"Its time to turn this mush into muscle. No more crying, 'Mr Kimble, I have to go to the bathroom!' Nothing! THERE IS NO BATHROOM!" - Arnold Schwarzenegger, "Kindergarten Cop," 1990.
He could just do regular kid's books and SLJ them: "Would you eat them in a house?" "F no! I would not eat them in a mother- house! I would not eat them f-ing here or there! F, I would not eat them ANYWHERE!"
"The big, bad wolf, huffs, puffs and blows the piggie motherfuckers off into the wastes. The piggies than built a house out of some shitty old ass wood they found in the wastes, and the wolf found them, the big bad wolf, huffed, puffed and blew the motherfuckers away into the wastes" - the best I could do for a funny joke
My English teacher overheard me talking about this to a friend during our poetry unit and even though he didn't hear me say the title, he asks in front of the whole class "is it go the fuck to sleep?" That was one of the funniest days of that class. The fact he was familiar with this was awesome
@@Clyde-r71LMAO! Hysterical that you’re Eric.Cartman. I was a teacher and my sophomore students nearly shit their pants when they discovered that a couple of my favorite movie scenes in the the world was Uncle Fucker and Kyles Mom’s a Bitch from the South Park movie. That year whenever I was having kind of a rough day and it was noticed, someone always found a way to get close and whisper/sing “Shut your fucking face uncle fucker” and I’d start to laugh. I’m a very old woman now and occasionally put the movie in my dvd player just to laugh.
@@ElphbaNightelf-jx4xl hahaha you seem like you’d be an amazing teacher and I’ve been watching South Park for awhile now because I had no internet and it was the funniest dvd we had And I’ll agree with you the kyles moms a bit*h was hilarious I was rolling on the ground for at least 3 minutes after that
Funny story with this. So about two years ago, my mom was spending the week at my house. I had a smart tv, which will automatically switch from Netflix to TH-cam if I decide to connect my phone to it. Anyways, my mom didn't know I had a smart tv. Well one night I decided to go to bed early, but I couldn't sleep because she was binge watching "Once Upon A Time ", up until 11 or so. I'm not a night owl. So I decided to send her a "divine message". Using my phone, I casted this very video to my tv. Her reaction was priceless. She said, "F you, Netflix, let me watch my show. " XD
This helped me go the f*ck to sleep and I am a 44 year old man without children. I am greatly appreciative that Samuel L. Jackson is my father in this moment.
Oh, no you don't. You have nooooooooo idea. People think they do, but not until you have had an official "good bye party" on your games, everyone knowing you ain't coming back, you just don't know....
I was lying awake with my eyes closed in bed and my husband started playing this. My eyes popped open and we both busted out laughing. Now we're both wide awake 😂
@@thecommoncollector Does this sound like AI? AI generated voices don't have the inflection and they have strange artifacts in the voice. Also this was made 5 years ago
I have a granddaughter who is 2. I call her Miss Blues in the Night. That child WILL NOT SLEEP! So, when I heard this I thought I was going to rupture my aorta! I was beyond the laughing-so- hard-I'm-crying emoji; I don't think there's a word for how this struck me. Funny just doesn't cover it. I live in an apartment building. I had to stuff a pillow in my mouth so as to not disturb my neighbors. I'm old and hardly sleep myself. God bless Adam Mansbach and the irreplaceable Samuel L. Jackson for their incredible work. It is a piece of perfection that every single parent needs to hear. The line containing the self-recrimination was so apt. Every good parent wonders if they're any good at parenting. When, at 3am, weary from the preceding 20 hours and your child has gotten up for the sixth time since 8pm, you look into that haggard face staring back from the mirror and wonder: am I a crap parent?. At that moment, I wish for every single parent to hear this brilliant poem and perfect recitation. Empathy and humor are cleverly blended within the poem and spoken to perfection by Mr. Jackson. The best antidote for child-refuses-to-sleep-stressed-out-parent blues.🎉
As a 31 year old single dad of a 5 year old who tries his best. This is so relatable at times, I swear I can't watch this without dying of laughter every time.
This is my go to when it is is past midnight and my toddler refuses to give in and go to sleep. If nothing else it keeps me from losing it. *and yes I am playing it now for this reason while she babbles to stay awake*
Have you tried colored noise i.e. brown noise, green noise (feels like a hug), or frequencies? 528 Hz is one of my favorites. Or sleep stories. 🤞 You find sleep soon
One of my favorites! It’s hysterical and frankly, if you’re a parent, grandparent, or roped into babysitting your young niece or nephew, you’ve been there!!
