Regarding the husband in the stepdad story: I wasn't clear enough in my commentary that the husband was victimized here. I definitely should have addressed that the husband was a victim, but I was too focused on making sure OP didn't dump her husband over something that wasn't his fault. OP sounded really hurt that her husband didn't tell her sooner, which is an understandable thing to be upset about. In retrospect, I should've focused more on how the husband was victimized. Men can be victims of assault too! I shouldn't have breezed past that.
Yeah that's exactly what I was thinking ! Maybe the husband didn't say anything because he felt gross and might have been thinking it was his fault... The whole story sounds so rapey!!!
That's why a lot of men don't come forward when they're sexually harassed or assaulted, it's not usually received the same way as it would if it was a woman reporting this. It's the same when they're the victims of domestic violence and abuse. Also I'm looking at the thumb nail and I honestly don't think you even considered the husband as a victim otherwise you wouldn't have made a joke out of it let alone skimmed past it in the commentary.
I think this is a video where you might want to reupload it with edited commentary here. There are definitely going to be people who miss your comment rSlash, and this additional commentary is super important!
If she regretted it she wouldn’t have gotten a second phone to keep it secret. I feel awful for op, the wife really is just upset she got caught and nothing else
The first story is bonkers. "She's soooooo brave for coming out about the affair." Ffs, OP outright hired a PI to find out about the month- long affair. No way would wifey dearest have magically stopped it on her own, especially since she thought her actions were without consequence. She's legit just getting what she deserves. I'm proud of OP for standing his ground.
Well of OP can hire a private detective then it mean he at least we'll to do or have a well paying jobs cause let face it private detective isn't actually cheap. The wife is just desperate after her money bag is slipping away
Also even if she was actually sorry and were to change, it literally doesn't matter, the trust between them is already broken and at the end of the day OP's family and friends have to right to try to make him change his mind, is his own decision to make and people should respect it. It honestly just sounds like she is emotionally manipulating everyone and making herself look likr the victim here. It's borderline harrasment at this point. She is contacting him nonstop AND sending people to guilt trip him too? Disgusting.
Also worth throwing in that if the roles/genders were reversed there's basically no chance in hell a man cheating would get that much support unless his friends were a bunch of dude bros that also sleep around.
My sister needs to leave her cheating husband. She keeps taking him back when he leaves his side chick and he goes right back to his homewrecker girlfriend.
Okay, stepdad story, I’m not confused that they’re confused and disgusted. I’m confused that what they’re mad about is that husband didn’t tell her. I would be mad that my husband was basically sexually harassed for three weeks in my own parents’ home! It’s not like he’s thinking about it like “weeeell, maybe this could be nice”. If you believe your spouse, then what your spouse is telling you is that he’s been sexually harassed and he’s not comfortable with it, and it sounds like he was really nervous to come to you about it. Because it’s a big deal.
Yeah. He clearly didn't know how to process this and he had good intentions about why. This is just.. gross. And the stepmom being in on it makes it 100x worse.
My thoughts exactly. He's blaming himself a little, feeling guilty, feeling grossed out, and didn't initiate the touching or anything. All of that tells me this is a case of sexual harassment, maybe sexual assault because of the touching. Someone help the poor husband.
@@thedatabase677 yeah and he is behaving like most victims of assault. Instead of being mad at him, she needs to go nuclear on step-dad. Even take it legally. And cut contact with mom.
OP should not back down on his decision to ask the wife for a divorce. In fact, he should tell everyone that his mind is already made up and if they keep trying to pressure him to reconcile then they’re getting blocked and shut out of his life.
It's all well and good for people to tell op what to do: they don't have to live with the consequences. I'd ask that if it was their life, would they be willing to work things out. And no matter what the answer was (most likely a very false "oh sure I would, everyone deserves a second chance"), I'd say "good for you then but I'm not you".
That Stepdad story, is so messed up, John sounds like the biggest pervert. Also Ryan is a victim of sexual assault here, so he does not have to defend himself for anything, also what did OP and r/slash mean „Taking it anything further“? Sexual assault is sexual assault, go no contact with the parents, and even maybe sue them for the assault edit: r/slash posted in the comments that he did not want to victimblame the husband, so that part of my comment is a missunderstanding
This! Omg, Op and her husband just needs to get away from them. On the original post, OP wrote that they have kids and her mother's past husband was a sexual predator ( the mother knew and didn't care). John seems one also(Ryan said no multiple times, and John had already "jokingly" said to OP he wants to ties Ryan on a tree, accordingly with the original post. So yeah, OP needs to get the husband, get the kids and disappear. John is not safe and neither OP's mother (at very least, she's been helping her disgusting husband getting Ryan alone and vulnerable).
Thank you, honestly. People think because it's a guy it was his fault and he must have participated in his own sexual assault or somehow wanted it. I usually agree with Rslash, but he could not have got that no contact with the husband suggestion any worse. "What my father sexually assaulted you and you were scared to tell anyone? I never wanna see you again" like wtf?
@@C_Chuck unfortunately that's true. Some people think that guys can't get assault/abuse. And I didn't think was fair to asked for the husband been honest sooner. People has their own time figuring things out and that's a very complicated situation (imagine Ryan head). It's never the victim fault for not saying when the others think they had to say. The problem is the stepdad and his wife.
"If you really feel (Present feeling) you would have never done (Patience thing.)" That's not how that works. Sorry is a feeling that comes AFTER F'ing up. Falling apart when you've destroyed your family with stupid mistakes is usually a thing people do.
@@nightigal Fun fact: People who are happy with their marriage are the most likely to cheat. I believe that it's because they want that dangerous excitement that comes with cheating.
@@SiekoValantin as someone who cheated multiple times the sorry feeling does not come after getting caught. you are fully aware of what you are doing and who you are doing it to. I dont cheat anymore because ive been cheated on (more than i did even) and the pain i feel still (4 years) hurts beyond repair.
The first stories parents are scumbags as well as the cheating wife, don’t cheat, if your unhappy then leave, don’t hurt someone for your own selfish desires
I think he should have taken her back, but ultimately that's for him to decide. And, yeah, if you cheat, then prepare for a divorce. But what's absolutely disgusting and where she loses me is the abuse that she put him through for making a totally rational decision about his boundaries, which she knew about beforehand. (Otherwise they would be in an open relationship) If you knowingly violate another person's relationship boundaries, don't be surprised if they leave.
Fun fact: People who are happy with their marriage are the most likely to cheat. I believe that it's because they want that dangerous excitement that comes with cheating.
Fifth story : Now imagine if we changed the gender of your husband for this story and he was a woman instead, and your step dad was making these kind of advances toward "her". That kind of behavior is NOT ok and IS sexual harassments if not assault for what happened in the pool. Just because he's bi, doesn't mean he wants to sleep with just anyone.
Rslash had the worst take on it. The man is a victim of sexual assault and repeated sexual harassment. The man is blameless in this and had no idea how to even talk about it.
And why would she be angry over him not telling her sooner? Someone really close to me got horribly victimised, they told a handful of friends before I was ever told. They knew I cared about them, which is why it was scary to share it with me. Never was I angry or disappointed with them telling me years later, I was just really sad that they had gone through something so awful. What kind of a disgusting person is considering being angry at a victim for not telling them straight away?
...She never said it was ok or that she thinks her husband wants the guy back, is everyone nuts? She said she was weirded out that everyone but her knew for a month. Also making a mild advance on someone is not assault. If they say no and you keep going then it is. But by your logic millions of men everyday are assaulting women just at the bar alone when they sit near them and put their hand on their leg attempting to make a move etc. Her post is about being confused on what to do because she's "disgusted that her step dad thinks of her husband like this", it's a weird situation because he's "family" and also more than twice her age. I don't read anywhere that she's blaming the husband for the act that happened, just that she didn't like her husband didn't say anything for so long. His gender has nothing to do with this, the weirdness is because it's to do with family. If you think there haven't been plenty of guys who have had their stepdads make moves on their girlfriends then you'd be wrong. And they are confused on what to do as well, it's called being young and put into a bizarre situation by someone who is supposed to be a parental figure. The person is highly confused that's it. They even said they aren't angry but feel like they should be, so I don't know how everyone is so quick to just claim this when it literally says they aren't angry and they are disgusted with the stepdad, not the husband.
jesus... that first one... a MONTH AND A HALF... "she'll do anything to fix our marriage" except not having an affair until you get caught? what a pos. 🙄
A one-off slip can happen and may be forgiven if the circumstances leading to it are addressed and changes are made. The fact that the wife admitted to four occasions of sexual activity, and that she and her lover spent other times with each other over a month and a half seems to me that she was unsatisfied in the marriage and sought satisfaction elsewhere instead of trying to work on a solution with her husband. Without loyalty, communication, and trust I suspect the marriage may be doomed.
For real! And I’m dying to know the other circumstances in the marriage. Like, do they have kids to stick around for? Or, perhaps, does OP have $$$ that the wife will lose if they divorce on grounds of infidelity? I’m willing to bet on the latter.
Well it does say "fix" the marriage, and can't fix it unless you broke it first. And I would imagine that would be a term she'd abide by to fix it. There are couples who can get through it, I don't think I could though. And if he doesn't want her back then that's that.
In the first story, there's one thing that everyone forgot : the only one who's allowed to forgive the cheater is OP, no one else. He's the one she cheated on, nobody else.
