Julie I am in my fifties and my kids are grown and gone. I want you to remember that Nikki doesn’t have very little kids, you don’t see her dust and dirty laundry up close, you don’t see her with pms or lose her temper. We never see her on a bad day, with bad lighting, with drippy mascara from crying on her bad days. We don’t see the times Jorge ignores her, when they pick at each other, or when things burn on the stove. You see her home already decluttered, already perfectly painted and updated. I know she would agree with me because she is real and transparent and a darling Christian wife and mother. Dear Julie...take paper and write a list of what drives you the most crazy...be specific. Then just work on that one little thing at the top that drives you the most crazy. Put that one thing on a piece of paper on your fridge and every day you accomplish just that one thing, check it off. No more. You will feel good accomplishing that one thing and then you can add a second thing next week. Just two for next week. Then add one more thing....and so on. Before you know it things will be better. But they should never be TH-cam video perfect unless that is where you are in life. Trust me when I say the most overused advice...life goes fast and nothing stays the same. One day you will be in your fifties like me and longing for the messes of little ones. Your home will be gorgeous, clean, orderly...and quiet..when you are my age. And that is okay too! There is a season for everything. Like Elisabeth Elliot said long ago...do the next right thing. Just one. Hugs to you, and BRAVO for asking for advice! You are wonderful!
This is the most beautiful comment! Made me tear up and gave me such a feeling of freedom and peace. Thank you thank you!! It's so easy to compare our lives with the lives of others who aren't in the same stage of life as we are, and let that bring us down. What a beautiful reminder ❤️
1. Don't be hard on yourself. 2. Listen to music that puts you in a better mood. 3. Get rid of the crap around you. 4. Make a VERY simple organizational system you will actually use. One area at a time. 5. Remember some days will be worse than others and that's ok. 6. Pray/read the bible, hydrate, nourish, rest and groom (I'm talking bare basics here). You can't help anyone else if you're not helping yourself. 7. You may not be a super structured person and instead get a burst of energy during certain times of the day. Work with yourself not against yourself. 8. Taking a break isn't quitting or being a failure. Running on empty will get you nowhere. 9. Have one kid help with breakfast, another with lunch etc. and rotate as you see fit. 10. Don't look at the big picture if it overwhelms you. Do one small thing. Then another and another.
Hi Nikki, my heart broke for Julie. I can imagine how overwhelmed she feels. I don’t know if she is a Christian but when I am overwhelmed or I’m unmotivated I have to stop and pray and ask the Lord to give me everything I need to be productive. It sounds simple but it always works and I’ll get up and get moving. I’m going to say a special prayer for Julie. I think that was very good advice, Nikki, for Julie not to compare herself to anyone else.
I use a bullet journal and it continues to improve my life, but it looks nothing like a youtubers journal. I don't make a to do list. Instead, I write down everything I do during the day on blank pages. My motivation has become filling the pages with whatever I accomplish, no matter how small, and understanding what I am doing with my time. The constant focus on what I have done and how I feel about it makes incorporating more responsibilities easier. Decluttering helps, but it has to be done in a way that works for you.
Thank you Nikki for taking the time to respond and share encouragement... that kindness means so much! I cried happy tears. 😅 Thanks for giving a starting point... all your suggestions are very helpful. I'm also thankful to everyone who took the time to write a note of advice and encouragement as well-- that is much appreciated! ♡ I'll be sure to look into what's been suggested. Thank you again, Nikki. I hope to be in touch soon. -Julie
For me, I had to clean up my "internal clutter" before I could focus on the external. I had to create calm within myself before I could cultivate calm in my home. I went to therapy and discovered the roots of my feelings of incapablitity and inadequacy. I had to stop trying to do it all. I stopped telling myself that I had to do things perfectly or it wasn't worth doing at all. Cleaning part of a room was better than sitting on the couch being overwhelmed at the thought of cleaning the whole thing. Learning to go one step at a time rather than trying to tackle the whole mountain at once. And taking care of myself. Making time for ME to read, meditate, go for walks, paint, etc. Being very intentional with my time. Being honest with myself about where I was wasting time (for me it was mindlessly scrolling social media) I had to commit to putting more time towards my home and my mental health and LESS toward things that don't really matter (again for me, that was social media use) I also had to be really honest with myself about my struggles with commitment and follow thru. I'd set up a cleaning routine and 3 days in "didn't feel like it" and quit. I'd say things like "I'm just not one of those people." It was soooo much negative self talk keeping me down. We have to show up for ourselves EVEN when we don't necessarily feel like it. That's how we create natural rhythms and routines. We are always doing this, whether good habits or bad. I started reading in the morning instead of scrolling Facebook. Journaling instead of posting on tiktok or IG. Going to bed early most nights instead of drinking 3 glasses of wine and scrolling tiktok. I really do believe it has to start inside ❤ I send so much love to anyone feeling like this bc I remember it vividly. It's so hard waking up every day dreading what's to come. I hope and pray we all find peace within so we can create peace around us.
When I am in overwhelm, i start with our bedrooms....I put on a timer for 20 minutes and turn on some music and have each child go to their room and we all start by making the bed. Then we pick up everything off the floor and put it on the bed before the timer goes off. That usually gets us motivated and then I reset the timer and we break each job down...gather dirty laundry, throw away trash, take dirty dishes to the sink etc, put away clean clothes, toys, books etc...then once the bedrooms are picked up, we dust and clean the floor! If I am in the kitchen, I have all the kids help me. When I work, they work! We video ourselves in time lapse while we work! They love watching it after we are done! We also take before and after pictures! Hang in there mommas!!!
Nikki, I'm blown away by the kindness you showed to Julie!! I have been in the same place as her. I am a stay at home mom and now homeschool mom and it's not easy! But you are right nothing gets done unless you make that first move! I was so inspired and touched by your words to her! Thank you 💕
Nikki, Great advice given to Julie. Moving the same item from one place to another is a problem and time waster. Boxes to donate and trash bins helps remove the excess. If children won’t pick up their items, you may add a box to pay mom to get back. Depending on the age of your children, different scenarios will work best in your home. Be the example to your children of clearing your dishes, putting clean clothing away and tossing recycle/garbage as needed. Praying you find a method, Julie. All the best, Julie 🌷
It would be so nice if you could do one of your visits virtually with Julie. Maybe spend 30 minutes helping her organize or declutter a section of her home. Maybe even put together a morning routine. The day seems to flow so much better when I'm able to have a structured morning routine.
Growing up my parents would put a small empty box on our beds twice a month; when we got home from school we knew what we had to do. The box was a donation box and we were to fill it with things we no longer used, needed, outgrew, or had too many of. The boxes were then donated to a local charity group. I remember feeling happy donating things others may need and feelings of a heavy burden were lightened & healing to me. It encouraged me to continue the trend right into the rest of the house. I still do this today and find I look forward to it. Working together could help you to make even more of a positive impact; giving creates a bond, helping to bolster relationships through shared goals and freely choose to give. The Lord Jesus Himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ . Acts 20:35
Aw, Julie, I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling. Your story really reminds me of when my 3 were younger...and I wasn't going through this stage during a pandemic. That alone, is overwhelming! Nikki is spot on with her advice. I will just add a few tips. I went through most of this stage before social media even existed. Honestly, I would have completely failed at prioritizing my day if instagram, Facebook, tiktok, etc had been around. Take an honest look at how much time you spend on social media (incl TH-cam) & consider cutting it out completely or treating it as a reward at the end of the day (or watch videos while you do cleaning or cooking). It's a HUGE black hole that steals our time & attention & we usually fail to see it. It just feels normal to be distracted by it. The other thing that works for me is creating some kind of schedule for daily/weekly tasks. Similar concept to "flylady", but the simple act of even writing a daily "to-do" list & crossing items off will give you a sense of accomplishment. I so agree with Nikki about the bedroom. Making the bed covers alot of visual space in the bedroom & makes it immediately look cleaner. It's also similar to showering, in that it signals that the day is beginning on a positive note. When my kids were little, I showered at the end of the day, but I always groomed & dressed in the morning. It was my way of mentally showing up completely for the day. Also, go slow with change, ok. You don't need to figure this out in a week. Start with just hammering down a morning routine (shower, dress, grooming, bed made, curtains opened, all toiletries returned to their rightful place). Then, work on a nightly routine. Start a cleaning schedule on just the bathrooms. Then, add the kitchen. Do what works for you, but 1 step at a time. Also, when I was trying to do anything with my kids & there was fighting I would always put music on & the fighting stopped! No idea why, but it worked. Go easy on yourself, sweetheart. You don't need any part of this to look like Nikki's videos. Everyone is unique. I now have 5 family members at home working/studying 24-7. Some things are only being done every 2 weeks, instead of every week and that's OKAY! This, too, shall pass.♥️
I agree wholeheartedly with cutting down on the social media. I know I accomplish SOOO much more when I turn my phone on airplane mode, leave it in my bedroom, and forget about it.
Hi ,you are so right about time spent on social media,I was giving it four hours of my life daily 🤦🏻♀️,now it’s when I finish a task that I’ve been putting off ,and usually at the end of the day , it’s been working . By Julie reaching out was the number one place to start ,now she knows we are all the same and here to help❤️
Amanda, I agree with this comment so much. My wise mother told me last year that she thinks us younger women have it harder than she did, because of the expectations technology places on us... even something like the expectation of an instant response to a message, always being available for a text, always needing to answer the phone or respond promptly or make a quick decision. I remember when I was little we had a “Before 9/After 9” rule where phone calls before 9am or after 9pm pretty much meant dire emergencies. At the same stage of my parenting journey I’m pretty sure my friends would’ve thought I was HAVING an emergency if I didn’t answer their text at 10pm or 6am! 🙈
Flylady is the best, perhaps because she started her system to get herself out of turmoil and depression, so her system is compassionate, caring, realistic, non-judgmental, effective but not exhausting. It is very feasible, adaptable to anyone's situation, and has taught millions of women to believe in themselves and their abilities, to take good care of themselves while taking care of their homes. With baby steps, one step at a time, so that it is not overwhelming and that you can see the benefits right away. Her system and community offer a lot of guidance and support, so the feelings of loneliness and struggling alone goes away too :)
Thanks Nikki! Julie, Check out The Secret Slob's Channel. She uses the Fly Lady System but has tailored it to her home and family. She has created a number of useful printables for cleaning and home organization. Her daily home maintenance schedule is particularly useful. Another really helpful channel is the Minimal Mom. Dawn is a big declutterer and minimalist. These are the two channels that I think would help you the most. Good Luck!
My two sisters both homeschool and they have set up both morning and evening chores. They have tasks listed on index cards and place in a bowl and each child chooses a chore for the morning and one for the evening and Mom chooses one as well. The first hour before homeschooling is preparing the house . After dinner, the bowl comes out and the children again choose the chores. No matter how tired-they keep to it. For me, I write five chores per day that need to be completed and make sure those are done. All other tasks after that are considered a bonus.
My life was very similar to Julie’s life before I went to get tested for ADD. I was diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD at age 55 and began medication. The medication and also using the Time Timer app turned my life around. The medication clears the swirling disorganization and clutter in my mind. I can prioritize and focus and engage in conversations with minimal effort. Before, the effort was so great as I tried to concentrate and focus on what people said. The Time Timer app is a great tool for completing tasks. I wish you well, Julie.
Julie, I totally understand where you are coming from. Keep in mind that each person and home is different. Please give your self some grace. It is not easy being mom, school teacher, nurse, house keeper and all the other jobs that we as parents juggle. Take a deep breath, take one step at a time and get the kids involved. When my kids were small, I would put on music and give them a broom and they would dance with the broom - but really they were sweeping the floor. I am not certain the age of the children you have but there are ways to get them involved without overwhelming yourself by being creative. Lastly, if you don't carve out time for YOU - you will become burnt out. Even if you have to wait for the kiddos to go to sleep - spend some YOU time. Take a long bubble bath, read a book, spend time in prayer. Fill YOU back up. Listen to motivational things before you go to sleep. The last thing you hear at night will set the tone for the first thing you think about the next morning. Speak life to your self. You are beautiful, you are worthy, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, You are the apple of Gods eye, you are more precious then rubies. You can do this Julie. I am praying for you sweet lady. One step at a time - little bits of consistency. Obedience then blessings. Go get 'em. I am rooting for you my friend.
