I believe that people don't feel comfortable seeing others cry because they often feel overwhelmed and don't know what to do or how to help. But often, just BEING (there) is enough. It's a gift if the opposite person is so comfortable around you that he or she shows their deepest feelings in front of you. Xxx
I'm an old big bearded man.....crying is natural and is a necessity in life. Never be ashamed to show your emotions. We have them for a reason. It's part of the human system.
Big old bearded man checking in. Completely agree. It's natural and even healthy. Ren gives me cry sessions i haven't had for a while. And i welcome them wholheartedly. So cathardic.
Ren shared that having lived through his friend Joe's passing and the effect on Joe's family he was kept from the same choice even when things in his own life were at there worst
Yes, in his interview with Knox Hill. He basically said that Joe going through with his choice basically saved Ren's life (due to the new perspective it gave him).
Similar to me. When I was 17 I broke up with my boyfriend over the phone and he shot himself. It hurt so badly that I felt I'd rather live miserably than put anyone else through that kind or grief/trauma/pain. And here I am today, still!
My best mate was suicidal after a break up when we were 17, a few times a week I would walk the streets to find him after he told his ex he would kill himself that night. I tried to get the rest of our friends circle to help me get him back to normal but no one believed me that he was suicidal. One Saturday night I was at a party and I left at midnight, usually I would walk past the train station because it’s well lit, this night I took a short cut in the dark as I was tired. He jumped in front of a train 500m from the station at 12.30pm, 10 mins after I would have walked past those tracks. I blamed myself for years, if I had of gone the normal way, I would have seen him and stopped him. Took a long time to accept that he wanted out and eventually it would have happened no matter what I did.
this is from Ren community page he wrote this about the song Today I want to write something beautiful and eloquent but I’ve been staring at my computer screen for the past 10 minutes blankly. So I’ll just write. Today, the 1st of June is my friend Joe’s birthday. I first met Joe when I was 8 years old, my friend Josh said I had to meet this guy, so we both walked over to his, it took about 10 minutes from my house. I was greeted by this kid covered head to toe in freckles, he grinned at us, climbed onto the back of his sofa and screamed “Swanton Bomb!” then front flipped off the top and landed right onto his back on a stone floor. He lay still for a moment, twitched a few times, then got up, grinned at us, brushed himself off, and did it again. This was Joe. He’d do anything to make people laugh. He ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was there when we stole our first cigarettes out of his mums pack, way too young. He was there when I had my first kiss, with a girl twice my size on the back of the 42 bus. He was there when I first got so drunk I threw up in the woods after drinking as much white lightning Cider as we could. I was there when he did his first backflip on skates, and saw him do a 720 off of the pier cave, that moment became legendary. Joe was the funny one in our friend group, he’d make us laugh till it hurt. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was impossible not to like him. Usually we put celebrities, athletes and actors on pedestals, turn them into role models and admire them from a far. The person I admired was Joe. Him and Sagar knew every word to the songs id write, we’d get drunk at parties and they’d be singing along as loud as they could. It gave me a lot of confidence back then. On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the juke box and put Dig by Incubus on. If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe id have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said happy Christmas and left. Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the main land to the isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialling then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone. As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived to the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late. Joe’s body was never found. Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body. We still haven’t found Joe. As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, freckled angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since. My first ever album I named Freckled Angels in tribute of one of the best people I ever knew. Skip forward some years. I’d been sitting on this song I wrote a few years ago. It always felt a little incomplete. It was going to be my next release, but I was dreading it because of this feeling of incompletion. I decided, very last minute, to do something about it. I sat by my piano, and the rest of the song fell out of me. I hadn’t thought about Joe in a little while, and the song initially wasn’t going to be about him, but the words all fell out of me. I wrote and recorded a whole 2 minutes extra, recording each part as I wrote it. Tears spewing out of my eyes pretty much the whole time, and decided not to do my usual thing of perfecting each line, I just recorded every line as it came. This will be my next release
This song is what keeps me from doing this. To inflict this pain on people I love is the exact opposite of what I want. I felt and still feel my existence is more painful to them than my death would be. But at least this way they have me to center that anger on. As painful as it is. If I left they would have no closure. I don’t know what is better.
Have you ever heard the title of this track said so many times.. .. anywhere, in any context. And then the spoken work at the end. The package as a whole opens up a subject to be discussed that is usually taboo. So even without any critique of the musicality, Ren has put out another piece of art that transcends taboo and deserves all the praise that it receives
It's heart warming to see you taking off your analytical hat and speaking from a place of true lived experience. I think this is the whole point of Rens music, as he stated in Hi Ren, " My music is very connecting, and the people who find it respect it. " In my humble opinion he is one of those generation artists that come along and shift the societal needle a little bit, he has unwittingly widened the Overton window. I think, from a male point of view if you have not thought about this topic at some stage in your early life, sadly you are the exception, not the rule.
Beautifully said. My brother-in-law took his own life ten years ago. The remnants of his final decision will never leave our family. Quiet desperation took his life in the middle of a wonderful life, full of love. A terrible thing. Ren knows how to bring the sadness and loss to the surface and somehow makes it beautiful. Best of luck to you and your husband.
Showing sadness, loss,.etc,.shedding tears are signs of strength! For being.able.to.show your vulnerability your thoughtfulness, and your individual truth.
The line that always get me is when he is walking by the railroad tracks and says"never felt like the right time." That's close to home for me. I'm still here, and plan to be for many more years, but that hits the bone.
As Ren has said... hes a Therapist Wet Dream... given the fact he so Openly shares his story, his emotions, to all of us... I see it as an Honor to experience your emotions so openly! Thank Ren for that!!! Im a 56 yo Hard Rock guitarist for 40 plus years... Hard is whats seen in me, expected, yet Ren has opened me up to show my own faults, emotions thats been locked away forever... Thank Ren! I Do! Daily!!!
Thank you, I think it's important to cry and can often lead to healing. One thing I have noticed in Ren's music is he always creates a sense of duality, juxtaposition. It can be in his lyrics, instrumentals, visuals but it's always part of his music.
I've been deeply affected by suicide and been to a place that only the firsthand knowledge how devastating it is to others prevented me from commiting. So grateful for your words. Love to all, I am proof healing happens.❤
I had a big resonance with Ren, a very similar situation happened to me. I was undiagnosed with fibromyalgia for 10 years, given Opioid painkillers which obviously didn’t work, not knowing what was wrong with me sent me into deep depression and anxiety. I went through a really hard time and had very dark thoughts so much. When I finally got diagnosed it was like going into the light from the dark! I can now accept it and that my body is OK, it’s my brain that’s mixed up. I’m now able to live a fairly normal life. I feel for you with the sadness that you have been through, life isn’t fair sometimes! Music is one of my diversions, I’ve found a lot of new artists (Including Ren and Chinchilla), but there’s also a band of 3 sisters from Mexico who have come from performing a cover of Metallica Enter Sandman when they were 9, 12 and 14 - that was 2014, they sort of helped me get through some of this by following them. One of the big things about them is their songwriting is about life and can be quite dark. Strangely they performed on the MTV VMAs last year, they’re called The Warning. They wrote a concept album in their mid teen years called Queen of the murder scene, it’s a masterpiece of an album! Queen of the Murder Scene is a concept album which tells the story of a disturbed young woman's inner journey from desire to obsession to murder and madness. The songs are told from the point of view of either the young lady's inner psychopath or her good side, which has a conscience - until it does not. Maybe you might find it interesting.
