Because of the reminder to forgive last week, I sent a birthday card to someone I need to both forgive and reconcile with this week. A baby step, but a step nonetheless. Don’t even doubt whether or not this channel is spreading God’s truth, it is flowing through you and I appreciate you sharing that with us 💗💗
It's so annoying when people think the two are one in the same. After I say, "I forgive you," they expect full trust to be restored and whatever happened to just disappear.
@@jeremiahkirby6552 I agree that if you're withholding trust from the attitude of a grudge, that's wrong. But in serious issues such as sexual abuse, it is possible to forgive someone and not trust him. I guess I should've specified what I meant in context.
@@jeremiahkirby6552 I mean in certain situations you can forgive the person, yet it is not appropriate to keep the relationship going. If the person you are forgiving is a toxic person then it is not needed to keep them into your life. Or also sometimes it just isnt needed to keep talking to that person. I have had an ex bestfriend tell me sorry for personal reasons. However I did not feel like it was needed to keep talking and hanging out with her. I did forgive her, however I made it known that I thought it was best to cut ties with each other. I understand what you're saying though.
Thank you so much for doing this video. I had a heavy heart and was going to put on some music from TH-cam and saw your video. I am 21 years old and came out of a serious relationship a few months ago. We agreed to be the best of friends still but the day after we broke up I knew I needed time and space to heal. He reached out once but I didn’t answer. Since then I’ve felt like I needed to reach out or explain myself and my heart was heavy thinking about it this morning. This video was exactly what God was trying to speak to me. Deep down, my ex wasn’t loving the Lord as I was and wanted to go past all boundaries. That’s not love. We ended on good terms and I don’t need to reconcile or explain myself. He didn’t care about his walk with Christ so he wasn’t going to be able to care about mine. I forgive him. It’s in the past and I pray he comes to truly love God. I forgive him.
Wow God really used you to speak to me right now cuz I’m struggling to forgive my Aunt because of a certain situation God has really put it on my heart to let go but it is difficult
Thank you so much for sharing this! It is so true that the other people don't necessarily have to know that you have forgiven them and in many cases it is not possible. Forgiveness is between you and God.
Holy Spirit Seeker hi I totally agree . In my situation I want to be able to forgive but I can’t let them back into my life. Also do you know what the title of the video she was talking about was about how she forgave her ex and an exercise to do ?
Not all relationships should be reconciled - in such cases where they were in abusive or toxic relationship where the abuser in question shows no change in their behavior.
This video was perfectly timed in my life. I need to forgive someone who hurt me 2 years ago. Recently, I acted out of character and took revenge on this person and I've been feeling guilty about it. I think I'm going to try and reconcile with her.
This a difficult topic and not very easy for me to even get half way through this video because i really wish it was this simple with family. I forgive everyone and never hate people but it doesn't take away any pain at all because family are people you see everyday. Makes it difficult when they say horrible things to you and never once apologized. They do not respond to my tears- its almost inhuman. But they want to get along with me and want me around. Forgiveness is not a one time thing, but its like an everyday battle when you live with them and even if your relationship becomes good again, they still lack respect and make the same mistakes. With my father it was easier to control. I could just say "god pls let me forgive him" and that was it. I don't have to see him or talk..so easy because i was not around him. With my mom i could not bear to leave her even when i move out.
Koala Rizo I dealt with that and I harbored bitterness and it was the worst thing to do, because when time came and my family tried to do better though I oculi the see it because I kept getting hurt and wouldn’t forgive , they really were trying, and to this day I thank God sooo much , because I’ve just begun a relationship with them and a family is one of the most beautiful relationships you will ever have and I’m glad God worked In me and moved me to change myself instead of focusing on changing them and when I did that I could see God working . Also obey the lord , I never go to my mom for anything and this one time God moved me to tell go to my mom and let it all out, I cried for hours and hours and she stayed with me , I was going Through something so hard, and Gods been working , so please obey the spirit and allow the lord to work In you first, the prayer of a righteous man avails much , please pray too ! Make sure to ask for forgiveness before God and maybe even before your family even though it feels as if you’ve done nothing wrong or you not in the wrong! ❤️
I’ve never really had a big problem with holding grudges, personally, because i usually just put it behind me, not even necessarily on purpose, but I kind of just forget about it. I’m glad too, because it’s so much easier for me to forgive in most cases because my mind won’t let me hold the grudge. It just wants to let go. But I can remember a couple times where I held in some bitterness and also I had the same kind of situation you talked about in your last video with my ex-boyfriend, and praying about that and asking God to help me let go helped so so much! Thank you 💕
Great video about forgiveness and reconciliation. From my personal experience, we are commanded to forgive. Reconciliation is not a commandment but a choice. It's a very tricky process because it involves rebuilding trust. Few lesson learned points in order to effectively reconcile: 1. Are there any values placed in a relationship? Reason said is because if there is no value or little values placed, it'll make reconciliation a lot harder. 2. How much unresolved issues were involved? Reason said is because they can prevent reconciliation from happening. If they weren't attempted, then that's a red flag because you didnt try to get issues resolved. 3. Another red flag is if one person wants to resolve an issue, but the other "just want to reconcile". Reason said is because the other person seems like he/she doesn't wants to resolve an issue(s) which could potentially lead to fake reconciliation. Personally, fake reconciliation is worse than no reconciliation. I know talked a lot but I hope they can be insightful.
