11:30 (or thereabouts) I really resonate with this... for me I go back to when I was a child, before I really started masking so heavily, and I can see these clear facets of who i was and what I was interested in before I started to meld myself and learn to blend in so much.
There is nothing wrong with being authentic. Too many people are putting pressure on themselves to be perfect. Being yourself is your gift to the world. I wish everyone could be as authentic. I had a late diagnosis of adhd/add in my 40’s. You’re not alone. If I were to describe how my brain works it would be a circus music playing in a hall of mirrors as I’m trying to navigate through it.
I loved this so much!! There was a couple of times you had me tearing up. Makes me even more excited to talk to you on Friday! I think it's wonderful that you don't have a set script for these because it creates space for your thoughts to form and new ideas around the topic to take shape as you talk. I resonated with so much of this! I know it may sound counter-intuitive, but masking IS a part of the autistic identity. When you masked, you weren't having less of a self, but you were actually being so very autistic. That masking may not have helped you identify with those groups of people, but I think it's a common thread that helps autistic people connect to one another within that experience. I hope that makes sense in a good way! The autistic experience is unique and complicated, but I feel grateful that people like you are a part of this community!
I pulled out my deck of Into the Lonely Woods and the card that jumped out was 9. There are others like you. How fitting as I watch you and relate to so much of what you are saying. I am also late diagnosed and get what you are saying.
I totally relate. Late diagnosed ADHD inattentive at 48. I'm 51 now. My grief is I feel I lost years of discovering who I am. Instead, I spent so much energy mirroring and masking. Exhausting. I totally get that feeling of what the heck is a solid sense of self? Tarot was a huge shift for me in finding this " lost self. " it's not lost, just undiscovered. :) Totally get this. Thank you for this important conversation . 🌹
I was also diagnosed later in life with ADHD, so I understand exactly what you mean in regards to finding yourself. I never equated it to grief, though I can absolutely look back and see the stages of grief in my own journey. “Sense of self” (in my opinion, I’m just thinking it out) seems like it would be how you define yourself, but I also think that in some ways our sense of self is always going to change. My sense of self when I was 10 was different from my sense of self at 20 or at 30. That said, I believe that my most true self is unchanging. This topic is great for tarot, because it’s always just going deeper into the subconscious. I love these videos - they’re very authentic and always get me thinking. Thank you so much for sharing what I’m sure is a very vulnerable moment.
❤ I can relate to a lot of the thoughts and feelings in this video despite not having been diagnosed (yet at least) But I have been struggling with my sense of self, and my identity, and asking the questions about who I am and not really being able to find an answer. Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts around this 🧡
I relate and don't at the same time, the part you describe about the different masks, I had more conflicts with a few decades ago. Not fully true I'm still struggling more with situations where two different versions of me are pulled forward at the same time. I'm around two groups of people that I'm slightly different selves with. Because then I don't really know how to be. I just most of the time don't have the energy to put up masks, and still I mask, when every time I don't know how to be. It sounds like the deck is helpful, and it's okay to have many selfs. It's also okey to shift to be around people that you can let go of masks with. The bit I have real problems with is to ask, and except accommodation given that I actually need, like dimming lights for example. I'm so used to ignoring my needs for others that I don't know how to act when someone accommodates me. My questions to myself I saw it as silhouettes of myself or shards of self, slightly distorted one dimensional or two dimensional images. Is this images I want to be? Is it images I have the energy to be? Also how much time do I need to be this version of me, because it's big difference if it's in my home life, at work or if it is something I am for a short time once in a while.... sorry for giving un asked for comments...
Oh yes I TOTALLY get you on the asking for accommodations, that's super challenging for me too! And no need to apologize at all, I LOVE seeing how other people think about these topics!!
