I'm happily still in the phase where the only person I'm concerned with dating is MYSELF, my authentic self! We're taking some time to get to know each other again, finding love in solitary hikes, listening to some Bach Cantatas and Suites for Solo Cello, visiting the art museum, lunch out, soup please, table for one by the window. It's a beautiful thing.
Well, shucks, Melanie, thank you! However, you know what, Melanie? It's becoming effortless. It's flowing from an organic place, inside, EZ. Integrity, pure joy in BEing alive! It's been about 12 years since I have felt this good, so very good. Also, I am astounded and delighted in rediscovering synchronicity, playing out like a wonderful child's game, I vibrate it, I love it, I become it, and more of it begins to appear. I know this -I need never betray mySelf, myself, this joyful treasured being that is my birthright, ever again. I can sit in the seat of my Higher Self, recognize it, own the comfort in being O.K. all of the time. I can acknowledge and encourage more of the same in myself, do the same for others nearly spontaneously as a result, and with healthy, strong, integrity-built non-porous boundaries, I need never have cause to betray this wonderfulness for the trauma and wounds of another, need never try to be their healer where they need to heal themselves. For the remainder of days this Spirit continues to utilize this fleshy body and shuffle the peaks on the Great Path, I Am That Love, Happiness, Success. No one else can take away what I am not willing to surrender from mySelf. Melanie: Bless you! Thank you! Lighthouse. Beacon. Angelic song in the night. Music from across the many global and universal miles. So far away, yet so near. Quantum World! The NARP program was astounding, but I have to say, five modules into the 2nd series, The Empowered Self Course... WOW! When I first encountered your videos about a year ago, I could not see clearly, I was skeptical, I totally denied that there was a 'Gift' in any of the narcissist encounter and experience. I respected you and I trusted that you were seeing from an elevation I could not as of yet look out from. Now, I feel like I am becoming a master spiritual alchemist, literally turning lead into gold. What an incredible thing to heal from the narc experience and actually end up being grateful for having gone through it?! Wow! I am this joy, I am this love, and I am home, always was, rooted in the good soil of TrueSelf. Step by step, each day, in a myriad of ways I have organically become grateful for what my spirit called forth. It's such a strange thing to type a seemingly conflictual statement, but the truth is: While I never need nor care to revisit the experience of partnering with a narcissist, I'm actually grateful for having gone thru it, and I am better for it! Purified in the fire. Delivered into NOW. Reborn from the rubble and ashes. I rediscovered an indestructible foundation within and I upon it I am building anew. While I'm riffing... TO ANYONE, that ANONYMOUS YOU arriving HERE... feeling lost, broken, discordant, defeated, crushed, drained, diminished, and nearly dead on the ground, wondering if you will ever know true, organic joy, the delight in an inner-child's lightness of being, or the signature song of your heart ever again, to anyone that discovers these words and/or is simultaneously discovering Melanie Tonia Evans... YOU ARE RECEIVING DIVINE GUIDANCE! Right here. Right now. My story may ring familiar - Nearly three years ago I was as suicidal as it gets. I had a plan, a shopping list to kill myself via the car exhaust from my beautiful Mercedes. I set a date with death. I prepared letters to leave informing others of where to find my corpse and what had happened. I sat on the edge of the bed well after midnight in the loneliest room I've ever known and wept in committing to suicide, feeling quite horrifically that all I ever was and all I had ever done or known was all I would ever be, do, or have. This was it. I awoke into a numb morning and a push from the abyss spoke within. I listened to the internal voice saying, "NO!" Death was insufficient at this juncture. Instead, I took the advice of an internal voice suggesting that I die to this nightmare while still living, die to the past, let that person go. I discovered that it is possible to die to the plotline of the past and be resurrected into the light of Spirit in an eternal NOW, anew, same in the taproots, but with the old flesh that once defined me, now fallen away. Sometime after that, after writing easily a thousand journal pages in a futile intellectual effort to transcend, I arrived on Melanie's channel in doubt, hollowed out, desperate and seeking. I returned. I continued to listen. I invested the time in myself. I applied the wisdom. I took a leap of faith. I purchased the NARP modules. I set about diligently working them on repeat. I rediscovered 'home' within and the warmth of the fire in the hearth of my own heart. Finally, if you find yourself insulted or shocked in reading or hearing here that your suffering and experiencing is a gift, take a pause. Consider planting a seed of faith and take a chance on yourself that this might, just may be true and then seek to find out for yourself. You're worth it! It is no mistake that you are here on this page or discovering Melanie Tonia Evans. lt was meant to be. It is mercy in manifest. It is the help you have sought. Listen. Follow. Watch the FULL content of Melanie's channel. Watch her own transformation take place right before your eyes, captured in the camera eye over the past 5+ years of videos. Watch her radiance grow in total emanation from year to year. Pick up the NARP program. In time, follow-up with the 2nd series. Trust. Trust. Trust. You are in the RIGHT PLACE my fellow spirit beings. You are beloved. Right here. Right now. BEGIN. As a source unto yourself, say "YES".
Lucien Midnight I can’t wait to be free and date myself! Corona virus delayed our court date from March 31 to June 9! Isolated in the same house. You give me hope for a future free!
Honestly having serious conversations over the phone is totally wrong cause people say what you want to hear, meeting in person is alot better cause u can tell when they are lying
Yup, it is. I meet mine through social media. IT'S not a healthy way to find love. Let God create your person. IM in a relationship with me myself and i.
After two years out and at 43 I have no desire. I'm not sure I ever will again. I can spot them a mile away so it's not that. I just love myself and my time alone
Great video! I decided I wanted to meet a man in real life. Online dating was for me too familiar as all my past relationships started online and most of them were with Narcissists. I'm ok with them now but wanted to do things differently. I did exactly what was said in this vid and practiced self love for months. I imagined him and then asked the Universe for a sign. One day when I let go of wanting to meeting 'my man' here he comes into my life. This is like a miracle happening in front of my eyes! I am so grateful for sharing my life with this man who sees me and respects me.
I'm a fan but this episode wasn't for me. It's not that I'm not into online dating - but rather, that I believe that your goal should be to LIVE LOVE and then have faith that LOVE FINDS YOU. You live the right life, a life that fulfills your heart and soul, and love finds you. You don't go specifically out to look for love, having "3 men in your shopping cart!" That leaves a universal God's role out, the space for magic to happen goes missing. BE LOVE and LOVE will FIND YOU. And have a little faith. And allow mystery to do its thing. Be Love.
This is really good!!!!! I believe in this too.... i never liked the idea of shopping to find the one.... i believe the universe has a way of connecting us to the one when its the right place and right time....
I took 3 years to clear and heal everything. I did the work, I was doing all the things you talk about. I was in a really great space. Decided I was ready and it was time so I started dating last November. And started seeing this person who I had known for almost three years..... I thought I had a good idea who she was and what she was about. .... Soon, I found myself in another fucken Narc relationshit AGAIN!!!! Yeah, I know I need more work! At least I figured it out in record time, this time around!
Finding out in record time is fantastic! You are well on the way of healing! And getting out soon, that's you being healthy and loving yourself! They are everywhere, we are learning to weed them out. Soon the right woman will be in your path and you will be open to her
Internet dating is the work I put in to honor my eventual partnership. When I have firm boundaries, insist on reality and refuse to reveal anymore about myself online than is in my profile, the predators weed themselves out. After meeting more than a dozen guys, I may have met my partner last night! I'm reserving judgement but he stands out from the rest, and there were mare than a few narcs in the throwaways.
Online dating? It scares the crap out of me. I see the faces on there & they are total mug shots. I cover the the face, leaving the eyes exposed & its rare that the smile matches the eyes. I am very happy in my life, but I am meeting an old aquaintance this weekend for a coffee. 😊 We chat often & he is a nice guy. Haha, leave it to Melanie Tonia Evans to make sense out of this too. Ahhhh thrivers all around. Hugz 😄😊 xo
I'm officially 24 days no contact. She left my job and I'm worried she will crawl back into my life (or try to) soon. I get scared I won't be strong enough! I'm trying very hard to heal myself and to retrain my brain so I can get myself ready to date again but terrified! Thank you for the videos they help so much! And explain so much as well! Here's to 24 days and hoping for many many more!
