Aspie fellow here! I'm the exact same way, Jessica! I either stay too quite or overshare, -_- lol. I thought I was alone until I read your comment! lol
Ingrid Rabay me too! Every single day I catch myself not getting the words out the way I want to or not having people receive my words the way I intend. Immediately afterward, I’ll shout at myself and tell myself to just shut it. I used to wish I could be a nun when I was in high school so that I wouldn’t have to talk for a year and would know what to wear everyday. 🤣 I actually went to a Catholic Church and the head nun got mad at me because I wanted to sign up to be a nun without ever going to church. (Christmas and Easter exceptions) I was so mad that I left the church cursing the nun for not being accepting of everyone. 🤣🤣🤣 At this point, you can see I’m totally sidetracking and talking like a two year old without a filter. I’d normally delete the comment at this point and tell myself not to ever comment again. Nobody needs to read my crazy thoughts. Someone I know might read this and think I’m a fruit loop. Deep breath. It’s hard to know what thoughts to release out of my mouth or my fingertips and which ones to stuff back inside myself.
I found the perfect barber yesterday. He said hello, what hairstyle do I want and said nothing else during the haircut. It was wonderful without all the small talk.
Anthony Okeiyi I have found it helps when I don’t want to talk to let the person know I’d like to sit quietly and enjoy my time getting my haircut. Otherwise I am making assumptions about them that may not be fair. I have a lot of talkers in my family and sometimes I just don’t wanna talk and I’ll go in another room and they’re perfectly fine when I tell them I’m going over there. It sounds like you feel Outgoing talkers are narcissistic? Perhaps they’re simply projecting who they are onto the world around them and not realizing we are all very diverse in our need for communication. Just saying.
Smalltalk is a way for Nuro typical people to find out whether conversation is to be had or not they are not trying to drive others crazy it’s just they way the world has been trained to start a conversation. For them it would be very awkward to just walk up to someone and say... Hey do you want to have a conversation about airplanes, chemistry,art, sports ,etc. They usually start a conversation with how was your week what did you do and if you respond with I went to a movie, baseball game,shopping that would be a opening for them to start asking you about the what you did and whether you enjoyed it or not that’s how Smalltalk works it opens the door in a gentle way to find out whether a person wants to have conversation. You also have the option to say I had an exhausting week and I would like to relax and tune out while I’m having my haircut or I’m autistic and I like to sit quietly while getting my haircut.
@@RobertoRiosbiz I get that neurotypicals aren't intentionally making things hard for us, but it is (and no one is at fault). Yeah autistic ppl can try and master small talk, but it's 10× harder because of the way we're wired . You also need to understand that autistic ppl don't intentionally make anything awkward, many of us (not all) just get uncomfortable when being pushed to open up. I do think it helps to let a barber know beforehand that you just like to sit quietly while getting ur hair done, that's definitely a great idea :)
I don’t often start the conversation I am very silent but when someone asks me how my day was I feel happy and surprised that they ask me and I find myself opening up and I tell them about my day 😃
Totally feel this post. I have learnt to mimic society but I still get so confused. Have you done a video on ASD and dissociation? Keep up the great work. You are helping me so much.
I find that sometimes I don’t really pay attention to a conversation even though I’m trying and it’s super hard cause people get annoyed when I ask them to repeat themselves and I also have a hard time speaking when I’m excited or overwhelmed I stumble on my words or I say something that makes sense to me but to someone else I don’t make sense and it’s frustrating and upsetting it’s like I’m trapped in a clear sound proof box
I really struggle with this. People have called me rude and obnoxious before because of it. Learning tones of voices and facial expressions is so difficult to do. Could you possibly talk about how to express your feelings without getting frustrated with people/yourself? Take care!
Your videos are so helpful. Much more helpful than most psychiatrists I've ever been to. They seem to have a bias against people with Aspergers and think that I'm just not putting any effort into expressing myself properly.
I definitely have sympathy for this as I struggle with it too, when I was as a school I only had a few people that would talk to me because the rest thought I was weird shy and awquad because I couldn't talk properly to people I didn't know, or look them in the eye or understand what they were meaning. Really singled me out, it wasn't until I left school and college and got my first job where I was a food and beverage assistant and I had to speak to people I had to learn what to say and when and how and what people want and need, it forced me to learn and slowly overtime I am getting better at it each day. Of course I still struggle with it but I can have a conversation with anybody now, and most of the time I get sarcasm and jokes and what people intentions are, I spent a lot of time studing people at school and learning how they acted with each other and also in my adult life, I am still awquad to speak to and I act stupid and say things wrong or use the wrong words or make funny comments at the wrong time but I am better at understanding how I'm meant to be with other people. My tip is always try not to worry. The more relaxed you are the more natural it comes, I will always be different but how I'm super chatty and love speaking to people, I used to never speak to anybody I didn't know and would avoid all situations were I had to speak. If you just think if anything goes wrong it doesn't matter, there is always a solution to something and everything can be fixed or made better somehow, so even if this conversation doesn't go to plan, it's ok because it doesn't matter as tomorrow is a new day and I'll try again:) I used to have such a negative outlook on life and now it's the total opposite :)
This video is incredible, you don't know how happy it makes me to see someone sharing my experiences, I have ridiculous difficulty communicating with people in person, I've felt so alone
This channel is awesome. You have been a great help to me , my friends and family. Its funny when i tell people that i have aspergers and they say there could be no way because i dont look like i do. You show perfectly well how intelligent and successful we can be, especially if it's something we enjoy.
I feel like I can't win, because if I 'be myself' people think I'm being really punchy and rude, but then I pull back and I'm being too quiet and I don't look like I want to be there. I feel like if people would just ask, as I have learned to do, what is going on, there would be astronomically less confusion.
I remember always getting in trouble as a kid because when my mom would go over my homework with me, she'd ask me a simple question like "What's 2+6?" I would sit there frozen unable to speak. The more frustrated she got, the more anxious I'd become. Eventually, she'd yell, and then I'd break down crying, then I'd be left at the table to finish alone. I feel bad when I look back. Even now, I try to keep some things I say to a minimum so I don't feel like I'm becoming overly stimulated. I find I only can talk when someone speaks to me first, or if I have something to share that can't wait. Other than that, I'm pretty quiet and very sheltered.
