Being friends with someone you're attracted to can always lead to feelings developing, on one or both sides. You need to accept that as a reality and proceed with caution.
you are fooked if its only one sided... been there and its tough being around that person when there is no mutual interest but you have feelings for that person and you share it, they don't feel the same way. Better to end the friendship than to torture yourself
It’s actually a bad quality nobody owns a person loyalty but loyalty to principles and morals. The people who expect loyalty don’t want accountability they just want you to be loyal no matter what and that’s dangerous
@@flawlesslawless4180 what? If someone is in a marriage the literally belong to each other, they're each other properties. This is why cheating is wrong. Also people can be loyal without being in a relationship. But man and woman can't be friends.
@@reclaimer2019 you never own someone even when married, if someone loves you they will do right by you and you should do the same. Don’t suffocate something your trying to protect because that will only kill it. Have boundaries and self respect and stick by them
Emily Strickland It seems so ridiculous to only be friends with pretty people. In that case only the beautiful will have friends. Now very mild attraction on both sides = a solid friendship.
Not really some people you can’t stand but in rough circumstances they’ll be there for you and things starts to change, back to subject I don’t believe I can be just friends with any girl.
While attraction leads to friendship, friendship leads to a closer friendship. When you start emotionally investing in the person other than your partner, you start moving into vulnerable territory. Why would you want to put yourself in that situation? I say no, men and women cannot be friends. Perhaps I just haven't found the right male friends, but do I need them at this point of my life...?
I think ONE reason there are so many relationship breakups these days is because MOST people don't know "where" the line is...that changes a relationship from "friend" category to "...more." They may not be thinking that an emotional connection between "friends" of the opposite sex can be more damaging to the other, committed relationship than (sometimes) even the physical betrayal.
this is an old comment, but i totally agree! I am in the same situation, my boyfriend's deep connection with his friend AND flatmate is affecting my trust in the future of our relationship and he doesn't want to do anything about it. I even think he is starting to hate me.
@@veronikab.7002 oh , man, Veronika! Your comment is 2 years old, how are you today?? Are you still together with him? I am going through the same, currently in phase of breaking up and detaching from my bc he has several female besties including one he especially likes, who is married, both she and her husband dislike me from 1st time of meeting for God knows what reason. It has been hard to get accepted with his friends, in fact, it never happened and my bf(ex now,) has fully sided with them.. Which has made me question how does he feel about me and does he respect me even as a human being, if he is comfortable living in the situation, where his friends are like this towards me (other female friends also don't like me) , where it cause me suffering and he does nothing about it, he is just enjoying the whole situation... I have realized he never loved me and now working on getting away from him forever!
@@veronikab.70022 years on and you've probably broken up. But if your bf is just good friends with her then you need to chill. You can't control other people but you can control what you do and think. If you think he's cheating then dump him, if you think it's just a good friendship then you need to chill.
Thank you Matthew! That was a very different and detailed way of explaining that men and women can be friends. If the persons are willing to just be friends, Loyalty wins not attraction. People must keep boundaries in mind.
Loyalty only wins with the appropiate distance between a man or a woman in a 'friendship'... better believe attraction will win if the two are constantly having "Friends-night-outs" with just the 2 of you being straight and single and attracted to each other in a 'friendly' way...
What if someone feels attraction to both sexes, but never acted on their attraction to the same sex? Are they still immoral? Are they still to have no friends? I'm just trying to show you the extreme cases for a better understanding of the topic we discuss. :)
As if women don't do exactly that. So many of you have that friend we get a funny vibe from, and if it is an issue, women accuse us of being insecure, blah blah blah. But usually, if the relationship goes through a hard time or even break up, guess what friend is 'suddenly' thought of differently.
Well, even if that were true, that means you're Plan A, doesn't it? It means that even though your partner is attracted to the friend, he prefers you. What do you expect? That you're the one and only option for him on this planet, and that if you leave him, he's utterly out of options, snatches you up and chains you to a table in his basement? That doesn't sound healthy. Maybe he's got a Plan B because Plan A doesn't trust him very much?
Yeah no shit sherlock. Why do you think smart guys don't invest in a relationship when a chick has 45 million beta orbiters surrounding her? Pro tip for chicks: Want a good guy that invests in a relationship? Remove all male-friends. Period. Men want loyalty and desirability. If the chick has 500 followers on instagram and snapchat with tons of beta orbiters and she has 10 close "malefriends" how do you think the guy is gonna react? What you delusional chicks doesnt realize is that every single one of your "malefriends" would bang you in an instant if you gave em the chance.
I'll never understand how people can say something so idiotic. The burden of proof you're generating by stating that proposition is simply unfeasible. It's completely out of reach, you'll never be able to demonstrate it. And in the other hand, it would just take one case, only one, to prove it's possible. And there are billions. I feel like you're not saying "it's not impossible for boys and girls to be friends", but instead "I once fell in love with a girl who was my friend". And that is completely different. Your extrapolation is absurd. This guy already explained it pretty well: all friendships entails attraction. Doesn't have to be sexual attraction, but if you're not attracted in any way, if you don't like that person nor find anything interesting about him/her; then by definition you're not friends. And even if there's a certain level of sexual attraction (might be but doesn't have to, so this again debunks your hypotheis), why would that mean they can be friends? How on Earth that follows? Sexual attraction isn't antithetic to friendship, you know. By that logic you have, I guess bisexuals are doomed to die alone and sad...
***** If you think that's what I was saying you haven't understand jackass shit, man. I'm kind of surprised that you said I'm using complex language (I'm not even a native), I thought I was being pretty clear. If you find hard to grasp even such simple conceps, maybe the problem is on you and your mental age. Let me explain that again. When you say something like "boys and girls can never be friends" you are asserting a statement whose requirement for evidence - which is called burden of proof, or onus probandi - is absolutely impractical. It would be like saying "all french are bad people". You will never be able to prove such a thing. However, meeting *just one* french who is a good person will falsify your statement. Just one. And, just like with the boys and girls thing, we have TONS of examples. Therefore the mere suggestion of it would be ridiculous. The best you could say is "I don't have female friends", but speaking only for yourself. Because 1) there are billions of people with opposite sex friends without sexual tension and, myself among them; and 2) there's no reason why having sexual tension will necessarily hinder a friendship. PS: Your objection to bisexuality is incorrect since the term gay/straight doesn't define the sex you are going out with at the present moment, but your sexual orientation in general. If you can be attracted to both men and women, then you're bisexual by definition, regardless of the sex of your present couple.
***** What has that anything to do with ego? xD You said something that was objectively misrepresenting my comment and I corrected you. And who is being offended? xDD Would you just stop assuming bullshit. "The proof you keep asking for is "life experience"" Translation = My personal experience therefore reality. LOL. No. Billions of adults have friendships without sexual ttension (me among them) and billions of adults have had sex with friends without destroying the relationship (me among then as well); although of course I'm not dennying that sleeping with a freind often entails certain level of risk. "Your sex and the sex of the person you're in a relationship with does define your relationship as either gay or straight". Sigh. Is it so hard to pay attention while reading? I agree with this. I never said the contrary. Your sex along with the sex of the other person define the relationship as gay/straight, BUT does not define your sexual orientation. That's why your next phrase "therefore you are either gay or straight" is a non sequitur, since bisexual is also a possibility. The term bisexual marriage is not ridicuous; it's an ilogical concept. Because marriage in our society is always a monogamous - only two people. So that would simply make no sense. But that has nothing to do with the fact that being bisexual is a perfectly normal sexual orientation, wether you like it or not; and pulling out statistics out of your ass changes nothing. Being bisexual means "I'm never going to be sexually satisfied with just your parts" in the same way being gay or straight does it. That would the dumbest thing I've read toady, congratulations. Look, being bisexual is just feeling attraction for boys and girls, that's it. Doesn't mean you wanna fuck ALL the girls, same way being lesbian doesn't mean that. Doesn't mean you wanna fuck ALL the boys, same way being a straight woman doesn't mean that. And doesn't mean you can't control yourself, same way having any other sexual orientation doesn't mean that.
***** "It's obvious you're offended" Wow, thank you, I'm learning so much about myself. If according to your logic something becomes true simply by saying it, then I'm gonna say you're a purple donkey with trumps instead of ears and five times more offended than me right now. "and if it didn't go any further after having sex with them it's most likely because you're not very good in bed" So everytime two friends have sex and it doesn't go any further, it's because they are not good in bed, both of them? How about seeing sexuality as a completely natural thing and just wanting to try something new, as a one-time thing? Your statement is absolutely absurd unless you think people don't have the power to control themselves. Or, unless... unless you were trying to use it as a cheap and childish attemp of insult xD But since this is the first time I talk with a purple donkey, I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt here. By the way, you're conveniently ignoring the billions of cases of friends who *didn't* have sex with each other nor have the slightest desire to do so. "it's not the same thing (...) because they have a preference" How do you know? They can be attracted to both sexes equally. That simply depends on the individual. How is that complicated? Same sex --> Gay. Opposite sex --> Straight. Both sexes --> Bisexual. I'd say is pretty simple.
***** "Unlike you". We con back to the same thing, if writting something makes it true, yes you do, because "I say so". See how stupid it is? Nobody is here to insult you. I couldn't care less about if you get offended or not. You misinterpret the idea itself of debate. The only thing I cared was the friendship between sexes, which was what the video was talking about. You shouldn't worry so much about laughing and start worrying a little about thinking. You need that way more.
Absolutely not from my experience. One of the two will always want more at some point. Every friendship I've had with guys I've at some point been hit upon. And that film When Harry Net Sally pretty much sums this up!
Yes. Some of my best friends are women actually. People assume that if there's attraction then the friendship has hidden reasons, but that's not true. You can choose not to act, because you value the friendship as it is, or because you're loyal to your couple if you have one. Not to mention that all of this is in case that there's attraction, because you can be friends with the opposite sex and also have no attraction.
Amen!!! You nailed it! Just because people are attracted to each other doesn't mean they are going to act on it. If they do, there are issues in their relationship(s) that go way beyond whether or not they are attracted to their friends. ...married for 17 happy yrs and counting :)
Maybe it's a personal thing, but even when I am attracted by someone's mind, if I am not physically attracted, I just can't go further but to be friends...
it's the same with me. no physical attraction, it doesnt matter if you have the heart of Mother Theresa combined with Einstein's brain, I will still only be able to see you as a friend.
@@turtlegaming7756 many people have enxieties and the thing about girls - they often hate showing vulnerability. it would be different with man who you are on the same page with. anyway don't expect a woman to solve all of your problems. if you want to get closer to people you should concern yourself with being genualy nice and helpful to them. people want to be happy and if you make someone happy they would want to stick around. girls aren't immune to mental issues so dont worry we have plenty of "what's the meaning of life and why am i here and what's gonna happen" type of deal. we just share these things with people whowe think that won't potentially hurt us.. makes sense? also it's true that smart people are sometimes more socially detached but remmember that even if you are the smartest person in a room maybe you just need a different room you know? I'm sure you can find some smarts club or "whatever intersts you have" club. anyway you will get better with expirience that's just life. but be humble people are good at hiding their weakneses and deep fears don't judje a book by the cover you might have met a lot of brilliant people but couldnt get to know them for several reasons and aside of that - knowing how to stay happy and motivated is an intelligence on it's own it's not simple and anyone who starts making a living as an adult discovers it at one point or another. so main point I'm sure you can find many brilliant people around you if you will realize what prevents you from doing it. and i think assuming good things about people is great. not unrealistic but you know giving them the benifit of the dought and believing in people (within reason) can lead to great things.
@@turtlegaming7756 you might be just too young. When I was 18 I used to think that I was more intelligent than most people. If you are American or British you might have the chauvinism bias and you may think that girls are not smart as boys (I say those countries because I am not from them but I've watched plenty of American series and movies and I know how chauvinist they are).
Wow, I didn't remember this commentary at all. I have a slightly different point of view now, and now I believe that some people have their attractiveness "increased" by their character
Once I also had a guy best friend who had other best female friends. But I quickly noticed he would hang out mostly with the top hot girls as his best friends. He years later told me he wanted me as his girlfriend, feelings became mutual and we dated for months. He confessed he had always had a crush on me.
From a guys perspective, if you are attracted to her, it will harder to just be friends, with girls you aren’t attracted to it’s a lot easier to be just friends but with enough time even that can change.
I was dating for this man for over a yr, on and off , he was been telling me that he was just a friend to this married women , but I found out they were sleeping together , lol But he said he choice me to be with him , I think he was pathetic , so I just lefted and walked away !!!
The guy is pathetic to even have the audacity to say he chose you. No-man has the authority to choose whether or not they choose you. Don’t give them that power. It’s you who chose them..😊
My best friend is male and we have been purely platonic friends since the day we met 14 years ago. I suppose I could say his sense of humour and love of nature and the outdoors attracted me but not at all in a romantic way. I love him like a brother and I know the feeling is mutual. He is happily married now with a baby and I have never been happier for him. But we have never, not even once, crossed the line of friendship. There has never been that desire from either of us. He is my brother and always has been.
A strong no for me in my experiences. It's easier for me to make friends with males at the start but as soon as you build a closer rapport they always end up saying or doing something inappropriate / suggestive/ try to hit on you. So YES you can be friends with a man to very surface level and as long as you are with other friends around this person but the more one on one time and closer you get it seems like human nature takes over. I agree with the exceptions of whether or not someone is sexually active but then again someone who wasn't still is capable to say some awkward things.
then i would say pick better friends. or secondly, just reject them and see how they react. i think the reason why people think friendships between the opposite sexes isn't possible is because hardly anyone is in control of themselves, so no wonder it feels like it's not possible. discipline is the answer. and there are disciplined people in the world, they are just harder to find. also, i don't think it's neccesarily a bad thing if on or the other after some time introduces sexual intent (if both are single), then you can decide if you want it too or not, and if you don't, assuming your friendship has some depth to it and you are both somewhat educated, you can still talk about it and stay friends without it being ruined. it's all about proper communication.