Hi Nikki, I realise how hard it is to be a home maker and how tough it is for most women out there. I was in a tough and overwhelming situation myself at one stage as a stay at home mom with three children. I feel for Julie and I understand how she feels so I have decided to speak up with what I figured out works for me in hopes that it helps, not just Julie but most women struggling in general. I have a double storey house with 5 bedrooms and 3 and a half bathrooms so this is how I do it. I start cleaning from 9am every day I set a timer for 1 hour and I work slowly at my own pace starting with the master bathroom upstairs. I pick up any mess in there first and put things away, wipe down anything that needs wiping and straight away do my weekly cleaning tasks or zone cleaning tasks in that room before I move on. Next I move on to the master bedroom, I make the bed, change sheets if I need to, dust if needed for that day and move on to the next room. I do one room at a time until all the rooms are done upstairs. Now when the timer goes off after the hour has passed, I will stop what I am doing and take a break for about 15 minutes to half an hour. This will make me feel more motivated to keep going and refreshed to continue. During my break I will usually have a little bit of something to eat or a cup of tea. Next I set the timer again for an hour and continue where I left off and once every room is clean upstairs I move my way downstairs. Doing the same thing, putting things away, wiping things down, weekly and zone cleaning in the rooms that require that for that particular day. Downstairs I start from the powder room and work my way around the house until I get to the kitchen last. Once the kitchen is done I can breathe easy knowing that my whole house is clean and guest ready! I honour my alarms and look forward to my breaks. Oh and by the way all the tasks associated with cleaning usually get completed by 2pm. If I don't take any breaks then I would finish by noon. Hope this helps 😊
Oh dear Julie, I wrote nearly this exact same plea in February of this year into an online group forum. A plea for help, for guidance, for inspiration, for the "how to" manual of life. Julie, you are not alone. ~virtual hugs~ I found the Flylady system at that time. Reading the book Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley (The Flylady herself) and following her baby steps program really made a breakthrough for me. And that led me to Flylady Kat and some other youtubers, and that led me to our dear Nikki's channel. You can do this! As Nikki said, you are worth it and you deserve a beautiful space for yourself. It's not a quick fix, but it's a worthwhile one. And you are not alone. Take care. (Wonderful video, Nikki. Thank you SO much for this one!)
Dear Julie, if you read this I would send you my love and encouragement and this piece of advise: Don't look at all of the things that you are not doing or not doing to the standard you want and get overwhelmed. Especially when you feel like you're sinking, just looking at everything still to be done is enough to pull you right under. Right now boosting your moral is the most important thing. So what I would say is just choose one thing. Give yourself one goal that you think you can reasonably complete and just do that. Maybe your goal could be to go to bed every night with a clean kitchen. Or your goal could be to go to bed an hour earlier every night (since you might be seriously over tired). And see if you can do just that one thing for a whole week. Then slowly, slowly as you are ready and once you feel that new habit has been established, add a new reasonable goal. This struggle will not be fixed over night. Take the pressure off of yourself to fix all of this at once and quickly. But think of how, if you slowly and carefully did one thing at a time, what a different place you will be in a year. And like Nikki said, don't compare yourself to other people. Your ordered home will be different from hers. Hang in there Julie. Keep your goals small and manageable and and do them one day at a time. You can do it! And I am praying for you.
I love to watch your videos! I am a Christian Singer ,Pastor’s Wife , Mom and G’mama! I need a schedule and watch your videos for motivation!! Blessings!! ❤️🙏🏻
Julie, I think we have all been there at some point or another, I have 6 children ranging from 7 yrs to 7 months and when I’m really overwhelmed and the house is a mess, my kids fighting, and the chaos is unbearable, I usually take a min to myself to pray and then set my timer to 10 min to do whatever needs to be cleaned/organized/decluttered and blast my favorite music. Whoever of my kids want to help usually jump in and I give them a small job to do. When 10 min are over I take a break. That usually motivates me and the kids to get things done. If not I just drop it. At the end of the day if everything else fails, you at least got 10 min of productive work done and if ur kids are fed and alive that’s all that matters!! Don’t be too hard on yourself this season of life is difficult but with 10 min a day of getting things done you can accomplish big things. Just be consistent and you will learn/ teach new habits for ur kids and ur self.
Hi Julie. My heart goes out to you. I am no longer in that season of life but I can clearly remember the overwhelm of having littles and a house to keep up. I also am going to recommend the Flylady system but remember to make it your own. Don't try to put on Flylady's, The Secret Slob's or Diane in Denmark's shoes. Your routines and habits will be your own. Make it work for you and your family. After watching this and hearing your story, my gut feeling is that you are paralyzed by perfection. As Flylady says "housework done incorrectly still blesses your family". The biggest hurdle is to start. 15 minutes is your friend. Set a timer. Work on that one spot that is bugging you for 15 minutes. Maybe that is clearing the kitchen table. When you have cleared the table for 15 minutes - STOP! Then sit down for 15 minutes snuggling with your babies or just sit in peace. Then do 15 more and so on. Also, are you staying up late and then rolling out of bed when you hear a little voice in your room? Perhaps start by setting bed and wake times for yourself so that you are getting plenty of rest. Try to get up a few minutes before the kids so that you can be awake and dressed before they rise. It is a lot easier to deal with morning demands when you have had a few minutes to yourself and a cup of coffee! And reward yourself! It may seem silly but I dangle a carrot in front of my nose so that I am motivated to complete my routine. For me it is being able to play a video game when my routine is done...the faster I complete it the more time I have to play. For you it may be having a bubble bath after the kids go to bed or some other fun, peaceful thing you enjoy. I also highly suggest a written routine, not too overwhelming to start, so that you have a reference for when you don't know where to start and so that you also have a place to stop. I needed that end point because I can always find something that needs to be done. You are enough. You are adequate. And you can definitely find peace in your home.
Great advice, Nikki! It is important to find our motivation and approach. May I suggest to Julie to read Dana K. White’s book How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind? It is simple in it’s approach with concepts like “Dirty Dishes Math” while still having grace for yourself. I’m sorry for the rough season, but I agree with Nikki that you ARE capable!
Julie being a mom is hard homeschooling is hard, try your best and don’t be super hard on yourself, I homeschool 2 of my kids and have a baby to take care of, it gets overwhelming at times; I second the flylady system it really helped me and secret slob channel is very relatable, also realizing you tubers don’t show everything :) great advice Nikki :) good video
Nikki, you are wonderful! God bless you and your family (and of course dear Julie and her family)! I love the idea of the before and after pictures. Julie could create an Instagram account to document her progress and even inspire others.
Be kind to yourself, Julie! Organizing comes more naturally for some more than others. I am sure there is something you are naturally good at that the rest of us would struggle with. My mom struggled like yourself. Technically, she still does and she is in her 70's. She was fortunate to have me. I learned from the babysitter and watching my childhood friend's mother. My mom's house felt chaotic, and my friend's house felt peaceful. I had an example. I did have a natural inclination on organizing too, so there is that. I realize now that my mother did not know, because she was not taught. It sounds as if you were not really taught either. I remembering teaching my boys when they were little on cleaning up toys. Sometimes, that mess would get overwhelming quickly. I would walk them thru it one type of toy at a time (legos, then cars, then puzzles, etc.) My sibling did not learn this stuff. He has not taught his child. Now, his child gets overwhelmed. When we visit, my kids will organize/clean up the toy room. Just to clarify, my kids are not self motivated at home. They need to be pushed more than they should. They complain when they have to do something, and they are not asked to do a ton. Basically, your kids are normal. I have been working on "follow thru" with my 10y/o thru the whole pandemic. He is notorious for leaving lights on and doors open. He is just now finally "getting" it about 70% of the time. They are always a work in progress. Lol So, the trick is to teach/re-teach yourself first. Nikki's videos are great at making the work feel enjoyable. It is still hard work for all of us. No one's home looks 100% ALL of the time. The Fly Lady system would probably be a great starting point for you. You can always adjust and make your own schedule later. But, it is a good start. I agree with Nikki. Start with your bedroom first. No, the clutter will not all get done in one day, so do not get discouraged when it is not complete the first day. You cannot do it all in one day. It tools years to accumulate. It is ongoing. And, most important, do not compare yourself. Comparison is the thief of Joy. Wanting to do better for yourself is all the motivation you need. You don't like living in the mess. That is enough. I have seen beyond messy homes. Some were disgusting. I have cleaned some of them. I have seen people who truly do not see the mess. You are not there. You see it. That is a big step. Sorry, I did not mean to write so much. I am proud of you for being vulnerable and asking for guidance. Good Luck!!!
I have been in this situation. I know your frustration and tears. The number one is to sit your family down for a chat. Tell them your thoughts and goal and how do they like living in the home that is right now and what would they like there home to be like, and then how can we get there. Telling your children that we are a team and on a team everyone has a position to help the team out. Mom and dad are on the team but are the coaches so we will be teaching, training and helping too. Make it a big deal that family's help and our home should be a restful place. Not perfect but everything has a place. Start small. Take a weekend to gather your thoughts and get it down on paper. Yes, taking an entire day to devote to getting rid of item you no longer like or love or use. Donate box, garbage box. This might be a hard job for the kids since it might be many of there items they don't play with anymore but knowing its being taken out of the home could make it stressful so what I've done is have another chat and tell them the goals of your home. Make it a team effort again. Give them small short jobs, give them one job to declutter, maybe a closet or a toy box. If you cant get to the toy issue then just do the rest of the home. And then they'll see mama throwing things out or donating them and they may be motivated to do that too. Reward them at the end of the day with all of there cheerfulness in helping with a popcorn movie night or an outing somewhere they love. Always a hit at our home. Telling them up front that after they work very hard and cheerfully they will have something to look forward too with the family. After a day or weekend of clearing things out. I took day and made routines for the day. We homeschool too. Write out your non negotiables mine are one load of laundry per day (washed-dried- put away) dishes done, meals cooked and school. Then I block schedule Jordan Page at fun cheap or free.com has a great block schedule system that made my ADD brain get my routine on paper. Its not time stamps but blocks or chunks of time to know what needs to get done within that time frame. Example one of my block times is 9-12pm is only school time. My brain is only focused on that and not on all the chores or undone things I have not gotten to or should get to its focused. And 3-6pm is tidy up, meal prep, outside play, eat. Those are my few that helped me get started and motivated me then to make cleaning chores into my block time. I just listened to a podcast on home hacks that could also help give you an idea that might help you in your personality type. It took me a long time to figure out what worked for me and my boys. So slow and steady wins the race and when mom is cheerful the house is cheerful! MomtoMom podcast Home hacks was the episode. One more thing. When I need to tidy up a rooms or a room or organize a closet, I set a timer on my phone for 15min and do all I can until the timer rings. You'd be amazed at what you can accomplish in those minutes. And if you still have more time to give, Set it again for 15min and keep going but even just the one 15min clean burst is enough. Hang in there and do little by little it will come together. I to struggled with watching other moms do all the things like cook with there child and then Id fail at that too. I know my thresh hold and that stresses me out too. But its such a good thing for your child to learn or just enjoy doing with mom, IF its something they like to do. So Id have one child only on Saturdays when dad is home to occupy other kids while I spend that time making a simple lunch or supper. Or just a batch of cookies to stir it does not have to be all or nothing but a little something. We all cant be good at all the things, no one is thats a lie. Find your few good things and do them well and the rest will get done but maybe just get done. :)
Fly lady is great but can be very very time consuming to figure out and learn. I tried it and loved the idea and only took a few things from it that I know I needed to change in my life. Like getting up one to two hours before my children and had my Bible/prayer time and coffee and a podcast or video to encourage me. Id get myself dressed and ready for the day and made my bed and prepped breakfast and the children woke up to an already on fire for the day mom. That has been so helpful for me.
Julie, you are not alone! Parenting and housework is tough. Each day is filled with both struggle and success. Firstly, I would start by making your bed, every day. Secondly, start to acknowledge your little wins. You may not have done all the dishes, but you fed your kids! This will help you change your behavior and your life at home. Each day celebrate each little thing that you achieve. Adjust your expectations to accept that life with kids will always be imperfectly and beautifully messy. Your life doesn't need to be picture book perfect. Try to find the joy and pat yourself on the back for another day well done!
Hi I really learned (and still learning) to be calm about housework Nikki you are responsible for that. I would get my family together and tell them that I need help with the daily chores in this home. If the children are old enough give them chores to do toys put away before bedtime make sure your clothes are in the hamper etc. Pick a day for each chore and have all the kids to help or pick one everyday. Don't feel bad your overwhelmed and you need help and cooperation . Hang in there be safe Blessing.
This was a beautiful video Nikki💕 I also have read so many wonderful ideas written from the heart . Julie.. I admire your strength and courage on reaching out. Being a grandmother now I remember the full days of a young mother. You’ve been given this small kingdom to care for. One step at a time. One room at a time like Nikki talked about the bedroom is a start. Three little things 💕. He loves you where you are ❤️ 💕Give that tender and sweet love to those that surround you❤️ 💕 This too will pass and someday they will grow up and be your beautiful jewels in life.❤️ nancy🌺
Wise and kind advice, Nikki. For me personally, I try to make tidying and cleaning a pleasurable experience for my senses - soothing music (jazz or classical), a scented candle, and lovely cleaning products. Ultimately, the motivation will be unique to the individual, but I hope Julie is able to find peace and order for herself and her family.
We donate the items we are not using because our unused items could be a blessing to someone else. This clears our home from clutter and makes cleaning easier. Extra pots/pans American girl collection (daughter’s idea so younger children could wake up to gifts) Drafting table from college Wood coffee table (Unused 8yrs) Decorative plates from old house Decor not being used/loved Cute shoes uncomfortable Plates sets (don’t need 5 sets)
Julie, I think we have all been there. I've noticed no one comes to visit me unannounced unless my house is a mess. What helps me is to just pick a corner and move clockwise. Decluttering is key, I've read the book Nikki recommends it's really good. You'll be in my prayers. I'll be thinking of you.