This is SO GOOD!!! I never really uunderstood the difference between the 2; but this really is helpful. There is this one girl in my class who just like....hates me. Hates me. I’ve tried to be nice and reach out to her and show Gods love to her , but when I do; she takes it as “ I’m trying to be a goody goody “ and she does whatever she can to make me look bad. ( also...we go to a Christian school....so... it makes it worse..... everyone assumes she is a Christian) And.......it annoys me so much, and just the way she acts, she has no desire to please the Lord, and because of that, she has been mean to me, and treated me like dirt. I feel bad saying so; but it’s just SO HARD to show the love of God to her sometimes. But this video has been so helpful, and I would appreciate any advice on how to handle this. ( sorry; I know it seems like I’m just ranting here on the comments!!!!😂😂😂😂) but THANK YOU for this video, you are working in so many peoples lives!!
Another great video, Becca! Thanks for making this and sharing it with us. I agree with everything you said in this, but there is one point I've heard made before (by Rodney Hogue, I think - he has some very solid teaching on forgiveness, as well as a book on it) which I think is worth adding: Just because we have reconciled a relationship, that doesn't necessarily mean that trust has been restored. We can forgive someone and want the best for them, without necessarily trusting them in the same way that we did before our trust was violated. The restoration of that trust is a separate process from reconciliation, though it may require reconciliation in order for it to happen at all. So to anyone who is hesitant to forgive or reconcile because you don't think you can trust the other person, know that they are separate processes that don't always happen together. You can reconcile with someone and then begin the long process of a restoration of trust... or not, as you see fit.
Great video, but please remember-you do NOT need to reconcile with someone who has abused you or horribly hurt you (biblically.) You should forgive them when you are sincerely able to, but you do not need to reconcile a relationship with someone who has abused you. Becca mentions that she did not need to reconcile with her ex as they were not getting back together (although only she is the one who can say if it was abusive or not.) please only forgive someone who has really, really hurt you. You do not need to try to be their friend or girlfriend again. God doesn’t want you to get hurt more.
Thank you for this, it's a great reminder that sometimes we do or do not need to reconcile, but we always do need to forgive as Christ forgave us. :) Love seeing encouraging videos like yours!
Yessss thank you for making this: I truly value your advice and wisdom that you are passing on! I've just clicked on the video, and I already know it's gonna be amazinggg!
Thank you so much for doing this video, Becca. You have no idea how much making that distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation has given me peace. I’ve never thought of it like that before. I just got out of a very unstable and abusive relationship, and I have been struggling with what it means to forgive him. There was no closure between us, and that has been really hard. Even though I know walking away from the cycle of abuse was the best thing for me and that I deserve to be treated better, it’s been so hard. Everyone expects me to be angry at him and to have all this animosity towards him for the way he treated me, but I just don’t. My heart breaks for him. I really wish there was something I could have done to help the deep hurt he has that causes him to lash out the way he does, but that is not something I am capable of. Healing is something only Jesus can do. I felt so guilty because I thought that forgiveness meant making everything right, but there is just no way for me to do that. Realizing that I can forgive him even though reconciliation is not possible is so freeing.
I forgive instantly but I cannot immediately ‘reconcile’ with someone if the relationship is toxic and usually it is God who tells me to get rid of it or at least have a break from it as prior to this I would have tried very hard to have a healthy friendship but sometimes to fix a friendship , a break is needed. For example , if you are constantly arguing , constantly not on the same page , it is evident that the relationship/friendship is not healthy. This point is reinforced by the Lord constantly reminding you to cut it out . However, I try to be friendly to all and loving regardless .
Thank you so much for sharing! I really appreciate your videos! I have really been thinking about your last video on forgiveness. I have felt the Lord stirring my heart to change some things in my life and to start afresh. Thanks so much!
This is so amazing how I’m currently dealing with this and you are literally explaining it to me like you know my situation, God is using you in such amazing ways xx💜
Thank you so much for this video Becca. You are an amazing women of God. Beautiful inside and out! Please could you make an in depth video about fasting?
You gave a lot of good points in this video, but, I'd like to add another thought: "He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends" Proverbs 17:9. Meaning, if one has already tried to discuss something with a friend but nothing has changed, be careful when trying to discuss it again. Because if you are still hoping to reconcile things with this friend, repeating the issue over and over again might make things worse. Instead, I would say that you should surrender it to God. Maybe you've tried and tried to make things better but it just seems like things have gotten worse. So, surrender it to God. Choose to trust God with the situation. Maybe this friendship feels like a dead horse, but you're still holding out hope because you just don't have it in you to give up on them. Surrender it to God. He knows what to do. He knows how to handle the situation. Trust Him and surrender the situation to Him.