I agree with you 100% @chekkygurl182 . It is human nature that if you give them too much time it eventually becomes a problem for one person. First hand experience, not once but multiple times and it creates issues with your partner and I was naive to think that men and women can be friends. Yes it is possible to find loyal friends who respect you and your partners boundaries but it is so so hard to find a friend like that.
@@Rojo1111 this is the most mature perspective I've seen yet. I think there are some individuals who hold quite a primitive viewpoint of men and women, using words such as 'human nature' and assuming people have no self-control, and that they are at the mercy of their desires. Whilst that may be the case for a lot of individuals, I think there are others in society where like what Matthew describes who EXERCISE their loyalty and they possess discipline, maturity and a more nuanced/complex perspective towards attraction and relationships. People think that a concept as complex as attraction can be reduced to just two people possessing the element of attraction and that's enough for people to break boundaries in relationships, when there are so many more layers as to why we build connections with people.
@@jayati.design I have been naive my whole life. It sucks because I never had a dad or brother. My cousin who was like a bro to me passed in 2020. Maybe that's why I search for male platonic friends.
Hi, i’m a new subscriber. I agree, mostly, with with the loyalty, but chances are, somewhere along the way the friendship grows and it’ll get harder to resist. Especially if you under the influence of substances. I think the only way to be friends is if you respect the other person and their mate enough to where you abstain from even trying to get close on a physical level, i.e. hugs, playful shoves, touching. It is very easy to catch feelings. But even then, most people don’t think they’re doing anything wrong when they’re flirting. They see it as just being friendly and being playful. So it would take monstrous restraint. And who wants to feel seriously attracted but not be able to touch? No one. So, it is possible. But if both are single or one doesn’t respect anothers’ bond, it’s bound to happen down the line.
When you're suspicious about your man liking another woman who's a friend of his, I think it's important not to be looking for all the reasons why he must like her and all the things he does that proves he likes her, but instead, wait to see if he brings you the suspicious stuff. If he likes a girl, it is usual obvious, I believe...my last boyfriend was very obviously in love with another girl right before he decided to leave me for her, because he would talk about her all the time...so, it's best not to be suspicious unless he actually makes it obvious.
I can imagine scenarios where a guy and a girl is just friends, but probability of that happening is so low that its better if ppl consider it impossible. The way both genders are behaving socially is so different, that by the time we start to get attracted to the other sex, our worldview is so different its incredibly hard to understand each other. Ppl who cant understand each other cannot be friends. The attraction we feel towards each other is mostly qualities we are searching for in a partner, so the friendship based on this attraction would not exist if they start it by clearing up stuff like " i would never be in a romantic relationship with u". Stating that, most guys would leave that kind of friendship behind. Only when its obvious for whatever reason for both parties that they want nothing to do with the other sexually, can they really build an actual friendship. It is possible, but very rare. If a girl would offer relationship for a guy she believes she is just friends with, and the guy is single, im pretty sure that he would try his luck to accept the offer.
I'm a male and 90% of my friends were girls growing up until I was about 16. After I turn 16 It got a little bit more complicated but I still have a lot of girlfriends to this day and I'm 33. I have always loved hanging out with girls because I sort of have a feminine personality and I'm not even gay. Hard to explain
Makes total sense. I prefer male company some of the time that's just banter or activity. But haven't found it yet. No one wants to be friends, I get objectified.
I am a female and I sort of have a masculine personality and I am not gay. I prefer to hang out with men than with women. Trouble is, some of the males that I liked to hang out with eventually started going over familiar which really annoyed me.
If your sig other is included and there is no secretiveness about what you are doing with these females... she may be totally okay with it, once she gets to know each one.
I really like your points and philosophical breakdown. I agree except for my one fear; every relationship has it's downs. The more friends a partner has and the stronger a bond that partner has with his/her friends= the more likely that partner might cheat. I'm speaking with the same logic that you do (which I agree with).
In my experience women can be "just friends" but its not the same for the majority of men. I have had my heart broken too many times making this assumption. Either he went off with the woman he was supposedly just friends with. Or he really wanted more than to be "just friends" with me, and I ended up being used and then dumped. Very sadly I had a good male friend who I hung out with every day at University. I was so shocked when he wanted more, and I reluctantly gave it to him. I was dumped shortly after when he met the woman of his dreams. A year later he is still arguing with me insisting WE ARE FRIENDS and doesnt get it that I need to repair myself after that sense of betrayal. Just being friends with a guy is very risky and I think a fairy-tale that women like to believe.
Helena Hayes, I don't believe being friends is a fairy tale. I have many male friends and plan on adding more to the list when I move out of state. I can't make anymore friends here in this city so once I move I can meet new male friends. I have one male friend for 21 yrs.
ERNESERNES Well, this is the most interested post I've seen in awhile. Let me ask you a question because i need some clarity. Okay I have never had anything but mostly platonic friendships with men. Mainly because nobody I like actually likes me back. The guys that like me and I am not interested in dating happen to become lifelong friends. Is there something wrong with this?
Brian Jones Good question. It surpasses my understanding as well. These man friends don't want any physical contact. Not even a little indulgence. We're just hanging out and having a good time. I know them from various situations.
It makes perfect sense. Why would you be friends with someone you don't like in any aspect? The attraction you have towards your friends is different to the attraction you have for someone you are attracted to physically enough to pursue a relationship The difference is in looking for friends, you focus heavily on their personality but in pursuing a relationship, looks and personality are 50/50. A friendship of man and woman can work if both genders see that even if there's some attraction there, they don't act on it and don't treat it as a way to gain a relationship from it.
But really, what do you need it for if it is not for an ego boost? If you are fine within yourself and have a partner, there actually is no emotional space that is NEED for a friend of the other sex. Needy people hold themselves a caravane of other sex friends...the rest just simple doesn't need that.
@@devilcat7991No you're the needy one in thinking like that. I love spending time with my girly mates, great conversation and we have laughs. I also love spending time with my girlfriend, the same great conversation and laughs but there is also sex and the closeness that we have which doesn't happen with my friends. It's not difficult to understand where the boundary lies. Only people with low self esteem cheat and those who try to control their partner and who they befriend.
They can, from a distance or if one is gay. I think you now with in ten minutes, at first sight if you're sexually attracted to someone, while emotional attraction takes some time.
"You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they're dull as a brick. But then there's other people, and you meet them and you think 'not bad, they're okay', and then you get to know them, and their face sort of becomes them, like their personality's written all over it, and they just they turn into something so beautiful..." - Amy Pond, Doctor Who
I say it’s better not to have close friends with the opposite sex person especially if you’re in a relationship. Simply because you don’t keep flammable materials next to the fire. It’s dangerous for the relationship.
What a depressing way to go about life. People are more than just wood and flames. We can understand self control and loyalty. If your confidence in yourself to remain faithful to a partner despite unpredictable whims of attraction is so flimsy, and you believe it impossible for someone to engage with half of the world’s population in any meaningful way without it being sexually motivated, it’s not a reflection on reality but on what you have been taught to accept as normal, and must unlearn. We in the western world are taught that emotional connection and vulnerability are things that only exist within the realms of romance. That isn’t true, it’s a lie that has caused so much suffering. It’s time for all of us to stop perpetuating it. Like most everything, the nature of our relationships with others falls onto a spectrum. It is impossible for a single label to capture the nuance and complexity of reality. Platonic, romantic, these words serve no use beyond generalization. They are a thin veil covering the veritable array of interpersonal connection. When we are little, we know about apples and oranges. And as we grow, we see more of the world, and our knowledge expands to see that no, there are far more than just apples and oranges. There are pineapples, bananas, tamarinds, soursops, pomelos, watermelon, durian, lychee, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. These all fall under the label of fruit, but are all remarkably different to the point where referring to the whole as ‘just fruit’ denies the variation that makes each one unique. And you do not have to restrict yourself to eating only one kind. To accept such a small fraction of what the world has to offer is a travesty. Proper communication, boundaries, and an understanding of self are paramount to navigating the social realm. I understand you made this comment a year ago, but I hope you take my words into consideration.
@@EGGWISHING I still disagree. It’s not about my selfconfidence itt’s about respect for relationship. There were millions of cases when it grew from “innocent “ friendships to intimate interactions. Especially when there is a problem in the couple and guy goes for comfort no place other but to his friend that just happens to be a female and then, “ I don’t know how it just happened “ right, happened on it’s own 😂😂😂 just like an earthquake. An other case I know. A married woman was nothing but just friends with here male neighbor. What’s wrong with them having lunch together every now and then? But one evening here husband comes home from work and finds here crying. 😂😂😂 poor lady didn’t know how but it JUST happened, she was sorry. Husband couldn’t forgive, of course and I didn’t blame him . Oh, but we are fruit 🍎 🍌🍏🍉🍇🍐🍋🫐🍍🥭🍒🥝🥥😂😂😂how cute I wonder what fruit are irresponsible individuals who think that you can take what ever the world has to offer even if they disrespect their commitments?
@@olenacalderon9352 I understand you now. You prefer to live within the limits of your immediate vicinity. You take a cup to the seaside and determine whatever you can catch in it to be the sole inhabitants of the ocean. That’s ok. Take care, treat others well.
@@olenacalderon9352You're saying this because you have a low self esteem. If someone I'm in a relationship with grows an attraction to a friend that results in cheating then clearly the person I'm with is not right for me. At least I will know and I can move on instead of wasting time with that person. You can't control people no matter how much you want. But you can control how you act and think of it as a test, if that person has a fling with a friend then you know they're not the one. If that person can have a platonic friendship with an attractive friend then that person is trustworthy and a keeper and will likely be as trust worthy when they're with others.
@@CyrilSneer123 oh no. Sorry bet you got it all wrong. I would never control anyone. But I say they if my potential boyfriend is a close friend with an other women I’ll never see him as a romantic partner. I never says that people of apposite sex have to stay 100 feet away from each other and don’t say a word, but it’s not normal when a man who’s in a relationship spends time alone with his female friend. Of if she lives out of town, he goes to visit here and stays in here place. I just don’t believe in a close friendship between men and women without a sexual interest at least of one side. Last year I dumped a boyfriend because he had female friends. Last drop for me was that he had no time to meet with me but instead spent 4 hours with his female friend. I get it that’s his choice but my choice is not to be with such a guy.
I'm not religious but that saying “Whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan is the third among them.” has definitely been true for me :/ I've learnt the hard way that if a woman is not a mutual friend then the man I'm seeing shouldn't be devoting so much time to her. Unless he wants to be with her :( my ex had an ex that had zero respect for me and I'd confront my then fiancé about it and he'd say shit like "She's more like a sister to me" and I'd say that I didn't like it but he never seemed to respect my opinion at all. I don't bother with relationships now and view all men that I don't know as wastes of life. It's been great not being with anyone and knowing I don't have to ever go through any more bs like I've been through is the best feeling in the world :) I think any woman who goes after a guy already in a committed relationship is a complete whore and any man who encourages it when they already have a partner who has sacrificed everything to be with them is a complete and utter sack of shit
There's no doubt men and women can be friends for as long as you know that you don't have a hidden feeling for your friend but if use friendship as a tool to take advantage with that person then you are doing a wrong move. If you like her more than friends then tell her because life's too short to not express your feelings.
That would mean people are aware of their own emitions 100 percent, while our brain is concious with about 5 % or so...yeah, sounds absolutely reasonable what you are saying. Not starting here on inner dark sides, hidden shadows, freudian ideas...yeah, let's just be sure about it...made my day.
The answer is Yes. I do it all my life, so i can say most definitely YES. And... I have to say that for me friendships are way more important to me, and it is my default. I also talk to younger people and for what ever reason , society is so screwed, that we no longer have "elders" helping "younger generation". That is insane. I am very empathetic and was relating to a younger person working at the bar, I had same issues in school as she but people judge an older person talking to younger. Like what? I had so much to offer her and to learn from each other. Crazy society I tell you!
People have relationships based on some level of attraction. Is your partner attracted to his friends? Absolutely yes. The real issue is, how does it impact your relationship! When you look at it closely, you are using energy that could have been spent on your partner with somebody else. If you spend too much then it becomes a problem. I know women who spend hours talking to a friend (boy or girl) but cant spend 30 mns with the partner. Eventualy the relationship ended. The idea is simple. Remember that you will have some level of attraction for your friends, just be careful not spend too much energy on it because relationships works when we use all our energies to make it that way!
thank god i have a type when it comes to men... it really reduces your options + the risk of being in a relationship with one of those men AND having a very close friendship with another one at the same time is very very low. i think if you are in a relationship it's best to keep the rest on a distance. even if you know your limits - some men don't. they will at some point try to make a move even though they know you are with somebody else. so in respect an appreciation of all my friendships i always try to avoid situations or comments that could be misguiding or encouraging an inappropriate behaviour.
Well, you might not be attracted to your male friend, but it doesn't mean that he isn't, on some form at least, attracted to you. Otherwise there wouldn't be a friendship. You don't friend people you hate or are indifferent to, only those which attract you in some way.
1. that's exactly what i am talking about in the second part of my commet - and i feel it's even more difficult to stay friends with a man who is single. 2. i get your point and yet i have to say: in only date men who fit both my intellectual and physical needs (including looks). and to this day i actually dated all the men who happend to fit into that spectrum. and despite all of that "research" it worked out and i found the one man i want to spend the rest of my life with. not because i think he is the only man i could be with but because he earned my love in a way nobody else could.
This point I am careful about men as friends. Often the direction that men want to take isn't one that I am willing to go. There's no game in it and I'm not keeping them around in hopes to be with them. Simply... it's nice to have support from people who bring out the best in you that you can be yourself with that you can rely on and share things with and respect you. That's what a friend is. At this point have more women friends than men friends.