I was where Julie was at one time. First, you can do this and you can do it beautifully. I don't know what your children's ages are, but that makes a difference many times in how orderly our homes are. When you have those little babes and toddlers many times our homes more often look a wreck with toys all over and dishes piled in the sink. If your children are those ages, I would say to remember this is just a short season and your babies will grow so quickly. Things don't have to be prefect to make a happy home and happy children, so give yourself a little slack and remember caring for your children's hearts is probably the most important thing you can do. It sounds like you have at least one child that is school aged and you said you are homeschooling, which takes a lot of time sometimes. I'm a mom of 12 and I homeschool. So believe me, I understand the difficulty of managing a home, family and homeschool, but I also understand the desire to have a neat home; but the lack of drive or energy. The first thing I learned to do was to make my bed, because then even if I failed in all other areas, my bed was neatly made. A Friend told me to try to keep my bedroom neat, so when I went to bed at night I could relax and sleep peacefully...it sounded odd to me, because I could shut the door on my bedroom, but I couldn't hide the rest of the house! I soon learned it was true. For me to have a routine helped. I developed a routine that worked for me. For example, I got up early enough do things like shower, exercise, read the bible and make my bed. Then I made breakfast and got the kids going for the day. For me to feed the kids and dress them was next and to begin homeschooling. Right after that, we had lunch, story time and naps for those that needed it. I learned that I needed and was entitled to at least a 30 min break during nap time to nap (especially needed when I was pregnant, watch a TV show or read) After that I tried to get things picked up and solicited my schoolage kids to help for 30 min. Then we were back to school. As the younger ones wake from their naps, it was some cuddle time and I would assign an older child to play with the younger ones while I helped someone with school ...switching out older children as needed. Soon it was dinner time. Now, I had assigned children to chores to help me and I would have as young as 2 help with little things too. I know this takes time and patience, but in the long run it pays off. I was paving the road for year later, when each could do their part. I started by just having 1 child help me with a task, which I later gave them full responsibility for, and moved on to the next child. It helps when they know they will each get a chance to help and work with you...kids love working beside mom. Just before my husband came home, I would tell the kids to help get things picked up and I would take a couple of minutes to refresh myself for my husband by brushing my hair and if needed changing my shirt if it had gotten messy or spit-up on. After dinner, I usually solicited my husband's help to putting the kids to bed while I did the dishes. This gave my husband a chance to interact with the children and reconnect with them. I always felt that my evenings needed to be dedicated to nurturing our marriage, so for the most part I did very little for housework in the evenings. Now, this is just an example, but know things many times didn't not go this smoothly. Also remember that what you see on these you-tube channels have been edited and can appear better than what actual daily life is. As moms we all struggle balancing it all and we all feel like failures, but we need to make priorities of what is important to us. Maybe we have a child who simply needs some extra loving one day or we have a closet that we just can't stand how messy it is. None of us get it all done and we all have to accept that there is only one of us and we have needs that need to be fulfilled too, so that we can continue to care and love our families. A book that helped me to develop a routine is "Large Family Logistics" By Kim Brenneman. You don't need a large family to get some good pointers from her. I believe all homemakers can gain from this book. Blessing to you and remember you are enough and likely not a failure.
Also Julie I recommend checking out Erica Lucas’s channel. She is a homeschooling mom who has gone through decluttering her house and trying to get her home in order 😍
There is so much great advice on here!! I've been really overwhelmed lately as Christmas approaches and all the things I want/need to do and what helps me is to get it all out of my mind onto paper a big brain dump then I can pick away at the things that are most urgent and bothering me the most then decide when you can do those things and get to work. And yes make it fun play some music, light a candle, pour yourself a cup of coffee/tea and remove distractions you will be amazed at what you can accomplish. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time....you can do it Julie. Im cheering for you!!
What a gift this video is! Julie’s description brought back vivid memories of when I was THERE a few years ago. I still have days like that. Thank you, Nikki and all the other wise ladies, for such life giving encouragement and advice. 🤍
My heart goes out to you, Julie. I've been married 30 years and in the beginning I felt so completely lost too! I longed for someone to just tell me what to do. There is a wonderful book though that taught me so much, and it shaped me as a homemaker more that anything... Please try to find "Homebodies- A Homemaker's Guide to Organization and Contentment" by Linda Davis-Zumbehl. It's an oldie, but truly the best, in my opinion- so simple to read and do. I think it will be a great help, if you can find a copy online. Please let us know how you are doing?
Love it! Yes, first step is the most important step. One can’t walk up a mountain if they are not walking. I enjoyed the comment based video 🥰 lots of great advice, thank you!
I was raised in a country where the cleaning lady did it all. My mother was not the nurturing kind and did not teach me anything. I married and moved to the US not knowing anything about home making. I totally get it. It takes so much effort... I did not know where to start. 28 years later, I am still learning but i figured out that routines are essential for small daily chores. Get one area at a time to start decluttering and cleaning. You can’t change in one day what you accumulated over years. So be patient, start small and get all your family to help at a scale of their abilities. The biggest step, you already did. You recognized the problem and want to find the solution. You are not alone
Julie, I could have written this letter a few years ago! (And some days still!!) Dana K. White "A Slob Comes Clean" brings a lot of hope for the overwhelmed. And she's hilarious!! He books are on Audible and she recorded them. SO funny and helpful!! I suggest you send your kids somewhere and take a day to just think and plan. Never underestimate your husband's input. You might be surprised how helpful his ideas could be, even if it doesn't make sense at first. He probably wants to be supportive. 💖 God wants to help you! (Make sure you ask Him, too!!)
I know that Nikki says that watching others may not be for he be I would also recommend the “Secret Slob’s” Channel. I think she shows good ways to start getting organised at home so you can eventually aspire to be organised like Nikki is. I think getting started and sticking to it is the hardest. Once you get into a routine it’s easier to stick to it.
the only thing i can add to Julie alongside all the great suggestions here is to first stop feeling "panicky".. and calm down.. The stress and overwhelm we place on ourselves does not help... Then be grateful for what's right in your life.. Bring in more positive energy to YOU. A positive mindset will help how you handle and juggle "life". Nikki hit the nail on the head by saying that you need to find what sparks the motivation for you.. otherwise, we lose the flow very quickly and are back at square 1.. Work baby steps and... SIMPLIFY.. And this is not just about decluttering things.. Simplify your routines.. Focus on a just a few things that are important.. If it's time for home school.. Then focus on that.. Try being grateful for having them well, and by your side when things get testy.. One of my biggest regrets is failing to do that when my kids were little.. I was too obsessed with keeping the place spotless when I should have been having more fun with them.. Life's too short. Keep a very basic routine with realistic time for prepping dinner, laundry, quick wipe down of surfaces etc.. Try the decluttering for 30mins on the weekend when Dad takes the kiddies to to the park?? Don't try doing it when the kids are at your feet.. It may cause you more stress.. You won't have the house sorted in 1 session.. but it will happen eventually if you make it a habit. I'm not sure how old your littles are.. But if they aren't teenagers yet; it's not too late to build in routines for them too..Make it fun and maybe give each one a special "responsibility".. Accept that this won't all fall into place by christmas.. It could be a year before you've got most things sorted.. And even then, there'll be crazy days and messy days.. Many hugs to you Julie and don't lose faith in yourself.. "where there's a will, there's a way".... :) x
Nikki - you gave great ideas. I also want to recommend "The Minimal Mom" TH-cam channel to Julie. She is a GREAT help as to where to start reducing your clutter.
Some days can be really overwhelming for all of us, at times. Never give up and carry on doing small steps to make life manageable and happy. Also, reduce unnecessary tasks and focus on your priorities in life. Be realistic and kind to yourself and family. Very good video Nikki !
Dear Julie, You must remember you tubers have an audience and it’s much easier to be motivated if you have a bunch of people admiring you and cheering you on daily. Constant validation and applauds from strangers (nothing is wrong with that by the way) but this is reality.Not only that this is there content/income. It can be difficult to be highly motivated when the only person clapping you on is you and as time goes by your less likely to applauded by your husband as your home keeping becomes just an expectation. You are doing an amazing and realistic job the fact your worried shows how much you care and mentally how much you take on that in itself is exhausting. Don’t be so hard on yourself not all that glitters is gold darling 💖💖💖💖 PS: This TH-camr is so real and honest! I completely rate the way she responded to this.
In addition to Fly Lady, check out the channel “How Jen Does It.” Unfortunately, she no longer creates videos, but she’s left her channel up and her videos really helped me get my SAHM life together!
Julie's comment made me cry! Oh how I feel you, sister!! Don't be hard on yourself, it is present over perfect! I was in the same shoes, so I would say, pick ony system. Just one so you can start. As you go along, you will figure out all the adjustments you can make to it. Too much info online is frustrating in your case! Secondly, and I agree with Nikki, Clear that clutter!!!! If you don't do it, nothing will change. Trust me on this!
Such great talk! ❤️ I so appreciate and am grateful to God for Godly woman like you!! I feel that everything with balance and not becoming obsessive helps. . . Remembering too that as Helen Adeline said in her book “Fascinating womanhood”, “the house is to serve us not for us to serve the house”.
My heart goes. Out to Julie. But the fact that you are thinking of it you will get there. And each ones journey is different. And believe me when you are ready things happen and they become easy. Just try to stay positive
I have felt this way and taken many first steps, and started over and over. I have learned over the past couple years that the biggest first step was to start eating better and take care of my overall health. I did not realize that I have many food sensitivities that were contributing to brain fog and severe vitamin and mineral deficiencies that were effecting my ability to function and see and do things. All the suggestions here are good. I don't know if my advice is applicable to Julie or not, but I could not get the other things in order until I felt better myself, and that is hard to do. But if this is something that would help, I can point you to some videos and books that really helped me.
@@anitadizney8987 Search TH-cam video, Stacey FlowersThis book Changed My Life And Health, How to be healthy. I was so inspired by her story and bought the book by Mark Hyman. It is a lot to read through, but the checklists, and was able to find out what food and supplements are best for me. I was also inspired by her food shopping and what I eat videos to make better choices for food. She doesn't make these types of videos anymore, but you can still watch them. Second, The Candida Cure by Ann Boroch, CNC. This is shorter, but the BEST. It is hard to implement a plan like this but the more I kept going, the better my mind and body felt. Third, here on TH-cam, and on his website, Spirit of Heath KC gives such good wisdom on how to heal and improve your health. I have done a couple of his cleanses and cleared up some kidney issues I deal with. I have also researched ways to improve my mood, and I find I am happier and get more done when I play a classical cd on repeat all day in the background, and diffuse essential oils that improve mental focus and mood. I am not perfect, I have a long way to go. And I have slipped up in my discipline with food lately. But you can always pick yourself up and start again. I have made progress, and that means when I start again, I know what to do, and I am motivated by knowing how feeling healthy feels.
Nikki, your words were wise and , I am certain, like balm for Julie. Julie, there are times in all of our lives when we do not feel motivated or lack guidance for certain tasks, our internal compass may feel broken. I think that often times we are “comparing and despairing” ourselves with others which is usually a way to feel defeated. Some thing that may be helpful for you to complete a few initial tasks is to set a timer for 10 or 15 minutes and get as much as you can possibly get done in that time and then stop. Momentum fuels momentum, there is no other way around it, so beginning a task will make you feel better, even if not the way you pictured it. I think that your reaching out is a great step and I bet that you have many talents that you are not focusing on. I know that you can do that and try to eat that proverbial cookie one bite at a time and not the whole cookie. Talk to God, He is listening, Deirdre
Hi Nikki, I just wanted to reach out to Julie and send her a big hug! It will all be okay! You gave her some great advice! I am a pretty organized and efficient person and love learning more about organization. I have read tons of books and always have an eye out for systems that may improve my organization. Two resources I want to share with Julie and your readers are Lisa from Organize 365. She has a podcast with so much free information and her website. She looks at things like I have never thought about them before and is amazing. She recommends starting in your laundry room-it is the room that no one else wants to go in and is a small scale place to start. I think you would find her content very helpful! I also like watching The Minimal Mom’s you tube channel. While I am not as minimal as her family, she has some great suggestions about ways to think about your home and your stuff. Take care Julie! You can do this!
Wow that is amazing Nikki! Thank you for responding to that. All your advice, and the comments and ideas ftom everyone else are all so good. Baby steps. Doing some each day is more realistic and less overwhelming than all at once. Slow and steady accomplishments. I am a work in progress too with a long way to go but getting better. By the way, I love the intro music to your videos. Reminds me of the beginning music from Downton Abbey. 💛🎶
Thank you NIkki for your words of wisdom Hello Julie Your words touched my heart. Please don’t feel ashamed, there are so many homemakers all over the world who struggle. In my own home I always start with putting a load of laundry on, then clearing and cleaning the kitchen surfaces and taking care of the dishes. I would usually then clean the bathroom sinks and then toilets . That is enough to be getting on with. If you can accomplish those things every day for a week then you are on your way to doing them everyday as a habit. Dust might be unsightly, but - unless someone in your family has asthma - it does no harm. A clean kitchen and bathrooms are a good goal to initially aim for as they can affect family health. The kitchen and bathroom do not necessarily need to be strictly tidy, but it helps to clean in they are. I would then tackle one room every 2 days and try to declutter it as much as possible- not always easy when you have children, I know! I think that all children should be encouraged to do some age appropriate chores - that you tell your husband how you are feeling and that you want to make changes in your home and that you need his assistance and support I find making an achievable daily goal or “to do” list can be helpful. Ticking things off make me feel accomplished and whatever gets overlooked, can be added to the next day’s goals I would encourage you to get plenty of rest too. I know that may sound contradictory, but if you feel exhausted, you will feel less inclined to do housework.
