Am I Alive or Am I Dead? (2002)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ต.ค. 2024
- This is a silent video I made for Dana Moser's Intro To Video class at Massachusetts College of Art in 2002. I shot it on miniDV tape at my parents' house in Marlborough on a freezing winter day. Enjoy.
Fun fact: this was Katya's drag race audition tape
they just mailed her the crown after watching
Whoa 😮 did not know this!!
i thought it was her crawling on the floor? 😅
if this comment is not a joke, freaking awesome.
This feels like a movie you would have found in the depths of the internet that became a viral underground hit and garnered some kind of urban legend that the man in the video was actually dead and being posed by his killer.
Lol I love this
Honestly we should still make that rumor happen lol
honestly yeah. i feel like if katya hadn't gotten successful and this video went viral on here it would gain the same reputation as videos like i feel fantastic or robert helpmann's daisy videos
I mean isn't this man dead by Katyas hands
Tracy is still puppeting that corpse to this day
It’s fascinating how one could see this young Brian and see his personality unfold as Katya without being surprised based on these photos.
Not photos either. A moving art piece, in both senses. Stupid and beautiful.
@@SDWife i love how still he is that you question whether it’s maybe really a photo only to see some other thing in the frame move. Like the toothpaste drip.
I have no idea what this sentence means
What photos babe
The toothpaste dripping off of your mouth in what appeared to be a static image was actually very cool.
they're all videos by the way, you can see leaves moving and things like that
@@ejej1187 yeah, I know! But the toothpaste part was great because the images tend to be appearing to be not moving (despite the fact that you can see breathing, muscle twitches, etc.)
katya is probably a pro at the mannequin challenge because i thought this was a really good slideshow until you pointed that out
Katya, in the David Lynch video challenge, you were truly wild at heart. Condragulations, you’re the winner of this week’s challenge!
*Guest judge Laura Dern claps and gives Katya a knowing smile *
@@Lumi_F so much YES to this. Like the John Waters episode but with Lynch.
really appreciate your continued candidness
Katya, in the David Lynch challenge you made we went to fire walk with you and on the runway you were smoother than blue velvet
Oh that’s what this is! Bravo, Katya!! this is disturbing in a very lynchian way
The level of mannequin stillness realness is giving Oscars. Get this woman her BAFTA!
Give this woman her EGOT, purple heart, pullitzer, Nobel peace prize
@@laschlein9470‼️
🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆
this was actually incredible. the last 30 or so seconds were genuinely terrifying
Yeah I stopped laughing so quick lol
I'm watching at night, alone. This is pure psychological horror
@@krzysio609 ME TOO 🫣🫣🫣
Which is better?
WTF I skipped to the end and now I won't sleep 😭
A true masterpiece made by the woman of the century
a good christian woman, to add to that
I would expect nothing less from a biological woman who only wears makeup in a god honoring way with her church pal Tracy.
The return to your channel via old student art films is the best thing to happen on TH-cam in years. Thank you for sharing them, I’m obsessed xx
This is one step away from becoming analog horror. This is great
Right? It gives me sort of Alan Resnik vibes
I appreciate how you could've easily just used still photos but instead just stood very still
For an "Introduction to Video" class? You couldn't use still photos and expect to get a passing grade, no matter how Katya you are.
That would kinda defeat the purpose
Katya, your genre, if you could be classified, is "ominous comedy". The surface is comic, but we know there's something lurking underneath. You are great.
Ominous comedy is on point!!
Cominous
Believe it or not, katya was *20* here. He was in art college at this time plus, always had a perfect set of pearly whites.
We've seen so many photos of Young Trixie Brian, but I don't believe we've seen much Young Katya Brian. The negative way he describes himself you would think that Young Katya Brian was super unattractive, which nope! Slightly skinhead looking at times, and at one point kinda ghost looking haha. But still a very nice looking young man.
@@sarataylor6169 always been hot. still hot. never gonna not be hot.
@@sarataylor6169 "Slightly skinhead looking at times" brand new sentence.
Despite all the meth, Brian still has miraculously perfect teeth.
@@sarataylor6169 he looks like he could be an extra on the set of the movie American History X
This is the vulnerability we have been waiting to see, great job this week
Must be due to the no smoking streak
This hit a little too close to home. As someone who’s been struggling with depression their whole life this was a perfect representation of what it feels like. Thank you for sharing with us.
I completely agree. I was just ranting about how I don’t even feel alive because maybe I’m not then this dropped
@@cwhite6397 off topic but I’ve been feeling that way myself a lot since Covid and it turns out so have a lot of the people I know. Which just then creeps me out even more. Why did so many of us feel like we had died and this wasn’t real anymore after the pandemic? Such a weird side effect of the shut down and the virus in general.
