Hey Mr @clay so my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday and he said he wants to be in my life and he doesn’t want us to stop talking to me he wants to support me and be in my life and he’s been doing this all the sign all 7 and our relationship has it’s bumps we have a bit of a age difference and that was hard for him the pressure and peoples opinions and he talked about how he wants to work on him self and we both have problems in our lives but I feel like I want to give him space because I love him and want him to work on him self but it’s so confusing because I’ve never loved anyone like him we’ve never fought but he said he wants to break up but he said he loves me but he said we are in two different places because of our age and honestly I love him and don’t care about the age gap but he does and I don’t know what to do I’m hurting but I want him to work on him self what can I do because he doesn’t want space but I’m the one that said I want space because he broke up with me I’m just so confused I’ve never loved anyone never let my self love someone like him please help
Right, so looks like my ex did not want to break up but did anyway with a tirade of nonsensical excuses. Unfortunately, he's put me through such a washing machine of emotions over 6 weeks out of the blue that I feel deep resentment and loss of attraction. I keep pondering - where did that nice man go..? I feel like there were two deaths this pandemic: my grandmother and him. Great content as always. Thank you, people like you have saved my sanity during lockdown.
One: yes Two: yes Three: absolutely Four: we didn’t have anything bad that added conflict to the relationship Five: kinda? We discussed quitting one of my jobs Six: yes Seven: yep. My gut felt like this wasn’t over. It was so sudden
I got 5 out of 7. I know she really didn't want to break up but is just frustrated and needs to think. I'll give her that space. It's been 30 days but I guess she just needs more time. I'll just stay in no contact and hope she comes around sone day.
Thank you so much. I've been having so much stress and sleeping problems after my boyfriend and I went on a break. You are making lots of things clear to me and somehow manage to calm my anxiety
@@ClayAndrews hi Clay, last night we broke up. For the 3rd time. I am starting to care for myself now and I'm going to stay away from him. It was an ugly breakup concidering how tired I am of his vagueness. Hope I find peace. Thank you!
@@emma.wouters1788 I feel terrible about mine and I couldn't stop crying day in day out thinking he was the best guy cuz he gave me all his love but I went on traveling .tho I tell him everything happen during my travel and maybe it didn't matter cuz I am not around
My ex probably cried even harder and held me tighter than I have ever seen before. Just pretty much came out of nowhere. Not even reconciling of things. Just sucks
Ticked all the signs and somehow it finally led him to let go. He was overwhelmed with all personal circumstances and he didnt want tp drag me in it. There was too much going on in his life that he wants to work on.I hope we can be both happy at the end. Wether together or not. I will gradually move on and accept reality.
1. They treated you fairly. 2. After the breakup, they still admit there were many positive memories 3. Ex was under a lot of pressure and stress that was nothing to do with you, e.g. finances 4. Repair attempts were made 5. They encouraged you to go out and do counselling or something else, like something active 6. They talked about specific problems 7. Increase in conflict followed by sharp disengagement Damn, 6/7 with my ex
My ex and i really checked off most of the boxes except for one. Yeah to this day, i realize it was all my fault, i hate myself for putting pressure on my ex and not understanding his side of things. I thought i was being a good girlfriend but i did not realize i was not until some months passed and i had space to realize i made mistakes. Right now i am happy we are starting to have positive interactions again i hope if i am lucky me and him will get back together but this time stay together
#3 hits home for me. My girlfriend and mother of my child dumped me after 7 years this past May. We still live together for now and talk and hangout daily though she sleeps in a different room now... We moved in with my parents and her and my mother hate each other and my mom goes out of her way to make her feel miserable and unwelcome though I was oblivious to it and became aware after she dumped me. I was also severely depressed and didn't want to do anything or go anywhere because I was too exhausted after work, coupled with chorionic migraines that have cost me jobs over the years due to poor attendance. Changes are made and we're slowly reconnecting
My ex broke up with me because my mental health got pretty bad in the last few weeks of being together. It was causing her a lot of stress and she got scared cause I was using her as a crutch to deal with my issues. I don’t think she wanted to break up but I think she felt she needed too because I needed to learn to cope with the issues on my own.
Hey there, I hope you are seeking professional help regarding your mental health. It is important that we also take care of our well-being so we can give our best self in having a quality relationship.
@@christinemalary Right, So that was the Kind of Love I thought we had. I sure of it! Now it's been 38 days today and it still isn't any easier. I'm just stuck for a min I guess.
Oh my word, one of the biggest things that my ex mentioned to me was that she felt "very put of controll". It makes a lot of sense because shes graduating next year and shes trying to figure out what she wants for her future and she literally told me that when we broke up. That's crazy
It's stressful times right now but seeing u explaining to me what might have happened with a random smile every now and then really makes me feel more at ease and I smile too
The story about your friend is similar to mine. My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago, her health hasn't been the best the last 6 month's and she's not been able to complete college, admitted to me that she's suffering depression the week before she dumped me.
I think she might have.. but her mentioning breaking up did the exact opposite and kicked my anxiety and emotions off. You can't do that if you want a healthy conversation. It's like.. "you either do this or I'll leave you!".. not a secure behaviour and if the other person takes it seriously it will fall apart.
I really think my ex never wanted to break up with me, but stuck with it because he didn't want to be "wrong". I told him he was making a mistake and he agreed that he probably was, even going as far as admitting to me that he makes a lot of mistakes in his life. He even texted me several hours after the break up, to see how I was and what I was doing. And he was even crying on the phone, but trying to hide it while he was breaking up with me. It's still hard to believe that he did that because we were so happy together, and planning a life together. And then he just broke up with me out of the blue, within about a 24-hour period. I'm sure he misses me just as much as I miss him, but there's nothing I can do but let him sit with the consequences. And hopefully he'll swallow his pride, get help, and be with me for good, next time around.
Hi Banana9, I'm sorry to hear about the breakup. The early period of the breakup can be emotionally confusing that is why people are going through this emotional pull. I understand that your relationship seems happy and perfect but the fact it had lead to a breakup, it may seem like there are things that were not communicated that eventually lead to the separation. That's why open communication is truly needed in a relationship. To keep each other in check. I hope you are holding on well.
Her and i both did this. Word for word. She asked if she should leave. I said yes. Now shes gone forever. Shes happier and i dont think i could ever believe her again anyway.
A widower I’ve been dating for 9 months just broke up with me because of pressure from his family. He cried really hard. It broke my heart. Hoping it’s just temporary. Thank you. This helps.
Oh, wow... My widower broke up with me after six months, saying he couldn't have asked for a better partner but that he wasn't yet ready for a new realtionship. Grief and depression don't leave a lot of room for happiness unfortunately. Can I ask how things worked out on your end?
Wow i think what happened with your friend is what happened with me and my ex. He had so much going with work and family, our future engagement around the corner probably added pressure. Despite how happy and healthier we were he broke up with me out of no where I hope he comes back the way your friend did
There’s another possibility:The vibe was positive at the end of our relationship because I was so mature and did an amazing job during the whole time. Even I found out that he cheated on me just couple of days after our breakup I showed my forgiveness and great care.So he couldn’t even find a chance to argue or whatever
I have all 7 of these with my ex, she suggested maybe I join the gym or get another part time job, I kinda realise now she was trying to get me to help myself out of a hole I’ve been in where I kinda stopped going out. We still chat and she’s definitely taking notice of what I’ve been doing, I hope things work out between us but I need to better myself and make progress either way and I know that now.
Nr 7 is exactly what was being said and done. This is also the reason I didn't understand the breakup. After 5,5 years she was suddenly under the impression we were fundamentally different and incompatible. I do and don't understand why she just seems to move on happily but nr. 7 gives me hope. I miss my best friend :( (so does or dog)
My ex was crying when he was at my place,,when he broke up with me;we both cryed,and then he said that he hope that he didnt do the wrong thing to brake up,he has å ladyfriend who was jeaulous of me:,not heard from him or not seeing him after almost 5years now,,sadly but true;i miss him still,took a long time to get over my ex 🥺
The dismissive avoidant withdraws mostly because we weren't clear about what we wanted to do with them, when exactly we wanted to meet, etc, so calling it a break up might not be correct. It fizzled out because we couldn't communicate in the same language.
YES!!! THIS!!!!! Her dad died and her mom and stepdad divorced and she just couldnt handle being in a relationship with me, who was also in a bad mental state, giving her the space she needs and hoping she wants to work things out!!!
He said he wanted to stay as friends, he said he needed time for him self and he needed to find himself and I completely understand. He still has all our stuff and still checks up on me . He also said he is probably going to get back with me but just doesn’t know exactly when Does anyone know if he still loves me and wants me back?😕
My ex just broke up with yesterday evening because of my negative mindset. And also he is stress. And still during our chat he is still the same. I feel that he really don't want to break up.
