Transcript: [id: Jennifer is sitting on a sofa with colorful pillows, signing her story. In the background is a marble style fireplace with a framed drawing above.] Hi, I’m Jennifer (shows sign name J-9). It wasn’t easy for me to come out and share that I’m a lesbian and proud. It was a hard process to go through. I actually have two different stories that happened at the same time, and finally came together at the end. The first story relates to my growing up attending a Deaf school, my relationships with friends and family members, and my time in college. The second one is about a dream. I’ll start with the first one. When I was 8, after some self-reflection, I was puzzled when I realized that I was attracted to women. I decided to stay in the closet, while continuing to hang out with my friends as usual. I didn’t even tell my best friend. I wasn’t ready. When I started middle school, there was a lot of peer pressure to date. I dated a boy, and having a boyfriend was a good cover-up and allowed me to stay in the closet longer. When I got to high school, I was still in the closet. I hadn’t told my family, not even my aunt with whom I was very close. I just wasn’t ready. After I graduated, I went to NTID/RIT, which was an entirely new and eye-opening world, and a good experience for me. Meeting so many different kinds of people was amazing. While playing softball and basketball, I noticed there were some women who were out lesbians and who had partners. That seemed to be the beginning of when I started to feel like I fit in here. When these women invited me to join them to go to a gay and lesbian club, I agreed right away. I was curious to see what it was like, and I did feel more and more it fit me. That’s when I slowly and cautiously started moving closer to coming out of the closet. One day when I was with a group of friends, one of my good friends pulled me aside and asked if we could talk privately in another room. I said sure, wondering what it was she wanted to talk about. We went into the room, and my friend pulled her chair close so she was sitting right across from me. She told me she had a question for me, and all I needed to do was answer “yes” or “no”. I agreed, although I was still not sure what this was going to be about. My friend then proceeded to ask me point-blank, “Do you like women?” I was floored. My world felt upside-down. Stunned, I hesitated for a moment, then summoned all of my courage to take that last step out of the closet, and answered, “Yes.” My friend responded by telling me that it was about time I came out. She had noticed me holding my secret inside, which she said wasn’t good for my health. “ You need the freedom to be yourself, and you will feel good.” That was true. So I came out when I was 23. Now, the second story is about my dream, which was a very frightening one. It most often involved a volcano. For example, in the dream, I’d be eating at a restaurant with my family, when out of nowhere, a volcano would erupt and hot orange lava would appear at my side. In a panic, I’d run as fast as I could to escape it, and just as it was about to touch me, I’d wake up. With my heart pounding and my body sweating, I’d realize it was just a dream. This dream would recur in slightly different ways. In one, I was sitting in class at school, when the volcano erupted and I had to try as hard as I could to outrun the approaching lava. It was always the same. When I got to NTID/RIT, I noticed that the frequency of this dream increased. It really bothered and frustrated me to the point where I had had enough. I had no idea why I kept having this dream. I didn’t understand. One day I was in my room and another friend came in. When she put her book down, I noticed the title was “Dream Catcher”. Curious, I asked her what the book was for, and was told that it was for her criminal justice class as she was a social work major, and that it was a fascinating book. She shared an example with me, that involved dream where a woman was sitting alone, when out of the blue, a black crow appeared and perched near her. One possible meaning behind this dream was that a strange man might appear in her life, and maybe it would be the man she would marry. There remained many questions. I thought that was interesting, and I asked my friend if she’d mind listening to my strange dream about the erupting volcano. My friend was eager to know more, so I explained the recurring dream in detail. After sharing that she found the dream amazing and interesting, my friend explained that the fire didn’t actually mean fire, but instead, represented something trying to give me a sign, to help me by tapping me on the shoulder. My fear caused me to hold something inside, while the fire, or lava, was trying to tell me to get it out. This is when it hit me, and the two stories that had existed parallel to each other through my life, finally intersected. I came out of the closet and felt good. My family accepted and still loved me, to my relief. My friends had different reactions. Some said that they had suspected it all along and wondered which “boat” I was in. Some were shocked and said that I didn’t look like a lesbian. Others said that they already knew it. Interesting! Believe it or not, that dream about the lava finally stopped haunting me as soon as I fully came out of the closet. I am happy with who I am now. I feel proud that I found my identity. Thank you. Disclaimer: The videos featured by Deaf Counseling Center (DCC) are contributed on a purely voluntary basis by community members and shared with permission. DCC is not responsible for the content or accuracy of the videos. Our sharing the video does not imply our view or endorsement. www.deafcounseling.com
Transcript: [id: Jennifer is sitting on a sofa with colorful pillows, signing her story. In the background is a marble style fireplace with a framed drawing above.]