After being married to a narcisist for 33yrs l am free within myself after healing for 4yrs. I have no idea of how to date nor do l have a desire at this point. I’m content with my life just ME! I think about it in the future is there another one just for ME? 🤔. At peace!!🙌🏽
My God Shirley I thought I was bad 23 yrs married 25yrs together. I can't imagine meeting anyone but everything's so raw. For me I'm about 7 month's away from him! Then again eventually I suppose it would be Nice! For now I love the Peace and so do my kid's 17+ and I can't imagine ever entertaining another man after what we've put up with and still are. Even just seen his pic gives me the creeps! When I think of him all I feel is dread and fear and a nervous feeling like flight or fight mode. I seen him once and I just didn't talk to him and he went around telling everyone I made a show of myself! NARC's are devious lying begrudging cruel leeches who only Care about themselves and No one Else!!
I used to fear loving myself and expected people to love me when I failed to but after breaking up with a narc I enjoy loving me I love my space and I love Complementing myself, I literally feel good😍😍😍😍
I know I don't want to b with anyone because no one can make me happier than myself .., unless I meet someone who becomes an asset and not a liability in my new life I'm better by myself ! I can wait ... until I meet someone that contributes to my peace and not disrupt it ... I'm ok ! Blessings
I think there are too many risks involved in online dating bc people can hide facts. I prefer to meet someone in person, making sure he is not charming.
I tried online dating (after registering to sites then deleting them) I truly wasn't ready but super lonely. On one site I was on for about half an hour, I met a guy and talked to him but I was so nervous talking to this guy regularly I couldn't eat or sleep, my anxiety was through the roof! I was really scared to meet someone new and basically sabotaged the whole thing, on purpose. I feel really bad and embarrassed about it, he didn't do anything wrong at all, it was just me. What I learnt from that is I really have to love myself or I'll never find someone I feel I can spend my life with.
It's been 2 years since the breakup. I've been online dating three times since then and met some interesting and nice people. I didn't have any luck yet to meet someone I have a deep connection but I think it is not as scary as many people might think plus if you are prepared to declare your boundaries and know your worth I think the bad guys would fall off automatically. Just my thought.
One of the best and most profound dating advice I have ever listened to, thank you Melanie. So true, it's all in self image programming. As within, so without. Much love 🙏♥️
Thank you for this video! For months I’ve been trying to explain this concept to my friends that jumping into another relationship to fix the pain and doesn’t actually fix or break the cycle of being abused. Focusing on fixing my relationship with myself so I can find the love I deserve! Thanks, Melanie!
Online dating? All of them Loser Club,honestly. Been there,done that,the latest LTR was a covert narc.These online dating sites are infinitive playgrounds for sick,vicious and broken souls,gender and age does not matter. True story. Let's take the Red Pill at once and try to make flesh and blood relationships,good people.
Before my previous relationship I was never scared of dating or going after a guy I liked but now I’ve found myself being scared to be enthusiastic about a crush or caught myself wondering what’s the point. Fortunately ive been happy by myself but I do miss dating
I have had horrible luck online dating.... I had dates yes but most were the opposite of what I was looking for or feel good around. It was red flag city. When I’m ready I’ll look for a down to earth site.
I think Melanie just got lucky, if you are somewhat attractive it should be very easy for you, all you have to do is walk up and stand next to a guy, maybe flirt a little bit, then he'll probably talk to you...I'd think most men using dating sites are really just looking for someone to woo and sleep with, good luck.
In every relationship I have had I have learned something. 1 online and he was a narcissist. 2 at church and one of those was a narcissist. What I do notice is that each one was a little bit shorter due to me not putting up with bs. I think it all sums up to self love. When we ignore weird things we are putting our selves down. I think you can meet someone anywhere you just have to keep your eyes open. Be alert and don’t ignore anything. Many good couples meet online.
Fully agree with Melanie, online dating is a great training field when going back to dating again. Gave me great opportunities to practice all she describes: conversations (as simple as that), discovering my new self as an adult in relationship, fine tuning what I want and definitely helped me get clarity around my aspirations and be better at discerning what I say Yes to and what are clear no go’s. I gained clarity thanks to a positive approach to online dating and use it as a training field!
This is probably the most important and empowering message on social media. It is RICH with wisdom and very much a catalyst for change to do the inner work to manifest the outer victories. Thank you one million times over-so edifying!
Big help, and great truths. I dated from meeting men online about 7 years ago, and because of where I was, picked up many lost boys. The ones who were focused, polite and kind seemed boring to me! After a few years entanglement with a narc, met online, I know better because I AM better. An ultimate test the other day- my past narc started following me on Instagram. To me utter delight, I felt nothing other than a huge NO...NOT my reality anymore! Online dating is awesome, and we can and will meet people there.
Im so agree that you shouldn't get into a relationship until you're inner person is strong and you really love yourself and you have something to bring to the table
I met my narc and then husband online 10 years ago. But! ..... now I know what to look for in a true man, and now that I have discovered my inner love for myself, I'm really ready. It's taken 8 months for me to be ready. Thank you Melanie! Yes, I did put all of what I want in my life. I'm so pleased I've done this correctly before I watched this video. Go for it guys! Love yourself first, if I can do it YOU can. Xx
Melanie Tonia Evans , thank you for your reply, I feel very lucky that you have taken the time to write as you are very busy. Can I just say. I spoke to a guy for the first time last evening, he seemed nice enough but he disclosed to me that he was a recovering gambler, tbh Melanie, it's kinda unsettled my healing. ..bringing back bad memories : (
I have found on line dating is hard . Dated a woman who was a professional dater . Or they are not who they say they are. They tell you what you want to hear. I'm 53 and I am a Marine and believe in honor and have a big heart. I have morrals and don't cheat . I believe that a woman should be treated equal and with respect. I have not really dated in over 2 yrs . I love to be by myself and don't want lied to or used. I am a old soul and your right you have to get out and give it a chance they want fall in your lap. I also have learned looks are not every thing I try to look what is in their hearts . Great advice . I feel that someone should never complete you . You need to be complete all ready. A person should compliment you . Thank you for making this. We all need to hear this .
On line dating - I met my narcissist ex on a dating site , I know he is now on there , I hate to admit it tho , I think as a 44 year old it’s the way forward 😢
I did the online dating but I realized I hadn't healed enough. I wasn't fair to the women I dated. I ended up hurting the feelings of one date I had which allowed me to back off until I was stronger. I had to love myself first before I am open hearted enough to love someone else. It has been over a year since I dated, I have done the work to free myself and now ready to venture out and date again with a open heart. That's why I am listening to Melanie's talk on dating.. Thanks Melanie
I agree that online dating can suck in many ways 🙄 but it’s also great practice. Yes there are creeps- but what a perfect way to get better at spotting them? It’s my responsibility to learn how to ask the right questions and tune into the radio frequency that picks up the right signal- and I’ve met many good ones. If you are constantly getting only creeps you need to look at your own profile and what you might be putting out there. As Mel has said, a narc can spot a frustrating source of supply. They don’t come for me anymore. 🤗 PS No one has EVER sent me a pic without my consent.
I'm dating an old boyfriend and feeling lots of rage towards him after my experience with my recent narc ex. My heart definitely feels closed at the moment. Its frustrating because i felt great when i was single! But i know these triggers wouldn't come up if i stayed single and this ia a gift and an opportunity to clear more stuff. Thanks Mel. This is really useful.
I got out of my relationship with a narcissist, and it was a great decision. I spent all of my time trying to keep him happy and making sure the precious baby never had to suffer. Trying to assure him of my faithfulness and constantly apologizing for having boundries as a demi-romatic, bisexual. I'm ready to try again, now that I know who i am and what i truly want in life.
I have been online dating for the past 5 months since I left my narcissistic husband of 18 years. I had done alot of healing work prior to leaving him (about 5 years) and spent a few months more working NARP after leaving so I was in a pretty good place... but I have been having an absolute blast with online dating!! The first date was a total flop and I laughed it off and decided it was a great, funny story to tell my friends (key point ladies ... I didn't let it discourage me). Each guy I dated after that I used as an opportunity to get feedback on where I was in my healing process and when triggers came up I took them back to NARP, did the healing work, and moved on to a new guy! I'm 52 and dated guys from 23 to 63 and made note of what I appreciated most about each one of them and tried to stay focused just on the positive things I liked about each one (knowing that staying focused on what I want, will bring more of that) ... and then moved on to the next. I've slowed down a little lately, and just have 3 guys I'm seeing casually and have for a little while. I'm still using them as catalysts to continue my healing work and really don't think any of them are "the one" for a long term relationship - but I am having so much fun just dating!! I'm very careful - I got a Google Voice number (highly recommend) so even when I give out my number, it's not my real phone number. Always meet in a public place first and give all the guys contact information to my girlfriend, also where I am meeting him and what time ...and then I text her after the date so she knows I'm ok. I also have made a little game out of it to practice using my intuition: as I scroll through profiles, I allow my intuition to tell me to swipe left or right instead of agonizing over and analyzing the profiles. Oh, and I don't listen to other women's horror stories about online dating - or if they insist on telling me - it just goes in one ear and out the other. I just decided I am going to have FUN with it ... and so I am!
