, i feel like it’s unfair to shy guys out there 😭
Am I single? No.... do I still enjoy Cassie’s dating GRWMs like I am? Yes. Guuuuurl spill the tea!
Same!
Same! 🙌
Lol same gf!
SAME! Also I’m old enough to for real be her mama but I still enjoy watching!
It’s only a red flag if you both agreed to exclusivity. Otherwise, he has every right to continue being on the app, updating it, and even dating others. Just because you choose not to do that doesn’t mean he has to as well. I love your dating videos. Thanks for sharing with us
My experience with online dating in my early 30's is that as soon as I stopped taking it so seriously, it was way easier. At first I was looking for love; but relationships have to build organically. So I switched to just thinking of it as a night out with a new friend having fun to see what happened.
Also, I realized talking online for too long before an IRL meeting was bad news. It's easy to become close emotionally without knowing how they actually are in person, and inevitably it would disappoint. This has got to be hard in quarantine tho - I totally don't envy you.
That being said, I think if a person is serious about you there is not a discussion about a profile still being up. If someone has their profile up, you comment about it, and it remains up despite the fact that they said they would take it down... they're playing the field. There's nothing wrong imo with playing the field, but people need to be honest about it if someone wants to be exclusive.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk lol!
Great advice!
You said it yourself.
You’re seeing red flags.
Move on.
I did!! And I'm much happier for it :)
@@thriftthick and your happiness is what matters (hug) 🥰
@@thriftthick proud of you girl! I know it’s so NOT easy to do so. But your worth so much more! I spent far too long with my ex husband. And then having been back in the dating world in my early 30s and a then single mom. This was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. Things now are great as I stuck to my guns and am now happily married. Your future is so bright and you will come out on top. Hugs and much love and support.
We need like a “my mom picks my bumble date” something like that lol
CUTE. I love that idea!!!
That would be fun!
Love that idea!
Ooooooo yes
Maybe good for entertainment purposes, but I think Cassie is more serious about her search for someone and it seems like a "waste of time" to get involved with someone based on your parent's choices for you.
Starting to date monogamous without both party consent is always where you get hurt. Doesn’t sound like he’s playing games , sounds like he’s telling you he’s not trying to be exclusive and you decided to do it anyways.
You took yourself off the market when it should be HIM taking you off the market. Date them all until one proves to be worthy girl! When a man wants you and only you it won’t even be a question, and you deserve a man who adores you.
I seen this saying the other day “when we gain confidence in ourselves red flags will no longer be red flags, they will be dealbreakers”. You deserve the best!
Yes, I love this and it is absolutely 100% true..that outlook changes everything and you don’t waste so much time on losers
My experience is that you need to set boundaries for dating, and stick to them. I personally do date more than one person at a time rather than romanticising one person before it's an official thing. I know it's hard at the moment but loads of online chat and no meeting is dodgy as you start to feel like you're in a relationship before you actually are.
I’m confused. You either have a conversation to establish exclusivity or you’re just dating which means you don’t control his dating activity. So, if he’s not your boyfriend, he should be able to pursue other options. As should you. If you’re not interested in talking to more than one person, that’s totally okay! But, you can’t force someone to move at the same pace or define things the way you do. I don’t think it has to do with your “worth” but with your particular vision of how you want a relationship to progress vs theirs. I really hope you find someone who matches your pace and your mindset 💕
Yeah I think Cassie should've asked if he wanted to be exclusive or not before deciding to not see him anymore. Communication is key!
@@-danny. yeah
Yupppp
Yup! You can’t expect someone to be exclusive if you’re not in a boyfriend/gf relationship. If you’re just meeting people online, you can’t expect him not to talk to other girls lmao
She talked to.him about it. And they've been talking for months. Months where he told her something along the lines of " You're the one I tall to the most ...but I still want to talk to other girls." It can be acceptable for a fex weeks but till when should she wait for the sultan to chose only one concubine in the harem ?
Cassie, eventually every guy is going to want a PHYSICAL relationship. If you kept telling him you guys were never going to hook up, he will eventually start looking elsewhere. That’s why he updated his dating profile. I’m curious to know what he actually updated. I think you’re not comfortable with your body enough to share it with anyone. Which is ok!! Take this time, like you said, to take care of yourself and never stop improving and growing. You have to love yourself first, trust me, until then you are not ready for a relationship. WORK ON YOU!!
Not wanting a hookup does not mean you won’t be physical with a guy. It just means you need more of a commitment from them before you’re willing to be intimate in that way. It absolutely does not mean you aren’t comfortable with your body
I think that’s a lot of generalization since that’s not always the case
Try to think of it as him potentially looking for someone more COMPATIBLE, rather than BETTER than you.