One of the times I walked up to my crush in school, I just took my phone and texted her in front of her. It was weird and a tiny bit uncomfortable, but I felt better doing it like that and really saved me from a meltdown!
I'm always super shy or I can't continue a conversation, then it's just akward silence and then I can't start up a conversation again. It happens over and over, and I get really upset about it cause then I think they don't like talking with me.
Your vids just help me feel less alone in all this I'm the only person I know who has autism ! So before I saw u channel I had know clue there actually was other people that had he same feelings as me ! Thanks allot ❤️❤️❤️
I'm on the journey of figuring out if I am autistic right now.. Just a few days ago I realized that I need other people to approach me first in the huge majority of cases. If I'm for example at a bar and my friends are somewhere else at the moment I'll just sit there, maybe watch people, but I would not talk to them unless they talk to me first. Then I can be quite talkative if I feel sympathy towards them or they are kind of forcing me to by persistent talking. Also I prefer writing in any form over any other kind of communication because I can plan and edit what I want to say
I am a parent of a teen boy with aspergers. I would LOVE a class/tips/learning tools to understand more about aspergers. There is very little info about teens and how to navigate through a new diagnosis. I love watching your videos. You and my son are similar and have similar interests. It is nice to be able to relate to someone else. I have learned a lot from your videos. Thank you so much for sharing and teaching! You are doing wonderful things! Thank you.
how do you know if you really aren't understanding facial communication, or if that communication was just subtle and even NTs would struggle? I've studied non-verbal communications, im good at picking out indicative tones and expressions, but i have no idea if what I'm picking up matches reality. how do you know if that differs from how an NT would experience things? afterall, people say "communication is guess work" and "i cant read your mind!".
I work in Special Ed and this is a big help to hear from someone first hand instead of reading a text, or listening to a lecture. Thanks, and keep up the good work.
I had such a difficult time at my previous job. people were misable and nobody cared about ASD people. ("i regret moving"). i lost the job but your videos help me solve the reason why I do what I do. thank you =)
I haven’t engaged in direct voice conversations for months, and I notice when I am untrained and fail to maintain it, then I experience a lot more anxiety related to it, as opposed to when I am used to doing it more. I used to be present during voice conversations on discord half a year ago, and I may not have engaged all that much in those voice conversations, but at least I did not have anxiety to the extent that I current have. It truly does make me feel bad, because I have been scheduling to proceed with my Dungeons and Dragons character creation for weeks now, but I always end up postponing that conversation due to how anxious I feel about the direct voice conversation aspect of it. It makes me feel very bad and alone in a way. I believe as aspies we need to work harder in order to maintain the level of “social” we are. And we have to consistently maintain our social skills or else we end up becoming even more locked up inside our minds and isolated I think. At least in my case. Writing is where I am able to express myself the most. So I engage socially via writing on discord and elsewhere. It helps me feel less alone.
I talk online and over text so confident and could talk for hours but in real life I can only last a few hours and I feel completely drained and like an outcast ... I'm so use to the comment 'why are you moody' I'm not it's just I have what you call a 'resting bitch face' as I just don't no how to act after a while ..... my fear is I either come across to hyper and annoying or to moody and snappy haha! So I rather talk online than meet up in real life majority of the time xx
I hate working at the cash register at work. People want me to look them in the eyes but its hard. And people say things and idk what their tone is. I cant tell if someone is mad or not. I cant tell if they are trying to be funny or serious. And when people say certain things i get defensive because i feel threatened. But im not supposed to be like that.
I sometimes have had trouble working out when a person is being serious or just joking around, like recently someone offered me their cat, in the past people have offered their pets and they'd always being joking, but this time this new friend of mine was dead serious. I couldn't read her though, so I forced a laugh thinking it was funny, but I was actually very unsure, turns out it was a genuine offer, she contacted my mum asking if we could welcome a new pet into the family, now I'm so excited I'll be getting him very soon : ) Another thing I find is a issue is my vocabulary is actually kind of clever, but I can't express it through writing or message/ comment as my spelling isn't so good, I mean it's not bad but I can think of so much more ginormous words or words complicated to spell, but I can't express it this way, so I don't get the chance to show people just how smart I actually am haha 😅😊💕💕
I Really like your videos! I Found your Channel yesterday and it's helped me understand my boyfriends AS a bit more clearly. Keep doing your thing man it's great!
Conversation is super hard for me...you explained it very well...mostly I avoid conversations...when I do have a conversation I spend the next 24 hours going over and over it..in my mind..like I have what did u say that girl and oh I'm never going to talk to anyone again and why didn't I stop long before I did and no wonder I don't have any friends..and why can't I shut up when I do have a conversation.. it's tortureous...I'm smart..I'm great on paper..I do much better with written word..I retain tons of information...I'm generally exhausted and exhausting....whew..!!!
I didn't care about communication problems in my social life or even school, but it is taking a toll in my career, I think it will be impossible for me to get managerial positions cause I'm unable to transmit an idea to coworkers correctly.
Hey Thank you from America, for trying to express the communication issues the example you gave with the store clerk and the bag was great, it really helped. I believe my husband is on the spectrum. To be honest I'm usually mad at him for failing to recognize someone is insulting us or being nasty about something so he never responds or puts his foot down and in turn I feel walked on by them and that he doesn't care because ehe let them do it. So for me watching your video and realizing he just doesn't get it help me not to be so hurt by his lack of paper reaction.
I think this is great. I would love for you to expand on "tips and tricks" and support for family/friends of those on the spectrum. I recently started dating a guy on the spectrum and we seem to have similar issues with others and communication. I have adult ADD & mild dyslexia but for most of my life people around me misinterpret my facial expressions (that I am not even aware that I am making -- or how they look different than I am feeling) and also take me seriously when I am being sarcastic or joking. I told the new boy that I will be straight forward and not expect him to understand tonal or social "expectations"... but that is a female to male communication issue that I try to avioid. However, it really works with someone on the spectrum -- to not play games with communication -- be straightforward "you are pissing me off" "I need a hug" "I want to go" etc. Women often expect others to mind read their non-verbal behavior -- which is something I strive to not do -- luckily this is very good for him to experience in a relationship. They only time I find it 'odd' is when we are in a group and the majority of us are talking about Anime and he has minimal knowledge about anime ... he will state that "I have nothing to contribute to this conversation" -- which is 'awkward, but interesting' -- I suppose asd or not it is rude to leave someone out of the conversation? Anyway, I have done CBT for the typical negative symptoms time management, prioritizing, avioding hyperfocus, remembering events, due dates, birthdays, and replying to emails or returning phone calls -- but nothing helps this communication aspect of both of our disabilities. Keep up the good work.
