Being aegosexual/lithsexual in real life I don't have sexual attraction or desire to have it with anyone and I find in real life it to be boring and kinda gross, but I love fantasizing about it with different characters and listening erotic audios, etc. It was great to hear the difference between having a active libido and sexual attraction because it helped me realize I do all things I mentioned to satisfy my libido and not because I sexual attraction to people in real life more of fictional characters and the idea of it.
Yes! That separation between libido and attraction really helped explain something for me personally. Now i feel more confident in my ace identity. (And have a way to explain it to others). Thank you.
thanks Daniel, I knew of this but it was nice to be reminded, especially when I'm thinking of going back into the dating field. hope you have a great day too. :)
This is a really good video . I've recently started my first relationship and we are both on the ace spectrum,I'm demiromantic and greysexual so my girlfriend is the first person I've ever really been interested in kissing or having sex with,she's also a sex worker,and we're also both quite kinky . It's honestly a perfect relationship for us both since we are very open minded and communicate a lot about our boundaries,for me kissing and sex is more just about the fun and the sensations like you mentioned,I don't necessarily experience any attraction along with that all the time . And in terms of kink,most of my kinks don't actually involve having traditional sex,it's just fun little things we do and she's told me that she could easily go without ever actually having sex or just doing it every couple of months which sounds pretty amazing to me,we love just spending time with each other hanging out,cuddling,joking around and taking cute photos,as well as talking about pretty much everything 🥺💞😁
It actually took me a long time to accept the fact I am asexual,because I grew up quite hypersexual,since I felt pressured to want to be interested in sex and relationships from a young age and put myself in some silly situations a few times because of it . Since learning that asexuality and aromantism are spectrums,I've come to realise that I'm on both of them and am just happy to have an amazing partner who fully supports that !
Thanks for the vid It's always great to See videos That explained every part of the spectrum not just one, Which is why I love this channel! Also awww Hi sushi you're soooooo adorable, truly born for the cameras and spotlight. Make sure you get tons of attention and treats you deserve it.
For me, it was mainly just boredom. A little curiosity, too. I went to clubs frequently when I was 20 but I don't do that anymore. Plus, I was in a relationship with an allosexual person for about four years so I just slept with her to make her happy. 💁🏻♂️ (Won't do that again tho, I'm looking for an ace partner now lol)
I can 100% do without sex, and would be grand to have a QPL or PLP. I am currently “married” to myself and have no active openness to anything but friendship. I am a very cuddly person, but am fine just cuddling my 4 cats and the dog. However, if I found my “penguin,” I have no problem having consenting sexual activities, but like not all the time. I’d want to get to know them pretty well first. It’s sort of like a massage, game, gift, and even exercise. I am easily distracted so my attention is on other things or analyzing stuff, and I have never actually climaxed or anything-I always am like ha ha for a minute, then I’m just thinking “k are you done yet? I’m ready to cuddle.” So it’s just an exchange for me. I thought I was a dud or something because I don’t like sex, and I really do think it’s gross. Having a family was really the main reason to pursue anything sexual-and rebellion against my dad because he was controlling and sexualized me. I’m actually more likely to cry after sex, and have occasional panic attacks (though I’m more desensitized than when I was younger). I don’t crave for it, so past partners have been quite angry when I didn’t initiate, so I would do make it a point to do iy for them. I enjoy kissing, cuddling, holding hands, and goofing off, so sex was just like a necessary evil, or what is expected of me. Though I am happy to make someone that I love feel good, and it’s really totally about them. I am not morally opposed to it, but it’s really yucky. I personally would rather eat until I’m in a food coma and go to bed early. I am platonically attracted to most people, and have squishes on pretty much everyone who I meet-but I like all living things, and houses, and old cars, and clothes…doesn’t mean I want to have sex with everything. Also, I do not get aroused by sexual imagery or anything. If I think someone likes me, then it’s a matter of me being okay with that or extra repulsed by it. I’m panromantic because I am completely indifferent to gender. But I’m better even without that because people always seem to expect everything to lead to sex as long as they want it, even when I’m really super not okay with it. Just trying to navigate through all the other humans…it’s quite difficult, and I don’t understand most people. I definitely feel pushed out of certain ace things because Of all of that…and I do actually feel really validated with all the ace micro labels. There is some negativity with the micro labels, unfortunately….