The stepdad story, this situation is clearly sexual harassment. Of course it took some time for him to say that, it’s hard to find the right time and the right words. The husband was clearly a victim and shouldn’t be put through any blame honestly. Now I do understand that OP feels the way she does, but she should put herself in her husbands shoes.
yes I thought so too her husband has to report sexual harassment to the police I pity him for her husband her stepfather is 2× as old as them and the mom is a sh*t mom
Half the comment section is talking about it, what do you mean no one cares. Also touching someone's leg one time without permission is not something people generally call SA. By your logic, millions of men per year are assaulting women when they put their hand on their leg at the bar to see if it goes anywhere. If the guy did it again after being told no then it would be assault, but the only instance of touching brought up that I can see was the time at the pool and nothing about it happening again after. Making grunts at someone after wouldn't be considered assault either so..
@@alexexcess7620 you’re part of the problem. I bet you’re just like the stepdad since you’re defending his actions. He literally molested/harassed. Period.
@@alexexcess7620 and “touching someone’s leg without permission isn’t something people generally call SA” huh? That’s just you. The fact that you’re saying this…. Anyone can see that there’s something wrong with you.
“My wife of 7 years cheated on me but everyone wants me to take her back? What should I do?” Easy. Don’t take her back. Cheaters gonna cheat and it’ll hurt even worse when she eventually does it again. Hire a good divorce attorney, get a good deal and move on with your life.
@@shigeminotoge4514 Yea, that can’t be said here, this was a 4 time affair. 4 TIMES, you cannot justify 4 times, it’s literally impossible. And, no, don’t bring up sexual assault, affair means both parties consent.
@Shigemi Notoge Like a damn child? Would you say the same thing if the husband was the one cheating? I'm sorry, but if the most fundamental promise in a marriage (your fidelity) is so cheap to someone, they can be trusted with nothing else. Break that kind of trust once and there is no coming back. He would be doing everyone, including his wife, a favour by just walking out of it. The one acting like a child is the wife who goes and airs her dirty laundry in public. Sincere apologies are done privately and if she truly loved him she will respect his wishes to not speak to her again for understanding how badly she's hurt him. Forcing reconciliation on him is her selfishness and only proves that this is about her happiness, not his. She can go role in a pigsty, cause that's how much her integrity is worth.
So, yeah, for the stepdad one. The husband literally got molested in the pool and was repeatedly put in a very disgusting sexual harrassment situation that he had no idea how to properly deal with and tried to figure it out and how to talk to you about it. That's 100% a no contact with parents situation.
The first thing to do with the step-dad story is to remove the stigmas. A bi male was sexually harassed by another, seemingly bi, male. The wife of the victim doesn't seem to understand that, and I don't understand why. Once that clicks into place for her, I don't think she'll have a problem figuring out what to do next.
The very moment the cheater in the first story posted about her affair on Facebook is the moment that she was merely doing it not to save her marriage, but to make herself look better in front of her friends. If you’re really committed on saving your relationship, then it needs to be a conversation between you and your partner, not people who play Candy Crush and Mommy Needs Wine groups. This man needs to follow through with the divorce proceedings. She’s already proven she can’t be trusted.
Umm, the husband already refused to talk to her about it. She had no other choice. It was a Hail Mary play because he already refused to behave like an adult. I have no sympathy for people who willing self-destruct a relationship with someone they CLAIM to love because of a cheating incident, then act like an abused victim. It's just sex, can we all just grow up and get over it?
@@shigeminotoge4514 it wasn't though since she said they were often just hanging out as well as repeatedly sleeping together. Sounds pretty much like an ongoing side relationship, not just sex. Pushing someone who wants time alone because you betrayed their trust is not the adult thing to do ethier. Grow up and realize your actions have consequences and people aren't obligated to talk to you or give you another chance if you hurt them.
I would like to add that the guy may swing both ways but he obviously was taken advantage of and the husband may be feeling creeped out. He technically was sexually assaulted and not by anyone but his girl's parents (Yes, including the wife). OP, ask about how your husband feels about it. Everyone seems to forget that guys have feelings to.
@@Fire-Manz Exactly, he needed to A)Process it and b)he had to figure out how to tell his spouse, "Um, honey, your husband is a creep." Those things take time
If the roles were reversed, people would be damning the husband and NEVER pressuring the wife to take him back. Its a disgusting double standard and I hate it, so much.
Which is why RSlash gave the same opinion as if it was a guy cheating on his wife…it’s just the rest of the circle of influence around the couple that’s the issue.
A cheater is a cheater. Man or woman, doesn't matter. I don't know why you made this comment, their family and friends are just crap, that's why they've been telling OP to take her back. They still would have pressured OP if they were a girl.
@@ComradeCujo Possibly they could have, but there are so many double standards when it comes to differences between the sexes. So it’s difficult to make any assumptions like that, but we can agree that the family is horrific.
You should never forgive a cheater. They made the conscious decision to cheat on you, then lie and hide it behind your back. They care even less about you than someone who would leave you for someone else, because the only reason they wouldn’t just break up with you is to manipulate and use you.
the ONLY EVER forgiveable cheating offense is when the cheater is manipulated and blackmailed into doing it. But that also comes with the fact the cheater isn't necessarily cheating because they're given no choice and thus that falls into the category of being a victim of sexual abuse. Even if the cheating was part of it and appears to outsiders that it was consciously done to be unfaithful. I've been in that exact situation myself having been a victim of that, so I always feel it necessary to bring up that that is the ONLY situation of cheating that can be forgiven, because the cheater has no choice of their own in the matter, even if it APPEARS as though it's a conscious decision. Not common, but it's important to have that be the exception because victims of sexual abuse find it difficult to come forward. OF COURSE, that being said, that's not applicable most likely to the story that is about, but at the same time a viewpoint of "every cheater needs to burn" or things like that. Everyone that has the option to cheat and does it, yes, but otherwise no
While I personally agree I'm also a very jealous person, and I have heard of people working through it. So I try not to make a blanket judgment on other's relationships. As for this if the post is true, it doesn't sound like he wants to go back so I don't think he should
Someone who loves their spouse doesn't refuse intimacy with them so they can be the loyal to their cheating partner. They may regret losing the lifestyle. They don't regret the cheating.
Are we not going to talk about how in the step dad/husband, the stepdad was basically sexually harassing her husband? He made it clear that he did not want to go any further and the step dad kept making all of these sexually suggestive comments. Then being left alone intentionally (by the mom) with him so that he could further her husband uncomfortable. Just because someone is bi or poly does not mean that they consent to sexual comments or approaches from anyone. It also probably took her husband a while to approach the topic because victims of sexual assault/harassment need that time to tell their loved ones. They’re probably just as traumatized.
In my book, anything physical is full blown assualt, they need to confront the Step-dad about this and possibly go no-contact. Had OP and her husband's positions were switched, there would have been no question that what happened there was sexual assault. You couldn't have said it better imo 👍.
It also sounds like it's an open relationship and not a poly relationship. Regardless of the case though harassment of any kind is wrong and sexual harassment in particular can be difficult to open up about.
I remember this story where this woman's husband was cheating on her, and she got back at him by cheating on him with the first man available. Then, when the husband begged for forgiveness, she flat out told him what she did, and warned him that, if he cheated again, so would she. Somehow, they went to marriage counseling, worked things out and stayed together. But yeah, I don't see any comeback from this first story. She didn't regret ANYTHING until she was busted. How can OP EVER be sure that she won't do it again? The trust is gone. Shattered. Ruined.
Some relationships can survive even after cheating, but in this case I don't see that happening... At least he is not staying just because of all the time he spent on her like some do... She knows the grass is not greener on the other side with her "friend" and that is why she is trying to hold on to the relationship she actually cares about... What is worse is it wasn't just physical cheating but emotional cheating because they only had sex 4 times so she wanted that more than just some fling...
For the Husband and Step-Dad story, OP posted something of a update in the comments: “I am absolutely going no contact and yes I do realize this is a straight up sexual assault on Ryan. I have a much clearer head now and these comments have helped solidify what I need to do from here on. My last worries now are about Ryan and him hopefully opening up to me more in the future. I can’t imagine what he’s feeling even though he’s adamant that he is fine.”
Amy sounds dodgy but Paul sounds terrifying. My knee-jerk reaction was "tell him to bring the evidence to a family counselling session" because trying to get her alone into his home just felt so strange. You need a professional mediator/counsellor present when you go over this evidence, whether the suspect spouses are present at the time or only brought in later.
For the first story, can we take the time to appreciate the Private Investigator for their speedy work. A week is pretty quick even when dealing with the obvious.
If she truely loved him, she wouldn't have cheated. It really is that simple. This is doubly true for it not being a one night stand. She can not be trusted, period.
Living in an open relationship here. Only limits we agreed on is: No family of the other. While an open relationship seems "easy" it demands so much honesty and absolute trust. So setting boundaries helps a lot with that.
If I were you, I'd at least discuss with my significant other about acceptable risk, since STDs, pregnancy, and abuse from extrarelational partners are all things that can and will completely change both your lives, almost inevitably for the worse. So long as you come up with a reasonable gameplan for avoiding problems that you're both happy with and you're both careful about sticking with the agreement (and trust each other to do so), it should be okay. Also, don't be afraid of revisiting the agreement later on, as many times as needed, especially if you become uncomfortable with what you agreed with beforehand (which is often when something bad happens that needs to be discussed).
