Another problem with this obsession about sexual sin is that it can lead to the misconception that this is the only type of sin that God is really concerned about. I may be a gossip, but I'm a good Christian because I'm "pure." I may be a bully, but at least I'm "pure." I may make sure that I only hang out with the cool kids and look down on the nerds and geeks, but at least I'm "pure."
And don't forget they also call people all sorts of names because of how many people they slept with but they somehow think that is okay to do because they are pure. What they did by putting someone down because of how many people they slept with and their past was very impure and actually ended up losing souls and pushed them further away from God because of a so-called believer of God ended up judging them so cruelly and now they're automatically going to think that all people of God are that way. I mean we are to judge a righteous judgement by not condoning the sin but also doing it with love and not in a prideful or holier than thou attitude because pride is another sin that God loathe! Many people have dealt with their fate because of a prideful heart! He values a humble heart and if you come to him with humbleness and genuineness then he will not cast you out!
If you are struggling with guilt maybe look at Lamentations 3: 22-23. “It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”
✨Jeremiah 31:3💧🤍💧✨ «The Lord Appeared to us in the past, saying: “I Have Love You With An Everlasting Love; Therefore, I Have Drawn You And Continue To Show You My Mercy“.»
I can’t imagine if someone who was sold into prostitution and became a believer must be feeling when they see messages like that. Everyone will not be a virgin when they are married and that can be not by their own choice. Child molestion, sexual slavery, rape, etc these are all real things people experience that the church needs to excepts we live in a fallen world
The messages are obviously not for victims of prostitution. Teaching a group of teens the possible consequences of stealing and teaching them NOT to steal is not meant to single out and damn a child who grew up in poverty and was forced to steal food by his parents. There is redemption found in Christ, and no one is beyond saving. But to NOT warn against the consequences of sin just to spare the feelings of someone already dealing with the consequences is not loving to the hundred others who might need to hear the reality of sin. Paul was a serial murderer of professing Christians - when he became a Christian himself, I'm sure he did not find Christ's teachings on violence and murder a thing to be avoided because they were personal attacks on his own past, a past he had turned from. And even in his redemption, Paul was not suddenly freed from consequence; it took years for him to gain the trust of the church after he'd spend years murdering their brothers, and some of them never did trust him fully. He was redeemed and used of God, but the consequences of his sins were not erased from the physical world.
Those were involuntary and that person is a victim. I believe purity culture is more specifically referring to people that voluntarily choose to have many partners. To be frank, that level of abuse does take a heavy toll on the mind and spirit. They will have a lot of involuntary baggage to deal with.
@@christopherperez8843Every sinner has some level of involuntary baggage because we live in a sinful world with other sinners. God can heal every brokenness, it doesn't have to follow a person the rest of their life. A rape victim is no more damaged than anyone else, there is healing and freedom found in Jesus.
@@christopherperez8843 Yeah but many times churches don't speak on that and many times churches have been the reason for these things (looking at you catholic churches) so always look into the background of what church you're going to.
@@daniellairers2879 I see your point and agree. I think we are on the same page. It's infrequent that this topic is handled carefully and also properly.
I didn't save myself for marriage but by the grace of God I am forgiven and in my weakness His strength shines through and gives me the strength and courage to say no to sexual sin. I have also been blessed with a beautiful daughter and when I look at her I have an overwhelming motivation to teach her to save herself for marriage.
@@tobystamps2920 it has value. This was written for a reason. Such as to not lie or steal for example. Purity for marriage is a great gift for your spouse. I also didn't save myself for marriage and I also repented. And now I'm getting to know more why this could be important. To get to know each other first. To learn how to deal with arguments. To learn to think more about the other person's needs and to know better and communicate your own needs. To learn to be vournelable and reliable to each other. To trust each other. I think this is the most important. S*x (I don't know if I this comment would be banned) is a gift from God to those, who can be taken accountable by others for their promises to each other. To be faithful, loving and helpful to each other. Maybe some things I wrote aren't correct. I don't know much. These are just my thoughts and observations on that matter.
This is my first time hearing the term "purity culture" and I honestly think there's a fine line that needs to be walked between encouraging teenagers and young adults to save themselves for marriage (happiest marriages statistically are two virgins coming together) but not shun them if they did engage in sexual sin previously. I'm a product of the public school system and was taught that hookup culture is the norm and should be explored in your teens and 20s, but ironically enough, all that did was turn me off to casual sex as I had no interest in catching STDs or false accusations. I was a virgin when I got saved and now at age 24 view that status as a badge of honor, and only intend to engage in the act with the woman I marry. Haven't met such a woman yet but will enjoy being single as best I can as long as God keeps me in this stage of life.
Good job brother, I was the same, raised in public schools (albeit 30 years ago), but I managed to save myself for my wife who I married at 28. It was worth the effort, despite the mockery I endured because of it.
Buddy same but like we are looking for unicorns, damn near every women has had sex atleast during high school and no women who has had sex is gonna want to wait till marriage to sleep with you unless they are "born again virgins" and that's a WHOLE different discussion. Just know it's gonna be a long wait.
One of my main reasons I’m still single in my 30’s is because of not compromising on waiting for marriage. I was public school for all of elementary school then homeschooled for middle and high school. From age 12-19 years old I was ostracized and lied about by peers for my own choice to stay pure and dress modestly.
@@shanaeb4814 realizing that people you liked and thought you knew, whom you had grown up with can tell such hurtful lies with a wicked grin on their face was such a wake up call for me as a teenager
There’s a difference between Purity Culture and the Biblical call to purity. Abstinence until marriage is a good thing. But I’ve always hated the Silver Ring Thing because 1) it’s more about showing your purity, than being pure (basically virtue signalling) and 2) if someone ‘fails’ sexually they have to choose between essentially lying (by keeping the ring on) or announcing their mistake to the world by removing it.
Isn't that the point, though..? We are called as Christians to repent and admit our sins. The purpose of the ring is to emphasize "hey, I have shown the world I am obeying God in this area of my life" and to remind yourself "if I am caught up in the moment and disobey God, it won't be easy to brush aside, I will either have to admit my sin publicly, or I will have to sin over and over again by living in lies because of my own pride." That's the entire point, to reiterate "hey this action has consequences." If you believe in abstinence before marriage, and don't believe in purity rings, that's not an issue at all. But would you not be able to make the reverse argument that, if purity rings are bad because they emphasize the shame of disobedience, could you not also make the argument that the lack of a ring in the first place makes it far easier to not draw suspicion to yourself if you disobey? The only (immediate) consequence of disobeying a loose vow would be the personal momentary guilt - there would be no added layer of emphasis, no potential public admission or life of dishonesty to give you pause before you give in to immediate gravitation. In this case, it would be similar to the difference between a spoken vow and a legally written contract. In both cases, the point is only that you keep your promise, and that is the actual good to come out of it. But it is far easier and less convicting to break a vow you spoke into the empty air than to break a vow that will have actual real-world consequences, is it not?
@@drawingdragonbut there's no lust ring, greed ring, lying ring, gluttony ring, hatred ring, idolatry ring, etc. I agree with the poster, that it seems to be about appearances. If you want to be pure then just do it. If you slip up with any other sin you don't have to publicly remove your ring or be encouraged to lie. Also, a person can be physically "pure" by not having sex, but be completely impure in their mind. A "purity" ring doesn't mean someone is pure. It reminds me of how Jesus called the pharisees "whitewashed tombs", doing it for show but ugly inside.
@@davidm4566 I don't agree with the ring and so on But it is meant for physical purity, not about the mind and so on. It isn't meant to signal mind purity, so there is no contradiction about wearing it or not, and the lack of rings for other sins doesn't mean it is invalid for one But as I said, I'm against it because I believe we shouldn't expose our sins willingly.
As I see it, you're doing this for the world to see, there's pride mixed in it ==> Look I am a virgin, look at me for my identity is I am a virgin. I am better than you for I have never had sexual intercourse my entire life. It gives you a fake sense of purity (lust) but he who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart [ Matthew 5:28 ] . The standard is so high and we all sin. Jesus saved us all. Nonetheless, God will make everything work for Good. @@drawingdragon
I remember being 11 or 12 and being exposed to my first (and thank God only) purity culture example where the speaker was tearing up this heart shaped paper doily thing. Even at that age, I vividly remember rolling my eyes at her and mentally screaming "that's not how it works." I'm so grateful that my parents were wise enough not to push those things on my brother and I, and to teach us purity as respect for ourselves and an outpouring of our love for God, not because we were afraid or concerned about the perception of other outside people.
While many aspects of the purity culture movement were unbiblical, God still wants us to be chaste and pure not just physically but emotionally and mentally...I was not raised in this movement i didn't become born again till I was an adult 24 but I've witnessed many former peers rebel against church because of this and its heartbreaking .
@JudeKnowsWhatYouDoNot I can't speak for everyone and these are only a few anecdotes from my horrific experience growing up in that. And I do apologize for the length. But in only ONE talk out of hundreds did I ever hear the words, "Now, yes, this is your gift to your husband(gestures to the carnation she ripped up and stomped on). HOWEVER, I believe that if you were forced to do this, yes your physical gift is ugly to your spouse, but I don't believe God views stolen virginity as a sin. I believe to Him you are just as pure as any other virgin." Never heard anyone talk about coercion or violence, adults or peers. Never heard any real understanding or explanations of red flags or even that if a man jumped us then it wasn't our fault. If a teacher forced us, oh well. Maybe you shouldn't have looked like that. Not even dressed like it, LOOKED like that. The marital bed was talked about this holy otherworldly thing. Which spiritually, yes. But the way it was described was a fantasy. It was as if two perfect beings were in tandem. That is not reality. It takes knowledge, trust, and effort, just as any other part of the relationship. When the fantasy breaks, the entire view is skewed even farther. It WAS a lie, they knew it, so what else did they lie about? You don't think "maybe this is something to work on like communication or knowing what the other person likes to eat". It's looked on as a failure that will continue to be a failure. The consequences of talking about this side of life to children is far reaching. Authority figures all say the same things, so if one says something, you can assume the rest will agree. I didn't realize when I was 'hurt' by another girl and told the school counselor that I should also talk to my parents, even though they always told my brother and I this. I was forced to publicly say I was a liar and apologize to that monster. My parents were never told and I didn't want to be blamed or called a liar again. My parents found out about the incident just before I turned 30. I was a preteen when it happened. Even longer reaching consiquenses are actually physical manifestations that can ruin the marital bed if no help is given or sought after. As someone who experienced this, it was as if I was less than human. Not even a woman, just less than an animal. I was lucky, because I was able to get help. It wasn't something that was talked about or warned, despite how common it is in abuse victims AND religious people who value virginity (i wonder why only those two are more common than just it happening naturally). I know of a few women who were warned by elder women of their churches when they turned 16. But those are few. In fact, I only know of 3, and they were all in the same church. Studies have shown that women who grew up in the church and women who got saved later in life have vastly different outlooks on that side of life. Statistically s€x is not looked on as positively or pleasurably by those who grew up in PC. Women who "got around" before being saved had more biblical and healthier views, as well as better marriages. The evil is in the lies. Girls are blamed that they caused someone to stumble unknowingly. That if you're no longer a virgin youre as beautiful as a piece of gum that was used by 20 people in a row. Never was the idea that purity meant something other than virginity and innocence (lack of knowledge and safety nets). If you're a virgin you're better than that other person. Remember those people don't have the same emotions as those of the church. And you have less work to do on your marriage. Otherwise, guess youre dirty and will always be that way. And everything is everyone's fault, consent doesn't exist, you're just as at fault if not more so than the person who physically forced you. Of course all these are lies. Purity Culture was never about teaching consequences, common sense, understanding your fellow man or the Bible. It was never about knowing your limits, what is a dangerous situation, or what God meant when He spoke on the marital bed. It was never about education. Purity culture was never about the Bible. It was about control and those that taught it were lied to as well. Most parents had no idea what was being said in detail. When ny parents heard details that weren't true, they corrected them, but that wasnt common for adults to find out. Purity culture is used as a vector for religious abuse and it hasn't changed. These are just a few examples. Others aren't as appropriate to youtubes guidelines. Again I apologize for the length and I hope this explains a little.
1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”
Agreed, yes and amen. But what about those who before Christ didn't do this? That is the problem he's addressing. Purity culture went off when it brought condemnation on those who had fallen previously, but Romans 8:1 tells me that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. To the believer, yes we absolutely encourage fleeing from sexual sin, but if you do have sexual sin in the past, there is to be no condemnation, you're a new creation, all things have been made new, now walk in that newness of life.
I’m guilty of fornication and I have wrestled with my guilt over that sin. I realized that because those activities were not holy, that it’s not helpful at all to think about it or place significance on those actions. Not that I don’t think it was a serious sin, but in order to let the love of Christ into my heart so that I can turn to God’s promises instead of the past, I have to let that go. It’s in the past.
Purity culture promoted the ideas found in Josh Harris' book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", which are flawed but seemed like the "pure" thing to do. The impact I saw was that people were not asking or answering yes to a date unless they were certain they wanted to get married. Not to mention it also raised the spiritual expectations on relationships, which is to say having people who are active in the ministry and the work of God's Word YET are STILL NOT spiritually ready to start a relationship. (Granted, at least half of those were just the Christian version of "It's not you, it's me.") While I appreciate those who stood up against some of the extremes of purity culture, too many of my peers accepted it and those rules became the dating culture in my church anyways. I was even caught up in these rules, I remember getting stressed out because I needed to ask my crush's father for permission to date his daughter before I asked her out, and we were in our early 20's at the time. The only people who dated seemed to be those who had a sure shot at marriage. That said, we have to be careful. Purity culture developed in response to the loosening sexual norms in the secular culture and we ought to be careful not to overcorrect and become permissive of sexual sins either.
Speaking of Josh Harris, a few years ago he apologized for any damage that his book might have caused and not long after that he announced that he was no longer a Christian.
Hello, I'm the same guy who commented on one of your community posts about the girl he liked. I told her today and I was turned down. So I'm going to try to move on. I really fumbled the conversation. She politely turned me down and she seemed more confused than anything else. I also "relapsed" the other day too.
Keep moving forward friend! Good on you for having the courage to ask her! It’s ok we all learn from our mistakes and healing from that porn and lust may not be a single day thing. It may be a process for you but god can use what is wicked and use it for good. For example god used that to build up my character and allowed me to keep moving forward and towards him!
@@real_cheritayeah there are many people that will stay further in the friend zone thinking that if they stay long enough then she'll change her mind but really she'll only go after you if she feels like she doesn't have any other options. It would be better for him to tell her his feelings and not waste any more time in the friend zone then to be turned down or hoping that he will wear her down in hopes that one day she will see that he is the one. I knew somebody in the friend zone that was turned down but he still stayed friends with her even though she didn't feel the same way and then he tried again 2 years later when she was back to being single and no options and then she said yes out of desperation to just find somebody but then came to realize that she didn't really like him in that way and kind of felt like she had to say yes. Men and women just cannot be friends! It's better to find out now then later and if she comes back, don't invite her in your life in anyway.
