Thank you so much Tom and Grace, I'm an ENTJ eight, and all of your knowledge, ideas, examples, and metaphors are completely accurate. God bless both of you.
Attachment theory, enneagram and all the rest have helped me in becoming a better version of myself. I have absolutely no problem with sharing my deepest fairs and feelings and as a result now having this magnetic "aura" which helps me building my tribe. I am having a role in the society. A purpose. Very meaningful and satisfying.
Wow!! I’m an 8w7 and my “F you” moment happened when I was about 7/8 years old at my babysitter’s house, hungry as hell. I walked across the street to a Hungry Howie’s pizza restaurant and asked them if I could fold pizza boxes for a pizza to feed my brother, myself and my babysitter’s son. I did that as often as I could because I was always hungry over there and looking back I can’t imagine what those employees thought! I never mentioned it to my parents, had to keep it a secret from the babysitter or she would have eaten the pizza herself. It wasn’t until my late twenties that I realized how abnormal that was, and that my mother didn’t do her due diligence to make sure we were taken care of - no asking about our day at all. It was a huge eye opener to hear you talk about the REAL vulnerability! Because I will talk about stories like then one above allllll day and not mind but to get me to admit to being soft inside and emotionally vulnerable... ooof. So hard. My heart is pure gold and I would die for those I love. Typing this is bringing tears to my eyes. I want to learn to be more vulnerable and to feel safe in my relationships. Thank you so much for the video.
Love this!! Great stuff... I'm married to a strong 8 with a 7 wing... Moderate level... You have explained him to a tea!! Especially the warrior analogy ! Very helpful. He's not an easy going guy...to say the least... Yet, I love his leadership qualities... His" lets get this done" attitude... And the fact he loves, loves the under dog... The most vulnerable among us. He is very generous... to me and others... And he is one who tells it like It is no matter what anyone may feel or believe otherwise. The fun part of an 8 is they love to give folks in their lives, nick names... And usually are quite accurate with them too!! Ha! Ya gotta love those 8's
I'm a social 8w7 in church ministry who CONSTANTLY felt misunderstood by those in the church. My biggest frustration was feeling like no one "Got me" and that a lot of things that were just personality differences were treated like sin issues. These videos have been so helpful for me to feel understood! I've devoted most of my life to dominating my own impulses and restraining my anger within, but that "big dog" energy still makes me feel like an odd-ball in a lot of my "gentle" (1+2 type) church contexts. Knowing that it isn't wrong for me to be this way, but I just need to keep growing is so helpful. Thanks so much it's super freeing!
Me too, man. Me too. I almost left the Church because I turned all my anger inwards because I thought "I was not supposed to be this angry". That became a deep, dark resentment of God and the people in my church. Now I see that I was at mid-health, trying to rein in my impulses. Thank God for this new self-understanding!
I have never heard about the 8 "childhood F...You moment". But I did have it at 7 years old; I made myself lost leaving with my grandparents a crowded event. The chaos of this situation upset me so much, I have decided to walk back home following the city tramway tracks. I have no idea how I have navigated this winding 10 km, but I was never scared nor confused. I knew exactly what to do. But I was angry I remember, and loving just to keep walking alone. My father was frantically driving his car looking for me, asking if anyone have seen a little girl, but did not find me. After about 4 hours I have arrived home safely and just said that there was no space for me on the over crowded tramway. I did not admit what I did until I told this story to my mom when I was 56 years old. She told me then, that when I was 2 years old I cried not letting her helping me to tie my shoes repeating over and over that I must do it myself. This is fascinating. Thank you. Now I am crying. I will never again let anyone make me feel guilty about being an 8.
I'm an 8w7 parenting two girls, 10 and 12. After spending time with the enneagram, I'm aware that I parent like an 8. I can recall when they were younger I could tell I was having a bad day when I found myself talking to them exactly like they were adults (frustrated mommy slipping into a 5). But I know I'm parenting like an 8. Even this morning I had a talk with my older girl and I specifically said, "You are nobody's victim. You are in control of your decisions and if you made one decision, it may be hard, but you can make a different decision." I wasn't the helpless kid waiting to be told what to do and I'm like, you don't be that either. . . . Of course, I realize that is me being me thinking that and my daughter IS NOT me and she thinks and processes things differently. That is my continued focus as a parent - to remember they are not processing or thinking like me not only because of life experience but also because of personality/disposition differences and I need to have a heaping pile of grace for all people concerned in the house. AND THEN you got to the dog/sock analogy and all I can think of is my poor type 9 husband who looks at me like, "Sigh. Fine, give me the sock so we can get through with this." LOL
I tried to explain this to my very controlling and selfish dad once, during a lecture on how I should behave and how I need to learn to hold my tongue.... I mean DUDE YOU HAVE NO IDEA how much I refrain from tearing you a new one and hurting your stupid feelings. But I couldn’t get past the “you have no idea how much I already hold my tongue”. The injustice of it all got too much and I had to just give up 😂
Funny, cause I just got called a "bully & control freak" recently by a very passive woman acquaintance; I had been brutally honest with her (calling her out) around something she did that I found very inconsiderate & down right rude (especially since we are both on a leadership team of a shared meetup group). It made me think that maybe she got bullied as a child or growing up and I triggered her when I stated my opinion (on something she did or didn't do) very strongly. She and I couldn't be more opposite as how we approach life so clearly we "trigger" each other...but she had to resort to name calling, zero self-awaress on her part which is hard for me when dealing with people. I just want everyone to own their own Sh&*!! I am an 8w7 btw.
This was a lot of fun, especially the dog analogy :) Thanks & big hug from an 8w9 sp/sx INTJ Ps. If I had a penny for every "everyone's saying this behind your back, I'm just the one letting you know, I'm helping here!"...