I prefer texting over face-to-face or group events. however, sometimes it's hard to gauge what tone someone means something in. Are they really cool with what I'm doing or was is a sarcastic/pissy response. it can be really hard, even with my own family, when them talking to me I may come off pissed off and they try to address it, when I'm just standing there listening.
ahhh this helped so much! i’ve been wondering why i have a much easier time connecting with people through text! like literally was just mentioning that to a friend!
In textning is where I have massive problems with communication. People haven't met me so they don't know how I am in reality. So when something goes wrong they usually just disapear because they don't want to take unecesary risks. I refuse to text chat. I need to feel close to the other person. Long letters are fine, phone calls I like unless they are too short. Texting with people I know well usually fail if we don't meet up in person often enough. Don't bring up very sensitive matters in text! If you need, bring a letter and read loud from it.
U know other people* can be weirdos, too? Thx for the rooftop experience sharing! I've visioned the shampoo buying "high" moment, as u sticking his left shirt pocket a "join us @TheAspieWorld" sticker. Hillarius! *without diagnoses or spectrum criteria fullfiled)
Hey, really good videos 😊 would you do a vid on the differences between ASD and BPD? seen a few things online saying women with ASD get misdiagnosed with BPD quite often!!
I suspect...I don't know for sure...there is an adult with undiagnosed Autism or Aspergers in my life and I'm seeking information on how best to communicate with them. I want to learn communication skills that will make their experience more comfortable when we relate to each other. I've found a couple of your videos insightful and wanted you to know I appreciate it! Thank you!
hello, I just found your channel today and I thank you for helping me understand myself more. You probably hear that a lot but I want to thank you anyways. I actually have a question, do you have an involuntary hand gesture? because whenever I talk about something I love or whenever i get extremely nervous, my finger pinch together rapidly without me even knowing. Does this happen to you? Thank you again
I have Asperger’s Syndrome and it would honestly be nice to know I’m not the only one who gets treated like crap and that I cannot stand up for myself, yet every one else can?? :/
people often think I'm being rude or disrespectful or I interrupt and repeat myself. I appear aggressive when my brain is turned on and I appear on drugs when my CAPD is acting up.
I did many embarassing things, said unappropriate responses, so I decide not to be afraid to be dictated by other people. It involves many awkward moments.. Some people does misinterpret me and hate me. Some likes me.
I have always had trouble starting a conversation with new people I don’t know. I have high functioning Asperger’s and I have been working really hard on this but I obviously still have a bit of issues.
I can start and hold a conversation with people I'm not close with but when it comes to family I've gotten used to not talk to them out of fear I may say something stupid. It's not that I don't talk to them at all, it's just that I feel that I may say the wrong thing or sound stupid. They have had to deal with so much of my crap which easily could have been avoided had I just talked to them about my problems or anything I'm confused about. I'll even avoid talking about my day at school even if it's interesting.
Slightly random question; do you have any tips on getting/keeping a job? I have had a terrible time with employment due to my communication and sensory issues, and am currently trying to figure out how to deal with a job that is really hard on me in the long run. Do you have any tips for that type of thing?
C Raske The jobs I've had that I've liked the most or did the best at have a few things in common. They are jobs where I have little to no interaction with the public or customers, can concentrate on one task at a time, no continuous supervision while working, and a work environment that discourages or prevents coworkers from carrying on long conversations.
Sensory overload is certainly a problem during face-to-face communication, not knowing where to look with so much going on around and trying to concentrate on the sounds and words is not easy to do all at once. Then there is also the fear of others picking on us for our inability to keep up with them once they detect it.
i myself have Aspergers syndrome i have been treating myself by going to crowded place like a mall or movie. thats how i work ononmy fears of crowds. (-:
John Szymanski I definitely do this too. I'd recommend joining a drama group of some kind, because I've noticed that putting myself out there in that way gradually improves my social skills and lessens my anxiety- though if I take time away from these situations, say 6 months to a year, the effects will have completely warn off. It's a continual process that I think is right for some people but definitely not everyone!
John dont beat yourself up, its not worth it. Even if you wind up with depression you will struggle with expressing it, so really consider before doing something tough.
Hi Daniel!!!! I love your videos, and you are a very helpful person and make learning about this topic easier to do so. Great work and keep on going!!!! 😀
Also, I don't have aspergers, but I have problems with large crowds, talking and keeping communication with people open, I have lost all of my friendships because I have trouble keeping up with the friendship, I have trouble reading emotions, and really bad sensory problems that are pretty severe.
I struggle to produce words when I'm uncomfortable and nervous. I struggle to keep track in a conversation. I don't know when to speak, when its my turn. And I can't tell some jokes apart, sarcasm. I take some jokes seriously.
Hi Dan,love the video but i do not agree with you though.I have massive problems with e mail and such.I tend to interpret text as litereral as possible.This results in people thinking that i am very rude which is quite ironical because the Dutch are known for being very direct,well i can tell you that i am direct and i still have big problems in communicating especially in text messages.Talking on the phone or face to face at least gives me a chance to directly respond to whatever the problem the other person might be having in communicating with me. Further more i tend to take my time to respond to e mails and so i when i do come down to it i have major problems in what to write and such. In conversation especially face to face i can speak very well to a lot of people and i usually have no difficulties in keeping a conversation going. I had a conversation just recently with someone who is autistic and never in my life did i have a conversation that felt so easy,so recognizable and so realxed because i did not have to explain myself to this person because he understood or could imagine it. Being diagnosed was not a big thing for me just the confirmation of what i thought. I am divorced now but i have been called an autist by my ex and it has been very painfull this last year being called insensitive by your spouse and i still do not know what i did wrong. Your channel and talking to other Asperger´s gives me strength to keep on going and most important me being a father to my son who also is ASS albeit not Asperger. Peace Dan!
Like my husband looks sad when he wakes up and I keep asking him if he's OK and what's wrong then he gets annoyed and it's like I'm only asking because I care but he looks sad or angry
Yeah with my husband I have to ask is he okay but I've learned it's one of two reasons 1) he actually is down/depressed or 2) he is thinking deeply about something, and sometimes I go "share with the class." Most of the time it's trivial but I love hearing it nonetheless. Also sometimes he is afraid to ask me something or don't know how to put something into words.