“I know you're not thirsty, that's bullshit! Lay the fuck down my darling” My brother swears he's hungry whenever he has to go to sleep, my Dad definitely understands how this feels. Lmao Edit: Sorry for messing up the words-
"How come you can do all that other great shit, but can't close your eyes and sleep?!" Beats me, idk why falling asleep has been literally the hardest thing ever for me lately...😭😂
There are already 2 sequels, which are titled, and I quote, with a line from the book in brackets: You Have to Fucking Eat (The sunrise is golden and lovely. The birds chirp and twitter and tweet. You woke me up and asked for some breakfast, so why the fuck won't you eat?) Fuck, Now There Are Two of You (I have wonderful news for you, darling. A little brother or sister is coming----what fun! As for me, my life's pretty much fucked now, because two's a million more kids than one.) And a children's version of Go The Fuck to Sleep called "Seriously, Just Go to Sleep" which changes stuff like the whole "I know you're not thirsty, that's bullshit stop lying" line to "I know you're not thirsty. You just had a drink. Stop goofing around now, and sleep." These are gold LMAO
Child: I can't sleep without getting a drink Samuel L. Jackson: I see the council has come to a decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I have elected to ignore it.
I love how it slowly transitioned of him reading really soft until him getting impatient, then trying to compose himself then ultimately getting frustrated and annoyed lmao
@@RubyIsWeird No one does. And our brains work in such a way that homonyms can get their way into stuff without us realizing, regardless of if we are aware of the difference. I still write "it's" sometimes when I really mean "its" and more oddly, write "think" instead of "thing".
@Zephyrean I really hope you’re not talking about me. Please don’t restart the drama MontcomHorror created. It is so immature, and I am not a made up persona. I really can’t be bothered to deal with your nonsense.
The Writer is a genius, and the way Samuel read it out was perfectly right. Remember those nights. Weird kids grown up but I still can't get sleep 😫🤣🤣🤣👏
I can honestly say this story is relatable. The agony, the despair, and the feeling of defeat. As a child I was forced to read my father bedtime stories every single night. All I wanted to do is go the f*ck to sleep.😔😢
Imagine that there's a parent reading this to their kid in a soft, calming voice... but it's a book about telling children to go to bed in the most "not expecting that" moment way possible. The amount of laughing i would be doing reading this book to a bunch of children would be enough to suffocate me with laughter.
Yeesh! You can tell the author was under major stress when he wrote this. Well, his daughter WAS only two at the time and I heard that most kids at that age still have no concept of time.
My son is 2. It is 11:41 p.m. currently. He is dinosaur screaming and throwing his cars. This probably won't end for at least another hour. I felt every word this man narrated in my soul.
@@JustBasiling My brother is 8. It's 11:51 PM. Currently he is dinosaur screaming and beating crap with his blanket. This was supposed to end an hour ago but doesn't typically end until another 10 - 30 minutes from now
Parents: *complaining that the book is inappropriate* The rest of us: can you have some sense and not read it to kids? I’d think it’s pretty obvious it’s meant as a laugh for mature adults, not meant to be read aloud.
Bullshite, I play this every night for our kids....My wife thinks I'm magical putting them damn kids to sleep. I hope eatables aren't harmful to children....nah they be kool.
This is one of those rare things that are 100% true and beautiful and simply perfect in it's truth and beauty. This is forever, for all the human young parents and all the human babies/toddlers all over this planet. No exceptions. Absolute perfection.
I want this read at my funeral.
Samuel L. Jackson knows you're not eternally sleeping and keep swearing til you are.
I would really be funny if your weren't sleeping
same here
Pee
You have to make an appointment and set a date for that event
Aww, Mace Windu reading to the younglings.
With prosthetic hands
Just don’t let anakin read this to the younglings
“We’re finally watching our holovid. The temple’s locked up… *bssszzz* Oh shit, goddammit! You’ve gotta be kidding! C’mon! Don’t go back to sleep!”
@@stoneeagle7360 oh you’re wrong for this XD
Oh man, "go the fuck to sleep" had a new meaning for the younglings with anakin now
During this story, Samuel goes through all 5 stages of grief.
He's humming in impatience, he can't take any more of this shit.
Go the fuck to sleep.
Time stamp 'em?
._.
@@IanSager23 it’s been a day where’s my damn time stamps
@@IanSager23 it's been 2 days. where stamp
Some kid: I'm not tired.
Samuel: I don't remember asking you a g*damn thing!
Underrated comment.