@@plutonium2 Because humans are social creatures and, despite how much we rely on technology and normalize the use of social media in our day-to-day, it didn't totally bridge the gap. The brain basically punishes the body by releasing negative chemicals if it hasn't interacted face-to-face with another brain in awhile (this is why total isolation will drive a person to become incredibly anxious, lose track of time, and eventually even hallucinate.)
@@-VoDkAsVengeance- well perhaps. I’m not sure that it is the definitive answer but it’s an engaging speculation.
I actually really love the "Is it better? Or worse?" section at the end. Gives a deep meaning to us glasses wearers.
That was the first thing I thought of! 😂 Art.
Remember katya used to say that “ when I was 19 in college, my idea was horrible “ . Is this what called horrible ?!
its wild to see how different her old videos are from trixie's old videos lol
The last seconds were more unsettling and terrifying than 90% of last decade thrillers. You did a great job!
I've always wanted to get a glimpse of what the early art student years were like for Katya, I really am endlessly happy she's sharing these pieces. Can't wait to see more, hell, a retrospective podcast or even a gallery show would be amazing. Great stuff!!
I'm no art critic, but I honestly think this is the perfect time to post this, cause it's surreal in a way that I think people who enjoy analog horror type stuff will appreciate. Maybe it's a weird thing to say, but I love the complete silence. It adds to the tone and holds my attention really well.
Ah, the dichotomy. Although the film was silent, I could hear the angst-ridden screams of the soul. So jarring. But then, there would be moments when one would notice that the vignettes were not motionless photos that captured a split second of time but were flawlessly held stills in "real time". Little things like the dripping of the toothpaste gave it away.
Katya, I adore your dark and zany humour and how you fully commit to whatever action you take. More please! ❤❤❤
i liked when katya was on the bench upside down it was p. funney
This is stylistically very reminiscent to the works of Celia Condit ("Possibly In Michigan"). And like a lot of her works, it's also really cathartic despite (or maybe because of) the sense of unease.
Being deeply depressed and suicidal for almost a decade has turned a lot of ostensibly opposite feelings into basically the same thing. I'm indifferent to most things, I feel frozen and stagnant and empty. This piece perfectly reflects how that feels. The expressions of "happiness" looking grotesquely exaggerated to the point of fear, like a disguised cry for help, hit pretty close to home. Wasn't expecting to cry from a homework assignment/project from 21 years ago today. Thank you for sharing this Brian/Katya
i have been waiting to see these experimental films for so many years, love it
Truly we've been waiting!!
Lord, I pray that you keep me on Earth long enough to see the day Katya transitions to directing/producing independent feature films
I felt this in my bones
I was almost braced for a jump scare by the end
But are the bones sticking out? 🔮
@@hermeticmoth mama, that’s a fracture 😨
The first student film I've ever sat through, I would've clapped.
As a young person I loved watching student films, I later became a film student, and afterwards kept going to see more student films wherever possible. I really liked this!!! I find that raw 20-year-old sensibility exciting. I’m also so happy to experience Katya two decades later.
I'm glad there are people like you out there, because I'd rather stick a fork in my eye than watch some overgrown teenagers' amateur films 😂 But I recognize that SOMEONE has to encourage young artists. You're out here taking several for the team. ❤ To me, there is literally nothing worse than hearing: "Hey! I wrote you a [peom/song/short story]." 😂
love the new "old videos"!! I think they help to get katya's art recognized which is often overshadowed by her beauty or "quirkiness".
this is it, mama. Let your art shine.
How could this not be a backroom vibe viral creepypasta video from 2000’s ?
BALD. FROM. BIRTH. We stan a consistent queen. ALWAYS delivering on the promise to be bald.
This made me think about those "I'm not a robot" things where you have to click on which pictures show a horse or something meanwhile a machine learns what it means to think like a human.
Yikes, you f’n nailed it. Catch 22 meets 2001: a space odyssey.
Aka this video is a social documentary
Left me feeling, both, understood and confused.
Can’t wait for the stage performance.
Some old youtube energy. They don't make 'em like this anymore. Love you katy
Ooh. Vintage Katya with no views or comments yet? I'm here for it.
So, you’ve always been like this…
our best filmmaker
truly one of the films of all time by the first woman ✨😍
Honestly, I love this. Hope we get to see even more from your video archives.
not alive or dead but a secret third thing
This...had me teary eyed. It spoke so profoundly about depression and anxiety without a single word, sound, or music track. One's mind is loud on the inside, yet so silent to everyone else watching. This short film served as a reminder that I'm not the only silent struggler. We see you, hear you, and love you Katya. So talented, even though you doubt yourself often as a true artist tends to do. It's the creativity that helps one channel it all. Looking forward for more, and of course at your own pace. ❤
Oh gawd, well said 💜
This is soooo good!! It made me feel so uneasy which means the video did it’s job well haha. Also, love taking a peek at Katya’s creative past, so interesting to see.