Thank you. I was just sitting on the edge of my bathtub crying and having some thoughts that I have everyday and in the beginning of the video your message helped me. I try to find helpful things when these thoughts take me over and it helps until the next day
I think it was really clever of him to make the first half so "catchy". It creates an earworm that echoes the way that intrusive thoughts do, literally, intrude. I kept catching myself humming it in inappropriate places and realising that is a glimpse into that headspace of thoughts coming unbidden.
I tragically lost my father and uncle to suicide, and throughout my upbringing, I witnessed and experienced distressing events. In 2019, I hit a low in my own mental health and attempted to take my own life. Currently, I'm actively seeking trauma therapy, eagerly awaiting its commencement. Although I'm facing significant challenges, I'm confident that I'm on the path towards healing. My doctor has temporarily given me treatment with sertraline and mirtazapine, which I hope will provide some relief. Great reaction! SUBBED you, I love your energy. EDIT: Lastly, The Andy part, thank you for opening up and sharing. I've had the opportunity to visit China several times recently, and my wife, who is Chinese, lost her mother. In Chinese culture, there's a belief that your departed loved ones will eventually visit you in your dreams, offering a form of confirmation and solace. It's a concept that resonates deeply within China. My wife as experienced a dream sent from her mother recently.
Thank you for your vulnerability and support! Sooo grateful you are here and I hope that you can find relief from your pain. Sending you care delightful human! 🫶🏻
Oh boy the mascara ! ❤ I need to watch that movie again! I have never ever relied and anyone ever, not since my early childhood where I was so let down, neglected, had to fend for myself. It took me till I was 49 years old, my goal was to hit 50, free from being a victim and to be free to love myself. The thing was I had no idea how to even like myself let alone live myself, I disgusted myself, i was my toughest critic, I was never good enough. How the hell was I going to change almost 50 years of telling myself I’m dumb, I’m stupid, I’m ugly, your not wanted…. I worked incredibly hard with an intuitive healer/therapist. She was a beautiful soul and that made all the difference, other therapists where only there to pay there bills they didn’t care. I am a nurse and one of the most important aspects of providing care is to be present, to listen, not judge that person, empathy and really doing your best to hear what they are saying and what they have been through, compassion is huge, we all have a need to be heard. The medical profession are doing a huge injustice to their patients. To be honest, any appointments with any health professional just triggered me and made things worse, hence why I found help with an alternative source. We worked on medication, grounding, calming my nervous system down and finding my inner power. We worked on me creating my story, my timeline of my life from start to finish. I worked on it for a couple of weeks, lots of emotions came up for me, but as I told my story and we talked through what happened and how I interpreted it as a 4,5,6… year old. I saw how resilient I was, all of the things I went through were huge, but I also saw how far I have come, after such a disadvantaged back ground, she pointed out all of the incredible things I have done and who I was as a person . The one thing that changed everything was seeing that I came from two generations on booths of my parents sides, of alcoholics , violence and narcissistic abusers. I realised I had raised three well adjusted children to adulthood, who where kind, non judgemental, loved by many, fun, well adjusted and well. That struck me. Mg children are my world and I felt such pride in myself for beating the odds and stopping the cycle and even without having any structure, routine and a very dysfunctional up bringing, I did it, I help create 3 incredible human beings! From there the journey to self love, forgiveness (that was maybe almost there) I saw my own truth and managed to shut that negative self talk off with practice - using mindfulness, my head was for the first time free of the voice in my head putting me down. I realised that I was a really good person, I am kind and a good mum a good nurse a good friend a good human being. I do not need to be an Olympic gymnast, a model, have intelligence, lol I hustler need to know my own truth and stand tall in my own skin. I’m perfect just the way I am. Self love gave me freedom, peace and a sense of accomplishment ❤ great channel I’m new here. Loving your very personal and very real take on human suffering with compassion, I love that. I remember when I did my nursing training we were told that crying was unprofessional, that we had to basically be robots. Well that wasn’t for me, I cried with my patients and their families, I hugged them and supported them and people don’t look at you as being unprofessional they look at you like a human ❤❤❤
Thank you soooooo much for sharing this story! I’m in my 20s and „in the trenches“ right now… I gave myself til 30 and now, reading your post, I’m thinking of upping my cutoff age. Honestly it seems I just need a single light at the end of the tunnel, to make it worth it, which surprises me big time. Really, all the… I don’t wanna even try to put it into words. What I find is so revolting, I just can’t. Now.
I think it's about time you watched a fun, feel good video of Ren. Ren isn't all doom and gloom. I would suggest "Power". A very catchy chorus, it just keeps dwelling in your head. Liked this reaction and already subbed weeks ago. And remember, showing emotions is a strength and crying is healing.
Beautiful Reaction.Ty for the Ren love he is Amazing at expressing his talent and just at being a human being. sending a hug right back to you for the loss of you and your husbands friend and anyone who that has lost someone to suicide as i have too..leaves so many questions unanswered and so many what ifs
Ren has gone through so much in his life, and the fact that hes willing to share this with all of us is just mind blowing. Hes really such an amazing human being and artist 💜
In my late teens and early twenties I dealt with a lot of depression and suicidal ideation. By age 21 in 2008 I was at my breaking point. Id had enough, and was driving out to a canyon to jump. A song on a new CD I bought came on and made me break down crying. I pulled over and started to rethink things. Just then my phone rang and it was a close friend of mine. As soon as he heard my voice he just said "Come pick me up, right now. I'm here." That song and that friend saved my life that night. And I can never say thank you enough for either of them. That song was "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin. Three months later I lost one of my closest friends to suicide. Living with knowing that he was feeling all those things that I had been feeling, but that I couldn't see it, that I didnt know, is the hardest part. That I couldn't save him the way that someone saved me. That if I had just called him, he could still be here. I think about that a lot. His birthday is coming up soon, and also the 16th anniversary of his death the month after, so he has been on my mind more often lately. It's hard, so damn hard, but im handling it. The last bit of "Suicide" by Ren hits me so hard because all those thoughts are thoughts I've been dealing with for 16 years. If your would do a reaction to "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin it would mean the world to me. I'm not sure you'll even check the comments on a video this old, but I want you to know that you are a bright spot in this world, and watching your reactions helps me through. Much Love.
That was a great reaction to a really emotional piece, especially given your personal experience. This was the first Ren song I heard and it left me speechless and in tears. I had never experienced such deep and genuine emotion by an artist as that of Ren in the last section. The novel way he constructs his work is so refreshing compared to the historical constraints of the music industry, you never know what you're going to get and I love that. Cheers.
Freckled Angels is the song he wrote for Joe shortly after his death and is often overlooked for his newer music. It's one of my personal favorites. (And is the title of his first album)
I am suffering myself from double depression, chronical depersonalization, anxiety disorder and a chronic pain disorder. Suicide thoughts (but not plans) are a regular part of my life. In 2020 I lost a brother in mind and heart by suicide. I never had anyone I could have so much fun with and do stupid / crazy things. That's something I never do but with him it was possible. And we shared our dark side, told us about our demons. It still hurts as hell and just thinking about that one movement and what came next (he killed himself with a rope) makes me feel miserable and sad and empty. I can feel so much with what describes here. This hit so hard. This hit so deep! So honest. So true. So brutal. So painful: Emotionally and even physically.
Beautiful how you shared your thoughts about Andy, Zack, his dream... Just as sure as Ren´s words here can hold people from committing suicide and start looking (more) for help and opening up, I know your story can "help" family and friends of a lost one - even if it´s for just seconds - by creating something warm and beautiful in heart and mind amidst all the grief and pain 👊😍
I would love to see your breakdown on Ren's trilogy The Tale Of Jenny and Screech (full version). It's groundbreaking. Great job on this one. He is a true master of painting a picture.