It’s tough to combine both forgiving and reconciliation. But it is possible because of God. Sometimes forgiveness is getting halfway through the problem because people can forgive and not forget about it. I think reconciliation completes the healing process. Although sometimes it’s not possible because they don’t want to, they don’t know the location of that other person or they pass away before it can be done. I’m guilty of all three of these examples. On a side note, great video.
Thank you so much for making this video. I truly think god had a strong part in me finding this. I was wondering if you could make a video about how you can help a friend struggling with self validation. I have a friend I met through FCA at my high school and she’s struggling with validation as she’s under the pressure of having to be “perfect”. She’s a cheerleader and her parents are divorced. She also is surrounded by people at church that are LGTBQ+ supportive and she is gay and she’s struggling with coming out. I thank you in advance even if all you are able to do is pray for the situation I appreciate you taking the time out of your day. God bless and keep safe.
Thank you so much cuz right now I am getting the relationships with my family back I am like reconciling with them right now. When they kicked me out of the Gospel. I am forgiving to them.
Ok...to forgive is Jesus’s way. Yes. To reconcile when the other party refuses to take any responsibility is not. That only opens one up to being hurt over and over again. You can forgive them and say that their behavior at this time isn’t conducive of of a kinship. If you forgive and reconcile with everyone all the time you’re a doormat.
I want this... wanted it.... hoping for it... but it seems like it may never happen.... and along with that, my bitterness gets the best of m... un gets the worst of me.... and I don't even know if I am able to get back in a friendship with someone I have been ill against because I let my pain stay in and fester..... I feel lost and fallen
I don't mean to be disrespectful or anything but I can't understand what it means when someone says "I love you" to people they don't know. I know that God loves us all and that we must immitate Him, but when a person says "I love you" to someone they don't know, it doesn't sound very true. Besides, God knows each one of us while we people don't. What's the meaning in saying "ILY" to someone you don't know? (This is an honest question). PS: You look really good on this video, Becca. Keep up doing your great work here on YT.
To be honest...maybe it’s more a girl thing!😂A lot of the girls who watch my channel always write me sweet comments and messages saying, “I love you” and it’s really kind to hear! In general women love to be told they are loved, plus words of affirmation is my love language, so encouragement and saying “I love you” verbally is so important for me to show on here!
I can understand where you are coming from because in our worldly culture we are told to only care about family friends and screw everyone else. It simply means that you love gods creation, that you want the best for everyone. God loves everyone so if you pray he will open your heart to caring and loving everyone.
what are some good songs for christians that aren't...ehhh christian? I just feel like alot of christian music sounds the same. Also same with books for teens. 🖤
I really would love to hear your advice on confidence in relationships. I am in a relationship with a guy who has God in the center. But I am just so insecure and worry about other girls when I know that it is so unrealistic that he would do something like that. I struggle with comparing myself and would love to hear someone else’s perspective.
The Black Hole of Forgiveness: The New Age Trap by Gabriella Brightlight and Kathryn E. May, PsyD Let's talk about the black hole of forgiveness. Many times, people think they are expressing forgiveness when they are really in denial. A false New Age idea has been promoted that to become a loving spiritual being you need to forgive everyone, even if they mistreated, disrespected and mislead you. People are so uncomfortable with anger that it has become a religious practice to skip that emotion entirely, and go directly to shutting down to fit in. This is called "forgiveness." There is also a similar New Age idea which goes something like this: we cannot use judgment because judgment is condemning others, and to be a spiritual person, you must love everyone. In fact, scrutinizing, assessing and measuring what is happening is the good use of your intelligence, not an unfriendly act. The cabal worked hard, for good reason, to train us into believing that using judgment is identical to being judgmental. It was a deliberate and brilliant teaching to trick humankind into embracing blindness. If we had truly looked at them with clear judgment, we would have seen through their illusion and they would have been powerless over us. When you look closely at something, you allow the intuitive red flag response which instantaneously leads you to Truth and away from danger. But this would mean you have to use judgment. Instead, you are expected to be ignorant of what you feel, in order to make other people feel good, especially the ones who are behaving badly toward you. You are to expected to accept all people just the way they are, even if, here again... they have mistreated you, disrespected you, and mislead you. The picture we have just described is so circular (forgiveness, denial, forgetfulness, denial, anger, denial, and blindness) it prevents you from ever getting to the point or the truth of what has actually happened. This attitude puts you forever at risk of repeating the mistakes of the past, when using your judgment and intuition would have allowed you the chance to bring your life to a higher level. So you are stuck in denial, because presumably, expressing who you are and what you think goes against forgiving others. This encourages endless tolerance toward people who should not be permitted the rights and privileges of being close to you. This brings us to the third lie which leads to the Black Hole: By telling the truth, you are hurting others and "making waves." This is not socially acceptable will bring rejection and abandonment (from the very people you should have already left behind). While keeping this circular emotional prison you can't speak truly or express your feelings honestly. You are expected to beam love, or you risk being seen as intolerant, selfish and overly sensitive. How can you be able to beam love when you have put all the resentment, rage and fear into your stomach, intestines, heart and mind in order to paste a big smile on your face and pretend all is just fine? This