If you've never hung out with the guy in person on multiple occasions, then I completely understand why he was keeping his options open. If you're expecting him to only communicate with you, and you weren't even technicallly dating (because you havent even met in person), then I'd say your expectations are unrealistic. You should be doing the same as him and talking to other people too, especially of you're not planning on meeting these guys in person due to covid.
Exactly what I was thinking. So many expectations for someone she hadn't even met
Totally agree! If they had multiple dates in person, I think it’s totally reasonable to expect that person to no longer be communicating with other girls while youre getting to know each other further. But if you never met each other in person yet? That’s hard :( I understand not wanting him to talk to other people, but you can’t expect that :/
Agreed
I have been “unofficially” dating this guy for a year. Finally ended things earlier this week. It got to the point that I was making excuses for him and even for myself. I cared more about him and he knew it so used it to his advantage. It’s hard right now but I feel 100x lighter than I did when I was in it. Even though I’m hurting I’m at peace.
Nothing lightens the heart more than clarity. Love your comment. Hope you hurt a little less tomorrow.
💞💞💞
Never accept anything less than a man that can invest in you equally as you invest in him, regardless of how soon it is, you should always both be on the same page or it just won't work. You are worthy of a man that is better than that!
Hearing you talk after that old clip makes me happy. You learned a lot and have grown such a healthier mentality toward dating. You seem to have a genuine smile on your face and I’m sure it’s a direct result of your new commitment to self-improvement in all the aspects you’re pushing yourself in.
Makes me happy to see!
You go girl.
I have 3 daughters and 2 sons. My eldest daughter is 25 and gee I have seen her go through so much heartbreak. She has been played by so many jerks, guys that she trusted. She finally knows her worth. I'm so glad you do too. X
i’m also 25 and i could feel that on a personal level. sounds like you’re a wonderful mom! 🌸
I've 100% fallen into this trap in the past. You don't see it until you've finally moved on from it. Once I found the right guy it was so obvious. When it's right you're not confused and you don't need to play games. I never questioned how my husband felt when we were dating. The right guy is out there!
I could never open up to someone who I've talked with everyday for months and still is "keeping their options open". After months I would definitely want something a little more commited to just one person, so you're not alone in thinking that way! But I've been in the same place where I just wanted to make a connection so badly that I made excuses for someone who wasn't interested in me. Keep looking for a partner who shares the same values in dating as you do and puts you first!
You go girl!! I have made the exact same mistakes (and worse, MUCH worse) so many times!! When someone shows you who they are, believe them. No rationalizing, no making excuses, no thinking they will change or that you can change them.
Wishing you the best. You be you, Beautiful! 💜
11:22; a lot of tugging with the brush ! Try holding it closer to the end of the brush (opposite of the bristles!) It helps with applying! 🤗
“Talking” to multiple people isn’t about having a “backup” to your “main” one. It should be about not instantly committing to someone(once it gets to the point where you are not talking to anyone else and don’t want to waste your time doing that, then you’re already committed, in a one sided way). Talking to multiple people is about learning about yourself, what you like, and who the other person is as a partner. Sometimes, someone is a better friend than they are a partner. It also helps to have some basis of comparison because it makes it easier to see warning signs (lovebombing, still in love with ex(es), manipulative behavior, communication issues, “back ups”). It’s hard when you’re monogamous to talk to multiple people, but it’s better than getting attached to someone without properly knowing them. And all in all, the feelings we have for people, we don’t catch them. They’re a choice. After a breakup, we choose to keep them or eventually, we choose to lose them. And once you commit to someone, whether one sided or not, that’s one of the first steps to choosing what you feel.
He is keeping his options open. When you meet a guy who is totally into you, he will leave no doubt about it. I have had similar experiences to yours, too many times to count. Take comfort in knowing you are not alone.
you been dating for months and he still has " back up plans" girl run lmfao
Love you sweetheart. When I watch your videos, I see myself. I completely resonate with you. Especially the dating. I went through that for years. I am now married. I found my guy the old fashioned way. He was a friend. I was totally myself with him because I didn't even think of him "like that". I felt he was a really great friend and I didn't want to crush on him. So I was completely myself. It paid off. One day he told me he was in love with me. And I was 265 lbs at the time. I was SHOCKED. Now we are married. Just be your self. You are beautiful and totally amazing.
