I thought I was going to be Single for the rest of my Life, then this Happened!
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ต.ค. 2024
- This is a story of how just when I gave up on the idea of marriage and finding the love of life, something happened instantly by changing my thoughts.
I lesson for myself on how to love and accept myself more is when I started to attract my wife.
Hope you will enjoy this story... 🙂❤️
#relationship #love #selflove #story
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I don't believe people can be truly complete / happy in isolation -- without deep friendships, family, or a romantic partner. I've spent my whole life in solitude. I'm a huge introvert, and a creative, artist, I work from home, I have too many hobbies to name, I go for concerts & movies alone, solo food dates, or go exploring etc. I enjoy every bit of it, and feel "contentment" with the simple things, but not sustained happiness. I've enriched my life, but it only suppresses the loneliness, that typically creeps in at nights. Sometimes, my hobbies may even add to the loneliness. Because I've developed so much "potential" to share myself, my creativity, and inner wealth with someone... but it remains trapped within me. The value it brings me has already hit it's ceiling. If I make an amazing meal, I don't get to nurture someone , or hear how they loved and savored the meal; if i see a beautiful sunset -- I can't admire it with someone -- a witness to something breathtaking I just witnessed; if I watch a cool anime -- I can't discuss theories or compare notes. I process things in isolation and silence. 90% of my life (at this point) I will take with me to the grave, as most of me has not truly been seen, shared, or experienced by anyone else. I think there's a longing as a mortal transient bring to feel acknowledged or validated by someone more than myself. To care for someone more than myself. To enrich more than my own life. All these hobbies do not compensate / replace the experience of a companionship. Like you, I've made peace with the possibility of being alone forever. I'm also not desperate enough to just invite anyone into my space, but someone who's company I adore and who adds to my peace. But as I get older, the probabilities and possibilities are waning.
We're social beings. But we spend a whole decade getting degrees, focused & fixated on careers, and escaping our natural inclination to bond or meet our social / biological / emotional needs. I don't think it's natural or healthy to be a paragon of solitude (even though I am one myself). My family is abroad, my close friendships involve meetups every 1-2 months. Most friends are busy and we have to plan & schedule things. Male friendships also don't get too deep and vulnerable. I don't experience "interdependence" with anyone, but I yearn for it. I don't want a relationship where both people are 'strong & hyper independent', but to be vulnerable enough to say, "I have needs, and I love that you meet them", or "you have needs, and it brings me happiness to meet them"... Allowing someone to do things for you, even if you can do it yourself.
I think people who say they're complete (in general), are slightly deluded or a facet of them is suppressed, repressed, unconscious, or unacknowledged... Such as an undiagnosed "Avoidant Attachment" (abandonment wound) from having to be self-reliant & hyper-independent as a child. I think most self identified 'totally complete' people are either unaware, or efficiently distracted. For instance, I can binge long form videos like this, so I don't have to acknowledged that my nights peaceful, but devoid of warmth. In summary, I can absolutely live alone, and enrich my life enough to feel content with a solitary existence, but a part of me will stay incomplete. I imagine every mammal in the last 225 million years would feel the same without a companion, a friend, or a lover. It's enmeshed in the fabric of our reward systems, and our social-animal nature.
That was so deep, if I only had the talent to express myself in this way I could be more accepting and even tolerate my loneliness in a healthier way than I do. It’s sad to admit that in my case, realizing all that you have described has a negative impact on my productivity. Realizing that all the success or talent that I can potentially develop but not being able to share with someone else just makes me paralyze and sumerge in the inertia.
@@AaronMetallion wow! Thank you for taking the time to share your perspective. I appreciate that!
@@AaronMetallion you’re suppressing your insecurities on others.
Nailed it
🥹
That's my problem. I love my company so much and value my boring life, I feel like it's almost a threat to be in a romantic relationship. I'm trying to work on it. I just greatly value time, peace, and life.
Enjoy your time, peace, and life….when the right time comes the right person will enter your life…
@@DonnyLulu🎉
Sounds like nobody wants you 😂
Omg, it's like reading a message I wrote myself
RULES OF ENGAGEMENT:
(1) Don't cohabitate. At least keep your residential address a secret until you trust her 100%. You don't want to bring home a woman who might call the police on you if you decide to break up with her later.
(2) Don't flaunt money, unless you don't care whether she loves you for you.
(3) Be clear about whether or not you want children. Be especially careful dating 28 and older. Be on the look for baby rabies. Get a vasectomy if you know you don't want children.
Dating without purpose or intention but because you’re attracted to each other only results in disappointment. You have to look at finding a spouse the way you look for a job. With purpose. You wouldn’t apply to places that aren’t hiring.
I respect your point of view! Thank you for sharing that ❤
Very true
This right here!!
@@northshorelight35 Exactly!!!!!!!!
It makes sense when you look at love as a skill to be mastered. So we have to play with ideas around love and ask questions. Like, love is there from the first moment we meet someone, or it develops as "love" later? Then, what makes avoidant attachment people just want to go outside and meet new people? Is that a good purpose? What makes a good purpose?