Sometimes I mishear things, I don't know if that has to do with hearing. I always think you are saying "What's going on in my hair?" and laugh cause think you got something in your hair xD
Foxblood 428 could it be an auditory processing problem? My husband has this. Those with this mix up similar soundings words all the time, even words I wouldn't think sound similar.
I have autism and am not good at social situations and have never received therapies for it and now my son struggles the same way and we can't afford aba and all that, so I was hoping for some real world examples/demos of situations of introductions, conversations, etc that may be helpful when socializing ❤
I used to not care about people's feelings & say what ever i wanted. Then I got a girl friend & she helped me realize i was being a dick my whole life. Life was a lot easier when i was a dick.
Someone Else I met my husband through a mutual friend. The first time we met, it was set up by our mutual friend, he was so rude. He was yelling at the waitress across the restaurant and then told her she knew what he ordered all the time and couldn't believe she got his order wrong. I was definitely angry with him and left as soon as possible. He called me 3 months later on Mother's Day, I wasn't feeling well, and listened to me talk about my depression. We became inseparable after that call. He became my husband a year later and shortly after, we became parents. He couldn't cope with our son crying and locked himself in the garage. I couldn’t cope with being a single mom and we decided to go to marriage counseling. The therapist referred us to a psychologist where he was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. I immediately started to research everything and I found very negative stuff. I decided to try to understand why he had outbursts and learned so much. I understood him because I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder (he knew this before we married). We have learned from each other and are proud parents of 2 boys (both diagnosed with Aspergers). We have been married for 7 years now and marriage is hard but not impossible. He taught me independence, strength and honesty. He told me I have taught him understanding, unconditional love and how to navigate social situations. We are a very honest and loving family (our honesty sometimes puts us in awkward social situations) but we all learn and grow. Communication comes in different forms and we must learn and understand this, helping each other as we go along. Many Blessings to all of you.
Vanessa Brady that's great to hear! We have a similar dynamic, she teaches me about people and I teach her about the elements of our world. After a while I was too robotic for her and we decided to get a GF since she's bi. Our GF gives her the "feeling" side of things I couldn't ever give her. So it all worked out :)
I haven't been diagnosed but feel I have Asperger's, and communication has often been a problem. I've had situations where I politely spoke to a colleague or a store employee, but as genuinely polite as my intentions were, it was taken as aggressive. I guess my face, tone of voice and body language didn't convey the message I intended. It's no wonder written communication is my preference.
I wonder with Aspies if they do better with people whose second language is English. When I lived in Korea I had to adjust my English to avoid sarcasm, and idioms. In order to avoid confusing people.
There is a Dr that you can get in touch with Dr Oyalo on TH-cam. Am excited to share about how his herbs works perfectly in reversing my son autism. now he is herbal with his behavior ok and he can now obey instructions
The thing is with me and Asperges Syndrome is I was only diagnosed with it when I was twenty six, I was not so good in high school, one of my teachers was a bit hard on me.
I have an aspie co-worker, and I have to tell her to keep her distance off me, and she grabbed a ruler and said for me to draw it ... yeah it does work
Anyone else have a trouble on the sending end of communication as well? I have had trouble at work. Like instead of saying, "Hey I need that thing over there." I end up just staring at it. Or gesture to it. Like I have a hard time audibly communicating things sometimes.
I either stay too quiet or overshare. I unfortunately feel like ppl don't like me or afraid they reacting bad or judging me.
Yeah I can understand that. You just have to find people who love you for who you are.
Exactly! ^_^
Aspie fellow here! I'm the exact same way, Jessica! I either stay too quite or overshare, -_- lol. I thought I was alone until I read your comment! lol
Jessica omg that’s so me.
Ingrid Rabay me too! Every single day I catch myself not getting the words out the way I want to or not having people receive my words the way I intend. Immediately afterward, I’ll shout at myself and tell myself to just shut it. I used to wish I could be a nun when I was in high school so that I wouldn’t have to talk for a year and would know what to wear everyday. 🤣 I actually went to a Catholic Church and the head nun got mad at me because I wanted to sign up to be a nun without ever going to church. (Christmas and Easter exceptions)
I was so mad that I left the church cursing the nun for not being accepting of everyone. 🤣🤣🤣
At this point, you can see I’m totally sidetracking and talking like a two year old without a filter. I’d normally delete the comment at this point and tell myself not to ever comment again. Nobody needs to read my crazy thoughts. Someone I know might read this and think I’m a fruit loop. Deep breath. It’s hard to know what thoughts to release out of my mouth or my fingertips and which ones to stuff back inside myself.
I found the perfect barber yesterday. He said hello, what hairstyle do I want and said nothing else during the haircut. It was wonderful without all the small talk.
Anthony Okeiyi I have found it helps when I don’t want to talk to let the person know I’d like to sit quietly and enjoy my time getting my haircut. Otherwise I am making assumptions about them that may not be fair. I have a lot of talkers in my family and sometimes I just don’t wanna talk and I’ll go in another room and they’re perfectly fine when I tell them I’m going over there. It sounds like you feel Outgoing talkers are narcissistic? Perhaps they’re simply projecting who they are onto the world around them and not realizing we are all very diverse in our need for communication. Just saying.
That sounds glorious.
Smalltalk is a way for Nuro typical people to find out whether conversation is to be had or not they are not trying to drive others crazy it’s just they way the world has been trained to start a conversation.
For them it would be very awkward to just walk up to someone and say... Hey do you want to have a conversation about airplanes, chemistry,art, sports ,etc.
They usually start a conversation with how was your week what did you do and if you respond with I went to a movie, baseball game,shopping that would be a opening for them to start asking you about the what you did and whether you enjoyed it or not that’s how Smalltalk works it opens the door in a gentle way to find out whether a person wants to have conversation.
You also have the option to say I had an exhausting week and I would like to relax and tune out while I’m having my haircut or I’m autistic and I like to sit quietly while getting my haircut.