Grace, I'm a type 8 and an ENTJ. It's tough because you're often misunderstood. On a lighter note, everything you're saying in this video feels like it came straight from my own brain lol! Its easy people, keep it movin'! How come no one gets it?! Lol. BTW, I'm married to a type 9 as well!
biggest take away for me: it's not real strength unless it's coming from an open heart. BUT HOW IS THE HEART MEANT TO BE OPEN IF YOU CAN'T CONFRONT YOUR VULNERABLE SIDE AND SHARE IT WITH OTHERS. don't mind the caps lock she's just tugging on the sock it's FINE
By meeting them again, the innocence you were once denied. Create an imagination, fill it with details of the surroundings you were familiar with around the time you felt this innocence and wholeness fading, if you have no memory of such thing, meet yourself at an age, that seems objectively fitting for a curious, more trusting, perhaps more naive child. When you're satisfied with the landscape of the imagined scene, invite them into it. What are they doing? By themselves, nothing threatening in sight. Leave their internal workings to... them, in this imagination, you do not have access to it, unless you ask them about it, unless they trust you to know, to treat it with care. Children are perceptive. Then imagine yourself approaching. What is your attitude? What are you thinking and feeling? Let it be as it is, no one but you is allowed into this. You are safe to explore this, experiment. How are you greeting them? What are you saying, wanting to say? This is a very potent meditation and can be supported by viewing childhood pictures, to better remember this time. Is it fair to lock this innocence away, to never be allowed to explore, to connect? What are you... "doing" to this child with the strategies you've learned? Is it still justified and necessary? Hasn't the danger and helplessness passed? You're capable, you're reliable. Be that for them, for your innocence. Allow it to touch you again.
For the lowest level of health when you mentioned that most 8s are typically the ones who stand up to bullies, there’s also the fact that a lot of bullies are usually unhealthy 8s, so ironically it’s a dynamic of 8s standing up to 8s lol
She is right on about talking about bad and shitty things I've done vs sharing how much people mean to me. However, as a sexual 8, I have no problem with this kind of vulnerability ONCE i find someone I feel comfortable sharing those feelings with.
@@andrewwabik5125 yeah same, until that person betrays you, your trust and vulnerability and you allow yourself to regress and it’s a whole mess that you have to start from the beginning again with the whole learning to trust people.
I love this! I’m married to an 8w7 and understanding his method of communicating and connecting has saved us So many arguments and hurt feelings! What used to happen from my perspective was that he would verbally attack me, I would respond in kind, and he would be really hurt because “we were having a nice conversation, why did you say that?” Only after learning about the enneagram did I realize he had just playfully nipped my fingers and I had slapped him for it.
I’m a social 4 married to an 8 definitely wing 7. We struggle but these videos are really helping me to step back from my feelings and see her for who she really is - A beautiful strong and caring woman
Right? I’ve never heard the point of view explained SO WELL I can’t wait to use it in the hope my family might finally get it that I ain’t all that angry 😂
These videos are honestly so helpful. I am an 8, and connected with everything you talked about. It is so nice to just hear a natural conversation about the enneagram instead of a 3 minute video about stereotypes. Thank you!
Me being a 5 then very strong 8 that car example is soooo me. There was a work situation for all of us to go to lunch back in 2018 and im like Im gonna drive my car no one will convince me otherwise whoever wants to ride with me can do so.
I am an 8 W7. when I give, I prefer doing this incognito. If anonymous is not possible, I ask my friend who is a 2 to deliver. I don't want thank you cards (save a tree), but mostly I don't want anyone to feel obligated. To me this is not helping if my generosity generates an obligation. I also don't want to set the precedence. I only help when misfortune happens. I don;t support self destructive behavior. You really understand this aspect of an 8. About bulldozing... if you need move the mountains, you need a bulldozer. I came to this planet to move the mountains. I really appreciate gentle people who would rather use spoons to move the mountain, but ... I love being an 8. Get me out of the meeting talking endlessly, and ever so gently. how the faceless "they" should do this. Just get out of my way when I am ready to deliver the results. And if you have known me for 40 years, I live to deliver. All I am asking is, just leave me alone to do my bulldozing and don't expect me do do this in my silk dress- yeah, it is going to be dirty. What is most rewarding for me in others? When they create a beautiful life for themselves and stop complaining. When I hear complain, yeah, I am going to tell you to FIX IT which means do it not talk about it. However, babies and old wrinkled weathered by hard life faces and hands melt my heart the way Arizona sun melts ice. Gravity then disappears. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
I'm an INTP social 8w7 👋 I find your videos about 8s overly harsh. I do have that angry version of my self inside but it comes out on rare occasions, I experience the angry outburst once I have exhausted communicating calmly and reasonably. When people meet me they tend to see me as a warm charismatic person,if they see my angry side it comes as a shock to them actually. I think you can forget that the 8 is next to 9 which is the peacemaker, I have played the role of peacemaking alot in my family and with friends aswell as laying down the law when it's necessary for the sake of the group or individual. I'm personally very liked by people so it surprises me to hear 8s have such a negative reputation 😬 although I personally love ENTJs I think that the stereotypical 8 might be formed by ENTJs 🤷🏽♀️ but there is a different type of 8 also which I think is usually IXTP
Hey guys! I love your videos! I'm just getting into enneagram and your videos make things the most clear and least basted in stereotype from what I see. I have to say that your daughter is an MBTI type ESTP, not ENTP. looking at her cognitive functions, she uses Se and Ni rather than Ne and Si. She is concrete and very direct, focusing on what's happening and what works in the now. She's hyper pragmatic and reality based. I also thought I was an ENTP but mbti tests are inaccurate in producing the correct result because they focus on letter dichotomies (P vs J) when in reality it doesn't work that way. Traditional Myers Briggs confuses big 5 trait openness with intuition which is why many intellectual or open minded ESTPs type themselves as ENTPs. I'd love to do a collab with you talking about compatibility and type if you're interested!
ESTPs are the type to reality check people in a way that can feel like a punch in the face. They get frustrated that others don't seem to be able to see what's really going on. They're quick to action and also are said to have the strongest presence of any type. Unlike the ENTP, they won't debate unless they care or feel the need to "help" someone. They are likely to debate individuals rather than a broad focus societal based debate for which they feel they don't have time.
Yay for cognitive functions based (aka actual) Myers Briggs...! I second this opinion completely. Everyone go research the functions and watch her video.
Im an 8 as well and I believe that our souls choose our number before they come into manifestation in order to tap into our highest powers so I believe that whatever struggles and teachings I’m supposed to have are exactly what I need in order to do what I came here to do as far as my soul mission and I think it’s amazing how everyone can learn so much from their type number as it really helps us all understand Ourselves better
I've thought I was a 5 for the past 4 years. This video called me out so badly. The amount of time I've spent in stress has caused me severe sickness. I feel like I've unlocked the key to my freedom. Thank you.