Seems like the magic happens when you let go. So true
Agree!
@@DonnyLulu - When women sense that you don't need them, they come flocking to you. I experienced this. Women love confidence and just being yourself without reeking desperation is a display of confidence. Asian men tend to do well after the age of 38 or so. Why? I dunno, but I think it's because most are hard working, good with their money, and don't go sleeping around with 100's of women. Plus most do not have kids AND look young for their age. I know 3 Asian men that got married after the age of 38. In each case, it was the women who showed interest first. So...I dunno. You can draw your own conclusions. Congrats on find the one!
@@JohnBowl14690 thank you for sharing!
HEARING ALL THIS AS AN ASIAN I CAN COMPLETELY RELATE.THANK YOU FOR ADDRESSING THE PROBLEM ALONG WITH THE SOLUTION.❤
I appreciate your comment! Im happy that you got something out of the video. Makes it all worth it! 🙏❤️
Asian 😅 lol I thought he was Hispanic
I'm a complete man. If they don't contribute to the peace and stability I've built, they can stay out of my life.
@@72.Destin0 wise!
Same here. I'm a complete woman, and if they don't add value or contribute good things to my life, Good bye!
@@72.Destin0 That applies to both genders.
Women won't ask you out anyway😂, men are the ones who do it
No one is complete. If you say you are perfect then there is a problem.
Some people hate for being single, they don't understand how I can survive by myself. I'm so much at peace.
@@armandodelacruz3794 agree!
@@armandodelacruz3794 if someone doesn’t like their own company than they have mental issues that need to be resolved.
Believe me, when your in a Filipino house hold like I was and growing in a big family environment full of people and relatives coming by all the time plus friends there was never a dull moment. So growing up and going to college and starting my own family made me realize that family comes first above all things in life.
Thank you for sharing that! Family first!
You are very similar to me Donny. Happy you found a wife. I hope you two live happily ever after.
Thank you! Thank you for stopping by and commenting!
Ohhh
This video was great. Most people search for a partner to complete themselves, to fill the parts of them that are lacking. This makes sense because if you think about it in terms of business partners, one could be an amazing creator but bad at finances and vice versa. In this analogy, you should be competent in your field of work for the partnership to work but you don't have to be able to do everything. In interpersonal relationships, I think one has to strive to be the best version of themselves. But in the end, whether you are with someone or by yourself, all of it is a learning process.
Great analogy! Thank you for sharing! 🙏❤️
I really like your analogy. It seems to me that we as avoidant attachment people will never be truly complete, we have to accept that. If we find someone who is complete like us, then it doesn't make sense to have a relationship in the first place. What would that relationship look like? Like a dull and nauseous feeling of separateness and avoidance. We have a truly beautiful internal world to work on and discover, we can't just deny the fact that a big chunk of it is our longing for someone there to help us in difficult moments. And those moments won't disappear when we find the "right" person, I am sure of that.
2 years ago I mwt this wonderful girl. Complete package, pretty, smart, amazing personality. I liked her so much but she didnt like me. After she rejected me also thought that im gonna be single for the rest of my life. I then met this girl, she was really in to me and i dont know why. I didnt like her at first because she had a kid but i eventually grew in love with her. It was the happiest months of my life. Then I found out from her mom that she still goes out with her ex. Now im single again and im growing closer and closer to giving up on the thought that there is someone out there for me
Thank you for sharing your story. I believe their is and its ok for now if the right one is not around. Its better to be alone and free then be with the wrong person and have sadness
@@DonnyLulu I'm a 34 years old woman..i am going through some very hard times. Just to remain stable I joined hobby classes. But I feel something so empty within because I lost my dearest mother couple of months ago. I'm working right now and I met this guy.. He could be younger than me I don't anything much about him. I see him only vitrually because he is based out of my country. But I have started to like him so much. I don't think so he has same feeling for me. What should I do?
Chukitung.. Your profile picture is so scary.
@@bodhitsal7638 really? How come? 😂
@@bodhitsal7638 you can just be your self and honest. If he doesn’t see it then its his lost. Only give back love when love is received if not then he can move on, he needs to understand that
Thank you for sharing your story. SO happy for you and your wife!
Thank you for commenting!
I hear you I was going to give up too at age 36 now I am finally flying to Laos my homeland and finally meeting a girl I really like after 2 months talking. Wish me luck. Hopefully I'm not getting catfish or setup.
@@haha-noop7973 good luck! Let me know how that goes!
So, how did it go?
I feel you on the Asian parenting. Very tough love my mom was very mean and I’m sure that has something to do with my dating life.
@@myra3266 agree! Thank you for sharing!
nice video man, changing my thought process and learning to be more happy by myself is something I am still working. I also believe this mindset will help me attract that ideal someone for me. if you have that needy attachment to try and find someone it just doesn't work in finding that ideal person for you. Also, going about your normal day to day doing things you enjoy, you are more likely to organically meet someone that aligns with you more
Yes! You are on the right track! When you are truly happy and complete you will attract someone that is like you and deserves you. When you have a life and do things you just become a more interesting person and that is attractive. Just know that you are valued and you come first, this thinking will give you the confidence and girls can spot out and is attractive to confidence guys! Thank you for sharing your story!