Great advice Nikki. I hope Julie will see all of the encouragement here in your video comments. I'm a homeschool mama of five. I will echo another lady here in the comments and recommend Dawn over a The Minimal Mom channel. The book Declutter at the Speed of Life by Dana K. White from A Slob Comes Clean helped me so much. The author made the process of decluttering so much simpler than I had heard of before and she included alot of humor along the way.
Oh my gosh, I felt so much for Julie. I too had gotten to a place that I just felt hemmed in this year. I totally agree! Decluttering helped give me some momentum and though I had read Mari Kondo's book which gave me some freedom to let things go, I started watching The Minimal Mom. For decluttering, following her has been amazing. She breaks things down into very simple steps and shares how she started simplifying her house because it helped her be able to manage everything. I highly recommend! I have actually started making progress after being stuck for years surrounded by old inventory/equipment from a broken dream of a business in a one bedroom apartment. We don't have a car, so getting rid of things had been tough and frankly, probably in some sort of depression, I just did not have any motivation to start (also because of the overwhelm). During the time of my business, I had a few miscarriages, so that also made me not want to deal with it all. But my family and I deserve better and I was at the end of my rope! I joined the FB group for the Minimal Mom and that is what has really helped me. She also just launched a course called "Take your house back" with 2 other TH-camrs; all three saying that they were in that place of overwhelm. I'm not trolling at all or trying to advertise for her. I just really felt for Julie and know that shame and am seeing things change in my own home. We actually have spaces that are functioning again and feel homey and beautiful. I think it is awesome that you have offered to be in contact with her. That will probably give her so much motivation alone!
Never too late to comment . . . I feel EXACTLY like Julie, I'll just add that I almost lost my husband too because I became so intolerant of my chaotic life . . . But starting with focusing on my spiritual issues, my husband and our relationship, and not the house, not perfection and not expectations . . . Step by step we have healed our marriage. The house is still chaotic, the kids are still naughty and I struggle with a raging temper . . . But it is choosing love and not perfection or material expectation. "If you would be my disciples, take up your cross daily, and follow me". For me, this was not exploding at my kids and not nagging my husband about my disappointments. There is hope and joy . . . Prioritizing love. God bless this mess!
I had a time when I was Julie, and I wanted to share that as the kids get older, things get a bit easier. When I think back when my 3 sons were all little, I feel like it was a blur. I honestly don’t know how I got through it, but you know what? I did the best I could. I found out that after living so stressed I got very depressed because I felt like a failure. The good thing is I went to talk to a therapist and I got back on track. Unfortunately, a few years later I was diagnosed with lupus my life had to change drastically. Now my boys are 20, 16 and 15 and I still am on here trying to figure it out, with my limitations. What’s most important Julie is to know every day is a new day and it’s ok to ask for help. Don’t be so hard on yourself, nobody is perfect
I loved your suggestion to start in the bedroom. The reasons you gave are spot on! So, in my mind, the natural progression after that is to do the same in each of the childrens' rooms for exactly the same reasons! Then as a family, decide the next most important area to clear up together, and establish new rules if necessary.
I like how you said that you can listen to all the videos and read all of the books but we have to take action. That is the key I believe. I like your idea of giving each child a day where that child helps you. 💕
I started watching your videos a couple days are, you're so inspiring! I wasn't brought up learning to cook and clean by my mother... I usually battle with a lot of laziness and procrastination but watching videos like these encourage me to want to be the best version of myself. I wasn't taught properly how do do all this so now I have to learn on my own, but your videos are encouraging! I cooked and cleaned today, these videos are encouraging me to do better! Thank you!!!! I feel so much better about life when I'm productive!! I want to be a good wife one day too
I would say, when I get overwhelmed. Start my bedroom, then my closet, and if you are having trouble with daily routines. Once your room is done. Practice taking care of your self by getting ready however you see yourself. Then, try to then go through one cabinet or one shelf per day. Eventually, it will fall into place. I know people where it takes a year or longer to get through everything. Depends whats going on your life.
I, too, would make sure that my bedroom was the one room in my house that was kept clean and neat. I think that my philosophy is close to yours, Nikki. However, I don't like to clean. I will reward myself with something after I finish a job. It works well for me.I don't have children at home any longer, which makes it all easier. In the meantime, I hope that Julie doesn't continue to beat herself up about this. Reaching out for help with something is the first step to success. I'm sure things will get better for her soon.
Thank you so much for this video! I love the Flylady! But she always says shine your sink after watching your video I feel like the most important is making my bed. I want my bedroom to feel like a relaxing place.
What reaaly helps me, is put some relaxing music, have a diffuser or scented candle, en start to declutter one room at a time. And it helps me to realize to keep in mind, that decluttering and clean your home is actually self care, because it makes you feel more energized, and it gives you an uplifted spirit. And getting your children to help you can be fun quality time!!! I hope this gives you some motivation, and keep in mind, on camera everything looks perfect, but it is not always that perfect........
Do one room at a time so she doesn’t feel so overwhelmed. Ask for help it’s ok. Love yourself first and everything will flow. One step in front of the other. Just keep moving. As young Moms it can seem over whelming you are not alone. ❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰💋
Dear Julie, I know you reached Nikki and not all of us, so I hope you don’t mind if I share a few things I picked up through the years. I’m 59 and have 2 children and 4 grandchildren. I married at just 19 (now divorced) and although we had a housekeeper when I grew up, she began very part time and increased as my mother’s hours increased very gradually for my Dad’s company. I learned things through watching her and my mother had taught us through what she had learned. Myself and my 2 sisters had 2 nights each in the kitchen cleaning and my mother had Sunday. Oddly, enough I had never washed clothes until I went away to college and remember Mother separating clothes. When I married I did the same three things in the morning. Cleaned the kitchen, started the wash and made the beds. I also got the kids ready for school and sent them off. I don’t remember it taking but about 30 minutes. The children could take out 1 toy into the main room at a time. I started dinner and while dinner was cooking, I assisted the children to clean up any mess in their rooms, depending on their age and the main room so that it was done when their Dad got home from work. On Friday’s I did the cleaning as I figured if I have any company it would be other the weekend. I have seen where some do a chore a day, which works for me now at my age. A book that I recalled that made a difference for me was “Living a Beautiful Life” by Alexandra Stoddard. Nikki is so much like her. The book stresses making beauty in your routine. I soaked up decorating magazines. The first Pinterest. I had modest homes. I have no experience with home schooling. Can you combine some instruction with independent work? I agree with chores. My daughter cleaned her room and the main bathroom on the weekends she was home and not at her Dad’s as a child and teenager and had kitchen duty. My 36 year old is disabled, so there are no daily expectations, but he helps out throughout the day and enjoys it. Maybe setting a daily schedule for a kitchen helper to help prepare dinner, so there would be no problem with everyone wanting to be in there at the same time. Maybe writing out what you want to do every day and who or how it can be handled to make your life simpler. I will say that computers didn’t come about until later and I knew nothing about going to the WWW for anything until much later. Somehow it seemed easier. The cleaning videos may be helpful getting started if you’re unsure how to get started, but be sure their homes are not always what it seems. I agree with Nikki on simplifying your home. People seem to have much more than what we seemed to have. Did you know that I read years ago that HGTV has contributed to the cause of much bankruptcy in our country? Only having what you need and love and have a place for will definitely eliminate anxiety. I tend to work on the common areas before others, because there are so many using these areas. I have been watching a designer on TH-cam who talks of her ADHD and dyslexia. She has a beautiful home, but just had to learn how to use her differences for her instead of against her. Lastly, I grew up with a friend who had the example of an excellent mother who kept a beautiful home. My friend has gradually gotten worse through the years. I’ve noticed that as things happened in her life and she became depressed, her home has reflected this. Taking care of you is taking care of your home. I took so many fun classes in my 20’s and my ex-husband was good about watching the kids so I could do so. I was creative during the day, so this was a boon to my mental health. We are cheering you on. You got this. GOD bless.
I always start by cleaning and decluttering. I begin in one area , and don’t move until that entire area is clean. I try to focus on one area at a time, once it’s clean and move on to the next. BUT when I clean I keep a notebook with me, because I feel like when your touching so many object at home , it reminds me of things I need to buy , or things I need to do. I write all that stuff down as I clean. Once that is done I have a huge list of some many random things. This list usually seems overwhelming, but I rather it overwhelming on paper , than it be happening in my mind. Once on paper , I prioritize everything , from most important to least. This changed my life , hopefully someone can take something from it. Nikki ur my favorite and inspire me every time I watch your videos. Xoxo
Great video! I think we have all been there in that position before! I love your videos. I am in a season of life where my children are grown, but I still am very into creating just the right atmosphere in my home and enjoy the process. Thank you!
New to your channel and one of the first videos I saw. I love how gently you spoke to her and didn't make Julie feel guilty or unacceptable for how she feels. I really do understand how she feels. As a wife, homeschooling Mama of 9, homesteader, care taker of the home, and trying to start a TH-cam channel (albeit slowly) whose been down in the valley of deep darkness due to Hashimoto's (but I didn't know it) I have been where she is. So this advice comes from experience. First pray. If you don't know the Lord, I would encourage you to seek Him out in His Word because that is the only way to really get through this life. Second, spend time listening to God, meaning read His Word that He left to us to know him. Three, when you get up in the morning wash you face, brush your teeth, get dressed to feel human. Four start small. Map out your day by way of a routine, not a schedule that goes by the hour because that will make you give up, but a routine of what you do when. Then, write it down. Next schedule what you want cleaned on each day and set a timer for 30 minutes. STOP when the timer is up and enjoy your break. Throughout all of this declutter 15 min a day. Involve your children. We were made to work and children need to learn that so they can actually be a contributor to society in a good way. Work together with them. We have Mama's kitchen helpers and one child a day helps learn to make our meals. Also, start with something fun together like making cookies. These are just a few things. Know that I am praying for you and believe through the power of the Holy Spirit, you can so this. Trust God.
Wonderful piece of advice..also I must say that your dress matches your eye color very well..to be honest, I should also say that your videos helps me a lot to get motivated. I request you to help us how to be consistent in our plans and works as most often I get drawn away out of laziness and makes me finish my tasks in haste which results in some loss at times.
Hi Nikki, urs. Declutter and streamline. As a culture, we do have too much stuff. I’m trying to work on that. The visual clutter can be overwhelming. I just connected with Flylady Kat to work on a few projects. I always start in the kitchen. A clean and clutter free area in the center of the home for mealtime and gathering.
Watching this *just* made me realize something I’ve been misunderstanding. I’ve watched/listened to tons of routines and systems, and I kept telling myself as soon as my high traffic areas were in order, I could allow myself to start boxing up donations in the closets and garage. But it’s never happened. One step forward, two steps back for 2 years now. But watching this I realized I was missing the big piece! If I keep that this rate, those hoarded areas are never going to get clear. If I at least do just one area after my toddler goes to bed, I’d still have a messy kitchen and entry way etc, but that closet would be done! I was letting the clutter hold my house ransom!
Love this video. Kind beautiful words. I’ve always felt that I should start in the bedroom first, but so many gurus advise we start in the kitchen. Thank you for encouraging me to do what I feel is best for me. As to the writer of the letter, I would recommend Dana K. White’s books for when you don’t know where to start. Thank you for your beautiful words and for lifting your viewers up.
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Julie I am in my fifties and my kids are grown and gone. I want you to remember that Nikki doesn’t have very little kids, you don’t see her dust and dirty laundry up close, you don’t see her with pms or lose her temper. We never see her on a bad day, with bad lighting, with drippy mascara from crying on her bad days. We don’t see the times Jorge ignores her, when they pick at each other, or when things burn on the stove. You see her home already decluttered, already perfectly painted and updated. I know she would agree with me because she is real and transparent and a darling Christian wife and mother. Dear Julie...take paper and write a list of what drives you the most crazy...be specific. Then just work on that one little thing at the top that drives you the most crazy. Put that one thing on a piece of paper on your fridge and every day you accomplish just that one thing, check it off. No more. You will feel good accomplishing that one thing and then you can add a second thing next week. Just two for next week. Then add one more thing....and so on. Before you know it things will be better. But they should never be TH-cam video perfect unless that is where you are in life. Trust me when I say the most overused advice...life goes fast and nothing stays the same. One day you will be in your fifties like me and longing for the messes of little ones. Your home will be gorgeous, clean, orderly...and quiet..when you are my age. And that is okay too! There is a season for everything. Like Elisabeth Elliot said long ago...do the next right thing. Just one. Hugs to you, and BRAVO for asking for advice! You are wonderful!
So wisely said!
What a wonderful comment. It made me cry, thinking how - later in life - i will miss the noise and mess of my little ones.
This is the most beautiful comment! Made me tear up and gave me such a feeling of freedom and peace. Thank you thank you!! It's so easy to compare our lives with the lives of others who aren't in the same stage of life as we are, and let that bring us down. What a beautiful reminder ❤️
@@framseen2 thank you 😊 God bless you!
Ah!!This comment is a breathe of fresh air...Thank you ma'am.
You know Nikki is a good youtuber if she tells you not to watch her videos if it makes you feel worse about your life
Hear! Hear!
1. Don't be hard on yourself.
2. Listen to music that puts you in a better mood.
3. Get rid of the crap around you.
4. Make a VERY simple organizational system you will actually use. One area at a time.
5. Remember some days will be worse than others and that's ok.
6. Pray/read the bible, hydrate, nourish, rest and groom (I'm talking bare basics here). You can't help anyone else if you're not helping yourself.