Melanie Tonia Evans I just want to follow up and say I’ve been doing online dating since my last comment only 3 days ago and I already have dates lined up. I was stuck after my last relationship and didn’t know how to move forward. This video changed me and has brightened my world! Now I’m so excited to date again whereas before I was feeling like I had to wait for him to show up for me. Great advice.
Thank you for speaking to us from the "good side" of things, Melanie! I think there is a certain READINESS to expect, when one is "cleared" to move into something with another person. An excitement, and sheer joy... To have the "perfect" relationship with oneself first, is essential, in order to know what it should feel like, to be with the right person. And dating could possibly be seen as a "training- camp"... Thank you for being such a great inspiration! Take care. Kind regards.
When I ended my relationship with my husband, I essentially married myself. I wore a ring on my wedding finger. I closed myself off completely to love. But I’ve realised that I was looking for the wrong men. The wild guys. The fun ones. Trying the fill the void of emptiness I felt within myself.
This is great! I am not ready to date yet but I would like to once I feel I am healed enough. I hadn't considered online dating but will certainly give it a go when I am ready. Until then, I will enjoy my male platonic relationships and continue working on my healing. This video was published about the time my world, and 35 year marriage, turned upside down. I have come a long way and am getting close but there are things I want to feel solid in myself first. NARP has been, and is, a tremendous help.Thanks for the video!
online dating - lots of hard work & does not give the "eyes meeting across a crowded room" feel :) PS - thank you for giving me the steps to take my life back Melanie
And now I get it - "the after therapy" or test ground - makes good sense and flushes away the despondency. Your video also made me realise waiting for that "eyes meeting" moment is what I always used to do, - a wee blind spot lit up - mwah!
You are so welcome Rohini s. I am so glad this helps. You can research my course through this link: www.melanietoniaevans.com/services/narc-abuse-recovery.htm Love and blessings xoxox
Thank you for everything you do, Melania 🙏🏼 You are a Godsend! Regarding online dating, it feels shallow and inorganic to me, like I’m shopping for a human being on Amazon. It feels like my worthiness is being judged completely by my online profile.
I met my covert narcissist on Pof after my split from another covert narcissist. Both five years. Lol. I’m unfukwithable now. It’s gets better when you do the work. I was surrounded by narcs. I cut them all off including my oldest brother. So at peace.
I Love this video. It is perfect for my current situation. I know that I will replay this over and over again. As I have been healing and learning I have been getting completely different responses from people. This is Fantastic!!
I think online dating is a great way to dip your toes in the water. Get used to flirting and stuff. But I don’t see it going beyond that just because of its nature. (Maybe you disagree) I find my luck in going out to parties and events with friends. Especially if I’m invited to something where I don’t know anybody else. This put you in a position to meet lots of new people. And it’s a more genuine interaction. At this point you’ve already had practice flirting and talking to people. So it won’t be as scary. The key is to put yourself out there and make the first move. Ask the cute guy for his number before you leave. If you find you’re never invited places express interest to your friends that you want to meet new people and that next time they’re invited somewhere to please extend the invitation to you. And when you’re invited do not say no because you’re scared. Say yes! Show up for yourself.
Good point all my exes i met not online....all narcs...im no where ready to date yet....im looking after myself and trying to do the iinner work love u melanie ur such an inspiration to us all...z💖💖💖💖thank u 🌻🌻🌻🌻
Online dating has always been a nightmare for me. I keep meeting men who are looking for a woman to fill a void in their life and I'm supposed to be the source of their happiness. Then I get disappointed that I am meeting men that are not right for me then give up.
Hi Noelle, I am happy to help. Here is a resource on how to create healthy relationships that will help with this: Love and blessings xoxox blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-create-a-healthy-relationship/
I tried to look up for online dating recently and my relationship with a narcissist just ended one month and a half ago... I just wanted to put my attention somewhere else... And I felt exactly like you said all the man looked terrible to me like they had drinks in their hands, or to unhealthy looking... And yesterday I actually meet one man from there which I thought was a decent one from that online dating site but it was a disaster he made me pay the bill which made me feel terrible and very sad at that moment for some reason... the worst I couldn’t hold myself and started crying on front of him which made me feel even worse... then he tried to kiss me 😨 I just run back home feeling shameful and blaming myself about why I keep making all these mistakes. I watch a lot of your videos I they really help me thank you so so much and I realize what I have to do but why do I keep making worst mistakes knowingly... it makes my life even more difficult like feeling stuck in the same place and paralyzed... And do you think when the healing is done and we are lifted in a higher and healthier frequency and ready to date again would I see these man differently on these one line dating sites (drinks in their hands, or they look like they just want adventure, one night stands) or just would I be able to find and discovered the healthier ones easily?
Aysegul, it truly is so much (I believe) about healing our inner traumas before we get back out there. In regard to the paying issue did he try to get you to pick up the entire bill? If he did, yes, in no way is he healthy! Personally, I feel that it's healthy to pay our half ... unless a man insists on paying. Until we get better (heal our inner trauma) it's hard to do better, and show up like solid adult women in our bodies taking care of ourselves. When you are more healed you will more easily communicate and lay boundaries with the wrong guys and more easily draw in the good ones. The first step to the essential healing is here: www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse xoxox
When I do start dating I'm sure I'll have a little internal giggle wondering whether this guy is 'in my love funnel'.......safely watching these from the peace solitude of my new apartment. Independence at last ❤ thank you Mel X
I think for myself after my narcy girl ran out on me. I was for the first time in my life stunned by what happened. A full year of no contact, i have enjoyed the peace of being alone. With that, i question whether i will view relationships in the same way. I know i will be much more vigilant.
I am using online dating. I’ve met some really nice people and have enjoyed their company. I am taking it slow. Anyone that tries to rush into a relationship is sending me a red flag to run (not walk) away from them.
I have met 2 previous boyfriends on online dating. One of them is so successful that he is the one creating and modifying the laws here in Brazil....How successful someone has to be to have this power? He has! The other one was a good person too.
It scares me because I don't trust people to be who they represent themselves to be. However, I feel like I can ask as many questions as I feel are important questions to "weed out" some of the narcissists. Then when I meet them, I try to see if the love bombing starts. That makes me RUN FAST!
This was such an amazing video. Can you please make one on how to set up an online dating profile? I am close to being ready to date but just not sure how to get started with online dating and how to write my profile to attract the right people. Thanks so much!😘
It’s been 3 months since our breakup and the abuse is still continuing. I still love him but want to move on so bad. I just don’t want to make the same mistakes again and I also don’t want to get into a relationship I’m not fully feeling, when I thought my last partner was the one I was going to marry. He made it seem like I screwed up everything and he had no fault at all. It’s so hard to live with myself when I still love him and would do anything for him, yet he’s demonized me publicly... I don’t know how to move on with a whole heart but I want to.
Hi Lorraine, please know that there is a way out of this, when we unravel and heal the inner beliefs in us that are keeping us attached. My work is about that, and my webinar can help get you to "how" to do this: www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Sending you hope and strength xoxox
Thank you Mirelle. I think it's great you are going to concentrate on yourself first sweetheart and from here you will be sharing any 'overflow' love - a very different place. Love and blessings to you xoxox
In listening to this... yes dating taught me a lot about myself for sure. And it was a learning experience some hard to go through and frustrating but all part Of the journey. I will know when I’m ready to get out there again. 😉
I don't think that people should place ALL of their dating effort into online sites. I think we also need to get out into our communities, go to farmer's markets, join a hiking group, do things out in life in the area where we live. Online dating is a great way to practice and to get your feet wet, and sometimes even meet the right person. But it doesn't take the place of being open and willing to meet people in your day-to-day life. It takes a ton of time to weed through online profiles and messages to get through to the wonderful, quality men or women. I know lots of people who place so much attention on that process that they aren't out in the real world meeting people in a natural way (I myself have done that!). Balance is good; I'm getting myself out into life, and using tools like the internet to supplement the journey.