@@Lycanthromancer1 I was not looking for advice. Please assume, that we are both consenting adults who have been together for almost four years now. We've had our ups and downs, and many many lessons learned already. Red flags are duly avoided, and potential new partners are always discussed with the other. Hence: absolute trust and honesty - otherwise this kind of relationship wouldn't work. We have each others' backs. For others wanting to go into an open relationship, your comment is helpful though!
@@DasPuppy I'm glad you're happy and in a situation that works for you. I apologize for the unwarranted advice, although it's still good to have it there for someone else looking into such things, I guess.
@@mariposa9506 It's possible to love someone without having sex with them, and it's also possible to love someone without *_only_* having sex with them. Sex and love are not synonymous.
Wait a second... If she really cared about their marriage, she wouldn't have had an affair. Even after the affair, she wouldn't have waited to be caught before confessing... I call BS... Also, the family really is out of their minds if they think she deserves a chance...
Re: the swinger couple... I think the root of the problem is twofold. The parents don't understand what polyamory is (it not the same as a fully open relationship), and the stepfather has no idea how to properly approach another man for passionate hugging. It sounds like the only time he's done this is in the bushes at rest areas and seedy gay clubs. (Trust me, I've met enough "straight" guys who like a gay hookup on the side to spot this) I think that both of them need to sit down with the parents and have an open, frank, discussion about what polyamory is, how it works, and most importantly how uncomfortable her stepdad is making the husband.
I don't know about being so calm about it. Let's call this what it is: sexual harassment bordering on sexual assault. Hell the pool thing might've actually BEEN sexual assault. Whether someone's poly or not, it's easy to tell when someone is NOT into something, and stepdad pushed anyway. That's wrong. That's no contact-worthy. You shouldn't have to have a discussion and explain why making advances on someone who's obviously not into it is wrong. If they don't just KNOW that, they're disgusting and you should go no contact. Edit: Read the post again. Stepdad did get "grabby" with husband. That, friends, is sexual assault, and stepdad should count his blessings that Ryan doesn't seem to want to press charges.
You bring up the concept of an “open relationship” in your comment, and personally, in my opinion, an “open marriage” does not and cannot exist. Relationships, sure, though I’m not a fan of those either, but marriage is supposed to be about the bond between the couple. However, I do understand their being poly, as long as they set boundaries and are open to communicating. That being said, I wish them the best of luck dealing with OP’s mom and step dad, because this is definitely some cut-them-off level type of stuff. Sure, sit down and explain to them what being polyamorous really means, but at the end of the day, ignorance doesn’t excuse John’s actions, or his wife’s.
I don't think the problem here is some misunderstanding about poly relationship. The problem here is sexual abuse. There's no such thing as "has no idea how to approach" in this history. The stepdad coerced the husband on the pool, husband said no; stepdad continue to coercing the husband, who keeps saying no. The wife knows and helps her disgusting husband to created situations where he can continue the abuse (on the original post, Op told the readers that John already "joke" about tie Ryan on a tree). This is not someone being awarkd while flirting, this is assault, period. Op, her husband and kids need to get away from them very quickly.
this sub and AITA are my favorites, they really make you think about morals and things like that, plus seeing your point of view. keep up the amazing work :D
Wait. What? I thought OP was an 18 year old girl and the boyfriend was the 24 year old guy. But, either way, what RSlash said was correct: whether it be 18 or 24, you still have your entire life ahead of you, and shouldn’t feel pressured into anything you don’t want to do. Especially after dating for only a week…like what?
Yea, in the tattoo story the OP is a 24 year old guy, and he was talking about his 18 year old boyfriend that got the OP's name tattoo'd on his belly after just a week.
Oh man... Yeah this kind of behavior is perhaps why OP should stick closer to his age range. 24 year olds can still be impulsive of course, anyone can, but like... Those 6 years of development do matter a lot of the time
That wife cheating on OP "only 4 times" - based on the timescale of the affair that averages to ~ a shag every week and a half. If she really cared, she wouldn't have even done it in the first place, let alone going for a bimonthly rodeo
After 1 month an a half no less.... OP has problems. No one deserves to be cheated on, but No wonder this woman cheated, her husband spent mad money hiring someone to tail her car and their house because his wife didn't sleep with him for a month.
"If she was really having an affair with someone that has the same name as my husband, why was she calling you to apologise for it?" - Because she knew that her husband was on a rampage and blaming OP's SO. That one seemed pretty obvious to me.
Last story, depending on specific and untold circumstances, I'd say that Ryan gets to decide on this. Go over there, let Ryan speak his mind, offer full and unwavering support and then leave. If Ryan says nc, go nc, if Ryan decides on a firm warning that may lead to nc if not respected, than that's the deal. Messed up story regardless.
Wait, wait, wait…! You’re saying that Ryan, who was being SEXUALLY HARASSED and was TOUCHED WITHOUT CONSENT by the StepDad, should just go to OP’s parents’ house and just talk with StepDad, who was revealed to be a SEXUAL PREDATOR? Suuuurrreee, suuuurrreee…. Let’s have them send their kids to their house as well so they can play “The Touching Game” with some perverted asshole while the Grandma just looks away because “It’s all cool! My husband changed a lot!”. What StepDad did was WRONG, end of! I wouldn’t even TALK to the perverted bastard, let alone send him a SINGLE TEXT MESSAGE if I were OP and her husband! Had the roles switched and OP was the one being sexually harassed by Husband’s dad, would you tell her to go talk to him about this? I highly doubt it.
I love how the cheating garden tool is "Sooooo brave for admitting to having an affair and trying to make amends" but if a GUY did this EXACT SAME THING, including publicly admitting it and trying to make amends, he'd have been ripped to shreds for it and the woman would be encouraged to drop him like a hot potato.
Which is exactly what RSlash did to the wife in this case: treated her the same as if she were the guy cheating on a girl. It’s everyone in OP’s circle that seems to have missed this obvious point.
The step-dad in the title story is sexually harassing/assaulting OP's husband and the mom is facilitating the harassment/assult. I don't think the husband can be blamed for any of it.
Story 2: everyone needs to vent, but it looks like the one he's venting to is going too far. Honestly just sitting down and having a conversation with him would probably clear any problems up
I think the reason OP's husband waited 3 weeks to say anything about his FIL trying to eff him and MIL helping because he was processing what the heck was happening. I'm with RSlash on this one; let's give OP's hubby a break because that cannot be an easy scenario to cope with or navigate.
He was literally sexually harassed, it’s not a matter of giving him a pass or not, because he didn’t do anything wrong in the first place. That’s the same kind of logic that mysogynists use against women who were raped but that didn’t say anything until years later.
i don’t understand the mentality of cheaters. when they get caught they’re always like ‘baby i’m sorry i love you please don’t leave me!!😭’ which doesn’t make any sense because if they truly loved their partner they wouldn’t have relations with other people behind their back right?? don’t cheat!
1. Money 2. Status 3. Emotional support They don't typically get any of these things from the person they cheat with, it's only about the excitement. Instead of just talking with their partner and opening up about their sexual desires, they cheat. Which usually isn't even what they want, you'd be surprised at how many people are just sexually suppressed and are into bondage and the like, they're just too afraid to explore it because of the social stigmas.
In regards to the last story Ryan might have also not told OP immediately because he had been sexually assaulted and was ashamed about it. I was a victim of SA and didn't tell anyone for over two months and it wasn't voluntary. He may have finally be able to verbalize what happened and immediately told his wife.
8:57 "DNA tests are pretty cheap, they're like 100 bucks" dude's been doing youtube too long if he thinks $100 is cheap lol. I WISH I had $100 to spare.
It's not that $100 is cheap, it's that $100 for getting a DNA test is crazy when you think about it. Technology has gone so far. You can get DNA comparisons for only $100? That seems wild to me, it's like sci-fi almost.
I'm barely middle class and I consider $100 a lot of money. HOWEVER considering in this case what the $100 is for yes it is cheap. Or rather what the $100 is being spent on all things considered is cheap.
The husband and step dad story...OP shouldn't be mad at the husband. He's being sexually harassed. It's pretty common for sexual harassment victims to not know how to talk about it right away. It's not at all that he was keeping it from OP, it's that it's a sensitive topic. He's the victim, he did nothing wrong. OP should go nc with their parents, their behavior is appalling.
“She only had sex four times” like that softens the blow she cheated regardless. The audacity of calling her brave for confessing. By that logic, a murderer is brave and heroic for confessing to killing someone. Drop and forget her and whatever happens to her is all on her.
Taking back a cheater doesn't mean that you giving them a chance to better themselves, it basically you giving them a chance to work on covering up their tracks in a better way
In regards to the first story, I would honestly tell the cheater “sometimes goodbye is a second chance” but yeah op in the scenario needs new friends and telling his parents it there is no reconciliation in this matter
"She's so brave coming out about the affair." Except she didn't. She was caught. If it had been a drunken one night stand, or even a "moment of weakness" that she came out about on her own, even if it was years later (though moreso if immediately) THAT would be bravery. That's accepting you screwed up, and being willing to live with the consequences. What she did is not that. She cheated, not just once, but multiple times and never admitted to anything until confronted with proof.
I reconciled with my narcissist ex after he cheated for the 2nd time during our engagement. Guess what? I'm now divorcing him because surprise surprise, he had an affair during the marriage. For 6 months out of our almost 2 year marriage. So, I think that expresses my opinion.
I'm sorry your ex couldnt be bothered to change. most cheaters don't.. they just don't want to lose the comfort of a familial relationship. So I grant them their worst fear, and I leave them without any comfort. I hope things are going well for you.