......what?
@@Catgat37 Say "what" again! SAY! "WHAT"! AGAIN!
@@colinmackinnon696 ........what??
@@Catgat37 You’re never walking again
I felt this on a spiritual level tonight putting my daughter to bed
I love how this is not all monotone. It really feels like Samuel L Jacksson has experience in this.
He never tucked his daughter in always told her lovingly go the f to sleep her ok dad.
He does lol. Have you seen most of the movies he has been in? XD
Well he just so happens to be an actor
He has had experience with audiobook readings. The Bible experience and John Henry. I think it was only bit parts though, I'm not sure.
😂😂😂
The fact that Samuel L Jackson perfectly represent a tired parent is the cherry on top.
Well he was a tired parent himself once ya know lmao
Shut the feck up and go to sleep
@@Pig-gc6hk I can't. Too much work.
XD omg yes!!!
How tf does he?
damn i almost paid for this on audible
Why wouldn't you pay for it?
@@apexanjanath6219 because its free!
@@BIGGELATO seems about right.
@@BIGGELATO if it went directly to Samuel I would pay
Ace gang, let's gooooo!
“My life’s a failure I’m a shitty ass parent” ALWAYS GETS ME 😂😂😂
3:15
story of my life
@@amosmcneal Daddy? Is that you?
@@Bethsabee_Sheba_Newrose yes go the fuck to sleep!!
Yes, it's me, and I can relate.
The sweet, cute, innocent music playing in the background while Samuel is so soothingly frustrated. Genius.
Lmao
It's a perfect juxtaposition, for sure.
POGG
Yes, the music does not get enough credit... it really sets it off.
But you know it’s full of profanity.
"Hell no you can't go to the bathroom" had me crying with laughter 😂😂😂
LMAOO ME TOO
read the comment at the same exact time as he said it
"Its time to turn this mush into muscle. No more crying, 'Mr Kimble, I have to go to the bathroom!' Nothing! THERE IS NO BATHROOM!" - Arnold Schwarzenegger, "Kindergarten Cop," 1990.
🤣
Time to wet the bed then get spanked for doing such thing then have trauma from the spanks
Samuel L. Jackson should read more children's books. I was laughing almost the entire time he was reading this.
He could just do regular kid's books and SLJ them:
"Would you eat them in a house?"
"F no! I would not eat them in a mother- house! I would not eat them f-ing here or there! F, I would not eat them ANYWHERE!"
"The big, bad wolf, huffs, puffs and blows the piggie motherfuckers off into the wastes. The piggies than built a house out of some shitty old ass wood they found in the wastes, and the wolf found them, the big bad wolf, huffed, puffed and blew the motherfuckers away into the wastes" - the best I could do for a funny joke
I always thought 50 Cent should do these. He has such an effectively boring voice.
Same.
Same!
I love hearing Samuel L. Jackson swear. He makes it sound so poetic
I wholeheartedly agree. Samuel is The Muthufukkin King of Cussing, The Bawdy Bard of Bad Words.
I want to have this read to me by Morgan Freeman. It would be passive aggressively relaxing.
Is your channel icon supposed to be a pikachu terminator
@@sockpuppetschannel3940 pretty much...
th-cam.com/video/6riIwY8nrSs/w-d-xo.html
@@sockpuppetschannel3940 No shocked pikachu terminator
So would i
My English teacher overheard me talking about this to a friend during our poetry unit and even though he didn't hear me say the title, he asks in front of the whole class "is it go the fuck to sleep?" That was one of the funniest days of that class. The fact he was familiar with this was awesome
Awesome teacher
@@Clyde-r71 Aside from that being a funny moment, he's honestly the best teacher I've ever had
@@Clyde-r71LMAO! Hysterical that you’re Eric.Cartman. I was a teacher and my sophomore students nearly shit their pants when they discovered that a couple of my favorite movie scenes in the the world was Uncle Fucker and Kyles Mom’s a Bitch from the South Park movie. That year whenever I was having kind of a rough day and it was noticed, someone always found a way to get close and whisper/sing “Shut your fucking face uncle fucker” and I’d start to laugh.
I’m a very old woman now and occasionally put the movie in my dvd player just to laugh.
@@ElphbaNightelf-jx4xl hahaha you seem like you’d be an amazing teacher and I’ve been watching South Park for awhile now because I had no internet and it was the funniest dvd we had
And I’ll agree with you the kyles moms a bit*h was hilarious I was rolling on the ground for at least 3 minutes after that
@@ElphbaNightelf-jx4xlThat is adorable an wholesome while simultaneously fucked I love it an you God bless.