My ex and i had to break up because he was moving and I was forced to stay because i signed an 18 month work agreement (there was 12 months left when we broke up) All of these signs hit us i think. I listened twice and realized "oh wait this me too" honestly helped me understand myself and him right now.
So my separated husband did all of these... but in the end we're still separated and he doesn't want to talk about any of the issues anymore. He'll even talk about how maybe in the future we can get together and who knows if all we need is space and time and now he's becoming a bit distant and i don't know what tf to do. I love him so much but he acts like he wishes i never existed. I've really been more positive and upbeat... but i get nothing in return
what comes around comes around guys if mother nature leads your paths together to know what both of you need to do to improve and you manage youll just see and wait who walks your path again
Literally my ex. I’m attempting to get her back, dk if it’ll work but I’m trying. Anything she ever complained or had an issue w I’m fixing in hopes that she sees and has a change of heart. We both were stressed and neither of us handled it well.
1. Yep 2. Yep 3. Yep; both of us were starting university, she had to provide for herself because her parents; she admitted that she took on too much and had to take a step back from life and said she couldn’t handle a serious relationship in this current point in her life. I also believe her parents pressured/manipulated her into breaking up with me, and I kinda have evidence of that. 4. Kinda? We never had an argument or anything but I got upset about something and she said that “We’ll be fine” and “You had nothing to worry about” regarding our relationship. This was 3 days before we broke up. 5. Yeah kinda, she told me that I may need to work on myself; but I also feel like she was projecting. This was a week before other breakup. 6. Like I said before, we didn’t have any arguments. 7. Kinda? I think it was stress from uni, work, and her ptsd getting to her, plus her parents. Also she talked to one of our mutual friends before she broke up with me and told him that she didn’t want to breakup with me as well but thought it was the “best decision”. She says she wants to stay friends and I don’t have to worry about losing her from my life. We were best friends for years before we dated and has no issues then either. I value our friendship over our relationship even though I may prefer the relationship I had with her.
My wife and I separated five months ago and she gave me all seven of those signs in the months afterwards. In the last month she’s pulled back and we barely talk anymore. I’m trying to figure what to do next to save my marriage, she so far has not asked for a divorce but I’m anxious and afraid every day that it’s coming. Thank you for your videos Clay, they’ve been really helpful.
@@katerinakassiotes8983 i didn’t even need the signs to know that she regrets her decision, she herself said “i regret breaking up with you but i think its for the best for now, im hoping in the future we can do this again” and she still says that i was her best boyfriend and that i made her very happy.
1. She said I am amazing and it is tough for her to end it as well 2. When I stupidly emailed her the next day, she told me she wanted me to know that she really love(D) me. 3. By the end of the relationship, she was really stressed from work and she didn't have much savings. 4. She told me she has anxiety issues and she really doesn't want to move far away. Not even her father know about her anxiety, she was giving me chances to compromise for our relationship. I was hesitant to act on it and I regretted so much. 5. She encouraged me to go after my dream and said she can't wait to hear about my achievements. 6. Where to close the distance was the issues. I didn't have enough silence time to think about my life choices. Now, I kick myself so hard. 7. One of our mistakes was that we both tend to avoid conflicts and hence the distance issues was unresolved.
My Ex husband left me twice, 3 months after we married and then 2 years into marriage. We’d been together for a total of 9 years. It’s been 4 years since he left and last year the divorce was finalised. I actively did not want to see him in the last 4 years due to hurt and trying to move on. He only contacted me to tell me about divorce. I came off social media, actively did not want to know about him. Now that we are divorced, I bumped into him and he made conversation with things that connected us, place names that I’d forgotten about. Pets weird habits that I’d also forgotten about. And now I’m feeling like I’m back to square one and being a doormat.
Hi Mon, I'm sorry to hear about that. I agree that going through the past can bring back a lot of memories and emotions. these memories can either bring a smile or pain. I hope you are holding on well. Sending more positive energies on your end.
Thanks for the video, Clay! Quick question. All the signs were there and I am currently in Active No Contact for few weeks now. Lately she's been liking/retweeting stuff about anxiety and quotes about people leaving. I'm confused if I should continue ANC or should I reach out. I'm hoping you could reply, Clay! Thanks!
Please continue doing Active No Contact. if you can do social media fasting, that would be great as well. it's better to focus your energies on healing and in your goals by doing ANC.
Okay so I know she didn’t want to brake up with me and she went into a rebound so I know she missed me too that’s ended about a week ago. So what’s my plan of action to get her back?
Hi Callum, Get into Active No Contact, and hone in the Advanced Relational Skills just like what we talk inside our Ex Solution Program course. It is important that we hone these life skills as that will be your basic foundation on the process.
Hi Clay, I did no contact while the rebound was going on and when we did talk she messaged me and I really showed how much I’ve changed we had a laugh to be honest. Do I need to do the full month of no contact because I’ve been doing no contact again for this week and did it while they was with the rebound
My ex planned a flight for days behind my back, after 4 years he told me he loves me every day. Suddenly he was gone and blocked me on every possible contact. We had arguments he could have been doing better, I told him that, he’s doing a lot wrong , he lets himself get arrest warrants before he’ll pay a dime to his child support obligations to his ex wife. I’m realizing what I’m writing. I wanted him to get that all correct so we could travel and not worry about being called to court. He never send a dime to correct his legal matters. I’m not even telling the whole story. I guess he doesn’t want to have a good normal life.
Clay can you make a video more about the 3rd sign, the one with your friend. That is happening to my ex, and even he told me something like that but I am unable to understand the mindset.
My ex is fearful avoidant. He was looking for a way to break up after the long slow fade. That's what avoidants do: break up from a good relationship when they start to develop deep feelings. He monkey branched to another aided by her family. Avoidants are sometimes people pleasers who cannot say "no". He really did not want to break up, but his fears were too strong and outweighed his love. So sad.
I’m trying to figure out why an ex (who was insistent we were forever) would only allow me to break up with him if I had promised him that I would not to ever ever date any other man.. And when he found out that I was dating another man, he would come straight back to me,and tell me to get rid of who ever it was that I was dating.. ultimately going straight to that guy that I was dating , before I even had a chance to explain why I had to stop dating him.. I eventually had to move out of state because he was destroying my life via everyone else bc I refused to ever be with him again. That’s a huge indication that he didn’t want to break up, but.. Has anyone else ever experienced this? Do you understand what it is that makes a person be like that ??
Woah , I understand i wasnt mentally stable and held onto my past while being in a relationship which ended bc of stress and she felt like it wasn't helping and that she needs to just solely focus on her mental health and herself. But we both werent stable and maybe there's a possibility for a future together but this guy just sounds crazy , sounds like he would want you around even if hes probably with someone else and doesn't want you with anyone , basically all to himself..
I can relate. Other things in my life that wasnt going how I wanted it to, especially this entire pandemic thing . So I kinda initiated it but the next day, I explained things before we and we agreed on a break and she encouraged me to do things that make me happy. So I kinda see that as a positive which I appreciate. It's been a week today, I've been thinking do I msg her or let her, since I was the one who originally initiated it.
My Ex He has been sick from Crohns and things are getting worse for him. Since it was my first time in a relationship, also it’s a long distance relationship we usually argued a lot. He broke up with me saying “he’s not happy with his life and he’s sad to see me being sad because of the changes in the relationship, his health is getting worse” I didn’t want to break up but he insisted that we needed to. I just wanted to be with him in his struggles. I wanted to help him but he’s ignoring me already. I don’t know if he still wants to be with me or if I should wait for him. I need him and I love him. 💔
@@17sclouds25 my Ex boyfriend is going through the same thing and he was hospitalized back in July. We were long distance as well but for only the past year. We were together for 2.5 years. This all happened during my visit to see him and he started acting differently while he was in there and I thought it was because they had him on Morphine, steroids and an antibiotic for 12 days. He wouldn't let me go to the hospital the night he went to the hospital because he was worried about me being bored even though I told him not to worry about me that I just wanted to be there with him. So he ended up being transferred to another hospital the following afternoon that was an hour from the first hospital and his car was left at the first hospital. I have no information on which hospital location the car is at or the one where he is. The hospitals there have the same names but have different locations within miles of each other. He went in on July 4th at 10 pm, transferred to the other hospital on July 5th in the afternoon. He tells me that he things they are going to release him on July 5th possibly in the evening to hold off on me getting the car and coming to see him.
@@17sclouds25 During this time, we are in constant contact with each other by text and calls but he left his charger at the apartment so he was trying to save as much battery as he could until I came up but ended up having a nurse charge it. On July 6th, they tell him that he is going to be in there for at least a week. He asks me if I can bring him some clean clothes and stuff and asked if I could call his mom to let her know what is going on with him and I said that I would be happy to. His sister called me too.