This video brought me so much joy...My dad is my best friend ❤️. I am an 8, which I just discovered...My whole life had started to take on a whole new meaning after this discovery. Thank you for this video 💕✨️‼️ I'm an INFJ 8
I really cant stand the indecisiveness in others! I used a four-way stop as an example. When everyone is saying "oh, no, you go." "No, you go." and no one goes, IM GOING. Taking action will stop overthinking in its tracks. Sometimes you cant plan things because you need experience to guide you. Decisions can be easy when you feel like you have all the information. Confidence comes from navigating novel experiences. Just having the courage to try can really empower you!
Absolutely! Taking action is so important, especially in situations where everyone is hesitant. It’s all about building that confidence through experience!
I am also a social eight wing seven… Also on top of it, being a female eight is its own bag of adventure! And it’s funny because technically I am ENFP but every time I take the test I am around 49% T and 51% F 😂
@@espressoshot21 I definitely flip flop between T and F. I definitely resonate with ENTP but I feel much “softer”. I love to argue for the enjoyment of it, yet I can be quite goofy and light hearted in the next moment. And then when it comes to ENFP I never quite resonated with the super “feelsy” tendencies… If a friend is upset, it doesn’t come naturally for me just to sit there and be in the feelings with them - although I will make an effort to- it won’t take long before I start to suggest what I think are practical solutions or perspectives. Yup I’m right in between in there ;-) Nice to meet someone else in that spot! I think it can be kind of confusing at times! I actually thought I was a seven for a long time 😍
Watching you guys together is beautiful ❤ Dad is constantly dropping tongue in cheek comments about his 8 daughter, and they both have such a deep understanding of each other that it doesn’t matter. Aunt Suzy is definitely real though 😂 Thanks for these videos guys, even though I’m late to this world. But as an 8 it’s ok, because it’s the internets fault for not showing me it sooner, but now it has, I can take action 😅
Yes!!!! This is great. Wonderful. Unhealthy 8s think they are healthy. I married one. Thanks for the insight Grace. Investigative strong desire for others to justify behaviour. Spot on. My healthy 8friend said 8s need to balance their truth with a lot of grace and mercy. Thanks for the video. It very insightful!
Thank you so much for this! I am glad that you brought up the German Shepard with the sock. It really resonated with me and now I understand how I come off to people.
I was told I'm an 8. I am thinking responses to you, and then your daughter says it. She makes complete sense to me. I will go see what she has to say. Thank you. I am INFJ, and and 8. I am confused. I can understand the way she talks.
OMG. I jumped into a pool because the other kids could swim. Nevermind I was stupid enough to break my ankle getting out of the car because someone slammed the goddamn door on my foot. I sank to the bottom of the pool. The lifeguard was in a leg cast, no help there. I think I want annegram 8 friends.
I think those that understand us, know that we need to be challenged. We are challenging because we need to be challenged! Mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. We need to test our mettle and find out what were made of. My best teachers were the ones who challenged me in a constructive way. I love people who challenge me intellectually. I love friendly competition as it challenges me as well. If left to my own devices, i will always challenge myself 😂
Oh wow this came out just 6 hours ago? Wow. I’m here digging info for my hubby who is a 8 with strong 6 right behind it. I’m a 5 with a string 8 right after.
I think the 8 and 1 would take fast action in the CAR scenario. I don't get upset in those situations but I DO want to solve the problem in the moment as quickly as possible. You said the 9's are in the doing but remember 9's (yes in the gut/action triad) their issue is "forgetting" this ...where the 8's over identify with "doing/acting" and I think 1's are in denial about their "doing/acting"
I've recently discovered the Enneagram. I believe I am a 9 but have lived a good majority of my life as a 7. Is that possible? Have I just been "tapping into" 7? My mother is a 9 (I had her take a test and we are a lot a like also....), is is possible to pick up the personality of your parents? Or....I'm married to an 8 and I think my mother was married to an 8. Can being married to an 8 make a 7 more like a 9 if they feel "bullied" a lot? My husband does not think he is a bully, and maybe it's because of my personality that I'm just more sensitive but let me explain how I see his behavior with examples from the video: The family is standing around the vehicle trying to figure out how to get everyone into the van WHILE ALSO MEETING THE NEEDS OF THE FAMILY MEMBERS. So "uncle Phil" needs to sit in the front because he needs more room, the baby needs to sit in a car seat but the car seat is in the bucket seat. The bucket seat has the USB port that allows the autistic teenager to plug in and not freak out during the car ride. The 8 gets frustrated and says "I'm taking the truck and if you want to come with me you can" and leaves. What I hear: I do not care about the needs of these people, my need to "get going" is justified but their needs are BS. I'm going to leave and let my partner/family figure this out by themselves because I really don't care about them either, so putting this stress on them to handle it alone is fine to do. I KNOW my husband is capable of patience and compassion, but he rarely chooses to restrain himself from being a bully when he's stressed or feeling a lack of control. I am going to keep watching these videos to learn more and hopefully change my perspective in how I view these behaviors and hopefully learn not to take his attacks so personally.
Tom, which types are usually bullies? Since 8s are known for standing up to bullies and viewed as bullies to gentler humans - who are the actual bullies?
Yes, I too have won battles and lost wars, and it does makes me physically sick not to be transparent at questionable workplaces. My 1 calls me a mule for being so stubborn sometimes 🐴 I bet you all self-verified your MBTI type after simply considering test results. Those tests can be faulty, I read, but who knows... - 4w3, 458, sx/sp, ISFP 🌈
I am 8w9, i am preparing for a competitive exam since 5-6 month, therr will be more 5 months. And i noticed that i am completely ignoring my health, i gained weight, it feels weak, but when i go to the gym i get a thought in my mind that " i will deal with this after the exam " and i stop Going to the gym , this happened couple of times, Somedays i don't even get out of the house or room.i generally study 10-12 hours a day. It sometimes feel like i am being slothfull. What can i do?
Im a 6 but some of this reminded me of myself. I definitely can be the dog with the sock ranting in an agitated way to blow off steam or maybe even to feel strong for a while. i also feel i can be very assertive in certain situations. I often like to take the lead in smaller siruations to feel in control or that im achieving but i dont fear being controlled and have alot of 6 traits. Maybe a 6 going to 3? I also think i could be counterphobic but i go back and forth. Very confusing
Can you not be an 8 if you relate to showing gratitude to your loved ones often because my Tritype is 584 & I don’t feel uncomfortable with doing so with someone I love
I was a little stressed watching this video because I kept waiting for your daughter to chime in and interrupt and there was a lot of interrupting in the middle of your comments. Sometimes it's okay to sit back and give the other person the stage and contribute occasionally.