Ren has an interview on 'The Zach Sang Show' where we really learn what he went through which is incredible to listen to and can really help to understand a lot of his music.He also explains the meaning behind the pig mask :)
Everyone thinks that it would be great if someone stops... But for some people... what is there here for them anymore... I count myself among those.... If I was just a little braver.
♥respecting you shareing, respecting your work. the pain of suicide sticks to so many of us. i hope you guys are doing well, and i hope your husband start playing again, as a musician myself with similar experience, playing music is so healing, since some feelings are hard to put into words and when you play you might not even noticing but when you hear yourself play you sort of start to listen to your own (putaway) feelings again and man, playing music just for myself is the best coping mechanism i got.
Thank you for your sweet post! He has started playing again, but getting back into writing and recording has taken time and that’s ok.Maybe I’ll share a clip of him and Steve, the remaining two friends/bandmates playing soon. Thank you for connecting to my story, music is so healing, you are so right my friend! 🫶🏻
Somewhere on the comments page of the Suicide video Ren wrote this but it wasn’t pinned so it can get lost in the comments. This is beautiful and relevant to the song and everyone should read it. Today I want to write something beautiful and eloquent but I’ve been staring at my computer screen for the past 10 minutes blankly. So I’ll just write. Today, the 1st of June is my friend Joe’s birthday. I first met Joe when I was 8 years old, my friend Josh said I had to meet this guy, so we both walked over to his, it took about 10 minutes from my house. I was greeted by this kid covered head to toe in freckles, he grinned at us, climbed onto the back of his sofa and screamed “Swanton Bomb!” then front flipped off the top and landed right onto his back on a stone floor. He lay still for a moment, twitched a few times, then got up, grinned at us, brushed himself off, and did it again. This was Joe. He’d do anything to make people laugh. He ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was there when we stole our first cigarettes out of his mums pack, way too young. He was there when I had my first kiss, with a girl twice my size on the back of the 42 bus. He was there when I first got so drunk I threw up in the woods after drinking as much white lightning Cider as we could. I was there when he did his first backflip on skates, and saw him do a 720 off of the pier cave, that moment became legendary. Joe was the funny one in our friend group, he’d make us laugh till it hurt. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was impossible not to like him. Usually we put celebrities, athletes and actors on pedestals, turn them into role models and admire them from a far. The person I admired was Joe. Him and Sagar knew every word to the songs id write, we’d get drunk at parties and they’d be singing along as loud as they could. It gave me a lot of confidence back then. On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the juke box and put Dig by Incubus on. If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe id have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said happy Christmas and left. Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the main land to the isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialling then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone. As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived to the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late. Joe’s body was never found. Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body. We still haven’t found Joe. As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, freckled angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since. My first ever album I named Freckled Angels in tribute of one of the best people I ever knew. Skip forward some years. I’d been sitting on this song I wrote a few years ago. It always felt a little incomplete. It was going to be my next release, but I was dreading it because of this feeling of incompletion. I decided, very last minute, to do something about it. I sat by my piano, and the rest of the song fell out of me. I hadn’t thought about Joe in a little while, and the song initially wasn’t going to be about him, but the words all fell out of me. I wrote and recorded a whole 2 minutes extra, recording each part as I wrote it. Tears spewing out of my eyes pretty much the whole time, and decided not to do my usual thing of perfecting each line, I just recorded every line as it came. During this campaign I will be raising money for the RNLI, the group of brave men and women who spent hours tirelessly looking for Joe after the night he went missing. I'll also be donating 50% of the profit on all copies of the 'Freckled Angels' album directly to Joes family as a nice surprise gift. I will include links to the RNLI donation page below where 100% of the money will go to support them, I will be travelling to the UK later this month to make a music video, and have carved out a couple of days where I will travel to my home town on the isle of Anglesey to present the royal national lifeboat institution with a cheque of all the money raised. Turn on notifications for the video here: th-cam.com/video/n3JNtfi4Vb0/w-d-xo.html Raising money for RNLI : www.justgiving.com/page/ren-gill-1685546882254?Link&/ren-gill-1685546882254& Freckled Angels album: renmakesmerch.com/products/freckled-angels-cd Presave Suic*de: found.ee/ren-suic-de
You are doing a great job with these reactions. Keep it going. I am sure your channel will skyrocket. Please do Ren's "Heretic" and "Depression". Or any Ren's song for that matter😂His catalog is fantastic. Also, I recommend you to dive into NF's music. You'll love him as well❤
I'm so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing your feelings in this video. I really believe Ren is helping people to connect with their real feelings, both sorrow and joy, in a reciprocity of healing among all of us.
I've heard this song a hundred times, I cry every time no matter what. This and Ren's song (For Joe) hit extremely deep for me. I've lost friends to suicide, and I've tried doing the same. Shortly after my 18th birthday. Thankfully I had wonderful friends that helped me. I'm 48 and my life has had ups and downs. I wouldn't change it for the World!
Thank you for sharing your experience. This is one of the most beautiful things is that the community is hear to listen to your story and offer support and compassion without judgement. Stay strong this was an amazing review
When he struggles with life as a younger person , he does not know what is coming. When your own family have no time for you, because they are so busy raising a family and you become an after thought, you suffer. There is no perfect life, regardless of your status. Everybody was meant to suffer, it is just how you handle it.
Random internet guy here. I’m sending you a hug. Thanks for reminding us that it’s very ok to genuinely feel emotions and let it flow. Also, thank you for sharing your husband’s dream with us.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I've never lost anyone to suicide but I've always been able to put myself in others' shoes (to the extent that one can) and every reaction to this song like yours always has me tearing up with them. It hurts me to see people hurt like that. When you spoke of the dream your husband had and Andy said, "When you become the ocean you're everywhere" I teared up again, not even knowing that his ashes were spread in the ocean. Something about that hit me in a weird way. And then you revealed that his ashes were spread in the ocean it hit me so much harder. What a beautiful and strange thing it is to be human and have the emotions that we do and can connect with each other because of those emotions. Bless you and R.I.P. Andy.
Thank you for your honesty. I know loved one that carried out the terrible act. It’s the unanswered questions that hurts the most. We have to live with that burden. Thanks for sharing & reacting this song by Ren.
Don't worry, more fun and unexpected songs will come. Also different musically; now continue enjoying these pearls of beautiful rarity. Although hard. Thank you for your beautiful reaction
don't apologize for a human emotion. don't feel bad to show it either. I personally respect someone more who shows their emotions more than someone who cant or doesn't. as a person who has struggled with suicide all my life, holding it in is one of the worst things you can do.
An animated Ren reminds of the 1981 animated film "American Pop"; if you've not seen it you should check it out. It has a great storyline and great music. Suicide is devastating to those close and afar; I've lost family and friends to suicide, but then there's Van Gogh; Hemingway; Robin Williams just a great sense of artistic loss of what could have been. The comforting thought is that if you carry them in your heart they're never really gone. A lucid moment or dream of our loved ones convinces me there is a Heaven and they watch over us with the same or greater love. Thanks for sharing your reaction and personal story.🙏🏻🇺🇸✨💖✝️
Mom, I can't tell you anymore so I'll write it here. I miss you. I know I've tried a few times myself, seeing that you are now at peace and I am not. It hurt to watch you do it. It still hurts, and I can't find the anger either. In a weird way I'm glad you succeeded. You're now at peace, but I can't find it ever again. I'm angry at what made you do it. I'm not mad at you. I love you, I miss you.
Definitely need to see Foe Joe too. Live version of the last half of this song plus extended. I think it would be a good one too see. Hard, yes but it is healing as well.