Wow . now if she would contact me that would be great . its been 6 months. Nothing no word. I've started a new career and work out everyday and eat a lot healthier . i think of her every day . i still love and miss her . these are dead on . i was a selfish pridefull man that ultimately pushed her away . she did nothing wrong I did . do these better or worsen my chances of getting her back ?
It depends. If your ex had moved on from the past and had forgiven you, she may be open to the possibility of reconciliation. But it may take some time to gain her trust back.
Bro my girlfriend broke up with me of a something dumb argument and I am trying to get her back and she rejected me and I still want her back I’m trying my best place help me
My Ex He has been sick from Crohns and things are getting worse for him. Since it was my first time in a relationship, also it’s a long distance relationship we usually argued a lot. He broke up with me saying “he’s not happy with his life and he’s sad to see me being sad because of the changes in the relationship, his health is getting worse” I didn’t want to break up but he insisted that we needed to. I just wanted to be with him in his struggles. I wanted to help him but he’s ignoring me already. I don’t know if he still wants to be with me or if I should wait for him. I need him and I love him. 💔
As much as I realize now and remember, I was fighting for us. I said something and it upset them. It struck their heart but they know I was scared. We were both scared. Sure relationships aren’t perfect but we still faught and forgives one another. They didn’t want to break up and they cried and they saw me cry too. I tried my best and they saw but I guess they wanted time to heal what I said. We still love one another ❤️
I wish I had found ur video earlier and I really thought our break up is not final . Until half a year later he is seeing someone . #3 was kinda me . Anyhow .I don't know if it is even worth thinking if he is with someone already and I went to see him after he told me that . Maybe the feeling has changed .I got discouraged also when trying to get back together twice and his respond was not positive but he wasn't mean to me at all. I thought I would reignite the love with him
I had all 7 signs,what should I do in this case? I’m doing no contact but should I keep going or talk to her and rebuild the connection so that it convinces her to give us the chance. Its been almost three weeks since we broke up and I started no contact instantly. I would like your advice on this Clay, thank you for your vids they help a lot :)
My ex and I broke up almost 2 years ago and havent talked in 1.5 years. Today I Got a call from my mechanic saying my ex called them for information about my old car that I gave her before the break up. Then they called me letting me know and what I wanted to do about it ( due to privacy laws my ex couldnt get info about the car). My thought is if it was important she would have called or texted me, but she hasnt. Not sure if I should tell the mechanic that I approve to give her the information she is asking for. Could she still feel a certain way if she didnt want to reach out directly to me?
Regardless of what your ex feels about you, will you be comfortable in giving the approval to give the information that she is asking for? It might be that she also needed that information for other matters.
@@ClayAndrews I would be comfortable giving her the information but everyone else I talked to says that I shouldnt, that it's her problem now. That I always give into what she wants.
Clay, question. I’ve seen in your videos over and over to not focus on the relationship but instead focus on building emotional connections and bring conversations down to an emotional level. However I can’t seem to find any examples how to do that or what that really means. I may just be missing it. I’ve also gone through a lot of the ESP and couldn’t find examples there either. Can you help here or make a video soon detailing some specific examples of how to steer a conversation to an emotional level and specifically how to get an “ex” (in this case a separated wife that’s still married to you) who’s not currently speaking much and avoids the relationship as a topic altogether to open up emotionally? Are there any things I can do or say to get her attention and bring her into this emotional connection state that you can suggest? Thank you
Hi Nordo, It's because building an emotional connection is something that we have to develop as a person through improving our Advanced Relational Skills. It is not about following a certain script or example, but it is about having the right mindset and the emotional capability to connect with the person. Meaning it has to be experienced and not just following certain instructions. That is why the approach of our courses is holistic because we are bringing your authentic self and changes in the dynamics for a healthy and lasting relationship. :-)
I went out with my ex and his best friend have been working on this for a while and we were getting along well unfortunately when I did go to this dinner they proceeded to pick on me as they always do and I went off on them and stormed out I am not a joke and no longer will be disrespected. But now. I'm back in the she is so crazy spot they put you in evn tho I am not wrong.
What if you got along fine no arguments, if needs weren’t met she never communicated on that and she knows before we dated that I had lot of difficulty in that aspect as far as picking up cues. I may have missed things but I’ll never know for sure, she still follows my Snapchat stories every post. I’m doing no contact now I’m on day 9, I don’t know what to do, I think after a while I’ll block her since by then in my opinion she will have no business what I’m up to. I am true to my word give her space to think things over, in the mean time I live single life do my thing meet new people. I started doing a class for job advancement and I’m glad for the break up because I’m studying a lot and our needs won’t be met to our liking. I do care about this girl and I think about her, send positive vibes her way in my mind. I don’t got a bad thing to say about her
Ger’varis Anderson no, he is still too scared of his father 😑 but since I am not afraid to lose him anymore he is complimenting me all the time and he admitted that he still loves me and cares for me and that he is unhappy...told him that I was tired and started treating him like shit and he is calling me princess and what not 😂😂😂 but I feel better now. I deserve someone better !
My ex and I were having a very good relationship but he is still in the final stages of his divorce (4 years separated) and the estrangement of his kids (all over 18) is making him depressed and angry. I guess trying to have a relationship with me was too much. This is the second time he broke up with me. I know he needs time even after all the particulars are complete and his children move away, to heal. I did and do love him so much and he knew it.
Going through a divorce can truly be an adjustment for the people involved, especially with the kids. We agree that he needs to heal from what happened and make himself emotionally available to be in a new relationship.
My ex broke up with me but admitted 2 hours later that he also wants us to start over so we made up but ended up stopping talking..he called me on Christmas telling me that he still wants me and even though we said we would meet up he never contacted me..he did post a song on his Facebook about how sad he was about our breakup and how he misses me and he admitted to his cousin he lost me cause of his mistakes..he un friended me on Facebook and then blocked me a week later (that happened last week) he started dating another girl that looks nothing like me so I don’t know what he’s feeling or thinking
My ex practically ranted like a emotional girl on how I brushed off his feelings and said I never helped him with bills. Which is hilarious since that really wasn't the case. I could tell he was not happy with his career n felt trapped
He did good to break up with you. How insensitive. Ranted like an emotional girl? You're insensitive and definitely might have brushed him off. Good for him.
If you have all the signs? And reality sets in for the dumper. Does that mean if you prove yourself over Time that you have changed , they may possibly regret the decision? Possibly give you another chance. We had a 17 year marriage. Lots of good times and memories. Some bad. But we always worked through it. She is still very nice to me and we have three children. What do you think coach?
Hey Mr @clay so my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday and he said he wants to be in my life and he doesn’t want us to stop talking to me he wants to support me and be in my life and he’s been doing this all the sign all 7 and our relationship has it’s bumps we have a bit of a age difference and that was hard for him the pressure and peoples opinions and he talked about how he wants to work on him self and we both have problems in our lives but I feel like I want to give him space because I love him and want him to work on him self but it’s so confusing because I’ve never loved anyone like him we’ve never fought but he said he wants to break up but he said he loves me but he said we are in two different places because of our age and honestly I love him and don’t care about the age gap but he does and I don’t know what to do I’m hurting but I want him to work on him self what can I do because he doesn’t want space but I’m the one that said I want space because he broke up with me I’m just so confused I’ve never loved anyone never let my self love someone like him please help
My girlfriend of 3 1/2 years just broke up with me & she checks all 7 boxes. I felt like I could kind of sense that she didn’t want to, but she said she had made up her mind & I love her, so I’m respecting her decision.
Hi Kenneth, I'm sorry about the breakup and we understand that it must be tough for you. During breakup, our ex may check all the boxes especially that they are also going through the pain and struggle, just like you. Try to check after 3 to 6 months if some changes had happened. But it's good to know that you are respecting her decision as well. Sending more positive energies on your end.
@@ClayAndrews Thank you for this video and the words of encouragement. I felt blindsided by this, because just 2-2 1/2 weeks ago, we woke up and we’re laying in bed with our dogs & she was showing me the wedding dress she wanted, about a week before that we were texting and she made a comment about saving up for a wedding, and I had already put down a deposit on an engagement ring, etc. I know we had some smaller disagreements, but nothing where I thought she’d end our relationship. The last thing we did was hug each other really tight as I helped her pack her stuff into her car & we told each other I love you. It’s now day four & I haven’t heard from her. I’m staying busy to correct the issues I know of & to be a better person for whatever comes next.
How about come get your stuff. Sorry Im busy for awhile, fine Ill donate them. Two minutes later, when are you going to get your stuff, told ya. Fine Ill drop them off Sunday a week a go. So far nothing and no more requests to go get my stuff. Hmmmm?