Im an infp 8 and im struggling to find more information in that combination as theres almost nothing out there on it. Any further info would be greatly appreciated
Thanks to both of you, just always awesome 👏 so spot on. Insightful. I can just add about ‘do- think- feel’.... I ‘do’ because I feel strong urge to do stuff, lol😅hopefully it make sense 🤷♀️🤯
Vulnerable, I think of being under prepared for the situation, mentally, physically, emotionally. 8w9 INTP here. When I am down and in a corner it is scorched earth time. If I am going down you are too we die together in battle 18:20 I want everyone to be strong and independent if they have the ability. If they are truly weak and vulnerable them I will stand up for them. 25:30 "literally can't get in a van" hahaha 31:00 I always end up being the leader. Not out of choice but out of necessity. But I am not your mother. 36:30 The truth changes always. All you can do in the moment is operate on the assumption of what the data shows the current truth to be. Also pick your battles. 50:00 I like empowering people. 52:00 At times.
Hi Dr. Tom. As a Sexual 8w7 I can say your always on point. I am definitely interested in your upcoming certificate program. How do I buy her calendar?
Wow, such a helpful video! I gotta ask, though, because I‘ve been wondering about this for some time: why do you both think you‘re ENFP and ENTP? I just can‘t see any Ne in you, while you seem like strong Se users. This whole video to me was like an ESFP talking to an ESTP. Se users can still be random and enjoy topics such as the enneagram, especially ESFPs. Everything you say is very tangible, not abstract. Maybe you could do a video about how you found your Mbti type? That would really interest me, as well 😊
It is a constant push and pull!! Exhausting!You want friends but you’re afraid friends will hurt you. You want to grow closer to God but you push away your Bible reading. It’s weird! But as an eight I will say, I’ve never lost it when something was closed. I totally feel like every business has a right to their own hours. Also, I didn’t grow up around cussing and so I don’t. I guess it’s natural if somethings just don’t fit your number??
I was an eight all the way until you said no sharing I tend to over share LOL but the video just started so I shall continue but this topic strikes a nerve I’ve been told but I can’t say I trust the source so it’s time to do some homework back to the video thank you
8s are able to share when it’s with their inner circle or to carry out some motive lol. At least that’s my experience as an 8. Not exactly cuddly loving little dollies lol.
I liked that part a lot and for me it made total sense. I'd share very easily something embarrassing to make people laugh or so they're not intimidated by me, or a sad story to show someone how I got over something to empower them with their own issue, but that's not real vulnerability.
Sort of wish you did something a bit more comprehensive instead of generalizing unhealthy, average, and healthy states. But very informative, nonetheless.
I hate Type 8's' because they make themselves and everyone else miserable. But the worst thing about them is they don't even know how much other people HATE them; they're completely oblivious because they're so self-centered they don't even consider what other people might think or feel.
I’m an 8 and I love you. I’m sorry about the 8s in your life that have hurt you so please don’t put us all in one category. I love you since Jesus Christ loves you first. He died for all sin, including yours. Receive that and you will be saved. I love you, no hard feelings what so ever. I pray I can see you in heaven one day ❤️
I was raised by a very unhealthy sexual 8. But I don't hate 8's. In fact, healthy 8's can do a lot of good in the world. And just remember, sometimes, an 8 may have to protect you from other 8's. I actually heard an 8 say that once, so there you go. All types are self-centred when unhealthy. All types make themselves and others miserable in unhealth without even realising they are doing it. Trust me, I'm a 6, and when I was in a very unhealthy place, I was very self-centred and didn't care how my feelings, behaviour or actions impacted on anybody else. So it's not just 8's who can be like that. I'm sorry for you you've obviously had such a bad time with unhealthy 8's. I can sympathise. But that can change when you meet the right, more healthy ones, believe me. And remember, all types can be like that in unhealth. I wish you well.
The way you talk about hating any type just shows that you understand nothing about the enneagram. I'll bet you are the miserable person, the common denominator. Strong language. No type is inherently good or bad, you let your experience and possibly your own health level, which i would assume to be in the unhealthy states, shape your perception of people.
i can see that happening. i suggest you to confront/fight with that one eight you hate, they will take you more seriously and issue you have in your hand will be taken care of in the end. Be strong and unyielding till they give you what you want, then you can comprise other details.
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Thank you so much Tom and Grace, I'm an ENTJ eight, and all of your knowledge, ideas, examples, and metaphors are completely accurate. God bless both of you.
Absolutely correct. I am a voice for the voiceless. An attorney - representing the disabled, abused child.
Kudo's to you for all that you do. I want to be an undercover agent for the FBI to bust child abuser's in sex trafficking.
Attachment theory, enneagram and all the rest have helped me in becoming a better version of myself. I have absolutely no problem with sharing my deepest fairs and feelings and as a result now having this magnetic "aura" which helps me building my tribe. I am having a role in the society. A purpose. Very meaningful and satisfying.
Wow!! I’m an 8w7 and my “F you” moment happened when I was about 7/8 years old at my babysitter’s house, hungry as hell. I walked across the street to a Hungry Howie’s pizza restaurant and asked them if I could fold pizza boxes for a pizza to feed my brother, myself and my babysitter’s son. I did that as often as I could because I was always hungry over there and looking back I can’t imagine what those employees thought! I never mentioned it to my parents, had to keep it a secret from the babysitter or she would have eaten the pizza herself. It wasn’t until my late twenties that I realized how abnormal that was, and that my mother didn’t do her due diligence to make sure we were taken care of - no asking about our day at all.
It was a huge eye opener to hear you talk about the REAL vulnerability! Because I will talk about stories like then one above allllll day and not mind but to get me to admit to being soft inside and emotionally vulnerable... ooof. So hard. My heart is pure gold and I would die for those I love. Typing this is bringing tears to my eyes. I want to learn to be more vulnerable and to feel safe in my relationships.
Thank you so much for the video.
This was so beautiful to read. Thanks for writing it.
Love this!! Great stuff... I'm married to a strong 8 with a 7 wing... Moderate level... You have explained him to a tea!! Especially the warrior analogy ! Very helpful. He's not an easy going guy...to say the least... Yet, I love his leadership qualities... His" lets get this done" attitude... And the fact he loves, loves the under dog... The most vulnerable among us. He is very generous... to me and others... And he is one who tells it like It is no matter what anyone may feel or believe otherwise. The fun part of an 8 is they love to give folks in their lives, nick names... And usually are quite accurate with them too!! Ha! Ya gotta love those 8's
You just described ME...lol. My partner is a 9 w1wing ..what are you?