Oh dear. These things can be hard, I know. God loves you dearly though, and He will carry you through your pain. Just keep talking with Him, and walk in His word, and things will calm down soon enough. He's got your back. When Satan comes around again and tries to lure you with this certain sin, turn from it immediately and without thought. Talk with God in earnest right after being tempted and pray for His protection. After that, cast out Satan and his cohorts from your house aloud, doing so in the name and blood of Jesus Christ. They tremble at our Savior's name and run, ha ha! God bless you, and I'll be praying for healing and restoration for you. I know it hurts now, what you have just gone through. God comforts all however, and He has a plan laid out for you.
@AlexLJ55 I don't know your story friend, but Proverbs warns is to guard our hearts, because it is the well spring of life. While it is ok to have feelings for someone, remember to guard yourself and not give yourself away too easily. Remember you are not alone!
God is using you bc you are healing a lot of people. ❤💝 In my country you have to love God too much to attend his church bc people here is extrymily religious, don't love each other, they forgot the words of the lord. And my parents are pastors, this is so tiring for me.
Brother, I praise God for the ministry and guidance He has given to you. Such an important topic! Even though I didn't grow up in a christian household I went to an adventist school and that purity culture was the norm. I met my husband when we were 15 years old and sure knowing what was God's design saved us from taking shortcuts but in reality this obsession with the act and not the heart can be a hindrance especially to young people or people that have been abused 😢
This is so good! There has to be balance. When people are asked to follow purity or modesty rules without seeing the meaning behind them, things can come off legalistic really quick and cause kids to completely miss God's grace and Love.
People need to fear God not sin. I’ve spent the majority fearing sin and it’s made me a hypocrite and filthy and hateful. Forgive and remember you can’t sin your way out of God’s love.
Somehow in the “logic” of this movement sexual sin is apparently the only sin Jesus can’t heal, wash away, and restore you from. Which is blasphemy. It’s an unbiblical lie, fear mongering, and manipulation. Those of us who grew up being subjected to this are owed an apology.
Every time I struggle with sin and temptation in any area, what draws me back is never moralistic teaching, it is always teaching that draws out the Person and work of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ in all his glory.
For a long time I've always hated being a virgin and this is something I've gone back and forth with ever since I became a Christian at 15 I'm 22 now I have never been in a relationship with a girl because I'm autistic which really did rob me from a lot of experiences and hinder me from going places and doing certain things But even when I became a Christian I just got so boggled down but even if I got a chance to meet a godly woman I just got beat down by all this in times tribulation Rapture nonsense for years which also stopped me from perm starting a TH-cam channel which actually would have really helped me in my teen years because that would have provided me with a lot of money and I could have actually gotten very popular or famous which would help me have a career and also allow me to support myself doing something I love I honestly think if I was never born autistic my life would have been a lot better I honestly think I probably would have become a teenage father if I was never born autistic which honestly I I'm fine with😅 I'm great with kids and I know what it takes to be a father and I do not say that without knowledge Though I could have had a good career on TH-cam and had a family and even live in my own those chances are gone and sometimes I think I'm never going to have any of those things like that was my one chance and it's gone now
Just rest in God. His grace is sufficient for you. Don't try to force things. Try Christian dating apps and find yourself a nice woman. 22 is still very young.
Aye mate me and you are still young, 22 ain’t nothing to older folk. Don’t think god has given up on those good things for ya. And who said your to old to really go after those things? The truth is your not. No one is to old. Some great painters started painting when they were 80 for example. It’s not the end. Just the beginning trust god friend :) but it’s also up to you to get up and get after it :) because sometimes god needs us to get up and build the things we want rather than him just giving it to us, because working towards those things can build our maturity so we may have those things. There’s nothing wrong with being autistic if anything it’s an awesome story to tell when you do succeed. And getting the relationship requires work on both ends. The two absolute best things I think you can do for that is get in prayer about it and hit the gym (because appearance attracts yes and it’s also fun when you start to see results even though it sucks. But that just builds character) and also just being content at times yk. But god bless ya brother. Your life is just starting :)
With autism, even Paul had his "thorn in the flesh" that plagued him. In other words no one is perfect and we all struggle with something so you're in good company. Also, sex isn't as big a deal as they make it out on tv. It's just another physical need we have, but waiting is good in this case (it's way better than getting an STD etc). I was 38 when I got married and I waited. And yes it feels good, but so does swimming on a hot day, bike riding downhill in the breeze, eating a good pizza, talking to a loved one, and playing video games, to different degrees. In other words yes it feels good, no it's not worth obsessing over I gelt the same as you when I was your age, but when you finally experience it you'll know what I mean.
Very few things in life give you only one chance. My father was married at 31 as a virgin. He fell in love twice before he met my mother. With her, he's had 5 children who love him. I know men who married at 45 and had children. I haven't matured as fast as a typical person might. I often struggle more than my relatives to function as an adult. But these experiences and lost opportunities have brought me where-- I believe-- God needs me. It takes time, but He's always waiting for us, leading us where we need to go one step at a time. Don't worry about it. Just pray and watch Him.
@@ezziba8240 my mom and dad married on their 35th year of birth. And my mom waited. She even got her first kiss on their wedding 😊. And am hoping to be like that, too.
Yes, the church is failing at promoting healthy relationships between young men and women. The Jewish community does it quite a bit better. We should encourage them and tell them to look forward to all these good things, and teach them to first develop the relationship and do things in order. The messaging about "damaged goods" is bad and ineffective, but it isn't wrong. Sex is binding in a way that you can't reverse. Of course Jesus still loves you, it's just going to add a layer of complications to your future relationships. I think Christian messaging about everything lately is pretty illiterate and lazy. That's why it's failing. We need to celebrate good things and lead them up in the way they should go.
I agree about the order of things being important in relationships, but I think the "damaged goods" part misses the issue with sin entirely. It's not just that sex is binding, it's that every single sin makes us "damaged goods", any single unholy act automatically makes us unholy. But also, what a terrible phrase to use... should people who were abused repeatedly see themselves as less?
@@Anonymous-ni7zd when I say damaged goods I'm not talking in a sin context. I'm talking in a relationship context. It is objectively negative baggage that you have to bring to every future relationship
@@Anonymous-ni7zd being damaged doesn't mean you're 'less' or not worth it. It's just a complication that if you can avoid, you should. And this isn't to say to avoid people who have had previous partners, it's more of a future oriented outlook for people who haven't done anything yet
Isaac mate, thanks for making this video. Purity culture has done so much damage to people's lives and does not reflect the extravagant, all-welcoming love of our God. I'm glad to see more conservative Christians speaking out against it 💛
I appreciate tackling a sensitive topic but an extremely essential topic to have. It's not just the purity culture, but any religion or guidance and parenting as well. The issue lying in fear driven guidance is 100% true. The problem is that the guidance we received are often fear driven, which makes children guilt driven, which breaks the communication line with their parents and God. It lacks in autonomy, which then makes faith un-authentic. I feel the focus should rather be on who we want to be in God's eyes and our relationship with God and how we get there. Probably A weak analogy but if we don't take care of our eyes, we may need glasses, which makes certain aspects of our lives a bit harder. It doesn't change who we are but it does mean we need to take more responsibility.
@stardream7412 fear is something that is good to have a healthy dose of. After all, God is good, and severe. We should consider our faith with trembling, and the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. While I agree sometimes it goes to far, it should not be fully neglected either.
@@aaronadamson7463 Agreed and good point. Fear itself is there to protect us. Its not something we should run away from but embrace. The more we run from it, the unhealthier it gets. But parenting out of fear often is a projection and comes from a lack of faith in the self and in God. The problem with this is now the child or whoever carries that fear along with their own. It happens with me a lot without me noticing and something I'm trying to work on.
This needs to be talked about, thank you for talking about this. People need to realize that just because you had sex before marriage doesn't make you any less valuable or deserving of less respect, or worth any less as a human being. Not only that, but just because you save yourself for marriage doesn't make you pure. You still sin. You are a human being. Humans sin, we are not perfect, and you are not better or worth more than someone just because you saved sex for marriage. I also don't like the term saving "yourself" for marriage. Your sexuality is only one aspect of yourself, not your entire self. It is not your identity. When you have sex, you are not giving your "self" to the person, just a part of it.
Could you imagine being a victim of SA in those scenarios. You've done nothing wrong, but through that object lesson you'd be made to feel that you're a crumpled peice of paper or a damaged flower because of someone else's evil. That wouldn't do your self worth any good. Or young person whose already given into temptation.
My own marriage is a testament to God’s redemption and grace. Neither my husband nor I waited until marriage. Marriage isn’t a reward for waiting. It’s two sinners coming together. Both of us have been saved by Grace and want to put Christ in the center.
Thank you for sharing this… my boyfriend and I didn’t wait… but my past goes farther than just him… his stops at me… we just started a new devotional for celibacy because we want to take that seriously, together and rebuild our foundation… but upon reading “day one” I broke down crying because of my fear that it’s “too late” for me and for him and I to “start over”…. We are trying to stay on the right path…. This is encouraging that there is still hope. Thank you
@@BananaGrace this is why I hate purity culture. It discards the very message of redemption that the gospel brings. You don’t have to compromise on biblical values to understand why people criticize it. There are parts of it that are extremely unbiblical.
The default assumption now is that while yes, Jesus forgives us and values and loves us, we’re worthless to other people. That we’re forgiven by God and people outside of the church can forgive us easily, but those inside the church will always see us as worthless because our rose is destroyed
I know so many who have been hurt by this, including myself. Like the denomination I was raised in, it’s so much fear mongering. Even as an adult it has impacted my life; my bf couldn’t believe this was done to us.
Sadly purity culture has damaged alot of women in that it distorts the beauty of it, It has kind of done the opposite to promiscuous culture. Alot go into marriage believing sex is dirty, so their husbands are excited they are marrying a virgin but soon realise that she actually hates sex and there goes the sex life and many times the marriage. Many will say they are pure because they are virgins but have gone as far as they can go sexually without penetration, including watching porn and masterbation. Sex should be grounded in Genesis with the Creation of Adam and Eve where Adam 'knew' his wife representing a loving committed bond where two become one flesh, a beautiful covenant. It gets us to realise how we are now one with Christ when we come to faith. Single believers are to remain free from sexual sin out of our love and committment to God. Wearing your virginity on your sleeve doesn't make one any better than someone who has fornicated. The sin of fornication was nailed to the cross, true purity comes from the blood of Christ. If you're still a virgin praise God and if you have fornicated and came to faith praise God and and if you're a believer and struggling with sexual sin, please look towards the cross, God has far better for you.
God will take the rose and fix it, only if you let him. If you give it to God and keep undoing his work then you risk losing the rose altogether and won't have one to give God.
This is untrue. What you’re implying is that there are sinners who are too far from God. We will never sin to the point where we are unredeemable. Gods mercy is not numbered by the pedals on a rose. We return to sin, over and over again, this is true. But remember what Paul said in Romans 7: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do.” It is not by our own work that we will be saved, for our own hearts betray us. Perfection is not achievable. I would encourage you to actually look at God as a merciful father instead of a judge just meant to hammer the gavel. Know that he loves you, and know that even though you’re a dirty rose, a dead strip of tape, or a ripped piece of paper, you are HIS.
@@baaron1254In the first chapter of that same book you just quoted, it goes into detail of how some people indeed are turned over to their lustful desires and vile passions, some translations using the language "God gave them up to". This is in reference to hearing the Gospel message. Some people are just going to rebel regardless. Leviticus 16 goes into detail of the atonement, which is replaced by Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. Jesus provides propitiation sufficient for all the sins of the world. but it's up to the individual to choose God in their hearts, after God has chosen them. I could go into more detail about predetermination and whatnot but that's a bit too deep in the weeds for a TH-cam comment.
@@baaron1254 Abusing Gods grace will indeed bring his judgement on you. Even people who lived for the church and did good can be denied for their works were not righteous. If you ask for his forgiveness and continue to sin after the fact, God will say "depart from me for I never knew you." What you're implying is that people can cry to God and continue living in sin. I'm saying if you dwell in sin you won't have a rose with any pedals to give. That ruins repentance and the sacrifice of Jesus. This doesn't mean God doesn't forgive even the worst of sin. He is very forgiving. However you can't abuse that. You also can't say God doesn't have judgement for there is a sin God will NEVER forgive.
@@baaron1254also Paul is not a good example to compare modern Christians to. He himself said that he wished Christians would stay single, but nobody in the modern American churches is tryna hear that lol. At the end of the day, you need to focus on drawing near to God, and everything else will sort itself out. THIS is where a lot of modern youth groups and churches fall short. Drawing near requires Biblical literacy, fasting, and prayer. As a 25 year who has lead small groups, I can tell you 99% of the time most people aren't going to read the scriptures I tell them we will discuss next time we meet. Unfortunately most people just want a feel good message and support group, which is fine, but it's harder to get people to dig deeper from my experience.
@@amgvlogs5087 “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:8-9). I think Paul is more understanding than you've made him out to be. I know for a fact Daily Disciple has talked about this before, so you should look up a video of his about staying single vs. getting married. Anyway, I can understand that most teenagers and youth won't read scripture because they'll get the common leniency of youth pastors. They don't like that there's homework outside of school. But I do think there are passages that can be taught in such a way that youth can relate to them and hopefully use that connection to explore the scriptures further. Its not like the pastor at church tells the congregation to read something in preparation for next week's sermon. "Drawing near," contrary to what you have said, does not "require" all of those things as well. Now, it may be very fulfilling to most who pursue God with a disciplined heart, but at the end of the day the heart MUST be invested in everything you do to draw near to him. If you are praying, fasting, etc. just because it's "required of you," then you are seeking salvation through your own work. Worship the Lord and give with a cheerful heart. I'm sorry if this whole reply seems like an aggressive response to yours, but this is really what I think. I can understand where you're coming from, and I know he is glad that you are pursuing him by being a leader of his children.
I always felt weird about this purity culture thing. I couldn't understand why, but I somehow hated it. It seemed so cultural driven, rather than Christ driven. I thought I was the only one feeling like this. Glad I stumbled on your video
Still waiting for marriage cause it’s how I was raised in Christianity, but my parents were never part of the purity culture movement. They always said to wait for the right woman and if she understands your perspective religiously, then she’s the one. But we never preached about sex or were preached to about sex as much as say Psalms or The Gospel. THATS was always the focus. Praising god.
You have to stop using the language or thoughts that say, "The Church hurt me." The Church didn't/ isn't capable of that. The Church is "wherever two or more are gathered in my name." A gathering can't hurt you. People hurt you. One (or more) persons did those things, not the whole gathering. Only if every single person in the Church went out of their way to cause you harm would that thought be true. The Church is Gods, He does not harm. Keep Him in mind when you form your thoughts.