You also need to hear “For Joe” as well. While this is pain dealing with illness plus losing a dear friend as he did with even darker pain and grief. Let the River run as Aurora sang. Most if not all us RENagades empathize with losing someone and not bring to be there when needed at times. Take care. This community will uplift you.
All day I have been drawn to this song. When it came out I had a strong connection to it, I lost my Dad to suicide many years ago. Since this song was released, I have now lost my younger brother to suicide. Take it from me, no matter how bad life is, please talk to someone.
While this song is still fairly fresh in your mrnd, I highly suggest that you react to "For Joe"... the two songs are connected by the monologue. It's a beautiful tribute to his friend Joe. My best to you! ❤
Thank you for your reaction. I’m so sorry for your husband’s and your pain. My Mom committed suicide 10 years ago and I’m still battling with it. I’ve gone through all the stages and then I start all over again . I myself tried after my Mom but I’m still here. I’m hurt my kids so badly 😞😞
Sending you so much compassion and care dear human! You are meant to be here, your resilience is beautiful even if born through suffering, I am cheering on every step that brings you closer to finding yourself and giving yourself love!
This song reminds me large percentage of victims are not depressed or suffer from something previously for this feeling to hit someone at any time regardless of wealth fame family career success. Part of the problem is not many people in general know how to deal with personal adversity and when they seek help too many people get turned away at their most unbareable point as happened sadly for Joe.
Fucked up thing is it's not illegal or a crime for someone to commit suicide, but it's a crime or illegal to prevent someone from commiting suicide! They'll just label it as u holding that person against there will! That shit truly breaks my heart and shatters my soul!!!
Please don't apologise for sharing your feelings, crying or anything. This is a REACTION video and people watch them to see other people feel what they felt when they watched the original video. I have lost several friends (all Veterans) to suicide, this Nation loses 22 Veterans a DAY. 22 a DAY. We need to make it ok to have conversations about suicide and the things that might push someone in that direction. It's heartbreaking to see the after effects on those left behind.
I lost a friend to suicide years ago, his name was Les, although we all called him muppet because he was so animatedly funny and had us all in stitches, no matter what the situation, no matter what was going on in our lives. One of our crew got sent down for murder and it broke him (it broke me too). Muppet was so distraught he couldn't do anything to save our friend from going to prison for weeks afterwards that he changed. Then one day he just simply vanished and no one could find him. We reported it to the cops 24hrs after he couldn't be found at home or anywhere and they started looking for him. 72hrs after he'd been officially logged as missing I went for a walk with muppet's dog (Berkley) as no one was looking after him. I don't know what it was or the reason why, but I took him down some abandoned railway tracks so he could be let off the lead and have a run (he didn't like other dogs). We got 25 metres in to the tracks, which were now overgrown and a nice tree lined area. Beautiful place to walk down. So I lit a spliff and went to let Berkley off the lead. Suddenly he took off and damn near wrenched my arm out of its socket. All I could do was hold on to the lead and run after him. Berkley ran straight to a tall tree and stopped at the bottom, whining and whimpering. He sat down and wouldn't move, staring and barking at the tree. I looked at it and there was nothing there, until I looked round the back side of the tree. That's when I saw them. A pair of Timberland boots. They were muppet's, they were about 8ft off the deck. He'd hanged himself from one of the branches wearing his favourite boots and one of our friend's hoodies that he'd borrowed, so he could be near him all the time he was in prison. I had to cut him down and call the police, not what I should have done, but I couldn't just leave him there like that. I don't know how long I sat there with him, it felt like an eternity until the cops turned up. It still feels like an eternity now. August this year will be thirty years since it happened. I'm 48 now and it's still as raw as if it had happened yesterday. I miss that damn muppet and his infectious smile, I wish he could be around still to meet my two young lads, he'd have been an epic Uncle to them. Every time I hear this track by Ren I get to bawling my eyes out. I'm having trouble seeing as I type this. I know EXACTLY what Ren has been through with Joe and is still going through to this very day. Be strong brothers, call, shout, talk, holler, scream - say fcking something to someone. There is life beyond the point you're at now, no matter HOW bad you think it is at the moment, it's thousands of times better on down the road. But you've got to take that first step. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" Chapter 64 of the Dao De Jing. Laozi - Chinese philosopher.
Wow, your story hit me friend! I’m sitting in tears in my kitchen with your pain and your love for Muppet. Thank you for spreading your light and your message of hope that was born from a place of hardship, that’s how you know it comes from the heart. ❤️
I wanted you to know that your heartbreaking and beautiful share has made a difference. A heartfelt thank you for the honor of knowing Muppet through your words and sharing your your message! th-cam.com/video/D8t7aKSm-10/w-d-xo.htmlsi=dOZioZf2L_xWY65r
@@delightfulpod I'm sorry if I caused you some upset. If it even helps one person hear the voice of hope, when they loosen the noose on the rope (to quote Ren), then my past pain, experience and suffering has done a thousand times more good, than it caused me trauma. Muppet was the type of guy that would give you the shirt off his back and his last tin of baked beans in the cupboard, if he could help someone out of a hole. He's still helping people to this day, by being the focus of this discussion and showing people that even though it was a bad thing in the short run - it's a good thing in the long run. He always used to jokingly say "If I'm any sort of an example to anyone, it's a bad one." Well bud, in this instant you're wrong my departed friend. 😇
I believe that people don't feel comfortable seeing others cry because they often feel overwhelmed and don't know what to do or how to help. But often, just BEING (there) is enough. It's a gift if the opposite person is so comfortable around you that he or she shows their deepest feelings in front of you. Xxx
I'm an old big bearded man.....crying is natural and is a necessity in life. Never be ashamed to show your emotions. We have them for a reason. It's part of the human system.
Thank you delightful human! 🫶🏻
Big old bearded man checking in. Completely agree. It's natural and even healthy. Ren gives me cry sessions i haven't had for a while. And i welcome them wholheartedly. So cathardic.
Third old big bearded man checking in to also agree with everything said by previous old big bearded men.
Hi
"Dig deep, resist the feeling when it hits you" gets me every time.
Same here. Very few comment on those words of hope amongst the wider struggle.
Ren shared that having lived through his friend Joe's passing and the effect on Joe's family he was kept from the same choice even when things in his own life were at there worst
Yes, in his interview with Knox Hill. He basically said that Joe going through with his choice basically saved Ren's life (due to the new perspective it gave him).
Similar to me. When I was 17 I broke up with my boyfriend over the phone and he shot himself. It hurt so badly that I felt I'd rather live miserably than put anyone else through that kind or grief/trauma/pain. And here I am today, still!
My best mate was suicidal after a break up when we were 17, a few times a week I would walk the streets to find him after he told his ex he would kill himself that night. I tried to get the rest of our friends circle to help me get him back to normal but no one believed me that he was suicidal. One Saturday night I was at a party and I left at midnight, usually I would walk past the train station because it’s well lit, this night I took a short cut in the dark as I was tired. He jumped in front of a train 500m from the station at 12.30pm, 10 mins after I would have walked past those tracks. I blamed myself for years, if I had of gone the normal way, I would have seen him and stopped him. Took a long time to accept that he wanted out and eventually it would have happened no matter what I did.
❤️
@@PoliticallyPink❤❤❤❤❤❤
this is from Ren community page he wrote this about the song Today I want to write something beautiful and eloquent but I’ve been staring at my computer screen for the past 10 minutes blankly. So I’ll just write.
Today, the 1st of June is my friend Joe’s birthday.