“I know you’re not thirsty, that’s bullshit stop lyin, lie the fuck down my darlin, and sleep.”
Funny story with this. So about two years ago, my mom was spending the week at my house. I had a smart tv, which will automatically switch from Netflix to TH-cam if I decide to connect my phone to it.
Anyways, my mom didn't know I had a smart tv. Well one night I decided to go to bed early, but I couldn't sleep because she was binge watching "Once Upon A Time ", up until 11 or so. I'm not a night owl. So I decided to send her a "divine message". Using my phone, I casted this very video to my tv. Her reaction was priceless. She said, "F you, Netflix, let me watch my show. " XD
😂
Lmaooo
HAHAHA
AMAZING
yo wtf bruhh
you should do it again if she dont go the fvck to sleep already
💀💀😭😭🤣🤣 LMAO
This isn't a story, This Is Samuel actually telling his kid to go to fuck to sleep
lol
XDddddd
wait what
go to motherfucking sleep
Hmmm... How does one fuck to sleep? 🤔 And aren't kids too young for that yet?
as a seventeen year old with a fucked up sleeping pattern i play this for myself as i do my bedtime routine pffft
aye! I hope it helps some!
Same. Really helps. 🙂
*Now go the fuck to sleep.*
@@anisomniac5931 reading this when i should be going the fuck to sleep. thanks hope you slept well
Yeah You Really Said It
Set an alarm to go to sleep at 12pm. If you have enough discipline you can do it easy
You know you're an exhausted parent when you're simultaneously laughing and crying whilst listening to this.
“F*ck your stuffed bear, I’m not getting you shit” That got me 😅😅
legend
“Close your eyes, cut the crap, SLEEP!!!!”😂
"Hell NO you can't go to the bathroom! you know where you can go?!!!
The F*ck to SLEEP!"
Hot crimson rage got me!!
Me too lmao
This helped me go the f*ck to sleep and I am a 44 year old man without children. I am greatly appreciative that Samuel L. Jackson is my father in this moment.
He has come back!
Hey, don’t forget that even at your age, someone loves you. I’m not a christian, or an optimist… but I sure do care about you.
Same. I'm only 21 but still too old for bed time stories I suppose. This keeps my adhd in check❤
That is so cool that you’re 44
@@amysennett7001Agreed; respect the elderly
Im not surprised if he's holding a gun while telling this to a kid.
"SLEEPING, MOTHERF*CKER, DO YOU DO IT!?!"
Waving around
quoting Ezekial....
I'm 21 years old, single, with no thoughts of children, and yet I still felt Jackson's recitations in the depths of my spirit.
31 and same lol
Relatable
I'm 35. My sister has three children. I have no plans to procreate... I can relate. X3
Oh, no you don't.
You have nooooooooo idea.
People think they do, but not until you have had an official "good bye party" on your games, everyone knowing you ain't coming back, you just don't know....
48 no kids and loving it
1:39 "hell no you can't go to bathroom! You know where you can go?! The fuck- to sleep!" lmao 😂
2:55 “F*ck yo stuffed bear I’m not gettin you shit! Close your eyes, cut the crap, sleep!”
1:19 "It's been 38 minutes already, jesus CHRIST, what the f**k?! GO. TO. SLEEP."
2:01 For real, shut the fuck up and sleep!
2:17 How come you can do all this other great shit? But you can’t lie the fuck down and sleep?
2:36 No more questions. This interview’s over. I GOT 2 WORDS FOR YOU KID! FUCKING. SLEEP.
My mother read this story to me all the time but her version didn’t mention all the animals but the rest was nearly identical.
Your mom was quite the caring type wasn't she?
😂😂😂
This was in 2011. You sound young.
Next time, don't skip ahead because that might not be what actually happens, IRL.
That's a QUANTUM physics bag. I'm here all week.
We were all so mistreated 😭🤣
4:10 the mental image of samuel l jackson tip-toeing like a cartoon character is amazing
My baby was wailing for the past 45 minutes, but this actually calmed him down. He even giggled at “you know where you can go? The **** to sleep.”
Awesome 😎
I don’t know rather to be horrified or impressed.
You are so evil and I love it.
Hahahahahaha
How come you can do all shit but not go to sleep? Hahaha
This is definitely how Samuel L Jackson reads to his grandchildren
This man has made an entire Hollywood-career out of saying the word "fuck". Just think about that.
Don’t forget the Mother and er
Hey, did you ever make a vid of the giraffe gazelle hybrid in your pfp?