My ex is now with a fat untidy thicky simpleton sort of bloke, I am a lean, intelligent , have multiple line's of income , speak three languages , several properties round the world , patient , understanding and tried to assist her with her life, I was not there always for her due to my career and dependents (no children) and put myself out far more then she ever did. Basically you cant make your partner see the good , they only saw what they want to. I would not allow this person back into my life and so glad I did not put a ring on her finger as she clearly had ulterior motives and did not value me to make any attempt at reaching out having severed comms over some irrational misunderstanding. I will never understand how they could be so ungrateful and cruel when all i ever did was try to care , understand and help her. Glad I am free of this individual and would notbe surprised if her world collapses around her ears given her negativity but I must say on refelction I would not ever raise another finger to assist her ,rather just my middle finger to show her how much I now care for her. Obnoxious negative spiteful and selfish cold woman RIH
Hi Hew, I'm sorry that you have to go through a tough journey on your relationship. We understand that you have provided support and care to your ex but have you also listened to her needs? It is important to listen as well to the other person and not just being a good provider (emotionally and physically). All the best.
How if he’s done it four times in two years? And all four times he’s back and begged for going back together? I think he wants to use break up to control which doesn’t work for me.
I moved out and now he isn’t talking to me. I ran into him at our kids school and he hugged me and acted like nothing was wrong but still continued to ignore me.
So we broke up 2 weeks ago, she told me if I want i could text her to go for a coffee after a while if not she totally understands. I have been in no contact for 2 weeks now and she hasn't texted me. I feel like she waits for me to text her first and she always used to be like that she wants me to make the first move in everything. I am not sure how to take this if she wants me to text her and keep in contact untill we meet up again in the future. This is so confusing cause I know in fact that this is how she reacts but also I am not sure if it is a good idea to text her. I would like to keep in contact with her and try things in the future, should I wait for at least a month and then try contacting or should I wait for her to text me (but i am pretty sure she leaves things on me) so she probably won't. I don't want to give her the idea that we stay as friends. Also i am not sure if she will move on eventually because if she does and i try going out with her and learn that she moved on i will be very upset. Should i talk with her and make this thing clear if she moves on i will also move on but if she wants to wait i will also wait.
My ex girlfriend is all over the place with things. Ok. Her reasoning first was she has 5 kids. 3 older boys and 2 younger boys. She only came out to her family and friends in August last year. One older boy as severe social anxiety, one younger boy has autism and think younger is now seeing signs of seperation anxiety aged 9.. at the start we are on a break and see what happens in the future. Started to get hot and cold then warm and hot and cold again. As I mentioned previously to you I was visiting her, she brought up about the visit to be my friend but I got sad and hurt as I didn't wish to bring it up while I'm there. No one knows we are on a break well not that I know off. Otherwise she'll have to explain the reason why. I asked her where did we go wrong she went on it's about her not me. I know she is gay but hurt and stunned she just said I don't think I'm gay?? 😭. My mind has been going over drive with thoughts since then.. I don't know if all the stress n pressure with not coping with stuff. Is it a case of a heat of the moment to hurt
Meh.. he couldnt get over the label I came with. Kicked him to the curb. Its taken me a week. I gave him a chance to make it up to me but he couldnt do it. Broke up with me again.. finally accepted it like a lady but still kept trying to contact me.. I need sanity..!! If he wants me, he needs to check himself. Im just not interested in people's negative attitudes holding me back..
Idk.....at least for us. It all went downhill after pandemic. Wen i had to ask her...brother...he said she wanted to brrakup with me for years but he convinced her to stay with me to see the relatiinship wen i visited it didnt go as planned and he told her to breakup with me. And wen she did brrakup with me it was thru text. But her actions....her actions sad otherwise...i just dont know anymore. So lost...so confused...so consumed with sadness n darknes with deep thoughts n depression....wish i had my answers....ideky he had to get involved yet same time why couldnt she make a decision on her own ...le sigh...i just want help n answers.
my ex broke wt me last early last month after a years or rel, all the signs that you mentions were there. I already initiated no contact for month and half and lately she tweet something about how miserable she are like consequences of overthinking etc. Should I reach out for her? I had feeling she want to reaching out for me but don't have courage because she worried that I still mad on her. What should I do?
OMG this is terrible!! My ex totally did not want to break up with me and I have felt like that as he has gotten involved in this new relationship. But he's gotten his new girlfriend pregnant and so now won't talk to me!! What can I do??? I'm finally over him, but I still want to be a great friend!!!
Sometimes I feel that he didn't want to break up with me but was under pressure cos his other gal was tired of being in the shadows. When he visits the kids he sits quietly and stares at me as if he wants to say something. Just last week he sent a msg to me bt it was not mine cos the contents made no sense to me at half past 12 midnight. He used to be very angry bt I always wondered why he was angry cos he broke up with me. Bt I hear things are nt as he thot wit the otha gal.. My kids and I we r just keeping our space. My family keeps saying he is regretting bt m nt so sure. He makes it a point to remind me that he has moved on. We broke up 9mnths ago. So confusing.. M seeing someone new bt m guarded cos am afraid of being hurt.. Even he keeps saying my ex is coming back jst that now his pride is stopping him. He says 12 yrs is a long tym to forget jst like that. I realized that on VDay he checked my status and I guess he was curious abt me.
@@ClayAndrews Yes I'm currently doing your course and we are slowly starting to reconnect he is moving out soon :( but I am supporting and we are in touch all the time and planning on building a friendship so focusing on our interactions and myself and I will succeed....We are just better together and even now we turn to each other for support. But it does change not sure if positive pull backs or riding the dragon or both. You are really helping me. Thank you. And working through the esp course
So mine had all 7 signs.. I am exactly 60 days since we last spoke. I want to open the lines of communication but she was so certain at the she didn't want me. Are they always certain as time goes on though?
My ex talked me about things that has happen in our relationship but is in a rebound? Really confused on why she would want to talk about our relationship when she is in one?
Hi Kel'se, Some exes are comfortable talking about the past as a form of healing. and to have a full understanding of why the breakup happened. It can be a part of their healing process and showing some level of vulnerability as well, regardless of whether they are in a rebound or not. Hope this helps. :-)
Thanks for watching. Be sure to also check out this video series on signs your ex wants you back: th-cam.com/video/4tpTirUU-QU/w-d-xo.html
Clay Andrews Thank you Clay 🙏🏾
You're welcome, Fee. We truly appreciate your moral support in our channel. :-)
Still trying to get help clay
Hey Mr @clay so my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday and he said he wants to be in my life and he doesn’t want us to stop talking to me he wants to support me and be in my life and he’s been doing this all the sign all 7 and our relationship has it’s bumps we have a bit of a age difference and that was hard for him the pressure and peoples opinions and he talked about how he wants to work on him self and we both have problems in our lives but I feel like I want to give him space because I love him and want him to work on him self but it’s so confusing because I’ve never loved anyone like him we’ve never fought but he said he wants to break up but he said he loves me but he said we are in two different places because of our age and honestly I love him and don’t care about the age gap but he does and I don’t know what to do I’m hurting but I want him to work on him self what can I do because he doesn’t want space but I’m the one that said I want space because he broke up with me I’m just so confused I’ve never loved anyone never let my self love someone like him please help
And that he didn’t want to break up with me
Right, so looks like my ex did not want to break up but did anyway with a tirade of nonsensical excuses. Unfortunately, he's put me through such a washing machine of emotions over 6 weeks out of the blue that I feel deep resentment and loss of attraction. I keep pondering - where did that nice man go..? I feel like there were two deaths this pandemic: my grandmother and him. Great content as always. Thank you, people like you have saved my sanity during lockdown.
One: yes
Two: yes
Three: absolutely
Four: we didn’t have anything bad that added conflict to the relationship
Five: kinda? We discussed quitting one of my jobs
Six: yes
Seven: yep.
My gut felt like this wasn’t over. It was so sudden
Same
@@elisdeskovic2851 Same
Any updates?
Same
I got 5 out of 7. I know she really didn't want to break up but is just frustrated and needs to think. I'll give her that space. It's been 30 days but I guess she just needs more time. I'll just stay in no contact and hope she comes around sone day.
Thank you so much. I've been having so much stress and sleeping problems after my boyfriend and I went on a break. You are making lots of things clear to me and somehow manage to calm my anxiety
You're welcome, Emma. Glad to hear that you are holding on well.
@@ClayAndrews hi Clay, last night we broke up. For the 3rd time. I am starting to care for myself now and I'm going to stay away from him. It was an ugly breakup concidering how tired I am of his vagueness. Hope I find peace. Thank you!
@@emma.wouters1788 hope all is well with you Emma. 💕
@@emma.wouters1788 I feel terrible about mine and I couldn't stop crying day in day out thinking he was the best guy cuz he gave me all his love but I went on traveling .tho I tell him everything happen during my travel and maybe it didn't matter cuz I am not around
My ex probably cried even harder and held me tighter than I have ever seen before. Just pretty much came out of nowhere. Not even reconciling of things. Just sucks
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did it worked out?