I think dating should be fun!! If your only concern is finding the one it'll take you that much longer.... we need to learn and love to be single as well...... at the end of the day we are the most important person in our lives.... dating is great if you are healed, whole and happy with yourself first...
I’ll only meet another one or a sociopath. Some play the long game then flip the script after a year, some or most 6 months. Life’s too short when you’re old and knackered to keep doing the rinse repeat cycle. If I was in my 30s yes I’d have hope and time to play the merry go round again. However at mid life I know that I’ll only meet another abuser type, even my friends joke that I’m bound to find the psychopath. How shameful for me.
Iv started dating again it's been 5 months and I can say I have found myself looking at her constantly asking myself is she the same she's done nothing to warrant these high suspistions other than some of her mannerisms are identical to my ex narc it's creepy that she said the exact same praise when we first shared a bed looking with the same look it absolutely sent a shudder through me that in the same manner the same thing was said just something simple she looked at me with this intense stare and said were did you come from I know it seems daft but the paranoia is so bad after these relationships and already I notice she has such enigmatic energy and when she walks in a room everyone looks and she's so blunt about the negatives of others think it's tread carefully time for me if someone seems hypnotic it's usually not going to end well
L Smith, I can so appreciate that off the back of a toxic relationship we can be left reeling and unresolved. And this can lead to much confusion too. Please sign up to my free 16 Day Recovery course and come into my free healing webinar so you can understand more, gain deeper insights into yourself and what's happening and how the solution is within you. www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse You need to heal dear One. Love and blessings xoxox
I am a big fan of online dating. I have used most of the popular ones and have had great success. That being said, i still tend to attract the needy and narcissists, possibly because i havent done my own healing. One thing i have noticed, which is an eye opener, is after being out of online dating for a year or years due to finding a partner, when i go back online - i see the same faces. I cant help but feel that we are the losers of the dating world - still looking but never finding, or being thrown back into the pool because we arent good enough. Sucks to think that way, but its hard not to. My favorites apps are Tinder, and Bumble. Both require effort from both interested parties. Match and eHarmony are a step above as they cost money, have compatibility matching systems, and are for serious lookers only.
I am on line dating now. I broke up with the Narc almost 2 years ago. I'm 65 but I'm still gorgeous and vibrant. I'm finding a lot of the men my age look pretty bad but there are always a few so I always seem to find one or 2 to date. so far I haven't fallen in love but there are appropriate men out there so I'm still trucking on. I sometimes feel jealous of the narcissist because he is almost 2 years with a new with a new woman and hes in love bombing stage so enjoying. I'm ok with the dating but I can't say I'm having a great time of it.
Sharon Chud hang in there bc I know a lot of older men that are good looking and need dates in southern Oregon so maybe look outside the town you are in. Don’t settle bc being attracted to a mans look is important, you deserve to be with a man that you feel is attractive to you. Hopefully you will find a healthy good looking man 😘
My ex narc found his new supply, going on line dating after 2 weeks of our break up, playing the victim card of course ("oh me the poor heart broken, please adopt me"). Oh and btw posting a profile photo, which I have shooted.
I've had good and bad experiences with online dating, but, mostly good. I have resumed using online dating, but, haven't had much time to put a whole lot of effort into it. I really like OkCupid!
I'm kind of in my 20s but I don't think the the men in the clubs are likely to be right men anyhow lol. I know I am much younger, I still have time, my toughts might change but just too happy being alone and single atm, I dunno when I would ever want to go back dating again at all, I really don't care what people have to think and it's just not bad to be old and alone.
I have several friends who' keep trying the online dating game but 100% of the time, the men are looking for sex -- if not immediately then by date 3. If that's what you mean by "dating" then I suppose that's a good thing to try.
My immediate reaction on ONLINE dating? I met my 1rst overt narc on Facebook, which is social media not online dating, nevertheless --- OUTCH!!! Yet, I have a at the same time a deeper trust in online dating as I can be ACTIVE. I like being active and design my Ad... LOL! :D
I'm fresh out of a 10 year covert narrsanisst relationship , been single for little over year , I've dated a few but it's like my heart isn't in it , so scary I'm gonna get hurt again , I got 3 good woman ready to be with me over time,but it's so hard to have feelings with anyone new
Hi Aaron, I would so suggest a little healing hiatus first. Maybe come into my free webinar www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar It will explain why this is happening to you as well as how to break through xoxox
I met an amazing lady online. Actually she contacted me. Its progressed rather quickly to a point that we're both content where we are. So we're going to spend some time here developing a solid foundation for our relationship and a working knowledge of each other. Thoughts?
I thought i was okay to date again after taking a year off when i left my abusive ex. I felt okay. Ya know. Fine. Happy. Then i got in a relationship. And now i feel like im stuck. In my own emotions and tumoril. My man is literally perfect but i cant open up, i cant comminicate my feelings. Its like i put up walls i didnt know i had and idk how to break them down to enjoy the new love i have. Instead i feel fear. Everywhere and i know hes not my ex. But that fear of getting hurt again is deep and idk how to fix it. My friend told me that i wasnt okay. I was just distracted. And now i have time to reflect and think and its destroying me.
Hi Sierra. I hear you. Hun, this can happen when we are still holding on to past hurts and are unresolved with buried trauma inside. It can make it feel very challenging to 'receive' even in healthy, loving relationships because we've been ap traumatised in the past. Sweetheart I'd love to invite you to sign up for my free 16 Day Recovery course www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse here so you can start taking the first steps towards healing and your recovery. You will receive daily supportive emails to help you navigate and to get you on track in your healing. Love and blessings xoxox
I'm happily still in the phase where the only person I'm concerned with dating is MYSELF, my authentic self! We're taking some time to get to know each other again, finding love in solitary hikes, listening to some Bach Cantatas and Suites for Solo Cello, visiting the art museum, lunch out, soup please, table for one by the window. It's a beautiful thing.
How gorgeous Lucien :) xoxox
Well, shucks, Melanie, thank you! However, you know what, Melanie? It's becoming effortless. It's flowing from an organic place, inside, EZ. Integrity, pure joy in BEing alive! It's been about 12 years since I have felt this good, so very good. Also, I am astounded and delighted in rediscovering synchronicity, playing out like a wonderful child's game, I vibrate it, I love it, I become it, and more of it begins to appear. I know this -I need never betray mySelf, myself, this joyful treasured being that is my birthright, ever again. I can sit in the seat of my Higher Self, recognize it, own the comfort in being O.K. all of the time. I can acknowledge and encourage more of the same in myself, do the same for others nearly spontaneously as a result, and with healthy, strong, integrity-built non-porous boundaries, I need never have cause to betray this wonderfulness for the trauma and wounds of another, need never try to be their healer where they need to heal themselves. For the remainder of days this Spirit continues to utilize this fleshy body and shuffle the peaks on the Great Path, I Am That Love, Happiness, Success. No one else can take away what I am not willing to surrender from mySelf.
Melanie: Bless you! Thank you! Lighthouse. Beacon. Angelic song in the night. Music from across the many global and universal miles. So far away, yet so near. Quantum World! The NARP program was astounding, but I have to say, five modules into the 2nd series, The Empowered Self Course... WOW! When I first encountered your videos about a year ago, I could not see clearly, I was skeptical, I totally denied that there was a 'Gift' in any of the narcissist encounter and experience. I respected you and I trusted that you were seeing from an elevation I could not as of yet look out from. Now, I feel like I am becoming a master spiritual alchemist, literally turning lead into gold. What an incredible thing to heal from the narc experience and actually end up being grateful for having gone through it?! Wow! I am this joy, I am this love, and I am home, always was, rooted in the good soil of TrueSelf. Step by step, each day, in a myriad of ways I have organically become grateful for what my spirit called forth. It's such a strange thing to type a seemingly conflictual statement, but the truth is: While I never need nor care to revisit the experience of partnering with a narcissist, I'm actually grateful for having gone thru it, and I am better for it! Purified in the fire. Delivered into NOW. Reborn from the rubble and ashes. I rediscovered an indestructible foundation within and I upon it I am building anew.