True. My closest friend is a man. Known him for 25 years and he was married for 20 years. I love hanging out with his wife and kids also. So it can definitely work!
My take on this is that I will be a little insecure until I know for sure that it's just the two of us in this together. After that I have the confidence to I can keep the spark and relationship alive. Otherwise why would we be together in the first place. "Trust" We have learned that :) Thanks again:)
Yes I see what your saying but why even put yourself in that situation and have to fight off those feelings later......which you may or may not even be able to fight off after some time......I think it's best not even to go there and get something started that you might just end up having to fight off later anyways
I used to strictly believe that men and women could never be friends. But in more recent years, I've realized that men and women as friends offer each other things that aren't always obtained from same gender friendships. Men get emotional support from their women friends (often lacking in their relationships with other men because everyone is trying to be tough and bust balls), and women get non-biased, hard truths from their men friends (women often lie to each other to make each other feel good). Also, in these relationships you don't deal with the competitiveness that is present in same gender friendships.
As a woman, my female friendships are like unpaid therapy sessions. So intense and heavy and dramatic. I way prefer the laid back energy of men. Always have always will.
While the test is interesting, it is really a set up and a recipe for disaster. Obviously. The reality is that while you can have friends of the opposite sex, one must exercise a good amount of circumspection around those friendships once they enter into a relationship. it is one thing to have old friends of the opposite sex that you introduce to your partner so that they are more comfortable and don't feel insecure about anything. It's another thing to barely meet someone, or perhaps not even meet them at all in person but just online, and invite them to go meet you for coffee or a drink! This is the point at which things get a little out of line. If you're not up front and open and transparent with your partner than there's something wrong. For example, if you're a musician and you meet someone in passing as a musician who wants to play music then the correct thing to do would be to tell your partner and invite them if they wanted to join you. It would also be more appropriate in a place that isn't someone's apartment or private home. So the point is there are limits and boundaries that couples need to agree upon and then not cross. It's asking for trouble to have friends of the opposite sex without some limits to those friendships and without a discussion with your partner as to how they feel. Every couple is different. Every person is different. If your partner doesn't respect your feelings and is at least willing to work through them with you then there is a problem. Conversely, if someone is too controlling and too demanding and too overbearing that's a problem. Reasonable limits are acceptable. But the test? So we're supposed to set people up and see if they fail or pass? LOL They should best thing to do is have an honest and open discussion with your partner about what your limits and boundaries are and how you feel about certain things and what you're comfortable with and what you're not comfortable with. That's why they're called adult mature relationships. And that's hopefully why they're called committed relationships as well.
I feel like the question isn't being answered here. Good for you if your friends and you pass the test, but what if you didn't? Should you then make a choice? Break up with your partner or stop seeing your friend? Should you not tolerate any friendship that's beyond platonic?
+Eve Z He is giving an answer. He is saying yes, you can have friends of the opposite sex when you have a girl friend, as long as you don't act on your natural attraction and sleep with them. However, while it may be human nature to be attracted to others, it is also human nature for the person you are with to not like that. So, if you are with that person, your obligation should be to them and their feelings, not a friendship with another woman or women. If you want a relationship where there isn't complete trust and one with hurt feelings, then by all means go for it. If you want a rock solid relationship with someone who trusts and respects you, who would do anything for you and defend you til the end...that rare kind of love...then don't do this..
I don't think everyone is like how he describes to begin with. To me personally speaking, it is not THE human nature to be attracted. It may however, be in our nature to appreciate. But you should never confuse the two. Different people have different nature and standards. Some may be completely fine calling themselves committed while they are attracted to, like he describes, every single friend of theirs of the opposite sex. To me, that is just not okay. There could only be so few people I can be attracted to so perhaps that's why I cannot understand his logic.
He answered the question. It simply wasn't an answer for thick-headeds who only want to stick with a yes/no response and God saves us from actually having to think, but rather a reflection.
Being friends with someone you are attracted to is going to cause feelings eventually. Allowing yourself to become more comfortable with this person will eventually lead to desire on one or both sides. You cant use the "whisky" technique. Even if they didnt try to sleep with each other, allot of people fear letting the other know they are attracted to them. Loyalty is great, but it starts from a different place. Someone who is loyal to their mate wouldnt allow themselves to be put in a bad situation of getting close with a friend they are attracted to. It would just be a matter of time until feelings from one or both sides develop. Again this doesnt mean they will cheat or hookup. Although there is a much higher chance of that happening than someone whom you are not attracted to.
Maybe this applies to weak people. My fiancé and I can’t relate. We’ve both had friends of the opposite sex for years. Nothings every happened and we love that we’re secure enough together to give each other platonic freedom.
@@CHK12319 You just have not lived long enough. With age comes wisdom. Putting yourself in a situation doesnt always lead to disaster. That said there is a much higher chance of it happening.
0:31 unrealistic assumptions 0:51 attracted to qualities 1:07 loyalty 1:33 what does it mean 2:01 "Can men and women be friends?" vs. "Are they willing to be just friends?" 2:25 choice 2:41 "real life test" ;) Enjoy. J. :)
It’s like me and my employer. We are really close friends and enjoy each other company. But we started falling for each other. We discussed about it and decided to be just friends because we didn’t want to mess up our working relationship. He stopped me from coming to work for two weeks after that discussion. During that time I could not stop thinking about him. And him too. He eventually asked me out for a walk, I went and thts how we started dating. From friends to lovers. Never been in such a sweet relationship. What I can tell you is as long as two people of different sex spend a lot of time together especially doing activities they will eventually fall for each other.
Depends... I’m great friends with my female coworker. We have hung out many times. I have zero desire for her and she has zero for me. I do like her mind though and we share a love of writing. Also she was the one who set me up w my current girlfriend:) we are all friends. Again it just depends on what you’re looking for etc and on the individual. Hope you’re doing well
Well now that was a moment of examination on whether your friend could or would take you at your worst as well as your BEST. Preferences, breaking points, etc. Now you said he LEFT you for your coworker. If he and you were FRIENDS, why were YOU in the market for him as a MATING prospect? Can't do a whole lot about somebody YOU like, not liking you BACK, can you? Either way, the math wasn't in favor of him playing ball with you as he WASN'T up for seeing you depressed all that time. A Sad person just isn't very fun typically, and it's likely from this angle that you and him parted ways. Life can suck!
Dude if he can't except you seeing you with your bad days. Everybody has them by the way even stress, depression or anxiety. he definitely a waste of time because this other girl his dating will have the same breakup when she's down. It's total lust fest and nothing more, love excepts you in your bad days and the good days. He did you a favour by breaking up before you even had kids, got married or a serious long time relationship of living together
Read between the lines, people. He just said that it is not possible. Being extremely loyal does not inhibit biology. A wise and loyal person would create a good amount of space and stay safe. If you value something enough, you won't take silly risks with it.
He didn't say that at all, that's your own twisted interpretation. What he actually said is that biology doesn't inhibit loyalty. Viewing half of the population as "silly risks not worth taking" is just sad and weak. That's not being loyal, that's isolating yourself/your partner because you don't trust yourself/them. It's insecurity, not loyalty. It actually shows a lack of loyalty, because you're implying that you can't control yourself and be loyal if you find someone else attractive. Should bisexual/pansexual people just have no friends then? It's such a dumb logic that you can't be friends with someone whether there is attraction or not.
The answer is NO. As men we approach those of the opposite sex when we are attracted some just choose to suppress it, but just because the monster is hidden in the closet doesnt mean it isnt there. If its friendship we are looking for, we seek it in other MEN. It makes no sense to have a woman as a friend. 1.) We cannot talk in the same way or about the same things with women 2.) Men will only say that a women is their "friend" when they are not attracted physically but just the fact that there must be a CONDITION for the relationship to take place means that it is not genuine friendship.
I agree on this one but if we look at the situation from other hand as a man who is single and came across girls that he finds super attractive then chances are even if he does accept to be their friends his true purpose is he is trying to get to know them well enough to ask them out because of course you cant just ask someone out that you just met she would find it quiet creepy and a big turn off so most people want to be friends first but point here is they dont want to stay friends forever only until they know eachother enough to make the second move. Not all men might do the same thing but many of them will do this especially if they are single and they are in search of finding a partner for them
2 ปีที่แล้ว +1
Pretty much like that. I actually find a good move this thing of gradually knowing a person. I wasted many years picking up girls in nightclubs. A lot of making out and sex, but with lack of connection.
For the record, just because some people become friends but have no attraction, DOESN'T mean they won't become attracted to one another in the future. You just never know when interacting with life main.
Amen to that. And bare in mind that the subconcious is always working. It might have figured out that the current relationship sucks, but you are afraid to leave so...let's make some friends and see whats going. Till then we jsut tell our partners not to be so hysterical about nothing...
I think it’s possible. But often, one of the people wants more, which can make the friendship awkward. That unrequitedness will lead to bitterness on the part of the person who wants more. I think the only situations where a friendship between men and women can work are: 1) when neither is physically attracted to the other, whether that’s because one or both is gay and/or just don’t find the other sexually appealing; and 2) if it’s ex’s who are friends, but who mutually really do not want to get back together. Because with those 2 scenarios, there’s no unrequitedness plus no desire on the part of either for a romantic relationship.
Some immature Men are terrified of the word "friend" ,they want a prior agreement that they will defo get more from a woman. And that's how they miss out. Because I really like strong creative intelligent men who can control their D and not be controlled by it.
It is actually a sign of inmaturity when it comes down to relationships, trust, honesty and all that stuff. It is an avoidant mechanism because some people are so needy that they neeeeeeeed all the friends to tell them, how aweseome they are. Meanwhile unable to have a long term patnership or opening up to it...because you can always count on your friends to swoop in for ego support. Very grown up, indeed. And all the long term couples didn't get it but you!
It takes a great deal of mental and emotional maturity to allow your partner to have friends outside of that initial relationship regardless of biological sex. Trust and security are important as well as establishing the needs of both people in the partnership. I was asked today by a co-worker if I still had any feelings for this one guy that both of us know and work with. With all honesty and bluntness on the table, even if I were to admit that I initially felt a physical attraction towards him because of our personalities being compatible, I feel like I'm in a position now where I'm not dwelling on that as much as I used to. My insecurities and female autonomy are something that I can choose to take responsibility for and work on, much like what Matthew stated in this video. My experiences have taught me that the less you expect from others, the bigger chance you have at keeping those types of dynamics.
I think it's safe to say that with someone other than a best friend, with a long time partner, you are the most intimate with them (at least as a non family member), and they are also likely the most or tied for the most compatible people you have in your life (and if they're not, these people probably should not be in a relationship, even though this is sadly rather common) . So the chance that you are nearly as compatible or compatible with another person with whom you are attracted to is probably small... in other words, you could be attracted to your friend, but probably not more so than to your partner, and why would you want something less than? You're going to be attracted to things in other people, sure, but there also may be things you don't like about them, and if you're with the right person, the number of things you aren't attracted to in them should be smaller. Of course some people will still cheat with people that are less than their partners (in the case of men and women just being friends, it would probably not just be about sex). I guess this probably was confusing, as it's hard to get my thoughts out there cleanly... just, for me, as I was watching this video, it still seemed like he was making assumptions and it didn't really seem to be about me, so I guess this is me explaining my thoughts for people in a solid relationship, and how you could be friends with people of the opposite sex, because you like them in some ways, but they will never be enough to replace your partner, so why cheat?
I feel like you know pretty early on in a friendship if sexual attraction is going to be an issue. My guy friends who I've known for eons treat me the way they do one another. If they invite someone new to come hangout with us that's interested in one of the girls, you can tell. If they're not interested, they follow suit and give us the save energy the other guys do. If they are, they are almost uncomfortable and pay us more interest than necessary. They also usually point out in some fashion that we are women. They'll ask about us being there, or say something like "I didn't know girls were into x...y...z."
So I've thought about this shit for a while. I agree that loyalty and boundries have to exist and that human nature is to be attracted to more than one person. However, I think men and women both take advantage of the opposite sex's friendship. Many men get in this train of thought that if they hang around they can change the girls opinion of them with time and can eventually turn into what they want and some women keep guy friends for emotional support/rebounds(I'm sure there are more that I don't know about). This is just the opinion of a random idiot though.
2:38 Jesus, that's bloody golden! People should stick together not out of despair, but out of long-made decision. Attraction is natural and uncontrollable, we are attracted to many people in many different ways. There is nothing wrong with that, as real relationships are more than that. There are several people I am attracted to in a purely platonic way, in a purely romantic way and in a purely sexual way. I will end up with a person I am attracted to in all three ways, or in two, whatever. Feelings are too complex to presume that they are similar towards every single likeable person.
But even in other videos, when he's not drinking, he still addresses this Jameson character. I'm pretty sure it's an imaginary friend or something like
Well thought-out and worded answer matthew. Always admire your insight. One thing about that analogy/test though- it doesn't work. It was a mistake to use drinking as a way to prove your point, because i have a background in psychology, and let me tell you, substance messes with you on a fundamental, biological level. We humans overestimate our capacity for control even when sober, much less when inebriated. All bets are off when you're in such a state, we are no longer in control nor can we trust ourselves. Therefore, in my personal opinion the answer is, no, to be safe, do not even put yourself in that situation with another person. If you can't give up drinking, give up friends of the opposite gender. If you can't give up the friends, give up alcohol. But never ever mix the two. Personally, i don't drink yet my choice is to not even have friends of the opposite gender outside of a relationship. Because i know myself and i know my weaknesses. Prevention is the best cure.
well i'm a girl, my best friend is a guy, we've been besties for many years and altho i enjoy his company and love him to bits i don't believe i'm attracted to him in any way. i like his sense of humour and well lots of stuff really, but i think attraction is something totally different...even the boyfriends i've had throughout this friendship, they never saw him as a threat. because it's just too obvious...you can't have sex with a real friend, no matter how drunk you can get. how awkward would that be? for me it would be like sleeping with my own brother or something. if i leave out the obvious physical attraction that can happen between two people - yes, i agree that you can also be attracted to someone just mentally, like when you only start feeling the attraction later on when you get to know the person, but still, that is romantic attraction. and you can stay just friends and decide not to do anything about it. (i guess Matthew was talking about this kind of friendship) but you'll never be able to have that real, true friendship. that can only happen between two people that are absolutely not attracted to each other. like if it were two straight girls/guys. there is no attraction there, right? anyway, that's what i think :)
I am curious, have you shown this video to him and asked him what he thinks? does he also balk at the idea of sleeping with you? like you are a sister? It has been 5 years now, are you still friends? is your guy friend single?