*Joe Pesci would like to know your location.*
Does he look like a bitch?
No
I have this talk with my dog almost every night.
Lol
Letting my 8 week old puppy listen to this rn 💀
Me too
🎉 YES!!!!! I've got 4...they sleep in MY bed....aaaaarrrrgggghhhh. it's "ITE-ITE" time...😮
Awww 😂 gotta love fur babies
I was lying awake with my eyes closed in bed and my husband started playing this. My eyes popped open and we both busted out laughing. Now we're both wide awake 😂
So you don't want to go the fuck to sleep?
A cups, tell me I'm right
@quitetidy GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP
Go the fuck to sleep.
Glad you both got a laugh out of that. Now go. The fuck. To SLEEP.
The fact they got him to do this gives me faith in humanity
Amen.
The perfect narrator for the story!
Got him? He probably enjoyed and wanted to do it
Isn’t this AI?
@@thecommoncollector Does this sound like AI? AI generated voices don't have the inflection and they have strange artifacts in the voice. Also this was made 5 years ago
I like how he’s slowly falling into insanity the more he reads it
Typical of that kind.
he's just going the fuck to sleep.
Agree
😂😂😂
You should watch Jennifer Garner's version.
My 13 year old: *This is for KIDS?!*
Me: No. It's for parents.
Perfect. I bought this book years ago and read it as a "bedtime story" to my son... when he was about 16 and staying up til 3-4 AM. ❤
Fr?
Did it work?
@@purplediamond5867 I wish, ha ha! But we had a good laugh. And he keeps it by his bedside!
My dad did that to me, only I think I might have been 13-14
i was the 16 year old. it would've been half funny half terrifying if my parents tried that LOL
Most parents: "No way am I reading that filth to Becca, she's 5".
Sam L Jackson: Reads it to his grandchildren every fortnight.
“Fortnight” two weeks is a scam
LOL! Nice! He probably wouldn't even wait a fortnight!
Fortnite is a video game… 😏
@danefuentes3877 look up the definition of fortnight its an actual word before that game was made
(fortnight= 14 nights= 2 weeks; at least that's what my Brit friends tell me)
Hearing Samuel L. Jackson curse is one of the most satisfying and hilarious things on the planet.
My aunt bought this for me at my baby shower. Never understood it until I was older.
This man curses in a very soothing and genuine way. Good night y’all
. Anal
I play this to my child every night and she really does fall asleep to this lol
Parenting done right
Yo. Not gunna lie.. I've done this too....
You’re winning as a parent right now. Good job 👏
Your a good parent
Best Parent in 2021
I feel like this is something Samuel L Jackson would actually read to his kids.
and his children then would go the f*** to sleep after he does
😂 My daughter said she could see Samuel Jackson reading this not more than 2 minutes ago 😂
You would be surprised how awesome of a parent he would be
change Sam Jackson to every black parent and here üe have a good explanation for sone things🤦🏻♂️
I wouldn't be surprised. What reason would his parenting ability be questionable?
I have a granddaughter who is 2. I call her Miss Blues in the Night. That child WILL NOT SLEEP! So, when I heard this I thought I was going to rupture my aorta! I was beyond the laughing-so- hard-I'm-crying emoji; I don't think there's a word for how this struck me. Funny just doesn't cover it. I live in an apartment building. I had to stuff a pillow in my mouth so as to not disturb my neighbors. I'm old and hardly sleep myself.
God bless Adam Mansbach and the irreplaceable Samuel L. Jackson for their incredible work. It is a piece of perfection that every single parent needs to hear. The line containing the self-recrimination was so apt. Every good parent wonders if they're any good at parenting. When, at 3am, weary from the preceding 20 hours and your child has gotten up for the sixth time since 8pm, you look into that haggard face staring back from the mirror and wonder: am I a crap parent?. At that moment, I wish for every single parent to hear this brilliant poem and perfect recitation. Empathy and humor are cleverly blended within the poem and spoken to perfection by Mr. Jackson. The best antidote for child-refuses-to-sleep-stressed-out-parent blues.🎉
😂
I can imagine a bunch of kids sitting criss cross apple sauce while Samuel L Jackson sits in a rocking chair with this book reading it to them.
Imagine it during Kindergarten naptime. That shit'll go viral.
I remember those days. Sitting criss cross applesauce in elementary school in the library while the Liberian read us a story. Good old times.