While I'm riffing... TO ANYONE, that ANONYMOUS YOU arriving HERE... feeling lost, broken, discordant, defeated, crushed, drained, diminished, and nearly dead on the ground, wondering if you will ever know true, organic joy, the delight in an inner-child's lightness of being, or the signature song of your heart ever again, to anyone that discovers these words and/or is simultaneously discovering Melanie Tonia Evans... YOU ARE RECEIVING DIVINE GUIDANCE! Right here. Right now.
My story may ring familiar - Nearly three years ago I was as suicidal as it gets. I had a plan, a shopping list to kill myself via the car exhaust from my beautiful Mercedes. I set a date with death. I prepared letters to leave informing others of where to find my corpse and what had happened. I sat on the edge of the bed well after midnight in the loneliest room I've ever known and wept in committing to suicide, feeling quite horrifically that all I ever was and all I had ever done or known was all I would ever be, do, or have. This was it. I awoke into a numb morning and a push from the abyss spoke within. I listened to the internal voice saying, "NO!" Death was insufficient at this juncture. Instead, I took the advice of an internal voice suggesting that I die to this nightmare while still living, die to the past, let that person go. I discovered that it is possible to die to the plotline of the past and be resurrected into the light of Spirit in an eternal NOW, anew, same in the taproots, but with the old flesh that once defined me, now fallen away. Sometime after that, after writing easily a thousand journal pages in a futile intellectual effort to transcend, I arrived on Melanie's channel in doubt, hollowed out, desperate and seeking. I returned. I continued to listen. I invested the time in myself. I applied the wisdom. I took a leap of faith. I purchased the NARP modules. I set about diligently working them on repeat. I rediscovered 'home' within and the warmth of the fire in the hearth of my own heart.
Finally, if you find yourself insulted or shocked in reading or hearing here that your suffering and experiencing is a gift, take a pause. Consider planting a seed of faith and take a chance on yourself that this might, just may be true and then seek to find out for yourself. You're worth it! It is no mistake that you are here on this page or discovering Melanie Tonia Evans. lt was meant to be. It is mercy in manifest. It is the help you have sought. Listen. Follow. Watch the FULL content of Melanie's channel. Watch her own transformation take place right before your eyes, captured in the camera eye over the past 5+ years of videos. Watch her radiance grow in total emanation from year to year. Pick up the NARP program. In time, follow-up with the 2nd series. Trust. Trust. Trust. You are in the RIGHT PLACE my fellow spirit beings. You are beloved. Right here. Right now. BEGIN. As a source unto yourself, say "YES".
Lucien Midnight so beautiful, thank you for sharing♡
wonderful !
Lucien Midnight I can’t wait to be free and date myself! Corona virus delayed our court date from March 31 to June 9! Isolated in the same house. You give me hope for a future free!
Online dating gives narcs the perfect way to present themselves the way they want. Also, personally I noticed most men are there for sex.
Honestly having serious conversations over the phone is totally wrong cause people say what you want to hear, meeting in person is alot better cause u can tell when they are lying
Online dating...greatest place to meet a narcissist.
Yup, it is. I meet mine through social media. IT'S not a healthy way to find love. Let God create your person. IM in a relationship with me myself and i.
Well not always it’s just what u put on their
At this time I'm just dating myself.
if this isn't a mood man
👍🏼🙏🏽
Same,single life never felt so good.😌
After two years out and at 43 I have no desire. I'm not sure I ever will again. I can spot them a mile away so it's not that. I just love myself and my time alone
ginasno1,you deserve better cause you are a precious being
I think thats awsome. I have learned that being to myself is healthy and good for the soul..
Tried online dating twice; it’s not for me. Yet, it seems so difficult to meet people face to face these days. I’m just not crazy about online dating.
Great video! I decided I wanted to meet a man in real life. Online dating was for me too familiar as all my past relationships started online and most of them were with Narcissists. I'm ok with them now but wanted to do things differently. I did exactly what was said in this vid and practiced self love for months. I imagined him and then asked the Universe for a sign. One day when I let go of wanting to meeting 'my man' here he comes into my life. This is like a miracle happening in front of my eyes! I am so grateful for sharing my life with this man who sees me and respects me.
Thank you Agnie, awww I am so happy you are happy. There is so much power in letting go of the need and outcome. Brilliant work! xooxox
@@lioydwilliams1850 Thank you!
@@lioydwilliams1850 uk
@@lioydwilliams1850 Thank you but No. I'm happy in a relationship.
I'm a fan but this episode wasn't for me. It's not that I'm not into online dating - but rather, that I believe that your goal should be to LIVE LOVE and then have faith that LOVE FINDS YOU. You live the right life, a life that fulfills your heart and soul, and love finds you. You don't go specifically out to look for love, having "3 men in your shopping cart!" That leaves a universal God's role out, the space for magic to happen goes missing. BE LOVE and LOVE will FIND YOU. And have a little faith. And allow mystery to do its thing. Be Love.
This is really good!!!!! I believe in this too.... i never liked the idea of shopping to find the one.... i believe the universe has a way of connecting us to the one when its the right place and right time....
I took 3 years to clear and heal everything. I did the work, I was doing all the things you talk about. I was in a really great space. Decided I was ready and it was time so I started dating last November. And started seeing this person who I had known for almost three years..... I thought I had a good idea who she was and what she was about. .... Soon, I found myself in another fucken Narc relationshit AGAIN!!!! Yeah, I know I need more work! At least I figured it out in record time, this time around!
You did kfich! Narcs help bring our wounds to our attention! Keep thriving Hun xoxox
Finding out in record time is fantastic! You are well on the way of healing! And getting out soon, that's you being healthy and loving yourself! They are everywhere, we are learning to weed them out. Soon the right woman will be in your path and you will be open to her
Internet dating is the work I put in to honor my eventual partnership. When I have firm boundaries, insist on reality and refuse to reveal anymore about myself online than is in my profile, the predators weed themselves out. After meeting more than a dozen guys, I may have met my partner last night! I'm reserving judgement but he stands out from the rest, and there were mare than a few narcs in the throwaways.
Online dating? It scares the crap out of me. I see the faces on there & they are total mug shots. I cover the the face, leaving the eyes exposed & its rare that the smile matches the eyes. I am very happy in my life, but I am meeting an old aquaintance this weekend for a coffee. 😊 We chat often & he is a nice guy.
Haha, leave it to Melanie Tonia Evans to make sense out of this too. Ahhhh thrivers all around. Hugz 😄😊 xo
I'm officially 24 days no contact. She left my job and I'm worried she will crawl back into my life (or try to) soon. I get scared I won't be strong enough! I'm trying very hard to heal myself and to retrain my brain so I can get myself ready to date again but terrified! Thank you for the videos they help so much! And explain so much as well! Here's to 24 days and hoping for many many more!
llHaz3rdll I’m on day 12 and so proud of myself!! Congratulations to you for 24 days now!!
Online dating is full of NARCISSISTS!
Lydia Materno yes
Yes Lidia so i have found a narcissist!
After being married to a narcisist for 33yrs l am free within myself after healing for 4yrs. I have no idea of how to date nor do l have a desire at this point. I’m content with my life just ME! I think about it in the future is there another one just for ME? 🤔. At peace!!🙌🏽
My God Shirley I thought I was bad 23 yrs married 25yrs together. I can't imagine meeting anyone but everything's so raw. For me I'm about 7 month's away from him! Then again eventually I suppose it would be Nice! For now I love the Peace and so do my kid's 17+ and I can't imagine ever entertaining another man after what we've put up with and still are. Even just seen his pic gives me the creeps! When I think of him all I feel is dread and fear and a nervous feeling like flight or fight mode. I seen him once and I just didn't talk to him and he went around telling everyone I made a show of myself! NARC's are devious lying begrudging cruel leeches who only Care about themselves and No one Else!!
I used to fear loving myself and expected people to love me when I failed to but after breaking up with a narc I enjoy loving me I love my space and I love Complementing myself, I literally feel good😍😍😍😍
I am in my 20's but not going to the club anymore! You'd be surprised who your audience is
I know I don't want to b with anyone because no one can make me happier than myself .., unless I meet someone who becomes an asset and not a liability in my new life I'm better by myself ! I can wait ... until I meet someone that contributes to my peace and not disrupt it ... I'm ok !
Blessings
Facts 👌🏾
Mireille Wittig, you are too precious to be with a narcissist!
I think there are too many risks involved in online dating bc people can hide facts. I prefer to meet someone in person, making sure he is not charming.