2:08 my autistic was like that, few years earlier a former parent had pointed out that I reminded him of another autistic person he'd known, it didn't sink in for me then. When a psychologist I was seeing asked if I had considered if I might be autistic, then it clicked, she pointed out a few ways I expressed myself when I was talking about experiences that had been tough for me. I took that with me, didn't go for an assessment until a few years after that when I both had done a lot of listening and interacting with other autistic people. The psychologist I had worked with who pointed it out was no longer working at that health centre, not sure if she had been I would have had to fight as hard for the possibility to get an assessment. Now I have had my official ASD diagnosis for a bit over a year. During this time other neurorelated assessment has been done, which has helped me a lot. I have been questioning if I might have ADHD as well I'm not physical hyperactive, it's hard to tell I'm recovering from a bad burnout, have lot of anxiety so I don't know which parts are from what.
There are so many parts of what you're saying that I identify with. Especially the talk about the different personas and the sense of self. I have only self-diagnosed as ADHD (and *possibly* Autism). But, I am 40... so if I ever get diagnosed, it would definitely be a late diagnosis. Oh crap, while I was typing, I got attacked by a lynel in Zelda botw. Ack! I'll finish your video in a sec.
Maybe a sense of self happens when you dont analyze or think about it. Its not a thought. Its a stillness and okayness. Always in flux because self can only exist in relationship to an other. And 'the other' changes so much. I don't have a ass diagnoses but am a bit weird and do not fit in. But I always had a sense of self. But its more in the absence of thoughts. In the here and now. Maybe for you you can feel it when you tend your roses in the garden?
Hope you get your answers, remember if for some reason the assessment doesn't go the way you think, what you are relating to will still be valid, you are you with or without formal paperwork.
Christa, thank you again for another helpful and resonant video. At age 53 (a year ago), I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Two years ago, I didn't even know what autism or ADHD was -- but what I did know is that I didn't know who I was, and I didn't understand why. My diagnosis was such a huge relief that answered so much of the confusion I've felt my whole life, and I'm looking forward to exploring and developing my own sense of self for the rest of my life. A big YES to those survival tactics -- masking and multiple ways of being. I have many similar feelings as you described here. And you are not overthinking this -- it's perfectly fine to take time to process and think deeply about whatever you choose. Thank you for helping to confirm that I am not alone!! 💛❤💛
Hi Christa. I watch all of your videos, but I rarely comment. I just want to tell you how much I get from your videos. My son was diagnosed with what used to be called Asperger's syndrome. Now it's just called being on the autism spectrum. I've never been diagnosed with anything. I think that's because of the time I grew up in. I'm 62. I think I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum, totally self diagnosing here. Anyway, I don't have a strong sense of self, but I'm working on it. I appreciate hearing you talk through your process. It helps me find my own way. Thank you.
Im so glad you're enjoying, thank you so much!! Self diagnosing is ENTIRELY valid as well, what I always try and remember is that those who aren't neurodivergent most likely don't spend a lot of time questioning it!
@@KarenLawana @ChristaChronicles that was a so good point in that way it's very similar to being HBTQAI+ dyslexic never sure if I get the letters right nor if I use the Swedish or English on start with H the other with L. @KarenLawana To have one sibling with a autism diagnosis make the chance 1/3 that another sibling has autism, might be higher if adding in adhd, dyslexia the other neurodivergent. The diagnosis is only a formal acknowledgment. In away it's a bit like getting married lat least most that get married today are already in a committed relationship, as in-love the day before as the day after. In that sense not much changes... the legal system changes, and how outside world see it differently, it feels differently and the same... the analogy don't really work more than that. The formal recognition changes formal things. How our brain works was the same before and after, just the knowledge in it self can change things in realising that our inner reality are valid. In trying to notice our boundaries, not saying the possibility of extra support that often comes with the formal acknowledgment. But their are a million ways we can make life a bit easier, in ways like being kinder to ourselves, about our "quirks". One thing that made enormous help for me. Was just the realisation that the burden to minimise (not the word I wanted but what I can spell) the miscommunication in every interaction. Just that realisation made my social anxiety a bit easier to handle.