Yeah I’m sick and tired of people doing that. It makes me more mad than anything. They use the actions of churches as a copout to justify sin. They’re being discriminatory. Trauma should be treated with absolute care, but it’s not an excuse to be hateful and prejudiced.
This video is amazing. I grew up in a hyper fundamental church. Now, im starting to become less "rule" bound and more Christ bound. So many Christians have this "oh i would NEVER do that!" Mindset with living. As if they aren't capable of sinning anymore because they are saved. They become super critical and judgemental because they feel like they are now perfect. I'm starting to look at everyone with only sympathy and love. No hate in me whatsoever. Its humorous to me that the only group of people Jesus was critical towards were the "Christian's" of the time. Isn't that interesting!
I’m five minutes in and it clicked for me: the problem with those “you are broken and irreparable” illustrations doesn’t remember “such were some of you” and “ye were washed, ye were sanctified” and justified by Jesus! (1 Corinthians 6:11)
I never heard about purity culture until the internet revealed it to me within the last 6 months, and it has almost made me fear pursuing a relationship with a woman.
I didn't hear him call purity culture evil. I did hear him say it can cause people to feel so much shame that they turn away from God. Turning away from God is the definition of evil. Judge, yes. Shame, sure. But do so with the end in mind - to bring all who are thirsty to Christ.
Right. Most traditional societies frown on sex outside of marriage and yet they managed to not build an entire culture around the idea that sex outside of marriage is wrong--almost like it's one of many important values and not the entirety of one's identity and religious experience.
@@ernieMakesStuff Then this title is misleading and clickbaity, It should have been either False purity culture is evil or "purity culture" is evil. In the video he says people put sexual purity on almost a salvific level but he doesn't say that these people are false Christians and liars so I don't really understand what his point was with trying to appeal to people then. I mean if your gonna use a mistruthful title at least tell people the truth in the video. Also this doesn't turn people away from God stop giving unbelievers excuses they don't need. People turn away from Christ because they don't truly know him or love him. Not because Mr. so and so who probably isn't saved himself or herself calls such woman with a 20 person body count a hoe or something. Unless of course you mean by turning away just turning to sin temporarily out of shame and self pity. Also further more high body counts have been shown to reduce pair bonding. as well if you drive a sports car even once driving your regular car will never feel the same EVER(I'm not necessarily referring to the attractiveness of the individual.). honestly I just looked it up and I cant find where in the bible it says shame is a bad thing. unless of course you speak of worldly shame. The reason unbelievers call it purity culture is because they do not wish to be pure and wish to point to the examples of fake Christians being self righteous so they don't have to deal with the facts of the matter and can enjoy their sin. Let me know where I'm wrong.
As someone who went to a religious ALL BOYS school, and experianced hard to talk about complications with the church and in various social circles into my early post high school days, I honestly feel I'm beyond help and I am still nursing excessive amounts of emotional scars that in a way have stunted my life in alot of aspects. I have also seen alot of divorce and, I came from a broken home myself. Thanks for hearing my out. Even If I'm skepitical about all this ministry stuff.
6:57 brings a tear to my eye. Hallelujah. I bet these comments are gonna be full of over sharing but I’ve been so conflicted about how naive I was when I was younger, it’s so painful I can’t undo some of those decisions or be alone with those people Thank you Jesus that those mistakes and that misuse of me is on the cross
This purity culture this is based on works- how good you are. Especially for women. Confused me so much until I realized that being a virgin is trying to be saved by your works. So after you get married you aren’t valuable anymore because you’re not a virgin anymore? No it’s the same as with any other sin, it separates us from God. That’s why we have Jesus. Living in guilt like that is from satan. Telling you you’re damaged, even though you know you have been redeemed.
The truth is once you’ve had sex, you cannot reverse back to the state of virginity. Of course, you can begin anew with a clean slate if you repent and turn from the sin of fornication for Jesus will forgive you, washing you cleaner than snow. (I typed this before hearing you say the same). However, there will be natural lasting consequences in your body. What I remember from the purity teachings when my children were teenagers is the encouragement, the inspiration, the support, the forgiveness and the hope they learned. Sexual sin is spoken of differently in the Bible, is it not, because it’s sinning against our own body which is a temple of the Holy Ghost. Albeit there is no degree to sin, it’s all separation from God, some sins have more lasting consequences than do others. Dressing modestly is a reflection of what is in one’s heart. Growing up with a father and mother, and siblings teaches girls and boys how to relate to the opposite sex. Sexual purity is a weighty and serious issue; this life isn’t all fun and games! Sexual freedom, aka free love, running rampant in our society is much more egregious and commonplace. Experiencing the pain of guilt and shame is a safeguard against sinning. These days everyone is railing against the so-called purity culture; we cannot throw the baby out with the bath water!
@@joshuaokoro-sokoh2993 yes you do, if you have sex before marriage, then you lose your innocence. you can say the term virginity is socially constructed, but its not constructed out of thin air. if nothing was lost, then there is no reason to repentance. its the same thing with the abortion argument, if pro-lifers claim the women who kill their children are also victims, then you are stating that they dont need repentence from God, which is an engrevious lie. in fact the bible literally has passages about confirming a womens virginity.
@joshuaokoro-sokoh2993 even religious arguments aside, promiscuity is harmful. There is a lot of science to back this up. I would encourage you to look up research on pair bonding. Not to mention statistics on divorce and infidelity on those who engage in pre martial sex versus those who do not. If you think having sex has no consequences, I must say you are quite naive
@joshuaokoro-sokoh2993 science is clear on pair bonding. If you have more than 3 sexual experiences then the amount of cheating, sexual activity, and lack of cognitive intimacy with partners after drastically skyrockets. Also when a woman gets a bust in her, that DNA stays in her body for many years so even then, that baby she pops out may not even be fully yours genetically. So no. Being a whore has consequences. Let's talk about stds as well shall we? 1:3 people have hpv which causes early cancer and other affects. That's just 1 out of the bunch.
I remember going to a purity ring ceremony at my church when I was in highschool. I did a lot of stupid stuff in high school too 😂... Kind of a double standard and honestly only made things worse in my mind. I also went to a private school and every year for a week we had a school wide "purity - week".. some of it was good but most of it was overwhelming. I'm familiar with many of these illustrations.. My sister had it worse I'd argue during that time at our school.
Honestly, I don't have any problem with the illustrations used being representative of "purity culture" mainly because they are all true. Jesus can forgive you of any sin and present you as spotless and righteous before the Father, but sin has temporal consequences, many of which remain. It has been proven that the more promiscuous you have been, the harder time you will have pair bonding with a single person. I actually had this presented by a guy in my secular high school (the tape analogy, with no Christian bent to it) in our dumb s*x-ed class and surprising enough people seemed to like the guest presenter (probably bc he was quite charismatic). It could take years for those mental faculties to recover and probably a scar will still remain. That doesn't mean it's hopeless, just means it could be a lot harder. And, especially if you are looking for a godly Christian partner like you should be, a sexual history could be a big hurdle to get over (unless they also have a past, which is likely what both would settle for. Only fair, right?). For my last point of being a contrarian jerk, I would say sexual sin is a very serious category of sin that shouldn't be taken lightly. I know most people these days view kissing before marriage restrictions as crazy, including everyone I know save a few in my church, but there is a serious conversation to be had about letting lusts be enticed up to a certain no-no point before marriage and maybe even encouraging that (like saying, you want to be attracted to them right?). I hope we can do that without having some of our women scared of the very idea of sex even in its proper context, which does happen unfortunately. I have my own ideas but I don't pretend to have all of the answers there. Just trying to remember that Jesus says lust of the mind is like adultery. All that being said, there is merit in saying that the message could be presented with more love to the people who may have already fallen, especially if the gospel is being confused as alleged, but speaking the truth in love doesn't mean you have to sacrifice the often hurtful truth.
This topic is difficult to navigate because while Biblical truth speaks a lot about the spiritual connection we have with Jesus despite our shortcomings, a lot of the efforts of "purity culture" actually are connected more to science/statistics than the Bible. Make no mistake, im not arguing we should push for a purity culture or never believe ex-OnlyFans models when they say they've changed, I do believe people change. However, the statistics dont lie regarding how much more likely divorce is to occur when someone didn't value exclusivity or keeping sex out of bounds until marriage.
Joshua Harris comes in and writes a book based on lies of things he supposedly did, ruins dating and marrige for a whole generation of believers because the baby boomer generation (who dated and found their mates in the very ways they would prevent others from doing) loved the idea, and then Harris looses his marriage, and his faith and gets to walk away. I Kissed Dating Goodbye was a destructive book. Harris isn't soley to blame, it's the churches that took that idea and ran with it that are more to blame.
My mother actively coerced me to read that book when I was a teenager and all it did was anger and cause me great shame… I was “encouraged” to read that book again as an adult in a toxic relationship and I was resentful. Finally read it again and welp… IMMEDIATELY got into another toxic relationship right as I finished it a second time… years later I discovered that not only did the author get divorced BUT also gave up his faith in Christ… that book was put on a pedestal by people I’ve looked up to… who heavily pushed purity culture… and that greatly damaged my sense of self worth and how I valued and respected myself (or didn’t) when it was “too late” for me… all that did was create overwhelming shame and fear and then apathy for my own well being… and more shame to “stay silent” when I was SA’d because I was taught that my whole identity was centered around my “purity” and what happened to me didn’t matter because I was already “damaged”… I hate that book.. I hate the whole concept of “purity culture”… it’s my personal value to not be promiscuous…. But I wish I hadn’t lived with overwhelming shame for years thinking “it’s too late for me” and ultimately turning away from God several times in the past because of it… I’m seeking a closer walk with God now but that hasn’t always been the case.
No, I disagree wholeheartedly. Not that we shouldn't offer forgiveness and redemption: that's also an important message, but we can't go telling people that sexual sin isn't harmful. Teaching of the harm of living a sinful lifestyle is a worse harm than feeling shame of our sin. We are in fact called to be ashamed of our sin, to repent, and to accept the grace of God. Don't make an idol out of purity, but going along with the world saying "Purity culture is evil" is just playing into the devil's hand.
Issue being he didn't advocate for not telling people sexual sin is bad. The issue he's bringing up is that it is overly emphasized when many other sins are not. You would be objectively wrong compared to him. Purity culture is by definition evil and making the claim you're making is the devils work. First off, no one is pure. That's one objective metric that eliminates the whole purity culture perspective. And there is a distinction between purity culture (a man made construct) and God's holy expectation of man's sexuality. Make no mistake. NONE are righteous but the Father.
@@redgoesface1671 He doesn't advocate for telling people fornication is good, he just condemns telling people it's bad, and why it's bad. Same end effect. No, purity culture is not evil. Just because we can't attain an ideal doesn't justify throwing the ideal in the garbage. Remember what Jesus said. "If you love me you will keep my commands." "Be perfect just as your Father in Heaven is perfect." We are called to be holy, shining lights calling people to God. Yes, we fail. That doesn't mean we give up, or forsake our calling. It doesn't mean that we stop preaching what God has called evil.
@@NontpNonjo Jesus also said many other things not simply related to sexual sin. Condemning others condemns yourself. The reason purity culture is evil is precisely because of this. Everyone knows it is not from a place of love but rather from a desire to declare someone pure or impure according to their own fallible understanding. Giving advise and guidance is far different. So yes, it's objectively evil. No one said we stop calling bad things bad. It means there's no such thing as "being pure" for the Christian. Humility is greatly forgotten by those that push this evil doctrine.
@@redgoesface1671 Does purity culture necessitate pride? Can it not simply involve condemning bad sexual ethic and promoting good sexual ethic? That seems to be the majority of what I see condemned as purity culture, even in this video. Does condemning bad behaviour condemn a person? If that were so, then how could a parent discipline his child? If that were so, then how could we punish crime? Indeed, we shouldn't judge someone as damned or saved based on their actions. We should, however, judge the actions our friends take, and call them out in love for bad behaviour.
It is evil. It's all about putting someone's worth based on how many people they've been with. Saying the opposite sex is bad dangerous. It says you're a harlot if you don't wear a skirt that's all the way down to the ground. If men stumble its automatically your fault. It says if you wait til marriage you'll have the "best sex ever" when often times the woman after she gets married she is so frightened or feels so guilty she tenses up and she ends up with vaginismus. That's purity culture at it's finest. We need to tell people to wait for marriage but we need to drop these harmful narratives.
This is so beautiful! And probably the best I’ve heard on the topic. Purity culture was so evil because it actually elevated purity as like an idol. Yeah not good!
I agree, we must honor God with our actions and heart, not just our lips. We mustn’t be swayed by the culture but rather stand on biblical truth and understanding. 🙏
Please let me give hope to some people who are struggling with this world when it comes to purity. I grew up without parents, for 10 years of my childhood I had no guidance. At 14 years of age I was adopted by an American family. High School was hard to fit in especially when I didn't know the language. So my wanting to fit in was one of my priorities. My parents are Chist centered, and they taught me to be pure and listen to the scripture, the Gospel of Christ. Through the 4 hard years of high school, many times I shared my faith with other students. I would share that I was still a virgin. Confused they would ask me, are you gay? My answer, no, I'm just writing for marriage. Every time I said that, they looked at me as if I was from a different planet. God blessed me with a wife who was also a virgin and now we are 6 years married and have 2 beautiful children. Have hope, and obey the scriptures. God will bless you in the end. Stand strong against the world.
My parents had me and my friends go to a purity gathering thing that was held in a public school theatre. They had large red plywood heart on stage. They used a chainsaw and cut of pieces of it as the example. Afterwards they were selling purity rings.
Be careful that you left your old lifestyle behind....Hebrews 10: 26 to 30... If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27 but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. 28 Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 29 How much more severely do you think someone deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified them, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? 30 For we know him who said, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[a] and again, “The Lord will judge his people.”[b]
Thank you brother. I realized I still carries fear of the opposite gender. I am still. I confused about when it's OK for hugs and kisses before marriage.
Respectfully, there’s plenty of terrible things that come with promiscuity. Purity culture is a necessary fear to keep us away from sinning and therefore keeping us with Christ. Does that mean that judging, looking down, and so fourth on people who don’t follow it is also sinless? No. But that doesn’t mean that purity culture is bad.
There should be fear and shame in realizing the weight of your sin. those feelings are your friend and a catalyst to do God's will and let him change your life and the way you think from the inside out.