I'm much happier single and alone. I don't like wasting my time on dating and relationships.
@@monk4ever nice!!
When I heard "love yourself," I instantly got frustrated, and then, without overthinking it, I had to realize you were right. Too many of us look for others to complete us when, in reality, it is our responsibility to complete ourselves, and that's the key to true happiness.
Glad you got that! Thank you for sharing 🙏
@@DonnyLulu most definitely, thanks for listening
What a good way of learning and thinking! You are so right. Most Asian people I have friendships with, really can’t do things alone. I have invited one and got the surprise of three! And that’s not once but many times. This is in social not romantic occasions. Thank you for sharing this.
@@eva-mariacoughlin9456 wow. Thank you for sharing that
Appreciate you sharing. Very uplifting and astute message.
@@LaytonObserves thank you for taking the time to comment! 🙏❤️
So happy for you! Soon I will meet the love of my life too. I am ready to love again.
@@hangingwiththegrlz4891 im excited for you!
Unless you’re engaged or married you’re single. Such new terminology for non committed relationships.
@@stephaniepersin4222 we dont need to buy into what society calls a relationship. As long as you are happy with a relationship with yourself or someone else that’s all it matters
@@DonnyLulu in your opinion.
@@stephaniepersin4222You're not playing around.
@@nnnmmmable never once did I think I was not single when I was in a relationship without marriage. People make more out of non committed relationships than they should. The result is ten years of being in non committed relationships without marriage.
@@stephaniepersin4222 I agree with you wholeheartedly. I've told people that you can't get cheated on unless you're a fiance or spouse. That's when commitment is actually established.
Hearing this as an asian and im early 30s this is so much related. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for commenting!
I loved hearing your thoughts. The human experience is fascinating and beautiful. I would love to hear more about growing up in an Asian household and how it has affected you today.
I also liked hearing the insight about projecting your desires (like wanting her to soothe you when you’re upset) on your partner. There’s a show on called Couples Therapy that taught me a lot about that. Our relationships and what we expect out of them tell us a lot about ourselves.
You seem like a very reflective, introspective person. What a superpower.
@@iCeleste7 wow! What an amazing comment! I liked that you were very specific and observant of my story. Thank you for your kind comment. Your comment inspires me to make more videos. I will put some thoughts into that and make videos about what you mentioned. Thank you for the inspiration and motivation. You also have a unique talent yourself. Keep on inspiring and spreading that love. 🙏❤️
This is why i can not stand when people phrase it "You made me feel...". No honey, YOU are responsible for your emotions and your reactions. When normal conversations are being had, and you have to spin it to become the victim, that is because you are seeking validation. You want to be chased, you put it on someone else to make you happy. Terrible recipe for a relationship. Your partners job is to support and uplift you, not heal you, that is YOUR job. It's another reason why so many jump ship after just a couple months, because they are chasing that hit, that validation thru another, and HELLO...it never sticks because it didn't come from YOU.
Yes agree! Well said! Thank you for sharing that! ❤
@@diabeatit5189 You shouldn’t get your self esteem through others. Once you have self love no one can bring you down.
@@stephaniepersin4222 I'm not sure you read my comment, for if you did, the one left makes no sense. Nothing in my comment implied this, the exact opposite, actually.
@@diabeatit5189 it’s not someone’s job to support and uplift you either. You have to be a whole person first.
@@stephaniepersin4222 If you understood what I wrote, you would not have had this response. Have a safe week friend.❤
Thanks for the video! I am 41 and divorced. Struggling to find a new relationship. Honestly right now I feel most happiest when I am at church. Instead of focusing on pleasing others, I want to focus more on myself and God (or Universe or whichever you guys believe in).
Thank you for sharing!
hi jennifer, do you have kids? i am going through a divorce too but i have two kids. because they are only 1 year old, it is basically that i automatically lose custody. i am in so much hurt..
@@neihomai8 Sorry to hear. I don't have kids...It must be a difficult process with kids. Good luck to you and hope all goes well.
@@jenniferma1982 thanks. i am already divorced and i can only see my kids once every two weeks. that really hurts.
you look like you are good with kids, with your puppets and all!
if you are willing, i would like to chat more with you, like a divorce support group or something, sigh. it's so hard...
Some people are just not cut out for a healthy relationship, and therefore are better off remaining single.
But I'm glad you found someone who makes you happy Donny.