Ticked all the signs and somehow it finally led him to let go. He was overwhelmed with all personal circumstances and he didnt want tp drag me in it. There was too much going on in his life that he wants to work on.I hope we can be both happy at the end. Wether together or not. I will gradually move on and accept reality.
❤️❤️❤️ how are you feeling now?
yes give an update
Update?
@@mmt2310 he reached out a year after wrote this
@@dianak5027 he reached out one year after I wrote this
1. They treated you fairly.
2. After the breakup, they still admit there were many positive memories
3. Ex was under a lot of pressure and stress that was nothing to do with you, e.g. finances
4. Repair attempts were made
5. They encouraged you to go out and do counselling or something else, like something active
6. They talked about specific problems
7. Increase in conflict followed by sharp disengagement
Damn, 6/7 with my ex
My ex and i really checked off most of the boxes except for one. Yeah to this day, i realize it was all my fault, i hate myself for putting pressure on my ex and not understanding his side of things. I thought i was being a good girlfriend but i did not realize i was not until some months passed and i had space to realize i made mistakes. Right now i am happy we are starting to have positive interactions again i hope if i am lucky me and him will get back together but this time stay together
any updates :)?
I am actually not with my ex and i moved on from him. I am with someone new and he makes me happy
Glad it worked out in the end :)
#3 hits home for me. My girlfriend and mother of my child dumped me after 7 years this past May. We still live together for now and talk and hangout daily though she sleeps in a different room now... We moved in with my parents and her and my mother hate each other and my mom goes out of her way to make her feel miserable and unwelcome though I was oblivious to it and became aware after she dumped me. I was also severely depressed and didn't want to do anything or go anywhere because I was too exhausted after work, coupled with chorionic migraines that have cost me jobs over the years due to poor attendance.
Changes are made and we're slowly reconnecting
My ex broke up with me because my mental health got pretty bad in the last few weeks of being together. It was causing her a lot of stress and she got scared cause I was using her as a crutch to deal with my issues. I don’t think she wanted to break up but I think she felt she needed too because I needed to learn to cope with the issues on my own.
Hey there, I hope you are seeking professional help regarding your mental health. It is important that we also take care of our well-being so we can give our best self in having a quality relationship.
Update?
Dude so on point all 7 signs with my lady I miss her so much and it blows
Glad to hear that our video resonates with you, Jayson.
It wasn't over, It still isn't over and its never going to be Over.
The Notebook? 🤣
@@christinemalary Right, So that was the Kind of Love I thought we had. I sure of it! Now it's been 38 days today and it still isn't any easier. I'm just stuck for a min I guess.
Oh my word, one of the biggest things that my ex mentioned to me was that she felt "very put of controll". It makes a lot of sense because shes graduating next year and shes trying to figure out what she wants for her future and she literally told me that when we broke up. That's crazy
It's stressful times right now but seeing u explaining to me what might have happened with a random smile every now and then really makes me feel more at ease and I smile too
Glad to hear that we are bringing that positive vibes across our videos. :-)
The story about your friend is similar to mine. My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago, her health hasn't been the best the last 6 month's and she's not been able to complete college, admitted to me that she's suffering depression the week before she dumped me.
I think she might have.. but her mentioning breaking up did the exact opposite and kicked my anxiety and emotions off. You can't do that if you want a healthy conversation. It's like.. "you either do this or I'll leave you!".. not a secure behaviour and if the other person takes it seriously it will fall apart.
Good signs. My last break up I noticed all. I have high hope to recovery.
I really think my ex never wanted to break up with me, but stuck with it because he didn't want to be "wrong". I told him he was making a mistake and he agreed that he probably was, even going as far as admitting to me that he makes a lot of mistakes in his life. He even texted me several hours after the break up, to see how I was and what I was doing. And he was even crying on the phone, but trying to hide it while he was breaking up with me. It's still hard to believe that he did that because we were so happy together, and planning a life together. And then he just broke up with me out of the blue, within about a 24-hour period. I'm sure he misses me just as much as I miss him, but there's nothing I can do but let him sit with the consequences. And hopefully he'll swallow his pride, get help, and be with me for good, next time around.
Banana 9 yeah, keep telling yourself that, sometimes when we lie to ourselves enough, we actually start to believe it.
Hi Banana9, I'm sorry to hear about the breakup. The early period of the breakup can be emotionally confusing that is why people are going through this emotional pull. I understand that your relationship seems happy and perfect but the fact it had lead to a breakup, it may seem like there are things that were not communicated that eventually lead to the separation. That's why open communication is truly needed in a relationship. To keep each other in check. I hope you are holding on well.
Clay Andrews why even make a reply like this to try to kill hope, when your whole video is providing hope?
Her and i both did this. Word for word. She asked if she should leave. I said yes. Now shes gone forever. Shes happier and i dont think i could ever believe her again anyway.
She lied a lot ! Same here
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A widower I’ve been dating for 9 months just broke up with me because of pressure from his family. He cried really hard. It broke my heart. Hoping it’s just temporary. Thank you. This helps.
Oh, wow... My widower broke up with me after six months, saying he couldn't have asked for a better partner but that he wasn't yet ready for a new realtionship. Grief and depression don't leave a lot of room for happiness unfortunately. Can I ask how things worked out on your end?
Wow i think what happened with your friend is what happened with me and my ex. He had so much going with work and family, our future engagement around the corner probably added pressure. Despite how happy and healthier we were he broke up with me out of no where
I hope he comes back the way your friend did
There’s another possibility:The vibe was positive at the end of our relationship because I was so mature and did an amazing job during the whole time. Even I found out that he cheated on me just couple of days after our breakup I showed my forgiveness and great care.So he couldn’t even find a chance to argue or whatever
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How is it cheating if uts days after the breakup?
@@maxriley3888 he means they found out after the breakup..but the cheating occurred during.
I have all 7 of these with my ex, she suggested maybe I join the gym or get another part time job, I kinda realise now she was trying to get me to help myself out of a hole I’ve been in where I kinda stopped going out. We still chat and she’s definitely taking notice of what I’ve been doing, I hope things work out between us but I need to better myself and make progress either way and I know that now.
Nr 7 is exactly what was being said and done. This is also the reason I didn't understand the breakup. After 5,5 years she was suddenly under the impression we were fundamentally different and incompatible. I do and don't understand why she just seems to move on happily but nr. 7 gives me hope. I miss my best friend :( (so does or dog)
I’m in the same boat and dog misses him too.
How are you going now?
My ex was crying when he was at my place,,when he broke up with me;we both cryed,and then he said that he hope that he didnt do the wrong thing to brake up,he has å ladyfriend who was jeaulous of me:,not heard from him or not seeing him after almost 5years now,,sadly but true;i miss him still,took a long time to get over my ex 🥺
The dismissive avoidant withdraws mostly because we weren't clear about what we wanted to do with them, when exactly we wanted to meet, etc, so calling it a break up might not be correct. It fizzled out because we couldn't communicate in the same language.
Clay...this topic is one of the best you have covered.
Glad you liked it. :-)
YES!!! THIS!!!!! Her dad died and her mom and stepdad divorced and she just couldnt handle being in a relationship with me, who was also in a bad mental state, giving her the space she needs and hoping she wants to work things out!!!
How is it now?
Update??
I like your. Videos Clay
There’s a lot of what you say is relevant
To my story 👏🏻
The “I do not want to do this, oh god I don’t want to break up with you” was really confusing to me cuz he was the one who broke up with me😅🤷♀️🤷♀️
Omg this is spot on
He said he wanted to stay as friends, he said he needed time for him self and he needed to find himself and I completely understand. He still has all our stuff and still checks up on me . He also said he is probably going to get back with me but just doesn’t know exactly when Does anyone know if he still loves me and wants me back?😕
updates?
He's probably dating someone else.
My ex just broke up with yesterday evening because of my negative mindset. And also he is stress. And still during our chat he is still the same. I feel that he really don't want to break up.
My ex and i had to break up because he was moving and I was forced to stay because i signed an 18 month work agreement (there was 12 months left when we broke up)
All of these signs hit us i think. I listened twice and realized "oh wait this me too" honestly helped me understand myself and him right now.
So my separated husband did all of these... but in the end we're still separated and he doesn't want to talk about any of the issues anymore. He'll even talk about how maybe in the future we can get together and who knows if all we need is space and time and now he's becoming a bit distant and i don't know what tf to do. I love him so much but he acts like he wishes i never existed. I've really been more positive and upbeat... but i get nothing in return
Glow up and look hotter he'll come back. Refine your wardrobe and all of that stuff. His interest will likely perk back up
what comes around comes around guys
if mother nature leads your paths together to know what both of you need to do to improve and you manage youll just see and wait who walks your path again
Great video a lot a good point’s spot on for me !