I realized that I've been isolating myself from people in general for a long time. I've never been close to anyone except my parents & siblings. We were always taught to have wisdom when it comes to people of the opposite sex, I won't get close to anyone for personal reasons but because of my own isolation I've learned to not get close to anyone. The current culture are teaching our generation that dating is fine, sex before marriage is fine, but now they are telling our generation to break up with people that were dating. Like wtf am I supposed to do? I want to get close to someone but now I'm confused & unsure if I should be dating at all.
reject the modern culture, I'm a young man and navigating the modern dating world where hook up and situationships and promiscous women are normalized is difficult but not impossible. Ask yourself whats your intent of dating? Are you ready to be a god fearing wife and all the glory it entails? And when dating and engaged can you set the necessary boundaries to remain sexually abstinent to avoid sinning? Have you researched the proper academic material to ensure you have a healthy sex life when married to your husband? Are you continuously walking and honoring gods given gifts of your intrinsic value and honoring him in mind and body growing in faith with him continuously? Are you willing to continue to do so when married expanding and deepening that relationship with your husband to honour? If yes, then you have nothing to worry about. Your mindset is like a needle in a haystack in modern culture, dont let the modern times corrupt you. Also Remember gods warning about conforming to modern standards: [Romans 12:2] "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect"
I think there may be a confusion here. If I were using the principle of charity I'd presume that the purity culture proponents were not saying that the person is spiritually irredeemable but that fornication and the like can leave indelible (or at least stubborn) marks on our behavior, brain, mind, ways of thinking, or body. It could very well be that such behavior does weaken one's pair-bonding mechanisms in such a way so that the effects of it are permanent or near-permanent. In other words, it's a very similar concept to how if you act without wisdom so that you make some mistake that causes you to lose a limb you will still not have that limb even if God redeems your mind so you no longer act foolishly. Of course, God could regrow your limb but the chances are rather slim, unfortunately (though there are a few examples of modern medical miracles according to Erik Manning). Perhaps, then, it's the same way with the effects such actions have on your bring or mind. The only thing I will say to qualify this comparison is that the nature of neuroplasticity would probably facilitate a greater level of positive change than the chances of regrowing a limb. Nonetheless, some of that 'baggage' may remain and ignoring the possibility of lasting damage doesn't seem wise either.
btw, I am not familiar with purity culture, so I'm only using charitable forms of the argument in this video rather than what some purity culture pastor said
John 8:10-11 ESV [10] Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” [11] She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”
That's why I dont feel hope in marriage. I want a virgin wife but im not one myself and because of that im not good enough for one. Its a never ending cycle. If I could go back in time I'd stop myself and I'd also stop what happened to me as a baby, but sadly I cannot. I have to live with it.
@@BansheeKing22that's exactly how I feel because I regret giving my first time to a boyfriend that didn't really care about me and was rushing things with me and then one day he ended up throwing headphones or a small object close towards me and I got a taste of what life would have been like had we gotten married. It was a downhill Road for me after our breakup and ended up being intimate with boyfriends that were similar to him. I have not been having sex for the past 2 years ago. I also stopped going on dating apps because people on their can pretend to be anything on there and then be nothing like what they portrayed themselves to be. I just go with the flow right now meaning that if it's in God's will that I meet a husband then so be it but if not, then let it be. If I do get a husband which I don't really have that much faith that I will then he has to believe in God and have a relationship with him! I do not want to force somebody to be a believer.
@@erickkisreal9398 no and im also too old in my 30s. By now womens standards and expectations are far too high. They expect the guy to be making 6 figures, have a house and car and whatnot. I have nothing. Early twenties will always be the better time to marry because you can build that together as a couple. At my age I wouldn't have that until I was in my late 70s or 90s, if I live that long and by then there's no having kids or sex or a long marriage. Despite having the desire for marriage, things just never happened for me. I cant exactly talk to my parents about anything or my relatives because to them I'm being negative and should just get over it already.
Sexual sins are just easier to see in oneself and others because to some degree they are external. These are all forgivable sins. The more critical and lethal sins are internal. They can be concealed from human eyes . But they effectively slow cook our desire to have communion with God.
My problem is yes God can forgive you of your sins and make you whole but also your sin has effects in your life. For example, If you are someone who has taken hard drugs for 20 years and then you come back to the lord. Yes he will forgive you but mostly likely there will be affects to your body and can't take that back. I am very curious to hear people thoughts on this
Yes that's true, the effect that pre marital sex has on the potential sustainability of future marriage is quite negative according to meta analysis, so being sexually pure from both a biblical and scientific perspective is quite beneficial.
I was a virgin till I married at 45 (too old but that’s another story). I grew up in the “horrible” purity culture. This guy calls it evil but valueing my virginity was what kept me from premarital sex. And believe me I experienced temptation. My wife was also a virgin. And it meant a lot to me. I’m glad that I don’t have memories of having had sex with other women. No comparisons. I’m glad my wife has none of those memories either. God forgives our sins and makes us new creatures but it doesn’t always mean that consequences are taken away. I do believe that premarital sex is cheating on your spouse before you marry them. Whoever you marry is going to have to live with that. Maybe they won’t care, maybe they will. The message regarding premarital sex from the church today (and very strong in this guy’s video) is “sinful but harmless”. A sin no doubt, “don’t do it”, “repent, get forgiven”. But when it’s all said and done basically “harmless”.
If the church reject people simply because of his/her dirty past, then the church is wrong, but if the church simply stated the consequences of being un-pure, the church did nothing wrong, even if the people who hear it feel shame, everything been said are brutal truth, if u get pass around you lost your value, that doesn't mean Christ won't accept you, he'll still love you but the damage won't just go away, un-pure people have to put extra work to fix their past, feeling shame is normal, YOU HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTION, it's not gonna be easy, people who are consider pure should also give courage to those and not shame them so they won't stumble on their healing process.
Purity culture can have very negative effects, on women in particular, to the point that it is detrimental once they get married. When a person makes their sexual purity such a large part of their personality, often having a view that sex is inherently bad, it can cause psychological issues that manifest physically once that person does go to actually have sex on their marriage night. One of the big issues is called Vaginismus, which causes pain when sex is attempted due to a physical response as a result of the psychological trauma. You don't want your sex life with your spouse to be ruined by an unnecessary obsession with purity and a twisted view of sex. If you train your mind and your body to treat sex and physical contact as an inherently bad thing that needs to be avoided, then you are training yourself to reject that intimacy. It's not just going to shut off once you get married. Wait for marriage, but also realize that sex is a beautiful and wonderful gift from God and should be looked forward to.
Definitely. Realizing that getting horny is completely natural and good is necessary. People just need to learn discipline, not tricking your mind and body to rejecting sex
Before Watching this: Good first statement let's see how you roll with it. 6:19 Some people just take the "Jane the Virgin" approach and just crush the rose.
purity culture has made dating essentially impossible for hundreds of thousands of Christians. Purity culture made a whole generation of Christians single by making them terrified of sex. Not only that, but when they get married they still feel guilt over sex leading to sex less marriages. dating and marriage is a mess in Christianity.
I wish pastors of the day would focus more on the dangers of gossiping the dangers of manipulation and other toxic behaviours and how Jesus handled those types of people that are found in the church that make people feel less then. Then purity culture which turns people away those people who who have been used and abused and taken against there will when they where young and how they are soiled to there future spouse we are told. I can’t begin to explain the kind of shame and weight and sleepless nights it has brought into my life as well as others and damaging thinking there’s no way a Christian husband would want me now when they need purity. We can’t all have the same life story. We can’t all have a beautiful easy going life where nothing bad happened to us in our past. I am thankful you are speaking up against purity culture as it’s a lot more complicated then people think. Jesus forgave the woman at the well God will forgive you and we are asked to sin no more that goes for gossiping as well.
Ooh I have mixed feelings here. Because sexual sin is not the only sin. And a person is not “pure” just because they’ve been sexually pure. BUT- and I say this as someone who knows because I wasn’t sexually pure- There is a difference. It does genuinely harm you for the long haul in ways other things do not.
Many of these problems in "purity culture" or even the "sexual liberation cultures" that you mention would be solved by living examples of good relationships, good godly marriages (you mentioned a lack of this) also godly examples of the past, saints who have overcome lust & sexual sin (St. Mary of Egypt, St. Moses the Ethiopian, St Silhoun) & many others, godly examples of biblical marriage saints who were married upholding a godly marriage and also people who remained celibate & virgins like monks & nuns (not to show themselves better than others but to live for the kingdom of God) all these examples would help people find what it means to be truly pure, redeemed & healed by God through Christ. Something else that would be good, that most churches have lost is godly affection through hugs, holy kisses (this is different than romantic kisses usually its on both cheeks or in the air on the side) kissing the hand of priests or nuns & more forms of affection toward one another. I have seen some of this in the orthodox church but I believe it would be good if some protestants would take note looking to godly examples in people & restoring godly affection in the love of Christ.
I fail to see the problem with it. Yes, of course God can heal your heart, and still bring you the right person. But……..that crumpled torn person WILL STILL BRING BAGGAGE INTO THEIR MARRIAGE. This is a natural consequence of sin, healed or not. You’re telling me that the godly man that marries someone with a high body count, even though she’s now a genuinely godly woman, won’t wonder if one of her old lovers was better in bed? Or vice versa?
@@davideassis87 That's shaming language. It is prudent to consider someone's past when making the most impactful decision of your life. A wise person should investigate the other person's history in every facet because people are not stocks and past performance is a great indicator of future performance.
@@davideassis87 Hopefully neither think of the past. The experienced one may remember the best moments of those sins and believe their spouse is not good enough.
Exactly. This lifestyle brings baggage and damages the person and their future relationship. It's a GOOD message to try and live pure. It just needs the other side of the coin, too, of mercy and grace.
@@christopherperez8843 If we're talking about someone with a past criminal life or with some serious mental issues, yes, for sure... but it doesn't make sense whatsoever if we're talking about a woman with a high body count. I mean, if you have God in your heart, you probably have more to care than her past partner's sexual performance.
That rose demonstration is exactly how I see myself, whether I like it or not. Granted, I've never been passed around or anything. But for years, the thought that plagued me was, "Who'd want this rose?" You can imagine how hard I cry from simply hearing, "Jesus wants that rose!" To be loved by Jesus, and know it, is the greatest privilege I have. I wouldn't trade that for anything. 🥲 ❤
@@davidm4566 That's solid advice. I'm currently in that process, I think. One thing's for certain, and it's that I've learned to rely on God more than on anyone else. So, it's not all bad.
These people need to take a gardening class. Ya a cut rose doesn't regenerate lol. It's dead. It's already cut off the bush. How would it get nutrients? Roses bushes grow back beautifully if you trim them back aggressively, actually. Yes you can manhandle it and knock the petals off and yes it will still grow back.
I disagree about modesty, I think modesty is important for woman to practice just as avoiding self abuse and corn is important of a practice for men. In fact the two stick together like glue. One thing I actually admire about Islam is they get there woman to veil there hair (wearing the hijab) as well as dress traditionally. I think we need to start going back to doing that and Christians actually did used to do this prior to 1900's. It was even something endorsed by St Paul. (Although, I think the Niqab is going a bit to far, just the hair veil and appropriate covering up of the body is fine). Also gender separation at churches would be a good thing as well. In Orthodox Christianity woman and men have to stand on opposite sides of the room during worship. There are not pew seats like in other churches, although there are some seats on the side for people that need them. However that said, I don't have a problem with kissing or hugging before marriage as long as it doesn't lead the two people in question towards fornication.
Modesty applies to both men and women. Sure people, especially believers, need to do better on that front. Nevertheless most people shouldn't have to dress like Muslims. Women shouldn't have to dress like nuns in fear of being shamed. Oh my goodness you can see her ankle - how scandalous! 🤦 Separate places for men and women in church is one thing. I can see that to a certain extent. That being said, I have to disagree with one thing. It's not right to separate families from each other just because people are prudes. A man and woman who are a married couple shouldn't be separated from each other. Brothers shouldn't be separated from sisters, parernts from children, etc.
@siervodedios5952 i agree that modesty is men and womans responsibility Gender segregation shouldn't apply to those with families. If it does, then they should stand/sit on the same row with opposite sides. In the case of kids, they should always be with their parents.
@siervodedios5952 With respect, the bible, as well as many ancient manuscrips, support a flat stationary plane. Some bibles even mention a 'firmament' such as the KJV. If God says the world is a flat stationary plane and everyone says it's a globe. Are you calling God a liar? Or is he unnaware of how he made the world?
Another problem with this obsession about sexual sin is that it can lead to the misconception that this is the only type of sin that God is really concerned about. I may be a gossip, but I'm a good Christian because I'm "pure." I may be a bully, but at least I'm "pure." I may make sure that I only hang out with the cool kids and look down on the nerds and geeks, but at least I'm "pure."
Sexual sin gets brought up because the world doesn’t see it as a problem. They recognize murder, stealing, etc as wrong.
That true sin is sin no matter the package
And don't forget they also call people all sorts of names because of how many people they slept with but they somehow think that is okay to do because they are pure. What they did by putting someone down because of how many people they slept with and their past was very impure and actually ended up losing souls and pushed them further away from God because of a so-called believer of God ended up judging them so cruelly and now they're automatically going to think that all people of God are that way. I mean we are to judge a righteous judgement by not condoning the sin but also doing it with love and not in a prideful or holier than thou attitude because pride is another sin that God loathe! Many people have dealt with their fate because of a prideful heart! He values a humble heart and if you come to him with humbleness and genuineness then he will not cast you out!
It’s the worst and most addicting on all the rest have no upside for you
@@rainbow310033see my comment no that’s not the whole case/package
If you are struggling with guilt maybe look at Lamentations 3: 22-23. “It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”
Praise be to God for His everlasting mercy!
✨Jeremiah 31:3💧🤍💧✨
«The Lord Appeared to us in the past, saying: “I Have Love You With An Everlasting Love; Therefore, I Have Drawn You And Continue To Show You My Mercy“.»
I can’t imagine if someone who was sold into prostitution and became a believer must be feeling when they see messages like that. Everyone will not be a virgin when they are married and that can be not by their own choice. Child molestion, sexual slavery, rape, etc these are all real things people experience that the church needs to excepts we live in a fallen world
The messages are obviously not for victims of prostitution. Teaching a group of teens the possible consequences of stealing and teaching them NOT to steal is not meant to single out and damn a child who grew up in poverty and was forced to steal food by his parents.
There is redemption found in Christ, and no one is beyond saving. But to NOT warn against the consequences of sin just to spare the feelings of someone already dealing with the consequences is not loving to the hundred others who might need to hear the reality of sin. Paul was a serial murderer of professing Christians - when he became a Christian himself, I'm sure he did not find Christ's teachings on violence and murder a thing to be avoided because they were personal attacks on his own past, a past he had turned from. And even in his redemption, Paul was not suddenly freed from consequence; it took years for him to gain the trust of the church after he'd spend years murdering their brothers, and some of them never did trust him fully. He was redeemed and used of God, but the consequences of his sins were not erased from the physical world.
Those were involuntary and that person is a victim. I believe purity culture is more specifically referring to people that voluntarily choose to have many partners.