Thank you for sharing
This is actually some good insight. I'm at the stage that I feel like giving up. Also, it's so much calmer alone. 😅
Thank you for sharing
I'm so happy I found this video in my feeds. Your story is very inspirational, I also want to give up my dating life because I'm already 42 and until now I didn't have a chance to meet a good man. When I was young, I used to stay in a long term relationship and ended up with a wrong cheater guys. My dream is to have my iwn family, be a caring wife and a cool mom, but now I'm old enough, I don't have any hope for that. I always pray that it's not too late for me. Thank you for this video, you lifted my spirit❤❤
@@janefegarido6493 im glad that helped! Thank you for taking the time to share ❤️
Very insightful, this is good advice and I agree! Yes, we are already whole on our own as individuals. When people say “you complete me”, that is actually unhealthy on a deeper level. I grew up in a chaotic home environment, had self esteem issues, and people pleasing tendencies. I associated my self-worth with achievements and getting good grades. I struggled with depression, maladaptive coping mechanisms, and a feeling of emptiness throughout most of my life and the catalyst was when my dad died suddenly when I was a teenager. Later on, I wanted to know what it would feel like to be loved by another person (when I didn’t love myself). Searching for something externally. Consequently I stayed in an unhealthy relationship for over 10 years and then got into another one later that lasted a year. It’s been a learning experience. In hindsight I have a more profound understanding of where this all comes from and what I need to work on. I can also see the “brokenness” in other people too 😢 It took so long for me to truly understand what it means to love myself and I still struggle with this. I am improving the relationship I have with myself and getting to know myself better much later in life with the help of therapy. I’m trying to be less cynical. It would be nice to have a relationship and try again one day. I’m okay being alone and in my own company.
@@Rainy_Fernandez thank you for sharing your story and journey! Positive thoughts for you
Sometimes we all need a nudge in the right direction. It's crazy how changing your beliefs because of a toxic person can achieve so much. I've yet to meet someone who has the same type of energy or mindset about life and such but I'm going to keep living my life regardless.
Thank you for sharing and commenting!
Thank you for sharing! Life is about keep learning yourself and others. Congrats Donny for you falling love finally. I believe that once you stop to complain lack of love from parents or other people good things will come. Once we found our own problems not complain others anymore we start our new life and real life and good life! Wishing you and your wife happiness and live forever together! 🙏
@@rosa8 thank you so much!
So glad u have shared this truth. Everything u shared , I can relate. Just putting it out there, I am so sure gave a relief to many as well.
God bless u for being authentic and doing the inner work.
It is especially hard for men to be this genuine but it’s admiring. I believe God was just waiting for us to put the hardest work in Life, our own personal transformation. U said it all, my friend.
So delighted for you and your story.
I think as long as u are working on yourself the unfolding will never stop.
It is so true when u said,” I dated the most beautiful person on the outside but the ugliest in the inside”- there are many out there and their energy’s it all.
Thank u again.
Thank you for taking the time to share and comment. Thank you for your kind words, people like you motivates me to make more videos like this. Thank you 🙏 ❤
I respect and admire how you can open up about so many things and help people get insights into many things with that. A lot of what you talked about everyone might have heard before, but since you speak directly from the heart, it can touch and enlight in a different way.
Many people also from other nations can have this kind of family constellation and the more I see single moms and their boys, the more its worrying me. Fathers are important and moms should not work so much that they cannot be there for their children.
So this was helpful for me, thank you.
Wow! Amazing comment! Comments like this makes it all worth my effort and inspires me. You have a skill putting that to words and express that to other’s to inspire and motivate them, keep that up! Thank you i appreciate you!
@@DonnyLulu Awwww thank you! That was so kind to say. Actually I try to leave a comment, when I find something valuable that others will benefit from (algorythm doesnt care if it is a good comment or smileys) but sometimes I write a book lol
Glad that you appreciate and sending you appreciation from Germany
Wow thank you, a lot of the things you mentioned hit the nail on the head for me, I have a similar trauma with my mom where I don’t think I ever felt like my emotional need to be loved was fulfilled, I feel like I went through the same motions, crush on this person crush on that person, I dated my high school prom date for 4 years and just recently ended my relationship with her, all the while having that same thought in the back of my mind. It’s been one year since then and although I had been at work on myself even during my relationship period it feels like it pales to the amount of growth I’ve made from coming to terms with life now as a single man. Learning to take care of my own needs and learning about my own emotions. Thank you for sharing this it means a lot to me.
Wow! Thank you for sharing that! Amazing journey you had! Im glad you figured it out.
What you are feeling and thinking is now very similar to mine. I have been struggling to find out what LOVE is. “Love yourself” is important to keep healthy relationship between others especially the partner you want to love, want to be loved. Kind of testing him to recognize how much he loves me has been supporting what my value is. However, I’ve also known it’s unhealthy relationship😢 Though I would like to love myself and love others healthy, it’s still challenging thing for me. I am 35 years old.. but I am like a child who is wanting acceptance.
I hope you figure out whats unhealthy and make it work. It will start from within and up to you what and how you want your relationship to be. Positive thoughts for you 🙏❤️
@@DonnyLulu Thank you so much! 🥰
Thanks for sharing your story I made mistakes and have regrets and have been single for 6 years. I can’t meet anyone and have given up on the idea of it happening for me. I’m glad you found someone though ❤
@@TCpointsof thank you for sharing. Where are you from? Do you ever consider going to asia or eastern europe?
I'm about to turn 34 and I also am ok and accept being single for whatever remains in my life
Thank you for sharing that!