First story : Why would anyone take a cheater back? She made her bed and slept in it. Once a cheater, always a cheater. There's nothing to save there. Instead of talking to you about how unsatisfied she was, she went and just cheated. She's just mad that she won't get 50% of your assets since the divorce is because of HER actions and you have proof for it. You owe her nothing anymore.
"Have you ever had a girlfriend with a twin sister so you got confused and _p a s s i o n a t e l y h u g g e d_ her dad?" "well that's how it feels to own a new Dodge Ram"
you know, the assistant one...unless she's going overboard, he'd have to bring up some pretty heavy things on his mind for her or anyone to react like she did, no?
When someone violates my trust I just end that relationship (no matter the kind), I have suffered from best friends gossiping about my personal live, a cheater and overall bad people. I don’t have the energy to go around giving second chances to everyone.
Agreed. If anything, her public “admission” makes her a coward because she’s trying to manipulate OP into taking her back. She’s using other people to pressure him into taking her back after she cheated.
The wife did not admit she was cheating she got caught. Admitting something after caught isn't brave. Adding it to fb is a way to manipulate the husband into feeling that she learned her lesson. I'm sorry if she can't get marriage counseling before cheating then she didn't care about the marriage. Her saving her marriage now is her saving her reputation.
The fifth story pises me off How dare OP even think about being angry at her husband? He is an SA Victim and people are saying “He gets a pass” or “I understand why she’s mad” LIKE NO??? No he doesnt get a pass, it should be automatic hes not a man who got assaulted He’s an SA victim who happens to be a man, this is why men don’t speak up because people get angry or blame them. If you truly think she has a right to be mad at him, you are delusional. SA Victims many take YEARS to come clean about what happened to them out of shame, guilt and fear but he was so brave to distance himself and tell OP. And now he’s being shamed more by people saying “Well Op has a right to be upset” or “i THINK he gets a pass” There are so many Male SA victims in the world who say quiet and we need to show them support too. Op better dump her mom and Stepdad after dishing them out. Anyone Did This to my husband I would do anything to make him feel safe secure loved and not alone. It’s called being a spouse and decent person.
rSlash you're wrong with the assistant one. If she is his close friend then he should be able to talk to her about things that are going on in his life. That was a private conversation that the wife eavesdropped on. The husband shut his friend down when she said about divorce so clearly nothing untoward going on and no disrespect on his part. OP should forget it happened.
To the op in the stepdad story: imagine if someone’s stepdad kept making advances and you didn’t want those advances but also didn’t want to say anything in case telling people what happened makes things worse. That is a classic sexual assault victim right there. Your husband was put in an uncomfortable position and the stepdad kept harassing him subtly even after he made it clear he was uncomfortable. The people you should be mad at are your mother and step father.
With the 'why don't you divorce your wife' story, there is also a difference between wanting to blow off some steam and vent a little to someone you trust and them understand that, and that person trying to convince you to take unnecessary action on those temporary feelings.
That last story rubs me the wrong way SO MUCH, and purely because of one simple factor that no one addressed at all. OP's dad is sexually assaulting and harrassing her husband. And her mum is just... Letting it happen. Hell, she's even trying to help with it! OP's husband likely didn't say anything until now both for the reasons RSlash said, but also because when your being assaulted/harassed sexually you don't know whether you can talk about it. And it's especially worse considering the fact that he's a guy, and far too many people think that guys can't be assaulted or harassed like this. I'm proud of her husband for being able to talk about this with her. It shows a lot of bravery and trust. OP needs to confront her parents, tell them - no, DEMAND that they stop, and if they say they won't they need to go NC with them. Maybe even get the police involved, if they think it'll help, but idk where in the world they are.
Yeah, men in general have issues opening up about stuff like this. He clearly trusts his wife and loves her, and the fact that they are in a sustained polygamous relationship proves it. These are NOT easy and take a lot of love and trust and communication. Even so how do you tell someone "hey your step dad's been trying to bang me and your mom's been helping"? It's a rough situation all around.
The Ryan story I kinda feel bad about why he kept it away, he was sexually harassed and uncomfortable because of it. Seems like he doesn’t wanna do it and he wanted to figure it out and how to tell his wife so yea he deserves the benefit of the doubt but definitely limit contact with the mom and step dad because that’s very very creepy
12:06 - I suspect the anger will kick in later. Meanwhile, I think OP and Ryan should just stay away from OP's mother and stepfather. I know OP said they have a fairly open relationship, but "John" repeatedly coming on to his stepdaughter's husband is just creepy! The fact that OP's mom seems to be essentially trying to pimp Ryan to John seems even creepier!
“Let’s give the husband the benefit of the doubt” He was sexually assaulted. There’s no benefit of doubt, that’s a fuck situation on multiple levels. We don’t tell rape victims “Oh well you should’ve told someone” We don’t tell children who were molested “Well maybe that adult had other reasons”. It should be the same when men are in this situation. That mindset is exactly why Brandon Fraiser has been black balled.
My boyfriend was in the room during the name tattoo story and I looked at him, we both shook our heads in agreement that we'd never tattoo eachothers names on ourselves
Regarding the husband in the stepdad story:
I wasn't clear enough in my commentary that the husband was victimized here. I definitely should have addressed that the husband was a victim, but I was too focused on making sure OP didn't dump her husband over something that wasn't his fault. OP sounded really hurt that her husband didn't tell her sooner, which is an understandable thing to be upset about. In retrospect, I should've focused more on how the husband was victimized.
Men can be victims of assault too! I shouldn't have breezed past that.
Yeah that's exactly what I was thinking ! Maybe the husband didn't say anything because he felt gross and might have been thinking it was his fault...
The whole story sounds so rapey!!!
I was thinking that too, it's really difficult to talk about it when you've been harassed
That's why a lot of men don't come forward when they're sexually harassed or assaulted, it's not usually received the same way as it would if it was a woman reporting this. It's the same when they're the victims of domestic violence and abuse.
Also I'm looking at the thumb nail and I honestly don't think you even considered the husband as a victim otherwise you wouldn't have made a joke out of it let alone skimmed past it in the commentary.
I think this is a video where you might want to reupload it with edited commentary here. There are definitely going to be people who miss your comment rSlash, and this additional commentary is super important!
@@Phlimbob I agree
She “only slept with him four times.” That’s four times too many. You can’t trust her.
This. 100%
If she regretted it she wouldn’t have gotten a second phone to keep it secret. I feel awful for op, the wife really is just upset she got caught and nothing else
Exactly
Rule of 3 - if she says 4 times, it's more like 12
Saying "only" like it's ok or normal to pull that bs.
The first story is bonkers. "She's soooooo brave for coming out about the affair." Ffs, OP outright hired a PI to find out about the month- long affair. No way would wifey dearest have magically stopped it on her own, especially since she thought her actions were without consequence. She's legit just getting what she deserves. I'm proud of OP for standing his ground.
Well of OP can hire a private detective then it mean he at least we'll to do or have a well paying jobs cause let face it private detective isn't actually cheap. The wife is just desperate after her money bag is slipping away
Also even if she was actually sorry and were to change, it literally doesn't matter, the trust between them is already broken and at the end of the day OP's family and friends have to right to try to make him change his mind, is his own decision to make and people should respect it.
It honestly just sounds like she is emotionally manipulating everyone and making herself look likr the victim here.
It's borderline harrasment at this point. She is contacting him nonstop AND sending people to guilt trip him too? Disgusting.
Oh she’s so brave about coming out when OP had to force her to admit. She isn’t feeling guilt. If she could she would’ve kept it up for much longer
Also worth throwing in that if the roles/genders were reversed there's basically no chance in hell a man cheating would get that much support unless his friends were a bunch of dude bros that also sleep around.
My sister needs to leave her cheating husband. She keeps taking him back when he leaves his side chick and he goes right back to his homewrecker girlfriend.
"She's so brave to admit her affair" she only admitted it after getting caught
True!
It's not even admitting at that point, that's just them talking about it
Okay, stepdad story, I’m not confused that they’re confused and disgusted. I’m confused that what they’re mad about is that husband didn’t tell her. I would be mad that my husband was basically sexually harassed for three weeks in my own parents’ home! It’s not like he’s thinking about it like “weeeell, maybe this could be nice”. If you believe your spouse, then what your spouse is telling you is that he’s been sexually harassed and he’s not comfortable with it, and it sounds like he was really nervous to come to you about it. Because it’s a big deal.
Yeah. He clearly didn't know how to process this and he had good intentions about why.
This is just.. gross. And the stepmom being in on it makes it 100x worse.
My thoughts exactly. He's blaming himself a little, feeling guilty, feeling grossed out, and didn't initiate the touching or anything. All of that tells me this is a case of sexual harassment, maybe sexual assault because of the touching. Someone help the poor husband.
@@thedatabase677 yeah and he is behaving like most victims of assault. Instead of being mad at him, she needs to go nuclear on step-dad. Even take it legally. And cut contact with mom.
@@charminglady2011 YES. Definitely.
Right?! The first thing that came into my head while reading the story was "whoa did he just... S*xually a***ult the husband?!"
OP should not back down on his decision to ask the wife for a divorce. In fact, he should tell everyone that his mind is already made up and if they keep trying to pressure him to reconcile then they’re getting blocked and shut out of his life.
It's all well and good for people to tell op what to do: they don't have to live with the consequences. I'd ask that if it was their life, would they be willing to work things out. And no matter what the answer was (most likely a very false "oh sure I would, everyone deserves a second chance"), I'd say "good for you then but I'm not you".