I've seen T and tee, never "to a tea" lol
I'm a social 8w7 in church ministry who CONSTANTLY felt misunderstood by those in the church. My biggest frustration was feeling like no one "Got me" and that a lot of things that were just personality differences were treated like sin issues. These videos have been so helpful for me to feel understood! I've devoted most of my life to dominating my own impulses and restraining my anger within, but that "big dog" energy still makes me feel like an odd-ball in a lot of my "gentle" (1+2 type) church contexts. Knowing that it isn't wrong for me to be this way, but I just need to keep growing is so helpful. Thanks so much it's super freeing!
Me too, man. Me too. I almost left the Church because I turned all my anger inwards because I thought "I was not supposed to be this angry". That became a deep, dark resentment of God and the people in my church. Now I see that I was at mid-health, trying to rein in my impulses. Thank God for this new self-understanding!
I have never heard about the 8 "childhood F...You moment". But I did have it at 7 years old; I made myself lost leaving with my grandparents a crowded event. The chaos of this situation upset me so much, I have decided to walk back home following the city tramway tracks. I have no idea how I have navigated this winding 10 km, but I was never scared nor confused. I knew exactly what to do. But I was angry I remember, and loving just to keep walking alone. My father was frantically driving his car looking for me, asking if anyone have seen a little girl, but did not find me. After about 4 hours I have arrived home safely and just said that there was no space for me on the over crowded tramway. I did not admit what I did until I told this story to my mom when I was 56 years old. She told me then, that when I was 2 years old I cried not letting her helping me to tie my shoes repeating over and over that I must do it myself. This is fascinating. Thank you. Now I am crying. I will never again let anyone make me feel guilty about being an 8.
Thanks for sharing this.. Awesome.
I'm an 8w7 parenting two girls, 10 and 12. After spending time with the enneagram, I'm aware that I parent like an 8. I can recall when they were younger I could tell I was having a bad day when I found myself talking to them exactly like they were adults (frustrated mommy slipping into a 5). But I know I'm parenting like an 8. Even this morning I had a talk with my older girl and I specifically said, "You are nobody's victim. You are in control of your decisions and if you made one decision, it may be hard, but you can make a different decision." I wasn't the helpless kid waiting to be told what to do and I'm like, you don't be that either. . . . Of course, I realize that is me being me thinking that and my daughter IS NOT me and she thinks and processes things differently. That is my continued focus as a parent - to remember they are not processing or thinking like me not only because of life experience but also because of personality/disposition differences and I need to have a heaping pile of grace for all people concerned in the house. AND THEN you got to the dog/sock analogy and all I can think of is my poor type 9 husband who looks at me like, "Sigh. Fine, give me the sock so we can get through with this." LOL
God. Yes.
The containment taking constant, permanent effort that is unnoticed by others. Very. True.
I tried to explain this to my very controlling and selfish dad once, during a lecture on how I should behave and how I need to learn to hold my tongue.... I mean DUDE YOU HAVE NO IDEA how much I refrain from tearing you a new one and hurting your stupid feelings. But I couldn’t get past the “you have no idea how much I already hold my tongue”. The injustice of it all got too much and I had to just give up 😂
Funny, cause I just got called a "bully & control freak" recently by a very passive woman acquaintance; I had been brutally honest with her (calling her out) around something she did that I found very inconsiderate & down right rude (especially since we are both on a leadership team of a shared meetup group). It made me think that maybe she got bullied as a child or growing up and I triggered her when I stated my opinion (on something she did or didn't do) very strongly. She and I couldn't be more opposite as how we approach life so clearly we "trigger" each other...but she had to resort to name calling, zero self-awaress on her part which is hard for me when dealing with people. I just want everyone to own their own Sh&*!! I am an 8w7 btw.
This was a lot of fun, especially the dog analogy :) Thanks & big hug from an 8w9 sp/sx INTJ
Ps. If I had a penny for every "everyone's saying this behind your back, I'm just the one letting you know, I'm helping here!"...
Thanks for sharing!! Glad to help...
Grace, I'm a type 8 and an ENTJ. It's tough because you're often misunderstood. On a lighter note, everything you're saying in this video feels like it came straight from my own brain lol! Its easy people, keep it movin'! How come no one gets it?! Lol. BTW, I'm married to a type 9 as well!
biggest take away for me: it's not real strength unless it's coming from an open heart. BUT HOW IS THE HEART MEANT TO BE OPEN IF YOU CAN'T CONFRONT YOUR VULNERABLE SIDE AND SHARE IT WITH OTHERS. don't mind the caps lock she's just tugging on the sock it's FINE
Good stuff...
By meeting them again, the innocence you were once denied.
Create an imagination, fill it with details of the surroundings you were familiar with around the time you felt this innocence and wholeness fading, if you have no memory of such thing, meet yourself at an age, that seems objectively fitting for a curious, more trusting, perhaps more naive child. When you're satisfied with the landscape of the imagined scene, invite them into it. What are they doing? By themselves, nothing threatening in sight. Leave their internal workings to... them, in this imagination, you do not have access to it, unless you ask them about it, unless they trust you to know, to treat it with care. Children are perceptive. Then imagine yourself approaching. What is your attitude? What are you thinking and feeling? Let it be as it is, no one but you is allowed into this. You are safe to explore this, experiment. How are you greeting them? What are you saying, wanting to say?
This is a very potent meditation and can be supported by viewing childhood pictures, to better remember this time.
Is it fair to lock this innocence away, to never be allowed to explore, to connect? What are you... "doing" to this child with the strategies you've learned? Is it still justified and necessary? Hasn't the danger and helplessness passed? You're capable, you're reliable. Be that for them, for your innocence. Allow it to touch you again.
For the lowest level of health when you mentioned that most 8s are typically the ones who stand up to bullies, there’s also the fact that a lot of bullies are usually unhealthy 8s, so ironically it’s a dynamic of 8s standing up to 8s lol
i'm so happy finally type 8
Thanks for being patient.
She is right on about talking about bad and shitty things I've done vs sharing how much people mean to me. However, as a sexual 8, I have no problem with this kind of vulnerability ONCE i find someone I feel comfortable sharing those feelings with.