I'm dating myself. I actually enjoy being unattractive..what a blessing❤
I tried online dating (after registering to sites then deleting them) I truly wasn't ready but super lonely. On one site I was on for about half an hour, I met a guy and talked to him but I was so nervous talking to this guy regularly I couldn't eat or sleep, my anxiety was through the roof! I was really scared to meet someone new and basically sabotaged the whole thing, on purpose. I feel really bad and embarrassed about it, he didn't do anything wrong at all, it was just me. What I learnt from that is I really have to love myself or I'll never find someone I feel I can spend my life with.
Do u think the anxiety was the trauma response from the previous narcissistic relationship or just gut intuition ?
It's been 2 years since the breakup. I've been online dating three times since then and met some interesting and nice people. I didn't have any luck yet to meet someone I have a deep connection but I think it is not as scary as many people might think plus if you are prepared to declare your boundaries and know your worth I think the bad guys would fall off automatically. Just my thought.
One of the best and most profound dating advice I have ever listened to, thank you Melanie. So true, it's all in self image programming. As within, so without. Much love 🙏♥️
Thank you for this video! For months I’ve been trying to explain this concept to my friends that jumping into another relationship to fix the pain and doesn’t actually fix or break the cycle of being abused. Focusing on fixing my relationship with myself so I can find the love I deserve! Thanks, Melanie!
Myntillae you are very welcome :) So many blessings to you xoxox
Myntillae Nash,your pretty smile can make the news
This is so DEEP!!! I know a lot of single women who need to hear this but I feel like it would go over their heads unfortunately.
Hopefully more and more will awaken Sav! Just as I had to! xoxo
Online dating?
All of them Loser Club,honestly.
Been there,done that,the latest LTR was a covert narc.These online dating sites are infinitive playgrounds for sick,vicious and broken souls,gender and age does not matter.
True story.
Let's take the Red Pill at once and try to make flesh and blood relationships,good people.
Before my previous relationship I was never scared of dating or going after a guy I liked but now I’ve found myself being scared to be enthusiastic about a crush or caught myself wondering what’s the point. Fortunately ive been happy by myself but I do miss dating
I have had horrible luck online dating.... I had dates yes but most were the opposite of what I was looking for or feel good around. It was red flag city. When I’m ready I’ll look for a down to earth site.
Michelle Lee all the more reason to use it- it’s great practice!
I think Melanie just got lucky, if you are somewhat attractive it should be very easy for you, all you have to do is walk up and stand next to a guy, maybe flirt a little bit, then he'll probably talk to you...I'd think most men using dating sites are really just looking for someone to woo and sleep with, good luck.
In every relationship I have had I have learned something. 1 online and he was a narcissist. 2 at church and one of those was a narcissist. What I do notice is that each one was a little bit shorter due to me not putting up with bs. I think it all sums up to self love. When we ignore weird things we are putting our selves down. I think you can meet someone anywhere you just have to keep your eyes open. Be alert and don’t ignore anything. Many good couples meet online.
I’ve never dated online, but I think online dating should turn into meeting in person ASAP to be certain they ARE who they claim to be. 😬😰
Josephine, that's exactly what we do when Empowered Dating. Meet potential people pretty quickly xoox
Fully agree with Melanie, online dating is a great training field when going back to dating again. Gave me great opportunities to practice all she describes: conversations (as simple as that), discovering my new self as an adult in relationship, fine tuning what I want and definitely helped me get clarity around my aspirations and be better at discerning what I say Yes to and what are clear no go’s.
I gained clarity thanks to a positive approach to online dating and use it as a training field!
This is probably the most important and empowering message on social media. It is RICH with wisdom and very much a catalyst for change to do the inner work to manifest the outer victories. Thank you one million times over-so edifying!
Awww Facechic, thank you for your lovely words. I am so pleased this resonated with you xoxoxo
Melanie Tonia Evans thank you my first name is Tonya. I'm so glad to have found your videos.
Big help, and great truths. I dated from meeting men online about 7 years ago, and because of where I was, picked up many lost boys. The ones who were focused, polite and kind seemed boring to me! After a few years entanglement with a narc, met online, I know better because I AM better. An ultimate test the other day- my past narc started following me on Instagram. To me utter delight, I felt nothing other than a huge NO...NOT my reality anymore! Online dating is awesome, and we can and will meet people there.
Kathryn, I am so pleased this helped. I LOVE what you have written - "I know better because I am better" ... Great post sweetheart! xoxox
Not the right time but it's in consideration for the future ...
Im so agree that you shouldn't get into a relationship until you're inner person is strong and you really love yourself and you have something to bring to the table
I met my narc and then husband online 10 years ago. But! ..... now I know what to look for in a true man, and now that I have discovered my inner love for myself, I'm really ready. It's taken 8 months for me to be ready. Thank you Melanie! Yes, I did put all of what I want in my life. I'm so pleased I've done this correctly before I watched this video. Go for it guys! Love yourself first, if I can do it YOU can. Xx
You are very welcome Susan, your energy and orientation is music to my ears! xoxox
Melanie Tonia Evans , thank you for your reply, I feel very lucky that you have taken the time to write as you are very busy. Can I just say. I spoke to a guy for the first time last evening, he seemed nice enough but he disclosed to me that he was a recovering gambler, tbh Melanie, it's kinda unsettled my healing. ..bringing back bad memories : (
I have found on line dating is hard . Dated a woman who was a professional dater . Or they are not who they say they are. They tell you what you want to hear. I'm 53 and I am a Marine and believe in honor and have a big heart. I have morrals and don't cheat . I believe that a woman should be treated equal and with respect. I have not really dated in over 2 yrs . I love to be by myself and don't want lied to or used. I am a old soul and your right you have to get out and give it a chance they want fall in your lap. I also have learned looks are not every thing I try to look what is in their hearts . Great advice . I feel that someone should never complete you . You need to be complete all ready. A person should compliment you . Thank you for making this. We all need to hear this .
On line dating - I met my narcissist ex on a dating site , I know he is now on there , I hate to admit it tho , I think as a 44 year old it’s the way forward 😢
I did the online dating but I realized I hadn't healed enough. I wasn't fair to the women I dated. I ended up hurting the feelings of one date I had which allowed me to back off until I was stronger. I had to love myself first before I am open hearted enough to love someone else. It has been over a year since I dated, I have done the work to free myself and now ready to venture out and date again with a open heart. That's why I am listening to Melanie's talk on dating.. Thanks Melanie
you pacified my inner anguish. your accent is amazing.
So true, Mel. Also you look particularly radiant in this video.
Thank you LF. Bless you xoxox
I agree that online dating can suck in many ways 🙄 but it’s also great practice. Yes there are creeps- but what a perfect way to get better at spotting them? It’s my responsibility to learn how to ask the right questions and tune into the radio frequency that picks up the right signal- and I’ve met many good ones. If you are constantly getting only creeps you need to look at your own profile and what you might be putting out there. As Mel has said, a narc can spot a frustrating source of supply. They don’t come for me anymore. 🤗 PS No one has EVER sent me a pic without my consent.
I'm dating an old boyfriend and feeling lots of rage towards him after my experience with my recent narc ex. My heart definitely feels closed at the moment. Its frustrating because i felt great when i was single! But i know these triggers wouldn't come up if i stayed single and this ia a gift and an opportunity to clear more stuff.
Thanks Mel. This is really useful.
Suzy I am so pleased this makes sense and helps xoxo
I got out of my relationship with a narcissist, and it was a great decision. I spent all of my time trying to keep him happy and making sure the precious baby never had to suffer. Trying to assure him of my faithfulness and constantly apologizing for having boundries as a demi-romatic, bisexual. I'm ready to try again, now that I know who i am and what i truly want in life.