Dude. Resist happiness, put yourself second, show your love for your lady through service. Get knocked down , get up! Children are priceless, say I’m going to be the best parent ever.
@@PeterJ-h6h thank you for sharing
There is nothing wrong with being single, forcing a relationship because you do not want to be singles is not a good start.
Being social and having a good life is what we need, this is coming from someone who has been in relationships, I feel very complete with good friends and a happy life. If you s3x is what you are missing then you can get it . Never seek anyone because you feel lonely, wrong approach and that requires internal work and building a lie of your dreams with hobbies and friends then the right one will come effortlessly.
@@GibranEscobell if you’re in a relationship then you’re single. Hate to break your heart. Even shacking up = being single too.
@@stephaniepersin4222 I do not understand what you mean. Elaborate more.
@@GibranEscobell it’s all about young people believing uncommitted relationships are equal to marriage. It’s a false sense of security, especially when a females agrees to a shack up situation without a proposal and wedding date. Anything else is temporary. This isn’t rocket science, only common sense.
Great perspective! Thank you for sharing that!
when i m listening this , i am trapped in love with scammers, although i know all the theories but when come into practicing into real life, it's so hard to let go .. i laughed at myself, love is really blind if we don't have right image of ourself and now i find out i compromised all my values regarding my future husband.. btw, i am 43 and never been dated since i am so picky ..but now i am trapped with this toxic guy.. well, i know i have to deal with my loneliness and now i started my journey with God to heal and restore my heart.
You have the love from god and yourself, i hope you figure it out
Thank you for this video. I have been searching for someone, same upbringing and feelings of frustration as I watch my friends settle down with their partners and move on.
Thank you for sharing that! Im glad you got something out of the video 🙏❤️
I have same situation as you My ex ran away from me almost 10 years ago with another relationship, she been marries 6 years ago and i am currently still single, today I did my research all day long I found the best answer from Bible in You tube over all Yes, you can remarries after you divorce but if you could it will be better remain single that would be the best
Wow, thank you for sharing your story and insight 🙏❤️
You know recently, after having a revelation and recognize my own divine feminine. I realize that all the female love I wanted. I was already giving me that, so I was crying after realizing all I was looking on a women to date was inside of me all along and felt if I was alone, I will be fine and ok, because I have now my own emotional support and own recognizing, maybe feel more confidence and happy. Am fine and I love my loneliness and am fine.
Love that! Thank you for sharing that 🙏❤️
Don't really get the idea of finding the other half to be complete. You are okay by yourself and is complete by yourself. Social values and expectations seem to have distorted this belief. By chance if you meet someone, that will just better each other through the experience together.
You are more wise than most 😊
Yeah, these are good points. I feel complete right now regardless.
@@mygodismighty nice! thank you for sharing!
Although i agree with this video, I personally find it easier said than done for people to just get up and “love themselves and be happy with themselves” because society pushes relationship culture on us all of the time and makes it seem like we’re invalid/weird if we’re not in a relationship. I think self love and exploration is important and is a great way to improve yourself physically and mentally, and to eventually attract the right person.
@@Truth_teller724 agree!
Dude.. this is so helpful. Much love
Thank you!
Well said and congratz to you and your wife.
Thank you I appreciate that!
i really really needed this, thank you
@@spaghetti7346 im glad you got value from the video. Thank you for commenting
Great insights. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for stoping by and commenting!
Thanks for sharing Donny, that did resonate with me
Thank you for commenting!
I’ve been okay with being alone for years. And I’d rather be alone than with the wrong person. The solitude is wonderful most of the time. But sometimes it’s unbearable. I want someone to see about me!
@@CP-ke5pr thank you for sharing 🙏❤️
Thank You for making this video man!
@@Whopcap my pleasure 🙏
Thank you for sharing your story!
@@shelchicago8997 thank you for commenting
I needed this, thank you for the video ❤
Great! Thank you for your comment and letting me know that has helped. 🙏❤️
True words , can confirm
@@leuchtrakete7093 thank you! 🙏
Been alone pretty much my whole life even with people around. As I get older it's harder for me to enjoy my hobbies not because I grew to dislike them but because I feel like it's not fun by myself. My story is similar but more complicated plus I've never been married and probably never will be.
@@OfficialBioDevil thank you for sharing that! 🙏
I always wanted a relationship. But I never saw any woman I was interested in. I don't think I ever had a real crush on any woman, but I saw at some of them in a favorable light. When it comes to the women liking me, I only very rarely noticed anything. I think the first time I noticed any woman taking any notice in me was at the age of 23, but it somewhat picked up in the last two years (I'm 30 now). But all of those women were people I had no interest in. Because of that, I never dated any woman. I enjoy being alone. I love myself, to use your words. I'm being myself and I don't put up a front towards others. I have friends and a social environment that meet my social need. But they can't give me a family, of course. And I also only want to have intimacy in a marriage context.