@@andrewwabik5125 yeah same, until that person betrays you, your trust and vulnerability and you allow yourself to regress and it’s a whole mess that you have to start from the beginning again with the whole learning to trust people.
I love this! I’m married to an 8w7 and understanding his method of communicating and connecting has saved us So many arguments and hurt feelings! What used to happen from my perspective was that he would verbally attack me, I would respond in kind, and he would be really hurt because “we were having a nice conversation, why did you say that?”
Only after learning about the enneagram did I realize he had just playfully nipped my fingers and I had slapped him for it.
I'm an 8w7. My partner is a 2 and she is the only person in my history, who has the ability to expose that vulnerability without even trying.
Same here!
I’m a social 4 married to an 8 definitely wing 7. We struggle but these videos are really helping me to step back from my feelings and see her for who she really is - A beautiful strong and caring woman
I have never resonated with anything more than the dog and sock metaphor 😂
Right? I’ve never heard the point of view explained SO WELL I can’t wait to use it in the hope my family might finally get it that I ain’t all that angry 😂
Oh my. The getting in the van scenario was spot on. It was driving me crazy listening to it!
These videos are honestly so helpful. I am an 8, and connected with everything you talked about. It is so nice to just hear a natural conversation about the enneagram instead of a 3 minute video about stereotypes. Thank you!
You are so welcome!
Me being a 5 then very strong 8 that car example is soooo me. There was a work situation for all of us to go to lunch back in 2018 and im like Im gonna drive my car no one will convince me otherwise whoever wants to ride with me can do so.
Love Grace's protection & sticking up for her sis. Grace says about her sister.. "She's kind of a big deal" Love the love of 8's!!!
I am an 8 W7. when I give, I prefer doing this incognito. If anonymous is not possible, I ask my friend who is a 2 to deliver. I don't want thank you cards (save a tree), but mostly I don't want anyone to feel obligated. To me this is not helping if my generosity generates an obligation. I also don't want to set the precedence. I only help when misfortune happens. I don;t support self destructive behavior. You really understand this aspect of an 8. About bulldozing... if you need move the mountains, you need a bulldozer. I came to this planet to move the mountains. I really appreciate gentle people who would rather use spoons to move the mountain, but ... I love being an 8. Get me out of the meeting talking endlessly, and ever so gently. how the faceless "they" should do this. Just get out of my way when I am ready to deliver the results. And if you have known me for 40 years, I live to deliver. All I am asking is, just leave me alone to do my bulldozing and don't expect me do do this in my silk dress- yeah, it is going to be dirty. What is most rewarding for me in others? When they create a beautiful life for themselves and stop complaining. When I hear complain, yeah, I am going to tell you to FIX IT which means do it not talk about it. However, babies and old wrinkled weathered by hard life faces and hands melt my heart the way Arizona sun melts ice. Gravity then disappears. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
I'm an INTP social 8w7 👋 I find your videos about 8s overly harsh. I do have that angry version of my self inside but it comes out on rare occasions, I experience the angry outburst once I have exhausted communicating calmly and reasonably. When people meet me they tend to see me as a warm charismatic person,if they see my angry side it comes as a shock to them actually. I think you can forget that the 8 is next to 9 which is the peacemaker, I have played the role of peacemaking alot in my family and with friends aswell as laying down the law when it's necessary for the sake of the group or individual. I'm personally very liked by people so it surprises me to hear 8s have such a negative reputation 😬 although I personally love ENTJs I think that the stereotypical 8 might be formed by ENTJs 🤷🏽♀️ but there is a different type of 8 also which I think is usually IXTP
Hey guys! I love your videos! I'm just getting into enneagram and your videos make things the most clear and least basted in stereotype from what I see. I have to say that your daughter is an MBTI type ESTP, not ENTP. looking at her cognitive functions, she uses Se and Ni rather than Ne and Si. She is concrete and very direct, focusing on what's happening and what works in the now. She's hyper pragmatic and reality based. I also thought I was an ENTP but mbti tests are inaccurate in producing the correct result because they focus on letter dichotomies (P vs J) when in reality it doesn't work that way. Traditional Myers Briggs confuses big 5 trait openness with intuition which is why many intellectual or open minded ESTPs type themselves as ENTPs. I'd love to do a collab with you talking about compatibility and type if you're interested!
ESTPs are the type to reality check people in a way that can feel like a punch in the face. They get frustrated that others don't seem to be able to see what's really going on. They're quick to action and also are said to have the strongest presence of any type. Unlike the ENTP, they won't debate unless they care or feel the need to "help" someone. They are likely to debate individuals rather than a broad focus societal based debate for which they feel they don't have time.
I have a few videos on ESTP vs ENTP. Sorry I bet this is annoying. I'm just trying to help 😩😂 (8w7)
Yay for cognitive functions based (aka actual) Myers Briggs...!
I second this opinion completely. Everyone go research the functions and watch her video.
Im an 8 as well and I believe that our souls choose our number before they come into manifestation in order to tap into our highest powers so I believe that whatever struggles and teachings I’m supposed to have are exactly what I need in order to do what I came here to do as far as my soul mission and I think it’s amazing how everyone can learn so much from their type number as it really helps us all understand Ourselves better
I've thought I was a 5 for the past 4 years. This video called me out so badly. The amount of time I've spent in stress has caused me severe sickness. I feel like I've unlocked the key to my freedom. Thank you.
This video brought me so much joy...My dad is my best friend ❤️. I am an 8, which I just discovered...My whole life had started to take on a whole new meaning after this discovery. Thank you for this video 💕✨️‼️ I'm an INFJ 8
I was thee BIGGEST bully as a kid! I still can be.. its there.. but I know now its a controlling// protective thing.
I really cant stand the indecisiveness in others!
I used a four-way stop as an example. When everyone is saying "oh, no, you go." "No, you go." and no one goes, IM GOING.
Taking action will stop overthinking in its tracks. Sometimes you cant plan things because you need experience to guide you.
Decisions can be easy when you feel like you have all the information. Confidence comes from navigating novel experiences. Just having the courage to try can really empower you!
Absolutely! Taking action is so important, especially in situations where everyone is hesitant. It’s all about building that confidence through experience!
Really excellent talk. Really helped me a lot. I’m so thankful that you are back!!❤
Great. Love your interaction. Just meeting an 8 clients and this is very helpful. Thx to both.
I am also a social eight wing seven… Also on top of it, being a female eight is its own bag of adventure!