To be frank, that level of abuse does take a heavy toll on the mind and spirit. They will have a lot of involuntary baggage to deal with.
@@christopherperez8843Every sinner has some level of involuntary baggage because we live in a sinful world with other sinners. God can heal every brokenness, it doesn't have to follow a person the rest of their life. A rape victim is no more damaged than anyone else, there is healing and freedom found in Jesus.
@@christopherperez8843 Yeah but many times churches don't speak on that and many times churches have been the reason for these things (looking at you catholic churches) so always look into the background of what church you're going to.
@@daniellairers2879 I see your point and agree. I think we are on the same page. It's infrequent that this topic is handled carefully and also properly.
I didn't save myself for marriage but by the grace of God I am forgiven and in my weakness His strength shines through and gives me the strength and courage to say no to sexual sin. I have also been blessed with a beautiful daughter and when I look at her I have an overwhelming motivation to teach her to save herself for marriage.
But this guy says “saving yourself” has no real value.
@@tobystamps2920 it has value. This was written for a reason. Such as to not lie or steal for example. Purity for marriage is a great gift for your spouse. I also didn't save myself for marriage and I also repented. And now I'm getting to know more why this could be important. To get to know each other first. To learn how to deal with arguments. To learn to think more about the other person's needs and to know better and communicate your own needs. To learn to be vournelable and reliable to each other. To trust each other. I think this is the most important. S*x (I don't know if I this comment would be banned) is a gift from God to those, who can be taken accountable by others for their promises to each other. To be faithful, loving and helpful to each other. Maybe some things I wrote aren't correct. I don't know much. These are just my thoughts and observations on that matter.
@@tobystamps2920 in this day and age there’s no benefit, as for traditional men meeting a traditional women the ratio is close to none.
This is my first time hearing the term "purity culture" and I honestly think there's a fine line that needs to be walked between encouraging teenagers and young adults to save themselves for marriage (happiest marriages statistically are two virgins coming together) but not shun them if they did engage in sexual sin previously. I'm a product of the public school system and was taught that hookup culture is the norm and should be explored in your teens and 20s, but ironically enough, all that did was turn me off to casual sex as I had no interest in catching STDs or false accusations. I was a virgin when I got saved and now at age 24 view that status as a badge of honor, and only intend to engage in the act with the woman I marry. Haven't met such a woman yet but will enjoy being single as best I can as long as God keeps me in this stage of life.
Good job brother, I was the same, raised in public schools (albeit 30 years ago), but I managed to save myself for my wife who I married at 28. It was worth the effort, despite the mockery I endured because of it.
You have 3 6s in your name and you're an incel. Drop the ''Christian'' act
Buddy same but like we are looking for unicorns, damn near every women has had sex atleast during high school and no women who has had sex is gonna want to wait till marriage to sleep with you unless they are "born again virgins" and that's a WHOLE different discussion. Just know it's gonna be a long wait.
One of my main reasons I’m still single in my 30’s is because of not compromising on waiting for marriage. I was public school for all of elementary school then homeschooled for middle and high school.
From age 12-19 years old I was ostracized and lied about by peers for my own choice to stay pure and dress modestly.
@@shanaeb4814 realizing that people you liked and thought you knew, whom you had grown up with can tell such hurtful lies with a wicked grin on their face was such a wake up call for me as a teenager
There’s a difference between Purity Culture and the Biblical call to purity.
Abstinence until marriage is a good thing. But I’ve always hated the Silver Ring Thing because 1) it’s more about showing your purity, than being pure (basically virtue signalling) and 2) if someone ‘fails’ sexually they have to choose between essentially lying (by keeping the ring on) or announcing their mistake to the world by removing it.
Isn't that the point, though..? We are called as Christians to repent and admit our sins. The purpose of the ring is to emphasize "hey, I have shown the world I am obeying God in this area of my life" and to remind yourself "if I am caught up in the moment and disobey God, it won't be easy to brush aside, I will either have to admit my sin publicly, or I will have to sin over and over again by living in lies because of my own pride." That's the entire point, to reiterate "hey this action has consequences."
If you believe in abstinence before marriage, and don't believe in purity rings, that's not an issue at all. But would you not be able to make the reverse argument that, if purity rings are bad because they emphasize the shame of disobedience, could you not also make the argument that the lack of a ring in the first place makes it far easier to not draw suspicion to yourself if you disobey? The only (immediate) consequence of disobeying a loose vow would be the personal momentary guilt - there would be no added layer of emphasis, no potential public admission or life of dishonesty to give you pause before you give in to immediate gravitation.
In this case, it would be similar to the difference between a spoken vow and a legally written contract. In both cases, the point is only that you keep your promise, and that is the actual good to come out of it. But it is far easier and less convicting to break a vow you spoke into the empty air than to break a vow that will have actual real-world consequences, is it not?
@@drawingdragonbut there's no lust ring, greed ring, lying ring, gluttony ring, hatred ring, idolatry ring, etc.
I agree with the poster, that it seems to be about appearances. If you want to be pure then just do it.
If you slip up with any other sin you don't have to publicly remove your ring or be encouraged to lie.
Also, a person can be physically "pure" by not having sex, but be completely impure in their mind. A "purity" ring doesn't mean someone is pure.
It reminds me of how Jesus called the pharisees "whitewashed tombs", doing it for show but ugly inside.
@@drawingdragonthere's a reason why the silver ring is not a Biblical doctrine. Regardless of what human purpose you've given it.
@@davidm4566
I don't agree with the ring and so on
But it is meant for physical purity, not about the mind and so on. It isn't meant to signal mind purity, so there is no contradiction about wearing it or not, and the lack of rings for other sins doesn't mean it is invalid for one
But as I said, I'm against it because I believe we shouldn't expose our sins willingly.
As I see it, you're doing this for the world to see, there's pride mixed in it ==> Look I am a virgin, look at me for my identity is I am a virgin. I am better than you for I have never had sexual intercourse my entire life. It gives you a fake sense of purity (lust) but he who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart [ Matthew 5:28 ] . The standard is so high and we all sin. Jesus saved us all. Nonetheless, God will make everything work for Good. @@drawingdragon
I remember being 11 or 12 and being exposed to my first (and thank God only) purity culture example where the speaker was tearing up this heart shaped paper doily thing. Even at that age, I vividly remember rolling my eyes at her and mentally screaming "that's not how it works." I'm so grateful that my parents were wise enough not to push those things on my brother and I, and to teach us purity as respect for ourselves and an outpouring of our love for God, not because we were afraid or concerned about the perception of other outside people.
While many aspects of the purity culture movement were unbiblical, God still wants us to be chaste and pure not just physically but emotionally and mentally...I was not raised in this movement i didn't become born again till I was an adult 24 but I've witnessed many former peers rebel against church because of this and its heartbreaking .
What exactly is involved in “purity culture” that is evil?
It implies that unless you are completely pure before God, you cannot even be restored by God.
@@rmb7355 hey…are you answering my question or are you addressing the comment
@@JudeKnowsWhatYouDoNothe addressing you
@JudeKnowsWhatYouDoNot I can't speak for everyone and these are only a few anecdotes from my horrific experience growing up in that. And I do apologize for the length.
But in only ONE talk out of hundreds did I ever hear the words, "Now, yes, this is your gift to your husband(gestures to the carnation she ripped up and stomped on). HOWEVER, I believe that if you were forced to do this, yes your physical gift is ugly to your spouse, but I don't believe God views stolen virginity as a sin. I believe to Him you are just as pure as any other virgin."
Never heard anyone talk about coercion or violence, adults or peers. Never heard any real understanding or explanations of red flags or even that if a man jumped us then it wasn't our fault. If a teacher forced us, oh well. Maybe you shouldn't have looked like that. Not even dressed like it, LOOKED like that.
The marital bed was talked about this holy otherworldly thing. Which spiritually, yes. But the way it was described was a fantasy. It was as if two perfect beings were in tandem. That is not reality. It takes knowledge, trust, and effort, just as any other part of the relationship. When the fantasy breaks, the entire view is skewed even farther. It WAS a lie, they knew it, so what else did they lie about? You don't think "maybe this is something to work on like communication or knowing what the other person likes to eat". It's looked on as a failure that will continue to be a failure.
The consequences of talking about this side of life to children is far reaching. Authority figures all say the same things, so if one says something, you can assume the rest will agree. I didn't realize when I was 'hurt' by another girl and told the school counselor that I should also talk to my parents, even though they always told my brother and I this. I was forced to publicly say I was a liar and apologize to that monster. My parents were never told and I didn't want to be blamed or called a liar again. My parents found out about the incident just before I turned 30. I was a preteen when it happened.
Even longer reaching consiquenses are actually physical manifestations that can ruin the marital bed if no help is given or sought after. As someone who experienced this, it was as if I was less than human. Not even a woman, just less than an animal. I was lucky, because I was able to get help. It wasn't something that was talked about or warned, despite how common it is in abuse victims AND religious people who value virginity (i wonder why only those two are more common than just it happening naturally). I know of a few women who were warned by elder women of their churches when they turned 16. But those are few. In fact, I only know of 3, and they were all in the same church.
Studies have shown that women who grew up in the church and women who got saved later in life have vastly different outlooks on that side of life. Statistically s€x is not looked on as positively or pleasurably by those who grew up in PC. Women who "got around" before being saved had more biblical and healthier views, as well as better marriages.
The evil is in the lies. Girls are blamed that they caused someone to stumble unknowingly. That if you're no longer a virgin youre as beautiful as a piece of gum that was used by 20 people in a row. Never was the idea that purity meant something other than virginity and innocence (lack of knowledge and safety nets). If you're a virgin you're better than that other person. Remember those people don't have the same emotions as those of the church. And you have less work to do on your marriage. Otherwise, guess youre dirty and will always be that way. And everything is everyone's fault, consent doesn't exist, you're just as at fault if not more so than the person who physically forced you.
Of course all these are lies. Purity Culture was never about teaching consequences, common sense, understanding your fellow man or the Bible. It was never about knowing your limits, what is a dangerous situation, or what God meant when He spoke on the marital bed. It was never about education. Purity culture was never about the Bible. It was about control and those that taught it were lied to as well. Most parents had no idea what was being said in detail. When ny parents heard details that weren't true, they corrected them, but that wasnt common for adults to find out.
Purity culture is used as a vector for religious abuse and it hasn't changed.
These are just a few examples. Others aren't as appropriate to youtubes guidelines. Again I apologize for the length and I hope this explains a little.
1 Corinthians 6:18
“Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”
Exactly
Agreed, yes and amen. But what about those who before Christ didn't do this? That is the problem he's addressing. Purity culture went off when it brought condemnation on those who had fallen previously, but Romans 8:1 tells me that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. To the believer, yes we absolutely encourage fleeing from sexual sin, but if you do have sexual sin in the past, there is to be no condemnation, you're a new creation, all things have been made new, now walk in that newness of life.
I’m guilty of fornication and I have wrestled with my guilt over that sin. I realized that because those activities were not holy, that it’s not helpful at all to think about it or place significance on those actions. Not that I don’t think it was a serious sin, but in order to let the love of Christ into my heart so that I can turn to God’s promises instead of the past, I have to let that go. It’s in the past.
Purity culture promoted the ideas found in Josh Harris' book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", which are flawed but seemed like the "pure" thing to do. The impact I saw was that people were not asking or answering yes to a date unless they were certain they wanted to get married. Not to mention it also raised the spiritual expectations on relationships, which is to say having people who are active in the ministry and the work of God's Word YET are STILL NOT spiritually ready to start a relationship. (Granted, at least half of those were just the Christian version of "It's not you, it's me.") While I appreciate those who stood up against some of the extremes of purity culture, too many of my peers accepted it and those rules became the dating culture in my church anyways. I was even caught up in these rules, I remember getting stressed out because I needed to ask my crush's father for permission to date his daughter before I asked her out, and we were in our early 20's at the time. The only people who dated seemed to be those who had a sure shot at marriage.
That said, we have to be careful. Purity culture developed in response to the loosening sexual norms in the secular culture and we ought to be careful not to overcorrect and become permissive of sexual sins either.
Speaking of Josh Harris, a few years ago he apologized for any damage that his book might have caused and not long after that he announced that he was no longer a Christian.
Wow that’s screwed up.
thank you friend. ❤from one who has suffered. 🌹
Hello, I'm the same guy who commented on one of your community posts about the girl he liked. I told her today and I was turned down. So I'm going to try to move on. I really fumbled the conversation. She politely turned me down and she seemed more confused than anything else. I also "relapsed" the other day too.
Keep moving forward friend! Good on you for having the courage to ask her! It’s ok we all learn from our mistakes and healing from that porn and lust may not be a single day thing. It may be a process for you but god can use what is wicked and use it for good. For example god used that to build up my character and allowed me to keep moving forward and towards him!
At least you tried! Otherwise you would’ve spent even longer thinking about it than you will now spend getting over it
@@real_cheritayeah there are many people that will stay further in the friend zone thinking that if they stay long enough then she'll change her mind but really she'll only go after you if she feels like she doesn't have any other options. It would be better for him to tell her his feelings and not waste any more time in the friend zone then to be turned down or hoping that he will wear her down in hopes that one day she will see that he is the one. I knew somebody in the friend zone that was turned down but he still stayed friends with her even though she didn't feel the same way and then he tried again 2 years later when she was back to being single and no options and then she said yes out of desperation to just find somebody but then came to realize that she didn't really like him in that way and kind of felt like she had to say yes. Men and women just cannot be friends! It's better to find out now then later and if she comes back, don't invite her in your life in anyway.
Oh dear. These things can be hard, I know. God loves you dearly though, and He will carry you through your pain. Just keep talking with Him, and walk in His word, and things will calm down soon enough. He's got your back. When Satan comes around again and tries to lure you with this certain sin, turn from it immediately and without thought. Talk with God in earnest right after being tempted and pray for His protection. After that, cast out Satan and his cohorts from your house aloud, doing so in the name and blood of Jesus Christ. They tremble at our Savior's name and run, ha ha! God bless you, and I'll be praying for healing and restoration for you. I know it hurts now, what you have just gone through. God comforts all however, and He has a plan laid out for you.
@AlexLJ55 I don't know your story friend, but Proverbs warns is to guard our hearts, because it is the well spring of life. While it is ok to have feelings for someone, remember to guard yourself and not give yourself away too easily. Remember you are not alone!
God is using you bc you are healing a lot of people. ❤💝 In my country you have to love God too much to attend his church bc people here is extrymily religious, don't love each other, they forgot the words of the lord. And my parents are pastors, this is so tiring for me.
Brother, I praise God for the ministry and guidance He has given to you. Such an important topic! Even though I didn't grow up in a christian household I went to an adventist school and that purity culture was the norm. I met my husband when we were 15 years old and sure knowing what was God's design saved us from taking shortcuts but in reality this obsession with the act and not the heart can be a hindrance especially to young people or people that have been abused 😢
This is so good! There has to be balance. When people are asked to follow purity or modesty rules without seeing the meaning behind them, things can come off legalistic really quick and cause kids to completely miss God's grace and Love.