If you go through your life for 30 years and you have never noticed in which way you are appealing to the opposite gender and you have never been in a relationship in any way, then you don't have a mental concept of what it is to be in a relationship. In a way you go through your life assuming that everybody does that but you are fundamentally different in a way that this can't happen to you. At least that is the case for me. If I find a woman I'm attracted to, I have to invent everything from scratch. Because all of my life is setup based on me being single.
And then there is the another thing. I really enjoy my company. Even though I have those useless time spending's and I have a few character traits I want to improve, generally speaking I'm at a very good and healthy place where I enjoy even the smaller things. But those things are pretty particular, but in a way also normal and non-exciting. Which woman would come to the strange conclusion that the average me is great enough that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me? And that has to be mutual too. I of course also have to think that she is great enough that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. The entire idea of marriage based on romance is actually a pretty strange concept, at least as an outsider. The utilitarian concept of marriage makes so much more sense to me, logically speaking. Perhaps that is also tainted by the fact that I find meeting people for the sake of meeting them is not that interesting to me. Dating is about as appealing to me as applying for a job. It takes effort, time and most of the time it is not something that I enjoy in hindsight. If I could guarantee, that in the first 10 dates I find a wife then I could power through it. But if I can't then I'd much rather watch a 4h video where some scientist or historian talks about their field of expertise.
But even though I speak this way, I never gave up on finding a wife. To compare it to Aarons comment, I don't do it because I feel lonely. Thanks to my friends and family I have my social needs fulfilled. But I have the desire to have a family, even though it will take away other things I enjoy as a single person. And if I don't find a wife in the next 5 to 10 years having a family will get difficult, at least if the wife is roughly my age. And if I can't have a family anymore, then my motivation to find a wife reduces drastically. So in a way I also experience "the wall". If I pass the wall I'm pretty sure I won't feel regret or loneliness. At least if I don't let go of myself and ditch all my social network.
Anyway, I deliberately put myself into situations where I can meet women who share my values. Also I looked up plenty on relationship advice on TH-cam. It is not a daily topic, but over the years it surely summed up. A few weeks ago I was in a camp where I met a woman where I saw mutual interest. We also share similar values and it seems she has a similar relationship to her family as I have. I asked her out, but due to holiday season we didn't manage to meet up yet. I'll see if this goes somewhere and in case it goes somewhere, how I manage all the strange new things that come with a relationship.
Your title says _"I thought I was going to be Single for the rest of my Life, then this Happened!"_
I didn't really get what happened.
- Did you start loving yourself and your mindset changed? How did you do that? In the video "The Problem with Modern Love" by "Unsolicited advice" he mentions, that if you truly dislike yourself, then you feel like an imposer when people show any form of interest of favorability in you, even in platonic or professional relationships. So changing your mindset is not really easy.
- Did you find a woman you want to be with? If so, how did that happen?
@@philippbrogli779 yes, I changed my mindset and accepted who I am and comfortable with myself and to learned to love myself no matter what, even if it means being single. I was fulfilled, from that moment on I open up myself to attract my wife into my life.
@@philippbrogli779 thank you for sharing your story!
@@DonnyLulu I still don't really understand you. Has your strategy brought any fruits (a relationship) or do you feel like you are more likely to be appealing to a woman?
Is it something similar to those women who try to manifest whatever they wish for into their life?
@@philippbrogli779 yes it has brought me my wife. Are you familiar with law of attraction?
@@DonnyLulu I've heard that people talk about it, but I was never interested in it.
New subscriber here and just watched another great video….i totally agree…we should not chase others, rather we should make ourselves more attractive so the right people chase us ….btw are you self-help coach? You seem to have a natural way of understanding how relationships work 😊
Thank you for taking the time to comment! I
do help out close friends and always thought of
Being a self help coach but had other excitements
in business. But I am starting to look back into
doing self help coaching because it is one of
my passion.
My parents were divorced too. I always feel like I lack love and need it from someone
Yes same here
You are not alone I am also done with love ❤️
@@mrs.camillewarrenempress3115 we still have love from ourselves and the universe/god
@@DonnyLulu yep double facts Donny psalms 83:18
So so helpful thank you for sharing
Thank you for commenting
Fun fact - all those girls we used to have crush's on back in grade school are probably now pretty old and/or overweight and otherwise not nearly as attractive anymore.
I agree! I saw one of my crush later in life and just like you said she wasn’t as attractive 😁.
Is it Frankie J - Don’t wanna try ? Love that song!
That is a good song. The song is was referring to was “one more try” by Timmy T
Bro, u just dropped some big wisdom
@@invie7no thank you bro. I appreciate that!
it is not just in asian families. single women are unable to raise children well without father's figure. that is one huge contributing reason to men having problems in relationships. I am wishing you good luck. worthy men and women are difficult to find.
@@UrsaBella agree! Thank you for sharing
Amen Donnie. Thank you
@@fire12731 thank you for commenting 🙏❤️
Good video. However if one needs a partner then it means they are complete in themselves & that implies they have not discovered "who they are" yet. And when one is complete in themselves, then there is NO need for another human. Peace of mind comes from within, never from external world. Lack of love means the self discovery is incomplete. Keep trying & good luck
means they are "incomplete". typo there
Thank you for sharing your insight! 🙏
Thankyou for sharing your thoughts & experiencrs.God loves you! You can have a Father ❤John 1:9-12.Psalm 139❤You are loved!