You may not be attracted to him, but if you're really genuine, and I believe you are, then try to ask him to go on a date or something. Or "would you hookup if I ask you to, no strings attached?" And watch!
Very often we become so "defensive" and it means we defend our flaws. I have male friends, but it's because we never had sex and because we have known each other over decades and could share all our relationships problems and actually help each other (me from the female perspective, him from the male perspective), we are literally like brother and sister. But I'd say it's rather an exception, as we are very self-aware people. As for others, the more we reject the nature of a man and a woman the more we can fall into the trap of delusion, hurt people and most importantly our patterns or get hurt by a self-unaware partner, who thinks "oh this is just me female friend" and discover they occasionally slept in the past. It's that the person is bad but it just a red flag how unaware the person is. For me, I hurt myself if I start trusting a person who barely knows himself.
"share relationship problems"...you see, THAT is already a red flag and a problem, because you do not (never!) share these problems with anybody besides your partner, your therapist or same sex friends. If you do so with the other sex, the friendship zone has been left behind and boudaries are breached. Ever asked yourself how your partner feels about you bragging about relationship problems with others that your partner maybe not even be aware of because you rather "talk" to friends? Awesome...so TRUSTworthy...not.
I’ve been friends with a guy for almost our whole life, we went to kindergarten together, we lived close to each other and we could hangout almost every single day for almost 20 years, he is had gf which I’ve known, and I’ve had bf’s and husband which he has known, he has been loyal, and I’ve been loyal to our friendship as well, we love each other as friends. Well i moved to canada 4 years ago with my son to be with my ex husband, and once we separated and told my friend about it, he was so happy, i thought was because he knew I wasn’t happy with my ex but the reason he was so glad i left him was because he liked me, now he says he wants a relationship with me, he says im the only one who could ever marry, and that he wants me, idk what to do since i still see him as a friend, and i know if i decide ro have a relationship with him it would be perfect, we already know each other, we love each other, and he loves my son as well, its just complicated since I don’t feel attracted to him as a man 😓
It’s one thing to be in a club or have a hobby where you have a social circle of friends but another thing completely to have individual, 1 on 1 friends of the opposite sex that aren’t part of your social circle. These things are very complex, and it really is just on a case by case basis and a healthy dose of both trusting your partner and dealing with the bad apples when they come.
It is tricky as attraction can happen and affairs are far far more common than people realise - boundaries and lines are crossed Attraction is okay but cheating is not
My now ex bf told me he had a female friend that he goes out with sometimes, but her bf comes along. She calls him and invites him out. I was not too happy about this. He said to me what if I meet her and we all go out. I asked him if he ever went out alone with her? He said no that would be inappropriate. So I accepted it. He said but if he is in a relationship he would stop talking to her because he had done so for his ex gf. We did end up breaking up for two months for other reasons We started seeing each other again , possibly going back into a relationship. I seen a picture of his “friend “ and I’m being completely honest here she is not attractive. So I’m thinking no way he could be with her romantically, but then I thought attraction can grow so it’s possible. Remember he said he doesn’t go out alone with her? Well I called him one day and she was with him alone they were hanging out at his house. She even got on the phone and said hi. He told me she is like a sister to him, he loves her. blah blah his kids even go over to her parents house and use their pool. lol. I’m sorry but I had to let him go. He told me that she would love to talk to me but I’m good. I think they are in love with each other. He told me they never dated or kissed. Umm they are definitely dates when they meet up. I just don’t know why she doesn’t break up with her bf and just be with him. I try to give him excuses oh she is like a guy.. she is a tom boy maybe that’s why they are friends she definitely got that male energy. But my intuitions tell me there is more. Funny thing I have one guy friend, yes we dated a few times never had sex. I don’t hang out with him since I was in a relationship. I actually stopped talking to him when I was in a relationship. We turned out to be friends so it is possible, But honestly he told me he has feelings still for me and thinks of me often. I have zero feelings for that man. I was in love with my now ex, he was all I ever wanted. My friend calls me for advice am literally like his therapist. Chatting buddy, My ex had a huge problem with this. He flipped out and asked me for his number and where he lives and needs to know why he talks to me and let him know he is with him. He said I dated him so he had a problem, I told I would definitely stop talking on the phone with him. He meant more to me, but I don’t think he would do the same for me. I’m sure the friend wants me out the picture.
Absolutely yes!!! My best male friend is my best girlfriend brother. We have known each other for years. I also have male friends who are happily married and we can talk for ages on the phone, or catch up in a bar. Is great to have male friends. When you have friend, it is just a person, no matter their gender.
You are so right! From my experience I have learned that I can be just friends but men that friend you at the end you realize they are attracted to you and I hate that. But, one thing I know there is no such thing as male and female friends: one of them is attracted to another. So what I know men with bunch of female friends are attracted to all those females. And have secret desire or slowly working to be with her for good or for a couple of times. Sooner or later that will happen or even if it won't there is deep attraction. Singles can have as many opposite sex friends and that understandable but when you are couple and if you have opposite sex friends - RED FLAG! Even when you are single and if you have many opposite sex friends it tells me that person is most likely a cheater or if he gets with you he will always be wondering. I trust NO man!
YES THEY CAN Men and Woman can be best buddies forever and it may be Rare but its called platonic or people with Asexual feelings and treat them like siblings and im one of them and also there are people out there who dont believe in marriage and hate anything to do with Romance and that is really Rare to met someone just like that but when people say you can t be friends with the opposite gender thats kinda like saying gay men and men cant be friends or Lesbians can't be friends with other females so they have to be friends with the opposite gender or people who dont have Attractive feelings wich is really Rare.
I feel asexual and aromantic toward nearly every man besides my fiancé so I relate to this a lot. I only like him in that way. Everyone else is a platonic potential friend. I felt this way, even when we’re temporarily broken up.
Oh man I almost didn't watch this because I was afraid he was going to say no but he came up with a unique way of putting things and addressed issues no one seems to mention when the subject comes along !
I've been really close with this guy as friends for 2 years. He had a crush on me where we met abroad for a volunteer project but in the end we went back to our own countries so we only proceeded to be friends. He had a gf too anyway. We visited each other during holidays and talked almost everyday. This February he moved to my country/city for an internship and 3 weeks later he broke up with his girlfriend. We became distant and we don't talk as much as we did since they broke up. To be exact, he's the one who is pulling away. I must admit I was attracted to him that's why I carried on with talking to him despite him having a girlfriend. It really hurts to lose someone who was really close to you but I guess probably this is the outcome when you maintain a " close friendship" with someone who's in relationship. They either were seeing you as a backup or will throw you away like this.
Wow. It's so saddening to see that so many people in the comments feel like men can't just be friends. I'll admit that it's harder, but as long as you both aren't attracted to each other it's fine. Men and woman aren't as different as everyone always makes them out to be, guys enjoy a good friendship just as much as women. The key is that everyone is mature enough to value the friendship.
goodgirl140: *_I'm 100% with you on this. I'm a man, and I've ALWAYS been good at being just friends with women. I've been happily married for over 23 years to a wonderful WOMAN, and MY WIFE HAS GOOD MAN FRIENDS, AND I HAVE GOOD LADY FRIENDS. We have complete love & trust for each other, AND ALWAYS HAVE! In MY naked eyes, Timothy & Alex there are just being assholes to you. AND TO ME TOO_*
Can Men and Women be just platonic friends? YES. Most of the time… but when in a committed monogamous relationship, is it smart? Probably not. The potential for an emotional connection is always there, and if it happens, it will damage your relationship which is the priority. Emotional/romantic connections happen accidentally and out of nowhere, (this is different from a small crush) Whether you act on these feelings or not, it is still damaging to the main relationship. Cheating and emotional affairs are all too common to say, “We can each have whatever connections we want, and if they cheat it’s on them.” Actively avoiding the close connections are the best way to protect the partnership. Doesn’t mean you have to abandon opposite sex friendships. It just means if you value the integrity of your relationship, then appropriate boundaries to avoid these accidental connections are a good idea.
I completely agree. Many people don’t realize that not all friends are forever because people change with the experience they get. So our attraction to them changes too and sometimes you can get with someone from just friends to lovers or the opposite. I had a lot of friends both boys and girls and I know it’s possible to maintain solid platonic relationship with them. I’m bi and I’m sexually attracted to both sides of the river and I have realized that I’m attracted to certain qualities and if something is missing I can maintain solid friendship, if not it’s little harder and painful for me if they don’t like me back.
My answer to this question is "Yes, Of course they can be just friends". Because if you can't be friends with the gender you're attracted to, then how do bisexual people make friends? I am bisexual, and I have female best friends and male best friends that I am totally not attracted to and we're just friends. Humans aren't animals who would sleep with everyone they see, we are better than that. For anyone who's reading, have a nice day 😊😊😊
it's very simple, whether you're bi or straight or gay/lesbian, you can totally be friends with a person you do not find attractive. You wont feel like kissing them or fucking them. The thought won't appeal to you. How they feel about you is their problem, but on your end, fulfilling that friendship will be easy to do. Seriously as simple as that. If you are bisexual and you find yourself attracted to the man or woman you are friends with and would love to sleep with them or have a r/s with them, then you have to ask yourself how true you are really being to both parties, yourself included. Again, it is the same idea. No physical attraction=friendship for life!
His point about the alcoholic drinks was spot on. However, many of the comments here showed me the vast difference in how men and women generally look at things. From experience, people who can't see things from different views tend to get defensive when their significant other brings up concerns about you hanging out and behaving in certain ways around "a friend" of the opposite sex.
Being friends with someone you're attracted to can always lead to feelings developing, on one or both sides. You need to accept that as a reality and proceed with caution.
Being friends first is a good basis for taking it further.
@@linda8485 I don't fall in love with someone I treat like a sister
I should feel instant attraction in the first weeks
you are fooked if its only one sided... been there and its tough being around that person when there is no mutual interest but you have feelings for that person and you share it, they don't feel the same way. Better to end the friendship than to torture yourself
I just tell them I like them🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
It can happen but it is rare. Once friend zoned always friend zoned. The effort to climb out is not worth it.
Loyalty is such an underappreciated quality.
It’s actually a bad quality nobody owns a person loyalty but loyalty to principles and morals. The people who expect loyalty don’t want accountability they just want you to be loyal no matter what and that’s dangerous
@@flawlesslawless4180 I dont think loyalty is inherently bad, but its dangerous and shouldn't be taken too far.
That's my opinion
Look around and see who I’d doing the betrayals and you know why …..
@@flawlesslawless4180 what? If someone is in a marriage the literally belong to each other, they're each other properties.
This is why cheating is wrong.
Also people can be loyal without being in a relationship. But man and woman can't be friends.
@@reclaimer2019 you never own someone even when married, if someone loves you they will do right by you and you should do the same. Don’t suffocate something your trying to protect because that will only kill it. Have boundaries and self respect and stick by them
"The'yre sticking around because of loyalty and not because they are not attracted to others"
Attraction doesn't have to be about sex though.
@@legalfictionnaturalfact3969but can definitely lead to it
I totally agree with Matthew! We choose friends BECAUSE we are attracted to them!
Emily Strickland It seems so ridiculous to only be friends with pretty people. In that case only the beautiful will have friends. Now very mild attraction on both sides = a solid friendship.
I don't mean attracted only by looks, but also their personality. That's what matters the most.
Emily Strickland
true
Emily yass
Not really some people you can’t stand but in rough circumstances they’ll be there for you and things starts to change, back to subject I don’t believe I can be just friends with any girl.
While attraction leads to friendship, friendship leads to a closer friendship. When you start emotionally investing in the person other than your partner, you start moving into vulnerable territory. Why would you want to put yourself in that situation? I say no, men and women cannot be friends. Perhaps I just haven't found the right male friends, but do I need them at this point of my life...?
I understand your point here. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on it.
I agree with you that's why I suggest an alternative person who explains this best
You a real one
Very wise !
Go find a sizzy to be yo friend lol
I think ONE reason there are so many relationship breakups these days is because MOST people don't know "where" the line is...that changes a relationship from "friend" category to "...more." They may not be thinking that an emotional connection between "friends" of the opposite sex can be more damaging to the other, committed relationship than (sometimes) even the physical betrayal.
this is an old comment, but i totally agree! I am in the same situation, my boyfriend's deep connection with his friend AND flatmate is affecting my trust in the future of our relationship and he doesn't want to do anything about it. I even think he is starting to hate me.
Exactly 💯
@@veronikab.7002 oh , man, Veronika! Your comment is 2 years old, how are you today?? Are you still together with him? I am going through the same, currently in phase of breaking up and detaching from my bc he has several female besties including one he especially likes, who is married, both she and her husband dislike me from 1st time of meeting for God knows what reason. It has been hard to get accepted with his friends, in fact, it never happened and my bf(ex now,) has fully sided with them.. Which has made me question how does he feel about me and does he respect me even as a human being, if he is comfortable living in the situation, where his friends are like this towards me (other female friends also don't like me) , where it cause me suffering and he does nothing about it, he is just enjoying the whole situation... I have realized he never loved me and now working on getting away from him forever!