But that pastor is right, science says that people who have been with multiple partners, have trouble pair bonding
🤡
Saying like its set in stone. The numbers are skewed by people who have been abused (ie victims of traffication) who have trouble pair-bonding.
Science is not* the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
However that doesn’t mean that they are beyond saving or having a loving marriage.
People need to fear God not sin. I’ve spent the majority fearing sin and it’s made me a hypocrite and filthy and hateful. Forgive and remember you can’t sin your way out of God’s love.
Somehow in the “logic” of this movement sexual sin is apparently the only sin Jesus can’t heal, wash away, and restore you from. Which is blasphemy. It’s an unbiblical lie, fear mongering, and manipulation. Those of us who grew up being subjected to this are owed an apology.
Every time I struggle with sin and temptation in any area, what draws me back is never moralistic teaching, it is always teaching that draws out the Person and work of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ in all his glory.
For a long time I've always hated being a virgin and this is something I've gone back and forth with ever since I became a Christian at 15 I'm 22 now I have never been in a relationship with a girl because I'm autistic which really did rob me from a lot of experiences and hinder me from going places and doing certain things
But even when I became a Christian I just got so boggled down but even if I got a chance to meet a godly woman I just got beat down by all this in times tribulation Rapture nonsense for years which also stopped me from perm starting a TH-cam channel which actually would have really helped me in my teen years because that would have provided me with a lot of money and I could have actually gotten very popular or famous which would help me have a career and also allow me to support myself doing something I love
I honestly think if I was never born autistic my life would have been a lot better I honestly think I probably would have become a teenage father if I was never born autistic which honestly I I'm fine with😅 I'm great with kids and I know what it takes to be a father and I do not say that without knowledge
Though I could have had a good career on TH-cam and had a family and even live in my own those chances are gone and sometimes I think I'm never going to have any of those things like that was my one chance and it's gone now
Just rest in God. His grace is sufficient for you. Don't try to force things. Try Christian dating apps and find yourself a nice woman. 22 is still very young.
Aye mate me and you are still young, 22 ain’t nothing to older folk. Don’t think god has given up on those good things for ya. And who said your to old to really go after those things? The truth is your not. No one is to old. Some great painters started painting when they were 80 for example. It’s not the end. Just the beginning trust god friend :) but it’s also up to you to get up and get after it :) because sometimes god needs us to get up and build the things we want rather than him just giving it to us, because working towards those things can build our maturity so we may have those things. There’s nothing wrong with being autistic if anything it’s an awesome story to tell when you do succeed. And getting the relationship requires work on both ends. The two absolute best things I think you can do for that is get in prayer about it and hit the gym (because appearance attracts yes and it’s also fun when you start to see results even though it sucks. But that just builds character) and also just being content at times yk. But god bless ya brother. Your life is just starting :)
With autism, even Paul had his "thorn in the flesh" that plagued him. In other words no one is perfect and we all struggle with something so you're in good company.
Also, sex isn't as big a deal as they make it out on tv. It's just another physical need we have, but waiting is good in this case (it's way better than getting an STD etc).
I was 38 when I got married and I waited. And yes it feels good, but so does swimming on a hot day, bike riding downhill in the breeze, eating a good pizza, talking to a loved one, and playing video games, to different degrees.
In other words yes it feels good, no it's not worth obsessing over I gelt the same as you when I was your age, but when you finally experience it you'll know what I mean.
Very few things in life give you only one chance.
My father was married at 31 as a virgin. He fell in love twice before he met my mother. With her, he's had 5 children who love him. I know men who married at 45 and had children.
I haven't matured as fast as a typical person might. I often struggle more than my relatives to function as an adult. But these experiences and lost opportunities have brought me where-- I believe-- God needs me. It takes time, but He's always waiting for us, leading us where we need to go one step at a time.
Don't worry about it. Just pray and watch Him.
@@ezziba8240 my mom and dad married on their 35th year of birth. And my mom waited. She even got her first kiss on their wedding 😊.
And am hoping to be like that, too.
Yes, the church is failing at promoting healthy relationships between young men and women. The Jewish community does it quite a bit better. We should encourage them and tell them to look forward to all these good things, and teach them to first develop the relationship and do things in order.
The messaging about "damaged goods" is bad and ineffective, but it isn't wrong. Sex is binding in a way that you can't reverse. Of course Jesus still loves you, it's just going to add a layer of complications to your future relationships.
I think Christian messaging about everything lately is pretty illiterate and lazy. That's why it's failing. We need to celebrate good things and lead them up in the way they should go.
I agree about the order of things being important in relationships, but I think the "damaged goods" part misses the issue with sin entirely. It's not just that sex is binding, it's that every single sin makes us "damaged goods", any single unholy act automatically makes us unholy. But also, what a terrible phrase to use... should people who were abused repeatedly see themselves as less?
@@Anonymous-ni7zd when I say damaged goods I'm not talking in a sin context. I'm talking in a relationship context. It is objectively negative baggage that you have to bring to every future relationship
@@Anonymous-ni7zd being damaged doesn't mean you're 'less' or not worth it. It's just a complication that if you can avoid, you should. And this isn't to say to avoid people who have had previous partners, it's more of a future oriented outlook for people who haven't done anything yet
@@dbikeryamaha125that makes more sense; I apologize for misconstruing your meaning. I see what you're saying.
@@Anonymous-ni7zd no worries, I'm not offended to clarify what I meant
Isaac mate, thanks for making this video. Purity culture has done so much damage to people's lives and does not reflect the extravagant, all-welcoming love of our God. I'm glad to see more conservative Christians speaking out against it 💛
I appreciate tackling a sensitive topic but an extremely essential topic to have. It's not just the purity culture, but any religion or guidance and parenting as well. The issue lying in fear driven guidance is 100% true. The problem is that the guidance we received are often fear driven, which makes children guilt driven, which breaks the communication line with their parents and God. It lacks in autonomy, which then makes faith un-authentic. I feel the focus should rather be on who we want to be in God's eyes and our relationship with God and how we get there.
Probably A weak analogy but if we don't take care of our eyes, we may need glasses, which makes certain aspects of our lives a bit harder. It doesn't change who we are but it does mean we need to take more responsibility.
@stardream7412 fear is something that is good to have a healthy dose of. After all, God is good, and severe. We should consider our faith with trembling, and the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. While I agree sometimes it goes to far, it should not be fully neglected either.
@@aaronadamson7463 Agreed and good point. Fear itself is there to protect us. Its not something we should run away from but embrace. The more we run from it, the unhealthier it gets. But parenting out of fear often is a projection and comes from a lack of faith in the self and in God. The problem with this is now the child or whoever carries that fear along with their own. It happens with me a lot without me noticing and something I'm trying to work on.
This needs to be talked about, thank you for talking about this. People need to realize that just because you had sex before marriage doesn't make you any less valuable or deserving of less respect, or worth any less as a human being. Not only that, but just because you save yourself for marriage doesn't make you pure. You still sin. You are a human being. Humans sin, we are not perfect, and you are not better or worth more than someone just because you saved sex for marriage.
I also don't like the term saving "yourself" for marriage. Your sexuality is only one aspect of yourself, not your entire self. It is not your identity. When you have sex, you are not giving your "self" to the person, just a part of it.
Could you imagine being a victim of SA in those scenarios. You've done nothing wrong, but through that object lesson you'd be made to feel that you're a crumpled peice of paper or a damaged flower because of someone else's evil. That wouldn't do your self worth any good.
Or young person whose already given into temptation.
My own marriage is a testament to God’s redemption and grace. Neither my husband nor I waited until marriage. Marriage isn’t a reward for waiting. It’s two sinners coming together. Both of us have been saved by Grace and want to put Christ in the center.
Thank you for sharing this… my boyfriend and I didn’t wait… but my past goes farther than just him… his stops at me… we just started a new devotional for celibacy because we want to take that seriously, together and rebuild our foundation… but upon reading “day one” I broke down crying because of my fear that it’s “too late” for me and for him and I to “start over”…. We are trying to stay on the right path…. This is encouraging that there is still hope. Thank you
@@BananaGrace this is why I hate purity culture. It discards the very message of redemption that the gospel brings. You don’t have to compromise on biblical values to understand why people criticize it. There are parts of it that are extremely unbiblical.
You're engaged? That's awesome, congrats my brother - I'm happy for ya!
This has been such a blessing to me. Your videos have helped me through a lot. Thank you.
I'm so glad you made this video. No one really talks about how harmful purity culture has been.
The default assumption now is that while yes, Jesus forgives us and values and loves us, we’re worthless to other people. That we’re forgiven by God and people outside of the church can forgive us easily, but those inside the church will always see us as worthless because our rose is destroyed
I know so many who have been hurt by this, including myself. Like the denomination I was raised in, it’s so much fear mongering. Even as an adult it has impacted my life; my bf couldn’t believe this was done to us.
Sadly purity culture has damaged alot of women in that it distorts the beauty of it, It has kind of done the opposite to promiscuous culture. Alot go into marriage believing sex is dirty, so their husbands are excited they are marrying a virgin but soon realise that she actually hates sex and there goes the sex life and many times the marriage. Many will say they are pure because they are virgins but have gone as far as they can go sexually without penetration, including watching porn and masterbation.
Sex should be grounded in Genesis with the Creation of Adam and Eve where Adam 'knew' his wife representing a loving committed bond where two become one flesh, a beautiful covenant. It gets us to realise how we are now one with Christ when we come to faith. Single believers are to remain free from sexual sin out of our love and committment to God. Wearing your virginity on your sleeve doesn't make one any better than someone who has fornicated. The sin of fornication was nailed to the cross, true purity comes from the blood of Christ.
If you're still a virgin praise God and if you have fornicated and came to faith praise God and and if you're a believer and struggling with sexual sin, please look towards the cross, God has far better for you.
God will take the rose and fix it, only if you let him. If you give it to God and keep undoing his work then you risk losing the rose altogether and won't have one to give God.
This is untrue. What you’re implying is that there are sinners who are too far from God. We will never sin to the point where we are unredeemable. Gods mercy is not numbered by the pedals on a rose.
We return to sin, over and over again, this is true. But remember what Paul said in Romans 7: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do.”
It is not by our own work that we will be saved, for our own hearts betray us. Perfection is not achievable.
I would encourage you to actually look at God as a merciful father instead of a judge just meant to hammer the gavel. Know that he loves you, and know that even though you’re a dirty rose, a dead strip of tape, or a ripped piece of paper, you are HIS.
@@baaron1254In the first chapter of that same book you just quoted, it goes into detail of how some people indeed are turned over to their lustful desires and vile passions, some translations using the language "God gave them up to". This is in reference to hearing the Gospel message. Some people are just going to rebel regardless. Leviticus 16 goes into detail of the atonement, which is replaced by Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. Jesus provides propitiation sufficient for all the sins of the world. but it's up to the individual to choose God in their hearts, after God has chosen them.
I could go into more detail about predetermination and whatnot but that's a bit too deep in the weeds for a TH-cam comment.
@@baaron1254 Abusing Gods grace will indeed bring his judgement on you. Even people who lived for the church and did good can be denied for their works were not righteous.
If you ask for his forgiveness and continue to sin after the fact, God will say "depart from me for I never knew you."
What you're implying is that people can cry to God and continue living in sin. I'm saying if you dwell in sin you won't have a rose with any pedals to give. That ruins repentance and the sacrifice of Jesus.
This doesn't mean God doesn't forgive even the worst of sin. He is very forgiving. However you can't abuse that. You also can't say God doesn't have judgement for there is a sin God will NEVER forgive.
@@baaron1254also Paul is not a good example to compare modern Christians to. He himself said that he wished Christians would stay single, but nobody in the modern American churches is tryna hear that lol. At the end of the day, you need to focus on drawing near to God, and everything else will sort itself out. THIS is where a lot of modern youth groups and churches fall short. Drawing near requires Biblical literacy, fasting, and prayer. As a 25 year who has lead small groups, I can tell you 99% of the time most people aren't going to read the scriptures I tell them we will discuss next time we meet. Unfortunately most people just want a feel good message and support group, which is fine, but it's harder to get people to dig deeper from my experience.
@@amgvlogs5087 “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:8-9). I think Paul is more understanding than you've made him out to be. I know for a fact Daily Disciple has talked about this before, so you should look up a video of his about staying single vs. getting married. Anyway, I can understand that most teenagers and youth won't read scripture because they'll get the common leniency of youth pastors. They don't like that there's homework outside of school. But I do think there are passages that can be taught in such a way that youth can relate to them and hopefully use that connection to explore the scriptures further. Its not like the pastor at church tells the congregation to read something in preparation for next week's sermon. "Drawing near," contrary to what you have said, does not "require" all of those things as well. Now, it may be very fulfilling to most who pursue God with a disciplined heart, but at the end of the day the heart MUST be invested in everything you do to draw near to him. If you are praying, fasting, etc. just because it's "required of you," then you are seeking salvation through your own work. Worship the Lord and give with a cheerful heart.
I'm sorry if this whole reply seems like an aggressive response to yours, but this is really what I think. I can understand where you're coming from, and I know he is glad that you are pursuing him by being a leader of his children.
I always felt weird about this purity culture thing. I couldn't understand why, but I somehow hated it. It seemed so cultural driven, rather than Christ driven. I thought I was the only one feeling like this. Glad I stumbled on your video
Still waiting for marriage cause it’s how I was raised in Christianity, but my parents were never part of the purity culture movement. They always said to wait for the right woman and if she understands your perspective religiously, then she’s the one. But we never preached about sex or were preached to about sex as much as say Psalms or The Gospel. THATS was always the focus. Praising god.
Another great video, my friend.
You have to stop using the language or thoughts that say, "The Church hurt me." The Church didn't/ isn't capable of that. The Church is "wherever two or more are gathered in my name." A gathering can't hurt you. People hurt you. One (or more) persons did those things, not the whole gathering. Only if every single person in the Church went out of their way to cause you harm would that thought be true. The Church is Gods, He does not harm. Keep Him in mind when you form your thoughts.
Yeah I’m sick and tired of people doing that. It makes me more mad than anything. They use the actions of churches as a copout to justify sin. They’re being discriminatory. Trauma should be treated with absolute care, but it’s not an excuse to be hateful and prejudiced.
Even the Church can be full of clowns at times.
Sex is not necessary before or after marriage. God is necessary in every aspect of life. Seek what is truly important.
Thank you for this
Jesus met the woman at the well. There's nothing HE can't redeem.