7. You may not be a super structured person and instead get a burst of energy during certain times of the day. Work with yourself not against yourself.
8. Taking a break isn't quitting or being a failure. Running on empty will get you nowhere.
9. Have one kid help with breakfast, another with lunch etc. and rotate as you see fit.
10. Don't look at the big picture if it overwhelms you. Do one small thing. Then another and another.
Thank you for this kind and helpful response.
@Kase Gunner I don't give any. 👋🏻 dysfunctional relationship spam bot.
🥰
Oh my goodness thank you so much!!!
Hi Nikki, my heart broke for Julie. I can imagine how overwhelmed she feels. I don’t know if she is a Christian but when I am overwhelmed or I’m unmotivated I have to stop and pray and ask the Lord to give me everything I need to be productive. It sounds simple but it always works and I’ll get up and get moving. I’m going to say a special prayer for Julie. I think that was very good advice, Nikki, for Julie not to compare herself to anyone else.
I use a bullet journal and it continues to improve my life, but it looks nothing like a youtubers journal. I don't make a to do list. Instead, I write down everything I do during the day on blank pages. My motivation has become filling the pages with whatever I accomplish, no matter how small, and understanding what I am doing with my time. The constant focus on what I have done and how I feel about it makes incorporating more responsibilities easier. Decluttering helps, but it has to be done in a way that works for you.
Thank you Nikki for taking the time to respond and share encouragement... that kindness means so much! I cried happy tears. 😅 Thanks for giving a starting point... all your suggestions are very helpful.
I'm also thankful to everyone who took the time to write a note of advice and encouragement as well-- that is much appreciated! ♡ I'll be sure to look into what's been suggested.
Thank you again, Nikki. I hope to be in touch soon.
-Julie
For me, I had to clean up my "internal clutter" before I could focus on the external. I had to create calm within myself before I could cultivate calm in my home. I went to therapy and discovered the roots of my feelings of incapablitity and inadequacy. I had to stop trying to do it all. I stopped telling myself that I had to do things perfectly or it wasn't worth doing at all. Cleaning part of a room was better than sitting on the couch being overwhelmed at the thought of cleaning the whole thing.
Learning to go one step at a time rather than trying to tackle the whole mountain at once. And taking care of myself. Making time for ME to read, meditate, go for walks, paint, etc.
Being very intentional with my time. Being honest with myself about where I was wasting time (for me it was mindlessly scrolling social media) I had to commit to putting more time towards my home and my mental health and LESS toward things that don't really matter (again for me, that was social media use) I also had to be really honest with myself about my struggles with commitment and follow thru. I'd set up a cleaning routine and 3 days in "didn't feel like it" and quit. I'd say things like "I'm just not one of those people." It was soooo much negative self talk keeping me down.
We have to show up for ourselves EVEN when we don't necessarily feel like it. That's how we create natural rhythms and routines. We are always doing this, whether good habits or bad.
I started reading in the morning instead of scrolling Facebook. Journaling instead of posting on tiktok or IG. Going to bed early most nights instead of drinking 3 glasses of wine and scrolling tiktok.
I really do believe it has to start inside ❤ I send so much love to anyone feeling like this bc I remember it vividly. It's so hard waking up every day dreading what's to come. I hope and pray we all find peace within so we can create peace around us.
When I am in overwhelm, i start with our bedrooms....I put on a timer for 20 minutes and turn on some music and have each child go to their room and we all start by making the bed. Then we pick up everything off the floor and put it on the bed before the timer goes off. That usually gets us motivated and then I reset the timer and we break each job down...gather dirty laundry, throw away trash, take dirty dishes to the sink etc, put away clean clothes, toys, books etc...then once the bedrooms are picked up, we dust and clean the floor! If I am in the kitchen, I have all the kids help me. When I work, they work! We video ourselves in time lapse while we work! They love watching it after we are done! We also take before and after pictures! Hang in there mommas!!!
I would also like to mention that I enjoy watching Diane in Denmark and The Secret Slob. Both have a very sensible approach to the Flylady system.
Nikki, I'm blown away by the kindness you showed to Julie!! I have been in the same place as her. I am a stay at home mom and now homeschool mom and it's not easy! But you are right nothing gets done unless you make that first move! I was so inspired and touched by your words to her! Thank you 💕
Nikki, I'm so impressed with the lovely way you reached out to Julie. You were warm and kind to someone who is hurting. Blessings from NZ
Nikki, Great advice given to Julie. Moving the same item from one place to another is a problem and time waster. Boxes to donate and trash bins helps remove the excess. If children won’t pick up their items, you may add a box to pay mom to get back. Depending on the age of your children, different scenarios will work best in your home. Be the example to your children of clearing your dishes, putting clean clothing away and tossing recycle/garbage as needed. Praying you find a method, Julie. All the best, Julie 🌷
It would be so nice if you could do one of your visits virtually with Julie. Maybe spend 30 minutes helping her organize or declutter a section of her home. Maybe even put together a morning routine. The day seems to flow so much better when I'm able to have a structured morning routine.
Growing up my parents would put a small empty box on our beds twice a month; when we got home from school we knew what we had to do. The box was a donation box and we were to fill it with things we no longer used, needed, outgrew, or had too many of. The boxes were then donated to a local charity group. I remember feeling happy donating things others may need and feelings of a heavy burden were lightened & healing to me. It encouraged me to continue the trend right into the rest of the house. I still do this today and find I look forward to it. Working together could help you to make even more of a positive impact;
giving creates a bond, helping to bolster relationships through shared goals and freely choose to give. The Lord Jesus Himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ . Acts 20:35
"...a sign of respect for the relationship..." Such a wonderful expression of why order in the bedroom deserves priority!
Absolutely!
Aw, Julie, I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling. Your story really reminds me of when my 3 were younger...and I wasn't going through this stage during a pandemic. That alone, is overwhelming! Nikki is spot on with her advice. I will just add a few tips. I went through most of this stage before social media even existed. Honestly, I would have completely failed at prioritizing my day if instagram, Facebook, tiktok, etc had been around. Take an honest look at how much time you spend on social media (incl TH-cam) & consider cutting it out completely or treating it as a reward at the end of the day (or watch videos while you do cleaning or cooking). It's a HUGE black hole that steals our time & attention & we usually fail to see it. It just feels normal to be distracted by it. The other thing that works for me is creating some kind of schedule for daily/weekly tasks. Similar concept to "flylady", but the simple act of even writing a daily "to-do" list & crossing items off will give you a sense of accomplishment. I so agree with Nikki about the bedroom. Making the bed covers alot of visual space in the bedroom & makes it immediately look cleaner. It's also similar to showering, in that it signals that the day is beginning on a positive note. When my kids were little, I showered at the end of the day, but I always groomed & dressed in the morning. It was my way of mentally showing up completely for the day. Also, go slow with change, ok. You don't need to figure this out in a week. Start with just hammering down a morning routine (shower, dress, grooming, bed made, curtains opened, all toiletries returned to their rightful place). Then, work on a nightly routine. Start a cleaning schedule on just the bathrooms. Then, add the kitchen. Do what works for you, but 1 step at a time. Also, when I was trying to do anything with my kids & there was fighting I would always put music on & the fighting stopped! No idea why, but it worked. Go easy on yourself, sweetheart. You don't need any part of this to look like Nikki's videos. Everyone is unique. I now have 5 family members at home working/studying 24-7. Some things are only being done every 2 weeks, instead of every week and that's OKAY! This, too, shall pass.♥️
I agree wholeheartedly with cutting down on the social media. I know I accomplish SOOO much more when I turn my phone on airplane mode, leave it in my bedroom, and forget about it.
I stopped Facebook and Instagram and it has helped a lot also, good advice :)
Hi ,you are so right about time spent on social media,I was giving it four hours of my life daily 🤦🏻♀️,now it’s when I finish a task that I’ve been putting off ,and usually at the end of the day ,
it’s been working . By Julie reaching out was the number one place to start ,now she knows we are all the same and here to help❤️
Amanda, I agree with this comment so much. My wise mother told me last year that she thinks us younger women have it harder than she did, because of the expectations technology places on us... even something like the expectation of an instant response to a message, always being available for a text, always needing to answer the phone or respond promptly or make a quick decision. I remember when I was little we had a “Before 9/After 9” rule where phone calls before 9am or after 9pm pretty much meant dire emergencies. At the same stage of my parenting journey I’m pretty sure my friends would’ve thought I was HAVING an emergency if I didn’t answer their text at 10pm or 6am! 🙈
Flylady is the best, perhaps because she started her system to get herself out of turmoil and depression, so her system is compassionate, caring, realistic, non-judgmental, effective but not exhausting. It is very feasible, adaptable to anyone's situation, and has taught millions of women to believe in themselves and their abilities, to take good care of themselves while taking care of their homes. With baby steps, one step at a time, so that it is not overwhelming and that you can see the benefits right away. Her system and community offer a lot of guidance and support, so the feelings of loneliness and struggling alone goes away too :)
Thanks Nikki! Julie, Check out The Secret Slob's Channel. She uses the Fly Lady System but has tailored it to her home and family. She has created a number of useful printables for cleaning and home organization. Her daily home maintenance schedule is particularly useful. Another really helpful channel is the Minimal Mom. Dawn is a big declutterer and minimalist. These are the two channels that I think would help you the most. Good Luck!
My two sisters both homeschool and they have set up both morning and evening chores. They have tasks listed on index cards and place in a bowl and each child chooses a chore for the morning and one for the evening and Mom chooses one as well. The first hour before homeschooling is preparing the house . After dinner, the bowl comes out and the children again choose the chores. No matter how tired-they keep to it. For me, I write five chores per day that need to be completed and make sure those are done. All other tasks after that are considered a bonus.
My life was very similar to Julie’s life before I went to get tested for ADD. I was diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD at age 55 and began medication. The medication and also using the Time Timer app turned my life around. The medication clears the swirling disorganization and clutter in my mind. I can prioritize and focus and engage in conversations with minimal effort. Before, the effort was so great as I tried to concentrate and focus on what people said. The Time Timer app is a great tool for completing tasks. I wish you well, Julie.
Julie, I totally understand where you are coming from. Keep in mind that each person and home is different. Please give your self some grace. It is not easy being mom, school teacher, nurse, house keeper and all the other jobs that we as parents juggle. Take a deep breath, take one step at a time and get the kids involved. When my kids were small, I would put on music and give them a broom and they would dance with the broom - but really they were sweeping the floor. I am not certain the age of the children you have but there are ways to get them involved without overwhelming yourself by being creative. Lastly, if you don't carve out time for YOU - you will become burnt out. Even if you have to wait for the kiddos to go to sleep - spend some YOU time. Take a long bubble bath, read a book, spend time in prayer. Fill YOU back up. Listen to motivational things before you go to sleep. The last thing you hear at night will set the tone for the first thing you think about the next morning. Speak life to your self. You are beautiful, you are worthy, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, You are the apple of Gods eye, you are more precious then rubies. You can do this Julie. I am praying for you sweet lady. One step at a time - little bits of consistency. Obedience then blessings. Go get 'em. I am rooting for you my friend.
Hi Nikki,
I realise how hard it is to be a home maker and how tough it is for most women out there. I was in a tough and overwhelming situation myself at one stage as a stay at home mom with three children.
I feel for Julie and I understand how she feels so I have decided to speak up with what I figured out works for me in hopes that it helps, not just Julie but most women struggling in general.
I have a double storey house with 5 bedrooms and 3 and a half bathrooms so this is how I do it.
I start cleaning from 9am every day
I set a timer for 1 hour and I work slowly at my own pace starting with the master bathroom upstairs. I pick up any mess in there first and put things away, wipe down anything that needs wiping and straight away do my weekly cleaning tasks or zone cleaning tasks in that room before I move on.
Next I move on to the master bedroom, I make the bed, change sheets if I need to, dust if needed for that day and move on to the next room. I do one room at a time until all the rooms are done upstairs. Now when the timer goes off after the hour has passed, I will stop what I am doing and take a break for about 15 minutes to half an hour. This will make me feel more motivated to keep going and refreshed to continue. During my break I will usually have a little bit of something to eat or a cup of tea. Next I set the timer again for an hour and continue where I left off and once every room is clean upstairs I move my way downstairs. Doing the same thing, putting things away, wiping things down, weekly and zone cleaning in the rooms that require that for that particular day. Downstairs I start from the powder room and work my way around the house until I get to the kitchen last. Once the kitchen is done I can breathe easy knowing that my whole house is clean and guest ready! I honour my alarms and look forward to my breaks. Oh and by the way all the tasks associated with cleaning usually get completed by 2pm. If I don't take any breaks then I would finish by noon. Hope this helps 😊
Oh dear Julie, I wrote nearly this exact same plea in February of this year into an online group forum. A plea for help, for guidance, for inspiration, for the "how to" manual of life. Julie, you are not alone. ~virtual hugs~
I found the Flylady system at that time. Reading the book Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley (The Flylady herself) and following her baby steps program really made a breakthrough for me. And that led me to Flylady Kat and some other youtubers, and that led me to our dear Nikki's channel. You can do this! As Nikki said, you are worth it and you deserve a beautiful space for yourself. It's not a quick fix, but it's a worthwhile one. And you are not alone. Take care.
(Wonderful video, Nikki. Thank you SO much for this one!)