@@veronikab.70022 years on and you've probably broken up. But if your bf is just good friends with her then you need to chill. You can't control other people but you can control what you do and think. If you think he's cheating then dump him, if you think it's just a good friendship then you need to chill.
Thank you Matthew! That was a very different and detailed way of explaining that men and women can be friends. If the persons are willing to just be friends, Loyalty wins not attraction. People must keep boundaries in mind.
That's true
Loyalty only wins with the appropiate distance between a man or a woman in a 'friendship'... better believe attraction will win if the two are constantly having "Friends-night-outs" with just the 2 of you being straight and single and attracted to each other in a 'friendly' way...
Shawntrina Howard Very wise point of view. I agree.
what about the bi people? should they have no friends then?
What if someone feels attraction to both sexes, but never acted on their attraction to the same sex? Are they still immoral? Are they still to have no friends? I'm just trying to show you the extreme cases for a better understanding of the topic we discuss. :)
FINALLY some randomly talking TH-camr worthy subscribing, even switching off my Adblock. Thanks.
More often than not.. their friend is their Plan B if the current relationship doesn't work out.
Yes exactly!!
As if women don't do exactly that. So many of you have that friend we get a funny vibe from, and if it is an issue, women accuse us of being insecure, blah blah blah. But usually, if the relationship goes through a hard time or even break up, guess what friend is 'suddenly' thought of differently.
Well, even if that were true, that means you're Plan A, doesn't it? It means that even though your partner is attracted to the friend, he prefers you.
What do you expect? That you're the one and only option for him on this planet, and that if you leave him, he's utterly out of options, snatches you up and chains you to a table in his basement?
That doesn't sound healthy. Maybe he's got a Plan B because Plan A doesn't trust him very much?
@@somyan8540 😂😂😂😂
Yeah no shit sherlock. Why do you think smart guys don't invest in a relationship when a chick has 45 million beta orbiters surrounding her?
Pro tip for chicks: Want a good guy that invests in a relationship? Remove all male-friends. Period.
Men want loyalty and desirability.
If the chick has 500 followers on instagram and snapchat with tons of beta orbiters and she has 10 close "malefriends" how do you think the guy is gonna react?
What you delusional chicks doesnt realize is that every single one of your "malefriends" would bang you in an instant if you gave em the chance.
Answer is NO, unless the guy is not attracted WHATSOEVER to the girl, in which case the guy probably wouldn't bother associating with the girl lol
I'll never understand how people can say something so idiotic. The burden of proof you're generating by stating that proposition is simply unfeasible. It's completely out of reach, you'll never be able to demonstrate it. And in the other hand, it would just take one case, only one, to prove it's possible. And there are billions.
I feel like you're not saying "it's not impossible for boys and girls to be friends", but instead "I once fell in love with a girl who was my friend". And that is completely different. Your extrapolation is absurd.
This guy already explained it pretty well: all friendships entails attraction. Doesn't have to be sexual attraction, but if you're not attracted in any way, if you don't like that person nor find anything interesting about him/her; then by definition you're not friends.
And even if there's a certain level of sexual attraction (might be but doesn't have to, so this again debunks your hypotheis), why would that mean they can be friends? How on Earth that follows? Sexual attraction isn't antithetic to friendship, you know.
By that logic you have, I guess bisexuals are doomed to die alone and sad...
***** If you think that's what I was saying you haven't understand jackass shit, man. I'm kind of surprised that you said I'm using complex language (I'm not even a native), I thought I was being pretty clear. If you find hard to grasp even such simple conceps, maybe the problem is on you and your mental age.
Let me explain that again. When you say something like "boys and girls can never be friends" you are asserting a statement whose requirement for evidence - which is called burden of proof, or onus probandi - is absolutely impractical. It would be like saying "all french are bad people". You will never be able to prove such a thing. However, meeting *just one* french who is a good person will falsify your statement. Just one. And, just like with the boys and girls thing, we have TONS of examples. Therefore the mere suggestion of it would be ridiculous.
The best you could say is "I don't have female friends", but speaking only for yourself. Because 1) there are billions of people with opposite sex friends without sexual tension and, myself among them; and 2) there's no reason why having sexual tension will necessarily hinder a friendship.
PS: Your objection to bisexuality is incorrect since the term gay/straight doesn't define the sex you are going out with at the present moment, but your sexual orientation in general. If you can be attracted to both men and women, then you're bisexual by definition, regardless of the sex of your present couple.
***** What has that anything to do with ego? xD You said something that was objectively misrepresenting my comment and I corrected you. And who is being offended? xDD Would you just stop assuming bullshit.
"The proof you keep asking for is "life experience"" Translation = My personal experience therefore reality. LOL. No. Billions of adults have friendships without sexual ttension (me among them) and billions of adults have had sex with friends without destroying the relationship (me among then as well); although of course I'm not dennying that sleeping with a freind often entails certain level of risk.
"Your sex and the sex of the person you're in a relationship with does define your relationship as either gay or straight". Sigh. Is it so hard to pay attention while reading? I agree with this. I never said the contrary. Your sex along with the sex of the other person define the relationship as gay/straight, BUT does not define your sexual orientation. That's why your next phrase "therefore you are either gay or straight" is a non sequitur, since bisexual is also a possibility.
The term bisexual marriage is not ridicuous; it's an ilogical concept. Because marriage in our society is always a monogamous - only two people. So that would simply make no sense.
But that has nothing to do with the fact that being bisexual is a perfectly normal sexual orientation, wether you like it or not; and pulling out statistics out of your ass changes nothing. Being bisexual means "I'm never going to be sexually satisfied with just your parts" in the same way being gay or straight does it. That would the dumbest thing I've read toady, congratulations. Look, being bisexual is just feeling attraction for boys and girls, that's it. Doesn't mean you wanna fuck ALL the girls, same way being lesbian doesn't mean that. Doesn't mean you wanna fuck ALL the boys, same way being a straight woman doesn't mean that. And doesn't mean you can't control yourself, same way having any other sexual orientation doesn't mean that.
***** "It's obvious you're offended" Wow, thank you, I'm learning so much about myself. If according to your logic something becomes true simply by saying it, then I'm gonna say you're a purple donkey with trumps instead of ears and five times more offended than me right now.
"and if it didn't go any further after having sex with them it's most likely because you're not very good in bed" So everytime two friends have sex and it doesn't go any further, it's because they are not good in bed, both of them? How about seeing sexuality as a completely natural thing and just wanting to try something new, as a one-time thing? Your statement is absolutely absurd unless you think people don't have the power to control themselves. Or, unless... unless you were trying to use it as a cheap and childish attemp of insult xD But since this is the first time I talk with a purple donkey, I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt here.
By the way, you're conveniently ignoring the billions of cases of friends who *didn't* have sex with each other nor have the slightest desire to do so.
"it's not the same thing (...) because they have a preference" How do you know? They can be attracted to both sexes equally. That simply depends on the individual.
How is that complicated? Same sex --> Gay. Opposite sex --> Straight. Both sexes --> Bisexual. I'd say is pretty simple.
***** "Unlike you". We con back to the same thing, if writting something makes it true, yes you do, because "I say so". See how stupid it is?
Nobody is here to insult you. I couldn't care less about if you get offended or not. You misinterpret the idea itself of debate. The only thing I cared was the friendship between sexes, which was what the video was talking about.
You shouldn't worry so much about laughing and start worrying a little about thinking. You need that way more.
Absolutely not from my experience. One of the two will always want more at some point. Every friendship I've had with guys I've at some point been hit upon. And that film When Harry Net Sally pretty much sums this up!
Yes. Some of my best friends are women actually. People assume that if there's attraction then the friendship has hidden reasons, but that's not true. You can choose not to act, because you value the friendship as it is, or because you're loyal to your couple if you have one. Not to mention that all of this is in case that there's attraction, because you can be friends with the opposite sex and also have no attraction.
Thanks! You speak the truth
Usually gay men have female friends
Amen!!! You nailed it! Just because people are attracted to each other doesn't mean they are going to act on it. If they do, there are issues in their relationship(s) that go way beyond whether or not they are attracted to their friends.
...married for 17 happy yrs and counting :)
So, the relationship is the problem and not the imature partner that needs support and admiration from outside.
@@devilcat7991 friendship isn’t necessarily support and administration. It can be connecting on an intellectual level or sharing similar interests.
Having friends of the opposite sex isn't impossible, and you can still be loyal, but it makes falling much easier
Maybe it's a personal thing, but even when I am attracted by someone's mind, if I am not physically attracted, I just can't go further but to be friends...
it's the same with me. no physical attraction, it doesnt matter if you have the heart of Mother Theresa combined with Einstein's brain, I will still only be able to see you as a friend.
True
@@turtlegaming7756 many people have enxieties and the thing about girls - they often hate showing vulnerability. it would be different with man who you are on the same page with. anyway don't expect a woman to solve all of your problems. if you want to get closer to people you should concern yourself with being genualy nice and helpful to them. people want to be happy and if you make someone happy they would want to stick around. girls aren't immune to mental issues so dont worry we have plenty of "what's the meaning of life and why am i here and what's gonna happen" type of deal. we just share these things with people whowe think that won't potentially hurt us.. makes sense? also it's true that smart people are sometimes more socially detached but remmember that even if you are the smartest person in a room maybe you just need a different room you know? I'm sure you can find some smarts club or "whatever intersts you have" club. anyway you will get better with expirience that's just life. but be humble people are good at hiding their weakneses and deep fears don't judje a book by the cover you might have met a lot of brilliant people but couldnt get to know them for several reasons and aside of that - knowing how to stay happy and motivated is an intelligence on it's own it's not simple and anyone who starts making a living as an adult discovers it at one point or another. so main point I'm sure you can find many brilliant people around you if you will realize what prevents you from doing it. and i think assuming good things about people is great. not unrealistic but you know giving them the benifit of the dought and believing in people (within reason) can lead to great things.
@@turtlegaming7756 you might be just too young. When I was 18 I used to think that I was more intelligent than most people. If you are American or British you might have the chauvinism bias and you may think that girls are not smart as boys (I say those countries because I am not from them but I've watched plenty of American series and movies and I know how chauvinist they are).
Wow, I didn't remember this commentary at all. I have a slightly different point of view now, and now I believe that some people have their attractiveness "increased" by their character
Once I also had a guy best friend who had other best female friends. But I quickly noticed he would hang out mostly with the top hot girls as his best friends. He years later told me he wanted me as his girlfriend, feelings became mutual and we dated for months. He confessed he had always had a crush on me.
From a guys perspective, if you are attracted to her, it will harder to just be friends, with girls you aren’t attracted to it’s a lot easier to be just friends but with enough time even that can change.
The only healthy and mature answer to this question on TH-cam probably, great video
I was dating for this man for over a yr, on and off , he was been telling me that he was just a friend to this married women , but I found out they were sleeping together , lol But he said he choice me to be with him , I think he was pathetic , so I just lefted and walked away !!!
+Nenita Jones oh my god feel sorry for you
Good for you.
👍good for you! You’re a smart lady!!!
The guy is pathetic to even have the audacity to say he chose you. No-man has the authority to choose whether or not they choose you. Don’t give them that power. It’s you who chose them..😊
tavi ng No, she can't even compose a sentence.
My best friend is male and we have been purely platonic friends since the day we met 14 years ago. I suppose I could say his sense of humour and love of nature and the outdoors attracted me but not at all in a romantic way. I love him like a brother and I know the feeling is mutual. He is happily married now with a baby and I have never been happier for him.
But we have never, not even once, crossed the line of friendship. There has never been that desire from either of us. He is my brother and always has been.
You'd truly never know unless you but him to a lie detector test
You are delusional. He is NOT your brother.
Bro why are these replies so negative and rude 😭
A strong no for me in my experiences. It's easier for me to make friends with males at the start but as soon as you build a closer rapport they always end up saying or doing something inappropriate / suggestive/ try to hit on you. So YES you can be friends with a man to very surface level and as long as you are with other friends around this person but the more one on one time and closer you get it seems like human nature takes over. I agree with the exceptions of whether or not someone is sexually active but then again someone who wasn't still is capable to say some awkward things.
then i would say pick better friends. or secondly, just reject them and see how they react. i think the reason why people think friendships between the opposite sexes isn't possible is because hardly anyone is in control of themselves, so no wonder it feels like it's not possible. discipline is the answer. and there are disciplined people in the world, they are just harder to find. also, i don't think it's neccesarily a bad thing if on or the other after some time introduces sexual intent (if both are single), then you can decide if you want it too or not, and if you don't, assuming your friendship has some depth to it and you are both somewhat educated, you can still talk about it and stay friends without it being ruined. it's all about proper communication.
I agree with you 100% @chekkygurl182 . It is human nature that if you give them too much time it eventually becomes a problem for one person. First hand experience, not once but multiple times and it creates issues with your partner and I was naive to think that men and women can be friends. Yes it is possible to find loyal friends who respect you and your partners boundaries but it is so so hard to find a friend like that.
@@Rojo1111 this is the most mature perspective I've seen yet. I think there are some individuals who hold quite a primitive viewpoint of men and women, using words such as 'human nature' and assuming people have no self-control, and that they are at the mercy of their desires. Whilst that may be the case for a lot of individuals, I think there are others in society where like what Matthew describes who EXERCISE their loyalty and they possess discipline, maturity and a more nuanced/complex perspective towards attraction and relationships. People think that a concept as complex as attraction can be reduced to just two people possessing the element of attraction and that's enough for people to break boundaries in relationships, when there are so many more layers as to why we build connections with people.