And it’s funny because technically I am ENFP but every time I take the test I am around 49% T and 51% F 😂
Gotcha... The battle between F and T.
Omg same here! 8w7 ENFP. I think we're far from many ENFP stereotypes and often flip flop between T & F because of our 8ness lol
@@espressoshot21 I definitely flip flop between T and F. I definitely resonate with ENTP but I feel much “softer”. I love to argue for the enjoyment of it, yet I can be quite goofy and light hearted in the next moment. And then when it comes to ENFP I never quite resonated with the super “feelsy” tendencies… If a friend is upset, it doesn’t come naturally for me just to sit there and be in the feelings with them - although I will make an effort to- it won’t take long before I start to suggest what I think are practical solutions or perspectives. Yup I’m right in between in there ;-) Nice to meet someone else in that spot! I think it can be kind of confusing at times! I actually thought I was a seven for a long time 😍
The 8 anger is better described as conviction as opposed to being resentful.
Watching you guys together is beautiful ❤
Dad is constantly dropping tongue in cheek comments about his 8 daughter, and they both have such a deep understanding of each other that it doesn’t matter.
Aunt Suzy is definitely real though 😂
Thanks for these videos guys, even though I’m late to this world. But as an 8 it’s ok, because it’s the internets fault for not showing me it sooner, but now it has, I can take action 😅
Love that!
I’m an ENTJ Type 8w7 social and this was extremely helpful to me. Thank you so much for all your work on this channel!
As an INFJ, 8w9. I love watching both of you.
Same, very informative and entertaining.
Yes!!!! This is great. Wonderful. Unhealthy 8s think they are healthy. I married one. Thanks for the insight Grace. Investigative strong desire for others to justify behaviour. Spot on. My healthy 8friend said 8s need to balance their truth with a lot of grace and mercy. Thanks for the video. It very insightful!
Thank you so much for this! I am glad that you brought up the German Shepard with the sock. It really resonated with me and now I understand how I come off to people.
Glad it was helpful!
I now understand why German shepherds are my favorite dogs. 8w7
Me too! GSD and wolves.
I was told I'm an 8. I am thinking responses to you, and then your daughter says it. She makes complete sense to me. I will go see what she has to say. Thank you. I am INFJ, and and 8. I am confused. I can understand the way she talks.
OMG. I jumped into a pool because the other kids could swim. Nevermind I was stupid enough to break my ankle getting out of the car because someone slammed the goddamn door on my foot. I sank to the bottom of the pool. The lifeguard was in a leg cast, no help there. I think I want annegram 8 friends.
I think those that understand us, know that we need to be challenged.
We are challenging because we need to be challenged!
Mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. We need to test our mettle and find out what were made of.
My best teachers were the ones who challenged me in a constructive way.
I love people who challenge me intellectually. I love friendly competition as it challenges me as well.
If left to my own devices, i will always challenge myself 😂
Totally get you! Life’s way more fun when you’re pushing yourself. Let’s keep challenging each other!
Haha absolutely loved the dog analogy you guys used to explain 😂Super accurate!
Thank you!! 😁
Loved this video. I’ve been called First Sergeant cuz I tell people what’s going to happen when everyone is hemming and hawing. 😂😂😂
Exactly right!
Oh wow this came out just 6 hours ago? Wow. I’m here digging info for my hubby who is a 8 with strong 6 right behind it. I’m a 5 with a string 8 right after.
I hope the video is helpful.
Very helpful relationship combo information. I am married to an 8, and am a 2. Sometimes I feel exhausted by his energy.
I understand
Thanks! My father in law is an 8. So protective and annoying. Thanks Grace!
This was great! I wish I could make my family sit and listen to this and their number of course.
I think the 8 and 1 would take fast action in the CAR scenario. I don't get upset in those situations but I DO want to solve the problem in the moment as quickly as possible. You said the 9's are in the doing but remember 9's (yes in the gut/action triad) their issue is "forgetting" this ...where the 8's over identify with "doing/acting" and I think 1's are in denial about their "doing/acting"
I've recently discovered the Enneagram. I believe I am a 9 but have lived a good majority of my life as a 7. Is that possible? Have I just been "tapping into" 7? My mother is a 9 (I had her take a test and we are a lot a like also....), is is possible to pick up the personality of your parents?
Or....I'm married to an 8 and I think my mother was married to an 8. Can being married to an 8 make a 7 more like a 9 if they feel "bullied" a lot?
My husband does not think he is a bully, and maybe it's because of my personality that I'm just more sensitive but let me explain how I see his behavior with examples from the video: The family is standing around the vehicle trying to figure out how to get everyone into the van WHILE ALSO MEETING THE NEEDS OF THE FAMILY MEMBERS. So "uncle Phil" needs to sit in the front because he needs more room, the baby needs to sit in a car seat but the car seat is in the bucket seat. The bucket seat has the USB port that allows the autistic teenager to plug in and not freak out during the car ride. The 8 gets frustrated and says "I'm taking the truck and if you want to come with me you can" and leaves.
What I hear: I do not care about the needs of these people, my need to "get going" is justified but their needs are BS. I'm going to leave and let my partner/family figure this out by themselves because I really don't care about them either, so putting this stress on them to handle it alone is fine to do.
I KNOW my husband is capable of patience and compassion, but he rarely chooses to restrain himself from being a bully when he's stressed or feeling a lack of control. I am going to keep watching these videos to learn more and hopefully change my perspective in how I view these behaviors and hopefully learn not to take his attacks so personally.
Tom, which types are usually bullies? Since 8s are known for standing up to bullies and viewed as bullies to gentler humans - who are the actual bullies?
If u haven’t made a video on how to connect with an 8 please do. Or send a link. Thanks.
Yes, I too have won battles and lost wars, and it does makes me physically sick not to be transparent at questionable workplaces.
My 1 calls me a mule for being so stubborn sometimes 🐴
I bet you all self-verified your MBTI type after simply considering test results. Those tests can be faulty, I read, but who knows...
- 4w3, 458, sx/sp, ISFP 🌈
I am 8w9, i am preparing for a competitive exam since 5-6 month, therr will be more 5 months. And i noticed that i am completely ignoring my health, i gained weight, it feels weak, but when i go to the gym i get a thought in my mind that " i will deal with this after the exam " and i stop Going to the gym , this happened couple of times,
Somedays i don't even get out of the house or room.i generally study 10-12 hours a day. It sometimes feel like i am being slothfull.