What the hell is criss cross apple sauce
@@daws1620 crossed legs I think
@@BlueyHeelerluvsBeatles4ever I still have the voice of the librarian engraved in my memory
As a 31 year old single dad of a 5 year old who tries his best. This is so relatable at times, I swear I can't watch this without dying of laughter every time.
31 year old here with a 4 year old! I can relate 😂
Love my kid so much though ❤
Bless you, man.
@@tguns1 Bless you to my brother. Prayers you get restful sleep
32 with a 3yo and I have caught him more than once scaling his closet at 1am
As a parent comes of age, they realize that it takes about 40 years for kids to finally go to sleep at a decent hour.
As a 35 year old...yeah, haven't started sleeping at sane hours yet.
@@UmatsuObossa "what do you mean your name's not mom?"
-man, aged 24
Yep 😂
@Zephyrean judging by your ignorance, I bet you are half the age of what my profile picture depicts.
@Zephyrean probably has kids lmao
This is my go to when it is is past midnight and my toddler refuses to give in and go to sleep. If nothing else it keeps me from losing it. *and yes I am playing it now for this reason while she babbles to stay awake*
Why the hell didn't I have bed time stories good as this when I was kid?!?!
You're lucky your parents even told you bed time stories
Well i didnt too. My parents would quite literally say to me "go the fuck to sleep".
Goddamn i love them.
@@GLnoG420 those are good parents right there
@@GLnoG420 based
@@flourwasmostlikelyhere your lucky you had parents
I'm a new dad and I absolutely adore my 1 month old daughter, this speaks to me on a spiritual level
Congrats!
Never ask:
A man: his salary
A woman: her age
This guy: how he knows the froggy made its last leap tonight.
Dont ask who joe is
@@DEMANATI joe mama
@@DEMANATI JOE MAMA
Anyone who types Joe Biden clearly knows if my dixie nourmous.
@@Isai314 dicc's enormous
It's just impossible to picture anyone doing this better...I absolutely love Sam!
Maybe Morgan Freeman. Would love to hear him agitated.
Werner Herzog did it better.
Sir David Attenborough comes to mind lol.
If he was alive...George Carlin
@@remixcnk Ooooo....Good choice! I didn't even think about that! Well done!
Ah, what a classic.
"I know you're not thirsty, stop lying!" always gets me.😆
What Mace Windu read to Anakin the first night of Jedi training.
This is canon
So, this is what master Windu was actually doing when he told us that he was just going to teach the younglings.
“Take a nap, Skywalker”
@@MatthewPogi-md7oq take a fkin nap*
Skywalker seems to have mastered the art of putting younglings to sleep, though.
@@ultimusone2968 We sense great darkness in young Skywalker.
He’s too dangerous to be left awake!
Kid: “but I’m not tired!”
“Damn I must have Alzheimer’s because I don’t remember asking”
@@lyrablack8621 bro
@@lyrablack8621 woah, woah, woah, woah, woah
Woah
Woah
Woah
It was an attempt at humor
Calm down sir
@@lyrablack8621 who made you humor police? You can joke about anything. About death too. And Alzeheimer.
@@lyrablack8621 what the hell are you talking about?
@@lyrablack8621 sorry, what did you just say? I forgot.
My life feels complete now. You never truly know what you really need until it is presented to you
As a 30 year old with horrible insomnia this can’t hurt to listen to and try at this point
Have you tried colored noise i.e. brown noise, green noise (feels like a hug), or frequencies? 528 Hz is one of my favorites. Or sleep stories.
🤞 You find sleep soon
Same. This works for me: th-cam.com/video/MCAuI5Jgqck/w-d-xo.html
I'm doing this too in bed can't sleep
@@spacenerd9499White noise toooo
@@spacenerd9499wait doesn't brown noise make you want to defecate-
One of my favorites! It’s hysterical and frankly, if you’re a parent, grandparent, or roped into babysitting your young niece or nephew, you’ve been there!!
This is me with my younger siblings, I definetly relate to this book
You know everyone has at least thought this lol I know I did when my kids were little
As a aunt… I definitely had my “ got the fuck to sleep” moments 😂
this is what i'm telling my body at 4am when my eyes just open and refuses to let me go back to sleep
GO
THE FUCK
TO SLEEP
Bought this as a joke gift for my parents.
They loved it
This book made me laugh out hard . Good decision 🤣
@mrbeastt Rick roll
th-cam.com/users/shortsRBLJXU2W46Y?feature=share
🤣🤣🤣
How dare you!