Yeah totally! They should mind their own business as well.
The irony of telling people not to tell people what to do. If you don't get how stupid your replies to this comment were there is no saving you
Everyone is just guilt tripping him left and right and meanwhile the cheater is standing there making herself the victim
I hope the next liker gets a sweet reward of moving from 699 to 700
That Stepdad story, is so messed up, John sounds like the biggest pervert. Also Ryan is a victim of sexual assault here, so he does not have to defend himself for anything, also what did OP and r/slash mean „Taking it anything further“? Sexual assault is sexual assault, go no contact with the parents, and even maybe sue them for the assault
edit: r/slash posted in the comments that he did not want to victimblame the husband, so that part of my comment is a missunderstanding
This ^^ the dad touched him in that way without consent and kept making those kind of comments which is harrassing him!
This! Omg, Op and her husband just needs to get away from them. On the original post, OP wrote that they have kids and her mother's past husband was a sexual predator ( the mother knew and didn't care). John seems one also(Ryan said no multiple times, and John had already "jokingly" said to OP he wants to ties Ryan on a tree, accordingly with the original post. So yeah, OP needs to get the husband, get the kids and disappear. John is not safe and neither OP's mother (at very least, she's been helping her disgusting husband getting Ryan alone and vulnerable).
Thank you, honestly. People think because it's a guy it was his fault and he must have participated in his own sexual assault or somehow wanted it. I usually agree with Rslash, but he could not have got that no contact with the husband suggestion any worse. "What my father sexually assaulted you and you were scared to tell anyone? I never wanna see you again" like wtf?
THANK YOU. I was so pissed hearing this. I feel so TERRIBLE for OP’s husband. She needed to do all those things like YESTERDAY.
@@C_Chuck unfortunately that's true. Some people think that guys can't get assault/abuse. And I didn't think was fair to asked for the husband been honest sooner. People has their own time figuring things out and that's a very complicated situation (imagine Ryan head). It's never the victim fault for not saying when the others think they had to say. The problem is the stepdad and his wife.
The wife’s reaction is a classic cheater move. If you really feel sorry, you would’ve never cheated in the first place.
Should have gone to marriage counseling before the affair happened.
"If you really feel (Present feeling) you would have never done (Patience thing.)"
That's not how that works. Sorry is a feeling that comes AFTER F'ing up. Falling apart when you've destroyed your family with stupid mistakes is usually a thing people do.
@@nightigal Fun fact: People who are happy with their marriage are the most likely to cheat. I believe that it's because they want that dangerous excitement that comes with cheating.
@@SiekoValantin as someone who cheated multiple times the sorry feeling does not come after getting caught. you are fully aware of what you are doing and who you are doing it to. I dont cheat anymore because ive been cheated on (more than i did even) and the pain i feel still (4 years) hurts beyond repair.
@@SiekoValantin That's nonsense. That'd be like saying I'd only feel guilty after killing someone rather than before the actual act. Nonsense.
The first stories parents are scumbags as well as the cheating wife, don’t cheat, if your unhappy then leave, don’t hurt someone for your own selfish desires
Also like she didn’t “admit it” she got frickin caught
I think he should have taken her back, but ultimately that's for him to decide.
And, yeah, if you cheat, then prepare for a divorce.
But what's absolutely disgusting and where she loses me is the abuse that she put him through for making a totally rational decision about his boundaries, which she knew about beforehand. (Otherwise they would be in an open relationship)
If you knowingly violate another person's relationship boundaries, don't be surprised if they leave.
@@Nerobyrne yea no. She cheated four times and getting everyone to pressure him to taking her back.
Fun fact: People who are happy with their marriage are the most likely to cheat. I believe that it's because they want that dangerous excitement that comes with cheating.
@@SiekoValantin ride a roller coaster or go hang-gliding, why you gotta hurt other people?
Fifth story : Now imagine if we changed the gender of your husband for this story and he was a woman instead, and your step dad was making these kind of advances toward "her". That kind of behavior is NOT ok and IS sexual harassments if not assault for what happened in the pool. Just because he's bi, doesn't mean he wants to sleep with just anyone.
Yes, absolutely, this is so flipping wrong.. potential rape in the pool ffs. Gender doesn't matter when someone forces themself onto another person.
That story was absolutely disgusting I can't believe people like that exist
Rslash had the worst take on it. The man is a victim of sexual assault and repeated sexual harassment. The man is blameless in this and had no idea how to even talk about it.
And why would she be angry over him not telling her sooner? Someone really close to me got horribly victimised, they told a handful of friends before I was ever told. They knew I cared about them, which is why it was scary to share it with me. Never was I angry or disappointed with them telling me years later, I was just really sad that they had gone through something so awful. What kind of a disgusting person is considering being angry at a victim for not telling them straight away?
...She never said it was ok or that she thinks her husband wants the guy back, is everyone nuts? She said she was weirded out that everyone but her knew for a month. Also making a mild advance on someone is not assault. If they say no and you keep going then it is. But by your logic millions of men everyday are assaulting women just at the bar alone when they sit near them and put their hand on their leg attempting to make a move etc. Her post is about being confused on what to do because she's "disgusted that her step dad thinks of her husband like this", it's a weird situation because he's "family" and also more than twice her age. I don't read anywhere that she's blaming the husband for the act that happened, just that she didn't like her husband didn't say anything for so long.
His gender has nothing to do with this, the weirdness is because it's to do with family. If you think there haven't been plenty of guys who have had their stepdads make moves on their girlfriends then you'd be wrong. And they are confused on what to do as well, it's called being young and put into a bizarre situation by someone who is supposed to be a parental figure. The person is highly confused that's it. They even said they aren't angry but feel like they should be, so I don't know how everyone is so quick to just claim this when it literally says they aren't angry and they are disgusted with the stepdad, not the husband.
jesus... that first one... a MONTH AND A HALF... "she'll do anything to fix our marriage" except not having an affair until you get caught? what a pos. 🙄
Hello me from an alternate universe
It's the "only 4 times" for me like wtf 🙄🙄🙄🙄
A one-off slip can happen and may be forgiven if the circumstances leading to it are addressed and changes are made. The fact that the wife admitted to four occasions of sexual activity, and that she and her lover spent other times with each other over a month and a half seems to me that she was unsatisfied in the marriage and sought satisfaction elsewhere instead of trying to work on a solution with her husband. Without loyalty, communication, and trust I suspect the marriage may be doomed.
For real! And I’m dying to know the other circumstances in the marriage. Like, do they have kids to stick around for? Or, perhaps, does OP have $$$ that the wife will lose if they divorce on grounds of infidelity? I’m willing to bet on the latter.
Well it does say "fix" the marriage, and can't fix it unless you broke it first. And I would imagine that would be a term she'd abide by to fix it. There are couples who can get through it, I don't think I could though. And if he doesn't want her back then that's that.
In the first story, there's one thing that everyone forgot : the only one who's allowed to forgive the cheater is OP, no one else. He's the one she cheated on, nobody else.
Preach! Thats so true!!
I don't think he should, she's only sorry because she was caught probably
You can’t say you regret cheating if you get caught. It just shows you regret getting caught cheating
I hope the cuckold instinct will kick in and he will finally forgive his wife. It's his fault she cheated, OP was so toxic...
@@spicydiarrhea5662 you have major problems. Seek help
@@spicydiarrhea5662 if this comment isn’t satire you have a major issue and need to seek counselling
@@locusxe1411 you are racist - sadly there is no cure
They’re a troll
The stepdad story, this situation is clearly sexual harassment. Of course it took some time for him to say that, it’s hard to find the right time and the right words. The husband was clearly a victim and shouldn’t be put through any blame honestly.
Now I do understand that OP feels the way she does, but she should put herself in her husbands shoes.
yes I thought so too her husband has to report sexual harassment to the police
I pity him for her husband her stepfather is 2× as old as them
and the mom is a sh*t mom
You understand that she is angry at the victim of sexual harassment? Because I don't get it
The husband was sexually assaulted by his stepfather in law and noone seems to care. Pretty messed up.
Half the comment section is talking about it, what do you mean no one cares. Also touching someone's leg one time without permission is not something people generally call SA. By your logic, millions of men per year are assaulting women when they put their hand on their leg at the bar to see if it goes anywhere. If the guy did it again after being told no then it would be assault, but the only instance of touching brought up that I can see was the time at the pool and nothing about it happening again after. Making grunts at someone after wouldn't be considered assault either so..
@@alexexcess7620 you’re part of the problem. I bet you’re just like the stepdad since you’re defending his actions. He literally molested/harassed. Period.
@@alexexcess7620 and “touching someone’s leg without permission isn’t something people generally call SA” huh? That’s just you. The fact that you’re saying this…. Anyone can see that there’s something wrong with you.
Yeah 🤨
“My wife of 7 years cheated on me but everyone wants me to take her back? What should I do?”
Easy. Don’t take her back. Cheaters gonna cheat and it’ll hurt even worse when she eventually does it again.
Hire a good divorce attorney, get a good deal and move on with your life.
And while you're at it get better friends
And go no contact with the parents as well.
@@Xolivas1 This👆👆. Imagine defending the cheater after all this bs
@Agni
Those friends are why the OP needs no enemies yeesh I feel I've been too harsh on my friends now cuz no way are they nearly this bad
loud public apologies are just another form of manipulation, even when sincere.