What can i do?
Im a 6 but some of this reminded me of myself. I definitely can be the dog with the sock ranting in an agitated way to blow off steam or maybe even to feel strong for a while. i also feel i can be very assertive in certain situations. I often like to take the lead in smaller siruations to feel in control or that im achieving but i dont fear being controlled and have alot of 6 traits. Maybe a 6 going to 3? I also think i could be counterphobic but i go back and forth. Very confusing
34:20 is when he talks about the healthiest level of the 8
ty
Can you not be an 8 if you relate to showing gratitude to your loved ones often because my Tritype is 584 & I don’t feel uncomfortable with doing so with someone I love
Thank you guys, I appreciate your videos so much.
I was a little stressed watching this video because I kept waiting for your daughter to chime in and interrupt and there was a lot of interrupting in the middle of your comments. Sometimes it's okay to sit back and give the other person the stage and contribute occasionally.
Im an infp 8 and im struggling to find more information in that combination as theres almost nothing out there on it. Any further info would be greatly appreciated
Thanks to both of you, just always awesome 👏 so spot on. Insightful. I can just add about ‘do- think- feel’.... I ‘do’ because I feel strong urge to do stuff, lol😅hopefully it make sense 🤷♀️🤯
Vulnerable, I think of being under prepared for the situation, mentally, physically, emotionally. 8w9 INTP here.
When I am down and in a corner it is scorched earth time. If I am going down you are too we die together in battle
18:20 I want everyone to be strong and independent if they have the ability. If they are truly weak and vulnerable them I will stand up for them.
25:30 "literally can't get in a van" hahaha
31:00 I always end up being the leader. Not out of choice but out of necessity. But I am not your mother.
36:30 The truth changes always. All you can do in the moment is operate on the assumption of what the data shows the current truth to be. Also pick your battles.
50:00 I like empowering people.
52:00 At times.
I think the Bulldog and the Rottweiler have an 8 fixation 👍😃
Hi Dr. Tom. As a Sexual 8w7 I can say your always on point.
I am definitely interested in your upcoming certificate program.
How do I buy her calendar?
Never mind I got it lol. I ordered two.
Wow, such a helpful video! I gotta ask, though, because I‘ve been wondering about this for some time: why do you both think you‘re ENFP and ENTP? I just can‘t see any Ne in you, while you seem like strong Se users. This whole video to me was like an ESFP talking to an ESTP. Se users can still be random and enjoy topics such as the enneagram, especially ESFPs. Everything you say is very tangible, not abstract. Maybe you could do a video about how you found your Mbti type? That would really interest me, as well 😊
Thanks for the idea...
This is great. I am an eight
I'm a 2 married to and 8, the struggle is real
My family squashed my 8ness 😟
I felt like she is ESTJ and dad an ENFP
8-7 Female. Yup, I agree.
- You are going to challenge everything anyway
- That's not true
...
I Looooove 8s especially ENTP 8s.
It's awesome to see your enthusiasm for 8s, especially ENTPs! They definitely bring a unique energy to the table.
I once told a 1st meeting church person to remove a mole and she’d be prettier... she actually did ☝️
It is a constant push and pull!! Exhausting!You want friends but you’re afraid friends will hurt you. You want to grow closer to God but you push away your Bible reading. It’s weird! But as an eight I will say, I’ve never lost it when something was closed. I totally feel like every business has a right to their own hours. Also, I didn’t grow up around cussing and so I don’t. I guess it’s natural if somethings just don’t fit your number??
I am a type eight with a seven wing. Your daughter feels like a phobic six to me but the stronger type of six
8s don’t care about ketchup
I was an eight all the way until you said no sharing I tend to over share LOL but the video just started so I shall continue but this topic strikes a nerve I’ve been told but I can’t say I trust the source so it’s time to do some homework back to the video thank you
I think Grace and I both said that 8's often are more than willing to share. Sorry for the confusion.
8s are able to share when it’s with their inner circle or to carry out some motive lol. At least that’s my experience as an 8.
Not exactly cuddly loving little dollies lol.
@@Theprotectivechallenger Right... Thanks Trevor
I liked that part a lot and for me it made total sense. I'd share very easily something embarrassing to make people laugh or so they're not intimidated by me, or a sad story to show someone how I got over something to empower them with their own issue, but that's not real vulnerability.
@@andreeadobre3190 I understand completely
I'm a 9, married to an 8 for decades. Its every thing you say it is in spades.
Thanks
27:20 38:00
Sort of wish you did something a bit more comprehensive instead of generalizing unhealthy, average, and healthy states. But very informative, nonetheless.
Then I am a healthy 8
Yea the whole mask thing is insane lol in my personal observation. Smh
I hate Type 8's' because they make themselves and everyone else miserable. But the worst thing about them is they don't even know how much other people HATE them; they're completely oblivious because they're so self-centered they don't even consider what other people might think or feel.
I think any type that's unhealthy will be self-centered. A mid-level Type 4 is self-absorbed, for example.
I’m an 8 and I love you. I’m sorry about the 8s in your life that have hurt you so please don’t put us all in one category. I love you since Jesus Christ loves you first. He died for all sin, including yours. Receive that and you will be saved. I love you, no hard feelings what so ever. I pray I can see you in heaven one day ❤️
I was raised by a very unhealthy sexual 8. But I don't hate 8's. In fact, healthy 8's can do a lot of good in the world. And just remember, sometimes, an 8 may have to protect you from other 8's. I actually heard an 8 say that once, so there you go. All types are self-centred when unhealthy. All types make themselves and others miserable in unhealth without even realising they are doing it. Trust me, I'm a 6, and when I was in a very unhealthy place, I was very self-centred and didn't care how my feelings, behaviour or actions impacted on anybody else. So it's not just 8's who can be like that. I'm sorry for you you've obviously had such a bad time with unhealthy 8's. I can sympathise. But that can change when you meet the right, more healthy ones, believe me. And remember, all types can be like that in unhealth. I wish you well.
The way you talk about hating any type just shows that you understand nothing about the enneagram. I'll bet you are the miserable person, the common denominator. Strong language. No type is inherently good or bad, you let your experience and possibly your own health level, which i would assume to be in the unhealthy states, shape your perception of people.
i can see that happening. i suggest you to confront/fight with that one eight you hate, they will take you more seriously and issue you have in your hand will be taken care of in the end. Be strong and unyielding till they give you what you want, then you can comprise other details.