I first met Joe when I was 8 years old, my friend Josh said I had to meet this guy, so we both walked over to his, it took about 10 minutes from my house. I was greeted by this kid covered head to toe in freckles, he grinned at us, climbed onto the back of his sofa and screamed “Swanton Bomb!” then front flipped off the top and landed right onto his back on a stone floor. He lay still for a moment, twitched a few times, then got up, grinned at us, brushed himself off, and did it again.
This was Joe. He’d do anything to make people laugh. He ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was there when we stole our first cigarettes out of his mums pack, way too young. He was there when I had my first kiss, with a girl twice my size on the back of the 42 bus. He was there when I first got so drunk I threw up in the woods after drinking as much white lightning Cider as we could. I was there when he did his first backflip on skates, and saw him do a 720 off of the pier cave, that moment became legendary.
Joe was the funny one in our friend group, he’d make us laugh till it hurt. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was impossible not to like him. Usually we put celebrities, athletes and actors on pedestals, turn them into role models and admire them from a far. The person I admired was Joe.
Him and Sagar knew every word to the songs id write, we’d get drunk at parties and they’d be singing along as loud as they could. It gave me a lot of confidence back then.
On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the juke box and put Dig by Incubus on. If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe id have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said happy Christmas and left.
Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the main land to the isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialling then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone. As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived to the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late.
Joe’s body was never found.
Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body. We still haven’t found Joe.
As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, freckled angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since.
My first ever album I named Freckled Angels in tribute of one of the best people I ever knew.
Skip forward some years. I’d been sitting on this song I wrote a few years ago. It always felt a little incomplete. It was going to be my next release, but I was dreading it because of this feeling of incompletion. I decided, very last minute, to do something about it. I sat by my piano, and the rest of the song fell out of me. I hadn’t thought about Joe in a little while, and the song initially wasn’t going to be about him, but the words all fell out of me. I wrote and recorded a whole 2 minutes extra, recording each part as I wrote it. Tears spewing out of my eyes pretty much the whole time, and decided not to do my usual thing of perfecting each line, I just recorded every line as it came. This will be my next release
This song is what keeps me from doing this. To inflict this pain on people I love is the exact opposite of what I want. I felt and still feel my existence is more painful to them than my death would be. But at least this way they have me to center that anger on. As painful as it is. If I left they would have no closure. I don’t know what is better.
Hey Jeremy, sending love.
In a world of madness, tranquility….
I’ve spent so long trying to think, REN just puts the worlds across so beautifully.
His video For Joe adds another section to the end of this song
Ren has stepped forward to speak for those that don't get heard - that's why people have fallen in love with him and his music.
You were not at all gross, you were being honest in your grief. Thank you for sharing 😊
He has call backs to at least four other songs. The dude wrights with depth and meaning. He’s a brilliant artist. Thank you Ren!
Have you ever heard the title of this track said so many times.. .. anywhere, in any context. And then the spoken work at the end. The package as a whole opens up a subject to be discussed that is usually taboo. So even without any critique of the musicality, Ren has put out another piece of art that transcends taboo and deserves all the praise that it receives
It's heart warming to see you taking off your analytical hat and speaking from a place of true lived experience. I think this is the whole point of Rens music, as he stated in Hi Ren, " My music is very connecting, and the people who find it respect it. " In my humble opinion he is one of those generation artists that come along and shift the societal needle a little bit, he has unwittingly widened the Overton window. I think, from a male point of view if you have not thought about this topic at some stage in your early life, sadly you are the exception, not the rule.
Thanks for the heart felt comments really moved me 😊
Thank you, sis for a great reaction
The beginning of the video is all luv; ty.
Beautifully said. My brother-in-law took his own life ten years ago. The remnants of his final decision will never leave our family. Quiet desperation took his life in the middle of a wonderful life, full of love. A terrible thing. Ren knows how to bring the sadness and loss to the surface and somehow makes it beautiful. Best of luck to you and your husband.
Showing sadness, loss,.etc,.shedding tears are signs of strength! For being.able.to.show your vulnerability your thoughtfulness, and your individual truth.
The line that always get me is when he is walking by the railroad tracks and says"never felt like the right time." That's close to home for me. I'm still here, and plan to be for many more years, but that hits the bone.
As Ren has said... hes a Therapist Wet Dream... given the fact he so Openly shares his story, his emotions, to all of us...
I see it as an Honor to experience your emotions so openly!
Thank Ren for that!!!
Im a 56 yo Hard Rock guitarist for 40 plus years... Hard is whats seen in me, expected, yet Ren has opened me up to show my own faults, emotions thats been locked away forever...
Thank Ren!
I Do! Daily!!!
Thank you for sharing. Beautiful reaction.
Thank you, I think it's important to cry and can often lead to healing. One thing I have noticed in Ren's music is he always creates a sense of duality, juxtaposition. It can be in his lyrics, instrumentals, visuals but it's always part of his music.
I've been deeply affected by suicide and been to a place that only the firsthand knowledge how devastating it is to others prevented me from commiting. So grateful for your words. Love to all, I am proof healing happens.❤
I had a big resonance with Ren, a very similar situation happened to me. I was undiagnosed with fibromyalgia for 10 years, given Opioid painkillers which obviously didn’t work, not knowing what was wrong with me sent me into deep depression and anxiety. I went through a really hard time and had very dark thoughts so much. When I finally got diagnosed it was like going into the light from the dark! I can now accept it and that my body is OK, it’s my brain that’s mixed up. I’m now able to live a fairly normal life.
I feel for you with the sadness that you have been through, life isn’t fair sometimes!
Music is one of my diversions, I’ve found a lot of new artists (Including Ren and Chinchilla), but there’s also a band of 3 sisters from Mexico who have come from performing a cover of Metallica Enter Sandman when they were 9, 12 and 14 - that was 2014, they sort of helped me get through some of this by following them. One of the big things about them is their songwriting is about life and can be quite dark. Strangely they performed on the MTV VMAs last year, they’re called The Warning. They wrote a concept album in their mid teen years called Queen of the murder scene, it’s a masterpiece of an album! Queen of the Murder Scene is a concept album which tells the story of a disturbed young woman's inner journey from desire to obsession to murder and madness. The songs are told from the point of view of either the young lady's inner psychopath or her good side, which has a conscience - until it does not.
Maybe you might find it interesting.
Thank you. I was just sitting on the edge of my bathtub crying and having some thoughts that I have everyday and in the beginning of the video your message helped me. I try to find helpful things when these thoughts take me over and it helps until the next day
I think it was really clever of him to make the first half so "catchy". It creates an earworm that echoes the way that intrusive thoughts do, literally, intrude. I kept catching myself humming it in inappropriate places and realising that is a glimpse into that headspace of thoughts coming unbidden.
I tragically lost my father and uncle to suicide, and throughout my upbringing, I witnessed and experienced distressing events. In 2019, I hit a low in my own mental health and attempted to take my own life. Currently, I'm actively seeking trauma therapy, eagerly awaiting its commencement. Although I'm facing significant challenges, I'm confident that I'm on the path towards healing. My doctor has temporarily given me treatment with sertraline and mirtazapine, which I hope will provide some relief.
Great reaction! SUBBED you, I love your energy.
EDIT: Lastly, The Andy part, thank you for opening up and sharing. I've had the opportunity to visit China several times recently, and my wife, who is Chinese, lost her mother. In Chinese culture, there's a belief that your departed loved ones will eventually visit you in your dreams, offering a form of confirmation and solace. It's a concept that resonates deeply within China. My wife as experienced a dream sent from her mother recently.
Thank you for your vulnerability and support! Sooo grateful you are here and I hope that you can find relief from your pain. Sending you care delightful human! 🫶🏻
@@delightfulpodThank you, and I wish the same for you! ❤
I feel like Ren reactions, even on channels that aren't specific to psychology, are a healthy form of group therapy.