is not love, forgiveness, tolerance or spiritual elevation; it is denial. All of it is designed to prevent you from being free, and to prevent you from raising your vibration to be the brilliant Lightworker you really are. You have just signed on to wearing the ball and chain which will prevent you from rising to your own Ascension. Therefore, denial really means you must put all people, events and personal behaviors that you dislike and that make you feel ashamed, angry, hurt or unworthy into a little box labeled "Things to forget." This you place in a secret corner of yourself while you give yourself credit for having "worked this out." By doing this, you adopt the cabal principle: "It happened so long ago it's no longer true, so don't bring it up." Understand, that by doing this you cannot manifest your ideal life, because the vision of your ideal life dies with the denial of yourself. If you are in denial mode, you can't forgive yourself and you can't forgives others. How to resolve this paradox? First we must understand that there are two real forms of forgiveness. First, there is the truth and reconciliation form of forgiveness, which takes place between two or more people who are present and aware of the interaction. It requires acknowledgement of responsibility, genuine regret and a heartfelt apology, "I promise I will never do this to you again" and they don't, ever. Only then is it possible for the injured one to truly forgive and go on in the relationship without compromising their integrity and good judgment. (Beware the false apology which carries a tone of blame and entitlement - the "I'm sorry you made me do it" manipulation.) The following conditions must be present in order to resolve the conflict: The one who has been hurt acknowledges their feelings and offers the other the opportunity to make up for their mistake, it is a gift of trust and good will. When the person who has hurt another takes responsibility, expresses genuine regret, and asks for forgiveness, it creates an environment in which real closeness and trust can grow. From this fertile ground, a strong and healthy relationship can develop. Genuine reconciliation and forgiveness requires openness, transparency, mutual kindness and conscious agreement before moving on. If you have not accomplished this, and you decide to stay, you are creating a recipe for disaster. If you haven't seen all of the above elements, you are abandoning your freedom and the opportunity to be authentically yourself. It is wiser to walk away. Compromising your integrity in trade for resolution can only recreate the cycle of resentment and pain. The second form of forgiveness is a solo mastery of feelings, apart from any continuing relationship. This is not to be confused with the above reconciliation/forgiveness. In this case, the perpetrator is unrepentant, unwilling to negotiate, or absent. This form of forgiveness MUST NOT be used as an excuse for playing on the dark side by supporting another's bad behavior, or for congratulating yourself for being above it all. We understand that the internal resolution of pain or injury from the past is the path to peace of mind. In order to accomplish this we must be willing to release all feelings of resentment or victimization, which keep us tied to the perpetrator and the darkness we experienced. Seeing that our own recovery is more important than revenge allows us to make the choice to release ourselves to love again in spite of past hurt. One who has been devastated by traumatic events or a life without love can lose their grip on themselves, on their faith in God and their self-respect. People who have been victimized can fall into a bottomless pit of self-blame and loathing. It takes courage, determination and focus to restore your Faith and to believe in yourself. This form of forgiveness is fundamentally about your own recovery and the decision to live in the present, in love with yourself. Embracing the truth of your past rather than trying to deny it makes it possible to restore your sense of self-respect and worthiness. This is a real achievement. Learning to love yourself is the true key to forgiveness. It is the way out of the Dark Hole, and the path to manifesting the ideal life you came here to live.
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Because of the reminder to forgive last week, I sent a birthday card to someone I need to both forgive and reconcile with this week. A baby step, but a step nonetheless. Don’t even doubt whether or not this channel is spreading God’s truth, it is flowing through you and I appreciate you sharing that with us 💗💗
Best thumbnail award
Hahahaha😂
Without realizing what to call it, I was recently reconciled with my little brother, after 20 years. Praise the Lord!
It's so annoying when people think the two are one in the same. After I say, "I forgive you," they expect full trust to be restored and whatever happened to just disappear.
That's not forgiving. That's lying to yourself. We can't fool God and I'm guilty too.
@@jeremiahkirby6552 I agree that if you're withholding trust from the attitude of a grudge, that's wrong. But in serious issues such as sexual abuse, it is possible to forgive someone and not trust him. I guess I should've specified what I meant in context.
@@jeremiahkirby6552 I mean in certain situations you can forgive the person, yet it is not appropriate to keep the relationship going. If the person you are forgiving is a toxic person then it is not needed to keep them into your life. Or also sometimes it just isnt needed to keep talking to that person. I have had an ex bestfriend tell me sorry for personal reasons. However I did not feel like it was needed to keep talking and hanging out with her. I did forgive her, however I made it known that I thought it was best to cut ties with each other. I understand what you're saying though.
Thank you so much for doing this video. I had a heavy heart and was going to put on some music from TH-cam and saw your video. I am 21 years old and came out of a serious relationship a few months ago. We agreed to be the best of friends still but the day after we broke up I knew I needed time and space to heal. He reached out once but I didn’t answer. Since then I’ve felt like I needed to reach out or explain myself and my heart was heavy thinking about it this morning. This video was exactly what God was trying to speak to me. Deep down, my ex wasn’t loving the Lord as I was and wanted to go past all boundaries. That’s not love. We ended on good terms and I don’t need to reconcile or explain myself. He didn’t care about his walk with Christ so he wasn’t going to be able to care about mine. I forgive him. It’s in the past and I pray he comes to truly love God. I forgive him.