Thanks for the compliment, Louis. :-)
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Literally my ex. I’m attempting to get her back, dk if it’ll work but I’m trying. Anything she ever complained or had an issue w I’m fixing in hopes that she sees and has a change of heart. We both were stressed and neither of us handled it well.
Update?
Please give an update
1. Yep
2. Yep
3. Yep; both of us were starting university, she had to provide for herself because her parents; she admitted that she took on too much and had to take a step back from life and said she couldn’t handle a serious relationship in this current point in her life. I also believe her parents pressured/manipulated her into breaking up with me, and I kinda have evidence of that.
4. Kinda? We never had an argument or anything but I got upset about something and she said that “We’ll be fine” and “You had nothing to worry about” regarding our relationship. This was 3 days before we broke up.
5. Yeah kinda, she told me that I may need to work on myself; but I also feel like she was projecting. This was a week before other breakup.
6. Like I said before, we didn’t have any arguments.
7. Kinda? I think it was stress from uni, work, and her ptsd getting to her, plus her parents.
Also she talked to one of our mutual friends before she broke up with me and told him that she didn’t want to breakup with me as well but thought it was the “best decision”.
She says she wants to stay friends and I don’t have to worry about losing her from my life. We were best friends for years before we dated and has no issues then either. I value our friendship over our relationship even though I may prefer the relationship I had with her.
That pressure sign and too much stress is my situation a bit
Very enlightening.
My wife and I separated five months ago and she gave me all seven of those signs in the months afterwards. In the last month she’s pulled back and we barely talk anymore. I’m trying to figure what to do next to save my marriage, she so far has not asked for a divorce but I’m anxious and afraid every day that it’s coming. Thank you for your videos Clay, they’ve been really helpful.
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Update??
Lol all 7 signs and also the fact that he actually admitted that he didn’t wanna break up but felt like it was best to
How is it now?
Between me and him? We haven’t spoken since the breakup. It’s been almost 7 months now
@@katerinakassiotes8983 i didn’t even need the signs to know that she regrets her decision, she herself said “i regret breaking up with you but i think its for the best for now, im hoping in the future we can do this again” and she still says that i was her best boyfriend and that i made her very happy.
I had the same issue. He didn’t want to breakup, but he felt it was best
@@katerinakassiotes8983 do you feel that the relationship will be rekindled, or that his decision was pretty final?
1. She said I am amazing and it is tough for her to end it as well
2. When I stupidly emailed her the next day, she told me she wanted me to know that she really love(D) me.
3. By the end of the relationship, she was really stressed from work and she didn't have much savings.
4. She told me she has anxiety issues and she really doesn't want to move far away. Not even her father know about her anxiety, she was giving me chances to compromise for our relationship. I was hesitant to act on it and I regretted so much.
5. She encouraged me to go after my dream and said she can't wait to hear about my achievements.
6. Where to close the distance was the issues. I didn't have enough silence time to think about my life choices. Now, I kick myself so hard.
7. One of our mistakes was that we both tend to avoid conflicts and hence the distance issues was unresolved.
My Ex husband left me twice, 3 months after we married and then 2 years into marriage. We’d been together for a total of 9 years. It’s been 4 years since he left and last year the divorce was finalised. I actively did not want to see him in the last 4 years due to hurt and trying to move on. He only contacted me to tell me about divorce. I came off social media, actively did not want to know about him. Now that we are divorced, I bumped into him and he made conversation with things that connected us, place names that I’d forgotten about. Pets weird habits that I’d also forgotten about. And now I’m feeling like I’m back to square one and being a doormat.
Hi Mon, I'm sorry to hear about that. I agree that going through the past can bring back a lot of memories and emotions. these memories can either bring a smile or pain. I hope you are holding on well. Sending more positive energies on your end.
Best thing you can do is meet someone else. Go out on dates, etc. You'll get over him. Sounds like a jerk.
Thanks for the video, Clay! Quick question. All the signs were there and I am currently in Active No Contact for few weeks now. Lately she's been liking/retweeting stuff about anxiety and quotes about people leaving. I'm confused if I should continue ANC or should I reach out. I'm hoping you could reply, Clay! Thanks!
Please continue doing Active No Contact. if you can do social media fasting, that would be great as well. it's better to focus your energies on healing and in your goals by doing ANC.
I haven’t talked to my ex since we broke up......
Me neither. It’s one month today. I’m talking to new people but I still miss her.
@@chrisn2125 update?
Okay so I know she didn’t want to brake up with me and she went into a rebound so I know she missed me too that’s ended about a week ago. So what’s my plan of action to get her back?
Hi Callum, Get into Active No Contact, and hone in the Advanced Relational Skills just like what we talk inside our Ex Solution Program course. It is important that we hone these life skills as that will be your basic foundation on the process.
Hi Clay, I did no contact while the rebound was going on and when we did talk she messaged me and I really showed how much I’ve changed we had a laugh to be honest. Do I need to do the full month of no contact because I’ve been doing no contact again for this week and did it while they was with the rebound
Callum Davis do no contact but also find someone else because it’s not guaranteed
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Mine is depressed, I feel bad about where she is at right now
My ex planned a flight for days behind my back, after 4 years he told me he loves me every day. Suddenly he was gone and blocked me on every possible contact.
We had arguments he could have been doing better, I told him that, he’s doing a lot wrong , he lets himself get arrest warrants before he’ll pay a dime to his child support obligations to his ex wife.
I’m realizing what I’m writing. I wanted him to get that all correct so we could travel and not worry about being called to court. He never send a dime to correct his legal matters.
I’m not even telling the whole story. I guess he doesn’t want to have a good normal life.
Clay can you make a video more about the 3rd sign, the one with your friend. That is happening to my ex, and even he told me something like that but I am unable to understand the mindset.
My ex is fearful avoidant. He was looking for a way to break up after the long slow fade. That's what avoidants do: break up from a good relationship when they start to develop deep feelings. He monkey branched to another aided by her family. Avoidants are sometimes people pleasers who cannot say "no". He really did not want to break up, but his fears were too strong and outweighed his love. So sad.
I’m trying to figure out why an ex (who was insistent we were forever) would only allow me to break up with him if I had promised him that I would not to ever ever date any other man..
And when he found out that I was dating another man, he would come straight back to me,and tell me to get rid of who ever it was that I was dating.. ultimately going straight to that guy that I was dating , before I even had a chance to explain why I had to stop dating him..
I eventually had to move out of state because he was destroying my life via everyone else bc I refused to ever be with him again.
That’s a huge indication that he didn’t want to break up, but..
Has anyone else ever experienced this?
Do you understand what it is that makes a person be like that ??
Woah , I understand i wasnt mentally stable and held onto my past while being in a relationship which ended bc of stress and she felt like it wasn't helping and that she needs to just solely focus on her mental health and herself. But we both werent stable and maybe there's a possibility for a future together but this guy just sounds crazy , sounds like he would want you around even if hes probably with someone else and doesn't want you with anyone , basically all to himself..
I can relate. Other things in my life that wasnt going how I wanted it to, especially this entire pandemic thing .
So I kinda initiated it but the next day, I explained things before we and we agreed on a break and she encouraged me to do things that make me happy. So I kinda see that as a positive which I appreciate.
It's been a week today, I've been thinking do I msg her or let her, since I was the one who originally initiated it.
Do you have a fearful avoidant attachment style
Did you come back for her?
My Ex
He has been sick from Crohns and things are getting worse for him. Since it was my first time in a relationship, also it’s a long distance relationship we usually argued a lot. He broke up with me saying “he’s not happy with his life and he’s sad to see me being sad because of the changes in the relationship, his health is getting worse” I didn’t want to break up but he insisted that we needed to. I just wanted to be with him in his struggles. I wanted to help him but he’s ignoring me already. I don’t know if he still wants to be with me or if I should wait for him. I need him and I love him. 💔
@@17sclouds25 my Ex boyfriend is going through the same thing and he was hospitalized back in July. We were long distance as well but for only the past year. We were together for 2.5 years. This all happened during my visit to see him and he started acting differently while he was in there and I thought it was because they had him on Morphine, steroids and an antibiotic for 12 days. He wouldn't let me go to the hospital the night he went to the hospital because he was worried about me being bored even though I told him not to worry about me that I just wanted to be there with him. So he ended up being transferred to another hospital the following afternoon that was an hour from the first hospital and his car was left at the first hospital. I have no information on which hospital location the car is at or the one where he is. The hospitals there have the same names but have different locations within miles of each other. He went in on July 4th at 10 pm, transferred to the other hospital on July 5th in the afternoon. He tells me that he things they are going to release him on July 5th possibly in the evening to hold off on me getting the car and coming to see him.