I have been online dating for the past 5 months since I left my narcissistic husband of 18 years. I had done alot of healing work prior to leaving him (about 5 years) and spent a few months more working NARP after leaving so I was in a pretty good place... but I have been having an absolute blast with online dating!! The first date was a total flop and I laughed it off and decided it was a great, funny story to tell my friends (key point ladies ... I didn't let it discourage me). Each guy I dated after that I used as an opportunity to get feedback on where I was in my healing process and when triggers came up I took them back to NARP, did the healing work, and moved on to a new guy! I'm 52 and dated guys from 23 to 63 and made note of what I appreciated most about each one of them and tried to stay focused just on the positive things I liked about each one (knowing that staying focused on what I want, will bring more of that) ... and then moved on to the next. I've slowed down a little lately, and just have 3 guys I'm seeing casually and have for a little while. I'm still using them as catalysts to continue my healing work and really don't think any of them are "the one" for a long term relationship - but I am having so much fun just dating!! I'm very careful - I got a Google Voice number (highly recommend) so even when I give out my number, it's not my real phone number. Always meet in a public place first and give all the guys contact information to my girlfriend, also where I am meeting him and what time ...and then I text her after the date so she knows I'm ok. I also have made a little game out of it to practice using my intuition: as I scroll through profiles, I allow my intuition to tell me to swipe left or right instead of agonizing over and analyzing the profiles. Oh, and I don't listen to other women's horror stories about online dating - or if they insist on telling me - it just goes in one ear and out the other. I just decided I am going to have FUN with it ... and so I am!
Michelle Matthews,you are too precious to be with a narcissist!
This was absolutely what I needed to hear in this moment. Thank you so much for this message.
It's my pleasure LuLUNo2 and I am so pleased this was timely for you xoxo
Melanie Tonia Evans I just want to follow up and say I’ve been doing online dating since my last comment only 3 days ago and I already have dates lined up. I was stuck after my last relationship and didn’t know how to move forward. This video changed me and has brightened my world! Now I’m so excited to date again whereas before I was feeling like I had to wait for him to show up for me. Great advice.
Thank you for speaking to us from the "good side" of things, Melanie! I think there is a certain READINESS to expect, when one is "cleared" to move into something with another person. An excitement, and sheer joy... To have the "perfect" relationship with oneself first, is essential, in order to know what it should feel like, to be with the right person. And dating could possibly be seen as a "training- camp"... Thank you for being such a great inspiration! Take care. Kind regards.
When I ended my relationship with my husband, I essentially married myself. I wore a ring on my wedding finger. I closed myself off completely to love. But I’ve realised that I was looking for the wrong men. The wild guys. The fun ones. Trying the fill the void of emptiness I felt within myself.
Best advice ever. Absolute universal truth. Infinite blessings. Thank you!😘❤️❤️❤️❤️
This is great! I am not ready to date yet but I would like to once I feel I am healed enough. I hadn't considered online dating but will certainly give it a go when I am ready. Until then, I will enjoy my male platonic relationships and continue working on my healing. This video was published about the time my world, and 35 year marriage, turned upside down. I have come a long way and am getting close but there are things I want to feel solid in myself first. NARP has been, and is, a tremendous help.Thanks for the video!
online dating - lots of hard work & does not give the "eyes meeting across a crowded room" feel :)
PS - thank you for giving me the steps to take my life back Melanie
My pleasure Vicki xoxox
And now I get it - "the after therapy" or test ground - makes good sense and flushes away the despondency. Your video also made me realise waiting for that "eyes meeting" moment is what I always used to do, - a wee blind spot lit up - mwah!
Vicki Rebecca,hope you are not with a narcissist cause you are too precious!
You are a true blessing to this world. Thank you dear Melanie.
I want to know more about your course.
You are so welcome Rohini s. I am so glad this helps. You can research my course through this link:
www.melanietoniaevans.com/services/narc-abuse-recovery.htm
Love and blessings xoxox
Thank you Mel for supporting online dating! I’ve always been a fan, but often met with disapproval 😅
Thank you for the video! Just what I needed to hear this evening. Keep up the quality content Ms. Evans! Beautiful hair, btw.
Thank you Benny and I am so pleased this resonated xoxox
Thank you for everything you do, Melania 🙏🏼 You are a Godsend!
Regarding online dating, it feels shallow and inorganic to me, like I’m shopping for a human being on Amazon. It feels like my worthiness is being judged completely by my online profile.
Brenda Alred,your pretty smile can make the news!
I have a headache.
I met my covert narcissist on Pof after my split from another covert narcissist. Both five years. Lol. I’m unfukwithable now. It’s gets better when you do the work. I was surrounded by narcs. I cut them all off including my oldest brother. So at peace.
I Love this video. It is perfect for my current situation. I know that I will replay this over and over again. As I have been healing and learning I have been getting completely different responses from people. This is Fantastic!!
I think online dating is a great way to dip your toes in the water. Get used to flirting and stuff. But I don’t see it going beyond that just because of its nature. (Maybe you disagree) I find my luck in going out to parties and events with friends. Especially if I’m invited to something where I don’t know anybody else. This put you in a position to meet lots of new people. And it’s a more genuine interaction. At this point you’ve already had practice flirting and talking to people. So it won’t be as scary. The key is to put yourself out there and make the first move. Ask the cute guy for his number before you leave.
If you find you’re never invited places express interest to your friends that you want to meet new people and that next time they’re invited somewhere to please extend the invitation to you. And when you’re invited do not say no because you’re scared. Say yes! Show up for yourself.
Good point all my exes i met not online....all narcs...im no where ready to date yet....im looking after myself and trying to do the iinner work love u melanie ur such an inspiration to us all...z💖💖💖💖thank u 🌻🌻🌻🌻
Online dating has always been a nightmare for me. I keep meeting men who are looking for a woman to fill a void in their life and I'm supposed to be the source of their happiness. Then I get disappointed that I am meeting men that are not right for me then give up.
Hi Noelle,
I am happy to help. Here is a resource on how to create healthy relationships that will help with this: Love and blessings xoxox
blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-create-a-healthy-relationship/
Online dating is horrible.
I tried to look up for online dating recently and my relationship with a narcissist just ended one month and a half ago... I just wanted to put my attention somewhere else... And I felt exactly like you said all the man looked terrible to me like they had drinks in their hands, or to unhealthy looking...
And yesterday I actually meet one man from there which I thought was a decent one from that online dating site but it was a disaster he made me pay the bill which made me feel terrible and very sad at that moment for some reason... the worst I couldn’t hold myself and started crying on front of him which made me feel even worse... then he tried to kiss me 😨 I just run back home feeling shameful and blaming myself about why I keep making all these mistakes. I watch a lot of your videos I they really help me thank you so so much and I realize what I have to do but why do I keep making worst mistakes knowingly... it makes my life even more difficult like feeling stuck in the same place and paralyzed...
And do you think when the healing is done and we are lifted in a higher and healthier frequency and ready to date again would I see these man differently on these one line dating sites (drinks in their hands, or they look like they just want adventure, one night stands) or just would I be able to find and discovered the healthier ones easily?
Aysegul, it truly is so much (I believe) about healing our inner traumas before we get back out there. In regard to the paying issue did he try to get you to pick up the entire bill? If he did, yes, in no way is he healthy! Personally, I feel that it's healthy to pay our half ... unless a man insists on paying. Until we get better (heal our inner trauma) it's hard to do better, and show up like solid adult women in our bodies taking care of ourselves. When you are more healed you will more easily communicate and lay boundaries with the wrong guys and more easily draw in the good ones. The first step to the essential healing is here: www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse xoxox
Melanie Tonia Evans Thank you so much for your answer 🙏 Yes it is so true... Lots of Love and Blessings✨❤️😘🦋
Remember while you have issues you may need to put right, you did not ask or deserve abuse and you are ALWAYS whole. 🥰
When I do start dating I'm sure I'll have a little internal giggle wondering whether this guy is 'in my love funnel'.......safely watching these from the peace solitude of my new apartment. Independence at last ❤ thank you Mel X
I think for myself after my narcy girl ran out on me. I was for the first time in my life stunned by what happened. A full year of no contact, i have enjoyed the peace of being alone. With that, i question whether i will view relationships in the same way. I know i will be much more vigilant.
I am using online dating. I’ve met some really nice people and have enjoyed their company. I am taking it slow. Anyone that tries to rush into a relationship is sending me a red flag to run (not walk) away from them.
TY Melanie. You always nail it 🤗
Thank YOU Butterfly Loon and you are so welcome sweetheart xoxox
Been 4 years, still healing
I met the one when I wasn't ready. Brought me to my knees and the only thing I could do was turn inwards.
I have met 2 previous boyfriends on online dating. One of them is so successful that he is the one creating and modifying the laws here in Brazil....How successful someone has to be to have this power? He has! The other one was a good person too.
It scares me because I don't trust people to be who they represent themselves to be. However, I feel like I can ask as many questions as I feel are important questions to "weed out" some of the narcissists. Then when I meet them, I try to see if the love bombing starts. That makes me RUN FAST!