Wow God really used you to speak to me right now cuz I’m struggling to forgive my Aunt because of a certain situation God has really put it on my heart to let go but it is difficult
Thank you so much for sharing this! It is so true that the other people don't necessarily have to know that you have forgiven them and in many cases it is not possible. Forgiveness is between you and God.
Holy Spirit Seeker hi I totally agree . In my situation I want to be able to forgive but I can’t let them back into my life. Also do you know what the title of the video she was talking about was about how she forgave her ex and an exercise to do ?
Not all relationships should be reconciled - in such cases where they were in abusive or toxic relationship where the abuser in question shows no change in their behavior.
SO IMPORTANT. Thanks for putting this out there.
This video was perfectly timed in my life. I need to forgive someone who hurt me 2 years ago. Recently, I acted out of character and took revenge on this person and I've been feeling guilty about it. I think I'm going to try and reconcile with her.
You will be glad you did.
This a difficult topic and not very easy for me to even get half way through this video because i really wish it was this simple with family.
I forgive everyone and never hate people but it doesn't take away any pain at all because family are people you see everyday. Makes it difficult when they say horrible things to you and never once apologized. They do not respond to my tears- its almost inhuman. But they want to get along with me and want me around. Forgiveness is not a one time thing, but its like an everyday battle when you live with them and even if your relationship becomes good again, they still lack respect and make the same mistakes. With my father it was easier to control. I could just say "god pls let me forgive him" and that was it. I don't have to see him or talk..so easy because i was not around him. With my mom i could not bear to leave her even when i move out.
Koala Rizo I dealt with that and I harbored bitterness and it was the worst thing to do, because when time came and my family tried to do better though I oculi the see it because I kept getting hurt and wouldn’t forgive , they really were trying, and to this day I thank God sooo much , because I’ve just begun a relationship with them and a family is one of the most beautiful relationships you will ever have and I’m glad God worked In me and moved me to change myself instead of focusing on changing them and when I did that I could see God working . Also obey the lord , I never go to my mom for anything and this one time God moved me to tell go to my mom and let it all out, I cried for hours and hours and she stayed with me , I was going Through something so hard, and Gods been working , so please obey the spirit and allow the lord to work In you first, the prayer of a righteous man avails much , please pray too ! Make sure to ask for forgiveness before God and maybe even before your family even though it feels as if you’ve done nothing wrong or you not in the wrong! ❤️
It is hard if you do it on your own. Always call on Jesus .
I’ve never really had a big problem with holding grudges, personally, because i usually just put it behind me, not even necessarily on purpose, but I kind of just forget about it. I’m glad too, because it’s so much easier for me to forgive in most cases because my mind won’t let me hold the grudge. It just wants to let go. But I can remember a couple times where I held in some bitterness and also I had the same kind of situation you talked about in your last video with my ex-boyfriend, and praying about that and asking God to help me let go helped so so much! Thank you 💕
Great video about forgiveness and reconciliation. From my personal experience, we are commanded to forgive. Reconciliation is not a commandment but a choice. It's a very tricky process because it involves rebuilding trust.
Few lesson learned points in order to effectively reconcile:
1. Are there any values placed in a relationship? Reason said is because if there is no value or little values placed, it'll make reconciliation a lot harder.
2. How much unresolved issues were involved? Reason said is because they can prevent reconciliation from happening. If they weren't attempted, then that's a red flag because you didnt try to get issues resolved.
3. Another red flag is if one person wants to resolve an issue, but the other "just want to reconcile". Reason said is because the other person seems like he/she doesn't wants to resolve an issue(s) which could potentially lead to fake reconciliation. Personally, fake reconciliation is worse than no reconciliation.
I know talked a lot but I hope they can be insightful.
This is SO GOOD!!! I never really uunderstood the difference between the 2; but this really is helpful. There is this one girl in my class who just like....hates me. Hates me. I’ve tried to be nice and reach out to her and show Gods love to her , but when I do; she takes it as “ I’m trying to be a goody goody “ and she does whatever she can to make me look bad. ( also...we go to a Christian school....so... it makes it worse..... everyone assumes she is a Christian) And.......it annoys me so much, and just the way she acts, she has no desire to please the Lord, and because of that, she has been mean to me, and treated me like dirt. I feel bad saying so; but it’s just SO HARD to show the love of God to her sometimes. But this video has been so helpful, and I would appreciate any advice on how to handle this. ( sorry; I know it seems like I’m just ranting here on the comments!!!!😂😂😂😂) but THANK YOU for this video, you are working in so many peoples lives!!
Another great video, Becca! Thanks for making this and sharing it with us.
