A Loving Memoir of my life with Emmi Loo

You left me too soon... I will always be thankful for the time I had with you, even though it could never be long enough. 5 and a half years was definitely not enough. I guess some infinities are greater than other infinities.
You've been my best friend, my baby, my soulmate, even my savior some days. My life somehow began when I met you, even though I can't remember what life was like before you. I saw you and knew we belonged to each other for this lifetime. You entered right when everything was changing. We had to be apart sometimes because of it, but it only made my parents learn to love you more. We made it through some of the hardest things of my life together and I don't want to imagine a future where you aren't in it, but we fought as hard as we could. Til the very last day. You were so brave.
I still expect to see you riding in the seat next to me, waiting for me to crack the window so you can smell the air, or basking in the sunshine, or see you waiting for my permission to crawl into my lap and rest your head on my hand while i hold the steering wheel (just the perfect height for your little chin)
I swear I can feel you in my shadow, like you always were. I used to turn around looking for you only to find that you were so close behind me i couldn't see you. You never left my side. Never needed a leash.
You have a habit of pooping (hence the nickname Emmi Poo) in REALLY inconvenient places.. like on my bed. or in the street. or while we were running (i don't know how you did that) or anywhere people walked... especially when I didn't have a bag to clean it up and I had to secretly hope karma didn't pay me back for leaving it there. It's like no matter how little food you ate, it multiplied fivefold inside your intestines. I especially loved when you pooped... and I cleaned it up... and then I turned around and you had already pooped again and I was out of poop bags.
You never barked UNLESS instructed with a classic "who is it, Emmi?! Get Em!" HENCE why we especially hated it when someone called you a chihuahua. NO. She is NOT a chihuahua. She is a toy fox terrier and she is way cooler. (more cool. whatever)
You were gentle enough to kiss babies and baby turtles, but feisty enough to outrun me and be a judge of character to all the silly boys I dated.
You weren't always a cuddler unless we were somewhere unfamiliar or around someone unfamiliar. or someone who wanted to cuddle me. Then you were suddenly the world's best cuddler.
You took after me in that you like to have your ojitos covered while you sleep, but have your nose sticking out. It was the last thing I ever saw of you was that little nose sticking out from under a blanket.
I could go on forever about why I loved you, but nobody will ever be able to intimately, actually understand the love I have for you. That's what's so wonderful, and so painful about love.
By the end you were tired. Stapled together. Poked and prodded. Feeding tubes protruding from your neck. You lost a pound of your only 7 pound body. It caught me by surprise how much you had changed in a week when I had to leave you in Tucson... and it broke my heart, but I was still hopeful when they said I could bring you home.
A series of events that may or may not have been able to be changed led me to have to make the hardest decision. It felt rash at the time, but I couldn't stand to see you hurt anymore. And after being diagnosed with end stage liver failure (finally.. a diagnosis. that day. after waiting for results for over a week), I knew that you couldn't be healed. I wish so deeply things didn't end the way that they did. I have regrets and anger and guilt. I wish you would have had a better last day.
But i did not leave you. I held you til you took your last breath because I know you would do the same if you could. I was responsible for you, and I'll never know if i made the right decision that night. If you could have had a few more happy days with treatment. But I know you'd eventually be there again.
I can't pretend it was peaceful. It was terrifying and horrific and I will never forget the look in your eyes. I didn't even get to say a proper goodbye because you were in too much pain. It escalated so quickly. But the sedation was the first time I think you were able to relax in nearly one full month of hell.
A month I wouldn't have been able to get through without some serious physical help (driving you to Tucson twice, feeding you through your tube, getting you your meds when I had to be in class. Not to mention the emotional support from my parents, friends, classmates, prayers, family, etc. everyone.
"I will never forget the moment your heart stopped beating and mine kept beating."
I love you Em. I can't wait to see you again someday and get those sweet kisses when I walk through the door. Rest in Peace my baby.

[@rselby0654]

This is so sad! How did she develop liver failure? Purina dog food is dangerous btw