Cassie I can’t express to you how this video hit home for me and honestly came at the perfect time ..... My boyfriend and I just broke up a few days ago after 6 years of loving this man unconditionally and I’m barely realizing I wasn’t being loved and respected the way I deserved (how can I be so blind to this for 6 Years!!!! 😢, my heart is completely crushed but I know I’ll make it through) ... I couldn’t be myself at all, he controlled everything about me but I finally woke the freak up and ended it... couldn’t take the mental abuse anymore.
The very end of this video brought me to tears because you are so on point with your words and you just gave me that little boost of reality ... I know my worth and I take this as a HUGE lesson learned and deserve someone that is going to love me for me.
Thank you for this Video Cassie , you have no idea how bad I needed to see this, especially at such a vulnerable time for me 😞. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm so happy for you Trina!! Congratulations for getting yourself out of the toxic relationship you were in.... I'm sorry you had to go through that kind of pain and abuse, but the real takeaway is that you were strong enough to get out of there and know your worth! You ARE worthy of love, respect, happiness, and all the other good aspects of life and deserve someone who treats you as valuable because that's exactly what you are. Keep your chin up, you'll get through the heartbreak eventually (we all do, even when it feels impossible), and remember that you're beautiful inside and out 💕
@@thriftthick Thank you Cassie, I truly appreciate your kind and uplifting words. I know there are so many people out there that can relate to so many things we all go through in life and that’s why I appreciate how raw you are in your videos because it’s videos like this that can really help someone that is going threw a similar situation and all it takes is to see a video like this one to realize you’re not alone and you’ll be ok 😊 Thank you for being so real with us and remember we are always here for you too ❤️.... we love you Cassie 😊❤️
I’m SO happy you’re growing into a better person who recognizes their worth! Don’t let no man (or woman?) mess that mindset up for you because in the end all you have is yourself.
Here Here.👍
Girl... Don't be embarrassed. We all go through stuff like this. I'm in my 30s and I'm still single. I understand. It's rough.
You’re absolutely NOT being overdramatic. Him having issues committing is on him and it’s completely normal to ask a personal you’re speaking with (especially after MONTHS) to stop chatting with other people?
I would absolutely agree with that statement if they were actually seeing each other for months, but chatting...I don’t know, to me it seems reasonable to treat it differently from dating in person
Maybe so
@@user-id7mx6fh3n agree...chatting on the phone for months is completely different than hanging out with someone in person for months. He is being smart by keeping his options open...and so should Cassie.
@@jennifers.7037 agree to disagree. They should be comfortable committing after a few months -at least put a label on it. I’m too old and don’t have time for someone to figure things out or keep their options open. I’m the option.
@@Eleniexp yes but it's different if you're not actually spending time in person with the guy. Everyone knows that phone calls and texting is not nearly the same as in person.
Cassie!!! ❤💖 When a man wants you, you will KNOW it. Don't waste your time with these little boys please. We love you 💕
I so appreciate that you do these videos, I know it's hard to put yourself out there, but just know that I think it's awesome that you do and show how hard it can be to try to find your person. In a weird way, even though this might be a negative experience, it is semi uplifting to watch because you're very open about this whole process of finding your person.
I love that you realized it isn't wasted time. It was a lesson and obviously has helped you recognize your worth. Be yourself Cassie! You are amazing and the person that earns your heart, will be very lucky indeed.
I feel like women need to date more than one person (when they are in date mode)..and then you give all your attention to who fits you best..just my opinion 😊😊😊 & most men dont put all their eggs in one basket..so why should we 😉 lol
I think dating multiple people during covid is irresponsible.
@@noodlegirl55 not during the covid 😫😫😫
@@noodlegirl55 mmkay but in 6 months she had 2 virtual dates and a walk in the park so like..... She isn't exactly the "throw down" on the first date type.
I can't keep track of more than one. I will call them by the wrong name or confuse information. I just don't get super invested. lol
@@stefaniamalatesta8076 lol 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I have gotten to the age and position in my life that if someone doesn't have 95 percent of the qualities I'm looking for them I'm out immediately. And if that means I grow old with just my family and friends by my side so be it. Life is way too short to settle or make excuses. I wish you all the best. You deserve it. Much love sweetie!💛💚💜
*now I have seen the end, so proud of you standing up for yourself!! Now this is what I said before....I haven't seen the end yet but you asked what we would do.. I would just be friends with him and also talk to other people, if you want to. Not to be petty, just because. See what happens naturally after quarantine. That's a healthy way to put a barrier up without putting all the balls in his court, ya know? I'm a firm believer in friendships that turn into romance. Take it easy, take it slow (with everyone). I forget who said it, but they said you won't have butterflies with "the one", you will feel like yourself, you'll feel at ease with that person. When you meet them, you really do "just know".. I've seen it so many times.