Hi, I’m Jennifer (shows sign name J-9). It wasn’t easy for me to come out and share that I’m a lesbian and proud. It was a hard process to go through. I actually have two different stories that happened at the same time, and finally came together at the end.
The first story relates to my growing up attending a Deaf school, my relationships with friends and family members, and my time in college. The second one is about a dream. I’ll start with the first one.
When I was 8, after some self-reflection, I was puzzled when I realized that I was attracted to women. I decided to stay in the closet, while continuing to hang out with my friends as usual. I didn’t even tell my best friend. I wasn’t ready. When I started middle school, there was a lot of peer pressure to date. I dated a boy, and having a boyfriend was a good cover-up and allowed me to stay in the closet longer.
When I got to high school, I was still in the closet. I hadn’t told my family, not even my aunt with whom I was very close. I just wasn’t ready. After I graduated, I went to NTID/RIT, which was an entirely new and eye-opening world, and a good experience for me. Meeting so many different kinds of people was amazing. While playing softball and basketball, I noticed there were some women who were out lesbians and who had partners. That seemed to be the beginning of when I started to feel like I fit in here.
When these women invited me to join them to go to a gay and lesbian club, I agreed right away. I was curious to see what it was like, and I did feel more and more it fit me. That’s when I slowly and cautiously started moving closer to coming out of the closet.
One day when I was with a group of friends, one of my good friends pulled me aside and asked if we could talk privately in another room. I said sure, wondering what it was she wanted to talk about. We went into the room, and my friend pulled her chair close so she was sitting right across from me. She told me she had a question for me, and all I needed to do was answer “yes” or “no”. I agreed, although I was still not sure what this was going to be about.
My friend then proceeded to ask me point-blank, “Do you like women?” I was floored. My world felt upside-down. Stunned, I hesitated for a moment, then summoned all of my courage to take that last step out of the closet, and answered, “Yes.” My friend responded by telling me that it was about time I came out. She had noticed me holding my secret inside, which she said wasn’t good for my health. “ You need the freedom to be yourself, and you will feel good.” That was true. So I came out when I was 23.
Now, the second story is about my dream, which was a very frightening one. It most often involved a volcano. For example, in the dream, I’d be eating at a restaurant with my family, when out of nowhere, a volcano would erupt and hot orange lava would appear at my side. In a panic, I’d run as fast as I could to escape it, and just as it was about to touch me, I’d wake up. With my heart pounding and my body sweating, I’d realize it was just a dream.
This dream would recur in slightly different ways. In one, I was sitting in class at school, when the volcano erupted and I had to try as hard as I could to outrun the approaching lava. It was always the same.
When I got to NTID/RIT, I noticed that the frequency of this dream increased. It really bothered and frustrated me to the point where I had had enough. I had no idea why I kept having this dream. I didn’t understand.
One day I was in my room and another friend came in. When she put her book down, I noticed the title was “Dream Catcher”. Curious, I asked her what the book was for, and was told that it was for her criminal justice class as she was a social work major, and that it was a fascinating book. She shared an example with me, that involved dream where a woman was sitting alone, when out of the blue, a black crow appeared and perched near her. One possible meaning behind this dream was that a strange man might appear in her life, and maybe it would be the man she would marry. There remained many questions.
I thought that was interesting, and I asked my friend if she’d mind listening to my strange dream about the erupting volcano. My friend was eager to know more, so I explained the recurring dream in detail. After sharing that she found the dream amazing and interesting, my friend explained that the fire didn’t actually mean fire, but instead, represented something trying to give me a sign, to help me by tapping me on the shoulder. My fear caused me to hold something inside, while the fire, or lava, was trying to tell me to get it out.
This is when it hit me, and the two stories that had existed parallel to each other through my life, finally intersected. I came out of the closet and felt good. My family accepted and still loved me, to my relief. My friends had different reactions. Some said that they had suspected it all along and wondered which “boat” I was in. Some were shocked and said that I didn’t look like a lesbian. Others said that they already knew it. Interesting!
Believe it or not, that dream about the lava finally stopped haunting me as soon as I fully came out of the closet. I am happy with who I am now. I feel proud that I found my identity. Thank you.
Disclaimer: The videos featured by Deaf Counseling Center (DCC) are contributed on a purely voluntary basis by community members and shared with permission. DCC is not responsible for the content or accuracy of the videos. Our sharing the video does not imply our view or endorsement. www.deafcounseling.com