I never quite could put my hand on why I always felt so connected to, or why i liked Katya/ Brian so much. After seeing this I understand why. Thank you Brian for sharing yourself with the world the way you do. I’m very happy and honoured to say I’m a fan of yours.
Senior project?
What kind of devil witchcraftery has transported us to a baby-Brian-buffoonery video?!?
Loved it 😮
the last 30 seconds is some ari aster shit, genuinely unnerving, slay!
Thank you for capturing how it feels battle depression💖
I’m not sure how you nailed how I’ve always felt. This is incredible 🖤
A Shrodingers cat type situation..You made it through, Katya.. You're well out of the box 💜🌱
okay i love this
THIS DESERVES AN EMMY A GRAMMY AN OSCAR AND A NOBEL PEACE PRIZE!!!!
This reminds me of the shark by Damien Hirst, looks alive but is dead. It perfectly represents that state of limbo between what you feel and what you are, the sense of separation from yourself and everything around you. Thank you for sharing.
My EUPD still puts me into dissociative states....like everything is crisp, in perfect clarity, but it's as if you're stuck between time lines.
Thank you for these gifts, strange lady
All of a sudden, Brian's vampire phase makes total sense, seeing as he looks like Nosferatu here.
why did i just get so emotionally invested in this guys life, we need more 😂
You've always been brilliant. I love and appreciate you so much.
This is so, so good. The reverb of the old camera really sells it
these are so thought provoking
thank you for sharing, can’t wait to see more
I never thought I would again feel the feeling of it being like 2008 and you find someone's youtube channel full of art school assignments and you just get a read on their psyche
These are makin me really miss being in art school in the 2000s. What a time.
This is amazing, Katya, and it really inspires me as a performer and artist to see that you started out doing something like the stuff I'm doing now. And now you've made a life out of your art! I hope you take pride in that every day and I'm glad you're giving us the opportunity to celebrate the work you created before and outside of Katya
This made me strangely emotional
It gives analog horror! I actually really love this
this is the sort of video that will circle around the internet in several years, context unknown.
i quite like it.
Thank you for this-intro to video never looked so good
Thank you for sharing these, it's so cool getting a glimpse of your past.
I like this thanks for posting 9 months ago
This feels like a video art installation you aren't supposed to laugh at but can't stop yourself from laughing at
this is a cinematic masterpiece. you said a lot with no words.
What impresses me the most about this is your ability to keep a straight face and not burst out laughing which doesn't seem to take much these days.... I love your laugh it's literally infectious! 😍
Wow this is actually really profound. Never quite found something that put into words exactly how I feel a lot of the time until now.
This is the art that I needed today.
I’m obsessed with this because I know how much you love David Lynch, and this screams Eraserhead to me.
Also gives 90s experimental tease, thanks Kayta!!
I’ve watched this about like… six times now. At first it was hilarious, but the more I watch it now I’m genuinely fascinated. In an unusual way I related to this being on the autism spectrum. Facial expressions are so difficult to express, along with tone. Reading people can be so hard. Even if unintended I felt seen.
This was impactful! Scary! I love it !
This was haunting and made my skin crawl
'Tell me you're an art student without saying you're an art student' challenge teas. I live!
There is no limit to how much I love this.
I appreciate this video. I sat here for the entire duration; hooked.
living for these ohmygod
Excellent use of quiet, stillness and space. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Wow this was actually so beautiful
Glad that my birth year gave us such a masterpiece🎉
This is like a combination of the dad from Strangers with Candy and an eye examination. ❤
It’s giving trainspotting i love it
This is great. So well done. Really enjoyable. Brilliant.
This is the best thing I've ever seen.
this was genuinely incredible wow
very beautiful, very powerful
Love it!! This video is giving me This House Has People In It vibes... you set the tone for creepy inexplicable short film. I still think the RuUnion "mother..." video is one of the best I've seen!!
i have chills. that was freaky yet compelling
This is so brilliant and cool!! I was hooked the whole time and there wasn't a word spoken! Brilliant
I needed this today, and will need it every day for the rest of forever. Thank you 🌟
I love you sharing your early video work with us. It’s fascinating to have a look into the mind of younger Brian. This was very interesting, yet it made me slightly uneasy.
This is some sort of cryptid/liminal space/backrooms Katya and I love it.
this is like when a cat presents you with a gift of a dead mouse. thank you so much.
An existentialist masterpiece that captures the nuances of emotion and subjectivity of human perception 10/10
can’t believe that in 2002 you were making masterpieces like this and i was just… shitting in my pull-ups. smh i should’ve been GRINDING
Idk i just cried cos i wasn’t “”happy” or couldn’t just make myself happy
& idk i feel this atm
& I’m glad it’s katya❤
I absolutely love it when people tune into their creative side. I loved this. Thank you for sharing this with us.