This video is amazing. I grew up in a hyper fundamental church. Now, im starting to become less "rule" bound and more Christ bound. So many Christians have this "oh i would NEVER do that!" Mindset with living. As if they aren't capable of sinning anymore because they are saved. They become super critical and judgemental because they feel like they are now perfect. I'm starting to look at everyone with only sympathy and love. No hate in me whatsoever. Its humorous to me that the only group of people Jesus was critical towards were the "Christian's" of the time. Isn't that interesting!
@@WufflesGhosts 👍👍
I’m five minutes in and it clicked for me: the problem with those “you are broken and irreparable” illustrations doesn’t remember “such were some of you” and “ye were washed, ye were sanctified” and justified by Jesus! (1 Corinthians 6:11)
I never heard about purity culture until the internet revealed it to me within the last 6 months, and it has almost made me fear pursuing a relationship with a woman.
Don't worry about it if God wants to give you a wife you will have her.
"Purity culture" = the way most traditional societies have always viewed sex outside of marriage. To call that "evil" is over the top.
I didn't hear him call purity culture evil. I did hear him say it can cause people to feel so much shame that they turn away from God.
Turning away from God is the definition of evil. Judge, yes. Shame, sure. But do so with the end in mind - to bring all who are thirsty to Christ.
Right. Most traditional societies frown on sex outside of marriage and yet they managed to not build an entire culture around the idea that sex outside of marriage is wrong--almost like it's one of many important values and not the entirety of one's identity and religious experience.
@@ernieMakesStuff Look at the title of the video guy.
@@ordinarygamer5911 Oh, yeah. His title is calling it evil. You're correct.
@@ernieMakesStuff Then this title is misleading and clickbaity, It should have been either False purity culture is evil or "purity culture" is evil. In the video he says people put sexual purity on almost a salvific level but he doesn't say that these people are false Christians and liars so I don't really understand what his point was with trying to appeal to people then. I mean if your gonna use a mistruthful title at least tell people the truth in the video. Also this doesn't turn people away from God stop giving unbelievers excuses they don't need. People turn away from Christ because they don't truly know him or love him. Not because Mr. so and so who probably isn't saved himself or herself calls such woman with a 20 person body count a hoe or something. Unless of course you mean by turning away just turning to sin temporarily out of shame and self pity. Also further more high body counts have been shown to reduce pair bonding. as well if you drive a sports car even once driving your regular car will never feel the same EVER(I'm not necessarily referring to the attractiveness of the individual.). honestly I just looked it up and I cant find where in the bible it says shame is a bad thing. unless of course you speak of worldly shame. The reason unbelievers call it purity culture is because they do not wish to be pure and wish to point to the examples of fake Christians being self righteous so they don't have to deal with the facts of the matter and can enjoy their sin. Let me know where I'm wrong.
A lot of the time purity is mentioned in the Bible, it’s NOT explicitly about sexuality.
As someone who went to a religious ALL BOYS school, and experianced hard to talk about complications with the church and in various social circles into my early post high school days, I honestly feel I'm beyond help and I am still nursing excessive amounts of emotional scars that in a way have stunted my life in alot of aspects. I have also seen alot of divorce and, I came from a broken home myself. Thanks for hearing my out. Even If I'm skepitical about all this ministry stuff.
6:57 brings a tear to my eye. Hallelujah. I bet these comments are gonna be full of over sharing but
I’ve been so conflicted about how naive I was when I was younger, it’s so painful I can’t undo some of those decisions or be alone with those people
Thank you Jesus that those mistakes and that misuse of me is on the cross
We are not flower blooms or someone's property or LIVESTOCK.
This purity culture this is based on works- how good you are. Especially for women. Confused me so much until I realized that being a virgin is trying to be saved by your works. So after you get married you aren’t valuable anymore because you’re not a virgin anymore? No it’s the same as with any other sin, it separates us from God. That’s why we have Jesus. Living in guilt like that is from satan. Telling you you’re damaged, even though you know you have been redeemed.
The truth is once you’ve had sex, you cannot reverse back to the state of virginity. Of course, you can begin anew with a clean slate if you repent and turn from the sin of fornication for Jesus will forgive you, washing you cleaner than
snow. (I typed this before hearing you say the same). However, there will be natural lasting consequences in your body. What I remember from the purity teachings when my children were teenagers is the encouragement, the inspiration, the support, the forgiveness and the hope they learned. Sexual sin is spoken of differently in the Bible, is it not, because it’s sinning against our own body which is a temple of the Holy Ghost. Albeit there is no degree to sin, it’s all separation from God, some sins have more lasting consequences than do others. Dressing modestly is a reflection of what is in one’s heart. Growing up with a father and mother, and siblings teaches girls and boys how to relate to the opposite sex. Sexual purity is a weighty and serious issue; this life isn’t all fun and games! Sexual freedom, aka free love, running rampant in our society is much more egregious and commonplace. Experiencing the pain of guilt and shame is a safeguard against sinning. These days everyone is railing against the so-called purity culture; we cannot throw the baby out with the bath water!
OR MAYBE WE CAN REMOVE THE CONCEPT OF VIRGINITY ALTOGETHER, YOU DON'T LOSE ANYTHING BY HAVING SEX.
@@joshuaokoro-sokoh2993 yes you do, if you have sex before marriage, then you lose your innocence. you can say the term virginity is socially constructed, but its not constructed out of thin air. if nothing was lost, then there is no reason to repentance. its the same thing with the abortion argument, if pro-lifers claim the women who kill their children are also victims, then you are stating that they dont need repentence from God, which is an engrevious lie. in fact the bible literally has passages about confirming a womens virginity.
@joshuaokoro-sokoh2993 even religious arguments aside, promiscuity is harmful. There is a lot of science to back this up. I would encourage you to look up research on pair bonding. Not to mention statistics on divorce and infidelity on those who engage in pre martial sex versus those who do not. If you think having sex has no consequences, I must say you are quite naive
@joshuaokoro-sokoh2993 science is clear on pair bonding. If you have more than 3 sexual experiences then the amount of cheating, sexual activity, and lack of cognitive intimacy with partners after drastically skyrockets. Also when a woman gets a bust in her, that DNA stays in her body for many years so even then, that baby she pops out may not even be fully yours genetically. So no. Being a whore has consequences. Let's talk about stds as well shall we? 1:3 people have hpv which causes early cancer and other affects. That's just 1 out of the bunch.
@@joshuaokoro-sokoh2993 Oh, I struck a nerve!
This is so good.
I remember going to a purity ring ceremony at my church when I was in highschool. I did a lot of stupid stuff in high school too 😂... Kind of a double standard and honestly only made things worse in my mind.
I also went to a private school and every year for a week we had a school wide "purity - week".. some of it was good but most of it was overwhelming. I'm familiar with many of these illustrations..
My sister had it worse I'd argue during that time at our school.
So so good and so important. Thank you brother 🙏
Honestly, I don't have any problem with the illustrations used being representative of "purity culture" mainly because they are all true. Jesus can forgive you of any sin and present you as spotless and righteous before the Father, but sin has temporal consequences, many of which remain. It has been proven that the more promiscuous you have been, the harder time you will have pair bonding with a single person. I actually had this presented by a guy in my secular high school (the tape analogy, with no Christian bent to it) in our dumb s*x-ed class and surprising enough people seemed to like the guest presenter (probably bc he was quite charismatic). It could take years for those mental faculties to recover and probably a scar will still remain. That doesn't mean it's hopeless, just means it could be a lot harder.
And, especially if you are looking for a godly Christian partner like you should be, a sexual history could be a big hurdle to get over (unless they also have a past, which is likely what both would settle for. Only fair, right?). For my last point of being a contrarian jerk, I would say sexual sin is a very serious category of sin that shouldn't be taken lightly. I know most people these days view kissing before marriage restrictions as crazy, including everyone I know save a few in my church, but there is a serious conversation to be had about letting lusts be enticed up to a certain no-no point before marriage and maybe even encouraging that (like saying, you want to be attracted to them right?). I hope we can do that without having some of our women scared of the very idea of sex even in its proper context, which does happen unfortunately. I have my own ideas but I don't pretend to have all of the answers there. Just trying to remember that Jesus says lust of the mind is like adultery.
All that being said, there is merit in saying that the message could be presented with more love to the people who may have already fallen, especially if the gospel is being confused as alleged, but speaking the truth in love doesn't mean you have to sacrifice the often hurtful truth.
That's well put. Amen 🙏🏻
I remember the cupcake illustration were they would lick some of the frosting, then take a bit of it then drop it on the floor then step on it
This topic is difficult to navigate because while Biblical truth speaks a lot about the spiritual connection we have with Jesus despite our shortcomings, a lot of the efforts of "purity culture" actually are connected more to science/statistics than the Bible. Make no mistake, im not arguing we should push for a purity culture or never believe ex-OnlyFans models when they say they've changed, I do believe people change. However, the statistics dont lie regarding how much more likely divorce is to occur when someone didn't value exclusivity or keeping sex out of bounds until marriage.
Joshua Harris comes in and writes a book based on lies of things he supposedly did, ruins dating and marrige for a whole generation of believers because the baby boomer generation (who dated and found their mates in the very ways they would prevent others from doing) loved the idea, and then Harris looses his marriage, and his faith and gets to walk away. I Kissed Dating Goodbye was a destructive book. Harris isn't soley to blame, it's the churches that took that idea and ran with it that are more to blame.
My mother actively coerced me to read that book when I was a teenager and all it did was anger and cause me great shame… I was “encouraged” to read that book again as an adult in a toxic relationship and I was resentful. Finally read it again and welp… IMMEDIATELY got into another toxic relationship right as I finished it a second time… years later I discovered that not only did the author get divorced BUT also gave up his faith in Christ… that book was put on a pedestal by people I’ve looked up to… who heavily pushed purity culture… and that greatly damaged my sense of self worth and how I valued and respected myself (or didn’t) when it was “too late” for me… all that did was create overwhelming shame and fear and then apathy for my own well being… and more shame to “stay silent” when I was SA’d because I was taught that my whole identity was centered around my “purity” and what happened to me didn’t matter because I was already “damaged”… I hate that book.. I hate the whole concept of “purity culture”… it’s my personal value to not be promiscuous…. But I wish I hadn’t lived with overwhelming shame for years thinking “it’s too late for me” and ultimately turning away from God several times in the past because of it… I’m seeking a closer walk with God now but that hasn’t always been the case.
No, I disagree wholeheartedly. Not that we shouldn't offer forgiveness and redemption: that's also an important message, but we can't go telling people that sexual sin isn't harmful.
Teaching of the harm of living a sinful lifestyle is a worse harm than feeling shame of our sin. We are in fact called to be ashamed of our sin, to repent, and to accept the grace of God. Don't make an idol out of purity, but going along with the world saying "Purity culture is evil" is just playing into the devil's hand.
Issue being he didn't advocate for not telling people sexual sin is bad. The issue he's bringing up is that it is overly emphasized when many other sins are not. You would be objectively wrong compared to him. Purity culture is by definition evil and making the claim you're making is the devils work. First off, no one is pure. That's one objective metric that eliminates the whole purity culture perspective. And there is a distinction between purity culture (a man made construct) and God's holy expectation of man's sexuality. Make no mistake. NONE are righteous but the Father.
@@redgoesface1671 He doesn't advocate for telling people fornication is good, he just condemns telling people it's bad, and why it's bad. Same end effect.
No, purity culture is not evil. Just because we can't attain an ideal doesn't justify throwing the ideal in the garbage. Remember what Jesus said. "If you love me you will keep my commands." "Be perfect just as your Father in Heaven is perfect." We are called to be holy, shining lights calling people to God. Yes, we fail. That doesn't mean we give up, or forsake our calling. It doesn't mean that we stop preaching what God has called evil.
@@NontpNonjo Jesus also said many other things not simply related to sexual sin. Condemning others condemns yourself. The reason purity culture is evil is precisely because of this. Everyone knows it is not from a place of love but rather from a desire to declare someone pure or impure according to their own fallible understanding. Giving advise and guidance is far different. So yes, it's objectively evil. No one said we stop calling bad things bad. It means there's no such thing as "being pure" for the Christian. Humility is greatly forgotten by those that push this evil doctrine.
@@redgoesface1671 Does purity culture necessitate pride? Can it not simply involve condemning bad sexual ethic and promoting good sexual ethic? That seems to be the majority of what I see condemned as purity culture, even in this video.
Does condemning bad behaviour condemn a person? If that were so, then how could a parent discipline his child? If that were so, then how could we punish crime? Indeed, we shouldn't judge someone as damned or saved based on their actions. We should, however, judge the actions our friends take, and call them out in love for bad behaviour.
It is evil. It's all about putting someone's worth based on how many people they've been with.
Saying the opposite sex is bad dangerous. It says you're a harlot if you don't wear a skirt that's all the way down to the ground. If men stumble its automatically your fault. It says if you wait til marriage you'll have the "best sex ever" when often times the woman after she gets married she is so frightened or feels so guilty she tenses up and she ends up with vaginismus.
That's purity culture at it's finest.
We need to tell people to wait for marriage but we need to drop these harmful narratives.
This is so beautiful! And probably the best I’ve heard on the topic. Purity culture was so evil because it actually elevated purity as like an idol. Yeah not good!
This is such a valuable video 🤍🔥
I agree, we must honor God with our actions and heart, not just our lips. We mustn’t be swayed by the culture but rather stand on biblical truth and understanding. 🙏
Good to see that men also get the same message. Society seems to really put the weight on women more.
Overstrict church, friends, or family are mostly likely to fall into sinful acts.
Please let me give hope to some people who are struggling with this world when it comes to purity.
I grew up without parents, for 10 years of my childhood I had no guidance. At 14 years of age I was adopted by an American family. High School was hard to fit in especially when I didn't know the language. So my wanting to fit in was one of my priorities. My parents are Chist centered, and they taught me to be pure and listen to the scripture, the Gospel of Christ. Through the 4 hard years of high school, many times I shared my faith with other students. I would share that I was still a virgin. Confused they would ask me, are you gay? My answer, no, I'm just writing for marriage. Every time I said that, they looked at me as if I was from a different planet. God blessed me with a wife who was also a virgin and now we are 6 years married and have 2 beautiful children. Have hope, and obey the scriptures. God will bless you in the end. Stand strong against the world.
My parents had me and my friends go to a purity gathering thing that was held in a public school theatre. They had large red plywood heart on stage. They used a chainsaw and cut of pieces of it as the example. Afterwards they were selling purity rings.
As a Christian p@rn star, this video was super important. We're people too! God bless.
There's no christian pornstar.
Sexual sin is very terrible, God will still have mercy but you have to acknowledge the gravity of the sin.
Why are you still a porn star? Christ himself said when talking to the woman the Pharisees wanted to stone said, "go and sin no more."