I was seeing a guy for about 9 months (not “officially” together, because we were both moving and I think the commitment of that term freaked him out). He referred to us once as a FWB and I was like NOPE. I know myself and I can’t put myself in a situation where I care more. Cause it’ll destroy me. So we “broke up.” We spent some time apart and reconnected. Engaged for almost two years (thanks COVID!)
Moral of the story, go with your gut. Put yourself first and stand up for yourself and your emotions!
Fwb??
@@tiffprendergast friends with benefits
I really enjoyed listening to this introspection on your experiences for the last few months, this is great Cassie.
I've never been able to "talk to" more than one person at a time... sounds like too much work, and I also hate having to play games of ANY sort (referring to the communication aspect.)
I may just be pessimistic, but I really feel like Dating Sites can be like online shopping to some people. They're trying to "sample" as many people as they can.
As a disclaimer, I totally don't think EVERYONE does this, but I've definitely noticed it's how some people do the dang thing...
I’m glad you’re in a better place! I went through so much of that when I was single. Never settle and you will find your person. I finally found the right one after many attempts and we’ve been together for almost 3 years!
I was so confused through this entire video. Finally caught on to what was happening a few minutes before the end.
100% agree with how you feel. I’ve been there and it just led to being strung along for a long time with me trying to rationalize whether or not the person was really into me. It’s cliche, but when someone is truly invested in you and into you they DO drop others and put all their eggs in one basket. Being ghosted isn’t an excuse. Just like anyone who has experienced heartbreak before, you deserve to have someone be willing to make the same effort as you into seeing how it goes. Being afraid you’ll “leave” isn’t justification to continue to see what else is out there beyond an initial couple of dates.
True, both my husband and I were dating other people casually before our first date, but right after the first date we both dropped the others right away and were exclusive from the very first date. One thing though, dating in person and chatting is different in my opinion, so I am not sure if chatting can lead to the same type of commitment
I really appreciate what you did with this video! You aren't alone by any means....the validation, love, and adoration we seek from others that we must ❤ have within ourselves is a hard lesson learned... To try and 'fix' the internal through seeking external confirmation is really something we've learned our whole lives I think & it's so difficult to unlearn and take action accordingly...I just so love this 🎉💖 Thank you!
You are definitely NOT alone!! Ughhh...it's not even a "during this time" kind of thing -- I've been out there since my spouse and I split almost 2 years ago and the dating scene is a hot mess. I'm 53 and the men are no more mature then they were before I got married 11 years ago!!
I'm a bit older than you 😉 so I have probably more experience than I should admit, in dating. He is telling you what you want to hear. Be careful ☺️
Here Here.👍
Yep. Leave him!
Thank you for this. I got divorced last year and jumped immediately back into the dating game... Huuuuge mistake.
After a few face-palming moments I realized that just knowing what you don't like and set strong boundaries is a great starting point to find love again (not just romantic love, but love in general like self-love). Anyway, I don't know if I'm making any sense hahaha, just wanted to thank you for being open and vulnerable to your audience. Kisses from Mexico!
I was in a very similar spot to you. This guy I was excited about was changing his profile weekly. I’m just not that kind of dater myself. Eventually it came out he believed dating a bunch of people would give him the best chance of finding a ‘spark’. I wasn’t cool with being an option after all the time we spent together so I broke it off. I realized I just get too excited about the possibilities of a guy that I sometimes can’t see if it’s really a good match so I’m working on that myself. Best of luck! Quarantine dating sucks.
I'm soooo proud of you! ♡♡♡ You've been so radiant in all of your recent videos. You're such an inspiration. I'm glad you are finding genuine self love.
It's crazy when you look back on things and start to become thankful for that experience. It makes us learn and move on from those types of situations and it makes you more aware of what you are looking for and want. I've made so many mistakes and I also laugh at them now because I'm in a place of happiness. No matter what though they helped me realise a lot.
Love isnt the perfect thing I suspect you think it is
I don't understand why some people make dating so difficult. I feel like it's so simple to just tell someone what they are looking for in the beginning, instead of playing mind games for months. It's so rediculous. I'm glad you stood up for yourself, Cassie. He was a waste of time and should have been honest with you in the beginning in what he was looking for.