My god. This never gets old for me. I actually bought the book from Amazon so to hear this every year is a staple for myself to hear. 🥰
"A hot crimson rage fills my heart, love" Parenting summed up in the most perfect sentence I've ever heard in my life ❤❤❤
For some reason, the only thing I thought about when seeing this was King Crimson saying "You have genuinely angered me!", if you know what mean.
@@JeffyJeffingtonTowerDefence ah yes, Jojo reference
@@JeffyJeffingtonTowerDefence but he didn't even say king crimson
666 likes
El Diablo
“I know you're not thirsty, that's bullshit! Lay the fuck down my darling” My brother swears he's hungry whenever he has to go to sleep, my Dad definitely understands how this feels. Lmao
Edit: Sorry for messing up the words-
Perfect timing lol
he said it differently XD
My sister.
1000th like
@@Amy_k2aTheArtist LOL, I saw it was 999 likes so I was pressing the like and dislike button over and over again.
Words cannot describe how happy I am to discover this masterpiece.
Same! 😊
I too. Right now
"I've got two words for you, kid: F*CKING SLEEP." 😂😂😂😂😂😂
I can't believe this man just literally cursed my insomnia away
"How come you can do all that other great shit, but can't close your eyes and sleep?!" Beats me, idk why falling asleep has been literally the hardest thing ever for me lately...😭😂
Just me today
Great question
Every day.
Try booze
Sequel to the book: "Why are you still not fucking asleep!"
Third book, Wake the fuck up!
Fourth book go the fuck back to sleep
LMFAOOOO
There are already 2 sequels, which are titled, and I quote, with a line from the book in brackets:
You Have to Fucking Eat (The sunrise is golden and lovely. The birds chirp and twitter and tweet. You woke me up and asked for some breakfast, so why the fuck won't you eat?)
Fuck, Now There Are Two of You (I have wonderful news for you, darling. A little brother or sister is coming----what fun! As for me, my life's pretty much fucked now, because two's a million more kids than one.)
And a children's version of Go The Fuck to Sleep called "Seriously, Just Go to Sleep" which changes stuff like the whole "I know you're not thirsty, that's bullshit stop lying" line to "I know you're not thirsty. You just had a drink. Stop goofing around now, and sleep."
These are gold LMAO
@@ryutosetsujin oh. Thank you for telling me!
Played this for my 3 month old who likes to keep us awake. I shit you not, he just looked at the phone, then back to me, and started to giggle
My little sister was struggling to sleep, so I showed her this and.she actually fell asleep 🤣 while listening to this.
Thats what i call a brother
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
The Best Sibling Award goes to…
Excellent
I will show this to my younger cousins my eldest cousin (He’s 9 and I’m 12) especially
The writing of this book is
absolutely beautiful
😂😂😂😂😂
Child: I can't sleep without getting a drink
Samuel L. Jackson: I see the council has come to a decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I have elected to ignore it.
Basically what I told my board members the other day
I understood that reference. But language
@mrbeastt Dude don't you have something better to do?
@mrbeastt LAAAAAMEEEEE
The Winter Soldier is a masterpiece
This has become my favorite bedtime story. Even on repeat ❤
I love how it slowly transitioned of him reading really soft until him getting impatient, then trying to compose himself then ultimately getting frustrated and annoyed lmao
As a 27 year old, I was looking for something to listen and fall asleep too. I found and picked this. I literally used this to fall asleep too
Similar. Why am I still watching videos on TH-cam instead of going to sleep?
27 years old and you still don't know the difference between "to" and "too"? Shame.... LOL
@@sassykitty292Who cares?
@@RubyIsWeird No one does. And our brains work in such a way that homonyms can get their way into stuff without us realizing, regardless of if we are aware of the difference. I still write "it's" sometimes when I really mean "its" and more oddly, write "think" instead of "thing".
@@RubyIsWeird It's surprising how many people do.
I played this video to my adult mom when she told me she had to go to sleep but didn’t. A book for all ages!!
Your adult mom? What else would she be?
❤️Love Samuel L. Jackson !! He always brings it!
Adam Mansbach needs a Nobel Prize, because this is f**king gold!
Correct
Word.
@Zephyrean I really hope you’re not talking about me. Please don’t restart the drama MontcomHorror created. It is so immature, and I am not a made up persona. I really can’t be bothered to deal with your nonsense.
@Zephyrean Oh, you must be talking about mrbeastt.