Be careful that you left your old lifestyle behind....Hebrews 10: 26 to 30... If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27 but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. 28 Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 29 How much more severely do you think someone deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified them, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? 30 For we know him who said, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[a] and again, “The Lord will judge his people.”[b]
Thank you brother. I realized I still carries fear of the opposite gender. I am still. I confused about when it's OK for hugs and kisses before marriage.
Respectfully, there’s plenty of terrible things that come with promiscuity. Purity culture is a necessary fear to keep us away from sinning and therefore keeping us with Christ. Does that mean that judging, looking down, and so fourth on people who don’t follow it is also sinless? No. But that doesn’t mean that purity culture is bad.
There should be fear and shame in realizing the weight of your sin. those feelings are your friend and a catalyst to do God's will and let him change your life and the way you think from the inside out.
I have been waiting for a very long time and now I’m tired.I prayed for a Godly marriage,now it’s like I want to give up.Please pray for me.
I realized that I've been isolating myself from people in general for a long time. I've never been close to anyone except my parents & siblings. We were always taught to have wisdom when it comes to people of the opposite sex, I won't get close to anyone for personal reasons but because of my own isolation I've learned to not get close to anyone. The current culture are teaching our generation that dating is fine, sex before marriage is fine, but now they are telling our generation to break up with people that were dating. Like wtf am I supposed to do? I want to get close to someone but now I'm confused & unsure if I should be dating at all.
reject the modern culture, I'm a young man and navigating the modern dating world where hook up and situationships and promiscous women are normalized is difficult but not impossible. Ask yourself whats your intent of dating? Are you ready to be a god fearing wife and all the glory it entails? And when dating and engaged can you set the necessary boundaries to remain sexually abstinent to avoid sinning? Have you researched the proper academic material to ensure you have a healthy sex life when married to your husband? Are you continuously walking and honoring gods given gifts of your intrinsic value and honoring him in mind and body growing in faith with him continuously? Are you willing to continue to do so when married expanding and deepening that relationship with your husband to honour? If yes, then you have nothing to worry about. Your mindset is like a needle in a haystack in modern culture, dont let the modern times corrupt you.
Also Remember gods warning about conforming to modern standards: [Romans 12:2]
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect"
I think there may be a confusion here. If I were using the principle of charity I'd presume that the purity culture proponents were not saying that the person is spiritually irredeemable but that fornication and the like can leave indelible (or at least stubborn) marks on our behavior, brain, mind, ways of thinking, or body. It could very well be that such behavior does weaken one's pair-bonding mechanisms in such a way so that the effects of it are permanent or near-permanent. In other words, it's a very similar concept to how if you act without wisdom so that you make some mistake that causes you to lose a limb you will still not have that limb even if God redeems your mind so you no longer act foolishly. Of course, God could regrow your limb but the chances are rather slim, unfortunately (though there are a few examples of modern medical miracles according to Erik Manning). Perhaps, then, it's the same way with the effects such actions have on your bring or mind. The only thing I will say to qualify this comparison is that the nature of neuroplasticity would probably facilitate a greater level of positive change than the chances of regrowing a limb. Nonetheless, some of that 'baggage' may remain and ignoring the possibility of lasting damage doesn't seem wise either.
btw, I am not familiar with purity culture, so I'm only using charitable forms of the argument in this video rather than what some purity culture pastor said
John 8:10-11 ESV
[10] Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” [11] She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”
pair bonding tends to gets damaged when you give away your first time
We spiritually bond with someone when we have sex. Sometimes we have to pray to sever the soul ties.
We can be freed from it.
That's why I dont feel hope in marriage. I want a virgin wife but im not one myself and because of that im not good enough for one.
Its a never ending cycle. If I could go back in time I'd stop myself and I'd also stop what happened to me as a baby, but sadly I cannot. I have to live with it.
@@BansheeKing22 I wish I had the wisdom on what to say to that. Aren't there some virgin wives that'll be with you even if you're not a virgin?
@@BansheeKing22that's exactly how I feel because I regret giving my first time to a boyfriend that didn't really care about me and was rushing things with me and then one day he ended up throwing headphones or a small object close towards me and I got a taste of what life would have been like had we gotten married. It was a downhill Road for me after our breakup and ended up being intimate with boyfriends that were similar to him. I have not been having sex for the past 2 years ago. I also stopped going on dating apps because people on their can pretend to be anything on there and then be nothing like what they portrayed themselves to be. I just go with the flow right now meaning that if it's in God's will that I meet a husband then so be it but if not, then let it be. If I do get a husband which I don't really have that much faith that I will then he has to believe in God and have a relationship with him! I do not want to force somebody to be a believer.
@@erickkisreal9398 no and im also too old in my 30s. By now womens standards and expectations are far too high. They expect the guy to be making 6 figures, have a house and car and whatnot. I have nothing.
Early twenties will always be the better time to marry because you can build that together as a couple. At my age I wouldn't have that until I was in my late 70s or 90s, if I live that long and by then there's no having kids or sex or a long marriage.
Despite having the desire for marriage, things just never happened for me. I cant exactly talk to my parents about anything or my relatives because to them I'm being negative and should just get over it already.
It's over the top, none of anyone's business, either!
I was thinking the same thing these past few days....
its leads with shame and fear
Sexual sins are just easier to see in oneself and others because to some degree they are external.
These are all forgivable sins. The more critical and lethal sins are internal. They can be concealed from human eyes . But they effectively slow cook our desire to have communion with God.
Hiii...loving your content....do you have a book?
My problem is yes God can forgive you of your sins and make you whole but also your sin has effects in your life. For example, If you are someone who has taken hard drugs for 20 years and then you come back to the lord. Yes he will forgive you but mostly likely there will be affects to your body and can't take that back.
I am very curious to hear people thoughts on this
Yes that's true, the effect that pre marital sex has on the potential sustainability of future marriage is quite negative according to meta analysis, so being sexually pure from both a biblical and scientific perspective is quite beneficial.
My question is why is sex such a focus...sounds like people are obsessed way too much...and I don't think thats healthy...
Well said.
I was a virgin till I married at 45 (too old but that’s another story). I grew up in the “horrible” purity culture. This guy calls it evil but valueing my virginity was what kept me from premarital sex. And believe me I experienced temptation. My wife was also a virgin. And it meant a lot to me. I’m glad that I don’t have memories of having had sex with other women. No comparisons. I’m glad my wife has none of those memories either. God forgives our sins and makes us new creatures but it doesn’t always mean that consequences are taken away. I do believe that premarital sex is cheating on your spouse before you marry them. Whoever you marry is going to have to live with that. Maybe they won’t care, maybe they will. The message regarding premarital sex from the church today (and very strong in this guy’s video) is “sinful but harmless”. A sin no doubt, “don’t do it”, “repent, get forgiven”. But when it’s all said and done basically “harmless”.
If the church reject people simply because of his/her dirty past, then the church is wrong, but if the church simply stated the consequences of being un-pure, the church did nothing wrong, even if the people who hear it feel shame, everything been said are brutal truth, if u get pass around you lost your value, that doesn't mean Christ won't accept you, he'll still love you but the damage won't just go away, un-pure people have to put extra work to fix their past, feeling shame is normal, YOU HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTION, it's not gonna be easy, people who are consider pure should also give courage to those and not shame them so they won't stumble on their healing process.
Purity culture can have very negative effects, on women in particular, to the point that it is detrimental once they get married.
When a person makes their sexual purity such a large part of their personality, often having a view that sex is inherently bad, it can cause psychological issues that manifest physically once that person does go to actually have sex on their marriage night. One of the big issues is called Vaginismus, which causes pain when sex is attempted due to a physical response as a result of the psychological trauma.
You don't want your sex life with your spouse to be ruined by an unnecessary obsession with purity and a twisted view of sex.
If you train your mind and your body to treat sex and physical contact as an inherently bad thing that needs to be avoided, then you are training yourself to reject that intimacy. It's not just going to shut off once you get married.
Wait for marriage, but also realize that sex is a beautiful and wonderful gift from God and should be looked forward to.
Definitely. Realizing that getting horny is completely natural and good is necessary. People just need to learn discipline, not tricking your mind and body to rejecting sex
We must of went to the same church lol. No seriously i enjoyed this!! Cuz i can relate! Loved it!
Before Watching this: Good first statement let's see how you roll with it.
6:19 Some people just take the "Jane the Virgin" approach and just crush the rose.
Check out Jason Evert. He does a lot of work promoting chastity. Excellent speaker.
purity culture has made dating essentially impossible for hundreds of thousands of Christians. Purity culture made a whole generation of Christians single by making them terrified of sex. Not only that, but when they get married they still feel guilt over sex leading to sex less marriages. dating and marriage is a mess in Christianity.
It’s just sneaks legalism.lets not add to His word,if the Bible does not call something a sin specifically then we don’t need to make it one.
Umm who’s referring to fornication ?im talking about hugging or kissing.settle down.
I wish pastors of the day would focus more on the dangers of gossiping the dangers of manipulation and other toxic behaviours and how Jesus handled those types of people that are found in the church that make people feel less then.
Then purity culture which turns people away those people who who have been used and abused and taken against there will when they where young and how they are soiled to there future spouse we are told. I can’t begin to explain the kind of shame and weight and sleepless nights it has brought into my life as well as others and damaging thinking there’s no way a Christian husband would want me now when they need purity. We can’t all have the same life story. We can’t all have a beautiful easy going life where nothing bad happened to us in our past. I am thankful you are speaking up against purity culture as it’s a lot more complicated then people think. Jesus forgave the woman at the well God will forgive you and we are asked to sin no more that goes for gossiping as well.
Ooh I have mixed feelings here.
Because sexual sin is not the only sin. And a person is not “pure” just because they’ve been sexually pure.
BUT- and I say this as someone who knows because I wasn’t sexually pure-
There is a difference. It does genuinely harm you for the long haul in ways other things do not.
Many of these problems in "purity culture" or even the "sexual liberation cultures" that you mention would be solved by living examples of good relationships, good godly marriages (you mentioned a lack of this) also godly examples of the past, saints who have overcome lust & sexual sin (St. Mary of Egypt, St. Moses the Ethiopian, St Silhoun) & many others, godly examples of biblical marriage saints who were married upholding a godly marriage and also people who remained celibate & virgins like monks & nuns (not to show themselves better than others but to live for the kingdom of God) all these examples would help people find what it means to be truly pure, redeemed & healed by God through Christ.
Something else that would be good, that most churches have lost is godly affection through hugs, holy kisses (this is different than romantic kisses usually its on both cheeks or in the air on the side) kissing the hand of priests or nuns & more forms of affection toward one another. I have seen some of this in the orthodox church but I believe it would be good if some protestants would take note looking to godly examples in people & restoring godly affection in the love of Christ.
I fail to see the problem with it. Yes, of course God can heal your heart, and still bring you the right person.
But……..that crumpled torn person WILL STILL BRING BAGGAGE INTO THEIR MARRIAGE. This is a natural consequence of sin, healed or not. You’re telling me that the godly man that marries someone with a high body count, even though she’s now a genuinely godly woman, won’t wonder if one of her old lovers was better in bed? Or vice versa?
If you're a Christian in a good, healthy and godly relationship, you won't waste your time thinking about your partner's past.
@@davideassis87 That's shaming language. It is prudent to consider someone's past when making the most impactful decision of your life. A wise person should investigate the other person's history in every facet because people are not stocks and past performance is a great indicator of future performance.
@@davideassis87 Hopefully neither think of the past. The experienced one may remember the best moments of those sins and believe their spouse is not good enough.
Exactly. This lifestyle brings baggage and damages the person and their future relationship.
It's a GOOD message to try and live pure.
It just needs the other side of the coin, too, of mercy and grace.
@@christopherperez8843 If we're talking about someone with a past criminal life or with some serious mental issues, yes, for sure... but it doesn't make sense whatsoever if we're talking about a woman with a high body count. I mean, if you have God in your heart, you probably have more to care than her past partner's sexual performance.
Even though I am an atheist I agree with you
That rose demonstration is exactly how I see myself, whether I like it or not. Granted, I've never been passed around or anything. But for years, the thought that plagued me was, "Who'd want this rose?"
You can imagine how hard I cry from simply hearing, "Jesus wants that rose!" To be loved by Jesus, and know it, is the greatest privilege I have. I wouldn't trade that for anything. 🥲 ❤
The fact that women like you will make a man wait til marriage for something others got for free is exactly what’s wrong with this.
I pray for the man that will end up marrying you, I wish him luck.
Jesus always had the broken come to him.
You're in good company if you are broken. Ask God to help you see yourself the way he does.
@@Xnovality I wish him luck too. 😆
@@davidm4566 That's solid advice. I'm currently in that process, I think. One thing's for certain, and it's that I've learned to rely on God more than on anyone else. So, it's not all bad.
These people need to take a gardening class. Ya a cut rose doesn't regenerate lol. It's dead. It's already cut off the bush. How would it get nutrients? Roses bushes grow back beautifully if you trim them back aggressively, actually. Yes you can manhandle it and knock the petals off and yes it will still grow back.
Another way to look at it is that in Christ, he gives you value. a crumpled and torn 50 dollar bill, is still worth 50 dollars.
I disagree about modesty, I think modesty is important for woman to practice just as avoiding self abuse and corn is important of a practice for men. In fact the two stick together like glue.
One thing I actually admire about Islam is they get there woman to veil there hair (wearing the hijab) as well as dress traditionally. I think we need to start going back to doing that and Christians actually did used to do this prior to 1900's. It was even something endorsed by St Paul. (Although, I think the Niqab is going a bit to far, just the hair veil and appropriate covering up of the body is fine).
Also gender separation at churches would be a good thing as well. In Orthodox Christianity woman and men have to stand on opposite sides of the room during worship. There are not pew seats like in other churches, although there are some seats on the side for people that need them.
However that said, I don't have a problem with kissing or hugging before marriage as long as it doesn't lead the two people in question towards fornication.
Modesty applies to both men and women. Sure people, especially believers, need to do better on that front. Nevertheless most people shouldn't have to dress like Muslims. Women shouldn't have to dress like nuns in fear of being shamed. Oh my goodness you can see her ankle - how scandalous! 🤦
Separate places for men and women in church is one thing. I can see that to a certain extent. That being said, I have to disagree with one thing. It's not right to separate families from each other just because people are prudes. A man and woman who are a married couple shouldn't be separated from each other. Brothers shouldn't be separated from sisters, parernts from children, etc.
With respect, I'd rather people not take advice on lifestyle and faith from flat-earthers.
@siervodedios5952 i agree that modesty is men and womans responsibility
Gender segregation shouldn't apply to those with families. If it does, then they should stand/sit on the same row with opposite sides. In the case of kids, they should always be with their parents.
@siervodedios5952 With respect, the bible, as well as many ancient manuscrips, support a flat stationary plane. Some bibles even mention a 'firmament' such as the KJV.
If God says the world is a flat stationary plane and everyone says it's a globe. Are you calling God a liar? Or is he unnaware of how he made the world?