@@888hereandnow thank you!🙏
@@DonnyLulu my pleasure!😊💥
Great video man!
@@sevendayoptions6704 thank you! I appreciate your comment! 🙏❤️
Thank you for sharing this video❤🙏 .
Thank you for commenting
Thank you for your testimony
@Jb-wt2jv thank you for commenting!
Marriage was a so-so experience, naah, don’t wanna watch that movie again.
@@PhilipTikka Thank you for sharing that 😂
Sounds like a rerun of my life! Im so fussy with a female for valid reason..
Thank you for sharing
Thank you dude this was a nice take
You welcome. Thank you for commenting
Wow amazing advice bro
@@jesusistheway8969 thank you! I appreciate that! 🙏❤️
Good luck providers
Thank you for commenting
So would you say you've finally won the game now that you're married? Fun fact: 60-70% of all marriages end within 20 years. This is proven by statistics. And that's not even taking into account the marriages that don't end that are unhappy. It's estimated that of all marriages only 20-30% are "content" and less than 10% are truly "happy." Everything is all just pointless. If anything, life is just the biggest tragedy to ever exist.
I believe that marriage doesnt have to be forever. If it worked out great if not then it was out time to part, but i would not regret the time together
@@amazonrocks7349 most people get married for the wrong reason. Everything now is about trying out several people for sex partners is the only requirement for romantic compatibility. My parents were high school sweethearts and my mom was raised Catholic and went 10 grades in Catholic school and didn’t believe in sex before marriage so they got to know each other on personality basis. Unfortunately after only 6 years of marriage he died at 26 when I was 5, my siblings were a little younger. At least my parents didn’t get together for solely sexual chemistry with zero love. We can learn a lot from past generations as not all had toxic relationships.
This is a good one no 🧢
Thank you
I think luck has a lot to do with it also.
@@MerryLozza everything is synchronicity and not coincidence
@@DonnyLuluSynceonocity and not coincidence.... Please explain me that
@@bodhitsal7638 in short, everything that comes into our life is synchronicity. Meant to happen weather you get the message or not. So no such thing is luck. If it is meant to be it will come
Tammy Peterson was talking about it recently how "the birth control" affected her mentality when she was young woman.
She wasnt aware of any danger, because the pills caused
she was more risky... she would put herself in a risky situations, without selfwareness.
She had depressions and when she stopped taking the pills she got better.
Then she started to take the pills again and her personality completelly changed. Jordan Peterson noticed it too.
She noticed the same attitude with modern women, that if thye take "birth control pills"
these women put themselves in risky situations without realising it, flirting with strangers...engaging a risky situations.
the pills are altering the hormonal cycle,the microbipom of the guts,it affects the serotonin release, but also the mindset.
@@alenaadamkova7617 wow thank you for sharing that
nothing is forever anyways. you can be single today, married tommorrow, divroce the next day . we all die at the end anyways .i. travel and eat out alone . i want enjoy life be it i find someone or i dont. i find having a gf one has to be selfless too and lot compromise
Agree! Thank you for sharing that perspective
Thank you for sharing that perspective
Well said bro
Thank you bro 🙏
1984 - intermittently until 2006 are my dating years; Horrible experiences. I could never find what I was looking for from my opposite gender and all of them did not want to do the activities I liked to do. It was always about him. :( I've been solo since 2006.
The problem of the here and Now; All those who had children; they raised the younger generations to become Hedonistic and Selfish in every way possible. Much of humanity, the ones who decide to get married, in truth, they DO NOT GET MARRIED FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.
Wow. Thank you for sharing your story. Yes the dating society nowadays is terrible…
Damn. Good stuff
Thank you! ❤
😂😂... as a Asian male, we got it hard.byou either pick up left over or stay single. In your case you pick up left over
Thank you for commenting, can you elaborate on the left over part i want to understand more about that 😊
@@thaivang expired in her 26s up and with past trauma/body count. Be careful with your pet bro
@@DonnyLulu the miserable incels have found your video - I'd just ignore them. I'm happy for you finding love and I wish nothing but success for your relationship! Normal people would genuinely wish the same
@@haileyt857 thank you
Am i wrong for believing that i have to have kids in order to truly feel like, accomplished or that i might mean something as a man? I've failed at everything I've tried my hand at, destroyed potentially life changing opportunities 20 years ago that i afforded myself because i was terrified.
I've never been in a relationship, grew up in a family with broken parents who were incapable of love. I have attachment issues and most of my friends have throughout the years been severely mentally ill and screwed up, myself being those things too. So i have no idea what a healthy friendship looks like. I have no clue how to meet "normal" people.. I'm legitimately terrified. I'm gay but I'm scared to meet other gay men because I have so many problems and I've had some not so pleasant experiences in the past which caused me to leave the dating scene for almost ten years (next year is a full decade). Rejection seems to hit me harder aa life goes on.