The same as public proposal - it's difficult to refuse when everyone is already cheering.
Or the last resort of a desperate person whose partner has already refused to speak to them like a damn child.
@@shigeminotoge4514 Yea, that can’t be said here, this was a 4 time affair.
4 TIMES, you cannot justify 4 times, it’s literally impossible.
And, no, don’t bring up sexual assault, affair means both parties consent.
@Shigemi Notoge Like a damn child? Would you say the same thing if the husband was the one cheating? I'm sorry, but if the most fundamental promise in a marriage (your fidelity) is so cheap to someone, they can be trusted with nothing else. Break that kind of trust once and there is no coming back. He would be doing everyone, including his wife, a favour by just walking out of it.
The one acting like a child is the wife who goes and airs her dirty laundry in public. Sincere apologies are done privately and if she truly loved him she will respect his wishes to not speak to her again for understanding how badly she's hurt him. Forcing reconciliation on him is her selfishness and only proves that this is about her happiness, not his. She can go role in a pigsty, cause that's how much her integrity is worth.
So, yeah, for the stepdad one. The husband literally got molested in the pool and was repeatedly put in a very disgusting sexual harrassment situation that he had no idea how to properly deal with and tried to figure it out and how to talk to you about it. That's 100% a no contact with parents situation.
Seriously, if Ryan had been female no one would be confused to call this sexual assault and repeated sexual harassment.
The first thing to do with the step-dad story is to remove the stigmas. A bi male was sexually harassed by another, seemingly bi, male.
The wife of the victim doesn't seem to understand that, and I don't understand why. Once that clicks into place for her, I don't think she'll have a problem figuring out what to do next.
Yea right now I feel like she just trying to take it all in
The very moment the cheater in the first story posted about her affair on Facebook is the moment that she was merely doing it not to save her marriage, but to make herself look better in front of her friends. If you’re really committed on saving your relationship, then it needs to be a conversation between you and your partner, not people who play Candy Crush and Mommy Needs Wine groups. This man needs to follow through with the divorce proceedings. She’s already proven she can’t be trusted.
and the moment I saw that if I was OP, I would have taken screenshots to use in court.
Umm, the husband already refused to talk to her about it. She had no other choice. It was a Hail Mary play because he already refused to behave like an adult. I have no sympathy for people who willing self-destruct a relationship with someone they CLAIM to love because of a cheating incident, then act like an abused victim. It's just sex, can we all just grow up and get over it?
@@shigeminotoge4514 it wasn't though since she said they were often just hanging out as well as repeatedly sleeping together. Sounds pretty much like an ongoing side relationship, not just sex.
Pushing someone who wants time alone because you betrayed their trust is not the adult thing to do ethier.
Grow up and realize your actions have consequences and people aren't obligated to talk to you or give you another chance if you hurt them.
Last story: phew, that escalated quickly! Op and husband must go NC because the stepdad was being super creepy towards OP's husband.
I would like to add that the guy may swing both ways but he obviously was taken advantage of and the husband may be feeling creeped out. He technically was sexually assaulted and not by anyone but his girl's parents (Yes, including the wife).
OP, ask about how your husband feels about it. Everyone seems to forget that guys have feelings to.
Especially the mom. Op has kids and one of the mom's ex was a child predator. She didn't care.
@@Fire-Manz Exactly, he needed to A)Process it and b)he had to figure out how to tell his spouse, "Um, honey, your husband is a creep." Those things take time
If the roles were reversed, people would be damning the husband and NEVER pressuring the wife to take him back. Its a disgusting double standard and I hate it, so much.
Was just thinking about this same thing
Which is why RSlash gave the same opinion as if it was a guy cheating on his wife…it’s just the rest of the circle of influence around the couple that’s the issue.
My thoughts exactly
A cheater is a cheater. Man or woman, doesn't matter. I don't know why you made this comment, their family and friends are just crap, that's why they've been telling OP to take her back. They still would have pressured OP if they were a girl.
@@ComradeCujo Possibly they could have, but there are so many double standards when it comes to differences between the sexes. So it’s difficult to make any assumptions like that, but we can agree that the family is horrific.
You should never forgive a cheater. They made the conscious decision to cheat on you, then lie and hide it behind your back. They care even less about you than someone who would leave you for someone else, because the only reason they wouldn’t just break up with you is to manipulate and use you.
the ONLY EVER forgiveable cheating offense is when the cheater is manipulated and blackmailed into doing it. But that also comes with the fact the cheater isn't necessarily cheating because they're given no choice and thus that falls into the category of being a victim of sexual abuse. Even if the cheating was part of it and appears to outsiders that it was consciously done to be unfaithful.
I've been in that exact situation myself having been a victim of that, so I always feel it necessary to bring up that that is the ONLY situation of cheating that can be forgiven, because the cheater has no choice of their own in the matter, even if it APPEARS as though it's a conscious decision. Not common, but it's important to have that be the exception because victims of sexual abuse find it difficult to come forward.
OF COURSE, that being said, that's not applicable most likely to the story that is about, but at the same time a viewpoint of "every cheater needs to burn" or things like that. Everyone that has the option to cheat and does it, yes, but otherwise no
While I personally agree I'm also a very jealous person, and I have heard of people working through it. So I try not to make a blanket judgment on other's relationships. As for this if the post is true, it doesn't sound like he wants to go back so I don't think he should
Someone who loves their spouse doesn't refuse intimacy with them so they can be the loyal to their cheating partner. They may regret losing the lifestyle. They don't regret the cheating.
Sorry for getting caught, not sorry she did it in the first place.
The stepdad story is so rapy wtf. Guy literally is getting SHed
Are we not going to talk about how in the step dad/husband, the stepdad was basically sexually harassing her husband? He made it clear that he did not want to go any further and the step dad kept making all of these sexually suggestive comments. Then being left alone intentionally (by the mom) with him so that he could further her husband uncomfortable.
Just because someone is bi or poly does not mean that they consent to sexual comments or approaches from anyone. It also probably took her husband a while to approach the topic because victims of sexual assault/harassment need that time to tell their loved ones. They’re probably just as traumatized.
In my book, anything physical is full blown assualt, they need to confront the Step-dad about this and possibly go no-contact. Had OP and her husband's positions were switched, there would have been no question that what happened there was sexual assault. You couldn't have said it better imo 👍.
It also sounds like it's an open relationship and not a poly relationship. Regardless of the case though harassment of any kind is wrong and sexual harassment in particular can be difficult to open up about.
I remember this story where this woman's husband was cheating on her, and she got back at him by cheating on him with the first man available. Then, when the husband begged for forgiveness, she flat out told him what she did, and warned him that, if he cheated again, so would she.
Somehow, they went to marriage counseling, worked things out and stayed together.
But yeah, I don't see any comeback from this first story. She didn't regret ANYTHING until she was busted. How can OP EVER be sure that she won't do it again? The trust is gone. Shattered. Ruined.
Some relationships can survive even after cheating, but in this case I don't see that happening... At least he is not staying just because of all the time he spent on her like some do... She knows the grass is not greener on the other side with her "friend" and that is why she is trying to hold on to the relationship she actually cares about... What is worse is it wasn't just physical cheating but emotional cheating because they only had sex 4 times so she wanted that more than just some fling...
"what are you doing step-" we ain't doin that joke because that's literally in the video
For the Husband and Step-Dad story, OP posted something of a update in the comments:
“I am absolutely going no contact and yes I do realize this is a straight up sexual assault on Ryan. I have a much clearer head now and these comments have helped solidify what I need to do from here on.
My last worries now are about Ryan and him hopefully opening up to me more in the future. I can’t imagine what he’s feeling even though he’s adamant that he is fine.”
Amy sounds dodgy but Paul sounds terrifying. My knee-jerk reaction was "tell him to bring the evidence to a family counselling session" because trying to get her alone into his home just felt so strange. You need a professional mediator/counsellor present when you go over this evidence, whether the suspect spouses are present at the time or only brought in later.
For the first story, op just get rid of all of them. Get new friends and a better support system.
Yeah totally. It wasn't their place to butt into his marriage in the first place!
I bet OP will feel a lot of weight vanishing if he ditches them.
For the first story, can we take the time to appreciate the Private Investigator for their speedy work. A week is pretty quick even when dealing with the obvious.
Aah the real comments
Well this was an interesting notification to get
Indeed
Yeah that had me click so fast
@Shonkers _ RIP
Lol, indeed
I had to do a triple take.
If she truely loved him, she wouldn't have cheated.
It really is that simple.
This is doubly true for it not being a one night stand.
She can not be trusted, period.
“Cheating is cheating is cheating.”
rSlash, 2021
She didn't admit it, she was caught! If she hadn't been caught she never would have told you
Op husband: step dad i am stuck
Stepdad: my time has come
LMAO
This comment section will be my death
Roflsnort.
This is my kingdom come
THIS IS MY KINGDOM COME!
@@MyDogIsYoshi LMAO
@@renzofranco2210 same lol
Living in an open relationship here. Only limits we agreed on is: No family of the other.
While an open relationship seems "easy" it demands so much honesty and absolute trust. So setting boundaries helps a lot with that.
If I were you, I'd at least discuss with my significant other about acceptable risk, since STDs, pregnancy, and abuse from extrarelational partners are all things that can and will completely change both your lives, almost inevitably for the worse. So long as you come up with a reasonable gameplan for avoiding problems that you're both happy with and you're both careful about sticking with the agreement (and trust each other to do so), it should be okay.