Your tears my tears Rens tears raise the tide to lift people who,lives need to be assured that it is not better off for others to be rid of them.
Oh boy the mascara ! ❤ I need to watch that movie again! I have never ever relied and anyone ever, not since my early childhood where I was so let down, neglected, had to fend for myself. It took me till I was 49 years old, my goal was to hit 50, free from being a victim and to be free to love myself. The thing was I had no idea how to even like myself let alone live myself, I disgusted myself, i was my toughest critic, I was never good enough. How the hell was I going to change almost 50 years of telling myself I’m dumb, I’m stupid, I’m ugly, your not wanted…. I worked incredibly hard with an intuitive healer/therapist. She was a beautiful soul and that made all the difference, other therapists where only there to pay there bills they didn’t care. I am a nurse and one of the most important aspects of providing care is to be present, to listen, not judge that person, empathy and really doing your best to hear what they are saying and what they have been through, compassion is huge, we all have a need to be heard. The medical profession are doing a huge injustice to their patients. To be honest, any appointments with any health professional just triggered me and made things worse, hence why I found help with an alternative source. We worked on medication, grounding, calming my nervous system down and finding my inner power. We worked on me creating my story, my timeline of my life from start to finish. I worked on it for a couple of weeks, lots of emotions came up for me, but as I told my story and we talked through what happened and how I interpreted it as a 4,5,6… year old. I saw how resilient I was, all of the things I went through were huge, but I also saw how far I have come, after such a disadvantaged back ground, she pointed out all of the incredible things I have done and who I was as a person . The one thing that changed everything was seeing that I came from two generations on booths of my parents sides, of alcoholics , violence and narcissistic abusers. I realised I had raised three well adjusted children to adulthood, who where kind, non judgemental, loved by many, fun, well adjusted and well. That struck me. Mg children are my world and I felt such pride in myself for beating the odds and stopping the cycle and even without having any structure, routine and a very dysfunctional up bringing, I did it, I help create 3 incredible human beings! From there the journey to self love, forgiveness (that was maybe almost there) I saw my own truth and managed to shut that negative self talk off with practice - using mindfulness, my head was for the first time free of the voice in my head putting me down. I realised that I was a really good person, I am kind and a good mum a good nurse a good friend a good human being. I do not need to be an Olympic gymnast, a model, have intelligence, lol I hustler need to know my own truth and stand tall in my own skin. I’m perfect just the way I am. Self love gave me freedom, peace and a sense of accomplishment ❤ great channel I’m new here. Loving your very personal and very real take on human suffering with compassion, I love that. I remember when I did my nursing training we were told that crying was unprofessional, that we had to basically be robots. Well that wasn’t for me, I cried with my patients and their families, I hugged them and supported them and people don’t look at you as being unprofessional they look at you like a human ❤❤❤
Thank you soooooo much for sharing this story! I’m in my 20s and „in the trenches“ right now… I gave myself til 30 and now, reading your post, I’m thinking of upping my cutoff age. Honestly it seems I just need a single light at the end of the tunnel, to make it worth it, which surprises me big time. Really, all the… I don’t wanna even try to put it into words. What I find is so revolting, I just can’t. Now.
Wonderful reaction, especially the bit after the song. So real. Same reason we love Ren.
Thank you for opening up and showing real emotion. My life changed when I learned that it’s okay to cry.
Depression and Insomnia are great work of rens too. Also i love "its alright" and Diazepam.
I think it's about time you watched a fun, feel good video of Ren. Ren isn't all doom and gloom. I would suggest "Power". A very catchy chorus, it just keeps dwelling in your head.
Liked this reaction and already subbed weeks ago. And remember, showing emotions is a strength and crying is healing.
Beautiful Reaction.Ty for the Ren love he is Amazing at expressing his talent and just at being a human being. sending a hug right back to you for the loss of you and your husbands friend and anyone who that has lost someone to suicide as i have too..leaves so many questions unanswered and so many what ifs
Ren has gone through so much in his life, and the fact that hes willing to share this with all of us is just mind blowing. Hes really such an amazing human being and artist 💜
In my late teens and early twenties I dealt with a lot of depression and suicidal ideation. By age 21 in 2008 I was at my breaking point. Id had enough, and was driving out to a canyon to jump. A song on a new CD I bought came on and made me break down crying. I pulled over and started to rethink things. Just then my phone rang and it was a close friend of mine. As soon as he heard my voice he just said "Come pick me up, right now. I'm here." That song and that friend saved my life that night. And I can never say thank you enough for either of them.
That song was "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin.
Three months later I lost one of my closest friends to suicide. Living with knowing that he was feeling all those things that I had been feeling, but that I couldn't see it, that I didnt know, is the hardest part. That I couldn't save him the way that someone saved me. That if I had just called him, he could still be here. I think about that a lot. His birthday is coming up soon, and also the 16th anniversary of his death the month after, so he has been on my mind more often lately. It's hard, so damn hard, but im handling it.
The last bit of "Suicide" by Ren hits me so hard because all those thoughts are thoughts I've been dealing with for 16 years.
If your would do a reaction to "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin it would mean the world to me. I'm not sure you'll even check the comments on a video this old, but I want you to know that you are a bright spot in this world, and watching your reactions helps me through. Much Love.
It hits me too, for similar reasons. But it also makes me happy. Happy because art is beautiful, shared emotion is beautiful, and life goes on.
That was a great reaction to a really emotional piece, especially given your personal experience. This was the first Ren song I heard and it left me speechless and in tears. I had never experienced such deep and genuine emotion by an artist as that of Ren in the last section. The novel way he constructs his work is so refreshing compared to the historical constraints of the music industry, you never know what you're going to get and I love that. Cheers.
❤🙏❣ so U know...❤ bless
Freckled Angels is the song he wrote for Joe shortly after his death and is often overlooked for his newer music. It's one of my personal favorites. (And is the title of his first album)
I am suffering myself from double depression, chronical depersonalization, anxiety disorder and a chronic pain disorder. Suicide thoughts (but not plans) are a regular part of my life. In 2020 I lost a brother in mind and heart by suicide.
I never had anyone I could have so much fun with and do stupid / crazy things. That's something I never do but with him it was possible.
And we shared our dark side, told us about our demons.
It still hurts as hell and just thinking about that one movement and what came next (he killed himself with a rope) makes me feel miserable and sad and empty. I can feel so much with what describes here.
This hit so hard. This hit so deep!
So honest. So true. So brutal. So painful: Emotionally and even physically.
Beautiful how you shared your thoughts about Andy, Zack, his dream... Just as sure as Ren´s words here can hold people from committing suicide and start looking (more) for help and opening up, I know your story can "help" family and friends of a lost one - even if it´s for just seconds - by creating something warm and beautiful in heart and mind amidst all the grief and pain 👊😍
Thank you for sharing. ❤❤❤
I would love to see your breakdown on Ren's trilogy The Tale Of Jenny and Screech (full version). It's groundbreaking. Great job on this one. He is a true master of painting a picture.
Ren has an interview on 'The Zach Sang Show' where we really learn what he went through which is incredible to listen to and can really help to understand a lot of his music.He also explains the meaning behind the pig mask :)
I appreciate the humanness of your reaction. Sometimes we don't allow therapists to be human and you show they can.
Watched this 100s of times n kills me everytime!
Me too.
Everyone thinks that it would be great if someone stops... But for some people... what is there here for them anymore... I count myself among those.... If I was just a little braver.