This was such an amazing video. Can you please make one on how to set up an online dating profile? I am close to being ready to date but just not sure how to get started with online dating and how to write my profile to attract the right people. Thanks so much!😘
Nadia, I would love to do that - thank you for asking for that! xoxox
Thank you so much Melanie!
My pleasure sweetheart xoxox
It’s been 3 months since our breakup and the abuse is still continuing. I still love him but want to move on so bad. I just don’t want to make the same mistakes again and I also don’t want to get into a relationship I’m not fully feeling, when I thought my last partner was the one I was going to marry. He made it seem like I screwed up everything and he had no fault at all. It’s so hard to live with myself when I still love him and would do anything for him, yet he’s demonized me publicly... I don’t know how to move on with a whole heart but I want to.
Hi Lorraine, please know that there is a way out of this, when we unravel and heal the inner beliefs in us that are keeping us attached. My work is about that, and my webinar can help get you to "how" to do this: www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Sending you hope and strength xoxox
You make so much beautiful sense !
Thank you Mirelle. I think it's great you are going to concentrate on yourself first sweetheart and from here you will be sharing any 'overflow' love - a very different place. Love and blessings to you xoxox
In listening to this... yes dating taught me a lot about myself for sure. And it was a learning experience some hard to go through and frustrating but all part
Of the journey. I will know when I’m ready to get out there again. 😉
Finding dating is fun learned it from my narc
Im terrified of online dating!
Thank you for your teaching. I am very thankful for all tge freat content, your videos are sooo good and very professional. 😁👍❤
Jason it's my pleasure and I hope they help! xoxox
On line dating😳That’s how I met my covert narcissist!
I don't think that people should place ALL of their dating effort into online sites. I think we also need to get out into our communities, go to farmer's markets, join a hiking group, do things out in life in the area where we live. Online dating is a great way to practice and to get your feet wet, and sometimes even meet the right person. But it doesn't take the place of being open and willing to meet people in your day-to-day life. It takes a ton of time to weed through online profiles and messages to get through to the wonderful, quality men or women. I know lots of people who place so much attention on that process that they aren't out in the real world meeting people in a natural way (I myself have done that!). Balance is good; I'm getting myself out into life, and using tools like the internet to supplement the journey.
Sharyn Fields,your pretty smile can make the news!
I met the narcissist online and have been told that many narcissists go on multiple sites prowling for new supply in my case even whilst still married
I think dating should be fun!! If your only concern is finding the one it'll take you that much longer.... we need to learn and love to be single as well...... at the end of the day we are the most important person in our lives.... dating is great if you are healed, whole and happy with yourself first...
Kristine I so agree! Love to you xoxox
Thank you Melanie! This video helped me so much.
My pleasure IF! xoxox
I’ll only meet another one or a sociopath. Some play the long game then flip the script after a year, some or most 6 months. Life’s too short when you’re old and knackered to keep doing the rinse repeat cycle. If I was in my 30s yes I’d have hope and time to play the merry go round again. However at mid life I know that I’ll only meet another abuser type, even my friends joke that I’m bound to find the psychopath. How shameful for me.
Loved this video 😍😘
Gunjita, I am so pleased :) xoxo
Iv started dating again it's been 5 months and I can say I have found myself looking at her constantly asking myself is she the same she's done nothing to warrant these high suspistions other than some of her mannerisms are identical to my ex narc it's creepy that she said the exact same praise when we first shared a bed looking with the same look it absolutely sent a shudder through me that in the same manner the same thing was said just something simple she looked at me with this intense stare and said were did you come from I know it seems daft but the paranoia is so bad after these relationships and already I notice she has such enigmatic energy and when she walks in a room everyone looks and she's so blunt about the negatives of others think it's tread carefully time for me if someone seems hypnotic it's usually not going to end well
L Smith, I can so appreciate that off the back of a toxic relationship we can be left reeling and unresolved. And this can lead to much confusion too. Please sign up to my free 16 Day Recovery course and come into my free healing webinar so you can understand more, gain deeper insights into yourself and what's happening and how the solution is within you.
www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse
You need to heal dear One. Love and blessings xoxox
I am a big fan of online dating. I have used most of the popular ones and have had great success. That being said, i still tend to attract the needy and narcissists, possibly because i havent done my own healing. One thing i have noticed, which is an eye opener, is after being out of online dating for a year or years due to finding a partner, when i go back online - i see the same faces. I cant help but feel that we are the losers of the dating world - still looking but never finding, or being thrown back into the pool because we arent good enough. Sucks to think that way, but its hard not to. My favorites apps are Tinder, and Bumble. Both require effort from both interested parties. Match and eHarmony are a step above as they cost money, have compatibility matching systems, and are for serious lookers only.
I am on line dating now. I broke up with the Narc almost 2 years ago. I'm 65 but I'm still gorgeous and vibrant. I'm finding a lot of the men my age look pretty bad but there are always a few so I always seem to find one or 2 to date. so far I haven't fallen in love but there are appropriate men out there so I'm still trucking on. I sometimes feel jealous of the narcissist because he is almost 2 years with a new with a new woman and hes in love bombing stage so enjoying. I'm ok with the dating but I can't say I'm having a great time of it.
Sharon Chud hang in there bc I know a lot of older men that are good looking and need dates in southern Oregon so maybe look outside the town you are in. Don’t settle bc being attracted to a mans look is important, you deserve to be with a man that you feel is attractive to you. Hopefully you will find a healthy good looking man 😘
My ex narc found his new supply, going on line dating after 2 weeks of our break up, playing the victim card of course ("oh me the poor heart broken, please adopt me"). Oh and btw posting a profile photo, which I have shooted.
I've had good and bad experiences with online dating, but, mostly good. I have resumed using online dating, but, haven't had much time to put a whole lot of effort into it. I really like OkCupid!
NatureGlo's eScience,your pretty smile can make the news!
I'm kind of in my 20s but I don't think the the men in the clubs are likely to be right men anyhow lol. I know I am much younger, I still have time, my toughts might change but just too happy being alone and single atm, I dunno when I would ever want to go back dating again at all, I really don't care what people have to think and it's just not bad to be old and alone.
I am also doing NARP so I'm healing and healing
I have several friends who' keep trying the online dating game but 100% of the time, the men are looking for sex -- if not immediately then by date 3. If that's what you mean by "dating" then I suppose that's a good thing to try.
My immediate reaction on ONLINE dating? I met my 1rst overt narc on Facebook, which is social media not online dating, nevertheless --- OUTCH!!! Yet, I have a at the same time a deeper trust in online dating as I can be ACTIVE. I like being active and design my Ad... LOL! :D
I'm fresh out of a 10 year covert narrsanisst relationship , been single for little over year , I've dated a few but it's like my heart isn't in it , so scary I'm gonna get hurt again , I got 3 good woman ready to be with me over time,but it's so hard to have feelings with anyone new
Hi Aaron, I would so suggest a little healing hiatus first. Maybe come into my free webinar www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar It will explain why this is happening to you as well as how to break through xoxox
I met an amazing lady online. Actually she contacted me. Its progressed rather quickly to a point that we're both content where we are. So we're going to spend some time here developing a solid foundation for our relationship and a working knowledge of each other. Thoughts?
Eric take your time to get to know her at a respectful pace xoxo
Beautiful! "Randoms" 😄
This video was very helpful thank you!
I thought i was okay to date again after taking a year off when i left my abusive ex. I felt okay. Ya know. Fine. Happy. Then i got in a relationship. And now i feel like im stuck. In my own emotions and tumoril. My man is literally perfect but i cant open up, i cant comminicate my feelings. Its like i put up walls i didnt know i had and idk how to break them down to enjoy the new love i have. Instead i feel fear. Everywhere and i know hes not my ex. But that fear of getting hurt again is deep and idk how to fix it. My friend told me that i wasnt okay. I was just distracted. And now i have time to reflect and think and its destroying me.
Hi Sierra. I hear you. Hun, this can happen when we are still holding on to past hurts and are unresolved with buried trauma inside. It can make it feel very challenging to 'receive' even in healthy, loving relationships because we've been ap traumatised in the past. Sweetheart I'd love to invite you to sign up for my free 16 Day Recovery course www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse here so you can start taking the first steps towards healing and your recovery. You will receive daily supportive emails to help you navigate and to get you on track in your healing. Love and blessings xoxox
Yes self value. But it gets broken down by people who keep devaluing you. And no options makes it worse. Whats the point in trying anymore.