Well some people aren’t honest for a reason. Some guys say what women want to hear just to get women. It’s up to a woman to figure it out. The only thing a woman can do is be honest about her intentions and assess everything that’s going on with a clear head. Though I am not sure in this case it was reasonable to expect commitment since they weren’t actually dating, they were just chatting, but she sure had a right to say what she wanted this to look like, and he had a right not to go along with it if that is not what he wanted. Women should not expect exclusivity unless there was a talk about it, especially considering it’s just chatting. In general there shouldn’t be any assumptions when it comes to relationships/dating.
Definitely be yourself no matter what, better to be rejected by someone than try to finagle yourself into what you think will make it work. People tell you who they are so trust your gut, every time I made excuses for someone it never worked out. It may take time, but the right one shows up when you're truly ready
Awh, I'm so happy to see you in a better place Cassie. This year has been a roll coaster of madness and to see you coming out on a positive note is such a refreshing thing to see. I'm proud to see you pick yourself up and be happy. I really do enjoy your videos, makes me feel like I'm just hanging out with you.
How cool is it, when you are in a overall health shift, you can look back on yourself.... and find ways to grow personally. It’s so wonderful to see the work you’re doing. It shows, alot. I am here cheering you on and lifting you up girl. Much love and hugs!!!
Girl I wouldn't even be dating at all right now. Like what's the point? Just talking to someone is not dating. I know being single isn't fun for everyone but it's necessary to grow and learn to live yourself and really just love to be single and enjoy time with yourself! I've been single for over 6 years and that was like single as in long term relationship not just dating because I dated in that time and the last guy I dated was in 2017 and it ended at the very end of 2017 and after that I knew I had to stop and just be single. I knew I needed to just be alone and work on myself. I actually really love being single now! I actually think I'm enjoying it a bit too much lol I know now that I will never settle for less ever again! I was open to casual sex my entire life so I'm different in that way but when the guy I was dating in 2017 ended I tried to hook up with someone in the beginning of 2018 and I couldn't do it. I was getting depressed and just thinking of him and only wanting him. I'm still not 100% over him unfortunately. But I am SO much better. I still am celibate over 2 years later and plan to stay that way until I meet someone I really click with but I'm not on any dating sites or anything so I guess when I meet someone it'll be when it's meant to be! I refuse to look anymore. The right one will come when it's our time and I pray that it will be my last relationship and he will be my soulmate! So I hope you can just learn to be happy alone and stop wasting your time on guys that don't deserve it because it's SO freeing! Trust me! But anyway good luck! You'll find your someone eventually! (Just wanted to say- I'm 35 so it's not like I'm some young girl. I have many many years of long term relationships, dating and just hooking up!)
Thank you for this! I can relate so much! I wish I could be as at peace about being single as you are, very inspiring! I am 36, so not that young either haha, but willing to wait for what I deserve, sending love ❤️
Yuppp
Thank you! I really needed to hear this right now 😌💕
I am so happy for you, Cassie. I relate to a lot of feelings you had in the beginning of this video as well as the end. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing a moment of growth and I hope things continue to be on the up for you. *hugs*
My problem is with certain word choices she uses.
As she says they weren't together and all this but I notice a pattern in a couple of her dating videos that she uses like "breaking up" and such for relationships that dont exist. Maybe that's just me, but if I'm dating someone, and not in a committed relationship I wouldnt brand it as a break up.
To each their own though.
She sounds delusional.
@@luckyeunie a tad, I also dont like how shes always talking about these "games" and such but never just thinks hey maybe he just isnt that into her? Like almost as if she can never be the problem. Idk, even when she stresses that technically they're single and "allowed" to talk to other people you can tell there's a hidden undertone of her not being ok with it. Idk it's all so weird.
I went through something similar and I kept making excuses for him. Watching ur video made me realize ah okay I’m not the only one who goes through this kind of stuff. But honestly your beautiful, with such a lovely personality. It’s truly his loss!
I don’t think I can tell you how much I needed to watch this video and read these comments. Some people are not worth the heart ache and to just move on for the better of yourself!
I've been dating a guy for about 3 months. The connection we have is awesome on so many levels. We started it going in saying no expectations, let's have fun, etc. But the connection is great. He says it. I say it. But I went to go delete my Hinge profile (it had been snoozed for awhile after meeting this guy), and so I decided to do a quick search and there his profile was. It hadn't been changed, but it was still up.
Also, when I was staying at his place one night, (our nights usually consist of ordering food, watching movies, playing board games and other types of fun ;)) he was texting right next to me, and I glanced over. I noticed as he was scrolling, how he had my name stored in his phone. Kelly from Hinge... something or other...which made me feel like a number at that point. I was shocked.