Sorry if I'm overstepping, but panic attacks after sex are not a normal reaction. Quite far from it. The way you're describing sex sounds like you really don't want it. Forcing yourself to have sex because your partner is pressuring you to - that's coercion, and it has no place in a healthy relationship. Please don't force yourself to have sex if it isn't something you actively desire at that moment, it's not just a chore like washing the dishes, it can be massively traumatizing and probably was already.
@@icedcat4021 You’re response is not out of line, and I do appreciate it. I do equate sex to self harm, and sort of transactional in a way. There are some childhood issues that I’ve begun to address recently (I’ll spare details tho), and I think that what I do is a learned behavior that’s more along the lines of self protection/being taught that I’m not allowed to say no. Also, I think part of having panic attacks is having those memories triggered. I’ve not really grown out of crying post-intimacy, so that’s something I’m trying to figure out. Also, I like your kitty! I’m sort of obsessed with felines lol.
I experience VERY limited sexual attraction, but it CAN happen, so I might want to have sex at some point if that passes (although I’m not doing it with strangers or anyone I’m not romantically involved with)
I have been waiting for this video forever 😂 I deal with so many that tell me asexuals don't have sex and Im like 😳 is it worth the argument? Now I can just pop in this link 👏 thank you!
I think this video applys to myself. It is still slightly confusing for me as I have only found myself to be Asexual 2yrs. I'm still finding things out, I believe myself the only time I would have sex is to have biological children
Kink isnt less intense than traditional sex. Kink is all about good communication and consent though, rather than assuming which can result in people feeling assaulted
Being aegosexual/lithsexual in real life I don't have sexual attraction or desire to have it with anyone and I find in real life it to be boring and kinda gross, but I love fantasizing about it with different characters and listening erotic audios, etc. It was great to hear the difference between having a active libido and sexual attraction because it helped me realize I do all things I mentioned to satisfy my libido and not because I sexual attraction to people in real life more of fictional characters and the idea of it.
Yes! That separation between libido and attraction really helped explain something for me personally. Now i feel more confident in my ace identity. (And have a way to explain it to others). Thank you.
Me too actually
thanks Daniel, I knew of this but it was nice to be reminded, especially when I'm thinking of going back into the dating field. hope you have a great day too. :)
This is a really good video . I've recently started my first relationship and we are both on the ace spectrum,I'm demiromantic and greysexual so my girlfriend is the first person I've ever really been interested in kissing or having sex with,she's also a sex worker,and we're also both quite kinky . It's honestly a perfect relationship for us both since we are very open minded and communicate a lot about our boundaries,for me kissing and sex is more just about the fun and the sensations like you mentioned,I don't necessarily experience any attraction along with that all the time . And in terms of kink,most of my kinks don't actually involve having traditional sex,it's just fun little things we do and she's told me that she could easily go without ever actually having sex or just doing it every couple of months which sounds pretty amazing to me,we love just spending time with each other hanging out,cuddling,joking around and taking cute photos,as well as talking about pretty much everything 🥺💞😁
It actually took me a long time to accept the fact I am asexual,because I grew up quite hypersexual,since I felt pressured to want to be interested in sex and relationships from a young age and put myself in some silly situations a few times because of it . Since learning that asexuality and aromantism are spectrums,I've come to realise that I'm on both of them and am just happy to have an amazing partner who fully supports that !
Thanks for the vid It's always great to See videos That explained every part of the spectrum not just one, Which is why I love this channel! Also awww Hi sushi you're soooooo adorable, truly born for the cameras and spotlight. Make sure you get tons of attention and treats you deserve it.
I'd heard a version of the food analogy, but I think the cookie example will make it even clearer. Thanks!