@@17sclouds25 During this time, we are in constant contact with each other by text and calls but he left his charger at the apartment so he was trying to save as much battery as he could until I came up but ended up having a nurse charge it. On July 6th, they tell him that he is going to be in there for at least a week. He asks me if I can bring him some clean clothes and stuff and asked if I could call his mom to let her know what is going on with him and I said that I would be happy to. His sister called me too.
I never wabted to break up,I wanted her to fight for me ,which dhe never did not once 😢
Wow . now if she would contact me that would be great . its been 6 months. Nothing no word. I've started a new career and work out everyday and eat a lot healthier . i think of her every day . i still love and miss her . these are dead on . i was a selfish pridefull man that ultimately pushed her away . she did nothing wrong I did . do these better or worsen my chances of getting her back ?
It depends. If your ex had moved on from the past and had forgiven you, she may be open to the possibility of reconciliation. But it may take some time to gain her trust back.
Bro my girlfriend broke up with me of a something dumb argument and I am trying to get her back and she rejected me and I still want her back I’m trying my best place help me
My Ex
He has been sick from Crohns and things are getting worse for him. Since it was my first time in a relationship, also it’s a long distance relationship we usually argued a lot. He broke up with me saying “he’s not happy with his life and he’s sad to see me being sad because of the changes in the relationship, his health is getting worse” I didn’t want to break up but he insisted that we needed to. I just wanted to be with him in his struggles. I wanted to help him but he’s ignoring me already. I don’t know if he still wants to be with me or if I should wait for him. I need him and I love him. 💔
I just want him to be better. I don’t want to leave.
As much as I realize now and remember, I was fighting for us. I said something and it upset them. It struck their heart but they know I was scared. We were both scared. Sure relationships aren’t perfect but we still faught and forgives one another.
They didn’t want to break up and they cried and they saw me cry too. I tried my best and they saw but I guess they wanted time to heal what I said.
We still love one another ❤️
We’ve been together for 3years and it hurts….all marks check out
I wish I had found ur video earlier and I really thought our break up is not final . Until half a year later he is seeing someone . #3 was kinda me . Anyhow .I don't know if it is even worth thinking if he is with someone already and I went to see him after he told me that . Maybe the feeling has changed .I got discouraged also when trying to get back together twice and his respond was not positive but he wasn't mean to me at all. I thought I would reignite the love with him
I had all 7 signs,what should I do in this case? I’m doing no contact but should I keep going or talk to her and rebuild the connection so that it convinces her to give us the chance. Its been almost three weeks since we broke up and I started no contact instantly. I would like your advice on this Clay, thank you for your vids they help a lot :)
30 days later the hangup calls started again april 2019.
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My ex and I broke up almost 2 years ago and havent talked in 1.5 years. Today I Got a call from my mechanic saying my ex called them for information about my old car that I gave her before the break up. Then they called me letting me know and what I wanted to do about it ( due to privacy laws my ex couldnt get info about the car). My thought is if it was important she would have called or texted me, but she hasnt. Not sure if I should tell the mechanic that I approve to give her the information she is asking for. Could she still feel a certain way if she didnt want to reach out directly to me?
Jay Santos thats rough 😕 im sorry
Regardless of what your ex feels about you, will you be comfortable in giving the approval to give the information that she is asking for? It might be that she also needed that information for other matters.
@@ClayAndrews I would be comfortable giving her the information but everyone else I talked to says that I shouldnt, that it's her problem now. That I always give into what she wants.
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Clay, question. I’ve seen in your videos over and over to not focus on the relationship but instead focus on building emotional connections and bring conversations down to an emotional level. However I can’t seem to find any examples how to do that or what that really means. I may just be missing it. I’ve also gone through a lot of the ESP and couldn’t find examples there either. Can you help here or make a video soon detailing some specific examples of how to steer a conversation to an emotional level and specifically how to get an “ex” (in this case a separated wife that’s still married to you) who’s not currently speaking much and avoids the relationship as a topic altogether to open up emotionally? Are there any things I can do or say to get her attention and bring her into this emotional connection state that you can suggest? Thank you
Hi Nordo, It's because building an emotional connection is something that we have to develop as a person through improving our Advanced Relational Skills. It is not about following a certain script or example, but it is about having the right mindset and the emotional capability to connect with the person. Meaning it has to be experienced and not just following certain instructions. That is why the approach of our courses is holistic because we are bringing your authentic self and changes in the dynamics for a healthy and lasting relationship. :-)
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My ex was trying to make things work and I think I messed up and she disengaged but I backed right off as soon as she did do I still have a chance
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I went out with my ex and his best friend have been working on this for a while and we were getting along well unfortunately when I did go to this dinner they proceeded to pick on me as they always do and I went off on them and stormed out I am not a joke and no longer will be disrespected. But now. I'm back in the she is so crazy spot they put you in evn tho I am not wrong.
What if you got along fine no arguments, if needs weren’t met she never communicated on that and she knows before we dated that I had lot of difficulty in that aspect as far as picking up cues. I may have missed things but I’ll never know for sure, she still follows my Snapchat stories every post. I’m doing no contact now I’m on day 9, I don’t know what to do, I think after a while I’ll block her since by then in my opinion she will have no business what I’m up to. I am true to my word give her space to think things over, in the mean time I live single life do my thing meet new people. I started doing a class for job advancement and I’m glad for the break up because I’m studying a lot and our needs won’t be met to our liking. I do care about this girl and I think about her, send positive vibes her way in my mind. I don’t got a bad thing to say about her
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my boyfriend of 9 years broke up with me, because his dad forced him to by manipulating him and pressuring him 😩
Ger’varis Anderson no, he is still too scared of his father 😑 but since I am not afraid to lose him anymore he is complimenting me all the time and he admitted that he still loves me and cares for me and that he is unhappy...told him that I was tired and started treating him like shit and he is calling me princess and what not 😂😂😂 but I feel better now. I deserve someone better !
It resonates. Is there chance still? I’m working on myself and are in no contact since December 25th, 2021.
My ex and I were having a very good relationship but he is still in the final stages of his divorce (4 years separated) and the estrangement of his kids (all over 18) is making him depressed and angry. I guess trying to have a relationship with me was too much. This is the second time he broke up with me. I know he needs time even after all the particulars are complete and his children move away, to heal. I did and do love him so much and he knew it.
Going through a divorce can truly be an adjustment for the people involved, especially with the kids. We agree that he needs to heal from what happened and make himself emotionally available to be in a new relationship.
All of these resonate to some degree...
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My ex broke up with me but admitted 2 hours later that he also wants us to start over so we made up but ended up stopping talking..he called me on Christmas telling me that he still wants me and even though we said we would meet up he never contacted me..he did post a song on his Facebook about how sad he was about our breakup and how he misses me and he admitted to his cousin he lost me cause of his mistakes..he un friended me on Facebook and then blocked me a week later (that happened last week) he started dating another girl that looks nothing like me so I don’t know what he’s feeling or thinking
Move on. He doesn't have a clue who he wants.
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My ex practically ranted like a emotional girl on how I brushed off his feelings and said I never helped him with bills. Which is hilarious since that really wasn't the case. I could tell he was not happy with his career n felt trapped
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He did good to break up with you. How insensitive. Ranted like an emotional girl? You're insensitive and definitely might have brushed him off. Good for him.
If you have all the signs? And reality sets in for the dumper. Does that mean if you prove yourself over Time that you have changed , they may possibly regret the decision? Possibly give you another chance. We had a 17 year marriage. Lots of good times and memories. Some bad. But we always worked through it. She is still very nice to me and we have three children. What do you think coach?
Clay? Please help me
Hey Mr @clay so my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday and he said he wants to be in my life and he doesn’t want us to stop talking to me he wants to support me and be in my life and he’s been doing this all the sign all 7 and our relationship has it’s bumps we have a bit of a age difference and that was hard for him the pressure and peoples opinions and he talked about how he wants to work on him self and we both have problems in our lives but I feel like I want to give him space because I love him and want him to work on him self but it’s so confusing because I’ve never loved anyone like him we’ve never fought but he said he wants to break up but he said he loves me but he said we are in two different places because of our age and honestly I love him and don’t care about the age gap but he does and I don’t know what to do I’m hurting but I want him to work on him self what can I do because he doesn’t want space but I’m the one that said I want space because he broke up with me I’m just so confused I’ve never loved anyone never let my self love someone like him please help
I am in the same boat atm and it’s so confusing. Never fought and an age gap too. It all seems so hard ☹️
My girlfriend of 3 1/2 years just broke up with me & she checks all 7 boxes. I felt like I could kind of sense that she didn’t want to, but she said she had made up her mind & I love her, so I’m respecting her decision.