Also, don't be afraid of revisiting the agreement later on, as many times as needed, especially if you become uncomfortable with what you agreed with beforehand (which is often when something bad happens that needs to be discussed).
@@Lycanthromancer1 I was not looking for advice. Please assume, that we are both consenting adults who have been together for almost four years now.
We've had our ups and downs, and many many lessons learned already. Red flags are duly avoided, and potential new partners are always discussed with the other.
Hence: absolute trust and honesty - otherwise this kind of relationship wouldn't work. We have each others' backs.
For others wanting to go into an open relationship, your comment is helpful though!
@@DasPuppy I'm glad you're happy and in a situation that works for you. I apologize for the unwarranted advice, although it's still good to have it there for someone else looking into such things, I guess.
@@Lycanthromancer1 Also should ensure they never have children as that would be a terrible home life to expose children to
@@mariposa9506 It's possible to love someone without having sex with them, and it's also possible to love someone without *_only_* having sex with them. Sex and love are not synonymous.
What would you do if your dad wanted to bang your husband // your mom wanted to bang your wife?
Well if i had a wife I would say hell nah
Arson
Leave everyone's ass, go no contact
@fruit northwell same
Idk
Wait a second... If she really cared about their marriage, she wouldn't have had an affair. Even after the affair, she wouldn't have waited to be caught before confessing... I call BS... Also, the family really is out of their minds if they think she deserves a chance...
Re: the swinger couple... I think the root of the problem is twofold. The parents don't understand what polyamory is (it not the same as a fully open relationship), and the stepfather has no idea how to properly approach another man for passionate hugging. It sounds like the only time he's done this is in the bushes at rest areas and seedy gay clubs. (Trust me, I've met enough "straight" guys who like a gay hookup on the side to spot this)
I think that both of them need to sit down with the parents and have an open, frank, discussion about what polyamory is, how it works, and most importantly how uncomfortable her stepdad is making the husband.
Yeah this was sexual harassment, I don't know what happened in the pool but that guy is a creep not a possible partner as they keep thinking.
@@Iflie this was my thought. Sexual assault even.
I don't know about being so calm about it. Let's call this what it is: sexual harassment bordering on sexual assault. Hell the pool thing might've actually BEEN sexual assault. Whether someone's poly or not, it's easy to tell when someone is NOT into something, and stepdad pushed anyway. That's wrong. That's no contact-worthy. You shouldn't have to have a discussion and explain why making advances on someone who's obviously not into it is wrong. If they don't just KNOW that, they're disgusting and you should go no contact.
Edit: Read the post again. Stepdad did get "grabby" with husband. That, friends, is sexual assault, and stepdad should count his blessings that Ryan doesn't seem to want to press charges.
You bring up the concept of an “open relationship” in your comment, and personally, in my opinion, an “open marriage” does not and cannot exist. Relationships, sure, though I’m not a fan of those either, but marriage is supposed to be about the bond between the couple. However, I do understand their being poly, as long as they set boundaries and are open to communicating. That being said, I wish them the best of luck dealing with OP’s mom and step dad, because this is definitely some cut-them-off level type of stuff. Sure, sit down and explain to them what being polyamorous really means, but at the end of the day, ignorance doesn’t excuse John’s actions, or his wife’s.
I don't think the problem here is some misunderstanding about poly relationship. The problem here is sexual abuse. There's no such thing as "has no idea how to approach" in this history. The stepdad coerced the husband on the pool, husband said no; stepdad continue to coercing the husband, who keeps saying no. The wife knows and helps her disgusting husband to created situations where he can continue the abuse (on the original post, Op told the readers that John already "joke" about tie Ryan on a tree). This is not someone being awarkd while flirting, this is assault, period. Op, her husband and kids need to get away from them very quickly.
If someones having an affair don't are them back. Don't ever take an ex back. My parents did that and now their divorced
Ayyy, my dad did that, and mom had finally filed last month! My mom should have left the first time he did it.
Never trust a cheater, plain and simple. She is only sorry she got caught.
@Chris G Absolutely not, Once a cheater 9/10 always a cheater.
this sub and AITA are my favorites, they really make you think about morals and things like that, plus seeing your point of view. keep up the amazing work :D
Tattoo story: OP isn't 18, his boyfriend is. OP is 24.
Hold on an 18 yr old tattooed his partners name on their stomach?????
That makes it way worse
Wait. What? I thought OP was an 18 year old girl and the boyfriend was the 24 year old guy. But, either way, what RSlash said was correct: whether it be 18 or 24, you still have your entire life ahead of you, and shouldn’t feel pressured into anything you don’t want to do. Especially after dating for only a week…like what?
Yea, in the tattoo story the OP is a 24 year old guy, and he was talking about his 18 year old boyfriend that got the OP's name tattoo'd on his belly after just a week.
Oh man... Yeah this kind of behavior is perhaps why OP should stick closer to his age range. 24 year olds can still be impulsive of course, anyone can, but like... Those 6 years of development do matter a lot of the time
That wife cheating on OP "only 4 times" - based on the timescale of the affair that averages to ~ a shag every week and a half. If she really cared, she wouldn't have even done it in the first place, let alone going for a bimonthly rodeo
Dang OP in the 1st story went all out with the private investigator
Well what would you do if something like that happened to you.
After 1 month an a half no less.... OP has problems. No one deserves to be cheated on, but No wonder this woman cheated, her husband spent mad money hiring someone to tail her car and their house because his wife didn't sleep with him for a month.
@Nintendo Gamer wait u talking about the commenter or other replier
"If she was really having an affair with someone that has the same name as my husband, why was she calling you to apologise for it?" - Because she knew that her husband was on a rampage and blaming OP's SO. That one seemed pretty obvious to me.
Last story, depending on specific and untold circumstances, I'd say that Ryan gets to decide on this. Go over there, let Ryan speak his mind, offer full and unwavering support and then leave. If Ryan says nc, go nc, if Ryan decides on a firm warning that may lead to nc if not respected, than that's the deal. Messed up story regardless.
Wait, wait, wait…!
You’re saying that Ryan, who was being SEXUALLY HARASSED and was TOUCHED WITHOUT CONSENT by the StepDad, should just go to OP’s parents’ house and just talk with StepDad, who was revealed to be a SEXUAL PREDATOR?
Suuuurrreee, suuuurrreee…. Let’s have them send their kids to their house as well so they can play “The Touching Game” with some perverted asshole while the Grandma just looks away because “It’s all cool! My husband changed a lot!”.
What StepDad did was WRONG, end of! I wouldn’t even TALK to the perverted bastard, let alone send him a SINGLE TEXT MESSAGE if I were OP and her husband! Had the roles switched and OP was the one being sexually harassed by Husband’s dad, would you tell her to go talk to him about this? I highly doubt it.
I love how the cheating garden tool is "Sooooo brave for admitting to having an affair and trying to make amends" but if a GUY did this EXACT SAME THING, including publicly admitting it and trying to make amends, he'd have been ripped to shreds for it and the woman would be encouraged to drop him like a hot potato.
Which is exactly what RSlash did to the wife in this case: treated her the same as if she were the guy cheating on a girl. It’s everyone in OP’s circle that seems to have missed this obvious point.
1st story, she's just trying to guilt trip him. Loving or forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean going back to them, imho.
The step-dad in the title story is sexually harassing/assaulting OP's husband and the mom is facilitating the harassment/assult. I don't think the husband can be blamed for any of it.
Story 2: everyone needs to vent, but it looks like the one he's venting to is going too far. Honestly just sitting down and having a conversation with him would probably clear any problems up
I think the reason OP's husband waited 3 weeks to say anything about his FIL trying to eff him and MIL helping because he was processing what the heck was happening. I'm with RSlash on this one; let's give OP's hubby a break because that cannot be an easy scenario to cope with or navigate.
He was literally sexually harassed, it’s not a matter of giving him a pass or not, because he didn’t do anything wrong in the first place. That’s the same kind of logic that mysogynists use against women who were raped but that didn’t say anything until years later.
He doesn't need a pass. Victims don't need a pass. If this story was abota woman, none of you would be discussing passes.
The last one; that’s also sexual harassment. Just WTF. Mom is an enabler, dad is a creep, what soap opera is this plot from.
i don’t understand the mentality of cheaters. when they get caught they’re always like ‘baby i’m sorry i love you please don’t leave me!!😭’ which doesn’t make any sense because if they truly loved their partner they wouldn’t have relations with other people behind their back right?? don’t cheat!
1. Money
2. Status
3. Emotional support
They don't typically get any of these things from the person they cheat with, it's only about the excitement. Instead of just talking with their partner and opening up about their sexual desires, they cheat. Which usually isn't even what they want, you'd be surprised at how many people are just sexually suppressed and are into bondage and the like, they're just too afraid to explore it because of the social stigmas.
“What in step-dad-passionate-huggin’-Alabama-type-s****t is this?”
Top of mornin' Dabney!
Wow you really got a heart from RSlash. Nice
In regards to the last story Ryan might have also not told OP immediately because he had been sexually assaulted and was ashamed about it. I was a victim of SA and didn't tell anyone for over two months and it wasn't voluntary. He may have finally be able to verbalize what happened and immediately told his wife.
Daily reminder that you’re loved and appreciated even if you don’t know it
And sometimes it's by your spouse's stepfather.
@@Lycanthromancer1 😳😳😳
8:57 "DNA tests are pretty cheap, they're like 100 bucks" dude's been doing youtube too long if he thinks $100 is cheap lol. I WISH I had $100 to spare.