Since then, I've distanced myself a bit. I do really like him. I've been going back and forth with allowing myself to be vulnerable and check in to see if there's a possibility of a relationship at some point...but I'm afraid to scare him. However. I have to say something, because if I don't, I'm not being authentic to myself.
For awhile I fell into the whole dating game rules ...and felt so icky, knowing the whole time I was allowing myself to try and fit into these rules when they're just not me
Keep being your authentic self, Cassie!!! It's the BEST! Last year, I was still married and miserable. Now I'm single and in a very similar boat as you. But I'm 10 yrs older than you.
You got this. We got this!!!!!!!!
I say bring it up! If you haven’t talked about the direction of things since you guys first started, easily he could still be in “let’s have fun” mode. You got this!
@@perfectmeadow thanks!!
Communication is key in any relationship. You need to talk to him about your concerns.
It’s okay to bring it up saying: I realized I’m starting to have more feelings lately and thinking about you in a way that is more than just fun. Since things have changed I want to tell you and see where you’re at now.” Scary AF but it keeps it simple, and his response will likely be telling ❤️ I hope it works out for you!
if someone truly wants you and sees something with you, they will cut ties with anyone who would hinder that possibility. best of luck Kelly.
I don't understand if you told him many times no hook ups and he gave hints or whatever like you said he wanted a hook up why did you waste time on him for so long? With hopes it will change? or that he will change his mind and want more than a hook up? Don't underestimate the things/time a guy will do for just sex..
Girl we have all been there don’t even feel bad it’s a good learning experience and don’t let you down always put yourself first and don’t let those guys play you. Your to wonderful for that.
One thing I've learned in the past is guys are straight forward, whether directly with their words or with their actions. Pay attention and if you feel any ounce of doubt and he's feeding you a line but not showing you that you matter, walk away.
I'm glad you see your worth and what you're willing to accept and not accept from a partner. Every person we come in contact with is an opportunity for growth, whatever type or amount of growth that is different for each person.
I just went through something VERY similar and I really needed this! We aren’t making excuses for these men anymore! We deserve so much better!! ❤️
Just remember: if he wanted to, he would.
I am much older and divorced. I got on a dating app because I am not sure how else to meet someone? I don't let myself get excited that this might be the one. I just go out on a meet and greet to enjoy the company of that person. If I didn't enjoy myself, I simply don't go out again and I am kind and just tell them there wasn't a connection and move on. The games should be stopped before they start. Say what you mean and mean what you say. We are valued woman and need to be respected as such. I have a mother to care for so I don't go out much and I also haven't met anyone I wanted a real relationship with. If it happens great, if not I find my life is still full of my love for my grandkids and family and God. Just try not to stress over what might or what might not be. Enjoy the time and pace yourself. Using your channel as a outlet is fine. Dismiss the negative comments. You always end back up on your feet with the knowledge you have the power inside yourself. Love your videos and Here's looking at you kid.
A guy that wants you will make time for you, which yours does so that's good. HOWEVER...if you told him it makes you uncomfortable, and he doesn't change, then he's either looking for that backup or he's looking for something better. You will find a guy that you didn't have to wonder about. I mean maybe you will in the first month or so, but guys are very transparent. I always let them use their excuses and it never worked for me. My husband didn't play games and didn't leave me wondering.
I am so proud of the character development in this video! It's so important to know your worth and refuse to compromise your needs/wants in a relationship for the other person. Keep on being you!
Im so envious of your single lifestyle! No major responsibilities (ie marriage, kids, one disabled, ailing parents on top of fulltime work). Havent had time to scratch myself since early 20s. Its nice to watch the simple life of a smart someone who has not allowed any of these things to happen. Good on you.
I just went though a breakup. Your videos are a balm for my hurt self right now.
I'm so sorry to hear that Stephanie... hopefully you can give yourself some time to 'grieve' (so to speak), take care of yourself, and remember your worth. You deserve to be with someone who loves and appreciates you just as much as you do them 💕
Good lord. I dont know how this video was recommended on my TH-cam, especially since this is an old video..but holy crap. Does this girl understand how casual dating works? If you're not exclusive with someone..they will date other people, probably. And, not only that, not understanding that aspect will definitely make you come across as jealous and possessive and will probably chase the person away. If you're boyfriend and girlfriend, I get asking him about it. But, 2 or 3 dates in? And 2 of them are video chats? Get real. It doesn't surprise me at all that this girl struggles with dating. She's making it harder, waay harder than it has to be.