Hi Kenneth, I'm sorry about the breakup and we understand that it must be tough for you. During breakup, our ex may check all the boxes especially that they are also going through the pain and struggle, just like you. Try to check after 3 to 6 months if some changes had happened. But it's good to know that you are respecting her decision as well. Sending more positive energies on your end.
@@ClayAndrews Thank you for this video and the words of encouragement. I felt blindsided by this, because just 2-2 1/2 weeks ago, we woke up and we’re laying in bed with our dogs & she was showing me the wedding dress she wanted, about a week before that we were texting and she made a comment about saving up for a wedding, and I had already put down a deposit on an engagement ring, etc. I know we had some smaller disagreements, but nothing where I thought she’d end our relationship. The last thing we did was hug each other really tight as I helped her pack her stuff into her car & we told each other I love you. It’s now day four & I haven’t heard from her. I’m staying busy to correct the issues I know of & to be a better person for whatever comes next.
He basically named all 7 signs that I went through =(
We understand that this may be tough for you, Dani. How are you holding so far?
My situation sounds exactly the same my question is if she didn't want to then why on earth did she I am still in regular contact with her ??
How about come get your stuff. Sorry Im busy for awhile, fine Ill donate them. Two minutes later, when are you going to get your stuff, told ya. Fine Ill drop them off Sunday a week a go. So far nothing and no more requests to go get my stuff. Hmmmm?
My ex is now with a fat untidy thicky simpleton sort of bloke, I am a lean, intelligent , have multiple line's of income , speak three languages , several properties round the world , patient , understanding and tried to assist her with her life, I was not there always for her due to my career and dependents (no children) and put myself out far more then she ever did. Basically you cant make your partner see the good , they only saw what they want to. I would not allow this person back into my life and so glad I did not put a ring on her finger as she clearly had ulterior motives and did not value me to make any attempt at reaching out having severed comms over some irrational misunderstanding. I will never understand how they could be so ungrateful and cruel when all i ever did was try to care , understand and help her. Glad I am free of this individual and would notbe surprised if her world collapses around her ears given her negativity but I must say on refelction I would not ever raise another finger to assist her ,rather just my middle finger to show her how much I now care for her. Obnoxious negative spiteful and selfish cold woman RIH
Hi Hew, I'm sorry that you have to go through a tough journey on your relationship. We understand that you have provided support and care to your ex but have you also listened to her needs? It is important to listen as well to the other person and not just being a good provider (emotionally and physically). All the best.
Do you really need her back
Never take a disrespectful woman back, get over her, easy
Get another one under you
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1: Kind of
2: Yes
3: Yes
4: Not really
5: Yes
6: Yes
7: No
How if he’s done it four times in two years? And all four times he’s back and begged for going back together?
I think he wants to use break up to control which doesn’t work for me.
I moved out and now he isn’t talking to me. I ran into him at our kids school and he hugged me and acted like nothing was wrong but still continued to ignore me.
@Crystal Ivy Ryan , Just to clarify, you said that your ex hugged you at school but he still continues to ignore you via messaging, is that correct?
Clay Andrews yes. (no kids together but we had our kids from separate relationships at the same school).
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3 describes my recent break up she is so stressed with work
Same here man, unfortunately 😒
I definitely hit almost all of them except she and I never had confrontational disagreements.
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This all 7 signs are accurate
So we broke up 2 weeks ago, she told me if I want i could text her to go for a coffee after a while if not she totally understands. I have been in no contact for 2 weeks now and she hasn't texted me. I feel like she waits for me to text her first and she always used to be like that she wants me to make the first move in everything. I am not sure how to take this if she wants me to text her and keep in contact untill we meet up again in the future. This is so confusing cause I know in fact that this is how she reacts but also I am not sure if it is a good idea to text her. I would like to keep in contact with her and try things in the future, should I wait for at least a month and then try contacting or should I wait for her to text me (but i am pretty sure she leaves things on me) so she probably won't. I don't want to give her the idea that we stay as friends. Also i am not sure if she will move on eventually because if she does and i try going out with her and learn that she moved on i will be very upset. Should i talk with her and make this thing clear if she moves on i will also move on but if she wants to wait i will also wait.
±2348073317460⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break-up.,
My ex girlfriend is all over the place with things. Ok. Her reasoning first was she has 5 kids. 3 older boys and 2 younger boys. She only came out to her family and friends in August last year. One older boy as severe social anxiety, one younger boy has autism and think younger is now seeing signs of seperation anxiety aged 9.. at the start we are on a break and see what happens in the future. Started to get hot and cold then warm and hot and cold again. As I mentioned previously to you I was visiting her, she brought up about the visit to be my friend but I got sad and hurt as I didn't wish to bring it up while I'm there. No one knows we are on a break well not that I know off. Otherwise she'll have to explain the reason why. I asked her where did we go wrong she went on it's about her not me. I know she is gay but hurt and stunned she just said I don't think I'm gay?? 😭. My mind has been going over drive with thoughts since then.. I don't know if all the stress n pressure with not coping with stuff. Is it a case of a heat of the moment to hurt
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Meh.. he couldnt get over the label I came with. Kicked him to the curb. Its taken me a week. I gave him a chance to make it up to me but he couldnt do it. Broke up with me again.. finally accepted it like a lady but still kept trying to contact me.. I need sanity..!!
If he wants me, he needs to check himself. Im just not interested in people's negative attitudes holding me back..
±2348073317460⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break-up.,
Idk.....at least for us. It all went downhill after pandemic. Wen i had to ask her...brother...he said she wanted to brrakup with me for years but he convinced her to stay with me to see the relatiinship wen i visited it didnt go as planned and he told her to breakup with me. And wen she did brrakup with me it was thru text. But her actions....her actions sad otherwise...i just dont know anymore. So lost...so confused...so consumed with sadness n darknes with deep thoughts n depression....wish i had my answers....ideky he had to get involved yet same time why couldnt she make a decision on her own
...le sigh...i just want help n answers.
my ex broke wt me last early last month after a years or rel, all the signs that you mentions were there. I already initiated no contact for month and half and lately she tweet something about how miserable she are like consequences of overthinking etc. Should I reach out for her? I had feeling she want to reaching out for me but don't have courage because she worried that I still mad on her. What should I do?
I got the same situation. Any updates on what happened?
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That's great but what can I do now?
How do I get him back as it’s been a month and we were committed?
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Everything applies to my ex, I dont know how to handle
OMG this is terrible!! My ex totally did not want to break up with me and I have felt like that as he has gotten involved in this new relationship. But he's gotten his new girlfriend pregnant and so now won't talk to me!! What can I do??? I'm finally over him, but I still want to be a great friend!!!
±2348073317460⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break-up.,
Sometimes I feel that he didn't want to break up with me but was under pressure cos his other gal was tired of being in the shadows. When he visits the kids he sits quietly and stares at me as if he wants to say something. Just last week he sent a msg to me bt it was not mine cos the contents made no sense to me at half past 12 midnight. He used to be very angry bt I always wondered why he was angry cos he broke up with me. Bt I hear things are nt as he thot wit the otha gal.. My kids and I we r just keeping our space. My family keeps saying he is regretting bt m nt so sure. He makes it a point to remind me that he has moved on. We broke up 9mnths ago. So confusing.. M seeing someone new bt m guarded cos am afraid of being hurt.. Even he keeps saying my ex is coming back jst that now his pride is stopping him. He says 12 yrs is a long tym to forget jst like that. I realized that on VDay he checked my status and I guess he was curious abt me.
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What do you do if these are all spot on?
Will you be willing to give your relationship a chance and work together with him to build a healthier dynamics?
@@ClayAndrews Yes I'm currently doing your course and we are slowly starting to reconnect he is moving out soon :( but I am supporting and we are in touch all the time and planning on building a friendship so focusing on our interactions and myself and I will succeed....We are just better together and even now we turn to each other for support. But it does change not sure if positive pull backs or riding the dragon or both. You are really helping me. Thank you. And working through the esp course
So mine had all 7 signs.. I am exactly 60 days since we last spoke. I want to open the lines of communication but she was so certain at the she didn't want me. Are they always certain as time goes on though?
Update?
@@leonorapranjic4606 Never heard from her. Ive healed and moved on. Time truly heals and makes you stronger!
My ex talked me about things that has happen in our relationship but is in a rebound? Really confused on why she would want to talk about our relationship when she is in one?
Hi Kel'se, Some exes are comfortable talking about the past as a form of healing. and to have a full understanding of why the breakup happened. It can be a part of their healing process and showing some level of vulnerability as well, regardless of whether they are in a rebound or not. Hope this helps. :-)
@@ClayAndrews I wanted to talk about the relationship 5 months ago ...... and now they wanted to talk about it ... we were together for 6 years.
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