@@RobertoRiosbiz I get that neurotypicals aren't intentionally making things hard for us, but it is (and no one is at fault). Yeah autistic ppl can try and master small talk, but it's 10× harder because of the way we're wired . You also need to understand that autistic ppl don't intentionally make anything awkward, many of us (not all) just get uncomfortable when being pushed to open up. I do think it helps to let a barber know beforehand that you just like to sit quietly while getting ur hair done, that's definitely a great idea :)
Cutting my own hair since I'm 13
If I did not have a computer I would feel so alone.
But you do, and you're not. I promise.
Sweet 'N Sour Mine broke last month for the second time.
Same here
I've been like this for 26 years without knowing it, now that I know, life has quickly changed.
Yeah, I feel it’s easy to help once you know the issue
I don’t often start the conversation I am very silent but when someone asks me how my day was I feel happy and surprised that they ask me and I find myself opening up and I tell them about my day 😃
You should learn to initiate conversations so it's not a one sided relationship.
it's so hard to communicate.
when someone talks to me it takes me a few seconds to reply. an sometimes my response is off subject.
Totally feel this post. I have learnt to mimic society but I still get so confused. Have you done a video on ASD and dissociation? Keep up the great work. You are helping me so much.
I pause in middle of conversations to think about words. I process slowly.
I find that sometimes I don’t really pay attention to a conversation even though I’m trying and it’s super hard cause people get annoyed when I ask them to repeat themselves and I also have a hard time speaking when I’m excited or overwhelmed I stumble on my words or I say something that makes sense to me but to someone else I don’t make sense and it’s frustrating and upsetting it’s like I’m trapped in a clear sound proof box
Yes indeed, these challenges are very difficult at times. But, just keep being you and you’ll be awesome!
I'm glad I'm not the only one who tries to concentrate on what people are saying and just can't do it.
Sounds more like adhd
I really struggle with this. People have called me rude and obnoxious before because of it. Learning tones of voices and facial expressions is so difficult to do. Could you possibly talk about how to express your feelings without getting frustrated with people/yourself? Take care!
+Beckibuzz Hey great idea for a video! I will!
The Aspie World hi 👋
Same here. I'm called arrogant and rude a lot, or people I've known some time will tell me they thought I was arrogant when they first met me.
Your videos are so helpful. Much more helpful than most psychiatrists I've ever been to. They seem to have a bias against people with Aspergers and think that I'm just not putting any effort into expressing myself properly.
+CanisLupus1987 Hey thank you for the kind words!
I definitely have sympathy for this as I struggle with it too, when I was as a school I only had a few people that would talk to me because the rest thought I was weird shy and awquad because I couldn't talk properly to people I didn't know, or look them in the eye or understand what they were meaning. Really singled me out, it wasn't until I left school and college and got my first job where I was a food and beverage assistant and I had to speak to people I had to learn what to say and when and how and what people want and need, it forced me to learn and slowly overtime I am getting better at it each day. Of course I still struggle with it but I can have a conversation with anybody now, and most of the time I get sarcasm and jokes and what people intentions are, I spent a lot of time studing people at school and learning how they acted with each other and also in my adult life, I am still awquad to speak to and I act stupid and say things wrong or use the wrong words or make funny comments at the wrong time but I am better at understanding how I'm meant to be with other people. My tip is always try not to worry. The more relaxed you are the more natural it comes, I will always be different but how I'm super chatty and love speaking to people, I used to never speak to anybody I didn't know and would avoid all situations were I had to speak. If you just think if anything goes wrong it doesn't matter, there is always a solution to something and everything can be fixed or made better somehow, so even if this conversation doesn't go to plan, it's ok because it doesn't matter as tomorrow is a new day and I'll try again:) I used to have such a negative outlook on life and now it's the total opposite :)
This video is incredible, you don't know how happy it makes me to see someone sharing my experiences, I have ridiculous difficulty communicating with people in person, I've felt so alone
+The Hypest Hey don't worry you are not alone! Welcome to the family!
This channel is awesome. You have been a great help to me , my friends and family. Its funny when i tell people that i have aspergers and they say there could be no way because i dont look like i do. You show perfectly well how intelligent and successful we can be, especially if it's something we enjoy.
+johan vargas Yay! That is awesome, we can help educate the world!
I feel like I can't win, because if I 'be myself' people think I'm being really punchy and rude, but then I pull back and I'm being too quiet and I don't look like I want to be there. I feel like if people would just ask, as I have learned to do, what is going on, there would be astronomically less confusion.
Just be yourself that is the best way.
I have great English, and writing skills, yet I am frequently misunderstood.
I remember always getting in trouble as a kid because when my mom would go over my homework with me, she'd ask me a simple question like "What's 2+6?" I would sit there frozen unable to speak. The more frustrated she got, the more anxious I'd become. Eventually, she'd yell, and then I'd break down crying, then I'd be left at the table to finish alone. I feel bad when I look back. Even now, I try to keep some things I say to a minimum so I don't feel like I'm becoming overly stimulated. I find I only can talk when someone speaks to me first, or if I have something to share that can't wait. Other than that, I'm pretty quiet and very sheltered.
One of the times I walked up to my crush in school, I just took my phone and texted her in front of her. It was weird and a tiny bit uncomfortable, but I felt better doing it like that and really saved me from a meltdown!
I'm always super shy or I can't continue a conversation, then it's just akward silence and then I can't start up a conversation again. It happens over and over, and I get really upset about it cause then I think they don't like talking with me.
Your vids just help me feel less alone in all this I'm the only person I know who has autism ! So before I saw u channel I had know clue there actually was other people that had he same feelings as me ! Thanks allot ❤️❤️❤️
I'm on the journey of figuring out if I am autistic right now..
Just a few days ago I realized that I need other people to approach me first in the huge majority of cases. If I'm for example at a bar and my friends are somewhere else at the moment I'll just sit there, maybe watch people, but I would not talk to them unless they talk to me first. Then I can be quite talkative if I feel sympathy towards them or they are kind of forcing me to by persistent talking.
Also I prefer writing in any form over any other kind of communication because I can plan and edit what I want to say
I am a parent of a teen boy with aspergers. I would LOVE a class/tips/learning tools to understand more about aspergers. There is very little info about teens and how to navigate through a new diagnosis. I love watching your videos. You and my son are similar and have similar interests. It is nice to be able to relate to someone else. I have learned a lot from your videos. Thank you so much for sharing and teaching! You are doing wonderful things! Thank you.
how do you know if you really aren't understanding facial communication, or if that communication was just subtle and even NTs would struggle?