I have a friend who's in active addiction and i think is slowly starting to get clean, who when we got back in touch last month, told me he had been thinking about me the entire time we had been away, didn't say anything about it afterwards. The other day be said he said that because he hoped i was okay and safe. We also had a conversation where he told me again he'd been thinking about me but i think he backtracked by saying *pause* he then admitted to having sex with a bunch of hookers then showed them my Facebook photos and asked them how they thought i looked, he said he showed them because i was talking about how much i felt pathetic about my looks and he wanted to ask the girls what they thought because he thought it would help me feel better. (It's fucking weird lol) Sunday we chatted over vid chat and only a few seconds into the video call he almost called me babe but very quickly caught himself, acknowledged that he almost called me babe but slipped and we moved onto the next topic. He told me there is going to be no one day for us, no he and I, that he's not into guys like that so I've dropped it. I don't badger him about it but I'd be remiss if i didn't say that I think we are on each other's minds a lot. He's different to me than other men I've crushed on, someone who requires more effort, love and attention (I told him this via video call and he was shocked I said that because he didn't expect me to say that, but his therapists did) even though he said no, I've been advised to stay patient and start working more on myself for a while and he may eventually come around and reveal how he truly feels.
The heart is truly a very annoying thing.
Wow thank you for sharing your amazing story! Every life experience is valid and beautiful as is. I am not having kids this reality because i believe that another life is have lots of kids. Just lighten things up and try to have more love and fun. Good luck on your up coming adventures. Im excited for you! Thank you for sharing! 🙏❤️
Came in thinking I was gonna relate but I'm def not ever gonna love myself lol. I can barely stand my existence..
@@edilee5909 that’s still a valid choice. The universe loves you either way 😊
@@DonnyLulu Thanks for that. Now that I think about it, my religious phase was much closer to what u described, since I believed God would love me as long as I did good deeds and avoided sin. So I recently started working on that again :)
@@edilee5909 awesome! Messages comes in different ways, I’m glad you found something that works for you. Thank you for sharing that
Yu are very handsome man I m happy yuo have some one she s a lucky girl
@@Carolina480 thank you for your kind words 🙏❤️
Amazing video bro.
@@dhaivat848 thank you very much for your comment!
And here i was thinking he never had a girlfriend… he just had bad relationships and just gave up lol. There are people who were never in a relationship.
It still comes back to having a more loving relationship with ourselves 😊
You found your wife because you were given the grace by God to find her, not because you attracted her as a result of you feeling complete. The New Age, law of attraction/energy mindset is not the truth.
Thank you for sharing your perspective
That's your belief and there are people who believe it is law of attraction and that's ok. Both have same "results"
@@user-dv9xx3yy8v agree
But maybe even though you had given up on finding someone, perhaps deep down you still wanted to share your life with someone
@@poggyspotential2196 yes agree we can always share our life with someone, it could be for a short time or long time…
I like the real honest talk here. But just to add tho, dont expect loving yourself and working on yourself will land you a gf or partner. Theres men I know who do loves themselves and have been single for decades 😅. It still takes skills, putting yourself out there and even changing your environment to ecounter a right person (there is no "the" tbh). Also men have to work on self-improvement in their looks, finances, and social skills first nowdays. Sorry a bit of the red pill on here 🤣. Wish we all had your looks and skills bro!
@@lordkent8143 nothing wrong being happy and single 😂
@@DonnyLulu Agreed. But deep down we all want someone to love and be loved. Friends and family is a big part of fulfilling some of that. But at the end of the day, we get by. Most men are getting by.
@@lordkent8143 agree thank you for sharing
Thanks for your videos, when you say you met your wife today are you talking past tense?
Yes past tense, i ment i met the girl that became my wife
It’s understanding we are complete in God’s love but we allow the world to tell us different. Knowing God is love and His perfect love for us drives out fear. Fear = false expectations appearing real. Peace ✝️🤙
Thank you for sharing
Amazing
Thank you
I dont have passions, its over for me...
You are not interested to do anything you like?
It's a great mindset to have. However even if you have the best mindset, as long as you are living in the states or western society, finding a partner as an Asian men will not be easy. Once you experience living in Asia, You'll find that getting dates is really not that hard.
Sometimes we are just in the wrong environment. Internalized racism / self loathing is very real for Asian men living in the western society. It's hard to have a healthy mindset, when you are in a toxic environment. So yeah, you can do all the internal work you want, but you will most likely remain single for the rest of your life if you still living in the west. That's just the brutal truth.
I get you. I know what you mean. Thank you for sharing!
What if you love yourself and are great to yourself, do all the things you mentioned but are just surrounded by a ton of terrible people? Out of shape, careless, no purpose, rude, bad attitudes, etc. like I put in a lot of work, and don’t even look anymore because it’s straight up terrible out there.
@@aMSkEes i consider to hang out with new group of people. Look up meet up and activities like pickle ball, yoga, meditation, ect you will open yourself to meet new quality people