It’s a bargain compared to being trapped paying child support for a kid not yours.
It's not that $100 is cheap, it's that $100 for getting a DNA test is crazy when you think about it. Technology has gone so far. You can get DNA comparisons for only $100? That seems wild to me, it's like sci-fi almost.
In context of the situation, $100 is cheap. Cheap for a specific item doesn't mean the same as a small amount of money.
I'm barely middle class and I consider $100 a lot of money. HOWEVER considering in this case what the $100 is for yes it is cheap. Or rather what the $100 is being spent on all things considered is cheap.
Its so satisfying getting up to a new rslash video :)
After reading the Title : EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK?
After reading the Story : WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU LADY!
Never ever take a cheater back or you will always regret it
Okay, I might tattoo a girl's name on my chest, belly arm, or wherever, but that has to be after like 20 years of marriage and a couple kids lol
“It’s way too soon for stuff like that.”
20 years is too soon for stuff like that.
Never, EVER tattoo a significant others name on yourself.
I think the only time it's acceptable is if you've been with them for at least 20 years and they die.
@@geminiadastra8662 that’s a fair point, an in memoriam kind of tattoo is much more acceptable.
My uncle never seemed to learn this. He has at least 3 different women’s names tattooed on him and he’s not with any of them anymore
The husband and step dad story...OP shouldn't be mad at the husband. He's being sexually harassed. It's pretty common for sexual harassment victims to not know how to talk about it right away. It's not at all that he was keeping it from OP, it's that it's a sensitive topic. He's the victim, he did nothing wrong. OP should go nc with their parents, their behavior is appalling.
“She only had sex four times” like that softens the blow she cheated regardless. The audacity of calling her brave for confessing. By that logic, a murderer is brave and heroic for confessing to killing someone. Drop and forget her and whatever happens to her is all on her.
It sounds like John need to learn CONSENT!
John, the guy clearly doesn't want to, so stop!
Taking back a cheater doesn't mean that you giving them a chance to better themselves, it basically you giving them a chance to work on covering up their tracks in a better way
In regards to the first story, I would honestly tell the cheater “sometimes goodbye is a second chance” but yeah op in the scenario needs new friends and telling his parents it there is no reconciliation in this matter
Ive been a cheater and been cheated on. Don't take em back. Ever.
"She's so brave coming out about the affair." Except she didn't. She was caught. If it had been a drunken one night stand, or even a "moment of weakness" that she came out about on her own, even if it was years later (though moreso if immediately) THAT would be bravery. That's accepting you screwed up, and being willing to live with the consequences. What she did is not that. She cheated, not just once, but multiple times and never admitted to anything until confronted with proof.
I reconciled with my narcissist ex after he cheated for the 2nd time during our engagement. Guess what? I'm now divorcing him because surprise surprise, he had an affair during the marriage. For 6 months out of our almost 2 year marriage. So, I think that expresses my opinion.
I'm sorry your ex couldnt be bothered to change. most cheaters don't.. they just don't want to lose the comfort of a familial relationship.
So I grant them their worst fear, and I leave them without any comfort. I hope things are going well for you.
@@HighPhoenix1754 yes. Things are going much better for me now! Thank you.
First story : Why would anyone take a cheater back? She made her bed and slept in it. Once a cheater, always a cheater. There's nothing to save there. Instead of talking to you about how unsatisfied she was, she went and just cheated. She's just mad that she won't get 50% of your assets since the divorce is because of HER actions and you have proof for it. You owe her nothing anymore.
People seem to forget acknowledging/admitting your sins doesn't absolve you
"Have you ever had a girlfriend with a twin sister so you got confused and _p a s s i o n a t e l y h u g g e d_ her dad?"
"well that's how it feels to own a new Dodge Ram"
I died. Take my like.
“she is truely remorseful” No she is not.
Even if she actually is; the husband has no obligation to forgive this breach of trust if he doesn't want to.
you know, the assistant one...unless she's going overboard, he'd have to bring up some pretty heavy things on his mind for her or anyone to react like she did, no?
When someone violates my trust I just end that relationship (no matter the kind), I have suffered from best friends gossiping about my personal live, a cheater and overall bad people. I don’t have the energy to go around giving second chances to everyone.
It makes me so mad that when a woman confess she's cheating/ acknowledge her toxic behavior people ( mostly woman) call her "brave". Disgusting
Agreed. If anything, her public “admission” makes her a coward because she’s trying to manipulate OP into taking her back. She’s using other people to pressure him into taking her back after she cheated.
The wife did not admit she was cheating she got caught. Admitting something after caught isn't brave. Adding it to fb is a way to manipulate the husband into feeling that she learned her lesson. I'm sorry if she can't get marriage counseling before cheating then she didn't care about the marriage. Her saving her marriage now is her saving her reputation.
The fifth story pises me off
How dare OP even think about being angry at her husband?
He is an SA Victim and people are saying “He gets a pass” or “I understand why she’s mad” LIKE NO???
No he doesnt get a pass, it should be automatic hes not a man who got assaulted
He’s an SA victim who happens to be a man, this is why men don’t speak up because people get angry or blame them.
If you truly think she has a right to be mad at him, you are delusional.
SA Victims many take YEARS to come clean about what happened to them out of shame, guilt and fear but he was so brave to distance himself and tell OP. And now he’s being shamed more by people saying “Well Op has a right to be upset” or “i THINK he gets a pass”
There are so many Male SA victims in the world who say quiet and we need to show them support too.
Op better dump her mom and Stepdad after dishing them out. Anyone Did This to my husband I would do anything to make him feel safe secure loved and not alone. It’s called being a spouse and decent person.
rSlash you're wrong with the assistant one. If she is his close friend then he should be able to talk to her about things that are going on in his life. That was a private conversation that the wife eavesdropped on. The husband shut his friend down when she said about divorce so clearly nothing untoward going on and no disrespect on his part. OP should forget it happened.
To the op in the stepdad story: imagine if someone’s stepdad kept making advances and you didn’t want those advances but also didn’t want to say anything in case telling people what happened makes things worse.
That is a classic sexual assault victim right there. Your husband was put in an uncomfortable position and the stepdad kept harassing him subtly even after he made it clear he was uncomfortable.
The people you should be mad at are your mother and step father.
"DNA tests are cheap like a $100" bruh that's 1/5 of my monthly wage!
With the 'why don't you divorce your wife' story, there is also a difference between wanting to blow off some steam and vent a little to someone you trust and them understand that, and that person trying to convince you to take unnecessary action on those temporary feelings.
That last story rubs me the wrong way SO MUCH, and purely because of one simple factor that no one addressed at all.
OP's dad is sexually assaulting and harrassing her husband. And her mum is just... Letting it happen. Hell, she's even trying to help with it! OP's husband likely didn't say anything until now both for the reasons RSlash said, but also because when your being assaulted/harassed sexually you don't know whether you can talk about it. And it's especially worse considering the fact that he's a guy, and far too many people think that guys can't be assaulted or harassed like this.
I'm proud of her husband for being able to talk about this with her. It shows a lot of bravery and trust. OP needs to confront her parents, tell them - no, DEMAND that they stop, and if they say they won't they need to go NC with them. Maybe even get the police involved, if they think it'll help, but idk where in the world they are.
Yeah, men in general have issues opening up about stuff like this. He clearly trusts his wife and loves her, and the fact that they are in a sustained polygamous relationship proves it. These are NOT easy and take a lot of love and trust and communication.
Even so how do you tell someone "hey your step dad's been trying to bang me and your mom's been helping"? It's a rough situation all around.
@@HighPhoenix1754 Oh yeah, definately. It probably took a while for him to really properly come to grips with it.
The Ryan story I kinda feel bad about why he kept it away, he was sexually harassed and uncomfortable because of it. Seems like he doesn’t wanna do it and he wanted to figure it out and how to tell his wife so yea he deserves the benefit of the doubt but definitely limit contact with the mom and step dad because that’s very very creepy
if she really loved him, she wouldn't even THINK about having an affair
Story 1. You cheat, you are dead to me. Piss off and never talk to me again unless it is legally necessary
Even if we remove the family relationship in the poly story he’s harassing someone who hasn’t consented
12:06 - I suspect the anger will kick in later. Meanwhile, I think OP and Ryan should just stay away from OP's mother and stepfather. I know OP said they have a fairly open relationship, but "John" repeatedly coming on to his stepdaughter's husband is just creepy! The fact that OP's mom seems to be essentially trying to pimp Ryan to John seems even creepier!
The first story she was sleeping with another person not 1 time but 4 times she said then was hanging out with him for fun... get rid of her
Had to forfeit my 15 minute breaks so I could use the bathroom at work. Now I have to squeeze my daily dose of rSlash I'm wherever I can.
If this happened to me I would just pack my shit and run away
“Let’s give the husband the benefit of the doubt” He was sexually assaulted. There’s no benefit of doubt, that’s a fuck situation on multiple levels. We don’t tell rape victims “Oh well you should’ve told someone” We don’t tell children who were molested “Well maybe that adult had other reasons”. It should be the same when men are in this situation. That mindset is exactly why Brandon Fraiser has been black balled.
"She's an amazing person", OP says about someone who cheated on them. It you cheat you're not an amazing person. No discussion.
My boyfriend was in the room during the name tattoo story and I looked at him, we both shook our heads in agreement that we'd never tattoo eachothers names on ourselves
The best youtuber ever keep up the work !
Yeah