I've studied non-verbal communications, im good at picking out indicative tones and expressions, but i have no idea if what I'm picking up matches reality. how do you know if that differs from how an NT would experience things? afterall, people say "communication is guess work" and "i cant read your mind!".
I work in Special Ed and this is a big help to hear from someone first hand instead of reading a text, or listening to a lecture. Thanks, and keep up the good work.
I had such a difficult time at my previous job. people were misable and nobody cared about ASD people. ("i regret moving"). i lost the job but your videos help me solve the reason why I do what I do. thank you =)
I haven’t engaged in direct voice conversations for months, and I notice when I am untrained and fail to maintain it, then I experience a lot more anxiety related to it, as opposed to when I am used to doing it more.
I used to be present during voice conversations on discord half a year ago, and I may not have engaged all that much in those voice conversations, but at least I did not have anxiety to the extent that I current have.
It truly does make me feel bad, because I have been scheduling to proceed with my Dungeons and Dragons character creation for weeks now, but I always end up postponing that conversation due to how anxious I feel about the direct voice conversation aspect of it.
It makes me feel very bad and alone in a way.
I believe as aspies we need to work harder in order to maintain the level of “social” we are. And we have to consistently maintain our social skills or else we end up becoming even more locked up inside our minds and isolated I think. At least in my case.
Writing is where I am able to express myself the most. So I engage socially via writing on discord and elsewhere. It helps me feel less alone.
Quite an incredibly straight and well ordered fringe. Thumbs up!
+Jade Louise Tidman Why thank you 🙃
I talk online and over text so confident and could talk for hours but in real life I can only last a few hours and I feel completely drained and like an outcast ... I'm so use to the comment 'why are you moody' I'm not it's just I have what you call a 'resting bitch face' as I just don't no how to act after a while ..... my fear is I either come across to hyper and annoying or to moody and snappy haha! So I rather talk online than meet up in real life majority of the time xx
You look a lot like Lauren Southern
Yes, please do a video of "Communication: Tips and Tricks."
Cool ok.
The Aspie World Awesome. Thank you. :)
Thank you for videos. Love your channel. You are helping me to understand my boyfriend with autism.
+Kateřina Csoka Hey thanks for the comment! No problem, I am glad I help 😁✌🏼.
I hate working at the cash register at work. People want me to look them in the eyes but its hard. And people say things and idk what their tone is. I cant tell if someone is mad or not. I cant tell if they are trying to be funny or serious. And when people say certain things i get defensive because i feel threatened. But im not supposed to be like that.
I sometimes have had trouble working out when a person is being serious or just joking around, like recently someone offered me their cat, in the past people have offered their pets and they'd always being joking, but this time this new friend of mine was dead serious.
I couldn't read her though, so I forced a laugh thinking it was funny, but I was actually very unsure, turns out it was a genuine offer, she contacted my mum asking if we could welcome a new pet into the family, now I'm so excited I'll be getting him very soon : )
Another thing I find is a issue is my vocabulary is actually kind of clever, but I can't express it through writing or message/ comment as my spelling isn't so good, I mean it's not bad but I can think of so much more ginormous words or words complicated to spell, but I can't express it this way, so I don't get the chance to show people just how smart I actually am haha 😅😊💕💕
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I can relate so much to all of you. Communication is the hardest thing for me in life.
This is something ive always struggled with and it very hard for me. Thanks for making this video
Hey you are welcome!! Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
My cat Thrall likes your voice..He came to sit by the speaker. We say Hi to Randy.
Parmesana really i have heard his voice
Did u name it after the guy in WoW? Haha xD
I Really like your videos! I Found your Channel yesterday and it's helped me understand my boyfriends AS a bit more clearly. Keep doing your thing man it's great!
Yes we want to see a video in communication tips and skills
Video- comunication tricks & tips, kids would be super.
Conversation is super hard for me...you explained it very well...mostly I avoid conversations...when I do have a conversation I spend the next 24 hours going over and over it..in my mind..like I have what did u say that girl and oh I'm never going to talk to anyone again and why didn't I stop long before I did and no wonder I don't have any friends..and why can't I shut up when I do have a conversation.. it's tortureous...I'm smart..I'm great on paper..I do much better with written word..I retain tons of information...I'm generally exhausted and exhausting....whew..!!!
Great video. Communication can be very difficult sometimes and frustrating.
I didn't care about communication problems in my social life or even school, but it is taking a toll in my career, I think it will be impossible for me to get managerial positions cause I'm unable to transmit an idea to coworkers correctly.
Hey Thank you from America, for trying to express the communication issues the example you gave with the store clerk and the bag was great, it really helped. I believe my husband is on the spectrum. To be honest I'm usually mad at him for failing to recognize someone is insulting us or being nasty about something so he never responds or puts his foot down and in turn I feel walked on by them and that he doesn't care because ehe let them do it. So for me watching your video and realizing he just doesn't get it help me not to be so hurt by his lack of paper reaction.
Tips and Tricks please!!!
I get that all the time and because of it I just stay in and have no friends anymore iv just give up with it
I think this is great. I would love for you to expand on "tips and tricks" and support for family/friends of those on the spectrum. I recently started dating a guy on the spectrum and we seem to have similar issues with others and communication. I have adult ADD & mild dyslexia but for most of my life people around me misinterpret my facial expressions (that I am not even aware that I am making -- or how they look different than I am feeling) and also take me seriously when I am being sarcastic or joking. I told the new boy that I will be straight forward and not expect him to understand tonal or social "expectations"... but that is a female to male communication issue that I try to avioid. However, it really works with someone on the spectrum -- to not play games with communication -- be straightforward "you are pissing me off" "I need a hug" "I want to go" etc. Women often expect others to mind read their non-verbal behavior -- which is something I strive to not do -- luckily this is very good for him to experience in a relationship. They only time I find it 'odd' is when we are in a group and the majority of us are talking about Anime and he has minimal knowledge about anime ... he will state that "I have nothing to contribute to this conversation" -- which is 'awkward, but interesting' -- I suppose asd or not it is rude to leave someone out of the conversation? Anyway, I have done CBT for the typical negative symptoms time management, prioritizing, avioding hyperfocus, remembering events, due dates, birthdays, and replying to emails or returning phone calls -- but nothing helps this communication aspect of both of our disabilities. Keep up the good work.
I'm very late on finding this video - but your educational program idea would be so wonderful!