This was powerful and relevant for me today, thank you Christa! I resonate so hard on reconciling the variety of masks I have worn, and whether they are an authentic part of me versus something I made up to cope/survive. Where I’ve landed so far on the journey is that these facets are like friends who helped me navigate situations or relationships I didn’t have the tools to get through without a mask at the time. Some of them are absolutely still part of me for better or worse, some are now part of my past. It’s such a trip to think about and I love that you’ve explored it here. I am moved by your sharing! PS: congrats on the wedding!
@@BrianGryphon I would add "So you think you're autistic" (A workbook for the confused person who's just trying to figure out things) by Samantha Stein AuDHD:er youtube channel Yo Samdy Sam If you would like a closer to "Classic Sassy" no dragons nor tarot but some galaxy star patterns and much more sassy queen of cups guide through the autism traits in DSM-5 and imposter syndrome other things that is more relatable from the autistic side of the whole Am I autistic? It was my touch stone during my assessment. I haven't tacked the Unmasking yet, and have only partly read "Avoiding Anxiety in Autistic Adults" by Luke Beardon what I have read I felt very helpful... also the neurodivergent lived experience online summit 2025 is open for tickets it will be 3-5 January.... feel like a darn infomercial... just a few interesting information sources if it might be interesting for you or anyone
Christa, thank you for fostering a space that's so authentic and warm for us. This is my favorite series that you do here on TH-cam. 💖
Thank you so much!! That means everything!!
11:30 (or thereabouts) I really resonate with this... for me I go back to when I was a child, before I really started masking so heavily, and I can see these clear facets of who i was and what I was interested in before I started to meld myself and learn to blend in so much.
There is nothing wrong with being authentic. Too many people are putting pressure on themselves to be perfect. Being yourself is your gift to the world. I wish everyone could be as authentic. I had a late diagnosis of adhd/add in my 40’s. You’re not alone. If I were to describe how my brain works it would be a circus music playing in a hall of mirrors as I’m trying to navigate through it.
@@InnerMagpie HA that is a great analogy!!
I loved this so much!! There was a couple of times you had me tearing up. Makes me even more excited to talk to you on Friday! I think it's wonderful that you don't have a set script for these because it creates space for your thoughts to form and new ideas around the topic to take shape as you talk. I resonated with so much of this! I know it may sound counter-intuitive, but masking IS a part of the autistic identity. When you masked, you weren't having less of a self, but you were actually being so very autistic. That masking may not have helped you identify with those groups of people, but I think it's a common thread that helps autistic people connect to one another within that experience. I hope that makes sense in a good way! The autistic experience is unique and complicated, but I feel grateful that people like you are a part of this community!
@@hollyoddly WOW!!! You just blew my mind!! That makes so much sense! ALSO super excited for Friday!!😁
Omg thinking too hard and trying to reach the bottom of something that has no bottom - me every day. I love that you share these videos 💖
2:29 yes the overlapping is hard to see what is what.
I pulled out my deck of Into the Lonely Woods and the card that jumped out was 9. There are others like you. How fitting as I watch you and relate to so much of what you are saying. I am also late diagnosed and get what you are saying.
That is so magical!!
I totally relate. Late diagnosed ADHD inattentive at 48. I'm 51 now. My grief is I feel I lost years of discovering who I am. Instead, I spent so much energy mirroring and masking. Exhausting. I totally get that feeling of what the heck is a solid sense of self? Tarot was a huge shift for me in finding this " lost self. " it's not lost, just undiscovered. :) Totally get this. Thank you for this important conversation . 🌹
@@BohemianRoseTarot yes!! I feel a lot of this too, like it’s time lost. It’s an odd feeling to work through!
@Christa.Chronicles it is! Figuring out who my authentic self is a journey! Here's to the beautiful journey, my friend!
I was also diagnosed later in life with ADHD, so I understand exactly what you mean in regards to finding yourself. I never equated it to grief, though I can absolutely look back and see the stages of grief in my own journey. “Sense of self” (in my opinion, I’m just thinking it out) seems like it would be how you define yourself, but I also think that in some ways our sense of self is always going to change. My sense of self when I was 10 was different from my sense of self at 20 or at 30. That said, I believe that my most true self is unchanging. This topic is great for tarot, because it’s always just going deeper into the subconscious.