Stay strong! You´re worth to find happier moments again and even though bad things are always gonna be there, you will! Cherish them... 👊
th-cam.com/users/shortsaCt56HqNu24?si=NiHve-WV1FoTpPTP
♥respecting you shareing, respecting your work. the pain of suicide sticks to so many of us. i hope you guys are doing well, and i hope your husband start playing again, as a musician myself with similar experience, playing music is so healing, since some feelings are hard to put into words and when you play you might not even noticing but when you hear yourself play you sort of start to listen to your own (putaway) feelings again and man, playing music just for myself is the best coping mechanism i got.
Thank you for your sweet post! He has started playing again, but getting back into writing and recording has taken time and that’s ok.Maybe I’ll share a clip of him and Steve, the remaining two friends/bandmates playing soon. Thank you for connecting to my story, music is so healing, you are so right my friend! 🫶🏻
Great song and reaction. The ending hit me everytime. It would be interesting to see you reaction and analys AURORA - The river that would be nice..
Somewhere on the comments page of the Suicide video Ren wrote this but it wasn’t pinned so it can get lost in the comments. This is beautiful and relevant to the song and everyone should read it.
Today I want to write something beautiful and eloquent but I’ve been staring at my computer screen for the past 10 minutes blankly. So I’ll just write.
Today, the 1st of June is my friend Joe’s birthday.
I first met Joe when I was 8 years old, my friend Josh said I had to meet this guy, so we both walked over to his, it took about 10 minutes from my house. I was greeted by this kid covered head to toe in freckles, he grinned at us, climbed onto the back of his sofa and screamed “Swanton Bomb!” then front flipped off the top and landed right onto his back on a stone floor. He lay still for a moment, twitched a few times, then got up, grinned at us, brushed himself off, and did it again.
This was Joe. He’d do anything to make people laugh. He ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was there when we stole our first cigarettes out of his mums pack, way too young. He was there when I had my first kiss, with a girl twice my size on the back of the 42 bus. He was there when I first got so drunk I threw up in the woods after drinking as much white lightning Cider as we could. I was there when he did his first backflip on skates, and saw him do a 720 off of the pier cave, that moment became legendary.
Joe was the funny one in our friend group, he’d make us laugh till it hurt. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was impossible not to like him. Usually we put celebrities, athletes and actors on pedestals, turn them into role models and admire them from a far. The person I admired was Joe.
Him and Sagar knew every word to the songs id write, we’d get drunk at parties and they’d be singing along as loud as they could. It gave me a lot of confidence back then.
On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the juke box and put Dig by Incubus on. If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe id have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said happy Christmas and left.
Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the main land to the isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialling then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone. As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived to the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late.
Joe’s body was never found.
Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body. We still haven’t found Joe.
As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, freckled angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since.
My first ever album I named Freckled Angels in tribute of one of the best people I ever knew.
Skip forward some years. I’d been sitting on this song I wrote a few years ago. It always felt a little incomplete. It was going to be my next release, but I was dreading it because of this feeling of incompletion. I decided, very last minute, to do something about it. I sat by my piano, and the rest of the song fell out of me. I hadn’t thought about Joe in a little while, and the song initially wasn’t going to be about him, but the words all fell out of me. I wrote and recorded a whole 2 minutes extra, recording each part as I wrote it. Tears spewing out of my eyes pretty much the whole time, and decided not to do my usual thing of perfecting each line, I just recorded every line as it came.
During this campaign I will be raising money for the RNLI, the group of brave men and women who spent hours tirelessly looking for Joe after the night he went missing. I'll also be donating 50% of the profit on all copies of the 'Freckled Angels' album directly to Joes family as a nice surprise gift. I will include links to the RNLI donation page below where 100% of the money will go to support them, I will be travelling to the UK later this month to make a music video, and have carved out a couple of days where I will travel to my home town on the isle of Anglesey to present the royal national lifeboat institution with a cheque of all the money raised.
Turn on notifications for the video here: th-cam.com/video/n3JNtfi4Vb0/w-d-xo.html
Raising money for RNLI :
www.justgiving.com/page/ren-gill-1685546882254?Link&/ren-gill-1685546882254&
Freckled Angels album: renmakesmerch.com/products/freckled-angels-cd
Presave Suic*de: found.ee/ren-suic-de
I've never read this before. Thank you for sharing it.
This track always reminds me of how lucky we are to be here now. Such a tragic story beautifully portrayed. Heart-touching reaction.
Thank you for the real reaction. Been on that bridge, I chose not to jump. You then feel like a failure.
thank you for continuing to react and support my favourite artist ever,sending big love to you and James from the UK ❤❤
You are doing a great job with these reactions. Keep it going. I am sure your channel will skyrocket.
Please do Ren's "Heretic" and "Depression". Or any Ren's song for that matter😂His catalog is fantastic.
Also, I recommend you to dive into NF's music. You'll love him as well❤
Thing is ren has that ability to make anyone cry the way he words stuff every one can relate
I really needed to hear that beginning.. thanks
The end of the song suicide was part of another song called for joe. You should check that one out as well. It's a good tribute to his friend joe
I'm so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing your feelings in this video. I really believe Ren is helping people to connect with their real feelings, both sorrow and joy, in a reciprocity of healing among all of us.
Wonderful, thoughtful reaction.
Please watch "For Joe" to complete it, then read what Ren had to say. It's beautiful.
seen lots of reactions to this song i cryed with you
I've heard this song a hundred times, I cry every time no matter what. This and Ren's song (For Joe) hit extremely deep for me. I've lost friends to suicide, and I've tried doing the same. Shortly after my 18th birthday. Thankfully I had wonderful friends that helped me. I'm 48 and my life has had ups and downs. I wouldn't change it for the World!
So glad that you are here and have persevered! 🫶🏻
Thank you for sharing your experience. This is one of the most beautiful things is that the community is hear to listen to your story and offer support and compassion without judgement. Stay strong this was an amazing review
Absolutely touching, magical and beautiful. Tysm for sharing. Wishing you infinite peace and love. ❤🩹🙏❤
A true heartfelt reaction .. thank you and you were not a bit gross or weak ...seen this video dozens of times and it still moves me every time
When he struggles with life as a younger person , he does not know what is coming. When your own family have no time for you, because they are so busy raising a family and you become an after thought, you suffer. There is no perfect life, regardless of your status. Everybody was meant to suffer, it is just how you handle it.
So profound!
Random internet guy here. I’m sending you a hug. Thanks for reminding us that it’s very ok to genuinely feel emotions and let it flow. Also, thank you for sharing your husband’s dream with us.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I've never lost anyone to suicide but I've always been able to put myself in others' shoes (to the extent that one can) and every reaction to this song like yours always has me tearing up with them. It hurts me to see people hurt like that. When you spoke of the dream your husband had and Andy said, "When you become the ocean you're everywhere" I teared up again, not even knowing that his ashes were spread in the ocean. Something about that hit me in a weird way. And then you revealed that his ashes were spread in the ocean it hit me so much harder. What a beautiful and strange thing it is to be human and have the emotions that we do and can connect with each other because of those emotions. Bless you and R.I.P. Andy.
Thank you for this comment, it felt like a hug! 🫶🏻
Thank you for your honesty. I know loved one that carried out the terrible act. It’s the unanswered questions that hurts the most. We have to live with that burden. Thanks for sharing & reacting this song by Ren.
It is a complicated grief, sending you care as you continue to heal dear human!
That's a hauntingly beautiful story thank you for sharing with us ❤🙏
I myself have been thru a lot of suicide loss and what ive learned suicide doesnt end the pain they are feeling it just transfers it to someone else
Sending you care dear human!
Beautiful reaction. Thanks.
Seeking help is not a weakness.