Your eyes are mesmerizing
I prefer texting over face-to-face or group events. however, sometimes it's hard to gauge what tone someone means something in. Are they really cool with what I'm doing or was is a sarcastic/pissy response. it can be really hard, even with my own family, when them talking to me I may come off pissed off and they try to address it, when I'm just standing there listening.
ahhh this helped so much! i’ve been wondering why i have a much easier time connecting with people through text! like literally was just mentioning that to a friend!
I'm watching this for work, I'm a mental health support worker and would love more tips on how to communicate with people that struggle with ASD
✌🏼Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
In textning is where I have massive problems with communication. People haven't met me so they don't know how I am in reality. So when something goes wrong they usually just disapear because they don't want to take unecesary risks.
I refuse to text chat. I need to feel close to the other person. Long letters are fine, phone calls I like unless they are too short.
Texting with people I know well usually fail if we don't meet up in person often enough. Don't bring up very sensitive matters in text! If you need, bring a letter and read loud from it.
Have you made this video about communication tricks ? I definitely wanna watch it. It would be so useful.
U know other people* can be weirdos, too? Thx for the rooftop experience sharing! I've visioned the shampoo buying "high" moment, as u sticking his left shirt pocket a "join us @TheAspieWorld" sticker. Hillarius!
*without diagnoses or spectrum criteria fullfiled)
Wow this is one of the things I was asking about like I have a non verbal learning disability and it's confusing figuring out that stuff
+Jessica Berry Yeah.
Hey, really good videos 😊 would you do a vid on the differences between ASD and BPD? seen a few things online saying women with ASD get misdiagnosed with BPD quite often!!
Jade Gray I'm diagnosed BPD but waiting for an assessment for Aspergers too. Is it a common thing to be misdiagnosed? I just assumed I have both!?!
My communication is the worst thing to ever exist. I become non verbal for nothing. I am a stunner (don't know if that's the word I am not English)
You mean stutterer, you probably stutter.
I suspect...I don't know for sure...there is an adult with undiagnosed Autism or Aspergers in my life and I'm seeking information on how best to communicate with them. I want to learn communication skills that will make their experience more comfortable when we relate to each other. I've found a couple of your videos insightful and wanted you to know I appreciate it! Thank you!
hello, I just found your channel today and I thank you for helping me understand myself more. You probably hear that a lot but I want to thank you anyways. I actually have a question, do you have an involuntary hand gesture? because whenever I talk about something I love or whenever i get extremely nervous, my finger pinch together rapidly without me even knowing. Does this happen to you? Thank you again
So that's why my girl and I usually have more meaningful conversations by text, even though we live in the same house. Makes sense now.
I don’t have a lot of friends because my lack of communication it makes me really lonely
As long as you have a close friend 😃. Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
I have Asperger’s Syndrome and it would honestly be nice to know I’m not the only one who gets treated like crap and that I cannot stand up for myself, yet every one else can?? :/
Hey!! Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
I think this channel is great and I am interested in educational videos as I have just started a new job in a special needs school :)
Oh cool!!! Thank you for the kind words.
i also have my hair sweeping the same way, aspi thing maybe?
Jae Veal I hate hair in my face. Lol
people often think I'm being rude or disrespectful or I interrupt and repeat myself. I appear aggressive when my brain is turned on and I appear on drugs when my CAPD is acting up.
People tell me i'm embarrassing and stupid and sometimes will look at me with disgust and insult me
I did many embarassing things, said unappropriate responses, so I decide not to be afraid to be dictated by other people. It involves many awkward moments.. Some people does misinterpret me and hate me. Some likes me.
Wow, your hair and eye brows look awesome 😎
I have always had trouble starting a conversation with new people I don’t know. I have high functioning Asperger’s and I have been working really hard on this but I obviously still have a bit of issues.
I can start and hold a conversation with people I'm not close with but when it comes to family I've gotten used to not talk to them out of fear I may say something stupid. It's not that I don't talk to them at all, it's just that I feel that I may say the wrong thing or sound stupid. They have had to deal with so much of my crap which easily could have been avoided had I just talked to them about my problems or anything I'm confused about. I'll even avoid talking about my day at school even if it's interesting.
Slightly random question; do you have any tips on getting/keeping a job? I have had a terrible time with employment due to my communication and sensory issues, and am currently trying to figure out how to deal with a job that is really hard on me in the long run. Do you have any tips for that type of thing?
C Raske The jobs I've had that I've liked the most or did the best at have a few things in common. They are jobs where I have little to no interaction with the public or customers, can concentrate on one task at a time, no continuous supervision while working, and a work environment that discourages or prevents coworkers from carrying on long conversations.
Sensory overload is certainly a problem during face-to-face communication, not knowing where to look with so much going on around and trying to concentrate on the sounds and words is not easy to do all at once. Then there is also the fear of others picking on us for our inability to keep up with them once they detect it.
i myself have Aspergers syndrome i have been treating myself by going to crowded place like a mall or movie. thats how i work ononmy fears of crowds. (-:
+John Szymanski Ah, like facing fears head on?
John Szymanski I definitely do this too. I'd recommend joining a drama group of some kind, because I've noticed that putting myself out there in that way gradually improves my social skills and lessens my anxiety- though if I take time away from these situations, say 6 months to a year, the effects will have completely warn off. It's a continual process that I think is right for some people but definitely not everyone!
Sophie Niall ty friend going to start seeing a shrink hard for me to interact on the phone but getting a little better have a blessed day.
John dont beat yourself up, its not worth it. Even if you wind up with depression you will struggle with expressing it, so really consider before doing something tough.
I would love to have a course to help communicate with my husband Joe who has Asperger Syndrome
Hey I may put an online course together!
Hi Daniel!!!! I love your videos, and you are a very helpful person and make learning about this topic easier to do so. Great work and keep on going!!!! 😀
Also, I don't have aspergers, but I have problems with large crowds, talking and keeping communication with people open, I have lost all of my friendships because I have trouble keeping up with the friendship, I have trouble reading emotions, and really bad sensory problems that are pretty severe.
To still communicate with others
Hi my name is is Samantha I have autism and I’m having a hard time on Communication I like ur videos a lot
Thank you so much for the comment!
Did you do a video about communication tips and tricks? I would value one for employment.