I love these videos - they’re very authentic and always get me thinking. Thank you so much for sharing what I’m sure is a very vulnerable moment.
❤ I can relate to a lot of the thoughts and feelings in this video despite not having been diagnosed (yet at least) But I have been struggling with my sense of self, and my identity, and asking the questions about who I am and not really being able to find an answer. Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts around this 🧡
I relate and don't at the same time, the part you describe about the different masks, I had more conflicts with a few decades ago.
Not fully true I'm still struggling more with situations where two different versions of me are pulled forward at the same time. I'm around two groups of people that I'm slightly different selves with. Because then I don't really know how to be. I just most of the time don't have the energy to put up masks, and still I mask, when every time I don't know how to be.
It sounds like the deck is helpful, and it's okay to have many selfs. It's also okey to shift to be around people that you can let go of masks with. The bit I have real problems with is to ask, and except accommodation given that I actually need, like dimming lights for example. I'm so used to ignoring my needs for others that I don't know how to act when someone accommodates me.
My questions to myself I saw it as silhouettes of myself or shards of self, slightly distorted one dimensional or two dimensional images. Is this images I want to be? Is it images I have the energy to be? Also how much time do I need to be this version of me, because it's big difference if it's in my home life, at work or if it is something I am for a short time once in a while.... sorry for giving un asked for comments...
Oh yes I TOTALLY get you on the asking for accommodations, that's super challenging for me too! And no need to apologize at all, I LOVE seeing how other people think about these topics!!
2:08 my autistic was like that, few years earlier a former parent had pointed out that I reminded him of another autistic person he'd known, it didn't sink in for me then. When a psychologist I was seeing asked if I had considered if I might be autistic, then it clicked, she pointed out a few ways I expressed myself when I was talking about experiences that had been tough for me. I took that with me, didn't go for an assessment until a few years after that when I both had done a lot of listening and interacting with other autistic people. The psychologist I had worked with who pointed it out was no longer working at that health centre, not sure if she had been I would have had to fight as hard for the possibility to get an assessment. Now I have had my official ASD diagnosis for a bit over a year. During this time other neurorelated assessment has been done, which has helped me a lot. I have been questioning if I might have ADHD as well I'm not physical hyperactive, it's hard to tell I'm recovering from a bad burnout, have lot of anxiety so I don't know which parts are from what.
@@rebeckajarl3934 it’s so hard to tell, especially as it all can be so overlapping! I totally feel you on the burnout or adhd question!
There are so many parts of what you're saying that I identify with. Especially the talk about the different personas and the sense of self. I have only self-diagnosed as ADHD (and *possibly* Autism). But, I am 40... so if I ever get diagnosed, it would definitely be a late diagnosis.
Oh crap, while I was typing, I got attacked by a lynel in Zelda botw. Ack! I'll finish your video in a sec.
Congratulations on getting married!!
Maybe a sense of self happens when you dont analyze or think about it. Its not a thought. Its a stillness and okayness. Always in flux because self can only exist in relationship to an other. And 'the other' changes so much. I don't have a ass diagnoses but am a bit weird and do not fit in. But I always had a sense of self. But its more in the absence of thoughts. In the here and now. Maybe for you you can feel it when you tend your roses in the garden?
That is a FANTASTIC idea!! Thank you!!
I'm awaiting an autism assessment right now, and if I do get diagnosed with it, so many things about myself would make so much more sense 😅
@@myriatrini yes!! It really can be so eye-opening!
Hope you get your answers, remember if for some reason the assessment doesn't go the way you think, what you are relating to will still be valid, you are you with or without formal paperwork.
Christa, thank you again for another helpful and resonant video. At age 53 (a year ago), I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Two years ago, I didn't even know what autism or ADHD was -- but what I did know is that I didn't know who I was, and I didn't understand why. My diagnosis was such a huge relief that answered so much of the confusion I've felt my whole life, and I'm looking forward to exploring and developing my own sense of self for the rest of my life.