The more go with the flow you are, the better and more enjoyable dating will be. This is like a standard example of how NOT to be when you first start very casually dating somebody.
Since I’ve watched the previous videos (date ones) I definitely feel like something has changed in you, you seem happier, more confident and more relaxed. I will say what I always say, don’t play the dating game, be yourself and be straight to the point of what you’re looking for and stick with it. Weed out those that aren’t on the same level and it will happen eventually. During these times things will move slower I guess, harder to commit to people if you can’t hang out often and all that I imagine.
"Try putting your eggs in my basket" 🤣
The whole first section of the video I was like Cassie NO stop making excuses for him, Love to see you doing so much better now x
You def need to find someone on the same page. Unfortunately, you’re not officially a couple, so you can’t expect him to stop talking to other people. Sounds like he’s dating around (like most people do on dating apps) until he finds someone he wants to be in a relationship with. I don’t think he is doing it maliciously since y’all aren’t exclusive. Maybe dating apps aren’t the best option for ya! Enjoy these videos tho!
I am a silent watcher that have been watching Cassie since her Boston thrifty days and never left a comment but I feel like I needed to give my 2 cents in this online dating issue. So I have been there and done that and it took me two years to find my fiancé and trust me I have been through such an emotional roller coaster with many frogs (let’s just call them that) until I find the (prince? Lol) right one for me. One thing I learned from all these is this “If a guy ever make you doubt yourself in the smallest way possible or make you feel self conscious about how you look and how smart you are, HE IS NOT THE ONE” what I learned is that if he truly likes/love you, it hurts him to know something he said or have done made you feel bad in anyway. AND HE WOULD NEVER DO IT TO YOU. You are better off to move on and find the one. Take care and love you Cassie.
Being single really can be wonderful sometimes. I didn’t put any pressure on myself. When it happens, it happens. Feelings and emotions can’t be manufactured.
I’ve found that online dating or being in a situation where most of your interactions with a person are online leads you to become more attached to the idea of a person than the person themself. I am so guilty of this, and this is when I tend to make excuses for people bc the person they are in my head is different than what they’ve been showing me.
As for the guy playing the field, I think this is totally normal. I do the same thing, and it’s good he is being honest about it. He’s not lying and pretending you’re the only girl he’s talking to. This leads me to believe he might actually be a trustworthy guy. However, there does need to be a time limit on playing the field, and a point where you both make an agreement to become exclusive. If you’ve been talking for months and had multiple dates without any ghosting, I feel like now is an appropriate time to progress the relationship and become exclusive. If he’s not willing to do that, maybe it’s a waste of time bc he has commitment issues instead of a fear of ghosting.
I'm glad you found peace with the ending of the relationship. I know how it is to be trying to make something out of nothing. I have made a career out of it.
What I’ve learned from my personal experience and finally worked, is ask yourself if he’s the person you’re looking for. Don’t wait for him. If he’s interested he will only talk to you
Love your growth! Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. So glad you stand your ground and know your worth. I met my husband at a time when I was fed up with the dating “game” and told him so. He agreed and it was so freeing to tell someone that and feel comfortable in my stance. Keep your chin up lady. Love you in a non creepy platonic way lol
Go with your gut. You deserve better. You’re not acting over dramatic, if he really wanted to try with you he would show you that. Actions speak louder than words. I’m sorry you sat around upset, I know that feeling, and it’s SO tough. Never feel bad for setting boundaries and laying it all out there! Sending you love. You will find the right person 💖
I'm so proud of you. My boyfriend and I have been long distance for the majority of our relationship, and in February I moved to MN to live with him. The "getting to know you" portion was all long distance until I flew down to AZ from Australia 6 months later to visit my family and he flew down to meet me in AZ. We consider they day we met face to face as our anniversary. My point is - even with covid lock down and all the social distancing if the guy who grooving with you he will lock you down. It's in their nature to pursue the female and I don't care how many people think it works the other way around. No.
Long time watcher here: Cassie, this is such a great video. I love that you're seeing your worth. Being honest with yourself when someone isn't treating you and your relationship with them in a way that's mutually invested, that's a big thing. I had that rollercoaster kind of relationship last year with someone, and it took so much out of me. I'm so glad you didnt waste too much time on this guy. Love you, keep being you ❤
honestly nothing more disheartening than thinking you have a good thing going with someone for awhile only to see that they're still active on dating apps long after you've put pause on your own 🙃
It is so sad:-(
I can totally see a change in the person that was at the beginning of the video compared to the person at the end of the video and I loved it. It gave me a glimpse on why I subscribed to your channel so long ago.
hi there. i get what ur saying but i feel like dating is a completely different beast these days. People are so disposable and its always "on to the next". I think its good for u to be honest w urself about ur feelings but its not the greatest idea to confront him about every little issue that comes up, especially when ur not in an exclusive relationship. You should continue to do you and put yourself first until theres a solid commitment. This is how people date these days, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Arguing or confronting him especially this early on can come across as desperate and controlling.