Dear Julie, if you read this I would send you my love and encouragement and this piece of advise: Don't look at all of the things that you are not doing or not doing to the standard you want and get overwhelmed. Especially when you feel like you're sinking, just looking at everything still to be done is enough to pull you right under. Right now boosting your moral is the most important thing. So what I would say is just choose one thing. Give yourself one goal that you think you can reasonably complete and just do that. Maybe your goal could be to go to bed every night with a clean kitchen. Or your goal could be to go to bed an hour earlier every night (since you might be seriously over tired). And see if you can do just that one thing for a whole week. Then slowly, slowly as you are ready and once you feel that new habit has been established, add a new reasonable goal. This struggle will not be fixed over night. Take the pressure off of yourself to fix all of this at once and quickly. But think of how, if you slowly and carefully did one thing at a time, what a different place you will be in a year. And like Nikki said, don't compare yourself to other people. Your ordered home will be different from hers. Hang in there Julie. Keep your goals small and manageable and and do them one day at a time. You can do it! And I am praying for you.
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I love to watch your videos! I am a Christian Singer ,Pastor’s Wife , Mom and G’mama! I need a schedule and watch your videos for motivation!! Blessings!! ❤️🙏🏻
Julie, I think we have all been there at some point or another, I have 6 children ranging from 7 yrs to 7 months and when I’m really overwhelmed and the house is a mess, my kids fighting, and the chaos is unbearable, I usually take a min to myself to pray and then set my timer to 10 min to do whatever needs to be cleaned/organized/decluttered and blast my favorite music. Whoever of my kids want to help usually jump in and I give them a small job to do. When 10 min are over I take a break. That usually motivates me and the kids to get things done. If not I just drop it. At the end of the day if everything else fails, you at least got 10 min of productive work done and if ur kids are fed and alive that’s all that matters!! Don’t be too hard on yourself this season of life is difficult but with 10 min a day of getting things done you can accomplish big things. Just be consistent and you will learn/ teach new habits for ur kids and ur self.
Hi Julie. My heart goes out to you. I am no longer in that season of life but I can clearly remember the overwhelm of having littles and a house to keep up. I also am going to recommend the Flylady system but remember to make it your own. Don't try to put on Flylady's, The Secret Slob's or Diane in Denmark's shoes. Your routines and habits will be your own. Make it work for you and your family. After watching this and hearing your story, my gut feeling is that you are paralyzed by perfection. As Flylady says "housework done incorrectly still blesses your family". The biggest hurdle is to start. 15 minutes is your friend. Set a timer. Work on that one spot that is bugging you for 15 minutes. Maybe that is clearing the kitchen table. When you have cleared the table for 15 minutes - STOP! Then sit down for 15 minutes snuggling with your babies or just sit in peace. Then do 15 more and so on. Also, are you staying up late and then rolling out of bed when you hear a little voice in your room? Perhaps start by setting bed and wake times for yourself so that you are getting plenty of rest. Try to get up a few minutes before the kids so that you can be awake and dressed before they rise. It is a lot easier to deal with morning demands when you have had a few minutes to yourself and a cup of coffee! And reward yourself! It may seem silly but I dangle a carrot in front of my nose so that I am motivated to complete my routine. For me it is being able to play a video game when my routine is done...the faster I complete it the more time I have to play. For you it may be having a bubble bath after the kids go to bed or some other fun, peaceful thing you enjoy. I also highly suggest a written routine, not too overwhelming to start, so that you have a reference for when you don't know where to start and so that you also have a place to stop. I needed that end point because I can always find something that needs to be done. You are enough. You are adequate. And you can definitely find peace in your home.
Great advice, Nikki! It is important to find our motivation and approach.
May I suggest to Julie to read Dana K. White’s book How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind? It is simple in it’s approach with concepts like “Dirty Dishes Math” while still having grace for yourself.
I’m sorry for the rough season, but I agree with Nikki that you ARE capable!
Love you Nikiki. Also the secrets slob , love fly lady Kat !! Make sure you kitchen sink is clean too!!
Julie being a mom is hard homeschooling is hard, try your best and don’t be super hard on yourself, I homeschool 2 of my kids and have a baby to take care of, it gets overwhelming at times; I second the flylady system it really helped me and secret slob channel is very relatable, also realizing you tubers don’t show everything :) great advice Nikki :) good video
Nikki, you are wonderful! God bless you and your family (and of course dear Julie and her family)! I love the idea of the before and after pictures. Julie could create an Instagram account to document her progress and even inspire others.
Be kind to yourself, Julie! Organizing comes more naturally for some more than others. I am sure there is something you are naturally good at that the rest of us would struggle with.
My mom struggled like yourself. Technically, she still does and she is in her 70's. She was fortunate to have me. I learned from the babysitter and watching my childhood friend's mother. My mom's house felt chaotic, and my friend's house felt peaceful. I had an example. I did have a natural inclination on organizing too, so there is that. I realize now that my mother did not know, because she was not taught. It sounds as if you were not really taught either. I remembering teaching my boys when they were little on cleaning up toys. Sometimes, that mess would get overwhelming quickly. I would walk them thru it one type of toy at a time (legos, then cars, then puzzles, etc.) My sibling did not learn this stuff. He has not taught his child. Now, his child gets overwhelmed. When we visit, my kids will organize/clean up the toy room. Just to clarify, my kids are not self motivated at home. They need to be pushed more than they should. They complain when they have to do something, and they are not asked to do a ton. Basically, your kids are normal. I have been working on "follow thru" with my 10y/o thru the whole pandemic. He is notorious for leaving lights on and doors open. He is just now finally "getting" it about 70% of the time. They are always a work in progress. Lol
So, the trick is to teach/re-teach yourself first. Nikki's videos are great at making the work feel enjoyable. It is still hard work for all of us. No one's home looks 100% ALL of the time. The Fly Lady system would probably be a great starting point for you. You can always adjust and make your own schedule later. But, it is a good start. I agree with Nikki. Start with your bedroom first. No, the clutter will not all get done in one day, so do not get discouraged when it is not complete the first day. You cannot do it all in one day. It tools years to accumulate. It is ongoing. And, most important, do not compare yourself. Comparison is the thief of Joy. Wanting to do better for yourself is all the motivation you need. You don't like living in the mess. That is enough. I have seen beyond messy homes. Some were disgusting. I have cleaned some of them. I have seen people who truly do not see the mess. You are not there. You see it. That is a big step.
Sorry, I did not mean to write so much. I am proud of you for being vulnerable and asking for guidance. Good Luck!!!
I have been in this situation. I know your frustration and tears.
The number one is to sit your family down for a chat. Tell them your thoughts and goal and how do they like living in the home that is right now and what would they like there home to be like, and then how can we get there. Telling your children that we are a team and on a team everyone has a position to help the team out. Mom and dad are on the team but are the coaches so we will be teaching, training and helping too. Make it a big deal that family's help and our home should be a restful place. Not perfect but everything has a place.
Start small. Take a weekend to gather your thoughts and get it down on paper. Yes, taking an entire day to devote to getting rid of item you no longer like or love or use. Donate box, garbage box. This might be a hard job for the kids since it might be many of there items they don't play with anymore but knowing its being taken out of the home could make it stressful so what I've done is have another chat and tell them the goals of your home. Make it a team effort again. Give them small short jobs, give them one job to declutter, maybe a closet or a toy box. If you cant get to the toy issue then just do the rest of the home. And then they'll see mama throwing things out or donating them and they may be motivated to do that too. Reward them at the end of the day with all of there cheerfulness in helping with a popcorn movie night or an outing somewhere they love. Always a hit at our home. Telling them up front that after they work very hard and cheerfully they will have something to look forward too with the family.
After a day or weekend of clearing things out. I took day and made routines for the day. We homeschool too. Write out your non negotiables mine are one load of laundry per day (washed-dried- put away) dishes done, meals cooked and school. Then I block schedule Jordan Page at fun cheap or free.com has a great block schedule system that made my ADD brain get my routine on paper. Its not time stamps but blocks or chunks of time to know what needs to get done within that time frame. Example one of my block times is 9-12pm is only school time. My brain is only focused on that and not on all the chores or undone things I have not gotten to or should get to its focused. And 3-6pm is tidy up, meal prep, outside play, eat.
Those are my few that helped me get started and motivated me then to make cleaning chores into my block time. I just listened to a podcast on home hacks that could also help give you an idea that might help you in your personality type. It took me a long time to figure out what worked for me and my boys. So slow and steady wins the race and when mom is cheerful the house is cheerful! MomtoMom podcast Home hacks was the episode. One more thing. When I need to tidy up a rooms or a room or organize a closet, I set a timer on my phone for 15min and do all I can until the timer rings. You'd be amazed at what you can accomplish in those minutes. And if you still have more time to give, Set it again for 15min and keep going but even just the one 15min clean burst is enough.
Hang in there and do little by little it will come together. I to struggled with watching other moms do all the things like cook with there child and then Id fail at that too. I know my thresh hold and that stresses me out too. But its such a good thing for your child to learn or just enjoy doing with mom, IF its something they like to do. So Id have one child only on Saturdays when dad is home to occupy other kids while I spend that time making a simple lunch or supper. Or just a batch of cookies to stir it does not have to be all or nothing but a little something.
We all cant be good at all the things, no one is thats a lie. Find your few good things and do them well and the rest will get done but maybe just get done. :)
Fly lady is great but can be very very time consuming to figure out and learn. I tried it and loved the idea and only took a few things from it that I know I needed to change in my life. Like getting up one to two hours before my children and had my Bible/prayer time and coffee and a podcast or video to encourage me. Id get myself dressed and ready for the day and made my bed and prepped breakfast and the children woke up to an already on fire for the day mom. That has been so helpful for me.
Julie, you are not alone! Parenting and housework is tough. Each day is filled with both struggle and success. Firstly, I would start by making your bed, every day. Secondly, start to acknowledge your little wins. You may not have done all the dishes, but you fed your kids! This will help you change your behavior and your life at home. Each day celebrate each little thing that you achieve. Adjust your expectations to accept that life with kids will always be imperfectly and beautifully messy. Your life doesn't need to be picture book perfect. Try to find the joy and pat yourself on the back for another day well done!
Hi I really learned (and still learning) to be calm about housework Nikki you are responsible for that. I would get my family together and tell them that I need help with the daily chores in this home. If the children are old enough give them chores to do toys put away before bedtime make sure your clothes are in the hamper etc. Pick a day for each chore and have all the kids to help or pick one everyday. Don't feel bad your overwhelmed and you need help and cooperation . Hang in there be safe Blessing.
This was a beautiful video Nikki💕 I also have read so many wonderful ideas written from the heart .
Julie.. I admire your strength and courage on reaching out. Being a grandmother now I remember the full days of a young mother. You’ve been given this small kingdom to care for. One step at a time. One room at a time like Nikki talked about the bedroom is a start. Three little things 💕. He loves you where you are ❤️ 💕Give that tender and sweet love to those that surround you❤️ 💕 This too will pass and someday they will grow up and be your beautiful jewels in life.❤️ nancy🌺
Wise and kind advice, Nikki. For me personally, I try to make tidying and cleaning a pleasurable experience for my senses - soothing music (jazz or classical), a scented candle, and lovely cleaning products. Ultimately, the motivation will be unique to the individual, but I hope Julie is able to find peace and order for herself and her family.
We donate the items we are not using because our unused items could be a blessing to someone else. This clears our home from clutter and makes cleaning easier.
Extra pots/pans
American girl collection (daughter’s idea so younger children could wake up to gifts)
Drafting table from college
Wood coffee table (Unused 8yrs)
Decorative plates from old house
Decor not being used/loved
Cute shoes uncomfortable
Plates sets (don’t need 5 sets)
Julie, I think we have all been there. I've noticed no one comes to visit me unannounced unless my house is a mess. What helps me is to just pick a corner and move clockwise. Decluttering is key, I've read the book Nikki recommends it's really good. You'll be in my prayers. I'll be thinking of you.