For me, it was mainly just boredom. A little curiosity, too. I went to clubs frequently when I was 20 but I don't do that anymore. Plus, I was in a relationship with an allosexual person for about four years so I just slept with her to make her happy. 💁🏻♂️
(Won't do that again tho, I'm looking for an ace partner now lol)
I can 100% do without sex, and would be grand to have a QPL or PLP. I am currently “married” to myself and have no active openness to anything but friendship. I am a very cuddly person, but am fine just cuddling my 4 cats and the dog. However, if I found my “penguin,” I have no problem having consenting sexual activities, but like not all the time. I’d want to get to know them pretty well first.
It’s sort of like a massage, game, gift, and even exercise. I am easily distracted so my attention is on other things or analyzing stuff, and I have never actually climaxed or anything-I always am like ha ha for a minute, then I’m just thinking “k are you done yet? I’m ready to cuddle.” So it’s just an exchange for me. I thought I was a dud or something because I don’t like sex, and I really do think it’s gross. Having a family was really the main reason to pursue anything sexual-and rebellion against my dad because he was controlling and sexualized me. I’m actually more likely to cry after sex, and have occasional panic attacks (though I’m more desensitized than when I was younger). I don’t crave for it, so past partners have been quite angry when I didn’t initiate, so I would do make it a point to do iy for them.
I enjoy kissing, cuddling, holding hands, and goofing off, so sex was just like a necessary evil, or what is expected of me. Though I am happy to make someone that I love feel good, and it’s really totally about them. I am not morally opposed to it, but it’s really yucky.
I personally would rather eat until I’m in a food coma and go to bed early. I am platonically attracted to most people, and have squishes on pretty much everyone who I meet-but I like all living things, and houses, and old cars, and clothes…doesn’t mean I want to have sex with everything. Also, I do not get aroused by sexual imagery or anything. If I think someone likes me, then it’s a matter of me being okay with that or extra repulsed by it.
I’m panromantic because I am completely indifferent to gender. But I’m better even without that because people always seem to expect everything to lead to sex as long as they want it, even when I’m really super not okay with it.
Just trying to navigate through all the other humans…it’s quite difficult, and I don’t understand most people.
I definitely feel pushed out of certain ace things because Of all of that…and I do actually feel really validated with all the ace micro labels. There is some negativity with the micro labels, unfortunately….
Sorry if I'm overstepping, but panic attacks after sex are not a normal reaction. Quite far from it. The way you're describing sex sounds like you really don't want it. Forcing yourself to have sex because your partner is pressuring you to - that's coercion, and it has no place in a healthy relationship. Please don't force yourself to have sex if it isn't something you actively desire at that moment, it's not just a chore like washing the dishes, it can be massively traumatizing and probably was already.
@@icedcat4021 You’re response is not out of line, and I do appreciate it. I do equate sex to self harm, and sort of transactional in a way. There are some childhood issues that I’ve begun to address recently (I’ll spare details tho), and I think that what I do is a learned behavior that’s more along the lines of self protection/being taught that I’m not allowed to say no. Also, I think part of having panic attacks is having those memories triggered. I’ve not really grown out of crying post-intimacy, so that’s something I’m trying to figure out.
Also, I like your kitty! I’m sort of obsessed with felines lol.
Thank you for this video. Very true and well researched.
I experience VERY limited sexual attraction, but it CAN happen, so I might want to have sex at some point if that passes (although I’m not doing it with strangers or anyone I’m not romantically involved with)
I have been waiting for this video forever 😂 I deal with so many that tell me asexuals don't have sex and Im like 😳 is it worth the argument? Now I can just pop in this link 👏 thank you!
You're welcome! 😊
Yeah, totally worth it for my amazing 22yr old son. 😂❤️ and relationship compromise. That was all long before I even realised ace was a thing.
I think this video applys to myself. It is still slightly confusing for me as I have only found myself to be Asexual 2yrs.
I'm still finding things out, I believe myself the only time I would have sex is to have biological children
Kink isnt less intense than traditional sex.
Kink is all about good communication and consent though, rather than assuming which can result in people feeling assaulted
Spot on. Thank you!
Cat ❤️