Hi Cassie! I’m 30yrs old and I met my boyfriend on Match, and we’ve now been together over a year :)
But I relate to all your stories from when I was on those dating apps! Online Dating in your 30s and in 2020 is hard 😩 whenever I use to have a new date, I always felt like by in person date #3 or #4 is when you need to decide if you like this person enough to talk to only them OR move on if they are still want to “keep their options open.” I felt like the first date or two is just sort of a check-in to make sure you’re not being catfished, the person seems relatively “normal” and to make sure it didn’t feel like they were going to try and kidnap you 😂 Date #3 was always what I considered the “real” date because you know each other a little bit more and you’ve already decided that both parties are actually genuinely interested. Also, by now any dates that had previously already planned before they met you should have passed by now. By date #4 is when Id expect that they wouldn’t be talking to anyone else, or have dates planned with other people. That was alway when I made sure to have that conversations with them, and let them know I’m ready to be exclusively dating only them, and to make sure they feel the same. And I always made sure to be VERY clear with what I meant , “I only want to focus on getting to know you more, and no longer talk to anyone else. I need to know that you are doing and feeling the same?”
But it’s hard if you never met them in person yet :/ even if you’ve talked for weeks... I totally understand not wanting them to talk to others, but if you’ve only ever spoken virtually and never met in person, then I get if he keeps talking or communicating with others.
Good luck Cassie!!
I don't how anyone can date in this social media swamp. I admire your courage.
If a guy likes you, he won’t even remember needing backups. Screw that. You’re better than that!!!! Proud of these awesome videos you’re making showing the real side of dating, especially in these odd times.
But they were just chatting, not dating. They’ve met once. Is it really reasonable to expect the same type of commitment as in actual dating?
Cassie! I'm a DV survivor and the red flags and gut reactions are real! Never be afraid of change. Everyone is worthy of love and we are all so young. Do YOU! ❤️❤️
Him constantly bringing up his past issues is a huge red flag. Anyone who still had a back up plan after months of talking is definitely NOT looking to commit to one person. I’ve given up on dating sites partly for this reason, it’s just not worth it
I didn’t know where the video was. I keep thinking be careful . I glad you made the right decision.💜
I feel like you spoke about this before but I don’t 100% remember. Have you thought of using a paid dating site? I would think the guys on there are more serious about a relationship and less about just hooking up.
Yeah when they say they keep back ups, I cut it off, because that’s how it always will be with them. But ugh it’s the WORST checking their profile and seeing they’ve been active, or updated pics/their bio. Nothing wrong with being cautious! Always go with your gut! I’m glad you moved on though!! You’ll be so much happier focusing on you until someone better/more worth while finds you! 💛💛💛
I’m so glad to hear you’re working on your wellbeing including physical and mental wellness! You deserve it! The best one will come into your life when you’re ready for it, when you are in a better place. We’re rooting for you! ❤️
Those type of guys/people are so common on dating apps. They need multiple people to feed their ego while still chasing even more of an ego validation by still looking for something “better”. Then when their ego is slightly attacked when one of their options start to pull away, they’ll say whatever to get them back on track.
Honestly I look at dating in the same way you do. I think everyone’s standards for dating are different. If something makes you uncomfortable.. then it makes you uncomfortable no matter what everyone else thinks. Personally if I were talking to someone after a couple of months regardless of “dating” status, I wouldn’t be able to talk to someone else on the side because I would be emotionally invested and feel the person I was talking to deserved better than that. That’s just who I am, and how I was raised. If it’s a red flag to you, I say trust that. Love you, Cassie! Im sorry you’re having such a rough time in the dating world! I know it can be tough!
Man, if hes got an attitude like that, no wonder he's getting ghosted 😂🤗 sending you love Cassie. Good for you for trusting your gut.
i think that talking to multiple people is ok.....until you decide to start meeting up or having dates (in person or online) sometimes you might be talking to someone for a day and someone pops up that might be equally compatible but you wont know who is a better match for you until you meet, but i think once you meet you have to decide if your going to continue with that person and stop talking to others or stop talking to the one you went on the date with and keep talking to others.