This has been my experience too. When I wrangle up third parties I feel more safe.
@@jayati.design I have been naive my whole life. It sucks because I never had a dad or brother. My cousin who was like a bro to me passed in 2020. Maybe that's why I search for male platonic friends.
💯 the best part is ur a guy who said this and usually it’s the guys who go against it
Exactly! Thank you for the clarification, especially to people who cannot understand it!
Hi, i’m a new subscriber. I agree, mostly, with with the loyalty, but chances are, somewhere along the way the friendship grows and it’ll get harder to resist. Especially if you under the influence of substances. I think the only way to be friends is if you respect the other person and their mate enough to where you abstain from even trying to get close on a physical level, i.e. hugs, playful shoves, touching. It is very easy to catch feelings. But even then, most people don’t think they’re doing anything wrong when they’re flirting. They see it as just being friendly and being playful. So it would take monstrous restraint. And who wants to feel seriously attracted but not be able to touch? No one. So, it is possible. But if both are single or one doesn’t respect anothers’ bond, it’s bound to happen down the line.
It is NOT easy to catch feelings. Only if the feelings are very simple, based on simple, basic, superficial things. I suppose they are for many a man.
When you're suspicious about your man liking another woman who's a friend of his, I think it's important not to be looking for all the reasons why he must like her and all the things he does that proves he likes her, but instead, wait to see if he brings you the suspicious stuff. If he likes a girl, it is usual obvious, I believe...my last boyfriend was very obviously in love with another girl right before he decided to leave me for her, because he would talk about her all the time...so, it's best not to be suspicious unless he actually makes it obvious.
The answer is yes. Simply yes.
I can imagine scenarios where a guy and a girl is just friends, but probability of that happening is so low that its better if ppl consider it impossible. The way both genders are behaving socially is so different, that by the time we start to get attracted to the other sex, our worldview is so different its incredibly hard to understand each other. Ppl who cant understand each other cannot be friends.
The attraction we feel towards each other is mostly qualities we are searching for in a partner, so the friendship based on this attraction would not exist if they start it by clearing up stuff like " i would never be in a romantic relationship with u". Stating that, most guys would leave that kind of friendship behind.
Only when its obvious for whatever reason for both parties that they want nothing to do with the other sexually, can they really build an actual friendship.
It is possible, but very rare.
If a girl would offer relationship for a guy she believes she is just friends with, and the guy is single, im pretty sure that he would try his luck to accept the offer.
I'm a male and 90% of my friends were girls growing up until I was about 16. After I turn 16 It got a little bit more complicated but I still have a lot of girlfriends to this day and I'm 33. I have always loved hanging out with girls because I sort of have a feminine personality and I'm not even gay. Hard to explain
Makes total sense. I prefer male company some of the time that's just banter or activity. But haven't found it yet. No one wants to be friends, I get objectified.
I am a female and I sort of have a masculine personality and I am not gay. I prefer to hang out with men than with women. Trouble is, some of the males that I liked to hang out with eventually started going over familiar which really annoyed me.
If your sig other is included and there is no secretiveness about what you are doing with these females... she may be totally okay with it, once she gets to know each one.
I really like your points and philosophical breakdown. I agree except for my one fear; every relationship has it's downs. The more friends a partner has and the stronger a bond that partner has with his/her friends= the more likely that partner might cheat. I'm speaking with the same logic that you do (which I agree with).
Atraction is a feeling, friendship and be kind and supportive for someone is a choice
In my experience women can be "just friends" but its not the same for the majority of men. I have had my heart broken too many times making this assumption. Either he went off with the woman he was supposedly just friends with. Or he really wanted more than to be "just friends" with me, and I ended up being used and then dumped.
Very sadly I had a good male friend who I hung out with every day at University. I was so shocked when he wanted more, and I reluctantly gave it to him. I was dumped shortly after when he met the woman of his dreams. A year later he is still arguing with me insisting WE ARE FRIENDS and doesnt get it that I need to repair myself after that sense of betrayal. Just being friends with a guy is very risky and I think a fairy-tale that women like to believe.
Helena Hayes, I don't believe being friends is a fairy tale. I have many male friends and plan on adding more to the list when I move out of state. I can't make anymore friends here in this city so once I move I can meet new male friends. I have one male friend for 21 yrs.
I could ask them but why does that matter?? The only people who don't crave pleasure are on another planet.ERNESERNES
ERNESERNES
Well, this is the most interested post I've seen in awhile. Let me ask you a question because i need some clarity. Okay I have never had anything but mostly platonic friendships with men. Mainly because nobody I like actually likes me back. The guys that like me and I am not interested in dating happen to become lifelong friends. Is there something wrong with this?
Brian Jones
Good question. It surpasses my understanding as well. These man friends don't want any physical contact. Not even a little indulgence. We're just hanging out and having a good time. I know them from various situations.
Brian Jones
Well Brian they are just as single as I am. I don't go anywhere with men with wedding rings. That would be adultery.
It makes perfect sense. Why would you be friends with someone you don't like in any aspect?
The attraction you have towards your friends is different to the attraction you have for someone you are attracted to physically enough to pursue a relationship
The difference is in looking for friends, you focus heavily on their personality but in pursuing a relationship, looks and personality are 50/50. A friendship of man and woman can work if both genders see that even if there's some attraction there, they don't act on it and don't treat it as a way to gain a relationship from it.
But really, what do you need it for if it is not for an ego boost? If you are fine within yourself and have a partner, there actually is no emotional space that is NEED for a friend of the other sex. Needy people hold themselves a caravane of other sex friends...the rest just simple doesn't need that.
@@devilcat7991 exactly 🔥❗
@@devilcat7991No you're the needy one in thinking like that. I love spending time with my girly mates, great conversation and we have laughs. I also love spending time with my girlfriend, the same great conversation and laughs but there is also sex and the closeness that we have which doesn't happen with my friends. It's not difficult to understand where the boundary lies. Only people with low self esteem cheat and those who try to control their partner and who they befriend.
They can, from a distance or if one is gay. I think you now with in ten minutes, at first sight if you're sexually attracted to someone, while emotional attraction takes some time.
That's very true
"You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they're dull as a brick. But then there's other people, and you meet them and you think 'not bad, they're okay', and then you get to know them, and their face sort of becomes them, like their personality's written all over it, and they just they turn into something so beautiful..." - Amy Pond, Doctor Who
I say it’s better not to have close friends with the opposite sex person especially if you’re in a relationship. Simply because you don’t keep flammable materials next to the fire. It’s dangerous for the relationship.
What a depressing way to go about life. People are more than just wood and flames. We can understand self control and loyalty. If your confidence in yourself to remain faithful to a partner despite unpredictable whims of attraction is so flimsy, and you believe it impossible for someone to engage with half of the world’s population in any meaningful way without it being sexually motivated, it’s not a reflection on reality but on what you have been taught to accept as normal, and must unlearn. We in the western world are taught that emotional connection and vulnerability are things that only exist within the realms of romance. That isn’t true, it’s a lie that has caused so much suffering. It’s time for all of us to stop perpetuating it.
Like most everything, the nature of our relationships with others falls onto a spectrum. It is impossible for a single label to capture the nuance and complexity of reality. Platonic, romantic, these words serve no use beyond generalization. They are a thin veil covering the veritable array of interpersonal connection. When we are little, we know about apples and oranges. And as we grow, we see more of the world, and our knowledge expands to see that no, there are far more than just apples and oranges. There are pineapples, bananas, tamarinds, soursops, pomelos, watermelon, durian, lychee, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. These all fall under the label of fruit, but are all remarkably different to the point where referring to the whole as ‘just fruit’ denies the variation that makes each one unique.
And you do not have to restrict yourself to eating only one kind. To accept such a small fraction of what the world has to offer is a travesty. Proper communication, boundaries, and an understanding of self are paramount to navigating the social realm. I understand you made this comment a year ago, but I hope you take my words into consideration.
@@EGGWISHING I still disagree. It’s not about my selfconfidence itt’s about respect for relationship. There were millions of cases when it grew from “innocent “ friendships to intimate interactions. Especially when there is a problem in the couple and guy goes for comfort no place other but to his friend that just happens to be a female and then, “ I don’t know how it just happened “ right, happened on it’s own 😂😂😂 just like an earthquake. An other case I know. A married woman was nothing but just friends with here male neighbor. What’s wrong with them having lunch together every now and then? But one evening here husband comes home from work and finds here crying. 😂😂😂 poor lady didn’t know how but it JUST happened, she was sorry. Husband couldn’t forgive, of course and I didn’t blame him . Oh, but we are fruit 🍎 🍌🍏🍉🍇🍐🍋🫐🍍🥭🍒🥝🥥😂😂😂how cute I wonder what fruit are irresponsible individuals who think that you can take what ever the world has to offer even if they disrespect their commitments?
@@olenacalderon9352 I understand you now. You prefer to live within the limits of your immediate vicinity. You take a cup to the seaside and determine whatever you can catch in it to be the sole inhabitants of the ocean. That’s ok. Take care, treat others well.
@@olenacalderon9352You're saying this because you have a low self esteem. If someone I'm in a relationship with grows an attraction to a friend that results in cheating then clearly the person I'm with is not right for me. At least I will know and I can move on instead of wasting time with that person. You can't control people no matter how much you want. But you can control how you act and think of it as a test, if that person has a fling with a friend then you know they're not the one. If that person can have a platonic friendship with an attractive friend then that person is trustworthy and a keeper and will likely be as trust worthy when they're with others.
@@CyrilSneer123 oh no. Sorry bet you got it all wrong. I would never control anyone. But I say they if my potential boyfriend is a close friend with an other women I’ll never see him as a romantic partner. I never says that people of apposite sex have to stay 100 feet away from each other and don’t say a word, but it’s not normal when a man who’s in a relationship spends time alone with his female friend. Of if she lives out of town, he goes to visit here and stays in here place. I just don’t believe in a close friendship between men and women without a sexual interest at least of one side. Last year I dumped a boyfriend because he had female friends. Last drop for me was that he had no time to meet with me but instead spent 4 hours with his female friend. I get it that’s his choice but my choice is not to be with such a guy.
I'm not religious but that saying “Whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan is the third among them.” has definitely been true for me :/ I've learnt the hard way that if a woman is not a mutual friend then the man I'm seeing shouldn't be devoting so much time to her. Unless he wants to be with her :( my ex had an ex that had zero respect for me and I'd confront my then fiancé about it and he'd say shit like "She's more like a sister to me" and I'd say that I didn't like it but he never seemed to respect my opinion at all. I don't bother with relationships now and view all men that I don't know as wastes of life. It's been great not being with anyone and knowing I don't have to ever go through any more bs like I've been through is the best feeling in the world :) I think any woman who goes after a guy already in a committed relationship is a complete whore and any man who encourages it when they already have a partner who has sacrificed everything to be with them is a complete and utter sack of shit
Preach! ✋
Aww hope you're happy now honey :'( my heart goes out to you sweetheart :( grrrr MEN
90r930u5 90dd355 totally agree with you
Well what about asexuals, aromatics and people with way different point of view sexually
Yes!
Wow I've looked up so many answers to this question and this is the smartest if not the only smart answer I have found.
There's no doubt men and women can be friends for as long as you know that you don't have a hidden feeling for your friend but if use friendship as a tool to take advantage with that person then you are doing a wrong move. If you like her more than friends then tell her because life's too short to not express your feelings.
That would mean people are aware of their own emitions 100 percent, while our brain is concious with about 5 % or so...yeah, sounds absolutely reasonable what you are saying. Not starting here on inner dark sides, hidden shadows, freudian ideas...yeah, let's just be sure about it...made my day.
The answer is Yes. I do it all my life, so i can say most definitely YES. And... I have to say that for me friendships are way more important to me, and it is my default. I also talk to younger people and for what ever reason , society is so screwed, that we no longer have "elders" helping "younger generation". That is insane. I am very empathetic and was relating to a younger person working at the bar, I had same issues in school as she but people judge an older person talking to younger. Like what? I had so much to offer her and to learn from each other. Crazy society I tell you!
"if you can drink 10shots of whiskey and still not feel the need to sleep with each other..." Lmao😂
That ending was hilarious! Great video, I am always really impressed by how wise you are. Totally agree with everything you said.
If there's attraction , that attraction can grow.. !
You constantly see someone attraction grows
People have relationships based on some level of attraction. Is your partner attracted to his friends? Absolutely yes. The real issue is, how does it impact your relationship! When you look at it closely, you are using energy that could have been spent on your partner with somebody else. If you spend too much then it becomes a problem. I know women who spend hours talking to a friend (boy or girl) but cant spend 30 mns with the partner. Eventualy the relationship ended. The idea is simple. Remember that you will have some level of attraction for your friends, just be careful not spend too much energy on it because relationships works when we use all our energies to make it that way!
thank god i have a type when it comes to men... it really reduces your options + the risk of being in a relationship with one of those men AND having a very close friendship with another one at the same time is very very low. i think if you are in a relationship it's best to keep the rest on a distance. even if you know your limits - some men don't. they will at some point try to make a move even though they know you are with somebody else. so in respect an appreciation of all my friendships i always try to avoid situations or comments that could be misguiding or encouraging an inappropriate behaviour.
Well, you might not be attracted to your male friend, but it doesn't mean that he isn't, on some form at least, attracted to you. Otherwise there wouldn't be a friendship. You don't friend people you hate or are indifferent to, only those which attract you in some way.
1. that's exactly what i am talking about in the second part of my commet - and i feel it's even more difficult to stay friends with a man who is single. 2. i get your point and yet i have to say: in only date men who fit both my intellectual and physical needs (including looks). and to this day i actually dated all the men who happend to fit into that spectrum. and despite all of that "research" it worked out and i found the one man i want to spend the rest of my life with. not because i think he is the only man i could be with but because he earned my love in a way nobody else could.