@@astonishingpatch what
Bro I actually fell asleep to this
didnt ask but whatever
@@gioisgoof9217 lol ik
@Lukas Borck didnt ask but hey, go off
@Lukas Borck cool shit man, its a shame no one asked
@@gioisgoof9217 hol on let me use moody blues to figure out who tf asked
I cant sleep to this its to hilarious
I know right this is funny as hell
@@waylondavis1094 😂😂😂
Too bad, go the f##k to sleep
Ikr 🤣
Same LMFAOOOO
One of my favorite bedtime stories!
This is an adult reading a kid's bedtime story and adding their own thoughts to the narrative.
Shut up...
And go the fuck to sleep!
Stfu and sleep you bozo 😃
Shut up no it's not and go the frick to sleep
The Writer is a genius, and the way Samuel read it out was perfectly right. Remember those nights. Weird kids grown up but I still can't get sleep 😫🤣🤣🤣👏
😂😂😂 I love Samuel L Jackson. He’s funny especially when he’s cussing gently😂😂😂😂
Love and Respect 🙏 Thank's and Bless you 🙏 Hilarious and True 👍
Kid: *Finally falls asleep*
Sam: *Turns to wife*
_What happened here was a miracle and I want you to acknowledge it!_
Classic
As it is currently two thirty in the morning, this was the perfect metaphorical wake up call to just put my freaking phone away.
Go
The fuck
To sleep
I'm listening to this with sinuses rn. It's 1:24. HELP.
@@plant.6238 Jesus christ where are you in the world? Here at CST it's 5:27 in the afternoon
@@KhaosInductionCreator Spain-
@@plant.6238 oh wow
I can honestly say this story is relatable. The agony, the despair, and the feeling of defeat. As a child I was forced to read my father bedtime stories every single night. All I wanted to do is go the f*ck to sleep.😔😢
Imagine that there's a parent reading this to their kid in a soft, calming voice... but it's a book about telling children to go to bed in the most "not expecting that" moment way possible.
The amount of laughing i would be doing reading this book to a bunch of children would be enough to suffocate me with laughter.
"You're not thirsty, stop lying!" - God I recognise that... Anything to try and play more delay tactics 😂
i need an 8 hour long version of this with mostly just the music, occasionally broken up by samuel l jackson telling me to go tf back to sleep.
Let's make a sample....
I need this immediately
Yeesh! You can tell the author was under major stress when he wrote this. Well, his daughter WAS only two at the time and I heard that most kids at that age still have no concept of time.
My son is 2. It is 11:41 p.m. currently. He is dinosaur screaming and throwing his cars. This probably won't end for at least another hour. I felt every word this man narrated in my soul.
@@JustBasiling You poor soul
@@JustBasiling My brother is 8. It's 11:51 PM. Currently he is dinosaur screaming and beating crap with his blanket. This was supposed to end an hour ago but doesn't typically end until another 10 - 30 minutes from now
@@MandMs05 kids are a hoot aren't they? All they care about is chaos and cookies 😭🤣
@@JustBasiling See?! And thank you for proving my point. 😏
Omg! The book itself always cracked me up but being read by Samuel L Jackson!!? Perfection
I can't sleep now, I'm laughing so hard I"m crying. Brought to us by the man who brought us the motherf'ing snakes on the motherf'ing plane!
Parents: *complaining that the book is inappropriate*
The rest of us: can you have some sense and not read it to kids? I’d think it’s pretty obvious it’s meant as a laugh for mature adults, not meant to be read aloud.
No funny
@@realll for others it is
Bullshite, I play this every night for our kids....My wife thinks I'm magical putting them damn kids to sleep.
I hope eatables aren't harmful to children....nah they be kool.
Wait so I’m not meant to show my kids this everytime they ask for a bedtime story
Is it, though?
This one's timeless. It will put you to sleep as a kid and entertain the living shit out of you when you know what "fuck" means.
Which definition?
The writing itself is already superb, but Samuel L. Jackson's reading transports it into a whole new dimension of perfection. I fucking love it!
This is one of those rare things that are 100% true and beautiful and simply perfect in it's truth and beauty. This is forever, for all the human young parents and all the human babies/toddlers all over this planet. No exceptions. Absolute perfection.
As an 18 year this is very calming it put me at ease
Same and same
I’m 17 and just yawned
I am 10
I’m 12 and will show this to my younger cousins
Nathan especially
40 and I'm sleepy now.
This, but he's telling Skywalker to "take a f*cking seat"
"take a fucking seat, Young Skywalker."
Perfection
“He’s _too dangerous_ to be left awake!”
Or an avengers one
This is my inner dialogue every. Single. Day. My mom bought me the physical copy of this book, and I will cherish it for life lol.