Don't worry, more fun and unexpected songs will come. Also different musically; now continue enjoying these pearls of beautiful rarity. Although hard.
Thank you for your beautiful reaction
Ren is good at giving you the feels.
Thank you for your reaction
your intro hit home alot! Thank you for being you. Have gained a new follower
Amazing reaction. Thank you
don't apologize for a human emotion. don't feel bad to show it either. I personally respect someone more who shows their emotions more than someone who cant or doesn't. as a person who has struggled with suicide all my life, holding it in is one of the worst things you can do.
An animated Ren reminds of the 1981 animated film "American Pop"; if you've not seen it you should check it out. It has a great storyline and great music. Suicide is devastating to those close and afar; I've lost family and friends to suicide, but then there's Van Gogh; Hemingway; Robin Williams just a great sense of artistic loss of what could have been. The comforting thought is that if you carry them in your heart they're never really gone. A lucid moment or dream of our loved ones convinces me there is a Heaven and they watch over us with the same or greater love. Thanks for sharing your reaction and personal story.🙏🏻🇺🇸✨💖✝️
Mom, I can't tell you anymore so I'll write it here. I miss you. I know I've tried a few times myself, seeing that you are now at peace and I am not. It hurt to watch you do it. It still hurts, and I can't find the anger either. In a weird way I'm glad you succeeded. You're now at peace, but I can't find it ever again. I'm angry at what made you do it. I'm not mad at you. I love you, I miss you.
Definitely need to see Foe Joe too. Live version of the last half of this song plus extended. I think it would be a good one too see. Hard, yes but it is healing as well.
Ren saves lives.
You also need to hear “For Joe” as well. While this is pain dealing with illness plus losing a dear friend as he did with even darker pain and grief.
Let the River run as Aurora sang. Most if not all us RENagades empathize with losing someone and not bring to be there when needed at times.
Take care. This community will uplift you.
I think the musical aspect makes the subject more acceptable. How many fall through the cracks, and how many are invisible until they are gone.
All day I have been drawn to this song. When it came out I had a strong connection to it, I lost my Dad to suicide many years ago. Since this song was released, I have now lost my younger brother to suicide.
Take it from me, no matter how bad life is, please talk to someone.
So so sorry for those huge losses dear human 💔
While this song is still fairly fresh in your mrnd, I highly suggest that you react to "For Joe"... the two songs are connected by the monologue. It's a beautiful tribute to his friend Joe. My best to you! ❤
You need to watch For Joe by Ren. It’s a follow up to this song. A beautiful tribute. ❤
Thank you for your reaction. I’m so sorry for your husband’s and your pain. My Mom committed suicide 10 years ago and I’m still battling with it. I’ve gone through all the stages and then I start all over again . I myself tried after my Mom but I’m still here. I’m hurt my kids so badly 😞😞
Sending you so much compassion and care dear human! You are meant to be here, your resilience is beautiful even if born through suffering, I am cheering on every step that brings you closer to finding yourself and giving yourself love!
Another perspective on this is a song named “first day of the end of my life” by Amigo the Devil.
How To Be Me, and For Joe, go into this a bit more if you’re comfortable watching it. Enjoyed your honest, and sorry for your loss.
This song reminds me large percentage of victims are not depressed or suffer from something previously for this feeling to hit someone at any time regardless of wealth fame family career success. Part of the problem is not many people in general know how to deal with personal adversity and when they seek help too many people get turned away at their most unbareable point as happened sadly for Joe.
Great reaction to a great lyricist. I've subbed you,most us have been there. I lost two friends in close succession to suicide.😐
So so sorry for your losses!
Fucked up thing is it's not illegal or a crime for someone to commit suicide, but it's a crime or illegal to prevent someone from commiting suicide! They'll just label it as u holding that person against there will! That shit truly breaks my heart and shatters my soul!!!
Please don't apologise for sharing your feelings, crying or anything. This is a REACTION video and people watch them to see other people feel what they felt when they watched the original video. I have lost several friends (all Veterans) to suicide, this Nation loses 22 Veterans a DAY. 22 a DAY. We need to make it ok to have conversations about suicide and the things that might push someone in that direction. It's heartbreaking to see the after effects on those left behind.
I lost a friend to suicide years ago, his name was Les, although we all called him muppet because he was so animatedly funny and had us all in stitches, no matter what the situation, no matter what was going on in our lives.
One of our crew got sent down for murder and it broke him (it broke me too). Muppet was so distraught he couldn't do anything to save our friend from going to prison for weeks afterwards that he changed. Then one day he just simply vanished and no one could find him.
We reported it to the cops 24hrs after he couldn't be found at home or anywhere and they started looking for him.
72hrs after he'd been officially logged as missing I went for a walk with muppet's dog (Berkley) as no one was looking after him. I don't know what it was or the reason why, but I took him down some abandoned railway tracks so he could be let off the lead and have a run (he didn't like other dogs). We got 25 metres in to the tracks, which were now overgrown and a nice tree lined area. Beautiful place to walk down. So I lit a spliff and went to let Berkley off the lead. Suddenly he took off and damn near wrenched my arm out of its socket. All I could do was hold on to the lead and run after him.
Berkley ran straight to a tall tree and stopped at the bottom, whining and whimpering. He sat down and wouldn't move, staring and barking at the tree.
I looked at it and there was nothing there, until I looked round the back side of the tree. That's when I saw them. A pair of Timberland boots. They were muppet's, they were about 8ft off the deck.
He'd hanged himself from one of the branches wearing his favourite boots and one of our friend's hoodies that he'd borrowed, so he could be near him all the time he was in prison.
I had to cut him down and call the police, not what I should have done, but I couldn't just leave him there like that.
I don't know how long I sat there with him, it felt like an eternity until the cops turned up. It still feels like an eternity now.
August this year will be thirty years since it happened. I'm 48 now and it's still as raw as if it had happened yesterday. I miss that damn muppet and his infectious smile, I wish he could be around still to meet my two young lads, he'd have been an epic Uncle to them.
Every time I hear this track by Ren I get to bawling my eyes out. I'm having trouble seeing as I type this. I know EXACTLY what Ren has been through with Joe and is still going through to this very day.
Be strong brothers, call, shout, talk, holler, scream - say fcking something to someone. There is life beyond the point you're at now, no matter HOW bad you think it is at the moment, it's thousands of times better on down the road. But you've got to take that first step.
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"
Chapter 64 of the Dao De Jing.
Laozi - Chinese philosopher.
Wow, your story hit me friend! I’m sitting in tears in my kitchen with your pain and your love for Muppet. Thank you for spreading your light and your message of hope that was born from a place of hardship, that’s how you know it comes from the heart. ❤️
I wanted you to know that your heartbreaking and beautiful share has made a difference. A heartfelt thank you for the honor of knowing Muppet through your words and sharing your your message! th-cam.com/video/D8t7aKSm-10/w-d-xo.htmlsi=dOZioZf2L_xWY65r
@@delightfulpod I'm sorry if I caused you some upset. If it even helps one person hear the voice of hope, when they loosen the noose on the rope (to quote Ren), then my past pain, experience and suffering has done a thousand times more good, than it caused me trauma.
Muppet was the type of guy that would give you the shirt off his back and his last tin of baked beans in the cupboard, if he could help someone out of a hole.
He's still helping people to this day, by being the focus of this discussion and showing people that even though it was a bad thing in the short run - it's a good thing in the long run.
He always used to jokingly say "If I'm any sort of an example to anyone, it's a bad one."
Well bud, in this instant you're wrong my departed friend. 😇
Hope to find a reaction to Aurora "Your Blood".
currently swimming in tears.....