I was where Julie was at one time. First, you can do this and you can do it beautifully. I don't know what your children's ages are, but that makes a difference many times in how orderly our homes are. When you have those little babes and toddlers many times our homes more often look a wreck with toys all over and dishes piled in the sink. If your children are those ages, I would say to remember this is just a short season and your babies will grow so quickly. Things don't have to be prefect to make a happy home and happy children, so give yourself a little slack and remember caring for your children's hearts is probably the most important thing you can do. It sounds like you have at least one child that is school aged and you said you are homeschooling, which takes a lot of time sometimes. I'm a mom of 12 and I homeschool. So believe me, I understand the difficulty of managing a home, family and homeschool, but I also understand the desire to have a neat home; but the lack of drive or energy. The first thing I learned to do was to make my bed, because then even if I failed in all other areas, my bed was neatly made. A Friend told me to try to keep my bedroom neat, so when I went to bed at night I could relax and sleep peacefully...it sounded odd to me, because I could shut the door on my bedroom, but I couldn't hide the rest of the house! I soon learned it was true. For me to have a routine helped. I developed a routine that worked for me. For example, I got up early enough do things like shower, exercise, read the bible and make my bed. Then I made breakfast and got the kids going for the day. For me to feed the kids and dress them was next and to begin homeschooling. Right after that, we had lunch, story time and naps for those that needed it. I learned that I needed and was entitled to at least a 30 min break during nap time to nap (especially needed when I was pregnant, watch a TV show or read) After that I tried to get things picked up and solicited my schoolage kids to help for 30 min. Then we were back to school. As the younger ones wake from their naps, it was some cuddle time and I would assign an older child to play with the younger ones while I helped someone with school ...switching out older children as needed. Soon it was dinner time. Now, I had assigned children to chores to help me and I would have as young as 2 help with little things too. I know this takes time and patience, but in the long run it pays off. I was paving the road for year later, when each could do their part. I started by just having 1 child help me with a task, which I later gave them full responsibility for, and moved on to the next child. It helps when they know they will each get a chance to help and work with you...kids love working beside mom. Just before my husband came home, I would tell the kids to help get things picked up and I would take a couple of minutes to refresh myself for my husband by brushing my hair and if needed changing my shirt if it had gotten messy or spit-up on. After dinner, I usually solicited my husband's help to putting the kids to bed while I did the dishes. This gave my husband a chance to interact with the children and reconnect with them. I always felt that my evenings needed to be dedicated to nurturing our marriage, so for the most part I did very little for housework in the evenings. Now, this is just an example, but know things many times didn't not go this smoothly. Also remember that what you see on these you-tube channels have been edited and can appear better than what actual daily life is. As moms we all struggle balancing it all and we all feel like failures, but we need to make priorities of what is important to us. Maybe we have a child who simply needs some extra loving one day or we have a closet that we just can't stand how messy it is. None of us get it all done and we all have to accept that there is only one of us and we have needs that need to be fulfilled too, so that we can continue to care and love our families. A book that helped me to develop a routine is "Large Family Logistics" By Kim Brenneman. You don't need a large family to get some good pointers from her. I believe all homemakers can gain from this book. Blessing to you and remember you are enough and likely not a failure.
Also Julie I recommend checking out Erica Lucas’s channel. She is a homeschooling mom who has gone through decluttering her house and trying to get her home in order 😍
Also Steph the Secret Slob - she has 3 young kids and managed to get her house sorted
There is so much great advice on here!! I've been really overwhelmed lately as Christmas approaches and all the things I want/need to do and what helps me is to get it all out of my mind onto paper a big brain dump then I can pick away at the things that are most urgent and bothering me the most then decide when you can do those things and get to work. And yes make it fun play some music, light a candle, pour yourself a cup of coffee/tea and remove distractions you will be amazed at what you can accomplish. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time....you can do it Julie. Im cheering for you!!
I relate to Julie a lot. This was very motivating and helpful!
What a gift this video is! Julie’s description brought back vivid memories of when I was THERE a few years ago. I still have days like that. Thank you, Nikki and all the other wise ladies, for such life giving encouragement and advice. 🤍
My heart goes out to you, Julie. I've been married 30 years and in the beginning I felt so completely lost too! I longed for someone to just tell me what to do. There is a wonderful book though that taught me so much, and it shaped me as a homemaker more that anything... Please try to find "Homebodies- A Homemaker's Guide to Organization and Contentment" by Linda Davis-Zumbehl. It's an oldie, but truly the best, in my opinion- so simple to read and do. I think it will be a great help, if you can find a copy online. Please let us know how you are doing?
Love it! Yes, first step is the most important step. One can’t walk up a mountain if they are not walking.
I enjoyed the comment based video 🥰 lots of great advice, thank you!
I was raised in a country where the cleaning lady did it all. My mother was not the nurturing kind and did not teach me anything. I married and moved to the US not knowing anything about home making. I totally get it. It takes so much effort... I did not know where to start. 28 years later, I am still learning but i figured out that routines are essential for small daily chores. Get one area at a time to start decluttering and cleaning. You can’t change in one day what you accumulated over years. So be patient, start small and get all your family to help at a scale of their abilities.
The biggest step, you already did. You recognized the problem and want to find the solution.
You are not alone
Absolutely agree that the starting point is to declutter, and more specifically start with decluttering your own stuff. And be kind to yourself.
Absolutely!
Julie, I could have written this letter a few years ago! (And some days still!!) Dana K. White "A Slob Comes Clean" brings a lot of hope for the overwhelmed. And she's hilarious!! He books are on Audible and she recorded them. SO funny and helpful!! I suggest you send your kids somewhere and take a day to just think and plan. Never underestimate your husband's input. You might be surprised how helpful his ideas could be, even if it doesn't make sense at first. He probably wants to be supportive. 💖 God wants to help you! (Make sure you ask Him, too!!)
I know that Nikki says that watching others may not be for he be I would also recommend the “Secret Slob’s” Channel. I think she shows good ways to start getting organised at home so you can eventually aspire to be organised like Nikki is. I think getting started and sticking to it is the hardest. Once you get into a routine it’s easier to stick to it.
Very good advice Nikki
the only thing i can add to Julie alongside all the great suggestions here is to first stop feeling "panicky".. and calm down.. The stress and overwhelm we place on ourselves does not help...
Then be grateful for what's right in your life.. Bring in more positive energy to YOU.
A positive mindset will help how you handle and juggle "life".
Nikki hit the nail on the head by saying that you need to find what sparks the motivation for you.. otherwise, we lose the flow very quickly and are back at square 1..
Work baby steps and...
SIMPLIFY.. And this is not just about decluttering things.. Simplify your routines.. Focus on a just a few things that are important..
If it's time for home school.. Then focus on that.. Try being grateful for having them well, and by your side when things get testy.. One of my biggest regrets is failing to do that when my kids were little.. I was too obsessed with keeping the place spotless when I should have been having more fun with them.. Life's too short.
Keep a very basic routine with realistic time for prepping dinner, laundry, quick wipe down of surfaces etc..
Try the decluttering for 30mins on the weekend when Dad takes the kiddies to to the park?? Don't try doing it when the kids are at your feet.. It may cause you more stress.. You won't have the house sorted in 1 session.. but it will happen eventually if you make it a habit.
I'm not sure how old your littles are.. But if they aren't teenagers yet; it's not too late to build in routines for them too..Make it fun and maybe give each one a special "responsibility"..
Accept that this won't all fall into place by christmas.. It could be a year before you've got most things sorted.. And even then, there'll be crazy days and messy days..
Many hugs to you Julie and don't lose faith in yourself.. "where there's a will, there's a way".... :) x
The Clean Mama system is so great!
Nikki - you gave great ideas. I also want to recommend "The Minimal Mom" TH-cam channel to Julie. She is a GREAT help as to where to start reducing your clutter.
Definitely the minimal mom.
Seek out a mentor to help you.
Some days can be really overwhelming for all of us, at times.
Never give up and carry on doing small steps to make life manageable and happy. Also, reduce unnecessary tasks and focus on your priorities in life. Be realistic and kind to yourself and family.
Very good video Nikki !
Dear Julie,
You must remember you tubers have an audience and it’s much easier to be motivated if you have a bunch of people admiring you and cheering you on daily.
Constant validation and applauds from strangers (nothing is wrong with that by the way) but this is reality.Not only that this is there content/income.
It can be difficult to be highly motivated when the only person clapping you on is you and as time goes by your less likely to applauded by your husband as your home keeping becomes just an expectation.
You are doing an amazing and realistic job the fact your worried shows how much you care and mentally how much you take on that in itself is exhausting.
Don’t be so hard on yourself not all that glitters is gold darling 💖💖💖💖
PS: This TH-camr is so real and honest! I completely rate the way she responded to this.
Thank you for your helpful comment Oshun, I'm sure it will help Julie and many others who read it!
I can totally relate to Julie letter ...getting kids(age 13) to do chores is a daily battle 🙄
In addition to Fly Lady, check out the channel “How Jen Does It.” Unfortunately, she no longer creates videos, but she’s left her channel up and her videos really helped me get my SAHM life together!
Same here! Got a lot of tips plus those recipes.... Yum!
The Secret Slob is my favorite FlyLady approach!
I loved How Jen Does It too. Clean Mama is also a good source. She always talks about doing a little each day.
Also Dana K White and Clutterbug.
Nikki it was very genuine of you to suggest being the accountability partner
Julie's comment made me cry! Oh how I feel you, sister!! Don't be hard on yourself, it is present over perfect! I was in the same shoes, so I would say, pick ony system. Just one so you can start. As you go along, you will figure out all the adjustments you can make to it. Too much info online is frustrating in your case! Secondly, and I agree with Nikki, Clear that clutter!!!! If you don't do it, nothing will change. Trust me on this!
Such great talk! ❤️
I so appreciate and am grateful to God for Godly woman like you!!
I feel that everything with balance and not becoming obsessive helps. . .
Remembering too that as Helen Adeline said in her book “Fascinating womanhood”, “the house is to serve us not for us to serve the house”.
My heart goes. Out to Julie. But the fact that you are thinking of it you will get there. And each ones journey is different. And believe me when you are ready things happen and they become easy. Just try to stay positive
I have felt this way and taken many first steps, and started over and over. I have learned over the past couple years that the biggest first step was to start eating better and take care of my overall health. I did not realize that I have many food sensitivities that were contributing to brain fog and severe vitamin and mineral deficiencies that were effecting my ability to function and see and do things. All the suggestions here are good. I don't know if my advice is applicable to Julie or not, but I could not get the other things in order until I felt better myself, and that is hard to do. But if this is something that would help, I can point you to some videos and books that really helped me.
Yes, please!
@@anitadizney8987 Search TH-cam video, Stacey FlowersThis book Changed My Life And Health, How to be healthy. I was so inspired by her story and bought the book by Mark Hyman. It is a lot to read through, but the checklists, and was able to find out what food and supplements are best for me. I was also inspired by her food shopping and what I eat videos to make better choices for food. She doesn't make these types of videos anymore, but you can still watch them.
Second, The Candida Cure by Ann Boroch, CNC. This is shorter, but the BEST. It is hard to implement a plan like this but the more I kept going, the better my mind and body felt.
Third, here on TH-cam, and on his website, Spirit of Heath KC gives such good wisdom on how to heal and improve your health. I have done a couple of his cleanses and cleared up some kidney issues I deal with.
I have also researched ways to improve my mood, and I find I am happier and get more done when I play a classical cd on repeat all day in the background, and diffuse essential oils that improve mental focus and mood.
I am not perfect, I have a long way to go. And I have slipped up in my discipline with food lately. But you can always pick yourself up and start again. I have made progress, and that means when I start again, I know what to do, and I am motivated by knowing how feeling healthy feels.
Nikki, your words were wise and , I am certain, like balm for Julie. Julie, there are times in all of our lives when we do not feel motivated or lack guidance for certain tasks, our internal compass may feel broken. I think that often times we are “comparing and despairing” ourselves with others which is usually a way to feel defeated. Some thing that may be helpful for you to complete a few initial tasks is to set a timer for 10 or 15 minutes and get as much as you can possibly get done in that time and then stop. Momentum fuels momentum, there is no other way around it, so beginning a task will make you feel better, even if not the way you pictured it. I think that your reaching out is a great step and I bet that you have many talents that you are not focusing on. I know that you can do that and try to eat that proverbial cookie one bite at a time and not the whole cookie. Talk to God, He is listening, Deirdre
Hi Nikki, I just wanted to reach out to Julie and send her a big hug! It will all be okay! You gave her some great advice! I am a pretty organized and efficient person and love learning more about organization. I have read tons of books and always have an eye out for systems that may improve my organization. Two resources I want to share with Julie and your readers are Lisa from Organize 365. She has a podcast with so much free information and her website. She looks at things like I have never thought about them before and is amazing. She recommends starting in your laundry room-it is the room that no one else wants to go in and is a small scale place to start. I think you would find her content very helpful! I also like watching The Minimal Mom’s you tube channel. While I am not as minimal as her family, she has some great suggestions about ways to think about your home and your stuff. Take care Julie! You can do this!
Wow that is amazing Nikki! Thank you for responding to that. All your advice, and the comments and ideas ftom everyone else are all so good. Baby steps. Doing some each day is more realistic and less overwhelming than all at once. Slow and steady accomplishments. I am a work in progress too with a long way to go but getting better.
By the way, I love the intro music to your videos. Reminds me of the beginning music from Downton Abbey. 💛🎶
Thank you NIkki for your words of wisdom
Hello Julie
Your words touched my heart. Please don’t feel ashamed, there are so many homemakers all over the world who struggle.
In my own home I always start with putting a load of laundry on, then clearing and cleaning the kitchen surfaces and taking care of the dishes. I would usually then clean the bathroom sinks and then toilets . That is enough to be getting on with. If you can accomplish those things every day for a week then you are on your way to doing them everyday as a habit. Dust might be unsightly, but - unless someone in your family has asthma - it does no harm. A clean kitchen and bathrooms are a good goal to initially aim for as they can affect family health. The kitchen and bathroom do not necessarily need to be strictly tidy, but it helps to clean in they are.
I would then tackle one room every 2 days and try to declutter it as much as possible- not always easy when you have children, I know!
I think that all children should be encouraged to do some age appropriate chores - that you tell your husband how you are feeling and that you want to make changes in your home and that you need his assistance and support
I find making an achievable daily goal or “to do” list can be helpful. Ticking things off make me feel accomplished and whatever gets overlooked, can be added to the next day’s goals
I would encourage you to get plenty of rest too. I know that may sound contradictory, but if you feel exhausted, you will feel less inclined to do housework.