Someone who gets it
This point I am careful about men as friends. Often the direction that men want to take isn't one that I am willing to go. There's no game in it and I'm not keeping them around in hopes to be with them. Simply... it's nice to have support from people who bring out the best in you that you can be yourself with that you can rely on and share things with and respect you. That's what a friend is. At this point have more women friends than men friends.
True. My closest friend is a man. Known him for 25 years and he was married for 20 years. I love hanging out with his wife and kids also. So it can definitely work!
That's different. It's not like you guys chatted and he got your number from approach 😂
My take on this is that I will be a little insecure until I know for sure that it's just the two of us in this together. After that I have the confidence to I can keep the spark and relationship alive. Otherwise why would we be together in the first place. "Trust" We have learned that :) Thanks again:)
Yes I see what your saying but why even put yourself in that situation and have to fight off those feelings later......which you may or may not even be able to fight off after some time......I think it's best not even to go there and get something started that you might just end up having to fight off later anyways
I used to strictly believe that men and women could never be friends. But in more recent years, I've realized that men and women as friends offer each other things that aren't always obtained from same gender friendships. Men get emotional support from their women friends (often lacking in their relationships with other men because everyone is trying to be tough and bust balls), and women get non-biased, hard truths from their men friends (women often lie to each other to make each other feel good). Also, in these relationships you don't deal with the competitiveness that is present in same gender friendships.
As a woman, my female friendships are like unpaid therapy sessions. So intense and heavy and dramatic. I way prefer the laid back energy of men. Always have always will.
I wish I had you on speed dial. Your videos have helped me through some awful shit. Thank you for posting these, Matthew :)
While the test is interesting, it is really a set up and a recipe for disaster. Obviously. The reality is that while you can have friends of the opposite sex, one must exercise a good amount of circumspection around those friendships once they enter into a relationship. it is one thing to have old friends of the opposite sex that you introduce to your partner so that they are more comfortable and don't feel insecure about anything. It's another thing to barely meet someone, or perhaps not even meet them at all in person but just online, and invite them to go meet you for coffee or a drink! This is the point at which things get a little out of line. If you're not up front and open and transparent with your partner than there's something wrong. For example, if you're a musician and you meet someone in passing as a musician who wants to play music then the correct thing to do would be to tell your partner and invite them if they wanted to join you. It would also be more appropriate in a place that isn't someone's apartment or private home. So the point is there are limits and boundaries that couples need to agree upon and then not cross. It's asking for trouble to have friends of the opposite sex without some limits to those friendships and without a discussion with your partner as to how they feel. Every couple is different. Every person is different. If your partner doesn't respect your feelings and is at least willing to work through them with you then there is a problem. Conversely, if someone is too controlling and too demanding and too overbearing that's a problem. Reasonable limits are acceptable. But the test? So we're supposed to set people up and see if they fail or pass? LOL They should best thing to do is have an honest and open discussion with your partner about what your limits and boundaries are and how you feel about certain things and what you're comfortable with and what you're not comfortable with. That's why they're called adult mature relationships. And that's hopefully why they're called committed relationships as well.
I feel like the question isn't being answered here. Good for you if your friends and you pass the test, but what if you didn't? Should you then make a choice? Break up with your partner or stop seeing your friend? Should you not tolerate any friendship that's beyond platonic?
+Eve Z He is giving an answer. He is saying yes, you can have friends of the opposite sex when you have a girl friend, as long as you don't act on your natural attraction and sleep with them. However, while it may be human nature to be attracted to others, it is also human nature for the person you are with to not like that. So, if you are with that person, your obligation should be to them and their feelings, not a friendship with another woman or women. If you want a relationship where there isn't complete trust and one with hurt feelings, then by all means go for it. If you want a rock solid relationship with someone who trusts and respects you, who would do anything for you and defend you til the end...that rare kind of love...then don't do this..
I think alot of people are forgetting/unaware that you can cheat on your partner without having sex with someone else. Emotionally infedelity.
+lydia ray *emotional
I don't think everyone is like how he describes to begin with. To me personally speaking, it is not THE human nature to be attracted. It may however, be in our nature to appreciate. But you should never confuse the two. Different people have different nature and standards. Some may be completely fine calling themselves committed while they are attracted to, like he describes, every single friend of theirs of the opposite sex. To me, that is just not okay. There could only be so few people I can be attracted to so perhaps that's why I cannot understand his logic.
He answered the question. It simply wasn't an answer for thick-headeds who only want to stick with a yes/no response and God saves us from actually having to think, but rather a reflection.
Being friends with someone you are attracted to is going to cause feelings eventually. Allowing yourself to become more comfortable with this person will eventually lead to desire on one or both sides. You cant use the "whisky" technique. Even if they didnt try to sleep with each other, allot of people fear letting the other know they are attracted to them. Loyalty is great, but it starts from a different place. Someone who is loyal to their mate wouldnt allow themselves to be put in a bad situation of getting close with a friend they are attracted to. It would just be a matter of time until feelings from one or both sides develop. Again this doesnt mean they will cheat or hookup. Although there is a much higher chance of that happening than someone whom you are not attracted to.
Maybe this applies to weak people. My fiancé and I can’t relate. We’ve both had friends of the opposite sex for years. Nothings every happened and we love that we’re secure enough together to give each other platonic freedom.
@@CHK12319 You just have not lived long enough. With age comes wisdom. Putting yourself in a situation doesnt always lead to disaster. That said there is a much higher chance of it happening.
@@dirkdigglerr1 if it’s fragile let it break.
Loyalty is in the mind too not just physical
There is nothing called "Just Friends"
If your are friends with them
That means you are attracted to them in some quality they have.
So friends are people who despise each others qualities? I don’t think so….
@@CHK12319what are you even talking about
0:31 unrealistic assumptions
0:51 attracted to qualities
1:07 loyalty
1:33 what does it mean
2:01 "Can men and women be friends?" vs. "Are they willing to be just friends?"
2:25 choice
2:41 "real life test" ;)
Enjoy. J. :)
Out of all of the videos I've watched of yours, this has been the most helpful for me in my relationship. Thank you thank you thank you!
How's your relationship?
It’s like me and my employer. We are really close friends and enjoy each other company. But we started falling for each other. We discussed about it and decided to be just friends because we didn’t want to mess up our working relationship. He stopped me from coming to work for two weeks after that discussion. During that time I could not stop thinking about him. And him too. He eventually asked me out for a walk, I went and thts how we started dating. From friends to lovers. Never been in such a sweet relationship. What I can tell you is as long as two people of different sex spend a lot of time together especially doing activities they will eventually fall for each other.
Depends... I’m great friends with my female coworker. We have hung out many times. I have zero desire for her and she has zero for me. I do like her mind though and we share a love of writing. Also she was the one who set me up w my current girlfriend:) we are all friends. Again it just depends on what you’re looking for etc and on the individual.
Hope you’re doing well
He said he was loyal, then he left me for his coworker because my mother passed away and I was depressed....
Well now that was a moment of examination on whether your friend could or would take you at your worst as well as your BEST. Preferences, breaking points, etc. Now you said he LEFT you for your coworker. If he and you were FRIENDS, why were YOU in the market for him as a MATING prospect? Can't do a whole lot about somebody YOU like, not liking you BACK, can you? Either way, the math wasn't in favor of him playing ball with you as he WASN'T up for seeing you depressed all that time. A Sad person just isn't very fun typically, and it's likely from this angle that you and him parted ways. Life can suck!
Jesus, I hope ur doing better-no, amazing rn tho. Fuck that guy!
but i'll be loyal af and finding a loyal partner
@@arri659 I'm doing a lot better now :)
Dude if he can't except you seeing you with your bad days. Everybody has them by the way even stress, depression or anxiety. he definitely a waste of time because this other girl his dating will have the same breakup when she's down. It's total lust fest and nothing more, love excepts you in your bad days and the good days. He did you a favour by breaking up before you even had kids, got married or a serious long time relationship of living together
Read between the lines, people. He just said that it is not possible. Being extremely loyal does not inhibit biology. A wise and loyal person would create a good amount of space and stay safe. If you value something enough, you won't take silly risks with it.
He didn't say that at all, that's your own twisted interpretation. What he actually said is that biology doesn't inhibit loyalty. Viewing half of the population as "silly risks not worth taking" is just sad and weak. That's not being loyal, that's isolating yourself/your partner because you don't trust yourself/them. It's insecurity, not loyalty. It actually shows a lack of loyalty, because you're implying that you can't control yourself and be loyal if you find someone else attractive. Should bisexual/pansexual people just have no friends then? It's such a dumb logic that you can't be friends with someone whether there is attraction or not.
Don Barracuda
lol
crojalwol correct
The answer is NO. As men we approach those of the opposite sex when we are attracted some just choose to suppress it, but just because the monster is hidden in the closet doesnt mean it isnt there. If its friendship we are looking for, we seek it in other MEN. It makes no sense to have a woman as a friend. 1.) We cannot talk in the same way or about the same things with women 2.) Men will only say that a women is their "friend" when they are not attracted physically but just the fact that there must be a CONDITION for the relationship to take place means that it is not genuine friendship.
Why is it bad that there is a “condition” lmao wtf also you can speak about many things with opposite sex
Absolute garbage Alberto. Hopefully 5 years on you've grown up a little.
You make men sound awful. If this is true, I’m disturbed
I agree on this one but if we look at the situation from other hand as a man who is single and came across girls that he finds super attractive then chances are even if he does accept to be their friends his true purpose is he is trying to get to know them well enough to ask them out because of course you cant just ask someone out that you just met she would find it quiet creepy and a big turn off so most people want to be friends first but point here is they dont want to stay friends forever only until they know eachother enough to make the second move. Not all men might do the same thing but many of them will do this especially if they are single and they are in search of finding a partner for them
Pretty much like that. I actually find a good move this thing of gradually knowing a person. I wasted many years picking up girls in nightclubs. A lot of making out and sex, but with lack of connection.
For the record, just because some people become friends but have no attraction, DOESN'T mean they won't become attracted to one another in the future. You just never know when interacting with life main.
Amen to that. And bare in mind that the subconcious is always working. It might have figured out that the current relationship sucks, but you are afraid to leave so...let's make some friends and see whats going. Till then we jsut tell our partners not to be so hysterical about nothing...
I think it’s possible. But often, one of the people wants more, which can make the friendship awkward. That unrequitedness will lead to bitterness on the part of the person who wants more. I think the only situations where a friendship between men and women can work are: 1) when neither is physically attracted to the other, whether that’s because one or both is gay and/or just don’t find the other sexually appealing; and 2) if it’s ex’s who are friends, but who mutually really do not want to get back together. Because with those 2 scenarios, there’s no unrequitedness plus no desire on the part of either for a romantic relationship.
I can have male and female friends . Its a sign of maturity to relate to people .
Some immature Men are terrified of the word "friend" ,they want a prior agreement that they will defo get more from a woman. And that's how they miss out. Because I really like strong creative intelligent men who can control their D and not be controlled by it.
It is actually a sign of inmaturity when it comes down to relationships, trust, honesty and all that stuff. It is an avoidant mechanism because some people are so needy that they neeeeeeeed all the friends to tell them, how aweseome they are. Meanwhile unable to have a long term patnership or opening up to it...because you can always count on your friends to swoop in for ego support. Very grown up, indeed. And all the long term couples didn't get it but you!
@@devilcat7991Absolutely moronic. The OP is mature, you're still a child.
Exactly Karolinah. It's about maturity which is sadly lacking in many people today.
Agreed
It takes a great deal of mental and emotional maturity to allow your partner to have friends outside of that initial relationship regardless of biological sex. Trust and security are important as well as establishing the needs of both people in the partnership. I was asked today by a co-worker if I still had any feelings for this one guy that both of us know and work with. With all honesty and bluntness on the table, even if I were to admit that I initially felt a physical attraction towards him because of our personalities being compatible, I feel like I'm in a position now where I'm not dwelling on that as much as I used to. My insecurities and female autonomy are something that I can choose to take responsibility for and work on, much like what Matthew stated in this video. My experiences have taught me that the less you expect from others, the bigger chance you have at keeping those types of dynamics.
I think it's safe to say that with someone other than a best friend, with a long time partner, you are the most intimate with them (at least as a non family member), and they are also likely the most or tied for the most compatible people you have in your life (and if they're not, these people probably should not be in a relationship, even though this is sadly rather common) . So the chance that you are nearly as compatible or compatible with another person with whom you are attracted to is probably small... in other words, you could be attracted to your friend, but probably not more so than to your partner, and why would you want something less than? You're going to be attracted to things in other people, sure, but there also may be things you don't like about them, and if you're with the right person, the number of things you aren't attracted to in them should be smaller. Of course some people will still cheat with people that are less than their partners (in the case of men and women just being friends, it would probably not just be about sex).
I guess this probably was confusing, as it's hard to get my thoughts out there cleanly... just, for me, as I was watching this video, it still seemed like he was making assumptions and it didn't really seem to be about me, so I guess this is me explaining my thoughts for people in a solid relationship, and how you could be friends with people of the opposite sex, because you like them in some ways, but they will never be enough to replace your partner, so why cheat?
Friends can have qualities you love and still have a quality that prevents both of them from ever dating.
I feel like you know pretty early on in a friendship if sexual attraction is going to be an issue. My guy friends who I've known for eons treat me the way they do one another. If they invite someone new to come hangout with us that's interested in one of the girls, you can tell. If they're not interested, they follow suit and give us the save energy the other guys do. If they are, they are almost uncomfortable and pay us more interest than necessary. They also usually point out in some fashion that we are women. They'll ask about us being there, or say something like "I didn't know girls were into x...y...z."