A big YES to those survival tactics -- masking and multiple ways of being. I have many similar feelings as you described here. And you are not overthinking this -- it's perfectly fine to take time to process and think deeply about whatever you choose.
Thank you for helping to confirm that I am not alone!! 💛❤💛
Hi Christa. I watch all of your videos, but I rarely comment. I just want to tell you how much I get from your videos. My son was diagnosed with what used to be called Asperger's syndrome. Now it's just called being on the autism spectrum. I've never been diagnosed with anything. I think that's because of the time I grew up in. I'm 62. I think I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum, totally self diagnosing here. Anyway, I don't have a strong sense of self, but I'm working on it. I appreciate hearing you talk through your process. It helps me find my own way. Thank you.
Me again, just to say that Into The Lonely Woods is my favorite deck. Period.
Im so glad you're enjoying, thank you so much!! Self diagnosing is ENTIRELY valid as well, what I always try and remember is that those who aren't neurodivergent most likely don't spend a lot of time questioning it!
@@KarenLawana
@ChristaChronicles
that was a so good point in that way it's very similar to being HBTQAI+ dyslexic never sure if I get the letters right nor if I use the Swedish or English on start with H the other with L.
@KarenLawana
To have one sibling with a autism diagnosis make the chance 1/3 that another sibling has autism, might be higher if adding in adhd, dyslexia the other neurodivergent. The diagnosis is only a formal acknowledgment. In away it's a bit like getting married lat least most that get married today are already in a committed relationship, as in-love the day before as the day after. In that sense not much changes... the legal system changes, and how outside world see it differently, it feels differently and the same... the analogy don't really work more than that.
The formal recognition changes formal things. How our brain works was the same before and after, just the knowledge in it self can change things in realising that our inner reality are valid. In trying to notice our boundaries, not saying the possibility of extra support that often comes with the formal acknowledgment. But their are a million ways we can make life a bit easier, in ways like being kinder to ourselves, about our "quirks". One thing that made enormous help for me. Was just the realisation that the burden to minimise (not the word I wanted but what I can spell) the miscommunication in every interaction. Just that realisation made my social anxiety a bit easier to handle.
This was powerful and relevant for me today, thank you Christa! I resonate so hard on reconciling the variety of masks I have worn, and whether they are an authentic part of me versus something I made up to cope/survive. Where I’ve landed so far on the journey is that these facets are like friends who helped me navigate situations or relationships I didn’t have the tools to get through without a mask at the time. Some of them are absolutely still part of me for better or worse, some are now part of my past. It’s such a trip to think about and I love that you’ve explored it here. I am moved by your sharing! PS: congrats on the wedding!
WOW I love how you think about that, that's so helpful!!
ADHD and being on the spectrum are almost always comorbid and have similar tells. It's rough, even with early diagnosis like myself.
Yes! I do find it so interesting how that tends to work out!
I recommend Dr. Devon Price's book Unmasking Autism. I found it helpful in sorting out masks we adopt from our actual 'personality'.
@@BrianGryphon awesome!! I’ll absolutely check that out!
@@BrianGryphon I would add "So you think you're autistic" (A workbook for the confused person who's just trying to figure out things) by Samantha Stein AuDHD:er youtube channel Yo Samdy Sam If you would like a closer to "Classic Sassy" no dragons nor tarot but some galaxy star patterns and much more sassy queen of cups guide through the autism traits in DSM-5 and imposter syndrome other things that is more relatable from the autistic side of the whole Am I autistic? It was my touch stone during my assessment. I haven't tacked the Unmasking yet, and have only partly read "Avoiding Anxiety in Autistic Adults" by Luke Beardon what I have read I felt very helpful...
also the neurodivergent lived experience online summit 2025 is open for tickets it will be 3-5 January.... feel like a darn infomercial... just a few interesting information sources if it might be interesting for you or anyone