Great advice Nikki. I hope Julie will see all of the encouragement here in your video comments. I'm a homeschool mama of five. I will echo another lady here in the comments and recommend Dawn over a The Minimal Mom channel. The book Declutter at the Speed of Life by Dana K. White from A Slob Comes Clean helped me so much. The author made the process of decluttering so much simpler than I had heard of before and she included alot of humor along the way.
My bedroom. Make a haven first. Declutter, clean, paint, and then do a thrift store simple decorate of it. Use calming peaceful color scheme.
Thank you for sharing!
Oh my gosh, I felt so much for Julie. I too had gotten to a place that I just felt hemmed in this year. I totally agree! Decluttering helped give me some momentum and though I had read Mari Kondo's book which gave me some freedom to let things go, I started watching The Minimal Mom. For decluttering, following her has been amazing. She breaks things down into very simple steps and shares how she started simplifying her house because it helped her be able to manage everything. I highly recommend! I have actually started making progress after being stuck for years surrounded by old inventory/equipment from a broken dream of a business in a one bedroom apartment. We don't have a car, so getting rid of things had been tough and frankly, probably in some sort of depression, I just did not have any motivation to start (also because of the overwhelm). During the time of my business, I had a few miscarriages, so that also made me not want to deal with it all.
But my family and I deserve better and I was at the end of my rope! I joined the FB group for the Minimal Mom and that is what has really helped me. She also just launched a course called "Take your house back" with 2 other TH-camrs; all three saying that they were in that place of overwhelm. I'm not trolling at all or trying to advertise for her. I just really felt for Julie and know that shame and am seeing things change in my own home. We actually have spaces that are functioning again and feel homey and beautiful. I think it is awesome that you have offered to be in contact with her. That will probably give her so much motivation alone!
Never too late to comment . . . I feel EXACTLY like Julie, I'll just add that I almost lost my husband too because I became so intolerant of my chaotic life . . . But starting with focusing on my spiritual issues, my husband and our relationship, and not the house, not perfection and not expectations . . . Step by step we have healed our marriage. The house is still chaotic, the kids are still naughty and I struggle with a raging temper . . . But it is choosing love and not perfection or material expectation. "If you would be my disciples, take up your cross daily, and follow me". For me, this was not exploding at my kids and not nagging my husband about my disappointments. There is hope and joy . . . Prioritizing love. God bless this mess!
Thank you for sharing!
Omg the adorable chorus of dog pitter patter paws 🐾 was so cute !!!!
And I agree with Nikki about the children -more is caught than taught
I had a time when I was Julie, and I wanted to share that as the kids get older, things get a bit easier. When I think back when my 3 sons were all little, I feel like it was a blur. I honestly don’t know how I got through it, but you know what? I did the best I could.
I found out that after living so stressed I got very depressed because I felt like a failure. The good thing is I went to talk to a therapist and I got back on track. Unfortunately, a few years later I was diagnosed with lupus my life had to change drastically. Now my boys are 20, 16 and 15 and I still am on here trying to figure it out, with my limitations. What’s most important Julie is to know every day is a new day and it’s ok to ask for help. Don’t be so hard on yourself, nobody is perfect
Great advice Liz, thank you for sharing it!
Amen to Julie, I have definitely felt that way. God bless you Nikki for being so helpful, gentle and kind to all of us and especially Julie.❤
I loved your suggestion to start in the bedroom. The reasons you gave are spot on! So, in my mind, the natural progression after that is to do the same in each of the childrens' rooms for exactly the same reasons! Then as a family, decide the next most important area to clear up together, and establish new rules if necessary.
I'm happy you enjoyed this! Yes, absolutely!
I like how you said that you can listen to all the videos and read all of the books but we have to take action. That is the key I believe. I like your idea of giving each child a day where that child helps you. 💕
Wise words, Nikki! ❤️
Nikki, I am Gary Gnagey’s wife, Debbie, who wrote the above comment! We share a TH-cam account!
She came to the right person to ask. I agree with everything you said. You are aa good role model for us all. Great advice. I love your honesty!
I started watching your videos a couple days are, you're so inspiring! I wasn't brought up learning to cook and clean by my mother... I usually battle with a lot of laziness and procrastination but watching videos like these encourage me to want to be the best version of myself. I wasn't taught properly how do do all this so now I have to learn on my own, but your videos are encouraging! I cooked and cleaned today, these videos are encouraging me to do better! Thank you!!!! I feel so much better about life when I'm productive!! I want to be a good wife one day too
I'm so happy you have been inspired! It's so good to know how productive you have been and that you have that desire, that's important.
You’re so thoughtful to reach out and help your subscriber.
I would say, when I get overwhelmed. Start my bedroom, then my closet, and if you are having trouble with daily routines. Once your room is done. Practice taking care of your self by getting ready however you see yourself. Then, try to then go through one cabinet or one shelf per day. Eventually, it will fall into place. I know people where it takes a year or longer to get through everything. Depends whats going on your life.
Ur not alone julie, I have felt the same way.
I, too, would make sure that my bedroom was the one room in my house that was kept clean and neat. I think that my philosophy is close to yours, Nikki. However, I don't like to clean. I will reward myself with something after I finish a job. It works well for me.I don't have children at home any longer, which makes it all easier. In the meantime, I hope that Julie doesn't continue to beat herself up about this. Reaching out for help with something is the first step to success. I'm sure things will get better for her soon.
Just purchased a pair of Hipsticks via your link. Enjoying binge-watching your channel, which I discovered today. 👗
Oh, and two Belle Poque slips!
Absolutely adore you, Nikki 💞
You are such a beautiful lady and with a soul to match, I love your inspiration that you share. Tfs Have a sweet day..
Thank you so much for this video! I love the Flylady! But she always says shine your sink after watching your video I feel like the most important is making my bed. I want my bedroom to feel like a relaxing place.
I would agree, the bedroom is the most important part.
What reaaly helps me, is put some relaxing music, have a diffuser or scented candle, en start to declutter one room at a time.
And it helps me to realize to keep in mind, that decluttering and clean your home is actually self care, because it makes you feel more energized, and it gives you an uplifted spirit. And getting your children to help you can be fun quality time!!!
I hope this gives you some motivation, and keep in mind, on camera everything looks perfect, but it is not always that perfect........
Thank you for sharing Anita!
Do one room at a time so she doesn’t feel so overwhelmed. Ask for help it’s ok. Love yourself first and everything will flow. One step in front of the other. Just keep moving. As young Moms it can seem over whelming you are not alone. ❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰💋
Dear Julie, I know you reached Nikki and not all of us, so I hope you don’t mind if I share a few things I picked up through the years. I’m 59 and have 2 children and 4 grandchildren. I married at just 19 (now divorced) and although we had a housekeeper when I grew up, she began very part time and increased as my mother’s hours increased very gradually for my Dad’s company. I learned things through watching her and my mother had taught us through what she had learned. Myself and my 2 sisters had 2 nights each in the kitchen cleaning and my mother had Sunday. Oddly, enough I had never washed clothes until I went away to college and remember Mother separating clothes. When I married I did the same three things in the morning. Cleaned the kitchen, started the wash and made the beds. I also got the kids ready for school and sent them off. I don’t remember it taking but about 30 minutes. The children could take out 1 toy into the main room at a time. I started dinner and while dinner was cooking, I assisted the children to clean up any mess in their rooms, depending on their age and the main room so that it was done when their Dad got home from work. On Friday’s I did the cleaning as I figured if I have any company it would be other the weekend. I have seen where some do a chore a day, which works for me now at my age. A book that I recalled that made a difference for me was “Living a Beautiful Life” by Alexandra Stoddard. Nikki is so much like her. The book stresses making beauty in your routine. I soaked up decorating magazines. The first Pinterest. I had modest homes. I have no experience with home schooling. Can you combine some instruction with independent work? I agree with chores. My daughter cleaned her room and the main bathroom on the weekends she was home and not at her Dad’s as a child and teenager and had kitchen duty. My 36 year old is disabled, so there are no daily expectations, but he helps out throughout the day and enjoys it. Maybe setting a daily schedule for a kitchen helper to help prepare dinner, so there would be no problem with everyone wanting to be in there at the same time. Maybe writing out what you want to do every day and who or how it can be handled to make your life simpler. I will say that computers didn’t come about until later and I knew nothing about going to the WWW for anything until much later. Somehow it seemed easier. The cleaning videos may be helpful getting started if you’re unsure how to get started, but be sure their homes are not always what it seems. I agree with Nikki on simplifying your home. People seem to have much more than what we seemed to have. Did you know that I read years ago that HGTV has contributed to the cause of much bankruptcy in our country? Only having what you need and love and have a place for will definitely eliminate anxiety. I tend to work on the common areas before others, because there are so many using these areas. I have been watching a designer on TH-cam who talks of her ADHD and dyslexia. She has a beautiful home, but just had to learn how to use her differences for her instead of against her. Lastly, I grew up with a friend who had the example of an excellent mother who kept a beautiful home. My friend has gradually gotten worse through the years. I’ve noticed that as things happened in her life and she became depressed, her home has reflected this. Taking care of you is taking care of your home. I took so many fun classes in my 20’s and my ex-husband was good about watching the kids so I could do so. I was creative during the day, so this was a boon to my mental health. We are cheering you on. You got this. GOD bless.
Do you recall the TH-cam designers name whom you mentioned having dyslexia? I’d love to check out her videos.💕
@@amyfretz3387 I love watching her videos. They are so different than most. @Linda Smith Davis New England Fine Living
@@amyfretz3387 I love watching her videos. They are so different than most. @Linda Smith Davis New England Fine Living
I always start by cleaning and decluttering. I begin in one area , and don’t move until that entire area is clean. I try to focus on one area at a time, once it’s clean and move on to the next. BUT when I clean I keep a notebook with me, because I feel like when your touching so many object at home , it reminds me of things I need to buy , or things I need to do. I write all that stuff down as I clean. Once that is done I have a huge list of some many random things. This list usually seems overwhelming, but I rather it overwhelming on paper , than it be happening in my mind. Once on paper , I prioritize everything , from most important to least. This changed my life , hopefully someone can take something from it.
Nikki ur my favorite and inspire me every time I watch your videos. Xoxo
The notebook is an amazing idea! I zigzag around the house, following up on every thought. Not productive.
Great video! I think we have all been there in that position before! I love your videos. I am in a season of life where my children are grown, but I still am very into creating just the right atmosphere in my home and enjoy the process. Thank you!
❤️❤️❤️ start with just one thing and slowly build from there
Thank you for recommending the Good Wife's Guide. This whole video was so helpful. ❤
Glad it was helpful!
Steph from The Secret Slob makes the fly lady system very simple and clear. Her motto is "progress not perfection." 🙂
New to your channel and one of the first videos I saw. I love how gently you spoke to her and didn't make Julie feel guilty or unacceptable for how she feels.
I really do understand how she feels. As a wife, homeschooling Mama of 9, homesteader, care taker of the home, and trying to start a TH-cam channel (albeit slowly) whose been down in the valley of deep darkness due to Hashimoto's (but I didn't know it) I have been where she is. So this advice comes from experience.
First pray. If you don't know the Lord, I would encourage you to seek Him out in His Word because that is the only way to really get through this life.
Second, spend time listening to God, meaning read His Word that He left to us to know him.
Three, when you get up in the morning wash you face, brush your teeth, get dressed to feel human.
Four start small. Map out your day by way of a routine, not a schedule that goes by the hour because that will make you give up, but a routine of what you do when. Then, write it down.
Next schedule what you want cleaned on each day and set a timer for 30 minutes. STOP when the timer is up and enjoy your break.
Throughout all of this declutter 15 min a day.
Involve your children. We were made to work and children need to learn that so they can actually be a contributor to society in a good way. Work together with them.
We have Mama's kitchen helpers and one child a day helps learn to make our meals. Also, start with something fun together like making cookies.
These are just a few things. Know that I am praying for you and believe through the power of the Holy Spirit, you can so this. Trust God.
Wonderful piece of advice..also I must say that your dress matches your eye color very well..to be honest, I should also say that your videos helps me a lot to get motivated. I request you to help us how to be consistent in our plans and works as most often I get drawn away out of laziness and makes me finish my tasks in haste which results in some loss at times.
Hi Nikki, urs. Declutter and streamline. As a culture, we do have too much stuff. I’m trying to work on that. The visual clutter can be overwhelming. I just connected with Flylady Kat to work on a few projects. I always start in the kitchen. A clean and clutter free area in the center of the home for mealtime and gathering.
Watching this *just* made me realize something I’ve been misunderstanding. I’ve watched/listened to tons of routines and systems, and I kept telling myself as soon as my high traffic areas were in order, I could allow myself to start boxing up donations in the closets and garage.
But it’s never happened. One step forward, two steps back for 2 years now.
But watching this I realized I was missing the big piece! If I keep that this rate, those hoarded areas are never going to get clear. If I at least do just one area after my toddler goes to bed, I’d still have a messy kitchen and entry way etc, but that closet would be done! I was letting the clutter hold my house ransom!
I'm so glad you were able to see that!
Love this video. Kind beautiful words. I’ve always felt that I should start in the bedroom first, but so many gurus advise we start in the kitchen. Thank you for encouraging me to do what I feel is best for me. As to the writer of the letter, I would recommend Dana K. White’s books for when you don’t know where to start. Thank you for your beautiful words and for lifting your viewers up.
Hi Nikki, That was excellent advise!!! How true it is to get rid of all clutter. That is such a great first step! Your videos are the best!