I agree with everything you said in this, but there is one point I've heard made before (by Rodney Hogue, I think - he has some very solid teaching on forgiveness, as well as a book on it) which I think is worth adding:
Just because we have reconciled a relationship, that doesn't necessarily mean that trust has been restored. We can forgive someone and want the best for them, without necessarily trusting them in the same way that we did before our trust was violated. The restoration of that trust is a separate process from reconciliation, though it may require reconciliation in order for it to happen at all.
So to anyone who is hesitant to forgive or reconcile because you don't think you can trust the other person, know that they are separate processes that don't always happen together. You can reconcile with someone and then begin the long process of a restoration of trust... or not, as you see fit.
Great video, but please remember-you do NOT need to reconcile with someone who has abused you or horribly hurt you (biblically.) You should forgive them when you are sincerely able to, but you do not need to reconcile a relationship with someone who has abused you. Becca mentions that she did not need to reconcile with her ex as they were not getting back together (although only she is the one who can say if it was abusive or not.) please only forgive someone who has really, really hurt you. You do not need to try to be their friend or girlfriend again. God doesn’t want you to get hurt more.
Who else wants more teacher vids🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️
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Amen! ...To love each other the way Jesus loves... so beautiful! You are inspired and we will keep watching your channel :)
I was looking for something to faith journal on today and I saw this and could not have clicked faster!! God bless♥️♥️
Thank you for this, it's a great reminder that sometimes we do or do not need to reconcile, but we always do need to forgive as Christ forgave us. :) Love seeing encouraging videos like yours!
Yessss thank you for making this: I truly value your advice and wisdom that you are passing on! I've just clicked on the video, and I already know it's gonna be amazinggg!
Thank you so much for this video and thank you so so much for your prayer. Grudges will be gone. Heaven will come on earth.
Thank you so much for doing this video, Becca. You have no idea how much making that distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation has given me peace. I’ve never thought of it like that before. I just got out of a very unstable and abusive relationship, and I have been struggling with what it means to forgive him. There was no closure between us, and that has been really hard. Even though I know walking away from the cycle of abuse was the best thing for me and that I deserve to be treated better, it’s been so hard. Everyone expects me to be angry at him and to have all this animosity towards him for the way he treated me, but I just don’t. My heart breaks for him. I really wish there was something I could have done to help the deep hurt he has that causes him to lash out the way he does, but that is not something I am capable of. Healing is something only Jesus can do. I felt so guilty because I thought that forgiveness meant making everything right, but there is just no way for me to do that. Realizing that I can forgive him even though reconciliation is not possible is so freeing.
I forgive instantly but I cannot immediately ‘reconcile’ with someone if the relationship is toxic and usually it is God who tells me to get rid of it or at least have a break from it as prior to this I would have tried very hard to have a healthy friendship but sometimes to fix a friendship , a break is needed.
For example , if you are constantly arguing , constantly not on the same page , it is evident that the relationship/friendship is not healthy.
This point is reinforced by the Lord constantly reminding you to cut it out .
However, I try to be friendly to all and loving regardless .
Deb Daniel: I can agree and I believe that God wants his people to be in healthy relationships
Love you and this video!! Watched your live too!! 🖤🖤
Thank you so much!!! Love you too!
I didn’t even realize there was a difference between the two. Never took the time to think about it I guess. Great video!!!
God works in awesome ways. This video was meant for me at this time.
Amen Yes God is Good bless u Becca!💓🙏🏼
Thank you so much for sharing! I really appreciate your videos! I have really been thinking about your last video on forgiveness. I have felt the Lord stirring my heart to change some things in my life and to start afresh. Thanks so much!
This is so amazing how I’m currently dealing with this and you are literally explaining it to me like you know my situation, God is using you in such amazing ways xx💜
Peace n love to u sister!
I watched one of your videos and now I can't stop. God is really using. Keep doing this Becca. Lv u.
Thank you so much for this video Becca. You are an amazing women of God. Beautiful inside and out! Please could you make an in depth video about fasting?
You gave a lot of good points in this video, but, I'd like to add another thought:
"He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends" Proverbs 17:9.
Meaning, if one has already tried to discuss something with a friend but nothing has changed, be careful when trying to discuss it again. Because if you are still hoping to reconcile things with this friend, repeating the issue over and over again might make things worse. Instead, I would say that you should surrender it to God. Maybe you've tried and tried to make things better but it just seems like things have gotten worse. So, surrender it to God. Choose to trust God with the situation. Maybe this friendship feels like a dead horse, but you're still holding out hope because you just don't have it in you to give up on them. Surrender it to God. He knows what to do. He knows how to handle the situation. Trust Him and surrender the situation to Him.
It’s tough to combine both forgiving and reconciliation. But it is possible because of God. Sometimes forgiveness is getting halfway through the problem because people can forgive and not forget about it. I think reconciliation completes the healing process. Although sometimes it’s not possible because they don’t want to, they don’t know the location of that other person or they pass away before it can be done. I’m guilty of all three of these examples. On a side note, great video.