Thank you for answering this question maturely and not making false dichotomies
So I've thought about this shit for a while. I agree that loyalty and boundries have to exist and that human nature is to be attracted to more than one person. However, I think men and women both take advantage of the opposite sex's friendship. Many men get in this train of thought that if they hang around they can change the girls opinion of them with time and can eventually turn into what they want and some women keep guy friends for emotional support/rebounds(I'm sure there are more that I don't know about). This is just the opinion of a random idiot though.
You're not talking about real friendship though.
2:38 Jesus, that's bloody golden!
People should stick together not out of despair, but out of long-made decision.
Attraction is natural and uncontrollable, we are attracted to many people in many different ways. There is nothing wrong with that, as real relationships are more than that. There are several people I am attracted to in a purely platonic way, in a purely romantic way and in a purely sexual way. I will end up with a person I am attracted to in all three ways, or in two, whatever. Feelings are too complex to presume that they are similar towards every single likeable person.
Hahaha "which number is this Jameson". I swear I thought Jameson was the name of his camera ;) lol
camera man.....
I think it is the name of his camera actually. In some other videos you can see his tripod and there's never anyone behind it.
Jameson is the name of an Irish whiskey however that wasn't a bottle of Jameson he was holding.
But even in other videos, when he's not drinking, he still addresses this Jameson character. I'm pretty sure it's an imaginary friend or something like
I'm pretty sure Jameson is his camera/ audio man. Or maybe his producer?
Well thought-out and worded answer matthew. Always admire your insight. One thing about that analogy/test though- it doesn't work. It was a mistake to use drinking as a way to prove your point, because i have a background in psychology, and let me tell you, substance messes with you on a fundamental, biological level. We humans overestimate our capacity for control even when sober, much less when inebriated. All bets are off when you're in such a state, we are no longer in control nor can we trust ourselves. Therefore, in my personal opinion the answer is, no, to be safe, do not even put yourself in that situation with another person. If you can't give up drinking, give up friends of the opposite gender. If you can't give up the friends, give up alcohol. But never ever mix the two.
Personally, i don't drink yet my choice is to not even have friends of the opposite gender outside of a relationship. Because i know myself and i know my weaknesses. Prevention is the best cure.
well i'm a girl, my best friend is a guy, we've been besties for many years and altho i enjoy his company and love him to bits i don't believe i'm attracted to him in any way. i like his sense of humour and well lots of stuff really, but i think attraction is something totally different...even the boyfriends i've had throughout this friendship, they never saw him as a threat. because it's just too obvious...you can't have sex with a real friend, no matter how drunk you can get. how awkward would that be? for me it would be like sleeping with my own brother or something.
if i leave out the obvious physical attraction that can happen between two people - yes, i agree that you can also be attracted to someone just mentally, like when you only start feeling the attraction later on when you get to know the person, but still, that is romantic attraction. and you can stay just friends and decide not to do anything about it. (i guess Matthew was talking about this kind of friendship) but you'll never be able to have that real, true friendship. that can only happen between two people that are absolutely not attracted to each other. like if it were two straight girls/guys. there is no attraction there, right?
anyway, that's what i think :)
I am curious, have you shown this video to him and asked him what he thinks? does he also balk at the idea of sleeping with you? like you are a sister? It has been 5 years now, are you still friends? is your guy friend single?
You may not be attracted to him, but if you're really genuine, and I believe you are, then try to ask him to go on a date or something. Or "would you hookup if I ask you to, no strings attached?" And watch!
One of the better explanations I've heard online about this topic.
If she is hot, then a resounding NO!
Within a relationships, it's about respect
Very often we become so "defensive" and it means we defend our flaws. I have male friends, but it's because we never had sex and because we have known each other over decades and could share all our relationships problems and actually help each other (me from the female perspective, him from the male perspective), we are literally like brother and sister. But I'd say it's rather an exception, as we are very self-aware people. As for others, the more we reject the nature of a man and a woman the more we can fall into the trap of delusion, hurt people and most importantly our patterns or get hurt by a self-unaware partner, who thinks "oh this is just me female friend" and discover they occasionally slept in the past. It's that the person is bad but it just a red flag how unaware the person is. For me, I hurt myself if I start trusting a person who barely knows himself.
"share relationship problems"...you see, THAT is already a red flag and a problem, because you do not (never!) share these problems with anybody besides your partner, your therapist or same sex friends. If you do so with the other sex, the friendship zone has been left behind and boudaries are breached. Ever asked yourself how your partner feels about you bragging about relationship problems with others that your partner maybe not even be aware of because you rather "talk" to friends? Awesome...so TRUSTworthy...not.
I’ve been friends with a guy for almost our whole life, we went to kindergarten together, we lived close to each other and we could hangout almost every single day for almost 20 years, he is had gf which I’ve known, and I’ve had bf’s and husband which he has known, he has been loyal, and I’ve been loyal to our friendship as well, we love each other as friends. Well i moved to canada 4 years ago with my son to be with my ex husband, and once we separated and told my friend about it, he was so happy, i thought was because he knew I wasn’t happy with my ex but the reason he was so glad i left him was because he liked me, now he says he wants a relationship with me, he says im the only one who could ever marry, and that he wants me, idk what to do since i still see him as a friend, and i know if i decide ro have a relationship with him it would be perfect, we already know each other, we love each other, and he loves my son as well, its just complicated since I don’t feel attracted to him as a man 😓
It’s one thing to be in a club or have a hobby where you have a social circle of friends but another thing completely to have individual, 1 on 1 friends of the opposite sex that aren’t part of your social circle. These things are very complex, and it really is just on a case by case basis and a healthy dose of both trusting your partner and dealing with the bad apples when they come.
It is tricky as attraction can happen and affairs are far far more common than people realise - boundaries and lines are crossed
Attraction is okay but cheating is not
It depends on the situation. If men don't attract to women easily then it's okay to be friends.
My now ex bf told me he had a female friend that he goes out with sometimes, but her bf comes along. She calls him and invites him out. I was not too happy about this. He said to me what if I meet her and we all go out. I asked him if he ever went out alone with her? He said no that would be inappropriate. So I accepted it. He said but if he is in a relationship he would stop talking to her because he had done so for his ex gf. We did end up breaking up for two months for other reasons
We started seeing each other again , possibly going back into a relationship. I seen a picture of his “friend “ and I’m being completely honest here she is not attractive. So I’m thinking no way he could be with her romantically, but then I thought attraction can grow so it’s possible. Remember he said he doesn’t go out alone with her? Well I called him one day and she was with him alone they were hanging out at his house. She even got on the phone and said hi. He told me she is like a sister to him, he loves her. blah blah his kids even go over to her parents house and use their pool. lol. I’m sorry but I had to let him go. He told me that she would love to talk to me but I’m good. I think they are in love with each other. He told me they never dated or kissed. Umm they are definitely dates when they meet up. I just don’t know why she doesn’t break up with her bf and just be with him. I try to give him excuses oh she is like a guy.. she is a tom boy maybe that’s why they are friends she definitely got that male energy. But my intuitions tell me there is more. Funny thing I have one guy friend, yes we dated a few times never had sex. I don’t hang out with him since I was in a relationship. I actually stopped talking to him when I was in a relationship. We turned out to be friends so it is possible, But honestly he told me he has feelings still for me and thinks of me often. I have zero feelings for that man. I was in love with my now ex, he was all I ever wanted. My friend calls me for advice am literally like his therapist. Chatting buddy, My ex had a huge problem with this. He flipped out and asked me for his number and where he lives and needs to know why he talks to me and let him know he is with him. He said I dated him so he had a problem, I told I would definitely stop talking on the phone with him. He meant more to me, but I don’t think he would do the same for me. I’m sure the friend wants me out the picture.
Absolutely yes!!! My best male friend is my best girlfriend brother. We have known each other for years. I also have male friends who are happily married and we can talk for ages on the phone, or catch up in a bar. Is great to have male friends. When you have friend, it is just a person, no matter their gender.
Exactly.
But you still have a boundary. Today idk about that
Yes they can.
The ryt Question is can men and women be just friends without any romantic/sexual attraction
You are so right!
From my experience I have learned that I can be just friends but men that friend you at the end you realize they are attracted to you and I hate that.
But, one thing I know there is no such thing as male and female friends: one of them is attracted to another.
So what I know men with bunch of female friends are attracted to all those females.
And have secret desire or slowly working to be with her for good or for a couple of times.
Sooner or later that will happen or even if it won't there is deep attraction.
Singles can have as many opposite sex friends and that understandable but when you are couple and if you have opposite sex friends - RED FLAG!
Even when you are single and if you have many opposite sex friends it tells me that person is most likely a cheater or if he gets with you he will always be wondering.
I trust NO man!
YES THEY CAN Men and Woman can be best buddies forever and it may be Rare but its called platonic or people with Asexual feelings and treat them like siblings and im one of them and also there are people out there who dont believe in marriage and hate anything to do with Romance and that is really Rare to met someone just like that but when people say you can t be friends with the opposite gender thats kinda like saying gay men and men cant be friends or Lesbians can't be friends with other females so they have to be friends with the opposite gender or people who dont have Attractive feelings wich is really Rare.
I feel asexual and aromantic toward nearly every man besides my fiancé so I relate to this a lot. I only like him in that way. Everyone else is a platonic potential friend. I felt this way, even when we’re temporarily broken up.
What's your advice I like this girl but she took a pic with another guy doing hiking. Idk I don't trust
Oh man I almost didn't watch this because I was afraid he was going to say no but he came up with a unique way of putting things and addressed issues no one seems to mention when the subject comes along !
If you read between the lines he's leaning towards NO!
I've been really close with this guy as friends for 2 years. He had a crush on me where we met abroad for a volunteer project but in the end we went back to our own countries so we only proceeded to be friends. He had a gf too anyway. We visited each other during holidays and talked almost everyday. This February he moved to my country/city for an internship and 3 weeks later he broke up with his girlfriend. We became distant and we don't talk as much as we did since they broke up. To be exact, he's the one who is pulling away. I must admit I was attracted to him that's why I carried on with talking to him despite him having a girlfriend. It really hurts to lose someone who was really close to you but I guess probably this is the outcome when you maintain a " close friendship" with someone who's in relationship. They either were seeing you as a backup or will throw you away like this.
I agree with Matt. It's not an easy deal though! Personally I think it's all about choice.
Most sensible answer I heard on the subject ever !
You can be casual friends, not intimate ones. I'm HSP and a casual friends is what I call an acquaintance.
Wow. It's so saddening to see that so many people in the comments feel like men can't just be friends. I'll admit that it's harder, but as long as you both aren't attracted to each other it's fine. Men and woman aren't as different as everyone always makes them out to be, guys enjoy a good friendship just as much as women. The key is that everyone is mature enough to value the friendship.
Women need to be friends with women...
Lol men and women are very different. You must lack life experiences or brainwashed by the propaganda that men and women are equal.
goodgirl140: *_I'm 100% with you on this. I'm a man, and I've ALWAYS been good at being just friends with women. I've been happily married for over 23 years to a wonderful WOMAN, and MY WIFE HAS GOOD MAN FRIENDS, AND I HAVE GOOD LADY FRIENDS. We have complete love & trust for each other, AND ALWAYS HAVE! In MY naked eyes, Timothy & Alex there are just being assholes to you. AND TO ME TOO_*
goodgirl140 men can be friends.
Works just fine.
Women and men however...
Thats quite different.
SnowbirdFlock "im a man and ive always been good at being just friends with women"
🙈
Can Men and Women be just platonic friends? YES. Most of the time… but when in a committed monogamous relationship, is it smart? Probably not. The potential for an emotional connection is always there, and if it happens, it will damage your relationship which is the priority. Emotional/romantic connections happen accidentally and out of nowhere, (this is different from a small crush) Whether you act on these feelings or not, it is still damaging to the main relationship. Cheating and emotional affairs are all too common to say, “We can each have whatever connections we want, and if they cheat it’s on them.” Actively avoiding the close connections are the best way to protect the partnership. Doesn’t mean you have to abandon opposite sex friendships. It just means if you value the integrity of your relationship, then appropriate boundaries to avoid these accidental connections are a good idea.
Seriously I really want to see Jameson !! I totally ship him and Matt!!
I loved your perspective on that, definitely agree as well 👌
I completely agree.
Many people don’t realize that not all friends are forever because people change with the experience they get.
So our attraction to them changes too and sometimes you can get with someone from just friends to lovers or the opposite.
I had a lot of friends both boys and girls and I know it’s possible to maintain solid platonic relationship with them.
I’m bi and I’m sexually attracted to both sides of the river and I have realized that I’m attracted to certain qualities and if something is missing I can maintain solid friendship, if not it’s little harder and painful for me if they don’t like me back.
That's so true about loyalty. ❤
My answer to this question is "Yes, Of course they can be just friends". Because if you can't be friends with the gender you're attracted to, then how do bisexual people make friends?
I am bisexual, and I have female best friends and male best friends that I am totally not attracted to and we're just friends. Humans aren't animals who would sleep with everyone they see, we are better than that.
For anyone who's reading, have a nice day 😊😊😊
it's very simple, whether you're bi or straight or gay/lesbian, you can totally be friends with a person you do not find attractive. You wont feel like kissing them or fucking them. The thought won't appeal to you. How they feel about you is their problem, but on your end, fulfilling that friendship will be easy to do. Seriously as simple as that. If you are bisexual and you find yourself attracted to the man or woman you are friends with and would love to sleep with them or have a r/s with them, then you have to ask yourself how true you are really being to both parties, yourself included. Again, it is the same idea. No physical attraction=friendship for life!
His point about the alcoholic drinks was spot on. However, many of the comments here showed me the vast difference in how men and women generally look at things. From experience, people who can't see things from different views tend to get defensive when their significant other brings up concerns about you hanging out and behaving in certain ways around "a friend" of the opposite sex.