I struggle to produce words when I'm uncomfortable and nervous. I struggle to keep track in a conversation. I don't know when to speak, when its my turn. And I can't tell some jokes apart, sarcasm. I take some jokes seriously.
Hi Dan,love the video but i do not agree with you though.I have massive problems with e mail and such.I tend to interpret text as litereral as possible.This results in people thinking that i am very rude which is quite ironical because the Dutch are known for being very direct,well i can tell you that i am direct and i still have big problems in communicating especially in text messages.Talking on the phone or face to face at least gives me a chance to directly respond to whatever the problem the other person might be having in communicating with me.
Further more i tend to take my time to respond to e mails and so i when i do come down to it i have major problems in what to write and such.
In conversation especially face to face i can speak very well to a lot of people and i usually have no difficulties in keeping a conversation going.
I had a conversation just recently with someone who is autistic and never in my life did i have a conversation that felt so easy,so recognizable and so realxed because i did not have to explain myself to this person because he understood or could imagine it.
Being diagnosed was not a big thing for me just the confirmation of what i thought.
I am divorced now but i have been called an autist by my ex and it has been very painfull this last year being called insensitive by your spouse and i still do not know what i did wrong.
Your channel and talking to other Asperger´s gives me strength to keep on going and most important me being a father to my son who also is ASS albeit not Asperger.
Peace Dan!
I guess this is the individual part of us as people :).
I need something along the lines of what I can do as someone with “Asperger’s” to help me communicate better with others.
Like my husband looks sad when he wakes up and I keep asking him if he's OK and what's wrong then he gets annoyed and it's like I'm only asking because I care but he looks sad or angry
+Jessica Berry Yeah, I totally get them situations!
Yeah with my husband I have to ask is he okay but I've learned it's one of two reasons 1) he actually is down/depressed or 2) he is thinking deeply about something, and sometimes I go "share with the class." Most of the time it's trivial but I love hearing it nonetheless. Also sometimes he is afraid to ask me something or don't know how to put something into words.
Maybe they can’t figure it out too share or don’t know if there would be a workable solution or want too keep it too themselve’s
Sometimes I mishear things, I don't know if that has to do with hearing. I always think you are saying "What's going on in my hair?" and laugh cause think you got something in your hair xD
Foxblood 428 could it be an auditory processing problem? My husband has this. Those with this mix up similar soundings words all the time, even words I wouldn't think sound similar.
Is that not what he was saying?? "Something going on in my hair!" Lol😂
I have autism and am not good at social situations and have never received therapies for it and now my son struggles the same way and we can't afford aba and all that, so I was hoping for some real world examples/demos of situations of introductions, conversations, etc that may be helpful when socializing ❤
I always have this issue with family members & other people =/
I used to not care about people's feelings & say what ever i wanted. Then I got a girl friend & she helped me realize i was being a dick my whole life. Life was a lot easier when i was a dick.
+Someone Else That's awesome
Someone Else I met my husband through a mutual friend. The first time we met, it was set up by our mutual friend, he was so rude. He was yelling at the waitress across the restaurant and then told her she knew what he ordered all the time and couldn't believe she got his order wrong. I was definitely angry with him and left as soon as possible. He called me 3 months later on Mother's Day, I wasn't feeling well, and listened to me talk about my depression. We became inseparable after that call. He became my husband a year later and shortly after, we became parents. He couldn't cope with our son crying and locked himself in the garage. I couldn’t cope with being a single mom and we decided to go to marriage counseling. The therapist referred us to a psychologist where he was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. I immediately started to research everything and I found very negative stuff. I decided to try to understand why he had outbursts and learned so much. I understood him because I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder (he knew this before we married). We have learned from each other and are proud parents of 2 boys (both diagnosed with Aspergers). We have been married for 7 years now and marriage is hard but not impossible. He taught me independence, strength and honesty. He told me I have taught him understanding, unconditional love and how to navigate social situations. We are a very honest and loving family (our honesty sometimes puts us in awkward social situations) but we all learn and grow. Communication comes in different forms and we must learn and understand this, helping each other as we go along. Many Blessings to all of you.
Vanessa Brady that's great to hear! We have a similar dynamic, she teaches me about people and I teach her about the elements of our world. After a while I was too robotic for her and we decided to get a GF since she's bi. Our GF gives her the "feeling" side of things I couldn't ever give her. So it all worked out :)
Do you know if you can have Aspergers and high functioning Autism? Love the videos by the way.
I haven't been diagnosed but feel I have Asperger's, and communication has often been a problem. I've had situations where I politely spoke to a colleague or a store employee, but as genuinely polite as my intentions were, it was taken as aggressive. I guess my face, tone of voice and body language didn't convey the message I intended. It's no wonder written communication is my preference.
I think on my own and use less harder words because I cannot use the difficult words so i had to reprogram myself
Great video as always
+Hifromoverhere Unicorn Thank you!
your hair is amazing ☺
Hey did/do you do the class of how to communicate with autism and aspergers?
That would be great to do
I love whats app!! I struggle with talking through the phone...always end up interrupting not knowing my turn...
+Yazmín Lemus Rodríguez Yes what’s app is awsome
+Yazmín Lemus Rodríguez awesome*
Same I either interrupt all the time or wait too long to speak up cuz I'm afraid of interrupting that I just end up remaining silent.
I wonder with Aspies if they do better with people whose second language is English. When I lived in Korea I had to adjust my English to avoid sarcasm, and idioms. In order to avoid confusing people.
Love your videos helps a lot 💯❤️
Yes I would be interested
There is a Dr that you can get in touch with Dr Oyalo on TH-cam. Am excited to share about how his herbs works perfectly in reversing my son autism. now he is herbal with his behavior ok and he can now obey instructions
The thing is with me and Asperges Syndrome is I was only diagnosed with it when I was twenty six, I was not so good in high school, one of my teachers was a bit hard on me.
I have an aspie co-worker, and I have to tell her to keep her distance off me, and she grabbed a ruler and said for me to draw it ... yeah it does work
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oh I like your videos
+John Szymanski Thank you!
Thanks for reading my comment! :V
I learn my communication skills from
Mimic people a lot after I turn older I just don’t do it no more
Anyone else have a trouble on the sending end of communication as well?
I have had trouble at work. Like instead of saying, "Hey I need that thing over there." I end up just staring at it. Or gesture to it.
Like I have a hard time audibly communicating things sometimes.