Thank you so much for making this video. I truly think god had a strong part in me finding this. I was wondering if you could make a video about how you can help a friend struggling with self validation. I have a friend I met through FCA at my high school and she’s struggling with validation as she’s under the pressure of having to be “perfect”. She’s a cheerleader and her parents are divorced. She also is surrounded by people at church that are LGTBQ+ supportive and she is gay and she’s struggling with coming out. I thank you in advance even if all you are able to do is pray for the situation I appreciate you taking the time out of your day. God bless and keep safe.
Thank you so much cuz right now I am getting the relationships with my family back I am like reconciling with them right now. When they kicked me out of the Gospel. I am forgiving to them.
Forgiveness is a wonderful thing. :)
youre so amazing! love your spirit!
always so inspiring becca! thank you for this and the great you do in this world!
I was hoping you would make this video! Thank you.
yayyyyyyyyyy! love you Becca!💕
LOVED THIS THANKS BECCA!! 😍❤✨😇
Thanks for this! Really insightful and important for all kinds of relationships
SO GOOD!! Becca, random question, can you ever do an OOTW!??😍
I’ve always wanted to do lifestyle stuff😂Maybe like a teaching OOTW?💕
Thank you for this video! It helps so much! God bless you♥️
Can you make a video about the end of times :) as we are.currently living them?
Very good topic and important lesson imo!
Great clarity!
Preach this truth becca🔥🔥🙌🏼
i neeeeded thissss!!! love you💓💓💓
Amen! So true indeed.
Hi, I love your videos!!❤️God bless youu
Ok...to forgive is Jesus’s way. Yes. To reconcile when the other party refuses to take any responsibility is not. That only opens one up to being hurt over and over again. You can forgive them and say that their behavior at this time isn’t conducive of of a kinship. If you forgive and reconcile with everyone all the time you’re a doormat.
love
this
channel
I want this... wanted it.... hoping for it... but it seems like it may never happen.... and along with that, my bitterness gets the best of m... un gets the worst of me.... and I don't even know if I am able to get back in a friendship with someone I have been ill against because I let my pain stay in and fester..... I feel lost and fallen
FarAwayDistance I just really love to enjoy watch all of your greatest very very fun great video everytime
Hi
Nice talk Bebinca
God bless you
I don't mean to be disrespectful or anything but I can't understand what it means when someone says "I love you" to people they don't know. I know that God loves us all and that we must immitate Him, but when a person says "I love you" to someone they don't know, it doesn't sound very true. Besides, God knows each one of us while we people don't. What's the meaning in saying "ILY" to someone you don't know? (This is an honest question). PS: You look really good on this video, Becca. Keep up doing your great work here on YT.
To be honest...maybe it’s more a girl thing!😂A lot of the girls who watch my channel always write me sweet comments and messages saying, “I love you” and it’s really kind to hear! In general women love to be told they are loved, plus words of affirmation is my love language, so encouragement and saying “I love you” verbally is so important for me to show on here!
@@FarAwayDistance Ahh, right! Perhaps I shouldn't have taken those three words so seriously. 😂 Thanks for the quick answer :) Greetings from Brazil!
I can understand where you are coming from because in our worldly culture we are told to only care about family friends and screw everyone else. It simply means that you love gods creation, that you want the best for everyone. God loves everyone so if you pray he will open your heart to caring and loving everyone.
Thank you ♡
Amen!!!
Amen ❤️
what are some good songs for christians that aren't...ehhh christian? I just feel like alot of christian music sounds the same. Also same with books for teens. 🖤
Check out my Spotify link in the description! I have a bunch of playlists with some awesome music. You might like the Christian rap one!!
Do you have advice on trying to help some one but the relationship is toxic but you still see a friend in them and have a good tome
I really would love to hear your advice on confidence in relationships. I am in a relationship with a guy who has God in the center. But I am just so insecure and worry about other girls when I know that it is so unrealistic that he would do something like that. I struggle with comparing myself and would love to hear someone else’s perspective.
I am sorry for infringing on your comment and your comments are worth reading please do permit me
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How can you forgive yourself? Plz help
Christian Life
Good video :)
The Black Hole of Forgiveness: The New Age Trap
by Gabriella Brightlight and Kathryn E. May, PsyD
Let's talk about the black hole of forgiveness. Many times, people think they are expressing forgiveness when they are really in denial. A false New Age idea has been promoted that to become a loving spiritual being you need to forgive everyone, even if they mistreated, disrespected and mislead you. People are so uncomfortable with anger that it has become a religious practice to skip that emotion entirely, and go directly to shutting down to fit in. This is called "forgiveness."
There is also a similar New Age idea which goes something like this: we cannot use judgment because judgment is condemning others, and to be a spiritual person, you must love everyone. In fact, scrutinizing, assessing and measuring what is happening is the good use of your intelligence, not an unfriendly act. The cabal worked hard, for good reason, to train us into believing that using judgment is identical to being judgmental. It was a deliberate and brilliant teaching to trick humankind into embracing blindness. If we had truly looked at them with clear judgment, we would have seen through their illusion and they would have been powerless over us.
When you look closely at something, you allow the intuitive red flag response which instantaneously leads you to Truth and away from danger. But this would mean you have to use judgment. Instead, you are expected to be ignorant of what you feel, in order to make other people feel good, especially the ones who are behaving badly toward you. You are to expected to accept all people just the way they are, even if, here again... they have mistreated you, disrespected you, and mislead you.
The picture we have just described is so circular (forgiveness, denial, forgetfulness, denial, anger, denial, and blindness) it prevents you from ever getting to the point or the truth of what has actually happened. This attitude puts you forever at risk of repeating the mistakes of the past, when using your judgment and intuition would have allowed you the chance to bring your life to a higher level. So you are stuck in denial, because presumably, expressing who you are and what you think goes against forgiving others. This encourages endless tolerance toward people who should not be permitted the rights and privileges of being close to you.
This brings us to the third lie which leads to the Black Hole: By telling the truth, you are hurting others and "making waves." This is not socially acceptable will bring rejection and abandonment (from the very people you should have already left behind). While keeping this circular emotional prison you can't speak truly or express your feelings honestly. You are expected to beam love, or you risk being seen as intolerant, selfish and overly sensitive.
How can you be able to beam love when you have put all the resentment, rage and fear into your stomach, intestines, heart and mind in order to paste a big smile on your face and pretend all is just fine? This is not love, forgiveness, tolerance or spiritual elevation; it is denial. All of it is designed to prevent you from being free, and to prevent you from raising your vibration to be the brilliant Lightworker you really are. You have just signed on to wearing the ball and chain which will prevent you from rising to your own Ascension.
Therefore, denial really means you must put all people, events and personal behaviors that you dislike and that make you feel ashamed, angry, hurt or unworthy into a little box labeled "Things to forget." This you place in a secret corner of yourself while you give yourself credit for having "worked this out." By doing this, you adopt the cabal principle: "It happened so long ago it's no longer true, so don't bring it up." Understand, that by doing this you cannot manifest your ideal life, because the vision of your ideal life dies with the denial of yourself.
If you are in denial mode, you can't forgive yourself and you can't forgives others.
How to resolve this paradox? First we must understand that there are two real forms of forgiveness.
First, there is the truth and reconciliation form of forgiveness, which takes place between two or more people who are present and aware of the interaction. It requires acknowledgement of responsibility, genuine regret and a heartfelt apology, "I promise I will never do this to you again" and they don't, ever. Only then is it possible for the injured one to truly forgive and go on in the relationship without compromising their integrity and good judgment. (Beware the false apology which carries a tone of blame and entitlement - the "I'm sorry you made me do it" manipulation.)
The following conditions must be present in order to resolve the conflict:
The one who has been hurt acknowledges their feelings and offers the other the opportunity to make up for their mistake, it is a gift of trust and good will.
When the person who has hurt another takes responsibility, expresses genuine regret, and asks for forgiveness, it creates an environment in which real closeness and trust can grow. From this fertile ground, a strong and healthy relationship can develop.
Genuine reconciliation and forgiveness requires openness, transparency, mutual kindness and conscious agreement before moving on. If you have not accomplished this, and you decide to stay, you are creating a recipe for disaster. If you haven't seen all of the above elements, you are abandoning your freedom and the opportunity to be authentically yourself. It is wiser to walk away. Compromising your integrity in trade for resolution can only recreate the cycle of resentment and pain.
The second form of forgiveness is a solo mastery of feelings, apart from any continuing relationship. This is not to be confused with the above reconciliation/forgiveness. In this case, the perpetrator is unrepentant, unwilling to negotiate, or absent. This form of forgiveness MUST NOT be used as an excuse for playing on the dark side by supporting another's bad behavior, or for congratulating yourself for being above it all.
We understand that the internal resolution of pain or injury from the past is the path to peace of mind. In order to accomplish this we must be willing to release all feelings of resentment or victimization, which keep us tied to the perpetrator and the darkness we experienced. Seeing that our own recovery is more important than revenge allows us to make the choice to release ourselves to love again in spite of past hurt.
One who has been devastated by traumatic events or a life without love can lose their grip on themselves, on their faith in God and their self-respect. People who have been victimized can fall into a bottomless pit of self-blame and loathing. It takes courage, determination and focus to restore your Faith and to believe in yourself.
This form of forgiveness is fundamentally about your own recovery and the decision to live in the present, in love with yourself. Embracing the truth of your past rather than trying to deny it makes it possible to restore your sense of self-respect and worthiness. This is a real achievement. Learning to love yourself is the true key to forgiveness. It is the way out of the Dark Hole, and the path to manifesting the ideal life you came here to live.
Please help !!! if anyone know the title to the video where she talks about how she forgave her ex and the exercises To forgive please tell me !
th-cam.com/video/9DhdfDaluig/w-d-xo.html Real Talk: What You and I Both Need to Do More Often :)
FarAwayDistance thank you so much that video was so helpful !!
I'm trying to make my own channel to grow and hopefully support my education 🙏
Any advice from anyone?
2nd
Christ taught us to forgive and be reconciled:)
Are you born again?
Yes and PTL for that!
@@FarAwayDistance
Amen! Good, then I don't have to waste my brimstone and hellfire talk on you! ;-)
Have a blessed day!